by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Last year Tumblr user FullTen, the child of an interracial couple, shared honest thoughts about how her lightness and her mother’s whiteness have been objectified and fetishized over the years. Her essay has been re-blogged hundreds of times, as people reflect on her words and share their own experiences.
“As a product of a black man chasing after white women, it makes me super uncomfortable when black men reblog my photos and I go to their page and it’s nothing but either, white girls or lite brites. Like, my dad dated nothing but white women, and my mother seemed to gravitate towards this type of black man, who would get a ton of arbitrary african statues from pier 1, listen to nothing but jazz, only buy from black artists, and yet, seemed to exclusively go for white women. I’ve heard my step father at the time say he loved her pale skin, and that he didn’t even know she was spanish, he just saw white. These men foolishly gravitate towards whiteness like a moth to a low watt light bulb in the dark. My father and step father used the whiteness of my mother and the women they dated as a status symbol. It was common for my father to say ‘I got a big house, a corvette, and a hot wife,’ she was tall, white, and blonde, and she hated when he said that. She hated when he listed her among his possessions. He used her as ‘proof’ of his success at the time. That if anyone looked at his life, they would see a successful black man, and a white wife solidified that. I hate it, because this mentality comes at the price of dark skinned black women, and women who are proud of their blackness. It seems like something they need to stomp out. I dated a lot of black men who fetishized my light skin, and hated dark skin and anything that was linked to blackness in women, they tied it in with failure, ugliness, poverty… So many comments about my afro and hair, they wanted straight hair, I had to adhere to the european ideal of beauty as best as I could.”
Read the full essay here. Ladies, what are your thoughts?
83 Responses
I am a black woman and I do not think there is anything wrong with her dad’s preference. That goes for if the preference is a different race or whatever. Lighter skinned blacks face bigotry from darker blacks. I knew some dark black boys growing up who would slap lighter skinned black girls just bc of their color. In some cases, they would spread rumors about these girls simply bc they had a grudge against lighter skinned girls
These were not dark girls doing this stuff but dark boys.
Imagine if the police say the same thing your biracial son “fuck black guys” and then put a bullet in him. Why so much hate?
The hate is justified. Brown children raised by white people /white men( i.e not black men) carry themselves differently, and this is something that is readily identifiable by law keepers. How many biracial young men have been innocently shot by the police? Huh?
Some black American parents do a poor job just like some white patents (Dylan Roof, Dylan Klebold, etc.) Blacks that make it to America from other cultures like Nigeria or the Caribbean also tend to behave a little differently than many but not all black Americans so you can’t generalize over blacks or even over all races. You also need to factor in country of origin.
As far as biracial men killed by police, Check out the stories of Tony Robinson and Darren Hunt.
It’s a man’s job to respect a woman, but it’s a woman’s job to give him something to respect. These comments on this thread convey various emotions like disharmony, distrust, disunity, disrespect, hate, fear, and hurt amongst black people. I see various wars: Light skin vs dark skin, men vs women and women vs men. However, hurt people hurt people and until we heal black people, the cycle will continue to perpetuate itself.
A young 20 + man I know says he stopped dating dark skinned girls in high school because so many of them seem so angry & hostile & he didn’t know why. I told him that many are like that because they see so many black men going after lite brites & white girls & ignoring them. They see that, the music video girls, & the fact that love interest girls on black TV shows & movies are almost always light skinned even if the black actor involved is dark chocolate. Check out the show “Rosewood ” starring Morris Chestnut. Some shows use Latina girls instead of attractive dark girls. Anything but dark girls. Dark girls who don’t have good family support,have a color struck family or are disadvantaged in other ways are affected by all this colorism & it can affect their view of themselves & the world. I saw that growing up in the 60s. A dark skinned very overweight girl with very short hair at my school was ridiculed by boys & had an awful nasty personality as a result.mshe kept it too. Came to a sad end. I heard she died of a heart attack or stroke decades ago in her 30s. The young man I told this to seemed really clueless; hadn’t even thought of colorism affecting black girls that much. We MUST educate our children & set better examples
Right. Who led almost all those protests when black men were killed by cops? BLACK WOMEN!! How many black men led protests when that black woman was held down & beaten by a white cop? When black women “mysteriously ” died in custody? If they’d been white women killed by black cops the stuff would’ve hit the fan with white men up in arms.
