by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Yesterday Dr. Corey Guyton shared how insecurity and cultural expectations almost prevented him from supporting his wife’s natural hair journey. In this piece, Corey’s wife Chutney shares her point of view.
By Dr. Chutney Guyton of The Genuine Scholar
Initially, I was not sure if I should respond at all to my husband’s article on our “natural journey” and why he did not want me to be natural, but I will admit that it has been quite fun to watch it explode onto the social media scene. I didn’t even know he had planned to write on this topic, but as I have watched other women share not only the article, but their stories of returning to and being natural, I have felt even more empowered as a Black woman, yet saddened at the same time. I have felt empowered by the large number of Black women standing true to their decision to return to the way God made them, but saddened to hear that so many Black men (and women as well) are still blinded by their own insecurities and the influence of the media’s obsession with mainstream ideas of beauty based on the physical features of Whites. It is clear that Corey’s experience(s) have resonated with many people, and as his wife, words cannot express how grateful and appreciative I am for all the support you have shown him and his choice to make himself vulnerable by expressing his former and reformed views on natural hair. I am so very proud of him for his courage to share his story in an attempt to help others through his own experiences.
One thing I eventually learned about my transition process was that the transition was not mine alone, but my husband’s as well. What I mean is that by the time I went to Corey with my thoughts on returning to my natural roots, I had already mentally and psychologically prepared myself for the journey. All that was left was my physical transition. I had done my research, talked to other women, and thought through the effects (good and/or bad) in my head already. In other words, my mind was made up. So when I presented my decision to Corey, it wasn’t for his permission as much as it was for his support as the man that I loved and that I knew loved me.
But in order to be fair, I knew that I would have to meet him where he was—which at that time and by his own admission, was blinded and ignorant. A lot of the work had to be done by Corey, hence the introspection he talked about in his article. However, knowing how big of a change this would be for him (because it was going to be for me as well), I felt it was important that I help him to understand WHY this change was so important for me. We talked often and at length about what led me to return to being natural, and I immediately began sending Corey all sorts of articles, videos, websites, and more on the natural journey, images of women with natural styles, and ways in which he could support me throughout the process.
It didn’t happen overnight, but he eventually came around. I had to understand that while I had already gone through my own process of taking off the blinders—it took me over 20 years to become comfortable with being natural—and wading through my own ignorance, my sweet husband had just begun his. And I needed to be a little patient. That patience paid off big time because once Corey’s eyes were opened—they were TOTALLY opened. He even gave me a few natural T-shirts to celebrate my new look soon after my big chop nearly four years ago!
Since Corey’s own transition, he has become one of the biggest advocates I know for ALL natural women and the concept of them growing to love and accept themselves, particularly in terms of their hair, the way God made them. In fact, when I came to him about my decision to cut my hair completely off for the second time a few weeks ago, his response was a simple, “Okay”. I found out later that he was not even sure why I felt the need to consult him in the first place!
At no point did I ever feel that Corey did not love me, but I was aware that he was ignorant when it came to a Black woman’s identity as it relates to her hair. So for the sistas out there who are struggling to get a man’s support of your natural journey, stand firm in YOUR decision, but give him an opportunity to remove the blinders. Education is the key to breaking free of oppression, so encourage him to become more educated about the topic. Those men who truly love us for who we are and what we represent as strong, beautiful Black women will wise up and those who do not will fade away. Stay strong sistas!
45 Responses
To the writer: An eloquent response. You are a supportive and loving, beautiful woman.
To the commenters:
I don’t go to church or believe in the Jesus concept of God.
I don’t give a crap what other’s think of me.
I don’t see things as “black” or “white” because my mind refuses to accept segregation of any sort.
I have natural hair and am married to a man who loves it
I am happy totally and completely.
My happiness isn’t contingent as to the length of my hair or the status of my texture. It is a journey I choose to embark on without the safety nets of categorization or submission to illusions of control.
why over think it? Why make an asinine chart about hair length and measure goodness based on such frivolities? Why attend a church where a “pastor” is exercising his right to abuse power? Is the fear of hell and hair worth that much? Naaaah.
