by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Tracee Ellis Ross is widely considered a natural hair idol, but she’s sending the message that she wants people to spend less time wanting her hair and more time loving their own hair. On Friday she launched the Hair Love! campaign, encouraging naturals to embrace whatever texture they have. The idea for the campaign was sparked by a photo circulating on Instagram that shows a black girl crying with the caption, “That moment you realize, you don’t have Tracee Ellis Ross’s Hair.”
In a YouTube video Miss Ross explained her reaction to the photo, and a bit of her hair history.
On her reaction to the Instagram photo
Hysterical. That made me laugh with tears…. But in my comments, my caption underneath, I started to express some stuff that I feel like I should take to a further level and bring to you. So, first thing I want to say is thank you. I genuinely am honored and tickled and excited by the fact that people like my hair. I mean I’m a human being and it’s really nice when people like something about you. Especially when they like something that you honestly have worked so hard on and that you used to hate. I used to hate my hair. My hair was so much work. It’s still a lot of work. But it’s a lot of work with a lot of payoff now. But it’s been a journey for me.On people saying she has nice hair because she’s mixed
Someone mentioned I’m mixed. So my Dad is white and my Mom is black and maybe that’s why I have this very special hair. It’s not true people. We all have different textures, different ethnicities, different mixes, we’ve all got different curl patterns and, just speaking for myself I’ve had a journey of figuring this hair out. This hair is a lot of work. It’s confusing. And people don’t just tell you how to do it. This new natural hair wave that’s going on, thank God. I wish someone would have shared some of that stuff with me when I was younger. I had to figure it out for myself. I had a relaxer in my hair, I had to grow it out. That was hard. I didn’t grow it by cutting it. I cut bangs, that was dumb. I used to sit at the beauty shop all day on Saturdays all through high school. I used to wake my mom up early so she could press my hair out. I used to sleep in rollers and get a crook in my neck. My hair has been a journey.On why she doesn’t want people to want her hair
What I want to say to you is I’m flattered and honored, it’s so exciting that you like something. It’s like being mirrored back that you like something that was really tough for me. That’s really fun for me. At the same time I don’t want you to want my hair… and the reason I don’t want you to want my hair is I’m of the school of love what you got.On not liking her hair in the past
For me, the reason my hair was such a battle is because I was trying to make it something it wasn’t. I wanted the hair that somebody else had. And because of that I was damaging my hair, trying to beat it into submission, trying to make it something it wasn’t, trying to make it slip into my face unconsciously. I was trying to do all of those things to it and as a result I was ruining and damaging the hair that I was given.On why she loves her hair
I love my hair because it’s big. I love my hair because it’s a reflection of my soul. It’s dense, it’s kinky, it’s soft, it’s textured, it’s difficult, it’s easy and it’s fun. That’s why I love my hair.
Love it! Love everything about it! To participate in the Hair Love! campaign, upload a video to YouTube describing your hair in 5 words or less, and explaining why you love it.
And check out Tracee’s full video below;
109 Responses
I’m several years late on this but I wish this article would recirculate because all too often do we see on youtube and social media naturals bemoaning that they will not have Tracee Ellis Ross hair or a whole process of how to make it look as if you do have her hair. I love when she says she’s “of the school of love what you got.” It’s great to admire and compliment others but you have to love yourself because you are what you have every day. I have respect for her taking time to explain this and I hope this article is thrown back into circulation.
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Really no matter if someone doesn’t understand after that its up to other visitors that they will help, so here it takes place.
we want what we don’t have…never satisfied. just do YOU!
I am twenty years natural and I also have five children, some mixed and some not, and all our hair has pros and cons. I think we all have to learn to know out hair and I am teaching my kids to car for their own hair as well as each others. I strive to find products that work on all our hair . I like curly straight weave fro braids etc. I love Tracee Ellis Ross. She encourages us to embrace ourselves and not be afraid to think outside the box.
I wrote a quick post about this on my blog here at
http://themanecaptain.blogspot.ca/2013/06/tracee-ellis-ross-wants-you-to-love.html
I for one do not envy women with other hair texture, although I might envy their length. But I know that my hair will EVENTUALLY get to their length one day, with hard work and dedication
themanecaptain.blogspot.ca
People check for Tracey Ellis Ross’ hair like that?? News to me.
You know? I thought the same thing when I read the title of this article. Like, “Who be sweatin HER hair like that?” LOL
I think when I first started transitioning I had this desire to have loose, perfectly defined big curls that looked a bit like that, and I was both shocked and riddled with anxiety by the fact that I did not have it.
My hair is stubborn too, thick, curly-coily, kinky if you like that word, and stronger than it looks. It’s dense, forms spirals and s curls and tiny corkscrews that are even more annoying because they tangle the most and are so small that they seem silly. They’re a little bigger than a pen spring. I’ve got at least four different textures- the sides do their own thing, the edges do theirs, the crown goes its own way, it’s independent, like me, to the point of being positively obtuse. And I like it. No, actually, I love it. I love it because it inspires people, it makes them squeal ‘ohhhh! Your hair!!!’. It blocks their view, and makes me feel as tall as a mountain when it’s blowing in the wind and looking fierce.
