by
Domineque Michelle
The Thought Process
So, at one point it hits you, for major reasons or for none at all. You decide to wear your hair “natural”. You stop using chemical straighteners on your hair or vow to responsibly use heat. You no longer want to alter the pattern of your “crowning glory”. Your strands are glorious and they’re actually curly. CURLY! You see that your hair isn’t like anything you use to scour pans. It doesn’t match anything used to clean floors and it for sure doesn’t look like you’ve been electrocuted when you wear it naturally voluminous loose and free. You commit to learning about your natural hair.
The Products
You are now responsible for keeping these curls. What to do! You want to know what to use to keep your hair healthy, strong and growing because you have just started to accept that we can have long hair just like anyone else. You wonder, will THIS work? Will THAT work? You look for people who have hair just like you, so you have an idea what to expect of your own hair. You follow natural hair gurus on YouTube and the blogs meticulously. Looking at their hair process is like looking at your future in a crystal ball. You want your hair to grow and you want it yesterday, but you remain patient. You’ve found a few products that work, and it relieves your panic about hair breakage. You don’t want to start over.
The Progress
You’re making great progress in your hair journey. Your hair is soft and manageable with a little help from your sidekicks in a bottle and a regimen you’ve figured out. It was a little trickier than you thought and maybe you even stayed in a night or two instead of going out with friends because your hair had a different idea about how a twist out should look. But you realize that you love your hair and that it’s always helpful to have a plan A, B or Y for your hair especially because the only option you’ll accept is your hair looking extra cute!
The Praise
People encourage you by telling you how gorgeous your hair is and that you make them want to wear their natural texture as well. When people ask you for hair advice while you’re on the go, you share what you believe are the most important bits of natural hair care. Soon enough, when you’re confronted by the unsure and doubtful, you begin to repeat the cliché phrases ‘hair grows’, ‘anyone can grow healthy hair with care’, ‘listen to your hair’ — phrases you were told countless times when doubting your own hair’s ability to grow. Your hair behaves predictably now, so you feel free to experiment with different styles and even take it upon yourself. You finesse your hair regimen by reading articles and doing extended online research about Black hair care. People love your hair and you love your hair, especially when it behaves.
The Pity
Your hair is as healthy as it’s ever been and longer than you thought it would ever be. You’re now using double the hair products and it takes hours to style and detangle your hair. You begin to dream of effortless wash days, of your hair floating away from your head leaving you with a teeny weeny afro that you can massage and rub without worrying about breakage or tangling. You love your hair, but instead of feeling empowered and in control, you feel inconvenienced and overwhelmed. You don’t want to cut your hair because you’re addicted to having long hair. You also make sure that it never comes up in conversation, because you don’t want to hear the obvious response of “Well, cut it!”, or the response you want to hear even less; “Never cut your hair”. You view your length as a personal accomplishment and a testament against myths and brain-washing. You sometimes pity yourself because you know that you dedicate more time to your hair than you should and you’re tired. But you won’t stop because you’re emotionally attached to the length.
Are you in any of these stages currently? Can you relate to being attached to your hair? Have you thought about stopping length retention so you can focus on maintenance? Given the work involved in maintaining long natural hair, do you think relaxers will make a comeback for long-haired naturals?
For more of Domineque check her out on Instagram @lhdc2011 and YouTube, Longhairdontcare2011.
87 Responses
I have been doing protective styles the majority of the past five years to retain length. I know I won’t retain as much length if I wear it out more. But, I’m will to accept that because I refuse to have long hair and not utilize it. I will protective style from time to time. And I intend to always treat my hair with respect and care.
I wouldn’t say it is a “dark side” having all this hair. I hate detangling and don’t do it to the satisfaction or level that other naturals deem acceptable. I am 5’8 with waist length Fredrick Douglas kinks and it took me 5 years to get here (a whole year wasted without the help of youtube). Ever since the start, I’ve lived in two strand twists and what many would say crappy twist outs, but it has worked for me. You make it work for your life style. If others don’t accept your appearance, who cares? I love my hair, it’s nappy, curly, and my beautiful mess 🙂
I bun mine up too, it gets annoying sometimes when it is in my face. I think relaxers are definitely making a comeback, but I love the curly look myself. I have found that you can grow healthy hair if you take keratin vitamins, like I have been doing for the past year or so- this company called Nourage makes a great hair vitamin. Thanks for the post, love the blog=)
Idk … i can’t wait till my hair gets really long. i’m buying natural products and making them now so two years from now i’m used to it. and the days i want my hair tucked away i’ll just bun it up.
I’m definitely in this last stage. I love my hair and the length, but it just takes too much time, and no matter what I do, I still get single strand knots. I just got a Deva cut and my hair shrinks so much that it lacks shape STILL. I can’t do a drastic cut, but I can’t devote so much time to my hair anymore either. I think I’m going to start pressing it.
Honestly, I probably spend more time than I should on my hair, but I’ve been doing it for so long (Three Year Hair Journey: Currently Sporting Waist-Length Hair) that it’s become second nature.
