by
Portia
by Portia of huneybflyy.com
When Tashay Manning decided to embrace her natural hair over 2 years ago, she didn’t expect her decision to affect the way her co-workers treated her. Manning’s motivation for wanting to go relaxer-free began when one of her daughters was admiring her bone straight relaxed hair.
“She said that she wanted her hair to look like mine. My four girls are natural and at that moment, I felt like a big hypocrite trying to get my girls to love their natural hair when I wasn’t even embracing mine,” said Manning.
Manning decided that the best way for her to go natural was to do the big chop. However, she admits to immediately wearing wigs as a protective style to try and achieve some length and later to avoid having to style her hair. She also admitted that she was nervous about revealing her natural hair to the public. She wanted to make sure that she knew how to care for her hair and how to style it before a big reveal. Manning was even more nervous to reveal her natural hair at work.
“I can honestly say that I was most nervous about revealing my natural hair to my co-workers. I am one of the few African Americans on my job, so I didn’t know what to expect, especially since I was responsible for getting my co-workers used to my relaxed hair and perfectly curled wig. I had a hunch that they weren’t ready for my 4b hair and I was right!” Manning said.
She realized after her first day showcasing her natural hair at work that her hair had suddenly became the elephant in the room. Many of her co-workers didn’t acknowledge her hair at all. Most of her co-workers ignored her and avoided speaking to her or making eye contact with her for at least 3 weeks. These were people that she had been friendly with on a daily basis for years.
Their reactions weren’t all bad. Some actually complimented her new look and told her how much younger she looked without the wig. Others, just quickly glanced at her as if her hair was a freak of nature.
“Just last week we were lunch buddies and now I’m an outcast!” she said.
Fortunately, her co-worker’s reactions didn’t discourage her from her journey. She realized that it was time for her to stop trying to blend in and embrace how God made her. For Manning, it was now or never.
“I realized that fairy tale I had of everyone in the work place raving about my natural hair was not reality, so I figured people would just have to get over it because I was done pretending that my hair looked like theirs,” said Manning.
If this naturalista didn’t receive a single compliment from her co-workers, it wouldn’t matter. Manning has plenty of support from her family and friends, her husband being her biggest fan. He was proud of her when she kicked her creamy crack habit and he doesn’t care if her hair is down to her ankles or one inch off of her scalp, he just wants her to be her natural self. Manning’s daughters are also equally supportive and they admire the natural hair styles that she creates.
As for her co-workers, she doesn’t have any hard feelings. However, she does have an increased awareness that deciding to be natural is a bold movement. She believes that she is changing the dynamics of her office and she’s forcing people to look at the real Tashay Manning.
“My hair does not change my professionalism or productivity. Many of my co-workers that ignored and avoided me, have come around because I’m still the same person. I guess they realized that hair is hair, it doesn’t make a person,” she said.
Manning’s best piece of advice for women who may be experiencing the same negativity is to let the stares and ignorance roll of your back. If you embrace your hair first and are confident, then small minded co-workers will feel silly for having any issues with your hair.
Have any of you experienced a similar reaction in your own place of work? Did anyone stop speaking to you when you revealed your natural hair? Are you experiencing this now?
Portia is a wife and mother who enjoys making things and people look pretty! As a graduate of Rowan University, Portia has an insatiable craving for natural hair, beauty, and fashion, but she also enjoys traveling and home decor. If you’d like to know more about her, visit her blog at huneybflyy.com
130 Responses
Do you think that maybe your experience is based on a self fulfilling prophecy. You thought from the beginning that people would not accept you, so you acted in ways that confirmed your suspicion. I’m sure if you acted completely normal, like you do every day, then people would have treated you the same. You don’t need a million compliments to be accepted. Just saying.
Yes! I wore my natural hair after years of straight or body wave wigs.Most white people weren’t nearly as offended as the blacks. A black guy that I was actually crushing on called me “nappy headed ass”. Black people are so brainwashed about natural things about US, our skin, hair, figures, lips it’s all beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you dfferently
Good for her! Returning your hair to it’s natural state is not for the faint of heart. You go girl!
I am not surprised. Kudos to her. It is a bold move. I share my journey and reveal in my book Nappy Hair State of Mind. Live bold Tashay there is no other way.
Her co-worker are dumb. No one forces you to like it but you don’t have to completely ignore the person. I’m surprise, when I went natural I had more compliments from the none black people.
I’m not surprised. I experienced THAT too. Other races complimented me more on my natural hair, the dental assistant said she wished her hair did what mine did..Hahaha.
same here, i think the relaxed hair thing is kind of one of those self imposed things black people go through. the pressures we put on ourselves are so ridiculous sometimes.
My own black sisters, especially the ones over 40, were the ones who usually made the negative comments when I first cut my ends off. I realize now that it wasn’t because of the texture, it was because of the length. Black women are terrified of short hair. Mostly because thanks to relaxers and flat irons, it can’t grow. My “aha” moment came after I was totally natural for a year and realized that my hair had grown longer in those 12 months that it EVER had in all the years it was relaxed. It used to grow a little, break off at the ends and had to be trimmed to even out the breakage so it looked like it wasn’t growing at all. Now it grows and doesn’t break so I retain the length. Also, curly hair doesn’t need to be “even” so light trimming for me is only necessary once every 9 months or so. It’s common sense but, again, we’re terrified it won’t grow back. Seriously, how can it NOT grow when you’re not killing it? I wish I could show my sisters the future of their new natural hair just 2 years down the road. Then they would see how crazy it is to sit in a beauty salon for a whole day every 4 months and then pay someone $65 – $150 to destroy their hair and scalp – and it doesn’t even look decent after a few weeks!
That being said, I do believe everyone should do whatever they want with their own hair. I just wish my relaxed friends would stop complaining about how they can’t do anything with their thin, patchy strands, year after freaking year, and not even TRY to see what happens when they stop killing it. Damn, it ain’t growing anyway, why not just see if something different works better?
I work with mostly white people and me wearing my hair natural isn’t a problem. Depends on your boss I guess. He and my coworkers told me they prefer my hair curly. The other black women I work with relax, weave, or if natural live and die by the flatiron.
I wasn’t brave enough to big chop and transitioned for 9 months before cutting off my horrible thin, stringy straight ends. The reaction at work was positive. Most of my friends were already natural so they were all very happy for me. When I did encounter the occasional negative comment, my standard response, with a great big smile, was “I guess it’s a good thing your opinion doesn’t matter huh?”And it really doesn’t. Now, 4 years later, those few naysayers are still burning their hair with flat irons or relaxers as those poor lifeless strands are getting thinner and shorter, while mine gets healthier, thicker and now reaches the middle of my back. Always do what’s right for you – it usually works out very well in the end!
La Toya, I agree with you. Since when God’s creation is not good. I love my natural hair. Has anyone ever thought that there are people who are actually envious of how versatile black women can be? Besides, most people do not embrace change the way many of us do. It is time black women embrace who they are and give thanksgiving to the Holy Father. Stop trying to fit in a race that you were not born in as women. Embrace you. Do you.
Portia, you look beautiful. That is what your co-workers saw. They realized you are actually a beautiful woman in the natural. Be a role model and mother for your children. Ignore some of these simple-minded comments.
