I got these amazing photos in my inbox over the weekend and I had to share. Kudos to all the fathers out there affirming their natural babies.
How did you learn to do your daughter’s hair?
J: Growing up, I had two older sisters. I can remember watching my mother doing their hair in the kitchen. I didn’t pay a lot of attention then, but later, the attention I did pay came flooding back. From about the seventh grade through college I wore an afro which required a lot of maintenance. There wasn’t always someone readily available to braid it so I taught myself the simple daily maintenance. I’ve been able to take those experiences and combine them to at the very least keep my child from looking homeless.
What styles do you typically do on her?
J: I usually pull her hair into a ponytail, but sometimes I will twist it or even braid sections. I can’t do elaborate styles, but when I’m done, she looks like she’s had her hair done. It usually only takes between 15 and 30 minutes. There are three of us who share that responsibility for Ashley’s hair, of which I’m the least talented by far. I usually step up as the hair guy when I see it needs to be done and I’m the last option.
Do you think black men need to be more affirming of black women’s beauty?
J: I really do! I see the images the idiot box projects, and the way they affect Ashley. Some days she’ll come home asking for her hair to look like the white or Japanese kids she’s around. I’ll say to her “You want your hair to look like that? That’s being like everybody else, besides they can’t do the things with their hair that you can.”
Sometimes she’ll pick a character on TV that she likes and say “I like her. That’s who I want to be like.” My wife and I will then pick the character most like Ashley in appearance and let her know we think she is much more beautiful than Ashley’s choice. She usually changes her mind when she sees we adamantly think the black girls are the beautiful ones.
What do you want your daughter to take away from the time she spends with you getting her hair done?
J: I want her to know that it’s not her who can’t do without me, but me who can’t do without her.
45 Responses
That’s cute! Everyone knew when my father did our hair cause we had instant brow lifts. lol
Very touching and heart pulling. This is a cool father! She is lucky to have someone like him who takes care of her and wants her to be who she is. I agree, some women can misinterpret the negative words that they have received so oftenly to project at other women. Can we all just be beautiful and unique? But since we have certain features and characteristics that are frowned down upon, some women have a right to retaliate because we have a hard time breaking through but two wrongs don’t make a right, let’s stop being negative about individual’s. let’s celebrate women’s individuality but yeah we can have beautiful hair, not everybody sees it.
This is inspirational!!! Thank you for sharing this article!!!
Love this article! My big brother used to do my hair for school because my mom was working…he still brags about it to his friends today at 50!
I’m super tardy to the party and just now reading this, but HAD to say that this —
“I want her to know that it’s not her who can’t do without me, but me who can’t do without her.”
— is one of the most beautiful things I have EVER READ. And I read more than one language.
Thank you, John! Thanks BGLH for sharing this! I’m over here in tears! <3
First, I’d like to say that this was a beautiful article. It was perfect for Father’s Day, and I’m glad that John submitted it. He’s doing a great job. I only made a comment, and it was not intended to be overly critical or criticized.
@ JAAR and Sandy: I understand all of that, and I stand by what I said. I had a perfectly valid point. Children are smart people who appreciate straightforward teaching, not psychological games. They are smart enough to understand you and not be influenced by mainstream standards if you just tell them that all of the characters on TV, white, black and otherwise, are beautiful. You can even tell them that your favorite character is the black/ethnic character, and they’ll get it. Ask them why there’s only one black character, or tell them you think there should be more ethnicities represented. But to say that black is best or more beautiful is misleading and that could take it somewhere you don’t want it to go.
I’ve seen that happen with adults and children alike. I’ve heard black women who’ve gone natural call straight hair “ugly” or say they feel sorry for people with straight hair. That’s just as bad as someone who hates herself. In fact, I think that’s someone who still hates herself. If you love and accept your natural beauty, then you can love and accept others’ natural beauty as well.
I’m black, and you don’t have to convince me of the social dynamics that impact the race and the self acceptance issues of the race. But don’t go too far in the other direction.
Anyway, it wasn’t quite that serious in this instance. Just a comment on being aware of larger issues, and that there are better ways to get a point across. I’m glad the little one knows that daddy loves her. That’s the important thing. Happy belated Father’s Day!! lol
this really put a smile on my face.
My my the child is cute. I really liked the father’s last statement. I hope the daughter realizes how cool her father is.
Loved the last statement too. She is adorable and her parents are obviously doing a super job.
“it’s not her who can’t do without me, but me who can’t do without her”
That made me tear up.
My father always supported my hair decisions, but he can’t touch my hair (aka do it)-one time when I was younger he did it when my mother was away, and it did not go well. But either way, he tried, and that’s what matters. So, thanks.
SUPER CUTE! I hope we get to see this feature all month 🙂
My dad used to do my hair before I got my first perm – he even used to press it when my mom was busy!
And yes, Roll Tide!!!
I’m still tearing up looking at this. God bless this man for assuring his daughter that she’s the most beautiful no matter what they say. My father did the same, he’d never let a pair of scissors or tub of relaxer come near my hair.
I just showed this to the man. Lol. *obvious hint*
@ Erin.
