by
Black Girl With Long Hair
NYU students Crystal Valentine and Aaliyah Jihad powerfully and poignantly describe the vein of misogyny against black women that runs, often unchecked, throughout black culture in their piece “To Be Black and Woman and Alive”. The 3-minute poem was performed for the 2015 College Unions Poetry Slam, which NYU won. There’s a lot we could say about this piece, but the words speak for themselves. You can read the transcript or watch the video of the performance below.
I’m just sayin, if she ain’t got a booty I ain’t tryna hit it
You know a nigga’s biggest weakness is a white girl with a fat ass
These black girls need to watch out
Cause white girls is winnin
Naw, like a foreign bitch, you know, that Spanish, that Latin type
Nah, nah, nah, like that Asian type
Yeh, like a Oriental mixed bitch
Daddy from the Philippines, mama from Atlantic, mama from Africa
Mama from sugar cane and segregation, from too much pride and not enough perm
Mama from the gutter, from Section 8
From hood rat black belly
But she don’t look like her mama though
I don’t fuck with black girls
I know four brands of hydrocortisone by heart
I have a Pinterest board dedicated to lemon juice recipes for lightening skin
Know too dark is the answer to a question I’ve given up asking
Puerto Rican, Italian, Bajan, Thai
I know they want me to be everything I’m not.
I need a girl who knows her place
I don’t like that black power shit
That nappy afro shit
That ‘walk out your house like your mama ain’t teach you how to look presentable’ shit
To be woman and black is to be born knowing your beauty does not belong to you
Is to be the first and last person to love yourself
Is to know you’re not desirable to your own kind
I grew up learning how to protect men who hate me
Learned how to be the silencer to their pistol
Learned how to be the revolution spit shining their spines
Behind every great man is the woman who taught him how to load the ammunition
Behind every great man is the woman who pulled the trigger
Behind every great man is a chorus of voices buried behind the gunfire
I want an educated woman
I’m not talking book smart, I’m talking sheet smart
A woman who understand the actual purpose of her mouth
In college a boy said he didn’t date black girls
Like his momma wasn’t a black girl
Like his sister wasn’t a black girl
Like he ain’t drink milk and fat from a black nipple
Like he wasn’t birthed from a black womb
Like a black woman’s body ain’t bend for him
Ain’t spill herself to make room for him
Like exiting a black woman’s body ain’t a blessing disguised as a shadow
Like black ain’t beautiful unless it’s mixed
To be woman and black is to be magic
Is to be the witch that wouldn’t burn
is to survive the white man with their needles and nooses
And the black men with their hearts in their knuckles
To be black and woman and alive is to be resilient
My very existence is defiance
But they want a good woman
A silk-skinned woman soft enough to break
A woman whose vein is blue enough to get into the club
Who knows her way around the inside of a washing machine
Who’s the color of happily ever after
A woman who knows how to burn off her skin without screaming
Without making a sound
Wow. Ladies, what are your thoughts?
58 Responses
Sounds like an angry rant rather than a poem….black men don’t owe y’all a damn thing. Noose? cmon now thats even your time. Stop trying to relate off a history that isn’t yours.
Well you can march for your own ass how about that.
Black guys hate black girls? Really? Not in my neck of the woods at least
Thank you.
simple solution: get with a different race guy. plenty of other races like black women the way they are
Simple solution: date different races of guys. plenty of other types like black women.
When did our men lose fall and lose pride?
Their self loath is sad. They don’t hate black women, they hate being black.
I hope ya’ll know this is not new. You are not the first generation to feel this. You aren’t special. Many black women generations before you did similar public outcries to black men and it got them nowhere. It’s quite obvious that it got them nowhere because you have this generation of women going through the same thing. So, publicly, stating your misery and telling the world that you are feeling unloved clearly isn’t helping you heal. Black men do not care about your pain and anger. They haven’t for at least 50 years. Stop begging and trying to shame them into feeling something they will never feel. Study your history, everything gets recycled. You have a choice to make. Stay a victim or live life as a winner. I never understood this latching on to black men. Ya’ll act like they are the only men on this planet and you can’t go anywhere else. Are you afraid of the larger world, and feel black men are the security blanket you can turn to from racism? The security blanket is cultivating relationships with people who have your back, regardless of hue.
Are you simple?? If we can’t rely on our own men, we definitely can’t rely on another race’s men. Other races actually like and prefer their own women; if they dated us they would only be fulfilling their sick fetishes/fantasies. Get that white d*ck out of your mouth.
