by
Black Girl With Long Hair
I wrote this blog because when I took the bus to class the other day, these two African American girls (probably around 19-21 years old) kept giggling at my hair when I sat down on the bus. This kind of made me mad because their hair was outrageous; strands of blue, ruffled up, super synthetic weave with glue exposed. No edges. Really? I have a healthy head of hair and I had been complimented on my creative hairstyle that whole day, so I was like huh? Anyway, as I got closer to my destination, I heard one of them ask the other, “Why is everyone going natural?” in a negative tone. I just wanted to get up, sit between them and tell them all about this natural movement. I seriously regret that I didn’t say anything!
I’ll take my natural kinks any day over that thin, different lengths having, fried to death tresses, no edges having, permed or jacked up hair that I’ve seen a lot of women rocking all over the place. I am not putting down people with permed hair AT ALL, as it is a preference that should definitely be respected. I’ve seen some very healthy hair that has been processed. I just want to share with you what I’ve seen….a lot. Too many times.
I’ve seen women/young girls with tracks and black glue literally sticking out of their heads. Women/young girls with absolutely NO edges who continue to grease up, spritz up, gel up and brush up what’s left of their hair into a “ponytail” just to attach some synthetic hair that doesn’t even match their hair texture. (Big breath) This was probably the worst case! When I worked in D.C. this summer, I went to Bus Boys and Poets with some friends and a group of young women came in and sat down next to us. They were all dressed very cute and classy and all had sew-ins or some kind of weave. Whatever. Again, that’s their preference and I’m not hating! Though, this one girl really stood out to me because her hairline was significantly way above her eyebrows and this wasn’t natural (i.e.-alopecia or something, I’m sure of it). She had some of the tiniest micro-braids in her hair with a SINGLE lonely one dangling where her hairline used to be. This micro was AT LEAST 3 inches away from where the majority of her hair was. Just keeping it real with you… I wanted to rip it out for the sake of balance on her head and due to the embarrassment I felt for her. My eyes must’ve said it all.
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Ladies, can you relate??
92 Responses
Teen girls tend to be jealous and immature. If not your hair it would be something else they’d snicker about. The majority of sewins I see look horrible. I can see the stitches. I saw this girl on a college dance team flip her hair back a for a move and all of her edges were gone. I felt sorry for her.
I don’t have problem with weave. While I like having natural hair I do have styles I want to do but can’t. Maybe I want a short cut for a bit but don’t want to have my hair short for the time it takes to grow back. Sometime I’d like to have different colors in my hair but I don’t want to bleach and dye my own hair for fear of damage. I guess my point is that if women wear weave from time to time doesn’t mean they’re ashamed of their hair. It’s like wearing makeup in a way nothing wrong with how you look but maybe that day you wanted to try something different.
I do have a problem with these chicks with the messed up weave. That I think is sad. They pay too much money for bad sew in that will last them 2 weeks because it badly done and they don’t care for it. It maddens me more so that they would talk about someone who took time and care with their own hair when they got weave “because it was easier to care for” but they still don’t care for it. And there should be no talk of everyone going natural because they jumped aboard the weave train when it arrived.
I don’t feel the need to say anything against anyone in general who has their hair in a particular way. It’s just the thought that someone is so ashamed of what they have naturally that they’d pay for shoddy work that in most cases makes them look a fool. Or for the girls who are constantly gelling up their patchy thin perm damaged hair into a ponytail but say something is wrong natural hair. All in all I feel that it’s not about hair all together just about making sure you’re presentable, feeling good about yourself the way you are, and not being afraid to do whatever type of style speaks to you as a person. Most of all don’t knock someones just because it’s not what you’d do or because it’s popular now; for all you know they could have been the trend starter.
Now I know this is an old post, but I have just read it and . . . . .
Can we please stop calling each other names!! And while some ladies may not have had jacked up hair or whatever, I know a lot of ladies have only become natural in the past 5 years or so – were we not these women a few years back we are not dissing?
Some women wont be feeling their own or anyone else natural hair yet or for a while, and to be honest they are not supposed to, do you know how much money and energy is pumped into us buying weaves, relaxers etc.
Lets remember if they are laughing at you because of your hair, imagine what they think of themselves – its quite sad and thats why we should support one another rather than rip each other down.
Also Ms. Writer 🙂 please do not take any sniggering or negative comments to heart x
Yeah, it is disturbing to see but some women believe that straight is best even to the point where they have no hair at what used to be their hairline left.
Why does there have to be an element of choosing sides on this. I have totally natural hair. And always had. Even when I was rocking my 20″ remy, underneath laid, protected I might add, my natural hair. I have been sans weave for this year and rocking twists – both natural and with kinky extensions. The best thing is being able to get my hair treated regularly and just run my fingers through my hair. BUT, it doesn’t mean that I see girls wearing weaves as walking car crashes because they have made a choice to not wear their hair natural. And how do you know that their hair, which you cannot see, if not natural? Even girls with ‘natural’ hair often accessorise with hair pieces and the like so where is the distinction between sporting pieces and not. I just feel like whenever I stumble into this type of conversations, it is always an ‘us against them’ mentality. We need more love in relating to one another and the attitude I note is more about segregation. I love the versatility of my hair and I like the freedom of being able to do whatever I please with it period – what matters is that my hair is healthy and it just so happens that I choose to avoid chemicals, in keeping it healthy.
