by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Britt says;
I’ve been following your blog for a while now and I must say I’m quite the fan. I feel like I have a different perspective on things, because unlike (I’m assuming) most of your readers, I was natural first THEN relaxed. Now I’m not talking I was natural for a few years, no, I was natural for 18 years until college made me take the relaxer plunge. I don’t regret my decision and I think it’s very much a person’s choice. When I was natural, there certainly weren’t the amount of resources and it makes me smile to see the proliferation of the natural hair community. As someone who was rampantly teased for my “naps” and “fuzzy hair” and who longed for straight sleek relaxed hair like all the other girls in my class, it’s nice to see other black women embracing their curls and kinks.
Growing up, natural hair was always an option. My mom never believed in relaxing my hair and BC’ed her relaxer when I was 7. What I guess I want to address is the supposed ‘societal divide’ between relaxed women and natural women. I’m sure you have a decent amount of relaxed readers and I think it’s equally important to note that hair tips are hair tips. Basic hair care is the same (shampoo, deep condition, moisturize and seal) and I really don’t think there should be such a divide between relaxed and natural women. We all have hair, it all has needs.
Having a good helping of both experiences (I’ve been relaxed about 5 years), I think it would do more good for relaxed women to read natural hair blogs. There’s more than being a slave to a salon or a flat iron. In fact, since I’ve been following natural hair blogs my relaxed hair has FLOURISHED. I started at SL last year and I’m right on the cusp of BSL now. Mastering a braidout, twistout, bantu knot out can really and truly help relaxed hair too. Although it seems that society strives to stress the differences between relaxed hair and natural hair, I think it’s important to focus on healthy hair habits and what works best for each person, relaxed, natural, or transitioning.
Ladies, do you think there’s room for relaxed women in the natural hair community? And do you think there should be more of a focus on healthy hair as opposed to natural hair? Share your thoughts.
177 Responses
Hell no . Relaxed is Relaxed and natural is natural. If they want to be included so bad then go natural.
No. Natural hair is natural and I DO believe that they are very different from each other. This is our room, our corner where we can finally relate, exchange tips and talk about our kitchen and our struggles as naturals. Also, let’s not forget that it’s beyond “just hair”, easiness or fashion choice, it’s about who is fully embracing themselves and finding beauty in their 100% selves. Sure, go ahead and take some of the tips, but don’t ask to be given a part of the small space that we have! There are plenty of relaxed hair blogs out there!
I’ve been natural for a little over a year now, and I’m loving my coils and kinks. Yet, I believe that if I had known then what I know now about really caring for my hair (and not just styling it), my relaxed hair would fared much better than it did. I know that natural and relaxed hair are different, and I have no intention of doing the relaxer thing ever again. But I say to my relaxed sisters, if there is something we can teach you that you didn’t know/understand before, you are more than welcome among us naturals.
I’m not in favor of relaxers or in sites that promote them. There is nothing wrong with wearing your hair straight but relaxers contain caustic chemicals that are dangerous and the Black community is at the greatest risk of their side effects (which as of yet are not all known). I know we can’t eliminate all chemical exposure but when it comes to relaxers we have a choice.
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Healthy hair should be everyones goal whether it is relaxed or natural. Some hair blogs just cater to healthy hair in general. i feel like relaxed hair care and natural hair care is essentially the same…however certain styles can only really be done on natural hair and certain styles only on relaxed.
I know I’m late but personally I believe that natural hair is defined as the hair you choose to wear out and the stuff that grows out of your scalp. Everyday we put products in our hair and continuously manipulate it. We considered women who heat train and dye their hair to be naturals, so why can’t we embrace permed hair as well? As far as I’m concerned, natural hair is the hair that grows out of your scalp that you choose to wear publicly without the additives of weaves, wigs and extensions. All that other stuff is not natural and if someone wishes to argue, I better see all vegan products, no comb, no brush, no curlers or blow dryers. Why? Because that’s “not natural”
And if anyone is curious. I’m a kinky-curly top.
I was natural for 23 years an relaxed for my 23rd birthday and even though i love my relaxed hair, i love incorporating with i view as natural hair tips into the way i deal with my hair, after all hair is hair
I am natural and have been natual for almost 15 yrs. I do believe their is room for relaxed. I say to each his own. Whether you want to go natural, loc, relaxed, colored…to each his own. I am grateful for these sites because when I went natural, I had to wing it. But being natural isn’t the only way to be. So have we replaced the light skin vs. dark skin with natural vs. relaxed. To me we should be able to choose what hairstyle we want to rock no matter what!!!!! I have three sisters (total 4 girls)…two of us are natural, and two are relaxed. We all are beautiful in our own way, and one is no better than the other!!!!
Meh relaxed/ weaved women get the magazines, natural women get the internet mainly. I’ve bought a few black orientated magazines in my life and they usually if at all have 1 or 2 pages about natural hair. Pathetic really if you look at the world which surrounds natural hair care now. I like that fact that I have specific natural orientated sites, sure I have looked at tips about coloring, extensions, wearing wigs. Diversity is the spice of life and all.
Sure relaxed women should and already do have internet spaces of their own but i’m not sure reading some comments on bglh, that they can ‘happily’ coexist together on this blog roll, in life … well that’s a whole differ ball park … as they say: The internet allows people to speak ‘freely’.
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I remember when I was relaxed I knew nothing about hair care, my hair “stylist” chopped all my hair off on purpose at the back, so I couldn’t see, I paid for that mess. I was balding at the front. My hair was not its former thick lustrous self. Fast forward, my hair is thicker than it has ever been and I don’t have to deal with “stylists” hooraah! Heck relaxed women should enjoy what I am enjoying today … FREEDOM, life’s too short people, let them in !!! Last time I checked being relaxed didn’t make you a murderer …
man some people be talking like relaxed women killed yo mamma or something … repeat after me … she is a HUMAN … we make mistakes, we make choices, we all want to live and be accepted.
I’m never going to relax my hair again, even if my ‘natural’ websites post blogs about it. I make choices for myself. ONE LOVE PEOPLE!!!
I am really going to try to be tactful. I do not give a rats patoot about the needs of someone with relaxed hair. I just don’t. I’m not hating on ladies who relaxed (I detest the phrase creamy crack), but when I come to a site about “natural” hair I expect to read tips and insight on natural hair. I don’t want to know about better ways to baste a scalp for a relaxer or what brand of relaxer to use. If I cared, I wouldn’t be on a natural hair website.
It’s great that women who relax can get tips from the site. Wonderful. More power to them. But I don’t want to read about their plights, struggles, woes, whatever. If I did, I would read Sophisticates Black Hair or any of the multitude of other resources for them.
I really feel that the women with relaxed hair should glean what they can, implement the tips, and keep it moving.
I have no interest in them at all.
Hello. I found this article searching on how people are being brainwashed to grow their hair virgin by the “online communities”. I believe this happens a lot, people could be happy or even happier altering their hair, being relaxing, dyeing, etc. And some look better when they alter their hair.
The way the natural ladies here in the comments are pushing aside the relaxed ladies and how they regard natural hair as better is pretty sad.
This doesn’t happen only in the african american community.
Not make room for who didn’t make room for you? Then you’re just as bad as them.
This post. idek, i just come here for natural hair tips.
This site needs to stick to natural hair. There are healthy hair resources everywhere both online and in person. A woman with relaxed hair can walk into any salon and get advice on how to properly take care of her hair. Those of us who are natural, aren’t as fortunate. We still get ridiculed for our hair. So why should we make room for relaxed women when they haven’t made room for us?
Mmmmm thank you for that clearly uneducated comment. A) there is an overall lack of salons, especially where I live (Upper East Side of Manhattan) that tend to black hair–relaxed or natural, so black women with relaxed or natural hair all need resources because our hair cannot be tended to in the same way as other types of hair; I would think you would have known that since you obviously browse this site enough to comment on a post. B) Look around the internet and I can guarantee that more websites and blogs are dedicated to natural haircare than relaxed haircare. I’m truly amazed by the ignorance and simplicity of your comment, which you seem to make with an astonishing amount of misguided confidence.
I think some people are taking this too seriously hair is hair, stop looking at this like segregation or racism or classism or whatever. It’s just hair and at the end of the day it doesn’t matter who goes on this site or not, relaxed or natural,this will still be a site about natural hair and that doesn’t have to change.
No Thanks. You can always start your own site for healthy hair.
While I completely believe relaxed hair can be healthy–mine way–and while I don’t approve of language that suggests non-natural hair is somehow inferior to natural hair, I don’t see anything wrong with having blogs that focus solely on natural hair. Many of us still experience pressure to be non-natural, and we need spaces like this to have our natural hair journeys validated. Many of us live in places where there are few resources for learning how to care for our natural hair, which does have different care needs than straight hair. Spaces like this are important for our education. And it is nice to see photos of women whose hair looks like ours; that helps combat the not-at-all subtle messages we get from the rest of society that seems to think the only beautiful hair is straight hair.
The divide is there because there is a divide. My hair grows up, it defies gravity. Relaxed hair is trained to bow to gravity and move earthward. Up vs down. Boom! Divide.
If you want a site for relaxed hair, find a site for relaxed hair.
Yes relaxed hair should be locked (no pun intended) out of the conversation about natural hair. It’s apples and oranges. If I want to visit Brazil would I go to a website about the culture of Italy and then ask why they didn’t mention Brazil on their site? It’s on the planet…
I think people need to be aware of their own hangups when it comes to hair. Why does it matter what people think in regards to why someone is/is not natural. If you don’t feel like you are brainwashed or whatever why care? I trans for about 4 months “creamy crack” and “you don’t love your blackness” did not bother me because I went natural for ME. If words on a blog hurt you or prevent you from going on this journey, good luck with folks you actually KNOW. Do this for you and you’ll be able to ignore those meanie bully natural girls… (>_>).
Good luck with whatever style you choose.
