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5 Topics Naturals Should Move on From

Avatar • Aug 16, 2011

When you first go natural, EVERYTHING is new, including ‘hot topics’ that strike a nerve and spark discussion that is sometimes productive, and sometimes not. Here’s a list of five things that naturals can and should stop talking/arguing/feuding about.

1. Whether Natural Hair is Professional
I think it’s been established that, except for some extreme/serious cases, a head of hair will not keep the average natural from advancing up the pay scale. From Ursula Burns to Naomi Davis to Tonya Mosley to Harvard Law school graduate Chris-Tia Donaldson, there have been numerous examples of black women doing big things while “rocking the natural”. By now most women have figured out that it’s all about which style you choose. Work in a conservative office? Then you probably shouldn’t be rocking a chunky twist out. Pull your hair into a bun or try one of the thousands (literally) of natural hair updo tutorials on YouTube. There are ideas for ALL lengths and textures!

2. Whether Naturals can Find a Man
BGLH’s Love is in the Hair category offers very strong evidence that HELL YES, we can! From tall to short, dark to light skinned, curly to kinky, we’ve seen all kinds of women find men who love them for who they are. Many naturals even attest that natural hair ASSISTS them in their journey to find love, because it tends to weed out shallow dudes who see textured hair as a problem.

source

3. Whether Kinky Haired Naturals Struggle More than Curly Haired Naturals
Now, I do believe that there are important conversations to be had about why certain aspects of black beauty are more readily embraced within and outside of black culture. The documentary Dark Girls shows that we have a very long way to go, and continued dialogue is important. But petty curly-girl bashing, the side-eyeing of women who acknowledge their bi-raciality and the unending ‘curly vs kinky oppression Olympics’ is simply counterproductive. At the end of the day we’re all women of color — that is challenging enough without adding manufactured drama. If it’s a thoughtful discussion on hair texture we’re having, I’m all for it. If it’s mindless whining, bashing and complaining, then no thank you. This amazing article written by Abii A. pretty much sums up how I feel.

4. How to Get Curls
Look… I have nothing against curl definition… but some of us need to realize that our hair is kinky and/or coily and no magical product or technique will change that. There are more than enough style icons on BGLH who have shown that kinky hair is beautiful and very versatile (Check out Khyla, Wendy, Adaku, Cipriana and Shereen). It’s time for some of us to put the jar of curl defining gel down and start learning how to manage our kinks.

5. Whether Black Men or White Men are More Supportive
There is no magical formula for “The Man Who Loves A Natural Haired Woman Unconditionally.” For some women that man happens to be black, for others he’s Asian, for some he’s white. Why fight about it? It’s no secret that the black community hasn’t done a stellar job of teaching young black men to see natural hair as beautiful, and there is certainly a thoughtful discussion to be had there. But on the other hand countless natural hair bloggers and vloggers (including the blogger behind this great site!) are married to supportive black men. Countless others are married to supportive non-black men. Instead of comparing and contrasting, let’s just celebrate love when we see it!

Now for your thoughts; Are you in agreement? What would you add to my list? What would you take away? Please share!

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anon
anon
9 years ago

The curly vs kinky and curl defining will probably always come up. I have never partaken in discussions about what men like because my hair is my hair and is unlikely to change so I don’t see how ruminating on whether this man or that man likes it chnages anything. my own: 1. The ‘right way’ to be natural i.e silicones/no silicones, mineral oil/no mineral oil. Natural vs synthetic. 2. What is natural? No heat training, no dye, no products whatsoever, no manipulation. 3. Who hates your natural hair — someone made a comment in the grocery store/post office/library/cafeteria/office and… Read more »

Jasmine
Jasmine
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

+1,000,000

Deeds
Deeds
9 years ago
Reply to  Jasmine

ditto!

HairItIs
9 years ago
Reply to  Deeds

Double ditto!

Kaybeautyful
Kaybeautyful
9 years ago
Reply to  Jasmine

Yes yes yes yes yes!!!!!!

Queeen
Queeen
9 years ago
Reply to  Jasmine

lol well I only have +1 here but all of it agrees with your list

sarah
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

Amen!

Tlynnsmith
9 years ago
Reply to  sarah

Here’s one more (not sure if it’s already been mentioned).… “Are black men intimidated by natural hair?” Maybe a man just isn’t feelin’ you, or your hair. It may have (and probably has) nothing to do with “intimidation”. If he is intimidated, how would you know (he’s a random guy) and why is it an issue? As far as hair typing: Natural haired black women have been around for AGES…wayyyy before Andre Walker’s hair typing system was available for us to obsess over. Many of those women did a STELLAR job caring for/styling their kinks/coils, without knowing ANYTHING about hair types.… Read more »

jen
jen
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

so what you are saying is that if a caucasian woman dyes her hair blonde her hair is no longer natural? Being natural doesnt just limit you to one thing. my mom, when she was young in ghana would put this stuf“i dont know how to say it in english” in your hair to turn it black because the sun would turn your hair red after being in the sun to long. people still do it in the villages in africa. what do you mean by product? hair cream, shampoo, conditoner because that is product

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  jen

You seem to be misreading her point. She is saying declaring that someone is not natural because they dyed their hair is tiresome.

