by
Black Girl With Long Hair
By Sabrina of SeriouslyNatural.org
Now, first breathe…breathe and calm your worried nerves about what I just said. I know many in the natural hair community hate that statement….
Natural hair ain’t for everybody.
Yea, too many of us have heard this, and most would not agree, but I’m here to really delve into this feeling that many relaxed black women have vocalized. Maybe it’s not for everybody, and I’m here to tell you why.
Going natural is a personal journey… a private journey that one must decide on for themselves. Some are pushed into it due to hair loss, illness, bad perms and a whole host of reasons. But the vast majority decide to go natural even though they don’t have to. It’s a conscious decision, and some do not realize the real work that goes into it.
Work? I mean actual WORK. Yes, there is work involved because many of us haven’t seen our natural hair since we were little girls, and even then we were not fooling with it. Our mothers were doing our hair. My mother dealt with my hair in its natural state, and then started getting it flat-ironed. By the time I was 13 and my sister 12 we had gone to the beauty salon and gotten our first perm. It was a freedom I had never felt before as my hair was silky, flowing and blowing in the wind. Then came the bad hair maintenance mistakes that plagued me until high school, where I finally mastered my permed hair.
Many of us have been permed for years, decades and even applied weaves, color and the like to our hair. Pretty soon we were experts with permed hair. So why do many feel that — given all those years dealing with permed hair — that then learning how to deal with natural hair will be easy? Because whether you big chop or transition you will run into problems.
If you transition you must work two textures of hair and only one is familiar to you. If you big chop you must instantly learn how to work with this new hair that grows out of your head. You probably had never even seen or remembered what your natural hair looked like. There are pitfalls along the way and if you aren’t willing to work through them all…you will fail. If a transitioning woman does not want to fool with new techniques then she will fail. If a transitioning woman doesn’t figure out what products work for her through trial and error she will fail. And if a transitioning woman is only willing to deal with one type of natural hair, more than likely she will fail. See the pattern?
If you are not mentally prepared to learn a new way of doing your hair then you are not ready for being a natural haired woman. If you will only be natural as long as there is a weave covering your head then you are not ready to be natural. If you are not willing to wait for your natural hair to transition from relaxed or straight styles and come into its own then you are not ready to be natural.
See it’s not that Natural hair ain’t for everybody. Rather, not everybody is ready and willing to become Natural.
This journey is a beautiful one. A change in style for some but for me and quite a few others it’s a change within. My hair is more than just hair to me. What I was willing to do to get to where I am now (8 years natural) had its own ups and downs, but I wanted to be here. Not everyone is ready or willing to do that. We as hard core naturals need to accept and respect that.
So, the next time you hear that annoying sentence just remember what they are REALLY saying.
It’s a beautiful Natural journey,
Sabrina
For more of Sabrina’s writings, check out her website Seriously Natural.
129 Responses
Chopped my hair off. All my hair needs is sprits of water (which curls it) and hair moisturizer (which keeps it from getting dry). Easiest thing ever, lol. I didn’t really anything from when my hair was permed. Don’t assume everyone’s experience will be the same.
I think natural hair is a thin/pretty woman’s game. If you are pretty enough, you can and will be gorgeous bald or with a ‘fro. If you are old and overweight, like me, the straighter hair works better. I know I feel a thousand times prettier with a weave in than my short natural hair that won’t hold any kind of pattern for longer than 5 minutes. I can’t wear that to work!! You cute young girls enjoy that hair freedom! It’s just not feasible for everyone.
Where your hair however you want geez, who cares and if you do care how others wear it ….Why?
Whew. I think I remember commenting on this very article a while ago, and at the time, I was caught up in the moment (“natural hair isn’t for everybody” are like trigger words to me, I admit..) and skimmed through before I made a comment. Now that I took the time to really read it through, I still hold on to my belief that natural hair is for everybody (I equate saying it’s not to saying something like “Brown skin isn’t for everyone,” but that’s just how my mind is wired, not something that I believe everybody else should think like), but I really do understand the author’s point.
If we’re on the same wavelength, I agree that some people are not mentally ready to go natural. I still believe that it’s only as much work as you make it, as a woman who spent her teenage years struggling forever with trying to make her relaxed hair manageable, pretty, and long, and is enjoying her kinky hair much better, but honestly it takes people time before they get to that point of learning (or relearning) their hair. Plus, the mental aspect of it that is connected to self esteem is very real for many Black women (and men). I’m in love with my hair and have always loved natural hair, but even I still have my moments when I want to shave it all off out of moments of frustration, or when I get a curly/wavy wig and feel that that look suits me better than the hair I was blessed with, so I can only imagine how someone attached to relaxed hair/weaves might feel about suddenly heading into “unknown territory.”
The important thing is that we make sure our community is open to and supportive of any woman trying to embark on her own natural journey. The more love we show, the easier it may be for more ladies to stop mentally blocking themselves from embracing their beautiful and unique blessing. Peace.& love.
Okay simmer down. I love my natural hair but when I had a relaxer, I only had to apply it every 4 months. I NEVER wrapped my hair at night. I put it onto a pony tail and often slept with it out. It was an easy hair life.
Here’s the thing weather you like it or not your hair is growing out of your scull RIGHT NOW, natural. So natural hair is for everybody and is on everybody.
I get what she’s saying about the work that goes into natural hair. Yes, there is work that goes into any hair, even for those who choose to NOT have hair. If they shaved it off, they still have some maintenance to consider. This is about wearing hair in its natural state, unprocessed, and without chemical straighteners/softeners/etc. Getting up in the morning and rolling out of bed without tending to one’s hair can look a mess on anyone, regardless of their hair type/texture/grade/etc. Once someone decides to forgo chemical processes and try to manage their hair with oil, water, creams, homemade treatments (the list can on forever) then there is a whole other job at hand.
I like how you stated that ” If you will only be natural as long as there is a weave covering your head then you are not ready to be natural.” I agree 100%. I know some ladies are growing their hair out and length is their mane goal, but if you NEVER/rarely show your real hair, then does it really matter that you’re chemical-free. If you go from transitioning or BC to the grave and wear protective styling until kingdom come, you’re not natural.
Being natural is a journey, not a destination or an end result. It’s like being single and wanting to be married, being childless and wanting to be a mother. Love your hair in the meantime. At one point, I thought “I’ll be happy once my hair is long/grown out.” Now it’s, I’m happy everyday with my hair, even on days it acts a fool (as I braid it down and whip out a fancy silk scarf and hat, a la JLo style).
I agree with this article I had my hair natural until high school then my mom gave me a relaxer. She used to be a hair dresser so my hair was being professionally done every week it was long and healthy then I moved out to a different state in a small town where there were no black salons so I just grew it out then when I found out about wigs I wore my hair braided underneath for 5 years. My hair was long and healthy but I just didn’t know how to take care of it. My curl pattern was so tight and my scalp was sensitive every time I washed it I cried combing it out. I think if I knew how to take care of it besides hide it I would of wore it out. I went back to relaxer but slowly my hair broke off and I ended up having really short hair after a relaxer accident burnt off half of my hair. Once again (last year) I moved to a small town (in another country this time)with the nearest black salon is a 3 hour drive so I am growing it out natural but now with sites and blogs/ vlogs on how to take care of it I may have a better experience rather than hiding my hair. I did try to keep up the relaxer when I 1st got here but the climate is so different my hair was falling out a lot I know my hair is the strongest when natural so that’s the path I’m taking. I used to think natural hair wasn’t for me but it was only because I didn’t know how to take care of it.
heck i have better things to do than spend hours on my hair. maybe we as Black people should worry about things like high abortion in Black girls, or that many of our younf Black men are in jail, or the needs of others. If Black women (me being one) would put half the energy that put in their hair the world would be an amazing
that’s mean and untrue. abortion and jail are related to non-education and poverty. With this natural thing there are lot of black women who became successful with their videos and their blog..
It’s just really all bad.
I hate my natural hair and it hates me back . I’m in this phase where all I want to do straighten my hair , and I’m not sure where to go now.
I’m sorry to hear that. When I was transitioning, I had to hide mine in box braids for half a year or I knew that I would just relax it again. I wasn’t used to dealing with my my hair. That was an easy way for me to grow my hair and it was easier to keep it moisturized. When I stopped relaxing, I decided that I was 100% committed to learning about my hair no matter what (This was 2004 before these wonderful blogs and videos)and that I wasn’t going back. Whatever you decide, just remember that it’s hair. It may just be that you are not ready for the process of learning the ins and outs of your hair by trial and error and all of the work that goes into figuring out what nourishes your hair. Good luck to you!
Wait so white natural hair is fro everybody….. asian natural hair is for everybody….but black natural hair isn’t for every black person?
Come again?
Some people say that going natural isn’t for everybody, so what, God made a mistake on black folks hair?
