by
Cipriana
By Cipriana of UrbanBushBabes.com
I have received a few emails from women expressing their annoyance in the way I describe my hair as “hard work, which makes it seem as if I am perpetuating the myth that kinky textured hair is unmanageable”…..WHAT? How does hard work translate to unmanageable? Isn’t the definition of unmanageable “impossible to manage, manipulate, or control” Yes my hair is hard work but not unmanageable, because I have been managing, manipulating and controlling my hair for almost 5 years with success. If it was impossible I most certainly would not have half as much of hair on my head as I do now. If hard work was easy then every natural would have successful hair journeys without trials and tribulations.
The reason I am honest in expressing HOURS and PATIENCE that go into my head is because I truly want people who have a hard time retaining length to understand that it is not easy, especially for kinky textures. And I’m honest because I want success for others who are frustrated and looking for results. Long hair, regardless of texture, requires more work. Couple that with the fact that curlier hair is more fragile — and more fragile hair requires more delicacy and patience — and you have additional hours of care. Sugarcoating and beating around the bush does not truly help those who haven’t found success in their current hair regimen. It’s sort of like an intervention for those who want long hair; you have to bare all the facts so their hair can eventually recover and flourish.
Now I am not faulting others for wanting a quick fix. To be honest there have been a many times when I was detangling my hair and thought “Damn, I really wish it didn’t take this long!” Then I rewind and check myself because I am grateful to be healthy, happy and loved by my family and friends. I have a roof over my head and food to nourish my body; I am doing something I love, etc. So through all these blessings, if it takes hours upon hours upon hours to detangle my hair then so be it. And it is something I obviously want or I would have chopped my hair years ago. When I see women rocking short cuts, they sometimes say they prefer it, not just because of the flyness and the look, but because long hair is too much work and they prefer not to deal with it. Moms too — who have one of the hardest jobs in the world — might consider haircare (let alone achieving long hair!) an afterthought. But if you have the time and desire, then retaining length is going to take work.
Now when I go in depth and really give a breakdown of what is involved in the health and growth of my hair — including washing my hair only once a month, updo styles 24/7, scarfing my strands every single night, taking hours to patiently detangle my hair, dry detangling (with oils), low manipulation by wearing protective styles every day and also protective styles during my washings instead of free form — they see that as me perpetuating unmanageability. People don’t view this is as simple, but ‘simple’ isn’t only wash and gos and wearing your curls wild and free. It can also mean washing your hair once a month and leaving it in a protective style for 2-4 weeks at a time. To be honest I don’t know what is simpler than that. The most I do to my hair during the weekdays is take my scarf off in the morning and spray olive oil on my hair before I place my scarf back on at night. Since I wear my hair in protective updo styles during the week which I never take down, my daily morning and nighttime hair routine takes a whopping 5 minutes total each day. Yes 5 minutes total each day, so how does this translate to unmanageable? Now what is hard work are my detangling sessions especially with my length and texture but to me it is worth it. I will sacrifice time that is involved with my detangling sessions to have a simple and easy routine during the week days.
At the end of the day I love my hair which is why this works best for me. Whether you are free and wild or protective and updo’ed never let someone tell you that a regimen that works best for you is not up to par to proper way you should manage your hair 🙂
So ladies whatever your hair goals are transitioning, health, length, etc. don’t let hard work deter you from your path, if that is the path you wish to take. Like anything in life you strive towards you goals and in the end aren’t your goals stepping stones to your dreams?
For more of Cipriana’s writings, check out UrbanBushBabes.com
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Is Growing out Kinky Hair Worth The Effort?
Cracking the Code of Length Retention
39 Responses
Do you really only wet your hair every 2-4 weeks? I thought it was better to get it wet every day.
lol. Whateva. Im looking at your hair and Im tired. I can only imagine how long it takes to maintain your hair. You have ALOT of hair and its very thick, how else are you supposed to describe it but as hard work. That doesnt mean you are talking about it in a negative light. People really need to chill.