Thanks JP23. Couldn’t agree with you more. Deciding to go natural should not be seen as a Kumbaya moment where we all grab hands and sing. Everyone is not going to love each other, say nice things and get along. That’s just human nature. Going natural is a personal choice. Make that choice because YOU want to go natural for you and you alone.
well my take on this person is that she is easly influenced by others and what others think, because at one point she was natural then when to perm due to what her collegues thought, now she is seein that natural hair is popular now and she regrets her decision but doesn’t have the courage to go natural again and disappoint so many of her collegues, you have to think for yourself, be confident with your self and live for yourself until she does that she will always live for others. But don’t come to a natural hair site asking us to be something we ar not..
What about women who are thinking about transitioning? I’ve been relaxer free for about 5 months and am thinking about going fully natural. I go on a lot of natural hair blogs/vlogs and have found a lot of information but the constant shade that’s thrown at women with relaxed hair does put me off a lot. I don’t hate my brown skin or want to follow the ‘white man’s rules’. To me, hair is just hair, it really doesn’t define me. All the shade, judgements and criticisms kinda make me want to relax my hair and just keep it moving. So, before any one talks down to a relaxed sista, just remember, she may be thinking about going natural and can easily be put off by all the criticism. Just my two pence.
*claps*
I’m natural but I was once where you were with relaxed hair becoming more curious about wearing my hair free of relaxers. Alot of people who go to blogs and sites like this tend to forget they had once had relaxed hair. :/
As for your hair don’t let the attitudes of others determine what you are going to do with your hair. Just be you. :3
PS. I dont dislike Ciara, LOL!
*Sigh* Yes there is “room”; however, it seems the writer wants sites like this one to use euphemisms to describe relaxed hair. I have been natural for 7 months but when I wore relaxers I would NEVER think to ask something like this, LOL! I would (and still do) go where I wanted to go online and read what I wanted to read. No one is stopping the writer from coming on this and other blogs. In terms of the “divide” I get what she is saying but there is not a divide here. This is a site where women without relaxers share information and most of us do not think relaxed hair is healthy. Sorry. Can some of the women in the natural community be “nicer”….I guess but that does not mean putting pictures of relaxed women on here. I’m just kind of confused here to be honest. I feel like the writer really wanted to say “can you guys stop calling it creamy crack” or “can you guys stop talking about how being natural gave your more confidence” because this is making me feel some kind of way. So yeah you can read anything you want to but I would prefer to not see pictures of…Ciara up here.
ummm WHAT?
Of course relaxed hair people can view natural blogs and websites, why not? As far as natural hair blogs catering to relaxed hair…UH NUH! This is a niche market. I’m not gonna go to a blog about Batman and ask for them to talk about kryptonite. It doesn’t make sense.
All hair care is based on wash+condition+moisturize+seal but I’m not going to an Asian hair blog or a Caucasian hair blog for advice because there are differences that need to be addressed. That is why I come here. On youtube there are several vloggers for relaxed hair and websites for relaxed/processed hair care. Seek and ye shall find.
Yes, we ALL have hair, and ALL hair needs shampoo, conditioning, and moisture…but this is a NATURAL hair site. I’m sure no one is banned from visiting this site, and I’m pretty sure there are many relaxed haired women that take away information, but I wouldn’t want to come here and see any relaxed heads being spotlighted & interviewed. That’s just my opinion :~)
I think Tht nothing is wrong with being relaxed…but different blogs cater to different things. Fashion blogs…fashion. Wedding blogs…weddings. Natural hair blogs…natural hair.
I hope so. I relax my hair maybe 2 times a year and my daughter is 100% natural. We both have healthy hair and follow the same shampoo and conditioning regimen, which I learned from the natural hair community. My daughter gets press outs throughout the year and the heat training helps alot. We have a very busy schedule. I am glad I know how to work with our hair, no matter how it’s styled.
The model in the picture is absolutely STUNNING! That is all.
Agreed! I had to do a double take. Gorgerous model!
I was awestruck as well!
“Everyone is allowed to make their own choices and I don’t think that just because I’ve been relaxed for 5(out of 23 years) should all of a sudden make me the devil.”
What I don’t understand is, if some relaxed women believe that “hair is just hair and I’m happy with MY choice” why does it matter if you’re perceived as a demon, especially if it’s just people on the internet?
I hear that popular mantra from some naturals too. (I don’t agree with it at all because I don’t believe hair is just hair for black women when the majority of us believe we NEED a relaxer.) But I think it is a case of some folks just taking the internet way to seriously.
you make room for yourself. there is enough space for everyone. I doubt there is an alert that pops on the screen when a relaxed head is viewing a natural hair website “ALERT ALERT RELAXED HAIR IN PROXY”….followed by a message in white background “the page you are viewing cannot be displayed due to sodium hydroxides incompatibility with our website, please try again after you have transitioned”..
wats the big deal here really.. dont expect the website to start featuring relaxed hair or give relaxer tips on a NATURAL HAIR WEBSITE. but you can come watch and learn or do wateva. that is enough room isnt it?
there is a plethora of information on the intarnets and real life for relaxed and straight hair more than most naturals are privileged to get. you dont go to MTV looking for the latest on hurricane irene’s whereabouts. much-ado about nothing
LMAO@Ada. I agree 🙂
LMAO!!!
Two thumbs up! Said it better than I could 🙂
I had my first perm at 16, went back to natural at 28, permed again at 31, and natural again 1.5 ago at 46. In all those years, I saw very few support or advise forums that were geared toward women with NATURAL hair- ie VIRGIN hair. While I understand that womem with permed locks can benefit from techniques used by those with natural hair, it is important to undertand that the two are separate and different entities.
Women are going ‘natural’- ‘virgin’ in record numbers so it’s important to not blur ‘permed’ with ‘natural’. I may get a lot of negative feedback but this is my honest opinion – that women with natural hair should have their own forum and support system for haircare- as should women with permed hair have one for theirs.
First, the model is gorgeous! Second, we are not our hair so to each its own. Finally, relaxed people do not need blogs… they have magazines. Blogs for natural hair have popped up due to the dearth of conversation and knowledge about natural hair. If anyone wants to learn how to care for permed hair pick up an Essence or Black Hair mag. If they want to see beautiful fotos and learn tips about natural hair bglh is here for them.
Im surprised at the comments. She isnt saying that the site should cater to naturals but she is saying that naturals should stop dividing from relaxers. We are all women and healthy hair is the focus right, wether it be relaxed or natural. I know some naturals who assume they are better and talk down on relaxed ppl. All of my family is relaxed except me and thats their choice, Im no better for choosing to be natural. My decision to go natural was to achieve healthy hair, not to be in a clique of other naturals like cool kids in highschool. PPL keep saying relaxed women go with society but again its their choice, wat about makeup, and fake boobs and the way some of us dress (even some naturals) and other things of the sort, isnt that conforming to society. Dont get me wrong this is a site for naturals and I love it, And the lady in the post wasn’t trying to change that, but she was saying y are we divided? We should come together as women no matter wat our hair look like. We are all beautiful women of color. Y do we always have to look dwn on each other?
Luv this post. I will admit that even though I don’t have a perm, sometimes I have to take a ‘natural hair blog break’ (at least from user comments) because some “naturals” come across as so judgmental. The discussion, I thought, was about healthy hair with a focus on non-chemically manipulated hair, not a ‘who’s more down’, ‘who has a higher self-esteem’, ‘who wants to look like what the magazines push’ contest.’ Maybe this is just the nature of woman, but why can’t we all just appreciate and compliment our differences because if we really want to go there and take the term “natural” to the letter – some of us are manipulating our hair just as much as women who have perms (and some folks are sneaking relaxer in their conditioner bottles – that’s another post for another day, lol!). I remember a friend of mine, who was ‘natural’ at the time, coming to me and apologetically telling me that she couldn’t do it anymore, it was just too hard and she got a texturizer, and my response was “what the heck are you apologizing to me for? You look good. Play on playa!”
To make a long story short, you can love yourself and your look without hating on someone else. I get tips where I can if I feel they apply to me. Women with perms shouldn’t feel like they have to hide in order to peep a natural hair blog to learn about things like “the butters” (reference to a funny youtube video) or something like that. We need to stop this crabs in a barrel crap, live your life, respect others, and have a nice day.
Bravo!! I agree wholeheartedly with y’all; the idea is to show that there are options out there, and that one is not the ‘better’ choice. I have friends/family who relax their hair, and it’s healthy and gorgeous. I pass along the home made hair products I whip up and use on my hair, and they work wonderfully on relaxed tresses. I’ve been natural for over 15 years, and it was the best decision for me. Just like I had my reasons for going natural, others have reasons to relax; after all, both take quite a bit of upkeep and TLC.
Respect should be what we all want and need to give to each other, not throw insults and assumptions. Do we toss out the naturals who straighten their hair occasionally? How about women who are natural, but their hair isn’t very kinky/curly; are they not natural enough? Can I use a curling iron or hot rollers? I’m changing my texture! What about the naturals who insist on using hair products with petrolatum/sodium laurel/lareth sulfate and other ‘undesirable’ ingredients; are they breaking the natural hair rules? Those questions may sound facetious, but there is also a divide in the natural community (super nautral vs. not natural enough), and it’s ridiculous.
+ 100 🙂 When I see my sisters (in the general sense) be they permed or natural, “Happy Feelings” by Maze and Frankie Beverly pops into my head-so y’all know how i feel!
I think it’s wonderful that the blogger has chosen to experiment. She’s only 23, she’ll do so much more with her hair in the years to come. While you were natural for 18 years, some of us were given relaxers at young ages without options. You chose the relaxer. My hair was healthy while it was relaxed and it’s still healthy natural. I think relaxed haired readers might get more benefit from hair care tips than naturals could from mainstream sites. There are many products that we should really stay away from because they strip the moisture from our already dry hair.
I wish you nothing but the best on your hair journey.