So, back on point, is this ‘movement’ you speak of about promoting hair that is natural as in chemical free or is it about denigrating weave wearers? Because I am all for the former and so tired of the latter!
Please message me with a few pointers about how you made this blog look this cool , Id appreciate it.
why do we associate weaves with black women, white women and so on wear weaves as well. IM TIRED OF THESE EDUCATED NATURAL NAPPY HEADS, UP LIFT YOUR LITTLE SISTERS AND GROW SOME COMPASSION. JUST FOR THE RECORD I LOVE NATURAL HAIR. BUT REALLY WHAT UP WITH SNARKINESS
I luv it, why are us black people so damn senstive. I mean goodness be an individual and rock what makes you happy. I just cut of my locks and there were beautiful but guess what I will get a weave maybe a glue in with some tracks becuase that’s what i like. I luv switching it up. That’s beauty of my nappiness. I define who I am none else. I luv it, kinky nappy, curly it’s all the same. Be yourself.
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You already know therefore significantly in the case of this subject, produced me in my opinion believe it from a lot of varied angles. Its like women and men don’t seem to be involved except it is something to accomplish with Lady gaga! Your personal stuffs great. Always handle it up!
LMAO… This scenario just tickles me. I know you all aren’t actually taking some teens seriously. Are we all adults here? I keep thinking of a Garfield poster I have in my classroom…. “You can’t scare me I teach!” If I had a $1 for every kid that said something negative to me about my appearance throughout the years then I’d be a billionaire. Teenagers are so hormonal that truly I can’t even take anything they say to heart. Rock your natural, weave, or wig.. but, please take care of yourself and your hygiene. The worse thing that can happen is to be around teens and look a hot mess b/c they will say something. On the other hand, teen girls can be especially catty especially if you look a whole lot better than they do. You know the movie “Mean Girls”… These are the girls that have to rip others to shreds while the pump themselves up… So, sad!
I can relate to this! My real hair is natural, has been for years but I do wear weave. I used to wear my natural hair all the time a lot of people would tell me how beautiful it was while others kind of looked like what are you doing! I had a similar incedent on the bus while wearing my natural hair out and I heard the girl say it looked like I had a dry jerry curl! I must asmit I was angry and it really hurt my feelings. I didn’t say a thing I did turn to see who made the comment and when I looked at her it took everything in me not to burst out in laughter!I kindly waited for my stop got up and made sure I smiled at her as I walked away!!
With youth comes arrogance, so I am not going to take their snickering at you too seriously. I know that it probably did not feel good to be on the receiving end of their judgment, but maybe one day they will be the strongest supporters of natural hair. They may laugh and snicker, but many times that kind of response is given when someone is nervous or in awe of another. Don’t be surprised if you see one, or both of them on the bus one day sporting a TWA.
I don’t get the anger I took it as her saying “even if you are going to wear a weave, or braids to do it right and have healthy hair” I’ve been natural for almost 6 years and I proudly wear braids, twists, weaves, wigs and my own hair. I may wear 3 of the above mentioned in 1 week, I think the point is there is a right and a wrong way to do anything. I agree personally some naturals do look crazy (not for different styles) but because they didn’t style it at ALL or they are not doing what works for their face. Same for a perm or weave getting one does not automatically make you cute or “right”
I’m on the side of if done RIGHT there is nothing wrong with constructive criticism or advice. If you see a natural out and it’s extra dry and slpit tell her how she can change that, if you see a permed sista out tell her how she needs to really put a lot of moisture in her hair because of the perm and if you see a bad weave and know someone who does good one recommend that person. To me that is not judging that is helping “there is a different between tearing each other down and being your sister’s keeper”
I agree with this post wholeheartedly. I often wonder if black women can’t make the effort to make their own hair healthy instead of wearing weaves and wigs.
I agree. I sometimes feel like the folks that are afraid or do not want to wear their hair natural get made with the natural divas because it is like we are exposing a family secret. The secret is that not all our hair is naturally straight. JMO
I get so many compliments on my natural hair. Surprisingly, I haven’t had one bad comment. I expected I would bt I haven’t. I expected guys to look at me differently but they haven’t thus far. Meaning, I have had no trouble attracting men. The only bad thing is when I told my aunt I was going natural she just asked what are you going to do with it? Now that I’ve gone almost 2 1/2 years without a relaxer and have 12 inches of kinsk on my head. My question is what can I not do with it? I mainly wear protective styles unless its the weekend and I let my hair down. I feel that it doesn’t matter the style you rock if you are neat and well groomed and have a nice smile. One of my church members told me, “You make me want to go natural.” Wow! I hadn’t said a word.
The point here is that people are going to judge whether your natural or relaxed. But where do the people with a relaxed or weave mess for hair get off judging someone who has the same hair they would have if they didn’t chemically alter there hair? People need to be educated or educate themselves on who they are and learn self love. Its no different that having brown eyes, wearing blue contacts and then ridiculing someone with brown eyes, where do you get off? My point is, you should still love your brown eyes. JMHO
This is exactly how I feel. Most of the snide comments and side-eyes come from women, who under those matted weaves have new growth that looks much like my hair. I aways wonder are they in denial? Do they actually believe the weave is their real hair? I can’t help but to laugh it off because I usually end up thinking pots and kettles. Lol.