It’s 2015…what sick fetishes and fantasies are still around about black women… that ship has sailed…you all are not the only ‘exotic’ones anymore and so what?…Black women can still live and win!….call me naive but some of you are crazy scared women with too many hangups and insecurities that you want to scare other black women with…..and what is this ‘our men’ business. Smh.
P.s Black women interracial relationship numbers are increasing…so much for sick fetishes and fantasies.
Actually, I’ve been able to rely on my WHITE man more than I have any man from other races. Unfortunately, I have been stung by all Black men that I have had in my life, including my brother and father, and especially by the Black men that I’ve dated. I was once that Black girl that “had” to marry Black and “keep the race pure” but like lis says, that ship has long sailed, lol! I’m so happy to see that more Black women are opening their hearts to men of other races. I’ve never felt like a queen before so much as I have now with my husband. And hey, if he has fantasies about me, even better! I hope I AM fulfilling his fantasies! When all is said and done, all races started in Africa, anyway, and we are ALL part of the human race. Black women, it’s wonderful if you’ve been able to find love reciprocated from a wonderful Black man, but if not, please wake up, and move on…
Boom!
Amen!
I agree with you and black women should look else where to be honest.They are more men of all races that want to date and marry black women. I am one of those dark skin authentic looking black woman with nappy hair. That found another race of man that adores her.
Actually, in many cultures with ppl of color, folks with darker shades of skin or shunned. This happens in Indian culture and Latin communities, as well. There was a joke in the Indian American community regarding Miss America 2013, I believe, who was the first Indian American to win the title. They were saying that had she participated in the pageant in India, she would not have been chosen as the winner bc of her dark skin; they prefer fair skin.
This poem captured all the thoughts and feelings that I have been experiencing. For a very long time I thought that I was the only one feeling this way and this poem made me feel like I am not alone. I have already shared this and will keep sharing this video.
A lot of black men nowadays need a SERIOUS wake up call. I don’t know of any other race of men who downgrades their female peers just because she wears her hair natural and has dark skin.
That is why other race of men are noticing this and they will never get respect when they are disrespect the womb they came from.
I really feel and connect with this poem. when I was in the 12th grade a young man probably about two shades darker than me told me, “your not hot because your dark skin.” I believe that I was in such a shock by his comment, that I could not say anything…I felt so bad for his state of mind. It’s probably why he hates himself enough to join a gang. Also my current boyfriend; when tring to make a point that someone is better than me he always starts off by saying ” she’s lighter than you.” And he is from the mother land “Africa”! What in the hell is wrong with being dark?!??
If this is you on the profile pic, you’re not even dark lol! I just don’t understand why ALL shades of browness/blackness can’t be appreciated! No one shade is more beautiful than they other. I’m so happy you didn’t let those hateful words affect you, because Black is powerful, and Black truly is beautiful 🙂 as you are!
I hope that guy is not still your boyfriend…
Why are you going out with a man like this?
Powerful Poem ! I admire Crystal & Aaliyah for their performance and their courage.
Insecure Men cannot acknowledge nor appreciate the value of a Woman, because they are blind to their own value.
Truth be told :
Real Black Men LOVE Black Women !
I love spoken word poetry. Fire Fire Fire. This poem is sad yet powerful. I love it.
Such powerful poetry. Is it true? Are there men who act like this? Please tell me they are a minority? Why would any man think such a thing!
I actually did respond, but for some reason my response did not show up here. I’m rather disappointed because I agree with the writers of this poem. I didn’t respond using profanity, or troll like language. My response was very positive. But happens to me a lot on this site. Sometimes my comments post, sometimes not.
Is this true? Are there men who act like this? They must be a minority? Perhaps something went wrong with their upbringing.
BEAUTIFUL!!!!! This puts everything that I have been feeling and thinking as a Black American woman into words. Eloquent words at that. They are so strong to speak out our realities in such a public format. This is something that is rarely discussed in conversations on the black experience. I hope the topic stays on the table so those of us who need it can receive healing and encouragement. Even if it only comes from within ourselves and flows to each other. Woman to woman, sister to sister, friend to friend.
I can definitely relate . I went through this with my own brothers and guys who I liked who are black . These black men need to hear this and listen to Tupac Keep your head up .
This is GREAT…
I will now Reblog this
OVER and
OVER
Until respecting black women is a social norm!
Beautiful poem, I wish I had been there, to cry my tears there. Black love is having babies that look just like your Great-great-great grandma. I love you great-great grandma Helen.
I am shocked and disheartened at the fact that this video has been up here for 24 hours and only has 15 comments. Black women are truly alone. When the slavery art post came out, it racked up the comments. Names we hardly ever see were in the thick of it.
