by
BGLH
The internet was abuzz this week when natural YouTube vlogger, MeekFro posted a video to her social media accounts showing a young man following her in a store as she was trying to walk away to shake his advances.
This isn’t how you approach a woman … chasing after her like she owes you something isn’t respectful pic.twitter.com/nIUVR4vBrl
— toonami mami (@MeetMeByTheBae) March 11, 2015
While, we’ve only seen a snippet of the video, her friend confirmed the incident and mentioned that the young man continued to press on after initially being told “no.”
@CartoonzNCereal he was like whistling and barking trying to get her attention . Then he approached and didnt take no for an answer . — Courtney Jae (@YourRide_r_Die) March 11, 2015
MeekFro also posted another video a few days earlier of another man attempting to initiate unwanted conversation.
UPDATE: the full video has been posted which shows the men followed her from the street to the inside of the store
https://youtu.be/q-CmSKDloOE?t=1m43s
Of course the internet had a lot to say.
Some felt the incident was clearly harassment:
“It’s street harassment when she declines communication and you keep trying to force it”
Others felt differently…
“she obviously wanted to ‘prove’ that she gets talked to…it had nothing to do with ‘harassment'”
There’s no denying that Mykel is a beautiful woman and the young man might have been overwhelmed by her flowing locs. However at what point is enough..enough? Can one safely avoid unwanted advances?
Just last October, Mary Spears, a mother of 3 was killed after rejecting a man’s advances in a club. Spears politely informed the male assailant that she had a fiancé and wasn’t interested. Unsatisfied with her response, the man proceeded to open fire on Spears and later the crowd, injuring five members of her family.
https://youtu.be/prCDWk99RjA
What do you think? Have you been followed in attempts to get your number? Do you feel there is a safe way to respond?
106 Responses
walking in downtown philly at every corner i was cat called by men and called a bish for politely declining it happens and u move on im not taping it
It’s perfectly fine for a young woman to decline the advances of anyone. I was approached as a fifteen year old by an obviously grown man, many years ago. He did not care that I was not interested in an adult and became agitated and biligerent. This occurred in a park environment with many adults and young people around. You never know what kind of personality your dealing with and your safety comes first.
Woman don’t have to be nice or polite to any man coming on to them
If saying no was sufficient they wouldn’t have followed her into the store from the street in the first place.
You have NO RIGHT to judge how she decides to dispatch people who follow her.
I’ve experienced this so many times in my life and I learned to just brush the guy off. However I just want to add to the people that keep saying she was being rude, listen we meet some many guys that do this on a daily basis. The problem is its hard to tell what type of guy he is. What if one of these guys wanted to attack her after. I am not going to risk my life and entertain someone so that I dont appear rude.
In addition we are taught from a young age to protect ourselves because you dont know what kind of people you will meet or what their intentions are. If protecting yourself means telling someone off then go ahead. Plus nothing cute about being harassed. Leave me alone.
…And to be honest she looked quite bored as if she was awaiting more action to spice up her night/vacation for her vlog
I’m not going to argue whether or not the first videos were harassment or get into a discussion of victim blaming BUT I will say that from my observations she was a bit engaging for her to claim to be harassed bc if you truly don’t want to be bothered it would speak and very obviously so in your body language (something natural and automatic) and that girl looked neither uncomfortable nor annoyed, she even responded to him AS HE BEGAN TO WALK AWAY. He called her rude and proceeded to walk away, once she realized her “unwanted attention” was over it she turned around and replied that he was rude for approaching her. Come on now *side eye* so unnecessary, why keep inviting/engaging in something unwanted as it is leaving as requested? Now it is unfortunate that instances such as these overshadow those of the case at the end of the article. And it’s unfortunate that people believe that they can be rude, mistreat or even harrass others without consequences bc each of those individuals would not tolerate the same from others which baffles me every time.
This girl was just rude. She is no better than the men who approached her. Very full of herself. Ugly.
The vlogger said in the first place while she and her friend were walking down the street that she shouldn’t have spoken. So therefore it means she was nice and spoke and went about her business. They then stalked her all the way into the store.
You are so right! She can be rude, and she doesn’t owe anyone anything.
I absolutely agee and I wouldn’t call this harassment. I’ve been grabbed and followed. By the grace of God, I’ve had others come to my aid on both incidences. I learned early on that if I receive unwanted attention- I provide very brief polite responses or I ignore them altogether. No smart remarks- no eye rolls- EVER. While it is within my right to give as much attitude and say whatever I like- this world is NOT a safe place and to do so could have been to my detriment. I’m not saying that my brief responses or non-responses will ensure my safety – but it may definitely lower my risk of being attacked.
this was harrassment…aint no telling how long he was actually following her but he was following long enough for her to pull out her phone and start recording. the part that gets me is how he comes back aggressive as hell proclaiming how he approached her like a gentlemen. women are not indebted to say “hi” to anyone. we dont owe strange men anything…smiles included. he can go pound sand.
I’ve personally been harassed…to the point where a 30 something year old man (I was 18) not only followed me around the store but waited outside until I came out and parked his car behind mine so I couldn’t leave the parking lot unless A) I responded to his advances or B) I called the police….although this young lady’s story could have been harassment, the way she interacted with them leads me to believe she wasn’t. She definitely engaged in conversation to the point where she was taunting them (“I’m a psycho killer”). And from my experience the only reason that you would taunt someone is to get a reaction from them and she definitely got the reaction she wanted which was more advances from the men. Personally I believe cases like these dilute and divert attention away from serious cases like mine or the woman in the other story above who lost her life. Notice how anyone only 1 or 2 people commented on that story. Just my opinion…
Well in my experience if a guy walks up and asks for my name/number I just smile and say, ” But I don’t know you!” Anyway this vlogger thinks so highly of herself. It’s not a crime for guys to try and get with you. Many of them are not refined, they don’t know what to say so they just say hi and ask for your name/number, just be polite about it and decline. All they’re trying to do is get a girlfriend, there’s no need to be rude from the outset.
