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How Far Should Black Women Go for Black Love?

Avatar • Jul 16, 2015

Not too long ago, I came across a “Dear Abby” type of video in which a black woman asked for advice about whether she should “hold out for her ideal black man.” The woman is approaching her 40s, beautiful, educated and wants to marry and have a child someday soon. She has only dated black men who have left her for white women and she has been advised to date outside of her race, although that is not her desire. The subject matter got me thinking: How far should black women go for black love?

Should we give up on the concept of the “ideal black man”?

Let us first define what the “ideal black man” is. Some common descriptions I’ve read include:

educated

financially stable

caring

spiritual

Though the complete definition is obviously shaped by a woman’s individual preferences, those traits are a fair summation of what some desire. An ideal black man is a good black man, to put it simply for this discussion. (NOTE: While some concepts of the “ideal black man” lean towards unrealistic, superficial and/or materialistic realms, that will have to be a topic for another day.) Now the notion that “good black men are hard to find” is a harsh reality for some women, but does that mean Mr. Right and Black will not arrive? No, not necessarily, but if he doesn’t, then what?

Should we settle on any black man for the sake of black love?

What happens if a man is substituted for the “ideal” merely because he is black? What happens when the dreams of a “beautiful black family” and “black love” are so strong that they overshadow serious flaws in the man? He hits me, but he is my black man. He cheats on me, but he is my black man. We as black women, many of us who have endured so much and remain resilient, deserve men who will treat us with care and respect. If the man is black, that should not give him a pass to treat us otherwise. It is better to be alone. However, should we deny ourselves marriage and building a family if we don’t meet the “ideal black man”?

Should we turn down an “ideal man” of another race?

If some black men are marrying outside of their race, then why don’t we, right? While this logic appears to smash the stance of undying loyalty to “black love,” the answer is not quite that simple for some. The complexity comes with questions like:

Will a man of another race understand me?

Can we have conversations about race as I would with a black husband?

Can I be comfortable having biracial children?

Working through these questions (and others) requires honesty then introspection followed by meaningful dialogue. However, these steps cannot begin without first being open to love and marriage outside of our race.

Let us conclude with this insight from author Sophia A. Nelson’s interview with Karen Folan, who is a black woman in a happy interracial marriage:

Race is not the key factor in what will make a successful marriage. The character traits and values of the person you love are what make it work,” says Folan. “People always assume that there will be a lot of drama in an interracial marriage. They are wrong. More of the drama comes from other people outside of the marriage – family, friends, people in social settings. Black women need to gain cultural fluency, because the twenty-first century is going to be the century of multiculturalism.Black women have to be willing to have a back-and-forth exhange with men outside of the race.

… She [Folan] added, “My husband and I model cross-cultural understanding.” According to Folan, the only time they’ve had a conflict over race was when Harvard professor Skip Gates accused a white policeman of harassment when he questioned why Gates broke into a home in Cambridge. (Professor Gates had forgotten his keys, and the home he broke into was his own.) Folan says she saw it from Gates’s point of view. Her husband sided with the policeman. “We got past it quickly,” she explained with a laugh.Sophia A. Nelson, “Black Woman Redefined: Dispelling Myths and Discovering Fulfillment in the Age of Michelle Obama”

How far should black women go for black love?

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Cheri
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Cheri

I waited and waited for black love all the way until I was close to 40 (38 years old) and then, instead of looking for black love, I opened my heart to the idea of just LOVE. Shortly thereafter, I met my now husband, who turns out is not black. We have an amazing relationship based on love, respect, loyalty, family values and passion (can’t leave that out). I don’t know if I would have met him and opened my heart to him had I not changed my expectations about love. I may have met a wonderful black man if… Read more »

LBell
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LBell

Completely agree and I’m going to be 100 percent here: The next man in my life will have to share my values, be educated, financially stable (which isn’t the same as rich), caring, etc. These are some of my REQUIREMENTS. His being black is one of my PREFERENCES. I’ve been accused of having too high of a standard (usually by black men and desperate, insecure black women looking for company in their misery) but what I believe they’re really mad about is the fact that I HAVE standards. There’s only so much martyrdom I’m willing to do for The Race… Read more »