It’s not that God made a mistake on black hair. She’s trying to say that not everyone knows how to properly care for their natural hair. I agree. There are so many girls with natural hair who commit lots of time, money, and effort into their hair and it looks incredible. Kudos to them. And then there are some girls who are natural and don’t do anything to their hair and it looks a hot mess. Those are the girls she’s referring to. If you want to rock natural hair, you have to know how to properly care for it. That’s all she’s trying to say.
But not a lot of girls know how to maintain relaxed hair either. Most of us have been uneducated about black hair in general for a long time. Its like saying black hair is not for everyone, because lets face it a lot of black women are not educated about how to take care of our hair properly
I can cosign on this one. If I’d learned some of these natural hair techniques, I would have definitely kept more of my relaxed hair on my head. With over relaxing, not washing enough, not deep conditioning, using mineral oil on my scalp and frying my hair with curling irons, my hair didn’t get past my shoulders from age 8 to age 24. I’m just glad that we are all regaining access to this lost knowledge!
You’re right about the ”work” part. Its such a huge chore trying to maintain a natural hair.
I don’t get it when people say that. I mean if you don’t want to deep condition then don’t. If you don’t want to detangle then tie it up and go. Natural hair isn’t that serious especially when people go out and buy a million products or saturate their hair because they think they have to. If finger detangling takes you to long then use a brush. You get what I’m saying? Your hair won’t fall out in clumps just cause you used a brush or straightend your hair. Just get some basic oil and some water and you’ll live.
if only you were right… just water and oil ! my dream ! but my hair definitively wants lot more. It’s always dry and my nape hair broke very easily so i need to pay attention and regularly deep condition my hair.
But even relaxed hair needs misting, oiling, deep conditioning and a good wrapping . Well, that’s if you want it strong and long.
I am old school. I wore a “natural” in the 70’s. All we used was sheen and a pick! That’s natural. Excuse me if I don’t care to wear “curls”. I’ve been there when a natural really was a natural (afro). It wasn’t a lot of work. I choose to wear a perm. That’s my choice, just as wearing “curls” is yours. Everyone did their own thing then. Why can’t we do our own thing now? It has nothing to do with my self esteem. I am comfortable enough in my own skin to know what I like and not follow the trend. God bless, and do you…let me do me!
some peoples natural hair is curly. don’t try and pretend that you have the only true natural hair
Madam, you seem to be confusing the ensuing waves that you get when you take down and old set of cornrows, twists or braids with bouncy “curls” (all African textured hair is curly, by the way). There were also a plethora of styles amongst African peoples well before the popularization of the afro in the 60’s. There are many women who have a looser curl pattern and I do not believe that they should be faulted for wearing their hair texture as is. With my hair length and texture, my hair won’t even be compressed into a round shape anymore. So my hair style choices tend to be skewed more towards the bantu, twist and braid outs anyway. Everyone has their reasons and we all have an abundance of choices that we take advantage of, not because we want “curls” but because it works best for our individual manes. As you so eloquently stated above,it is best that you “do you” and the rest of us will choose from our abundance of options and do what is best for our hair.
I love this article but it also disheartens me. i have been natural for 5 years and still have not mastered my hair. I can pull off a cute afro, for one day. i can pull off a cute air-dry, for one day. I simply bow-dry and flat-iron once a week or so and I’m tired of the straight hair look but it seems i’m doomed to it. My curls aren’t kinky enough to last on a daily basis. But my hair isn’t straight enough to just be long and silky. My face isn’t shaped right for a short cut. I have no idea what to do with my hair. But after reading this article I see I’m not the only one who struggles. I hate to just complain when I should be grateful but I wish I could find a way to maintain my hair in a natural style that flatters my face without causing the damage that blow-drying and flat-irons do to it. From a girl who just wants to rock curls…
Thank you so much for this article. I am for those who are able to go natural and think that all my sister’s are beautiful in their choice of look. I am one of those that CANNOT go natural because my hair is falling out. It bothers me when people tell me to stop wearing my wig (which i take off daily) instead of listening to my reason on why I have to wear them. It’s even more offensive when men and women talk about people with weaves because it’s not WHO I am, it’s just what I wear. People need to feel comfortable in their own skin in a way that makes THEM feel good about themselves. I know many men do not understand, but I hope soon we as women will just accept one another as simple BEAUTIFUL! Thank you again!
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It’s a mind-set just like anything else. Most people who say they can’t go natural or continually hide behind the weaves and wigs (not including illnesses or the occasional I need a break) truly aren’t ready and it’s ok. Being natural DOES take work, but I think it is worth it. #HHJ1standalways
I totally agree. We shouldn’t pretend that natural hair is not a lot of work because it is! If I were a single working mother I would opt out (unless you want to rock a TWA which is not to everyone’s taste.
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Thank you @ Inw (nice hair pic) so totally true. It takes time and patience too. Have I mastered it? NO! I am learning still! It can be very challenging but very rewarding at the same time.
Well stinking is natural but most of us opt for wearing deodorant every day! With that said, I’ve been natural for years, off and on, changing when I get bored because my hair grows like a weed. I still have super thick hair and I work in Africa. Trust me ladies — in the part of Africa that I work in the women are not natural. They are too busy with fetching the water, minding the kids, digging in the garden, cooking, working in the market — living life to be twisting, braiding dealing with hair. The girls and women largely shave their heads, although the city chics are keeping the weave stored in business. With that contrast I can tell you that Black women in America have uber yuppie idea as to what is “natural”. Our “natural” hair is manipulated, tamed, saturated with expensive products (Miss Jessies, Curly Niki) made to look as if if has a certain curl pattern that is not natural. This “natural” look is a luxury — it is not natural for most (poor rural) women in Africa. It is not natural if we couldn’t afford to pay (time or money) for this look. I am thinking to do a slight texturizer on my hair because I am too busy (working to reduce maternal deaths) to spend hours on my hair. The weather is too hot and dusty, and humid all year round. For this reason I agree with this article — “natural” is not for everyone! I’d rather spend my time working on a good cause or nuturing my relationships then twisting, pinning and worrying about my hair for hours on end in the week. When I move back to America and have access to products for “natural” hair, and have a less hectic schedule. I will re-think this stance. But for now, I concur with the author.
{Slow Clap} You nailed it with your comment. A lot of things are natural but I doubt many prefer their natural odor over soap, deodorant and perfume. I don’t know anyone who just wears their hair how it grows out of their head. It is manipulated in some way. If you are oiling your scalp, pre-pooing, co-washing, deep conditioning, twisting, braiding and satin cap at night, taking it out in the morning and starting the entire process over the next day, don’t say you are wearing your hair the way it grows from your head. Now it is absolutely okay if you want to devote the time to care for your hair in its natural state. I take care of my curls and they are thriving as a result. But some people don’t see it as worth the effort. Why do you think most women over 50 start rocking short dos, because many have decided as they get older they don’t want to devote any more time to their hair than they have too. Similar to women in the village LNW is referring to. They have so much going on in their lives, hair is an after thought.
Many that are arguing that its not just hair, do you realize how fortunate you are? To even make that argument shows that your lives are so blessed and bountiful that you can give hair so much energy and power. Maybe hair can be more than just hair one day. But as black women we are most at risk for heart disease, diabetes and high blood pressure and HIV. We have carried the burden of single parenthood for generations all while doing more work, often as less pay than our counterparts. More and more of us are college educated, but still in 2013 only 1 of us runs a Fortune 500 company. We spend more money on hair products than any other ethnic group, but not one of the major hair companies is black owned. We have so much work to do. Unless you are building a hair empire, hair needs to be just hair. Because this stands in the way of progress.
Thumbs up ++++ squared!
Well stinking is natural but most of us opt for wearing deodorant every day! With that said, I’ve been natural for years, off and on, changing when I get bored because my hair grow like a weed. I still have super thick hair and I work in Africa. Trust me ladies — in the part of Africa that I work in the women are not natural. They are too busy with fetching the water, minding the kids, digging in the garden, cooking, working in the market — living life to be twisting, braiding dealing with hair. The girls and women largely shave their heads, although the city chics are keeping the weave stored in business. With that contrast I can tel you that Black women in America have uber yuppie idea as to what is “natural”. Our “natural” hair is manipulated, tamed, saturated with expensive products (Miss Jessies, Curly Niki) made to look as if if has a certain curl pattern that is not natural. This “natural” look is a luxury — it is not natural for most (poor rural) women in Africa. It is not natural if we couldn’t afford to pay (time or money) for this look. I am thinking to do a slight texturizer on my hair because I am too busy (working to reduce maternal deaths) to spend hours on my hair. The weather is too hot and dusty, and humid all year round. For this reason I agree with this article — “natural” is not for everyone! I’d rather spend my time working on a good cause or nuturing my relationships then twisting, pinning and worrying about my hair for hours on end in the week. When I move back to America and have access to products for “natural” hair, and have a less hectic schedule. I will re-think this stance. But for now, I concur with the author.
Sometimes its the methods for getting to natural hair that is not for everyone. Not everyone wants to big chop but transitioning is not always easy. Not everyone wants to or can wear synthetic braid hair or weaves to assist in their transition, or even after with their protectives styling.