I actually did the big chop and at my work everybody loved it, they said i lookedway better than with relaxed hair. And funny enough the only people somehow being bother by my hair is african descendent people. I just dont get it, they ask like if there is something wrong with you, WHAT DID YOU DID TO YOUR HAIR? And im like REALLY? you should formulate your question again. Some people are just not ready to face their nature, as much as sometimes i feel like i wanna go backto my silky straight look, i question, do i really wanna go thru all that BS and slavery of hair relaxer. (NO)
I had a similar experience when I did my big chop, a coworker commented that she didn’t like my “boardhead” which is a Jamaican term that is used to degrade natural hair, but apart from her and a few male coworkers who claimed that women must have hair on their heads, I got a lot of compliments, I even inspired two other coworkers to cut their hair too, I have been natural 6 months now and it has been an amazing experience. Ladies who intend to do the big chop, just ensure you get a big dose of confidence as it helps with the process.
From one Christian to another: “believers” like you are the reason some people avoid church like the plague. You’re “soooo prayed up” you never encounter racism? So, bad things only happen to bad people? Have mercy, please – you’re not exactly shining a light for Christianity.
All I see is negative responds talking about not getting the job. another person wrote whats the secret if you do get the job with 4B hair. The answer to that is Jesus Christ. As a Christian you have no problem where you land bc you are sooo prayed up and walking in the spirit of the Lord that everything is possible. Christians are not defined by their hair but defined by who they are in Christ. We don’t have to worry about that in any topic hair or whatever. Maybe some of yall should try Jesus. If you want to learn more about him let me know so I can tell you more about Him and I’ll get you the best bible in the market. I am natural and work around nothing but white people some love love love my hair and others don’t like it and that’s ok. But I make sure I pray before I leave my house every morning so that I don’t come across craziness.
Amen.
Thank you for sharing your coming-out experience. More naturals should talk about this because it is really telling about the society we are in. When I first went natural in 2009, I was only 16, and I didn’t really look into the politics of black hair. I just HATED perms because they were so harmful to my health.
I had a such a mixed bag of positivity, confusion, and disdain. I was in high school in a suburb of Houston, Texas. My Spanish teacher (who was also black and who I inspired to go natural) loved it. My friends didn’t get it. Some were just confused. They wanted to see how many quarters, pencils, and nickels they could stick into my hair, and I let them because I just didn’t understand the POLITICS of black hair SMH!! Some people wanted to touch it and for me to demonstrate how to use an afro pick. Some people (even BLACK students) asked “how did you get your hair like that”. One Hispanic guy at F21, where I worked, asked me that, and I literally said “I woke up” Haha (#weflawless).
What I struggled with the most was people thinking I was less feminine because I had a twa. I have 4c hair with up to 75% shrinkage. I ONLY wore wash and goes for a good 2 years after I big chopped. I was once in the women’s restroom at a restaurant. A Hispanic woman walked in and asked, “Is this the men’s room?” because I was there. It stung. I even got called “sir” a few times because I had a shrunken twa.
I also worked at a Mexican restaurant. I got hired with my wash n go afro. Everyone called me “Foxy Brown” because of my afro. One day, after working there for at least four months, I walked in to find out that afros were now against the dress code. I just shrugged because I knew damn well management didn’t have the guts (or stupidity) to tell me to change my hair. They didn’t want a lawsuit on their hands. Several of my coworkers came up to me saying how ridiculous that rule was. I, again, just shrugged it off.
Anyway, those were just my experiences. I left race out because I have had such a mixed bag of reactions from ALL races. Heck, my mother (Nigerian woman) was probably the worst critique of all. She regularly called my hair “ugly”, “uncombed”, “tangled”, and “bad”. At least my dad just ignored it for as long as possible unless he asked “when are you going to do your hair?”
Either way, you have got to just rock your hair with pride. Don’t give a single damn about what others think. Your hair is healthy and groomed. It is not harming yourself or others. That is all that matters. As for other people’s opinion, who cares? If you love it, they have no choice but to get over it. Everyone who had something negative to say DID in fact get over it. They learned to love it actually. There are only a handful of people today who knew me before I went natural or remember what I looked like before I went natural. Natural is MY new norm. Natural is slowly becoming THE new norm for black woman AND men. We just have to love our hair first.
Ooopse. I mean, I didn’t leave race out! All races can be trifflin’!
I did not experience the awful comments when I was working with Caucasian co workers. I experience harsh retaliation from an African America female. I was floored!
#Americanproblems
#Worldwideproblems
When I mentioned that I was going natural. My cuban boss asked if I was going to be wearing an afro. What ignorance. I simply chuckled and said, “it will always be professional.”
My coworkers did not recognize me when I unleashed the puff. Only Black person in the building. I am also larger/taller than most I must add. They still thought I was someone else. I found this out over the next few weeks – people were not speaking because they thought a new employee was at my desk.
Well it’s so nice to know they make new employees feel so welcome(!)
LMFAO!!!!
If they thought you were a new employee they would’ve said something by welcoming you to make feel at ease. Don’t make excuses for this pigs they ain’t slick
That’s jacked. Everyone loves my natural hair. I kept it fly when it was relaxed and I wasn’t worried nor did I give a shit what people thought. As for the racial and ethnic make up of who likes my hair and who doesn’t…..they all like it. But again I don’t give a shit. It’s my hair and I love it.
Don’t stop until kinky hair is accepted in its full glory – not shameful like something to be hidden or altered
Can natural hair deter your professional life? You bet! Especially type 4 natural hair. Unless one works in fashion or in an art related job (singer /model /salesperson for edgy brand).
Also, if your appearance makes your colleagues uncomfortable, what will clients say? You have to think about it.
If you have antagonised your colleagues to the extent they cannot work with you, what does it say about your future in the company ? How long will you survive in this environment? Can your family live on one income if you get fired?
I am always suspicious of people who say they never had any issue with their natural hair in the workplace :
-where do they work (government, artistic bubble, self employed)?
-how experienced are they? (a seasoned employee can get away with more than a graduate)
-what type of natural hair do they have? (Type 3 natural have it easy)
-what kind of type 4 natural hair do they have (pics please) : braids? weaves (natural all under)? texturised? beach blond?
If you have type 4 natural hair, works in corporate America (bank, finance, client facing position, have no family money and did not have any pb getting a job, please tell us your secret.
I don’t deem it as difficult as you think. Here in the UK, many people don’t care as long as it’s presentable. Wearing it in a neat ponytail or even a goddess braid usually does the trick for me.
A lot of natural hair styles that seem to be showcased here are just too extravagant for the office but where there’s a will, there’s a way!
I work as an admissions advisor for a college, and I have always done just fine with my mostly “4b” (and some small patches of “4a”) hair. For my interview, I wore a low bun done on a twist out (laid down courtesy of Shea Butter & a scarf). On a usual basis, I alternate between Marley buns (I don’t wear those that often), buns with all my own hair, big puffs, and mini braids/twists. I wear a shrunken afro puff sometimes. I’ve done one flat twist around my head…I don’t know what you call that…a french braid crown? I wear regular/medium sized twists, I have done a pinup on and old flat-twist out that looked a little like a natural version of Megan Good’s short haircut, and got a few compliments. I have worn all types of styles. It has never been a problem for me. I really think it largely depends on where you work in terms of how your coworkers/supervisors act as opposed to what industry you work in. Also, where do you live? (If you don’t mind me asking). 🙂
In viewing the statement from Natasha below. It probably depends on where you live. I also agree with the different variables. I have type 4 hair and have found that the more conservative the company, the more difficult it will be to get ahead or even land a job there period. I transitioned while I was at a conservative Fortune 500 corporate company and it wasn’t easy. There was only one other natural black woman who BC’d after I did and she ended up leaving the company before I did, due to getting passed over for a corporate accounts position. Government is usually the best bet because they don’t really have a strict culture for appearance, period. Also, if you are working for a younger company or the tech field, natural hair seems to be more accepted. I have gone in for interviews with certain companies and paid attention to the people who work there. If there are only 1 or 2 black people and none are natural, chances are, you will not get the job.