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

I really hate the ‘everyone hates my hair’ ones. I am so tired of the whining.

Cleo
Cleo
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

I agree with anon!

Eboni
Eboni
9 years ago
Reply to  Cleo

+1

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

I disagree with #5. Hairtyping is absolutely necessary!! a. Hair typing helps us to have realistic expectations of, and for our hair. Hair is hair yes, but a type 3 naturals can literally wash their hair and leave, type 4 gals however have to moisturize, then add gel to get the same definition, softeness and shine. Without hairtyping, I would have wasted a lot of time trying to figure out what I was doing wrong. b. Hair typing actually helps us destroy the myth of bad hair. How many naturals with type 4 have we seen on this site and other… Read more »

AnonUK
AnonUK
9 years ago
Reply to  EG

A lot of newbie naturals waste so much time trying to work out what ‘type’ of hair they have, what products that ‘type’ of hair needs’, who their hair twin is etc that could have been used to actually experiment with their own hair and find all that out in a far more direct manner. Plus, with so many people having different types of curls on their heads, such wide generalisations such as that in the Walker system seem to be highly outdated.

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  AnonUK

A lot more newbies wasted more time trying to get their curls to ‘pop’ like Curly Nicki’s, or trying to get their hair to ‘shine’ like Tracy Ellis Ross’s than they ever did trying to find out what their hair needs. Plus, the hair on our heads doesn’t usually span more than 1 type. In other words, the average head doesn’t have type 1 — 4; you may have 3c with some 4, or a whole bunch of the 4’s.…either way, you’re still primarily a 4, so there is no confusion…deinal maybe, but no confusion.

CC
CC
9 years ago
Reply to  EG

Funny you should say that because according to the hair typing system I have multiple hair types — within the same strand of hair. Thats right, I have hair that grows from the root straight or almost straight then curls/kinks or coils at the end and very rarely stays straight. It’s not heat damage btw. So am I supposed to use different products on different sections along my hair? No, thats why hair typing is nonsense. If you have thick hair don’t try to drag a fine tooth comb through it, if your hair is dry moisturise it with something… Read more »

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  CC

I have hairs on my head that do the same thing, that doesn’t mean that my hair type is not a 4. Hair typing is common sense, it is what is used to develp products. In a nutshell, it is a guide.….a very useful one.

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  EG

A person can do and know all you have stated without hair typing. You comment doesn’t make any logical sense to me. How does anyone know the type of another person’s hair? By looking at it. How would this be different if the hair typing system is not being used?

JJ
JJ
9 years ago
Reply to  Emme

Totally agree, hair TYPING is not necessary, you can learn your hair without having to put it in a box, especially since some of us have different textures/types on the same head. it’s simply not that important — what’s more important is learning your OWN hair, it may be useful to learn from someone with similar hair, but we all know even that doesn’t always work.

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  Emme

How does anyone know the type of another person’s hair.…easy, it is called research. Research has shown that AA’s have the driest hair type of all the races. The person who did the ground-breaking work has won the who’s who in the world award, and as you can guess, that is not something that they just give away. How much research has to be done before you accept that fact? Let’s not act like before the widely shared research that afro-textured hair women weren’t breaking the bank trying to learn how to get their hair to shoulder length.…now women are… Read more »

Toya J
Toya J
9 years ago
Reply to  EG

I feel like the whole hair typing thing is separating black women.…sort of like the whole “good hair/bad hair” thing. Women obsess over their “hair type”…and i find it ridiculous. Anyway why do you need someone to tell you what kind of hair you have? Just feel through your hair and figure it out. I didn’t do all that, but then again I’ve been natural most of my life so i guess a lot of women who haven’t seen their hair since they were little girls wouldn’t know what their hair looked or felt like…wouldn’t remember the curl pattern or… Read more »

luvmilox
luvmilox
9 years ago
Reply to  Toya J

Just my opinion..but its not hair typing that causes the whole “good hair bad hair thing” its black women ourselves. We have always tried to seperate ourselves according to skin color or hair type..this is a problem that we must deal with on the inside. Hair typing can be a helpful tool. For those of us who use it, we have found it to be a great help. For those of us who don’t use it, we still have explored other ways of finding the proper way to care for our hair. Whatever our choice we should respect one anothers… Read more »

Giovanna
Giovanna
8 years ago
Reply to  EG

uhmm.…my daughter is a type 3a/b and I can not wash her hair and just ‘get up and leave’, like type 4 hair it needs to be moisturized and sealed.

Antrelise
7 years ago
Reply to  EG

I agree completely!!!!!!!!

Jen
Jen
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

That’s it right there!!! No other comments/lists were even needed.

