by
Black Girl With Long Hair
In an interview given recently, Taye Diggs said he doesn’t want his son to be called black, instead encouraging people to call his son what he is: biracial. As a black woman raising two beautiful biracial children, I disagree. I want my kids to love being black. I also want them to love being white. More than anything, I want them to love being who they are.
Even though I know we all say this, I have the cutest children. Because they came from me and their dad. They’re this perfect mix of both of us. From their eyes, to their noses, to their little limbs, down to the color of their skin. They also do this cute thing where, when they sing together, they harmonize perfectly. (Conveniently this also happens when they cry.) I’ve always thought that they were beautiful because they’re my babies. But from the time I became pregnant until now, people have made sure to remind me that “mixed babies are the most beautiful!” And now, because my kids are old enough, people will go so far as to them how beautiful they are because they’re mixed.
It makes me cringe.
When both kids were born, everyone was so curious about what they looked like, not who. When my son was born, he had sandy hair and grey eyes. People on Facebook “hoped” they’d turn blue, but I prayed they’d turn brown, like mine. When they did turn brown, Facebook was disappointed, as if his blue eyes would make him more white, less black.
Over the years I’ve stood idly by, watching my friends touch my daughter’s hair, looking her straight in the eye and saying,
It’s lucky that you didn’t get your mom’s hair. Your hair is so soft and beautiful.
Reminding her that her whiteness was better than her blackness. Like it was something she should be grateful for. That she should be proud not to to look like her black mom, the woman who helped create her, the person who provides for her. That she should be proud her hair didn’t reveal her Otherness, despite the fact her skin would.
37 Responses
I went through this with my girlfriend, who is black. Actually she was more curious about the hair of our then-unborn baby. She said it was grounded in a practical matter, as straight hair was easier to take care of, though I wanted her to have full, African hair like her mother. We both wondered how dark the baby would be. The baby was a mixture of us both, though it looked more like my side of the family, and was very light.
We’re pregnant again. I am hoping for a darker baby that looks like the mother’s side, but my genes might be the dominant ones. Our babies are “mixed” or biracial, but I do wonder how they will view themselves someday. I want them to embrace both white and black sides, but mostly identify as being black. I’m proud of my girlfriend, and I’m proud that my family is now distinctly African.
This thread should be called the self-hatred of black women, trying to experience whiteness through their children.
This experience may be one of the reasons why some Black women are ambivalent about having bi-racial children and marrying outside of their race. I think it can also be annoying when you’re out with your mixed kids and strangers assume you are the nanny. Not fun lol.
People really need to learn to mind their own business. Why is she commenting on biracial children not her own? Live and let live. Other people do not have to live or raise their children according to your personal views. Personally, I have no interest in how other black women will raise their biracial children. I certainly have no interest in what black men will do with theirs. It’s not my business just like what I do with my children is none of their concern. I disagree with her take on raising biracial children and will not be following her approach, however I respect her right to do what she wishes with her kids. Just like she WILL respect what I do with mine. I don’t necessarily agree with Taye Diggs either for that matter, but their kids their rules. My kids my rules.
I will never understand why people say stuff like this. Just because a particular story doesn’t mirror your experience or interest you doesn’t make it unworthy of being shared. This is a site for discussion of black culture and beauty and for some black folks, this IS a relevant conversation to have. Not interested? Keep it moving! Not everything out there is going to be tailored to your specific interests and that’s perfectly ok.
that makes no sense what you just said. How is identifying yourself as black not having respect for being black?
It makes perfect sense, you simply don’t understand the issue. Biracials included as and identifying as black leads to the erasure of authentic blackness. In spite of what many would like to believe, blacks are not a salad where anything and everything can be tossed in and included. Example, a black woman has not won the academy award for best actress and Obama would not be president if both his parents were black.
I have two mixed kids, now teenagers, and I left it up to them to decide how they want to identify. Growing up, they spent time with my family and my husband’s family, and made sure they knew their heritage on both sides. They now identify as bi-racial: not one or the other, but both. Almost like a whole new category. I feel like they have the best of two worlds.
see i think that’s fine but there no bi-racial on college form or applications and lets just be honest. In a corporate world they’re black. Hell in this world, they’re black.
It just is what it is
False. You will be treated as what you look like to white people not how nonwhite people think white people will see you. That can mean black, white, Asian, Hispanic, etc. regardless of your actual background. How you see someone racially means nothing if we are being real. Not to mention, applications have both an other box and a two or more races box.
