by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Several months back we had a discussion on BGLH about whether a man could love you, but hate your natural hair. Reader Rosa is in that situation, and submitted her reflections.
Recently, while talking to my boyfriend on the phone I asked him a deadly question. I thought I was looking for attention but apparently I was looking for a fight. I asked him what he likes about me. After an uncomfortably long pause he decided to tell me what he used to like about me had changed — my hair!
One fall morning on the train to work I was reading Suede Magazine (an African American fashion magazine that is no longer in print) and it had a spread on women with natural hair. It also featured Miko and Titi Branch, the creators of Miss Jessie’s products. That day I canceled my appointment to get a touch up and decided to go natural. I wore braids and lots of hats while I transitioned. The following May I did the big chop at Curve Salon owned by the Miss Jessie’s creators. It cost over $200 but it was the best cut of my life and lasted at least a year.
2005 was a bad year! My self-esteem plummeted. To be honest, Randy never flat out said “I don’t like your natural hair” but he never said he liked it either. When I dyed my hair light brown (or “Beyonce Brown” as he called it) for my 18th birthday, he loved it. When I cut my hair into a bob because the mix of perm and color made it fall out, he complimented my “First Lady” do. But when I went natural — nothing.
Many of my male friends bluntly said that they liked my hair better when it was straight. I even got a “you look black now” meaning to be an insult. Female friends told me it was okay that I went natural because I have that “good hair.” Little do they know that my thick and long hair comes from my Haitian side, not just because I’m part-Latina. On the rare occasion that I get a Dominican blowout my boyfriend compliments me, but that’s it. Once, while trying to do something with my large, unruly fro he called me a mop head. I nipped that in the bud real quick!
Now before everyone starts bashing him I must say that he is a GREAT guy! He is funny, intelligent, a provider, is determined, and is tall, dark and handsome. He’s a college educated, family man with a great job, etc, etc, etc. We just made 7 years together last weekend and I am very happy. I just have to learn to accept the fact that he prefers my straight hair.
Oh and are you ready for the punch line… He’s been growing his waist length dreads for 14 years!!!
284 Responses
My question is why are you with this fool for 7 years and he hasn’t even put a ring on your finger yet he has he nerve to have an issue with your hair and you are taking it seriously. If he is such a “family man” as you claim then why aren’t you married yet? He’s full of it and you are a fool for staying with and laying up with any of these black males who run this nonsense and start acting all controlling like this and they aren’t even legally obligated to you. If you had any sense, you would tell him to take a flying leap and go and be with someone who actually wants to love you for who you are. Because this fool only sees you as a light skinned novelty and is nothing but a self hating moron who hates what he sees in the mirror and wants to be validated by having folks not look at him but rather look at what is on his arm, which is you, the pseudo white girl. His dreads are just another way to cover up his own self hate of his naps. That’s not bashing. That’s just plain as day.
Girl yes! I was thinking the same thing. Seven years with no ring can’t be that great. This fool sounds like a loser. And he had snakes running through his head. Boy bye!
Your hair is beautifullll , hes bugging sorry it’s nothing wrong with your i always wished i had the big kinky hair like yours. Thats weird he has dreads but doesnt really prefer your natural hair ?. Anyway my boyfriend doesn’t like my natural hair he only compliments my hair if its weave or straightened.. I love my hair :/
ODD, BECAUSE REALLY NO OFFENSE YET, HE IS NOT PARTICULARLY ATTRACTIVE TO BE SO CONCERNED AT ALL WITH REGARDS TO YOUR HAIR WHICH LOOKS LOVELY.
Wait, so the ONLY thing he could think of that he liked about her, was her straight hair??? That right there says a lot in itself.
honestly it’s like the guy can’t accept you for who you are…and it’s just hair like what’s his problem -_-
Your boyfriend should just go ahead and get that white woman that he’s been dreaming of.
She is a beautiful girl regardless to whether she wears her hair straight or natural, so I don’t see what ole boy’s problem is.
I personally like your hair the way it is naturally it’s gorgeous. I’m always so envious of natural hair. I tried to grow mine out for a year but I just ended up breaking it off because I didn’t know how to take care of it and couldn’t find a salon that specializes in natural hair. So I’m going to relax it until I get it long and then stop relaxing it.
