Even with all the faults, the natural hair community is consistently one of the places where Black women are empowered and encouraged to embrace their natural hair, beauty, and wellness. Blogs, forums, and social networks are constant streams of support and guidance for veterans, newbies, big choppers, and transitioners alike. As women, we do a phenomenal job of maintaining positivity among ourselves (which is a feat in and of itself…c’mon ya’ll KNOW what I’m talking about). But what about our men? One of the biggest concerns most women express about going natural is how their significant other, or men in general will react to their newfound kinks, coils, and curls.
To tackle the issue of how Black men really feel about Black women going natural, I went straight to the source: my boyfriend of nearly 3 years. At this point in the game, he’s seen it all – from crazy looking straws in my hair, to marathon product junkie sessions in Target and Sally’s. Keep reading for his perspective on transitioning and natural hair. Heads up: it’s pretty positive 🙂
Christina: Thanks for agreeing to do this. I know you’re not a man of many words, but try to be as thorough as possible – I can’t publish an article with one word answers (laughing). Let’s get right to it. As a man, how do you define natural hair?
Samuel: Yeah, I know I had to…or I’d never hear the end of it from you. To me, natural hair is simply the stuff that comes out of your head, as-is.
Christina: What’s your opinion of the natural hair movement going on right now?
Samuel: Well, I don’t actually think it’s a movement. Natural hair has been around, it’s just growing in popularity now. But it is nice to see women embracing the way God made them. It’s a great thing, to take away the fake and unnatural…when women can showcase their beauty the way God meant for them to be. I love seeing women that take pride in themselves just the way they are… and not needing to excessively manipulate themselves to feel beautiful.
Christina: Is it a fad, or is it here to stay?
Samuel: Honestly, it depends on the woman. If you’re comfortable and confident in yourself and what God gave you, then it’s here to stay for you. If you’re lacking self-esteem and don’t feel good about yourself with natural hair, then you probably won’t keep it up. But I do see stores like Target expanding their natural hair care section. So I guess taking cues from that, the market for natural hair is here to stay.
Christina: How does it feel to date someone who is really involved and invested in natural hair?
Samuel: It’s a pain in the ass sometimes. You talk A LOT about natural hair…but at the same time, I’ve learned a lot from you too. Hell, I’ve even talked to my coworkers about their women taking care of their natural hair. But I do love the confidence that comes with you embracing your natural hair. I also love being able to touch your hair, and play around with you without having to worry about it getting messed up or falling out.
Christina: Hehe, I do talk a lot about natural hair. I’m kinda OCD with it. What are your thoughts when you see a woman that has “big chopped” all of her hair off?
Samuel: I personally prefer longer hair, but when I see a woman who has chopped, I see confidence. And that’s a huge factor in how much you appeal to a man. How confident you are.
Christina: What are your thoughts when you see a woman who has decided to transition (slowly) to natural hair?
Samuel: Was that a serious question? It doesn’t make any difference to me. I don’t care, I won’t notice anyway. As far as I’m concerned, as long as you’re taking care of it, it doesn’t matter.
Christina: How do you feel about the whole satin scarf and bonnet thing? Is it unappealing?
Samuel: I know why you have them, it’s not a big deal. Just so long as you’re wearing them at home or while working out or something – not out in public.
Christina: So I can’t wear my bonnet to the mall?
Samuel: You can wear it to the mall if you want, you won’t be walking with me.
Christina: Ok, ok. Have you adopted any of my hair practices or products?
Samuel: Of course I have. You pick out all my hair stuff.
Christina: What advice do you have for men that are dating natural or transitioning women?
Samuel: Accept that your woman is trying to take care of her hair. Accept it, approve it. Support her. Make sure she knows you think she’s beautiful. Make sure you TELL her she’s beautiful. Be prepared for her to spend a lot of money on hair products, and a lot of time in Target. Be prepared not to see the super straight stuff. Be prepared to only see the straightened natural hair every once in a while.
Christina: What’s the most frustrating thing about dating a woman with natural hair?
Samuel: Nothing. A woman with natural hair isn’t any different. Ya’ll still take forever to get ready.
Christina: What’s the most exciting thing about dating a woman with natural hair?
Samuel: You can get your hair wet, go swimming, work out, play golf, or do something random without spazzing out about your hair.
Christina: True, true. Do you have any final thoughts on natural hair?
Samuel: If I could say one thing about this whole natural hair thing, it would be that if you go natural, do it for yourself and not some man. Same thing with weaves, perms, whatever. Don’t do all this stuff to impress a man. We don’t sit around and dissect and over-analyze you and your hair decisions. We’re going to think you look good, no matter what.
Christina: I think you’re right. It’s been said before that women dress up, wear makeup, and do all this stuff to their hair for other women. I had a feeling ya’ll didn’t care that much.
Samuel: That’s another thing. I notice that a lot – not all – but a lot of women with natural hair tend to wear a lot of makeup. Chill on that. It’s not necessary to attract or be attractive to a man. If your hair is natural, why can’t your face be natural too? A little makeup is cool, although I prefer none. It’s hard to hug, kiss, or touch the face of a woman who constantly looks like she bathes in makeup. Natural beauty is the best kind of beauty, and all women have it.
Christina: Food for thought…
Samuel: You should get another opinion on all this, though.