How outrageous is that though??!…that in the 21st century there is still such prejudice and our natural hair, reminiscent to some of our african ancestry, is still treated like some sort of disability or offence that must be at best ignored, at worst degraded and relegated to more ‘modern’ enterprises. It’s like telling women today they just have to accept that at least 70% of jobs done by men are simply not available to them because no ones really ever seen or accepted a woman running a board meeting, let alone a company. They either dress like men (to be accepted) or call it a day and stick to the background roles of support…(!!!!) ….what the…?? Do you see the ridiculousness of such attitudes.
I think it also depends on how the natural hair is styled also. Is it in a slicked back ponytail/bun, bantu knot-out, twistouts, or a wash-n-go. I don’t think most jobs are anti-natural hair, it’s the way it’s worn that’s the problem. It has to be nice and neat. The wild and free styles are for the days off (or those more creative jobs like you mentioned).
I’m going to play devil’s advocate here : “what did you expect”?!!!
This is real life, not natural hair paradise. Most of the hairstyles advocated by hair bloggers/vloggers are just to fancy for anyone who has a life.
It’s like when i go to my hairdresser, she always suggests me hairstyles which do not fit my lifestyle. These styles are exciting for her because she can :
-showcase her skills,
-and sell me the many styling products needed to keep the hair sleek.
Natural hair websites are lovely but just make sure their interests and yours collide.
It’s probably good they don’t talk to her. She can get more work done. I wish some of my coworkers would stop talking to me. I don’t even have to act like I’m listening for them to keep going.
2 Words: Fuck ‘Em
smh….can’t believe it’s still people like this still out in a world where a fro = angela davis = threat to national security.
REMEMBER: this is her experience and not everyone elses. just because she had a bad experience doesn’t mean that you will so don’t let it deter you from wearing your natural hair at work. i interviewed with a fortune 500 company…nappy (yes, i like the word nappy to define my own hair and nobody else) twa out and all. if someone doesn’t accept me because of my hair then guess what….i don’t want to employed at a s*** hole like that anyway. anywho, got the job. let your professionalism and intellect shine thru those kinky curls.
Some of these replies are so deluded:
HER AFRICA WAS SHOWING! – that was her co-workers’ problem!
The story isn’t fishy or missing details. People act like the progressive/understanding/well-meaning Whites in their lives are the same throughout the world – geez!
SOME Whites – no matter how young and well-educated and how many mixed-race children they have – are STILL only comfortable in this ‘post-racial’ world when you’re Black, but not TOO Black. Curly, but not nappy. Accepting of your color-ethnicity, but not protesting its unequal treatment. For SOME, if you’re not TAMED and towing the line, you’re a threat. Some aren’t even aware of what this ‘threat’ means or is, but they know that it means change and their comfy way of thinking and being just may be shaken up.
Don’t be fooled by all the ‘White people love my hair, only Black people hate it’ stories.
I agree with all of what you said…that last line though: YASSS. I’m always a bit suspicious of people who insist that Black people are giving them more hair grief than White people. While I might be more likely to get an openly mean look or a “You should relax it” comment from another Black person regarding my hair, it’s been my experience that White people are more insensitive and intrusive about my hair. Some examples:
(after installing Havana twists) Boss: So you dreadlocked your hair with extensions? How do you wash it?
(wearing a lazy wng puff) Coworkers: Oh em gee, your hair looks so much better this way*! You should show your curls more often!
*I normally rock loose twist updos or fluffy twistouts
(discussing wedding hair) Coworker: So you’re going to straighten it, right?
Really, I could go on for days listing examples. I wonder if the people who insist Black folk are the problem live north of the Mason-Dixon line. Yeah, I said it.
I think everyone has a different experience (yes, likely based on where they live), but it is wrong to invalidate one person’s experience because it wasn’t the same as yours. If it happened, it happened. When I went natural, here’s what happened to me (I was living in D.C. at the time):
Black folks: generally negative comments from older folks, and Black men of all ages. Women my age (20s at the time) were a mixed bag
White folks: No real reaction at all other than compliments. They didn’t generally compliment the straightened hair.
Asian folks: Lots of Compliments (especially from women)
Others: Didn’t really notice a change
At the end of the day, some people are overly concerned with what you do with your hair and some people don’t give a damn. You never know what the reaction will be.
You’re right: it’s wrong to invalidate the experiences of others. Where did I do that in my comment? I said I was suspicious of folks with a reversed experience. I’m suspicious because in my personal experience, I find that Black people as a group love to heap criticisms and negativity on each other and tend to be less critical, even blind, to the faults of their non-Black contemporaries, even when they’re exhibiting the same behaviors. My intent was not to invalidate anyone’s experience–just providing an alternate discourse to the overwhelming chorus of “But Missy Anne LOVES my hair!”
I live in the Midwest but travel the country often. I have been natural for five years. My experience has been that, most, if not all, of the negativity that I have experienced with regards to my hair, have come from black people (including family). I was in a Walmart in the South where a young black couple looked at my hair and busted out laughing loudly ( I was wearing a big ole puff). Most of the compliments come from white people, who often exclaim how much they love my puff and tell me that I should always wear my fro. That has also been the experience of at least one friend with natural hair (the negativity coming from black people).
I actually have got from White people of different ages – “Why haven’t you got a proper Afro?”
Then again I live in the UK. Afros have been in and out of fashion at different times not just the 70s as they are identified with different musical subcultures.
When I BC in 2001 the people who had an issue with my hair were Black men, Black women and Asian women. Now it’s just Black and Asian women who sometimes deem it necessary to make negative comments.
The only two people who openly said I should straighten my hair are two people I know. One a sister and another a friends’ brother. They said it out of earshot of other people in their respective families. Why? Because they knew they would be taken apart and since then have. They are actually suffered a lot of racism when they were young and so are doing some transference of their own issues.
I should say by “Asian” I mean Indian.
Japanese, Chinese and Korean women tend to be fasinated by the difference between my hair and theirs.
Unlike in the US it’s Indians normally those whose parents/grandparents got kicked out of Uganda who sell Black hair products.
Yes, those Ugandan ones resent black people. My brothers and sisters and myself have experienced their attitudes from having them as managers in the UK workplace. Not nice.
Ugh. In recent years I’ve had coworkers recoil in horror when I walked in with a fro for the first time…Jaws literally dropped while staring at my head…
Then, when I locked my hair I just got upturned noses and questions about how I keep my hair clean…
Yeah.
I’m oh so over the stupid questions, comments and ignorant behavior regarding my hair.