I can’t imagine dating someone who didn’t support my hair decisions or thought my hair looked bad.
My husband supports every decision I make, he loved and complimented me when I was bald, he loved and complimented me when I had uneven hair from breakage, and he loves and compliments me now as a reluctant relaxer.
It sounds like he wants a white woman. You were the closest thing to it with your chemically altered hair. His college education and paying bills means NOTHING when it comes down to the true issues at hand which is WHY are you still with a man who hasn’t asked you to marry him yet? Why can’t he love and accept ALL of you? And most importantly – why have YOU settled for such ill treatment? Don’t you know you deserve better and that there is someone out there who will love ALL OF YOU and then some? Please open your eyes hun and realize that you are a QUEEN and should be treated as such in all aspects of your life. You’ve already wasted a lot of precious time on someone who doesn’t appreciate the beautiful person who are inside and out. It’s time “Big Chop” this relationship and start fresh. Just my opinion.
I was thinking it, but you said it.
I don’t agree that just because he likes her hair to be straight, that he wants a white woman. That’s probably just his preference or he maybe he has some hangup about Black women fitting some sort of standard of beauty.
Exactly, and the “Hang Up” is what the problem is. Why would anyone, man or woman, of any race, have any other standard of beauty but their own race “First”? You can straighten your hair or whatever, but, you should always love “First” what texture you were born with. So, he is loving his “Locks”, which is from his African ancestry, but she can’t rock the look that is a part of her ancestry. Sounds one sided to me.
I would never share this story of such a great man that I love and have others comment about him and tear him a part. She’s spent seven years of her life with him, apparently she’s happy with him. It’s obvious people in the comments section are commenting about how she needs to break up with him etc. I hope she didn’t expect a different response. As her dude, I’d feelirritated that she did this. To me, if he’s so great despite the fact he feels some type of way about her hair, and she’s tolerating it (OBVIOUSLY) she needs to keep that to herself. Deal with him accordingly or move on!Sounds crazy and like a cry for attention. He doesn’t say anything about her hair in it’s natural state, he called her a mop head, he compliments her etc…but has she heard him say he hates her hair verbatim?? Did she say that? Did I overlook that? I think she needs to talk to him and reevaluate if she wants to continue to deal with him and the situation with her hair. If she talks to him and tell him that it effects her negatively he should work on changing it if he really loves her. To me, if he was so great I’d keep my woes with him in the house or move on. The internet is the WRONG place to do what it is she may be trying to accomplish.
Signed a black woman
Agreed.
Sometimes people take articles about other people’s business far to serious
I’m so over people excuse men like this saying,”Oh we all have preferences”, then date and marry someone that fits your preferences. He could’ve just as easily found himself a nice white woman or any other woman on the planet who doesn’t have black hair. The self-hate in black men is strong, which is the main reason why so many women in the natural hair community have male partners who aren’t black. The sad truth is, men outside of our race respect us far more than the men a part of our race. More and more black women are waking up to this truth. If you don’t hate yourself or your race why would you want to be with someone who does? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=deb7Mt2qt-E
Ok, you say he should find a woman who meets his preference but when they hooked up, she satisfied his preference…
And I don’t think the whole ‘men outside of our community respect us more’ is true. Honestly, I think only a minority of men inside the black community and outside of the black community respect us. The others see us as something to ‘do’ until their real ‘queen’ comes along…
You need to DUMP THAT JERKASS and find someone that WILL APPRECIATE ALL OF YOU. Hair and all! You shouldn’t have wasted 7 yrs of your life to that clown. Ugh. That wasn’t worth the misery.
Nah, girl. I ain’t for it. He can kick rocks with socks inside a box. Black men act like we owe them something for being educated. And he had locks???? And he’s BLACK?!! And you’re BEAUTIFUL? I can’t accept that!!! I CANNOT!
Listen, this young lady is asking for HELP. She loves someone who unfortunately doesn’t love ALL of her the way she needs. Yeah, it’s JUST hair, or is it? I too am confused by a black man (very black)dissing a black woman because she doesn’t want to artificially treat her hair. Huh?! But I’ve noticed brothas now days diss sistas for downright anything. Baby, you gotta ask yourself some serious questions surrounding this issue. It ain’t just about hair. You’ve been with this dude 7 YEARS and he hasn’t asked you to be his wife. Why, is it your hair? And if someone is so superficial do you (we) really want to have them that close to our heart and soul. I’m just saying. Please, don’t continue wasting your precious time and your esteem on someone who doesn’t love ALL OF YOU.