Very few men who approach are actually rude or bad. Unless they have already formed a bad opinion of you based on clothing/the way you carry yourself, but that is another issue. I’m not in the mood to argue about “slut shaming” with feminists but the truth is, you get treated differently based on how you are dressed, there is no way to change this, it’s the reality.
This video doesn’t tell the full story so it is impossible to say if he was harassing her or if she was just being rude! I have been on both sides, where “boys” were just being totally obnoxious and where I was just flat out rude. When I have felt threatened I have let the person know they need to get away from me and if that wasn’t enough went to a public space so if need be a witness is present. But I can admit I have been rude when the approach was pleasant, maybe I was in a bad mood or just not attracted to the person. As woman sometimes I don’t think we tell the truth to ourselves as it pertains to a man approaching us and we jump right to the whole harassment talk. Lets be real how many of us have changed up the sassy, turn around after a man tries to speak and now you see he is handsome?!Im not talking about the derogatory comments of boys but just a man who is aw of your beauty and lost in his words to get your attention. It seems like we are putting so many men in the same category as these pigs when its far from the truth. When being approached in a pleasant manner whether your were looking for attention or not doesn’t give anyone the right to be nasty. We will give a pass to the Tyson Beckford looking guy even when the Beetle juice looking dude approached in the same manner, good or bad. I am guilty of this myself but it happens to be totally wack! So I say all of that to say lets stop putting every unsolicited approach by a man into the harassment category. A lot of us say we want the man to do the work to get our attention then react mad and hostile when a man does such only because he doesn’t fit the exact vision of the man we looking for(vanity wise).
Yes means yes, no means no. There is no gray area. It was clear the young lady was not interested. To keep advancing towards someone after that is harassment. Period.
As someone who was followed around stores by strange men many times when I was in high school and college I feel strongly this is harrassment. It is also very scary.If you have never hadthis happen to you then you shouldn’t judge. Imagine being 16 and some grown a$$ 40ish man is following you around. I would try to politely say I was not interested and move on but there are men out there who think “She’s playing hard to get.” Why would a man follow a woman he doesn’t know if she walks away from him? yet people are calling her rude. For me it got so bad my mom eventually told me to get security because men would follow me aisle to aisle. Sometimes they would come back to approach me 2 or 3 times. I worried they would follow to my car.. I have also had men follow me while I’m driving many times honking and flashing money and I would try to ignore. Someimes this has gone on for miles. One time a car I thought I got away from followed me home and since I had assigned parking they knew where I live. The truth is unless you act b$%#% some guys will not leave you alone.
She can be rude if she wants!! One day I was waiting for the train, this guy and his friend came up to me and told me they liked my locs, they had a bball and looked rather young 18-20. I was being polite, and gave one of the guys tips on how to start his locs since he asked me abt it. Then I felt the conversation getting weird so I said good luck with your hair put my headphones in and took my book out and started walking back and forth reading. At some point this guy took off his shirt, guess he was hot from paying ball. The train came I hesitated cause I didn’t want to be in the same car as them. But I didn’t want to be late for work so I got on and sat next to someone, at the next stop my seat mate got out and this half naked guy sat next to me and continued to harass me the entire ride. I was like I’m not interested, he persisted, I was do damn uncomfortable, I was in the inside seat by the window he was on the outside seat. I didn’t feel comfortable moving because I knew he would just follow me and the situation would escalate. Everyone around me was staring, they could feel how uncomfortable I was. I think at some point I started laughing hysterically. I ran out of the train at the last minute at some random stop and was late for work. I had anxiety for the next 2 days. People use your kindness against you. Especially men/ boys in NYC. She can be rude if she damn well pleases. Nothing stops them anyway.
She was being unnecessary. Saying no would’ve sufficed. Her giving them these clever responses, were just screaming for attention, and also letting these men know they are on video tape doesn’t help her case. The women who got shot, that was harrassment.
its definitely harassment but as women we have to know how to deal with it.
some give fake names, fake numbers, outright say no, don’t smile, don’t talk and the harassment persists. Harassment does not validate your beauty or make you feel good – you just feel harassed. You ought to know your worth and beauty to not let harassment factor in to the equation. ultimately if you sense danger – run, hide, or call police.
If a woman shows no interest, if she
turns her back, or responds to his questions in curt one
word answers, then she is not interested. That would seem to me to
be a huge clue. Yet he continues his hot pursuit, hoping to change
her mind? Following her into a store does not score brownie points,
it begins to border on him being a stalker. She is not going to
change her mind nor does she have to. If she is not interested, she
is not interested. Period, full stop. Why would she have to give
him her number – fake or otherwise – why does she have to engage
him in conversation, why is the onus on her to be polite to a
stranger to whom she does not want to speak> Why can’t HE be polite
and stop his unwanted advances. Just stop. Why do we believe that
any time a man approaches a woman she should be flattered? And if a man has followed her into a store or into her workplace or into
her apartment building or whatever else, shouldn’t she be even more
leary? I am sorry but that is not cool. Women have come to accept
far too much from proposed suitors. If she doesn’t want to engage
with him, why MUST she? It is so disrespectful to suggest that she
should smile at him, give him a fake number or spend her time
talking to someone she clearly does NOT want to talk to. And to
correlate this exchange to being alone or being unable to keep a man
is demeaning to women, bearing absolutely no resemblance to true or
fact. The two are unrelated.
Thank you so much!
The fact that this is even framed as a question or being up for discussion is despicable. BGLH, you should be ashamed of yourselves for this perpetuating that notion. She was harassed, period. You should have said that in your title, and asked your readers to have the more important conversation of how we stop this sort of misogyny.
