by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Over the 6 years I had my perm I never had issues with it, I never had breakage or burns.
Once I finished the book, I knew I just had to go natural. My big chop story is funny. Originally I had planned to big chop a lot sooner but my Mom was against the whole idea. On October 30 I had school, so I told my Mom I wasn’t feeling well and I did the whole fake coughing thing. I guess my Mom felt bad so she let me stay home.
There I was all alone at home so what was I supposed to do for fun? I decided to call my friend Stacie who is also natural and does hair and I asked her to cut it all off. She agreed. I drove to her house in Baltimore and she cut off the perm one by one. The whole time I kept worrying if I was making the right choice.
Anyway afterwards I saw my shoulder length hair all gone, I had only 3.5 inches off hair. Now I’m not gonna say I was totally thrilled afterward. But once Stacie washed it and styled it I was happy. I drove home and to my surprise my Mom and Dad and sister were all siting in the dining room asking wondering where I was since I was so called “sick”.
As soon as I took off my hood my mother slapped me so hard, and really was angry with the fact that all my hair was gone. She was chasing me around the house and was the maddest I had ever seen her. My dad and sister loved it though and convinced my mom to calm down. After a few days she got used to it, and stopped complaining about it.
The biggest opposition I faced would be my mom. She’s biracial and has long hair with hardly any wave to it. She’s very old school and believes you need straight hair to be beautiful. She also was the one who started me on perms when I was 10.
After about the first 2 months of my natural journey around the time I had almost 1 inch of new growth, my mom started to notice my very different texture from hers. I would say I have 4a (kinky) hair everywhere but my sides/edges where it is bone straight is probably 3a (curly).
She would say things like “Camille why didn’t you get my hair texture, how come you got your Dad’s.” She also would say she’d be much happier if I went back to perms.
My younger sister Candace who is 16 has my Mom’s hair. It’s also very straight and she is very stuck on the whole “good hair” idea. Even now that I have my fro, my mom will make negative comments, not as much as she used to, but still sometimes. I always tell her I’m happy where I am and I don’t need to conform to society’s standards of beauty by relaxing my hair.
Honestly, at first I did have unrealistic expectations of what my natural texture would be. Originally I expected to also have type 2 hair like my mom, but soon quickly changed, as my natural journey progressed I saw more and more of my type 4 hair and had to accept that’s what I was given. Sometimes it is hard having a mother who’s a little stuborn, but I just keep counting down the days till I leave for college, less than 5 months away yay! Hopefully I will meet other naturals when I am in college who share the same idea of beauty as me.
84 Responses
You are beautiful, and so is your hair. There will be people in opposition of how you look and how your hair looks. Don’t pay them any mind. And if they have a problem with that or they continue to badger you tell them, “it’s not my fault my hair defies gravity, and it stands so tall that each day it is kissed by God.”
Would it be possible to follow on with this natural ? I wonder where are her relationship with her mother now. And where she is in her natural journey ? Did she manage to talk about it with sister and mother and convince them of the beauty of afro hair in its diversity ?
im not suprized i have friends who cant go natural because their parent think there hair is too nappy. i am just so happy that when i told my mom that i didnt want a perm she just said ok and was supportive the entire way
Ha! You know what’s funny? Today my brother told me that I was crazy/stupid for doing my big chop this morning. I woke and just zoooooooomed my hair. Mum said I didnt know what I was doing and should have just relaxed it. I totally relate to you yeah
Such a shame. I find that a number of mothers are unsupportive of their daughter’s decision to go natural and it’s so disheartening. Mother’s should be right there watching us chop, if not chopping it themselves. We have enough people telling us in society that our hair is not beautiful and we do not need the woman who gave birth to us doing the same.
The first time I showed my mother she looked like she was gonna cry. We all must realize that salon visits for relaxers are so unnecessary. Our hair is already beautiful and healthy and the ideals that we’re only beautiful with unhealthy, processed hair need to goooooo.
It’s sad that the previous posters parents felt that way about their hair. My mother supported my natural journey at 14 and even took me to the salon to do my BC after only six months of transitioning. I’ve been natural off and on for the 8yrs since then, but I don’t deny my hair, I just lose patience to work with it and relax again. But even relaxed my mother encourages me to not only be natural, but STAY natural after doing such for months at a time. I <3 my mom.
