by
Adeola @ The Mane Captain
by Adeola of The Mane Captain
While it’s great to see an increasing number of women embrace the beauty of their coily hair, I sometimes worry that many of the hair struggles these women are dealing with will eventually force them to give in and go back to their “stress free” straight hair. I empathize with these women because many of them had relaxed hair from a very young age so they really don’t know what their curly hair feels like and how it should behave when allowed to grow out. The comments and hair issues I’ve encountered from women on hair forums proves that they could have a Straight Hair Mentality (SHM). A straight hair mentality holds many women back from enjoying their curly hair. Many of them will even go undercover with “protective styles” as the feel it’s the only way they can “control” their “unruly hair”.
If you truly want to enjoy your natural hair while it grows long and healthy, you should watch out for the signs of SHM listed below and begin to accept that your naturally coiled hair will not behave the same way your chemically straightened hair did. Also understand that with trial, error and experience, you will eventually start to see the benefits of coily hair.
1. You find your hair to be unmanageable and unruly
2. You relax your edges and parts of your hair so your weaves and other “straight hair friendly” hairstyles will look neat
3. You don’t understand why wash days takes longer and you try to shorten it by all means
4. You heat straighten your natural hair daily so that it can blend in with your straight weave
5. You don’t understand why your coily hair wouldn’t hold up styles you use to wear when your hair was straight.
6. You try to get your natural hairstyles to be silky smooth
7. Shrinkage bothers you because it doesn’t show the true length of your hair and it doesn’t give your hair “the flow” you use to have with straight hair.
8. You use the same tools you used on your straight hair
9. You comb your hair as if it’s straight, that is, you use a small comb, you comb dry hair, you comb from roots to tips, you try to rush combing, you comb your coily hair daily and as often as you would normally comb your straight hair.
10. You don’t understand why your hair takes forever to be completely dry after a wash
11. Smooth edges are a priority and you keep looking for a way to eliminate frizz
12. You do hairstyles that are only straight hair friendly and you use the wrong hair extensions. It’s best to use Marley hair when you do Senegalese twist because if other types of hair (like Kanekalon) are used your hair will eventually revert in the braids and start to look messy.
13. You keep wishing you could relax your hair or you keep your hair straight most of the time
If you want to enjoy your hair, it’s crucial that you you replace your straight hair mentality with a coily hair mentality.
The Mane Captain is a blog run by Adeola, a Toronto based natural hair advocate who empowers women with the knowledge needed to take control of their hair. She also holds regular meet ups in and around Toronto where Naturals can network and support each other while on the journey.
142 Responses
It took me 12 hours of standing on my feet without sitting and with no sleep in 24 hours, to straighten my hair. Of course I wish I had straight hair. I am a natural going on for 3 and a half years. I loved my natural hair and I did everything I could to take care of it. I failed in school because of my natural hair and I was soon diagnosed with depression from all this extra stress added to my life, OVER SOME STUPID HAIR. I can’t manage to live happily while taking care of my naturally curly hair. My hair has grown super long because I was so deperate for length. My hair is abnormally thick yet my strands are naturally so very weak. My hair breaks without mild force. My hair rips off in huge bundles if it tangles. I did not use heat really at all in my journey. My life would be a lot happier with strong hair and even better strong straight hair…
I wish the world was bald. So that hair never mattered. I hate hair. But I never want to BC ever again. I rushed into it happily yet I always ignored the detrimental toll it was really taking out of my inner confidence. I lost myself believing that going natural was going to help me find myself. It messed up my life. I regret the moment I started. My entire life all I wanted was long hair. And I got long hair, just not the easy way. I want easier hair to manage that is not just a looser curl pattern. I want it bone straight because the less chaos the better. I have a very busy life and I do not have time of the day to try and do my hair while staying successful. I don’t even want to comb it. And it hate that it takes so long to detangle my hair. My mind is blown at the ridiculousness of it. I managed to grow my natural hair an inch from waist length. I did a great job trying. And I lost half of my life doing so…
I love my hair…i havent had a perm since I was around 19…im now 37 🙂
I cut my locs 8 months ago and wanted to try a weave….it’s cool, but I can only do a sew-in for about 2 weeks max…then I’m ready for my curly 4C hair again!!! lol…my mom says it’s beautiful virgin hair (jet-black/un-dyed) and it’s like it was when I was a little girl 🙂 I love it!!!!!! <3
OMG the world is a small place. This is my dear friend’s younger sister. Hi Ade!
“And black men around me love it and are always saying good things about my hair.” This comment explains why majority of black women have struggles with esteem and acceptance.
Worry about what others like and want you to do. We own ourselves nobody else should tell or convince you into being who you should be. Because I tell you right here in now what I do with my body is my business and others who have a solid foundation of who they are and the potential of being great people do not have the time along with a career, friends, hobbies, family, etc are not thinking about I should go natural because everyone else is the herd mentality should stop in the black community makes me see why majority of women within the community are depressed, suicidal (unfortunately) obese, in poor relationships, no education, career, and have many kids out of wedlock. Every race except black can be individuals blacks gotta act, dress, and think similar, why?…..Too much herd slavery mentality.
At the end of the day are all whites stop using their flat irons everyday and wearing their “natural hair”? News flash the only group that has silk bone straight hair is Asians and similar (Eskimo, Filipino, Hawaiian, etc). Majority of whites in America have bone straight silky hair they dye and heat treat with a few chemically process their hair. Majority of black women need to focus on more important things than beauty and acceptance love yourself and educate yourself the rest will follow.
Oh please, if anyone gets hurt by others especially the people that are closest to them about their own appearance its going to HURT them, that is completely normal, and natural. And it will also lower their self esteem, this simple fact of life that happens to anyone and everyone. But apparently in the black community its look down upon to express your emotions, so we quietly develop mental problems. black women are not robots, we think and we feel. Making steps to improve your health is a great thing, learning, as well as loving. And when a person gets positive recognition its also NORMAL to feel happy about it, its not weird. You said something about not worrying about being accepted, guess what? You posted this hoping someone would accept what you’re saying. And to get into college you have to be what? Accepted. To get a job? Same thing. We live in a society, and in order to advance we have to be social not anti-social. Caring about your body doesn’t make a person uneducated, being uneducated makes a person uneducated.
Well said.
I don’t know. When I did my big chop almost 2.5 years ago, my hair was less than a quarter inch long and guess what? Black men complimented me on it. Maybe it’s not so much the hair but how we carry ourselves no matter how we wear our hair. People respond to confidence no matter what package it comes in.
Your article is true.
Im natural, in the beginning i used to have the straight hair mentality.
my hair was broken because of doing buns, blow drying and straightening my hair. Damaging my hair with heat
I was detangling my hair like when i was relaxed.