Funny how it’s always the ignorant fools trying to tell people what they are and are not. As a black woman, I really wish one of you would fix your mouth to tell me what my biracial kids are or are not. They will be whatever their father and I say they are.
I’m a mixed girl and it makes me so upset when people ask me WHAT am I, if I feel more black or white ? Wtf ?? We are in 2016, black and white aren’t separated so stop asking me stupid questions please. Or when my (black) mother brought me to work when I was a child and her (black) friend said “She’s WHITE???” that’s rude okay? Imagine walking somewhere with people screaming “A BLACK WOMAN???” like yes do you have a problem with that ? Anyway, I love being biracial, it’s very interesting to see different cultures in the same home. Embrace who you are, no matter what
(Sorry for my english I’m french)
The audacity that some people have to says such things about other people’s children. F*cking. Amazing.
Both my husband and I have biracial children from previos relationships and we have a biracial infant together. Yes, I was annoyed with both his and his mother’s curiosity of the boy’s “final features” (skin color and hair texture), and I’ve made it plainly clear that such nonsense had no place in the boy’s life. My husband’s kids are very diverse inappearance and my daughter is brightest out of everybody. She’s even lighter than my husband lol. I used to call her my Pillsbury dough girl until she finally gained a slight tint lol. I remember going natural for a third time when she was born because I wanted her to understand what our beauty was in totality, and to understand who she was. My husband has always referred to me as dark and as chocolate and I just don’t get it. I’m neither. But it doesn’t matter anyway because come summer, we spend plenty of time outdoors soaking up the sunny days. My blended family in our various shades truly becomes all the more “blended”.
Now that our children are old enough to start etching out a personal identity (while learning commercialized American history in school of course) the middle child sees himself as both black and white, and is still trying to wrap his mind around what that means. The oldest two are choosing to identify with their father. The only white family members that they know are their dad and his parents. Their mother’s and stepfather’s families, both extensive, are all black, and they are constantly around them. I think they feel this way because they are a bit lighter than their other family, and because it makes them “different”. The oldest two are certainly old enough to understand and make definitive choices. My 7 year old currently identifies as white for more physical reasons. She knows I’m her mother, but her finite perspectives see that she is lighter than her mother and stepdad and something close to her bio-dad’s color. Plus she has his eye color. And when trying to understand who you are from a first grade perspective, you compare that which is visibly tangible. My husband and I don’t really interfere with the process of their self discovery. So well see how they view themselves as adults.
“As a black woman raising two beautiful biracial children, I disagree. I want my kids to love being black. I also want them to love being white. More than anything, I want them to love being who they are.”
This is misleading. Diggs did not state or imply that kids should not love being black. It’s ok to have strong opinions but this was written in a way that she would lose credibility with the reader. Overall, if she has any respect for blackness, she would not encourage her children to identify as black (as the link at Romper implies).
There are some comments on here that say that they are “tired of these biracial stories”. That comment is the most ridiculous thing ever. The story does not create the divide, but that feeling of being so sick of hearing this biracial struggle is the real issue. This sight I believe is built on uplifting black women through speaking of the beauty of our hair and body, skin, and other nuances that we do not get in people, and vogue. Unfortunately for some of you ignorant people black mothers with biracial children as well as biracial (of black decent) is also apart of our community and needs a voice. We should be welcoming stories like this that show all arts of our black. How horrible it must feel for a bi-racial woman who uses this site must feel to see black women say they are “tired” of listening to her struggle. We have got to do better. Stories like this do not create a social divide they should be creating a new understanding. Ask yourself if you would do the same if the story was about a black child being told they are ugly because of their hair. How many times have we heard that story and yet none of us grow “tired”. Lets just do better yall!
Me too!!!
As long as you teach your children to LOVE themselves they will be fine and so will you. Model self-love for them by loving yourself 100% and they ARE beautiful children. There are beautiful children of ALL skin colors and hair types. How they look externally is only one small part of what makes them who they are. Unfortunately we do live in a world full of racism, ignorance, discrimination, and stereotypes but knowing, accepting, and loving who/what you are will make you a healthy, happy, strong-minded individual who is at peace with herself so give that to your children as well.