That’s what I’m wondering!!! I’m looking around trying to find they’re wedding pics after 7 years together. Dude must have serious issues with his own color: he was just another dark skinned “brother” out to snag a light skinned sister with long hair. Now, he can’t even marry the woman because she chooses to leave her hair natural. What a joke…
“7 YEARS and he hasn’t asked you to be his wife,” I was thinking that exact same thing exactly Lottie.
SAY THAT.
You have to think about what is really going on here. I don’t care how good of a man he is(paying bills, college etc etc anyone can do that). That is not an excuse for someone to not love who you are sorry. I remember when I was dating a guy when I was 27 and I shaved the sides of my head and left the rest long. this was back in 94′. He told me that I could shave my entire head bald and still look sexy and beautiful. That made me feel so good. You can’t be with someone who don’t particularly like how you look but pays bills and go to college. who cares about that if he don’t like something that made you feel free. Just saying.
I know my opinion doesn’t matter like your man’s, but I think your hair is much more attractive now 🙂 The other picture looks fake to me, which is amazing for me to say, cuz I was the light skin girl with long hair too. Now I’m natural and it’s the best thing I ever did for myself. I feel much more beautiful than I ever did before and prefer it curly over flat ironed now even tho straight shows the length. Anyway, good for you. I cut my hair short once and my long time boyfriend said it was like sleeping with a boy. I didn’t care cuz I loved it, so good for you for your strong self esteem. Your natural hair is beautiful!
I’m telling this in hopes that it will be beneficial to all who read. I have a good friend. She has been with her man now husband since high school, 16 years old pretty much just like you. We’re 34 now. During their time together my friend surpressed her desires of wanting to cuddle and to be told the things we women like to hear, “you’re beautiful”, “oh I like your hair” etc.. She thought that it isn’t important because, like your man hers is all that. So, such a silly thing like affection weren’t important. And as mentioned those feelings were surpressed. I even remember in college having a conversation over drinks with her, him and my then boyfriend about affection and admiration and I flat out said its necessary for the one I’m going to be tied to for the rest of my life to do those things in addition to others. There are no exceptions for things like that. Because even if they are silly to others they are everything to me and my man needs to provide those things to me or I can’t see this working…hold my hand, throw your arm around me, if we’re going out be sure to tell me how good I look…cause the truth is another man will. You’re a pretty woman I bet you can’t walk down the street without compliments and nods…shoot even the lil old men will call you pretty when they say hi. I digress… But my friend and her boyfriend agreed that real love doesn’t need that. So time goes on and they graduate college and they get married and have a baby….and she ends up cheating. Why? Not because this other dude was anything; cause he was truly bottom of the barrel; but you know what, he complimented her, he held her hand, he wanted to cuddle with her. So see my point is that A. He’s all you had since you were a baby and you may take things off of him that maybe you shouldn’t. B. If you think there are more important things than the man you love loving every part of you right back, then young lady you still have a lot to learn. I’m gonna send you the energy to see this for what it is. I want you to truly be happy not always wishing deep down that this one thing is different. Lastly I pray that this man wakes up and honors the beauty that is you. Peace
Ladies, ladies, ladies PLEASE read the previous post this wise person wrote. It will save you a lifetime of regret! LETS STOP SETTLING!
You may not see this, but I want to thank you for this. I settled and I’m miserable. My husband don’t do anything with me. It’s like we’re two strangers living in the house together. Soon as I can I’m leaving.
ok very confused he has dreads which is a “Natural Hair due” but doesn’t like your natural hair. this is a case of brain washed black thinking euro hair holds a upper hand rather than or own hair.
I was going to shut my mouth on this one. But, I have to speak up. I am so so sorry that your man doesn’t love and accept you for who you are. Perhaps he picked up because you were a status symbol for him. I don’t know. I hope he’ll get over it. It’s not like you altered yourself in some weird and bizarre way. You simply stopped chemically altering your hair. Your hair is beautiful. All healthy hair is beautiful. You seem to be managing it in a healthy manner. After seven years, I’m sure you know there are more serious things for couples to disagree on in a relationship. Lord knows my man has made some fashion choices that I was not happy about. But, I’d never deny him. So, hopefully your man will get past this and accept you for the wonderful woman he loves and admires. Peace to you both.