Im slowly recovering my hair breakage.
My perception of beauty have change.
I thanks the Lord cause He help me on it.
I feel beautiful and free wit my natural hairstyles.
And black men around me love it and are always saying good things about my hair.
This is the most absurd article I’ve read in a long time. Things like this make me wish that I wasn’t natural. Being natural or relaxed is a CHOICE! Being natural doesnt make you part of some secret society, or underground gang, nor does having relaxed hair indicated low self esteem nor lack of confidence. Get over yourselves, keep your opinions of what others do with the hair growing out of THEIR heads to yourself. The fact that it bothers you so much speaks more to your mentality than the natural witn the flat iron in her hand
every time i see someone with a weave i already know they have a problem and it’s all about embracing europeon hair instead of your own. most women with weaves have much nicer natural hair than the weave. i realize we like variety but when you see that variety hasn’t changed for at least a year, that sister has a mental problem. it’s really sad.
I am sorry but I do not agree with what you saying. How can you associate mental problems with wearing a weave? Women wear weaves so that they can have a variety in hairstyles especially if they want to try a new color. So your comment is absurd. By the way I do not wear a weave.
People don’t want to accept it because we’ve normalised it. However when you think about it, it’s absurd. To wear someone else’s hair on your head. I understand the pressures, and we as black men helped to contribute to it also. However it comes from an unconscious hatred of ones self. But everyone is entitled to their own opinion!!
Hey, Adeola! Afro hair is beautiful. People come in all shapes, sizes and skin color. And so does the human hair. Hair is a natural jewel for someone’s overall appearance. Let’s embrace natural, even if we do different styles to our hair from time to time.
Hey Katy!
I agree with you! Afro hair is beautiful in all shapes, texture and color. This article was actually written for women who treat their natural hair the same way they use to treat their straight hair. It’s also for women who keep asking me how I manage to keep my hair natural because it looks hard. I just tell them to adopt a coily hair mentality (CHM).
Lots of women have gone back to relaxers because they expected their coily hair to behave in the same manner as their straight hair or weave. And so this article speaks to them as well.
http://www.coilsandglory.com
You hair is beautiful. What was given; use, keep away from all the CRAP that big pharma wants you to place and place in/on your hair baking soda will relax your hair vinegar will clean the crap that is from our tap water. { don’t trust the water department or some idiot selling you a filter
rubbish this is the type of articles I hate the most. its nice to advise people on how to take care of their hair. But why comment on peoples mentally. Oh this mentality is wrong, this type of mentality is right. Lets address the issue here. for example if peeps are combing their hair the wrong, then they are combing it the wrong way. who came up with SHM? do we always have to put things in a box?!
Proud to be natural! But I do like my edges laid a bit. Lol
lol..more like SMH.
everyone’s journey is different,who are you to diagnose others with some made up mentality! this is laughable at best..I appreciate the comic relief,it’s been a long day ????
Whoa! Why would you be “worried” that some other woman would consider going back to relaxing her hair? I hope you made the decision to go natural for yourself, and if you did, just worry about how you treat your hair. Ever head of hair is not the same, every woman of color is not the same, and just like you don’t want to be judged for what you decide to do to your hair, don’t do it to other people. Its just hair. Enjoy yours!
Most naturals walk around with this curly-q type of hair rather than a nice afro. So I can see where the author is getting at. Curls are more acceptable in the natural hair community more than our natural textures. Pretty sad that plenty of these people will consider someone’s natural kinks uncared for and untamed hair if it isn’t styled in springy looking curls i.e with massive amounts of product and twists outs and whatever. The European standard of beauty is still very strong in the black hair community. I can understand wanting to style your hair a certain way but when people start calling other people lazy, unkempt etc. because of the way they choose to wear their hair is when you know that person is ignorant with SHM. I believe it is because these people are insecure with their own selves that they react this way. Curls are easier to take care of than our kinky afro hair so maybe people who wear them are the lazy ones!
Or maybe some of our natural hair just naturally grows out of our scalp curly. There are different variations/textures of natural hair you know..Jeez.
My hair grows out my scalp in curls without styling products. No amount of product will give someone curls. Similarly, no amount of styling will give me the elusive afro. There are so many types of hair textures.
Or maybe she means that women who don’t have this curly texture NATURALLY, want to always walk around with this curly texture and that’s true! I was like this before, but now I accept my natural texture and I love it. Lot a products for 4C/4B is for curls definition…
Hmm . . . I’m not sure how I feel about this post. I like that they posted things that I feel are frustrations when either you begin to go natural or even in the early years. HOWEVER, I think when you have something that belongs to you, you should do with it as you please. I have a friend who wants to be natural but still relaxing the edges and straightening her hair. I told her at some point if she wants curls this will need to change but she is happy where she is now so I don’t push her. Personally, I think the tone of this article is the part that most of us are having an issue with, not the content.
I am with most of the sisters commneting here and disagree about wishing dry times and wash day to be shorter as being part of a “straight hair mentality.” NO ONE wants a 2 or 3-day dry time and an 1-hour wash day. I can’t believe there are people who relax part of their natural hair. What’s the point? I’m like, just relax none or all of it.”
This article sounds like a comedy skit and a rhetoric. I understand what she is trying to say but I think that many newly naturals are still learning and don’t need to be lumped into a mind set that will just push them back to the edge of the creamy crack. My mom who was raised pressing and perking her hair is now embracing her natural hair with great success. She likes her natural texture but she likes the convenience of pressing it. Her mentality is slowly getting used to the new normal that is braiding her hair up at night and not letting it stick to her head because of shrinkage. Yet, she told me this, black hair is extroidinary because we have so many different options. That to me is the ultimate freedom of self expression and acceptance. She went natural not to prove a point but because it was the healthiest option. Yet she still has the option to wear it straight now that she knows how to alternate between the two. That is a better way of thinking.
*perming not not perking!
7. Shrinkage bothers you because it doesn’t show the true length of your hair and it doesn’t give your hair “the flow” you use to have with straight hair.
This statement itself is “SHM.” Again, I don’t understand referring to you hair in it’s natural curly/coily/kinky state as “shrinkage”. It is your NATURAL state. Anything else is an alteration. I also agree with the comment regarding “long hair mentality.” This is a european standard of beauty as much as having straight/stringy hair. Not all, but most people of African descent have shorter hair, particularly sub-saharan African. The obsession with blah blah blah length hair is the same as the quest for straight/less curly or coily hair.
Um, while I agree with long hair as a beauty standard having European origins, not all of us want long hair because of a Europeanized mindset. Personally, I want long hair because it’s a challenge. I’ve never had it before, and mostly because of that, I want it. Once I hit blah blah blah whatever length it takes for me to say screw it, I’ll chop it all off. I’ve rocked a 1/2 inch of hair before, and I didn’t have a lapse in confidence because of it. Just do you.