I so agree with you. I wasn’t given a choice. My sister & I were given relaxers at 8 & 9. My hair thinned out & my other sister’s hair won’t grow past her shoulders & her hair is thin also. When my baby sister was born (who is now 21) My mother decided not to give her a relaxer. Her hair is thick & down the middle of her back. So I wish my mothernever put a relaxer in my head. I have a 8yr old daughter & I’ve been teaching her that her hair is beautiful & if she wants her hair straight, flat ironing is an option. I’ve been transitioning for 14mos now & although it’s been very challenging, I’m anxious to get to know my hair. My other sister has now started transitioning also. My motherfor some odd reason acts like she doesn’t understand why we are choosing to go natural. My mother got her first relaxer when she turned 21 & she vows never to go back natural. Of course we are in a different era from the 60’s & 70’s, so I can see why she chooses to remain on the “creamy crack”! Back then straight hair was deemed beautiful (and still is). I for one want to be an example for my daughter & want to show her that her natural hair is beautiful & manageable!
Relaxed sistas should be welcomed with open arms by naturals, especially if there are relaxed women seeking to go natural…we are their greatest wealth of information, so we’d be hypocritical to shun them. Healthy hair is healthy hair.
Do I believe there is room for both natural.and perked hair? Yes, its all up to what the individual can manage. I’ve work my hair a few time in the last 15 years but, once I see it starting to break I cut it out at the new growth and go back to my natural texture (thank goodness my hair grow fast). My issue is I am very low maintance and caring for relaxed hair is work. Not saying that natural hair is but, I care braid my hair and leave it for a week and be good. I can flat iron my hair if I choose to. Relaxing is so perminate, no real choices to me. I have a hard time finding suitable hair care products for my hair. I tried one that said it was primarily for natural hair but, while the shampoo and conditioner work ok the gel to keep it curly and moisturized did nothing but made my hair feel heavy and slimy. Outside of that I will never work my hair again….. To each its own as long as you are happy.
No their isn’t room for relaxers in the natural community. Natural community have found a place where we can not only feel comfortable but insure confidence in each other for being our true selves. Relaxed women goes with what society tell them to do, WE NATURALS TURNS HEADS WHETHER I BE FROS OR DREADS!!!
Hi all!
I’m honestly surprised about all of the attention my piece has garnered and appreciate all the comments, good or bad. This is one of my favorite sites and to be published is an honor.
Ok, to address a few things:
I DON’T want this website to cater to relaxed hair. I never said this blog should cater to relaxed women, but that relaxed women could stand to learn from natural hair websites. I think it’s beautiful that this space is reserved for natural hair. I was formerly natural and wish I’d had this type of resource when I was an awkward teenager with too much hair and not enough skills/tips/ways to handle it. My mother is natural as well as my grandmother and I have nothing but respect for those who are.
What I was trying to address was the divide. I don’t think that there should have to be such an aggressive divide between being relaxed and natural. Everyone is allowed to make their own choices and I don’t think that just because I’ve been relaxed for 5(out of 23 years) should all of a sudden make me the devil. When I was growing up, there was no youtube, there was no one to ask…especially not in Cincinnati, OH! So although I had natural hair, it was in horrible condition. Fairy knots, dry scalp, the works. All I knew were how to box braid & box twist. It was a shame hahah.
Having started on a mission to take better care of my relaxed hair, I started reading black hair care blogs, both relaxed and natural. The hair tips I’ve picked up from BOTH have been invaluable to my hair journey. I’d also like to note that a hair journey is about 100% trial and error. So whether you are natural or relaxed, you’re going to have to experiment and figure out that what might work for Curly Nikki or Traycee might not work for you. And that’s the best part! Rediscovering your hair and its likes and dislikes should be the ultimate focus.
Honestly, I’m definitely planning to go natural again at some point in my life. But for now, I’m going to be relaxed. Hair is a continuum, as long as you keep it healthy and take care of it properly it shouldn’t matter.
I agree that there shouldn’t be a divide, but there is a divide. Each individual has to make a decision not to make anyone feel inferior. I wore a relaxer for over 20 years, and I never was questioned or ridiculed about my relaxed hair. Yet when I chose natural hair I have experienced a wide variety of negative and positive comments. As much as people try to say it’s just hair, I disagree! If it was just hair there wouldn’t be such strong feelings about the choice to be or not to be natural. Until we deal with our real issues about hair, there will remain a divide.
Case in point: my mom has been natural all her life, but wears her hair straight. She had a serious issue with my choice to be natural because my hair looked nappy! Figure that one out:)
I feel like I understand your point better now that I’ve head this follow up post and I agree that some of the relaxer bashing in the comment sections of certain posts probably does deter relaxed women from participating more actively in this blog. I rarely find comments by women acknowledging that they are indeed relaxed. I think the natural movement may ultimately benefit by broadening its support to include relaxed women, men, etc. We don’t exist in a vacuum.
Thanks for the clarification. Like nameless, I feel like I understand your post/point much better now.
I am glad you cleared things up, because at first I had the what-you-talking-about-Willis face.
I have locs, my older sister is transitioning with braids, my little sister’s hair is relaxed, and my mother is a recovering weave addict after suffering severe thinning. Since I’ve started my natural hair journey and they have noticed my results, they all come to me for advice for their hair. My little sister especially benefits from the tips about moisture and sealing.
I think it is important to maintain a community that caters to the natural hair community, however I do understand where Britt is coming from. Sometimes blogs and forums do alienate those with perms and probably have them questioning themselves simply because they prefer their hair to be straight via perms. Sure society conditioned us to strive for straight hair all the time, to the point that a storm cloud without an umbrella in hand scares us, but just like one thing is never constant for all, there are other reasons people continue to perm their hair.
Relaxed women doesn’t need to be featured, but they shouldn’t feel like the odd mad out because their hair is straight. Since so many do benefit from tips on natural blogs, how about creating a blog about that? That can serve as a bridge for the divide.
Straight hair is the standard. Straight hair and straight hair tips are all over the place. So now, a little community has come up for people who’s hair differs from that standard. I don’t think it makes any sense for people with straight hair to then turn around and say that we need to include and represent them in these spaces too! It great that people with straight hair can find good tips that work for them on natural hair blogs, but that doesn’t mean that they deserve to have a big presence here too…
I’m sorry but I have to say that you are wrong. Your post is very petty and lacks a broad perspective. “Straight hair tips” are all over the place? Oh that’s right, that’s why a majority of black women have relaxed hair down to their butts…Let’s be honest, black hair knowledge care was once relatively nonexistent..maybe you are talking about “white hair”.
I’m “team healthy hair”. I know that this site is a natural hair blog, so I don’t expect to see a focus relaxed hair [obviously], however it doesn’t mean that people with relaxed hair can’t learn from here. I’m natural and some of the best hair tips I’ve gotten were from relaxed hair blogs. I don’t discriminate and I think before people need to think before they start spewing these divisive comments, they are not helping anybody.
wilberthe didnt say they couldnt learn from here but the post refers to someone who wants to see more articles on relaxed hair on a natural hair blog…ummm Im on team no with that one.
I agree, I’m natural and I tend to read both relaxed and natural hair blogs for tips and my friends (who are relaxed) also get tips from natural hair blogs. In my opinion as long as your on the road to healthy hair, whether relaxed or natural is all good in my book. I think the focus should be on people taking care of their hair rather than the division because both sides can learn from one another.
Wilberthe, I agree with you the majority of black hair magazines deal with relaxed hair and weaves. Rarely do you find good articles or information about natural hair or natural hair transition. I am transitioning from a curl softner to natural hair and this site along with youtube has helped me so much I can’t even put it into words. I think its smart for women with all hair textures to visit this site because it is so informative, but leave it as is, for the natural and transitioning sistas. Please don’t change a thing!
“Ladies, do you think there’s room for relaxed women in the natural hair community?”
With all due respect to women who relax their hair (because to
each his own) but if relaxed haired women were a part of the
natural hair community, wouldn’t it no longer be a natural hair
community? I come to natural hair sites because I want to read
about and share my experiences regarding being natural, i.e.
TWAs, loose naturals and locs.
“And do you think there should be more of a focus on healthy hair as opposed to natural hair? Share your thoughts.”
There is a focus on healthy hair. That’s one of the top reasons
women go natural, to have healthy hair.
I agree wholeheartedly. With all due respect to all sisters, but natural sites should not have to specifically cater to relaxed styles, it totally defeats the purpose. It’s not an exclusionary thing either. These sites, blogs and such were created for natural hair because none existed before. All can benefit from the advice but it should remain natural focused. If you choose to remain relaxed then it’s best to consult with a community of those who also relax. We all want to achieve healthy hair, but part of what you have to do to relax isn’t healthy. Again, to each his own but these sites are wonderful the way they are and much needed.
+1 to the both of you. Naturals are still misunderstood and still need encouragement exclusively geared to their needs. To add to natural blogs advice on relaxing (the bane of black hair care any way you look at) would be to justify the use of the creamy crack. Nothing damages our hair (and plays to our insecurities)more than the cc. Relaxed sisters, I mean no disrespect but make your own blog/forum (and there is no ‘societal divide’…lol).
Lol. IKR.
Interesting question. I really think so. My godsister is relaxed and she actually follows some of these blogs. She started incorporating “our” techniques into her hair regimen. DCing, oils, she butter, and she even stretched her relaxer for a year at one point after I went natural. Her edges (she NEVER had edges, even while we were growing up) and they are growing in thick now. She uses protective styles for her hair. Her hair is the longest and healthiest that it’s ever been about arm pit length by now. But she is relaxed. I think we should embrace women with relaxed hair. It’s a way to educate them. Even though she is relaxed, she swears to never relax her daughters hair because she understands how to care for natural hair by “stealing” natural hair practices. It’s just that she prefers a relaxer. Oh, and she was natural until she was about 17.
Just as you started your natural hair blog. Relaxed women can start theirs also. I’m sure when you started your blog it was to inform the natural community of different options of keeping their tresses healthy and products to try. Yes it is an option of being natural or relaxed. It shouldn’t be an option of suggesting to you what to write in your blog. But to each it’s own.