EllieLo
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EllieLo

*all the applause* Every time a man has harped about me for having standards that are “too high”, I mentally drop him out of the running. They only seemed high to him because he wasn’t meeting them. I really shouldn’t have to compromise what I want and need out of a relationship for someone who just doesn’t want to put in the effort to meet my standards. That’s something I live by and I hope everyone else does too. If you find someone but they’re not willing to meet your standards, don’t get involved. If you’re not willing to meet… Read more »

clever_moniker
Guest

The comment section should officially be shut down.

tee tee
Guest

Good for you — I hope you are happy till 80,90 and beyond. I too wish you’d done that sooner, heck, you could have been wed at 30 if you liked. Still, you found the one. May we all Cheri xoxox

Camille
Guest
Camille

I naturally started dating out early because I am from a mostly white place and almost all of the black men my age wanted girls who weren’t black. I understand wanting someone of your own race, but if you have to WAIT for them, you may want to expand your options in the meantime if you want a family and a husband.

Tabatha
Guest
Tabatha

I’m with you I was raised with Whites and Latinos, so those were my option until I got into the Navy. Then I really branched out, and found my hubby. He’s black but he’s mixed. We are way opposites. He is from Chicago and I’m from a little hick town called Henderson CO. I love that we have different backgrounds cause it makes the learning process better. Lol, Oh the culture he has gained from me and the slang that I’ve learned from him =) lol I love him so.

EllieLo
Guest
EllieLo

I really hope no one here ever feels like they have to “settle” for someone. If your mind is telling you “Well, he’s not exactly right for me, but since he’s at least ____ I’ll SETTLE” for him”, something needs to change, and it’s probably your mentality towards dating/looking for a partner. I understand black women wanting to support and show love for black men (especially because it IS expected of us), but women should NEVER have to limit themselves or their happiness to meet a “standard” or to make other people happy. You’re (ideally) spending the rest of your… Read more »

StraightShooter
Guest
StraightShooter

I am from the south and almost 23, so that means I should already be married. This is something I often worry about. I went all through college without finding a man and am now about to start graduate school. It’s worrisome because most of the Black men down here are only interested in white and non-Black women. I’m starting to open myself up to interracial dating, but to be honest I feel like I’m settling. I know that sounds terrible, but I always bought into the Black love fairytale. I’m also worried about having biracial children, when my dream… Read more »

Cheri
Guest
Cheri

My husband and I had a biracial son and I love him because he’s a part of me and a part of my husband. When I look at him I don’t see biracial, I see my baby. And my baby loves me incredibly. My life is filled with love. It’s the most amazing feeling to come home to a house full of people who can’t wait for me to be there.

lauryn
Guest
lauryn

I understand. I just met the Black man of my dreams at 28, but when I was 22, I was settling for dating men that weren’t treating me right just because I was like you: ( in my mind) marriage material and preferring a Black partner. I wasn’t against dating outside of my race, but I didn’t try it until later in life. All I can say is, based on my experience, be open to anyone who treats you well — color is immaterial. And if you’re a spiritual person, keep praying. Your King will come and when he does,… Read more »

bluejay
Guest
bluejay

Carla Hall from the Chew found her black lawyer husband online, dating site. Just have a private investigator to check out online people you’re thinking about dating. Marry a black man if you want a black man. There are educated black men in Africa or other parts of the world, don’t give up.

omfg
Guest
omfg

i told a 20-something woman in my family the other day not to focus on black males. i told her to focus on men who will be good to her.

now, if you want to have a black child, i understand waiting for a black male. not everybody wants to raise a mixed child or get caught up in that milieu.

so you have to decide what you want and what’s important to you, like in all things.