Have you guys heard of these Havana Twists that’s used as a Protective Style? those photos with this model are gorgeus.Saw this on http://hairtrending.tumblr.com/page/9
[img]http://bglhonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/tumblr_ls5pnpwEcC1qe5e71o1_5001.jpg[/img]
[img]http://bglhonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/tumblr_ls5pnpwEcC1qe5e71o2_2501.jpg[/img]
[img]http://bglhonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/09/tumblr_ls5pnpwEcC1qe5e71o3_2501.jpg[/img]
I love those twists! I can’t tell if that’s her real hair or extensions…
I don’t know what you are using to protect your hair in the shower.. but if you are using anything other than a shower cap pls allow me to send you one no strings attached. Just go to my website and select the XL of your liking. I understand 100% why you say your hair is unmanageable. It saddens me that in the natural hair community words can be taken out of context so easily. To say anything that remotely sounds neg. is equated to self-hatred. I don’t care much for washing, conditioning, retwist time. But if we didn’t love natural we’d relax. When I hear someone say they’ve got unmanageable hair I want to see the beautiful mane. The invention of detangler made many folkz hair “manageable” esp. white folks.
At times I find myself dreading the detangling process because it takes forever, but afterwards my hair feels and looks so much better. For me using clarifying conditioner and then regular conditioner to wash n deep condition really helps me out. I finally tried Aussie Moist Conditioner and love the thick conditioners V05’s are good but not moisturizing or thick enough for my coarse 4b hair.
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Also longhairdontcare2011 did an interview on naturalhairgrows a while back and gave some good info as well that you ladies might like as well. http://www.naturalhairgrows.com/natural-curly-hair-styles.html
My hair is a lot of work, but its something I enjoy doing. I do get frustrated at times, but I could cut my bra strap length hair short if I want to cut down on the time spent on it. Length, volume and health is important to me so I will continue to care for it as long as I have the time and patience for it.
It does, no matter what kind of hair you have. Even if you have straight hair, it could still be very fine or very delicate, or oily, or you could have scalp issues.
Sometimes I want to send people here to longhair@LJ, which is full of white people trying to grown their hair. The people who have gorgeous looking hair keep it up most of the time, have a rigorous regimen, do research on what to do, and realistic expectations…a lot that’s required here. It’s easy to tell them from the people who try the newest trend constantly, don’t trim, prioritize length over health (I’ve seen some pics with awful shredded ends they refused to cut or hair so oily you could wring it out), have unrealistic goals, or want long hair that only hangs down their back no matter how old and/or prairie it makes them. The short story is, having straight hair doesn’t exempt you from problems, but poses a different problem. Like styling for one.
Based on all the stuff I’ve seen around, one idea people should get rid of is that long hair is easy. The other, that long hair will make you a Disney princess.
This was supposed to be a response to Efuru.
LOL @ Disney Princess. They all had unrealistic hair anyway (even by European standards).
For me, doing my hair is often therapeutic, and I enjoy the sensation of running my hands over my freshly retwisted hair when I am finished. It takes work, and my hair is nowhere the length as Cipriana’s However, the fact that I am able to get it done is testament enough to the fact that my hair is manageable. So if I say it was hard work (I don’t really think it is difficult so much as I think it can get a bit time-consuming, especially if I keep getting interrupted during the process), I don’t by any means think I’m implying that it is unmanageable. Clearly I managed it; I manage it most every week :-).
Dealing with the fact that my “hard work” and your “hard work” are different is one thing; but when A gets annoyed enough over B’s description of her own hard work as to accuse B of myth-dissemination to others, then that, I think, is an annoyance in itself. If it happened to me, I would infer that A has problems with boundaries.
