by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Last year Elizabeth Acevedo’s spoken word piece, Hair, went viral. In it the Dominican poet artfully breaks down the oppressiveness of a beauty standard that prizes fair skin and straight hair.
In a recent interview with Latina magazine, Acevedo expounded on what she was told about textured hair growing up.
So my mom is fairer-skinned, and her hair is a little straighter than mine. I grew up seeing that image. I grew up with the blonde Barbie, like so many of us do. That impacts you. I remember washing my hair and pulling it down when it was wet, hoping it would stay straight. I was trying to replicate what I was told was beautiful: a fair-skinned, straight-haired woman. I never saw women like me depicted as beautiful, particularly in the Dominican community, where, at age five or six, you’re straightening your hair and being told it’s a sign of elegance, sophistication and being well-kept. Curly hair, I was told, is the hair of prostitutes. It was considered less than in every shape, way and form. I grew up thinking my hair was never good enough for the spaces I wanted to occupy, but then I realized I don’t want to be in those spaces. If I can’t go to the boardroom, ballroom or wedding the way my hair is, then I don’t want to be there at all. It’s been a hard lesson to learn.
Acevedo went on to say that even though she understands the problem with finding straight hair superior, she has an internal struggle with believing that her curly hair is beautiful;
I remember performing “Hair,” which is about embracing my own coils, but I was still straightening it, though of course never on the days I was performing that piece. I was in that stage where I was like, “I don’t straighten my hair as much as I used to, and I don’t think I’m prettier with my hair straightened.” But yet, I was straightening it when I’d go to events or places I’d be photographed. And I thought: There’s a reason why. I did think I was prettier with my hair straight. So I had to own up to my whole words. Writing has forced me to be a person of integrity, because once I put that out into the world, I have to live by that.
Wow. Ladies, what are your thoughts?
41 Responses
It is very sad how we always have to classify and hierarchize things. In other countries, she would be defined as the “aesthetic norm” with her loose curl pattern and her mulatto features. In DR, she suffers the very same treatment, dark skinned/coily haired women suffer in other countries. And I believer her testimony, it must not have been an easy life. What is even more saddening, is the negative feedback she receives here on BGLH. I always thought this website was about to be on the same boat: curly hair, coily hair, light and dark skin. We share the same experiences no matter where we come from: West/East/South Africa, Europe, US, Caribbean, Brazil etc. Why don’t we support each other ? Why don’t we respect others’ experiences ? I don’t quite get why is it so hard for us to unite and create a sense of belonging and community. Why we always bring the differences between us forth instead of the similarities ? Black people always emphasize their sense of solidarity either in the hood, the village or whatever….I’m sorry we may have it in the past, but it’s long gone and lost…The reactions have really broken my heart…
obviously you don’t get what I’m saying because I shared negative experiences not positive ones. It sounds to me like you want to say skin and hair are the only sources of discrimination. just because people may have what may be seen as advantages in one aspect. they may have other apparent or non apparent issues that society looks down on. My example was weight. I have never been overweight however I have talked to people who are or were and they tell me how harshly they are judged, made to feel inferior and treated differently because of it. My cousin is light and has loose hair AND she is very overweight.She had terrible self esteem issues. Men were not falling over themselves to go out with her unless just for sex. . So what makes you assume she has had a easier go of it in life than you just because of her complexion? You don’t think overweight people never get passed over for jobs, or have any of the other issues you describe. I didn’t say colorism is a non issue but I won’t act like colorism is the ONLY issue You seem like life struggles are exclusive to dark skin people. I hate the judging on here Like light skin guarantees a life of butterflies and rainbows. People talk about movie roles. Other than latifa most black women playing lead roles (not the mom or side friend) are super skinny. I don’t get how any of the example you gave relate to what I said.
At first, I thought you had trouble staying on topic. Now I realize you’re deliberately deflecting, with the usual tactics, such as projection (claiming I implied lighter skin guarantees “a life of sunshine and butterflies” or some such silly strawman argument, presuming to know how I look), and personal anecdotes. I stand by the facts and statistics I posted, which demonstrate that there is bias in favor of lighter skin and looser hair textures, both within and outside of black communities.
Yes I guess a much better strategy is apply the age old “statistics say” phrase and use it to present information as trusted facts without ever bothering to cite an actual source. Great technique. Speaking of your statistics of just alone by being light gets black people facing charges off easier.. I have sat through to observe felony criminal cases for the last 15 years in state and federal courts. DUIs to capital murder death penalty. I have a very good sense of what are the major factors are for who gets stiffer penalties when it comes to black people. Any study that values wavy hair as more likely to get you less jail time than not being poor and able to afford a good lawyer then all I can say is wow! LOL!