It’s my shield and my armor, and it’s definitely a reflection of me. I leave it loose and wild most of the time because I don’t like to manipulate it too much and I never have the time anyway. I want to blow dry it, but I’ve wanted to for about 7 months and have not done it yet. Maybe I will, maybe I won’t. I love my hair because its mine, because it’s me, because I know I look better with it natural then I ever did when it was straight, because my big thick hair makes me different, unique and special no matter what damn texture it feels like it is today. So yes, I agree with Tracee Ellis Ross: loving your own hair is the most important thing you can do, because from the top of my head, I can love everything I am down to my toes. How’s that for hair love?
I still need help to love my tiny curls….
It’s a misconception that someone with looser textured hair has it easier than one with tighter curls. Not all mothers with children with looser textures know how to deal with their hair or encourage a real appreciation of what they have. I personally have family members who feel their hair is best straightened or but away in some kind of bun in order to disguise it’s curliness. They feel or they have been given the message that they have problem hair.
I love this article so much. I have seen people with children who have 3c curls flat ironing the hair (this was a 3 year old!) and this made me so sad. Love who you are. I like what she says about “I was trying to make it something it wasn’t. I wanted the hair that somebody else had. And because of that I was damaging my hair, trying to beat it into submission, trying to make it something it wasn’t,” << This is the truth!! This is when you damage hair, this is when you lose confidence in yourself and who you truly are. Did I say I love this article?
I’m in high school my senior year, and I have to say that recently I had started to hate this new natural wave.
I did love it at first, touching my hair, feeling like proud because it was mine, but then the tween months of 5 to 8 months natural came and I had to learn how to style my hair for myself. No matter what I did, no matter how much I twisted and bantu knotted my hair, it never looked as defined and loose as the women’s hair shown on websites such as these and even pinterest – it won’t and it never will.
My hair will always grow to be koily – no amount of perms, co-washes, or big chops will stop it. In my many hours of bitterness I’ve learned to accept that – and I have to say it’s stubborness is actually heartwarming.
Hearing Tracee speak on loving hair, and how it’s a reflection of ourselves is very true. and it’s the key reason I’ve come to love this natural hair wave and will never forget the experiences it taught me.
So in the end, I still love my stubborn-ass hair.
It’s really nice to hear Tracee’s response and her hair journey.
I LOVES me some Tracee Ellis Ross. She said something about waking her mother up early to press her hair. Anyone else love that visual of Miss Diana Ross waking up to do that. I love it. Hair is something that definitely binds a mother and daughter.
I appreciate her for this. She could be pretty much making money off the sort of people itching for her hair like some other “gurus” have figured out to do *ahem*. This needed to be said by someone and honestly, I never really coveted her hair.
I’m probably one of few but I was drooling over fros and 4b/c hair before I became natural because it’s what I knew my hair would look most like and it’s what I’d seen and loved in women around me as a child. Not saying I didn’t think other hair types were beautiful but my focus was on what’s thought of as 4b/c hair.
You know, one thing that I’ve sort of noticed since going natural… The ladies (and gents occasionally)that urge others to “love their own hair, no matter what texture it is” the strongest, are almost always the folks that have a looser curl pattern lol. Now I know that for the most part it’s coming from a good natured place, and with platforms such as youtube, people sharing their hair journeys are subject to a lot of hero-worship. But every now and then, I feel a little twinge of arrogance coming from people that are a little more obscure. Like they just KNOW I’m jealous of their curls but they encourage me not to feel bad about not be blessed with the perfect ringlets that they were; like I’ll figure out how to manage somehow lol. Which always left me feeling more awkward than anything, cuz of all the hang-ups that I have, wishing for a looser curl pattern was never one of them lol.
I get it though, come wash/detangle time, a looser curl might be a bit less fussy to manipulate than a scalp full of 4b kinks. I used to be jealous of little non-blck girls when I was a tot; NOT because of texture, but because they could wash their hair, be done with it and get on with their lives, unlike me who after a wash, got to look forward to hours on hours of detangling and blow dryers and hot combs lol. I longed for the ease of maintenance, if I was ever jealous of anything it was that lol. That “good hair” garbage though, that always struck me as silly and illogical.
So don’t get me wrong, I do get that some curly girls out there are just trying to be generally uplifting, which of course I appreciate and embrace, but I’d be naive to say that I didn’t notice some of the others passive-aggressively perpetuating the “curl envy” dynamic.
I honestly wish that we could all just drop the emphasis on curl pattern and just put the concentration on falling back in love with our OWN heads. PERIOD lol. Curly or kinky, there literally isn’t one that’s better than the other, they’re simply just different. The pedestal is imaginary.
“Curly or kinky, there literally isn’t one that’s better than the other, they’re simply just different. The pedestal is imaginary.”
agreed. It has to be done individually though because if you don’t believe that your hair is beautiful…ok at least, kinda cool and more than tolerable then it doesn’t matter what others say. It’s a personal journey for every woman. Every woman on this planet can only hope to love and appreciate our natural selves eventually. It’s just the hardest thing to do because we are constantly being judged and almost always coming up short. I’ll never give up though!
You made a good point. I understand how you feel. No matter what hair texture you have, good hair is healthy hair.
Great post. Totally agree.
