so recently, i posted photos of a curly-haired natural and someone left a comment expressing envy of the woman’s texture, while demeaning her own texture.
first let me say that i am in the ‘nappy’ category of naturals. i don’t have curls or waves. i have napps. nothin but napps but somehow, oddly, i’ve never wanted a different texture of hair. i mean i know what society supposedly thinks, about wavy/curly hair being better, i guess i never internalized it to the point that it caused me to want other hair. (although, i have fessed up to hating my hair in the past…)
but still, i don’t want to discredit the struggles of others.
so, i want to hear it. do you ever hate/disdain your own texture and wish that it was wavier or curlier? and more importantly, why? is disdain/hatred too strong a word? or is it more like mild displeasure? oh, and i don’t know if this even exists, but are there wavy/curly women out there who secretly envy nappy women?
be real about it, even if you have to leave an anonymous comment…
37 Responses
I don’t hate my naps, but sometimes we are not always Besties.
I have never had a disdain or displeasure for my Napps. Everytime My Mom washed my hair, I would smile in the mirror or pose. In Kindergarten through 2nd grade, I liked my barats and How it clicked everytime I walked. I liked the curl rollers on my hair and I would play in it in class. I also wored little braids in public once or twice and that was after it was washed and dryed. I was nervous about going out with braids(not extensions) but I didn’t have loath and curly and wavy hair envy didn’t enter my mind at all. I’m 18 and I think all hair types are beautiful and Society is just there, they don’t help you. If anything, they manipulate you. We are apart of society, we are not society.
Ah “nappy” hair and its negative connotations. Everyone can do their own thing, obviously, but I had to stop using “nappy” as an adjective for my hair. Why? It’s always been synonymous with bad. If I was going to grow and keep this hair, I had to associate it with something good. Yes, I am one of those people who does not refer to hair as nappy as a way to consistently maintain my new found way of thinking. Especially since the Black American community down (The South) here still sees natural hair as bad and pressures others to “get rid of the naps” so that they can be “neat” and “pretty”. For me the word is like “nigger”. It can never be a positive unless you erase the history associated with the word.
Who told you your hair is nappy? Quit saying that sh*t! Our hair is not nappy. Please before you go spewing a word never forget it’s origins -.-
During my natural hair journey, I have seen a lot of blackwomen taking offense to the term “nappy” and viewing it as an insult with negative connotations. I am NOT in that category. I have always viewed my hair as nappy. Here lately I have seen people saying curly, coily and on rare occasions kinky when referring to natural hair. Well, my hair is nappy; it is what it is. Whatever, I am proud of it.
When I was younger, maybe 14 or so, I longed for 3a/3b hair. Ironically, all along other people thought that I have good hair because I have a little bit of baby hair around my edges. But now at the ripe age of 19 (lol) and having been natural for 15 months, I don’t want anything but my kinky, coffee stirrer to bendy straw size coils. I think that straight hair or a looser, silky curl would look contrived on me. I can appreciate the sleek look of straight hair and the bouncy look of curls but I feel that everyone else got the short end of the stick because I can do all those looks if I wish.
I don’t hate my texture but I’m not in love with it either. My curls are dense pin coil sized and my hair knots and tangles very easily. I am loc’n my hair now, I feel it is the healthiest thing I can do becuase I Love My Hair!
Zey, I understand. I also have very nappy hair and, frankly, it hurts. No, literally, it hurts. It’s always hurt me and I’ve been natural most of my life. I envied people with looser textures because 1) I was taught it was prettier and 2) they didn’t have to physically suffer like me. I watch people who can comb their hair out in 10 minutes with envy.
If only my hair didn’t take hours and hurt me, it would be easier to love it more. It looks pretty, though. 🙂
I think there’s another related issue. Some people with type 3 hair feel that their hair type is superior to type 4s. I’ve seen this within my own family where there are a range of textures. It doesn’t bother me with my 4a/b hair, but I think its a little sad for them. They have so much of their self esteem wrapped up in the smug knowledge that they ‘good hair’.
Personally I think my only issue s with my hair come from length rather than hair type. I think I’ve always wanted long hair, and yet I can’t say why. This is especially odd since shorter hair particularly suits me.