I know I’m really late with my response but I just came across this post. I find it disgusting that a parent would put her hand on her child in an unloving way, slapping her or punching her because of an action or even expressing a thought that doesn’t directly concern her or will have any affect on her. I remember I wanted to dye my hair for my seventeenth birthday and my mother wouldn’t let me do it. And when I went natural I didn’t big chop, I didn’t know about the big chop, but my mother wasn’t on board with it. She wanted me to relax my hair when I stopped relaxing it, which wasn’t even in a professional way. She accepts my hair and my twin’s hair and has never said anything disparaging towards us.
I don’t come from the type of family that holds beliefs about good hair being straight hair, but I really hope that you can stay strong and that your mother and sister come to understand a thing or two about natural beauty. No one should ever make a loved one feel she’s not beautiful because she’s not conforming to a standard.
Well Camille, I must say as a black male, I think yr hair looks great. But then, I’ve always preferred natural hair. Keep in mind, old ideas die hard, and the brainwashing that came with slavery, white supremacy & racism etc. will take a few more generations to (hopefully) disappear. What other culture of people contorts itself as much as black folk do to “fit in?” None. Hopefully one day yr mom will see the light, or least realize you are yr own person with yr own point-of-view. She should be proud that she (and yr Dad) raised you to think for yourself. Stay strong and keep reppin it for the “real” sistas.
P’s
i went through the same exact thing.i am a senior this year and am 17 also.i big choped this may making me 3 months post.my mother also opposes my chop.i choped while on an off day at home while my mother was at work.i called her on the phone and told her(didnt want to get slaped immediatly lol:)…i was thrilled at first.i felt impowered knowing that if i could cut off all my hair i could do anything.my mother still has her comments but she has no choice but to except it because its who i am.i a long journey but im learning as i go
You are courageous and beautiful; keep up the good work!!
Wooooow I’m looking at the comments after reading your story and I am amazed and saddened at the same time. That’s really a shame how the ones who love us most, family, can be the ones who oppress us. This story was very disheartening, but I’m so glad that you and some others in your situation have found the strength inwardly to take a stand and do what you know is best for you. You are old enough to care for your own hair, adulthood is not far off from you. Congratulations on going away to college! There are tons of women w/ natural hair in college, and schools are beginning to form organizations focused around natural hair, like Naturalista’s at my school Southern IL Univ. Carbondale, our other chapter is at Howard I believe. God bless you much and all of you stay strong, live natural and live free!
I dont mean to be hurtful to you because that is your mother but seriously I hope she reads this. She is a product of society with no individualism and no sense of culture. I was so angry that she slapped you for cutting just silly hair. I hope she becomes more open minded in the future…maybe take a few classes on African american history and Class.
heeeeeeeey ! 😀
BTW I think your hair is beautiful and so are you, you look like my niece. Stay Blessed and positive.
Thanks for sharing your experience, I’m really shocked that your mother responded the way she did and at her limited view of what beauty is. I’m also shocked to read that this is not uncommon. I take the fact that I was raised in a very affirming household for granted.
The angry outbursts of some of the parents, reminds me of when a gay child comes out to a homophobic parent.
Hey, moving story. Keep going with your natural hair, it is beauiful, Jehovah/God did not make a mistake when he made you! I hope your mum comes round. Its sad to see people who are in positions of authority have these backward views!
I really hope you continue on your natural journey.
Gosh! this is brutal, and i have read all the other comments too, people getting punched and grounded? that’s really something. All i can say is please stay strong, it’s your own personal journey! you are a beautiful very strong young woman and i really admire your determination!!
Wow..is all I can say. hang in there sista. My family was against me going natural at first now a whole 9yrs later a few of them are going natural too. Hang in there.
Good for you for hanging in there with the natural hair! You look beautiful with it. I’ve been natural for 4 years now. I cut my hair the week before i went off to college. I wanted to do it a year before that but under pressure from my mom i got a perm too 🙁 I remember when i came home after finally doing the big chop. My mom took one look at it and said “Oh my God, it’s boy short,Oh my God!” She didn’t say that she hated it, but it was pretty obvious that she did. I love my mom to pieces, but she is very much stuck in a 1950’s mindset. But over the last four years, her views have changed a lot. I remember about a year ago i was talking to her about possibly getting a relaxer again, to my complete surprise my mom flatly said,”NO! your hair looks so pretty natural!” I was shocked but so happy. So maybe your mom will come around too. And if she doesn’t at least YOU know that you and your hair are beautiful just the way God made you!
I got grounded by my mom when I did my first big chop. I still haven’t gotten a thank you for all the cash I saved her from weekly salon visits and stuff to make my hair “grow” when it was constantly breaking.