SOUNDS LIKE A PERSONAL PROBLEM I TELL PEOPLE TO EMBRACE WHAT THEY HAVE AND I HAVE KINKY HAIR
To me this sounds more like a personal problem you have that you see in someone else. We see what we want to see.
agreed…
I will speculate the reason it appears so many of the self-hair-love gurus are those with looser curls is because they are the ones being exaulted by the short haired nappy black ppl. They are the ones garnishing all the attention through no fault of their own. Black women are especially guilty of this skewed paradigm.
The only reason Tracee is speaking out is because she was thrust into that position by those women unwilling to take stock in their own beauty. I don’t see a bit of arrogance coming off her at all. I see a woman humbled and unwilling to take bask in an image that was of her choosing, but of her parents.
By accusing her and others of arrogance, I see deeply rooted insecurities on the accusers part and one of the main reason’s ppl like Tracee will always be held up as some kind hair icon.
Love love love her. <3
I’m glad Tracee spoke out on this. Haven’t people learned by now from this website and others that being biracial doesn’t automatically equal curly hair. There have been so many type 3 curlies featured on BGLH who are not biracial. Also, I remember the girl who played Hillary on Fresh Prince of Bel-Air is also biracial and looks like she have type 4 hair. Lenny Kravitz, though a guy, is biracial and has a tighter curler pattern. And having more of a curlier pattern doesn’t equal easier. Many know of Teri Laflesh (Tightly Curly Method) and her struggles with her hair when she was younger.
On another note, Tracee’s sister Rhonda I think is natural as well but maybe not on some people’s radar.
I’d rather have her booty than her hair…just sayin!
I Love Tracee!!!!
I have hair similar to Tracee and I’m not biracial by the way (hate when Black people act like we Black people are so homogeneous) Almost every day I get a comment from someone that they would go natural if they had hair like mine. – Makes me feel gracious for the compliment about my hair, but also makes me feel sad because they are putting down their own hair.
The Natural Movement has to be an impetus for Black Pride, just like the afro was for the 70s. There was something just so awesome about the halo of gorgeous hair Black folks were styling in the 70s. I want that same pride to be in us in the 21st century (Stepping off of my soapbox now, but just sayin’)
Speaking of the afro, do you know how many people with looser curl pattern would love to have the volume that kinky-textured hair provides to wear a hairstyle like an afro, who are in awe of it?
I am african american and so is my daughters father and she has “tracee ellis ross” hair so i agree that we as black people due to the intermingling and mixing of races and culture in our background you have no idea what you are going to end up with and its Ok to be Ok with what you have. embrace it, learn it and take care of it. I am not natural I keep mine relaxed because I dont have the the time to put the effort into taking care of it. I either want to do the big chop or leave it like it is. However I let my daughters hair is natural and when/if she chooses to get a relaxer that is a conversation. Now I do have a niece who is of mixed race and has a looser curl patter and more length and my daughter has said I wish I had her hair and I have corrected her in the same way. Love what you have growing on your head it’s thick, beautiful and we can do so much with it and have versatility, she does not have some of those options. We would all do so much better if we stop comparing ourselves and make decisions that we are happy with it and go from there.
Also different tribes as well as people from different dryer or moisture temp regions in Africa have different textures of hair. I don’t always assume that a black person is “mixed” because they have a looser curl. I know that East,South,North and West Africans can have very different hair types and yet be full blooded black. I see looser curl patterns on full blooded Africans all the time. I think that is what Tracee was talking about.
I hear people say this ALL the time about other individuals who might have looser curl patterns then they do. I never understood why people would say that. It’s like saying “I wish I had “good hair”. Same difference to me.
JUST BEING HONEST (and I really hope no one bites my head off)…but it’s REALLY hard to love your hair when it’s dry, brittle, fragile and you can barely touch or it will break off and requires so much freaking work to make it look even half way decent. I mean, I put so much effort into my hair, it makes me want to cry sometimes….and it NEVER comes out looking like I want it to. I hear everyone saying embrace what you have, but what about when what you have just doesn’t look good to you and is so difficult to deal with? You have to moisturize constantly, be mindful of pH, wash a certain way, prep to wash a certain way, make concoctions, buy a sleuth of oils, set aside entire days for washing and styling, steer clear of humidity (especially when you live in the south like me), combat shrinkage (and yes, I DO mind shrinkage…I have worked HARD for my length and I DO care about it…I have been putting blood, sweat and tears into maintaining length and I want to SEE the fruits of my labor)and the list really does go on and on…I admire hair like Tracy Ellis Ross’s because it just takes so much less work…I am not high maintenance and I don’t like doing my hair…so having to always fix my hair hurts my feelings…I work out and have a busy schedule and would LOVE to just wash and GO! Planning DAYS to do my hair is so whack to me, yet I have to do it if I want to look presentable…some may not feel what I am saying…but if you are 4B, dry, fine/medium and have cottony, super tightly coiled and fragile hair that doesn’t ‘wash and go’, doesn’t produce full & pretty twist/braid outs, doesn’t respond well to flat ironing, and you need length to frame your face and features like me, you KNOW what I mean. It’s not me not appreciating what I have so much as it is, me truly admiring others who don’t have to do so much and they look beautiful effortlessly.
sounds to me like you simply having mastered doing your hair by yourself. its okay. there are beauticians who specialize in natural hair that can help you. being natural doesnt mean you have to be DIY. its okay to be natural and seek a professionally trained and certified beautician/ hair stylist who can help you achieve your desired look and ease the level of frustration that you feel. regardless of texture everyone isnt a good at doing their own hair and some may need to seek out the expertise of a beautician… good luck and stay positive…itll be okay in time
Thanks gapch! I actually have though….I think I just have a stubborn grade of hair, lol.