Corelle Perry
Guest
Corelle Perry

So I’m reading this article thoroughly and from what I observed in real life is that there is a negative connotation on black women wanting Black love (or just plain love). Feel free to correct me if I am wrong. The list of traits isn’t really that much of a tall order. There are those that have a long list of requirements for their dream guy which can be pretty unreasonable.

Emma W
Guest
Emma W

Let’s all just open our hearts and minds to love. Love ourselves, love each other, be open to possibilities. I’m British so I’m not sure what the dating scene is like in the USA but it it’s anything like the UK, dating options are limited full stop. You’re either forced to look within your work pool (would you sh!t where you eat?) or rely on friends and or family for potential connections. Life is both long and far too short to spend it alone searching for unicorns.

Hair Anomaly
Guest
Hair Anomaly

I am not one to sit around waiting for anything. People can stay hung up on race and let themselves become bitter and brittle if they want to, but as for me and my chocolate brick house, I will keep enjoying my life with wonderful men who show themselves worthy of a queen like myself. Character and spiritual connection are what matter most to me…I care nothing about color. If women want to hold out for black love, then I wish them the best. I just stopped caring about finding it for myself about 10 years ago when I started… Read more »

Me
Guest
Me

Speaking strictly for myself, I know that I would feel like I settled if I stopped looking for the ideal man that I’m physically attracted to and only looked for the ideal man. Physical attraction is very important to me; equally as important as the other traits listed. Being honest with myself, I know there would be days when resentment would lead me to wish my mate were black if I ended up with a non-black man because black features are what I’m sexually drawn to. That said, if blackness is not a source of physical attraction, it shouldn’t be… Read more »

tee tee
Guest

Follow love wherever it leads. Race be damned, waiting for your so called IBM may be great for some, but personally, I want those who want me #shrug.

Sophie
Guest
Sophie

I don’t think anyone should be holding out for black love as opposed to love in general. I’m a second generation American and I’ve often felt culturally different from African Americans who have been here for generations, so skin color doesn’t necessarily determine cultural compatibility. There is a common bond in being a minority but that’s not the only thing I’m looking for. Also because of the built-in bias in society against black men there are many who don’t have the opportunity to grow into someone who would make a good husband and father. That’s not always their fault, but… Read more »

guest
Guest
guest

I agree with you

Lakitha Goss
Guest
Lakitha Goss

I have and will always choose to deal with my own. Who is better able to understand my issues as a black woman more than a black man. I am 40+ and single. I cannot visualize myself with someone who was not of my etnic background.

Adriannan Nonyo
Guest
Adriannan Nonyo

This is why you’re over 40 and single, more BM are in prison than BW more date out of their race than BW. So waiting on a black man will make many BW single for decades… Passed fertility, and some NEVER get married.

A guy may not be black but he could have empathy, be respectful, loving, and provide and protect you, and your kids.
But mainly THAT is what is important in marriages and that is what keeps it going, not skin color.

Fix it
Guest
Fix it

honestly it’s not color … It’s culture shock that’s scares me .

In the past I have had to spoon feed non black men basic black culture

And THAT is tiresome !

Tabatha
Guest
Tabatha

I liked it becuase they are hearing it from the horses mouth and not what they see in the movies or pop culture. I don’t come from urban roots, I’m Valley or Country, so what they may see in rap videos wouldn’t fly in my family. Lol
It was a learning experience for me too when I dated other ethnic groups. I would have to say the funniest experience was Persain and Greek. I learned a lot.

edecoeur
Guest
edecoeur

It’s very sad and disheartening to read some of the comments about not wanting a child of a mixed race*. It seems a bit to me, like obliquely saying that a child who is black-and white, Asian, Hispanic, Indian, Native American or what have you, would be a child less valued because it “isn’t black.” I’m sure there are many mixed race* (or even very light) visitors to this site who were loved during their childhood, and who continue to give and receive love. I don’t speak up on these sites much, but this just seemed so cruel, narrow-minded and… Read more »