So basically its okay for him to be black but its not okay for you…? I know hes a “great guy” but you really don’t need him…
Wow!!! I’m so confuse but I understand at the same time. I’m not going to take the time to have the old dark skin man want light skin woman discussion but…. He has been growing his dreads for 14years but have not accepted your natural journey. ….yeah I’m confuse.
No offense….you are pretty and he is Sooooooo not attractive at all
Don’t get me wrong you guys are a beautiful couple and I hope you guys have many more wonderful years with one another, but your man needs to find himself. There is NOTHING worst than to have someone who is suppose to be so close and intimate to you to not love and appreciate the true you! You are beautiful in all aspects and needs to see that, I don’t know what to say, for crying out loud he’s dark-skinned and “natural” himself, idk #MyMindIsBlown #YourManNeedsToGetHisLife #NoBueno #SelfHate
My husband is white. A playwright who wrote a whole part of his one man show about my hair. It was an ode but I was so defensive, did not want to hear it. I have had ALL kinds of hairstyles, (never a weave tho) and while he might agree that it’s time to get my locs re-done he pretty much has not said anything except that i looked like the weather girl when I pressed and curled my hair myself. (not a compliment) Or Condoleeza Rice. He does not like helmet hair. However, my hair is a small part of our relationship and I am affirmed in a million ways. Does he affirm you or is this hair too big for him to get over. If so. Cut him. If not. Let him deal with it. Your hair looks great. I do find it weird that he can’t hang. Like I see nothing terribly horrible about it. It looks really nice. So his point of view seems strange to me.
It’s one thing to not like your natural hair it’s another thing to name call. A great guy is not gonna call you “mop head” just because he doesn’t like your hair. You shouldn’t have to defend your to your boyfriend. I say you need reevaluate him and your relationship.
Well, I dumped my boyfriend because he did not want me to go natural. I am wearing braids. I refuse to put any more relaxers in my hair. I found it sad that he didn’t care if the chemicals were dangerous. He just wanted my hair straight. Then he broke his ankle and realized hair does not make a good woman.
This information is priceless. When can I find out
more?Do you love Speedway? Enjoy to us! ?u?el
I do not leave many comments, however i did a few searching and wound
up here My natural hair looks fabulous, and he STILL doesn?t like
it! | Black Girl with Long Hair. And I actually do have a couple of questions
for you if you tend not to mind. Could it be just me or does it seem like a few of the
remarks appear as if they are coming from brain dead visitors?
😛 And, if you are posting at other online social sites, I’d like to follow everything new you have to post. Would you make a list of all of all your shared sites like your Facebook page, twitter feed, or linkedin profile?Visit my website at karnisze cuadro
My hubs doesn’t like my hair but that doesn’t bother me – it’s my hair and I’ll do with it as I please. As long as he’s not trying to control me or act like an idiot, we’re good. Take the same attitude. I bet there are some things about your boyfriend that you don’t like or wish would change, but you love him anyway, right? Hair isn’t everything.
Gosh, we are killin a brotha. I can actually relate to her story, accept mine is the exact opposite. My fiancé hated my weave and relaxed hair. He said that I was altering my appearance to look “white.” I looked at him as if he had grown horns. This was before I even knew about the natural hair movement. Seriously, I didn’t want to look white, I just liked my weave! Nevertheless he still loved me, he just didn’t like my hair. If hair is just hair, then why is this such a big deal–and yet we have all voted to throw him to the curb. It’s my opinion that if he truly didn’t like her hair, they would not be in a seven year relationship–and counting. As far as marriage, that’s their Buz. Not every woman feels a man has to marry her after a set amount of time.–but I see he gets all the blame for this too huh?
Anyhow, it wasn’t until my girlfriend went natural that I followed suit. I embraced the whole idea of being natural…but I did it with braids. I HATED my TWA. Despite my fiancé loving my TWA I continued to wear breads. I finally had the confidence to wear my hair a year later. It’s not that I had a texture issue, I just didn’t like the length.