So I’ve never experienced any of these feelings.
However, the obvious solution to this woman’s problems is protective styling. Box Braids, Mini Twists, whatever. Natural Hair is as much work as you make it.
Slow your row, ladies. Sounds like some of you are judgmental & assuming the worst – that she is intentionally lying (in a very public way that would be easily caught).
She was specifically referring to “her” natural hair as in “not someone else’s” hair from India or Korea :*]
The emphasis is on WHO GREW the hair, not the altered vs unaltered state. Her use of the word “natural” was not about if she permed, blow dried, straightened w/heat, etc…
We have to remember that this word, “natural,” can be used as an adjective different ways. She naturally grew her hair out of her own hair follicles. She then altered her naturally grown hair with a man-made chemical.
She does not have a “natural” hairstyle (aka afro). (wink) We should all grow to a wider understanding of the usage of this word to minimize unnecessary criticism of our own. Love & blessings.
“To whom much is given much is required”. luke 12:48
I am looking forward to my lions mane when i get it.
No complaints for me, i am BSB (below shoulder blade) and my total goal is WL. 🙂
This hair is beautiful! If I get like a foot and a half more length, I’ll have the same problems she does. It’s hard enough dealing with the length my SUPER THICK hair is now. I’ve found a line of products that I just LOVE. Nutress Hair is my go-to line for natural or heat styled looks. They keep my hair so healthy. Love them. Check them out. So affordable and versatile too.
Hey everyone, For the past weeks, I? have been following this simple weight loss program – Its 100% natural weight loss solution and really helped me lose weight
I would like to see a short video on how to do a traditional henna desgin like Fessi Style (Moroccan) or an other traditional one, with symbols in it and the explanation of these symbols.Other short video I would love to see is you apply bridal henna on the feet, especially under the feet and backside of the leg / feet (difficult areas to reach )
I’m definitely in the progress stage. Still learning my hair and loving it. I have thought of cutting my hair but not just for ease but also to donate to a worthy cause. Either way this has been a great experience and journey with my hair. Thanks for sharing!
It?s hard to find knowledgeable people on this topic, but you sound like you know what you?re talking about! Thanks
I’m at the hurry up stage. I’ve been transitioning for a year this month and I think all the relaxed hair is off now. The aggravating thing for me right now is loving my poof when I don’t want it to be poofy. Right now its at that weird length so it being poofy just looks like I fell out of bed and walked out the house, but to keep it some what tame I use a lot of twist backs or headbands.
I have been natural for 6 years and my hair has not been no where long so I can cut it. Lucky you guys. I still want long hair though!! Maybe some day!!
As a tender-headed child, I endured wash and snatch Saturdays on a thick and unruly 4b/4c head of hair until my mother tired of the battle and introduced heat when I was around 6 (she called it, “pulling a warm comb through it). I went to “press and curls” by a beautician around age 12. Sophomore year of high school, I had my first “Jheri Curl”. By senior year, I tried “creamy crack” and was addicted til the birth of my son in 1986. Then I tried “Wave nouveau” (basically a looser, wavier Jheri curl). In the early 1990’s I alternated between short naturals, box braid extensions and nape length permed hair. Finally in 1998, I loc’d! In 2007, I shocked and horrified friends and family and cut my waist length locs.
For five years, I experimented with different regimens and products. In May, 2012, I admitted to myself, God and everyone that I was overwhelmed by my hair. It was HOT under there, felt like I was wearing a huge, hair hat. I consulted with a Sisterlock technician around June, 2012. She said it would be around $1200-$1800 and 4 or 5 8hr sessions to interlock my 11 inches of glory.
In Sept. 2012, about to undergo a total hysterectomy, I had an honest discussion with myself. I was a lazy natural. Against the wishes of my man, my family and friends, I wanted to BC my stretched to BSL natural to a TWA. I had to fight for weeks to get someone to cut it for me. Finally, 2 weeks after surgery (hot flashes and mood swings) my cousin felt my anguish and conviction and chopped it off. It still took 3 cutting sessions (and a bit of cussing out) before she finally cut it as short as I wanted.
Right now, I love my TWA. My plan is to rock it all summer and let it grow over fall and winter. Next summer, I’m thinking braid extensions-who knows?
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This is so me! Each and every stage of this article is me! And it was explained so well and on point. But the question I have is…what next? I’m not at the ‘long’ hair stage yet and I sometimes wonder if I want to but I’m still going through the same issues of using more products, more time etc. What happens to the longer haired natural women when they get to that point? I have no doubt that I will big chop again, but until then I think I still want to see how far my hair can get to.
I had long hair and it was nice when I had time to style it. Now with two young children, time is precious and I could no longer be a slave to my hair. So I big, or HUGE chopped and I couldn’t be happier.
