You’ve seen them on Twitter, Instagram and Facebook — memes that divide black women up by respectable vs ratchet, heaping praise on the former and disgust on the latter. They dictate how black women should act and mercilessly shame those who don’t fit the mold, concluding that black women are wholly to blame for the consequences of undignified behavior, including physical and sexual abuse. Black men are, of course, never implicated in these memes and it’s worth noting that many are created by black men.
Recently, actress Tia Mowry uploaded a meme to her Instagram account that raised some eyebrows. While it likely wasn’t mal-intended, some felt it reinforced the respectable vs ratchet dichotomy that reigns in black social media.
Of course, Nicki Minaj’s fans went in on Mowry for what they felt was a dig. The backlash was so great that Mowry made a statement before deleting the photo from her account altogether.
Some feel the concept of ‘black respectability’ is actually a positive thing, and would praise the above memes. But in an essay on Hoodfeminism, Loryn C Wilson breaks down why respectability doesn’t really help things, culturally speaking.
“Respectability politics is divisive. Point blank.
Everyone remembers that classic scene in School Daze where the Jiggaboos faced off against the Wannabes. That scene demonstrates one of the biggest problems with respectability politics – it’s divisive nature. It further divides Black people into the Bourgeoise versus “them n*ggas over there,” setting a stage where middle and upper class Black people can look at their low-income brethren–and somehow think they are better than them. If a way of thinking makes me treat one of my own with anything less than love and compassion, then I don’t want to subscribe to it. We need approaches that bring us closer together, that can lift us up as we climb. If it doesn’t unify us, we don’t need it.
Respectability politics dehumanizes Black people, especially women.
As it’s been noted before, if a white woman proudly and publicly embraces her sexuality, white people praise her as an example of sexual empowerment and body positivity. However, when a Black woman does the same, those people treat her as though she is less of a woman. People are quick to police our bodies and tell us that we are ugly, fat, unlovable bitches.
Saartjie Baartman is an early example of this. She was an African woman held in captivity like a circus animal, made to perform for white people on account of her voluptuous body. For a small fee, whites could watch her perform and even touch the “Hottentot Venus.” And this was simply because of the way her body is shaped – a characteristic that she had no control over. There are countless modern-day examples of this – from Beyonce getting her ass smacked by a fan during a performance to Nicki Minaj having the same thing done to her by Regis Philbin on national TV.
Respectability politics suggests that only certain Black people are even worthy of respect to begin with.
Implicit in telling black men to “pull up their pants” or a black women to “keep their legs closed” is the idea that if they do not do these things, then they can’t or shouldn’t be respected. Oftentimes on Facebook, I see the meme of young black men with sagging pants alongside a picture of young black men dressed in suits from the 1960s with the caption “Back then men were real men.” But here’s the problem with that: During the Civil Rights Movement (and even before), Black people wore suits, pressed their hair, and were still beaten and killed – so why even compare? The way one wears their hair or clothes, the way they express themselves, the choices they make—none of these things should be used as a litmus test for respect given or denied.”
How do you feel about respectability memes?
116 Responses
I’m Laughing out loud at these replies. Yes! Being naked for everyone to see is WRONG! If u wanna take it there, it goes back to the beginning of existence when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and realized that they were naked and ran and hid because they then knew what was right and wrong. And being naked was WRONG! Why are people being shamed for saying that it is not acceptable? Encourage our Queens to WANT better and to BE better! Don’t give them a pat on the back and make excuses for the behavior! #TUFFLOVE
And you referenced men in the 1960’s wearing suits and still being lynched. So because they were lynched, that doesn’t make them real men? Thats exactly why they were lynched. For being REAL MEN and challenging the white man and standing up for themselves and their loved ones.
I love the BGLH blog, but I have to disagree with this excerpt in particular. Those memes are meant to encourage our community to want better for ourselves and BE better. Unfortunately, displaying it in that manner is the only thing that some people respond to. And an image with a few words is much more receptive than a long drawn out passage. It’s all about breaking the mentality that they programmed into us, and quite frankly, I feel this excerpt is encouraging it. It’s not like they are shaming people for things they can’t control (light vs dark, rich vs poor, fat vs skinny, etc.) We are queens and kings, and we should carry ourselves as such. Not everyone will, but if the majority of us did, then we would be moving towards the right direction of racial superiority and overcoming as a whole. These memes are an attempt at that, and I feel they help more than they hurt.
White people call those kinds of women “white trash” , black people don’t discriminate between our “trash” and the others. When white people show what they consider trash, then people look at the “good” white people to represent the white race.
Well this is tricky, I do try to look for information and support ideas that are inclusive. However the Meme is related to Public figures and Celebrities. The argument by Celebrities has been I am not a role model and I can do as I please. But that’s a conflicted perspective you want people to celebrate, admire you, purchase and support your art but don’t get to hold me accountable for what ever I portray as art?? Art is a tool to inform your culture. We present it to inform our people. If many images and videos are of these celebrated women are overly sexual, what will that communicate to our young girls. I think the memes are fair. They are artists and art can and should be challenged.
Thank you!