Can someone please explain the concept of “wash day” and why it would take so long? I have been natural for a number of years, but most of those years my hair was loced’ and I just recently cut them off. So the wash day concept is new to me. I thought you just washed your hair and then maybe did a hot oil treatment or a deep conditioner but that would take an hour and a half tops.
I think long wash days are just a part of having longer, kinkier hair. The actual washing part of the wash day really only takes me 15 minutes, tops. Detangling my mane is really what takes the most time for me. My fine hair can’t handle combs or brushes, so I exclusively finger detangle. Since I wash in braids most of the time, after I’ve detangled a section, I braid it up. Also, I love prepooing with EVCO because it has reduced the amount of breakage I experience dramatically. So normally, my wash day goes like this:
1. Prepoo/finger detangle/braid loose hair with EVCO: 2-3 hours depending on how lazy I’m feeling.
2. Cleanse/condition in braids: ACV rinsing with an appplicator bottle really only takes 5 minutes. I then slather on a conditioner, complete the rest of my shower needs, then rinse. Total time= 20 min.
3. Air drying: I squeeze excess water out with an old tee, but it still takes my hair 1-2 hrs before it’s dry enough to style without unnecessary breakage. Netflix time!
4. Styling: Depends. If I’m putting my hair in loose twists (what I normally do), 2 hours. If I’ve gotten a wild hair for some crazy updo or there’s a special occasion the next day, it could be more time or less.
I’ve tried to shorten how long this process takes in a number of ways, but most shortcuts = breakage for me. If I’m lucky and my schedule lines up right, I can do the first step the night before I do the other three. Just as an aside (if you’re interested), my lowest layer is about APL when pulled straight, I have over 80% shrinkage, and my “type” is 50-50 4A/4B with a 3B/3C nape and 4C at the ears and temples. Before I started doing all of this, I had SSKs galore, and my hair wouldn’t grow past my shoulders. Everyone should just do what works for them.
I was always confused by people who say it takes hours on end just to wash your hair. I wash my hair regularly about once a week and it only takes me pre-pooing the night before, then washing and conditioning my hair while in the shower, detangling during the conditioning part. After that, it only takes me maybe 10 minutes to put in a leave in conditioner, oil and butter. If I feel like it, I may dry my hair using a diffuser, but often times, I just let it air dry while I’m getting ready for the day. The only time I do struggle with my hair is if I’m trying to twist it into some hairstyle.
My best friend struggles with her hair constantly, and I am beginning to suspect it’s because she straightens it so much. Since being natural, she’s always flat ironed her hair on a weekly basis, so she won’t struggle with her hair. Ironically, I her straightening her hair is causing her to struggle even more!
I am a edge smoother. I see nothing wrong with smooth edges, Other than that I embrace my coils. Been natural almost a year(transitioned a year with a sew in and then wore it natural since 7/2013) and I have yet to straiten my hair.
I’ve been completely natural for just about a month or two now. Actually, I went int to get my straight ends cut off sometime back & it didn’t really cross my mind that I had actually done it. I was [am now] finally officially natural. But either way … I have fully embraced my coils and I rarely straighten my hair … but I can honestly say it is hard for me to get used to shrinkage, styling/finding styles & all the time it takes. I don’t 100% feel like myself because I don’t really know this hair on my head yet. I’m at a point where relaxing again sounds ideal, because this really is something to get used to. But I’ve had so much growth in this short time and my hair feels healthy! Every time I wash and see thick hair that keeps flourishing … it’s hard for me to easily go back. I’m just trying to give myself time to adjust & see where this goes. So, I’m not sure if I’d say I have SHM I’m just having a hard time adapting hah!
There are a lot of good channels for all hair types. I am a 4C, thick, dense, kinky, coily woman. I put 4C in the search engine and came up with a lot of interesting ladies. I learned sooooooooo much from them. I now have wash day down to two hours not counting over night drying. I got a hint or two from every youtube video. I now love watching the green beauty channel, she taught me things I didn’t know were a question. Likewise, I want to color my hair a certain color. I was told to find a picture. I now have 140 ideas on pinterest. . . All I’m saying is use the internet to help you meet your goals. Lastly, some ladies explain things so well, that although they don’t have my hair type, I have learned from them. Good Luck
The word is used*, not use…
Can we have a post on long hair mentality?! I’m so tired of reading posts about armpit length and mid back length so it can be flatironed straight! Can’t you just embrace your coily hair AT WHATEVER LENGTH IT GROWS? HAIR GROWTH IS GENETIC NO MATTER WHAT YOU DO TO YOUR HAIR! Will we ever get away from the European standard of beauty?
I think this list is ridiculous. I have straight hair and I DON’T do most of the things on this list. I never comb my hair with a small comb (wide tooth only). I don’t rush through wash day because my hair breaks easy when wet. I don’t straighten my hair daily because its DAMAGING. My hair doesn’t dry quickly because its thick, and I don’t comb my hair a lot during the day. This list is nothing but BAD hair practices. Not characteristics of straight hair mentality. You should have named it bad hair mentality instead. Also everyone who has straight hair doesn’t have extreme damage. You can perform good hair practices and have long healthy relaxed hair.
When I went natural a year ago, I thought that having frizz was not normal for someone like myself with 4B/4C hair.
I trimmed my hair like there’s no tomorrow and my hair was still naturally frizzy (I have not used direct heat in a year).
I got that wavy hair mentality. I sometimes I wish I was a type 2 instead of a type 3a/b only because my curls are very hard to manage.
I must be doing something wrong because it never takes me hours to wash my hair. Wash and style maybe. Or on the week I decide to deep condition
Just depends on your hair and what it needs.
I spend more than an hour just detangling my 4a-z hair on a weekly basis. I’ve found that my low porosity hair absorbs more moisture when I do a half hour pre-poo. I can’t get away without a deep condition each time I wash my hair (weekly, because I am in the gym sweating it out 6 days per week) and applying that DC takes a minute. My hair responds best and is in best shape when I use heat, so there is another 20 minutes under a hooded dryer.
Finally, wash and go’s are a hell no for my hair, so I have to take the time to either blow dry or twist it up after carefully moisturizing in sections so that when my coily strands wrap around each other as they are wont to do, they don’t get tied into knots and/or just break when I try to tease those knots out.
My colleague on the other hand hops in the shower to wash her hair. Slaps a bit of conditioner on her head for 15 minutes and then runs a bit of flax seed gel through her hair and is good to go. If I did that, I would be totally bald the next time I tried to detangle the mess of knots and fused strands that I would have after that.
