by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Jc
I was conditioned from an early age to believe everything about me was beautiful by both my parents but more so by my father. I was a lighter skinned chubby little girl and believed that to be beautiful. My eldest sister was a dark skinned beanpole and I believed her to equally be beautiful because my father said she was. There was never a one size fits all policy when it came to beauty in my parents’ house and as an adult that view has not changed.
I never believed I was any more special than someone else but I was acutely aware that society placed value in my skin color. Remarks were often made by my relatives and strangers alike that it was extremely surprising that a very dark skinned woman like my mother could have a ‘brown’ child (nevermind the fact that my father was light skinned and I looked like a female version of him). Brown in Kenya where I grew up, meant lighter skinned which meant good as opposed to black which meant dark skinned and which society perceived as less than good.
I never heard anyone say anything derogatory about my skin color. I did hear the sideways compliment that, ‘oh you are pretty because your skin is lighter, but if you were your size and dark skinned, it would be different.’
I believe that there is such a thing as a light skin privilege hence the comment that my size would be unacceptable if my skin was darker. I do have to say that in my experience, the privilege tends to be from an aesthetic viewpoint of the small minded. My mother being a dark skinned woman excelled in her education and professionally. Her skin colour did not affect her hard work and ambition to be successful. I believe that she did have to be stalwart of her own beauty due to the persistent view even within Africa that her dark skin was not as beautiful.
Yes some people do self segregate and it is absurd to me. I use the word self-segregate because your friendships are truly of your own making and your own choice. I do not think there is a necessity to pursue a friendship based on skin color, it is a ridiculous thing. For me, friendships are based on common interests, ability to laugh at each other and the ability for the other person to take my no-nonsense sharp tongue which is here to stay. I do believe that there are people who think that their common interest is their skin colour or even where they come from (e.g UK has a large Nigerian minority population and you will find that many will somehow form friendships that exclude not just other races but even Nigerians who were born in UK or other Africans who are not Nigerian). I do not think that there is a necessity to colour code your friendships. I actually think people who racially balance their friendships (and I have met one person who did!) are actively racist. You do not need to have a light skinned friend, a dark skinned friend, a white friend and an Asian friend, it is absurd to me. In the end, your friends are selected from the people who you interact with and if the first thing you see is the skin colour of the person, then that says a whole lot about you.
Click to go back to Portia’s story.
Ladies, whose story do you relate to most? What has been your experience with colorism and light skinned privilege?
35 Responses
Although both of my parents are black they managed to create four children that range in shades. Being the lightest child it was hard for me. I was constantly called names like the milk man’s daughter or light bright and my mother would just laugh. I was also bullied for it through most of my high school years. I always admired the beautiful complexion of darker skinned women. My sister was so obsessed with being darker she would spend every penny she owned on spray tanning. It hurt not to be accepted by the one race of people I was raised to be proud to be a part of. When I became an adult my white co workers would compare my skin color to theirs and got a kick out of the fact they were darker than me. By that time I had accepted who I was and didn’t care two hoots what people believed. I was lucky enough to have a father who installed in me what it means to truely be a black women. Thank you for your wonderful article.
That’s a lie, these light skinned women have benefited from light skin
privilege. Either they are in denial or someone made up their dialogues.
I am just going to need all of us who are light-skinned to trust and believe that while we may not have noticed it, we have been the beneficiaries of “light-skinned privilege.” I am going to tell you what I tell my white friends (about their own privilege). Acknowledging privilege does not mean that you asked for it. Acknowledging privilege does not mean that you didn’t and don’t work hard. It doesn’t mean that you have not had obstacles in your life. It also doesn’t mean that you have not experienced backlash and some pain because some institution or person took an action or actions in an effort to balance past wrongs. None of this takes away the reality that in the past and in the present, light-skinned people have privilege. Period. The reality is that we all have some kind of privilege (CIS-gender, heteronormative, able-bodiedness (not sure if that is a word), education, SES, parental socio-economic status, etc.). The first step in addressing those who don’t have our privilege is to acknowledge that it is real. It exists. And it matters. Use your privilege to make a change for the better.
This discussion is awesome!!! My mother was a beautiful African American woman that had beautiful brown skin and my father is from Grenada and his skin tone was light brown. Growing up, well, until I was about 5, I had never seen people of other races or interacted with them. So, when I had my first interaction, it was amazing and pleasant for me and no one ever pointed out my skin color and I never pointed out theirs. It was all about having friends that shared my interests. I had friends of many colors and nationalities and we loved being there for each other. In my experiences as I got older, I began to notice the light/dark comments that people of color would point out.