Antonia
Guest
Antonia

Why does it have to be a black man.……

Lala88
Guest
Lala88

I highly resent the notion that if you can’t find a good black men then it’s better to be alone! Why black women fall into this limited way of thinking I don’t know. Are there concerns when dating interracially? Yes. But that hasn’t stopped black men from dating out in much higher numbers than black women. You learn to work through those difficult times by actually allowing yourself to experience them and come out stronger. I am in my 20s and I WILL not waste my fertile years waiting not he ideal black man. That is a myth. Any man… Read more »

lis
Guest
lis

Sigh.……come on Black women.…stop pretending…After decades of bitches and hoes music, all those black males on youtube dehumanizing and degrading Black women, Black women the least married woman group in America but leads in oow births, colorism, hairism, and on and on.… why are Black women still harping on about ‘black love’.… what black love? Seems like hate to me or at best indifference, do not care AT ALL. Black women.…Black males do not care about Black women and girls.…THEY DO NOT CARE ABOUT YOU ALL BECAUSE YOU ALL ARE BLACK!.and as long as you all remain black …they are… Read more »

Tabatha
Guest
Tabatha

Well my black male loves me 100%. I guess I’m mighty lucky as well as my mother and her mother, and her mother before. There are black men out there that care for their black women, don’t put them all in one messed up pot. In every ethnic group you have your bad apples. I have a friend who is Mexican and she can’t stand her own kind. I never had a bad experience with a Mexican man, and technically neither did she she just made her judgement off of other women’s experience and she made the decision to not… Read more »

$7275329
Guest
$7275329

waaaay too many generalizations all up in and through your comment.
also hairism? that’s a new one!

Free Tea
Guest
Free Tea

Probably not a real word…but you know what she means. A lot of Black men are vocal about their preferences for long hair and/or a looser curl pattern (if not straight hair). Nobody is saying that all of them are this way…but I’ve come across my fair share.

This is where I note that my non-Black husband loves my natural hair in its original curl pattern, and protests when I make changes or talk about straightening.

SHE
Guest
SHE

i am a black woman who is in a beautiful relationship with an amazing black man. i honestly consider myself very lucky HOWEVER i will never advise anybody to wait and limit their choices based on race. if there is a man out there that truly loves you for who you are then open your mind to it regardless of the person’s race. i have a friend that has STRUGGLED with several black men, last year she finally opened her mind to men of other races and now she has found happiness in a white man who treats her like… Read more »

Alias Darker
Guest
Alias Darker

if you’re not a black woman you cannot understand . or maybe just ask the same question to the white women who date good black men, they’ll tell you = they’re a complete package . white women have many advantages that helps them get these men easily , most of the time they don’t have to do anything but just wait , and they’ll come . it’s life that’s how it goes, it’s just a little unfair that’ all.

lis
Guest
lis

Lol

Alias Darker
Guest
Alias Darker

what’s so funny ? 🙂 you don’t agree with me ? many of the black men/ white women couple get together but then break up fast . i think it’s due to that black/blonde stereotype . it should be about love , not about “elevating ” your dating pool or fulfilling a fetish/fantasy .

lis
Guest
lis

No I’m just sick of Black women woe is me…I don’t know where you are but in the us Black women are outnumbered in the millions by non black men and throughout the world and you only need one man…Black women don’t have to wait or settle for any men.…. even with all the racists.…Black women do not have to settle for scraps…stop isolating yourselves and get your lives.

Muslim Bushido…Google her.

Alias Darker
Guest
Alias Darker

so you call black men “scraps” . sorry but I don’t think that i’m the one with a problem here . Plus if you read my first post, I said I wanted to settle with a GOOD black man , which is hardly what I would call “scraps” . Dating a white guy or non white guy just because I can’t find what I want and need , that would be settling for scraps, in my opinion . I’m not judging YOUR decision or opinion , you’re free to do what you want .

lis
Guest
lis

Nope not calling bla ck males ‘scraps’.…what I mean by scraps is this notion by some Black women that they are the bottom of the barrel and all of that other CRAP THAT is put out there about black women so they choose unwisely for themselves and their children.…but believe whatever you choose.