What did I say about Dominicans and their craziness.
What about us? Like the African American culture, we are still evolving. I’m seriously hating this trend of Black women vs Dominican women. It completely defeats the purpose of embracing natural hair and understanding our roots. Hate runs deep…..don’t get caught up.
#africandiaspora
Wow this girl has some serious identity issues. Poor soul.
I grow up in the DR and never had issues with my hair or skin. I only learned about those differences when I came to the USA where somehow is so important. My father was black, my mother is white Sephardi, I married a childhood friend who is Chinese, who cares. I guess the home education this so called poet received was so poor that she had not been able to surpass, and had not accepted her as she is, the same way as the blond girl that spend 10 years telling everybody that she was black. (Or just her parents were really cooco)
1) You’re not a woman. 2) Your mother isn’t a black/brown/tan Dominican.
Most appearance insecurities are passed down from mothers to daughters and sons. Ask any anorexic why she thinks she’s fat, and she will likely say something about her mother or another female figure who played an important role in her life when she was growing up.
Boys tend to be judged more by athleticism and girls more for the way they look. I’m not talking about any particular nationality just in general. I have never been put down, ridiculed or pressured to excell in sports the way many fathers tend with their sons. So I won’t relate to a man who wrote about his self esteem issues because he was the uncoordinated kid who sucked on the field as much as likely another man would. That is not to say every woman is going to have the same experience as this same issues this woman but keep in mind a man is not as likely to be expected to look a certain way. Ever notice how men and women actors and newscasters are treated differently as they age. Older Men are seen as “distinguished” where older women are treated like “old hags” and usually replaced for younger women. Truth.
You REALLY have some serious INFERIORITY COMPLEX ISSUES. Go seek HELP!
CHEAP [ ANTI-DOMINICAN ] PROPAGANDA, COMING FROM THE #AfroCentrics,
“”Afro-Latina?”” WHAT A JOKE, THAT TERM DOESN’T EXIST IN A MULTICULTURAL COUNTRY. KEEP YOUR RACIST DIVISORY PROPAGANDA STATE SIDE. “”ONE-DROP-RULE”” CROWD, ANTI-EVERYTHING THAT ISN’T AFRO, STAY HOME!!
#MultiCulturalDR #MultiRacialDR #ProDiversityDR #MulattoDR
The fact that you used the #MulattoDR hashtag says a lot about how much people like you hate that “one drop” and work like hell to make sure that your children aren’t born looking like they have two drops.
LOL A man comes on a site intended to uplift women and proceeds to bashing and belittling a woman for daring to speak her mind, talk about her self esteem issues created from her OWN personal experiences. That’s really classy. You haven’t walked in her shoes. You don’t know what’s been said to her yet you uglily dismiss her opinions as “propaganda”.
#machismo #peniscentrists #malesuperioritycomplex
My opinion is it should not matter how one WANTS to style their hair. I do not think that straightening your hair equates with self hatred of some sort. Some people just like straight smooth hair and its OK. It’s just an option just like coloring your hair something that is not a natural hair color for your race doesn’t necessary mean anything just you felt like going blonde or wearing extensions or a weave- I think natural hair is pretty too, I am currently natural but sometimes I will flat iron just to switch it up. But I certainly do not want to shame anyone if they want straight hair.
I didn’t necessarily want straight hair when I was young, just long hair. Little did I know that relaxing it kept it from growing much past my shoulders for most of my life. Once I stopped killing it with chemicals and let it “roam free”, it FINALLY grew – and keeps growing – to where it is now – mid back after 4 years (with regular trims I do myself). I really never liked the way my hair looked straight but was guilty of being brainwashed like so many others. I’m very thankful that women of color have now embraced how beautiful curly hair is and has always been. No more drinking the straight hair Kool-Aid for me! Thanks for sharing her story.
Looking at some of these comments…
Yes there are people with bigger problems and deeper issues..But as my sister would always say to me
“Just because one person’s problems are worse than mine, it doesn’t mean that mine suddenly go away”.
Her story is valid and deserves to be shared. This blog has featured so many women with different experiences and life stories. From dark skinned to light skinned black women, from African to Afro Latinas.. its diverse.