Christina: From who?
Samuel: Someone that doesn’t like natural hair.
Christina: Huh?
Samuel: Who do you know that doesn’t like natural hair?
Christina: Umm, I don’t know. Nobody?
Samuel: Exactly. No man dislikes it when a woman has a head of her own hair. You’d be hard pressed to find a man that prefers weaves to natural hair.
Well there you have it, ladies. Men dig natural hair.
Have you talked to your significant other about your decision to transition, chop or rock natural hair? Do tell!
For more from Christina check out her blog, The Mane Objective. You can also find her on Instagram and Facebook.
94 Responses
That was funny and interesting! I never got the part about being able to get natural hair wet, though, no matter who has said it. I never worried about my relaxed hair getting wet, ever. But with my natural hair, water will destroy any -out do I have. It will make it shrink up terribly. And I don’t have the pretty curls that can look good short. I have the no-texture type of hair. Now that it’s long enough to put in big twist, I’m less afraid to get it soaking wet in the shower. But ya, water is scary.
When you’ve just chemically treated your hair you’re not supposed to wet it for a period of time, and some people don’t like wetting their hair before a chemical service
Very cute interview. This sounds like one of me and my husband daily conversations. I’m forever asking him questions about “the movement”.
You guys are hilarious! I loved this interview, I’ve never thought about asking my boyfriend how he felt about natural hair however he doesn’t really notice anything anyway! Lol
I found this interview to be really funny and cute. I loved his answers and his way of saying what was on his mind.
I think all Black men are different in their preferences. Some black men don’t give a care whether a woman is natural, relaxed, or weaved up, as long as she’s beautiful inside and/or out. Some dislike natural hair and will talk that “good hair, bad hair” stuff. Some prefer natural hair, point, blank, period. Some black men *claim* they prefer natural hair but then you find out that’s only if it is Tracee Ellis Ross-looking hair. Some say they prefer natural hair and yet tend to make a bee-line for women with relaxed and/or weaved hair. They’re all different.
“You’d be hard pressed to find a man that prefers weaves to natural hair.”
You sure don’t know my ex boyfriend. He was ashamed to walk with me and be seen by people because I don’t have a “regular” hair style. And 3 years later he still doesn’t understand why I ditched him…
The important thing is to find a man who loves the real you, independent of hair, makeup, clothes or whatever. YOU.
My husband loves my natural hair and when I was going natural when we were dating, he loved it then too. 🙂
Loved this post btw! 🙂 Awesome job
Thank you all for your positive responses, critiques, and engaging eachother in fruitful dialogue! I love the multi-faceted nature of the natural hair community! From different corners of the country (and world), different walks of life, different experiences, and more. It is really encouraging 🙂
Wow. your bf samuel sounds amazing. I’m from Alabama and the black guys here arent as accepting to natural hair as other races amazingly. some men have even thrown their comments at me. my daddy hates it. he even says he will put a relaxer in my hair while i slept! My bf loves my hair hes always running his fingers through it and hes multi racial. so if more black men were like samuel in my state more women would go natural around here. i wish my mom and sister would because relaxer isnt doing good to their hair at all.
I’m so tired of worrying about what men think of me. Everything I seem to do to make myself happy and look good, must be for them, eh? I’m tired. I can never want for myself. Anytime I doll myself up, “who you tryna impress? what’s his name?”… “You don’t have to wear a lot of makeup, I think you look good without!” Okay, and??? Thank you for stating the obvious, bruh. Not like I just wear makeup to accentuate and define what’s already there or because I just like makeup… “Why you wearing weaves when you don’t ‘need’ to? I like my women real and natural.” -__- “Y’all women do all these things to impress us when we couldn’t give less than damn about the money you shell out, all the efforts you put forth and the pain you endure to do so. lol” Hm, I wonder who sells us the idea that our worth is contingent on attracting and satisfying men???? Bye.
I KNOW THAT’S RIGHT! I couldn’t care less about what men think about my hair. The decision to be natural was mine and mine alone. I hate that that is even a concern for us. It’s what God wanted me to have but you want me chemically and permanently alter it, or constantly keep it covered up so that I can try and mirror some image of someone else??? REALLY??? Sorry, not happening. Dont get me wrong, I have worn weaves and had my hair straightened as a “naturalista”, but it was because I wanted to try a particular style at the time. After a week or two, it was back to business as usual. And quite frankly, i miss my hair when it’s covered by a weave so i very rarely do it. My fiance loves my hair. He loved it when we were just friends, you know why? Because it’s growing out of the woman that he loves. He didn’t fall in love with my hair, he fell in love with the woman.
Love what Samuel had to say. It was great to hear and is the reason why I continue to follow this blog and other natural hair blogs. I usually do not hear anything positive regarding my hair and am struggling with my own negative feelings towards my hair for the past couple years since going natural. I still feel like I’m trying to find my feet and need to break the bad habits and limited thinking that I have had for so long. Thank you to both Christina and Samuel for making my day.