Right now, it’s just 15 people commented. There are no new comments popping up as I type.
I know BGLH has more than 16 readers. Where are the voices? No one is disputing but hardly anyone is cosigning these ladies. What does this mean?
This is shameful.
Yeah .me too especially when there was a hundred or more comments for that article about my white boyfriend helped me to accept etc etc…..I truly wonder about black women sometimes…are they asleep?…forget it.sigh.
Muslim Bushido….Google it.
The poem is powerful, brave, honest, and sad. Sad because no other ethnic group of women has a reason to write and recite this type of poetry. I know not all black men follow the “let’s hate black women” ideology but too many do and they are quite vocal about it. What these men do not realize is that their hate for us further feeds the flames of discrimination for ALL Blacks (in America). No matter how much they hate us, no matter how much they run from us, they will never be able to truly distance themselves from us, hence from being black, which is what all this black woman hate is really all about. Looking at us is looking in the mirror. What’s missing amongst black men is healing. Black women have had the opportunity to start the process of healing the scars and wounds from being black in America. We’ve begun to embrace our hair and features. We have programs that hail our beauty and accomplishments (I.e. Black Girls Rock). We’ve even begun to peel back the painful layers of colorism between us sisters so that black women of all hues can embraces each other in genuine love. Black men don’t have this. Until they heal themselves, they will never be able to love, respect and protect us. (Sorry so long)
But who cares what ails black males..let them work it out for themselves or not…worry about yourselves for once……
Black women must and can save themselves…This is a huge country and world…Black women don’t have to settle for scraps from anyone and sorry to break it to you ‘black love’ women but as long as you all remain BLACK …. most Black males will never protect, respect or love you….
Muslim Bushido….Google it.
Right. Which is why I said until black men heal THEMSELVES. We can’t fix them. They don’t want us to. So, let’s continue to make ourselves better and stop worrying about them. Trust me, I agree with you, Lis. We can recite all kinds of poems but that won’t change their mindset. Our lamenting their lack of love for us only makes them angrier and more bitter. Nothing wrong with expressing our feelings through prose such as the one in topic, but at some point in black women’s healing we have to accept that it is what it and keep it moving.
too many men on this planet that will treat a BLACK woman right…care for her, spoil her and love her
Wow!? how nice to acknowledge this. I hope this continues the conversation.
this is powerful. black women have been scientifically proven to be the last link to godliness. we can bear any child of any race/ethnicity and we were the first people on earth. this is why they use our own men to destroy us since that is the source to our connected power – but its not working. they get black men to gas up white girls in a way that not even white men do, and love their manufactured bodies that mimic ours minus the black skin. and even when white men approach us, most of us decline – hence why the smallest percentage of women who date inter-racially are black. because we’d rather date an asian before a white man – but we still have the black man in the back of our minds.
the question always remains, where do we go from here?
Hmmmmm…..are more Black women finally waking up?…we will see.
I think this ties in very nicely with the earlier article, “How Far… Black Love?”
In very simple, yet poignant terms, these two young women have expressed so well why I find it offensive when black women are told they need to “lift up the black man,” to be “the revolution spit shining their spines.”
Unfortunately, I believe these are the expectations in a number of non-white cultures. From discussions I have had with Indian, Asian and Hispanic friends, there are similar patterns of colourism and misogyny.
Aside from the obvious answer, harkening back to colonization, where do problems like this begin? Do they begin with preferential treatment of young boys– regardless of their socioeconomic status? Do they stem from a wide spread acceptance of lyrics performed by black men, reviling and ridiculing black American women (those same women who, as mentioned, bent their backs in labour to give them life)? Within the black American community in particular, I wonder if it stems from a feeling of a lack of control on the part of some black men? They can not find a way to impact their own lives meaningfully and positively, so take these frustrations out on the one group of people they feel to be below them: black women.
I grew up in a very matriarchal community and when I explain to people that everyone’s momma was everyone’s momma, I am sometimes met with incredulity. Though the point of this article, and indeed the whole site, focuses on issues of importance to the black American community, my annedote involves a mixed race couple:
One of the mothers I mentioned above is only about two generations removed from being poor Irish. Our families have known one another for well over 20 years, and she is the closest thing I have left to a mother. Her son’s Puerto Rican girlfriend had come to help care for her during an extended period. As she was attempting to make French toast for us all, he began to berate her cooking in a very hurtful and disrespectful manner. Needless to say, we both lit into him, reminding him that he wasn’t raised that way, and telling her that it was not within his rights to talk to her like that– especially not in front of other people.