Elizabeth you are a truly powerful and inspiring Hispanic woman. Your words bring to light many issues that sadly occur amongst our own communities, not just by “the White man”. Thankfully, we have courageous people like you who aren’t afraid to be BOLD and different. Thank you for your powerful and inspiring statements! Telling us all it’s okay to be different and that beauty is subjective.
Oh god…don’t we have enough on our plates…do we have to take on the Dominicans and their craziness too?
craziness? Someone expressing the same oppression that Dominicans, puerto-ricans, African Americans all experience is craziness? Grow up and smell the coffee.. it’s reality.
Forget it.
???
how flippant of you, flippant but funny, I laughed. You sound like my grandmother, she classes problems and if she’s got no time for yours, she just got no time for yours.
Basically.
I find identifying with her struggle challenging, because men of other races have have found her particular texture of hair attractive and “socially acceptable in general, whereas women with more coarse textured kinkier hair have been labeled as undesirable by white beauty standards historically.(i.e women with locs, braids, afros, etc.) I’m not dismissing her very valid truths in any way, I’m just saying it gets even realer and truthier than what she describes here. I guess its easier for me to understand, relate to, and appreciate stories that echo those sentiments; written by those who have been truly punished, discriminated against, or even violated for the dark complexion of their skin and wonderful kinky coily texture of their hair. Methinks she hasn’t experienced THAT particular level of oppression and hopes that she never will, since it is unlikely she will, having medium tan skin and hair that can actually be straightened with very little heat and chemicals to mimic the texture of a white persons. Hispanic women are discriminated against in the US for more political reasons, unless they appear to be more “ethnically black/african” looking. Fairer women with 3a/3c curls like this young lady don’t have that experience in America and if they do in their families native countries, that’s a different and separate experience that should be shared and discussed no less. But let’s be frank here: her struggle ain’t like ours.
You’re looking at it from a Black American perspective. Some Dominicans believe that curly hair is shameful because it is further from White. In America, curly textured hair is prized for Black women because it is considered closer to white. Her struggle is no less that ours just because she has hair that YOU think is acceptable. Where she is from, that type of hair is unacceptable and considered unattractive. Don’t discount her challenges because you don’t understand.
Thank you. This is exactly how I felt when I read this.
Both of these responses let me know that neither of you have spent any time in Latin America with your eyes open. The fact that AMERICAN BLACK men festishize her hair or skin isn’t her problem. Culturally Afro-Latinas has JUST as many social implications(stares, being viewed as less sexy, jobs telling them to “fix” their hair) as it does for Americans. You’re both actually just incorrect. Since I’m guessing neither of you speak Spanish, you shouldn’t presume to understand what she has gone theouhh, since even if you heard it, you couldn’t comprehend to compare war stories. African descended people are everywhere, and our hair and coloring is despised everywhere, especially in the Caribbean. This whole oppression Olympics thing isn’t cute.
This isn’t about oppression Olympics, and thank you for assuming that Black Americans don’t know Spanish. I do, BTW. We’re saying that in the hierarchy of colorism instituted by White Supremacy, she is nowhere near the bottom–there are Afro-Latinas with kinkier hair and darker skin, and by not acknowledging their struggles, she’s contributing to the erasure of plight of darker skinned women. Sure, she faces difficulties. But I side eye anyone who tries to act like the differences between the struggles of different groups shouldn’t be acknowledged. Would you argue that White women with curly hair have it just as bad as Black women? After all, they’re told to fix their hair, and some of them miss out on jobs too.
How is she not acknowledging her struggles? When she says “fix my hair,” is she not referring to many women who feel they have to straighten their hair to feel beautiful? Eurocentric standards are placed upon us, and though some are “closer” than others”, does not mean they still meet those absurd standards. I agree with Tymika: this “my oppression is greater than yours” business is ridiculous.
Elizabeth identifies as Afro-Latina, don’t use shades of blackness to discount someone’s experience. Isn’t that what we accuse white people of doing? Dominicans are known for their hair straightening practices, and to defy that is a big deal. Yes, those with tighter coils and curls may see her curls as more acceptable to the mainstream US, but it’s still not desired hairstyle in her home culture. So yes, her struggle is like ours. From 3b to 4b, we shouldn’t be on this “divide to be conquered” bull.
Why is it always considered “divisive” when a black woman shares her experience and states that her experience is unique to her?