I experience this a lot. No does mean no but she was RUDE!!!! But she also is quite young and that seems to be the way many of these young ladies are these days. Heck if another natural walked up to her and complimented her on her hair I think they would’ve got the same type of reaction from her. Being snark like that can become so much a part of your personality that it can be hard to turn off. Its not a cute look. I notice that when young women like her are in public with their friends they try to act all hard like they have a chip on their shoulder. Its a type of defense mechanism. For what I don’t know. I’m a grown woman and have no problem politely declining advances from men like that in a public place. Popping off at the mouth when the man is clearly not showing you bodily harm is childish. You can be firm in your “no ” without being bitchy or rude. Save that if he gets up in your personal space. We ( women) are not all the same however and we are allowed to have what ever reaction we want but her attitude is just so ugh. I hate when young black women act like this because it translates into other social situations too.
Im going to have to disagree with you. This lady might get these types of advances all the time, and all the time I mean DAILY. If not this person, then im sure other women do. You have to understand that to sometimes men perceive ‘politeness’ and ‘kindness’ as shyness. And thats when they start following you, thinking that they can erode your willpower and make you give in. If another natural walked up to her and complimented her, I dont see why she wouldnt be thankful for the compliment. You dont know her personality, she might be a really sweet person. But when it comes to UNWANTED advances at the second, third and fourth approach, thats when she starts getting serious. Because we know what men are capable of. We know that there is a big possibility that if a man approaches us, looking for someone to take home, he might not be very receptive to rejection. Why else would he approach someone he doesnt know? So I have to disagree with you on your premise, yes its a defense mechanism. But it works, doesnt it? If a man pops off and tries to hurt her when she said no, that man was probably going to pop off anyways.
Maybe that’s the problem. When some women respond as if it’s okay to be followed into a store and continuously harassed the guy think it’s okay to do that with every other female that he wants to get a number from or talk to.
When you do not want to be bothered you don’t wish to be. I have had this happen to me when I have been on the subway minding my own business and reading a book. Guys will come right up in your face and start trying to ‘mack’ with tired, idiotic lines. A lot of foreign black men think that they are entitled to your attention. I have told many men that I do not wish to be bothered and they have become defensive. I value my personal space. Black men need to learn the ideal of boundaries and respect them. Men need to teach young men what is appropriate when approaching women. Young women need to enforce the issue of boundaries with young men. I have witnessed men come up to women and openly touch them, which is unacceptable. Some young women take such attention as endearing, which is sad. Mothers need to instill self respect in young black women and let them know that every male is not worthy of their attention.
As a woman, why am I not entitled to be rude if I don’t want the attentions of some random man? Men will tell a woman in a heartbeat if they are not interested and will not mince words.
I’m entitled to walk around in a bikini top- 30 miles from the nearest beach. It does not mean that I do it. You ladies need to figure out the difference between your “right” versus being safe. You do not risk antagonizing someone who has twice your strength and for whom you have no idea of their criminal or mental history.
Why are so many people only commenting on the first story? How about the lady who lost her life because she told someone that she was not available for his advances? I remember hearing about this story when it happened and all I thought was how many times I have been in similar situations and felt unsafe. It is situations like the ones the vlogger recorded that could turn violent because some loser was rejected. No one should ever feel in danger because they are not interested in someone, whether they are polite or rude. What is wrong with these socially inept people who cannot take a rejection and keep it moving? Stop blaming the woman who had the very smart idea to record these idiots (which I think is the only reason that both of them eventually left her alone). Stop justifying those guys’ behavior, what they did is rude. You don’t follow someone into store that you yourself were not already got to patronize just to continue your harassment. Their behavior is scary. I support her and everyone else who no longer wants to stand by while this type of harassment and possible violence continues.
For those people saying that this is not harassment are wrong! None of you know what happened before she started recording, how long were these guys following her before she started recording, and what was their purpose for being in the store? Doesn’t look like either guy was in there to purchase anything. For all the people who have experienced this type of harassment know exactly why the woman felt the need to record and be rude. Sometimes being polite is not enough. I have politely declined many guys’ advances only to be told I was “being rude, a bitch, or I was ugly anyway”. I have had guys put their hands on me and grab my arm or other part of my body when I would try to walk away and continue on my business. I have had friends feel threatened they would be harmed because they declined to talk to a guy. I have had a guy yell out “shoot these girls” because my friend and I did not respond to him yelling at us from across the street. You ladies who think this behavior is at worst annoying are mistaken, there are many state laws that will say otherwise. A person cannot follow someone around or into a place like store after being told “no” to their advances. It can be considered harassment and stalking. Stop blaming the victim, this is a serious problem and everyone should stand united to end this type of harassment.
Her response in both video’s was completly rude. What is wrong with just giving a fake name and number , smile and keeping it moving. I’ve done this many times before and immediatly the guys stop persuing because they are satified and were not embrassed or dissed for just admiring. The reason the guys were so persist was because of the way she was acting adding fuel to the fire. And women wonder why they can get or keep a man. I’m not saying she had to kiss these gentlemens behind but they should have been treated with common curtisy. I dont care who you are you have to have class about yourself. After all they were only admiring and giving a compliment even if it was in the best way they knew how.
Why should someone have to lie if they are not interested? It is women like you who end up giving a name and number (albeit fake) to these idiots that have them thinking what they are doing works. It is because of women like you that I have had guys like these fools still continue to harass me with statements like “and don’t be giving me no fake name and number”. What happens if the guy harassing you is doing so in a place that you frequent and you end up seeing him again after your fake name, number, and a smile bullshit? What if he is pissed (because he is obviously unhinged since he can’t take a simple, polite no without getting upset)? Should we all say we he had a right to be upset with you because you lied to him. Did you ever think maybe she was polite initially and that did not work (has happened to me plenty of times) then she finally got upset, took out her phone and that is the 15-20 second video we are seeing? Stop trying to justify this nonsense. It is harassment plan and simple. She doesn’t owe these dudes a damn thing.. her name, number, and a smile (even if fake) especially!