To speak of it in terms of Cipriana’s experience, have others actually spoken to these annoyed e-mailers and told them that they were put off, discouraged, or otherwise adversely affected in their thinking, expectations, efforts, or any other way by reading Cipriana’s description of her regimen and her own assessment of it as hard work? Did those others elect or ask these e-mailers to be their spokespersons to Cipriana, requiring her to stop giving her own opinion about her own regimen? Or don’t they want to know Cipriana’s truth, that all that big, thick, lush bundle of hair on her head cost her an effort that she was generally quite willing to expend, and that her hair really didn’t get that way from her wishing, or washing and going? As I remember reading, Cipriana has made it abundantly clear that the wild and free wash ‘n’ go’s and big afros that she favored were the very things that hurt her hair when she did them to the extent that she wanted because she liked them so much. In order to keep the hair she grew, she changed her maintenance, and what she now does is what she found to be successful in helping her keep the hair on her head.
People in general tend to want to believe that they can have things they want just by wishing. But there are too many other areas in life where that simply is not so for hair to be any different, at least for some. Now I’m not saying that all struggles and difficulties occur in the same areas. Music and language arts were my forte in school, but math, !!!NO!!! And the more advanced it was, the more I struggled with it. I do simple arithmetic and that’s it. Equally, for some, a hair detangling session may take 40 minutes, whereas the now-infamous four-hour marathon a la Kimmaytube may be more representative of others. But it has been my observation regarding hair that if it’s long enough to pull, it’s long enough to require some kind of work. How that work gets done depends on the wearer.
How that work gets done on Cipriana’s head only affects anything on someone else’s head if they choose to test her methods on themselves. It seems to me that the myth here is that she can single-handedly affect the course of natural hair acceptance by her honest testimony of what works for her. I, for one, am glad to know that for some of us, at least, the retaining of that kind of length is more than just wishful thinking.
I agree wholeheartedly with Cipriana’s post. If you make the CHOICE to grow longer kinky hair, you most likely are going to have to put some time and effort that to others (with different textures/thickness/hair goals) seems like ‘just too much hard work’. My wash day (when my hair is out of braids) is the most annoying part of my regimen, so I just make sure I’m ready to spend the time doing it before jumping in. Protective styling for 2-4 weeks at a time with breaks if and when I miss my loose hair has been working like charm for me for 3 years+. My hair is now BSL at it’s longest layer. I love my ‘special needs’ hair. 🙂
THIS, this post is why I am a fan of cipri. She is very honest, and does not back down. Keep up the good work Cipri.
I’ve always been under the impression that longer hair regardless of texture and type takes a bit more effort but the results are also rewarding.
At the risk of sounding all ‘special snowflake’ I don’t find my haircare process to be particularly tasking (I wash in sections but not twists as I find that my hair doesn’t get clean that way, my spongy hair holds onto shampoo better in twists) but appreciate that I am one person and while my regimen is great for me it might not work for the next person and I derive enjoyment from it which I never got from my relaxed hair, luckily I picked up the tip that you should only work on your hair when you have the time and patience for it (best advice I ever got).
Seriously, my relaxed hair was an undertaking and a half; sitting with a relaxer over the recommended time in a effort to make it ‘lay down’ more, being disappointed after washing and seeing the wavy/kinky roots that still remained (now with new tingling scalp), then blown drying, followed by straightening only to have my hair puff up the next day (wrapping never worked) at one point I was convinced that this was a result of my high density and would go to the salon regualrly to have them thin it out so for me no matter now long my hair gets (waist length is too intimidating so maybe not that long), I’ll always find it a joy 😀
Meh, I just think it depends on the person and their lifestyle. Cipriana has enough hair for 2-3 people, lush and gorgeous! I think we all complain sometimes, but I don’t have to deal with what she has to deal with. Natural hair isn’t always easy and takes a commitment especially if you want length, though length is def not a requirement. And, I liked her comment about moms. I cut my hair off 4 years ago beacause of that very reason. Now I have two other thick heads of hair that get longer and thicker by the day, to maintain and sometimes it can be a bit too much. Getting SSKs and tangles the longer and thicker my hair is getting. This morning, I felt like chopping it all off. I guess it’s an individual decision.
My natural hair is more work than my relaxed hair, but I enjoy working with my hair more so it is win-win for me.