Lis, I don’t know your age, but from the comment, it seems like you’re a younger person. Rap/Hip Hop was not always trash and hate music. For years, it was about young people having clean fun. Then, it got political/conscious; when this happened, the establishment decided to infiltrate it. This is when gangsta rap came to the forefront. Thereafter, things took a terrible turn for the worse. Growing up, most adults thought rap music was nonsense, and said so all the time. I’m assuming the adults you are mentioning are the ‘hip hop generation” that are in their 40s, like me. Many of us don’t even listen to that nonsense, but unfortunately, some people don’t grow up. I’m sorry so many of you in your generation have been surrounded by adults who still think like kids. Otherwise, your parents, adult relatives, and adults in the community would have been constantly telling you not to listen to the nonsense of these Lil’ Waynes, Nicki Minajs, and the like. Listen to adults who are about something, be they professionals, career-oriented, or entrepreneurs. Ignore these neo-Flavor Flav buffoons.
I also find it interesting that Tia somewhat subscribes to this notion considering the flack she received a while back on the way she “should” style her son’s hair.
How Martin Luther King, Jr dressed and acted, even his religious beliefs didn’t stop him from getting shot and killed. The Little Rock Nine students dressed modestly and still got spat on or cursed at. The victims of the Charleston shooting were at church and probably held the same beliefs, that b/c of the way one dresses, he/she should be treated a certain way, but that didn’t stop them from being shot and killed. In these instances no one gave a crap about what the other was wearing. The attackers didn’t consider wardrobe to be a determining factor on whether or not they should attack people. I swear Blacks are constantly worried about the dumbest things.
What are the stats concerning ppl who are in church/well dressed and get shot looking like? Conversely, what are the stats concerning homicides/std/incarceration in ppl who sag their pants/dress like a prostitute? What you have pointed out are exceptions, not the norm.
Actually they did consider wardrobe. The examples you named were modestly dressed people because They wanted to make an example out of people who may have had a “POSITIVE” influence on the black community. Not people who are probably already self destructing.
Because that’s the only power they feel they comfortably have. And many Black women subscribe to it as well, not realizing it’s misogyny, and it’s not benefiting them whatsoever.
How can you compare Dr. Dre and Kevin Gates to the hypothetical examples of men and women you used later on in the post. You judged Kevin Gates based on what he did, not how he dressed. Same with Dre. How a person dresses does not in any way, shape, or form determine whether or not they deserve respect. If YOU CHOOSE to respect or disrespect a person based on how they decorate their bodies + not by what they stand for or how they treat others, you are the one with the problem.
My point is that not everyone deserves respect, just like I said. Ppl have to EARN respect. No, I don’t have a problem, bc I treat ppl accordingly, and I garner respect wherever I go bc I present myself in a respectable manner. I don’t disrespect ppl who carry themselves disrespectfully bc I don’t deal with them. The ones with the problem are those who carry themselves poorly and still expect to receive respect. Hopefully, that’s not you….good day.
“…setting a stage where middle and upper class Black people can look at their low-income brethren–and somehow think they are better than them.”
Please. Nikki M. is NOT low-income. I agree with the meme. As much as some would like to blame the men in our culture for the way our less-than-classy women behave, I have to put the ball in our court. They do what we let them do. Those images and dances didn’t create themselves, either.
From a personal perspective, I don’t post sexually provocative pictures online, or dress and dance(?) in a way meant to stir up lust.
And guess what? Amazingly, I’m respected.
You don’t have to go back to chastity belts and corsets. Acting like your not just an animal will do just fine.
You can have high income and still be low class; similarly, one can have low income and be totally classy.
Thank you. I’m so sick of writers trying to say that this is divisive and *poor* black women are being picked on because they can’t afford fancy clothes. No one said anything about fancy. Just clothes with some fabric would be acceptable. I see lots of clothes when I’m in the mall at stores that aren’t high end and those clothes are not all skanky attire.
I saw nothing wrong with Tea’s post .
lis, thank you for capitalizing ‘Black’ (denoting ethnicity) in your comments; you are a learned person and your knowledge is appreciated.
I appreciate that…really….I know I might come off as intense.
These memes are really dividing women against themselves and its highlighting a negative mindset. You have one woman in a bikini versus the First Lady? Black queens versus BLACK SLAVES? No, neither side is right for judging people based on photographs.
Agreed, these memes seem to be following the old adage of divide and conquer as if they’re trying to breakdown the unity of black females the world over by having us back-bite and back-stab each other. There’s no ‘respectability’ in that … just pettiness and jealousy.
No one is talking about how females who cover up are shamed for being ‘boring’, ‘outdated’ and ‘old-fashioned’. The pendulum swings the other way as well.. and most times, the shaming is being done by these women who feel the need to expose their bodies. A tear came to my eye when I saw the picture that was posted by ‘Elle P.’ because it describes my life in a nutshell. I’m tired of having my blackness being judged because I dress decently, act responsibly and actually value my education. I was once told, BY MY FELLOW BLACK SCHOOLMATES!, that I’m a disgrace to the African race because I don’t like parties that much and prefer to study when others are partying away, even when exams are approaching. Apparently, I’m supposed to be a party animal because I’m black. According to them, it would be in my blood if I was truly black, therefore I wasn’t black enough for them. They even alienated me! It was conform or get lost and I chose to continue being me. I used to defend such people.. until I found out that they are only focused on their own interests and will gladly shame others who have different interests. You may speak out for them but best believe that they won’t do the same for you, unless you’re subscribed to their lifestyle.
But why judge an entire group of people when it was only a few that said those ridiculous things to you? There are plenty of people who dress and act all kinds of ways that wouldn’t be bothered or offended by the things you do and the way you present yourself and there are also plenty of people from both “sides” who will shame others, but there’s no reason to blame and write off someone because people that looked or dressed like them were mean to you. If you applied that to everyone, there’d be no one left to talk to or enjoy the company of.