This makes me think of that old Mya song:
“At least if you were gonna try and give advice, about my life, have your own s___ right. But you aint even living what you preach to me, so please, how you gonna tell me??”
It’s always the baldhead chicks hating. The ones who can barely pay their bills but will go to the shop or give their homegirl their last dime so they can have a fake Keyshia Cole circa 2005 weave. Little do they know, they are the ones who look ridiculous. Girl, pick your fro and wear it proudly.
you right about that. Dummies. Zombies. These women will throw a perm in their 3-yr-olds head with the quickness. I guess to get them started early.
I wish that more hair stylists were honest with their clients. If the client has a relaxer with broken ends and uneven hair it is just best and better looking to just cut the hair and start over. I feel like a relaxer is a preference but you should still maintain your hair. There are sites that assist with women who choose to relax also and teach important techniques like using less heat, roller sets, protein treatments etc.
Great point. IDK if it is because I am natural now but I swear I notice more little/young girls with balding edges and tiny ponytails. It breaks my heart. I cant assume all of them hate their hair but Im sure some wish it looked different. I was horrible with my hair when it was relaxed. I had no clue how to do anything but flat iron it or put it into a ponytail. I feel like many times stylists just want the money, they dont care about hair health.
Would it be hating if if was something the accused hater didn’t covet or want?
It’s a weird position. Both heads are what the either don’t consider ideal. I feel for those with messed up hair, because they desire so much this coveted beauty yet they don’t realized what they are doing to their hair. They will achieve this at all cost, not matter how cheap and fake the hair looks or how much hair they loose. They still feel good about themselves because there hairstyle and the straight texture is what is considered in. They don’t see how they look and they are loosing by not taking care of their hair and because of this they will never get the hair the covet, relaxed or natural.
Cool, so they didn’t like your hair. You didn’t care too much for theirs either. It’s just a matter of taste. And to be totally honest, I’m here in Atlanta and I see a boat load more natural-haired women looking a HOT MESS than I do relaxer/weaved, etc. I can see why some women are discouraged looking at some of these heads walking around this town. There are women whose hair look good and bad on both sides of the hair spectrum. It’s like that now, was like that in the past, and will be that way in the future. Like I said, so what they didn’t like your hair, you didn’t like theirs either as long as you like it is what matters. Would it have been different if I, with natural hair myself, was giggling and laughing about it? You wrote about this? Seriously? *sigh* Only the highly confident walk this walk without complaint or acknowledging those who lack self-confidence to just be them naturally.
Yes, this! Thank you so much! My daughter has been natural her whole life. She’s also multi-racial/multi-ethnic. My afro will stick straight out of my head at a ninety degree angle even at ten inches long. It’s THAT thick and nappy. She loves afros, but her hair is less kinked so it starts to flop after a certain length. She has to cut her’s really short in order to keep it in the kind of afro that she likes. Other girls at school have asked her why she “chopped off all of her hair”, because they saw it as soooo beautiful the way she used to wear it (i.e. more wavy and quite long). My daughter perceived her old hairstyle as sooo boring and babyish. But now she’s happier than ever. She can wear all kinds of cloches and skull caps and totally rock her little punky hipster style to the max. She’s even hinted that she might soon want to cut it all off and rock a bald-and-shiny soon.
You are soooo right! It’s all about being happy with what YOU look like and leaving it at that. I don’t want to be giggled and laughed at by anyone. It was really hurtful reading that part about where she said her “eyes must have said it all” and how she was embarrassed for the sister with the micro-braids and how she wanted to rip it out. I mean, is that COOL now? Can we get some clarity on this? We are talking about assaulting a woman, but it’s supposedly okay because she’s just “keeping it real”?
It immediately brought me back to when I was in college with lupus AND cancer and all my hair started falling out.
Yeah, I encountered plenty of women like that who thought they were so clever and snickered and made jokes about how I looked. I even had a few who claimed that they were trying to be “helpful” when they called themselves giving me suggestions about “what to do with my hair”. It was all “Wear a wig” or “Let me show you how to wrap a cute scarf over it” or “You need to rub this oil on your scalp every night”. And that’s just the stuff said about my hair. Try having to walk around in baggy shirts without a bra for almost 2 years, because you’re healing from multiple chest surgeries. I guess it was much easier to see me walking by in the dining hall and refer to me as “that trifling chick”, than to get to know me and find out why I looked like I did. It definitely wasn’t because I just didn’t give a dern or had low self-esteem. It took massive amounts of self-esteem and daily pep talks to go out and face the world looking like that and knowing how my own people–other black women–would treat me.
All of the energy they expended making sure that I knew they didn’t approve of how I looked could have been spent doing something useful. You know, like maybe telling me that they were happy to see me still out living my life or encouraging me in my plan to stay in school for as long as I could.
Wow. I’m sorry you had to go through so much!! But I completely and utterly agree with your posts! Its really putting a burden on my heart as of late – where I dont even want to be referred to as ‘a natural’ because of all of this hate and spite that’s taking place. I really don’t understand or agree with it. And by the looks of the comments after yours, the answer has to come from a place much further than where we stand now 🙁
Wow, I’m sorry that happened to you.
As a biracial woman with long hair and very light skin, I can pass for white sometimes. I’m not saying this to show off (because I’m sure I will be accused of that). I’m just stating a fact.