I would’nt go so far as to say that I hate my hair but I do find myself wishing I had the more defined bigger curls. My hair texture is very dry and coarse and though it is pretty thick, I would like for it to be thicker. I’m not sure if my hair is considered curly or coily or even if there is a difference (I would say that I am right in the middle). Anyway I have found some refuge in the thought that less textured hair doesn’t have the versatility that my hair has. This keeps me happy with my hair texture.
I know this was posted quite a while ago and I ran through the comments pretty quickly but I did not notice any wavy/curlies saying that they envy thicker textures. I will go ahead and let you all know that I am one who does. Like it was said earlier, there are so many more options with a kinkier texture. My hair is fine and curly so it isn’t as big as I’d like it when I wear it out. My twists and braids are skimpy. It doesn’t stand up and fluff up like I would like it too. So many people tell me that they don’t want to go natural because their hair isn’t going to do what mine does and that is so upsetting. We have been so brainwashed! lol..I could go on and on about this but trust, napps are NOT to be hated!
when i was younger (and occasionally when i’m in a rush and can’t get my hair to look right), i wish my curl pattern was looser because the wash and go is a lot easier when your hair has a looser curl. however, as one lady posted earlier, you can always texturize or perm your hair to make it looser. no one can have my hair unless they are blessed with it. 🙂 i’ve learned to love my naps because they are MINE and they are unique. my BC was one of the happiest days of my life.
to the young lady with the thick “jungle bush” mane, i hope that you learn to maintain it. you really should avoid combing and brushing your hair unless it’s wet and has a detangling conditioner it it. i would love to have your problems! lol my hair is thin. ciao!
Super late on this post but I just want to comment anyway. I’ve got
3c/4a hair and I love it to death!!! I used to kind of hate it when I first BCed cause it was a looser texture… I couldnt really do anything with it. I’d try twists and they’d just unravel. So on that note I agree with DeDe, the looser curled hair is boring to me. You cant don anything with it. Frizz and shrinkage are also major problems with me also but I’ve learned to love them dearly!
The frizz adds character and the shrinkage is great for days when I “hate” longer hair and feel like chopping it all off. In short it’s the versatility I love.
Sidenote: I love to see sistas rockin their 4a/4b napps with pride!
i have thin and wire-ry (is that a word???)
i would like less wire like, but i woudl love thicker.
so every time someone around me goes natural,i'm like "hmmph, their hair is kinda curly, interesting…" & i don't know how to feel about that. i no longer worship @ the altar of curly headed people, and have realized it's a throwback to when i accepted and used terms like "good hair" & "Indian hair". i'm so over that dumb sh*t! it took me a while but i figured my hair issue is not texture, but length. i love my little fuzz halo once it gets going. i don't blow it out seeking straight, i blow it out cause i want long. sigh…
thanks for the response Jc. sounds like your a hair veteran 🙂 i appreciate that you check out the site! your expertise is SO welcome here!!!
To Zey again,
I was thinking so hard about your comments and I had to post again. Believe me many of us have been through exactly what you are currently going through in some form. I discovered forums when I went natural. There is a wealth of information out there for you. I never once thought of going back to relaxing my hair because my hair could never be relaxed in the first place (never straight, breakage etc). I learned to manage my hair starting with curl activator when it was shorter to learning to braid when it was longer. If your hair becomes dry after washing, you have very porous hair. You need to correct this and the simplest way is an apple cider vinegar rinse to make your hair cuticle lie down. I whole heartedly recommend shea butter too, it makes your hair beautifully soft. I don’t really like its smell so I use jojoba oil but if you are struggling for softness and manageability then I would choose shea butter.
I hope that in saying this, that you will keep on the internet and look for answers to your questions. I would really like to encourage all black women to be natural. I would however like to tell you that you are not a bad person or a weak person for saying that you may want to relax your hair. Many women have gone through this stage, done it and come back again to being natural. When the time is right for you, you will be able to regard your hair for what it is. Beautiful.
