by
Black Girl With Long Hair
So, I was surfing the ‘net, and found this quote in an article by Canadian writer Cheryl Thompson
mm mm MM…. the ish is DEEP!
But in all seriousness, how did we get here?!
***disclaimer… I am fully aware this quote is NOT TRUE of ALL relaxed women.***
23 Responses
While I agree with what I think Thompson is trying to say, I will say the quote is a hyperbole if applied across a broad spectrum, but I have no problem believing in the author’s experience. When I think of what was spent on my education per year. The amount of money spent on braids or relaxing pales in comparison (mainly because my mom relaxed my hair every time but once, but still). I’ll also say that you can’t get the gist of an article on a quote alone.
I think this is what she’s getting at:
Have you ever talked to someone who said, “I’ve colored my hair so many times, I don’t even remember what my natural hair color is.” and have been completely astonished? Because…how do you not know what color your hair is supposed to be?
I believe this is the astonishment she’s talking about when black women don’t know what their real hair feels like. Obviously if you relax your hair, you’re not going to know what your real texture feels like; and that’s fine if that’s what you want. However I don’t think that just because there are many women who want to relax their hair, that we ignore the historical and societal pressures that have caused women to believe that relaxing may be their only option in order for them to get that promotion or get that cute guy to come over etc etc you get the gist. There’s a reason why “nappy-headed hos” was an insult.
Yes, it’s just hair and you can do whatever you want to it; but if it didn’t matter at all, we wouldn’t spend so much time in front of the mirror. Cut it all off, lock it, twist it, relax it, straighten it, curl it, whatever but don’t forget that there are reasons why this is even an issue in the first place.
@ dasia and sistaopinion…
i’m glad you both had a chance to speak your convictions strongly. i see both comments as expressing deep conviction and emotion and i think that’s great! let’s continue to be patient with and respectful of one another as we dialogue.
@ his daughter…
“As naturals alot of us understand what it’s like to get that hated stare directed at our napps. so let us be careful not to start looking down our noses at people with relaxed hair.”
that is a very true statement. it’s tough for some (not all) naturals to walk the line between being passionate and being judgmental…
@ Mzbush… yes! please email me once it’s done (co************@*****il.com)
Hold up, “natural” products are expensive too. Just look at all of these websites and small companies that make natural products for curly/kinky hair. They cost a freakin fortune! For example, I was really interested in buying some Oyin Handmade products, but I refuse to pay $8.00 for little bottle of spray. Why are we now being charged an arm and a leg to maintain our natural hair? And no, I’m not like a lot of these naturals that make their own products…that is just not realistic for my lifestyle.
Very interesting quote!
I agree with anonymous about why can’t beauty be diverse. I mean, why can’t it?
Dasia, the writer was most likely referring to women who didn’t go to or finish college, but it’s not a stretch to include women who did finish undergrad if they went to a small school, are on a certain professional track, are past a certain age, and are like most black women who relax. Even if you still don’t agree with that part of her statement, you can’t argue that most black women DON’T remember their natural hair because if they did all these blogs and sites — hell, this very DISCUSSION — wouldn’t be happening. The woman’s quote was right on the money.
You know, I agree that each woman gets to do what they want with their hair, but I’m getting really sick and tired of relaxed women pretending that their choice to relax has absolutely nothing to do with anything and has no contextual basis whatsoever. When self-hate becomes cultural and collective it stops being self-hate and starts being “just what we do”…but “just what we do” is causing sisters to lose hair, money, and self-esteem at younger and younger ages for no good reason whatsoever. And the fact that in 2009 those of us who choose to get off this BS and wear our natural hair STILL have to deal with blatant IGNORANCE from our OWN PEOPLE who REFUSE to take the chains off their MINDS…seriously, I’m at an age where I can’t be around that kind of mindless, clueless ignorance anymore.
Do what you want with your hair but STOP PRETENDING that you’re acting purely out of your own free will because unless you can wear your natural hair with the same confidence you wear your relaxed hair YOU ARE NOT ACTING OUT OF YOUR OWN FREE WILL.
i agree, until 4 months ago I had no idea of what my real hair looked like. but i think we still have to allow others to come to this realization on their own.we must also be careful not to shove it down their throats or make them feel bad about themselves. As naturals alot of us understand what it’s like to get that hated stare directed at our napps. so let us be careful not to start looking down our noses at people with relaxed hair. lets gently educate them about how beautiful and ok it is to just be themselves.
The quote was kind of silly. I mean some of us naturals spend more money now then before when you rocked a press and curl every two weeks or a relaxer. So this applies both ways. Look at how many Black women you see in Nail Salons getting a fill and all that other bs so for her to call out women with relaxers was a low blow if you want to point out how BW spend money on things let the blame be equal and fingers pointed in all directions.