Oh by the way, is Samuel “Dude” from BlackandSexy TV’s The Couple? I think I recognize him but I’m not completely sure. Whether or not its him I’m grateful for him sharing his opinion
I hopeyou do learn to appreciate your natural hair. Being natural is not for “punks” like the sista said earlier:-). Its just like a person…you have to get to know the real her. Learn what she likes and doesn’t like. That takes time and work. Thankfully, the payoff is wonderful with a new feeling of liberation and beauty that is all yours and God-given. Enjoy it girl! I’m sure its beautiful. YouTube and Google are your best friends. Search natural hairstyles and you will get tons of ideas. What I did was I purposefully found hairstyles that looked cute on me at each length. Don’t just wear your natural hair back in a puff. Style it, rock it! My friend(who is also natural) said something that is soooooo true. She said “in order to be natural, you need a whole lot of confidence and a whole lot of patience.”. If either of the two are lacking, you won’t be natural very long.
I so agree with naturalbeauty you have to have confidence cause without confidence and patience it won’t work
Hey Gabrie’l! Lol, I would have never thought to compare him to Dude from The Couple. Although I’m sure Samuel would be flattered, he’s way too reserved to be in front of a camera. Thanks for the support and compliments! Really appreciate it!
It’s so sad to see everyone going back and forth concerning race or hair issues with race. Just love who you love. Black men have been dating outside our race for a minute and most of my black male counterparts have dated or date outside their race. We as black women many times limit ourselves when it comes to dating outside our race. I don’t think anyone should limit themselves to one race. It’s just whoever finds you beautiful and enhances your life whatever he may be! Love has no color but we live in a world where our black men in the media keep turning to white women ie Michael Jordan. So at this point just love who you love. I have a very supportive black man who loves me natural no additives. But when it comes down to it, you have to do what makes you happy and what fits best for you.
This is spot on!!!!
Why do we care what other people are doing in their private relationships sooo damn much? The article writer has a black man so how did this topic come up? Lemme guess the girls in the older comments who have posted pictures of themselves with non black SOs. This site is black girl with long hair not black- girl -with -black – boyfriend – only. What an awful amount of shade to throw at people who are just sharing their experiences. Nobody brought up race until the two young ladies above began speaking about youtubers with non black boyfriends, all prefaced with ‘nothing against ir relationships’ and ‘I’m not racist’. Then why are you bringing it up, if it doesn’t offend or irritate you in some way? Hmm has written enough comments on the topic. She started off fishing for co-signers. I get it. You guys are those ‘black love’ commenters on the other side of the extremist coin from the ‘aren’t interracial relationships beautiful’ brigade. I find people who are actually in ir relationships are never the ones discussing it as much as those that clearly oppose it and those that want to be in one through some fetishistic vision of a perfect relationship after having poor relationships with men of their own race or no relationship with men at all. Let people live!
Why you got thumbed down I have no idea. I have no idea how this thread got turned into IR bashing. Like we went out “hunting” for another race. No, that seems to be a trait that the men you want exclusively seem to do. Love is colorblind, and how we met our mates is irrelevant. If you’re not down with it, cool, but don’t try to diss what you don’t understand.
PS I have nothing against black men, for the record. But obviously being in an IR relationship, some if the comments I’ve seen just boiled my f******* blood…
It’s a function I wish they would get rid of. It adds nothing to the debate. All it does is censor and negate people’s opinions because a few bad apples club together to incessantly down vote others. I didn’t expect to see the ignorant views that are espoused here being thumbed up by people. If they didn’t have style icons, I’d stop using this site. I think it lost a lot of readers post makeover and with the addition of the thumbs up/down function. Most of the opinions are really vanilla now for fear of backlash. Lots of comments that are innocuous or inoffensive are down voted. I remember how it used to be, full of lively often heated debate but at least people were having conversations. This isn’t a site where women put down black men or suggest non black men are more accepting/loving of natural hair. I see that on other sites in a minority of commenters. Not sure why people’s dating preferences are of such concern to others. You’re late teens and twenty, why is that your concern? What about hitting the books and finding something more worthwhile to preoccupy your mind. Sigh – the silence from bglh on matters like this suggests that they sanction what is essentially two posters noting the postings of other posters with non black boyfriends then making snide and petty comments about ir relationships. Plenty of the icons on here are the products of ir relationships. I doubt the posters on the other page or products of ir relationships would be enthused to see what colourful kinks and hmm have to say or that the site hasn’t bothered to challenge them on it. God bless!
Lmao Are you serious? You two spent the entire time talking about what TWO people said. Did some opinions really effect you that much? It’s very coward like that you would respond on indirectly. What’s even funnier is you got here bright and early to talk about this. Oh and APPARENTLY college aged women should talk about race, just “stick to books”? GTFOH with that. If anything this clearly shows that old age doesn’t come with maturity.
No I referred to you I.e Hmm – nothing indirect about it. You can talk about cowardice all you want but what could be more cowardly than indirectly speaking about women who date outside their race in a derogatory manner knowing that over the page two women had talked about their non black boyfriend’s attitude to their hair. I can’t believe people are giving thumbs up to a person who described black women with mixed children as looking like the help. No one can put us in a box like we do ourselves. No Hmm, you’re not discussing race, you’re putting down women who choose to live their lives in a fashion that you don’t agree with which shows that with youth, there is still great immaturity, see I can do ageist nonsense too. What time I got on here doesn’t really matter. You’ve gone well out of your way to state your position. That’s fine, it’s your opinion that you don’t want to date interracially and you fundamentally disagree with it. It’s a good thing that what you say and do will have no effect on anyone’s life but your own. I don’t care too much about your opinion but I’ll challenge bigotry whenever I see it.
