Photo Source: broswithfrosandcurls.tumblr.com
The conversation about natural hair often revolves around women and the struggles they face to accept their natural texture, but men struggle too.
Beauty blogger Tia Williams recently posted a conversation she had with close friend Kibwe (NOT pictured above!) who is growing out his type-4 hair as a sign of accepting it for what it was. Here’s a snippet of the conversation:
Kibwe: Listen. As a black man…a black man who’s hair doesn’t wave if I rock a du-rag to bed…your hair is this thing coming out of you that you have to hurry up and get rid of before everyone sees it. If I have even a millimeter of new growth, I look like a slave. It’s “peasy,” “beady-beads,” “taco meat.” It communicates “urban,” there’s no other option.
Me: Fair enough.
Kibwe: I’m sick of the Ceasar. I need to see my hair. I need to learn to react positively to it, because the culture is not affirming me. If I keep cutting it, no one will adjust their thinking…including me. It’s like when you’re a woman who feels gross without lipgloss or something. You should try skipping it to learn to love yourself without it.
[In my head, I’m like “umm…never, buddy.”]
Kibwe: Also, just from a fashion point of view…I always wanted to have the “scruffy” option. White culture has the “scruffy guy you still wanna f*ck,” like Johnny Depp. Black culture doesn’t. Locks and twists are just starting to kinda become cool, like with 2 Chainz and Wayne and Wale. There’s Lenny, but he’s always been the exception.
Me: Yeah, it’s like the whole dirty chic thing never works on black girls. We can’t wear f*cked-up Uggs, or super-messy ponytails. We look homeless.
Kibwe: We’re expected to be clean cut, so as not to offend non-minorities. There’s no lane for a non-conventional black man (especially not for a gay one). Not if you wanna keep your job.
Click here for the full article on ShakeYourBeauty.com.
And please share, ladies, have you witnessed men who struggle to embrace their natural texture?
51 Responses
There is WAY too many bald-headed black dudes out there. Glad to see bruthas mixing it up more. Hope the trend of growing out hair becomes more popular. With all the milk duds walking around you could open a candy factory.
I love black men with long natural hair as long as it’s clean trimmed and well maintained not dirty tangled and a wild mess. Big afros braids and dreadlocks are sexy on black men when they maintain it well. Short clean cuts are nice too though but I go crazy over a black man with long natural hair.
Had no idea that was why black men were getting ceasars. I see men with kinky hair out and scruffy look and they look hot! Check out Richie Drenz!!
Long hair and short hair does not define a man, nor does it make him more feminine or masculine. Hair is an extension of the body and brain, nothing else. If you’re too scared that your manhood would be jeopardized for growing long hair than perhaps you need to recheck your sexuality. As a young black man myself I have worn both short and long hair.
I have grown the afro, had braids, short cuts, soup bowls, waves, shaved completely bald, and I currently have locks of hair a few inches past my shoulder. Speaking from my own manly point of view, growing long locks of hair has taught me “commitment” and developed my courage to stand against anyone who thinks ill-favorably of me.
Last I read, God Himself commanded men (and women) to grow long hair whenever they made a special dedicated vow unto Him, called the “Nazarite Vow.” Numbers CH 6:1-7 King James Version lays out the foundation and instructions of men growing long hair.
If it so feminine for men to grow long hair then why would God Himself command it? According to God men who take the Nazarite vow and let the locks of their hair grow hold the “consecration of God” on their head.
Society looks down upon us black men with long hair because society itself is scared, ugly, and void. They WISH they could grow such beautiful hair… hair that resembles the Tree of Life. They wish their hair was woolly and “nappy” like Jesus’ was when He was here on Earth. What?? You think Jesus went to the Barbershop during the years He preached and healed people? “Oh wait a second people… I need to trim my long beard before I heal the sick… Wait one moment blind man… Peter I need you to cut my hair and give me a Caesar fade before we can restore this man’s sight…
Because thou hast believed, thy faith has made thee… whoops… I forgot to perm and weave my Hebrew, Egyptian, Judah hair… guess I can’t do anymore miracles until I’m subliminally enslaved to society’s standard of beauty and hair length.”
We men need to wake up and stop shaving our beards. Forget the hair on your head and grow out your beard, uncut and unshaven. Shaving and disfiguring your natural growing beard is far more feminine then growing long hair on your head. Pity to my fellow black men who have never gone more than a month without clipping, trimming, styling, and shaving their beards… The beard is the abode of manhood.