I was told that same thing as you when I was in school, called an oreo too, but then I grew up and found that a lot (definitely not all, but most) of adults don’t care and had I ignored a whole “type” of person because I had been teased and alienated in middle and high school, I wouldn’t have met some really great people who respect my choices, even if its completely different from their own.
Thanks for your reply and I’m glad that it all worked out for you.
I agree 100%! I face the same ridicule from my family and friends because I don’t eat “black food” (this one makes my blood boil!!). I shop in thrift stores and wear platform shoes (creepers) so I’m weird. I don’t relax my hair anymore so I think I’m African (???) . My favorite is because I prefer Tabasco sauce over hot sauce, I’m not black enough.. it’s hard to agree with those who say “why judge an entire group” when the I get snickering and stares from blacks because I don’t follow along with the trends. What defines being black in terms of one’s appearance and behavior? It’s really sad if that question actually has an answer….
I see nothing wrong with Tia’s post…I don’t even think that she was making that point.
I’m against the whole me & them, and looking down and judging other women because you respect yourself “kind-of-thing”. I’m a young woman who respect myself and keep myself from certain things but I will never ever judge any other women or man because I’ve been there before and it was only by the grace of God and the name of Jesus that I found myself in Him when I repented and accepted Jesus into my heart, that my life got turned around and I saw how valuable I am in Him. A daughter of the Most High God, a Queen! So I would never look down on other women/men or judge any other woman or man for not living the way I do. This problem in society where people express their sexuality publicly, sleep with whoever they want, act loudly or rude just the way they want, bad attitudes, and dressing however dressed or undressed they want does not only apply to women or black women in particular. It also applies to men and women of other cultures. So it’s not about black women only. It’s really hurting to see, yes. But we don’t have to shame them, we have to love them and value and honor them so that they can see and know their value and that they are so much more than that and most of all pray for them and by the direction of the Holy Spirit speak to them in love and conduct. Love changes things, because God is love. I usually don’t post comments like this, and I’m sorry if my english is not as correct, english is not my first language but if anyone is reading this and feel like this is for me, know that Jesus loves you no matter what, He is reaching out His hand to you and wants you to answer His call. Just ask God for forgiveness and that He will come into your heart and make you to the woman He want’s you to be and He will do it, have faith in Him & keep searching for Him in prayers and reading His word and He will certainly do it. All your desires and everything you want and need is in Jesus, I’m a living testimony of what God can do. God want’s to build you up, restore you and groom you into the woman/man He want’s you to be for that special king or queen. Then you can express that sexuality and beauty for that special husband or wife, that the world don’t have to see but it becomes something so beautiful when it’s intimate between a husband and a wife. Only love for all of you. God bless you & keep you in Jesus name.
Behold, I stand at the door, and knock: if any man hear my voice, and open the door, I will come in to him, and will sup with him, and he with me.
– Revelation 3:30
So God created man in his own image, in the image of God created he him; male and female created he them.
-Genesis 1:27
Don’t grumble against one another, brothers and sisters, or you will be judged. The Judge is standing at the door!
– James 5:9
I will say to the north, ‘Give them up!’ And to the south, ‘Do not hold them back ‘ Bring My sons from afar And My daughters from the ends of the earth,
-Isaiah 43:6
Sandra Bland was not dressed like a stripper when the police arrested her. Respectability and modest dress WILL NOT save Black women from racism, sexism or violence.
Sometimes I feel like I live in an alternate universe with all of this throwing around of terms like body shaming and such. Look we all have common sense. I’m about done with this blog because of this foolishness. The standard has gone down the drain. This next generation being raised up by people who agree with this blog are brain washed. I won’t even go in anymore because I don’t want comment on this anymore.
This article really made me think. This argument over accepting your sexuality and woman power is all cool. But I would like to point out first that these type of memes don’t apply to only black women, there are many made for white women a well. MILEY CYRUS. Second of all what demands respect is a choice made by individuals. I know and believe that many women who are strippers or are deemed strippers are quite intelligent women. And I respect them for their intelligence and their drive. The men who make these memes are entitled to their own choices. Just like women have their own choice to go naked, men also have the choice to want a woman who will be just theirs and women can want a man who will be just theirs. You can go on and advocate for freedom to do whatever you want but you can’t take it from someone who refuses to like it. Women who decide to twerk and show off their body are not disgusting and horrible, but these these things are associated with your sexuality. And from what I know sex tends to be an intimate and private thing( these things are all included). So for those who want to continue to think of it as so, I think we should allow them. Personally, freedom can go so far before it becomes a destruction. I won’t be surprised if I hear a freedom rights movement for sex to be allowed in public because it is a natural human experience, even though not every human experiences it. What is important is to try and respect everyone’s preferences and a way by doing that is giving everyone the option to do it in private but limiting what is done in public. Frankly if you don’t see what these memes portray as a shameful act it shouldn’t bother you. Especially for the 2nd and last memes. Just because you can do something doesn’t always make it right. You can love your body without showing it off to everyone else. Really being content with yourself doesn’t mean making sure others feel that way too. You should be enough. I am a Christian and choose to portray in myself in the manner that my father in heaven would be proud off.