After reading the author’s article here as well as her husband’s first one, I must say I’m saddened a little as the wife stated she was for the simple fact that this should not be so hard for black women’s male counterparts to understand but yet it is. I’m not as generous a forgiving spirit as others on that note, so I’ll save the long diatribe about why black women need to expand their dating options. I’ve never been put down or made to feel my hair was inferior to a ‘standard’ or ‘certain’ look by a boyfriend/significant other and none of my bfs have been black. In fact, I’ve been begged to not get a relaxer or not to straighten my hair regularly by some. Other than this(my 2cts worth), I did appreciate that her husband acknowledged his ignorance/blindness was an unwelcome pressure to his wife and adjusted himself accordingly.
He expressed that he was not attracted to his wife natural hair at first because,it’s obvious as we are talking about hair
Of course it’s not the first that he was attracted too,you would have to ask him that
Natural women and relaxed women have to learn to respect each other opinions and not turn a positive debate into something negative
I’m natural but I don’t intend to stay that way.thanks for responding and a good day to each and everyone but I don’t want this topic to be based around my comments.take care
Interesting stories of hair and acceptance-particularly from the article. I’ve worn my hair in locs since the nineties-people always have an opinion to share, but it might just be learning process for everyone.
I’m not expecting most opinions to back mine,because the general consensus here will be natural women,I just wanted to give another side to the argument it’s not about jumping on a bandwagon to become natural
Realise that everyone is different and therefore doesn’t have to look like you,I’m natural but I could be relaxed next week,unlike some,I will never be defined by my hair,just as I don’t define myself by color…
*yawn*
rude.
As an African I totally understand the stigma surround natural hair in Black America…This Stigma was probably passed right from the time they came scouting for slaves on the continent…The slaves were made to feel horrible almost inhuman and so they sort of began to believe what their masters believed about themselves that their features were UGLY bla bla including hair!!! so the acceptance of our hair s coming but slowly….I always say going natural is for the brave hearts…Mr & Mrs GUYTON I totally understand your journey.
Its sad that one has to think hard before going to their real hair ” I guess other races may think that’s WEIRD why has someone got to think and ponder and pray about going back to whats really theirs..Well to us black people we have been conditioned to a certain aspects of beauty for so long that this may be one of life’s complicated journeys…I’m proud of being Natural In AFRICA natural is often equated with UGLY or Simply BROKE..so I get people asking me questions like whats happening to you(they are genuinely concerned that I may be going through stuff) REALLY? yes that’s right In my native language Natural hair is called ” dried vegetables” and no one wants the hassle of maintaining dried veges..Now that I have began my own journey I have dispelled some myths about my hair a BIG APPRECIATION TO BLOGS LIKE BGLH because my hair is in love with me…Its not as DRY as it was when I didn’t know how to take care of it…I love my hair I give it love and God didn’t make a mistake by creating me with Kinky, curly coils. UNFORTUNATELY I have accepted my own hair but people close to me haven’t…5 months ago I had a nasty incident with my Pastor at church. I had a nice wash and God and those who appreciate natural were giving me stares of appreciation(of course some where like girl you really bold walking like that!!!) so my hair looked fabulous that day it was my first time showing it out after months and so it was a love affair and here I am I get to church before you know it my PASTOR called me he was so angry with me. He pulled at my hair it was so painful and he knocked my head.(I’m 29 by the way) this in full view of everyone…I was so angry but he is my elder and Pastor I couldn’t react openly.
He kept shaking my head and it was really painful then knocked it and let me go and you could see he was fuming angrily.. He said to me” is that a hair style or you have decided to be a mad woman…oh yes Our hair is equated to madness!!!! ..Later on he realised he offended me still not offering an apology he asked me ” Are you still working” ..well like I said before going natural in Africa unless you are rich and its known is equal to BROKE!!!!! I said yes I am and so there it was I wasn’t broke after all I was just simply a “MAD” person…The next day I had to go to church with my hair covered and since then when ever I’m in church I wear a wig…Well as if it NOT OVER FOR ME AND MY HAIR last Sunday i decided to go to church with an AFRO WIG and guess …My Pastor looked me straight in the eye (in rage) and said what kind of hair is that so big ..One of these days I’m going to give you a blow and he was serious..This time I didn’t care..I didn’t comment and I sighed that yes I have A long way to go…but I don’t care anymore who accepts it..I have accepted it and so has GOD who accepted it before I was born and he pre-destined that I was to be born of black parents and so here I am feeling good with my Afro-disia lol..