I think you’re right. The sad truth is that the daughter is gonna be hurt either way.
I’m sorry that you had that experience with your child’s father, but don’t give up on black men because of it. There are still a lot of quality black men that aren’t hung up on color. That bad experience has only made you smarter. You’ll be able to sort out the bad apples in the bunch.
It is, but my feet are firmly on the ground….#novictimhere.
I’m sorry to hear about your struggles. Though I don’t know the specifics of your interactions with “monoracial” women, I would urge you to look a bit more critically at society as opposed to the women themselves. You, as a fair-skinned “black” person are held up as the standard, in many parts of the world, of what a “black” woman should look like. Your version of “black” is almost invariably the only iteration “black” we see in the media (which is often the lense through which people understand black people). Meanwhile, “monoracial” women are frequently silenced (particularly by other “blacks”) when they call out instances of color bias. So your “existence” I would imagine, is not the problem. Rather the issue is the socially-engineered invisibility of darker women, and the utter lack of any meaningful dialogue (inside and outside the “black community”) about it.) So there is conflict between the prevailing narratives on color one of which says we are all the same, and the other of which says that you as a light person are actually better. That can be frustrating. On a personal note,I can empathize with the feeling of isolation that mixed people must feels because I have straddled multiple cultural identities, and never truly been accepted or embraced by any of them. In that on-going process of coping and asserting myself, I am learning that 1) I will probably never get the validation of my experiences that I once craved; and I don’t really need it, 2) it’s perfectly okay to not be “all the way” this or that, and 3) sometimes who I am represents to other people something (e.g., global migration, westernization, privilege) that is not really “my fault,” and yet it’s not a personal indictment of my existence. It’s frustration with the underlying issue.
I don’t think she was trying to insult you or any biracial individuals so please don’t get offended. Yes, of course you may have real struggles, so do other people in this world. There is NOTHING wrong with interracial couples and this person probably agrees. He/she was just pointing that there are some questionable reasons why some people choose to enter interracial relationships which is also what this Biracial woman was addressing. That’s it. It wasn’t a generalisation of interracial couples and you really shouldn’t be jumping into conclusions. Plus, everyone is entitled to free speech whether you agree with them or not. 🙂
I doubt the black men in this post would use a fat ugly white woman as a status symbol. All men prefer women who are attractive and take care of themselves. I have dated black women not because they were black but i found them attractive because they were slim and not overweight and took pride in their appearance..
Unfortunately i see many black women who simply let themselves go and that eliminates them from many men’s choices. When black women are already outnumbered by white and brown women the black man’s choices for black women arent that many.
The black women on this board should take a look at some of their hair idols Most of them are attractive and married or dating black men. curlynikki, chime edwards (haircrush), naptural all attractive slim women who take care of their appearance.
You have to compete with these light skin women and maximise your features instead of being angry at black men for being men.
Lol….compete? For powerless, conquered kept males who don’t control anything but yet still feel entitled and superior….I just wished all Black women knew their worth and how powerful THEY really are and gave the deuces to you all….and to be petty and slick like you I see overweight, unattractive Black males everyday….and alot times they’re with a fat nonblack woman.
what the hell?
You sound so anti-black and mysogynoir, and just like always you are trying your best to absolve Black men from their problematic ways and thinking. Stop acting like if colorism isn’t a thing. Stop pretending as if beauty isn’t associated almost utterly with having light skin, straight/ loose textured hair and other Eurocentric features. Stop denouncing the experiences of thousands of Black women over what you ‘think’ is really going on.
Especially based on the factor that you attribute “beauty” and “taking care of yourself” to being slim and reference all brown skinned, long haired skinny naturalista as if you have to look like them in order to have a Black man’s attention, while Black men can walk around looking fat, dark etc. and still get a “good woman”.