The young woman admitted that it had hurt her feelings, and also that she never would have thought to say anything, because it was what she was used to in her family. I know I seem to be straying away from the point, but the one I am making is that women across ethnic, cultural, socioeconomic and religious backgrounds have to abandon the mindset that they owe anything to men who do not support THEM in return, whatever similarities they may share.
There should be no more spit shining of spines until such a time as those select men show that they are capable of straightening those spines on their own, and reaching for something better– for themselves, for the women, families and communities they will earn the love and respect of, and for the children who will be proud to call them father.
Well, I’ll just sit and see what people have to say. It’s very interesting reading the different takes on different sites.
Very powerful indeed, but this is not all black men. Just wish those types of black men would speak out more.
They only seem to speak out to say what you just said, that’s it’s not all black men. Then they scurry back into the shadows.
I think what we need are more stories that inspire comments like this old post about President Obama trying to do his little one’s hair while her mother was away:
https://bglh-marketplace.com/2012/04/president-obama-talks-styling-malias-hair/
The love expressed in those comments for the fathers of all those women is just delightful.
This poem just says everything I have ever thought and felt about being a black woman and the way we are treated by our black men. So beautiful and painful all at the same time.
I’m so glad a young black woman is standing up for us and taking a stand against this taboo subject among our community. I am saddened multiple times a day, everyday on how black “men” continue to conduct themselves and blame everyone for them not getting it together. Newsflash, we can’t keep using the it’s the man card. Everyone is in control of their lives, including us. What makes me even more upset is the fact that black women themselves refuse to put black men in check and use excuses like, “oh , he’s a man. Men do that…” WTF?! You are right, they do stupid shit and will continue to do it as long as we keep quiet about it. If we women recognize our true powers and not just glorify our supposed powers, men will have no choice but to get it together and respect us. And not some just hey what’s up my queen, respect when the mood hits them. Real, unconditional respect of our bodies, choices, goals, opinions and our minds be it the same or different from theirs
Yes, to everything this is about. I haven’t seen to much backlash over this, which is really surprising. I’m glad more Black women are being honest about our experiences.
This is absolutely true. Black men display the same racism they hate whites to display, to black women.
I am surprised that they would actually read this in front of an Audience. This is bravery. I’m really seeing social consciousness. More women are talking about what they feel. I love poetry. Go to Wwww.Tributetoblackwomen.com.
Doesn’t it seem black women are the ones leading the Black conscious revolution? Seems black men, generally speaking, only speak up when there is police brutality against another black man. Other than that, silence…
Hi, Cheri. Well I’m 19 and I really can’t give you the logistics on where the misogyny stems from. It is quintessential(most typical) in the community. I do think that it feels and seems that way. Like I said, Women are the backbone of the community but the men are suppose to be the soldiers. The women can’t teach the men because we’ve never been men and the men can’t teach the women because they never been women. That is why it takes two to build each other up. I don’t usually go on or talk about the feminism and gender war because it makes you bitter and I have no room in my heart for that. I like to stay with the positive. It’s good that BGLH is tackling on women issues. There is a lack of respect just like that time Pharell Williams called out Black women for (in my words) being sensitive because he has races of women in his video and he said there was a few black women in there and to stop being “insecure”. Well, Look at white artists music videos. Do you see white men having the majority of Asians in their videos? Mainstream media is majority white. I just think we need to focus on co existing.
Because MOST black males do not care about Black women and girls…they only care about themselves…and you black women know this….which is why I don’t understand ‘black women leading the blackconsciousrevolution’…Y?…When Black women can just walk away….
Muslim Bushido…Google it.
Hydroquinone (lightens dark spots on skin) not hydrocortisone ( a steroid cream for inflammation). Love the poem & will be sharing!
I read that line a few times because I kept wondering what the hydrocortisone was for. I’m glad I’m not the only one who caught that
This is the absolute truth. The negative comments I see and hear from Black men about Black women is unfortunately validated and feeds into the patriarchy that is an undercurrent for the struggle against inequality world wide. The Black community cannot be built up comprehensively and holistically if the bricks of it are made of the hearts and spirits of those who are Black that are denigrated (pun intended) and torn down. Freedom for all is true freedom. Freedom for some is privilege.
Powerful prose!!! I didn’t understand the last stanza, though…a woman who knows the inside of a washing machine???
Wow this is really powerful, she voiced a lot of ugly embarrassing truth about the reality of being a black woman…as a dark skinned sister i can def relate smh