Black girls are everything. In Nigeria in the Yoruba myth of creation, two hundred male Gods (Orisas), along with one female God (Orisa), called Osun, were delegated from the spiritual realm to come and build the earth. The men laboured physically and tirelessly for a long time ignoring Osun who they considered the weaker sex, but they could not achieve their task. Frustrated and exhausted, they returned to the spirit realm to confess that nothing was working for them. They were asked why they did not join their physical efforts with the Ase of the female God (Orisa). That it was her job to command things to happen. The men returned meekly to earth to plead with Osun to invoke her Ase, and that was how the earth was built. Even against the strength, bravado and intellect of 200 male Gods, one woman Goddess has the word, the logo, the command principle, and without her, nothing works. I repeat, black girls are everything.
LOVE THIS!….THANK YOU.
I’m down for dividing black women of substance vs the ratchets. Do what you want with your body but do not demand respect for choosing to use it as a public utility.
Amen.
If you choose to disrespect or respect women based off clothing, you’re the one with the problem.
Of course. Because being dressed like a prostitute is just so inspiring…
Ok…because I would prefer young black girls aspire not look like hookers. But I’m the problem…right.
So only certain people deserve respect based on what they’re wearing? I can be a terrible person, but so long as I cover my legs its okay? And to simplify it to “substance” vs” ratchet” is ignorant and reductive.
Get real. If you conduct yourself like a hoe you will get viewed as such. Don’t be mad because no one looks up to she who shows her private parts to the world.
Got it, only people you deem worthy by your ridiculous, substance-less standards deserve respect.
Correction: it’s the standard of a respectable society. Hopefully you join one. Now excuse me while I admire the black female doctor and not the pornstar.
lol. alright. keep being bitter and judgmental in your “respectable society”.
I will 🙂
Now return to wonderland and revere the honourable strippers. Cheers.
I’m Laughing out loud at these replies. Yes! Being naked for everyone to see is WRONG! If u wanna take it there, it goes back to the beginning of existence when Adam and Eve ate the forbidden fruit and realized that they were naked and ran and hid because they then knew what was right and wrong. And being naked was WRONG!
So do I. If your actions/dress is shameful, you should
be shamed and ashamed!
I don’t see how being respectful of yourself and others is a bad thing. A woman’s sexuality is her own business, but does that business have to be on display for everyone to see? People should push boundaries, true, but there also needs to be a thoughtful stop in place for pushing boundaries. Public nudity is not everyone’s cup of tea, so why force people to be uncomfortable with your behavior? Now, certain races aren’t everyone’s cup of tea either but a person’s DNA is non-negotiable. A person’s behavior is absolutely negotiable.
I won’t wear a low cut top in a conservative muslim country because I’m being respectful of their culture, ideals, and their comfort as a visitor to their home. So, why is it divisive to say a woman shouldn’t start shaking her sex organs on a subway while small, impressionable children, who do not belong to that twerking female btw, look on? We need to get back to decency and there’s nothing wrong with that.
As an example, I had my 15yr old niece with me on a subway and a bunch of cursing, scantily clad 20somethings get on a few stops before ours. I know they were just turning up and having a good time before they got on the subway, they were lively and having fun. One turns on her phone to play a expletive laden song and began urging her friends to dance. Booty popping, twerking, and sexual miming ensued after that. My niece and at least 3 kids under the age of 10 were on this car. Although I chalked that up to their immaturity, I took my niece and exited the car. Why are they allowed to behave that way? Clearly people were uncomfortable, so why do it in the first place? People don’t have control anymore, people don’t have accountability, or respect for others anymore and that is not cool.
Btw, I’m 28yrs old so I’m in the same generation so there’s no excuse of ageism here.
Dressing a certain way can’t be disrespectful or respectful to one’s self; that’s not a thing. How one chooses to decorate her body is her choice. Why can’t you accept that people are not created to make you comfortable? If you feel uncomfortable, simply get over it and move the hell on. When a person censors how they choose to decorate their bodies to make others feel comfortable, they deny themselves the basic freedom of dressing how they would like. If you feel like they are disrespecting themselves even though they are completely satisfied with their wardrobe, that says more about you as a person than them.
And that’s the attitude that is permeating this country and making women argue against decency. SMH.
ITS THE CULTURE!!!!….These comments…. people are full of it…Blacks accepted rap hiphop even though imo it’s trash and hate music and it’s killing us because blacks do imitate this rap hiphop culture and now want to scream and cry about what these young people have become and or doing?..When have these young women ever heard from Black ADULTS that this rap hiphop crap is sick and wrong?…what kind of people, so called community would have ever accepted such garbage….and NOW wants to wring it’s hands after this has been going on for decades?…really?
Yes. I really hope you aren’t a woman. Nothing is worse then internalized misogyny.
All the memes just make me sad and I don’t fit either side. women are too quick to shame and look down on each other. like it or not whether we think we are in the respectable category we are actually in the stripper category. the name we give to those other chicks are actually the name we are giving to ourselves. As blacks we should be aware of the divide and conquer. when I see these pictures all I see are black women. I am being told that my sisters are a bunch of losers that just cant seem to get it together. I wasn’t aware that black women were considered respectable back in any post slave era. By who?
Truth just needs to be told sometimes…
It wasn’t told in this instance.
Social media tends to portray this rose-colored visage of the past as if women back then didn’t get down. Everything is online now and while some kept their freak on the low, the hypocrisy in shaming someone else for having fun gets to be rampant. I can twerk at the auditorium with my master degree. I can wear short shorts in the summer and still be a positive example to my daughter. People like to create this acceptability line and throw a lot of people over it just for having a little fun. Really, why do you care so much? Why are you so concerned for my self esteem and worth? We should be teaching girl to own their sexuality and value their bodies, so they don’t seek it elsewhere. We should let out girls make mistakes because a pair of pants, flannel shirt and shy demeanor never stopped a sexual assault.