CurlyQ
CurlyQ
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

I agree except #5 hair typing has helped me identify my hair and see what people with my hair type are using when I first went on my natural journey all I had was Terri and her website our hair looks similar but that conditioner only deaman brush w olive oil wasn’t working for me my hair broke like MADD but smelled awesome ive said this in another post Shea butter and glycerin works for my dry fragile curls but do nothing but coat my fiancée waves olive oil alone doesnt help my hair but his hair loves it he… Read more »

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  CurlyQ

+1

Cristine
Cristine
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

YES!!! I would definitely agree with the “right way” to be natural, heat, color, and relaxed v. natural.

I’ve never bought into hair typing, but I do think it can be useful to learn what could work for your hair. Numbers and letters don’t make one head “better” than another, and I think that’s the ONLY problem with hair typing, when people assume that one type is superior or inferior to another.

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  Cristine

and I think that’s the ONLY problem with hair typing, when people assume that one type is superior or inferior to another.…that right there is the root of the problem. Many people on this site have admitted that that is why they don’t like it. They are made to feel inferior. Well guess what, as long as you try to deny your hair type, or pretend that it does not exist, then you give the bullies more reason to make fun of you.

Le Le
Le Le
9 years ago
Reply to  Cristine

Lol…I’m sorry but it’s funny to me that some of y’all are here having a heated, drawn out discussion about one of the things that was listed in the original comment as a should-move-on-from topic

Andie
Andie
9 years ago
Reply to  Le Le

Lol! Good point Le Le…

Aubadya
9 years ago

Hi! First of all i want to say i’m sorry if i made some faults or if you don’t understand my english because i’m a french girl and i don’t speak/write english very well I often read your web site and i want to say thank you and congratulations for showing georgous naturals women! I read your article and i realize we have the same discussion in France! Many black women thinks that if your are natural you can’t find a man, a job etc.… And in france also, some woman wich choose to be natural wants absolutely have curly hair… Read more »

sosoulful0125
sosoulful0125
9 years ago
Reply to  Aubadya

+1

Leena
Leena
9 years ago
Reply to  Aubadya

Doesn’t yaya da costa have quite afro/ kinky hair?

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  Leena
Vick
Vick
9 years ago

I disagree with the majority of the list. My reality is my own and I may encounter problems and issues that you may not. Just because something isn’t an issue for some doesn’t mean it’s an issue for others. Which is why they are talked about.

SuperNatural
SuperNatural
9 years ago
Reply to  Vick

co-sign no one can tell me how to feel about my hair

alyse
alyse
9 years ago
Reply to  Vick

she’s not saying there non issues, she just made a list of discussions that have become tiresome because they are talked about so much

Angel
Angel
9 years ago

This is list is actually shocking to me. None of this has ever came up in my life. The prob that I do have is people telling me more about my hair. HELLO! I know my own hair. I’ve lived with it all my life. I will say that even though I have color in my hair i still consider it natural. Even if I use heat in my hair, it’s still natural.

val
val
9 years ago

I must say i agree with this list.. i am currently transitioning to natural. And I am finding myself getting annoyed with all the debates that go on in the natural community. We are naturals not “Freedom Writers”

Create a Blessed day <3

Ebony
Ebony
9 years ago

I TRY not to participate in discussions that are “debate” worthy. Everyone has their own opinions and experiences, and in a perfect world everyone would accept and appreciate it as just that. Like most ladies on here, I DO feel those arguments get old. We should be able to simply share ourselves and have pleasant exchanges as adult women who share a common thread.

AGrlCanMac
9 years ago

I wish people would stop demonizing hair typing. It doesn’t have to be divisive if we don’t make it. My goodness it’s a way to help people learn more about their hair. I too am tired of the relaxed versus natural crap. They’re different hair textures, get over it. I also am over the policing of what’s “truly” natural and what isn’t: heat training, wearing your natural hair straight most of the time, etc. IT just seems like people like to put “natural” in a box and if you don’t fit that neat description, you don’t count. It’s so annoying. It really could… Read more »

Arian
Arian
9 years ago

Agreed and then some…I’m a colored natural and I get the “You’re not natural anymore” drama. I just roll my eyes.

Jasmine
Jasmine
9 years ago
Reply to  Arian

OMG, really?! Why are people are SO EXTRA!!