PS I have forgiven my Pastor thought it wasn’t easy ..why am I saying so I don’t blame him and the first step to loving your self is forgiving those who think you are not good enough and having that conviction inside you that you are nothing but the best. My Pastor is just but one of many of black people in this era who are still yet to embrace Natural hair.
I’m sorry to have to tell you this but you need to find a new church or stop bein religious because that is supposed to be a place of worship, but instead it sounds like hell. I have noticed that a lot of women who go to church are not natural and to me that says a lot about the church. It’s sad that these people are supposed to love The Lord so much but can’t seem to accept the hair he gave them. And I say this because of the movement now, if you can’t go natural now, when can you go!!!!!!!!!!!’ All of the information that is out there on how to take care f our hair there is no excuse not to be natural. Especially Christians they claim god is perfect, well if so then where that beautiful crown of yours, why don’t cha!!
Yea and God gave us a brain but you obviously threw yours out into the garbage because that’s basically what your comment is.
Erm. when God said forgive and forget, i don’t think he meant develop amnesia. a pastor should be righteous and be more in tune to God than his congregation…as leaders are supposed to be.
Hitting you because of something God gave you, is not being in tune with God and i would advise you to pray to God to find a new place to worship or for God to draw that pastor closer to him.
in any case his behaviour wasn’t righteous and i would have run a mile if this was the kind of person i made a leader in things of God.
The pastor of your church is more mad than you. The God of heaven that I serve tells us that we must accept each other no matter what in love and unity. For a pastor i am shocked but I guess like many other black men out there he needs to be educated about black women and also God. God gives us free will to do anything we desire and it is not for us to abuse or jump down on someone that choose to be who they want to be.
My husband is a pastor and when I started to transition my hair in 2010, he had no problem. Sometimes he would say that my hair is “bumpa root” because it was hard to comb and very course, of course this was before I learnt how to take care of it but today he loves it and I am in even deeper love with my hair.
Girl be you and continue your journey and prove to your country and church family that natural hair is a beautiful gift from God. God Bless.
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That is a ridiculous church led by a ridiculous man. If you continue attending that church you are demeaning yourself.
Your story about you and your pastor is absolutely ridiculous, but I believe every word of it. My mother, father, aunts and uncles all have the same perception. Some are more outspoken than others. My mother also tries to use the Bible to support her point of view, saying that God did not mean for me to wear natural hair. I don’t know what your situation is like, but if you can remove yourself from the situation you should! Encounters like that crush the spirit.
what…the…? what type of church is this?! the pastor GRABBED you in front of the congregation?! you saw rage in his eyes? in church?! NO MA’AM no
Find a new church love
Oh shoot a new religion. Threatening you with violence because he is an imbecile on what grows out of his head too?
No idea why natural hair on a black woman provokes such reactions. He is projecting and sorry to say this, he sounds like a dickhead to me.
If he equates natural to madness, and i know of this i am nigerian and used to live there. Then frankly he has some mind cleansing and DECOLONISING to do.
Wow – sending cyber hugs and love!
I loooove this Response!! I’m so glad you shared your point of view- it really allows balance to occur to those who have read your husbands article as well!
You are so right in understanding your husbands viewpoint & allowing him to grow & not solely doing it w/o him along for the supportive ride.
Alot of black men, men period really, have been coniditioned to what is beautiful according to European standards. Man! a man who is willing to be introspectice about his views in relation to his wife ooh wee! praise GOD for that!!
get it girl! and congrats on the new addition to your beautiful family!
Non black men have an excuse, they set the standard and so on.