Awww…I made kinky twists with extensions last week & I can say I love my hair! It's tucked away for a month in this protective style and I don't have to deal with loose hair for a while. I'm so thrilled to be free from weekly washes & detangling 😀
Zey, I have thick hair and it takes me atleast 2 hours to comb it with a wide tooth comb. I don’t make a habit of combing it, I just use my fingers on most days and once a week or so, I’ll comb it properly. I would really advise you to start to regard your hair for what it is. When white people comb their hair, you never hear that munching crunching sound that you hear when you handle natural hair roughly. You should aim for that silent comb sound, that means that you are not shredding your hair. It is pain staking, requires that you comb your hair in small parts, get a good moisturiser and a widespaced comb. In my early years, I didn’t really grasp why this was so important but about two years ago, I finally got it AND 14 inches of hair as well. Best of luck in your journey!
well zey, thanks for coming forward and explaining.
um, when i used to despise my natural hair/couldn’t deal with it, i spent a lot of time at the beauty shop. i would come with it already washed and moisturized, and ask them to put it in cornrows/box braids/whatever. it was a good use of $40. maybe you could take a break like that, where a hairdresser (or sister, cousin, auntie, random person who knows how to do hair) can manage it for you so you don’t drive yourself crazy.
but thick hair is a blessing! my hair is thin, and i’ve always envied that ‘jungle bush’ you so despise 🙂
i hope you’ll stay tuned to the blog so you can continue to learn management techniques that might make haircare easier for you.
learning natural hair is a long process (i can attest!!!), but i think it’s worth it in the end.
oh, and i am asking myself the same question about wedding hair… but that’s another discussion… hmmm, that’s a good post idea…
I was the Anon who posted that comment on that gorgeous wavy natural hair. I guess you can call me a hypocrite of some sort. I advocate nappy hair all day/everyday. I would like my friends to go natural, so they can seee the ish i'm going thru dealing with my hair.
My hair is textured 4BZ or whatever thickness that is thicker than jungle bush. It's growing long but it's still very tight. I had a relaxer since I was 5 yrs old. I just went natural 2 yrs ago & it's beeen sooo hard accepting the hair, knots, tangles, and everything else that comes with this kind of hair. I enjoy washing it…and love to comb thru it w/ conditioner but once it drys I feel like crying. It hurts so much to do anything to it…dry, wet or damp hair.
I can appreciate wavy, curly hair but this tight bush is driving me nuts. I know how to appreciate a full head of hair on a white girl who takes care of her hair properly. But its so hard for me to do the same.
I don't dislike anything else about myself…except my hair. I often wonder what'll happen for my wedding? whether i'll texturize it or cave back into the creamy crack so I can look beautiful walking down the aisle. F**k, i'm scared shitless.
So there…I don't hate my napps, lets just say I have a strong dislike for them when my scalp is tender my combing & I have a headache from all the pain of tangling.
When I originally went natural it was strictly becuase the perm wasn’t working well anymore. I had no intentions of ever wearing my hair in its natural state (the only style I new was the afro). But since I kept sweating out the press in the summer I was forced to investigate natural styles. This lead to a budding romance with my hair. I have learned to banish the myth that my hair is anyhting but curly. And it is not my hair that is the problem it is the products I was taught to use, the styles I was taught to wear, and the way I was taught to handle my hair that were the problems. I am now learning how to treat my hair so that it can reach its full potential. At one time I did envy looser curls and waves but when I discovered that my hair had its own natural curl I became focused on it being all that it could be.
i have no idea what texture i have
it is so very confusing
so i just say 3c/4a/4b
and that’s about it.
back is looser but is still nappy imo.
front is tighter and nappy. just make your hair healthy so that it can grow. we will all have thick, beautiful, puffy hair. who wants all the same things anyway? it’s very uninspiring and boring.
https://www.youtube.com/user/onyxanya
this girl, i think, has 4b hair.
the length is amazing. her hair is amazing. has nothing to do with texture. it’s just very long and it’s beautiful.
I am actually on my second big chop, I had been natural about a year ago and i mave the kinky curly hair. I have the coils but they are soooo small that i have to do styles to define. I often find myself like what if i didnt have these curls? what if i just had kinky hair. Then i tell my self, whatever i would love it just as much becasue it is apart of me, i love my hair and all of you should too even if it has a lot of shrinkage. Stay natural honeys!
BGLH, would you do an article defining these textures that people keep using (i.e. 4a, 3b, etc.) I don’t know what they mean and it would be a helpful post to a lot of people, I bet.