I’m chiming in again — this time in order to emphasize what JAAR is trying to explain.
When a black child’s default example of a beautiful character is nonblack, parents tend to assume (and rightfully too) that the child has imbibed the popular myth that white beauty (or nonblack beauty) is THE standard of beauty. To reverse this unspoken but ubiquitous form of indoctrination, parents tend to go out of their way to extol the virtues of black beauty in order to begin that child on a healthy regimen of self-love. In other words, for a parent to say that a black character looks better than a white character is not to dismiss the white character’s beauty — because the child already believes the white character to be beautiful anyway — but it is to give the black character a fighting chance in the eyes of the child who is unaware that she has imbibed freely of the white-is-always-beautiful Kool-Aid.
The child has then to wrap around her mind the possibility that a black character can be more beautiful than a white character. Imagine that! The parents are trying to create an Aha moment for the child in order to help her see herself differently.
Whoa. This was long. Sorry.
I hope it makes sense.
I just felt that it needed to be said.
PEACE.
This article tickled me!
*She has a great father*
This is beautiful….it goes to show there are some good men/fathers out here in the world….
Oh, this is so precious. Good job, John! You and your wife have a lovely daughter.
Awwwwwwwww!!!! 😀
Erin, I didn’t read where he said that they tell her that black is MORE beautiful. It says above that they said the particular character they chose from tv verses the character that she chose is better because the character they chose looks more like her. I think they are just trying to teach her self-love.
Anyhow great job John. KUDOS!
THIS is the GREATEST thing since sliced bread =).
That is beautiful, “it’s not her who can’t do without me, but me who can’t do without her” that is the most beautiful statement. I love the way this father is taking care of his girl! These moments will last her a lifetime.
omg, sooo great and heart warming…I love when daddies are involved like that, just so sweet 🙂 Yay for good daddies! <3 Mine never did my hair, but he had my back (lol, he PAID for it to get done, does that count?)
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Too cute for words. My dad used to do my sisters hair but I would always quietly fix it up a bit afterwards. A+ for effort. Happy early Father’s Day Dad. Love you and miss you.
This is great! I enjoyed this post. Although I must say that while it’s important to let Ashley know that she shouldn’t aspire to be what she’s not (white, asian), it’s also not a good idea to tell her that being black is MORE beautiful than the other races. That could potentially create another problem in her development. The point is that black is beautiful TOO. God made everybody.
This was wonderful. I loved how he said he didnt want his daughter looking homeless..
Awww! I remember my daddy doing my hair…he may have broken or popped all of my barrettes in the process (LOL) but he worked it out more times than not, lol.
awww he reminds me of my father! sometimes Dads don’t realize just how amazing they are when they are involved in their childrens’ lives; I’m proud to see this father uplifting his little girl just as mine did and continues to do. This story definitely put a smile on my face. 😀
this is way to cute. I remember my dad putting plaits in my hair even though it didn’t look as half as good like John did to Ashley’s hair…lol. But this is really a wonderful post and I applaud fathers like John and so many others stepping up and giving their kids some self esteem and love
My brother use to so my hair as well as my nieces. He always did a good job putting ponytails and clips in our hair. I think he could even braid.
Peace, Love and Chocolate
Tiffany
This is one of my favorite posts of the year, hands down. I’m about to share it on Facebook.
This is awesome!
P.S. ROLL TIDE!
So cute. Good job John!
lord I can remember my daddy putting my lil plaits in my head sometimes. this brought a lil tear to my eye. tooooooo cute.
This is great!! Love the pictures. She’s such a cutie.
i know another father who does his two daughters’ hair with his wife. this was so beautiful to see and i teared up… love this.
keep up the awesome work Leila & BGLH! 🙂
Great article. I’m 43 and my dad was ahead of his time. He would do my hair as well. My parents are definitely a team. Happy early Father’s Day daddy.
shut up!!!!!! this is toooo cute!!!!! sigh…… I love to see black fathers form a bond with their daughters. I think its just as important as a black man raising his son. this is beautiful!!!!! thank u for posting this 🙂
I see that this word has been used quite a few times before, but the only word to describe this post is ADORABLE!! I hope you have more of these throughout the month.
Kudos, John, for being such a great dad to your daughter.
The benefits that your daughter is going to reap from your unconditional love will abound. Her hair will flourish. She will flourish. You have flourished for love of her. This was such a wonderful thing to see & read this morning.
Thanks so much for this fresh cup of positivity!
seconding Brit
awww this is incredibly sweet. i might have teared up at the last bit…
This is adorable. My daddy used to put water in my hair and headbands. He was raged when my moma gave me a relaxer.
Keep my child from looking homeless that’s hilarious!
What an adorable post. I commend John and his wife for doing such a great job with helping their daughter to look beautiful and have great self-esteem.
Too much positivity on this blog. You would never see something like this on the media which is sad because these people are part of “America” and their stories should be widespread. Thank god for leila and this blog. Just looking at the portrayal of black people sometimes makes me almost give up hope. Sites like this are reassurin. Thanks again.
Aww, this was too cute!