Even when I had relaxed hair,I looked for ways to shorten wash day. As an example, it takes longer to wash an escalade than a prius…silly comparison but u get my point. Doesn’t mean I miss my prius.if I love my escalade,ill put in the extra work. Same with my hair,its worth the investment bc I love my hair in its natural state! Yes, escalades are gas guzzlers,yes my hair takes an extra 2 hrs than my relaxed hair, but trying to minimize wash time doesn’t mean I’m brainwashed into loving straight hair or I should trade in my escalade. Its common sense to not WANT to spend ur weekend washing,detangling & drying ur hair! But you accept that with natural hair comes more work.I believe in working smart,not hard so my “mentality” is just fine. I know my hair isn’t straight.maybe some ppl are deluded abt their hair,but I’m not.
Trying to shorten “wash day” isn’t a straight hair mentality.
It’s about a person thinking that it is absolutely ridiculous to spend literally hours once a week in order to have clean hair that doesn’t end up as a tangled mess.
I have a husband, friends, an active social life, a job that includes a significant amount of travel — spending five hours every Sunday to wash my hair means that I have to cut out some of those things. The amount of time required means that washing during the week after work and gym means that I would be getting to bed at around 3am…and waking up at my usual 5am in order to get myself together to be at work on time. Heck, Sunday washes already mean getting up at 7am – 8m on Sunday so that I have can have everything done before spending time with my husband.
My hair is less important to me than the relationships that I have with people. I actively seek ways to decrease wash time so that I can spend that weekend time with loved ones.
I agree with other ideas, but this one is wildly off the mark.
this was too funny. i never understood naturals who relaxed part of their hair. i mean from a long term perspective that isn’t realistic. however, i could see doing it if you planned on relaxing eventually.
nothing against relaxing. i plan on doing it within the year. yes, in part for those short drying times! i remember my hair would be air dried within 5 minutes. now it takes more like 50 hours haha.
I’m ashamed of my hair. I relax my hair every two weeks to keep it nice and straight. Please free me from this painful cycle. I need Allah.
if you are relaxing your hair every two weeks, you will be free from the cycle sooner than you think. I can guarantee that you will not have any hair left.
I don’t understand why people don’t get this is a website geared toward women with natural hair? Nobody is hating on you if you decide to relax your hair. This article is critiquing a mentality that many people have when going natural in that they still are obsessed with straight hair, which defeats said purpose of going natural, which is to embrace your natural curls.
I agree that perming your hair is neither “wrong” or “right”. It just is. But don’t come to a natural hair care website expecting them to praise relaxers and weaves.
Lisa,
I met a few ladies who touched up their hair every 4 – 6 weeks and they have never short hairstyles. Please be honest, is this a real or fake comment?
sorry . . . very short
“Straight Mentality”??? Since when is CHOOSING to wear your hair straight a mentality? It seems more like a styling preference not a mental state. Who ever wrote this article is in a mental state of self righteousness. If you wish to wear it natural fine, if not that’s fine too. I thought this site was about uplifting women & educating them on their hair no matter how the choose to wear their hair. Not bashing them for choosing to straighten their hair. This kinky/straight war is just dumb & you seem to be promoting it even more. Sorry but you guys have lost my respect. Peace. Smdh
BEFORE YOU JUMP ALL OVER THEM—->I don’t believe they are saying wanting to wear you hair straight is bad. They are saying that wanting/doing these things on the list ALL or MOST of the time are exhibiting these habits AND you have CHOSEN to be natural, that you are inadvertently damaging your hair. If you don’t do these things often then you can sustain your natural hair’s health and come from a place of hair love. They aren’t bashing straight hair as a style preference rather informing you that if you do have naturally kinky coily hair, using these methods will not benefit you in the long run. In response I would say they have gained more of my respect because they are taking care to highlight harmful hair habits.
Here are my 2 cents. I’m “guilty” of 3 because wash day is long and time that could be spent doing other things, 7 not because of the “flow” but because with shrinkage comes tangles and for someone who doesn’t comb/ brush my hair between wash days keeping hair stretched all the time is necessary and 11 because I like my hair to be nice and neat regardless of being natural or not. I’ve been a natural 4b all my life and I have always taken pride in having neat hairstyles so this list is quite frankly silly!
I’m at 3, 7, and 10. 🙂
That is because I am impatient with washing and I never liked shorter hair on me. :
Straight hair mentality? Are we really coining divisive terms now? Give me a break. There are days when I can relate to most things on this list. There are other days when I’m feeling like the ish because my big a$$ fro is so boss. Most days I can relate to only a few things on this list. Maybe I have a–Split hair personality disorder! I’m so sick of people trying to label and lump people into categories based on some arbitrary nonsense. This is why I feel increasingly less connected to the “natural hair community”. Most women, of every race, have a love/hate relationship with their hair period. But this article isn’t empowerment is it, hence the controversial label. Over it and over the Nazi Natural Mentality (NNM) There I coined a term too.
My goodness. So must angst. After wearing my hair in wash and gos for the last month, I decided to flatiron my hair. Sometimes I like it straight. Yesterday, I had it loose curls and today it’s in a bun. I love the versatility of my hair even if I’m NEVER going to love the shrinkage. It makes me sad that we are still so fixated or hair type and length and colorism and natural v. perms and all. Do what works best for you and your hair–whatever you choose. Bonus: You don’t have to be in love with every aspect of your hair neither.
We are constantly told that being natural is a ‘mentality’ and it’s all about breaking out of the ‘straight-hair-is-better’ stereotype and ‘finding yourself’ – and yet now I’m being told how I should/shouldn’t think? Or what mindset I should/shouldn’t have? I agree with some of the points – for example, embracing your texture and accepting the fact that YOUR HAIR may not be able to fulfil certain styles so don’t force it – however, using the ‘same tools’ and ‘being bothered by shrinkage’ is just ridiculous. Using the tools that I happen to have in my house does not mean I want to use relaxer again OR that I want straight hair. And as much as I love shrinkage on others, it does frustrate me that I’ve grown my hair to a certain length but nobody can really notice because my shrinkage is so overwhelming – but it’s no big deal. And certainly doesn’t mean I want straight hair. I think we’re going a bit far tbh.
Hmmmm interesting. I have been natural for 5 years, I have not even blow dried or straightened my hair in all this time. . . .I big chopped without a momtns hesitation, and not even once did I ever look back or wish to get another perm. . . .but because I don’t particularly like shrinkage I have a straight hair mentality?? Interesting. . .. .
Some of these have nothing to do with SHM and more to do with no time or misinformation
I don’t understand how wanting different hairstyles leads to such a conclusion. The reason why natural hair is so beautiful is because of its flexibility and everything that makes it well….damn gorgeous.