Tabatha
Guest
Tabatha

Oh cry me a river! I’m not gonna sit and cry because a black man is dating a white woman. Hell I’ll go date a white man. I don’t want a black man that don’t want me for whatever reason that maybe. Why pine for someone that doesn’t want you when there are literally 70 other males down the street that do. Shoot get your life. I will not shed a tear over nonsense like that. Get a man that will treat you right and if he happens to be black, through a parade!

Antonia
Guest
Antonia

1. I am black, and two why is it always a black and white deal? Why can’t we expand out tasts instead of being stuck in a little bubble? What about Latino men? Asian? Middle Eastern? Indian? European?

Alias Darker
Guest
Alias Darker

Frankly , I don’t see myself with anything else but a black man ( a good black man) . so if i don’t find one I don’t mind staying alone . and i don’t care if i’m being judged for it . what’s wrong with having an ideal ? I don’t want mix kids , i want a kid that looks like me and his/her father . that’s the future I want , and if i can’t have it, then so be it , life goes on.

Tabatha
Guest
Tabatha

Nothing wrong with that. We all have our goals in life. If that is yours than good for you. =)

bluejay
Guest
bluejay

They really don’t believe that we love who we are and love how are children look. I want my children black. No offense. Don’t force your beliefs on me.

Tabatha
Guest
Tabatha

Who is forcing what? I didn’t force nothing on you. All I said is that we all have our goals you want your kids 100% black I agree with you. I said that is good for you. Where is the force? I even gave a smile. So i’m not sure why you feel I’m forcing my beliefs on you.

$7275329
Guest
$7275329

there’s absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Adriannan Nonyo
Guest
Adriannan Nonyo

” i want a kid that looks like me and his/her father”
If you have a kid with a man of a different race it won’t look like yours and his?

Goldenbear
Guest
Goldenbear

I don’t think there is anything wrong with this. 🙂

white supremacy
Guest
white supremacy

I believe #WhiteSupremacy is the reason “we” should not give up on Black love

bluejay
Guest
bluejay

I agree. It’s time that this site created singles gatherings nationwide.

Ume Be
Guest
Ume Be

I am Jamaican woman who would love to date “one of my own”. Unfortunately for various reasons: stratification, family( baby mothers??), education, fidelity, religion, sexuality, respect, the list goes on I have not in five years. I am with a lovely white( German and Irish) man who loves me. Shows me off. Is faithful. Is eager to learn about and embrace my curls and culture. I don’t see a white man when I look at him. I just see a caring honest man. That will make sure I am protected. He pushes me to reach my goals and set new… Read more »

Ume Be
Guest
Ume Be

Agreed. Mine is white.

Ume Be
Guest
Ume Be

I have experienced that as well. But it’s best when one is really interested to learn through cultural relativism.

Rose
Guest
Rose

Why would anyone be this obsessed with race when it comes to love? This must be something of the older generation. I have never felt constrained by race, and some of my most passionate lovers were from a different race. I love good *men* who love me. Why would I entertain a foolish white/black/blue/red/green man? My boyfriend is latino and loves me passionately. Who cares?

JJ802
Guest
JJ802

I don’t think love should be colored first and for most. However, with this taboo that black men are hard to find/come by, I’d feel blessed. Like a diamond in a rut truly, since the idea of black love seems “so rare”. I personally don’t believe in the concept of an ideal black man because I wouldn’t want ideal expectations for me as a black woman. Race doesn’t matter, but I would never give up on black men just to put them in a pathetic stereotype box. As a black woman, i can only reproduce black, a boy or girl… Read more »

Tabatha
Guest
Tabatha

I didn’t go far at all for “Black Love”. Love is love for me. If you find that love in the same race then fine, but if not then give another dude a try. I dated all sorts of guys because the black men around me just didn’t know how to treat me as a lady and not a hood-booger. Other races just treated me better. In the end I married my hubby who is mixed (as am I) and I couldn’t be happier. I like that I dated around in other ethnic groups because I learned a lot from… Read more »

Aliyah
Guest
Aliyah

Now you guys are anti black love . Heck no I’m done . Fuck you guys ! I will never give up on my black men no matter what ! Oh and I found a black man who meets the good man criteria and is very intelligent and is head over heels over me. I’m only 19 as well . I will not fall for that interracial bull crap . Whites use that against us to keep black men and woman seperate ! Wake up and open your eyes !