This is interesting but not surprising to me. I remember at work (for a corporate organisation) I went from my natural twists which were just touching shoulder length, to wearing a Longer wavy weave; Something between a 2 to 3a texture. It had golden brown highlights. Two white female co-workers passing by at lunchtime exclaimed loudly (to my embarrassment, loud enough for roomful of about 20 people to hear) “wow, I love your hair!” I thanked them and said something like “yes, I fancied a change”. Unfortunately what followed next was an equally loud exclamation from the other coworker of the pair saying “Yeah, before you had NO hair. THIS looks great”. I was stunned. It was as though MY real hair did not even register before on their (European) beauty chart but now I was finally talking hair language which they could easily understand and therefore appreciate (!). That was back in 2005. Still remember it with a slow shaking head. It’s a sad reality that natural black hair – that is not of a looser texture – just is not considered to even BE hair, never mind attractive hair. A casual glance around media images will confirm this, 4c textured Black women’s hair is largely under representated, & many successful black stars and celebrities still feel pressured to blonde up and straighten out to be deemed attractive. That’s been my experience.
I laughed when I read this because I had an almost identical situation in 2006 at a nail salon in NYC. Your statement about afro hair not being actual hair according to European standards is so spot-on.
Thank you … It’s good to know someone else out there understands, even though I’d not wish this on anyone else. I would’ve thought (or is that ‘hoped’?) NYC was so much more cosmopolitan and informed compared to the UK but there it is. Sigh.
I wish there were before and after pictures of her relaxed hair and the wig. I understand the wig was curly? So when she switched from the relaxed hair to the curly wig, there wasn’t a reaction? I’m confused as to why her natural hair would get that kind of response.
I am natural now but, I remember when I did a bantu knot out on my APL relaxed hair at work . Three days later after I washed my hair and returned to wearing it straight, I got a lot of questions. Apparently they thought it was a curly weave. Once they realized it was still my own hair, they sorta “apologized” referencing another african american female that worked there, who would constantly switch up wearing wigs and weaves; so they just figured that was what I had done also. Then they asked me how I got my hair like that. After I showed them they seemed relaxed and said “oh kinda like pin-curls”.
I was kinda annoyed that they assumed my hair was a weave (I never wore weaves or wigs). I was also annoyed that they just assumed that all black people wear wigs and weaves. At the same time it was a teaching/learning moment, so I was glad to shed some light. Hopefully in the future some other black woman won’t have to get the “ignorant” comments and assumptions..now that they know better.
This is me before wiggin it; my go to protective style:
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image-10.jpg[/img]
Thanks for the pics. Your before wig and wig look similar. I think with your natural hair maybe you look younger. Maybe they assumed you had some “work” done and got jealous. Was it mainly the women who didn’t speak to you or was it the men too??
I remember a similar thing happened to an attractive woman at my job. No one spoke to her for no reason. You could never find out why. I asked one of the men, and he said “look and her and look at the other women who don’t like her” …it was still crazy because the men didn’t talk to her either; on account of the other women not liking her. The rumors and precedent had already been set that something was “wrong” with her.
This is me wearing my fav protective style (wiggin it) for 2 years!!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/08/image-11.jpg[/img]
personally i don’t take offense when people assume my hair is a wig/weave because i’ve been weave-checked pretty much all my life. but also because a significant number of black women, natural or otherwise, do wear weaves/wigs. i’m the only black girl in my class at work who wears her actual hair out, even though a good number of the girls in my training class are natural up under their weaves and extensions. if i were going just based off the huge degree of weave/wig-wearing that goes on on my university campus and at my job, i’d assume that chances are with any given black woman she is wearing a weave or wig unless she says otherwise because that’s just how prevalent the “epidemic”, as it were, is. it’s not true for everyone, of course, because in my family no one wears weaves and wigs (not anymore, ever since my aunt retired her old true, tired and faithful about 2 years ago in favor of her natural curls for the first time since her high school days in the seventies- hallelujer!) so i’m sure we’re not the only black women for whom this is true. but when i opened my eyes to the extent of the popularity of the weave craze, i was shocked, myself, that as much as about 50-60 percent of the black women i encounter don weaves and wigs at some point over the course of a year, off and on. maybe about 40 percent don them with regularity, in my humble estimation. my sample size may not be representative of the full population but it is indicative of at least regional trends and preferences.
What texture is your hair, if you don’t mind my asking Cacey? Is it different in any way from those with the wigs/weaves (if you’ve managed to catch sight of their true texture)?
so far as i can tell, yes. and i’ve noticed that particular tendency as well. my hair type is a 3b/c mix but so far as texture goes, it is unmistakably afro kinky 😀
the women i’ve seen (when they were between weaves or if they self described their hair to me) tended to have type 4 hair, mostly of the b and c variety. with that said, the reliance on relaxers, at least, has slackened considerably, and i’d go so far as to estimate that probably about half of the black women at my job (which employs at least 300 i’d imagine) that i just left (halleluyer again!!!) are natural- but many of the naturals seem to lurk under weaves and wigs. and if i may assume on this one, i don’t believe they are ashamed of their hair (not anymore, at least) since natural hair is so very visible now, but i do read from them and hear from them that they seem at a loss as to how to style their hair, or they feel unprepared for the maintenance aspect, so they rely on the weaves to make up for this lack.
Reading between the lines, your co-workers seem to be expressing that they are at a loss as to how to style their kinky hair in more accepted euro-centric styles. Of course they’ll have their work cut out for them as they’re asking their hair to do what it doesn’t naturally want to (and shouldn’t have to) do. Sounds like they’re still under the oppressive system of non-kinky hair rules. I can really appreciate that fear and reluctance – There is a genuine widespread absence of positive attitudes and portrayals of black women, their natural beauty and hair. Conversely we are bombarded with propaganda-style images of white beauty from birth. Insecurities and self-loathing are the only things nurtured from hollywood-style ideals and lies. It’s sad & tragic. I’m sure some prob tell you if their hair looked like yours they’d wear it out. Those brave enough to go ahead anyway, then have to face the battle zone of public opinion, shaped by mass media. It’s all very perverse and sad and wrong.
Like others, I’m not clear on what exactly happened…Was she expecting commentary based on what she’s read about others online? When she says they didn’t speak, was it that they didn’t speak about her hair or they didn’t speak to her in general?
When I first BC’d (19 years ago this fall) I got next to no commentary, positive or negative, and for that I was grateful. Now granted I was in a management position at the time, lol…The few people (all white) who did ask me why I did it got a very simple answer: I’d been chemically straightening my hair for 18 years and I got tired of it, and the quickest way to get rid of it was to chop it off.
Recently I started a new (non-management) job in another office environment. I’m not the only black woman, nor am I the only natural, but I am the only natural who’s not wearing a TWA or hiding her hair under a wig. My ‘fro isn’t obnoxiously big — thanks mainly to shrinkage and humidity — but anyone looking at it can tell what it is. If the person who controls my paychecks doesn’t have a problem with it, and there’s nothing in the dress code about it, everybody else can kiss my ebony posterior.
For the record: I call myself mostly-4b…from highest to lowest I’m 4b/4c/4a. I do have a coil pattern, but it’s very small. I have yet to be accused of having “good hair.” I’ve worked in private-sector corporate for a little over half my natural life and worn almost every Soul Patrol-approved hairstyle in existence. I have NEVER had a problem. EVER.