Back in older times of civilisations, to my knowing shaven head was seen as signs of purity + youth. Sure, Africans also wove things into their hair but they similar in texture or a variety for special occasions etc. Shoot there was a book(cannot remember the name now)that showed intricate styles done with threading and so much, it was cool to look at.
The black men who don’t like black / african hair is a combination of self loathing and their conditioning being conditioned. I know it is NOT all, but i live in London and most of the cruel things i have heard / read or seen said about my hair was by men whom i reflect in sharing their dark skin.
Of course i have been loved by some who didn’t care either way, and some who loved it because they loved me. Le shrug.
So, there’s that too. It took a while to get to the stage, baby steps for the undoing too i reckon?
I showed my dad the previous article written by the husband and his response was quite interesting. He told me he felt the stereotype about black men not liking natural hair wasn’t fully accurate. He with went through ALL of my uncles and male cousins explaining that they never had a problem with natural hair (and to be honest whenever they saw my hair, I receive endless comments). And then preceded to tell me about his black male coworkers, young and old, and also the black men at his church (which is a very large church in the DMV area) that love natural hair. In fact, my dad encouraged my step mom to go natural and prefers that to relaxed hair and weave.
My own personal experience has also confirmed what my dad was saying but with a slight difference. When my hair was short, I was never hit on or otherwise, but once it teaches APL, I was hit on again but I will say the quality of men flirting with me and asking me out changed for the better. It never truly seemed like a natural hair thing, but more of a length thing.
The whole conversation made me wonder if maybe we as black women shouldn’t just go into it assuming black me don’t like natural hair unless they tell us otherwise. I think it would definitely be interesting to see articles from black men that love and have always loved natural.
And as always, beautiful article and beautiful couple.
Fellow DMV resident! Not to sound stalkerish, but curious to know what church you attend, as I as well attend a rather large one in the DMV area….
Hello! And not stalkerish at all. It’s the First Baptist Church of Glenarden out in Greenbelt, MD.
I guess I should add to my original statement, since we are talking about the DMV area, I think location has a lot to do with how black people perceive natural hair also. I’m from the Northeast and have never really been anywhere else, and outside of my family, I have not received any negativity towards my hair from white or black people. I know I am greatly generalizing, but I feel like natural hair is more accepted here than in other places.
i don’t think the issue is ALWAYS natural hair, but maybe, for some, the idea that they don’t think afro texture hair grows.. So their fear is that if their girl goes natural, she’s gonna be bald headed for the rest of her life…
Its so funny how despite the clear sign that afro hair grows *(cough cough)new growth*(cough)we still fall for the lie.. i’m grateful to GOD for websites that help shine light on the truth! especially in the black community!
I definitely agree with this. I think the general assumption when it comes to natural hair is that people equate it to an afro, which doesn’t really show length. But we all know natural hair can be worn in a myriad of styles, many of which do show length. From my experience, length seems to more important than texture, and I’ve experienced this from both black and white men.
I agree as well! My husband is on board this time with my natural hair (this is my second time- and i am sticking with it!!). He loves the texture, BUT he IS anxious for it to grow longer…which i still see as problematic, but “baby steps”
Lovely articles (both Corey’s & Chutney’s). As I read them, am glad to say my husband has been a natural hair lover ever since we became good friends. He even requested I made my hair natural during our wedding day. Infact, he campaigns for my natural hair more than me who wears it!
Its very important that ones partner encourages the other to love and embarce themseleves and to help each other understand any change that happens to them no matter what. Glad to read that the Guytons did just that!
I think her husband was being honest even if if it did not fit her desires, some men like long, flowy hair and there is nothing wrong with that, God made us all natural but we wear make up to enhance our beauty, just as well some straighten their hair because it’s more manageable and they just like the look, why does it mean that because a women wants to straighten her hair it means she is conforming to the white ideal, many relaxed women do not have that thought in their head, they are proud to be black but like their hair straight, the man that created the relaxing chemical made it for the purpose of softening materials and found out it could be used on hair, he was a black man-but people will still think this is a white made decision, it’s a choice,a natural sister doesn’t mean she is more rooted or conscious then a relaxed sister, I’m so tired of this argue particularly when naturals keep wearing their hair as a badge of what they think is better, there are enough issues within the black community, my friend has relaxed hair because her hair is coarse and it pains her when combing it as a result she relaxes her hair because it’s more manageable, why should she be made to feel that she is conforming because of stereotypes that certain natural women make based on their own ignorant opinions.