But yes…staying upbeat is important. I just wanted to get it out there though because whenever people try to vent, folks jump on them like they don’t have any validity to their frustrations.
it sounds to me like you’re still learning your hair. It gets more fun when you figure out what works for you. Also, how do you know Tracee doesn’t need all the stuff you listed? I go to naturallycurly.com, and believe me the white women there spend a LOT of time on their hair. Curly hair in general takes a lot of work. You might as well get used to it.
Hi Ugonna! Nope, I’ve been natural for many years now and I actually know my hair really well…like I mentioned to the poster above, I seriously just have a stubborn grade of hair. While it is possible Tracie uses a lot of products and has a rigorous routine, I highly doubt it. I have cousins and friends with virtually the exact same texture and it doesn’t take all of that.
Also, I AM used to it, but I will NEVER like it…which I why I posted. I am glad you and others enjoy the work and the effort and even consider it to be fun (seriously, that’s awesome), but I don’t and won’t. Hair should just cooperate and fall into place, in my mind anyway. It shouldn’t take all of what it does – but it is what it is. But I think we all have things we have to work on more than others – hair just happens to be mine. 🙂
I do care about shrinkage too!!!!! I want my length to show as you stated when you work hard to grow your hair you want to see the results. Unfortunately my hair likes to shrink up and living in a Humid City there’s no getting around it…
I try not use products with glycerin when I want to keep my length, if you figure something out let me know =). I’ve been testing the Mizani anti-humidity hold spray and it kinda works…
Glad to know I am not the only one! I will have to give that Mizani spray a try – thanks!! 🙂
Yes, I understand. But look at it this way, your hair is probably healthier in it’s natural state right? And if your hair is not what you want now, you are going to have to be a little patient, as well as trial and error. You should rock it the way nature intended, I think we tend to be our harshest critics as women. Your hair most likely looks a great deal better than you described it. I think we are more likely to be harder on ourselves. I used to think my hair was a hot mess, but now I really love it. When I stopped using my brain and started thinking for myself, my perception of beauty changed. It’s all about how we think and how we’re taught to percieve life in general. I’m not just talking hair either. I questioned a lot of how society operates before I began to really love my hair. I became natural by accident, but when it was straightened, I thought my hair was just stupid. I suggest don’t do anything to your hair but moisturize and co-wash when needed. I’d just leave it alone your hair will do what it’s trained to do,just like mine did.
@ Colalover – you are indeed correct, my hair is actually very healthy (shoot it better be with the care I give it!)
Yes, patience is definitely important, but when you have been at this thing for years, you start to get weary. There are LOTS of things I work hard at that require patience, but in my book, hair shouldn’t be one of them….it should just do what I need it to, not require 1/2 day – 1 full day to wash, dry and style…like Sweet Brown says, “ain’t nobody got time for that”…
I think I am just picky and I like to look a certain way. But at the end of the day it’s all good. Like I mentioned before – I just wanted to stand up for the natural who feels she can’t be real for fear of being made to feel like she’s betraying her race or something like that. People are always saying it’s an awesome experience and I am like, well, that hasn’t been my experience at all (my fine/thiner naturals know EXACTLY what I am talking about)…But I am confident one day I will get to where I can embrace and love it. 🙂
Kan I totally get you. Kudos for stepping up and being honest. I was reading your original post and I understand completely. I have been natural my whole life so almost 21 years now, I started trying to grow my hair actively 5 years ago I hadn’t seen any growth until this past year. Actually I have a very short patch in the back I developed around that time which no doctors have been able to explain/diagnose. I have 4b fine & thin hair that hits above my shoulder when curly. I finally figured out how to retain length but it can be super annoying and requires 24/7 protective styling. I think people who haven’t been doing this for as long and/or figured their hair out out sooner have a different perspective because they gained their desired length in a somewhat reasonable amount of time. I love my texture but I’m not a fan of the density and thats ok. And to me the only thing that will make up for the lack of thickness & density is length (and patience is running thin) which is also ok. Going to a dermatologist in a couple weeks was well as a trichologist the week after and maybe I can final make some serious progress. I understand my hair and it is a lot better than it used to be. I love my hair and give it TLC but it doesn’t love me back and loves to break and shrink up and that’s ok. I wish my hair was a little different but I know how to live with the hair I have. It’s just hair it doesn’t have to be this huge lovey-dovey perfect thing that a lot of new naturals want it to be. I think it’s ok for people to not be a fan of aspects of their hair and get frustrated. As long as they don’t go around hating themselves for it.