Happy this didnt deter you from keeping your hair in its natural state….congrats on your coming out lol ….natural looks fab on you and shouldnt it? Of course because you are loving and accepting yourself the way God made you!!!! Go Tashay!!
Thanks so much!
I remember one time I was at a hair store and I asked the Indian woman who was working there if they had a kinky weave with brown at the bottom she said “no, we only have it for straight hair” and the way she said it was so offensive because it was like she had an issue with kinky hair. And when I got Senegalese twists after wearing my hair permed for so long people started treating me differently. Like they were intemidated by me or something. However, I did get some compliments
Sorry u had such a terrible experience with ur co-workers but am gladd tht u didn’t change your mind about your hair , because its beautiful.I really also want to say to the other viewers please keep your religious opinions to your selves and the science crap aswel.
Well first it confuses me why when someone tells of a rough experience while being a natural there are several people who believe the victim did something to cause it. You know Besides wearing their hair in it’s natural state. Why do we do that? We all know deep down there is truth to what there telling us. Our very presence here at this blog reveals it. If going natural was so easy and met with no resistance there would be no need for the natural hair community aka Haven. Because the whole world would accept our hair! But where here sooooo clearly they don’t. And to keep these places a haven when our members come with there stories of what the outside has done a reaction of “Are you sure it wasn’t YOU?” is not any better than the outside World! And the argument no one said anything 80% of human communication is Non verbal! They expressed themselves Quite Clearly! And discounting the Negative actions of others because they didn’t say anything has always irritated me. The silence of the coworkers was even more destructive. Don’t you see the strategy? If they where to say something negative it could come back to them in the form racial harassment. So if I give disapproving looks and SHUN the person because that is what this was SHUNNING! I make my feelings clear “I don’t like your hair and I want you to change it” without risk to myself or my job because I bet you anything when the boss was around they where perfectly polite. This was bulling, pack mentality behavior (because it wasn’t just one it was a group) and there was no way to bring them to account for it because the little cowards covered their…bases. This was no little thing and I think it’s the face to come of racial backlash. Subtle, sneaky but just or even more as damaging. And looking at the positive side is fine BUT not to the point of Ignoring the glaring problems. It NEVER works out. NEVER. You want an example:
Jews in Germany 1937: At the market (stares and avoidance)
response: Ignore it. It’s been like that for decades.
Jews in Germany 1938: At the market (glares or shunned completely)
Response Mixed: Some think it’s changing we should do something! Others we should leave! But a lot still think it’s Always been like this. Right now it’s worse under Hitler but look on the positive; the economy is doing much better with him.
Jews in Germany 1939: OH CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is are situation anywhere near that bad? Of course not but the principle is the same. Ignoring issues does not make them go away. And there’s a difference between being positive and being in denial.
After I looked at it the illustration about Germany I realized it could Look like a Joke. It is Not was Not and never meant to be! As I said an illustration but since in hindsight it looks like a joke thus making a mockery of a terrible event in history a badly written one. For that I apologize. If I could I would delete the comment and rewrite it without that part I would, but since i can’t Again so sorry and IGNORE THE EXAMPLE!!!!
Sounds extreme …and sooooo true. I see that for some the truth is just too unbearably ugly to even acknowledge, never mind deal with. Yet one can’t change what one won’t acknowledge.
A Black male co-worker and a few Black female co-workers at my former job called himself “cracking” on my hair behind my back.
I was assigned to work with the dude and I just lost and let his ass HAVE IT!
I understand that everybody is not gonna like natural hair but what’s unacceptable is when people try to force their beauty standards upon you.
Anyway, I think that her co-workers were really insensitive.
Sorry – in the UK, cracking is like saying something is great or good, eg, that girl has a cracking pair of legs.
What does ‘cracking’ mean in the context of the man’s comment?
She means making rude jokes. At least that’s what I got from reading her comment.
“Cracking” in the US means to make very negative jokes.
the opposite of what it does in the UK. cracking on someone’s whatever is making fun of it or dissing it outright.
As far as I know it means he was making fun of her hair behind her back.
In the U.S., “cracking” means to make fun of or insult. I’m glad you told that man about himself, Darlyn. On what planet is it appropriate to make fun of a coworker’s appearance?
Sidenote: Isn’t hilarious how U.K. slang and U.S. slang tend to have opposing or unrelated definitions?
In the U.S., “cracking” is best done to you by someone who likes you and you know them well enough to know that they’re only teasing you and mean no real insult. Otherwise, the person on the receiving end of this cracking may well react in just the way Darlyn did. It’s making jokes or, worse, poking fun maliciously.
Thank you soooo much for writing this! I had the same experience at work and glad to know I wasn’t the only one. I talked to my friends about it and they said more than likely if your natural hair wasn’t so coarse they wouldn’t react so rudely. Now shamefully I wear natural hair wigs that are 3b/3c so it doesn’t resemble my 4c texture. Everyday was a battle not to cry!
Going through this made me realize how shallow people could be and reminded me that some people will always have negative opinions about you know matter how you look. You are going to have remove that wig eventually and own up to who you really are which is a beautiful woman who chooses not to perm and process your hair! Wearing my wigs for so long damaged my edges and made me neglect my hair while caring for my wig SMH! It’s been over a month now and in meetings and trainings, I completely ignore the stares or the avoidance of eye contact and chalk it up as jealousy because my hair can do what theirs can’t and as far as black people making ignorant comments and giving off evil eyes, I don’t even get into it with them because we all have our opinions of self image and beauty so if your hair is not their cup of tea, tell them to stick to coffee. Even when you achieve length goals there is going to be someone who doesn’t “approve” of your hair texture. I hope you can muster up the courage to paint on a smile and waltz into work with your head of natural hair held high and basically fake it until you truly feel beautiful rocking your 4C. Much love and support my sister!!
I agree with Tashay. I don’t think you should ever be ashamed of something the creator himself gave you. People are going to say negative things, but its up to you not to buy into it. My dad hates my hair, and I just chose to ignore him because it was not helping my self esteem in the long run. Your hair is beautiful no matter what anyone says, and I do not think you should hide it.
Good on you for being like the duck; letting the water roll off your back! I actually had an experience where my BLACK American WOMAN SHAVED NATURAL HAIR boss asked me in the middle of a meeting on whether I would stay full time instead of part time, “So, what are you doing with your hair??”. At the time I had been nervous because I wanted the job but my face went so hard she said, “Oh, uh never mind”
But I was still an emotional after. I had just started to wear my hair natural that year and it was short. I wore hair bands and kept it mostly twisted and out of the way. Instead of being proactive and giving me some insight she threw out negativity. It really wasn’t out of her character to be rude and selfish and over half the staff quit because of it.
So to pull things together, I’m not surprised White people are non supportive when even many Black people aren’t. Natural hair can be a very foreign concept to them and in fact being Black in America is a very foreign concept to most white people and they don’t understand our experiences. I don’t look to white people for validation because they don’t understand my experiences as a Black person. BUT I also don’t look for validation from anyone Black or otherwise. Being inherently kind and giving is not human nature, we have to do that for ourselves. Even at BGLH I’ve seen some really awful dismissive and unkind comments (including here, where someone suggested that you were reading into things wrong)
I love that you selflessly did this to be an example to your daughters and you made a great decision to not let the haters get you down and find the love and validation from within yourself. You are amazing!!