I didn’t understand why this made a difference. At the end of the day, light skinned or dark skinned you’re black. When you’re comfortable with who you are, then you should have no problem accepting anyone for who they are no matter the color of their skin.
There was a time when we as a people were forcefully segregated, but that time is over. Why does this practice still exist?
No matter the tone or color of your skin, you’re beautiful and you are wonderfully made! You are a blessing and you have a purpose…go fulfill it and stop wasting time with people who don’t “see” you.
#beautifulwithapurpose
I am dark Brown skin girl of a light skin black father and dark skin black mother and NEVER thought anything wrong about it! I went to a predominately Black, Caribbean and Afro-Latin school and lived in a neighborhood. I was in the magnet program throughout my years of schooling. The only thing I noticed was ,not enough BLACK PPL (Black ppl= Different shades/hue). Until, I went to college, then I notice ppl took part into the light/dark BS and that was within the black student body. I went to a predominately white college. The white students saw all of us as BLACK, while we (Black student body) will categorize ourselves. I personal have no problem and find it all ignorance. We holding onto this LIGHT SKIN privilege is pure crap. My parent had to earn their way.
Of course, back them the “lighter shades” we were more educated and fortunate. They were product of the Masters and slaves. Of course, the master will make sure his children were educated and well off. They had a head start in life with daddy’s aid. While, the others had to start from the bottom up.
As of now, no excuses. Everyone is given an opportunity to succeed. I have 3 degrees and working on my 4th and only 30. I am very financial stable and educated. I came up on the upbringing of working hard and achieving the highest possible education.
I had my little “black girl” comments by but never ever wish to change my complexion. Its me and I am a perfect blend of my parents.
This is what is wrong with the black community now – too much
division over something that is meaningless! We need UNITY. There is NO such
thing as “light skinned privilege”. Perpetuating foolish ideologies such as
this is one the root causes of the division within the black community. Do ya’ll
realize that while you’re sitting here harping on skin color – other races and
cultures are sitting back and laughing at how foolish we are? When ya’ll
realize that we are stronger together than separate – only then when things
changes for us. Light-skinned people are still seen as “black” at the end of
the day, and are two seconds from being called a “nigger” just like any other
black person. When it boils down to it — other races do not see shade – just another
nigga. Come on guy’s – this is ridiculous….
Isn’t geniece brown?
As a “lighter skinned” person, my limited experiences with “privilege” has been few and far between. Whites treat me like any other black person, in that they see black and black only, not shades of light and dark. If they don’t like black people, they don’t like me any more than someone who’s 5 shades darker. I’ve been followed around stores by suspicious clerks countless times too. They only stop when I turn the tables and start following them for a while LOL. In my youth I’ve liked dark skinned guys who were totally uninterested and chased after light skinned guys who liked darker girls. I just wish we could leave the plantation mentality behind, still going strong after 100+ years, and look at each other with loving eyes instead of competitive sneers. We only have each other and, by the looks of things lately with police brutality and political craziness, we’re all we’re gonna have.
This is an interesting series of articles. I don’t see why some are complaining about the lack of perspective from dark skinned women. Maybe because I’m dark skinned and can’t relate to any negativity that some other dark skinned women have experienced. But colorism is experienced but lighter skinned women as well and their experiences are just as valid. Sometimes it’s ok to cover one experience at a time.
I thoroughly enjoyed this article, and recognize/respect that it is at the blogger ‘s sole discretion what they chose to post. However, I would have greater appreciated a few “dark” skinned submissions; which probably didn’t come forward because this is such a REAL and touchy t topic.
Obviously, I’m on the paler skin completion spectrum of the conversation. I had more negative childhood memories of being ridiculed by schoolmates and family for my skin color than positive, by a long shot. Hardly ever from another race. So the topic of privilege is obserd to me.
My social circles come in every shade and ethnic background possible, though I do admit a greater attraction to deep completions. Maybe due to the fear that my child would have to go through the same trials that I did.
Finally, as an adult woman of color, I still get thrown off by WOMEN in general who still treat me as substandard or superior before a fair evaluation of who I am and what it is that I actually stand for. That may hail from my style of dress (usually casual) or the way I wear my hair/makeup (minimalist). Either way, I’ve come to a place to where I’m more secure/confident in myself and am not immensely effected. You will never please everyone and should allow those who so choose to narrow down the list of people you have to invest time in. More time to focus on things that really matter; people who love me for ME!