Come on ppl. Is this blog not called black girl long hair?? What colonial mentality are we speaking to there?
Not wanting to spend a lot of time washing or styling your hair and wanting your hair to be manageable is NOT a straigh-hair mentality, it’s I-am-a-busy-woman-with-lots-to-do-and-anyway-I-do-not-like-spending-hours-grooming-myself mentality. Sheesh, me wanting my weekends to myself as opposed to doing my hair, doesn’t mean something is wrong with me or I haven’t accepted what God has given me. I flippin’ just want to live and do stuff on the weekends is all, hello?
F–K shrinkage. Call me negropean or whatever. I don’t use heat in my hair, or smooth my edges, or any of that mess. BUT F–K SHRINKAGE, it makes no sense that my hair is 16 inches long but it goes to 5.
Then go back to a relaxer. You are exactly who this article was written for.
Lol wow have we sunk to such mean-spirited lows in the natural hair community that we actually have people cattily telling others to relax? Smh
uh… some of these are just out of inconveniences, doesn’t mean you have a straight hair mentality. For example, long wash days, erm if you have had a busy week and you got other things to do then i dont see why that can be annoying. When actually shortened the time it takes to detangle and condition hair, my hair grew alot and i have waaaay less shedding now than before. But i mean i can see how all these combined might mean that but being natural sometimes you have inconveniences that dont necessarily have to be if you find an easier way of doing things. I love my hair but it is not ma life. jus saying.
The defensive comments sadden me a little. It’s more than obvious and understandable that black people still have an aversion to kinky hair due to our history and with society preferring more European textures as being beautiful.i admit that I believed the lie and wrestled with point# 3. It’s okay,I just realize that’s where I am and work to rid myself of conditioned thinking.that’s all. It’s okay to admit to having SHM,it doesn’t mean your a terrible person. Stop making excuses be self accountable and work to do better.
I do think it will be hard to rid black women as a whole of this straight or anything but kinky mentality purely because it is the result of decades and centuries of indoctrination and aversion therapy to what we are. I feel that while the natural community is making great strides forward to publicise, promote and break down misconceptions about all types of natural hair, the community at large i.e society is going backwards and attacking our beauty further than it has done before. Black is being placed in a box marked average, ordinary, plain and pedestrian while anything other than black including our features, is being lauded as desirable, exotic, special and unique. It’s only through our tumblrs, blogs etc that you can see a positive, black female image.
I don’t feel like you can blame girls who ride the cusp of being natural, those YTers who spend a lot of time talking about wigs and weaves but also do natural videos too. It’s not that black women truly hold a straight hair mentality, it’s society that does and they teach black women to feel the same and fall in line with the majority
Loooool at everyone in here doing mental gymnastics, Olympic level reasoning, and explaining themselves.
Not sure how explaining why someone can’t afford to spend hours to wash their hair with a busy lifestyle is Olympic level reasoning, but OK…
You must be one.
I didn’t say jack shit about hair washing or the people saying they don’t want to spend all day washing their hair. There are many more comments besides those ones. You gave yourself away.
I must be one? Now who’s using Olympic reasoning? Boy did you have to stretch far to draw that conclusion lol. I “gave myself away” how exactly? Please grow up.
THere re were comments about many issues, but as the washing thing was mentioned most frequently I used that as an example of some of the very reasonable arguments other women. were using. From this you want to draw conclusions about how I feel about my hair? Umm…by what logic? Seems like their logic is much better than yours, sorry. The fact is the article has many holes in it, some of which were pointed out by previous commenters.
You know, I don’t like the whole natural vs. straight hair dilemma because it just seperates women of color. If someone wants straight hair and they dont like the beauty of natural hair and vice versa; that’s fine. Why do you anyone care enough to make it seem like a dieased mentality? We already seperate oursleves over skin tone, don’t create another reason why one group of women are better then the other, especially if you dont want men doing that. Period. I had natural hair my whole life and I never looked at someone with straight hair as people who don’t embrace themsleves.
I totally agree! Well said!
There is a difference between creating a division and commenting on societal norm. There is something wrong with the fact that as a whole we are the only group of women on earth who alter our natural hair texture to look like another race. The roots of hair straightening can’t be ignored, nor can the science behind the health of doing it chronically.
Sorry but we are not the only group that does this…
So true. I’m sick of the divisions. Do what works best for your hair and your lifestyle.
I am guilty of #’s 6,7, &11. I’m okay with that I don’t like frizz my hair is very curly w/ I love but the front, going about one inch back is where my frizz likes to live so yes I do all I can to eliminate that and have perfect ringlets like the rest of my hair. If that gives me SHM then so be it frizz bites I don’t who says its cool!!!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/04/Coloredhairandeyebrowstwo.jpg[/img]
Lol. I know some people think that frizz is texture, but if that’s what it is, and it’s only a portion of your entire head or pops up every once in a while, what’s wrong with trying to make your whole head look the same? Nothing at all. My frizz could very well be part of my texture but anyone telling me to accept it will be speaking to themselves. When a quarter of my hair looks like it didn’t dry all the way and the other three quarters look like they’re moisturized, like they’ve set, like it’s all good in the hood, then I’m going to work for evenness, not stress myself to proved I love being black and proud and not envious of white, straight hair. Black and proud, I’m already that. Get outta here with this foolishness.
The type of frizz I have is something not normal. I’ve had it for years before my heat damage and I just haven’t ever figured out how to deal with it. Now that I’m recovering from heat damage it’s still my enemy. My only hair mentality is I want it to look good on ME, coily or straight and if it’s not, I’m not rocking it. I’m still trying to find my look.
I’m dead at some of these comments. Hit dogs will holler.
I can relate to trying to rush combing.I’m still on the quest for the perfect combing method( I’ve gone from dry detangling to wet/damp detangling to finger combing with better results and less time spent detangling). But sometimes i try to rush combing with a comb( which i would not advice you to try…Snap!… OUCH! ), i know that i will find the perfect combing method because I’ve come a long way and my hair care methods have greatly improved and with wonderful results too, plus I’m thinking of trying detangling in the shower with conditioner on my natural hair since my hair responds to detangling positively the more slippery it is. Other than that, i love wash days, frizz and shrinkage and i don’t have a problem with any of the other things mentioned but i remember the struggle to accept and embrace my natural hair. My advice for other naturals struggling to accept their natural hair: YOU have to see your natural hair as beautiful first before expecting others to do so, don’t call it beautiful with your mouth while calling it crap, ugly, what the heck is growing on my head! etc with your mind. Call it beautiful and mean it! If others laugh at your natural hair, ignore them ( You didn’t go natural for them, You went natural for you ). Besides, their laughter only shows how shallow their minds are. You should be happy with your hair and if others don’t like it, Boo hoo! Most importantly, learn to love and accept YOUR hair( Not your hair crush’s hair or the hair that you wish you had, I’m talking about the hair growing from your scalp right now ) and all that it does along with it’s quirks and blessings. Don’t try to force it to be something else ( I’m looking at YOU chemical relaxers ) but instead just let it do, what it does. Rock your afro and rock it with confidence, it really is a blessing that YOU have ( No two heads of natural hair are exactly the same ). Look in the mirror before you go out everyday and say my hair looks absolutely gorgeous! then rock that fly fro of yours as if you are proud of it, because you are.