This is about the internalized racism in Black men and how it affects Black women especially dark skinned women. You can still be fat, plump, dark, short hair and a Black women and be beautiful. If we should ever flip the table and tell you Black men to compete with white/Asian/Non-Black Hispanic men for our attention then you wouldn’t be so compelled to say the shit you do then. Because they out number Black men also. Being a man means you either have a penis or identify as one, not you being predigest to women of your own race. Try again.
Why should women have to compete with each other to be with a man? What kind of bullshit are you on? You are one of those assholes she was writing about. It’s not about the way a woman’s body is shaped it’s about her skin color. Nowhere is it stated that it’s about how they’re shaped.
You’re comparing light skin to being thin and in shape ? Your post is silly and poorly contextualized.
lis where do you live we need to hang out lol. some people delight in the victimhood they are constantly feeding us, not to say this girl’s post isn’t relevant but how many times can it be drilled into our heads ” black men don’t want us/ value darker skin”
Thank you Tia….man its exhausting….This is how they make their bread and butter…by feeding us pain, despair and disgust….and we partake and after this, I couldn’t resist, I’m really taking a break from these sites…Soooooo glad there is a Black woman who does not feel like a victim…keep it up…Have you heard about the Black women empowerment blogs…Muslim Bushido is one to start and once you find one you’ll find the rest….Sooooo goood talking to you.
more power to you!
more power to you!
Hi Lis, I have seen that blog but haven’t read as of yet, ill check it out. I definitely try to read empowering blogs and just points of view of black women/people who do not see themselves as simply an anomaly in a white world . I have NEVER Thank God had this mentality , I am aware of the ignorance out there and the history for sure but I won’t be bullied into low self confidence because as Im sure you know, many people appreciate and envy and emulate the features that black women possess.
There are plenty of light-skinned black women and half black/half white woman, white woman, Hispanic women who are fully aware of the minor privilege their skin, eyes, hair affords them. But they simply take advantage of the privileges and preferential treatment instead of addressing it. Then they call black women who don’t posess concentrated Eurocentric features jealous or ugly. Not all light skinned women do this. I’m light-skinned, my son is, my mother is. We don’t do this but we know plenty who do and then some light skinned women and non-white women act like they don’t know why brown-skinned and darker-skinned black women don’t like them. If you are reasonably bright, you know why! This young woman succintly addressed why! She was honest, insightful, passionate, eloquent and empathetic. Bravo! I wish more women were like this. We need to unite as women. Not be divided.
Lololololol, like ive been saying for years… fuck black guys 🙂
I’m darker brown skinned/chocolate, & i got myself a white boy 5 years ago… never looked back. It’s great!! Try it ladies!! ^-^
Well, Beyoncé is lightskin and her dad is dark so ..
As a dark skinned woman who experienced all the above mentioned prejudices…I believe people have preferences. There are millions of men black and other races who love dark women. Black woman should look outside their race for partners. I married a very light skinned, extremely successful man. My friends call us the Obamas. He thought I was cute when I was 16 years old and 52 years later he still thinks I’m “cute”. A good personality, nice smile and good sense of humor can take you a long way.
you completely missed the point of the essay if that’s what you get after reading it
What baffles me but is the same, is the facts once again there are no black men in this discussion, only colored women. But if this topic be about white hating black, all genders will be here including more ethnics. Only time a black man will defend their women only if she be his child.
Good for her. Most young women can’t spot colourism or even know it exists. I tend not to think about it because I’m deemed “jealous” because I’m not lightskin. Oh well.
Mvumikazi | URBAN MNGUNI |
Seriously, no body is more color struck than black men. I see many beautiful dark skin sisters w/white dudes bc black dudes can’t help themselves when it comes to lite-brites. I’m on the caramel side so I don’t hate on lighter skin women, but black men are like blinded by it, it’s so weird.