Personally I am allergic to synthetic braid hair, and with relaxed hair I never wore weaves so I am not going to wear weaves with natural hair either. Some people deal with major shrinkage and want long hair. I would be upset if I had 18 inches of hair that shrunk up to 6 inches and had to keep my hair perpetually in a twist out/braid out/blow out just to see my length.
Bottom line its what works for you and your desires for your hair.
This article gives a new perspective on the topic. I kind of agree with what she says but I also have some issues with the reasons.Saying that natural hair can be difficult to care for is a bit harsh. When I compare having natural hair to looking after weaves or relaxed hair,I can definitely say natural hair in the long run is more cost effective. Thats my personal opinion.
From the comments Ive seen so far, it seems that the saying that “its just hair” is not true. I for one know that there are a lot of things to worry about in life besides your hair, but that doesnt mean that hair shouldnt be seen as important. Ive met women who would never show their boyfriends their real hair, others who used to be natural and then relaxed because they didnt feel they were good enough with natural hair.
I feel though that in general, whether a woman is relaxed, natural, weaved or braided, there isnt enough information out there on how to have healthy hair. I know there are a lot of myths in the black community about hair care eg you cant wash your hair for at least two weeks after a relaxer otherwise you will lose the slick straight look. I wish we could educate each other more. Sites like this help but we need more. For both sides of the spectrum. Relaxed and natural. I for one can vouch that only after 10 years of getting relaxers did I learn about the right way to care for relaxed hair. And I then decided to go natural for health reasons and the versatility I saw with natural hair.
What saddens me is that natural hair should be the standard but its not. Why I say standard is because truth of the matter is our hair grows out coily,curly,kinky etc.I dont mind what others choose to do to their hair, I mean its your choice. But lets not say its just hair.
I am from Africa but I have lived in Europe before and obviously the market there is geared towards European women so they wouldnt have a lot of hair products for black women.You would then think that in Africa, natural hair is the norm but it isnt. We now have the weave craze going on here where women are looking to spend ridiculous amounts of money to have a weave on. in addition natural hair here is seen as a sign of poverty or someone who is backward “weaves are the in thing”. I have tried to educate friends on the benefits of being natural and was told that “my degree didnt cure my ignorance” and that I should get over it and its just hair. And even on this site, you find women saying its just hair, its just hair. Its not just hair. you coming to this site and commenting on a hair topic proves that hair matters to you. Hair matters to those that want it to matter.
LOVE THIS.
I get what the writer of this post was trying to say. At first I rolled my eyes but when I read it I kinda agree. It’s not that natural hair doesn’t suit everyone it’s the process of re-learning to take care and style their natural hair that not everyone has the patience for or is ready for, which I can understand. But I do believe as more information about natural hair care is available, with time more and more women will be willing to go natural.
You are exactly right with what I was trying to say. We weren’t born with perms. We had to LEARN how to take care of our permed heads so of course we will need to learn how to take care of our Naturals heads ESPECIALLY if you have been permed for years. If one is not ready or willing to put in the time to learn their hair and take care of it in the natural state then going natural will become a failure to them.
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This… the problem isn’t natural hair but the learning curve needed to adapt to natural hair. You could apply this to many life situations… learning how to cook, learning to live independently, becoming more healthy/doing more exercise etc. There are people who are prepared to make the lifestyle change and there are people who are not.
When I decided to live a more healthy lifestyle, I had to change so many habits that seemed out of pattern to me but I was committed and now they have become a way of life. Natural hair is like this for me and the time pattern I have with my hair is the same amount of time I spent with relaxed hair but just spent in different areas. i.e. the time I spent blow drying and flat ironing has gone to detangling etc. But it took a long time to adapt and accept because we all are creatures of habits, some good some not so good.
I tried several times to go natural, never was it because of some spiritual enlightenment or to feel more black. I wanted to try something different or just give relaxers a break. Now 18 months post BC, I love my curls. But when I read or hear comments from “The natural movement,” about relaxed women being insecure or not enlightened or natural women not being natural enough, it makes me want to reject the entire thing and run for the creamy crack just to distance myself from the natural nazis.
I get that for some of you hair means so much, but personally I’m from the “it is just hair” line of thinking. My blackness isn’t defined by how tight or straight my coils are. Yes hair can be a form of self expression, but so can clothes, tattoos, music, art, writing etc. So why should I give it so much more weight than other aspects of my life or existence. I think some of you who are calling others insecure for not abandoning the creamy crack, should do some self examination as to why your self-esteem and/or beauty is so tied with your hair. You could lose it all tomorrow, does that make you less of a woman, less black, or less enlightened?
You are You regardless of how you rock your hair and it seems like some women, natural or not still haven’t figured out who they are.
I agree with you 100%. Hair is just one part of you and you have so much more to offer besides the way your hair looks or the way you take care of it.
My point exactly!
I know this phrase generally irks naturals but please read what this woman is writing. She is saying that not everyone is ready to look inside themselves and understand why their hair can’t be seen by the public. Looking at your soul and all of your insecurities is difficult to do. Doing it with a shaved head, where the WHOLE WORLD will be whispering and talking, is even more difficult. That is what the author is saying. Going natural afters years of perm is going to be hard because of the psychological changes that need to be made. Not everyone is a trained therapist.
I really hate how naturals are so anti-non naturals. I get it. You think you’re more enlightened than the sister with a weave, but why try to make her feel like less of a person because she has a weave? Not too long ago, naturals were made to feel less because of their hair too. In the end, it is just hair and you cannot go shaming someone’s existence over the way they chose to wear their hair. Would it be okay if a stranger or potential employer shamed your integrity and existence because of your naps? Women who aren’t natural might have insecurities to deal with, and it’s nobody’s business or right to judge them for it.
You totally got my point. Thank you.
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Hair becomes a big deal only when you decided it to be because once again how you decide to take care of it or style it for the outside world to see start first with how much you love yourself, your self-esteem and self-worth,your mindset, what you want the other to think about how you look and how much pressure you can take from those who think that is different and not beautiful or ugly according to their standards. Why is it that a lot of time those who appreciate and love our natural hair styles are those with straight hair? Choosing a style and enjoying it for what is it is part of the fun but becoming a slave to this very same style is being weak or sick.
Why do we easily forgive artists and those working in the showbusiness for the way they style their hair and sometimes even tag them as trendsetters when we cannot do the same for our own natural hair?
Once you understand your hair, keep it simple and love it the way it is and work with it you will be able to take the pressure no matter where it comes from. Because sometimes the pressure just comes from the choices of hair products we have available and the results stated we will have from using them. We buy them with the hope they will give us X, Y or Z hair type or style and get frustrated when we realize our hair cannot do it. If you had only water and oil to do your hair would you feel the same pressure?
We need sometimes to forget the standards the society has pressured on us and just go by healthy, neat and clean. If you don’t love yourself, no matter how beautiful or society correct is your hair or hair style you will always end up bitter, frustrated, alone and blame it on God for not giving you the “right type of hair”. Love and Educate yourself first.
When slavery was abolished…, some refused to leave the ‘comforts’?. of the plantantions. Same mindset. The ‘unknown’ is scary, especially if you’ve looked up to one particular standard as being the superior standard.
What comforts,they were beaten and worked to the death of them,they were working for hours and hours on end in high end heat..what sources say this lol
I do think that people legitimately have a lot of baggage to work through when they go natural, but I still think “it’s not for everyone” is just lame. It is what grows from our heads naturally. I think of it like wearing makeup. I personally don’t wear any because I like my skin as it is (plus my skin is sensitive) and just make sure to moisturize. I have a friend who will NOT leave the house to check the mail without a full face of makeup. I have another friend who is a cosmetologist and loves makeup as part of getting dressed up, but goes au naturel when it’s convenient and has no qualms about it. The first attitude is a problem with self-esteem and self-worth, and the second is just a style choice that is not tied up with her identity.
And we make it worse sometimes by saying that natural hair is this epic fight that’s more difficult than being relaxed. We just put pressure on ourselves to have waist-length hair in a new style every week. My non-black friends don’t have half the number of styles in their arsenals that everyone on these sites has! I find natural hair easier because I’m not worried about reversion or the original layer of fragility because of chemical relaxers. Our hair is worth of being worn too and I just get annoyed when people make excuses about why they “can’t”. They can say they don’t want to, but it’s always possible to love what you have naturally even if you might need some help and time.
Thank you for this- I have no problem with people saying that they don’t want to go natural, or they don’t think it’s for them, I have a problem with people saying that they “can’t”, as though there is no other option then what they’ve got.
As long as we all understand that we have options: natural, relaxed, weaved, braided, then I’ve got no problems with what people actually choose. I just hate hearing things like “black hair can’t grow, so I can’t go natural” or “It would be too much work, so I can’t.” It does not automatically take more or less work to wear natural hair- that is entirely dependent on what you want your hair to look like. I’ve gotten by just fine wearing my hair in a loose moisturised fro that took all of 3 minutes every morning. I’ve also spent two hours on it before, because I wanted to do a specific thing that required more time and effort.