If a man prefers straight hair to coarse, does that really make him a bad person, some men like slim women, does it make them bad if they don’t date overweight women, if a man was attracted to you slim and you turned fat overnight is he fake because your fatness is not his preference.
She says stay strong like a man has to accept her because she wants to look more natural, when did it become a battle of wills.
if a man preferred straight hair to coarse. he should marry a person with naturally straight hair then. not force his ideals on a woman with kinky hair. (btw coarse means thick hair strands, i’m 4b(?) and my hair is fine not coarse).
being thin, the gaining weight and whatever issues you mentioned are things pertaining to all ethnicities and races, when you prefer something on a woman that she cannot naturally get, you are being absurd, kind of like telling your wife/girlfriend that you like her face better with make up on, that is insulting and degrading so i don’t see how in the same breath you could tell someone that you like their hair better straight…
i have no problem with black women who rock their hair straight, when its just a style choice. i wear my afro out in public (undefined) and then the next week i have braids in or crochet braids, i also have a straight wig (which i barely wear but i’ve always liked big hair). the people that are ruining it for the rest of us who simply see hair as a styling choice, are those who straighten/relax/wear wigs because they ABSOLUTELY i repeat ABSOLUTELY will NEVER allow anyone to see their real texture of hair. those people who straighten their hair not because they think its another outlet of expression and their beauty, but their ONLY outlet of expression, those parents that down on their kids and tell them “we worked hard so we don’t have to walk around like slaves” or “you are not leaving the house looking like that are you?”… those teenagers with relaxed and permed tresses looking down at other teenagers and telling them to go back to africa… and the most sad case of all, the one who’s hair is falling out, whose ends are broken whose follicles have gone beyond irreparable damage still holding onto 5 follicles telling people “i could never go natural”… what else could straight hair be then but shackles around their feet?
i would like to say i don’t care about what other black women do to their hair, but i care…because i have cousins out there and little girls who are my friends and out there they’ll be hearing from ignorant imbeciles about how they aren’t beautiful because of their hair or they are subpar because of it. if you want to destroy your follicles thats your problem but you’ll also be influencing kids and future generations, which is EVERYONE’s problem.
to the people who straighten their hair and rock an afro the next week, or if they rock their hair straight all the time, they never fail to genuinly mention to a natural sister how good are hair looks, nor do they go on about “GOOD hair” or which one is better 3f or 4h..or make backhanded compliments… I applaud you, yours is a mindset that should have a voice.
The ones i’m against are those who are obviously rocking straight hair not because its their conscious choice, but their mind has been battered so much that even to the point of contracting some disease like alopecia they will NEVER EVER EVER let their hair be shown in public. these kind of people really need to become a MINORITY where areas of influence are concerned.
For all i know the man who created the relaxer, or the person that created flat ironing tools truly intended it for positivity, unfortunately and realistically many people don’t see it that way they gave a sigh of relief when those things were made, because it meant they could at least temporarily disable something that suggests “African, or black”.
People going on about how unmanageable their hair is, never fail to amuse me. You are opening a door with the wrong key and blaming the door for not opening, is that not stupidity?. and all it is, is an EXCUSE(Just say you like straight hair and be done with it, being lukewarm is worse than being hot or cold)… the people of African descent that have been around since time began…how did they “manage” their hair without relaxers or straightening combs? hacking at your child’s hair with comb the same way you’ll do with straight hair and then telling her its unmanageable is too funny for words.
Silk and Cashmere have different care instructions, this is logical…so why would you treat your tight curls the same way you would wavy hair? i applaud the women who know how to take care of their hair as much as they do a weave… the saddening case is when one’s real hair looks like its been trashed and plucked by the devil and the weave looks like it has been styled by angels.