And if you’re wondering, no, I’m not a muslim. No I’m not a Rastafarian. And no I’m not some whacked out white dude pretending to be black. I’m just a simple Old Testament and New Testament follower of the Bible.
Grow your hair my people… grow your beards my people. Stop being ashamed of your God crafted beauty. We are fearfully and wonderfully made. Your perception of masculinity and femininity should not be based on the length, style, or texture of your hair… It should be based on your inner self.
Don’t let society, family, friends, strangers, or your job tell you HOW to be you. YOU know you… and no one can change that. Don’t let the fear of persecution and rejection hold you back from being you.
My advice to everyone… Psalms 24:10 KJV… “If thou faint in the day of adversity, thy strength is small.”
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I’ve wondered quite a few times myself. After seeing actors like Matthew McConaughey, Ashton Kutcher, many white rock singers and others over the years I wondered why black men cut their hair so low! More White men are secure with having hair near their shoulders or at least grown out to right below their ears. They’re not considered too feminine for having hair that is more than 3 inches long! Intriguing when you think of other races’ and cultures’ ideals in gender roles. Samoan men pride in their hair. Like Kibwe mentioned, I’ve overheard many guys in high school speak of their aspirations to maintain great waves. They want to change their hair texture! Most Black men’s hair is close cropped. Always made me wonder, why have mostly and pretty much only black women been bashed for the shame of our hair? Interesting this was brought up.
Some things you have to understand:
.White people’s culture is not same to yours.
.whether white, black, green, or blue, a man with too much hair is more of a feminine attribute in many cultures, whether or not Ashton Kutcher and the rest are criticized for it does not change the fact.
.Having long hair in men is not a sign of security, how can you even see that as a sign of security or insecurity? It’s simply a choice. How about saying the men with longer hair are insecure and does not want to show their skulls because it doesn’t have a good shape as a black man’s?
. Why is everything relating to black, seen as a shame, sign of insecurity, or bad?
. Black hair texture and thickness is the best thing that happened to the existence of hair. But a lot of people do no see it because they are being blinded by others flaunting their own. If you flaunt yours, it becomes the trend. You become what you make of yourself
There’s a tribe whose faces I could never forget. I was watching a feature on NatGeo years ago and I could never forget the Wodaabe after all of these years. Although I forgot their name, i never forgot their ritual and that the men grew long hair. That held my admiration because these men’s texture was similar to mine’s and it looked great on them. There’s also the Masai tribe. Their men grow long hair too. And I’m sure there’s many other African tribes whose men grow long hair too. I remember years ago a lot of black men wore braids. Their hair was as long as mine’s, some longer. It was a trend maybe 5-6 years ago for a lot of American black men to cut off the long hair they had for YEARS and rock a caesar, low cut. They didn’t come across as feminine to me when they wore their braids. There were just about as much American black men wearing low cuts as there were the ones who got cornrows. I never assumed they cut their hair because suddenly they felt it was too “feminine”, just following a trend and maybe just wanted something new. Maybe the upkeep was too demanding. Having to get someone else to do it, it didnt look fresh all of the time.
A lot of the men who grow long hair, if in a tribe obviously must see their hair as a security. It’s what represents them. As a black woman, if I see a black man with a large afro I’m not going to think “oh, he’s too feminine”. I appreciate our hair texture, no matter who’s wearing it. And I never said black is bad. There’s nothing wrong with wondering why people hide something so beautiful. Society tells you to keep your hair low. Forget society. It’s not in style now but Im sure more black men in America will start growing their hair again. We can’t all be forced to hide what makes us unique to every other race. We want to hide it because they look down upon us, tell us it’s unprofessional or whatever but it’s what naturally grows from our scalps. Forget society.
I don’t think its just black men, I think its all men in general, but black men especially. Hair is beautiful, but since way back in the day, like most things when it comes to beauty, long hair has been associated with femininity. The hair was cut to separate the men from the women, to make men look more presentable, for a lot of rather stupid reasons. But why? Why should men not embrace their beauty? If hair was only meant for women, then only women would have hair and all the men in the world would be bald or wouldn’t be able to grow their hair past a certain length.
Personally, I’ve always found longer hair on men to be freaking sexy, but I never once gave a thought towards black men because I just wasn’t attracted to them. Not saying that hair is the only deciding factor in what attracts me, but it is a very big part of it, and all the black men I ever saw or encountered had little to no hair, and that really lowered them on the attraction meter for me. And yeah, some of them had long hair, but it was always dreaded up or corn rowed flat to their scalp, and that wasn’t what I liked. I never saw a black man with just loose, free, natural hair. Only when I started on my natural hair journey did I start seeing pictures of this.