There are always choices. Always.
We need to remember that nothing and no one has the right to make those choices for us, if you like straight hair and weave, own it! It’s not a big deal, I couldn’t give a wag, just don’t sit around implying that my choice is somehow “impossible” or “time consuming” as if you know anything about it. I don’t know anything at all about wearing a lace-front or a sew-in, how foolish would I look to sit here saying “It’s just more time consuming, so I can’t.” or “It might fall off!” You don’t know until you try, and if you don’t want to try, that’s okay. Just don’t assume. It’s the assumptions that kill me.
Uh oh, that “IT’S JUST HAIR!” line again. But I bet you don’t walk around with malnourished hair – no you TAKE CARE of it. Bet you style it too from time to time? Riiiight. So it’s not just hair then?
Hair is a big deal for a lot of people (women AND men). It’s an expression of yourself and in some cultures, it’s an expression of tradition and where you come from. Yes, even in India where they shave their hair for religious purposes, its a BIG DEAL (otherwise why shave it?)
You think because you put your hair in a bun everyday that hair is not a big deal? How would you feel if you lost it all? If it broke off? Started greying? What about those who lose their hair to chemo? Ever heard that story of the woman who lost all her hair to cancer & didnt care? Me neither (there are of course, exceptions). You’ll see that actually, hair isn’t just hair for you either.
I’m not saying everyone is the same. There are some who shave it bald etc and don’t care. But I think they are few and far between. Hair care and regimes are only a problem if it interferes with your life (like a drug addiction lol).
Hair is just hair. If you were seriously ill, would you be more concerned about your health &u living oe your hair? I’m 45a and have a massive, thick head of hair that looks much the same as it did in my childhood. I’m glad to have it but I keep things in perspective. And I don’t care whether folks want to go natural or not or wear weave or not, I’m just enjoying what I have.
I know it’s not related but did you all hear about a 10 years old Texas girl arrested and in detention and charged with raping a 4 year old boy? This story was first reported back in April and is still being investigated and if convicted, the girl may have to register as a sex offender at 10 years old her life will be ruined forever! This is really a heartbreaking story – See more at: http://madamenoire.com/290441/10-year-old-texas-girl-arrested-and-charged-with-raping-4-year-old-boy/#sthash.dJLzEzwI.dpuf
Natural hair is for everybody and there is no need to discuss about that. Why? Because that’s the hair you were born with and that’s how God intended it to be. Now will you tell me nails are not for everybody, same as your nose, tongue, fingers, legs or whatever “natural” part of your body that you don’t like just because you don’t know how to deal with it or take care of it so it can be healthy or just because you’re lazy and believe you have something better to do than “wasting your time” doing your own hair?
We need to stop finding excuses and assume the choices we make in our lives whether it’s dealing with our hair or other aspects in our life. Yes we have plenty of styles we can choose from and even if some hair can’t showcase certain styles, we still have plenty of choices left for us to work with, natural hair being extremely versatile.
Fact that we didn’t learn to deal with our hair in its natural state ( for those who’ve been permed or pressed early in their childhood) doesn’t mean that we can’t learn because when a life changing situation occurs that forces us to deal with our natural hair we always find a way to deal with it because human beings are very resourceful especially when it comes to beauty.
I believe that when you start thinking that the hair that comes out of your head wasn’t meant for you and it’s ugly that’s when you need to sit down, take a look at yourself in a mirror and ask your reflecting image what is wrong with you and not what is wrong with your hair because when you know you’ve mastered your hair and know what it can and cannot do and stop longing for somebody else’s type of hair, you enjoy your natural hair and what it can do and not what you want it to do.
I’ve been living around the world a lot and came in contact with lot of people and customs but it’s only here in the US that I found Black Women hair being an issue and causing so many hatred, self-esteem and self-respect issues as well. I even added new words to my vocabulary like “hair Nazis” and learnt about Men not being able to touch their wife’s hair or women shying from sport and pool just not to have their hairstyle messed up and this is very sad and not fair at all. In Africa I saw girls and women with natural hair and seldom heard of another woman or girl teasing because the hair wasn’t permed. They teased when it’s wasn’t clean nor neat. In fact, lot of relaxed head braid their hair as soon as it gets cold for 2-3 months and don’t get pressured to perm it. Also most mothers let their daughters with natural hair because it usually braided for 2-4 weeks at a time and relaxed hair is a higher maintenance (Timewise,Moneywise and healthier). Most time they start perming their hair around High School or even later when they can take care of their hair themselves.
In Asia and Europe I didn’t see so much pressure either. In fact women cherish their Natural hair and even cut it as a present to thank their God for a miracle ( we all know the story). In most these continents women who change up their styles and alter their natural hair often are artists and in the showbusiness.
Sometimes when it comes to dealing with our hair we Women should be thinking like Men and just tell ourselves that less is more.
But no matter the situation, once you educate yourself on your hair and your health just like any other parts of your body, the decision remains yours and you will be the one to deal with the consequences.
When we have hair on our head we should be happy because when alopecia will show its nose for whatever reason you will be so wounded in your female self esteem and will regret whatever hair you had before walking through the journey of healing and accepting your new bald head and identity. We can enjoy weaves, wigs, extensions and whatever hair mimicking artifact we put on our hair but it can’t replace what God gave us in the first place because at the end of our journey here upon Earth same way we came in same way we’re going back even when buried with a wig on.
Sorry for the long post but I hope it will help us accept and educate ourselves on loving what God has given us. Be blessed!
I’m a grown women and have lived in Europe all my life,black women wear their hair in various amounts of styles and methods,but most of the time you will see 80 per cent rock the weave.
we don’t have this pressure or face any opposition to how we should be wearing hair a prospective way.
In America,it’s very different and I have seen most of the ignorance come not from relaxed sisters but from natural haired women who are using the hair battle as another issue to deal with in the black race.
It’s unfortunate that those with natural hair expect other’s to convert when it should be free choice..
As a natural girl from birth I basically did not know that it was a big deal, it’s just hair. Not everyone can rock the curls because they do not know how to style it. I’ve been teased because of my curls, luckily my mother didn’t want me to get a perm. Natural girl are not trying to convert anyone we’re just thrilled to see that people are finally accepting this texture as not Nappy but nice.
Not literally but the debates and opinions often leave black women who don’t wear natural hair undervalued the biggest argument being that relaxed sisters are conforming to the European ideal,no…they just like straight hair.
I agree Maxine!
Very well said.
This bullshit, must be a troll. ‘In Asia and Europe I didn’t see so much pressure either. In fact women cherish their Natural hair and even cut it as a present to thank their God for a miracle ( we all know the story). In most these continents women who change up their styles and alter their natural hair often are artists and in the showbusiness’. Never laughed so hard in my life. Probably some Indian guy in Delhi, you don’t fool me.
I’m sorry but when it comes to weaves, wigs and relaxers Africa s and other black people all over the world use them and more tha. They should. So please stop saying its just black Americans, when we are the ones leading the way for natural haired women.
I’m glad this was posted. My mother tells me this all the time. She will complement my natural hair all the time, but when I mention her possibly going natural, she says it ain’t for her. I always feel confused like “But you were born with a natural texture” I think this article explains every well what my mom meant by that. 🙂
true. my mom retired from caring for my hair and tht’s when i decided to go natural.
I don’t get it–Ladies it’s your hair, your crown, your glory! Whether natural , permed,transitioned, colored,or the works it’s your hair! Who better to take care of it then yourself! Don’t get me wrong of course visits to the hairdresser is always welcomed but at the end of the day when you look in the mirror, when you reach within the surface,when you add or remove,you are doing it all to your hair. Whether it is in it’s natural stages,permed, transitioning, colored, a protective style or whatever the case it’s still your crown which requires some TLC!
So embrace it in which ever stage it’s in, stop comparing and focusing on what people say how your hair should be like. Listen to what your body, mind and soul is asking of you to do for YOU, like previously mentioned: Who else to take better care of you, body, mind,soul and hair then you. Take sometime and allow for your hair to introduce itself to you and then walk through the journey with it by educating yourself on how to take care of YOUR hair–Provide it the necessary TENDER,LOVE,&CARE! ?
Hmmm..I understand where the author is coming from, but in my (stubborn?) mind I can’t help but think that *some* people who think it is too much work to be natural would not mind putting in the time for that work if they had the texture that they wanted. Many girls still say that they want to go natural but their hair is “too nappy” so maybe that’s where I make this conclusion. But, in all fairness, some hair is going to take a little more effort, at least until the “perfect”regime is found, if it ever is. In the end, I believe in being happy (although I still have my “stubborn” opinion that natural *is* for everyone 🙂 ) ..& not to be tooo random, but why is that girls’ hair is “too much to handle” but most little boys with long natural hair have never had any kind of relaxer? Hmm..random, maybe even rhetorical, but I’ve been thinking about that lately..anywho, peace & blessings to all my beautiful sistas, relaxed and natural!