Wow! What a reaction from your mom. I’m sorry she reacted that way to your hair and even MORE SORRY that mentally she is still stuck in such a false sense of beauty! But I do hope that one day she will wake up – don’t give up on her, she might come around one day. You as a 17 1/2 year old are SO INSPIRATIONAL AND STRONG – I’m 40 and have just begun to develop appreciation and love for my naturally kinky hair. When I was in my early 20s my husband suggested that I go natural and I thought he was insane – OH WELL; LIVE AND LEARN! Anyway I hope that you stay true to yourself and that one day your mom will realize the error of her ways. It’s not her fault though, most of us have inherited the same thinking from our parents.
My mom punched me when I told her I didn’t want to perm my hair…Yeah I still got the perm SHE wanted. She says “now I look more civilized for work” SERIOUSLY???? yes. Still struggling about this till this day about 4 weeks ago. I am 18 and my mom doesn’t allow me to do anything, not even my own hair. She would have a fit if she knew I don’t see my natural hair as uncivilized. I always get a little bit happy when my new growth grows out. It makes me think I will have another chance of keeping it.
Mama embrace your hair because I am in college and it is soo many girls that wear their hair natural nowadays. I went natural in 2006 and for 10 months leading to it I went without a perm. Everyone in school made fun of me and told me I need a salon visit ASAP. Best believe those years are worth it because now everyone loves my natural hair. Your hair is soo beautiful and you made the right choice. Welcome to the natural sistahood.
I can totally relate! Though my parents didn’t slap me, niether is especially fond of my natural hair journey. I even relaxed my hair after being natural for five years to please my mom (big mistake). After BC’ing a second time, I had to have a heart to heart with my father. This is how I see myself, I love it, and it is the way it is going to be for the rest of my life, case closed.
They will come around eventually if they see it’s not a phase, but a lifestyle choice.
Wow! I am going through the same thing with my parents. I just turned 18 but my parents still make me go the shop even if I don’t want to. I’ve been allowed to wear my hair curly for about a month now and my parents know that whenever I go to the shop lately my hair has been breaking off because its gotten used to being curly for weeks at a time. My parents made me schedule 2 appointments (with a woman who’s hair is damaged) in the same 2 week span- for prom and graduation. I’m praying for you and your family to embrace your natural beauty and to finally let go of the politics and fear that have kept us enslaved for so many years. Good Luck!!
You are strong and your determination is admirable! Stay that way. After 3 years natural, my mom is also my biggest non-fan! At the same time, she also reinforces for me how important my role is as the only person in my whole huge family with natural kinky hair.
I do admire this young lady and her determination. This is just as bad as reading the rastafarian story of how that young girl’s family made her feel about locking her hair. This is a shame in this day and age, our own people still have negative feelings and personal prejudices against their own God given hair. Not to mention they are baffled, ignorant, jealous, and resistant to others who have the courage to do so (going natural). Be Blessed and encouraged to all on the natural hair journey, don’t give up beautiful black sistas out there!
Good for you, my dear. I never heard of such a thing. It is only hair, but it comes with a lot of backstory so I understand how she feels, but moreso your determination to be the way God made you. Very commendable. Many blessings with college.
You are awesome, brave, beautiful and so much more. I love your hair don’t look back girlfriend. I live in MD too. I find people here are more accepting to natural hair. I must say white guys seem to love it more than black guys.
Peace
Stay nappy happy
I believe you are truly beautiful!! I can’t believe what determination and strength of mind you have to be able to stand your ground to your parent. I’m glad that you see that it is not your problem to “fix” your mother’s attitude but continue to show her love because you never know what messages she received growing up and as you see old messages play in our minds like a broken record. Hopefully your mother will decide to change the record she is playing…
Anyway I really love your hair natural!!
I admire your determination to teach your mom and sister a lession about “good hair”
WOW my sister! You are a strong Child of God to accept how He made you and stand on it even when a loved one doesn’t understand! I pray that your mom does come around more & also that you find other happy naturals when you go off to college! :o)
Your hair is truely beautiful and more so your mind that lays under it!
Take care and all the best for your last year of H.S. and your journey in college! :o)
I feel the same sentiments
This made me sad that her mom would treat her that way. But I am glad she stood up for herself.