I agree with the writer, Having done both, natural to relaxed back to natural.. another go at the relaxer and finally back to natural, I see advantages in both and I think that it is an individuals choice. A lot of black women fail to remeber that each of us have different type hair. so someone with 3b-4b hair will have an easier time going natural than people with zig zag curl patterns that hasn’t even been “typed” with a label. For those, a relaxer (by that I mean a texturizer to release the curl a little bit” Doesn’t only make sense but is sometime better for the manageability of hair. In addition lifestyles must be taken into account and personal preference of style. I myself have not yet got to the point where I really like the options of natural hairstyles for myself so although I am a natural, I still choose to wear my hair straight via flat irons, or weaves. But that doesn’t make me any less natural does it?
Climate and exercise play a big role, because being a complete natural you find that the more you exercise, the more, I mean WAY more maintenance your natural hair becomes. Colder climate or too humid climate you’re stuck with your hair in more protective styles anyways. Natural hair…I define as what is yours…no weave, no clips ins, or fusion, no braids with added hair, no any kind of extensions, just yours…however you choose to wear it! Just my opinion!
Tsotso Couture
My hair routine is significantly different as a natural versus when I had relaxed hair. Therefore, blogs that place the focus on healthy natural hair is valuable to me. My natural hair is 2x drier than my relaxed strands and very curly, so I have to style my hair differently. Also, it nice to hear other natural ladies talk about their hair issues because it may help me solve some of my hair issues in the process.
Though, I am sure that many relaxed women can benefit from reading natural hair blogs, I think we should still keep the focus mainly on natural versus relaxed hair. Relaxed women have plenty of places they can go for hair advice. Why should they expect natural hair blogs to focus on them, too? No offense to my relaxed ladies, because I don’t care if a woman chooses to put chemicals in her hair. That is her choice and I’m not here to judge anyone, since I relaxed my hair for many years. But, please don’t try to make natural hair blogs place more focus on relaxed hair! Why would a blogger who wanted to promote natural hair do such a thing? If anyone cares to read a blog about maintaining healthy relaxed hair, find a blog that is dedicated to that overall topic. But, if you choose to stick around, take the advice that can be easily applied to your hair regimen and discard the rest. It’s very simple!
I haven’t seen many if any sites for black women with Natural hair blogs…I have only found blogs for naturals which is what prompted me to go natural! All the support and understanding was wonderful…Can you recommend some of these plenty of places that relaxed hair can go for advice? I know many of my friends and family who are still relaxing would appreciate it.
Sure! I know of two very good ones! http://www.kibibihair.com/ and http://www.hairliciousinc.com/. Both offer lots of tips for relaxed ladies :-). Hope this is helpful…..
Thanks I will pass it on!
It’s all about what the readers here can and cannot relate to.
When I pull up this website, I ALWAYS look forward to seeing beautiful women with curls. More recently I’ve been even more excited about seeing women with locs as well – which is awesome. I’m not going to say that relaxed women should be “shunned from society”, but we have FINALLY found a place/places where gorgeous NATURAL curls/hair is EMBRACED!! Why not keep that going? This website (among others) a nice refresher from the many relaxed looks we see in the media today.
If it ain’t broke don’t fix it.
It is wonderful that the author is able to find useful tips and tools within the natural hair community which are beneficial to her relaxed hair. Similar to the number of subscribers to the BGLH blog, FB and Twitter pages, I am sure there are just as many hair journey stories in which women decided to transition for a myriad of reasons (i.e. damaged hair, desire to discover natural hair texture, health and/or lifestyle) no one reason better than or worse than the other.
I disagree with the author, ‘hair tips are hair tips’ for I can attest to the fact that many of the products I used on my relaxed hair, my natural hair does not respond in the same way. In addition, as natural hair women, products are not universal for us either, it is a trial and error and 10 months in, I still have not found the ‘ah-ha’ products for my hair.
I agree, there should not be a ‘hair divide’ however, the divide is drawn by individuals, and individuals begin to respect and honor everyone’s journey without using their ruler to judge their progress, then we will begin to experience compassion and kindness which allows everyone the freedom to just be. If you want to relax your hair, fine. If you want to grow it natural, cool. If you want to loc it, whoohooo! If you want to rock a bald fade, do it!
‘Having a good helping of both experiences (I’ve been relaxed about 5 years), I think it would do more good for relaxed women to read natural hair blogs.’ – It is quite okay for relaxed women to read natural hair blogs and if there is something in it which they find useful, that is great. However, my preference is for natural hair blogs NOT to begin to cater to relaxed hair by expanding to provide tips and tools for this particular hair treatment; there are plenty of resources which provide this information.
The natural hair blog is one place where natural hair textured women can view positive images of women who are also choosing to rock their natural hair. We do not see these affirming images in music videos, prime time television, magazines (even the ones marketed to women of African descent) in politics or any other sector of society. Instead, we are bombarded with weaves, wigs, relaxed hair and unfortunately, there is a correlation associated with hair and beauty within the African American community, in which straight, long hair (even it is purchased) is deemed pretty and acceptable and anything contrary is not (not in all cases, communities or for individuals). It is wonderful to have a place where people are supportive of women on their journey, where we share our hair stories and can receive guidance as we continue to embrace our hair.
My 2 cents: Yes, relaxed hair women are welcomed to read the blogs and use any tips and tools which may be beneficial to their relaxed hair…No, to featuring relaxed hair/weaves/wigs or catering to their hair needs; for there are plenty of resources available.
If a relaxed woman is looking to transition, become more knowledgeable on the ins and outs of natural hair, or some encouragement to take the plunge, then I just say yes. If she is not interested in either three of the aforementioned, then I don’t see the point. If you want jewelry, you go to the jewelry store, if you want shoes, you go to the shoe store. The natural community does focus on natural hair as a whole, but not “natural” relaxed hair because that would be totally contradictory to what we preach about relaxers not being healthy. I don’t knock one’s choice, but my belief is that “natural” hair is the better option as it is without chemicals. I don’t have anything against a woman who opts for a perm versus leaving her hair alone. I just see no place in the natural community for a woman who is not considering going natural, the process of transitioning or seeking encouragement on going natural. That’s just me though!
As a new natural I think there needs to remain a separation between natural and relaxed sites because of the simple fact that when I decided to go natural, these hair specific sites is what saved me and kept me from giving up. They also gave me a reality check. I’m not against relaxed hair now that I’m natural, I still love the straight sleek look as she called it, but going natural is the best thing I’ve done TO and for my hair. Besides, I never found anything, with the exceptifon of the only person I let blow dry my hair, in the relaxed community that helped make my hair flourish. I like having hair specific literature. It’s helping me get over some very unwarranted issues and teaching me that its not the type of hair that’s the issue, its the hair’s caretaker that makes the difference. Nothing against people like Madame Walker and the like, but the natural world has been so much better to me. Even more importantlty, I’ve finally found people whose hair I can relate to.
Great question; in order to have a consistent response it got me thinking about inclusion on more than the hair level.
Personally there would be no added value; the advice doesn’t go both ways. I wouldn’t glean anything from an article on healthy care or products for relaxed hair. None of my products are/were the same and probably for good reason…there were no good products for relaxed hair 17 years ago! The natural hair ladies have done wonders in this area *shout out*.
I don’t read anyone is denying access to information or from commenting but if the reader is asking to change the vision/mission then I say No. As a democrat I wouldn’t join a republican blog and ask for more articles on President Obama. I could join and gain information on how they organize voters, or understand policy decisions but it doesn’t make sense for me to ask them to change their mission in order for me to feel included. I would just go back to my democratic blogs and get that.
My, how the mind does play tricks on us. The impression that having a natural hair website is a DIVIDE, is totally a matter of perception. I am new to the BGLH website, and have been natural for around 2 years this time around. I was also natural in the early 70’s when it was extremely popular to do so, and what I would like to add is the fact that WE, black women, have the wonderful gift of versatility when it comes to our hair. This versatility gives us a CHOICE to be curly, kinky, braided, straight, texturized, colored, etc. Let’s embrace this versatility, enjoy the many choices we have and always “Do YOU!” My answer to the question of the day is respectfully “NO” to combining the two, because managing natural hair vs. relaxed hair is different and for that reason the sources of information should remain separate.
+ 1
I think some people are missing the point. There is room for relaxed ladies to come to this website and adopted the techniques for ‘healthy’ hair (hair that does not break off, is protein-moisture balanced, and looks healthy). I have in fact introduced this website to many ladies/girls for guidance, most are relaxed. But I think this space should be reserved for naturals. Why? Because many of us come from families or communities where natural haired women are next to nothing or considered a no-no. Some of us didn’t/don’t even know what our hair looks/looks like! And up until recently natural hair was non-existent in the media. How can black (hair) magazines dedicated to us only possess a couple of pages for natural hair or only have a natural hair special once every blue moon? This website and other websites like it should continue to cater to naturals, but stress to ladies who use relaxers that it is okay, we are here to help them gain healthy relaxed hair, and we are not here to change their views- well, as long as they don’t think curly or kinky hair -aka what they were born with- is ugly!
So, I am quite happy for relaxed ladies to take part and enjoy natural hair websites, but I think websites such as these should remain natural hair focused. There are plenty of black female websites/mags which cover both relaxed and natural hair care very well (cocoandcreme, madamenoire, clutch, blackvoices).
+1
+1
I think that the focus of this blog should be natural hair. Healthy hair tips, as mentioned in some earlier posts, can be used by many – natural or relaxed. Hair is a personal choice and we should be respectful of our individual decisions. I am not excluding anyone, but there are many general hair care blogs on the web now.
I’m gonna go with NO. I was relaxed last year when I started visiting natural hair sites and upon seeing videos of some of my favorite Youtube gurus go natural, I decided to go natural also. While I was relaxed, I visited various hair sites and learned how to take care of my relaxed hair and keep it “healthy” to the point it grew to bra-strap length. There was nothing wrong per se with my hair except I didn’t want to put chemicals on my head anymore. I got help with natural hair by subscribing to NATURAL hair blogs and video channels. The same could be said about the relaxed community creating that divide because I’ve seen videos from women bashing naturals because their hair wouldn’t do what someone else’s did. That’s not to say all relaxed women and all natural women bash each other, but I would like to come to a site and not have to weed through articles on relaxed hair in order to get to information on natural hair that has been here since the beginning. With all due respect, there are other sites to go to and a wealth of information on there. I’m starting to wonder though if the problem is the evident sisterhood naturals have as opposed to SOME relaxed women more than it is about hair.