Unfortunately I had a daughter with a dark skin man that hates dark skin women…. I am a dark skin women and when he met me I had no idea he had these issues… why would a dark skin man who hates dark skin women even try to be with a dark skin women.. I didn’t understand until later on that he was only using me and when he was done with me, he left me with a dark skin daughter he has never seen so he can be with a white women with 7 kids…. he has 2 kids with her now…. he told me that his daughter ( with the white eomen) look like a black Indian girl…. I will never allow a black man to touch me again…. and as for my daughter I will tell her her “father” is dead… I will not risk her knowing she came from a racist…
You should still say where you daughter has come from. The truth, no matter how bad it is. Is better than lying and it eventually comes out anyway. If it ever does come out, your daughter will look at you for lying and deceiving her for all of those years and all the tears she would have shed over mourning a father who she thought was lost, were for nothing. A piece of her will always be missing. And no lie big enough will cover that pain. That’s just my insight though, so feel free to ignore this if you truly believe otherwise, but either way I’m sorry for the experience you had to go through.
Sometimes I try not to think about the things that us black women grow through because it makes me soo full of wrath and sad at the same time. I’m screaming but no ones hearing me. It breaks my heart because black women love black men so much , we’re out there protesting for them when served injustice and we stand by them. Unfortunately the feeling from them is not reciprocated.
It’ll be OK sis. Self care is important idk if you pray, work out, read, or etc. But just do whatever makes you happy and everything will fall in place. We don’t need those men, the one that’s right for you will eventually come.
Sometimes I try not to think about the things that us black women grow through because it makes me soo full of wrath and sad at the same time. I’m screaming but no ones hearing me. It breaks my heart because black women love black men so much , we’re out there protesting for them when served injustice and we stand by them. Unfortunately the feeling from them is not reciprocated.
Do you all ever notice sites directed at Black women always have these pain, despair, downright disgusting stories?….it’s always the same negative stories, music, movies, books…..everything directed at Black women is disgusting and filled with pain and despair…..This is what people think of us….they think so lowly of us….I read sites directed at non black women and I NEVER see articles like these……
I personally do not care about Black males and their preferences…or their colorism……..and i REALLY dont give a damn what they think about anything because usually its stupid….I don’t give a damn about colorism….I don’t give a damn what some racists are saying in social media..and I wouldn’t know if these so called black sites didn’t write about it….I know this won’t be popular but I don’t care about ‘Black love’, saving ‘our men’..etc etc…..I’ve turned my back on movies and tv…and now
ill have to turn my back on these socalled black sites because I don’t deal in pain and despair and I don’t seem to have much in common with most Black women judging by the subject matter on these sites…
Thanks BGLH….I’ll check in occasionally to see if there are any hair articles or style icons but these stories you post most I really don’t give a damn about.
Bye. Life must be just beautiful in Lala Land.
the truth is black men don’t think like they say we think, anyone with a little sense and is not blind knows that 90% of black men date black women and 90% of black women date black men so most of these stories are bogus and are written and posted by very damage people or people paid to sow discourse and enmity between black women and black men.
Sorry but you are not a young Black woman out here dealing with black males…You have no clue and I question your numbers.
ok I just don’t want to be apart of this childishness and immature back and forth bickering, point counter point between black women and black men on who got it the worst, when we are all black and both of us catch hell. peace.
She’s only certifying what black women been saying…I appreciate her honesty. Wonder what daddy has to say about it..
i once lamented that mixed people are often not very honest about the realities of many of their parents’ unions. a lot of times they talk like it’s this rainbow, cumbaya love that always pervades their households. too often, their conversation/complaints focus on blacks not accepting them, or feeling like they are in the middle, blah blah blah — that same cliched stuff. but they never seemed to get to the meat of things.
it is good to see somebody actually being honest and looking at things critically and reflecting on the true nature of certain things.
You really don’t have the right to talk about what mixed people go through, because a lot of us struggle just to be legitimized and accepted by the monoracial people of our mixed races. We get backlash because of your type of thinking. Monoracial black women literally hate women like me because I exist, as if it’s my fault. They see us as everything wrong with black men. Do you know how that feels? To live knowing that? Don’t talk about how we’re naive or don’t know. We know more than you on this particular subject, because we live it, and are products of it. Don’t insult me by saying we somehow view the world through rose colored glasses.