I am quite content with my nappy hair. Love the shrinkage and everything that if offers. Zero complaints. The ONLY complaint that I have is this: WHY DIDN’T I DO THIS SOONER?
I think I use to wish my texture was looser so it would appear longer but not so much anymore. I like big hair, so I wish mine would hang more..but I like my texture a lot and I have kinky/curly hair..4a… so I really just want it longer so it’ll be huge and block people’s views 😛
I have to admit that I get a little anxious wondering exactly what my hair texture will be (im transitioning right now). I have seen a few natural with extramly coily hair and I’m not so sure I could deal with that, but I keep telling myself I will with whatever grows out of my scalp and I am committed to doing that!
i love my hair textures… the only thing I would “prefer” is if I had just one texture instead of f’n 3… love ur self in your entirety ppl
i have very very nappy hair! i have broken many combs! but i’ve never truely hated my hair texture just the lenght hence the braiding weaving and straighting in the past. but i truely learned to love my hair when i didn’t have any after the big chop i went barber shop low with a fade and everything after you go there ou have to love all of you and really accept that we are not just hair we are beautiful women with our own individual beauty. now however i wear my hair i’m happy. my hair is tough, strong and unruly just like me 🙂
One thing I’m learning to embrace about my hair is the shrinkage..otherwise, I love my hair and all its coils and napps.. can’t keep my hands out of it (which is why it’s braided up most of the time)..:)
When I first started being a natural I wanted wavy/curly hair. And I’ll be honest I was a bit disappointed when it turned out to be 4a (I honestly had no idea what my natural hair texture was. That’s how long I had perms). But I now love my hair. Is it the length I want it to be right now? No. Is it as strong as it could be? No. Do I still have bad hair days? Yes, lots of them. Do I wish it could be thicker? Hell yes. And yet I really wouldn’t want anybody else’s hair. I mean, what’s the point of being natural if you hate your hair?
BTW, am I the only one who likes my frizz? Not to say I wouldn’t want my hair to be a bit less so, but I remember reading a comment on Nappturality about how a woman had accepted her frizzy hair and let it be and every since then I’ve just kinda accepted it. If someone else doesn’t like it that’s their problem.
I think I’m content with my hair texture, which is in the kinky category as well. It is curly, “4a” if you use that system, but the curls are so tiny! Like coffee stirrers in a lot of places. I sometimes wish the curls were bigger so that I could show the individual curls off more. I think part of that is because of society’s view on looser curly hair being better.
The further along I go in my natural journey (2 years now) the more I love my curls for what they are. I just want to accomplish length and health.
I’ve got these tiiiight curls and I love them. But I have a good white friend who has natural Shirley Temple sprial curls. When I went natural, she considered myself and her the same. She says, “You know D, a lot of people like to touch our curly locks b/c a lot of people wish they could have them. It’s annoying, but it’s so special.”
I love her for that.
Besides, I figure if I ever wanted wavier hair, I could always get a texturizer, but can’t NOBODY get what I have, without being blessed with it!
Well, my sisters have Wavy hair and I happened to get “the short end of the stick”. It frustrates me from time to time, but I’d rather deal with it then to ruin my scalp with harmful chemicals. Perms have f*cked up my hair big time in the past so I don’t plan to turn back. I just wish I could walk outside without a hat all the time =/ Anyway, yeah I am going to be honest I hate the texture of my hair. But it’s life.
Hmmm.The only thing I have really wanted was less shrinkage and like Dani B stated less frizz. As far as a larger curl size that is more defined, not really. Those with this type of hair I have seen mostly only do wash n go’s for a curly style and that’s about it. No twists, braids, cornrows, rollersets, no nothing. I find this hair to be really boring and I don’t really see what all the rave is about, except that it has less shrinkage and frizz, well from what I have seen.
It can be as pretty as any other texture but not as fascinating and entertaining as 4 type hair.
I’m a “napptural” girl, and I love the texture of my hair. It didn’t really take much getting used to. I do at times wish I could get rid of the frizz for longer periods of time, but I never went through a period where I had to learn to accept my kinky curly hair. Honestly, Virtuous Jewel is one of my biggest hair envies, and her hair seems to be quite kinky curly, too. Wavy/curly is not the only beautiful hair!!!