Free Tea
Guest
Free Tea

Some do and some don’t. You cannot generalize interracial relationships as a White conspiracy to breed out Black genes (impossible because hello, genetic recombination). Some of us actually fall in love with our White counterparts. Some of us are isolated in areas without much diversity and with limited supplies of upstanding Black men. Some of us aren’t discriminatory about what races/ethnicities we prefer to date. This article is NOT anti-Black love, it is pro-Black women. What’s in the best interest for one Black woman may not be what’s best for another Black woman, so please do not assume that your… Read more »

She
Guest
She

lol its people like you that make others view comments from people under 23 as stupid. Have you taken the time to read the comments? NOBODY here has said they are anti blacklove. Most people have taken their time to explain their situations and the justifiable reasons why they do not see race as a barrier in finding love.I am 20 and I am in a solid relationship with a black man that loves me completely. however I am aware that not most women have it that straight forward. Be considerate to other people’s situations. if a woman is waiting… Read more »

dancingdelilah
Guest
dancingdelilah

Is there any area white people are not blamed for??
Wow~
Now blaming white folks when unlucky in love!
HA!

Guest
Guest
Guest

Stop promoting this nonsense. 1st–Most BM marry BW. 2nd–Whites (or any other ethnic group for that matter) are not jumping through hoops to be in an interracial relationships, so why are we?!?! All the time?!?! There is nothing wrong with a BW who wants/needs/loves/craves a BM, and there’s is nothing wrong a BW that doesn’t. Let people search/seek/find whatever they love. There’s no need to “encourage” anyone to date out–it reeks of proganda. If you find love with another race of man naturally, that’s fine, but if you’re going after these non-BM, because there’s no “good” BM, then you are… Read more »

lis
Guest
lis

A small percentage of Black males marry..about 42%, give or take.…of that number about 25% are married to non black women…so…

Muslim Bushido…Google it.

Guest
Guest
Guest

80% (aka most) married BM are married to BW (you can google that too), so I have no idea what your comment has to do with mine.

lauryn
Guest
lauryn

There are men that fit your description to a tee. Then there are men who don’t. Let’s not be so ignorant as to typecast them all.

lis
Guest
lis

What generalizations?.
@rooO8..everything I said is truth as I’ve seen it…but then I like truth and I don’t bury my head in the sand.

mlank64
Guest
mlank64

Let’s not pretend there is a plethora of ideal black men waiting to marry and start families with black women. The math does not support that notion. It is ignorant to continue to persue an avenue in which black women as a collective are losing daily and with each passing decade. Marriage as a whole is down among all demographics but among BW it is the lowest. I’m speaking as a black woman married for 15 years to a black man. I don’t assume what I might have is easily available to most black women because the reality is that… Read more »

Transbutter
Guest
Transbutter

THANK YOU FOR THIS!

lauryn
Guest
lauryn

I feel you. Dated a white guy once who lauded GW Bush as the greatest president of our time… it didn’t last long lol. But hey, some men will truly want to learn and understand our culture, not just taste the forbidden fruit if you get my drift — and those type of men probably wouldnt be as annoying because they would be genuine in their desire to understand your perspective!

edecoeur
Guest
edecoeur

“I personally don’t believe in the concept of an ideal black man because I wouldn’t want ideal expectations for me as a black woman.” Continue on. This no ideal, there is only real. my life has taught me that ideal doesn’t put its arms when you are down and your nose is running and you are soggying up its cashmere sweater; ideal doesn’t listen to you tell a story for, unwittingly, the third time; ideal would not be caught dead in that ugly hat you knit… because it’s itchy, unflattering and the cables are lopsided. But real will. Because real… Read more »