Deens
Deens
9 years ago
Reply to  Jasmine

took the words right out my mouth!

shana
shana
9 years ago

i have been natural for over 10 years and the two arguments that made me leave the natural message boards were: what is and isn’t natural? from no product to only nuts & berries to never press to no dye to limited pressing to pressed every two-four weeks religiously to the whole category of mild relaxers and their many pseudonyms, everybody has their own definition and everyone is not going to agree on what natural is. therefore, this argument is pointless at its best and nasty at its worst. i’ve seen it go nasty more times than a little bit… Read more »

TheCurlStation
9 years ago
Reply to  shana

@Shauna — regarding the battle against relaxed women…I couldn’t agree with you more. We love to chant “I am not my hair” well, neither are they, right? The words of the song say “it’s not what’s on my head it’s what’s underneath”…we shouldn’t be judging women who decide to wear their hair relaxed. It’s their decision just like it was ours to go natural. I’m all about educating women on how relaxers damage their hair, and having conversations around our own cultural fear of our hair…beyond that, it’s their choice to make an INFORMED decision about what to do with… Read more »

Toya J
Toya J
9 years ago
Reply to  shana

LOL @ nuts & berries…that just made me think of “Coming to America”…Juices & Berries LOL

TheCurlStation
9 years ago

So love this post! On one hand, I believe that these types of conversations and comments won’t completely go away anytime soon just b/c there are always new women “returning natural” and it’s fresh and new to them, so these topics are fresh and new to them just as they were to us. That said, I couldn’t agree more with the writer on some of these. In fact, I’d like to add the Obsession with Long Hair to the list. Every girl under the sun wants long hair at any cost and any girl with long hair is instantly an expert… Read more »

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  TheCurlStation

It has been my experience that it is the mid-term naturals that love these topics. I never considered any of these issues nor knew they were a problem until I started reading hair blogs. I am not sure it can be dumped (as everything seems to be) on the feet of ‘new naturals’.

Royalle
Royalle
9 years ago
Reply to  Emme

Emme, I have been natural for over two years and I agree with you. Hair length was never really a concern for me until recently. It’s not that I even WANT long hair, but I am worried that I am not taking care of my hair properly since I don’t see much growth. But all I can do is what’s best for my hair and everything else just comes secondary!

frizzygurl84
frizzygurl84
9 years ago

As long as there are new naturals, these things will pop up over & over because as we all know, there are many women who are still perpetuating the belief that relaxed hair is the end all be all, so for the few who leave that belief system & enter into ours (the naturals’) they won’t step in where we are, they will enter in at their own level.…which may be at the bottom of the totem pole. These new naturals might have layers of miseducation to shed, and it would be nice if we delicately educated them, rather than… Read more »

LA
LA
9 years ago
Reply to  frizzygurl84

YES!

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  frizzygurl84

Condescending much?

Andie
Andie
9 years ago
Reply to  Emme

I kinda agree with Emme…it sounded slightly condescending…like an Us vs. Them kinda thing. I personally love that so many women are becoming natural, but I hate how being natural has almost become like a special club or something and if you don’t do everything just right you’re looked down upon. hmmm

Vick
Vick
9 years ago
Reply to  frizzygurl84

Exactly! And I didn’t find anything about this condescending at all.

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  Vick

You wouldn’t since you feel the same condescending way.

Jc
Jc
9 years ago
Reply to  Emme

I agree with frizzygurl84 amd I do not find her comment condescending in any sense.

I think people have a tendency to roll their eyes when someone asks what is a bc, what is co-wash.….etc. We forget that a while back, we too did not know what a bc or co-wash was.

She is right, there is no question that should be out of bounds even if it has been answered 10 times before.

Vick
Vick
9 years ago
Reply to  Emme

you’re butt hurt. get over it and move on.

bspycee
bspycee
9 years ago
Reply to  frizzygurl84

so true! its tired conversation for some but interesting to new naturals

Angie
Angie
9 years ago

My biggest topic annoyance is the whole hair typing thing; “I’m a 4B mixed with a 2A and a dash of 3C” Really? I still don’t know what all those numbers mean and I’ve been natural for 5 years. Other than that, I I’ve never gotten caught up with many of the issues on the list because when I decided to go natural what my employer, men or friends would think didn’t even come into the equation. I just did it because that’s what I wanted to do. I realize these debates do exist, as I have read about them… Read more »

Risa
Risa
9 years ago
Reply to  Angie

+1

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  Angie

+2

It is amusing though.

Andie
Andie
9 years ago
Reply to  Angie

Yeah the whole hair typing this is kinda amusing to me…I feel people put more stock into it than it’s worth.

MsKroberts
MsKroberts
9 years ago

Ok, so here is my two cents. 1. Professionalism…yes i’m tired of this one. Wearing our hair “without perm”, exactly the way it grows from our head should not be considered unprofessional. Unless, like you said, in extreme styling cases. 2. Man…if a man is not interested in me like this, with non-permed hair, he doesn’t deserve me. I’ve grown to be so much stronger, more confident since being natural. 3. Kinky vs Curly…this one kinda iggs me. I’m a very kinky girl *in my rick james voice* lol, and even before going natural it just seems that the curlier the… Read more »

Toya J
Toya J
9 years ago
Reply to  MsKroberts

+1 / Like

MsKroberts
MsKroberts
9 years ago

My Biggest pet peeve of all is the “OH I’VE BEEN NATURAL FOR XX AMOUNT OF YEARS AND ALL OF YOU OTHERS ARE JUST BANDWAGON HOPPERS” people. Who really cares…?? Heck, I was natural in 1978 when I popped out of my mama’s toot so now what??!?? I mean really…be glad that women have taken this LEAP to actually chop off..in some cases…all their hair, wear it nappy and refuse to put damaging perm in their hair..many times just doing it to conform to societal norms. That takes guts!! Get over yourself and be supportive to these sisters!

