I recall my early days as a natural on hair forums, where a lot of perceptions were cut and dry, and any mention of a “grey” perspective was seen as denial or dishonesty. Many times, weaves and relaxers became the topic of discussion, and they were often equated with self-hate and loathing of our kinky hair. Having a relaxer meant that you couldn’t stand your nappy hair (nevermind the fact that many of us were raised on relaxers and had no idea what our natural hair looked like or how to care for it) and weaves meant that you longed for a different texture than what you were born with (after all, how many people got afro-textured weaves back then?). Then, when weaves started being branded as a protective style (a style that you wear to minimize stress on your strands and promote growth) and women shared their results, it became a bit more acceptable to wear them. But still, there was an underlying sense of shade and disbelief when a natural touting a weave for 51 weeks a year responded with, “I’m protective styling.”
While I’ve personally never had a weave (only because I’m scared of not being able to see and my monitor my own hair for an extended period of time), I stopped joining these conversations because after discussing hair with so many women on my site or channel, I realized that people are different and self-hate (even coded) often is not the case. No, I’m not saying that self-hate does not exist or that it isn’t an issue in the black community, but that it’s important to listen before assuming. As an example, here are some reasons women may wear weaves that dispel the overarching assumption of self-hate.
- You have a job that requires you to frequently style your hair: Many people like to throw shade at celebrities for wearing weave, but the reality of the situation is that these women often have their hair styled (a lot of the time with heat) on a frequent basis for appearances, photo shoots, and performances. If you manipulated your real hair that much, it’d break and fall out like crazy. The weave may not be worn to protect the hair for growth, but it’s to keep it from being overly manipulated and damaged.
- Your job has specific dress code rules or you don’t feel comfortable wearing your natural hair at work: While I would absolutely be over the moon if everyone wholeheartedly embraced natural hair in the workplace, that isn’t always the case. As a specific example, the military previously (they’ve been updated thank goodness) had regulations that made wearing many natural hair styles near impossible, so women opted for wigs and weaves because they didn’t want to relax their hair. And while it’s unfortunate that a woman doesn’t feel comfortable wearing her hair out at work, it’s important to respect their journey and not force them to do something they aren’t ready to for the sake of the “movement.” We’ve seen time and time again how certain industries do not approve of natural hair.
- You love super long hair: In my opinion, there’s nothing wrong with loving super long hair for the sake of it (now, if you want to discuss reasons for loving long hair associated with femininity and beauty, that’s another conversation, but again, we aren’t making assumptions here). I know that if I ever got a weave, it would be the most obnoxious length ever (we’re talking sit on your hair obnoxious). Not everyone wants to spend years growing out their hair – after all, we live in a society (in the US, for me) that loves instant gratification and if you have the means to achieve it, why not? As a bonus, your hair is still growing under your weave if you are caring for it properly.
- Your climate is an unpredictable hot mess:Â Wearing your own hair, natural or relaxed, definitely has some cons when it comes to climate. On humid days, your hair might expand to the point of ruining your style, requiring you to spend more time fixing or restyling it. On dry days, your hair turns into a desert, especially if you’re heavy on the humectants. Since weave hair isn’t attached to your scalp (or the hair is synthetic), it may be more consistent or able to stand up to Mother Nature. Not everyone likes surprises.
- You have a health issue that affects your hair:Â There are several ailments that can affect the state of our hair, including cancer, lupus, eating disorders, thyroid issues, and more. These situations are extremely emotionally (and physically) painful for a lot of women, and wearing a weave can allow them to have a consistent hairstyle they’re comfortable with while they are in recovery. And while it can be seen as empowering when a woman wears her natural hair in these cases, again, it’s not our place to police someone’s choice to make them a martyr to the cause.
So next time you see a woman with a weave, if your first thought is, “She must hate her natural hair,” and you shake your head, take a step outside of yourself and and respect the lives and journeys of others. You never know someone else’s story until you ask (but I’m not telling you to ask everyone’s weave story on the street).
Do you make assumptions when you see a black woman wearing a weave?
by
Elle D.