I think too many women invest too much energy in whether men like natural hair or not. Most really do not care whether your hair is straight or not, just as long as you and your hair look presentable. I’ve been natural since I was 13 (I’m 27 now) and never has hair been a topic with any man that I’ve dated. In fact I think that most of the men that approach me do so because they like the natural look.
Now transitioning within a relationship is a whole different ball game. But if that’s what you want to do I say go for it, just prepare your mate for what’s to come and try to keep it cute because transitioning is not for punks…
Lol @ “transitioning is not for punks.” You’re spot on!
I am married to a white man and he is much more supportive of my natural hair, skin, and all things that make me black. My former black boyfriends were not as supportive and preferred the european beauty standard. I think it is just a matter of preference. Not all men like curly hair or straight hair. I’m sure men gravitate towards women who value the same things they do.
I love this article. My boyfriend, now husband, actually encouraged me to go natural. Oh, and he’s white!
yes, based on my experiences also, white men and middle eastern men LOVE brown skinned bushy haired women more than other ethnic groups.
He’s direct and that was his opinion concerning natural hair probably informed by his experience with his girlfriend. I would like to see a 4b/c with her boyfriend’s attitude to natural hair because a lot of the men who champion natural hair on blogs say things like Samuel said about length etc and for women with tighter hair, length is harder to achieve or see due to shrinkage. What does a black man dating a 4b/c say about natural hair? Wash days are an entire day, wearing your hair out can be less of an occurrence. As for the make up comment, I feel like women with natural hair are judged too harshly on certain points. Other women wear make-up all the time. A lot of weaved, relaxed and non black women wear tons and often more make up than natural women yet naturals seem to come under more of a microscope and be stereotyped as to what we SHOULD do.
Hey there, Team4c in the house. My fiancé LOVES my natural hair the best since we’ve been together, and I was relaxed when we first met. He’s been here thru wash days, shrinkage, the whole shebang. Loves every coil on my head..
Hi. I’m in a long term comm rltnshp with a black man and he loves my natural hair. I will admit that when we first met he mentioned that I could blow it out everyday and that wud be fine with him, but I QUICKLY squashed that. I think everyone, not just black women, are transitioning to accepting our natural hair. We don’t exist in a cocoon, our powerful forces affect all around us; work, school, church, old, young etc. We just have to educate those around us, by whatever method we choose. I’m 4b/4c and wore a fade for 5 yrs then started growing it out. The 1st time he saw me wash, dry, n twist my hair he said “Damn baby. U put in some work!” Damn right I did. Now he understands y I make certain styling choices etc. y its a consideration to b planned around etc. But at the same time… My uncle told me I was ugly with my fade and I know I’m not… He just wasn’t ready. That’s his issue. I am fine! Lol. I was strong enough not to let it affect me. Women of all races are taught to take pride/find acceptance in our hair and the mainstream view of it. We just need to deprogram others along with ourselves b/c I BEGGED my ma for a perm @ 15. Mistake, in hindsight, maybe. Can’t say where id be today if I had taken a diff path… I’m just comfortable where I am. Hope this encourages you to entertain someone that loves the inner you first. God gives us ALL something to keep us humble. I just don’t think our hair texture was it. 😉 Sorry for the long post I cudnt stop.
is it just me or are natural hair blogs and youtube subscribers dating 99.9% out of their race? I mean, i’m exposed to other races all the time-my high school was 87.8% white- but usually black girls I know only like black guys, and i’m from ny which is more so mixed than other places. If my friends were to date outside of their race it would most likely be a hispanic dude or something. I like all types of races (esp. black and latino) but i’m confused as to what is going on. Literally if you type in “husband tag” on youtube the majority of natural haired black women don’t marry black men, same for on the curlynikki website where they have bride pictures and almost all the husbands are another race. This is more so with natural women (i assume). I don’t see this in real life and i’m in college ……is it true that dating/marrying a black guy after college is nearly impossible bc of status/economics and what not (idk i saw it in an article). I find this depressing (I love my race). Statistically blacks date outside their race world wide than any other. Are we just open minded or do we hate our race?
p.s.- i’m not racist, only curious. I know i’m not the only one who’s noticed this.
p.p.s- This is not a direct comment of the article but of previous commentors.
This is true. I notice the same but there are vloggers with black boyfriends and husbands “toyaboo”, “mahoganycurls”, but they wont be as quickly noticed as a interracial couple. Its kind of disgusting when you think about it, that people gravitate more towards a video cause theres a white husband or bf thats dating a black girl. I know one vlogger went from around 4000 subs to 20000 with 1-2 months! All because her relationship was more out there through more videos. Still love her channel but NOBODY would care if it was just a black man.
Notice how the Kelly Rowlands post about her hair quickly became “Kelly got her a white man??” Ehh.
And I too am not against interracial relationships, I enjoy watching those vloggers but mostly because of their personality. I’m 20 and may venture out but I’m of carribean decent and my IDEAL mate would be someone like me..
Also when it comes to kids… idk how to say this without offending some but I couldnt be comfortable having a child that looks nothing like me, possibly being seen as the nanny or something. I’ll pass.