The point is the author said they were on a natural hair journey which shows she was not natural I presume when he met her,obviously they went on this journey and he came through it and I’m glad they support each other in a choice that benefits them as a couple,my point is that if she was relaxed when she met him,that is what he was attracted to so some could be more understanding to his plight because not all men are attracted to one specific look
When I talk about weight,was giving an example to the content of my argument so I was not talking about any race of women but the issues that were backing my point,you are missing the point,the fact is if your mate met you a certain way and is attracted to that,do not become so critical when you change,learn to go through this and if he doesn’t accept these changes ,send him on his way but don’t attack him or feel a way because that wasn’t the way he met you and he’s expressed disdain..if my partner was slim then got fat should I be expected to love that,out of love I would accept or help him loose it however he should understand my opposition
Hair is a different issue,but her husband was honest and there are many men who feel the same way
You make a good point but like others, misunderstood mine,in your defence and pride of wearing your hair natural makes anyone with an opposing argument seem as though they are on the side of the enemy or are attacking you as a natural ,when in fact just as naturalist,relaxed sisters reserve the right to wear their relaxed hair with the same pride and should be able to share that love too
When we can all just see hair as hair choices,then we will stop giving others the opportunity to define us by it and it will become one less issue in the black community we have to deal with.
Tofunmi you speak a lot of sense. I like straight hair…..on me…but sometimes I like curls and what not so then I rock a braid-out or a twist out. Whenever I stretch my relaxers I can never take my hands out of my hair because I like feeling the coils coming through and I’m always getting my friends to feel around in my hair and feel the ‘real stuff’! For me my hair is about style and expression, no shackles around my feet because I choose to relax purely for myself and no one else! I equally love the amazing afro looks I see at hair fairs and just walking down the street. I may one day decide to go natural and if I do it won’t be because I am finally returning to my roots it will be simply because I want to rock a fro!….I was born and African and I will proudly die an African, whether I die an African with relaxed hair or a fro really shouldn’t be the point should it… All that being said I do appreciate that it really can be an issue of identity for some women. Then they need to look within themselves and not outwards to what others perceive as beautiful and be strong and stand by whatever they CHOOSE for themselves and their hair.
OOoooooooh tofunmi! Omo naija #waves
This excerpt is giving me all kinds of life! Thank you to all of this. Whooooo #fanningself
But Maxine, although perms where made by a black person, they are for the purpose of submitting to a white standard of beauty. Try to Google old school advertisements for relaxers. Some of them might even be considered insulting by today’s standards. Look at the inventor himself– Garrett Augustus Morgan Senior. What style is he trying to portray with his hair permed liked that? Why did he want is hair to permanently portray this look? It was ALL about taking away the appearance of the kink and coil in natural black hair. You can’t deny that.
Now WHY would someone want to do that? Because at one time, having straight hair was a symbol of class or social status. You think people wear natural hair to show they’re better? Well that was the perm back in the day. A perm would get you a job and make you more presentable to whites.
Some of those negative mentalities still exist today, which is why it’s really admirable and important that women embrace their natural hair. Naturals may come off as really confident and happy about their decision to go natural. They’ll probably blow out your ears talking about it, but wouldn’t you be happy too if you finally embraced your natural self? It is indeed a good feeling.
But I just don’t see it like that because straight hair is not just exclusive to white women,they are born with curly and wavy too,why pick up on the fact that straight hair means conforming to the white ideal,you know why can’t a black women just like straight hair,
I know many naturalist that straighten their hair for a few days or who wear weave but because it’s temporary,they get a pass,have always believed that it’s not a half way attitude so if they love being natural,why change..choice,yes then every women should be allowed that
As for Augustus,it was an unexpected reaction,he didn’t plan it for this purpouse..it’s how people perceive,I believe that whites who encountered may have seen him trying to be similar..but that doesn’t mean their right he may have just liked the look.
I agree that it’s good to embrace natural hair but why judge the relaxed girls,they just like their hair straight because it’s easier,you do understand that some depending on the type hair is painful to manage and therefore easier not all black women have the privilege of being able to wear their hair natural I strongly believe that.
