Season 7 of the Real Housewives of Atlanta just heated up…but not in the way you might think.
During a bedroom discussion around their dwindling sex life, Kandi Burrus and her newlywed husband Todd discuss sex in their marriage, in the context of willingness to compromise. In response to Kandi’s proposition that they have sex more than once a week, Todd drops these gems:
“Lets keep it real. I’m not Tyson Beckford, and you’re not Rihanna.”
“When’s the last time you didn’t have the bonnet on, and put on some heels?”
In his solo time with the camera, Todd further explains that Kandi’s nighttime bonnet doesn’t turn him on, and goes on to say that “even the thirstiest dude wouldn’t get it up”.
Ehhhhhh.…. *rubs temples*
Having been in what I consider a fairly successful relationship for the past almost 5 years (“successful” meaning we haven’t tried to kill each other yet), I wouldn’t try to posture myself as a relationship expert. However, this conversation (for me) borders on the ridiculous. Couples should absolutely have open and honest communication around their relationship — especially when it comes to matters of the boudoir. But as with everything, there’s a way to be honest without being disrespectful.
Relationshipping 101: Don’t compare your woman to another woman (especially in the context of telling her what she’s not).
Relationshipping 102: Don’t disrespect the bonnet.
Todd cites that the source of his lack of drive to “get it up” rests in the fact that Kandi has neglected to wear heels for him and insists in sleeping in her bonnet. While I understand and acknowledge that physical attraction and visual stimulation are a part of a relationship, they should not constitute the majority of the foundation upon which a relationship is built.
Disproportionately so, the pressure to “not let yourself go” falls on the shoulders of women. That’s what the satin bonnet is being associated with now — a telling sign of letting go and not being “on” or visually appealing to your man at all times. I’m not saying that it’s wrong to want to look good for your significant other, but when that becomes the focal point of the relationship (as opposed to…oh, I don’t know, nurturing and supporting each other to reach professional and personal goals), you have to question what foundation the relationship is built upon.
I spoke with my boyfriend about the matter, devoid of reference to RHOA so as to gather his unbiased opinion. If I use Todd’s metrics, then my boyfriend is infinitely beyond thirsty — like to infinity and beyond thirsty. Here’s what he had to say when I asked him whether me having on a bonnet would stop him, or decrease his level of desire:
“Nope, it wouldn’t stop me at all. You’re beautiful either way…and seriously, why would it? Touching, feeling, and having contact is way more arousing than hair — whether it’s covered up or not. At the end of the day, sex is for my penis. Just saying.”
Or rather than thirsty, perhaps he is just a really good guy who appreciates his woman whether she’s in heels and a dress or in yoga pants and a tee shirt. Maybe he doesn’t mind if his lady rocks anything from a free flowing wash and go to a crazy looking pineapple or bonnet. Maybe, just maybe, some men are able to see their woman as a whole person with intellect, feelings, a beautiful spirit and a crazy sense of humor, as opposed to being their sexual plaything.
Besides, a man who dates or marries a woman with natural hair should already know the amount of work that goes into maintaining that gorgeous hair.
We polled the BGLH writers, to see what their boyfriends and hubbies had to say on the matter. Click here to find out what they said.
Oh and Todd — you should probably know that your woman prefers Idris Elba to Tyson Beckford. Just sayin’.
Ladies, what do you think?