There has to be more to this story. It doesn’t make any sense that co-workers would abruptly stop talking to her. Also, it was mentioned that she received compliments so what is she expecting? Some sort of fanfare for wearing her natural hair to work. Nevertheless, her hair looks great.
I mean, we don’t even know where she works lol (as in something vague obviously like, “I work at a non-profit/ university, etc.”).
Wow, I had the opposite reaction when I BC’d 5 years ago my co-workers who were not African American loved, ranted and raved about my hair.
It was my own people that threw the most shade and negative comments. Mind you I don’t have “good hair” but it’s the bomb to me and most people have come around and I think it’s mainly bc it’s longer now.
It breaks my heart that you when you referred to your hair you said it wasn’t “good hair”
She was being sarcastic. Hence the reason “good hair” is in quotations.
You got it! Lol
Huh, I guess the people who thumbs-downed Midnight’s comment are against all black women believing their hair is “good,” regardless of its texture/type/etc. I mean, I took her comment to mean “all hair is good hair, including yours.” But maybe that’s just me.
I was being sarcastic but, I do agree all hair is good hair as long as it’s healthy!
I know I’m late to responding but that’s exactly what I meant. thank you. I know what “good hair” means and what the commenter was referring to but personally it makes me uncomfortable when people offer those types of comparisons unprovoked.
It’s like someone say well “my body isn’t ideal” or “my face isn’t the prettiest”…I get that your pointing out that you don’t meet societies ideal but it still feeds into the negativity (IMO). Its like getting yourself before someone can get you.
I wasn’t trying to attack her but her comment could have been:
“It was my own people that threw the most shade and negative comments…but [my hair is] the bomb to me and most people have come around…[continues]”
i’m just a stranger that interpreted her words differently. My comment wasn’t out of malice.
hey, now, at least she put it in quotes. lol
Well you can stitch your heart right on up!
I was being sarcastic and put “good hair” in quotes to emphasize that. And I raved by saying that I love my hair and think it’s the bomb. Also, if I didn’t love my kinky coily highly dense hair I wouldn’t have lasted as a natural for so long .
i apologize for my late response. I glad you love your hair.
My comment wasn’t made in malice.
~ Stay blessed.
I thank and praise GOD for everything he has given me, including my hair. I only had one teacher stop speaking to me when I started wearing my natural hair. Everyone else was in love with it, coworkers, students and friends. My husband is like hers, he likes it short, long, faded and would love it near bald if I’d shave it off.
Seems odd that so many colleagues didn’t even acknowledge you just because you had a different hair style. I mean people may not like it or may comment, but to suddenly stop talking to you for three weeks is very extreme? I’m not really understanding how it went from “daily friendly interaction for years” to completely ignoring and not acknowledging you for three weeks? Doesn’t that strike you as odd? You didn’t talk to them (as a friend for years) and ask them why? Not one word (positive OR negative)? Something is off
First reaction to this: Your coworkers are freaks, seriously who the hell does that? Keep your distance from them and thank the lord their true colors have been revealed. I wouldn’t feel bad at all, I’d actually be really creeped out by them. It’s not normal behaviour at all. Anyway, you and your hair look beautiful!
I always read about people getting compliments (usually from white people) on their hair and in my mind, I prepare myself not to expect anything. I don’t expect comments or praise when I wear a new hair do or outfit, if it happens, it happens. It’s for my own pleasure anyway.
I agree with you. I’m really sad that Tashay went through this. I’ve been through a similar experience. In my case, it happened in my college. When I first showed my natural hair to my classmates and college mates, people loved my natural hair but it was in a twist out on stretched hair; I later tried twists on stretched hair, braid outs and flexi rod sets too. Later on, I started to embrace my hair texture and experiment with afros, wash n gos and textured styles; a lot of people laughed at me, both Africans and Asians but I stuck with my natural hair. They later came around and I found out that a lot of the hate was because of jealousy( not only of my natural hair but me in general ) because they try to imitate my natural hair by wearing natural hair weaves but still mock my hair till today, not because it’s bad but because their own hair is relaxed, short and breaking off( Africans ). They also mock my clothes too yet they run out to buy similar versions of the same outfit that they mocked( Africans and Asians )… Jealousy is too bad. I’ve stopped associating with those people.
I haven’t’ had these issues at work or regular life situations at least not to this degree.Most everyone seems to like my hair natural.I have only received a few nasty looks when I’m realizing that I’m around a lot of ignorant white people. I had a white friend say that she loved when girls who are black wear their hair natural and I get that a lot from younger white people and the dirt stares seem to come from older black and white people. Hispanics and Asians thinks my hair is cool. Maybe people were just shocked to see the sudden change? Hair is a big deal, it’s a part of our identity. As for what GOD gave you, NO evolution gave you that hair, our people lived and cultivated in hot, hot , hot weather and that is why our hair is curly. IT’s all evolution, has nothing to do with GOD. I really wish black people would give up this notion that “GOd” has something to do with how we look. Just like polar bears are white because of the COLD extreme temps they live in. Like it or not we are cousins of the APE and other primates. People look the way they look because if our ancestors didn’t have dark skin and curly hair we’d have gotten poisoned by the sun. That’s how you know the ORIGINAL Egyptians were never white, the white phenotype could never have cultivated in such weather as in Africa, so guess what, it’s all nature why your hair is curly kinky. Your ancestors needed that hair to protect them and that is t he magic and beauty of our hair. It’s special because it’s the ORIGINAL hair texture and that hair played a role in protecting us from our extreme environments.We don’t look like we do because a “GOD” just decided. Geez.
I agree with most of what you’re saying (because evolution and migration DID influence melanin and hair texture), but your tone is extremely intolerant. For some people, religion and science can’t coexist, and it’s important to respect their views. For instance, I personally believe that a higher power directed evolution, but I’m not tearing down your lack of belief in that higher power. Let people have their own truths. Humanity may be universal, but individual experiences and perspectives are not.
I am all for people having their own truths…but not really, because it’s unhealthy for us as black women and for our offspring. Fear mongering is not the way to go towards truth, it’s unhealthy and damages people. Black people need stop being so close minded about cold hard science. We also need t o stop following blindly behind ancient old traditions that serve US no purpose. I merely suggest that black people do their own research about the world around them, instead of buying ito ancient traditions t hat our great, great grandmother’s believed in. Someone needs to be intolerant of complete BS. I had to be humble in order to open up my own mind to other possibilities too.
Blck people need to wake up and we need to stop with the spiritual nonsense. Spirit means air. And that’s it. Self govern, humble yourself to the possibilities and experience reality and the real beauty of being the first people to grace this planet. We are the mothers of this planet and that’s a fact. You say “truths” well to me they are just delusions.
Ahh… I liked your comment on the whole. I only had one issue: Polar bears. I thought they only appeared to be white and actually have translucent hair shafts. See the following: “Polar bears’ fur consists of a dense, insulating undercoat topped by guard hairs of various lengths. It is not actually white—it just looks that way. Each hair shaft is pigment-free and transparent with a hollow core that scatters and reflects visible light, much like what happens with ice and snow”
Also, I have found that many commenters here are God fearing folk, and comments to the contrary are met with negativity in the form of downvotes. I am a woman of Science and don’t find religion has a place in my life. You are also quite right in relation to the natural curl of afro hair. It is designed to allow air to circulate over the scalp helping to regulate the temperature of the skull and brain cool in warm temperatures. Caucasian hair is designed to keep the heat in.
