by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Most naturals have dealt with unwanted advances on their hair. The curious faces followed by the probing hands. Some don’t mind it, but for many it’s annoying and slightly offensive. But would you rock earrings that served as a warning? Fatemah’s Jewelry created these “Don’t Touch My Hair” Wood earrings pictured above. (You can find them here.)
Ladies, would you rock these? Share your thoughts below.
81 Responses
It’s just earrings!!
I would love these. And a pair that says “look…don’t touch” folks not only touch…but grab, pull, and twist and it hurts. One person did that, got their ring tangled in my hair…making their sneak attack known and instead of allowing me to gently work their ring out of my hair…proceeded to snatch and yank. I’m angry cuz at this point…my scalp was sore, and then they had the nerve to complin that strands of my hair is stuck in the ring and there is hair product on it….then I’m wrong for going off on them.
WOULDN’T ROCK THEM.. ITS NOT THAT SERIOUS
In order for someone to read that, they would have to be way up in my space, which is too damn close! So no, I would not wear them.
Hellll no!
#TACKY
AS for the earrings….
unh…unh
no
That’s “ahite”
:o)
I’ve had people who have wanted to reach out and touch my hair many times. It has never bothered me for some reason.
These earrings cheap and tacky……. My dream is that every black woman in the world will strive to be nicer and classier. There are bigger fish to fry nowadays. If someone touching your hair is this big of a problem that you feel like you have to buy such earrings… think about it and maybe find a charity that you can donate to instead of wasting your money.
*My Thoughts*
I’d wear them… in fact, I have a pair.
I, unlike many of you, do not like when people try to stick their dirty fingers in my mane.
Besides… with my personality, people know I would say that but that it’s light-hearted, yet serious.
I’m with you. These earrings are a little plain for me, but I do not like random hands in my hair. Not to be crude, and if you don’t mind hands in your hair that’s fine, but not wanting a strangers hands that have been up their butt, in their nose, and touching a million dirty surfaces doesn’t make me mean, anti-social, or anything else. It just means I don’t want strange hands in my hair.
I do not have to prove that I am not an ‘angry black woman’ nor do I have to prove that I am ‘nice enough’ to allow strangers to touch my body.
I do not have to teach strangers that black hair is ‘soft’ or ‘not bad’ just because they may be ignorant enough to believe otherwise.
Who I allow to to touch my body is up to ME and me alone.
Do they come in multiple languages? I think they are in poor taste for home ( USA), but I live in Germany. When I wear my fro people think they are in a petting zoo. My baby girl could use a pair too.
Regarding the earrings, I would not wear them because l don’t do slogans on my clothing or accessories.
Regarding what I will call this “pet-me-please”attitude that xan’t ‘understand why someone with natural hair would deny touch on request,let us please understand something that no one seems to haverealized.
THE DESIRE TO NOT BE TOUCHED IS !!!NOT!!! ABOUT NATURAL HAIR ALL THE TIME! How you feel about boundaries, yours or theirs, is irrelevant. If she doesn’t want to be touched, then you may burn your mind out speculating why until your head spontaneously combusts, but if you can’t then keep your fingers to yourself, then you’re begging her to break them, at least according to few of the opinions previously expressed. How do you know whether her issues may not have to do with past touch that hurt her in some way? Her hair may once have been grabbed in a fight, stroked by an attacker/abuser in a mockery of affection, be invisibly bound by memories of loving attention by a family member who left this world in any of a thousand ways or times . . . . She may be an autistic who is highly functional enough that you wouldn’t know unlesssomeone told you (and even then, because of your own hubris,you wouldn’t believe it, because, after all, you’ve seen all four of the ones on your side of town, and only one of them couldsit without rocking, or whatever it is you’ve seen them do), which is possible because people with autism sometimes have touch issues. Or she may startle easily or be timid. Or she may just not want your hands on her, pure and simple!
For some people, touch is a matter of relational/emotional intimacy in which your hands are a gross violation, and are some of you seriously gonna cop an attitude because your raging curiosity isn’t allowed the expression of itself the way you selfishly think it ought to be? Even if you only counted your age in months rather than years, someone would still likely disentangle your grubby little digits from around their curls/coils/kinks. Fine, continue that infantile behavior as a supposed adult. Perhaps the day will not come when you or a passerby has to dig her nails out of your face or something. I mean, since you think it’s “not that serious” and e’rythang . . . :-/!
Forgive the typos, I sent this from an android phone, my computer being out for upgrades.
cygnet, this comment is awesome. It’s not about the hair. It’s about the right of each of us as a human being to set her OWN boundaries regarding her OWN body for her OWN personal reasons. Period.