I was there, and I cut about 4 inches off my hair until it was at shoulder length again. I said it was because of heat damage and the fact that I was trying to show my daughters that curls are manageable rather than straightening them out all the time so I would use much less heat as well. If I am being 100% about the whole thing though, I really needed it to be a bit more manageable length and get re motivated. After a seriously rainy bout of weather that still manages to be extremely hot at the same time I am in a protective style, but I think if I had just done a longer lasting protective style rather than letting my hair hang loose every day I would not have gotten so frustrated. I’m going to keep this in mind as I grow my length back.
I have never been obsessed about length. I’m about what I can maintain the best and for me it’s short to medium length hair. I exercise daily and that is more of a priority than hair length for me.
This is the week of the afro honey and I wish someone would hate on my fro. I have a head full of healthy loved hair and I’ll be darn if I miss the fire works on the 4th. Don’t trip keep it simple and find what works for you.
There is absolutely no way that I can experience my big hair without damaging it. I wish! My hair is just not that resilient. If I even slack off a little with moisture my hair gets angry. I tried using light moisturizers only but for some reason it just does not work.
Try using Henna with warm water no tea of lemon juice add your favorite conditioner and use as a protein treatment, let it set on your hair for at least four hours.
After doing the treatment then what? What do you leave in? Is henna ok for fine, low porosity hair? I have fragile hair, extremely long but fragile. I choose to keep it long because cutting it does not solve anything for me, it just gives me shorter, fragile hair. So I figure I will do me and not worry about conforming. But I would like to try henna just worried about any risks involved.
I began using henna and amla treatments a few months ago because I had excessive shedding and breakage. My hair is also fine and not so long. I now little to no breakage or shedding. I actually have big hair now! Not as big as I want it but its getting there and its definitely Fuller than it was a few months ago. Do your research on henna and amla. And decide if its tight for you.
Thank you. Do you by chance have a blog with instructions on how you applied it? I would hate to screw my hair up more! You know what seems to be helping a lot is my glycerin free diet I put my hair on. Plus I bit the billet and stopped using all natural stuff. I never had this problem with Tresemme Smooth and Silky, and now I can see why. It has no glycerin or aloe and it has silk protein which low po hair loves. But I will check out henna too, thanks!
Will relaxers make a comeback? it depends entirely on why you went natural in the first place, did you doit for health reasons? to be trendy? because you wanted to set a standard for your children, or break stereotypes. to me, its a lifestyle change, just like clean eating and excercise, the chemicals are just not safe for us and not worth the damage to my body or my hair, plus being natural makes me feel more like myself, its about self acceptance. if god gave me this kind of hair, he also gave me a way to take care of it without all of the extra stuff people do, you dont always have to go above and beyond with your routine, keep it simple sometimes! my hair is brastrap legnth and i almost never spend hours on it! dont have time…
So true. And with training 6 days a week, I am such a sweaty mess, that I really couldn’t handle trying to recover the hair style after every training session. The hair would always be there, but getting to my goal level of fitness and transforming my body, that’s the priority right now for me!
I’m at the praise step. I celebrate being natural for 5 years this December and through trial and error and research and discovery, I have reached a very good understanding of my own hair. I know what I need to do to preserve it, help it maintain moisture and retain length. I have medium density, 4A hair with fine strands so protein treatments, moisture and low manipulation are king for me. I am set to reach MBL by the end of the year. I think because my hair isn’t very dense that detangling and styling take me a lot of time so the that factor hasn’t gotten to me just yet. It’s about understanding your hair and identifying what you want. It’s your hair, do with it what you want. Others may not ever understand, so what. It’s your hair, do you. Some grow it long then shave it bald or grow it long and keep it long or keep it short and never grow it long. There is no right or wrong way. Hair means everything or nothing to different people, it’s prioritized differently. I want long hair simply because I want it. If I ever don’t want long hair anymore, I’ll simply cut it and if I start to miss the long hair maybe I’d get a weave, rock a wig or grow it out again. Do what works for you. If people only like you just for your hair length, type, etc, then you have a problem that goes far beyond your hair. Be blessed!
I’m only at APL, but I have three Black natural daughters! So however long any long natural has to take . . . it’s still less compared to the time I have to take. Two of them have MBL hair when stretched and one of them has top of waist length hair when stretched. Wash day is an understatement. And de-tangling on kids under 11? “Ouch, are you finished yet?” Even though I’m finger-detangling, combing ends first with the wide tooth and being gentle, they still complain here and there. I tell them “you guys are complaining? You’re lucky I’m educated on de-tangling because this is nothing like the snatching-combing sessions I got as a child or like what a lot little Black girls still get!” I’m getting a little bit of a break now because my girls are all wearing braid extensions for the summer. I LOVE YOU, BRAID EXTENSIONS RIGHT NOW! But you know what, Domineque said it right. Once you become addicted to having that length, work or no work, you don’t want to cut it. As much work as it is, me nor my daughters have no interest in relaxers or cutting their hair.