The funny thing is this supposition that if you act a certain way, you’ll be respected or disrespected, is ultimately untethered to what we think about ourselves. If I am a so-called “queen”, I am so for myself, not for anyone else.
To accept and love your own body down to every last patch of skin to the point of being proud and confident in showing it shows that one values themselves.
It is the OTHER PERSON LOOKING that tends to decide that “this half-naked woman is worthless” but who the hell are you to determine someone ELSE’s worth? Sounds like oppressive pecking-order BULLSHIT that still lets women discriminate amongst women, black women against black women, but the point is UNITY to overcome, not divisiveness.
OH and I’m an adult model married to a black man who is a retired Army Private First Class, career started AFTER we got engaged. I guess somebody found value in me despite our making money from the thousands of people who further find value in my body, with any level of nudity.
Twerk on, ladies! Just know why you’re doing it and have the understanding to be proud and self-supportive in it! (and feel free to take back that white-supremacist money while you’re at it, boo-boo. I sure do :-D).
Perhaps the bigger issue at hand is the objectification of women in general. Historically women, black, Latin, white etc. have been treated as objects as opposed to individuals whose opinions and views should be considered and respected. Perhaps we (women, especially) should begin to teach our girls high self-esteem (mentally, spiritually and physically). Perhaps, we should rear our girls in such a way that they have a choice in EVERY aspect of their lives, including what they want to embrace about themselves. Perhaps, we can teach them they don’t exist to please others or for the attention of others, but that their purpose is to live to their fullest potential! Perhaps we should demonstrate to them that their options, dreams, values and beliefs are important and in NO way revolve around the opinions of others. Perhaps, once that idea is ingrained in our girls psyche, these types of memes will cease to exist, because our girls will KNOW they don’t have to choose a “camp”, because they’ll know their existence is far too complex to be boiled down into a two-dimension image!
There are plenty of ones dividing black men too. The pants sagging vs king marching comes to mind.
I understand this article. We all say that we want a real man. A real man wouldn’t go after women who act and dress like this. You are how u present yourself to the world. Keep it classy. Just because u can dress like a hoe doesn’t mean u should.
Is it the norm? Does the average black woman in the US dress in boy shorts and twerk on the train? I am not even American and I know it cannot be true – so why even bother to portray it?
In fact, the girl with the diploma is more reflective of black women in the US according to the figures – they have overtaken every other female demographic in rate of college attendance.
Exactly…….most if not all Black women I know, see, interact with are nothing like this…who are these women they are talking about….I’ve never even seen Black women twerking in real life or any of the other crap….maybe on youtube.
I hate these kind of memes x_x goodness. I wish we could all realise that your sexuality and your sexyness doesn’t lessen the amount of respect you deserve. You could mess with twenty guys and seventeen girls as a woman and still get that PhD. You could sit home and wait for marriage before you give it up and still be president. It doesn’t matter what you do with that boots as long as you’re making a positive difference and NOT OBJECTIFYING YOURSELF.
I really wish people would get that and stop slut shaming and hypersexualising everything found on the body of a woman
The real problem with these memes is that they are designed to make modest girls feel better about themselves by making the immodest ones feel worse. If the aim is to encourage girls to cover up, they have failed miserably. The targeted people would probably dress even worse just to make a point. Also, as much as I would prefer all women to be fashionably modest, I HATE the policing of female dressing.
My issue with memes like this is that is very likely black men are creating them and I feel that black people as a whole receive enough judgement, criticism and hatred from everywhere else; we need to love, respect and embrace each other more, not less, no matter the class we perceive. I see these kind of memes a lot on Facebook, usually posted by black men and it saddens me that some are so quick to berate black women. Where are the memes about how wonderful, loving, beautiful and successful we are? Also interesting to me is that I have many white friends and I NEVER see negative memes going around about their women. They have them too but their men have NOT sat down to construct these things just for potential viral, social media entertainment. I’m just tired of it. They wonder why blacks have so little true unity in our community; its things like this that only further divide us. We need to lift up, not tear down.
They shame the college/professional type too – just last evening I watched a video with professional, in-shape, attractive black women and was shocked at all the hateful comments from black men. Mainly they were saying that these women were only good to be used and left so they could grow old alone with their degrees. They berated the women who expressed that they would like to have a college educated husband as well – they thought that they were too full of themselves for wanting that. Mind you, these women were beauties as well as educated so that was not an issue the generally men raised. These black men even had a list of preferred women something like Caucasian then Latina then Middle East then Asian then Indian then at the bottom of the list black – in their eyes in terms of value.
Those black men with the list of putting black women last in terms of value, on a video about black college educated women is the epitome of self-hate. These types of self-hating black men are a dime a dozen now, and they proudly express their self-hate any chance they get.
Seeing how this was done under such a video, should make this level of self-hate that these black men were expressing (under the guise of “valuable women”), even more apparent.
Self-hating black men are a lost cause.
Unfortunately(for them)….they hate themselves (oh well)….they are jealous of and compete with Black women and are trying to demoralize Black women(like they themselves feel)…..Black women need to realize and SEE this so they can free themselves and look out for themselves…put themselves as women first….and get away from anyone who devalues them whether family, friends or so called ‘brothers’.