THANK YOU!!!! People think I have a problem because I don’t want others touching my hair. Don’t touch my hair the end!
No I wouldn’t wear them. I love talking to people about my hair & explaining to them about my natural hair. Some people genuinely don’t know about natural hair, so of course they want to touch it. The earrings are ”uppidity” to me ”boogy” & yea tacky
I am a natural who loves it when people touch my hair, so…
Most of the time it’s a sneak attack… before I know it, their hands are in my hair — hey, whatevs! I wouldn’t wear them — because to me it’s more about curiosity… and many people are curious as to exactly who black people are… we are strage, unique, beautiful, mysterious…all of the above. Total strangers — um no… but people I know — whatever — touch, I don’t really care.
I think these earrings would be hilarious in the right context. A funky outfit for a night out for drinks with my girls. I’m a sarcastic person by nature, so people can’t always tell when I’m joking. To me, it sounds tongue in cheek, almost like a dare. I’m not someone who takes herself too seriously, so I’d have fun with these.
That being said, I can also understand the perspective that these are tacky, hostile and inappropriate.
For a different point of view. What if these earrings were marketed on a website for ladies purchasing weaves, relaxers, or just a hair website for any hair type 4c-1a. Would it be okay? Would women who think it’s okay for people to be curious about natural hair support a woman w/weave or naturally straight hair who didn’t want someone who was curious about their hair touching their hair? What if it was marketed as a sexual accessory, as in, we can ____ but “don’t touch my hair” ? Would your opinions be the same for or against? Does it seem as “abrasive” or “hostile” when viewed in a different scenario, worn in a different setting and different people?
I bought Fatema’s feather earrings and when I saw these, while I did find them amusing and they certainly make a statement, I couldn’t bring myself to add them to my cart. I do think they would draw unwelcomed comments and kind of defeat the purpose of wearing them in the first place. It’s also a little conceited. Yes, you may not want someone to touch your hair but to wear earrings that say so is assuming someone wants to in the first place!
It should be obvious that these earrings are made in jest, just like other jewelry and items of clothing that has words and pictures on them that come from a sub culture, fad, etc. People in this comment section are taking it way too seriously. Not everything pertaining to our hair has some deep meaning ladies.
@Fro
Thank you! IMO it’s obvious the sentiment on the earrings isn’t ‘angry’, confrontational or political. They’re a novelty piece taking a sardonic stab at humor in response to a scenario that curlies have commented on. Some may find them funny or cute, some may not – oh well.
BTW: Saw a man in a suit on the metro north the other day digging for gold in his nose up to the knuckle for like, the entirety of a 30 minute train ride *gag, dry heave*. His may be the next hand reaching out for your curls, so for some of you, don’t knock the earrings just yet, Lol!
Ding! Ding! Ding!
Sardonic. Thank you for that word, Annie L. Another poster above used “facetious”.
I agree. Obviously, this was meant to be a tongue-in-cheek statement.
And god, I’m not trying to rehash THIS issue, but the petting of black women’s hair is just part and parcel of the centuries long project to “other” black women.
Can we not just make it stop?
I would rock the earrings. They are simple and straight to the point. If I am willing to wear a shirt, I am willing to wear some earrings. It is a statement without me having to say it. I don’t know if I am going too far in how I feel, but I equate asking to touch my hair with when whites used to ask black people to touch their skin to see if the color came off.
I don’t want to be pet and what makes the curious think it is ok to ask? I go to SF State and that’s considered a “liberal” school in a “liberal” city. I had a convo with a student that is a women’s gender major that asked to touch my hair. In that same hour she asked why only black people can say nigger and made her point as to why she think she should be able to say niggah.
Now… I call that a cultural insensitivity. To me, asking to touch my hair is a cultural insensitivity and just touching my hair shows how much I am not respected. Just think about it. What does it say when a (I think she was latina) woman that asked to touch my hair also essentially asked if she can call me a niggah?
The earrings wakes people’s game up by STATING “don’t touch my hair”. I feel it is a statement of ownership, a statement signifying rights, and a statement that says “and you should not be asking me that anyway.”
Maybe I should start asking to touch straight hair on other ethnicities since it is not on my head and I don’t have it.
Hmmm not sure about earrings, maybe a t-shirt instead? 😉
On a serious note, I’ve never understood the fascination with people touching my natural hair. Anybody would think it’s the seventh wonder of the world….
If I ever get into Guinness World Record range with my ‘fro, then yeah, I’ll wear those in a heartbeat.