Who wouldn’t want their wash day to be short and simple?! Why would anyone want to spend hours doing their hair if there were other options?
For certain hair types, excessive frizz can contribute to unnecessary dryness and breakage. It can also shorten the longevity of a style if you plan on wearing that same style for an extended amount of time. So the smoother the hair the longer the style will stay neat as the days go by. Frizz is the nature of afro textured hair so it would help to minimize as much frizz as possible rather than trying to fight it and or eliminate it completely.
I think your comment is exactly what the writer of the article means. “Frizz” is texture so therefore it should be embraced. I a true 4c or 4b depending who you ask. I have accepted my hair doesn’t last in certain styles. Dryness and breakage can be addressed separately. Texture isn’t grooming. That being said white people seem to get they can’t wear styles just like us due to their texture and it doesn’t bother the vast majority of them…why should our texture be an issue for us?
Hello Ladies. Thanks for the comment and personal inputs. This is only a general article and so it won’t apply to everyone, although some of us might know one or two people who can identify with a few points. In terms of wash days, I can definitely say that my wash days takes longer than my sisters with relaxed hair and I also get women roll their eyes when I tell them about what I do to my hair to keep it healthy. I sometimes take short cuts with my hair every once in a while. With regards to PS, I’ve met and know many naturals who rarely wear their hair out because it’s easier to put it away as they find it unmanageable.
I specifically wrote the article for newly naturals who have had straight hair for so long and are now clueless about their coily hair. Of course with time, practice and increased knowledge about coily hair, they will eventually adopt a coily hair mentality (CHM)
http://www.themanecaptain.blogspot.ca
I relaxed my edges cause they don’t curl the same as the rest of my hair BUT after weeks they revert back curly.
I have two thoughts about this quote from the article: “While it’s great to see an increasing number of women embrace the beauty of their coily hair, I sometimes worry that many of the hair struggles these women are dealing with will eventually force them to give in and go back to their ‘stress free’ straight hair.”
One: Why worry about it? If a woman transitions from relaxed to natural and decides to go back to relaxed or some other straightening method, that’s her choice. It should have no personal or direct impact on the author of this article, or me, or other people who don’t even know the back-to-relaxed woman. Sure, it means she didn’t stick with the natural “hair journey” or maybe didn’t give it a long enough chance. But it’s her hair to do with as she pleases. I often hear women with natural hair say “just do you,” as a way to support others with natural hair and the personal haircare/style choices they make. Seems to me that the sentiment should also extend to women who choose to relax their hair again.
I realize the point of the article isn’t really to stop women from reverting to relaxers — at least, I hope that wasn’t the author’s intent. I figure the point was more about helping women (who’ve chosen to go natural) get to know their natural hair and stop expecting it to behave like relaxed hair. Still, the article does come across a bit judgmental.
Two: Straightened hair isn’t as stress free as some women believe (or perhaps remember). Maybe it is for some folks, I dunno, but it wasn’t for me. In fact, some things on the “SHM” list were as bad for my relaxed hair as they’d be for my natural hair. 🙂
1. There were days when my relaxed hair was unruly, mostly when I got lazy about properly caring for it. People assume relaxed hair means relaxed upkeep. Not true (for me, anyway).
3. My relaxed hair wash days took about as long as my natural wash days. Actually, relaxed hair took a bit longer because of post-wash activities like blow drying and other heat application.
9. Using a small comb (I assume that means a comb with narrow teeth) on my relaxed hair and/or rushing combing would’ve been disastrous. I always used wide tooth combs, preferably seamless. Now that I’ve been natural for at least 10 years, I don’t use combs for anything.
10. My relaxed hair took forever to air dry, and afterward I’d have to hit it with a curling iron or flat iron to smooth it out. Hence the blow drying. The loooooong act of blowdrying all that relaxed hair, section by section. Ugh.
Also, I spent more money on my relaxed hair than I do on my natural hair. Cutting that expense out of my life helped relieve some stress. And don’t get me started on the stress of chemical burns.
Heh, and people ask why I stopped getting relaxers…
Agreed Robin! My relaxed hair was anything but stress-free. I love how chill my natural hair is and I will never go back to relaxing; too much drama, time and money wrapped up in relaxing.
Lol I found her it’s glamfun or glamfum
Natural hair can be a mixture of hair types. (Example 3c 4 a b c). With that mixture if you would like your edges to lay down with gel or what ever, so be it.
Because of the wide ranges of natural texture, I can see why many are confused and feel it judgmental. This article was not as enjoyable for me, because I had to do to much reasoning. Lol. Reading between the lines. Which natural texture does this article apply to 4C ?
#2 you relax your edges………..
If you do this then you not natural, and perhaps don’t want to be fully natural.
#8 you use the same tools you used on your straight hair.
What! I used a wide tooth comb and a bamboo brush than and now so I have SHM ?
The more I type my feeling is Maybe this article is coming across a little condescending . I don’t think this was her intention however.
Why do some people refer to going natural as a ‘movement?’ Why can’t it just be I went natural because ‘I got tired of seeing my hair growing thinner over time;’ ‘I got tired of spending hours in a salon waiting for an overbooked hairdresser to remember I booked my appointment 2 weeks ago.’ In other words, why can’t we see this so-called movement (as so many call it) as simply a decision? I’ve been natural since 1999, and one of the main reasons I did so was because of finances. I wanted to buy a house with as large a down payment possible so I had to make sacrifices. In other words, bye-bye perms! That was 15 years ago, BEFORE youtube, Curly Nikki, BGLH, co-washing, stretching, and everything else natural, was available in great abundance. The only ‘movement’ that occurred in my situation was when I ‘moved’ more money into my savings account, which allowed me to ‘move’ into a new townhouse two years later, where me and my natural hair currently reside.
People are referring to it as a movement because it isn’t just a couple of individuals ” going natural”. It is global collective of women who are going through this process at once. We are creating a new demand for natural hair that was once neglected and non-existent.
It doesn’t matter when you went natural or why. Just the act of being natural and being more accepting of people who are at this day and age is changing the global perspective of how people see curly/afro hair. The world is taking notice – this is especially important when it comes to children.