Long story short, I think long hair on black men is sexy as hell, and wish that more of them would grow their hair out and embrace the beauty of it. And not dread it up or cornrow it all the time, but just let it be free in a frizzy or curly fro, however it grows. Its sooooo attractive and it isn’t fair that they have to conform to what society deems “appropriate,” because most of that has been taught to us from the standard that white people set, and we are not white. We are black. Our beauty is our own and we should accept it for what it is. The problem is that so many people are afraid. They’ve been made afraid of themselves. but I’m sure once they accept the fact that they can grow their hair out and be just as beautiful or attractive as a white guy with long hair, they will find that the loudest voices are those rooting for their natural beauty, not the ones rooting for them to amputate it!
And for the record, though I know no one will care, the darker races have always been in possession of the greater beauty in my opinion. Brown skin, thick dark curly hair, and a full figure; who can resist that? The only way I see it is by convincing us that we are not beautiful is just another way to keep us all down.
Good day ladies and gents.Too Answer the above question about why men don’t let their hair , i will start with this. In,many cultures hair represents feminality, men generally keep their hair short to avoid confusion with women. Secondly men,were generally seen as warriors so to have long hair would present an obsticle during war, a disadvantage. You could be restrained by it. Finally as a black man for most its been ingrained in yes since we were children to go to the Barbershop and get a hair cut. Most mothers were single moms and did not have time to try and style a boys head so cut it low so it would last long. These are just my views on it. I hope they help.
You are so right! This article got me wondering until I saw your comment. What of Africa where there isn’t much on the issue of long hair/short hair? Men in Africa (I’m African), or most part of it, cut their hair it is not about acceptance. It is a sign of masculinity. Ladies are supposed to worry about hair and beauty, the men have no time for such.
African-American men should no that their cutting their hair may not be as a result of their past, but the culture where they were originally from (Africa).
Men wearing long hair or worrying about them is kinda feminine in the African culture. And men from other ethnicities cut their hair too. BTW to me, people of African descent have the best hair. . . can’t trade it for another
I’m sure that black guys in the UK can be insecure about kinky hair and I think it depends on what area you work in on how it is accepted. If you work in a bank or business where you are representing your company then you have to have hair that is presentable. However my brother has locks and he used to work for a high end car firm as a salesman providing he looked presentable it was OK.
On TV you see black guys wearing canerows alot and on the street guys will go out with a du-rag or a giant Afro all frizzed out. People may think it is weird but I’ve never heard anything negative about it. I think in the UK especially London we are so used to different cultures nothing really shocks us.
At school children are taught to have styles that are presentable, no technicoloured dyed hair or outre hairstyles but this is for all cultures. There is a dress code they have to conform to but locks and canerows on boys are acceptable providing they are tidy. A big Afro probably not due to fire hazards or health depending on the class they would have to tie it back and the same would go for long European hair.
I think being insecure about an aspect of yourself is to do with you as most people don’t notice the things you think they do. When I first wore my hair out at work nobody even blinked an eye, it was only me that thought it was big deal.
I’ve been thinking about this sooo much since I started wearing my hair out!!
I would love to find some background on why it’s so important for black men to get rid of their hair as soon as it starts growing out. I feel they suffer from a lot of suppression of what’s naturally them just like black women do but (at least in Jamaica), it’s largely ignored. I had a friend who, close to the end of high school, started growing out his hair into a big afro. There were girls and guys (especially girls) who used to tell him to go to the barber and get it cut. It looks gross. It looks bad. You look homeless. Now his hair is big! It has a curl to it and he added a little colour and everybody loves it. It also “matches” him because he’s an artist. But most of his friends are scared to follow suit. They don’t have his hair. Their parents tell them to cut it. Girls won’t like them.
I even have another friend who wants to grow his hair out, just to perm it. I’m concerned about his end goal but he can’t because he HAS to get it cut every month. Furthermore, I have friends who have texturized the little hair that they do allow to grow to get a wave or a straighter look.
Here in France (where I’m staying for a few months), long hair on black men is even more frowned upon apparently and I see way more guys texturizing or relaxing the little crop of hair they DO have. And THEN gelling it to match the hairstyles the white guys do -__- mi heart hurt mi fi dem 🙁
Okay… not only in Barbados, doesn’t make me feel any better that black men suffer this way outside my country though 🙁
There should be no injustice done. If men are afraid of women with long hair it’s only because they have a problem with themselves. Do not be afraid of your women, praise them. Natural hair is what you want. Not the fake. Hang in there, you are loved for you.