Until then…it’s not that serious (to me).
I personally dont mind all that much.. but if there is some unwanted hair touching going on i just lightly start caressing thier face and when they give me the “wtf” face i just say “what? I thought we were being creepy with eachother.” Then they laugh and learn to ask permission next time. It also works if they do ask permission and you just dont feel like having hands in your hair you can say “yes, u can touch my hair, but only if you let me touch your eyelashes” i have yet to have someone agree to those terms.. lol
hahaha! “I thought we were being creepy with each other”! Thank you, cemarie, that was absolutely hilarious!!
but yah, I wouldn’t ever wear these either! There this assumption that every person you see is about to stick their hands in your hair so you need to tell them off ahead of time. I like giving off a friendly vibe as much as possible (you never know when a stranger might need a smile), and there’s something kind of abrasive about these. So far only my bffs and one old lady have really felt up my hair without asking my express permission. People I love have free reign in my hair, and other people will get the dodge and glare if things are getting out of hand.
I feel like having un-touchable hairdos is like having fancy clothes. There’s a time for it, but you have to balance living you life with looking good!
so, is it supposed to be serious? I’d like to hear from the designer because I thought it was supposed to be a bit humorous and cheeky. I think if the person wore it thought they were sort of funny, it wouldn’t be weird but if the person wearing it was totally serious, yeah it would be a bit odd. To me, it’s not that serious. It’s not just black naturals that have to deal with people touching their hair, I think it’s anyone with big and/or curly hair.
I can’t argue with people on the way they react to people touching their hair though, some people just like their personal space and some people don’t care. If you want to touch someone’s hair, don’t just expect everyone to happily oblige!
I don”t like the whole natural hostility, “holier than thou” attitude some naturals give off. If people want to touch my hair… I don’t really mind, especially if it’s out of love… I see it as a sign of affection… but no I don’t want to feel like i’m in a petting zoo… and no I don’t let random people of other ethnicities touch me like an interesting science project
Once I pulled a stick out of this sister’s hair that obviously fell in while we were at an outdoor poetry/concert thing. She quickly popped an attitude with me, “don’t touch my hair… blah blah blah”. But I did have a statement for her as well… I was just trying to, (for a lack of better words) “help a sister out” lol for me it was a natural reaction.—I see sh*t in an afro, I’m going to pick it out and I hope others would do the same for me, because obviously her friends were letting her walk around looking crazy. As if i wanted to touch her hair out of pleasure when at the time I had my own glorious crown of jet black twist out?
I’m just not into the angry don’t touch me naturals and the protesters of “creamy crack” i find it sort of childish and as Viv said… LAME
Thank you. Most of the time it is a sign of affection! And why can’t we just use the gesture as an opportunity to educate others about the plethora of options with natural hair? Because most of the time, people are just curious.
I would have said, “sista, good lookin out!” Sometimes it’s a little rough out here!
I wouldn’t wear them for the same reason I would wear “Don’t touch my butt” sweatpants.
You touch me without asking, and I’ll break you fingers.
+1
Yup! Exactly.
Ladies, y’all have got me rollin’ this eve! =D
These earrings are LAME. Conversation piece, sure, but lame all the same.
nah, i’m not feeling these. i’d probly think they were cute on someone else….depending. but mostly i’d just be turned off.
Yes, I’d wear them. What people fail to realize is that hair isn’t just hair. It’s an extension of your nervous system. Your hair is like a bio antennae that receives and stores energy. Don’t take my word for it though. Check out this article:
http://www.rense.com/general95/hair.htm
I don’t want just any ole body touch me period, especially on my hair because I don’t want them leaving any of their negative energy on me. I’m really sensitive to things that most other people do not perceive so only people who I know can touch me.
I would wear them! I think some people are taking it a little too seriously. I think they’re funny and a little sarcastic. I don’t mind people touching my hair if they ask, and the earrings are sort of a conversation starter. Just relax, they’re cute. lol
I agree with you, I think they’re cute because I wouldn’t mean it that seriously they would just be fun to wear some places-like some sort of artsy event.
I don’t see myself wearing them. On average I do not have people touching my hair at all. Even my very close friends don’t touch my hair….and even if people tried to, I think voicing the fact that I do not like my hair to be touched after being approached is enough. I do not have to walk around with a sign saying ‘don’t touch it’. It also gives off the impression as if I assume that everyone wants to touch my hair. Most people on the streets don’t even care. I think it’s a bit too pre-emptive and may give off an impression of someone with too much attitude (a total contradiction to my personality). I’m waaay too chill for that….