I TOTALLY AGREE WITH YOU. IT BECOMES TOO MUCH WORK WHEN YOU’RE TRYING TO COMPLETELY ALTER IT
I disagree. Unless yoy are okay with walking around with your head like you just woke up, it is work. When I was relaxed my hair took all of 5 min to do in the morning, now I have to budget an extra 20-30 min to wash it everyday. I rock wash and gos because it is the easiest and least time consuming. if I was one of the 4b/4c sisters who twist their hair every night and then untwist it everyday I would have gone back to the creamy crack long ago. At the end of the day it is just hair and not worth an excessive amount of time, effort or money imho (lets be real natural salons are crazy expensive and so are many natural hair products)
Why don’t you just keep it in a protective style? Sounds easier and less time consuming than a WnG every single day…
You’d spend less time than when you had it relaxed; doesn’t take 5 minutes to remove your hair bonnet and go! Lol.
I’d love to know which products you use (or used) on your relaxed hair? I reckon they’re similar in price. To be honest, anything used on your natural hair should probably be used on relaxed hair anyway – or do you go back to saturating the scalp with petroleum/mineral oil when the hair is relaxed? Why should the products be any different? The only thing I can think of is using lighter oils as the hair will be thinner…
I do wash and gos because they work. I have wasted too much time on other styles that come out looking crazy, so I’m a wash and go girl. Also I am a TV Reporter, so my job requires a consistent appearance everyday. So switching it up isn’t really an option for me. As for products, when relaxed a 7 dollar jar of QP Mango Butter would last me for close to 6 months. Shampoo and Conditioner as well. A jar of Let’s Jam would get replaced once a year. I relaxed 3 to 4 times a year. It was a minimal expense and minimal effort. Weaves or wigs are additional cost, but my relaxed hair was not.
Now I go through conditioner like water, a jar of kinky curly and knot today lasts a month or two and both products are pricey. Plus I had to buy a lot of different products before settling on whats that worked for me. I used jojoba oil on my relaxed hair sometimes, but now I use an oil concoction daily. And you can forget about going to the hair salon. Styling natural hair is much more expensive. I could never bring myself to pay 80+ for twist outs or flat twists. I have gone to the salon once since I BC 18 months ago and that was for a flat iron which was $40. Compare that to the Dominican blowout that was 15 on my relaxed hair.
I love my curls, but I’m not going to act like this is some easy, inexpensive option. I guess if you were a person who went to the salon every week or kept your hair weaved up then maybe for you it is. If you got up and spent an hour on your hair every morning, then maybe this is refreshing. but for some of us it costs more and requires a great deal more effort than relaxed hair. So I get why everyone isn’t willing to make the leap.
@TMal .. THANK YOU SO MUCH for being one of the few Naturals who is being absolutely HONESTabout this whole natural experience. I especially LOVE YOUR SECOND COMNENT (your reply to AnonSince87).
NO MATTER THE HAIR TEXTURE, it is one frustrating, time consuming, emotional and psychological experience. Also VERY EXPENSIVE, so a person really does have to plan ahead and have a serious **’Game Plan’** for Styles & Disasters (bad hair days), before going on this Journey. Once you learn your hair and what works for your texture then it becomes a little easier. A well groomed appearance has to be maintained in our professional and Personal Lives… With so much involved with transitioning and being natural it may take time for some to even cosider it or for those thinking about going natural to make a decision. Naturals are gonna have to accept the FACT that Everyone is not gonna go natural.
(I’m 3years natural loose hair/ 10yrs ago natural with dreds and I respect All women’s decision to either be natural or NOT!)
Typo: (missed a key)
I meant ‘consider’
Yeah, it’s sooo time consuming and expensive. Less than $3 for my suave natural conditioner. 8 oz of pure shea butter for $4. 12 oz of virgin coconut oil for $7. Castor oil for $3. Olive oil for $5. This collection lasts me 2 months or more… This is just a little over $20. As for time consuming? I guess it depends on what you’re doing. I protective style like crazy, braids that I do myself, or wigs. It’s only a chore if you make it a chore. So sick of all the excuses.
Yes, I do agree with you. There are some who want a particular type of curl pattern and will not want to go Natural if she do not have it. Those women cannot be helped until they begin to love themselves completely.
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I agree 100%. I FAILED at my first attempt to go natural. It was definitely NOT due to me hating my texture – it was because I had no clue where to start, what to do, and I didn’t have the time back then. I had a full time job, was an artist on the side that was also in school. I had to BC two times until I got a grip on things and how to maintain my hair since I never worked with it or touched it in it’s natural state.
I am happily a 4A/B texture and I admit that I had to fully commit to the journey to find success and it’s still somewhat of a struggle today. We all have good days/bad days, don’t lie! Given all of these factors we all know the desire has to come from within, so no it isn’t for everyone.
I have theory about the little boys with long hair. Most of the time little boys get their hair cut but if the boy’s is long that means they really want their hair to stay long so they put in more of effort. A few older guys I know said that they cut their braid off because they felt they looked like girls and their mother’s literally cried over it. I’m not that serious about my son’s hair. I want it long and worked hard to fill in his hairless patches so he’d have more than a mohawk. While I wont make him keep it long if he doesn’t want when he gets older, I’ll still feel sad because of the effort I put in will be gone. You’ll never hear me say my son’s hair is too much cause I wanted him to have a good amount for so long.
Sorry went on for so long but I guess you catch my drift. I can’t complain cause I truly wanted his hair long
I disagree. Although I love my natural hair, I can admit that being natural is more time consuming. This is simply a true fact. I have recently encouraged two women to wear their hair natural and while they are both excited about the journey, both have proclaimed to me that it is a lot more work and they feel like they are re-learning how to care for their hair. One of the girls uses all natural oils and butters and is not seeking to alter her texture, but it is still a lot of work. Detangling the hair alone can be an all day task for some naturals.
I think it’s okay to wear your hair natural or not natural. No one has the right to tell anyone how to wear their hair. If someone wants weave let them, if they want natural let them. Does it really matter? NO. It’s like choosing to live in the suburbs or city. Let people do what makes them happy. The problem is people worry too much about stuff that does not concern them. I wear weaves and get my hair permed on and off and will continue to do so. I’m not into natural and never will be. I like the versatility of weave, changing colors (because I will never color my real hair), longer, shorter styles, curly, not curly, etc. I also wear my hair out (though it does get a perm when I do), a couple times a year and I like it. It’s thick, full and 16 inches long. which is the middle of my back. So everyone has their own way of doing things. Embrace the beauty of both and let it be.
I don’t like the statement either way and even though she had valid points…. I would prefer people just say “I am not ready to do the work it takes” and not speak for everyone saying “Natural hair is not for everyone” or “Natural hair does not look good on everyone”….Yes its a personal thing, so speak your personal statement and not for every one….
I agree. However, the title did do it’s job of sparking discussion and getting others to look at the article. So it was useful in that way.
IT’S MENTALITY AND FEAR. BUT AT WHAT POINT DO YOU STOP USING THE EXCUSE YOU NEVER SAW YOUR NATURAL HAIR, OR YOU HAD A RELAXER SINCE 3. IN 2013 AT WHAT POINT IS THOSE EXCUSES OLD AND TIRED. ONCE I EDUCATED MYSELF MY HAIR BECAME A BREEZE AND WAY LESS WORK THEN A RELAXER. NO TOUCH UPS, RUNNING FROM RAIN, PAYING A HAIRDRESSER WHO THOUGHT MY HAIR WAS TOO KINKY TO BE NATURAL, AND NO MORE CONSTANT TRIMS AND BREAKAGE. SO IN THIS DAY IN AGE WHEN ARE THE EXCUSES TIRED??? BECAUSE THAT’S ALL IT IS. THE TIME I PUT IN MY HAIR I DICTATE. NOW I DON’T CHASE ANYONE AND TELL THEM TO STOP WITH THE RELAXERS. I LET THIS BOMB HEALTHY, THICK HAIR SPEAK FOR ITSELF. STRAIGHT HAIR IS SO BORING ANYWAY
I rarely comment on this discussion because it causes conflict and allow others a chance to “bash” one another. Everyone is different and I believe being natural is a personal decision between YOU and YOUR HAIR. You have to know that you can’t force anyone to do it. That is something we should learn is to respect everyone’s preference and opinion. It really shouldn’t matter what anyone says or thinks about your hair because I’m sure the same “lip smacking, donkey mouth, bubble gum chewing, lip popping *itches” could care less about what you think of their “Carl Winslow” hairline!
Wow never realized how ridiculous black women are with their hair.What if straight hair was considered ugly and kinky hair considered beautiful in mainstream.You would see all the straight haired women making their hair kinky,probably some would keep their hair straight.If I’d see plenty of straight haired women trying to have hair like mine I’d look at them funny like what are you doing your hair isn’t naturally like that.Anyway if I had stumbled across a topic like this,but saying ‘Straight hair isn’t for everyone’ I’d be like wow so sad how could something your born with not be for you,are they really sinking even lower into the media’s trap?