You know what, don’t talk about how interracial relationships are most likely false, either. It’s true that some black men (like my own dad) never date black women and only go after white women. But I am a mixed woman who is Black and is dating a white man because I love him, not because he’s white. It’s not some kumbaya crap where we think we can heal the world, as you so condescendingly put it. I met him (online no less), we liked each other, end of story. Our relationship is real, and we argue over race. We argue over what racism is and how it looks. This is a man I love but he doesn’t get my experience. There have indeed been times when I’ve thought dating a black man would be easier, but I can’t just hop on with the next person because of their skin color, and our relationship is important to us, so we work on it. We have real struggles. So stop.
Please tell me who these “monoracial” people are? How do you know they’re monoracial. By complexion? you do know most black americans are racially mixed meaning they have ancestry other than black whether its immediate or not.
You are not unique in your mixed background and the sooner you realize that the more you’ll understand that the struggle around color and acceptance is not limited to “biracials”. You have no clue the struggles of being dark skinned any more than I know the struggles of appearing to be lighter than the dark skins.
Perhaps some of the issues related to being “biracial” whatever that means is about the constant need to proclaim yourself as different than other racially mixed people who are darker than yourself. I have siblings that have a white parent, we talk about this. They rarely feel like they aren’t black because of the consciousness with which they were raised.
These black men are self-haters that is why they dislike women their same color and is obsessed with light skin but light skin women only because many black men secretly feel inferior to, hate and are envious of lighter skin men especially white men. Black women of all shades should avoid these black men with white/light fetishes at all cost.
Some of the biggest anti-black bigots I have ever known are black and part-black people who wish they were anything other than black or part-black. As a dark-skinned woman I have learned to give these people a very wide berth because they will throw me under the bus the first chance they get. I actually consider them more dangerous than some white bigots because they’re black like me (sometimes literally, they’re as dark as me). Kudos to this writer for recognizing what’s underneath the surface of these self-hating bigots. I’m sorry that her father is one of them; hopefully they’ll be able to come to an understanding.
PREACH IT ! This has ALWAYS been an issue in our community. I grew up in the 60s & many young black women involved in civil rights movements said many black men in the movement “talked black but slept/dated white”. I’m a medium brown girl & in the mostly white college I attended, there were black guys that wouldn’t look at girls my color & darker. In fact I went out with more white guys than black. There was a fairly large African population & I often hung out with Ethiopian & Nigerian students who had no such color drama & treated each other better than American blacks. In some areas of states where I had college pals (New Jersey & Delaware), there were light skinned mixed blood ( black white Indian mix) families that called themselves Moors & intermarried among themselves so that they would keep lightness & “good hair” in the family. That colorism started to recede a bit during the “black is beautiful ” days but came back in full bloom when hip hop came out. Just look at the early hip hop[ music videos: light & curly women ., The disgusting casting call for “Straight Outta Compton”. As a former inner city teacher I had elementary boys who I had to read the riot act to for insulting dark skinned little girls & ridiculing their hair if they had extensions. They got that stuff from the men in their lives. It’s really sad. Black women should just forget these self haters & date outside the race. I have friends whose daughters did that. Too often today’s young black men don’t respect women,esp dark skinned women.
Harry Belafonte: big time offender
Obviously some will want to criticise her for what she is saying but she is speaking from her own experience. I have male relatives who have never dated a woman who shared their complexion and think that marrying or dating white is trading up. A sad mentality that comes from slavery and colonialism. Sad, but true.
I agree with her except for this part ”
I hate it, because this mentality comes at the price of dark skinned black women, and women who are proud of their blackness.”
As a dark skinned black woman, my worth, value, and/or beauty are not tied up in the opinion of a self hating black man.
YES! I noted that too and just thought ‘Er no’. I’ve found I’ve always been approached by very light skinned, Asian and Hispanic looking men. When dark skin men have spotted me with my partner there has been the loud conversations with their friends about self hating black women. But I’ve enjoyed who I date and never considered the colour as a problem. If I like the man, find him sexy too, he’s a gentleman with me and I am interested in what he has to say, it can move on from there! Nobody here’s waiting on any dark skin black man. Lol!