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  MsKroberts

+1000000000

intelligentblackbeautiful
intelligentblackbeautiful
9 years ago
Reply to  Emme

LMBO! Love it…complete agreement…+1000000001

SA
SA
9 years ago

^5 Ms.K LoL!

TJ
TJ
9 years ago
Reply to  SA

+ 1

layray
layray
9 years ago
Reply to  TJ

+1

Cristine
Cristine
9 years ago
Reply to  MsKroberts

#cosign.

Royalle
Royalle
9 years ago
Reply to  Cristine

YES! We should be GLAD when women decide to go natural and want to help them! No matter if you have a relaxer or you are natural, everyone has to admit that doing the BC takes a lot of courage and I applaud any woman willing to take the plunge.

Toya J
Toya J
9 years ago
Reply to  MsKroberts

there are a lot of bandwagoners…i’m just saying (some of these same women use to look at me crazy and/org talk about my natural hair when i stopped relaxing my hair my freshman year of college, but i do love the fact that so many women are going natural.…but when i’m talking of the bandwagoners it’s the one’s who just seem to do it cuz it’s the cool thing to do. and yes i’ve been natural foe a long time over 11 years. but i always just give good advice to them when they ask me…tell them not to get… Read more »

Emme
Emme
9 years ago

I have been natural/transitioning for a year now and I agree with most of your points. I was always embarrassed we were having some of these discussions (finding love, which men love natural hair) to begin with. They just reek of an inferiority complex. None of these topics have ever and will ever interest me. I do love the drama in the comments section, but think nothing of the topics themselves. It is pretty evident there is nothing inherently unprofessional about natural hair and seemed obvious to me that you either have curls to define or you can create them… Read more »

frizzygurl84
frizzygurl84
9 years ago
Reply to  Emme

Why wouldn’t a bias come through in her writing? It is HER post. I don’t think she mentioned she has a journalism degree that requires her to be unbiased in her views. “Condescending much?” (sounds familiar doesn’t it?)

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  frizzygurl84

I guess condescending can recognize condescending.….

Keisha S.
Keisha S.
9 years ago

Hello Ladies,

OP here. I’ve been loving reading through the comments here and on Facebook! They have definitely made me challenge my own thinking and perception on some things.

All in all I’m glad to hear that so many women are ready to move on from discussions that are controversial aka ‘drama starting’. Natural hair websites/virtual communities don’t have to be landmines for hot button issues. If we let them, they can be calm virtual spaces where we support and engage each other intelligently.

Keisha S.

Toya J
Toya J
9 years ago
Reply to  Keisha S.

thanks for this article 🙂

Tara Melissa
9 years ago

I’ve seen it sprinkled in the comments, but I want to repeat it again:

Can we please give up the, “Are you still natural if you press your hair?” topic? I groan every time I see the topic on natural hair sites.

Kesha
9 years ago
Reply to  Tara Melissa

@Tara, I hear you, but in my case I can relate just a ‘lil bit. I have never had chemically relaxed hair in my life, but instead relied exclusively on heat styling (pressing, flat ironing, blow-outs and curling irons) for two decades. It wasn’t until a few months ago that I jumped on the “natural bandwagon”. I guess to some I was natural all along, but I feel I never embraced my natural hair texture and never learned how to properly care for it in its natural state. So I agree that being natural does not mean you don’t press… Read more »

Randomgirl
9 years ago

Great list! I would also like to add that we should stop justifying our decisions to wear natural hair to non-naturals. To me it isn’t a decision, it is how I was born and I embrace it just like my eye color.

Thank youfor sharing! Keep up the great work.

VivaMac
VivaMac
9 years ago

I really don’t have a problem with most of the topics on the list. When I see those,I usually think this person is just at a stage where they are charting new territory and are probably feeling a little anxious and insecure, by asking some of these questions they are hoping to get some reassurance, and that’s ok. What I really dont like are the articles that are divisive, or seem infer I have that “good hair.” eg. I was in the BSS minding my own biz and this lady asked if I was mixed,or some random peron whom I… Read more »

Eboni
Eboni
9 years ago

I definitely agree with the whole curl definition and hair typing topics. A few short months ago I came to the realization that it’s not a matter of whether or not I can define my curls, this is just my hair texture. I’m not going to compromise moisture for curl definition. Never again. In the beginning (like most naturals) I was obsessed with hair typing. Now I just accept the fact that my hair is thick and beautiful. Sometimes I think hair typing can be detrimental to one’s hair journey. There was a point in my journey where I considered putting… Read more »

rw
rw
9 years ago

much respect to the part about putting down the jar of curl definer and working with what you got

d
d
9 years ago

I only have one issue that drives me bat**** crazy: the eponymous “white men love me now that i’m natural and hot and sexy and exotic.” get. over. yourself.