I do think that many natural sister’s get overlooked because of black men who hold may hold this eurocentric view of what they feel is more attractive maybe we need to look closer to home as to why certain relaxed women like to look similar to certain other race women.
I was specifically talking about relaxers in my other post. A temporary style is one thing, but I think a permanent, unnatural style, be it a relaxer or extensive use of fake hair, is an indication of someone who doesn’t like their actual hair.
Why just because it’s a temporary style do natural ladies get a pass
Also, I don’t think it’s a “privilege” to wear the hair that comes out of your head. There are techniques of hair care that are specifically for straight hair, and the same goes for natural hair. If someone has been perming their hair for years, they only know techniques for straight hair. Going natural is a journey to learning the (somewhat lost) techniques for styling natural black hair. Because for generations black people have altered their hair for one reason or another. It just takes patience to understand the techniques that work for kinky, coily hair, rather than straight hair. If it’s hard or “unmanageable” at first, that just means your techniques need to adapt to the actual hair on your head and not what you did for your permed, weaved, or braided hair.
Clearly my point is that they have the privilege to wear the hair a certain way.
please re-read her article, you are missing the point…this has nothing to do with make-up enhancement or straighten hair to make it more manageable( NATURAL HAIR IS MANAGEABLE btw) nothing is wrong with relaxing hair or going natural…OK to each her own…and re-read the husband article the long flowy hair was NOT the first thing he was attracted to about his wife…lord, people giving me a headache
It’s an example that I used,just because people have different minds,they use different innuendos that’s why we use different examples
Just because you don’t agree with me,you failed to understand. No problem,thanks for monitoring my comments but we don’t have to think alike
Both you and your husband make me smile. You two are the perfect example of how patience, communication and honest self-reflection go a long way to keep a marriage happy and healthy. When we love each other it’s a beautiful thing.
BTW you and your hair are adorable.
I am glad that many black women are loving who they are, to me this is not simply a natural hair movement , but a movement of confidence in which black women are valuing their beauty on a higher level and learning to take care of the hair that is naturally theirs. The one thing that continues to upset me is that many people continue to brand straight black hair as a prefrece to “being white”. This is simply not true, when my hair was straight I never once thought of “appearing white”, it was just what I chose to do at the time. Although I chose to no longer straighten my hair, It shouldn’t take from the fact that black women who continue to straighten their hair may do it simply because they want to, it does not simply mean that they want to be white.
I 100% agree with this statement. It shouldn’t even be an issue that some women choose to rock the fro and some choose to straighten. Who is anyone to judge? Who is anyone to place their ideals on another person. I relax my hair because it’s my hair and I’ll do what I damn well please with it, I have no desire to ‘look like a white person’ I just like having relaxed hair simple as! Have confidence in yourself and the way yourself through life and all the beauty you need will shine through whether your rocking a TWA or relaxed straight hair!!
With the introduction of each commentary and Dr.Corey Guyton’s book, it is a spectacular way to start this dialogue in the black community.
I love ‘black love’…sigh 🙂
It is time to teach ourselves to love ourselves (black men & women) and restore what was taken from us….pure identity.
Thank you for following up – I loved both your op-ed and your husband’s. As a new natural (7 mo), I truly understand that it can be hard to wrap your head around feeling beautiful with this “new” hair, even when you’re the one who made the decision to chop it off! So I can only imagine how hard it would be for someone who would be impacted by the decision, but have no say-so in the matter. Kudos to the two of you! I’m still working on self-love, but I realize it has less to do with being ashamed of my natural and more to do with learning how to take care of and style my natural! Now that I’m learning, I’m feeling much more confident. 🙂
I enjoyed both you and your husband’s articles. Pay no attention to any perspective naysayers.
Yaass! Your journey with yourself and hubby sounded like what I went through with my hubby when I was transitioning. He wasn’t 100% behind my decsion but we talked and discussed my reasons for needing my hair to be natural. In the end he was the one to cut my relaxed ends. 2.5 years later he’s pointing out hairstyles he thinks I might like. Both black men and women grow up under the same negative images of natural hair. If it takes us as women time to fully appreciate the beauty of oue hair, then perhaps we should be patient with our men.