Way to go !It’s OK for them to chase light women but hate it when sisters date outside the race.
I completely agree with her. I think it kind of goes without saying that the prevailing attitude in our community, even in 2016, is that a brother hasn’t “made it” until he’s got Rebecca, Maria, or Le-Mei on his arm.
So many people want to call exclusively dating out or dating light-bright-almost-white a “preference,” but I think in most cases, it’s really internalized white supremacy. Why would you “prefer” features that are as other from yourself and as close to the European standard of beauty as possible if you are truly able to see the beauty in yourself and your people, who come in a variety of shades?
In my experience, it has been rare to hear a light skinned black woman share thoughts like this. I wonder if many share this sentiment and haven’t been able to voice it? Or if more enjoy the privilege that comes with their complexion and miss the anti-blackness? Food for thought.
Many people are beautiful whether they’re black, brown, yellow, or white. I’ve noticed that when a kind attitude & truth shine through an “average” looking person, they enhance that person’s beauty. I’ve also noticed that an unkind and/or dishonest person can look quite bad, even if they’ve initially appeared to be lovely.
Some people tend to enjoy what they enjoy because they really enjoy it. Others rely on the opinions of others on what “good” or “beautiful” means, possibly because they haven’t learned to feel safe or comfortable about their own choices in those areas.
I suggest, without acrimony, that you find friends who YOU truly enjoy (whatever their skin tone, hair texture, or conversation is), AND who truly enjoy you (Afro-haired, fair-skinned, occasional brown-skin artist, & recovering from feeling objectified) so that you will defeat the bitterness that came from feeling like an imposter among phonies.
But that’s NOT what she was talking about at all…
I love the self-awareness and the solid thoughts she has own colorism and misogynoir. I wish more of my Light Skinned Sistas could stand in solidarity with their Brown/Black skinned sisters and I wish a small, shriveled up micro-penis on the men who Live this nonsense and subject any Women to their insecure bullsh*t.
This is a mess…this is a feminists mess devoid of any historical accuracy. Like “yeah, let’s blame internalized White Supremacy on Black men” because Black women aren’t like that. Only they are. Only across the board Blackness is an acquired taste when it comes to physicality. So much so that we constantly expand its borders to accommodate bi-racial people so that we can point at something and go “oh see, some of us are pretty”. I could go on, and want to, but to be honest I just don’t have the mental energies.
I resonates with me this so much. There will be no colorism going on in my house when I have kids.
Love it. She is on point.
It’s good to see this woman addressing the issue of colorism in our community in a real way, starting with her father. Her father describes the typical renaissance black man of that time and those before him (Harry Belafonte, Quincy Jones, Sidney Poitier).I see no lies in her story and admire her transparency. She could have easily been one of those women who avoid the topic as a non-issue and say “we’re all black at the end of the day” or not addressed it and continued on in her racially ambiguous privilege. Yes, we all are, but I think that as black women we need to address this honestly. None of us should have to stand alone in our own defense of colorism in any form. As a lighter skin non-biracial woman, I have had my share of black men who like me, because I am “just the shade/color they like”. As the daughter of a dark-skinned woman, I found this truly disgusting.
What she’s saying is so important. Men who fetishize these women and treat them like possessions are damaged for real. Would he have not loved his daughter if she came out looking more like him than his white wife? I doubt it! Self hate seems like a dang sickness at this point. There is no excuse. Men who are dating this blogger for her light skin are damaged too. Don’t most people know that if a dark skin man dates a mixed/super light woman those kids will be…brown not light or white???
This is an ingrown, albeit, hard to erase conditioning the black men have undergone. The media has always praised the European standard of beauty and at the same time, the black man has a stupid ego and pride that originates from God knows where. As men, they in general have a very narrow mind once they have set their principles to govern their life style. In general, their ideas are set in stone until a life decision crumbles those principles. They in general are hardly ever humble. And the fact that they are boxed in limbo, by the american media and their past, makes it all the worse.
