by
Black Girl With Long Hair
America is obsessed with the concept of black women’s unloveability. Head over to Google news and type in “black women” and “marriage” and you’ll be hit with a barrage of over-analysis on why no one wants us for marriage, in online dating, anywhere — and this fascination is strange seeing that black women are a mere 6% of the American population. MadameNoire writer Christine Mwaturura came up with the ingenious plan of changing her race on a dating site to see exactly what life is like on the other side.
I created Online Stephanie to see if the grass is greener on the other side of the racial divide. Stephanie is an unassuming looking, moderately attractive white woman with dark brown hair and a warm smile. Her personality and hobbies are exactly identical to mine: she listens to Beyoncé, practices yoga and is a self-described health enthusiast. She’s looking for the same type of guy as me: at least 5’9”, athletic build, college educated with no kids.
So according to the “common knowledge” that black women are virtually ignored on dating sites, Mwtururua should have been flooded with a barrage of eligible bachelors and marriage proposals, right? Um… actually no. This was her tally at the end of the week.
Number of Profile Views
Stephanie got 27 views in one week. I got about 34 views per week.Low-Grade Interactions Received (e.g. winks, photo likes, and favorites)
Stephanie received more interactions than I did on a per week basis.High-Grade Interactions Received (email)
Stephanie received 5 emails in one week compared to my abysmal 1 email per week.Quality of Emails
Stephanie’s in-mail messages were generally crafted better. Men would actually take the time to write an entire personalized paragraph to introduce themselves, whereas a good portion of my in-mail was incoherent gibberish like: “How you are beautiful eyes and your beauty beloved charming you the most beautiful angel.” Say what?Quality of Suggested Matches
Stephanie got more slightly better looking matches than I did. She also never ran into an issue where a match’s profile specifically excluded her race from the ethnicity preferences, in comparison to me where I’d often see Black women specifically excluded from ethnicity preferences.
And while Stephanie’s outcomes were better than Mwtururua’s, at the end of the day none of the new prospects were good candidates for her.
When comparing both online dating experiences, the most curious thing that came out of it for me was that even though my number of per week profile views beat out Stephanie’s, this did not translate into more interactions. It seems like men are happy to look at a Black woman but won’t initiate flirting. On the flipside, men are spurred into action when presented with a non-Black face… As a whole, Stephanie’s online dating experience felt better than mine, but only marginally so. At the end of it all, of the men who had initiated some form of interaction, there wasn’t a single guy whom I would have picked for a date. Stephanie would have ended up watching Netflix alone on a Friday night, just like me. So yes, even though there is a pervasive discount applied against Black women online, maybe the result of it doesn’t matter all that much in real terms. Online dating sucks… for everyone.
We agree.
Read the full story here. Ladies, what are your thoughts?
22 Responses
Ugh, not this subject again. I really believe that this whole dating scene and social life isn’t really suited for Black women in America. I find it racist, sexist, toxic and all around overbearing hurdles to overcome to even be seen and treated like a woman and human being. I am often called ugly by Black American men because I don’t have the light skin exotical look they like. White American men and non Black men of other nationalities do pay attention to me more but it is often fetishizing than actual appreciation. I find myself more appreciated and respected by foreign non Black men such as European White men, Hispanic men etc. I also find that they don’t have the same racial hang ups and old sexist (and racist) beliefs about the desirability and sexuality of Black women that American men do. So I think I will be better off dating and marrying someone outside of the country particularly a European White man or some other foreign guy. And I also believe that more Black American women will benefit from finding love overseas where there isn’t the same racial, sexist and social barriers preventing them from finding love.
From the results I’m willing to bet she chose a white chick that looked Latina or was a lightskinned black woman she deemed white. She should run the experiment with a skinny blonde under the age of 25 that’s who gets the most attention. I did once and the mailbox was gushing like a geyser. On top of that the men would offer gifts like crazy but I suspected it was a way to gain her home address.
give a P.O. Box lol
I feel like more factors and variables need to be considered. I think if you are under 30 are skinny, very light-skinned and or look like Beyoncé white men will be interested in you. If you live on a bad side of town and have a lower financial status you can forget about meeting a quality white man except for sex not marriage. Black men are generally looking for other races that are not interested in them.