@ Kayce – I wish I could ‘love’ your post! I agree with everything you stated verbatim!! And it’s so funny to hear about the short patch in the back because I had one too due to a skin inflammation that caused some of my nape hair to fall out. (It’s growing back very well though – thank God!) The way you worded the length and density making up for the lack of thickness sounds like me 110%! It’s so easy for folks whose hair grows quickly and thickly without much effort or for those who just don’t care that much to tell you how you should feel, but they haven’t a clue of what’s it’s like for someone who really has to go at it and really does care to have healthy, long flourishing hair. My hair is bra-strap length and it’s really healthy, but the journey to get here has been OMG ridiculous. Like you mentioned, I wished my hair were a bit different too, but you deal with the cards you’ve been dealt and be thankful for what you’ve got! 🙂
@kayce @kan
You ladies have said exactly what I was referring to up thread. A fine and thin haired natural’s experience is kind of different from others, I also have hair loss from inflammation.
I believe you can learn to accept it but not really “love” it.
@Kan @KKE
How did you guys resolved your short patch issues? Did it resolve itself or did you do something to help it grow back? I know it is off topic but it has been a long 5 or so years with missing patches of hair and I would love some insight that might help me make some progress and prevent the patches from reverting to when I had more patches than actual hair.
I totally agree Kan with your comments 110% and can relate to your and Kayce’s situations. Not only am I a 4a/b, with fine, thin, and very cottony strands of hair, but I also have scalp issues and I think that is part of the problem for me because I had two or three different areas in the back of my head that were almost completely bald. I went to two dermatologists, one black and one white, and neither was much help. The black dermatologist said that the hair wouldn’t come back, nothing I can do about it, the white one said that I had sebhorric dermatitis and prescribed some antifungal shampoo for me and a scalp oil, which helped a lot. The areas are still rather thin but THANK GOD they are finally starting to fill in and I have been dealing with this for the past few years. At least many of you ladies on this website have good length, but for me, honestly, I can’t remember the last time that I had neck length or shoulder length hair, so believe me, it could be A LOT worse. My hair was barely chin length before I did the big chop a few weeks ago and the sides had broken off so bad due to my stylist damaging my hair with heat. It has been a struggle for me in figuring out what styles look best on me due to the texture of my hair, I didn’t have quite enough length in certain places to rock the twists, but then the constant use of heat continued to damage my hair, so now I am back to the drawing board, which has been a long, painstakingly slow process. But my hair is doing much better and I am learning what my hair truly likes and doesn’t like. In this hair journey I am learning that patience and perseverance are key. Be Blessed!!
YOU JUST SOUND LIKE YOU’RE CLUELESS WHEN IT COMES TO HAIR CARE
@ Tina Smith – nope, not at all. But I have noticed you have a tendency to troll and post without compassion or much forethought to previous posts before you respond. So, I will just go ahead and let you think that even though I stated otherwise in my previous posts. My post was for those sisters out there who can relate, not for people to come in and be rude. God bless you though. 🙂
“I only love that you love my hair if it’s an inspiration for you to love your hair.” THIS.
I love Tracee!!! And what she said is right on point…you can’t have what someone else has, because God made us all differently.
Being Mixed does not guarantee that you’re going to have curly hair and not being mixed does not guarantee that you will have kinky hair… Check Youtube and you’ll see it’s really just genetics and luck imo…let’s get off our soapboxes and just enjoy the article for what it is…
No one said anything about a guarantee but it is ******more than likely****** that your hair will be more on the curly side than the kinky side. Why is this fact so hard for some to admit? Some people act as if admitting this equals hating kinks.
It’s not “more than likely” it’s 50/50 if you want to be technical…. Also, what freaking difference does it make?
This is such a pointless conversation…
I love Ms. Ross too, but the reason you have the texture you have is beause of the genes passed on by your (usually) parents. Your father being white your mother being black is a direct result of your hair texture. Genes could possibly skip a generation, but you would still, more than likely have a texture of Caucasian and African hair. You too said you wanted your hair to be something it wasn’t. Well, some people want Traci Ellis Ross hair. I think you would have been better off saying yes my texture is the way it is because of my Caucasian and African hair, but you should love the texture you have.
Omg, this comes at a perfect time. I was detangling my hair yesterday and was just thinking this. I have multi-textured hair – 4a at the nape, 3c in the middle, 2b in the front – and even though by definition of hair typing, my 4a and 3c hair should be “harder” to take care of, it’s the easier part of my hair. It stays moisturized, it’s easy to detangle, and can get 2nd or 3rd day hair. Now my 2b hair, despite supposedly being “easier” to take care, is literally the black sheep of my head of hair, lol. It’s always matted, always looks dry, 2nd day hair is just not possible, and my growth seems to be stagnant there (the rest of my hair is waist length while the front is between SL and APL).
I’ve said before and I will say it again, a looser texture is not necessarily easier to take care of.
This has been my experience too. I have 4b/4a all over except my nape which is 3bish. My nape gets easily tangled and its so frustrating.
I accepted my hair for what I thought it would be and what it is — kinky, coily, Afro-textured and super dense — ever since I big chopped over 4 years ago.
I have never envied Tracee Ellis Ross’s hair or any other hair texture labeled “good hair”.
I think it’s unfortunate that I feel lucy not to have ever had “good hair syndrome”.
you have the right attitude. I find it so much more fun to appreciate your own beauty. I enjoy other women’s hair, but I never understood “envying” them when you can have your OWN good hair.