Tina
Tina
9 years ago
Reply to  d

+1

Tabitha
Tabitha
9 years ago
Reply to  d

Oh i agree , it is always an indication of some peoples personal hang ups

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  d

+3

Royalle
Royalle
9 years ago
Reply to  d

I agree with this statement…to an extent. I have always dated all races regardless of how I wore my hair. Since wearing my natural hair, I have noticed less attention from Black men. That, to me, is nothing to brag about. Of course, everyone has their preference and I am just not as attractive to them without my Beyonce weave 🙂 And I have only heard negative comments about my hair from Black men and women while during the same evening getting compliments from my Latin friends. I just don’t think other races understand that wearing your natural hair is… Read more »

Toya J
Toya J
9 years ago
Reply to  d

GIRL! i couldn’t agree more! i HATE it when i hear people say that ish…wtf cares if white men love you now! like you said, they need to get over themselves…i’ve come across plenty of black men who don’t care if your hair is natural or not and i’m in Chicago.

eme
eme
9 years ago

I wholeheartedly agree with d’s on her comment. Some of the commentors her are so quick to congratulate White people for loving their natural hair while simultaneously criticizing other Black for not embracing them. They blame Black for perpetuating their own oppression with comments about our racial hypersensitivity and. I swear some of these “natural sista-gurls” are really white Republicans in disguise. I’ve said this before, and I will say it again. Our ideas of what is acceptable, normal, and attractive do not develop in a vaccuum. We live in a society where a Black women are by-and-large considered to… Read more »

Crys
Crys
9 years ago
Reply to  eme

I’m actually tired of this one. Why must we keep saying society sees black and/or natural women as unattractive when we are all taking notice of increased representation in media. While we are not as often seen or even have equal opportunities in this realm I highly disagree with what you have said. And thinking that way can’t be healthy even of you do rock a mini-fro. Also recently in media there’s been research to support that actually people who are in between the pale, blue eyed blonde hair and very dark skin coily ends spectrum or what might people… Read more »

Krystal
9 years ago
Reply to  Crys

I agree. Repeating over and over again that black women are not considered attractive is self-defeating and just reinforcing the idea. Stop feeding into it!

eme
eme
9 years ago
Reply to  Crys

1) Based on that one study, you can definitively state a medium between blond/blue eyes/pale and dark/dark eyes/dark hair is the standard. If so, why isn’t this mythical standard more widely represented? 2) “We are not as often seen or even have equal opportunities in this realm” I couldn’t have said it better myself. Though we have made great strides in representation of black women, it is no where near as multi-faceted as that of our white counterparts. This truism will not cease to just because you wish it to. 3) I know that we are beautiful. You do not need… Read more »

Toya J
Toya J
9 years ago
Reply to  eme

Preach!

Tut tut
Tut tut
9 years ago
Reply to  eme

Ironic that she said we need to get over this who does or does not like our hair and just carry on and keep calm yet in these comments people are bringing up and arguing about this topic. I admit that there are some that forcefully go on about how much non blacks love their natural hair BUT not on BGLH, usually it’s Youtube comments. I agree with the article writer though. I do not think society’s xyz really affects whether you will meet a partner you desire or not. Half of attraction is about eye contact, the other half is… Read more »

Toya J
Toya J
9 years ago
Reply to  eme

+1

Cee Cee
Cee Cee
9 years ago

yes these are over-discussed issues but people have concerns and I don’t think there is anything wrong with venting, complaining sometimes, or being concerned about how natural hair is going to affect your life. I didn’t even really realize how much having natural hair can affect your life (I have been natural almost a decade) until I moved in a small random midwest town about 7 months ago (before I lived in DC & NYC). I am def could relate to the work place one (still rocking my two-strand twist like what?! though) Now with all that said…I 100% agree that… Read more »

Angela
Angela
9 years ago

How about the list of fifteen rules for naturals on every website that tell you, “Use shampoo. Don’t use shampoo. Always wear protective styles. Don’t wear protective styles because they pull on your edges. Wash your hair with goat placenta. Cut your hair on the night of the new moon.”