Hey Camille,
I think it’s sad that you have to deal with that type of menatality coming from your mom. They say that what we criticise in others is what we hate in ourselves. I guess what I’m trying to say is that perhpas part of it is her own self-hate issues being projected onto you. It’s wonderful that you’re mature enough to make such an important decision on your own (at such a young age!) and accept the consequences. Keep the faith!
i love your natural hair!
sometimes our parents and family project their beliefs on to us.
fortunately, my parents were against chemicals. and i thank them for that!!
i bet you’re gonna be one strong lady – don’t let people deter you from what you know is right. that’s life no matter what, no matter who.
be strong! and keep posting pictures!!
You are very very brave!! I know EXACTLY how you feel im a sophmore in highschool and did the big chop last month in November! My mom was against transitioning and is still constantly complaining about my hair! People and so called friends made fun of my hair! But i had support from other people and two other friends of my are natural! I never let anyone discourage me! People are stupid and ignorant…..but you still have to do you. So keep doing you. You are brave and pretty and your hair is awesome!!
Every time I hear stories like this I find myself wondering what it must be like to grow up in a family with divergent hair textures/skin colors in a society that encourages the belief that African aesthetics are bad. I realize I was doubly blessed to grow up where I did: Not only did my parents firmly reject any suggestion that African features were inferior to others, they had three daughters who all came out looking like them: dark-skinned and nappy-headed. 😀 None of this “how come you didn’t get my texture?” and “you’re got your father’s bad-azz hair”…we were all black and nappy together.
Camille, congratulations on your step towards independence. Hopefully your mother will come around eventually. Be gentle and understanding with her because she’s been conditioned like a lot of black/biracial folks. In the meantime, enjoy your hair!
Camille you and your hair are beautiful. I commend you on your braveness to keep true to yourself … by your definition, not by anyone else’s. Although, here we mainly talk about hair, I think this is a life lesson that you can take with you through life. I realize there are times in life where we need to back down or listen to others, but there definitely are those times, like this one, where we need to stick to our decisions. Good for you!
I wish you the very best for your future. With courage like yours, you’ll go very far : )
Dear Little Sister,
We have some issues. By we, I mean the human race. We have issues with the way we see people and the way we see ourselves. Often times, the people who love us like our mothers-have a problem with how they see us. I want you to be strong and get past it. You are honestly one of the most beautiful women I have seen. You are brave, you are smart and you did something at 17 that took me until I was 25 years old to do-and that was to be YOU. This story really made me cry. You are such an inspiring young lady and with that amount of fortitude, I know that you will go very far in life. In college you will meet men and women who are just as backwards who are still carrying around the slave mentality and psychological impact of slavery on what a woman’s worth is. You will get past it, you will get over it and you will survive. Be strong and stay beautiful.
Don’t listen to the people who are trying to justify violence. It is never okay, and especially not okay regarding hair. We have some issues and we need to get over those issues. You made the right decision and I wish you good luck in everything that you do.
Yes the slap was harsh, but I can’t help but think the way you went about getting your BC might have played a small part. When you want to show your parents you are capable of adult decisions, you don’t go behind their backs or fake sick so you can stay home and sneak out.
Welcome to the natural hair world. Just remember people respect your convictions more when you are upfront and honest about them.
You’re lovely and those plaits are fly. Hope things get better with your mom. Mine wasn’t happy either (she’s black/white and chinese and my father half Indian) when I stopped relaxing my hair. She has that old-school mentality too but I guess I can’t blame her, that’s how they were raised; it’s up to us to change that.
I was thinking her mom slapped her across the face for lying that I could understand. Sometimes when you do stupid things such as lying about being sick just to stay home you might get slapped. Also that is your mama’s house and her rules you aren’t 18 so she can tell you what to do.
Girl This is YOUR life, not a clone version of what someone else wants it to be, do YOU!!! 🙂
You are a beautiful young lady. You will be an inspiration to others…believe me!. I cut my hair off senior year in college and my poor mother was taken aback. My granny flat out told me that I looked ugly when I cut off arm pit length relaxed hair. Now, 5 years later, I couldn’t be happier. Would you believe that my mother went natural after me and my little sister is transitioning now? My mother was relaxed for about 25 years and I think seeing me she realized she didn’t want to deal with the chemicals anymore. Now, she wears wigs due to laziness and not wanting to style her hair but the fact that her natural hair is almost waist length goes to show how much natural hair thrives. Others will see you and take a bold step b/c they’ll see the beauty of your hair. Take care of your lovely fro (moisturize, moisturize, moisturize) and enjoy each stage b/c hair that is loved on will grow and retain length like crazy.