That’s cute, honey. Keep living. One day, you’ll look back on your point of view and laugh. Here’s some info from somebody a bit older. You don’t have any idea what your ideal mate is. And it will blow your mind when you meet him. And when you get around to having kids, you won’t give a rats a$$ what other people will think about their complexion and whether they look like you or whether you’re their nanny. It’s laughable that something that silly and small could ever be a concern for a mother, darling. Keep living. One day, you’ll get it. Just don’t close yourself off because of these petty notions. That would lead to a shallow, empty, sad little life. Be happy!
Lol I am living lady and I am happy. You made assumptions that I wasn’t because of one comment?? Wow. Your tone is unnecessary.
Guest 1234 AMEN!
Signed a natural-haired woman that’s engaged to a non-black who could give a DAYUM what others think! Was with me relaxed, Big Chopped, and now a year & a half in!
I totally know what you mean, it’s sad reading comments from black women online who praise others for dating outside of their race. Love is love. You will not believe how many times i’ve seen black women state “i need to get me a white man”. Smh, and it’s even more embarrassing bc it makes us look desperate or something. Oh well, that’s the world we live in.
Oh and did you say you’re from the carribean?! I’m from Jamaica, big ups to you 🙂
Haitian. 🙂
so if i understand you well you would rather running after a black man who does not accept you than going with a white/non black man who accepts you? i think it has been discussed several times that certain amount of black men have distate for black women and would pass on a decent black woman to have a non-black one. the fact that some of you notice many natural haired women are in a relationship with non-black men looks like an indicator of the level of acceptance of natural hair within the community to me. but everyone is entitled to their opinion.
i don’t think no one cares about natural haired women in relationship with black men. mahoganycurls is a successful youtuber and i was watching one video she did with her husband and i saw many comments praising her relationship and telling how people are tired of seing black women/white men videos on youtube.
don’t get me wrong i’m all about strenghtening the community but implying that natural haired women/black women in relationship with white/ non-black men are desperate is bit hypocrital since:
1/ it’s far from being the norm
2/ did you actually do a survey to know how many of them wanted a black man and did not find what they wanted?
3/ we should solve the problem of self-acceptance within the community before finger pointing the others because of their living choices.
i’m not trying to dismiss your opinion you do what you want with your life but i find this finger pointing of black women in inter-racial relationships to be really hypocritical it’s not like there’s so much peace between black men and women that it’s surprising some women who have the occassion of dating outside do it.
I’m sorry but if you “don’t know how to say this without offending some” you probably should not have said it at all. I am biracial and people tell me all the time that I look like BOTH my parents. And even if I didn’t why on earth would that matter? I’ve seen lots of monoracial kids who look nothing like their parents and saying that anyone who has a mixed race kid will look like hired help is just downright rude and disrespectful. Just because of skin colour? And you know if a white person said anything like that everyone would be screaming racism but here it’s okay. Love is not supposed to be about aesthetics especially when it comes to your children.
hmm, it might be a mix of people watching a couple that looks different out of curiousness about dynamics..etc (sort of like people staring at interracial couples in public not because they are disgusted but because they are curious) and maybe even women who are interested in dating outside of their race.
It’s only on youtube that I PERSONALLY see this phenomenon because where I live, most black people date each other and a fairly good number are college educated. And yes Looking at youtube, you’d think there are tons of IR couples of different pairings everywhere but depending on where you live it could be very rare. I don’t think people should base their understanding of the real world on trends they see on youtube.
You’re right. It’s the curiosity factor but also viewers promptly asking things like : How do I get a (inset race)guy to notice me?
Things like that don’t help. I’d rather black women “happen” to fall in love with xyz, then seek it out because they’ve been inspired somehow.
I also agree that people shouldn’t base real life on YT. I know I don’t. I hardly ever see bw dating out in real life.. but things like this do have an impact, just this post ALONE people have noted their non black bfs loving their natural hair. I’ve read many talk about how some black men hate their hair, how their husbands disapproves of a big crop, etc.
Everyone has different experiences and they should be taken with a grain of salt.
I would hate to think that “most” black men don’t like natural hair, and if they do it’s a looser texture. That will certainly impact how a child views her hair
Amen I agree. I don’t see this “black men hating natural hair” thing in my life. I guess it’s a shock factor for some who aren’t used to it. I always have my hair looking good and black men are always complimenting me. I saw it in high school and also college. People of every gender and race just thought my hair was cool, because it was different and always looked nice (well….mostly). I personally think that guys just want a woman who is confident and looks good. And for those who really do hate natural hair, give them time. The majority of the black community still hasn’t been hit with the natural hair movement. Although I do see much improvement, we just aren’t at that stage yet. 🙂
This is interesting. I’ve never had anyone on my channel ask me how to get a white man, but I have had one or two call me all kinds of terrible things because they saw that my husband was white and made assumptions about me.
I have a black male friend and many black female friends who love natural hair, and encourage me in my journey, but one or two other black males who weren’t to impressed. By and large, I have had positive responses,and I lived in Atlanta through most of my natural hair journey.