I have struggled with low self-esteem most of my life. I have also been judged harshly by other black people for not looking and acting in “acceptable” ways.
Although I think you missed some of what the author was trying to convey, you made some very valid points.
We live in a very judgmental world. People can be cruel. I’ve had people assume terrible things about me because of my appearance. Some black women seem to dislike me the minute they see me. Not based on my personality or my attitude, because they don’t know me…they simply see long hair and light skin. They don’t see a person worth getting to know. They only see the physical aspect of who I am.
In their minds, that means I’m privileged and I feel a sense of superiority because of the way I look. But in reality, I’m not privileged and I deal with a lot of issues in my personal life. Being light-skinned with long hair hasn’t made me immune to racism and all the other stuff that comes along with being a woman of color.
My hair fell out when I was in high school. I was 17 at the time. There was nothing more traumatic than seeing my waist-length hair fall out in clumps and having to cut it extremely short. I remember one of the women at the beauty shop. Her name was Norma, and she was thrilled that I lost all my beautiful hair. It sickened me to know that another black woman could be happy to see a young girl’s hair fall out.
Over the years I’ve learned a lot about toxic people and judgmental people. I’ve learned a lot about jealousy and how destructive it can be.
At first, I’ll be honest…I didn’t see where you were coming from. I agree with the author of this piece. Women with natural hair are often judged unfairly and looked down upon, but I also believe that we should all be more kind to one another.
Unfortunately, those rude insecure girls laughing on the bus sound like something my niece would do. I try and show her pictures of beautiful women with natural hair and she insists on wearing her tired weave with tracks exposed and all. She insists that my natural curly fro is something that “came from the 70s and is old school.” Although I want to scream at her and give up, I keep educating her about taking care of her hair and creating her own style — whether it be permed or natural hair. Hopefully, she’ll someday learn to appreciate the beautifully perfect hair that God gave her.
But you are hating.
I heard the “Why is everyone going natural?” at school as well. I just get P.O. when I hear this I’m like ” When did the word natural become a bad word?”
When I went natural and started wearing the beautiful styles I found on here and YouTube; I expected to get judged. Surprisingly I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback. It’s sad how some women need to put each other down to feel good about themselves. We need to learn how to “do us” and keep it moving.
It is interesting that we as African American women have bought into the lie that if our hair isn’t long to the floor that we are not beautiful. We have to dispell the lies by embracing our heritage (our hair). God has created our hair to grow just as long and beautiful as women of other races.
We need to stop comapairing ourselves with other races and each other. Yes, I wear my hair in twists, braids, and straight (no relaxers or perms). I am learning how to embrace my, “Natural Hair” and I realize that my look is unique and beautiful.
The hair industry (fake hair or someone else’s real hair being sold by Asians to African Americans) make more money than drug dealers who push drugs to their consumers. I have never seen an Asian add hair to their own by, “Gluing it on thier heads.” We are the only race of people who buy into the mainstream of what is beautiful. Well it is time to start a natural hair revolution by not relaxing our little girl’s hair because we as parents don’t feel like taking the time to comb it properly. Our hair is COURSE, period. So we must take time out to care for ourselves. Time to rebel against the mainstream establishment and start a revolution.
I agree with Tonya Juanise. Unfortunately, we continue to use the word ‘nappy’ in a deragatory way as if it’s a bad thing. As an african-american woman of 50, I’ve had all kinds of hairstyles but there’s nothing more rejuvenating and healthy than my own natural nap of hair. I find it ironic also that those of us who wear our natural hair get more compliments from other cultures (mainly white people) than our own. I’m happy to be “NAPPY”…lol.
I’ve also noticed that more white people compliment my hair than black people. The white people say it’s “cool” or “awesome”, the few black people (only the ones who have actually touched my hair) say it’s “nice” or “pretty”.
Lol@ T’s comment because I got my first white compliment today(trust….I have not been looking for any!). She said it was cool.
I had a white woman say “your hair reminds me of my youth” (O_o) It was in a poof, lol!
Heh, I like the almost rhyme.
Hahahahaha! I’m so glad that someone finally post this discussion. An acquantice just tweeted the other day: I’m about to piss some people off with this one but oh well here goes; that natural hair ish ain’t what’s happening, get a perm nappy head! I replied, “Neva mad, we have hair and lots of it.” Nough said lol!
I love your come back 🙂
I think that most people here are overlooking the real problem. The problem isn’t how the writer’s hair looked or how the other girls looked. The problem is WOMEN JUDGING EACH OTHER. Until we see that this is a serious problem, there will always be women with perms snickering at women with natural hair and there will be women with natural hair making snide comments about someone’s weave. Criticizing their choices or their hair just as they criticized yours is a bit hypocritical. I think that instead of having a few laughs or rolling our eyes about bad weaves and alopecia–it should be noted that it’s not always the result of anything that the person did to their hair–we should try to figure out what is making BOTH groups think that it’s okay to do this.
This makes me so sad for both those with natural hair and those with processed manes and disappointed with us all. The “hot mess” is that both groups do it and then turn around and get mad when it’s done to them. On days like this, it’s just so apparent that sisterhood between black women is truly dead…and maybe people prefer it that way. *sigh*
agreed! That is why I can’t really get into this debate because I seen it from both side of the fence and like you said it isn’t about hair per se but women judging other women harshly, particularly black women on a standard of beauty that is impossible to live up too and shouldn’t be universal
Ditto! I also have seen both sides. It is a matter of feeling good about yourself. I cut the perm out of my hair 14 years ago. Although I still wear my hair straight at times, it is my own and I am learning how to embrace my natural hair. It’s just a matter of knowing the facts about proper hair care, not just hair appearance.