I live in France and I can relate on what you said!
Guys, mostly africans, relaxed their hair. Westindian guyS dont do that, they love to put cornrowns, locks or leave their hair in ponytails.
i am natural. i love natural hair, my boyfriend luvs my natural hair. However, when it comes to him I have to remind him to get a haircut. I just find it attractive. Guys with long hair/fros just aren’t my cup of tea. Everyone has their cup of tea… its just like with trey songz for example, when he had his cornrows I didn’t really notice him BUT when he cut it all off! I was Trippin’.
Nonetheless I believe Men should DO THEM! if they want to cut, braid, loc even relax their hair, its all up to their individual decision!
Great read. I had wore my hair in “waves” and “even-stevens” before. I’ve been wearing my hair unkept in curls/afros since I was 15yrs old. I’m 28 now. As a adult it’s easier because I know who I am and I’m comfortable with that. But at 1st, being a young black man, it was very hard to “be different” among my peers. Growing up in the hood in the 90’s/early 2000’s, it was frowned upon to march to the beat of your own drum smh
I know a mixed guy who said one time (real fast) “No, I’m not wearing no crazy afros” and I had to tell him that that was insensitive and prejudiced, and he got the point. You gotta speak up or people won’t learn that what they’re unconsciously harboring is ugly and eroding to everyone’s self-esteem, theirs included.
I had never realized it but men have the whole good hair bad hair stigma too ,there was a guy in my class who texturized his hair to get soft ‘nice” hair I know two others who did it for the same reason. ANother time one of my guy friends told another friend that he would do a style but he doesn’t have good hair like the other friend, he’s half white half black btw, the interracial guy was like the hair you have on your head is totally fine learn to be happy with it. Honestly that situation warmed my heart
Les Twins–they’re dancers from France
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/lestwinstheirhair.jpg[/img]
My babies!!! <3
I hope my future husband is natural like them 🙂
Daaammmnnnn he iiis fiiiiine. :op
I LOVE to see a wild-haired,bushy unkemp black guy’s hair it is sooooo shabby chic not to mention these are usually the artsy,intelligent, f-the world types that I LOVE (Saul Williams) HELLO!!! lol I have grown to learn it is what’s in your head not on it
I’ve always loved men with long hair. When I say long, I mean neck length. When it’s too long, it’s a bit weird (just my preference). The last time my sister shaved her son, I was so sad because I think he’s so cute with hair. I was discussing this with a friend who’s growing out his hair and another guy. The other guy said that for a man, having a clean-cut shave is a norm in our society and it means that person is clean and takes care of himself. No need to tell you that I was really angry about that. Unfortunately, a lot of people think that way. Remember the Nivea ad.
Yeah who could forget the Nivea ad, thanks to cracked.com I also got to see some other really insensitive ads as well. Some people just don’t understand what true beauty is that’s all.
“Remember the Nivea ad.”
Ooooh yes. “Re-civilize yourself”. *side-eye*
keep your hair long and healthy; just please don’t primp like a girl.
I appreciate black men with free-form locks. Hell, I was mad crushing on one who was a mime (true story). Not to mention, Cipriana from Urban Bush Babes has a fiiine-ass man with natural hair. I realize there are a lot of black women who do not share this attraction for black men really rocking natural hair, and that needs to change, because if we cannot appreciate black men in their natural state, how can we begin to have the audacity to demand that appreciation from them for ours? We can’t.
I have to agree with you there, we can’t fully embrace who we are if we leave out the men.
yeah they do, even when they keep their hair short (as in cut close to the scalp), there is still a tendency in Barbados – especially when guys have type 4 hair – to get a little relaxer put on it first to soften it up. This way, when the barber cuts it down, it looks like they have type 3 hair or something (otherwise known as ‘good hair’).
I had a friend in Jamaica do that once and they were teased lol but in France it’s not even a little relaxer they do that ish for real.
Absolutely! Lots of black men haven’t been instilled with pride about their own hair, which is why they push those negative attitudes on to black women.
Looka like both women and men are continuing a cycle that makes no sense to hold on to or that was created by us . . . . . . .
that wasnt created*
I think black men look bea-ut-i-FUL with their hair doing its thing. . . . .
It was in fact me noticing this about men that I thought, surely if they look nice with their hair showing, I would too.