I think going on about how natural hair is a lot of work and not for everyone contradicts the message that being natural is about a state of mind and accepting your hair and your body the way it is. How can you tell people that they don’t have the right, or they aren’t ready to style their hair the way it grows out of their heads?! Think about what you’re saying Sabrina, that it is so patronising, and suggests that our hair is some kind of problem that can only be handled by a select few. That’s not true, its all about information- if people know what to do, and more importantly, start to believe it looks good, and attractive, they’ll try it too! And isn’t that a good thing? Why are we telling each other we’re not allowed to embrace our own hair and try and style it naturally?! As many others have said, weaves, perms, relaxers, braids, transitioning, being ‘natural’ it all takes work, the main thing is doing what suits you with you hair, whilst being happy and healthy. This ‘natural hair movement’ is about sharing a different way of doing our hair, the way it grows out of our heads, not about telling people what they can and can’t do with the hair on their own heads. Its meant to be empowering, not divisive. You are not less of a person, less of a women, less of a black woman, because you choose to wear a weave, you are not a better person because you do your hair in a natural up do. You’re less of a person if you judge someone to be worse off, less educated, or less worthy, because of the way they do their hair. Lets share information on the different ways to do our hair, not tell each other what they can do and when. We get enough of that from elsewhere already,I don’t want to hear it from you too.
Enough with all the labels, boxes, and categories.
Oh lord this article is about to start a controversy
This is so true. Natural hair is alot of work. When I did my big chop I was obsessed with my hair- kinda how a mother is obsessed with her newborn. You come to understand what it needs, likes and hates. How it reacts to illness, temperature changes and new products. That’s was one of the things I learned on YouTube. You’ve gotta have patience. You have to love it and be ready to WORK because if you don’t- you’ll decide it’s not worth it and give up.
i agree with what she said NATURAL HAIR IS A LOT OF WORK…finding the right products, taking the time to understand your hair etc. when all we;ve ever had to do was get a perm and a treatment every 2 weeks…stop being so hostile some of you and open up yourselves to another point of view….like someone else said its just hair….STOP GETTIN WORKED UP AND MAD ABOUT ANOTHER PERSONS OPINION OF NATURAL HAIR! some naturals make me hate the natural hair community
And people that bash relaxed girls about their hair ANNOY the hell out of me..they make all of us natural girls look bad..who the hell do you think you are to look down on somebody because their hair is relaxed..as if you weren’t once relaxed …in my opinion it’s just hair..do with it whatever you will and be happy …not everybody that relaxes their hair is ashamed of their blackness ..I was relaxed a year ago and now i am natural,I am still as proud of being black as I was when I was relaxed ..so some natural girls need to calm down.
THANK YOUUU..I have been saying it since…it isn’t for everyone ..it is only for people who decide that they are ready for the work no matter their hair type..you have to be willing and ready for the new discovery, and be ready to embrace it happily..if you are not in that state of mind then I am sorry but PLEASE do not go natural if not your hair will suffer it..I have a friend that is relaxed and she once said that she would go natural since it was the new ‘trend’ and everybody was doing it..I just simply told her not to try it ,if that was the only reason she was going natural because you have to do it for yourself not because everybody is doing it.
“Now let us take a minute to bow our heads, and thank the Lord”, cause Sabrina just preached out loud what us (real, though some may call us ‘hardcore naturals – hate the basis of that term-.-). Were thinking.
Thank You!
I went natural by accident,I shaved my head bald and just went with it and now I’m loving it. I don’t bash friends or family with relaxed hair,I give them advice on how to better care for it,I even do their touch-ups. They all think my hair is pretty and I know they’ll come around eventually hahaha and I tell them that when they are ready,I’ll help them on their journeys. When I get to heaven though I will ask Him why he gave us 30mins detangling hair and shrinkage hahahahaha
I don’t regret my natural journey and I love bein natural, that being said I do agree it’s not for everybody. It is hair and whatever you want to do with it to yours. One thing I have never understood and this is not me stereotyping people, whenever I’m on American blogs “African girl here” everyone seems to say how being natural is amazing because they don’t need to run from the rain mmmmhhh, when I was relaxed I never ran from the rain, only now being natural, I did an amazing twist out in the morning and my hair is past shoulder length, it rained, I didnt run fast enough it seems and I came home to a tight fro and a marathon detangling session, I never had that with a relaxer. I had waist length thick hair with relaxers, I could comb my hair in 2 minutes as there were no tangles, oil distribution was much more effective, I could readily see the length of my hair. Therefore I do understand why some people feel natural is not for them, maybe it’s just me but I do feel there is extra effort on a day to day basis. However I do love what grows out of my head in it’s natural state. And again what’s wrong with being natural and using heat or weaves, I still feel if you are relaxed free you are natural, I have white friends that use heat every other day they don’t think they are anything by natural as they haven’t put spiral perms or some nano straightening treatment, so all fuse rules make people actually feel that they may as well relax their hair. All in all I’m in support of being natural, and I love my natural texture, but hey I have personally found in terms of detangling, washing, keeping knots at bay, it’s slightly more work than a relaxer. However with all the chemicals in relaxers I would rather be natural 🙂
African girl here too! *waves* I have never also understood the whole rain thing. Detangling and twisting takes too much time for me to enjoy the rain. I feel you
I never ran from the rain because of my relaxed hair, never understood that for some time. As it turns out some peoples relaxed hair would still curl back up, mine never did. Go figure. Everyone’s hair is different, so is everyones hair story and experience. I never sat in a salon all day either, been doing my own hair since I was 15, before that it was my mom. I never wore a t-shirt on my head an pretended it was long hair. I never left a perm on my head for 30+ minutes. I feel like some people think that thats everyones story. Not everyone hated their natural hair or begged for a relaxer.
MY TWISTOUT DOESN’T GET AFFECTED BY A FEW DROPS OF RAIN. MY TWISTS WOULDN’T EITHER. NOW A FRESH RELAXER WOULD
For me, I was the total opposite. A perm and rain was a class 3 disaster but since I went natural……
I remember a coworker said to me one day- as we waited for the train- ,”It’s raining! Aren’t you worried about your hair?” I replied, “Nah. It’s gonna do what it’s gonna do.” Which meant my perfect braid out was shot to sh…. Rain doesn’t upset me now.
Bottom line of this article is it’s just fucking hair. Women have the right to wear their hair in any which way they choose. Natural or not. Just because someone chooses to perm their hair doesn’t mean that they hate themselves. The same way how being natural doesn’t make you any more secure about you “blackness”. So tired of this misconception and topic for that matter. It’s no different from coloring or accessorizing your hair.
Here we go…I read these blogs from time to time to be more educated on my natural hair that is (oh yeah) covered by weave. The more I read around, is the more I realize that for SOME of you this “movement” is not about hair or the healthy state of it. SOME of YOU make it into an argument of “my black is better.” Putting down other women, referring to women’s sexual “liberation” or which beach is better(heaux wear weaves and gags)versus who is the better “around the way girl” is ABSURD. WHEN are ya’ll gonna realize what you are doing is “divide and conquer” just with a new theme or purpose. I applaud a sista who wears her natural hair all day everyday, but why do we NEED to put down others who dont. I went natural in ’99 WAY BEFORE “the movement.” To deal with the shedding, I started with braids and moved on to weaves from time to time. WHY does that make me different? Do I not need to take care of my natural hair when I take my weave out? Be real! I agree with the article to an extent. Natural hair DOES take time, but it is time that some of us simply DO NOT HAVE. Not that we dont want to, but we simply CANT. Does that make us lazy or not wanna deal with our blackness? Hell no! Does that mean we’re living in the closet? NO! You ever stop to think that it may not fit into someone’s lifestyle? Or their personality? It’s like we’re back in Spike Lee’s “School Daze” but now the “cool girls” have natural hair. Why dont we just say the house nigga has to have natural hair now. I see this nonsense everyday! WAKE UP!
Yes I had to reread some of these comments on here a few times because I couldn’t believe the ugly words being used to express opinions and experiences. “donkey mouth”, “hoes” , etc. One person proclaiming that they grew up in the ghetto but slamming other people in that same ghetto. Some of these things being said if said by a white person would be awfully racist but people here are thumbing up these comments and laughing. Yet talking about being of a better crop and more educated and financially affluent. I can’t anything for a once little insecure girl to now feel better about herself. Is that really overcoming the mental slavery and stigma of being black in america?
But this is the thing Stace, everything she stated is true and are real life experiences, I have and do experience the same things she described. Does this mean every black woman in the ghetto with weave and perms act like this, no, but a large majority do. Black women get stereo-typed alot but, alot of black women are representations of these “stereo types”.
It never ceases to amaze me how political Black hair is. It’s just hair and however someone chooses to wear THEIR hair is THEIR business! It’s not like I’m getting up in the morning to do anyone else’s hair but my own!
God forbid we should collectively apply the energy and dollars spent on caring for our hair towards improving the lot of our community instead of having silly discussions about this author’s point of view on natural hair.