Here’s what I don’t understand. Why is it so dangerous for folks to accept that if you have 2 parents, one with kinky hair, and one with straighter hair, you’re likely to inherit something in the middle? I’m really annoyed at her disingenuousness. On one hand, she says that her hair is something she doesn’t want people to covet. And on the other hand, she keeps the (mostly unfounded) dream alive that all black folks have an even chance of having her kind of hair texture. Look. It’s a result of her ethnic makeup – and that includes a close proximity to a non-african-descended relative. And that’s okay. Why is she saying that it’s not true? Of COURSE IT’S TRUE! And to try to deny that is still filling a lot of black women with “false hope.” If you ain’t mixed, you probably won’t have that texture of hair. So what?!?!??!???? Why is that so dangerous to say? Why is everyone denying that? Get over it, already, folks!
I just really hate all the lies and disingenuous BS that goes around the black community. And please spare me the anecdotal evidence that’s sure to ensue about your cousin’s twin who has silky straight hair in a family of 4zs, blah blah blah. That is all.
AGREED!
I think she was saying that her ethnic makeup is not the reason her hair is beautiful, but rather the fact that she learned to take care of it.
When she did an interview with CurlyNikki last year, she shared her hair journey and included a photo of her hair ‘before she had it figured out’.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/young_Tracee_Ross.jpg[/img]
I think the photo highlights what she’s saying. Her hair didn’t look great because she was trying to make it like someone else’s. And once she invested in it, that’s when it became beautiful and enviable. It’s not enviable just because she’s mixed.
Very well said. I think that she was being genuine, knowing that hair texture, curl pattern can be a sensitive and tricky topic for black women. It is obvious looking at the picture above, that even with mixed heritage and a loose curl pattern, she still had to learn how to love her hair and figure it out (it is a hot mess in this pic…po baby! Lol). I think a bigger issue is that the grass isn’t always greener in someone else’s yard (see the pic), and that we as women of color still face struggles from society and each other based on hair texture, skin color, shape, size, etc. No matter how others may perceive us, many still have internal struggles and Tracee shared a little of hers. Lets take her at her word.
she was saying her hair was not easy to deal with growing up, regardless of being mixed. She listed everything she went through. It took years for her to learn. Mixed girls have a hard time learning to care for their hair growing up too, she’s not the first to say this. What about it do you not get? You clearly did not really listen or understand a word Tracee said.
Also, lots of mixed people have hair that is kinkier, closer to a black person’s own, or some have looser curls or even waves. You cannot generalize the way you’re doing that they’ll “have something down the middle”. Some blacks have looser 3C curls, some whites have very tight, kinky curls. Its a very individual thing.
how did she keep the dream of us having her hair type alive? You never explained that.
By saying: “Someone mentioned I’m mixed. So my Dad is white and my Mom is black and maybe that’s why I have this very special hair. It’s not true people.”
This language is not about her routine. It’s about the type of hair she has. And she pretty expressly says that “It’s not true” that she has that type of hair because of her mixed heritage. I reiterate. It IS true. What’s so wrong with that being true? Why is everyone fighting so hard against it?
P.S. Re: “What about it do you not get? You clearly did not really listen or understand a word Tracee said.”
You don’t have to be an asshole, to disagree, you know. You sound like a rabid, uncivilized savage when you hurl such insulting language at a stranger who has said nothing to you, simply because you don’t agree with them. It’s not a good look. Grow up.
Guest1234, it’s seems like the only one being uncivilized is you!!
Please cite the uncivilized portion of my postings. Actually, don’t bother. Because there aren’t any. Alerting someone to their bad behavior is the definition of civilized. That’s what a society is about – having standards of decency and letting people know when their behavior falls short of that. You, too, might want to do a bit of growing up.
Its a very common practice to accuse others of behaviors that we ourselves are guilty of. Case in point.
Guest, I’m not understand why noone gets it, but trust, you’re speaking some real right now.
I agree with most of your points.
I feel there is an inability or reluctance within the ‘black’ community to have a frank conversation that looks at the things we as black women look at and generally agree is ‘beautiful’ in relation to hair. Now of course, these ideas of beauty aren’t going to be 100% agreed upon ‘ideals of beauty’, but it’s easy to see from a quick scan of comments on YouTube videos where the poster appears to have a looser curl pattern, the comments of “wow, your hair is gorgeous” etc, are plentiful. (I feel like my Masters might be looking at a quantitative/qualitative analysis of positive comments Vs negative comments for women of colour on the internet in relation to hair in the age of the natural hair movement c.2012 onwards)
Where there are hair videos and the poster has a tighter curl pattern, invariably, the video talks, often with a touch of sadness, about the ‘problems’ of shrinkage and length retention. The comments are also less envious.
I think openly accepting ones own natural hair is a must. This must be encouraged for our own sense of self worth but also for the next generation of black women who will grow up, hopefully, with an innate sense of self love without it needing to be taught.
I agree that sometimes in the spirit of Kumbaya we can gloss over real inequalities. But I must say that, from my perspective with BGLH, a lot of times our most popular style icons are NOT Type 3 (and interestingly, many of them actually have short/medium length hair). Here are links to the top 8 most-viewed BGLH style icons of all time. It might surprise you. They are in order from most to least popular.
https://bglh-marketplace.com/2012/06/tamika-3c-natural-hair-style-icon/
https://bglh-marketplace.com/2011/10/laila-natural-hair-style-icon-update/
https://bglh-marketplace.com/2012/12/tammy-3c4a-natural-hair-style-icon/
https://bglh-marketplace.com/2011/04/cipriana/
https://bglh-marketplace.com/2012/02/nikki-natural-hair-style-icon/
https://bglh-marketplace.com/2012/01/ashley-natural-hair-style-icon-2/
https://bglh-marketplace.com/2013/03/alex-4ab-natural-hair-style-icon/
https://bglh-marketplace.com/2012/04/portia-natural-hair-style-icon/
At least for the BGLH audience, neat, stylish and well groomed hair takes precedence over looser textures when it comes to what is enviable.