Would I say I had confidence issues/accepting my self for who I was with this TWA. Hell yea! But this natural thing is a journey and doesn’t happen overnight. And that goes for those around you. If its really a big deal then she should consider compromising and straitening her hair every blue moon. It’s not a big deal ladies, its like making breakfast in bed. Relationships are about making the other person happy as you are happy. In the end…it’s just hair! I think we tend to take things to another level when all this is about is likes and dislikes.
I hated my TWA at a point too, it got to this like really weird mullet and it was breaking off in the front so I cut it and relaxed it again. I’ll try again when I can find someone who can teach me how to take care of my hair. (I’ve tried following tutorials online. I’m just not good at it)
I don’t understand some of what she put in her article. She’s not very light skinned to me for one. She’s just average. I’m actually light skinned and never once did I have a guy say to me, “I was “acceptable” to bring home to their mothers.” simply because I am light skinned. Never! What the heck kind of people does she surround herself with???
The most typical question that I have been asked is, “what are you?” That was growing up, and I always thought that was rude, but people just truly didn’t know. Now-days there are so many mixed kids running around here (Texas) I hardly ever get asked that anymore.
Also when she called her boyfriend and asked him what he likes about her, why in the world would he “uncomfortably” pause for a long time. Her hair should not have been at the top of the list and he should have been able to give her a whole list of other things that he loves and he should have been able to do so without the long pause. For there to be a long pause followed by what he doesn’t love anymore is a red flag to me.
My Husband even during our dating time, was always able to tell me what he loved about me and it was never followed with what he doesn’t love anymore. I’m wondering if he ever told her what he loves about her? The article never answered that.
Anyway as for natural vs. relaxed I think it is a personal choice and any guy who loves you will love your hair. He might not like it (most of them don’t like every style we choose), but he will love it because it’s a part of you.
Take out the man from the equation, it’s our hair, we can do whatever we want with it! IMO 🙂
I wonder what would happen if they have a daughter and she looks like him? Would he be disappointed? Hmmm…..
This article made me feel sad for the author. You can analyze and justify the situation all you want, but it would really hurt my heart if my boyfriend didnt love the natural me. I would take it personal and I couldnt accept this attitude from my life partener. Thats just my opinion.
I completely agree with Lloyda. His opinion has nothing to do with his being a good man or not. Seriously. Its a simple matter of aesthetics. What appeals to him, and what does not. Its not an issue of blackness. You are beautiful, so is your hair. So is your man! As long as he is not trying to manipulate you into being something you are not, his opinion on your hair is just that – an opinion, and he’s entitled. I think its awesome that he is with you despite the fact that he does not like this change you’ve made in your physical appearance. It means he can still see beauty in you.
Rock on!
Yeah, you need to dump him. It’s not us being judgemental when we say that we SEE the problem is him and he can’t love you if he has such hang-ups. He’s not worthy, and should be kicked to the curb where he belongs. You don’t need that and will definitely regret it if you don’t cut this destructive force out of your life. There are plenty of fish in the sea.
I’m sorry but he’s a prick
Dont listen to anybody. Guys are use to see black women wear their hair in a certain way. I find society finds it moree acceptable to be black and have locks because that is the look black people having been having for years. Just DO what makes you happy.
Listen girl. There might be a host of reasons he prefers relaxed here that people can dissect over and over. However, do not listen to anyone that even suggests that he does not love you if he doesn’t love your hair. You are not your hair and your boy friend obviously knows this and obviously loves you beyond the physical. I have natural hair myself and I love it but I find naturals tend to be judgmental if people who wear weaves or have relaxed hair but come on people it is just hair. Wear it how you love it and appreciate black hair for its versatility. PS your hair is absolutely beautiful.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/04/DSC04482.jpg[/img]
Your natural hair is freaking FABULOUS!!! O_O Not just saying that, but the pictures you have posted look great. No shade to your boyfriend, but he is not that attractive to be acting like he’s Will Smith…and Will Smith don’t even act like that. Think about it, Jada Pinkett can get pretty extreme with some of her fashion & hair choices & Will Smith loves it. If men as fine is Will are digging natural hair, your man should not EVEN go there. Dump him & quick…he’s basically saying all he liked about you was your hair & theres nothing else about your look he loves. Even if he did look like Will Smith I would tell you to dump him. He’s just NOT the one. Don’t waste any more time with this fool!
Hi!