Bless!
It is more than hair to me and when some realize that then they won’t keep saying it is only hair. It may be only hair to YOU but not everyone feels that way.
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hair is dead and such a superficial part of our existence. I feel sad that so many black women gives it so much power and waste time and energy that could be better spent uplifting our comnunities.
While I agree that a woman should be able to wear any hairstyle she chooses, I disagree that it’s just hair. When black people don’t simply have a “preference” for straight hair even though it’s clear that we’re being spoon fed that straight is better from the media and everywhere we turn, maybe then it will be just hair. When it’s not abnormal for African american women to wear their hair in its natural state to job interviews and weddings, maybe then it will be just hair. But you can’t tell me “that it’s just hair” when there’s a clear preference for straight eurocentric hair in our community.
YUP ITS WAY MORE THEN JUST HAIR
Oh how I wish it was”just” hair and one day it will be, perhaps generations from now. In the mean time, it’s more than hair. It’s a learned preference that many who transitioned or big chopped had to unlearn. Although I will keep that dream alive. The it’s “Just Hair” dream. Just like that November in 2008, many of us never thought it would happen but mindsets are changing and we are learning. Yes we are!
Natural hair is not for loud-mouthed, ghetto, ignorant, nasty attitude bit*** ass hoes. I’m natural and from the ghetto, I wear my hair out, loud and proud! Most women around here are screwed up, but they still manage to get their perm touched up every other week. It seems like natural hair is more common in the middle or upper class. My mom could not even afford to feed her kids, but she managed to get her nails done and a peticure, and her hair weaved up. Not a day goes by that I don’t get angry comments from these weave wearing, bald patch, receding hair line women. It’s quite ironic. Even from the men I get ridiculous comments like, “You need to go see the barber, laughs” “What’s up with your hair”, “You look crazy”, “Why don’t you let the girls (weaved up bald bitches) do your hair”, “You should get a perm so that white people can see that we have good hair too”. Girls who hate natural hair need to keep getting perms.
I feel sorry that you’ve felt with that type of negative atmosphere for most of your life and to this day deal with the comments. I can definitely sense some of the bitterness in your diction but I believe this goes back to the point of what we ARE and ARE NOT willing to accept. Maybe in this article it is a struggling transitioning woman who doesn’t want to alter her old regiment, maybe in your case it is a “ghetto” weaved woman who fails to see the beauty in your fro. However, what we are discussing here are the levels of flexibility when it comes to hair and I applaud you for displaying that in your community when others won’t seem to take on a natural and new experience. Now being a natural doesn’t make you or I any better than them, but just think of it this way. They are missing out on a freedom that they can only wish they had the courage (or for the sake of this article enthusiasm) to explore and discover.
That’s a really interesting perspective. Is it true that most naturals are more educated? Not that there aren’t relaxed educated women but most of those who are natural, 20’s and up tend to be more educated and perhaps in a higher income bracket if you’re not a college student. I know some people who look at certain hair types (4c) in disgust. My sister and I, both of us are natural had a pretty heated debate with some women about being natural and how it looks. They didn’t like the ‘nappy’ look and they don’t understand how our preferences are learned and influenced by the society we live in. I’m tired of debating with women who don’t want to understand the simple fact that their feelings about the hair that grows out their hair was learned. So I can only accept that some women will never accept their natural curl pattern of lack of curl pattern.
Oh my goodness Zacaria. I cannot stand those donkey mouth, bubble gum chewing, lip popping witches with gag breath and Carl Winslow hairlines like that go around laughing at everyone else hair, but theirs is falling out of their heads. Wearing 40 inches inches of human hair that was probably robbed and snipped off from some poor Latin America woman, or some poor Indian woman that made a meaningful sacrifice, so some dummy can walk around talking about others peoples hair with someone else hair on their heads. If you can’t work with what you got, then who are you to tell someone else how to work with what they got? SMH.
That ENTIRE first sentence killed me dead, by the way. Too much!
So glad you found this website and an encouraging, uplifting community here. Check in regularly, ignore the village idiots and keep your head up gurl 🙂
Nice try, but when someone says natural hair isn’t for everyone, what they’re *really* saying is that natural is only for certain types of hair.
When someone says natural hair isn’t for everyone, what they *really* mean is that their mentality is so deeply ingrained in slavery, that they have not mentally evolved beyond notion of good and bad hair.
Personally, I don’t believe in bad or ugly hair (only ugly hairstyles).
Still, I don’t see the point of trying to rationalize the effed up logic that someone’s God given hair is not for them. I certainly don’t see the point of feeding someone’s insecurities regarding the hair that naturally grows out of her scalp.
If someone came to me on the fence about getting back to her roots, I’d encourage vs. enable. Otherwise, I’m over this particular logic. It’s very difficult to have this conversation with natural-hair-naysayers without telling them, “Get your mind right,” dropping the mic, and walking away.
*slowly claps hands* you hit the nail on the head
Just so you know, when I, personally, say that natural hair isn’t for everyone (like to my mom, for instance), I mean simply that it’s a personal choice that not everybody has to, should, or feels called to make.
This phrase *can* be said with sincerity without implying all that you unpacked above (though I’m sure a much of the time the unpacking is necessary).
Sorry Ev’Yan, but I disagree with you. I would challenge that to say, would you say its a personal choice if we were speaking about skin bleaching? Or would you put in your 2 cents against that? I highly doubt you would be quick to defend. Its just that relaxing is more socially acceptable in the U.S. We could compare to Asia, where skin bleaching is the equivalent to a relaxer here.
See relaxing and skin bleaching, scientifically (by the way I was a ph.d. student in science, so I do know) are very similar in regards to health hazards. You are altering something that grows from your body to look like something that it is not, all due to social constructs. Both are linked to Fibroids, and correlated with cancer, and many other diseases that haunt black women more than other races. Its only that relaxers caught on here in the U.S. and skin bleaching did not as much as other places. Yet we are justifying it, but we demonize those who use skin bleach. What I find funny about that is when a you buy skin bleach at the store, versus a relaxer and put it on, its the relaxer that is actually more dangerous to you at that moment. Now this may cause people to get mad, but our PH.D. program at Morehouse School of Medicine was the truth and didn’t hold back facts. Its our own mentality excusing it. If you let a relaxer sit on your head past those 35 minutes, it WILL burn right through to your brain, through your skull and can kill you. Skin bleaching with a legal dose cant even do that. Put aside, natural nazi beliefs, biasness, social constructs ect… and just look at the facts and logically say that makes sense? All this mess is absolutely enabling us, we have very unhealthy habits to be accepted, whether one consciously realizes it or not.
Truthfully, if someone hates their skin color so much that they want to bleach it to a lighter pigment, or they hate their love handles so much that they want to go under the knife, or they hate the kinks in their hair strands & they want to straighten them. . . that’s on them. It breaks my heart, absolutely, & I could never see myself making that decision for myself, but that’s on them.
I choose to “do me.” I don’t have time (or the energy) to worry about what other people do to their bodies & why. The most I can do is show them compassion for their choices & give them encouraging words toward self-love in the process.
The LAST thing people who choose to lighten their skin or relax their hair need is condemnation & disparaging words about their choices. They already hear that enough in their own heads from their own selves.
So I choose compassion. And to let my own light—as a natural, self-loving, empowered, & education woman—shine bright.
See but Ev’Yan, judging and stating facts are 2 different things. This is about re-educating people on something they were never taught or haven’t accepted, and teaching ourselves to love our own body how God made us. Of course resistance is to be expected when facts are stated. However, its about reprogramming ourselves, so dismissing it just because its a personal choice does not negate the facts. This is why I hate the “dont judge others” card. Its like the go to for when people get offended and then want to excuse things. This has nothing to do with judging and everything to do with change, self reflection and re-education when its needed. So stating that self reflection is necessary and that this is just enabling the bad habits within our culture is fact. How one chooses to deal with it is their free will, but acknowledge the facts and don’t deny the reasons behind it.
Natural hair not being for everyone is an excuse, and stating, oh its just a preference is a major down play of the situation. Here is why I feel getting relaxers is definitely (IN GENERAL, not everybody) an unconscious self-hate issue (thats right I said it, I aint scared LOL):
There was a time where you had to have relaxers to be deemed a respectful black person, a non radical, and even to get a job, way before our time of conception. And the job thing was relevant up until recently. It is only now that hair is seen as an accessory or how you choose to wear it. Its like saying, well white women wear weave too, yes, but its much deeper for us as black women. Why do we generally find straight more attractive than natural 4 hair pattern? I argue that this is something that is deep ingrained, and studies prove that. Even children see it. It’s almost since birth that you have had to have a relaxer (unless you had a less curly/kinky hair pattern), or a unique family. So to be honest, you don’t really realize how DEEP it is because it is a pretense there from the beginning, it didn’t begin as a choice for most of us. It becomes a preference because it didn’t begin as acceptable, or being told your natural hair was beautiful from jump and rock it. You were told its nappy and your tail needs and WILL BE GETTING this RELAXER lol! A fro was and now still is generally viewed as less attractive and a radical statement. I just think, its not something that can’t be argued as much because our vision has been skewed. You black, you got a perm! Why? Why was this a must? It don’t matter why you do it now, its habit, and you can’t honestly say its not influenced by history. Even though we know it’s harmful and that can’t be argued. I love curly hair, I love kinky, I love straight, but does that justify a chemical burn and damage inside and out to have it permanently?