My hair is hard work, but it’s a labor of love. I feel like if I’m not putting effort into it, I’m not taking care of it. I sometimes wish that pulling it back into a ponytail was as easy as it was when relaxed, but that’s only on lazy days when I don’t feel like twisting – which is actually less effort than smoothing it for a ponytail.
We need to let go of these concepts of “normal”, “manageable”, and so on because it’s all relative. My mom, who has that sort of cottony texture in places, is always saying that her hair “doesn’t look like hair”. By whose standard is that?
It’s really frustrating when many of us go natural, and then expect our hair to abide by the same rules as other textures, or think that it’s supposed to look/ behave a certain way. It’s a completely different world.
However, I also think people should be able to use concepts such as normal, manageable, and so on, without people getting so caught up on it. It’s always from ‘their’ experience.
The motto in natural haircare is: everything is relative. Meaning, just because it means one thing to you, doesn’t mean it means the same for someone else. Everything in it is relative, including regimens and the things included in each person.
Which is why when I hear someone speak of “normal”, “easy”, “different”, tight/loose curls, etc., I really don’t get caught up on it because tight for one is not the same tight for me, and vice versa.
Before long, all adjectives in the English language will be banned due to their “relativity”. Just take in mind while reading, “He/She is speaking of their own experiences.
Just my opinion.
“The reason I am honest in expressing HOURS and PATIENCE that go into my head is because I truly want people who have a hard time retaining length to understand that it is not easy, especially for kinky textures. And I’m honest because I want success for others who are frustrated and looking for results. Long hair, regardless of texture, requires more work. Couple that with the fact that curlier hair is more fragile — and more fragile hair requires more delicacy and patience — and you have additional hours of care. Sugarcoating and beating around the bush does not truly help those who haven’t found success in their current hair regimen. It’s sort of like an intervention for those who want long hair; you have to bare all the facts so their hair can eventually recover and flourish.”
And this, ladies, is the REALITY for the vast majority who want long Afro-textured hair.
Comparing your hair to looser textures, and wishing you could do what they do in terms of care, is a WASTE OF TIME. If length is so all-important to you, and you’re not willing to loc, then you are going to have to put in the time and effort to really baby your strands. Cipriana has the same basic regimen that I had when I was trying to be the longest-haired nappy in town, lol.
I have always hated the word “manageability” when applied to hair because for many it’s something that’s still largely defined within a straight-hair context. Quoting Cipriana again: “People don’t view this is as simple, but ‘simple’ isn’t only wash and gos and wearing your curls wild and free.” For some of us, this definition of “manageability” requires us to keep our hair SHORT. For others, “It can also mean washing your hair once a month and leaving it in a protective style for 2-4 weeks at a time.” Cipriana is redefining what “manageability” means in a long-kinky-hair context.
Maybe it’s because I’ve now been natural for more than half my adult life…maybe it’s because for most of that time I’ve been my only hairstylist but…this doesn’t seem all that complicated to me.
I thought the tone of your comment was slightly condescending, particularly the point about length being “all-important” to some. I have noticed that you frequently comment on posts about achieving long kinky hair and it seems all to obvious that you feel that this is in general a waste of time. Clearly you have made the choice to keep your hair short, but for some of us growing/ having long kinky hair, while indeed challenging, has not been quite trying. I think the kinky haired ladies who have had difficulty or who are otherwise not interested in growing long, should take comfort in their personal decision to maintain short hair without making value judgments about the merits of others growing kinky hair long. Perhaps length is all-important to someone, but the importance is nonetheless that person’s to bestow.
– a long-haired nappy
* quite AS trying
I know this is probably going to come as a shock to you, but I agree that the “all-important” portion of my comment was condescending, and I apologize for that.
However, I most certainly do not “frequently” comment about growing long hair being generally “a waste of time.” You might be mistaking me for someone else…because if I believed that I certainly wouldn’t be on this site at all.
If anything, I think what I do ON OCCASION is try to inject some reality into the fantasy that SOME people seem to have with regards to growing long nappy hair. Cipriana’s post was one of the more realistic commentaries on this subject I’ve seen recently, to be honest, and my response was in support of that. I realize SOME folks aren’t comfortable with reality and prefer to live in fantasy, but then it’s their hair, not mine. Believe it or not, I’ve been there…and the longest lengths I’ve ever had occurred when I got real about what my hair could and could not do.