That aside I have to take the time to say, that Domineque’s hair is stunning and I’m glad that she’s been blogging on BGLH. She’s been giving tips under Longhairdontcare2011 on YT for years – before a lot of the other YT naturals became popular. At the time that she came out, she had longer natural hair than any natural on YouTube. I’m glad she’s getting some more well-deserved attention and giving tips!
For the most part I’ve always had long (shoulder length or longer) natural hair because it was the only way to ‘tame’ my curls when I was younger! Now that I’m securely away from the corporate world (full time manager in entertainment) and have enough info at my fingertips, I’m slowly transitioning to shorter hair. I shaved part of one side after a night of research met with a pair of shears. I might go for the other side in a bit, or just jump all in and FINALLY go all short. In the meantime I’m having fun with the one side off and I find I actually wear my hair down more often because of it.
I just chopped off my length a couple of months ago after growing it out again for two years, and my friends, family and co-workers freaked! I didn’t talk it over with anyone first – just walked in the next day with a curly, teeny fro – fantastic! After the first snip, I already felt 20 lbs. lighter. The thing about long hair is not just the cumbersome length, tedious maintenance, but if it’s thick, then it’s HEAVY too. I feel free. I feel empowered. To me, that’s the beauty of wearing my hair natural: I do what works for me at any given season of my life based on my own needs and priorities.
I’ve been natural for more than a decade BITD (back in the day) before it was considered okay or fashionable so you know I’ve been through it. I had no support or encouragement – or instructions – so we are really BLESSED nowadays to have each other to lean on (and YouTube vids!) For me, it’s never been about making a political or fashion statement, it’s about doing what works for me. I figure 1) it’s MY hair 2)I’m grown, and 3)I’m the one who has to deal with it on a daily basis – not my mom, not my man, not my church family, not my co-workers, etc. None of them, just ME. While I value those people in my life, they are not the ones who has to doing the work to care for it nor dealing the adverse affects of absorbing all those harsh chemicals through their scalps into their bloodstream (hmmm, maybe they are), but in order for me to be healthier, it was a choice I’m glad I made — and still making. There are so many things in this life we have no control over, but how I wear my hair is clearly my decision. Will I keep it short forever? Probably not because I like it long, too; but for now – I’m rocking it! As it grows out, I’ll decide what works for me at the time.
India Arie’s song “I Am Not My Hair” has been my anthem for years now. Whether it’s long or short or somewhere in between, my hair does NOT define who I am as a person. Love me for ME, not my hair!
So whatever you decide about your hair, let it be YOUR decision after you’ve considered your options. People have well intentions with their advice, usually,so listen to what they have to say (no verbal abuse though). Ultimately, do what you need to do for you that’s going to make you happy to see yourself in the mirror every morning. If you’re gonna regret it, hate yourself and become sad/depressed/mournful, then please don’t do it. But if you are going to feel stronger, confident and secure that you make the right decision, then go for it. If you’re healthy, and your hair is healthy, it’ll grow back. The key here is don’t feel oppressed, dominated nor enslaved to your hair. It’s YOUR hair, be the master of it. Versatility is an awesome thing – enjoy it!
I don’t personally feel like my hair is necessarily a lot of work, it just IS work, it’s something I have to do by a certain time every day because I cannot wear protective styles, I do not benefit from them whatsoever, and so I have to just take care of the fact that my hair gets dry by x time and has to be moisturized. For me, moisturizing is not just a spritzing process where I flip my hair around, toss it in the air and go. I find it baffling that people can do that and have healthy hair but I do realize everyone is different. My hair REQUIRES even distribution of everything, which means I have to rake my hair very slowly and gently and that is not easy, it has really taken practice to learn how to be extremely gentle in handling my hair. Of course come mid day I might go ahead and just spritz water with conditioner as a brief pick me up before I go at again at night, but that’s what it is. I have dry hair. I have just come to accept that. Just as how I have eczema. My hair is not porous at all, it’s just really dry. But I don’t really think that I spend much more time than someone with long straight/wavy hair unless of course they are the type to just be plain Jane and throw it in a pony. But for those ppl, again, I question how they can keep it healthy. I pity those of you who need five hours to finger detangle. Finger detangling does take time to pick out the finer tangles and all but it does not take me five hours. I wonder if it work to do it more often? I tend to spend time doing it every day. I know not everyone has a fine hair texture like mine and feels comfortable with frequent co-washing, but it really works for me because I used to go longer periods of time without detangling and that never ever worked, even if I wore braids, as I used to do, and do not anymore. I figured out braids actually cause my hair to break. They have to be extremely loose and kept in briefly.
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Your hair is beautiful but it may be that finger detangling takes you less time because you have a looser hair texture and your curls are more uniform. I’m 4C and finger detangling takes me around 3-4 hours because my strands are irregular, they hook on, through and around each other and tie themselves in knots. To be thorough, I have to take my time. My strands do not want to co operate with each other and no manipulation or product will get them to lie neatly inside each other. I can be constantly detangling and going back over tangles which Is why I don’t detangle wet hair because it causes increased tangling.