We can use the analogy of sin for that, sin is not justified just because one should not spend time judging anthers actions. That doesn’t excuse it once you have been educated, God says you have to take responsibility for what you have just learned. Meaning one way or another, you must deal with your truth.
YOU HIT THE NAIL ON THE HEAD. ” IF MY HAIR CAN’T LOOK LIKE HERS” THEN I DON’T WANT TO BE NATURAL
“When someone says natural hair isn’t for everyone, what they *really* mean is that their mentality is so deeply ingrained in slavery, that they have not mentally evolved beyond notion of good and bad hair.”
I’m going to have to disagree with you on this bit. I was natural for almost 4 years (Hair type: 4C/D/F )and loved it. I just recently went back to a relaxer. And maybe it’s not that natural hair isn’t for me, I just don’t want it right now. My sister has repeatedly stated that natural hair is not for her and trust me her mentality is NOT “so deeply ingrained in slavery, that they have not mentally evolved beyond notion of good and bad hair.” I think the phrase “isn’t for everybody” is a misrepresentation of those of us who appreciate natural hair but prefer not to wear it. When I was thinking about getting a relaxer again I worried that I would be looked at with accusatory and demeaning eyes that thought that my “mentality is so deeply ingrained in slavery, that they have not mentally evolved beyond notion of good and bad hair.” But guess what? I did it anyways and I couldn’t be happier! Just because you see someone with a relaxer or you hear someone say that natural hair isn’t for them you can’t assume that their “mentality is so deeply ingrained in slavery, that they have not mentally evolved beyond notion of good and bad hair.”
I hear you, but I call it like I see it.
I have yet to hear anyone explain why natural hair isn’t for them without equating their hair to being difficult, disobedient, naughty, or, simply, bad. My hair doesn’t do this. My hair won’t do that. My hair keeps doing this and that. I.e. my hair does or doesn’t do the thing that the good hair doesn’t or does do.
No matter how skillfully one may tap dance around the good hair/bad hair argument, it’s always implied. Not that there’s anything wrong with that. It would naive and irresponsible to think that us tightly curly cuties never have those thoughts. It would be naive to think that the effects of slavery don’t apply to us because we were never slaves. Identifying the problem is the first step towards a solution.
So glad this article was done , a lot of naturals do wear weave or straighten their hair with straighteners etc, some don’t understand that doing this is still showing that fear to completely natural and enjoy your own hair in its normal state …some even have moan at relaxed sisters for not keeping it real but think because their hair in its natural state they get a pass.
Natural women should be able to rock any hair method but at the same time not exspress any opposition to sister’s with relaxed hair when they do the same thing.
Basically this translates to our natural hair being too much work and not everyone wants to bother. That’s a fair view point. It can be. But why do we all of a sudden pretend that weaves, relaxed and flat ironed hair isn’t equally as much work? I thought they were. Between worrying bout touch ups, hair reverting back in the humidity, trying to buy weave hair packs, crazy salon costs and time wasted waiting on a stylist to show up and etc. It was equally as time consuming as being natural but many black women do it. Why would we automatically assume natural hair = no work? No matter how you chose to wear your hair, one has to remember healthy and nice looking hair takes work. No body rolls up out of bed looking photo ready. What I read above sound like excuses.
Maybe I read it differntly but wasn’t her point that natural hair is more work?not no work? bc there isn’t a wash day that I don’t briefly recall how much easier it was.how there was no 30m detangling to do, I didn’t worry abt humidity as much&ppl didn’t treat my hair like it was a fascinating thing to be touched (which I hate). My biggest worry was a touch up.I gave up on salons & stylists years b4 i went natural. Too much $$ and too much time! My interpretation is natural isn’t easy.it requires acceptance of ur hair is it is and taking on the work that comes along with embracing it (hence her comment abt the naturals who wear weaves bc they can’t be so bothered…bc theres work in being natural).
Here’s what I heard from the article: Natural hair isn’t for everyone because there are some on this planet who don’t have the time or patience to commit to having natural hair. And for novices (i.e, straight up newbs with no concept of what their natural texture is like) it WILL seem like a lot of work.
I had chemically straightened hair from the time I was 3 years old up until about 3 years ago. All I knew about my hair was relaxers, hot oil treatments to ward away brittleness, my hair breaking off & falling out routinely, pressing combs, & short cuts to hide the breakage. At a glance by an outsider, this would seem like a lot to go through to simply defy my DNA, but for me it was normal; I knew nothing else. All of that “work” was just part of life.
Now, going against everything I was taught about my chemically altered hair to embrace my curls & kinks was ridiculously hard & emotionally exhausting. A learning curve is involved with any significant change, & going natural is not exempt from that. It’s about finding & being OK with a new normal, & a lot of people don’t have the will for that. They’d rather just continue with what they know, with what they’re good at, with what they fully understand, than to become an infant in something all over again. And that is OK.
Being natural is a personal decision, one that I feel we (anyone but the hair-wearer) have no right to critique, judge, or admonish. Not just because it’s none of our business, but because it takes a lot of WORK (& energy) to care so goddamn much about what others are doing & why. Personally, I don’t have time for that!
Honestly i find natural hair easier to handle than when i had weaves. I have only permed my hair 3 times in my life and i’m 21. I wore weaves since I was 12, back when i just came from kenya where you could get hair braided anywhwere for cheap to the US where a black salon would be hard to find and expensive. For me weaves looked nice for one week and then it was downhill from there. Maybe I just have bad experiences with weaves? I’m in that awkward stage where my hair isn’t really a twa and detangling only takes 15 mins for me. But every natural is diff so idk.
I don’t think these reasons are excuses. Most black women have been permed for most of their lives, therefore they are completely used to their hair, and how to care/control their permed hair.
I feel like the author is stating that it’s trying to have permed hair, why on earth do women seem to think that natural hair will be simple. All hair is difficult, and depending on the effort and work you want to put into it will determine the outcome. Don’t put any work in, regardless what your hair is, it will suffer, put work in, and it will flourish. It’s as simple as that.
Everyone is completely entitled to have their hair any way that they want. So don’t say that these are excuses, for some women this is completely valid. They have their permed hair routine down, and know exactly what to do and what to expect, they may not have or do not want to spend the time to re-learn how to take care of their hair. What exactly is wrong with that?
Natural hair is as much work as you make it.
Of course, it will be work if you insist on spending hours deep conditioning, roller setting, braiding, twisting, detangling, etc. etc. and a cashmere sweater. FYI, hair is dead and it probably doesn’t need that honey-tomato-coconut-avocado-bacon grease deep conditioning treatment to be healthy. Your hair’s aesthetic is mostly genetic and a reflection of what you eat. Not the avocados clogging your shower.
Case in point: I grew out my relaxer for a year; however, my real transition(s) took place over the following year after becoming natural. So, yeah, in the beginning, natural hair was more work. For seven months, I’d wash, roller set, dry, then style my hair almost daily. Two-hour process.
When I transitioned to the puff, that was easier, but still took an hour because I’d twist and plop my hair for a more defined curl.
Now, I finally feel comfortable enough with my tiny curls to wash and go. Detangle, style, blow dry…45 minutes, out the door. It took 45 minutes to wash, dry, and style my relaxed hair…so that’s break-even.
If you asked me a year ago, I didn’t think I would EVER leave the house with my predominately, 4c, tiny curls (roller sets for life!!!) on display, but after a while, I was over getting up at 5a to do my damn hair.
I say all that just to say the more you come to accept the hair God gave you, the easier it will be.
i see your point but maybe she is also speaking to people like myself. I havent had a perm in my head since i was in 4th grade. My hair was long grown out by the time i decided to start wearing natural styles about 5 years ago on my long heat trained hair. For me, even though i do make the decision to continue doing so, my natural hair is a lot more work for me. I kept my hair pressed consistently and all i ever did was wrap and go. there was no making sure it was moisturized, fixed it just so, bobby pins in the right place etc etc, i wrapped it every night with a little olive oil, took it down in the morning wore it down or in pony tail and that was it. now im constantly washing every few weeks, i used to only get my hair pressed once a month w/the aforementioned “maintenance” being ALL i did. now im always making concoctions and looking for conditioners. looking for new styles that will last because i was never one to be fooling with my hair or appearance a lot to begin with, now my hair is always an issue. I could go on but this is getting too long and i just want to speak to a perspective i hadnt see mentioned under your comment.
That was my point that relaxed hair was JUST as hard in the beginning. Neither is actually harder but if one refuses to put in the work that they put in when they became relaxed then going Natural will not work for them.
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