On screen I'm Nifa Dean
Guest
On screen I'm Nifa Dean

I have nothing against interracial relationships. Reproduce, gene pool expansion and continue humanity. Yay. Problem is that black women have an enigmatic position on the dating scene in the West. Meaning, that in the last 15 years, it’s become increasingly popular for black men to have an aversion (a deliberate avoidance of) black women. For whatever “distressed in the head” reason. White men in white majority societies, it’s horses for courses. They mostly date (and marry) white women because 1. there are more white women around and 2. it’s familiar, 3. they probably live in majority white neighbourhoods and work… Read more »

lis
Guest
lis

Then carry on@Tabatha…that doesn’t take away from the truths I’ve listed..

Alexis Egerega
Guest
Alexis Egerega

go to Africa..you will find strong and educated fine black men who love black women..no offence but the media in America has turned the minds of your Black men(music)

kaydenpat
Guest
kaydenpat

Be happy. Date and marry whoever makes you happy. Race shouldn’t be an issue and for many Black women it is not.

kaydenpat
Guest
kaydenpat

You’re young. Life will teach you. I hope you and your black man live happily ever after but would advise young black women to open their options. You can find love outside of the black race as well as inside of it.

And I’m not aware of any conspiracy by whites to keep black men and women separate. Perhaps you know something that we don’t know.

Goldenbear
Guest
Goldenbear

Why does someone have to keep their options open to men who are not their preference. Whats wrong with preferring black men?

mlank64
Guest
mlank64

Black women have the amazing capacity for self denial. The fact is there are not enough good black men out there for every black women who wants their ideal black man. That’s just math. Another inconvenient truth is that the ideal black man out there is more than likely looking for their ideal mix or non black woman. You only have to look towards the entertainment…sports…and academic fields to see this played out right in front of you. 25% of black men are in IRR. That leaves an ibysmal percentage left over who are still dating BW. I assure you,… Read more »

Goldenbear
Guest
Goldenbear
Goldenbear
Guest
Goldenbear

AGREED! I think people see a few statistics and automatically believe they’re true. MOST BM marry BW point blank period.

Goldenbear
Guest
Goldenbear

Why does it have to be a white man?

Antonia
Guest
Antonia

Did I say it had to be a white man? Clearly no, and answering my question with a question like that is obnoxious.

Goldenbear
Guest
Goldenbear

My apologies. I thought you were implying “why can’t it be a white man” or any man who is not black. By simply stating “why does it have to be a black man” gave me this impression. However I think its a bit obnoxious to use the words ” like that is obnoxious.” You might as well had said like totally! lol

Antonia
Guest
Antonia

Well. I’m not saying just white men either. Just any non-black men. On lipstickalley, there’s a whole thread dedicated to black women who would date inter-racially but are adamant about marrying a black man.

Transbutter
Guest
Transbutter

Okay, Antonia. I don’t think there is anything wrong with that but if a black woman is adamant about wanting to marry and date black men whats wrong with that? I know I’m going to marry a black man. This is what I want. I’ve dated inter-racially and its just not for me. I have a strong preference for masculine men and masculine features. I can’t help how I feel. I strongly want to marry a black man. A chocolate one too.

lis
Guest
lis

Why not them?…quiet as it’s kept many socalled people of color are very racist…I would rather deal with Whites than alot of ‘people of color…and yes there are racist white men and women..but I believe Black women have a better chance with them than people of color..and they are the largest group of men in the USA.…so Black women have nothing to lose including them in their mating and dating pool.

Transbutter
Guest
Transbutter

This is your prerogative. Why you feel the need to tell other black women who they should consider dating is beyond me. Based off of your post you pretty much outed yourself as a racist. There is racism in all races and ethnicities. Designating racism to just people of color is racist and ignorant at best. Try using the word some instead of many and most. The fact that you choose to only deal with whites over people of color=black people (this is what I’ve picked up) speaks volumes about your character.

lis
Guest
lis

No reading comprehension skills is a b##&*^ch…and aren’t you doing the same by encouraging Black women to only be with Black men…In light of all the evidence that this is not a smart move.…and where you got the idea I only deal with Whites is Whatever.lol.…bye.