Anyway, full agree apart from the bears 😀
Learned something (the polar bears). Sometimes we project our feelings on to others. I know I’m going to get thumbs downed, but it could be the author expected everyone (especially the black co workers) to ooh and ahh over her hair and they were just indifferent. I don’t see why co-workers, black at that, would suddenly stop speaking to someone because they went natural. Her hair style changed, and perhaps its her behavior that changed. She never indicated she said hi to the co-workers and they didn’t respond. Don’t like this article because it promotes that whole them against us or petty jealousy nonsense. It just doesn’t seem likely to have actually happened as she stated. As they say, there are three sides to every story, yours, mine and the truth.
I read the same thing about polar bears and their ‘coloring.’ The article I read stated that their fur sort of resembled fiber optic wires.
Polar bears have black skin.
“Ahh… I liked your comment on the whole. I only had one issue: Polar bears. I thought they only appeared to be white and actually have translucent hair shafts. See the following: “Polar bears’ fur consists of a dense, insulating undercoat topped by guard hairs of various lengths. It is not actually white—it just looks that way. Each hair shaft is pigment-free and transparent with a hollow core that scatters and reflects visible light, much like what happens with ice and snow”
Yes “woman of science” This is why I love science! I did k now this! Coincidentally, after I wrote t he comment I wanted t o double check myself,and that’s what science is about, it’s about finding out not just assuming. Thank you for t hat. I didn’t know that their fur ONLY appeared white and had to myself look it up, because I recall someone telling me that the polar bear fur only appeared white, but that does have something to do with weather. I saw a scientist put a ICE pack on a normal brown bear once and eventually his fur did become translucent, meaning appearing white.But what’s most important, is that I’m not afraid to admit that I’m wrong.
The problem I have with religious folk, is that they are so afraid to admit they MIGHT be wrong or inaccurate. Science is about finding out and not assuming in my opinion.Some people assume that we are being know it all or arrogant. wehen they don’t realize that it’s just about being more open minded and getting rid of delusions. There is a so called “Spiritual part of the brain” And more research needs to be done on that.
Too bad science can’t prove anything.
I’m not a bible thumper but it doesn’t take a genius to know that science and religion can co-exist.
So YES, a creator probably had a grand plan for how the elements would affect his creations so he equipped us to be able to function (or change) to fit the climate in which we reside.
Honey, black women aren’t ready for that lol. I agree with you to an extent. There isn’t any evidence for a deity, but you don’t have to be so pushy about it lol.
I am pushy because THEY are pushy about their religious nonsense. They’ve been shoving that nonsense down my throat since I was a kid. From when my grandmother converted from Islam to Christianity to when my Mom remarried a Jewish man lol it’s been shoved down my throat. I’ve been ostracized, (No big deal) but the stress of hiding my atheism has taken a toll, so now for the past 4 years I’ve been very outspoken about it, and no one should be ashamed for having doubts. Heck I even had to go to therapy just to “COME OUT” And that’s crazy. Someone has to be intolerant of BS. And someone has to be abrupt and wake people up. At least it will make them possibly think. I don’t know I think black women are ready for it, they just don’t know it? I didn’t know 15 years ago that I was ready for it. Although I always had my doubts I know many black women do to.
I’m very much an atheist, but now is not the time to be condescending to people who choose to believe in god. Completely ignoring the overall point of this article to teach people about evolution is the wrong way to bring it up.
I point out BS when I see it. I don’t think it’s ever the wrong time when someone says something incorrect, like “GOD MADE THEM that way” lol guess what, that’s the perfect time to point out that NO, NO God, made your hair that way randomly.
Furthermore, she felt a bit unnerved that those around her didn’t accept her hair. I get your point, but it’s human nature for you to jump on the band wagon. Yes everyone is saying I’m being insensitive, or condescending when I’m not being. I’m just simply giving my opinion. If you’re a black atheist, then I’m going to probably say, there is this need to sort of hold back. I did that too, but not anymore, because I see t he damage and unhealthy thinking that it causes.Did our ancestors hold back w hen we insisted on being called African American, instead of “colored” No we continually insisted that we become linked t o Africa. I don’t think we as black atheists need to hold back. It’s not rude, it’s a dose of reality and I didn’t mean it to come off as condescending. How else would I put it? There is no way to really put something like that anyway, especially with t he amount of time I have to make my point.
I point out bs when I see it too. But only when it’s relevant to the overall point.
Nitpicking at these things when it is but a minor tidbit in the overall story comes off as petty. 3/4 of your original statement was about god and not about the actual overall post.
Pick your battles.
Being a day late, I hope no one minds if I chime in at this point. Just wanna say two things.
First: “The Bible teaches us how to go to heaven. Science teaches us how the heavens go.” –Galileo Galilei. Galileo, Sir Isaac Newton, and many of the other great post-Yeshuan (Jesus) scientists during the Middle Ages and early Renaissance were Christian, and they were most definite about it. They worshiped God and saw science as just another way, a marvelous one, too, of getting to know more about Him. I view science in pretty much the same way. Much of what it has taught me only increases my reverence, appreciation, and love for the God Whose glory it is to “conceal a matter” and Who makes it “the glory of kings to search out a matter. (Proverbs 25:2)” Thank you, Dananana and Emma J B W, for your respectful responses here.
Second: While the amount of time many of us spend at work makes the time more palatable, and the work possibly more productive, by the development of friendships among co-workers, it is important to remember that we are primarily there to work. I don’t consider it my problem if a person refuses to acknowledge me for no better reason than not liking the fact that I choose to wear my own hair uncovered and styled. Mistaking me for a new employee is one thing; being mean over hair is something else entirely, and no person of sound sense has time for that.
I obviously didn’t read far enough down. Thanks to you others also who responded before I did :-).
Well if you are just giving this response to get up-votes and to be liked, then I feel sorry for you. No, science and a GOD cannot go hand and hand. I don’t care if I’m liked, so there fore I won’t come up with excuses. God and science, well that all sounds like pretty poetic words to me. The point of my comment was to get people to become more aware of what they are saying. We don’t know why all of this is here on this great big earth, and in my opinion no one religion has the true answer.
The burden of proof is on YOU religious folk to prove there is a GOD. IT’s not on me to do that, because I am not claiming there is one. I’m not shoving a GOD down anyone’s throat. I’m also not shoving the theory of evolution down anyone’s throat. If you want to research things, then do that. No one’s forcing you to. But you religions people constantly force people to BELIEVE. Yes you do, you make your kids believe, by telling them they will burn in hell if thye don’t believe
Nice words, but you are talking about an era, where people got their heads chopped off and witches were burned for not being believers. That’s how white people today because Christian because their ancestor were too afraid t o go against the popular group thinking of the time. People can make up whatever they want, and yes there were very intelligent people who believe science and GOD can come together, but they have zero facts a nd no way to prove a GOD did it all. Saying “a GOD did it” is just lazy thinking.
Convince yourself of whatever you want,that doesn’t make i t a fact. I love thos around me, not an invisible person.
Girl….really?