Thank you for sharing your story. That takes courage. I think that your hair is beautiful and I’m proud of you for making the courageous decision to go natural. I say courageous because for many in our community it is still a radical thing to choose. Even though I firmly believe that any other choice is a visual sign of self hatred.
I find it interesting that your boyfriend himself has a non-traditional and sometimes contraversial look, but does not appreciate your natural look.
I have been natural since Fall of 2007, and my hair had finally reached “mega fro” status when I decided to cut it all off to a TWA with a fade in the back and on the sides. My family especially my father hated it! I LOVED IT! I felt free. I was imprisoned to styling my hair on a daily basis, and I freed myself with a $15 hair cut from the barber up the street. Sometimes black men struggle with their idealistic view of a woman. My father had finally accepted the natural look… but he could not (an still can not) accept my hair in a short fro. It’s too radical for him.
My hair has been short for five months now, and I’ve gotten regular cuts. Now because of work (musical theatre) I am growing it back out. But I’m SO glad that I cut it. And I have no regrets. It’s just hair! And it’s MY hair.
My advice. DO what makes YOU happy. And if being your God-made-self makes you HAPPY… then keep on keeping on Girlie!
xo,
Adrienne
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/firstcutlook.JPG[/img]
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/megafrolook.JPG[/img]
I’ve been married more than 30 years. I had a short natural when my husband and I started dating, and since then, I’ve been mainly natural — braided, fro, and — for more than 10 years, I’ve had locs. Briefly, I relaxed my hair briefly, about 2 years of our marriage and I had a jherri curl for about 2 years. For the record, I have extremely kinky hair.
I can not imagine ever being with a man who disliked my natural hair. I remember having a summer fling with a guy who — after I cut my hair (which was relaxed then) complained that I hadn’t asked his permission to do that. When he said such a silly thing, I knew that he was a control freak, and under no circumstances would I have a permanent relationship with him. He begged me to marry him, but I moved on — 3,000 miles away, in fact.
If you are dating a man who doesn’t like you the way you are then he is not the man for you. He should find the type of woman he desires, and you should find a man who appreciates you for who you are. Stay in a relationship with such a man, and he will erode your self esteem. You’ll never be what he wants. What he is offering is not love. It’s control and put downs.
If you feel comfortable with your hair, you’ll attract men who will love it. If you secretly feel that natural hair is not attractive, you’ll attract men who feel the same way.
I feel that my natural hair is my best feature, and for years, I’ve gotten compliments on it from men and women of all races.
Dear Author,
I don’t know your situation entirely and hope I don’t seem to be casting judgments. I will also not be the one to say that you should or should not leave him. What I will say is your hair is as much you as your skin (tone), weight,facial and physical features, its apart of YOU. A good man is not defined merely by his level of education and worldly attributes but his character, which comes out in how he treats and respects women especially his woman! I have had natural hair all my life, I am 26 and there is no man who I will date (much less be in a relationship with) who has openly expressed displeasure in seeing me with my natural hair. How would you feel if his dislike was not just your hair but your weight or skin tone??? would you still thing its not that big a deal or would you just go fix it to please him. Its like being with a man who likes skinny girls and you are on the curvy side, you will spend the rest of your life living to make him notice you, and to gain his approval. I agree with Davina after seven year why is he just your man and not your husband, is he waiting for you to change, you’re not wife material the way you are. He has you where he wants you he knows you are conscious about your hair, and he is playing on it. Love yourself young girl before you can love others or be loved…its a hard thing to accept that someone does not accept us for who or what we are. But don’t try to fix something that’s not broken. He has some serious inferiority complex issues, so brainwashed and mis-educated he can’t even see the beautiful black woman you are, don’t confuse his attributes with his character…Peace, Love, Prayers.
[img]http://bglhonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/12/Afrodisiac.jpg[/img]
well said Josefeen!!! he has deep sitted issues with who he is and isn’t comfortable in his own skin as a black man, he sees you as a trophy girlfriend being that you are light, its quite obvious from the way he loathes anything that resembles the blackness in you.There are plenty of guys out there who would die to be with you, and would love you, respect you and celebrate the beautiful black woman you are, inside and out. don’t sell yourself short. he doesn’t deserve you! I’m stunned you are not insulted by what he said, the only thing he found special about you was your hair?? i mean really??????????