Don’t get me wrong, they are still in the wrong. I was just explaining what I think could have led to this behavior. But that’s not an excuse because black women have undergone the same thing and are slowly but surely getting out of that box. Women are more open, and because of that, men view us as weak, when we are indeed strong for being able to go through everything and realize that nothing can be set in stone.
The black community in America have a hard time because they have been subjected to so much terrible history in the past and had no means to go back home (to their fatherland) and build themselves back up. So they had to make do. The mistake they made was forgetting that they are a minority in a diverse and large country, the more noise they make, the more the media milks it and gains more power. It should start with every individual, whenever they are faced with something they’re uncomfortable with, it should be handled with maturity and between the parties involved. When it gets blown up, the blacks will keep segregating themselves without realizing it.
??????????
Many people are beautiful whether they’re black, brown, yellow, or white. I’ve noticed that when a kind attitude & truth shine through an “average” looking person, they enhance that person’s beauty. I’ve also noticed that an unkind and/or dishonest person can look quite bad, even if they’ve initially appeared to be lovely.
Some people tend to enjoy what they enjoy because they really enjoy it. Others rely on the opinions of others on what “good” or “beautiful” means, possibly because they haven’t learned to feel safe or comfortable about their own choices in those areas.
I suggest, without acrimony, that you find friends who YOU truly enjoy (whatever their skin tone, hair texture, or conversation is), AND who truly enjoy you (Afro-haired, fair-skinned, occasional brown-skin artist, & recovering from feeling objectified) so that you will defeat the bitterness that came from feeling like an imposter among phonies.
Some black men prefer white women and that’s ok..WHAT’S not ok as seeing us as: ugly, non-successful, and broke. Without the struggle of our mothers and grandmothers. A.lot.of.rights we take for granted wouldn’t be here. Without struggle, there is little change!
I’m not surprised by anything this author stated in her essay because this is a major issue in the black community and in society as a whole. It brings to light, no pun intended, the root cause of much of black societies demise because there are so many “color-struck” black men and women who view the lightness of our skin as a prize and too much melanin as something bad or distasteful and all this serves to do is destroy the black community. It is truly disheartening because every generation of black people from a young age are instilled with opinions of light skin and dark skin and the connotations that go with both. As the saying goes “black people are their own worse enemy” because as much as there are black people who praise light skin tone and look down on darker skin tones, at the end of the day we’re still black to white people. The average white person won’t look at a light skin person and decide not to discriminate against them because of their “lighter” skin. Furthermore, the ones who do love black people and respect us don’t see us as light skin or dark skin but members of our own race place such a focus on skin tone.
As the author stated, so many black men, especially dark ones, look at dating someone lighter or a white woman as a status symbol. They chase after these women as though they’re chasing after the top prize in a competition. They should be ashamed of themselves because they are a part of a race of people who are hated on and discriminated against and instead of loving their race they’re actually working to fulfill the demise of their race. Why aren’t white people hating on each other the way black people hate on each other? Why are we still mental slaves to the same people who enslaved us and oppressed us for so many generations? Why are we essentially killing our own race through our own self-hate mentality?
With the emergence of Donald Trump’s campaign our eyes were open to the high level of racists in this country. There are pictures of these same white women that so many black men chase after who proudly wear tee shirts that read of black people needing to go back to Africa and they’re smiling proudly while doing so. Any black man who chases after a white woman like those women, need a serious wake up call. I feel for their mother, and all the black people in their family because if their daddy felt the same way as they do then they probably would have never been born.
White people invented, and continue to perpetuate, colorism. Look at the media. From looking at tv alone you would think all black women looked like alicia keys. The standard of beauty for black men is more flexible. I see black men who look like me in the media all the time; but not black women who look like me. The “white people don’t see color” theory is a lie and needs to be buried. Ironically black people either use this argument to somehow absolve white people, or to continue the mythology that “black is black at the end of the day.” Both are falacies and need to stop. Colorism is racism, and racism is colorism.
Tell the truth, shame the devil.
She is saying something that many of us already know. Good for her to speak out though.
I greatly appreciate her speaking her truth, especially as the offspring of a relationship of this nature. She is saying things that we all know and see, but for some reason, this conversation just does not happen.