I understand. The only reason I do it often is because I can’t wear braids and stuff. My hair really likes to be left alone, and if anything instead of stretching i have found it great exercise to plop it which puts it in the opposite direction. I used to wear braids and never could figure out why it gave me split ends but then I saw an article on here, I think it was, and it all makes sense. I don’t know if it’s aging or if I just tune into my hair better now, but I am really tender headed and even putting my hair up in a bun, no matter how gentle or loose, it always hurts. Plus it actually encourages tangling for me.
My sentiments exactly!
This article is preaching to me right now! Church! My hair is mid back length and it’s not even my goal length. With my delicate texture and 4b curl pattern, I’ve found that getting to my goal length requires all of the practices that take the most time. Doing anything else seems to rip hair off my head. I love my hair and want to get to my goal, but spending six hours or more “finger detangling” is NOT my cup of tea. Then having to spend an additional 3 hours twisting into a protective style is the cray cray that makes me want to give up on having hip length hair…SIGH!
The thing is- in my case at least-my locs are now waist length….they wrap around my body at night when I sleep. People ask me what’s next….um-I guess I can get control back if the addiction ever breaks.
Ive been natural fir 11 years. My hair was almost waist length until I cut it to the middle of my back. I dread wash days, feels like a day stolen by my hair, with the detangling, co-washing, deep conditioning, sealing, etc, etc, etc, plus taking 2 days to air dry. I transitioned so I never really experienced short hair, plus my head is to big for short hair lol. I go back and forth on cutting it but ever go further than a trim. Right now I have my hair in marley twists which I love, mainly because all I gave to do is spray with moisturizer and go! Plus I have a 3 y.o daughter who’s hair is as long as mine…..our wash day is alllllll day Sunday, fun fun :/ lol. All that being said as sometimes annoying/cumbersome it is I’ll never go back to a relaxer!
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and while long hair is not for all…I have to say I want folks to just be honest and say “I’m to lazy, I have to much to do, etc” which is why i don’t want LONG hair
Now those are perfectly fine reasons, I just hate when folks say “why would you want all that hair and other stupid stuff”
Now to the article credit it is a LOT of work and it does get on (my nerves sometimes but for ME, I’d rather deal with it then not have it, and wish I had another 3 inches and more thicker
Some people really don’t want it and say it doesn’t suit their face which I can believe. Some people would rather have a stylish hair cut than swathes of hair that they can’t style well. You see women who have long hair for the sake of having it and either bun it 24/7 or leave it in a ponytail/hanging. Some people just don’t want that look. I don’t think they’re in denial or are solely too lazy to deal with long hair. No one would question a woman who said she never wants short hair so what’s the difference?
LOL, Ambi- I will raise my hand and say it “I am too lazy and I have too much to do” Yes- I do actually love the look of mid length natural hair, and I have accepted that long hair doesnt look great on me, but I also LOVE my wash and go’s and damp hair all the way down your back is not cute…and I’m not willing to take the time to detangle it, dry it, etc. YES- my name is Jessica, and I am a Lazy Natural
“Hi Jessica”
Also as Tremaine pointed out, when I was relaxed I did have BSL length hair, really just for the sake of having long hair and because my now husband liked it like that (groan/ eyeroll)- but guess what? I am not that creative when it comes to my hair and 99% of the time it was in a ponytail anyways
I would never knock someone else’s decision to grow their hair to great lengths! I think its beautiful on others and i admire their dedication. I think this is more for women who DONT want really long hair and will then get the “well, why wouldnt you’s”
I’m between the progress and the praise stage. People love my hair, but I still haven’t exactly figured out what products get rid of the frizz. At this point, I’ve learned to let it go and “embrace the frizz.” My hair used to be up to my hips, then waist-length for many years. It’s 3a/b. Other than a Brazilian treatment once, I never used chemicals on it, but it was severely heat-damaged from weekly Dominican blowouts. In an effort to save salon money, I started rocking my hair natural and coaxed my limp noodles back to glorious, curly-twirly life. Now my hair is in a bob, barely skimming my shoulders. It’s so much easier to take care of, but it still takes forever to air-dry. When my hair was long, it used to take me like 2 hours to detangle. Now, a measly 30 minutes if it’s bad. I wake up and I go – I love it!
Oh, I am most definitely in the last stage! I have been natural for 5+ years and the weekly maintenance was driving me crazy. Plus I always have to check the weather to plan my hair style (New York City in summer is no joke y’all). And most importantly I am on a new journey of chiseling a lean, muscular physique, so who has time to be tinkering with long hair? I am redirecting the discipline! Box braids till October anyone?
I’m currently in this stage. My hair is 4c and APL and it has become more than overwhelming. Detangling takes about an hour, and the knots I receive from styling can be horrendous. Although this isn’t what many or myself would classify as long, I can’t imagine how much more troublesome my hair will be when it reaches MBL.
However, I would never go back to relaxers. Instead I am thinking of heat training.