Adeyinka
Adeyinka
9 years ago
Reply to  Angela

Is the last one real? Cut your hair the night of the new moon. WHHHAAATTTT. google to the rescue…

cygnet
cygnet
9 years ago
Reply to  Adeyinka

“Cut your hair on the night of the new moon.” Yes, this is a real rule, but it’s usually handed down to us from our grandmothers and great-grandmothers. Or, as my own grandmother (RIP) and mama say it, “Make sure you cut your hair on the growing of the moon.” By the “growing” of the moon, they mean the same thing as on the new moon. When the moon is new, it’s going to get more visible in the sky until it it completely full. The rationale behind cutting on the new or growing moon is that as the moon grows,… Read more »

emma
emma
9 years ago
Reply to  Angela

goat placenta? the moon? I’m in tears…omg! it seems we have the same sense of humor as i posted somethign similar

Queeen
Queeen
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

Yeah goat placenta made me die LOL

Tut tut
Tut tut
9 years ago
Reply to  Angela

YES ANGELA! Let’s junk ‘the rules’ period. Many an inch has been lost over listening to someone whose hair you’ve never seen that tells you to comb your hair while soaking wet with conditioner or never wear protective styles and you’re hair will be fine. All the while, this advice giver will have a billion strands of easily detangled, Hercules strength hair compared to your own which is finer than laser tripwire and forms bundles of tangles the moment it meets conditioner in its loosened state.

RULES can burn!

emma
emma
9 years ago

wow. hmmm lemme think. 1. Natural hair has helped/hindered me and my man-grabbing mojo WHO CARES??? Seriously, who? And whoever you are…STOP CARING! ugh. Take that to match.com. Also, if we are gonna continue with the dating stuff, let’s include women who date women. 2. Long hair, don’t care (but secretly obsess over) Mary Joe has 12 inches of hair=idol status, and it seems like people will copy her regimen to the T to get that glorious crown. Mary Joe could be eating fried rat anuses with mint jelly and some would still copy that mess down. If your hair is healthy,… Read more »

Crys
Crys
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

Haha! I like yours n have definitely noticed that nonsense lol

kri
kri
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

#3 YES! I’m starting to think that a lot of women are either paranoid or extremely narcissistic to think that every person they encounter is worried about their hair. Don’t they know, most people don’t care? Get. Over.Yourself.

Emme
Emme
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

#4 always makes me cringe when it comes up. Just ugh.

Nubiahbella
Nubiahbella
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

Loving your list, it’s too funny!!!!
Millions of claps!!!

Angela
Angela
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

Don’t repeat the rat anus thing too much. You know someone will do it!

emma
emma
9 years ago
Reply to  Angela

right? I’d better warn Master Splinter…

Royalle
Royalle
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

OMG, literally LOL’d. Great list emma!

cygnet
cygnet
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

Mary Joe could be eating fried rat anuses with mint jelly .…”

I’m cracking up and cringing simultaneously over here :-)! I could have gone the rest of my life without running across that particular menu reference. Oh well, just don’t let lil Miss MJ open a restaurant with that guy from Silence of the Lambs, with his dish of whatever body part it was along with “fava beans and a nice chianti (slurp, slurp, slurp).” Uggghhhhh, hahahahahahaha :-)!

Lyn
Lyn
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

AMEN to #1 “let’s include women who date women.” So many sites, so many. I’ve seen “men this, men that” okay, what if some women don’t date men?! Annoys me!

emma
emma
9 years ago
Reply to  Lyn

lawd ha mercy yesssss! And boy the stories I could tell about other women’s hair preferences…hmph! There are so many things that could be revealed and discussed by your friendly neighborhood lesbians/bisexuals!

Royalle
Royalle
9 years ago
Reply to  emma

Now I am curious.…

Heather
Heather
7 years ago
Reply to  emma

Fried rat anus? funniest thing I’ve read on this site so far! lmao (literally)

Tabitha
Tabitha
9 years ago

Are you trying to put BGLH out of business? What else will get 100+ comment? LOL

Crys
Crys
9 years ago

1) always do/never do advice and regimes. Highly limiting and not always right for ones head…everything in moderation at least. 2) natural hair seems to have prevent me from “fill in the blank” — probably not, consider other culprits 3) relaxed and/or weaves up = self — hatred — ive had a room mate tht refused to ever be sedn weaveless but pls, not always. I’d put anything connected to self — hatred I.e. Light VS dark, curly VS kinky under here. 4) Bashing natural or black owned companies over price. Everyone has to make a living…I don’t see ppl doing this… Read more »

Fro
Fro
9 years ago
Reply to  Crys

+1 to #4. Those same folks who do that won’t say a word and purchase from those high priced products in places like Sephora. And I guarantee half of those companies use the dreaded “bases” ingredients that people like to throw shade at with some natural hair companies, and their prices are steeper too.

rosie
rosie
9 years ago
Reply to  Fro

Number 4!!!

Heather
Heather
7 years ago
Reply to  Fro

Lol! So true. They won’t put it on their hair but will rub it on their face

Fro
Fro
9 years ago

Quite frankly, I’m tired of the people who get ridiculously disgusted from other folks who mistakenly think their Afro-centric just cause they have a fro. That topic (and the many Youtube video’s made about it) is so tired. I mean Jesus, just tell them your not and keep it moving. It’s not that serious that their needs to be constant discussion about it.