Oh! Also I wanted to know if you have anymore natural pics because I think we have the same hair type and it would defintely help keep me motivated on my journey!!! 🙂
I think you look absoulutely gorgeous. I do think the slap was over the top (and like someone said it may have been due to you lying about being sick). Either way I think you are a strong beautiful young lady and I read that book too! It changed my perspective on hair too! I wish you peace and happiness on your natural journey!
Camille, congrats on your hair! But, I will admonish you that she is still your mom. My mom and I just had another blow out over my hair just a few days ago (I’ve had natural hair for about 2.5 years!). Yes, you’ll get out of the house for college and yes, you’ll continue to grow as a person and as a natural head of hair. But, you’ll only have one mom. Be patient with her. You can’t expect her to turn around overnight. Respect her while you’re in her house (i.e. don’t say that you’re sick in order to get your hair done, it’ll only make her hate the hair more). Try to help her to understand where you’re coming from slowly. You have to have tough skin if you want to have natural hair. It’s unfortunate, but that’s just how things are nowadays. If it was so easy and acceptable, everyone would just have it wouldn’t they?
I’ve even sent my mom a link to an article on BGLH and encouraged her to read some of the comments. I really think it helped a little. Mind you, that we just had another argument over my hair a few days ago. She’s slowly coming around. Still, I emphasize to her time and time again that me having natural hair is in no way meant to disrespect her and that I’m not looking for a fight. I also emphasize that her having my back on the whole thing would be the best thing ever especially when everyone else wants to put in their 2 cents about my hair. There’s nothing like your mom having your back on an issue. She hasn’t fully come around, but the good news is that 2.5 years later, she IS indeed coming around.
I like your hair. it fits you. I’ve been going natural for awhile but would always get that perm which of course burned no matter what i did. Finally 3yrs i’ve been without a perm. I still have stringy pieces, more of a reason to chop a little more.I’ve gotten braids, weaves, hotcombed whatever it took to help me rid the perm. I like being natural. I just need to learn how to work with it. The weaves arent always the best especially around my edges but it’s what i know for now.I normally wear a weave with braids in the front and a curly weave in the back simlar to your style. When i cut just to trim off the stringy the questions come in. Good luck with your mom. your beautiful no matter what your hair type. Beauty is diffently within Hold your head.
Standing up to your mom like that is wonderful to me. I’m glad you have embraced your hair despite your mom and you sister. Maybe one day they can see the beauty of all hair.
Camille, I am proud of you for claiming your natural beauty and surrendering to it. Perhaps your mom was a little upset that you lied to her and then to do it without including her in the decision. Unfortunately us moms, (three grown up children) feel a sense of “ownership” with our children. It is difficult to let go of managing and supervising our children’s lives.
Everyone in my family is natural, I never forced my girls to chemicalize their hair. They have beauty locs and so does my son.
When I was 14, I bugged my mom to let me go natural and she made me wait until I was 16 to wear a pin-curled curly style, and by the time I was a senior I had a full-fledged revolutionary bush.
Hair is very political in the black family! It represents your belief system and you have developed your own system of beliefs independent of your mother. Some fair skin and particularly bi-racial people have not embraced their “African-ness” and see it as a violation of something they are trying not to be.
Continue to be your “naturally” beautiful self and give mom some time to accept “you”. Listen to this cut by “Fertile Ground” its called “Be Natural”. In fact play anything from “Fertile Ground” for you mom, and she will hear something about herself their music.
Al the best to you on graduating… Peace
I swear EVERY mother has something that they do or say that is so messed up, it’s hard to believe that they still can be so loving.
“Why did you get your dad’s hair?” That’s so…no disrespect at all, she’s your mom…but she sounds like she has deep-rooted issues in her own identity. God, you are strong for not giving in and perming your hair because of how she feels. GOOD FOR YOU
And your hair is pretty, so I’m not worried about that part fazing you, just your mom’s words.
Welcome to the Natural life!
@Kayann
https://www.mizani-usa.com/?m=86&rid=300
Hope this helps. The last one is 4c and the one before that is 4b and the one before that is 4a.
Wow! I can see how people might not prefer natural hair or they might not even think it’s beautiful – but I think to slap someone and get violent was going too far. I think her mother overreacted and I think it’s disgusting because it’s only hair .
She probably grew up being told that she had “good hair” and was praised for it, so when her daughter went against the grain it threatened her.
I think Camille is strong for staying true to herself though, I don’t know if I would’ve had the courage to do the big chop at 17 especially if I didn’t have support from my mom.