And did you ever think maybe she was not polite initially and came off completely ill-mannered. Your right she doesn’t owe these men a thing BUT my point was you should have some class about yourself and not embarrass a guy on SOCIAL MEDIA when all they where trying to do was ask you out. (Even if they way they did it was no the way YOU thought they should do it.) That in it self made her no different from them and the way they address her. She stooped to their level. IT’S WOMEN LIKE YOU who don’t know how to deal with simple situation like this without pulling out your phone and making social media your outlet for gaining attention about a situation that was not that big of a deal to begin with. IT’S WOMEN LIKE YOU who feel being kind (fake or not) is a form of weakness. IT’S WOMEN LIKE ME who think that posting things like this to social media is okay……..is just SAD. At the end of the day these guys where just trying to talk to her. I never said she had to go out on a date with them or marry them but the way she handled to situation was POOR. You have to be smart and wise and if she felt in REAL DANGER SHE COULD HAVE CALL THE POLICE. She was just looking for a “POOR ME” look these guys are soooo interested in me that they won’t leave me alone Boo hoo. Girl bye
I used to give fake numbers until the guys started buzzing my phone to check if the number was real…So now i give my real number and block.
I see what you’re saying about courtesy because I don’t like being mean lol I’m way too kind at times. But when it comes to male advances, the way this man approached her was just as disrespectful or rude as her response. To keep it real, I would’ve ignored him as well. The fake number thing will end in two ways (well at least for me that’s how it happened)…you can give him a fake number and he’ll call that number right on the spot and wait for your phone to ring (some guys really do this!) or you give him the fake number and satisfy him but won’t that make him think it’s ok to approach all women he’s interested in the same way he approached her? And telling him “no” doesn’t always do the trick, you just wind up exasperated, frustrated and ignore him like you’d ignore a bully, until he hopefully goes away. It just all seems reductive =)
Her response was rude? I don’t think so, actually. She has no obligation to give this stranger anything, not even a fake number and name. Why go through all that effort when a simple ‘no’ should suffice? He was not showing curtesy when she repeatedly rejected him. Harrassing somebody is not a compliment.
“And women wonder why they can get or keep a man” I think I can speak for a lot of women when I say this; I would never want be with a man, much less keep a man whose ‘game’ was harassing me until I broke and gave in. That kind of behaviour speaks volumes to how he would actually treat you in a relationship! That isn’t common curtesy and it isn’t very polite. 🙂
The point is a man should not feel entitled to your number, and giving out fake names/numbers isn’t helping them learn that not interested means not interested!
No one should have to stop and pretend to be nice to strangers because they are acting like animals and we want to avoid being attacked. These are human beings we are talking about. No means fucking NO. Im sure if they had the chance to assault her they would have. They could hve completely avoided her being ‘rude’ if thy simply didn’t say anything at all. Men always think women owe them something for their unwanted ‘compliments’ and advances and we should be glad they notice us. LoL Please, I’m sure a lot of us would be glad if they didn’t even look our direction with there eyes trying to peer into our souls or through the clothes on our asses! These men need to be raised better, they are the ones with the issues.
Some men are not worthy of courtesy.
No man should ever start off a conversation with a total stranger like “can i get your number” followed by “why… Why… Why… Why…”, then keep going on and on then following her throughout the entire store.
I only watched the videos above (didn’t seek out longer versions on youtube), but if you begin your approach (make eye contact, begin to speak) and the woman turns and keeps walking, you’ve got your answer–she doesn’t want to talk to you. If you keep pursuing her, you are demanding attention that she has already let you know she is not inclined to give, and that’s harassment. She doesn’t have to be polite–you’ve already forfeited her courtesy by forcing her into an interaction she’s made clear she doesn’t want to have. The idea that a woman is required to take the time and energy to stop what she’s doing–stop her daydreaming, or deciding what she’s having for dinner or belatedly coming up with the perfect comeback in an argument she had three weeks ago–to say out loud something her pursuer already knows and has chosen to ignore (and to say it with a smile and a soft, reassuring voice at that) is complete and utter bullshit. The man in this situation has made it clear he’s not willing to take no for an answer, and it’s only natural that the woman would then be gruff, to make her rejection even clearer than she already has.
I wish I could like this1,000 times! Man, you already know she’s not interested! Stop trying to salvage your bruised tho on someone else’s time!
Honestly, I find it very rude that she recorded these videos. Whenever someone tries to talk to me for a romance and I don’t want to be bothered, I just keep it moving. That has never failed, ever. Some woman just like the attention, and so they’ll drag out the interaction for long periods of time. Had that guy had money or good looks, those same advances would be taken as huge compliments. So what if you don’t like him? Move on. Petty stuff here.
but he wasn’t rich or good looking, so she didn’t want him, that is her right. Just because she MAY have welcomed the attention of a rich, handsome man does not mean she OWES an ugly, poor man anything. your logic is skewed.
Exactly! After reading many comments and responses, I am starting to feel like the people defending these men and their actions are the same people who would like the “attention” these men are giving her. I know I only respond to guys that I think are attractive, why should it be any different for her? That is what harassment is…unwanted advances. And she didn’t want either one of them.
That is precisely my point. The guy is not doing anything inherently wrong. In fact, her interaction is only fueling his interaction. Yet, she thinks she’s so much better than him. She wants to look cool or important on social media. Some of you women need to get that huge chip off your shoulder. That sweet, charming guy will never approach you because he can smell your stank, gold-digger attitude from a mile away.
How is her recording rude? Maybe it took her recording the videos for them to actually stop harassing her, which is what I got from watching the videos. One guy actually asked why she is recording and she said I record everything, it clicked and he finally walked away.
Exactly, she made the interaction much more than it needed to be. All she had to do was say, ‘no thank you, I’m not interested’ and leave it at that. The smart aleky remarks just made the situation escalate and made him believe (rightly) that she would continue to entertain his advances. She should have just disengaged and called management/security if it was that bad. The fact that she was recording shows her mindset. Attention is what she wants and what she got.
I didn’t see how the 1st one was harrasement. The 2nd one yes.