I agree that Black women do judge eachother harshly at times, but I think it’s easy to simplify this situation as merely that. The point is, when comparig healthy natural hair to bald edges, glue, cheap weave, and dirt scalp… there is no comparison! These girls need to be told, and we all should encourage girls we see like this to DO BETTER. It’s not judging at all – it’s recognizing ABUSE. These girls (and many women) need to DO BETTER. Have enough respect for your body to DO BETTER. Just as my mother would embarass me by encouraging girls who were cursing or dressed too scantilly, it’s only right to address it. There is no excuse for a young girl to have bald patches and tacky weave. Now in some cases it may be hereditary or a health condition, but let’s face it, 99% of the time ITS NOT. It’s because they’d rather look a mess than look like what they’d look like natural. That’s sad. Women in my life encouraged me to take better care of my hair when I was abusing it and I’m forever thankful. And if you choose to perm, weave, natural, whatever, just take pride in your hair and your appearance period. Laziness and ignorance is NOT an excuse anymore.
What about having enough respect for yourself not to be judging women based on their looks? Isn’t that a part of self-respect, too? The same stuff you’re saying about the women and girls with weave is what white people say about women like you and me. They say our hair must smell bad. They say it looks tacky and unprofessional. They say it’s “ghetto”. And what do we do? We turn around and engage in the very same behavior. Well, what is there to complain about then? If we’re all going to go around talking about how great we are and how awful and trifling other women are, why get indignant when people make nasty comments about us?
What’s sad is that women would rather cut each other down, give each other hurtful looks and get hurt feelings when they’re laughed at. We’ll go through all of that negativity, but we won’t even put a little bit of effort into creating some kind of solidarity with women who are more like us than we are often willing to acknowledge.
And, honestly? I didn’t want to get into this here, because I know lots of folks don’t want to deal with these kinds of subjects. However, it must be said that there is a boatload of classism going on here and it’s ugly! When are we going to start keeping it real about that ugly little secret?
I completely agree with you BUT as of right now the overwhelming preference amongst many (NOT ALL) black women is something other than nappy and that’s where much of the judgment comes from. Note that I didn’t say “natural” because in my experience some of these very same women walking around with tore-up perms, weave, etc. would probably gladly go natural if they could predict with 99% certainty that their hair texture wouldn’t be nappy. Again, in my experience, the judgement still falls primarily on those naturals who most people believe “need” to perm or hide their natural hair.
(Yes, I know that “nappy” differs depending on one’s viewpoint, but for the sake of argument let’s just say 4b/4c textures or hair that’s styled to look like it could be 4b/4c texture (Afro). I myself am mostly 4b and have never had anyone say to me, “Well, you’ve got that GOOD hair so you can go natural.”)
It breaks my heart to see some of these sorry-looking heads of hair walking around but I won’t say anything to them so long as they don’t say anything to me. But if they judge ME…I have no problem judging back when necessary.
Even when I was relaxed and my own hair was to’-up-from-the-flo’-up 😉 I never dissed or hated on other women’s hair, regardless of its texture. But it’s still okay amongst many (NOT ALL) black folks to diss and hate on and JUDGE bushy, nappy natural hair. Whatever reverse judgment is happening is still small (IMO) in comparison.
The judgment doesn’t mostly fall on us with nappy naturals. We are ALL getting it. The only difference is how we each respond to it. I wear my hair natural. I also walk around with a nose ring dangling off of my right nostril. And do you know why I can do that? It’s because I don’t have to work.
I have a mostly-white (it’s Louisiana, so identifying race is complicated) husband who looks nice and non-threatening to other white people and he can make lots of money doing very little work (making and testing video games) and I can stay home and volunteer my time with whatever causes I want to support. If someone says they don’t like my hair, I don’t have to care. If they treat me in a way that I don’t appreciate, I can walk away and give my precious time to some other organization or just stay at home and play with my beautiful ultra-nappy hair all day.
If I worked at a Subway Sandwiches shop, it would be a whole other story. If I was barely surviving with a crappy, barely minimum-wage job and they told me that I needed to straighten my hair or find another source of employment, what could I do? I certainly wouldn’t have the money to go to a high-priced salon. Lord knows I put out some serious money at the one I visit now! No, in that case, I’d be in my little apartment giving myself a kitchen perm. And it wouldn’t have a dern thing to do with whether I thought that straight hair was better than nappy hair. It would be about surviving in a world that is hostile to ALL black women.
Heck, my good friend across the street in our bourgeoisie neighborhood works in the attorney general’s office. She sure as heck can’t go to work wearing her hair anything other than straight. And it better have some length, too. If it’s really cropped short, we both know how eager people are to say that a woman of color looks “too mannish”. So, she perms her hair. And it has nothing to do with how she feels about nappiness. It’s about paying back those student loans and making enough money to be able to keep her daughter in private school and out of the failing schools of La. But, you know, she makes a lot more money than the sisters working at Subway, so we can both go to posh black salons and pay other people to make sure that–regardless of whether it’s straight or it’s nappy–other black women will know that we spent a lot of money on making it look haute. And while I’m there, I’ve had the chance to interact with so many women who admit that they really can’t afford to be there. But they’ll rob Peter to pay Paul, just so that they can try to avoid being the target of women like us on this thread.