Why do you assume that because people believe in a higher power that they’re attached to a religion? And why are you assuming that they want to shove that religion down other people’s throats? Not everyone is an evangelist for their brand of God.
I’m not a Christian. I’m not religious in any way. In fact, I’m generally abhorrent of organized religion because I feel like it dims people’s understanding of themselves and the world around them, but that’s another story. I believe in a higher power because I have evidence from my own personal experiences that there is one. And I’m not asking you to believe in my version, or anyone else’s. Honestly, I just want you to quit your anti-God tirade and focus on the subject at hand: being alienated for openly displaying natural hair in the workplace. Save the theology debate for Reddit.
Nothing I have ever said, or will ever say, on this forum is vote-driven. I’m not that fearful of speaking my own mind, nor do I lack confidence in what I say. And know that I am acutely aware of what I say; I’m generally very careful to be in forums like this. If anyone feels the need to exercise vigilance over my words or thoughts, please consider yourself absolved; I take full responsibility for them where they truly are my own.
What I said about science has been based on my experience with it, and I am not the only one who has come to this conclusion. The absence of that experience on someone else’s part does not and cannot invalidate my experience or that of other people’s whose experiences have led them to the same conclusion. To act and react as though one’s own experiences must set the rule for all experience everywhere by everyone is extremely narrow-minded, and such an attitude has historically proven, repeatedly, to even devolve into danger to others. One believes there is a God. Another believes there are many gods. Another believes there is no god. Another isn’t quite sure one way or the other. But we all have minds to think, to question, to search. And we all are required to come to our own conclusion, one way or the other, and we’d better be having faith in whatever we conclude. Such is the nature of faith: even atheism doesn’t happen without it.
The original topic of the conversation had to do with someone’s experience of her co-workers’ reactions to her change from wearing removable hair to wearing her own. She has already answered the question in her own mind regarding how she came to have her hair. Others on this forum have done likewise. We don’t require anyone to answer this for us. Whether God, or natural process, or anyone/thing else, we have all already decided. Another viewpoint on that may certainly be expressed, but the expression of it does not by any means bring with it an automatic requirement of acceptance within what each one of the rest of us have already decided is our own unique perspective. That’s no shade to the person whose viewpoint it is, and there’s no reason to take nor give offense over it.
I am well aware that there are commenters on this forum who don’t believe in God, Those who think that way are free to do so, and whatever I may think about that, I refuse to insult them over it, and I highly respect their right to be disbelieving. I think that is the correct and honorable way to be about it. It is disrespectful to arrogantly make one’s own thoughts and experiences the pinnacle of all thought and experience and the sole reason for disregarding those of others, as though they are valueless and without foundation simply because they are not one’s own. That is hubris. I highly disrespect hubris.
Well, science is considered by definition, to be a study of the NATURAL world. God is a supernatural being. Anyway, I’m sorry ppl were shoving things down ur throat. If they were trying to be like Jesus they would show love. Much love.
I don’t think anybody on either side has to “prove” anything. If you believe in God or a higher power, that’s fine. If you don’t, then that’s fine too. Do you. Atheists get on my nerves just as much as uber-Christians when both sides try to shove their beliefs down everyone’s throats.
They were Christians because the other option (being atheists) would’ve gotten them killed. Heresy was punished by death so of course all those great scientists of the past were “Christians.”
I find your eager cling to evolutionist THEORY quite arrogant and ironically with just as must religious fervour in it as those with faith whom you arrogantly try to put down. You have no real proof that there isn’t a God. Imagine for just a moment how speechless you’ll be if you wake in eternity realising that there actually is a spiritual realm with a creator you were willingly ignorant of(??) Clearly you hold what you believe to be true because the alternative is just too undesirable, not to mention terrifying. God says (it is written in His word) “The fool hath said in his heart there is no God”. If you ask Him to prove himself to you (sincerely) He will. Here’s the ‘catch’ …you have to have at least a tiny seed of faith; in other words, the ability to suspend your deliberate disbelief….even if only for seconds. I dare you to try that instead of trying to evangelise people over to evolutionist theory that has been and is still deceiving so many.
hold up, WTF?! cousins of the APE? GTFOH Tarzan….smdh
Yeah. Actually, we aren’t cousins of the apes. We ARE apes. An ape is not a specific species, it’s another word for hominid, the family that humans, gorillas, chimps and bonobos belong to .
I mean, if you’re gonna preach about evolution, at least get it right, lol.
Some people are still under the assumption that changing your hair to natural means that you’re some sort of militant, afro pick wearing, fist shaking, “I hate the man” type of person. At least amongs some of the older generation in the Deep South (I don’t know where you are). They will come around like your other co worker once they realize that it is just a hair change. Your hair is gorgeous, by the way.
Agree. Her hair is gorgeous
What’s wrong with that?? Far be it from me to think everyone with natural hair is conscious in anyway…but if you ask me, if white people equate my hair with greater understanding of who they are, what they do, and what they’ve done. I consider their ill-treatment the utmost compliment.
SMH @ “militant, afro pick wearing, fist shaking, ‘I hate the man’ type of person” — It’s a damn shame when black people speak like KKK members.
Oh sweetie. No one cares. She didn’t sound like klan anything. She made a statement thst was entirely too vague to determine her personal views. Don’t be one of those members of the so called “conscious” who picks apart every comment on the internet just to debate. It really gets old, tired, and pathetic.
I’m sorry but perhaps I missed something. Did anyone actually say something about your hair or was it that no one said anything?
Perhaps because you were feeling sensitive, you read more into the silence than you should have? Perhaps the other people in your office had other things going on in their lives? I think it’s easy to assume the worst of people and difficult to accept that maybe, our own personal choices don’t factor at all into the lives of others. Afterall, it is just hair…
This is what I thought. Plus “Some actually complimented her new look and told her how much younger she looked without the wig.” No insults were made and no jobs lost, so I think it’s best to focus on the positive. This article could have been “I revealed my natural hair at work, some loved it and I feel great!”
It’s not that they didn’t say anything about her hair. They didn’t talk to her at all, period. People that said hi to her everyday were ignoring her and acting as if she wasn’t there.
At least, that’s how I interpreted it.
I find it hard to believe that not one single person did not talk to her. If that was the case I would have went to my supervisor , not about my hair but what’s going on in the department
We need to remember that when you have been wearing perms of wigs/weaves for years and years and years, lol, then you walk in with kinky curly hair they may not even know who you are. Lol when I cut mine off I did not know me. Lol. I have the pictures go prove it. I did not even know how to do my hair. My twist out today 4 years later are a far cry from what they look like when I first big chop. If someone would have told mad it was cute I would have said, “stop lying” lol.
I was so ready to be natural with my crazy fro it was nothing they could say. I was free!
Live in your delusional world “LOL” Where forms of isolation isn’t a direct consequence of straying from the box European beauty standards set for AA women “LOL” Her experience and opinion is just as valid as yours “LOL” Because, that totally sounds logical, a change of hair completely changing someones look so much they’re unrecognizable after being around that person fro years “LOL”. Get your heads out of the clouds……….LOL
Wow. Quite an interesting story. Glad she didn’t start relaxing again because of it.
Although, I’m not sure I would want to really interact with those co-workers, apart from things work-related anymore after that, even if they did come around later. Kind of says something about them in my opinion.