Is the rest of the video on Youtube or Instagram? I was able to get some understanding of the content and I have to say this.
The guy cheesin’ in the second video I just want to hit…with something heavy! There are fine lines between a complement, pestering and harassment. If she wanted to raise awareness for harassment towards women in African American communities then I say ‘Go head girl.’ This needs to be addressed! She was being following into the store and the guy was whistling/barking at her and it was rude! He asked for her number after doing that? No freakin’ way! She simply said no. There is nothing rude about saying no to someone! She then addressed to the guy how rude he was being and then he was turned off. Maybe she didn’t want to be rude but that’s what happens when you are pushed into a corner. You defend yourself. I get harassed coming to and from work often and I ignore them until they leave. If they ask for my phone number, I say NO. These young guys were probably raised by young parents who shouldn’t have had kids with no manners!! Also when they approach a female, their reasoning maybe ‘ I can get this girl…if she says no I’ll pester her until she’s mine…for now!” Apparently the guys in the video they don’t fully understand a word as simple as NO! It’s not rocket science! So let’s stop blaming the woman if she gets assaulted, let us not blame the black girl for saying no she is not interested and this is not the reason black guys go to white women. Whatever happen to No means No?? SMH
Who was whistling and barking? Is there an extended version of this clip on u tube that only you saw? Bc that didnt happen in either of the videos posted here. Further she didnt say “no”. He said “hi whats your name” and she said “I dont have a name”. The second time when the guy introducted himself, she said “Im a serial killer.” What “simple no” did you hear? Can you please share the link where you saw whistling and barking with the rest of the group bc if there is more to this story than what is shown here, Id really like to see?
It seems you didn’t read it too clearly either lol it said her friend tweeted out that the first guy was barking and whistling at her to get her attention..we didn’t see it in the video though..she did say no..not verbatim though. She said I’m good which means no and he continued on.
When some asks how you are and you reply “I’m good”, that does not normally mean “no” in polite society. Rather it is typically viewed as an invitation to continue conversing! I saw nothing rude or out of line in that first video. You are just exhibiting a typical Internet overreaction to a simple social interaction.
Well, by your logic, I find it interesting that you didn’t notice this didn’t happen in “polite” society. His approach was not polite, his response was not polite, so why would she be inclined to go about this in a polite way?
Some men mistake politeness for feigned interest, which may cause some women to respond in kind.
There is more to the story, I believe the victims friend said the man was whistling and barking at her prior to the video via twitter.
Its crystal clear from reading your post that you wrote it without actually watching the video.
It’s clear from reading your post that you didn’t actually read the article and just went straight to the video…
Unfortunately, there isn’t enough video to show what happened prior to the recording. She could have indeed been being harassed. It’s always so amazing to me how quickly people tend to just to the most emotionally charged conclusions from snippets. A woman says she was harassed, we deny that she was. A woman says she was raped, we say prove it. A woman says she feels unsafe outside, we say stay your tail in the house…if she says she was harassed prior to the taping (because it’s not likely that the camera was out and ready prior), why does she have to prove it? And why (based on another commentors remarks), does SHE no longer have class? Why does she have to prove who she thinks she is?? One commentor even went on to proclaim “This is the reason that more than 50% of black women in the US never get married. This nasty type of behavior is exactly the reason so many of our men decide to be disrespectful and unfaithful towards us”. Wow! She got all of that from this video. I’ll counter with this. Maybe disrespect and unfaithfulness are just wrong. Let’s hold everyone accountable. Being rude to people? Let’s try not to. If you want to be disrespectful and unfaithful to someone? Maybe you’re not ready to date yet. There are so many pieces to this puzzle that are missing, but the conclusion for some is the same. “She think she cute, and she wants everyone to see that she gets talked to”. Sounds so vile to read. So envious. So hateful…as hateful as she is accused of being. People always have to prove they’ve been wronged.
The sad
truth is that this IS the reason so many black women stay single. Black women
are known for having bad attitudes, are mad when no one wants to talk to them,
AND mad when someone does that we don’t think is good enough. Anyone being
offended by that statement prob falls into that category. I am completely
floored at the amount of women defending this behavior. What exactly did these
men do to deserve this? Other than say hello to a women in a store? Would you
be ok with a man trying to make a fool out of you on video simply because you
said hello to him? My guess is no. But because this woman is black with natural
hair, every women in the black community goes blindly running to her defense.
Wrong is wrong. There was no “barking” at her in this video. Neither of these men said anything disrespectful,
and as soon as she shot them down, they both immediately walked away. So where was the “harassment”? How did they disrespect her? Someone making
one attempt to speak to you is harassment? If Idris Elba had done the exact
same thing, there wouldn’t even be a video about this and she definitely wouldn’t
be claiming to have been harassed. Lastly, your right this is a short video
clip. This is all that we have to go by bc that is all she posted.
What behavior?? She wasn’t rude at all. She owes no man the time of day. Maybe she has a man..you don’t know her situation. If she doesn’t want to be spoken to she doesn’t have to. No means no. As the article said, which you obviously didn’t read, the barking wasn’t captured on the video. All we see is the exchange between the two so you can’t comment on what did or did not happen. She said no once and he should have been mature enough to go about his business. Just because they “weren’t disrespectful” as you say doesn’t mean she has to talk to them. Even if it is Idris Elba she doesn’t have to give him attention either. That’s the point, men are not entitled to anything from women no matter their approach.
And with this I think it is time for me to exit the comment section stage left. I suggest most do the same, this discussion is going in so many circles I’m dizzy. I feel maybe we all should just agree to disagree…
You sound desperate. Not all women are. Believe it or not sometimes women want to go outside with out being bothered. Black women probably have ‘attitudes’ because they cant be left alone unless they are inside.