I’m a 29 year old woman whose been relaxed all my life. I didn’t even know this “world of natural” existed. I recently celebrated my BC 1 year anniversary as of May 2011. I say NO! Only because as a relaxed woman being natural is not glorified as being relaxed is. You seldom see natural women in the “commercial” world of things. I had no idea this side of things even existed. Seeing as we’re all born one way and then make the choice to relax you follow yours, we’ll follow ours. There are lots of tips relaxed women can take from natural hair care, but it isn’t the same. That’s not a divide amongst us as people, but mostly everything in the social media caters to being relaxed. Since going natural I’ve actually gotten a negative response from some relaxed sisters. They feel like ” they just can’t walk around with their hair looking like this” then stay to your blog and us naturals will do the same. It’s the same as being a smoker and a non smoker….I wouldn’t impose my choice on someone who chooses differently. The hair care concept is completely different and therefore should remain seperated. Just my opinion and we’re all entitled to that ;o)@ LaLa and DarLai…lol spoken like true relaxed women! If your relaxed and thats your choice then “choose your choice” I love all black women equally so by all means whatever tips you all can get from natural hair care then go for it! Therefore you don’t end up damaging your hair in the long run. I simply mean to state don’t feel left out or offended for having a blog or online community that caters to natural women.
+1
I totally agree with what Britt is saying. I’m dedicated and committed to being natural, but I definitely learned A LOT about my hair through blogs like these and I really believe that if I had known about the different styling options and what ingredients to look for in hair products, my relaxed hair would’ve grown beyond my chin! I think it’s important to remember that natural hair is just one OPTION – but there’s a lotta info in these blogs that can be applied to relaxed hair and even weaves (like braid-outs)!
Sure there’s room! I need a little clarity on the post. Is she wanting to change the mission of the site, or does she want articles about relaxed hair? Personally, I am only interested in natural hair, and wouldn’t want to see articles about relaxed hair.
Actually, I started reading natural hair blogs, looking at natural (and some relax who use a natural hair approach) hair gurus on youtube, etc. when I was relaxed and was commenting in my relax hair state. It was only recently before I took the plunge to natural. But even if I did stay relax I would still been a frequent visitor of your blog regardless because sites like these give great tips. So I never understood the US vs. THEM thing, frankly it comes off as pompous. I learn tips, tricks and styles from BOTH natural and relaxed women and modify it to fit my needs. I think healthy hair practices should be encourage no matter how you choose to wear your hair. Let’s be honest there is a whole bunch of relax AND natural women that doesn’t have good hair practices/regimens to help their hair flourish and need a site like this one. Now should your site do a complete 180 no, because it serves as a safe place for naturals but I don’t see why it should be exclusive. I would like to see a varying of opinions and thoughts on topics (especially topics affecting black women that doesn’t have to do with just hair). I wish we stop running from each other because I’ am sure in real life we don’t surround ourselves with people who do as we do or look like us
Like many in our very wise, amazing and not-at-all ‘snobbish’ community have already confirmed, of course there is room! Please feel free to read, learn, reply, buy – but understand that the entire focus is on non-chemically straightened hair. This community embraces everyone, but our source of strength, cohesion, purpose and outright dopeness was and still is cultivated through celebrating, supporting and flaunting non-relaxed hair. Some have strong opinions on chemical straighteners so you may be turned off by their viewpoints, but c’est la vie, we’re promoting natural hair here and don’t care to see tex-laxing tips or perm ads. As long as relaxed, naturally straight and wavy women and men respect that and don’t attempt to divert in any way shape or form from the central, overarching, all-consuming theme of this board and other natural hair boards – then of course, we all have something to learn from one another, and as far as I’m concerned, all are welcome.
Annie, I think that you illustrated your point so well – and I agree! All are welcomed to read, observe and interact, with the full understanding of this website’s purpose. Any thoughts (note that I say thoughts, and not people) seeking to dilute or dissolve that purpose are respectfully ask to leave the premises… before we have to call security. Just kidding! 🙂
I think there is room for anyone in a natural hair community. However, I don’t think there is room for relaxed hair information in this community. I would rather not see pictures of relaxed styles, relaxed hair care tips, etc on sites such as this.
Uh no, enough said!!!!
+1
Sometimes I feel like we are talking in circles.
I made a conscious decision to go natural and it was wasn’t related to the health of my hair. I think in an era of weaves and wigs, there’s a lot to be said for just being and embracing what springs from your scalp. I look at TV and everyone looks the same. I like that I stand out.
So bearing that in mind, it’s nice to find a space with women who aren’t interested in the “slick, relaxed look”. That’s not a knock on sisters who choose to relax their hair. It’s just that the manufactured, relaxed, processed hair market place is over-saturated with resources. Media is teeming with images. Natural hair is not embraced at that level.
Personally and honestly.. no I do not. I know it is harsh and “who am I” to say the 2 have to be separate.. but this is my reasoning. 1st it was hard enough to come to a decision to grow out my ‘relaxer”. I received the o-O from so many… I would get “who allows their hair to become nappy if they can help it”? I was told in around about ways it was ugly, it wasn’t appealing etc. 2- With a relaxer you can always wash or get a touch up and be back in main stream or looked as having ‘good hair’ all over again. With a head full of natural hair you have to learn how to turn a blind eye to the negative comments and stares. By doing this you get a better sense of self in oppose to conformity. I think becoming natural makes you more insightful about the black culture.. NOT ALL ~~ BUT MOST. Also eventually FOR SOME NOT ALL a better life style for yourself and your family. I am also a vegetarian long before I became natural.. knowing that I was taking care of my body gave me a sense of self empowerment. Those who didn’t take the initiative to eat better ~I shook my head at them.. then once I became natural my workout regime got tighter, my self awareness and love for self and other Naturalistas grew as well. I mean not for nothing why dabble if you want to be natural just do it.. you can play around with transitioning or go full fledge but again what’s the purpose of ‘faking the funk’
Beaituflly stated and I agree you 🙂
I was so excited to agree I spelled “beautifully” wrong…lmbo You get my point though
I most certainly do!!
And no I’m not bashing relaxed hair, I was just reading my comment and I’m pretty sure it came off as that way. But a relaxer has to damage the hair in order to make it straight, not lying (no lye lol), google it. So I’m just stating a fact, not trying to be mean.
*looks around*
lol
I would say yes. I’ve watched several YT channels full of women with relaxers that have adopted techniques and hair practices that are most common to women with natural hair. With this in mind, although certain techniques and products & product applications may be different in some instances, certain things as this writer has said remain the same.
And how can a woman who is relaxed have the chance to transition or do the big chop if she isnt in the natural hair community? Shoot, thats how I learned to care for my hair and prepare myself for the big chop. Let’s be real yall and stop the division, it’s stupid.
I just don’t understand how someone can put “healthy” and relaxed hair in the same sentence. Yes, some relaxed women achieve more than shoulder length when they take care of their hair but no matter how long it is, it’s still damaged. There’s nothing healthy about it.
Anyway I don’t care if relaxed women join the natural community and vice versa, as long as you dont bash me for being natural and I dont bash you for being relaxed, what’s the problem?
I see your point about the “relaxed healthy” hair, but at the same time, there are plenty natural hair wearing women with unhealthy hair. Natural doesn’t equal healthy, and relaxed doesn’t equal unhealthy.
We can agree to disagree. Yes there are some women with natural hair that is damaged but you can’t be relaxed and have healthy hair period. Simply because the relaxer has to damage your hair in order to straighten it. I’m not making this up, google it girl. lol So relaxed women may be able to keep it stable through techniques but at the end of the day it’s still damaged because the relaxer is breaking down the bond of your hair.
This is why when relaxed hair is wet, it looks limp and dead because thats what it is…dead until you revive it with some curls. lol
I have to respectfully disagree with the writer. This is a free space for natural hair – a place where such women and girls are free to express their trials, tribulations, happy moments, and concerns.
There are plenty of sites that are mixed or solely relaxed. I wish you the best in finding them.
Some of these comments make me cringe… this is why some of the natural hair blogs/groups get under my skin: because SOME natural hair women think they’re somehow superior to women who relax (and even occasionally press) their hair. Some people just can’t do natural hair. I know people with relaxers who have healthy hair. Just because a woman chooses to straighten her hair (by relaxer or press) doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about her hair or herself or she’s trying to assimilate… maybe she just likes to wear her hair straight every now and then. Some natural hair women are the biggest discriminators of all.
Then why are you here? Why not hang out on the wonderful all inclusive egalitarian relaxed hair blogs all over the internet. Why waste time with natural nazis? What is it that keeps you coming to feel condescended to? I do not get it and I think maybe just maybe this so called ‘natural snobbery’ people love to whine about is just their own psychological projection.
Please relax. No pun intended. You should really calm down. I stated an opinion about some people. That’s it.
sorry..but the natural community is getting just a little to snobbish for me..the need to create our own safe space comes from the feeling of alienation from the hair community at-large..
why than do we feel the need to alienate another sister in turn?
Very well said.
Emphasize on healthy hair. Natural hair forums are designed to help the lost transitioner back to healthy hair. To feel more confident in their on skin with their natural texture. You can have healthy relaxed hair as well as healthy natural hair. Whatever your preference on how you wear your hair is welcome, if we discriminate between the two then that sets us back in the black community.
I think there is a need for natural hair forums because for the longest time there werent many resources, support, and or acceptance of natural hair. I believe women who wear their hair natural, without (straightening with hot comb/blow outs etc) endure a differnt type of scrutiny, than our sisters with straightened hair. I enjoy the support,enrichement,from all women, but there is this “extra” nod or understanding from women who proudly wear their hair in natural styles. As the author of this article stated she herself didnt have the resources availed to her in her younger years. So she should understand the desire to develop a community for those with natural hair.