The statement is kind of extreme and just screams ‘I’m in defense mode so don’t eff with me’.
I have yet to experience random strangers touching my hair just for the hell of it, and even if they did I would just touch their hair in return lol 😉
I wouldn’t wear them or any t-shirts with statments like that coz it’s just not that serious to me.
I wouldn’t wear those earrings. People are naturally curious about natural hair and are in awe when they see a great twistout/braidout. Afterall, we’ve had generations of negative messages about natural hair. I don’t really like to let people touch my hair, but it’s really harmless.
Nope!! I’m from a Caribbean country and if I were to wear those, I could just hear a conversation similar to this one going on behind me:
Girl 1: Chall (child), you ain’ see her earrings eh??
Girl 2: *kisses teeth* Like anybody wan’ touch her ole picky hair!!
I’ll save myself the shame lol
I think it would give off a vibe that the person wearing them is a bit conceited and like others have said, I think these would work like a kind of reverse psychology thing, so i’ll pass.
I never even thought about it like that. Hahahahahaha!!! I wouldnt wear them because I like it when my friends touch my hair and I’ve never had a stranger try it. Plus I have no problem calmly and firmly setting boundaries.
The earrings are ridiculous. But hey, I find the natural hair statement tshirts to all be a little too much in the first place. And while no one has the right to touch your hair without permission, has anyone ever considered the fact that not everyone who reaches out to do so has bad intentions? Jeez, some people are just taken by curiosity and don’t think twice. There are more disrespectful actions.
I found them pretty funny!! I wouldn’t wear them myself as I’ve never had anyone touch my hair without asking. Those who ask are friends and I always say yes as I take it as a compliment. However, I know some have had others touch their hair without asking and I’m sure that’s why Fatemeh created them. They won’t be everyone’s cup of tea, but some might enjoy them. I think they would also be funny to wear at a natural hair meet-up as they might be a point of conversation to discuss different experiences with hair touching.
Regardless, came to comment because Fatemeh has a lot of other non-phrase items in her Etsy shop, like crocheted hats, headbands and hair flowers, peocock feather and beaded earrings. She gave my readers a 20% discount code for her shop that will be valid until 11:59 p.m. next Wednesday, April 18th. You can get the code and details here:
http://hairscapades.com/2012/04/11/fatemehs-jewelry-accessories-discount/
Thanks and Happy Friday!!
No. I dont like wearing things that have longer phrases emblazoned on them, plus those earrings are rather plain.
I would wear them. I don’t like my hair being touched and the earrings will save me from giving you that look if you touch my hair.
I don’t know if I would wear them, but I respect anyone who would choose to wear them, or the matching t-shirt. I don’t like to be petted, roughed up, violated, molested, or otherwise disrespected. Touching someone without permission is such a no-no. I don’t even care if someone is down for a “lesson” on natural hair. I don’t care to “debunk” stereotypes about hair. Because letting strangers, who may or may not have washed their hands last time they wiped their behinds, fondle me IMHO does not bring that much enlightenment to the world. True enlightenment comes when we respect the body of others, their space, their person. Black women’s bodies, and women’s bodies in general, have been violated too long in too many ways to condone this foolishness. I check my own sister. And I know her. And guess what. Not that many people ask to touch my hair, but a good number just go ahead and do it without permission.
=) +1
So much win in this post.
I am a earring fanatic but these are just not my type, don’t like the whole message.
It comes off abrasive but I can understand the message. If I walked up to a complete stranger and grabbed their hair; they would feel violated. However, I don’t mind when friends and family touch my hair and those earrings could offend them, so no I would not wear them.
No, I do like to be petted. It’s relaxing. I think it kind of feeds the ‘angry black woman’ stereotype too :/
How do this message (a simple request that people still ignore) of not wanting someone to touch you feed into the “angry black woman’s stereotype”? We have the right in our own person not to be touched particularly by strangers with no manners. I don’t care if you are curious, fascinated, or that this issue seems little in the grand scale of problems haunting black women but nobody bodies should be open season for unsolicited touches or petting. And no I wouldn’t wear the earrings not a fan of the style but if it was a t-shirt sure.
it really isn’t a simple request. it’s a bit rude and off-putting.
for me, it just seems like the wearer has some sort of chip on her shoulder.
i just don’t see the point in going on the offensive or broadcasting my displeasure over people wanting to touch my hair.
do that many people really ask to touch your hair that you need some earrings or a tshirt to warn them away from you?
i prefer to just tell them no and leave it at that. it just isn’t serious enough for me to spend money on something like this.