What do you mean black women have bad attitudes? Wtf? That means we deserve harrasment ? Ok just keep spreading the misogynoir there that perpetuates the rape and assault of black women since we’re so mean and don’t deserve love but if we’re deemed attractive we must automatically accept the advances of any man cause who else would want dirty, mean, tainted black women
Mandy, you are wrong. You are also not able to speak for Black women, even if you are one. If we are “known” for anything, it’s because that is what is being perpetuated to the masses. The reality of the matter is, I have a family full of strong Black women…married Black women. I am married. My Black friends are married. Some of us to Black men, some of us to non-Black men. I have no desire to run to her defense. What I desire to do is ask others why she HAS to defend herself. Why is this snippet of a video makes her the problem? She says she was being harassed. She began to recording. But, here’s the problem. Her response is unjustified because you can’t PROVE what happened before it? Why do you need to prove it? She says she was harassed, and she has to defend herself. My point is (and you must be kidding to believe that I would jump to someone’s defense because of her hair texture?), women always have to prove the offense. It doesn’t matter who offended her. Unwanted advances are unwanted. If she wanted Idris Elba, his advances would not have been unwanted. She might have welcomed them. But, this young man, she did not want. So, why would she be forced to entertain his advances in the same manner as those that are wanted? What kind of backwards logic is that? A response to wanted advances does not have to look anything like the response to unwanted advances. Especially if they persist. I don’t know if they disrespected her. She said so. And, since I have no reason to assume she’s lying, I made my response. Others assume she is lying. Those assumptions extend to our “known” bad attitudes. Women of all races can have them. Stop perpetuating the stigma.
The video has been reposted to show that the man followed her from the street all the way into the store…And, Mandy, you are extremely presumptuous. You are not able to speak for Black women, even if you are one. If we are “known” for anything, it’s because that is what is being perpetuated to the masses. I take into account that no race or gender is homogeneous. The reality of the matter is, I have a family full of strong Black women…married Black women. I am married. My Black friends are married. Some of us to Black men, some of us to non-Black men. I have no desire to run to her defense. What I desire to do is ask others why she HAS to defend herself. Why does this snippet of a video make her the problem? She says she was being harassed. She began recording. But, here’s the problem. Her response is unjustified because you can’t PROVE what happened before it? Why do you need to prove it? She says she was harassed, and she has to defend herself. My point is (and you must be kidding to believe that I would jump to someone’s defense because of her hair texture), women always have to prove the offense. It doesn’t matter who offended her. Unwanted advances are unwanted. If she wanted Idris Elba’s advances, then his advances would not have been unwanted. She would have welcomed them. But, this young man, she did not want. She did not want to be followed into a store. So, why would she be forced to entertain his advances in the same manner as those that are wanted? What kind of backwards logic is that? A response to wanted advances does not have to look anything like the response to unwanted advances. Especially if they persist. I have no reason to assume she’s lying, I made my response. Others assume she is lying. I hope the extended version of the video helps her prove her case. Sad she has to. Those assumptions extend to our “known” bad attitudes. Women of all races can have them. Stop perpetuating the stigma.
This was not harassment. The young men seemed polite and simply asked for her number. These days people complain about others not doing things the old-fashioned way and asking for numbers face to face, or simply approaching someone to yell them they are beautiful. However, it seems when they do finally do it it is considered harassment. You can;t have your cake and eat it too.
Women are mad when no one wants to talk to them, and then just as mad when someone does. A man you are not attracted to making a single attempt to speak to you is not harassment.
You’re an idiot. It is harassment because of the unsolicited and persistent nature of these advances. ‘No’ should mean ‘no’ but according to these fools, they can coerce any female to rethink their initial decision.
It truly is unfortunate that because a young, relatively attractive female is by herself in a public setting, males misinterpret this to mean “single and ready to mingle” when in fact that is rarely the case.
I agree
She was being followed around a store…how is that not harassment?
It is harassment. In the state of New York, she could sign charges against him for just that and possibly charges of stalking depending on the entire situation. Different states, different laws but I am sure there are similar laws in most states.
I would have to have seen the whole issue other than what was posted. This seems to be the timeline where Boys and Man-Children didn’t retain or were not taught how to relate and approach the opposite sex. I have been followed (after politely telling them that I’m not interested) and literally you have to be a bitch for them to get the point or threaten them with your pepper spray and/ or Tazzer. then you get the, “So that’s how it’s going to be?!” “Yeah dude it is”. I do not answer to little mama, honey, yo, hey baby, barking , whistling or any other nonsense. They need to approach me like a gentleman and introduce themselves THEN ask for my name. if he can’t take the time to learn your name, then 9 times out of 10 he just wants to smoosh and be gone. Instead of just walking off, just give a side turn and say, “I’m not interested”. If it continues then it’s harassment. Maybe that will be a wake up call to these 2 gentleman that they need learn better skills or if they are running after someone that isn’t slowing down to talk then they need to chock it up as a lost and move on with your day. If a guy asks for my name I say, “Mrs. Jones”. If they retained anything from school Mrs. will let them know I’m married and not interested.
I agree
with part of what you just said. If you politely tell a man no and he continues
to persist then yes, that is rude and would make me feel uncomfortable.
However,
that is not what happened in these videos. I have watched each of them from
start to finish twice. Judging by some of these posts I don’t think people are
even taking the time to watch them before writing about it. Neither of these
men did anything wrong.
She said no though lol what do you mean?? You might have watched the videos twice but did you listen lol??
People don’t get out their phone and openly start recording others if they haven’t gone away when politely ignored or told “no” first.
I ordinarily don’t post to discussions like these; however I
am so upset by this that I felt compelled to do so. You should ashamed of
yourself. No one was harassing you. Two men found you attractive and decided to
attempt to speak to you. You clearly didn’t
feel the same way and instead of having some class, thanking them for the
compliment and respectfully declining, you record a video of yourself being
mean and hateful to both of them? Who do you think you are? Do you think this
is funny? Do you think this is cute? This is the reason that more than 50% of
black women in the US never get married. This nasty type of behavior is exactly
the reason so many of our men decide to be disrespectful and unfaithful towards
us, because that’s the only thing black women seem to respond to. Either that or they move on to white women.