Agree 100% I think if you want to participate in the blogs that is fine. However, I don’t think that the contents of the blogs/hair boards should change to “appeal” to those with relaxers. There is an honest need for spaces like this.
and i think its a misconception that a person who relaxes, neccessarily opts for bone straight and to help promote a look other than their own natural self… it may be an outcome but come on… if a white chick does too many squats does that remove her from her whiteness some how, wtf… Having a strong booty is not beneficial to her in some way… desiring the camofaging glow of a tan makes the person less proud of the skin their in- i doubt it… while we need to be concious of negative effects of altertions to our body, we need to elevate our selves and not link up too much meaning with how we choose to show case our body… our body is our vehicle… we can lose an arm, we can go bald… anything can happen, does that make you less you… dont wait for that time to figure it out.
everything occurs on a continuum. Natural ladies who are not using 100% all natural products, recycling 100% of everything, using modes of transportation that does not hinger the environment, and otherwise TOTALLY accepting life as it is… yall can’t talk. I have natural hair, I am trying to stop driving as much, and use my bike more, I am trying to not use those plastic bags at the market, i am trying to eat less meat.. I AM TRYING. not to say a relaxed person is trying to be all natural… All this to say that we make these choices and the best ones are well informed ones. USing healthing hair habits, should be fore all… perhaps during that time of mastering the healthy hair habit one may see that the relaxer is not needed at all… As i am learning by riding my bike more and more, my car may not be needed daily… We should never do things to seperate, always find methods of bonding people together. What harm can seeing a person who choses to relax their hair and have if fluorish from healthy haircare advice do to another.
I say YES, there’s room for everyone. Women with relaxed hair can benefit from the tips here and their viewpoints contribute to the discussions held here.
However, I think the focus of the site should still be NATURAL hair. Sure, there are lots of women with relaxed hair that looks good and healthy. But very few of them face opposition or lack of confidence based on society’s perception of their hair.
Women who choose to wear their hair natural still face barriers such as lack of acceptance in society. They also have to mentally transition to knowing that they are okay with their kinky/curly hair just as they were with relaxed hair. This is a space that has given many a confidence boost when they felt low. Mainstream society/media still has very few places where highly textured hair is portrayed in a positive manner, worn by a diverse group of people. Until that happens natural-centric blogs such as this are still needed.
+1
There is a difference between being open to anyone commenting (and why not? It’s all good) and changing the focus of the articles on the blog.
2nd!
+1
Totally agree!
I SAY YES YES YES!!!
You all who say no are only looking to prolong or even enhance the SOCIAL DISSONANCE and UNAWARENESS between two groups of people. Why not let them into our world so that they can start to understand natural hair its history, culture, and “enthusiasts?” Why not begin to break the stereotypes imposed upon us by others by showing them that natural hair does not mean what they think it means.
Turning away relaxed women also means turning away potential naturals. If you are truly a natural hair enthusiast, why not show non-naturals the potential benefits of natural hair.
Also those other boards don’t always promote the use of natural products and hair growth techniques used among naturals. Just because their hair is relaxed doesn’t mean it is ultimately doomed to breakage and bald spots. Information found on natural hair blogs can reverse the negative effects of the chemicals in a relaxer and allow hair to GROW.
I don’t know if anyone was saying they weren’t welcome to comment etc. Are you saying that we should have more articles about relaxed hair though? There is nothing stopping someone with relaxed hair from reading the blog now though. Would it be a good idea to change the tagline of the site to: Celebrating the Dopeness of Healthy Hair maybe?
No i am not saying we have to cater to relaxed hair… i am saying that natural hair practices can also be translated to relaxed hair practices… as the writer said, bantu knots and braid outs did wonderful for her hair… i sub youtube vloggers with relaxed hair who have begun to use natural hair products on their hair. these are tips and techniques that u find on bglh not essence magazine or hype hair. all i am saying is we should not shun women with relaxed hair away. if we do so that makes us no better than the society that shuns us away.
I think it is great that a person with relax hair would be interested in a natural hair blog. Many natural hair blogs deliver a wealth of knowledge, a sense of shared communalism, and depth of consciousness. The presence of persons with relaxed hair, “non-blacks” and men on natural hair blogs is a testament to the great “pull” that such blogs have. As long as the “outsiders” are respectful and not attempt to dominate or center discussions on themselves, I think they should be welcomed on natural hair blogs.
I think the focus should remain on natural hair on natural hair blogs, sites, etc – especially since it is still seen as TABOO, especially by those who are women of color. It amazes me how confident many women become once they embrace their natural hair…
I started reading this blog when I was natural and I still read it now that I relaxed. I still pick up tips and I like the community of different women and voices. For me, it’s less about the hair and more about the community. It would be sad for me to think that I’m not a part of a this community based on what I’m doing with my hair (and yes, I realize that this is a hair blog and blah blah, but I truly see it as a larger voice about what’s going on with women around the world, with hair and how we feel about it being one [large] part). I like reading all the articles even if they aren’t totally relevant to me right now; I can tuck away info just as I would on any other blog. There are enough ways that we divide and separate out; as long as people are respectful on both sides, hair shouldn’t be one of those ways.
You do understand that the positive embracing energy on this on other natural blogs that you so enjoy stems from the acceptance of our natural hair as it grows out of our heads, and the deliberate rejection of the dominant white culture’s straight hair ideal?
Without that underlying focus, there would be nothing here to attact you or anybody else for that matter.
We’d be back to the world of ‘Dark & lovely’ and the constant remorseless struggle of black women to look like anything other than themselves.
That world exists already in the real world and in both printed and online media. As do pleanty of ‘healthy’ relaxed hair blogs.
Check out KISS and Hairlista ning communities and blogs if you want that kind of information.
But please leave natural hair blogs to do their vital and necessary work of uplifting and promoting an authentic black natural beauty ideal.
Wow. That tone is a little harsh, isn’t it? If I read you correctly, you basically said, “step aside to some other blog since you’ve decided to do something different with your hair, i.e., uphold white society’s beauty ideal.” Not so much on the positivity…
I bet if you polled 100 people on this blog you’d find a pretty even split between people who decided to stop using chemicals because they wanted to deliberately reject that beauty ideal and those who wanted healthy hair and decided this was the route to go. And there may be some unintended benefit both ways, which is great. But I’d like to believe that what really ends up happening in the long run is that we as black women realize we are more than our hair or what society thinks of it and our bodies and our skin, etc. And that’s what I was trying to get at: I came here looking for hair advice and got a lot more out of it. When I decided (for now or forever, who knows and who really cares?) to relax, I didn’t feel like it meant that I didn’t accept myself or my hair. I’m confident enough in myself to live with my decisions without worrying what is the “ideal” for black or white people.
So if you’re saying that I can’t read the blog or comment because I’m somehow interfering with the purpose of it since I made a choice different than yours, I have to wonder if you really have fully embraced acceptance and authenticity.
Anyone can read anything that’s available on the internet, regardless of whether it’s geared to their specific needs or demographic.
So read whatever you want. Just don’t ask, as this questioner seems to be doing for Natural blogs to change their focus to include relaxed hair, as you already have the rest of the society and media focused on meeting your needs and sensibilities as a relaxed haired woman.
I don’t think it’s right for you to begrudge natural haired women the beautiful loving supportive space we’ve created for ourselves in the online world. Especially as it will hopefully be there to support you, your daughters and future generations of women in your family if and when they so choose to utilise it.
S.L. and Anon284, I love this dialouge, but I think Anon284, you’ve missed S.L.’s point. I think she is saying that all the warm fuzzies you get from this blog and other natural hair blogs comes from the very essence of thier existence. This space affirms black beauty in its natural state and it is filled to the brim with women who conciously made a choice to forego chemical relaxing. In our society this is an empowered choice that resists the (adopoted) norm of straight hair. The strength evidenced in this community comes from the power to define (and style and mix products, etc.) for oneself, all while helping a sistah out along the way. I will liken it to this experience I once had. A Jewish menotor/ advisor I had while in graduate school loved gospel music. Once we attended a concert together and she was blown away by the experience. She loved what she heard, but I understood that spirit that infused the performance exsisted because of the choir’s personal relationship with Jesus. The reason they sounded so good was because of what they were singing about! lol!
I also think I can speak to this issue because I am one who has never relaxed my hair in my life (I wore it pressed for two decades) and then “went natural” so to speak. Wearing my hair as it grows from my head and learning to care for it has been a wonderful experience for me. More “healthy” hair has really been the bonus. Reclaiming and revisioning natural me has been the true reward. Sharing the journey with my sisters has been a source of encouragement and a blessing. So if relaxed sisters want to be apart, come on in, but what I think S.L. is saying, respect what is really happening here. This is not just a place to swap beauty tips. It is a wholistic natural movement predicated on self-love and acceptance.
Kesha, I totally hear what you’re saying, and I was *trying* to say the same thing (at least that was my thought in my head, but maybe it didn’t come out that way). I don’t think of this space only as a place to swap beauty tips, although I admit that’s what drew me here at the beginning of my natural/healthy hair journey. What keeps me coming back, even after deciding for myriad reasons to relax after 3 years, is the self-love and acceptance and stories and insights that are shared here that have–at core–nothing to do with hair, but everything to do with our day-to-day struggles and triumphs (and sometimes that is about hair, but I think there’s a deeper issue at play).
By no means am I saying that this blog or any other should change focus to accommodate relaxed hair; I’m just saying there should be room for people to read and comment and participate (or not) in the dialogue that goes on here, because sometimes it transcends hair. And I guess I have to agree to disagree with S.L.; I get what you’re saying that this space (literally and figuratively) wouldn’t exist if women didn’t choose to wear and care for their hair in its natural state and the sense of empowerment that comes from that, but I didn’t start or end or interrupt or what-have-you my journey from the mindset that my hair or what people thought of it defines who I am as a person. I found empowerment through other means, and good on you that you found it through your hair and freeing yourself from mainstream ideals. I guess I just don’t see how you can talk about acceptance and respect and positivity and then say that only counts if you are or aren’t XYZ. I mean, at the end of the day, those things should apply to everyone, right?