While hair is , after all, just hair… Afro hair is not naturally straight…ever. What compels Black women to go through hair straightening? Euro-centric ideals of beauty have been imposed upon us for so long that NEEDING straight hair to be attractive evolved into style, convenience, etc. No, nothing is wrong with relaxed hair, weaved hair, or hair with extentions. But at the same time nothing is wrong with our hair the way it is; and building that pride and that sense of community through natural hair is what this blog is about. If hair wasn’t an important issue there wouldn’t be countless blogs and fotkis etcm dedicated to sharing the knowledge.
I really think the whole relaxed & natural thing is getting old. I mean it's just hair, it doesn't define who you are, and it shouldn't worry you if it's not on your head. I have relaxed hair, and I have educated myself about hair/hair care, so obviously she's wrong. And, I think her quote was very selfish and ignorant.
I really think the whole relaxed & natural thing is getting old. I mean it's just hair, it doesn't define who you are, and it shouldn't worry you if it's not on your head. I have relaxed hair, and I have educated myself about hair/hair care, so obviously she's wrong. And, I think her quote was very selfish and ignorant.
I really think the whole relaxed & natural thing is getting old. I mean it's just hair, it doesn't define who you are, and it shouldn't worry you if it's not on your head. I have relaxed hair, and I have educated myself about hair/hair care, so obviously she's wrong. And, I think her quote was very selfish and ignorant.
I really think the whole relaxed & natural thing is getting old. I mean it's just hair, it doesn't define who you are, and it shouldn't worry you if it's not on your head. I have relaxed hair, and I have educated myself about hair/hair care, so obviously she's wrong. And, I think her quote was very selfish and ignorant.
I really think the whole relaxed & natural thing is getting old. I mean it's just hair, it doesn't define who you are, and it shouldn't worry you if it's not on your head. I have relaxed hair, and I have educated myself about hair/hair care, so obviously she's wrong. And, I think her quote was very selfish and ignorant.
I really think the whole relaxed & natural thing is getting old. I mean it's just hair, it doesn't define who you are, and it shouldn't worry you if it's not on your head. I have relaxed hair, and I have educated myself about hair/hair care, so obviously she's wrong. And, I think her quote was very selfish and ignorant.
I really think the whole relaxed & natural thing is getting old. I mean it's just hair, it doesn't define who you are, and it shouldn't worry you if it's not on your head. I have relaxed hair, and I have educated myself about hair/hair care, so obviously she's wrong. And, I think her quote was very selfish and ignorant.
Its crazy how natural, ethnically based hairstyles can get “straight haired” people so riled up! Is it scary to them? Let me say, I’ve rocked a wash n go to work and they were none too pleased (but I thoroughly enjoyed my Huey hair, lol). I have these calandar books and I used to track my track purchases (thursday: candy curl…2wks later: soprano curl, was real serious!! Lmao) and looking back on that, I realize how RIDICULOUS that was. I mean, it would take me 4+ hours every two weeks to:
1. Condition and comb out previous style’s glue.
2. Wash hair, blowdry and braid.
3. Measure, cut, glue, and blowdry tracks to braids.
That mess took forever! So, not only does it eat up funds, it eats up precious time, too.
Why go through all that when you have perfectly wonderful hair growing right out of your scalp???
I know this can’t possbily pertain to me because my education is costing me 53,000 per year and I will never EVER give that to no hairstylist. I’ll buzz cut my hair right off my head first.(lol)
“why can’t beauty be diverse?”
@ anonymous: i hear you girl!
I have a coworker who was natural b/c her hair was badly damaged. she got transfered to a new department..for upper management. i saw her the day after her transfer and her hair was relaxed. I ask why….her new boss (black) didn’t find her hair (TWA) professional. it was unacceptable and so she chose to relax despite her last 2 times having to bald her head from relaxer damage.
what would you have done? returned for the sake of keeping a job? its attitudes like this boss’ that continue to perpetuate a mentality of kinks = ugly = unprofessional (she was like some of us with the 4c-z/”bad”/nappy hair)…. thus some continue to relax to be accepted. I will admit, I love and will rock the ‘straight’ look but at the same time, I can also embrace my twist-out and texture as gorgeous too… I guess my question to society is why can’t beauty be diverse?
It is incredibly sad. I have been nbatural since I was 17, except for a brief three month run with a relaxer in my early 20s. I hated it. I went bald for the third time…prefering a low fro to what felt like dead hair.
I have a few pics on my blog of afros and a mother grooming her daughter’s hair.
I believe that we all look way more beautiful when we truly accept the beauty of diversity. We were not all born to be Indians and Caucasians.
I am doing a research paper relating to this subject, from the historical aspect, and it is some really deep stuff. There is nothing wrong with wanting to look good, regardless of what your definition of ‘looking good’ is. However, there is a lot of societal influence contributing to our definitions. I am sure most people know that but to actually look at the transitions of our hair over the years and the impacts that those transitions have made is incredible. If you are interested, I would be glad to share the paper with you when I am finished with it.