I also think some of it is women finding beauty in images that more closely reflect themselves.
Speaking from experience, my hair is Type 4B/C
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/phpiqpv6WAM.jpg[/img]
So while I appreciate naturals of all textures, my eyes/ears perk up most when I hear or see women with hair like mine, because it’s more relevant to my hair care experience.
Even Miss Ross, I love her spirit and I love her hair. But when it comes to personal hair idols for me, I more look to Solange or Yaya DaCosta or Kimberly Elise, because that’s a closer reflection of me.
I don’t say this to negate what you’re saying, because it’s true that there are serious issues of loose texture envy in the natural community. But I just wanted to throw in a different viewpoint.
I don’t disagree with you but I have a question about how you determine popularity. Is it by clicks, views or quality of comments? I’m asking because I remember when the most popular one was posted and she seemed to get a lot of clicks/views/comments because people didn’t deem her to be a true 3C*. That, to me, is not popularity but controversy.
Everything else I agree with you. I never wanted Tracee Ellis Ross hair b/c my hair didn’t have that curl pattern, so I never looked to her or people with curls like that b/c they didn’t represent me. Why would I stress myself out by coveting something I didn’t have especially when I really like the coils on my own head? I like me.
Personally I don’t even click on the 3B/Cs hair icons because I don’t care what their hair does. Not in a mean way or a harsh way but their hair is not my hair.
*I personally can’t stand hair typing but that’s just my opinion.
We determine by page views.
THE LONG HAIR GIRLS GET MORE PROPS THAN ANYTHING. A LOT TIMES THE PEOPLE YOU FEATURE ARE GUESSING AT THEIR HAIR TYPE. MOST DON’T EVEN WANT TO CLAIM 4B/C SO YEA YOUR COMMENT MEANS NOTHING
I somewhat agree. However what I think is most popular is THICK hair regardless of texture. A 3c with thin hair will get less love than a 4b/c with thick hair and vice-versa (rarely do you have thin haired icons featured), I know we have not moved on from the curl envy but I truly think thickness is something that appeals to a lot of people – it probably signifies health.
I know as a thin and fine haired 4b/c, the only thing I ever wish for is volume and never curl pattern. Actually with my patch hair-loss I now see beauty in thin and fine haired naturals with the their hair distributed evenly and would love see them as icons
Sorry for the long post
I think you totally missed the point! And for the record, I have known people who are mixed and don’t have “good hair” as everyone would like to call it. My dad’s mom is half white, and my mom’s grandfather is half white but my hair is just as kinky as it can be because my father is Nigerian, so you can have all the white folks you want in your family tree, that doesn’t mean anything when it comes to hair, or even skin color sometimes.
So, one of your grandmothers is half white and you also have a great grandfather that is half white. Tracee Ellis’s father is full white.
I actually think you’ve missed the point (or you don’t know much about fractions and genetics).
3/16th white altogether from various relatives who arent your parents versus a full white parent are very different in genetics. Don’t delude yourself.
actually her point is valid. MahoganyCurls is black, but has a mixed grandmother, guess what? MC has a loose curl pattern. Its not always the parents that determine these things. Heck, some Africans with no white blood at all have 3C hair. Same with some whites having VERY tight curls.
I agree with your point but I’ve been watching MC videos for a while and I don’t recall her saying anything about her grandmother being mixed, she has even shown pictures of her. She states that herself and her family are all African American from what I remember… But I could be wrong.
Just saying, biracial and mixed are different genetically. They can’t compare.
So you type all of this and then say spare you the exceptional cases in which this is not true… What do you want? A hand clap for acknowledging that she is mixed? Do you have a stigma or something with mixed people and their “hair.” Why in this day and age do we still have people that automatically think mixed = curly/silky hair? Maybe that’s what’s displayed on tv or something but that is definitely not the case where I’m from… People and their physical features vary no matter what. I have seen mixed people with some of the kinkiest hair and chocolate women with silky curls for days, your reasoning needs a little work.
It’s funny how people don’t even understand genetics. The fact of the matter is, genetics isn’t this equal exchange of DNA that always results in the same outcome. People forget about mutations and every has mutated DNA. Most times, the mutation isn’t always obvious. It could result in a fingernail that grows slightly faster than the other fingernails. Or a small freckle on the face. But other mutations can result in more obvious results such as two different colored eyes or a different hair texture.
The fact of the matter is, even if your mixed, it doesn’t even remotely mean you will have a looser texture of hair.
Thank you Mia. Genetics is a crap shot. You never know what genetics a child will inherit.
RUH OH, you’re going to get the wrath of the PC crowd but yes you are absolutely correct.
That being said, I really like her overall message.