But bottom line, I get what you’re both saying about creating a space outside of mainstream society, which has its benefits, I know. I guess it just makes me sad that even with all this empowerment, folks are still looking for ways to separate out… United we stand and all…
Anon284, I get what you’re saying too. Don’t be surprised, lol. I truely understand, and in real life, I’ve never dissed a relaxed woman, or excluded them in any way.
But I feel you don’t really understand what’s happening at this moment. I liken it to a cultural shift, a zeitgheist moment in black history in a way, every bit as powerful as the 60’s ‘black is beautiful’ era and eventually more far reaching.
I’m studying the natural hair movement as a sociological phenomena, and it’s eventual impact on the whole of the african diaspora will be unprecedented.
This is bigger than ‘just hair’ as you rightly sense but it is grounded in ‘just hair’ because for some reason, this strange, twisting twirling curling kinking fibre that grows out of black women’s heads seems to have been made the literal whipping boy for black female low self esteem in the post slavery/colonial era of black history.
All around the globe, black women treat their hair like it’s an enemy that needs to be nuked into submission, and no amount of pain, injury or trauma to the scalp is considered too much of a sacrifice to indure to achieve that goal.
If you’ve luckily escaped that mindset through enlightened parenting and simply enjoy your hair as an accessory free of all ‘issues’ then I’m very happy for you.
But the online natural hair community is for all those who haven’t been as blessed and need all the psychological support and positive reinforcement they can get.
This is a loaded question, but I’ll bite.
I don’t think there is anything wrong with anybody being in the natural hair community…the tips are all healthy, even white women growing their hair out to long lengths learn the value of protective styling and experiments with methods that are used by black women doing the same.
However, I don’t know why the natural hair community has to switch to being simply “healthy.” Going natural was a conscious decision, I like to see people who are transitioning, natural, different styles that are natural. Not interested in relaxed styling, because I don’t really want to do it. I like that the styling here is a variety of natural women, but I really prefer the kinky-haired women over the curlier ones, because I can’t get curls without a lot of work and heat.
There are quite a few relaxed communities as well. Maybe they’re not as awesome, but they’re out there.
Also, yeah, there’s a good way to do healthier relaxer, but let’s be frank. The healthier way to do relaxer is to do it as little as possible. Even if you do all the healthy stuff like moisturizing, and sealing, if you do it too often, like the six weeks recommended by everybody, it’s a very high chance of breakage. And I say this as a woman who’s been thinking about relaxing pretty often lately. Something that you have to try to do as little as possible = not healthy. Something you can’t even touch = not healthy. And that’s okay! Not every choice has to be healthy, but I wish people would stop justifying how it can be just fine and healthy, people who experience bad results just aren’t doing it right. It was difficult for a lot of women to transition, so it’s easy to see why people relax every 6 weeks if they can. Hell, two months without a relaxer, I looked like I had never had one.
the tagline to this site reads “celebrating the dopeness of natural hair”. I mean no disrespect to relaxed haired ladies, but there’s plenty of info on how to maintain that type of hair elsewhere. I’m honestly not interested in features with ladies who chemically straighten their hair. I’m no longer about that life. 🙂
To answer the question, however, no, there is no room for relaxed haired ladies in the natural hair community. Relaxed hair is not natural hair. No harm intended, no shade, all healthy hair is beautiful, but I probably would stop visiting here if straight haired ladies took the spotlight.
I agree with you 100%. I don’t want relaxed ladies to feel ‘unwelcome’ or anything, and this site doesn’t have that tone, but since I too am “…no longer about that life”, our community needs to remain true to itself.
I don’t want to hear about stretching a relaxer, or softening your ‘new-growth’. I don’t want to read about the newest “conditioning perm with shea butter” or tips on how to recreate the slicked hair of your favorite celeb or the latest Indian Remy creation. I was in a wack state of mind (me personally, no everyone!) when I espoused to those things and I have no desire to go back ever. I love that I can come here and see my world, revolving around our perspective, struggles, and triumps. Though hair is hair to some, Relxaed hair is TOTALLY different than natural hair. It’s just a fact.
But we can all learn from eachother always. That will never change. 🙂
“I don’t want to read about the newest “conditioning perm with shea butter” or tips on how to recreate the slicked hair of your favorite celeb or the latest Indian Remy creation.”
PURE HILARITY! LOL!
‘I love that I can come here and see my world revolving around our perspective’
God! The women on this site blow me away all the time, Brava!
Yes because at the end of the day [whether your relaxed, natural, texlaxed, transitioning or anywhere in between] its all about having HEALTHY hair. Natural girls & relaxed girls employ many of the same techniques to keep their hair healthy. I think that as long as we can all respect each others choice to be natural, relaxed, etc, there’s no reason for a harsh division.
Yes, there is room, just like there’s room for me at other sites besides afro-black-natural-etc. I look at beauty blogs and YouTube vids by women of different races. I learn techniques and gain inspiration from them, adapting them for my own purposes.
Regarding the question of more focus on HEALTHY hair versus NATURAL hair… argh, sticky question.
Instead of the noun “hair,” insert the word “skin” or “body” or “diet.” Healthy and natural should be one in the same. And yes, I know everything natural is not good for us. I don’t eat dirt or drink snake venom, though both are natural.
Let’s just get right down to it — relaxers include some pretty harsh chemicals. Instead of “HEALTHY,” juxtapose “CHEMICALLY-PROCESSED” with the word “NATURAL,” and suddenly we’re having that old familiar discussion yet again… the one we’ve already had many, many times over. It’s a poor dead horse. If you want to relax for aesthetic reasons, well OK. Personally, I don’t think the stuff in relaxers (as well as a lot of dyes, cosmetics, perfumes, cleaning products) helps my overall health. I don’t think it’s been studied enough, because African-American women seem to be an under-studied population. Correct me if I’m wrong on that.
But my main answer — yes, there’s plenty of room for everyone.
Excellent response!!! You are 10000% correct on black/African descended women being understudied. The chemicals put in cosmetics and hair care products do not need to be vetted (sp) as carefully as those used for other (read white) women, possibly for other groups of women also…maybe not just white women. You made a lot of very very good points. The long term effects.of many of the chemicals we come into contact with daily are simply UNKNOWN!
There’s room for everyone but I think people need to respect that a website can cater to one particular group and you can see if that information might help you even if you are not of that particular group. The same tips can be used on relaxed hair but it’s up to the individual to decide whether to use the tips or not. There are plenty of hair mags that cater to relaxed hair.
I can’t go to the store and pick up a hair mag and expect to see a lot of styles for my hair type unless it’s chemically altered. But I can go online and find info. I can’t go to the BSS and find all the natural hair lines I adore but I can get them at Target or online. I really think that things balance out.
There are enough resources out there for everyone at this point. We just have to get in where we fit in. I don’t go on LHCF expecting to get a lot of info about short hair that I want to keep short so why expect to go on a natural hair blog and expect it to cater to relaxed hair. Use the tools that are here if you want to. Not a soul is stopping you but yourself.
+1 You said exactly what I was thinking.
+1
“I don’t go on LHCF expecting to get a lot of info about short hair that I want to keep short so why expect to go on a natural hair blog and expect it to cater to relaxed hair. Use the tools that are here if you want to. Not a soul is stopping you but yourself”
With all due respect to Britt, the original OP, THIS!
Agreed. For some natural hair isn’t just a hair style so it’s more than just healthy hair tips. For some it’s about going on a journey to accept themselves and realizing they’re beautiful even if societies notions of beauty say others. For others it’s not about that at all, its about what’s easiest to maintain their hair. Specifically catering to relaxed hair as well as natural hair wouldn’t work out. Many natural hair blogs claim that being without chemicals is the best thing not only for hair but as a lifestyle choice. How could a natural hair blog continue to represent that opinion and then also cater to relaxed hair? it’s hypocritical. Not to say women with relaxed hair can’t check out a natural hair blog for tips, but natural hair blog can’t cater to relaxed hair unless it’s planning on changing it’s texture (overall message).
* that first others was supposed to be otherwise
i agree its a journey for me… more than just cutting all my hair off but learning to love what God gave me. i feel ike i’ve been awakened.
+1 my sentiments exactly.
Basically. It just sounds like she feels left out.
Being a relaxed girl in the natural hair community is like being a white person in the black social activist community.
Not saying it is bad, not saying it doesn’t happen. Just an observation…
I sort of get the example but relaxing your hair and being white are different. The first is something you choose to do, the second you have no control over.
For me it’s might be like a meat eater in a vegan community, both are lifestyle choices…
Interesting observation.
Bad example. White people marched on Washington, too.
I don’t see why not. The tips given on this site would help anyone to healthier hair. But what has disturbed me is the comment made above stating “I never had healthy relaxed hair”. Ummmm…..thats because you didn’t take care of your hair. Natural DOESN’T equal healthy. Relaxed hair doesn’t mean it will only grow to shoulder length, then break off. Everyone should be welcomed.
No, I took care of it, but relaxers were terrible for my hair. Terrible. So yeah, I never had healthy hair with a relaxer.
You cannot judge the condition of someone’s hair based on one comment. How can you say she didn’t take care of her hair when you don’t even know her. When my hair was relaxed I took very good care of it but it still broke off. Some people’s hair just can’t handle it, like mine. My hair is very fine and relaxers destroyed it.
I think that if relaxed ladies took the time and care that natural ladies do when caring for our hair and bodies then there would be no divide. The OP seems to understand the need to clean, condition, moisturize and seal which are the basics, but in my circle of friends the relaxed ones seem to be clueless. When there is hair discussion they seem to think “it shouldn’t take all that” to maintain hair. If all women relaxed and natural could reach the understanding that the OP has when it comes to maintenance, then maybe there wouldn’t be this divide that we tend to see.
Also, when it comes to the mental transformation that comes with being natural, relaxed women have no clue here either. What they rock on their heads is the mainstream. It’s what’s “accepted”. No one asks what they are gonna do with their hair, when they are gonna comb their hair, if they forgot their perm this month, or why they want to cut off all their hair and look manly. I never received a Kunta/Kizzy, Miss Celie, Aunt Jamima, side-eye or underbreath comment when I was relaxed. Now, if relaxed women can be sensative to those those things and embrace the fact that women who have recently decided to let their hair grow naturally have to overcome the opinions of themselves and others then maybe we can talk…
I’m on a message board where both relaxed and natural heads are very dedicated to taking care of their hair and there is definitely a divide.