It is the Black American man that is mostly doing this & Black American men are not denouncing it. It is unfortunate to say ladies, but we are on our own to change this.
Just know this….MEDIA about us IS NOT controlled by us beyond the blog le vel.. and sometimes not even that.
Na k in the day there were hussies,fast girls loose women. Come on. Just realize they didnt have social media or cell phones
most of them started being aimed at black males , and no one had a problem , but as soon as memes come out geared towards the lost flock of our women , then it’s a problem ? then you have to ask yourself where are the many many memes geared towards men in this post ? stop trying to do or compare to white women , and use them as the staple we have to much of that already .
@dra…SHUT UP!…….and GO AWAY!…..and “our women”….do you own “us”….With the state of Black manhood you males have no right to berate and sit in judgement of ANYONE…..who do you all think you all are?….
I don’t agree with all aspects of this post; I feel that from the beginning of time, you have to give respect to get it. Everyone does NOT deserve respect. Kevin Gates does not deserve respect because of the way he kicked an 18 year old girl in the chest after she merely reached out to touch him, Dr. Dre does not deserve respect due to his abuse toward women, and how can a young man whose pants are halfway past his knees demand respect, or be taken seriously? The way one behaves or presents themselves usually determines if they are a respectable person, and that is the case in ANY culture. True, just because a young man chooses to wear his pants this way doesn’t mean his life or safety should be in jeopardy, but him wearing his pants this way is disrespectful to everyone who has to lay eyes on his buns. This is disgusting!!! Similarly, Black ladies, and ALL ladies, should treat their bodies with respect and love and not have their goodies on display for all to see. Women should treat their bodies like the precious treasure that it is and safely hide precious goods away. Now, this in no way means that others have the right to abuse young women who DO display their body in such a way, but, they can’t always expect others to respect them if boobs and booty are hanging all out when they present themselves to others.
I don’t see any problem with any of these memes. If one knows she is not the woman that are badly portrayed by these memes she shouldn’t feel targeted. I don’t see the correlation between embracing our bodies/sexuality and posing half naked on the street or on social media. I do see the correlation between this type of behavior, the media pushing that “fake-feminism” to justify that the least a female celebrity wears clothes the better, and the fact that with social media people feel as though they are somewhat famous as well so they can imitate what’s done in the entertainment industry. In this logic, someone who dresses appropriately doesn’t embrace their body and is ashamed of their sexuality? We buy clothes because we think our bodies are shameful? Or because we want to enhance it? Loving your body doesn’t mean you have to spread it for the world to see (which is kind of arrogant at some point). If your confident, it will show without being inappropriate.
What you consider inappropriate is not considered inappropriate by everyone. Dressing a certain can’t shame bodies; that’s not a thing.
Well TG some people share my vision of what’s appropriate or not. What I call inappropriate is not wearing a mini skirt, heels, or form-fitting high waisted jeans. But would you sincerely see a girl dressed like a funky Yung Thug video model on the street and not look at her funny? There’s a line and the lack of originality won’t change that. Funny because the other day I asked myself what other species doesn’t need clothes and the and the answer is animals. And I never saw a man half naked on the street. I’m not sure what you mean by shaming bodies but for a female to think she has to take off her clothes and act like a deranged amazon to be somebody is certainly shaming her personality, and when men who don’t know better decide to speak on it, it shames a whole gender. You can be proud of being yourself, a confident woman, a sexual being, without taking your clothes off on camera or in the street.
“Sucks teeth”……I bet most if not all were created by Black males….which makes me laugh and gag considering the state of Black manhood everywhere in this world …yet they think they can stand in judgement over Black women and Black women pay attention to these __________ and then internalize this and police other Black women….who do they think they are and when will Black women woman up and tell them to f off?….and yes I do believe in self respect and human dignity….that’s self evident not respectability politics….
I do believe it’s important to educate women of their worth and how they don’t necessarily need to do certain acts on social media for attention and/or maintain a sense of decency. However, I don’t think these memes are being used to genuinely teach the difference. It is a form of shaming because the memes are emplying that the women who are “Instagram models” etc are not worthy of equal respect which is untrue and unfair because they are women too. And if you really want to get technical, based on my college days, there were plenty of women who twerked every weekend, took part in risqué acts and posted their fair share of revealing pics yet have college degrees and are doing well for themselves. In a nutshell, there’s a way to address decency, but these derogatory memes are not answer.
Here is a question/thought: Who created those memes? I have a feeling it was probably a dude…
how many memes about men have you seen ?
Yea ummm no …don’t see anything wrong with telling someone to value themselves and get there life together
Sometimes women are empowered by showing off their attributes. And some women are empowered by covering them up. Both women should be respected.
Amen
Nah!
For clarification purposes, I must say I don’t agree with ‘shaming’ ANY of our people in a public format such as online. I went off the cuff emotionally on my last post because this article is saying that self respect is a BAD thing, which is what we’ve been hearing for years. But unfortunately this is the best way to get information out on a mass scale. NO I don’t want ANY of our men/women to feel less than, but it’s like damn what the hell am I supposed to do? I just saw a video on worldstar that had these three young maybe five year old girls twerking like they were grown women? Is this really self empowering? Like really, I get what you say about the white women/black woman double standard, but is shaking your ass really the only way to feel empowered? Like really? I guess I’m just old school….I’m only 29 BTW, but I feel like I’m 69 sometimes, I’m not ready for this ‘new world’
The reason why I agree with this article is not that I support young girls idolizing strippers or Nicki.