Is that really what we want? Is that really the kind of world that we’re trying to leave to our daughters? The argument you’re making is basically “We don’t do it that much, so it’s not a problem that we need to deal with.” What about WHY we do it? And why THEY do it?
It’s like everyone is so satisfied with the hierarchies as long as there is a neck below them to step on. But it’s okay, because we’re just stepping on the necks of women who deserve it because they’re fat, dark as midnight, disabled, missing hair, showing too much booty, don’t have enough booty, have an accent, trying to “sound white”, think they’re too much, don’t think enough of themselves, have too many children, can’t make any children…As long as we feel hurt, we don’t see anything wrong with hurting others.
I just can’t comprehend why my people don’t see this as a problem for all of us. We can take the relaxer out of our hair, but we still can’t seem to de-colonize our minds.
@bint – Its really interesting to hear your prospective because I’ve never been to the south and never experienced workplace discrimination due to being natural. Living in Oakland, San Francisco, Berkeley, Portland, etc, as long as your hair is clean and in some sort of order, its all good – even in the most upscale, professional workplaces.
Not everyone lives in areas where you couldn’t work in fast food if you’re natural. If someone really cared about their appearance, they would find a way to take better care of their hair rather than putting Dollar Store weaves in it. Its a matter of being able to transcend what you’re used to, being willing to learn and get creative. I think THAT’S harder in some ways than being able to earn enough to pay for posh relaxers.
This is the “pull yourself up by your bootstraps” argument that has been used time and time again in our society to avoid dealing with issues of social class. What if someone cares about their appearance, but they care about their SURVIVAL more? Let’s be real. It takes money to transcend poverty. It’s easy to assume that everyone can afford to do what you or I might find easy. However, we are among the few that can. It’s not act like these products for natural hair are cheap. Nobody is giving away all of these products that a lot of us are using to keep our natural hair from looking just as trifling as we want to say some other women look. If settling for “dollar store weave” means having more money to get closer to being able to feed your family a healthy meal, what do you think a woman should do? In reality, how someone’s hair looks doesn’t tell you a dang thing about whether they want better or not. All it tells you is what they can afford. If you’re already relatively affluent, you don’t have to want to do better in order to keep your hair looking great. You can have absolutely no motivation beyond going to sit in the cosmetologist’s chair every week and having someone do the work for you. If you’re already poor, you’re going to be stuck with whatever you can get and do on your own. I mean, is anyone even giving thought to the fact that the youtube videos that many of us use to learn new styles and techniques are not even available to the majority of women in this world? Is anyone giving thought to how women of color are far more likely to live in poverty than those who are not people of color?
Knowing all of this stuff–and I think it’s fair to assume that most of these very articulate women here are aware of it–why is there so much resistance to showing solidarity with all of our sisters? Why is there so much resistance to the idea that judging people by their appearance harms us all? Do women of color always need some kind of “us versus them” or “me versus her” dynamic in order to feel justified and satisfied with our own appearance?
Perhaps dealing with our own class issues is the hardest thing of all, because it sure is being ignored in this thread.
+100000000000000000
In total agreement. Hair has become another divide and conquer tool to separate us even further.
wow! hello everyone. i am new to this blog and i am really impressed with what i’ve seen so far. this is really cool stuff seeing and knowing that i’ve always had a love for hair…so please do keep it up.
As for the girls on the bus…lol! they really don’t know what’s up. i can understand why they where acting funny…not everyone gets to look or dares to act differently everyday…hence you! lol, so really, healthy and natural hair is really vital…it just takes a mature mind to understand it. 🙂 till the next time, God bless u all…Chiwi
I’m sorry but it seems that the same disgust they shared to you is being applied here. So many put downs about their hair too. It’s hard to be empathetic when the put downs come from both sides. Yes, it is a choice to be natural as well as a choice to wear weaves, perms, press, relaxers, whatever. Those girls were young, & there are some young girls who will snarl & have rude comments, but be the bigger person & recognize their ignorance & move on. In someways it seems you have some insecurities about your own hair choices to find so many ugly faults in the others. It’s ok, do you, but you have to let other “do themselves” too. Black is beautiful no matter how we rock it!!! It’s b/c we can rock it!!!
I think it’s more the fact that they would have the nerve to put down or laugh at Author for wearing her hair naturally, while they themselves have very poor hair-care practices. It’s the whole, “black hair is nappy and unprofessional, and I’d rather have relaxed hair, even if it looks just as bad if not worse.”
I agree with the essence of your message here but I think Black women have been too nice to eachother about this topic for TOO LONG, lol. I don’t want us to be ugly about it, but folks need to hear the truth…. The author didn’t say anything to the girls in retaliation, so I see no harm done. I wish she would have told them their hair looked a mess, because it’s true. I agree Black is beautiful but I disagree that we are beautiful when we are abusing our hair, our any other part of our body, BY CHOICE, when we have soooo many oprions and information. The way we have been taught to treat our hair is what is disgusting! Being afraid to show our “nappy” hair is disgusting. Yourg girls thinking natural hair is “not natural” is disgusting! Never attaining length when we’d want nothing more and thinking it’s just ‘nature’ is disgusting. Just as we would teach our kids that sagging pants, walking around with dirty or disheveled clothes or an unclean body, letting all your your teeth rot out, etc is not acceptable, neither is fried up, dyed up, snatched up hair! Black, white, blue, whomever!