Interesting! I use a few online dating sites and I am a darker-skinned black woman. I get between 2-7 messages a day depending on the site, all races of men contact me. However, I’d say mostly Black & Spanish men contact me, and when other races contact me they tend to be thinking sex first. Asians rarely ever contact me. Surprisingly, Middle Easterns do. But with all other races (except Spanish) I feel as if they look at me like I’m some sort of exotic animal to be had, and white men in particular come off as if they are entitled to have me. One yesterday one even suggested that he wants to spoil me in return for sexual favors. That left me speechless. You would think I was half-dressed on my profile, but I’m not. I’m covered head to toe, but I do have a curvy figure as many black women do. I noticed also that when I don’t have my ethnicity listed, men specifically ask me within the first couple of messages what my ethnicity is. Not sure if that is because I’m in NY and people are mixed up here. I’ve just begun trying it, but thus far online dating is interesting to say the least. But I absolutely do get dates regularly and some great guys have reached out to me.
I honestly do NOT believe in the whole “unlovable black woman” thing on no one wanting to marry black women. I’ve said for years its not true. I have an eharmony profile and on my profile I made it clear that I exclusively date black men. I get a lot of profile views and messages when I’m actually on eharmony. If you have not logged onto eharmony in awhile it shows this. I don’t mind online dating I just have to get up the nerve to actually commit to go out on a date with someone I’m speaking to online. lol
Yes, there are some men (black included) who will pass us up. But who cares about them?! I’d encourage any woman who pursues online dating to really take time and craft a genuine and honest profile. Let it show your personality! The right man will come…and bonus–you’ll know he can read. haha
Really a good post ! eye opening ! http://www.tchoupomoting.com
not surprised
I wonder what site she used because I have done the same experiment on popular sites including apps and whether I fill in the profile or not men are really thirsty for white women black men included. Posing as a white woman I received all types of messages and was in shock that a lot of men are willing to do anything and everything for a complete stranger who they never met let alone even had an initial conversation with and as a black woman I don’t receive as much attention or the same type of attention online. I will agree that the prospects were not any better as a white woman online but I will say this – foreign men of different races and cultures are very open to dating us though they come off as creepy. I think it depends on a lot of factors such as the site, your location, what you are looking for (relationship type looks and interest,) what they are looking for, and how you present yourself. Let’s face it the quality of men on online dating sites suck just like in the real world you really have to go fishing lol.
Specific exclusion of race in a dating profile? I’m both offended and thankful.
It depends on the site, your age, your city, there are far too many variables. I’ve joined many sites, I’m 25 and the best results I’ve had is on interracialdating.com
I was initially looking for a site based on my religion and found this site kept me busy answering to many messages. Not saying it isn’t true. I just feel like it needs to be tested more. I know too many of my friends who have had many positive experiences through online dating.
So much of this is subjective anyway. Her opinion of attractive men, her opinion of good men, her opinion of good emails. It’s just interesting, nothing factual or even very insightful.
Eh. I’m lukewarm on this. Wasn’t the study (or studies, I can’t recall) that claimed Black women were the least desired in online dating also claiming that Asian women–not white women were most desired. With Latina ( White or Mestizo, not Afrolatina of course) women coming in second and White women falling somewhere after them. With those stats in mind, these results are not all that surprising.
But it was an interesting experiment nonetheless. I wouldn’t take it too seriously though.
Oh I remember it was stats taken from the OkCupid site
your hair has flourished!!! love the color too…did you pose for a stock photo shoot?
Wow that’s funny considering I met my guy online and he is actually white.Still not suprised
That’s really interesting.
That’s a picture of me from YEARS ago!!! But the article isn’t about me, lol 🙂
We thought it was a stock photo!! Oh no!
These results are surprising at all…