I can relate! My hair is longer and thicker than I ever had it and while I love it, it does take long time to wash and style. Also too in the summer, my hair in the front is always in my face and it can get a bit annoying sometimes. But cut it?? Never!! LOL
I also look fatter with shorter hair ugh lol
I went through this. 2 hour detangle. Getting caught in everything clogged drains. Cut my hair 5 inches. Regret it so much.! Hair actually seemed harder to style because it didn’t hang anymore ugh but I’m on the road to grow it back now I will just braid or half wig if it gets to be too much
Yes I’m currently in said stage. I’ve been natural since 2008. I’ve cut my hair plenty since but decided to grow my hair out in 2010. It’s pretty long about mid back now. And I must say it is exhausting! I find it harder to style BC it’s so much hair!! I’ve been asking myself these past few months if its even worth it!? My bf loves my hair. The bigger the better but I often find myself telling him ” well are you gonna buy my hair products to keep my hair long?” To which he now responds ” yes, what do you need so that you don’t cut your hair?” Hahaha but still I’m over being in the shower for 30 mins just combing and conditioning and drying and being all wet in the process! But in the end I won’t cut my hair cause I’d rather have long hair than wish I had it! 🙂
Girl when I cut my hair seemed like more problems with my man so I would keep it if he likes it
I envy those that complain about 30 min showers and one hour to detangle. That would be a breeze for me…detangling always takes me at least 2 hours and and hour 45 if I’m really focused. If I try to finger detangle that’s a 5 hour minimum… After that I never even feel like styling so I have been bunning…
Think the bottom line boils down to perspective & priorities, and remember that [even tho this is a cliche too] ‘your hair shouldn’t define you’ it shouldn’t oppress you either… there’s one youtuber who was sorta fresh on the natural hair scene when she first started posting videos, ‘sistawithrealhair’. For me it was so refreshing that she didn’t know the terminology, products, popular regimens, etc, and her hair thrived [actually, STILL thrives] and she’s not shy about lopping 4-6 inches at a sitting if it suits her. I remember the one vid she did where she was trimming it like drinking a glass of water… I could feel/hear the collective gasps all over that section of youtube as the metal of her scissors sliced through! lol it was awesome! Of course it’s quite an achievement to get to waist, hip or tailbone length– it takes dedication, patience & discipline! But you’re right, after so much time & progress, perhaps tables turn and those little strands take over– because we’ve allowed them to. I just grazed armpit-length myself, and it’d be nice to maintain bra-strap or mid-back length one day [maybe… I’m actually quite happy to be a healthy AP-length chick]
I love that pic, btw 🙂 you look angelic <3
I think your hair is gorgeous. You truly show patience. I know as a person trying to maintain healthy, natural hair it is time-consuming and requires effort and patience. You are an inspiration. Rock it!
Good for you, I just saw how long your hair is. I wish mine would get that long. You need to keep all that hair, it fits you. 🙂
I have brastrap length hair and before I had relaxer damage and “big chopped” (my version of it), it was a bit past brastrap. So, I’ve always had long hair BUT getting used to dealing with my natural long hair was a challenge. I remember my mother having a shampoo and braid day ( and I mean almost all day) for me, but by the time I started doing my own hair, I had a relaxer.
I’ve learned the best way to wash (really cowash) my hair is to first divide in quadrants and make 8-16 twists. If I’m in a hurry, I will then put in leavein and seal by spritzing olive oil and pull back twist in a ponytail or put twists in a bun until the next day when I wear a twistout. If I’m not in a hurry, I detangle/leavein/Shea Moisture gel or curly pudding, do neat mini (or sort of mini) twist to wear for 2 wks.
I have experienced every stage you mentioned. I had locs that were down to the middle of my back. I cut my hair 3 years ago to join the military. I wanted to serve more than I wanted my hair. It was still difficult because I was cutting my hair not because I wanted to or was ready to, I had to. It took me quite awhile to get used to what I looked like even though I had never intended on growing my hair indefinitely. I now embrace my super short hair and can’t imagine ever having long hair again. My length was such a huge accomplishment for me, but it didn’t define who I am. It is perfectly normal to experience all of those feelings and I know it’s more the norm than discussed. I am often approached for having super short hair and quizzed by women who aren’t ready to let all of their hair go. The ability to wash and go daily and be as active as I want is worth the trade off.
Ive had hip bone length natural hair as a kid (up until 15 years old). My mom did the majority of the work caring for it..Then one day out of the blue she told me that my hair was damaged and she cut it to my shoulders..I was so sad..Shortly thereafter, I began relaxing my hair and it grew back down to waist length. To me it was no problem at all caring for it..it was effortless..Im not 3 years natural again with bra strapped length hair and Im continuing to grow it as long as it wasnt to be..I have no problem with the time it takes to care for your hair.Its a process u have time to adapt to..its not as bad as it may seem. If u want long hair, go for it, if not then do whats best for u
I’m learning that as my hair crosses the different length thresholds that is has, I have to change my outlook on what it means to maintain it. Like, I can’t do a wash/go like I used to, when I had shoulder-length hair. I can’t go too long without getting my hair in one direction, when I’m in high-bun mode. I’m learning to embrace more low-manipulation styles…trying to figure out how to milk them for all their worth! lol. The big thing for me is being ok with changing as IT changes. Change is always…interesting (lol)…for me, so I think just getting used to it all is the challenge.