And when you see a black man with a white woman you have the nerve to be angry
about it. If you tried to approach a man
and he responded to you the way you treated these men, and recorded a video of
it no less, you would be heart broken and humiliated. I don’t know what is worse, your shameful behavior,
or the fact that so many black women are congratulating you behind it! You aren’t
better than anyone, and you certainly don’t look out of either one of
these men’s league physically. Grow up,
take them ridiculous contacts out of your eyes, and learn to treat people with the
respect that you would want to be given.
Lol…Some black females…..lord
Everything you said is exactly what is wrong with the way people view women in today’s world. ESPECIALLY the comments about Black women! I mean what the hell does her being Black have to do with ANYTHING that happened here?? Are you sure you’re a woman?? Because you sound like one of the those bitter Black guys who get angry when a Black woman respects herself enough and doesn’t automatically want to talk them or find them appealing. They feel a sense of entitlement because of the way Black women are perceived in society. It’s a misogynistic view some Black seem men have. As if we HAVE to talk to them just because they’re Black and trying to holler at you. Um, no, it doesn’t work that way.
1. So you think it’s “rude” that she won’t give her name?? Too bad. NO WOMAN, Black or otherwise, has to respond to any form of greeting/pickup line by ANY man if they feel uncomfortable doing so. Women don’t owe men a response.
2. Most men like that will take a polite decline for a positive response of “I need to try harder.” As if we are playing “hard to get” when we are playing “do not talk to me, please leave me alone.”
3. That way of thinking promotes rape culture and victim blaming. If a woman says she was harassed and cat called and then sexually assaulted and the police’s first response was “Well did you respond to their advances, it sounds like they were just trying to pay you a compliment?” then that’s victim blaming.
For you to claim that Black men are unfaithful and disrespectful to us because we decline their advances is just ridiculous. If I have to give a man my number and flirt with him for him to respect me then I DO NOT NEED HIM IN MY LIFE. If there is a Black man who finds an “easier” white woman then good luck to him. Even me being in an interracial relationship know that there are Black men out there who are faithful, respectful and loving and care about Black women enough to know that you need to show respect before you can gain it. The only Black men that “move on to White women” are the ones who don’t respect Black women enough to know that we are not some desperate coloured gals who’ll do anything for a Black man that will holler at them.
So sorry to burst your bubble but I am NEVER angry about Black men who actually fall in love with a woman of another race. Love has no color.
You sound like a White woman who is with a Black man. Stop being so obsessed with us go enjoy your time with Tyrone we don’t care. Stop inserting yourself in discussions about us. Like why are you making this about White women being with Black men? Trust me we don’t care as much as you all wish we did. And if a woman has to say no more than once it is harassment. If the contact is unwanted and persists it is unwanted. And what compliment is there in being followed around? We should be grateful for male gaze? It’s women like you that perpetuate women having low self worth unless they’re given a man’s attention. News flash a man’s attention is not the end all to be all. I have “respectfully declined” men and have still been called everything but a child of God. I have been followed around neighborhoods and stores and bars. I’m so sick of you people trying to force me to be nice to these men who invade MY space. I hope technology advances so that every time a random man approaches me unwanted (which is 100% of the time) I could teleport them to women like you who seem to find it a compliment.
I hope you get what you want and no man ever takes any interest or tries to speak to you ever again for the rest of your life since thats what you claim makes you happy. Have fun dying alone.
Oh the horror of dying alone. Women should know by now that they’re life is worthless if they don’t have a man–worthless!!!!. Oh the horror!!!!!!
…I think you are a butthurt man masquerading as a woman. Your comments throughout suggest this is a hot button issue for you, so I suspect either you’re a woman who doesn’t get approached, a white woman with issues or a black man
Preach!
Was anyone else waiting for the MRAs to fly into this articles comments section? I mean, I expect them at troughs like Buzzfeed and Jezebel, but not at isolated locations like these.
All that “fuck you, everyone should be obliged to find my opinions attractive”. Yeah no.
Slink back to Return of Kings, please. And take your bitter cognitive dissonance with you.
There’s a time and a place to approach a woman. The middle of a public setting usually isn’t one of them. How does a woman being by herself in a public place somehow mean she should be open and receptive to being courted by random strangers? Even if you’ve got one of those “you’ll never know unless you try” mentalities, once a girl says NO to whatever advances you may throw her way, that should be enough for you to retreat and let said girl go about her business. These guys are insistent despite the fact she rejected their advances. That is harassment. Dudes like this need to get a clue because A) you look like an idiot and B) you’re giving other men a bad fucking rap.
You should have stuck to your self-imposed rule about not commenting in discussions like this.
You and your attitude are the reason why so many men think they can approach any woman and follow her around and expect to be treated “politely.”
No means no. The first time she said no should have been the end of it. When a man follows her into a store and continues to approach her she is under no obligation to be “polite.” In fact it was HE not SHE who was rude when he decided to follow her and impose his presence on her after she made it clear that she wasn’t interested.
This man is not owed anything by this woman. She doesn’t owe him the time of day, her attention, or even an answer to his questions. People like you who insist on making the asinine argument that how polite she was and make excuses for pathetic, no-class, ill-mannered men who can’t take no far an answer are part of the reason that men like that think they can get a woman’s attention by stalking her. How do we expect men to do better of we don’t expect better.
Men are not entitled to women’s attention and women like you who cater to this childish attitude make things difficult for the rest of us who would prefer men act like men and be respectful.
Expecting to be treated with respect isn’t about thinking you’re better than other people. Your inability or unwillingness to understand that doesn’t make your accusations any less idiotic and false.