Jp
Jp
9 years ago
Reply to  Fro

LOL

trackback

[…] naturals should move on from.… Read this amazing post on BGLH and agree with everything. 5 Topics Naturals Should Move on From | Black Girl with Long Hair googletag.cmd.push(function() {googletag.display(‘div-gpt-ad‑2’); […]

Jp
Jp
9 years ago

People “hating on” or “dissing” natural hair.

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[…] was good!!! 5 Topics Naturals Should Move on From | Black Girl with Long Hair __________________ Thick Hair/Fine Hair/Low or Normal Porosity(??) Last Relaxer: November 24, […]

Erika
Erika
9 years ago

Some of these comments have touched on topics that I wish would go away. The idea of “newbie vs. veteran”. I am glad that there are people out there willing to share knowledge but I don’t like it when a woman will literally force her information on you. And if you don’t take every piece of advice to heart, then you are somehow not as natural as “real naturals”. I also get tired of the difference in how “natural” is defined. I think being natural means that you don’t chemically alter the texture of your hair. If you flatiron your… Read more »

ashley
ashley
9 years ago

The entire definition of being natural. Some people take it too seriously and too far. Stating a million and one things you cant do, when really you only need to do what works for you. If silicones, mineral oil, and petroleum do well in your hair and you steadily see healthy growth then keep doing what you do! 🙂 No 2 people are alike by far. Natural is a state in which you choose to wear your hair to me. Hair typing. What does it really do? In my opinion nothing. If a product recognizes that kinkier hair needs more of… Read more »

Oh Bother
Oh Bother
9 years ago

I can see how these various topics can be annoying. I personally still like to witness the back and fourth jibber jabber on all of the topics mentioned. It’s quite entertaining.

*grabs popcorn and a soda pop*

Heather
Heather
7 years ago
Reply to  Oh Bother

jibber jabber? lol! #stolen

cygnet
cygnet
9 years ago

As tiresome as it can be sometimes for the same topics to keep coming up, I can understand how it happens. As mentioned by some, there are always more people who have recently decided to learn to wear their hair as it naturally is, and they are all complete, individual persons with their own realities, questions, challenges, perceptions, misperceptions, etc.; so usernames and avatars may change but the recurrence of these topics tells me that we are, in a lot of ways, similarly concerned about many of the same things. Just as we had to come to our own conclusion… Read more »

Tut tut
Tut tut
9 years ago
Reply to  cygnet

wow has this happened to you?!

I live in Europe and am not used to the Nae Nae and Bay Bay situation but why when I read Bay Bay was I thinking of Beyonce, lmao.

cygnet
cygnet
9 years ago
Reply to  Tut tut

Actually, I didn’t have Beyonce in mind at all. But as far as the identity thing, I have had something similar happen to me, but the way it happened to me had more to do with being called by another person’s name as a student. In that case, for as long as I was in line with the rules and expectations that I was suppose to meet, this particular adult always called me by this other girl’s name. But as soon as I committed some infraction, she suddenly remembered what my name was. According to what I’ve read in several… Read more »

TheQuitabee
TheQuitabee
9 years ago
Reply to  cygnet

I was about to comment but CYGNET sums up my views very nicely. I think naturals should talk about whatever they need to vent about without fear of their views, questions or concerns being seen as irrelevant. The fact that certain discussions and questions seem to continue doesn’t mean that the same naturals are discussing them, it just means that new naturals are coming up and sorting their way through the same natural hair journey that more mature naturals have gone through and we should not discourage them by making them feel that their concerns are shallow or trivial, whether… Read more »

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[…] hair chat about Black Girl with Long Hair’s blog post entitled 5 Topics Naturals Should Move on From I had to post a few things I am done […]

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[…] 5 Topics Naturals Should Move On From: Praise to the Most High and BGLH for this post! I can’t with these for another fraction of a second. But if anyone wants to talk about complete and total eradication of single-strand knots, I’m so there! […]

Thin and Natural
Thin and Natural
8 years ago

I would like to see the discussion of thin hair vs thick hair go to the wayside, mainly because I am sick of thin haired girls/women whining about their thin hair. Give it a rest already.
They are worse than those trying to get curls who can’t get curls.

I also think the heat vs no heat needs a rest as well, too. A natural who doesn’t use heat is no more pure than those that do. At this point in the game, there really are no rulese when it comes to being natural, except stop all the whining!

clarinetto
8 years ago

Hello, this is a great blog!

Keikimummy
Keikimummy
7 years ago

I agree a little with many of the comments. I agree that some of these issues that we keep emphasising can engender fears and doubts, self-hatred and contempt for others, and encourage divisiveness among us (like hair typing and who can have nice curls, and who can’t, and so on). However, I also agree that people who are just joining the debate need space to re-hash (or maybe I should say hash out, perhaps for the first time) these concerns for themselves. I think the most important thing any of us can do, however, when we come onto these community… Read more »

Heather
Heather
7 years ago

I’m quite sick of everyone’s obsession with “curl defining”

christinanolanXD
christinanolanXD
4 years ago

Yessss I went through the curl defining thing… Ughhh :/

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