Girl, I’m just trying to get the damn hair. lol We’ll jump that bridge when we come to it. I takes a long time to grow your hair “long” and I’m not silly enough to believe that the process will get any easier as I age. My mother started plucking at hair eyebrows when she was my age. She wanted to be en vogue and was under the impression they’d grow back. This woman has very little brow left to speak of. My opinion is to stop playing games with your hair. If you cut it off, be prepared that it might not grow back as quickly as it did before for various reasons–age, genetics, environment, stress, health, etc. Anything can happen.
yeah but as you get in your older years, will you have the strength to take care of long hair?
also if I had super long hair, I’d take a cue from African tribes and wear it braided or like west Africans, threaded most of the time. I think we feel we always have to have our hair out and loose because of the society we live in.
I had already concluded that the longer my hair gets, more work. Hence I focus my efforts of conditioning, washing etc. As for styling. I have three simple styles, flat twists, Chinese bumps or large plaits. I don’t do twist outs, braid outs, put my hair in individual twists, or mini twists, braids, because it takes too long. Styling my hair takes me between 10-20 mins.
i am a no heat natural. i wear my hair out everyday. nappy curly frizzy whatever u wanna call it. my boyfriend used to ask me all the time, “How long is your hair?” which frustrated me. my hair is probably right above bsl in the back, but i would tell him he needed to be with someone who straightened their hair, if he was concerned about length. he stopped asking after that, but i imagine he is still infatuated with long straight hair and not so much with long nappy curly frizzy hair. i dont really spend a lot of time on my hair anymore because i dont use heat. i get by with a few products and mostly natural oils. so he can go to hell.
Pretty dumb article.. if you want to take care of long hair than do. Why everything about hair gotta be hard for you people? Because it gets long and you get lazy will you get a relaxer?Lmao couldnt find anything else to write about
I dont think that the article was meant to discourage anyone from striving for long hair… i just think that it was meant to say a) its not always all that it is cracked up to be and b) it is not always the end all be all of one’s natural hair journey.
Length is a big deal for a lot of women, especially in the Natural Community. For example- this blog is called Black Girl Long Hair, you *constantly* hear about women doing “length checks”, we are always talking about stimulating growth cycles and length retention, etc etc etc.
This article was simply meant to give another point of view. Some people have worked to hard to grow their hair all the way down their back, only to find out that they missed the convenience and ease of shorter hair OR that they just didnt like their hair “that long”- and some reached their length goals, love it and continue to maintain it. Either way is OK. of course those that have already grown their hair and love it super long are going to continue to take care of it
And is it really that far fetched to think that someone that has grown their hair really long might turn to a relaxer? i dont think so. How many times have you heard “your hair would be so long if you straightened it”. Also, i have seen that many longer haired naturals keep their hair stretched because it is easier to manage it all that way. Some people’s routines have a lot of steps…might they one day be tempted to going back to just having to wrap at night and umwrap and go in the morning?
” You People” ? Context clues such as the title and the picture “should” have told you what the article was about so why bother reading it if you were merely going to disrespect the author and her point of view as well as the rest of “you people” who desire to have long natural hair. Have a seat lady.
Ignore ignorance and children wanting to get a rise out of adults . . .
sure you don’t want to write this in all caps ‘beena’??? hmmmm, this negative style looks very familiar lol
Funny enough… this is so so true.. i’m here reading this and just laughing at myself through these words…. 🙂 glad to kno there are thousands if not more out there jus like me lol… but i’m gonna press on…
thanks for this article thou
I have bra strap lenght dreadloc in the very humid climate of Rio de Janeiro, Brazil and I never hada hair this long before I was natural. I’ve started to envy bloggers with fros and I’m seriously considering cutting my locs into a chin lenght bob for this southern hemisphere winter.
It’s funny you posted this. I’m getting my hair cut (not sure what length yet) next week. Been natural 5 years now and it seems that everyone wants my hair to be long except for me. This is the longest my hair has EVER been. The problem (for me) is that… styling takes longer and I’m using more hair products. Then, there are the dreaded days when I’ve spent forever putting in twists in my hair and take out the twists, only for the twist out to look raggedy. It’s frustrating to say the least. Long hair, for me, is time-consuming. I loved my hair at the TWA stage. It took almost no effort to maintain. I just got up and went! And, if I do say so myself, I have the perfect face/head for a fade/low cut.
So, yeah, everyone keeps asking why I’m cutting my hair. It’s because I love the look and how easy it is to maintain. The amount of effort it’s taking to maintain the long hair is unnatural lol I don’t know how these other long-haired natural-haired ladies (like Cipriana) do it. It’s not for everybody, I’ll tell you that!