Well said.
that was very articulate expression. I love it, i feel like copying it and pasting it and printing it and posting it somewhere lol.
go ahead and copy and paste it or print it.
I save inspirations and quotes all the time…It feels amazing to know that just taking a couple of seconds out of my day to write a response to something I’m passionate about inspired someone.
have a nice day
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A very wise lady you are !!!!!!
I also get a little upset when it’s referred to as a movement, or a trend. I have been natural my whole life. My mother never let a relaxer come near my head. So when people group me along with this “movement” I get a little upset. It’s the hair that grows from my scalp, it’s always been there and always will be.
Thank you!
I agree! I don’t think being natural is a “movement.” Simply because your hair grows that way out of your head. It’s like saying there’s a black movement where people who have been black there whole lives are starting to be black lol
YES!
This article did have a slightly judgmental tone, but I do think it said some tough things some of us need to hear. I’ve heard and seen too many folks guilty of 4, 6, 8, 9, & 11 for them to be written off.
Yet I’m so guilty of #3 and #10. My wash day takes at least 4-6 hours start to finish, and I would love for it to be shorter! However, I don’t think this means I have a straight hair mentality… might just mean I want more free time on my weekends!
I know that if I did skip prepooing/detangling/sectioning with EVCO or EVOO (2-3 hrs) or deep conditioning (.5-1 hr) just to speed up the process, my hair would hate me, and the breakage I would incur would be sob-inducing. I would lose length that I’ve worked too hard for! Speaking of which, a lot of us with length goals frequently protective style (myself included), and we don’t necessarily want “straight hair flow”–we just want the biggest, baddest Afro ever 🙂
I agree with nearly all of your post. The article did have a slight judgmental tone, but I think the substance of it was spot on. I think the people for whom “SHM” ring true and the people who find themselves at war with their such that it has become detrimental. Their rigid thinking has become almost pathological to the health of their hair. This description probably doesn’t apply to most naturals, just some. For instance, I’ve been natural for about 13 years, and I’ve never once thought about relaxing, but every now and then I run into women who are newly natural and fighting the urge, as a drug addict would, to relax. I’ve never related to this mentality, but I understand its origins. Also, I know that if I did think that way, there would be no way that my natural hair would have lasted quite as long.
Geez. My post was riddled with typos.
The article did have a slightLY judgmental tone, but I think the substance of it was spot on. I think the people for whom “SHM” ringS true ARE the people who find themselves at war with their such that it has become detrimental.
War with their HAIR such that it has become detrimental…
I knew what you meant (didn’t notice your typos until you corrected them lol), and I agree. When I first returned to natural, I was guilty of more than just #3 and #10…I was guilty of darn near everything on this list. The only things I didn’t do were daily straightening and anything to do with edges…I somehow missed that fixation.
Anywho, I thought I would have some Corinne Bailey Rae strands, and instead, I had a sea of different textures that didn’t respond to anything uniformly. I was so frustrated and filled with envy by the success of my other natural hair acquaintances, I succumbed to henna and straightening, and anything that promised to make my hair curl more than kink. You’re so right…it was pathological. I had to have the “perfect” “beautiful” hair; it was an itch I couldn’t scratch. After damaging the hell out of my hair and losing most of it, I finally reflected on my own personal reasons for being natural. It was like I finally woke up. I’m 2 years past that point in my life, and now, being natural is cake. I think that like any sort of personal development venture (e.g. weight loss, financial independence/stability), returning to natural hair takes time.
I have a wild and free mentality. to me it’s JUST hair. I think we all get too caught up in either trying to prove our hair can grow or trying to be more ‘black’ (whatever that means….but ive heard it. If we can all understand, yes it is a part of my identity but what i choose to do with it, to it…it’s my choice. If you want healthy hair then don’t straighten or colour it but if to you it’s just an accessory (which it truly is) then more power to you. Because no matter what you do SOMEONE will have a prob with it.
I’m guilty of number eleven. But that does mean I have SHM, I just like rocking smooth edges with my updos when I have an outing. This article seemed a little judgemental.
*does not mean
idk….some of these examples I question. For instance…I always look for ways to shorten my wash day. Doesn’t mean I want straight hair…it means I don’t want to spend 7 hours on a Saturday/Sunday doing my hair. Yeah shrinkage bothers me…but I don’t do much about it since I know with more length shrinkage will be less of an issue and maybe welcomed at some point. Eliminating frizz…well I don’t have alot of frizz and if I do that means my hair is dry or lacks moisture. That’s my experience because I know my hair…I’m not speaking for others. Just for the record…I’ve been natural for 2.8 months…never straightened my hair in the entire time..tried diffusing maybe 3x to speed up drying and that was on cool air. No curling wand or flat ironing since I’ve been natural. Straight hair doesn’t appeal to me these days…too lazy to work for it. Spent 4 decades with straight hair…I’m just so over it.
I felt the article was right on. I was a little disappointed when a particular Youtube natural 4C hair personality relaxed her hair. If it was anyone else I would not have cared, however, it was someone I felt was a hair mentor. I use to wear half wigs until I moved to this city. The problem was some of the people who saw my interviews with the half wig were disappointed because they realize I was African-American and NOT the race they thought I was not. So, from that experience I make sure I show my true and beautiful 4C, dense, thick, kinky, coily hair EVERY DAY!!!!! Good hair or bad hair day, these people will know they met a black woman who is PROUD to be herself. Yet, this can only happen if they SEE my true hair, EVERYDAY!!!!!
I know exactly what youtuber you’re talking about. I was disappointed when she relaxed too.
Who is it? Curiosity killing me…
Glamfun but I feel like she did what she thought was best for her. It’s her hair and as long as she is happy.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Uld-90DtKGc
yeah, who was it?
I forgot her name but look up on you tube he video for wash and go don’t work on nappy hair
Her name is Glamfun. It didn’t disappoint me and it shouldn’t disappoint you what others do with their hair. Sure, she was an “inspiration” to others, but be a leader in your own skin. I can honestly say, I’m over having natural hair. It’s not a job, hobby or way of life. It’s just living and doing what you find works well for you.
OOOOOH! Glamfun! wow i had just seen a video or two of hers a couple wks back. welp! thanks, i’ll hafta go check her vids out again then, because i’m always curious to see, of the women who record it, whether the naturals who return to relaxers find it easier to manage their relaxed hair after having had the “natural experience”, for lack of a better term.
i’d think they’d have gained better insight into caring for their hair and being more mindful of its health and that it would thus make for a more enlightened relaxed experience. i wonder. this would be a great topic for an article on here!
Who’s this ?