And just to reiterate June’s comment before: Of course Cipriana’s and my reality isn’t everybody’s. But I bet it’s a significant number of people’s realities.
I appreciate your comment, but I have afro-textured hair and that is not my reality. I mean what is afro-textured hair anyway?
If it is not your reality, then you are not part of the group I was discussing, and that’s fine. I didn’t say “everybody,” I said “the vast majority”…and I do believe that it is a majority because if it weren’t, the store-bought hair business wouldn’t be nearly as big as it is, and all these products that claim to promote hair growth wouldn’t still be selling (unless they worked, of course), and most likely sites like this wouldn’t exist because black women would have the long hair that many have largely been conditioned to crave as being the hair beauty ideal and it wouldn’t seem like it was such a difficult thing to have because we would have the knowledge, passed down from our parents, to nurture and care for it.
As for your question, MY nonscientific definition of Afro-textured hair is hair that is distinguished by its pattern (small coils to diffuse kinks), its behavior when wet and unmanipulated (doesn’t hang or hangs very slightly), AND its behavior when dry and unmanipulated (forms a more-or-less stationary “cloud” or “puff” about the head rather than hanging tendrils or sheets). There are scientists who can break it down better than I can…but in reality I use “Afro-textured” for those in my life who freak out at the word “nappy”, lol.
Have you been on longhaircareforum.com? These women buying the hair growth serums are looking for growth greater than the average growth of 0.5 inches per month that people of all races are subjected to. These women are looking for an inche or more of growth per month.
Black people don’t have good hair care practices that is why we need to relearn everything when we decide to take a better interest in our hair – relaxed or natural. Just as their is a lot of diversity when it comes to skin tones of the people descended from the African continent, there is diversity in hair texture. I am Nigerian with no non-black ancestry and my hair is made of fractal and corkscrew curls. It hangs down. Are you going to tell me I don’t have ‘Afro-textured’ hair?
If you are truly happy with your decision to keep your hair short, I am not sure why you keep insisting on denigrating and condescending to those that want something different.
“Comparing your hair to looser textures, and wishing you could do what they do in terms of care, is a WASTE OF TIME.”
“I have always hated the word “manageability” when applied to hair because for many it’s something that’s still largely defined within a straight-hair context.”
+1000
I think this is an awesome post. Everyone’s haircare routine is different and may be percieved as more or less work by any given person. More work dosen’t mean “unmanagable” hai–It means one knows precisely how to manage their hair and is willing to put the time in to do so.
My advice to anyone who currently thinks their hair is “unmanagable” is to experiment until they find the best way to manage it. To me the “best way” was to create a simple, relatively guick (2 hours tops for my weekly wash day) and low-manipulation regimen. I did so by researching and experimenting to find the bare minimum of haircare needed in order keep my hair looking fly and in good condition while retaining length. I feel quite accomplished that I crafted a regimen that works well for my super coily hair. It was “hard work” but was oh so worth it.
Thank you so much for posting this. I just did my hair last night and it was hard work to detangle it, but then again, it always is. I love my hair, but sometimes I have to check myself when I start to lose my patience or am upset about a situation and begin handling it the wrong way. Natural hair is time consuming, but that doesn’t mean that it is unmanageable or that we love our hair any less. I am just glad that there are people out there like me who try to keep in 100.
typo-who try to keep *it 100
I love that you acknowledge that long hair is a CHOICE. And that it’s not for everyone. Though I believe that most any texture can retain length, it’s more challenging for highly textured and fine hair, and not everyone is up to that challenge. But for those who do opt-in, it is work!
Love this piece.