Well that is the thing a lot of people don’t ask but simply touch/pet your hair or will ask but don’t wait for your reply of “no”. And if you say no they will look at you like you are the one with the problem. Is wearing earrings or a t-shirt going to deter people to keep their hands to themselves?…probably or probably not, but I do thing this simply message hands to yourself ( one should have learned in pre-school) needs to be put out there. There wouldn’t be a need to go on the defensive if people remember common knowledge and courtesy. Furthermore I don’t think this would warn people in general away from you, you can still be social and have people gravitate towards you while wearing “message” pieces
Again, this (wearing the earrings) is a matter of personal choice. However, I feel we are already judged unfairly because of negative perceptions people have of black women being aggressive,angry, mean, loud, raw (add your own…), that wearing anything advising people to keep people away from you (do people really want to touch strangers that much?), I feel just reinforces that. But then again, should we really care what they think of us and dispelling stereotypes. Anyhoo, I said all of this to say, that PERSONALLY, I don’t mind my hair being touched because I find it relaxing.
But if someone already held that negative notion of black women previously than not wearing items like these weren’t going to change their minds to begin with. I understood what you were hinting at in your original comment but you cleared up what i wanted to say of at the end of the comment of should we really care…
I totally agree with you @binks
+1
Someone who believes in stereotypes is looking for any flimsy reason to justify them. Dispelling them and trying to avoid them is not our job and would be impossible anyway. If someone wants to believe you’re something, you’re pretty much damned either way.
I don’t think the earrings are classless, I think they’re meant to be facetious, so why be offended by them? If I was to wear them, it would be a joke. I wouldn’t though, I’d just have people staring at my ears lol; however, touching people’s hair without asking is just damn rude. I can understand that people don’t see natural hair everyday, so it may be new to them, but why reach into someone’s head without asking? I think if you tried to do the same to someone with straight hair, it wouldn’t be the same. There’s nothing novel about it so you’d be seen as a creep and rightfully so. Nothing wrong with asking first and asking questions :).
Oh please! You may think being simpering, over-compensating and not giving out your true opinion may stop the ABW stereotype, but trust me, people will still think of you that way even if you lay back and allow your belly to be rubbed.
YES I WOULD ROCK THOSE IN A HEART BEAT.. I WAS ATTACKED AT THE GROCERY STORE THE OTHER MORNING.. THE CLERK COULDN’T WAIT TO TOUCH MY HAIR.. I FELT A WE BIT VIOLATED.. BUT NON THE LESS PROUD OF ALL THE HARD WORK AND ENDURANCE.. AND SURVIVING THE INSULTS..
SO YES.. AND I WOULD LIKE THOSE EARRINGS IN LARGER SIZE.. THANK YOU..
+1
As soon as I saw them I WANTED them, lol and I’m definitely going to buy them!
Awww 12tnob… wow, so sorry but you’ve got my cheeks hurtin’ from laughin so hard…very funny!
I wouldn’t wear them because it’s just not that serious. I recognize people are curious and I would rather someone learn the truth; my hair is soft, smells nice and I can rock a curly style or ‘fro whenever I decide.
The earrings aren’t my style but I did giggle at “unwanted advances” on hair, like we should be taking a natural RAD course or something, Lol!
No, I wouldn’t wear these. I’m one of the few who doesn’t mind when ppl touch my hair.
+1
Someone did it yesterday, and I found it kind of funny. Another reason why I wouldn’t wear these earrings is that I don’t like to wear things with messages.
i’m the exact same way. if it has words on it, i don’t wanna wear it.
+1
I don’t really mind either, but then again, no one tries it with me. People can normally tell by my demeanor that I wouldn’t appreciate being touched without warning, and the people who are too unobservant to realise what I want or too rude to care won’t be put off by the earrings.
I would wear those earrings, but then again that may even draw more people to do touching because it’s like you’re now daring them in a sense. But I would wear those in a heartbeat :).
LOL- I agree. It would make someone come closer to look at them (and possibly touch them) and bring even more attention to your hair.
I don’t wear earrings and I find them far from ‘tacky’ but I can see them having their own place on the right person.
they are as tacky and classless as people who want to touch your hair.
sorry.
I have to agree. Although the idea of wearing something that warns people not to touch my hair is amusing, the earrings are tacky and I wouldn’t buy them nor would I wear them.
3rd. Couldn’t have said it better myself.
Completely agree!
Agree!!!! I dont know why people feel as if it is ok to just go out and touch a strangers hair without permission. It is not endearing,or complimentary in the least. I don’t know where your hands have been, it may be hair, but it is my hair.