She was in a video with another youtuber explaining why she relaxed and her reasons were just…interesting. You can tell she was never comfy with her hair and it’s hard for some people. It was just sad to lose a 4c hair ytber but there are more women popping up to take her place.
In the scheme of YT naturals, she was around for 5 minutes and hadn’t worked out what she wanted. I don’t know how anyone could view her as a mentor. Maybe it’s because I’ve been natural for a long time now but I always saw her as a new natural who was not long from her big chop days. She obviously got frustrated with her hair and her scalp problem. She only lost viewers because her reasoning for relaxing was odd and came at a time when most of her videos had stopped being about hair and started being about voting for her in some reality contest. I just wasn’t interested so I unsubbed. It’s tough for 4cs on YT. Jouelzy seems to be moving on from hair too. I think it’s much better to be your own hair mentor and surprise yourself with the looks you can achieve on you.
I wouldn’t say she was a guru but she had a Channel centered around 4c hair when there weren’t many at the time. She made a lot of mistakes with her hair as a new natural and would show them on camera but she was actually showcasing 4c hair so she had viewers. Like I said, there have thankfully been more ytbers to take her place but they are not as popular as joulezy (the main reason is sadly obvious but I won’t go there right now).
Agreed, I’m not 4c but I follow a lot of 4c girls, I find that they have great advice. My favorite newbie is NaturalMe4c
Well said.
I was tempted to unsub as well especially when you put up the Natural Hair Nazi video. 1. I despise that term. Are you really gonna describe your sisters as “Nazis”? As if we don’t understand history smh but I digress. 2. You mad? She gained the majority of her followers through centering her channel around natural hair so when they unsub or express displeasure on your decision, they become “Nazis”? FOH! and as someone mentioned- she was never comfortable with her hair in the first place that was why her reasoning to return back to relaxers was skewed. Like I mentioned previously- your decision is your decision but be confident and stand by your choice. Don’t put up a video explaining why you did what you did then take it down when you lose mad subscribers and claim that the video was never there -.- once again, I digress.
She*
Thia artical is one point, natural women who think like this tend to bully others over their hair too. And believe me there’s alot of them with this mentality. Sad, insecure females wont bring me or my gorgeous natural hair down but they have tried.
I can definitely see where this artical is going. It looks like the goal of many naturals is not healthy hair, but curly hair and definitely not kinky afro type of hair but defined flowing curls that go down the back. I’ve gotten plenty o shade from other naturals for wearing my natural texture rather than twists or defined curls. I dont think its a straight hair mentality, but a eurocentric one aiming to tone our hair down to fit more with the look of european or smooth hair. Now dont get me wrong twists outs are a great style and can help manage the hair, but where I see am issue is when people view these style more fitting then someones natural hair texture aka undefined afro.
I wear my tiny curls in their natural state exclusively. No twist outs, braids out, blow outs, fro outs. Just wash and go outs. If someone doesn’t like my hair that’s their problem, not mine. We may have learned to love and appreciate what God has given us, but remember…400 years of mental conditioning will not reverse itself overnight.
I feel like the person who wrote this article just wanted to say something. It’s weird , these opinions the writer has. I’m natural and I can honestly say the long wash day thing is quiet bizarre to me. I really don’t think you need 10 products to wash your hair. Why do you need to pre-poo, co-wash, wash, condition, steam, and deep condition??. I remember growing up in Jamaica and most christian women like Adventist and Penticostals had nice full heads of natural hair and all they did was shampoo and condition with what they purchased from the local shop and put in some hair grease. So I’m not sure why so many things are needed. Anyway this article was a waste of time. I read it thinking it would be informative and somehow educational but I find it a little bullying.
I spent (what seemed like) half a day in the Beauty shop every other week most of my childhood, until I went to college. I didn’t do nothing outside of shampoo and conditioning when I did do my own hair. However, blow drying took an hour and curling another hour. So, I think the time I use now, and the time I used with a relaxer is really about the same. I gave my sister my hooded dryer after I went natural. I could save a lot of time with just that one item, then my wash day as a natural would be less than that as a relaxer.
I agree, this article is not as funny or positive as I expected it to be. It’s bullying to people who do not share the same mindset as the writer. Granted, you should love the skin you’re in but don’t try to shame those who think differently.
I’ve been natural my entire life, before it was a trend…and while I love to see that more people are embracing their natural hair, I don’t like the “shaming” behavior from a few.
Also, you’re right. Who in the hell has time to spend 5 hours doing their hair? My mom kept it simple…washed then put olive oil in my hair, brushed it, then called it day. People with disabilities or injuries to their arms cannot spend hours upon hours doing their hair. I’d rather spend that time being in the presence of others, not tied to the bathroom.
Your pre-poo bit had me rolling! We can get a bit complicated sometimes, lol! I do, however, see a benefit in washing (with good old head & shoulders, which by the way now has a formula with a bit of oil in it that makes it less drying) and then co-washing with as i am. My hair is less itchy after a few days, and it’s still soft.
I can see how this topic would be controversial but I fully agree. This is especially true with new naturals and transitioners and it’s unfortunate. Reminds me of the 60s when many women were forced in a way to wear their hair in a fro but in the back of their minds they knew that straight hair was “better” which is why that movement was short lived. Is safe to say that I see history repeating itself? Don’t get me wrong I LOVE the natural hair movement and I believe this will survive longer than it did in the 60s but I see it happening. Women with long natural hair returning to relaxers, women going through 2nd and even 3rd BC, relaxing their edges (I’ve seen for myself), hiding behind straight hair weaves and wigs for 12 months out the year, still referring to their hair every negative adjective in the book (rough, nappy (in a bad way), unmanageable) and shaming their hair for their own unhealthy hair practices, the abhorrent of shrinkage, and wishing their hair looked like or did what sally sue’s hair is doing. Not to throw shade at anyone (we’re all Black at the end of the day and you’re still my sister) but we really need to dive into our subconscious and let out those skeletons in the closet.
YES to all of this ^^^
1) But wash days really shouldn’t take that long…but to each his own
2) I agree…some habits need to change if you choose to be natural
I understand what the author is saying to a certain extent regarding wash days. She means that assuming that wash days shouldn’t take a long may be a conclusion that is informed by your experience with straight hair. The lack of patience in dealing with natural hair, which can often take more time and care to detangle, may be impede your length retention and the overall health of your hair.
Hmmm… not sure why this article irritates me. I probably should have stopped reading at “go undercover with protective styles.”
I don’t agree with most of this article.
Keeping hair straight helps to reduce tangling and by extension breakage. Which leads to longer hair.
Not necessarily. If your hair is not naturally straight then keeping it straight would most likely cause more harm than good in the long run. Maybe you meant to say “stretched”? That I could agree with
Great Point! I hit thumbs down by accident. Sorry 🙂