Even though many people disagree with your comment, I understand what you’re trying to say especially the point that as black people we often “gloss” over issues like this because it makes us uncomfortable. A similar issue is when you hear people say oh i’m not mixed I may have some white or cherokee way way way back but I’m not mixed like so and so who has one white parent and one black parent. But if you have 4 great grandparents who are white and 4 who are black, you’re 1/2 white and 1/2 black just as someone who has one white parent and one black parent is 1/2 and 1/2. But some people are uncomfortable voicing things that (at least to me) seem like common sense.
I really have to say this. Genetics do not matter in hair texture. I am black. No white relatives for five generations, not even mixed grands or great grands. I am really dark, but have 3c/4a hair. It annoys me that people think they know more about my family than I do. NOPE!I AM BLACK!!!! Please let this be clear. It is a complex that you have to assume that in order to look a certain way, you have to be mixed, multi-racial. It is your problem, not hers. I have a friend who is multi-racial with 4b/4c hair. Her heritage is not the point. The point is that her hair was difficult for her, my hair is difficult for me. Love who you are and what you have. By talking about her heritage, is just like claiming she’s not”really” natural. Get over your insecurities and stop using her heritage to disqualify her message!
That moment of love for me didn’t come when I was 5, or 6 and it certainly didn’t come when I was 11 or 12. Hearing the word “Nappy” when referring to my hair and “good hair” when not, made me self conscious of my hair.
Oh, I’d shaved it several times and worn it in a fade, then would slap some relaxer on it for juuuust about 2-5 minutes to get that “curl” action going on and rock my ‘fake’ naturally curly hair
It wasn’t until 2010 — 2010 at the age of 37 that I said — enough. Whatever I have is whatever I have.
And Honey… hunty! I was surprised. It’s not like Ms. Ellis Ross, or Ms. Bonet, or Ms. Summer or Ms. Irie, or Ms. Hill — they all have beautiful heads of hair. It’s like me – mysel – and of course I. In all it’s mysteries… the highs and lows.
Great article BGLH…thanks for sharing!
#NaturalHairConfession I always felt like the black sheep of the natural hair community. I have 4c hair and not only that my hair is fine,scalpy twists galore, and I can’t do my own hair to save my life,flat twist,conrow etc Everywhere I look it’s all these thick haired naturals and very few if any people with hair like mine. But nowadays,I’m learning to accept my hair the way it is,and rock it as best I can. It’s human to compare ourselves with others,be it hair or accomplishments,I think that’s why God said we shouldn’t covet,it deters you from seeing and valuing what you have. Nowadays I love my hair,take care of it from the inside out and when I go get it braided the ladies compliment my hair and I give hair advice. I can’t braid my own hair or get a massive twist out and fro but my huuuur is gorgeous and I wouldn’t have it any other way!! 🙂
This. I know their have to be more fine, thin-haired 4C naturals in existence, but I wish they’d show up on hair blogs.
Maybe they’re in hiding because they don’t fit the mold of the most popular hair gurus.
I so appreciate Tracee’s candor and for even taking the time to make her hair confessional. For myself, and for lots of other fans of “Girlfriends” I’m sure, we watched the show in part because she gave us some of the best natural hair porn (next to my girl Rachel True)and made us want to have “Tracee Ross hair.” Having said that, I think we would all do well to really learn to love what God has given each of us (even if we still secretly yearn to have hair as big and bold as “Joan Carol Clayton”).
I know that’s right! You GO, girrrl!
There’s always something about ourselves that we as women do not like, but the next woman admires. We all have bad hair days. However, we need to embrace our individualities for what the are; that’s what makes us unique as women, being different. I work hard on my hair and some days just don’t like it, that goes for my makeup applications, too. But then another woman will come along and compliment me and it makes my day!
The grass is not always greener on the other side therefore, EMBRACE WHAT YOU HAVE AND LOVE IT TO THE FULLEST!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/ud-black-palette-industrial-pearlglide-2.jpg[/img]
Honey… that eye makeup is on point! You go honey!
DAYUM! Your eye make up is amazing! Lovely blending
You look like my mom 🙂
I try to spread that word on youtube all the time, when I see someone saying they’re “jealous” of someone else’s hair. Its pointless. They’re hair is so good cause they take CARE of it, period. Anything else about curl pattern, being mixed, etc. is just something you need to get over, cause we all come in different shapes and patterns that are all beautiful and if you don’t love your own, you’ll never be happy. Someone else is as jealous of your kinks as you are of their loose curls. Love your hair, and care for it, that’s all you have to do.
So much respect and love to her for this campaign. I am guilty of seeing others natural hair and wishing I had that hair. This really makes me open my eyes and embrace my natural tresses.
Never covet others as you don’t know their journey!! Bible!
Love this lady!
so glad she dropped some gems for the naturals wanting her hair. Everyday we’re told (and tell others) to accept their hair, but when I log into instagram, I see a bunch of naturals pining over Tracee’s hair. Ladies, please watch the video and take heed.
Peace! 🙂
I love her so much for this….
Me too, what she said needed to be said too! You gotta love what the good Lord gave ya!!!
Love the video too, it was so cute!
Dammit Stepanieb!! I meant to give you a thumbs up… My big ass thumb and this dumb touchscreen smh… It was a GREAT video 🙂
I thought it was a positve thing for her to let SOME naturals know thay they need to love their hair instead of coveting hers.