I think there are many factors involved in the issue. It’s not simply a matter of looking to other races for acceptance, or not being happy with black men and so trying to find another race to meet our needs. Although I have heard some people espouse this, I don’t think that’s why the majority of people end up in interracial relationships. Mine just happened naturally as life unfolded, and I’d daresay that’s how most developed. Take for example Naturalme4c–high school sweethearts; also naptural85–again, high school sweethearts.
Oh, and I’ll be 40 this year, just to put things into perspective a little.
I just think the tables are turning. Black women are tired of being put down and made to feel undesirable because of this or that. We used to get slammed by mainstream because our lips and butts are too big…now since “they” decided that it’s acceptable, full lips and big butts are “OK”. Many of us are sick of Black men drooling over everything that’s not black, as if everyone is beautiful except us. On the contrary! Our beauty is timeless and unmatched. Even still they will look past us to gawk at something else. Other men see our beauty and confidence and they love it. One man’s trash is certainly another man’s treasure.
I’m one of those women who married a white guy and happens to have natural hair. The two are actually connected, but not in the way you might think. First let me say that I was born in Queens and raised in Brooklyn, then finished my last couple of years oh high school in Georgia. As you can expect, in NY, I was exposed to a wide range of races, because NY is so multi-cultural. It was just a normal part of my reality. My mother definitely raised me to believe that “all races are created equal, and I never put any race (including my own) before another in preference of who I liked or didn’t like. I had my “crushes” on boys of various races, though the ones who eventually became boyfriends were always black. I do not hate my race. My hubby and I met while in graduate school overseas, and were friends for 6 years before getting married. He’s the only white guy I have ever been in a relationship with.
Ok, so on to hair. Fast-forward to adulthood, and I had a VERY nice head of arm-pit length relaxed hair (my hair dresser was/is AMAZING). I considered my hair to be long, but I didn’t understand it much at all. Now, my husband was very used to the reality of “black hair” by that point. He could not understand why I went through this process of altering my hair every 6 weeks. He hated seeing me itch and burn, and go through the drama that my relaxed hair entailed. “I’m tender-headed.” was my general excuse whenever he tried to encourage me to stop relaxing my hair. (By the way, I truly was tender-headed, and I still am). But honestly, I was afraid. I hadn’t seen my natural hair since I was a child. I couldn’t even remember what it looked like. He continued to encourage me that I would look great with my natural hair, because it’s what I was born with, and that I should try it. After being married for about 2 years, he and another natural friend finally convinced me and I went for it.
All that to say that at least in my case, it was my white husband’s encouragement of me to go natural that eventually led to my comfort with making the decision. None of the black men directly involved in my life were too thrilled with my decision (they tend to like long, straight hair, and mine certainly was not long at first). Perhaps because my white husband didn’t have the context which expects black women to look a certain way in order to be acceptable, he was not influenced by that perspective. He couldn’t understand why I’d even consider altering myself in such a way, and it began to make me wonder why as well.
I’m certainly not speaking for all natural women married to me of other races, but maybe my response helps a bit in providing an answer. I’m sure there are various reasons for the reality you are seeing. There’s no one answer to the question. Different life circumstances have lead to those situations.
Oops. I wrote “I’m certainly not speaking for all natural women married to me of other races”. I meant “married to men of other races”, not “me”, lol.
I saw an interview like this on YouTube and my response was the same Keikikummy: “You should hear what the AVERAGE black man has to think about natural hair =/” and wow did people attack me! I’m not saying this to bring down black women, or because I date the “average” black man, or because I can’t get a man. My boyfriend is Black American and loves my natural hair because it’s a part of me but in reality he is NOT the average black man. Interviews like this are misleading in my opinion because it’s not a true representation of the black male population. With the video that I saw on YouTube, many extraneous factors could have played a role into the answers that were given from the men. For one, if the interviewee has natural hair and asked biased natural questions, then the men are more likely the respond positively. I am in no way trying to bash the natural hair community but trying to give a suggestion for the near future.
you are very accurate on your response. I saw the same things as well. However, manemoves(on youtube) has an interview by a male who interviews other males so you can get a better overview on what black men think, but then again it is only in one state so….. I guess we’re in the dark for now. All the guys I know love my hair though.
I will definitely check it out! 🙂
a couple of years ago when the natural movement were just starting, there were videos where black guys interviewed shared very negative opinions about natural hair. The interviewers weren’t even hiding their hair lol… I’ve watched a couple of interviewers where a woman interviewed strangers while hiding her hair and the support/hate against natural hair was about 50/50.
It’s of course always positive when a woman’s significant other is interviewed. I watched one where the girl was SO TOUCHY about her hair that the guy was scared to answer “incorrectly”. It was sort of ridiculous
Lol that’s exactly what I mean. I would just like to see a well, thought out, thorough interview about how black men feel about natural hair
True. I find that I got more hair compliments while relaxed. But I think it is because people don’t know how to feel about it. As much as natural haired women have to question their beauty based on societal norms, so do others. I so wish Bey or Rihanna would rock their natural hair so we can change what has been programmed in our heads as what is beautiful or not.
Itll be interesting to know the race of all the guys who are being touted as loving natiral hair. i think non blacks tend to be more accepting of natural hair than black men. i cud be wrong tho.