I thought this article was interesting, because it gives the perspective of women who could possibly have experienced light skin privilege. I’m not light skinned so I cannot speak on it, although I see that it exists. I have always seen that. I do believe that society as a whole colorism needs to stop. Instead of viewing a beautiful person, sometimes we get caught up on the skin factor. He/she is too dark or too light or whatever the case maybe. Maybe a chronicle from 4 dark skinned beauties will be next but then again readers will also have a problem with that as well. It’s a toss up. I enjoyed this article though.
Elisabeth just to let you know, I was considered lighter skinned as was/is my dad (think Taraji P Henson) but every other person in my family was darker and my mother had/has the darkest skin (think Alek Wek)
You spoke in your comment about offhand comments that people made and I also spoke about them in my piece……..e.g I was beautiful because of my skin shade, my mother couldn’t possibly give birth to a lighter skinned child especially not ‘as light’ as I was. I could give a thousand examples more because the skin shade differences in my family seemed to elicit those classic colourism comments.
To say that just because you are light skinned, you cannot understand light skinned privilege is not true. If you keep your eyes and ears open, you can see it. However, equally, I stand by my view that it really is the small minded people who will openly express and hold these views. This does not negate the fact that those comments can be hurtful to some. Speaking for myself as someone who was taught that all skin colours are beautiful, it was patently obvious to me that those comments were steeped in ignorance and self loathing.
I completely understand that, and I in no way want to try and negate what you went through. My main issue isn’t with anyone’s individual experience, but with the way this entire conversation was framed; I just realy felt like there was a chance to have an important conversation here that was handled by addressing the individual experiences of some light-skinned and brown-skinned women (which is awesome!) but doesn’t really address colorism as a whole?
The reason I mentioned white privilege is because it is a structure, rather than just an individual experience; in the same way although individual experiences like yours are important to be recognized, when that’s done without really trying to talk about colorism as an oppressive structure in the black community, within which experiences can vary but which affects all of us, I just feel like things could have gone farther.
Is Taraji P. considered light-skinned now? Nothing wrong with that but we are the same complexion and I’ve always considered myself dark-skinned, and proudly so too. Ok then.
Taraji isn’t dark at all. She’s not far from my complexion and I’ve always been called light.
Excellent article! I really gain more insight when this topic is brought forward.
Geniece is brown skinned.
Echoing some other commenters, I don’t understand how you’re trying to have a conversation about colorism and..not have any dark or even brown skinned women interviewed?
This would be like interviewing 4 white people and asking them about white privilege, the main issue being if you’re someone who has it privilege is more difficult to recognize in it’s entirety (but why it’s very obvious to black people because we don’t have it).
And with colorism I feel like it’s even more subtle. It’s hardly ever seeing black women on tv, but seeing almost none that are dark or brown, and even fewer who are and are portrayed positively. It’s listening to the off hand comments of black men who say they prefer light-skinned or “foreign” girls and will literally call darker girls roaches or tar. It’s going on some natural hair sites but only seeing light-skinned or even biracial black women represented.
I don’t know, as someone who’s on the brown/light-ish end of the spectrum I definitely have heard guys make disparaging comments about darker women, and had relatives tell me not to get too dark in the summer, and I know my experiences aren’t unique.
I feel like this article really missed the mark.
Am I supposed to feel bad for them or something?
No, you were suppose to simply take in and process knowledge of someone else’s life experience. Someone who wants to share something negative/positive from their point of view (from a vastly popular subject); it is just simply that.
I swear some folks…
Okay.
hahahaha 😀
No, God forbid you allow anything to make you understand someone else’s side and not just feel bitter and sorry for yourself as the only victim in a situation . Light skinned women never have problems , we’re all delusional.
Whoa is you for having the easier life, and the rest of us are suppose to feel bad because you now want to associate with your “darker side”. The audacity for you to play the victim card is disgusting.
I really loved this article. I think the sharing of stories such as these is important in understanding the nuances of colourism in social media and the world at large. I do have a couple of things I’m not sure about though in this discussion.