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Very well stated.
I understand what you are saying but being natural, you are daily forced to be the bigger person when family, friends, and strangers are condemning a part of your natural self. Since this is a blog targeted for natural hair wearers, I find no wrong in venting our frustration as opposed to verbally retaliating to all the rude comments or trying to educate those who want to remain ignorant.
+1
Exactly.
I see that you do not appreciate irony.
They publicly announced their disgust of the author, who shares her disgust of them with us, and now you’re ……sharing you’re disgust of the author, who’se sharing her disgust of them, because they shared their disgust of her?
Well, to quote you madam….” In someways it seems you have some insecurities about your own hair choices to find fault with the author for standing up for herself. It’s ok, do you, but you have to let other “defend themselves” too”.
Oh, and yes, I realize that i’m sharing my disgust of your attack on the author, who shared her disgust….oh you get it by now…..
First off, I’m mad those girls were walking around with tore up hair, and have the nerve to snicker at someone else’s do LOL. It sounds like they were just ignorant. Sometimes people mock things they are afraid of. I think with more people going natural it will eventually register to the unconverted that there are ways to improve the health of black hair, whether natural or not.
Peace and love.
I agree. One lady in another department had the nerve to tell me, I should get a relaxer. Today I visited her work station. To my surprise and disgusted, her hair was VERY greasy with HUGE white flakes. Really?
It kills me how others can tell you what and how to wear you hair when they look a massive mess.
I love this story, because I see these hair styles all the time. I have my locks for 14 years now and I have black women ask me all the time if it’s a weave!!. These are the same women with no edges or so many products on their hair just killing the kink.
I do want to scream when I see women damaging their skin and hair in order to have a look.
But we have had the “bad hair” song in our head for so long…it’s gonna take a minute for us to play another song.
Maybe I am not my hair!
i think we’ve all had those moments where our hair has been laughed at or mocked by someone with less than stellar hair. i usually get most offended when the culprit is a chick with a high ponytail with less than 2 inches of hair sticking out. it just irks me. i always wanna say “girl… my hair is way longer than yours on your best day. chill.” but i realize that they’re not ready to receive themselves, which is why they had to crack on me.
it’s irrelevant how your hair is. natural. straight. curly. relaxed. it’s all hair at the end. but please, if you’re gonna hate/judge, be presentable, at best. those living in glass houses, man…
https://msjanelle.blogspot.com
OMG. I totally feel you on this one. One of my friends kept staring at my curly afro during step aerobics class and then after class made a point to direct my attention to a woman in the back with a curly shirley temple looking weave and explained how she wanted her hair done like that and she liked her curls. I was shocked and utterly amazed. The curls looked ridiculously unnatural, manufactured, shiny, and fake beyond belief. The hair was some type of synthetic super baby doll type shiny hair. It was not even close to being cute. Then my friend explained that she liked those type of curls and not big hair and then she paused looking up at my curly afro. I simply smiled and said “Really?” in my most confused voice ever and walked away. Now mind you, I have gotten numerous compliments on my afro even from strangers who stopped me on the street to ask me what products I used, etc. I have also had folks approach me asking me where I got my hair. For which I inform them that it is my natural hair. After this encounter with her, I just wanted to scream, but I only laughed inside as I reminded myself that my friend usually rocks full head weaves that look riduculously fake as there is no natural hairline and the quality of the hair is quite poor and plastic looking. Well if that is her standard of beauty, keep it pushing.
Wow!! I can actually visualize that shirley temple shiny curly weave. I know exactly what your talking about. A hot mess! Keep it moving, that’s right. lol
It’s sad because these young girls dont know any better. It’s hard not to take offense when you hear rude comments about your hair but at the end of the day we really cant get upset because society & the family (this disdain for our hair has been passed down from generation to generation) has taught Black women that their hair is ugly and unacceptable. So if this is what they are taught even though it is completely false, this is what they think.
I just shake my head when I see women with jacked up, nappy weaves looking like they just rolled out of bed and didnt have the nerve to comb it, yet they laugh at a sista with beautiful natural hair.
BRAINWASHED!!!
Many black women have really low standards for their hair. On top of that many are just fed up with it. Those who choose to transition to natural see natural women with hair that’s just ON POINT and beautiful in so many ways and the standard for what their hair can be like changes.
I agree about the low standards….for everything, hair, clothes, men, life. But when it comes to hair, I would say that they have given up on their hair more than being fed up with it. Fed up makes you angry and can sometimes serve as a motivation to help you find a solution. Given up means that you don’t bother because there is no hope. Many of these women look like they’ve given up the fight.
so sad and true..
but Lawd knows I chuckled so loudly at “SINGLE lonely one dangling where her hairline used to be”.. *wipes tear*
This is unfortunately true. I see soo many girls walking around with horrible weaves just for the sake of having “long” hair or thinning and/or tore up processed hair as oppossed to healthy hair. A relative of mine wears a weaves so dry and matted up that I know she can’t even comb through it but yet looks down on my hair. Ultimately, it’s all about self-perception and many women and men have been taught to value long hair as oppossed to healthy hair.
