“Black mothers love their boys and raise their girls.” It’s a phrase whispered among black women that speaks to a phenomenon that occurs not just in Black America, but some Caribbean and African cultures too. Black sons often receive more freedom and deference than black daughters, while sharing less responsibility in keeping house. In terms of achievement, daughters are often held to higher standards than their brothers, but still come last in household priority.
In a 2011 article on Madame Noire, author and mother LaShaun Williams cites several reasons for why she socializes her sons and daughter differently within her own household.
“Offsetting discipline with praise and reward comes easier with my daughter than my sons. My expectations for all of them are high but enforcing rules and maintaining consistency seems to come naturally with her.
“It is somehow more emotionally taxing to see my boys cry or get reprimanded, and I can almost always come up with a way to their excuse poor behavior. However, it is that mama’s boy inclination that fosters irresponsibility, unaccountability and laziness. It is what creates the imbalance in households minus dad and ultimately stunts the developmental process.”
Staff writer Nafeesah Abdullah of Thyblackman.com cites patriarchal gender roles enforced by the matriarchs of the family are what further exacerbates the strain of black womanhood:
“Daughters in the black community are not priority to their mothers they’re just cast aside for their brothers.”
“Black women are conditioned from a young age to learn basic skills in cleaning, cooking, and housekeeping to prepare them for marriage. Also the change in generation norms has made it possible for a lot of young black women to have more choices in their lives as to whether they further their education to getting married and having families. When black women choose things that are beneficial to their lives it may not sit well with their mothers and grandmothers.”
What has been your experience?