I remeber saying to a friend after I saw a beautiful man with gorgeous hair on underground – “why is it acceptable for a black man to have his natural hair out and be considered nice, but a black woman has to do everything in her power to make sure it looks nothing of the sort”.
After a real hard look at this issue, I thought screw this – I am showing my hair!
At no point did I think this gentleman I saw would have gone through a difficult stage accepting his hair and being accepted. He just looked so damn proud and confident in himself! I would give him a hug and say thanks for the encouragement if I ever saw him on the tube again 🙂
Maybe its a UK(London) thing, but it has been (what I have seen) black men leading the way with natural hair – I have always seen it in force. Seeing a woman with natural hair was very rare – not so much now I am happy to say. Has this been the same in other countries?
Co-signing Cherelle on her second para. It seems that young black women in the UK from later teens to 35 are under pressure to wear our hair straight or weaved but definitely not as is whereas men often have free form fros, big curly fros etc etc and no one says much about it.
I’m African and European. Born in Europe, raised in Africa and now living in Europe again. I’m a big fan of african american (natural) women’s style. But I don’t get african american men’s hairstyles. I don’t get waves, I don’t get shaping up hairlines, I don’t get manicured locks. In Europe, there’s a lot of young black men with cute fros (and older men with longer hair). In Africa, there’s a lot of handsome guys with free formed locks. I love black men and I especially love their hair. I learned to love my own natural hair because I fell in love with men with gorgeous natural heads. I discussed the topic with african american friends (girls) and was so surprised to discover they didn’t share my attraction!
I’m from the UK but i use to date an AA guy who wanted me to lock my hair. He hated the manicured look and encouraged me to go the free form way. Needless to say i didn’t do either. He on the other hand always visited the barbers to get his hair and beard trimmed and hated long hair on men. I have to agree with you Carmen about the manicured locks on men, i’m not much of a fan especially when they cornrow them and wear their hair in up dos. I’m a fan of messy afros on both men and women, i’ve been wearing my hair like this for years and have had nothing but compliments.
Carmen,
I share your attraction for Black men, who express themselves through their hair. I am tired of looking at the typical “Black man” haircut. It is boring! I love it when Black men rock locks, afros, and various other natural hairstyles. It tells me that he is a self-thinker, unconventional, independent, and/or artistic. All of the qualities I value in a significant other. I love men who aren’t afraid to be themselves, regardless of the backlash they will receive from society at large. To hell with what other people think; if you can’t be yourself, your living an unauthentic existence!
I am a self-professed fan of clean-cut black man. This article has made me realize how hypocritical I’ve been. While I am a fan and supporter of Black women having the prerogative to rock their hair however they see fit (from a baldie to a waist-length weave), I haven’t been giving Black men that same freedom, in my mind at least. I’ve never appreciated a man’s need to express himself through his hair. I will definitely be thinking twice before I judge the next Black man with my usual thought of “he would probably look great if he got a fade”.
Whoa, same. I’ve been so anti-guys with dreads without thinking about the hypocrisy on my part.
I absolutely can’t stand, when a woman refers to black man’s body hair as taco meat. If someone flipped it and a black woman’s hair is messy cause it’s not permed, people would be upset.
I mean is he supposed to perm his chest hair?
he’s got a darn point there
I’ve actually came across this. Last year, I decided to grow my hair out. When I wore it out in an afro, my family and many others ridiculed me; but when I wore it curly, no one had a problem. It made me feel insecure about my own hair. I wanted to cut it. But I stuck with it and started locs. Many people said they did not like locs, but it was acceptable for me because I was an artist. Sad isn’t it.
I hear you. Since artists are already stereotyped as whacky boundary-pushers, it gives you more leeway to let your hair do its thing than if you were in a more traditional career/lifestyle. It can be liberating and confining in its own way. Sad.
This is so true. I’m so glad to have read this. There really isn’t any room for a black person to look less than “top notch”, especially if you’re a male and want to be taken seriously or treated with respect. A family friend of mine had to cut of his hair for his new job. Even outside of that, the “scruffy” look on people with kinky hair is seen as unpresentable, as if kinky hair is already enough.
Good for your friend, Kibwe! You have to reject these things one at a time, day by day.
*as if kinky hair is already scruffy enough.
Sorry for the typo!
He was fine….then well….le sigh!
Oh no! That’s not him in the picture!! I just updated the post to mention that. I grabbed that photo off of a Tumblr site 🙂