Your eyes would tear up down here in Fla. at the travesty some of these young girls stick on their heads. As a teen, my hair was uber strong, thick, long. Why these girls are wearing full heads of those lace front wigs & glued in weave is beyond me. The heat factor alone leaves your head sweating and stinking cause they won’t take that ish out and are not allowing their head to breathe.
Last year this time I had shaved my hair clean off. It grew back nicely, I nursed it and have it relaxed now and it is just about shoulder length. I add a piece for excitement every now & then. I can’t imagine wearing that stuff on my head ALL the time.
After being here since 2002, I have learned the weave is a way of life here in Florida…it was worse when I was in school in Tallahassee…Additionally, most times I found stylists who could ONLY do a weave, and encouraged me to get one! It’s understandable because that’s the demand down here, but it was strange to me that so many lacked the skills to work with hair that grew naturally out of someone’s scalp!
How can you walk around in a raggedy weave?!? How do you walk around w/ your braids hanging by a strand?!?
That standard of beauty mess has killed a lot of heads!
LOL….for real.
Yeah, I’m sure a lot of us (not all) can relate to that story. I have someone in my family who will not let go of the relaxers and fake ponytail, despite having bad edges and thinning hair.
I’ve been natural since 2007 and I’m not looking back.
Natural hair is for everyone but it’s not for everyone if you get my drift…
I totally agree.
So odd. I just read this article on NaturalSunshine.Ning.com, and immediately sent the link to my sister. She loved the article as well. I understand every point the author made. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. And I agree with b., having beautiful hair does not require a lot of money or a complicated regimen. In fact, our hair tends to flourish the more we leave it alone and the more consistent we are with whatever regimen we have.
My husband said the same thing recently. I told him it’s a very old fog most of us have been in for a long time.
Some feel that this is what their hair looks like. They honestly have no clue. So smile and give them the benefit of the doubt. They’ll come around eventually, if not then it’s their lost. Don’t go in with guns blazing (hehe) their opinion does not change your hair, so it’s pointless.
“Very old fog” is a great way to put it. This happened to me a while ago while in the grocery store. Two teenage girls were giggling about my hair. One said “OMG she’s got an afro!”
I was a little taken aback and then I remembered what it was like to be a teenager. Anything “different” is funny. They just don’t know anything different than what they’re living right now.
My 2 cents…
If someone is too lazy to figure out how to rock a weave correctly, then I don’t hold too much hope for them if they decide to go natural. Why? Because hair care takes effort PERIOD.
A person like she described may go from crazy glue weave to dry-looking matted kinks…IF THEY DON’T CHANGE THEIR MINDSET. Plenty of women go from looking jacked up to having a flourishing head of hair, but that only comes when the inner person changes and the person is willing to invest the time to care for their hair correctly. Note, I did not say “willing to have a complicated regimen”.
That is all.
I so agree!! I think when it comes to wearing our natural hair we have to first overcome ourselves. If a person can’t get past old habits, they are sure to be a as hot a mess natural as they were relaxed.
True, I think the only women that stay natural are those that are willing to put in the effort because I hardly hardly see a ratchet head of natural hair anymore. I used to before the natural movement though.
And honestly, i wouldn’t be surprised if sometime down the road those 2 young ladies decide to start transitioning to natural hair. It’s happened so many times before LOL…
LOL at ratchet.
Yep!
Oh, I so agree. Before I went natural, I would put relaxer in my hair but my hair would look a mess just a week after the process. I definitely did not know how to handle relaxed hair. Surprisingly, this still did not convince me to go natural. I would rather a ridiculous head of hair than go natural. When I finally went natural, I have to admit, my hair was a mess on the daily. I wore scarfs everyday because my hair was so matted. A fro was still not for me but here I was trying to convince myself that I was doing something important and that, because of this, I could go around looking a mess.
I knew dreading my hair would be the next best option. Not because it was easier, but it was something I knew I could do. Loc hair care is still labor but a labor of love. My hair has grown a lot since then but I’m still so surprised that back then I would have rather walked around breakage, thinning, and a minimum of style choices than to have my hair in a healthy state like it is now.
It definitely helps to have a little self-love and then to grow from there.
I second that emotion… there are always steps us women must take dor us to maintain tangle free growing hair.
LOL IMHO there is no way to ‘rock a weave’. Wear your real hair or go home! A person would rather wear fake hair instead of her own needs mental help!
Of course you have a right to your opinion but I’ve been natural for almost 2 years and I “rock” weaves a lot and so do many other naturals. I am in the military so it presents certain difficulties such as being in the desert and weaves being the best option or lose your hair (natural and processed) to “sanitized” aka overly bleached water. I may need mental help, as do a multitude of other people, but definitely not because I like to wear weaves and braids.
I feel that the girls on the bus were jealous b.c they’re not confident enough to wear their natural hair. They are ashamed and embarassed by whats underneath their weave. B.c if they weren’t they wouldn’t care about your natural hair. Why else would people be upset about the “natural movement”? If someone thinks its a fad or not a big deal, then don’t do it, wear your hair how you like permed, weaved etc. I never understood why people (men and women) are bothered by the increasing number of women going natural. If its not for you, then cool, keep it moving & keep negative immature comments to yourself.