I too have very dense kinky hair and I CANNOT do wash n gos without incurring serious tangles & knots galore so that’s out (though I wish I had this as an option!) – sometimes I just want to literally wash then go about my business but I have to schedule my washes for times when I will have enough time to actually stretch & style my hair afterwards
On the other hand I wish I could have a regimen similar to Cipriana where I am only washing once or twice a month and keeping the manipulation to a minimum …. problem is my scalp craves water & even better it craves a gentle wash rather frequently (I use a gentle but very cleansing homemade liquid african black soap mix) – it’s hard for me to wait a whole week before washing!
So therefore I’m stuck .. my scalp wants to be cleansed frequently but my hair is high maintenance – so I’m forced to choose between dealing with an itchy scalp but avoiding hours of manipulation on the regular basis OR avoiding an itchy scalp but dealing with hours of manipulation on a regular basis
Sometimes I get jealous of those naturals who post their easy wash n go regimens because it is clear to see that for THEM natural hair care is not hardwork at all – they can work out and wash away the sweat head to toe without a care in the world wheras I have to calculate the costs everytime 🙁
AMEN SISTAH!!!!
I have VERY kinky hair and my ends are FOREVER with single-stranded knots because of it. I have to keep my hair STRETCHED in order to keep SSK’s to am minimum. I can not just ‘wash n go’, if I want to KEEP all of my kinky texture.
I think people get it confused with
(1) Wishing they had a looser texture
(2) Wishing they had an easier regimen
I wouldn’t give ANYTHING away in exchange for my hair. I actually LOVE my texture and curl pattern. My hair is very versatile and can easily hold twists, I can have truly whatever curl pattern I want with the right sized twists, my hair is not easily damaged while flatironed (I have thick strands and low porosity), etc., And I don’t have to comb and brush, comb and brush (and repeat 5x’s) to wear a round, kinky puff 🙂
HOWEVER, this 2 hr detangling and careful wash method (always in twists and washing with a scalp massager) is for the birds. Why can’t I just wash my whole head like normal folk? Why can’t my detangling session last just 30 mins max (on a bad day! *laughs*).
But as Cipriana said……it just depends on your hair goals. Everyone knows that the longer your hair gets, the more WORK it will be to retain length and care for it, especially with kinky textures because our hair looses moisture faster and tangles up easily.
I love my protective styles (my version of a wake up n go), my banding/braiding (for stretching), my dry detangling (with oil – ha I thought I was the only one who will not wet detangle!), etc. Because I know that that’s the BEST way to take true care of my hair. My hair has truly thanked me for the hard work that I’ve put in. I’ve went from no hair …to SL hair in a year – with a bad cutting job repair in between(4-6 inches all over).
Yes. Due to Hard Work. And I will continue to do so. Thank you.
High Five to Cipriana for being honest and keeping it real!
(4-6 inches all over) = current length of my hair. Some hair I did not have to cut much, hence 6 inches, whereas around the top part of my hair had to get close to 2 inches chopped due to my inexperienced cutting skills and inappropriate scissors!
LOL.
“Why can’t I just wash my whole head like normal folk?”
Normal folk? Lots of folk with hair like yours (including me) wash in twists. Whose “norm” are you referencing?
Lol. I was referencing a lot of naturals who look at me like I’m crazy when I say I wash my hair in twists (both in life and cyber space). I get that….”Hmmm….really? – you must not be doing something right” look.
Also, when I was relaxed, there was no need to wash my hair in twists, because there was no huge risk in tangling with straight hair.
Don’t take it too deep. All I was saying is that….the majority of people (non-race specific) that IIIII know, do not have to have a specific method (such as washing hair in twists) in washing their hair other than wetting it and apply shampoo.
have you ever tried using terresentials mud wash (or go diy with a similar mix if possible?) it’s something i plan to use when my hair is much longer.
I’ve heard about it a few times on others blogs, but trying to use up my current stash of shampoos before venturing out for more 🙂 We’ll see how THAT goes 😀 Thanks for the recommendation!!!
i for one appreciate you keeping it real… cos hours of detangling and a careful wash routine for 5 mins everyday and 2-4 weeks of (basically) wake-up n’ go is a small price to pay in my world!
Maybe they’re having an easy time with their hair, mine sure is hard work, but I am managing and loving it