It’s that I don’t believe we should raise young men who believe that those women are good and these women are bad. It sets a precedent that you can treat these women however you see fit. They’re not worth more than the amount of clothes that they wear.
I think it’s equally damaging to send young girls the message that strippertainment is respectable. I honestly wouldn’t care if I never saw another black woman in booty shorts or a non-swimming bikini again.
Thank you! I completely agree!
But it’s not disrespectful either and that’s the point of this post. And do you find Black bodies that disgusting?
There is nothing wrong with the bodies themselves or the women, but the idea that it’s ok to associate with men who degrade women that look and dress like you if that’s your preferred look. You can’t dress like that, date men who call you degrading names, and appear in videos with lyrics that put you down without appearing to cosign on what is being said about you. The price is high in that exchange. Our bodies are priceless.
There are women who showcase their bodies in beautiful non-degrading ways and I don’t have a problem with them. Have ANY of the women in those memes NOT been in a video where “ho” or words like that were thrown around while they appear half-naked? People notice and make judgments about what they think these women are comfortable with accepting. Why are they so comfortable pretending to be someone who is ok being called names when that isn’t the way they want to be seen?
BTW, I didn’t call anyone disgusting- that was your word. I don’t have to think someone’s body is disgusting to hate their booty shorts.
LOL I cannot at the faux outrage from the writer of this article.
The part that especially makes me laugh is the idea that telling people what they probably need to hear (but won’t accept anyway) is “divisive”, like there was ever a chance that many of the type of women depicted in these memes were ever going to unite with anyone or any cause that didn’t serve their personal interests.
It’s kind of amazing that people still don’t realize that different goals, interests, upbringings and POVs will always ensure that any ethnic group will pretty much NEVER “unite”. You have people with ancestries from different ethnic groups (many of which were ENEMIES of each other) and you’re trying to make them all be friends…it’s not going to happen lol.
Again, we will have find ways to shame one another as black people. I am guilty of having this mentality too. Judging by the memes, Tia Mowry’s in particular I can relate to. She is not judging the other girls by their clothing or life choices. I think she was basically saying that she relates more to Denise Huxtable/Lisa Bonet, in terms of style and mannerisms. I could definitely relate to that because I don’t wear tight form-fitting clothing, I listen to ALL kinds of music, and I have two college degrees (and a ton of student loan debt!).
The bottom line is that we need to end the many narratives of the ‘the shamed and angry looses cannons of black women we seemed to be. Here is a picture that explains my point.
https://scontent.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpt1/v/t1.0-9/10690353_10204882297873255_9144957150771103608_n.jpg?oh=a3309880bc00403ea1d5da11daa89725&oe=567BEE86
Sorry BGLH I can’t totally agree with this. I get the separation thing amongst ourselves. It is never ok to treat someone badly because of their differences. However having always been admittedly kind of old fashioned in my ideas as far as decency, manners and modesty (not to mention raised by devout parents) I can’t honestly say that the respectability memes are such a bad thing. Maybe its going about it in the wrong way but then again showing major contrasts tends to grab more attention. And I for one long to see more of that respectability in todays girls//ladies-not because I feel Im better than them (or anyone for that matter) but because I want them to realize how precious they are and really feel what its like to love and respect themselves including (and especially) their bodies. We as women can enjoy our gifts and our sexuality without being explicit about it and/or giving it away cheaply. That shows others (particularly males) that not only do we have values but that we are VALUABLE.
Well said.
Thank you Toniette 🙂
I feel like you are correct in saying you are incredibly old fashioned in your ideas. Valuing oneself is not attached to sexuality. A prostitute can have high value for herself and demand respect from her clients in many countries where her rights are protected and legalization has made her job safer.
Respecting and loving your body doesn’t mean you have to cover it up. It definitely doesn’t mean that because a girl dresses one way she intends to be disrespected. What do you mean explicit any way? At one point explicit meant showing your ankle. Nudity is only taboo here because our culture makes it so. There is absolutely nothing inherently shameful about the human body. Also just because you cover yourself does not mean you value yourself or that others value you. Value is something constructed by people. Teach girls that they are valuable, teach boys that they are valuable.
Hi Tia,
I would disagree about the ‘incredibly’ part of my old fashioned when it seems many of the other commenters agree about modesty and respecting ones body. Dressing a certain way may not have that intention but I think we all know how its interpreted usually hence why it puts forth the wrong measage. And Im not referring to back in the past when it meant showing your ankle obviously. Nor did I say anything about the human body being shameful. I do not believe that. Only that value is something that has to be shown and displayed whether it is in your character or the way you dress because thats all others have to go on. It may be a construct of people but considering that is what society consists of it kinda matters. We don’t have to agree but I respect your right to feel how you do. Blessings
You better say that Tia! Respectability is only a way of determining that some people are inherently worth freedom and protection while deeming anyone who falls short of the ever changing rules of respectability are unworthy.
Saying a woman should dress or act only in certain ways in order to be treated like a person is EXACTLY like saying police won’t kill Black people if they dress and act only in certain ways. It’s all a lie.
I feel like you are correct in saying you are incredibly old fashioned in your ideas. Valuing oneself is not attached to sexuality. A prostitute can have high value for herself and demand respect from her clients in many countries where her rights are protected and legalization has made her job safer.