I definitely think there is room for relaxed chicks! I tell relaxed women all the time that they dont have to be natural to still adopt some of the healthier approaches to hair. and Ive been natural for alittle more than a 18months and sometimes i think of going back relaxed just because it is more convenient but i know that i would continue with the natural regimens and techniques and supplies my hair will or would be a lot better off. and i wouldnt feel bad for going back relaxed you have to do whats best for you. NO NEED GOING NATURAL IF YOU WONT TAKE CARE OF YOUR HAIR!!!!!! (my) Natural hair requires more attention than my relaxed hair and if for some point in my life i feel as if i can no longer do the upkeep needed then i would return to relaxed hair and there is nothing wrong with that. if a relaxed woman is scared of going natural and doesnt think she can maintain then so be it. theres nothing wrong with that. do whats best for you and thats all there is to it… the problem comes when you look down on other people or talk about them because they are doing something different. there is definitely room for everyone in the natural hair care world. even white women with straight blond hair. everyone is invited. ! smooches
#thatisall
The nature of society, views held about the correct way for our hair to be etc etc means that it will always be fraught with a little tension over which route black women choose to take. However with the natural community growing, many resources dealing with HEALTHY black hair period, I think more of us can accept that there are only gains and positives from sharing information. keep the relaxed blogs and sites as well as those geared to naturals and as always those who want to seek the information and overcome the obsession with hair types and states, will gain the knowledge they require to keep their hair healthy. I don’t want to see straight hair featured on blogs that advertise themselves as NATURAL just as it would be odd to see natural hair on a relaxed blog. LHCF was once a site where there were even numbers of both and they co existed but as separate entities in the same space. Fast forward to now and it is definitely natural centric. The relaxed ladies who were once there contributed a great deal to the popularity of that site with their endless advice and tips and in some senses I think that they had more to offer on keeping hair healthy than the naturals who tend to take solo journeys and find what works for them but not really have much to offer in terms of information. Maybe by now, it’s just all been said by people like Audrey Sivasothy and Chicoro?
I’d say no and I’d say I’m not sure relaxing hair qualifies as being “healthy.” Maybe it was just me, but I never had healthy hair when it was relaxed regularly. (shrug) There are boards for healthy hair care, boards for relaxed hair and boards for natural hair. You can visit any you’d like, but that board still serves its initial purpose. You can read natural hair care info and take them back to the relaxed hair boards, right? Also, I think we should refrain from the term “nazi.” How about natural hair “enthusiasts?”
thats exactly why they need to be adopted by the natural hair community to find out how to approach their hair in a more healthy manner! they need to be shown a better way!
You’re simply proving her point that healthy hair practices are healthy hair practices. I had very healthy permed hair and I now have very healthy natural hair because I have always followed a healthy, minimal routine when it comes to my hair.
This is my fist time on BGLH in a while. The tone of the responses posted for what seemed to me to be a question asked with the best of intentions just seems so hateful and dismissive. Not sure I want to be associated with a community which can so callously dismiss another person’s opinion/point-of-view.
That is your choice to participate Michelle, I hope you continue to do so, I think all social networking requires one pull back every once in a while, just like flesh and blood relationships.
But I disagree about “hateful and dismissive” comments or ‘callousness’ in replies to the OP. Loaded questions will get a range of answers on any board, I just don’t see that naturals respond any differently than other themed boards to certain issues – though I do sense we seem to be accused of it more than others.
Michelle, I wasn’t being hateful at all. I was just answering the question. I enjoy coming to a site that caters to natural hair. I think there may be a disconnect though after reading more of the comments. If a relaxed hair sister wants to come hang out in our community, I think that’s fine. But I’d be super bummed if our natural hair community changed to feature relaxed styles and whatnot. Sorry. That’s just how I feel. And I know that for me relaxed hair wasn’t healthy despite all my protective styling, touch-ups, conditioning and moisturizing. And knowing all the chemicals involved in relaxers I find it hard to call it healthy even if someone’s hair is in awesome condition. Sorry that pissed folks off. Again, y’all asked for an opinion and I gave it… respectfully.
I think that there is (and if there isn’t, there should be). Maybe I’m the odd one, but my hair regimen hasn’t changed very much. I’ll be 1 yr natural in October (with 2.5 years of growth) and what I do now isn’t all that different from what I did when I was relaxed. My hair was healthy then and my hair is healthy now. Healthy hair practices are healthy hair practices, and a person will have fine, coarse, thick, or thin hair and require certain products and practice regardless of whether they’re natural or relaxed.
But I understand that some natural nazis may feel otherwise. Embracing relaxed posters doesn’t take away from that “safe space” that the natural blogs create. It isn’t like they’re gonna start featuring relaxed hair.
I agree with you saying that maybe you are the odd one because my natural hair regimen is totally different from my previous relaxed hair days. Before I went natural, I had no idea what co-washing was. Now, I co-wash everyday. I also blow dried and curled my hair at least 3x a week when I was relaxed. To date, I have not curled my hair in almost a year and only blowed dried it a few times when I was transitioning. Although my hair was healthy when it was relaxed, it started to split more as well as shed for no apparent reason. I’m sure the frequent heat styling played a role in that however, I said all of that to say this; natural hair regimens differ tremendously from relaxed hair regimens.
I feel that relaxed haired women can benefit from protective styles and things of that nature from this blog however the point of the matter is relaxed hair and natural hair requires different regimens as well as products.
OOooooohweeee… I definitely think this could be a loaded question, with various (maybe controversial) answers.
But from my viewpoint, I understand the need for a separate space for naturals especially when you’re looking to transition or BC because its like a mental detox and there is no distractions/temptations of relaxed hair. However the promotion of healthy hair is very important and I feel natural hair sites tend to talk about health issues that can affect everyone.
Nevertheless, being relaxed in the natural community may make them more aware of the beauty of natural hair (if they did not know already) and may prove to be more enlightening and help reduce general ignorance/misconceptions of natural hair esp. if they tell a friend and so on.
I found it funny/strange that the questioner said “unlike (I’m assuming) most of your readers, I was natural first THEN relaxed”.
Everybody is natural first. Nobody is born with relaxed hair.
I’m assuming she was not referring to how we are born. Most of us in this generation and the ones above us had their hair relaxed and then had to choose to go natural. I’m guessing that’s what she was referring to.
Yeah, I know. But I still found it an interesting way of phrasing it.
She did assume and not all of us are relaxed out of the womb. I wasn’t until I was in my teens either and it was my choice back then. I have always been natural longer than I have ever spent relaxed and used to go back and forth. Don’t think I ever stayed relaxed for more than two years. I’ve been relaxed x3 so a total of six years in 30. It seemed like she was saying ‘before you say anything, I was natural before any of you’ yeah….it left a bad taste in my mouth. If nothing was meant by it then fair enough but it seemed a rather pointed remark.
I don’t think we can presume to know the circumstances under which people here got relaxers or how long they had one. Maybe a new topic for BGLH?
Lol I thought tha was funny too I’m glad I’m not the only one!
Heavy question even though it is asked very delicately. I do not want to say NO there isn’t room, because there is, but I’m of the ideal that everyone should fall in love with and be themselves, inside and out, that is why I am natural, and it is versatile enough to wear in different textures and ways. So I don’t really understand why people are relaxed anymore. Having said that, there is always room for one more, though I think knowing how naturals can go all Na*i on relaxed ladies then I’d say the relaxed ladies should be careful how they tread and not get offended by opposing views within a natural forum.
I respectfully say “no.” There are plenty of hair boards, blogs, and forums for relaxed hair women. Everywhere that I go there are plenty of depictions of relaxed hair, of straight hair, I like a space in which it is free of that. A space in which women who wear their hair in it’s natural state can see other women with beautiful kinks, coils, napps, and curls. A space in which I do not need to defend my hair. I see the similarities with people who chose to be vegan or vegetarian. I personally am not, but I also think it would be a tad presumptuous of me to assume there should be places for meat-eaters in spaces created for veganism or vegetarianism.
Now, it’s funny, my knee jerk reaction was to say, “No”, they have their own spaces, just as you did.
But then, I find it interesting that you mention vegetarianism and veganism. I am a vegetarian, and I always try to be extra welcoming of meat eaters — as long as they’re respectful, which most are. I don’t need to convert them, but I don’t want people seeing my lifestyle as strange and alternative, and asking me ish like “Oh come on, don’t you really want some bacon?”
One of the coolest things I’ve ever seen is when a non-veggie friend has “karma free” days, when she refrains from hurting anyone/thing else as much as possible: for example, no gossip, no fly swatting, no shoving people on the subway, and no meat eating. She’s not a vegetarian. She doesn’t intend to become one. But it doesn’t matter, at least to me. It is cool to me that she tries out a different lifestyle every once in a while. She contributes to fewer animals being eaten and normalizes a vegetarian lifestyle, if only for a day.
Anyway, thinking about things from that perspective caused me to rethink my initial “no relaxers” reaction. I mean, more than anything else, being relaxer-free needs to be seen as a major, mainstream choice — even for those who choose not to do it. I think it’s cool she’s making natural hair a part of her life, and I hope she wears her hair in curly styles every once in a while to promote a natural-ish look to the larger world (since you can’t just wash a relaxer out and then put it back in the next day like the transition from omnivorous to vegetarian & back). And then maybe fewer people will feel compelled to ask ish like, “Well, don’t you think you should just get a kiddie perm, at least for your wedding or that big interview?”
+1
I’m not sure I understand the question. What divide between natural and relaxed women???
There are plenty of hair boards, blogs, YT gurus, and resources for both natural and relaxed hair. My hair styling techniques and regimen differ now that I’m natural from when I was relaxed…because my hair is completely different now. A blog merely focused on healthy hair wouldn’t be sufficient for me.