Black men call black women “divisive” for saying our womanness influences our experience as black people in black communities and the world. White women call black women “divisive” for saying our blackness and womanness intertwine to create the experiences we have as women. Women of mixed heritage who are lighter skinned or have looser curl textures claim black women are being “divisive” when we state that we are treated differently by black people and the world at large for being purely/mainly black, whereas women of mixed heritage are seen as a step above blackness.
It’s healthy that the woman who made the “Hair” poetry video acknowledged her African ancestry. However, the reality is that she has other (non-African) ancestries, too. This is clear by the color of her skin and texture of her hair. If she doesn’t acknowledge those other ancestries and the fact that also having those gives her privileges over women who are fully/predominately black, then she’s being dishonest, and being complicit in the erasure of black womanhood. Just because she calls herself “Afro-Latina,” that declaration doesn’t magically change her genetics to make her completely or mainly African-descended, erase her visible admixture, or eliminate the relatively better treatment she’ll receive from black people and society as a result. It’s called reality.
Her experiences should definitely be shared, both for her sake, and the sake of people who relate (actually, as a mother of a biracial baby girl with my husband, I’m interested). Whether or not a blog created with the aim of celebrating the beauty of and supporting the unique struggles of black women is the proper place for a mixed-heritage woman with a more privileged hair type that black woman don’t share or relate to is the proper place for it, is a valid question. I don’t see why you take issue. There are forums and blogs for mixed women’s hair. Do you go to them and tell them they’re being “divisive” for having a space discussing experiences they have with others who understand?? Stop attacking and silencing black women for simply being human like everyone else. Stop trying to make us silent and invisible in our own spaces. If you disagree, then say why without calling us “divisive.”
I say that is divisive because the OP minimized Elizabeth’s perspective. “You’re lighter-skinned, your curls are looser, so why are you complaining?” Yet again, we’re playing this us vs. them game in our own community. In addition, many commentators are looking at her words through the wrong lens. Though similar to ours, Dominican culture has its own nuances to this issue that cannot be negated.
Interesting point
I grew up an average weight child while my cousin has always been overweight. She has a much looser curl hair while I have a tighter curl. I was a high achieving student while she stuggled academically. So in the end did anyone have an “advantage”? Both of us had our own valid inner struggles of being made to feel like we didn’t measure up. I had to constantly hear how she has the long good hair rather than kinky like mine. Her hair she wore curly and no chemicals or pressing like was done to mine. She had to hear how she wasn’t smart like me and be described as “the fat one”.. We really didn’t realize how much recentment and divisiveness it caused between us until we were adults. Just because she was light skin with loose curl hair doesn’t mean the stars all aligned for her and everything else is just gravy. Just like being me being skinny and smart didn’t keep me from alsoi having body image issue as I was teased unmercifully being flatchested. This discusssion only her looks but The author also talks about how she was made to feel less than for being a woman. I am not someone who grew up with that so how can I say she had it easier for being biracial woman. My mom didn’t play like that at all because she grew up like that and rebeled. As you can see I was encouraged to speak my mind. lol
I don’t know what you’re talking about. Your comment is like if I were to say that there must not be racism anymore because I grew up in a two-parent, middle class home, went to a good university, and am employed in a great career, while I see homeless white people of all ages. Or, like my declaring that there must be no sexism because I work in a male-dominated industry and am respected at my workplace, where I’m the only woman. All of that is true about me, so is there no racism or sexism? Just because you had some good experiences, it doesn’t mean there’s no discrimination based on color and hair texture. Studies show that lighter skinned people mixed with black tend to get less jail time for the she crime and get hired faster with the same qualifications than fully black people, and that lighter skinned mixed women get married faster as compared to people who are or look fully black. What some people call “colorism” is a fact.
Appreciate her honesty and transparency.
“If I can’t go to the boardroom, ballroom or wedding the way my hair is, then I don’t want to be there at all”
A statement all of us should routinely challenge ourselves on.
I twisted myself into a pretzel for decades trying to FIT while watching free-spirited White friends and colleagues find success and happiness in being ‘different’ and flouting the status quo – something my hair, face and skin do naturally. I am naturally UNacceptable, UNpresentable, UNfit for mainstream society on every continent (don’t act like your country is different). Yet naturally avant-garde and naturally made to stand out, it took me years to find out how powerful and coveted this is.
Wow
I love this!!!
Write to your hearts content let your words heal you and one day you will truly love your curls and never straighten them again.
She is awesome!! Just saw her perform recently!