Respecting and loving your body doesn’t mean you have to cover it up. It definitely doesn’t mean that because a girl dresses one way she intends to be disrespected. What do you mean explicit any way? At one point explicit meant showing your ankle. Nudity is only taboo here because our culture makes it so. There is absolutely nothing inherently shameful about the human body. Also just because you cover yourself does not mean you value yourself or that others value you. Value is something constructed by people. Teach girls that they are valuable, teach boys that they are valuable.
C’mon Tia, go to worldstar and tell me what you see is self-respect. Really? Stop it. Just stop…lol You talking about other countries? What country have you been to? It’s about PROPAGANDA, it’s about IMAGE…What other culture in the WORLD (since you want to tell us what’s going on overseas) constantly puts out the same image of it’s people over and over. What other race of people out there have the image that they try to portray us as? Like I said just stop. I get that women should own their own sexuality, but you reaching hun..seriously…
Ok, Tia..I didn’t mean to disrespect you..After re-reading your comments once again I get it. Women should OWN their own bodies. But where is the line? Is there a line? Does self-respect mean nothing to today’s generations? What are we to do? Help me with ideas..Yeah these memes may rub some the wrong way, but how do we get this message across without offending anyone?
If someone truly valued their body, then it wouldn’t be for sale and constantly exposed to whatever STD’s her clients may have. Anyone can say they respect themselves but actions speak louder than words. There is more evidence that prostitutes are treated worse in countries where it is legal.
Also, it’s not just the nudity and skimpy clothes, it’s associating with men who devalue (and make money off of) nude women with skimpy clothes. What other women think of them is the least of their problems.
Another question none of these women seems to ask herself is, how come men don’t wear skimpy, revealing clothes? Does the fact that men rarely publicly show of their body mean that men don’t own their bodies and their sexuality, suffer internalized sexism and are ashamed of their manhood?? The argument just does not make logical sense. How ridiculous.
These women call it “pride,” “feminism,” owning their bodies and sexuality when they are half-naked and renting their bodies out to men to perform sex acts on. How convenient for men that these women’s “feminism” so perfectly aligns with what certain men want to see (scantily clad women dancing in sexually suggestive ways) and do (prostitutes, if they are desperate or dirty). I fail to see the empowerment in any of it…for women. I’m sure there are a lot of men just loving it, though.
Keeping company with men who openly disrespect them while profiting off of their bodies is the real reason why these women are not respected. I know they are often sexual abuse survivors but as long as they continue to let men publicly exploit them, their status won’t change in most people’s eyes.
There are many women who are comfortable with their sexuality/sensuality and even nudity who don’t have men around calling them names. I didn’t see any of those women in these memes or being called names in general and I don’t think that’s a coincidence.
I would be curious to hear what women who star in rap videos with degrading lyrics say the difference between the rapper calling them names and the general public is.
your argument is the kind that so annoys me. it’s the argument that likes to ignore the realities of life.
i have a pre-teen girl in my family with breasts large enough that she has a lot of cleavage. she wears low cut tank tops. by your logic, and that of so many of people who agree with you, it’s nothing for her to be spilling out of her shirt so that grown men can stare at her. because, you know, they should be responsible for their stupid actions. we shouldn’t “body shame” a growing 12 year old girl into covering her tits a little bit more. i mean, to cover up would mean she was trying to be respectable. this is all complete rubbish.
and let me tell you, there’s no place on this planet where a prostitute is respected. i don’t care how much you are paid – and most get very little but they do have exposure to all kinds of disease and the risk of being assaulted. and since you’re on the prostitution kick, how young can we prostitute? i mean, we’re living in this anything goes kinda world, or at least americans are.
You don’t keep your treasure out for all to see and take from it. What is valued is kept sacred, not freely shared.
you said exactly what i said, but more eloquently, and less profanity…lol
I like the “shaming”.
I hate those things. I hate to see women sharing them even more. People deserve respect and the freedom to live their lives any way they choose as long it isn’t hurting someone else.
people deserve basic human rights and the type of respect that comes along with that. some of the people in these photos don’t necessarily deserve anything more.
So you feel OK in deciding what people do and don’t deserve. You see there are already people deciding what you do and don’t deserve simply because your skin has melanin. Who are you helpinghere?
Keep on corrupting people … this is a generation where absolutely everything is ok for you to do and nobody has the right to say no. Do people not have a right to believe in modesty and dignity? Believing in modesty and self-respect is not always equivalent to ‘slut-shaming’. Don’t force your opinions on others just because nakedness is the new trend.
I couldn’t agree more.. there’s a fine line between “It’s your body, do what you want” and “inappropriate and trashy” yet if you say someone is being inappropriate and trashy when they really are you are “slut shaming”. We live in a society where everything is excused. Heck I would never believe a lot of people support pedophilia (or in their case “age is just a number”) I’m sick of it. There are absolutely no rules anymore, luckily there are still a couple of people with their minds straight. What next bestiality? “Oh it’s just 2 species :)”
That’s what I’m screaming! Pedophilia will be accepted in increasing numbers and next, bestiality. There is already a “respected” professor at Harvard who is preaching that there are “safe” and “harmless” ways that ppl can have sex with animals. We live in such a gross society, smh.
self respect is called SELF respect for a reason.
Just because they don’t “respect” themselves they way you do does not mean they don’t respect themselves. It is a very subjective and self defined.
Yeeeeeeeeessssssssss!!!!!!!!!!!!
I can’t get mad at these memes. I see how divisive they are, but everyday I get on instagram and see so many displays of exhibitionism from women. I find it so disheartening how common this has become. Bodies are sacred, not to be paraded around for ‘likes’ and attention.