You are a nasty misogynist troll. Next time some thug like this guy (and you) bothers me, I’ll call the cops and let the chips fall where they may.
i need to see more or what happened before hand..if he was whistling and barking at her before then NO, otherwise it seems like he was just interesting and asking her name and instead of saying i dont have a name should have just been like I’m not interested but thanks
this is what kills me about the whole “street harassment” thing. the women(an) video taped and video taping themselves NEVERRRRR (well i have never seen one) where they just say sorry I’m not interested, they always just keep ignoring the guy which is my opinion is rude in the sense that just be up front and say your not interested b/c your ignoring could also be taken as she didn’t hear me or being rude which no one wants to be treated like that. Now I’m not talking about the guys who are whistling, barking, gyrating etc, I’m talking about guys who are like “excuse me can i talk you for minute” etc etc along those lines.
i know I’m in the minority here on this issue, i just do not see how a guy asking for your name or number (again not talking about woof calling, barking etc) is considered harassment or rude. He sees a pretty girl he wants to get to know he doesn’t know your whole life story that you’ve been “beat down” by other mens supposed harassment, that you have a man, that you are just happy being single . i just dont see the issue or either side with the polite men or the women who dont just say I’m not interested
I couldn’t agree with you more. Where is the harassment? Is there more to the video that I missed? All I see is are two men attempting to speak to a girl they found attractive. And a mean spirited girl trying to make a fool out of them. Which really made her look more like a fool.
They do not like to take no for an answer. They want you to have an excuse for your rejection, which isn’t necessary and they can be extremely rude. This has to stop. I can’t speak from the video that he was being anything more than annoying, but even when you’re polite a rejection can offend them.
They both left immediatly after she said what she had to say. They didnt continue trying to talk to her after she made her rude comments.So how were they not taking no for an answer?
Why did she have to get to a point of making rude comments? Maybe she politely declined his advances before having to resort to rudeness. I have had similar situations happen and have felt unsafe from having to say “No thank you”. That should not be anyone’s reality. Someone is not interested, move on. It shows some may be slightly unhinged if a complete stranger’s rejection can upset someone to a point of being upset and lashing out.
When I said “they” and “them” I meant the men who pursue women when they’ve already been told no.
Thank you for posting on this very important issue.
I understand her irritation. Some guys really can’t get the message, and in the end you resort to being rude to try to put them off :/
They both left immediatly after she said what she had to say. They didnt continue trying to talk to her after she made her rude comments, so how was being rude and nasty the “last resort”? “Resorting to being rude” would mean that a man continued following and harassing you after you attempted to tell them no with respect, and you finally had to be more curt with him. That is not what happened here. How can you defend this?
As usual some people blame the woman who is being followed.
Some men just do not understand the word “No”.
They both left immediatly after she said what she had to say. They didnt continue trying to talk to her after she made her rude comments.So how do they not understand the word no?
I’ve never been followed in an attempt to get my number, but I can’t say that what she was experiencing was harassment. Annoying? Yes. Of course, I don’t know how she felt. If she felt that she was being harassed, then I will support that. I think that the more polite thing to do for those men is, instead of following her around like a puppy, politely ask her to stop and chat, and then take it from there. If she doesn’t want to stop and chat, keep it moving. Because if you follow her around, you end up looking like a pathetic loser. The only safe way to decline is to be polite and say no, or if you have to, give them a fake number and tell them that you left your phone at home if they try to call it right then.
At worst I would consider it being pestered. To me harassment is when guys say something lewd or gets in your personal space. Just because you aren’t attracted to a man who is trying to get your number and are annoyed doesn’t mean that they’re predatory. I just say I’m not interested and keep walking.
Exactly. Every relationship starts with someone initiating some type of communication. Either you are on it or you arnt. But just because you dont happen to be interested doesnt make it harassment, and it certainly doesnt give you the right to be mean and hatefull.
If a woman wants to be mean while addressing someone she’s not interested in, she can be. She has the right to reject advances she doesn’t want and she can choose to reject in a mean manner or in a polite manner. There isn’t a code to follow. Sometimes being approached at all, even a hello is annoying to me. Those are my feelings at times. No one can know what someone is going through at every single moment of the day, so a polite-sounding hello might elicit irritation if I’m already in a bad mood and don’t want anyone talking to me, and that’s ok.
What happened before the two videos were recorded is only known to the young lady and the friend in the store with her, so don’t pretend to know that these men were gentleman before she started recording.
If in an unfortunate place and time this woman was assaulted by any one of these men, what would you say? That she should’ve rejected him in a nicer manner?? She doesn’t have to be nice at all, not at all.
I’m sorry but you can’t define what a woman calls ‘harassment’ its personal and depends on her experiences. My cousin had a cleaner working for her who ‘liked’ me. He asked for my number more than once and I declined but I was still friendly and talked to him (not harassment). Later on he kept being persistent and I felt uncomfortable so I firmly but politely told him no and stopped speaking to him(harassment). A week or so later this dude sexually assaulted me when we were alone in the house. Had I been rude or a lot more forceful when I declined, he probably wouldn’t have tried anything with me because he knew I meant it. He probably thought I was playing hard to get and that i’d ‘like it in the end’. All i’m saying is that now I feel threatened by any guy who doesn’t back off after i’ve already said no twice, maybe my harassment threshold is lowered now but when i feel i’m being harassed, ii’m not shy or polite about it.
I’m so sorry that happened to you. For what it’s worth, it doesn’t sound like he thought you were playing hard to get. It sounds like he was a predator who didn’t care what you wanted and no amount of “rudeness” would have made a difference. And you don’t owe a damn thing to any guy who doesn’t back off after you’ve already said no twice.
I am sorry this happened to you. I do not think that you should apologize for feeling the way that you do now. Certain types of harassment are actually criminal (other types are violations) and continued harassment can be considered stalking. Not a personal thing but a legal thing. I am sorry you are questioning your actions and thinking what you did or didn’t do could have changed things. You felt uncomfortable and rightly so. No one should fix their lips to tell you what behaviors you should and should not feel comfortable with. Harassment is unwanted advances, touching, communication that serves no legitimate purpose. What that man did to you was criminal from the moment his actions made you uncomfortable. I hope you heal from this terrible situation.