Wow. This sister is deep. Sounds like she was describing so many black men today, including O.J. who saw Nicole as status and his property.
Tbh…i dont care . Im tired of reading these articles that like to focus on bashing black men and women. Im tired of reading things that are meant to divide us even further. We get it, according to this website and many others theres some black men who dont like black women because in essence they dont like theirselves. What a shame but how about we focus on the percentage of black men who do . I dont care if this young ladys father doesnt like darker toned women, thats his problem. Id rather the black men who feel that way to please date outside the race instead of making potentially a innocent black woman feel not worthy enough because the mans shes with has a problem with accepting his blackness . I wouldnt want black women with a black man like that. Thats his problem that now effects his daugther. Thats how i feel.
Exactly!
I have often wondered what happens when me like this have daughters. In most cases their daughters will not be able to pass as white. So if a man has something against black women how is he going to view his own daughter?
Their is nothing wrong with interracial relationships. I have dated more white guys than I have black guys. However I don’t look down on black men or judge them because of their skin color. For one I know that if I ever have a son he will be a black man.
I wonder if these men even understand that they will have black children.
They know they will have “black” children, and they will likely be fair. That is exactly what they want. The point of the article is that they value and prefer having fair “black” children, and by mating with white or light women they can achieve that.
Tbh…i dont care . Im tired of reading these articles that like to focus on bashing black men and women. Im tired of reading things that are meant to divide us even further. We get it, according to this website and many others theres some black men who dont like black women because in essence they dont like theirselves. What a shame but how about we focus on the percentage of black men who do . I dont care if this young ladys father doesnt like darker toned women, thats his problem. Id rather the black men who feel that way to please date outside the race instead of making potentially a innocent black woman feel not worthy enough because the mans shes with has a problem with accepting his blackness . I wouldnt want black women with a black man like that. Thats his problem and now his daugthers. Thats how i feel.
I really feel this. Colourism is a hell of a drug.
Preach sis! I’m glad she knows that these types are idiots
Sometimes I try not to think about the things that us black women grow through because it makes me soo full of wrath and sad at the same time. I’m screaming but no ones hearing me. It breaks my heart because black women love black men so much , we’re out there protesting for them when served injustice and we stand by them. Unfortunately the feeling from them is not reciprocated.
Sadly, these type of men exist. I have relatives like this. They appear to be pro black everything wearing locks etc but when it comes to their women, they must be white or close to it with straight, wavy hair or silky curls . One of my uncles(in-laws) slipped up one day and said he didn’t want any of his children to look like him. I didn’t think too much of at the time because I was very young and assumed him was talking about his looks not his blackness. But every woman I’ve ever known him to be with were white and or light skin. Mind you, my uncle and I are the same complexion, so I guess he doesn’t want any of his children to look like his nieces and nephews.
I’ve also read about women who would rather date white men just so that their children would not be teased and picked on like they were growing up. It’s not always because these women hated their blackness. Sometimes, it is because many of them were afraid, tortured, bullied all because of their dark skin and Afro hair and so they wanted their daughters to be the opposite of them in every way. All in the hopes that their daughters will never experience the pain they felt growing up just for being who they are. The saddest part was that, they were teased by their own people; black kids and black adults.
Imagine, being afraid of embracing your black God given features? Why is this still happening today? When will this mindset ever come to an end? Are there men out there that went through similar experiences growing up? If so, was this one of the reasons why you would never be caught with anyone like yourself? Instead of allowing these circumstances to consume you, are you open to different solutions? What if you had a daughter that looked just like you? What advice would you give her?
There ppl who wuld not date a person shorter than they are, or a person who have a gap in his/ her teeth, or a person who’s natural/relaxed haired. I say that to say ppl have perference. I can only speak for me whn I say I don’t harp over any man choice of love interest.
Sometimes I try not to think about the things that us black women grow through because it makes me soo full of wrath and sad at the same time. I’m screaming but no ones hearing me. It breaks my heart because black women love black men so much , we’re out there protesting for them when served injustice and we stand by them. Unfortunately the feeling from them is not reciprocated.