1) I was surprised that out of the four writers, not one of them is (or is considered) dark skinned. I think having that perspective from someone who is a good writer, concise and fair in their portrayal of their experiences would have made this a bit more balanced. As someone who is considered fair skinned in my home country (Nigeria), I know that I cannot fathom the privilege that is afforded to me because of my skin colour. I do know that fair skin can be a double edged sword as it comes with its own set of burdens (such as being a target for other darker skinned individuals, especially in childhood), however black people aren’t the only ones who treat light vs dark black people differently. The world at large will also participate in colourism and the reactions of black people are probably a louder manifestation of a more insidious, wider attitude towards skin colour
2) I do feel as if colourism is something more subtle that people making comments directly to one another. Don’t get me wrong, there will always be people with bigoted mindsets, who are overtly discriminatory in their interactions with different shaded black people. However I do think that colourism isn’t in the overt proclamation of bias, but in the subtle day to day interactions of individual. From media representation of different women of colour, to changes in body language people express towards different shades of brown or the instinctual stereotypes people call upon to classify individuals when they aren’t even interacting with them, I think the problem of colourism is rooted far more deeply than can be explained in individual accounts?
I hope all of this makes sense. I just think the conversation may need to change a little bit. Though the importance of individual stories cannot be emphasised enough, I do think the attitudes towards colourism need to go beyond ‘I have experienced X, therefore X is colourism’. Racism and colourism are not maintained by racists, they are kept alive by every individual who isn’t fully aware of their own biases (ie, everyone)
Absolutely. Light skinned privilege manifests itself through subtleties, similar to anti-black racism. It could be via employment, dating, or just having one’s experiences and voice validated in a white supremacist society. I’m equally disappointed that nobody even mentioned the fact that light-skin privilege is NOT something we created– white colonists and slave owners did– and that it is not something we solely perpetuate intra-racially; colorism is promulgated extra-racially via media representation, re-telling of our history, and so on. Every colonized people still grapples with toppling the complexion hierarchy instituted by European colonialism, from Asia to Africa and the indigenous Americas.
Can we PLEASE stop calling it “fair” skinned? That word alone implies it’s better than all the others!
I’m so glad you pointed this out. I wasn’t even aware of my use of the word. There are still a lot of things I need to unlearn myself. Thanks for letting me know 🙂
Valerie, did you grow up in Nigeria? If you did, you would know that we (I’m Naijan myself) don’t really do this colorism thing to the extent of its trend here in America. I’ve always considered my self and my mom dark with no issues or whatever till we moved here and people (read AA) consider her “fair” and me “dark honey” or what-not. Huh??? Back home, sure bi-racial, albinos or lightskinned ppl are jokingly called “oyinbo” but as far as that, no privilege, considering that probably >85% of the population is dark-skinned. In fact, being lightskinned is a risk in the Niger Delta with “creek boys”, if you know what I mean :-0)
Um, I’m Nigerian as well and grew up there and colorism is ABSOLUTELY a thing there! How else do you explain the popularity of skin bleaching products there or the fact that so many Nigerian women use them? Growing up in Nigeria, the dominant message was that lighter was better. Folks on the darker end of the colour spectrum were mocked for their skin tone while the lighter people among us were simultaneously envied and admired for theirs. Many Nigerian men express a clear preference for lighter skin and a lot of people subscribe to the belief that being light skinned makes one more attractive and desirable.
And let’s not even get started on the fact that this is reflected in the media, with lighter-skinned individuals getting more representation than those with darker-skin. Maybe it’s a regional thing, as I grew up in Lagos and that was what I experienced.
Someone needs to tell Kim Lute that maybe black women don’t want to be friends with her because she sees them ALL as jealous of her. Whether she knows it or not, people can sense that, and it’s just as hateful as what she is complaining about. If she doesn’t see other black women as being capable of friendship, she should also not see us as potential subject matter for articles.
I related most to Portia’s experience. I am from mixed family with a variety of skin tones and went to a mostly white school where ALL the blacks were considered dark.
I related most to Portia’s experience. I am from mixed family with a variety of skin tones and went to a mostly white school. Black is black to me. I’ve never been called any type of color name though- dark or light.
Someone needs to tell Kim Lute that maybe black women don’t want to be friends with her because she sees them ALL as jealous of her. Whether she knows it or not, people can sense that, and it’s just as hateful as what she is complaining about. If she doesn’t see other black women as being capable of friendship, she should also not see us as potential subject matter for articles.
Why do I feel like I just read this 3 days ago?
“I do have to say that in my experience, the privilege tends to be from an aesthetic viewpoint of the small minded.” Jc
That one line pretty much sums it up…could have started and stopped right there.
Petty minds produce petty thoughts that breed petty issues producing petty debates that perpetuate pathetic cycles.
“Petty minds produce petty thoughts that breed petty issues producing petty debates that perpetuate pathetic cycles.” I second this!
Exactly. This is petty ignorance. I thought this was a site about caring for natural hair, not promoting white men and differences in skin tones.