I agree self-love should be the focus, everything else will sort of fall into place. BLACK IS SO VERY BEAUTIFUL. Teach them that from day one and watch it flourish
I hope you didnt just stand there, and let your “friends” spout such ignorant crap about black hair to YOUR children! Especially about YOUR hair , right in front of you!
As a biracial girl I disagree with some of the stuff she said about embracing their whiteness. I embrace that I’m mixed and I’ll have certain unique experiences and privileges because of it but I don’t see how it’s possible to embrace being white as I don’t reap the benefits associated with it. It’s not like they have much of a culture to embrace (that I’d be welcomed into anyway lol). When it comes down to it I guess I really just don’t like being looked at as separate from other black people because I’m mixed. I know my life is easier in certain ways because i have loosely curled hair and lighter skin but drawing such a distinct line between mixed and non mixed black people is counter productive, especially because a lot of us mixed kids don’t look “mixed” anyway.
As a mixed race woman your experience will be unique and different as you said. Black men will gravitate toward you more than darker Black women. Music videos with dark or brown skinned Black males hold the mixed or light skinned Black women as the beauty standard. And the closer you look to being white the more whites will accept you atleast more than darker skinned people.
100% agree…
I agree. I feel like it only continues a barrier that is present between Black and mixed beings. It continues the “Who has it better” mantra.
I am the black mother of a biracial child. It seems my teenage son has none of the issues that SOME biracial/multiracial people have (including my best friend who is biracial). Biracial/multiracial people only develop issues when their parents have issues. Some of us black folks privately (or not so privately) believe our children’s mixed race status is their saving grace due to internalized racism. Racism is real, y’all. I’ve noticed that biracial children with a black mother relate more to black people than those with a white mother (like my best friend). Black moms tend to keep their children grounded and discuss the realities of colorism and racism with their children. The only exception to this rule that I’ve seen is our president, but there are most likely others like him out there. I think Taye Diggs suffers from internalized racism, so my expectation for him to help his kids to embrace their blackness is pretty low.
This is 100% true in my experience, every biracial person I’ve known where the mother is white has had serious issues with race and racism, self-hate and hatred of their non-white half, it’s disturbing.
Well, I’m biracial, with a German mother and Ghanaian father . I didn’t even understand what raciism was, until I came to the U.S. I consider myself biracial, and acknowledge and I’m part of both my German family and Ghanauan family. I actually live in Ghana , and I’m married to a Ghanaian man. So maybe your experience is with biracial Americans, because this is not my experience in Africa or Europe at all.
Not bashing anyone, but my friend who is Columbian and black said she has good hair, and I have bad hair. She said I needed a perm, and I was all like, “we’re all natural, so we’re all in this togehter”. And her mom happens to be the Columbian one
note, colombian is a nationality. are you trying to say she is white colombian or black colombian or native american colombian (indigenous)?
This is how I feel.
As a Black woman married to a White man, I frequently worry about what our children’s lives would be like. We don’t even have kids yet, and we won’t for a while, but his family has already begun the “mixed babies are the cutest” bs.
My greatest fear is that they will completely internalize those White supremacist perspectives.
Why?
This is a piece written by a BLACK woman about her children. Not sure exactly what you’re tired of.
I think your comment isn’t helpful.
While I sympathize with her as a black mother of a biracial child myself, I honestly think the mother needs acknowledge what beliefs she has internalized herself. I mean, why did you marry a white man then? You weren’t forced into having biracial children. No shade here, I just feel like these, “I feel so bad my children are praised for thier biracialness, boo hoo – when I went and married a white man” story is kinda lame. I don’t know what her experience is but I had to do the same, especially after I started my natural hair journey. Acknowledge it as a perk of loving whom you love (cute- for the most part- biracial babies), instill a sense of pride in your children in regard to their heritage, take the W and keep it moving. I’m over these stories too.
Totally agree.
Just because you love a white man, doesn’t mean you stand idly by as people spout ignorant crap. People putting down blackness is not a “perk”.
My black.IS beautiful! Embrace and celebrate.not cringe and .put down who you are. We are ALL mixed to some degree.
My sister has mixed children and my middle nephew had blue eyes when he was born, now they’re hazel. Her oldest is not mixed and he is super handsome. All of my nieces and nephews are beautiful, not in spite of thir blackness, but because of it.
Other relatives tried to make it seem that they were cute because of their mixed background. It annoyed my sis and me. They’re adorable because of our genetics.
I am kinda over these “biracial” stories to be honest.