Alias Darker
Guest
Alias Darker

i see what you mean, but really for me it’s a choice, i’m not settling up .

lis
Guest
lis

Yeah right.

CocoaGoddess
Guest
CocoaGoddess

Yeah, she is right. Have you ever been there?

lis
Guest
lis

Google Pew research …they break the numbers down…get numbers from govt census.…25% of married Black men are married to non Black women but keep hope? alive girl.

lis
Guest
lis

For some reason you come across as a Black man to me..but if you’re a woman you have no clue about what masculinity is.…big muscles, voice and chocolate skin(lmao) is not what masculinity is.…for example one of the most masculine men I’ve ever seen was a Korean man.….handsome, short of stature, but so gently commanding with a smile always on his face…I was amazed..What a MAN!!!! He was.….He ruled without raising his voice or having big muscles.…THATS WHAT feeds people and RULE NATIONS.…not socalled masculine features? What are those? and chocolate skin (lmao)…With nothing to back it up with.…..you say… Read more »

Transbutter
Guest
Transbutter

No, I am very much a woman. I said masculine features. PersonaIity and spirit is a completely different thing. I know exactly what masculinity is. “Most” black women are married to black men so stop making it seem black women are desperate and dateless. I never said there was anything wrong with dating interracially. If a black woman wants to date outside her race that’s her prerogative. What I don’t understand why you hate black people and black men so much. It’s one thing to date outside your race because race is not an issue but it’s another to do… Read more »

lis
Guest
lis

But most Black women aren’t married…and nowhere in your response to me do you even address what I ACTUALLY said. before I say BYE …what are masculine features, please?.…never mind because you are arguing with yourself and what YOU want or desire is of no concern to me…Bye.

Transbutter
Guest
Transbutter

What I meant to post was that most black women who decide to marry; marry black men. I believe the number is 84% of black women marry black men. Your post didn’t really have much of substance to reiterate because you went on a tangent about some Asian guy whom you’ve never dated. I was pretty clear about my stance on masculine features. The only person that seems to be arguing about anything is yourself. So I’m guessing you do hate black people because you never denied this? You only got upset when I mentioned black men and masculinity in… Read more »

lis
Guest
lis

Yes.…I hate Black people.…rolls eyes.…again what are masculine features? I’m bored.…If only 40 something% of Black men marry and 25% marry non Black women how many Black women are married? .…As for the Asian guy no I didn’t date him because he was old enough to be my gfather.…but I didn’t need to to see what a MAN he was .…He commanded the room and respect…short of stature, soft spoken, always smiling, employer of many, no chocolate skin (lmao) and one of the most masculine men I’ve ever met.….so what are masculine features? P.s nowhere in my comment did I… Read more »

lis
Guest
lis

I meant ‘big brains’ and heart is what rules nations and feed people.

Transbutter
Guest
Transbutter

Completely agree.

Transbutter
Guest
Transbutter

You’re absolutely right about reading comprehension being a “b***ch”. lol Since I’m not encouraging black women to date black men. I simply stated that if some black women want to date and marry black men no one should tell them not to do this. Its their prerogative to date whomever they please.

You stated this in a previous post: ” Why not them?…quiet as it’s kept many socalled people of color are very racist…I would rather deal with Whites than alot of ‘people of color.”

This statement in itself is racist.

lis
Guest
lis

Lol.….people of color= all people who are not white.

marievera42
Guest
marievera42

Culture is very important as well! I have met many men from Africa who are handsome and amazing but unfortunately the women have many issues with American Black women and it’s hard to understand each other culturally! Unfortunately slavery and the separation of us over 100’s of years from our original ancestry has F everything up! In conclusion the media doesn’t persuade me at all, I’ve always had a strong mind and do what I want, date who I want! I go by who treats me with respect and is intelligent, kind, etc, for the rest! I don’t care what… Read more »

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