I get much more compliments from men of other races which is a bit disappointing but I still would not go back to relaxing and I just don’t even like to straighten anymore
Sorry… I hate to rain on the parade, but this view is really not representative of how All black men feel (I can’t talk about other races, because I don’t know). My husband is a lot like Samuel there. He loves my hair natural. he loves me with long, short, black, blonde, straight or curly hair… He loves ME, and so he loves what’s on my head. His attitude truly helps me, to be honest, because there are other men in my life… Some of them gave me the side eye when I cut my hair off. Some had some slightly sarcastic things to say. One made sure to shake his head at me and tell me he really loves his wife’s hair and hair like hers (she’s Indian). The fact that no one compliments me on my hair now that I’m natural is also telling, when I would get compliments for my long relaxed hair all the time… I’m just saying… Will anyone do a survey, maybe get a more representative sample… I’m not asking for this so that men’s opinions can discourage us, but maybe if we can dig deeper and maybe see WHY some black men are not so open, it might teach us once and for all that it’s not us that’s the problem. Ladies who are natural, and ladies who want to go natural, ladies who are relaxed, everyone, listen to Samuel. Do what you want to your hair for you, not for anyone else. Do it because you want to. Ask yourself some of those same questions, dig a little deeper… Find out who you are, and don’t let anyone take your answer from you when you find it… I think what’s inside is most important… everything else (like hair) takes its identity from the real you.
black men who don’t like natural hair just want to buy into the mainstream standard of beauty. some of them are complexed too and just want to share those complexes with the others. how could you hate on someone else the kind of hair that grows out of your own head? the one who told you he liked his indian wife’s hair better is an idiot. if he dates someone solely because of her hair type then you did not lose anything. having straight hair doesn’t make one beautiful you can be ugly and classless with straight hair.
anyway i think it’s still encouraging to see men who encourage women to be on their natural state even if others don’t like it.
I think the MOST important (male) support to any woman would be from the ma she’s in a relationship with. I agree that you should do it for yourself. The great thing is that in a healthy relationship, the guy that loves you will value your improved self worth over his personal preference.
Honestly, I’d say that natural haired ladies believe the average black guy DOESN’T like natural hair and that this is the norm. Most have negative experiences with black men about their natural hair but I’m hearing here and there about women who have more positive experiences.
I think in terms of black men women aren’t in relationships with, the more positive reaction comes from having LONGER HAIR now since many have been natural for a couple of years at this point.
Why would we want a poll like that? Who cares what any man thinks besides the one we spend our lives with and even then if he don’t like it OH WELL! I’m not putting chemicals on my head to appease anybody.
Wow. My experience with natural hair is totally opposite of yours. I get compliments from men, black white and Hispanic who love my natural 4A/B hair and I live in Jersey. Every now and then I’d run into the few who loved my hair flat ironed straight but – they don’t matter. Lol They are so far and few in between that it rarely even leaves an impression on me. In my experience, men of any color are just turned on by long hair.
Yeah I have to agree with Keikimummy.
Lol, I loved that conversation… he was very straight forward and he is right- though some men like to see extentions and a variety of styles, most prefer natural hair. I know mine sure does- I have a hard time getting him out of my hair (in and out of public). He HATES it when i wear extentions and often asks when i’m going to take them out.
It’s good to have someone who loves you for who you are and not for the products you wear.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Pictureofme2.png[/img]
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Pictureofme2.png[/img]
Lol, I loved that conversation… he was very straight forward and he is right- though some men like to see extentions and a variety of styles, most prefer natural hair. I know mine sure does- I have a hard time getting him out of my hair (in and out of public). He HATES it when i wear extentions and often asks when i’m going to take them out.
It’s good to have someone who loves you for who you are and not for the products you wear.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/Pictureofme2.png[/img]
As an african american woman dating a white guy….the topic of natural hair has definitely come up. It is hilarious that my boyfriend now understands my hair style changes every couple of weeks. He loves putting his hair in my afro (2 years and 2 months since my big chop). I am visiting him this weekend and he asked me..”so how will you have your fro when you come visit this time?!” in excited curiosity. He claims his favorite styles are twist outs and picked fros. He likes it big with lots of body 🙂
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/551651_10152051834135508_1642901226_n.jpg[/img]
It seems white guys who date black girls actually want to date BLACK GIRLS lol. cute
Your bf I too adorable! He got a brother? Lol.
Big up the big man!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/05/IMG_0056.jpg[/img]
your boyfriend is super cute!
That’s my husband girl! Thanks! lol
My husband Jacob encouraged me to go natural after we got married, and he even was the one who did my big chop! It was a great bonding experience. He told me he felt special because he was the first person who got to see the ‘real Tyvette’. He calls my Satin Bonnet a muffin…LOL so every time I’m getting sleepy he says, “uh oh, its muffin time.”
It all in love though. We were in Target today and I said jokingly, “oh crap its time for a new relaxer”, and he replied, “And after that its time to get the clippers if you do.”
Gotta love a man who loves you as you are!
“Muffin time”! That is too adorable.
awww!
My hubby calls me Jiffy Pop! Even my mom uses that now…lol
I guess all men are basically the same. This sounds like my hubby. As long as my hair looks good and it’s growing out of my head then he’s fine with it. Although he does prefer longer hair than hair that is short as well. SMH. I would look super cute with a boy cut and some colour to pop it.