I’m a 18month transitioning BSL with 3c-4a curls and it is true that when you are really really starting to have the perfect regimen it’s getting easier to love and care for them.
At that stage maybe styling it, is now 20min and no more 10min, because i decided to moisturize it in 4 section with first an aloe vera/water spray then kimmaytube leave in or a leave-in, monoi oil to seal and camille rose naturals aloe ver whipped butter gel and by doing so it’s less tangled, more moisturized and lively.
As i said having hip length must be some work but i’m already looking forward to do braids, twist and others to keeping it manageable and very important being happy to show my beautiful hair to the world.
Having people like you sharing tips and advices is so precious
Thank you for this interesting article.
LOL I had long hair as a child and I remember all the work my mom did with it and I wore it braided or threaded 80% of the time! I already planned before going natural that i’d keep my hair at a certain length where it wouldnt be overwhelming work. Its the same idea i had for my relaxed hair also.
Also, I had long relaxed hair and thought it was overrated. All I did was wear it up and away and it did take work to keep it healthy. Styles I did didnt even last a week and then I’d just put my hair up LOL. It got old fast.
This is why, I have said from the beginning, I just want to get my hair collar none length while CURLY an then I am done… Granted that would mean that it would have to be slightly past bra strap length stretched… But that’s as far as I am willing to go! I admire hip length hair, but for one, I have a long head and hair that long doesn’t suit me lol, AND…. I really just don’t have the time and patience to deal with it all. Jut give me a fierce Fro that’s long enough for me to throw up in a bun when I want to, and I’m good!
So with you there, haha! I just want to be able to throw my hair in a bun sometimes. I don’t need my hair down to my waist. I’m happy with a big, sexy fro.
Miss Jessica, HERE HERE!
I really love this article because it is so thought provoking.
I don’t think naturals will go to relaxers (after experiencing the versatility and vibrance of natural hair, I don’t see many women going back.) But I do wonder if it will lead more naturals to give salons a second chance to assist with maintenance and care.
So glad you said this, it’s definitely something we need that could benefit us greatly if more stylists are willing to put in the work.
I think if more stylists got their act together, learned proper natural hair care and were more punctual with their clients, they really could benefit from long-haired naturals who need a break from time to time.
When I speak with my friends of other ethnicities, they don’t have the same kind of toxic relationships with their stylists, and typically go in for a cut once every 6 to 8 weeks. There’s no reason this couldn’t be true of a long-haired natural who needed a relaxing condition/shampoo, a trim and a twistout/updo/box braids.
YES! On average my hair is at least a two hour wash process from, finger detangling, pre-pooing, washing, conditioning, leave in application and then once dry, styling. Ands thats just for a wash and go.
Yes, I would so totally pay for a stylist to do my hair. The problem is they either want to charge me up the arse because i have long thick hair or they don’t know what they are doing at all. One “stylist” tried to detangle my DRY curls with a boar bristle brush. That was the end!
If straightening, most times I do my hair myself. ( I do however go to stylist for trims after I’ve done the straightening, this seems to work for me) I’d rather take my time then spend my money.
Sometimes I’ll just go to the Dominicans for a roller set. Takes about 2 1/2 hours, cost about 35 dollars. ( just stay away from that blow dryer, and bring your own products )
Plus I can’t really see paying for a look I can get myself. I would have to have exceptional customer services, and a fabulous hair care experience. That has not yet happened 🙁
This ain’t nothing but the truth. I just cut my hair again and I am embracing my short hair bcuz I know for a fact in 2 years I will be wishing it was short again. Team no heat! Minitwist season! Long hair don’t care hair I come!
I will never cut my hair for anyone else, not for social expectations,not for what people think should be, not for anything. I have had long hair the vast majority of life, and I’m talking past the bum kind of long hair. It is not always going to be gravy health wise. In my 31 years of life I have learned how to take care of the most difficult head of fine, soft, dry as a dessert multitextural hair, and I enjoy it. I might be addicted, but I will apologize to no one for it, and my husband and kids like my hair. In fact I just wrote a blog post on this about how I get sick of other moms bringing up to me the topic of scissors like I have never heard of it, in an unsolicited fashion. If you want short hair, you do you. http://www.paleobeautiful.com, http://www.youtube.com/chamarieq
Wow girl, you aint lyin.
Wow, you have a lot of beautiful hair!
wow, as i was read through this write up it struck me as if it was referring to me, all that was mentioned in this write up is just exactly what i do wow this is exactly me, is anything bad in doing all these. when i read through the dreaming bit i was amazed because i was dreamt exactly as the write up narrated the whole thing, seriously reading this write up seems like a dejavu to me lol
wow, as i was reading through this write up it struck me as if it was referring to me, all that was mentioned in this write up is just exactly what i do wow this is exactly me, is anything bad in doing all these. when i read through the dreaming bit i was amazed because i was dreamt exactly as the write up narrated the whole thing, seriously reading this write up seems like a dejavu to me lol