I love this. My bf has reacted almost identically to this guy. It’s reassuring to know that someone you love is supportive of you and your decisions.
What are some of your go to styles when your natural is is NOT cooperating that day?
#1 wash and gos
#2 mini twist or braids (must try braids)
#3 flat twist or high bun
#4 two or four friend braids
#5 stand by wig for a day or weekend
#6 a scarf or ball cap and earrings
I wanted to stop at #3 but I kept thinking of go to styles…see our hair is very versatile! #hollar
Everytime this perspective has wormed its way into the conversation, I find it offputting and irrelevant to say the least. It just seems so desperate like “it’s great you’re doing you BUT don’t forget about men and what they think”. And then it’s nothing that hasn’t been said before. I understand that there are men in the community who need and value the information but I never see this “what do women think about your hair?” on that side of the aisle. Maybe I need to dig deeper or venture to another corner of the internet. Not anything against the original poster or BGLH, I am just overall sick of this crap popping up in the conversation.
Nicole,
You find the topic “off putting and irrelevant,” yet you took the time to read and comment. Seems to me you would find a better way to spend your time. There is much more conversation focused on what Black women decide to do with their hair, than what Black men do with their hair. Granted, there are the men wearing (insert style here) conversations that pop up every now and again, but for the most part, WE are the focus of the conversation.
Maybe you should find another blog to read. Or better yet, write your own! Now there’s a novel idea!!
I read and commented because I can first of all. I have plenty of blogs to read and one that I like posted something that I wanted to voice my opinion on. Not a hard concept, no? The posts on here are written and submitted by various people from all walks of life so I think BGLH can handle one commenter having a different opinion on something.
Secondly, I don’t know about your reading and comprehension skills but it took me all of 90 seconds to read and comment. Not a grand undertaking of my time but thanks for your concern.
Thirdly, I like BGLH, I have found so much great information and have been able to see into so many other women’s journeys that has been really inspiring to me. Frankly, I don’t find ONE woman’s ONE man who likes her hair but still has some crappy and selfish opinions (re: makeup on other women he ISN’T with *sideeye*) to be all that inspiring. You say “WE are the focus of the conversation” and the OP acknowledges that the NHC is a place for empowerment so can we have a place that isn’t interjected with the needs, opinions, wants and desires of men regarding our looks? I don’t think that’s too crazy to ask and I don’t think it’s bad to say that this is one aspect of the NHC that I do not like. The end.
I get why it can be annoying but the reality is that a lot of people also have significant others and sometimes things like the state of your hair can actually cause conflict (that is, of course, if you’re dating a complete dbag, in which case you should promptly be rid of them). I don’t read these articles, though, as saying that we’re doing this for men. What it IS showing is that there are men who are not as superficial as people might think, or that would be hung up on something as whether hair is processed as much as others. The thing is – it’s just nice to see. My boyfriend loves my hair and he thinks it’s great that it’s natural. He’s also white so that adds a considerable amount to the experience of him dating a natural haired woman since he’s… just never really been around it. I went natural long before I met him, and do not make decisions on how I look on his feelings regarding it. But it doesn’t mean that the support and love isn’t appreciated and welcomed. Especially since I -still- get flack form my own family over going natural… and I went natural almost 10 years ago!! So it’s just nice to have someone who’s that close to me who -isn’t- hung up on it.
agreed.
It is a good article! I would to hear from more men educated on natural hair and not on his true thoughts about it all. Yes, we should do this for US and not a man or because it’s a movement or fad. When I went back to my natural hair, I received the most flack from my own race (especially black women) and little support, but I loved being relaxer free and seeing my true curl pattern! #stilllearning2lovemenaturally
I think I need to have my bf read this. He feels like if my hair isn’t pressed, it isn’t done. And braids…FORGET ABOUT IT!
BUT DON’T WORRY IDC…IT’S MY HAIR AND IT CAN KINK IF IT WANTS TO!
i have been wondering the same thing. Natural hair but tonnes of makeup. i don’t get it
The interview was great and really informative,thanks for posting it.
I agree with everything that brotha had to say. I always wonder why I see natural hair along with heavy make up use? Like he said, ” If your hair is natural, why can’t your face be natural too? A little makeup is cool, although I prefer none.” I prefer none as well on my gf/wife.
so cute. wish enough women gave their men a chance to be able to say this about their natural hair, but they’re too busy hiding behind relaxers, weaves, braids, etc.
Good to know the male perspective on natural hair is positive! I do agree that a lot of natural women tend to be extra with the make-up which to me defeats the purpose of embracing your natural-ness lol. Good read thanks
I feel like you interviewed my boyfriend, his answers would be almost the exact same.
Cute interview.
absolutely loved this interview. it’s a major eye opener. my hair has always been natural, however, when I learnt to take better care of it eg. using the stain bonnets and scarfs etc, my boyfriend of several years made 1 initial comment which was “why do you look like Rambo” and after that, he’s never made a fuss or anything of the sort. it is absolutely true that they prefer the real deal vs fake. They’re able to touch it, play with it, be able to get it wet while taking those romantic showers. It’s a blessing when they’re accommodating and respectful of the fact that we are trying to take better care of ourselves and preserve our natural beauty.
His answers mimic those of my hubby. I love that, a man loving a woman for who she is – awesome.