Thank you for all of te postive feedback. to answer some of the questions:
1. i have told some of my extended family about my big chop and they’ve been very supportive.
2. since i go to a christian high school its mainly caucasin so when i showed up the next day i got alot of postive complements saying how much they loved my hair. it made me feel like i made the right decision.
3. my sister whose 16 still has a perm but is “brainwashed” by the media and refuses to grow out the perm. she likes my hair for me but not for her.
and also here’s my email if there are any natural ladies in baltimore who wanna meet up: za*****@*ol.com
Let me say wow, but I’m glad you did the BC. I hope your mom comes around one day and I’m happy your father and sister are okay with it. It sucks that not everyone has support of their family, but in the end it’s ur hair and as long as u support yourself that’s all that matters.
We all have had our qualms after a big chop with a family member, however this is the first I’ve heard of it being physical. I’m really sorry that happened to you, but I’m really happy and proud that you are able to stand up to her and let her know that you will not change. We can’t make everyone happy, and it’s totally more important to know that we are happy. Keep pushing and pressing on. Your natural hair is your crown and glory!
my story is similar to yours! minus the slapping lol. my mother hates my hair & texture & t doesn’t “grow the way [she] wants it to.” i say…ma! MY hair grows the way IT wants to….
sigh…
parents. they just don’t understand.
do you! don’t worry bout moms. they are all the same lol
Best wishes to you on your life journey! Congratulations on being proud of yourself just as you are!
Thanks for sharing this story!! Congratulations on your Big Chop!! You are beautiful.
your hair is beautiful just the way god naturally made it and the style is gorgeous! you made the right choice, a brave choice, and it’s sad that you had to be deceptive about it instead of having your mom be supportive so you could have done it in the open. stay brave and enjoy your incredible, natural, god-given hair!
Wow, this story is both uplifting and upsetting. The best thing you can do is to get out of that house. What has your father said about your mother? Has your sister opened up to the natural hair side? I think its not just her being bi-racial (although it is a factor) as to why she hates your hair but I think its also because way too many of us hate our own natural hair.
There are definetly a lot more naturals in college, although there is a lot more ignorance there too. In college you’ll find other naturals but you’re going to meet a lot more bold haters of all races. Either way, keep your confidence up and good luck to you in the new year.
Congrats on the BC! Yes, the slap was harsh. Are you sure she slapped you more so because you did the BC or because you lied to her about being sick and did something that was (to your mom) drastic? Honestly, if I lied to mom and did what you did she would have slapped me too if not yelled at me. Enjoy your natural glory and work it anyhow!
Some thing similar happen to me when I was a teenager. I hadn’t thought about it much over the recent years, but even at age 50 the moment is as if it happened yesterday.
I came home from a friends house after I got my hair cornrowed. My mama saw me and called me a “pick-a-ninnie” and made me take them out. She specifically stated it was hidious and disrespectful.
Image!!!
It’s no wonder we have some many issues with our hair and beautiful selfs. See my new fabric for…on my blog celebrating African American Women and our beauty!! “I AM NOT MY HAIR” africanamericanfabrics.blogspot.com/
College will be much better 🙂 Freshman year I decided to grow out my hair sans relaxers and 9 months later I’m not regretting the choice at all.
If anyone else tries this, I think it’s best not to lie to your parents about where you are when you say you’re sick. Your mom handled it totally inappropriately, but at the same time, you definitely lied, drove somewhere else without telling anyone, and then came back a different person. I think my mother and father would slap me just for leaving and skipping school. I wouldn’t blame them either.
This discussion was so much easier with my mom because she had stopped going to salons, and relaxers are very expensive and money’s tight nowadays, lol.
I can’t imagine going through it with a person who can’t and won’t try to relate. Instead, just rejecting her husband’s and your hair. It’s not fair nor right. But you’ve got courage, and I think that makes us all happy and proud!
Good luck!
aww Camille your story made me me tear up. I commend you for your courage. Your determination to stick with your decision speak volumes about you as a person, you have a strong spirit for such a young woman, I’m proud of you. Keep on emaining true to who you are, it’ll take you very far in a world filled with copycats.
your hair & story are where inspiration comes from, especially for others going through similar circumstances, especially with family. I ran through similar issues with family, and came out all the more stronger for it. Congrats on being so brave;-0!!!!!
Wow Camille. Sorry that happened to you. But at the end of the day as long as you love your hair then everything is fine. Your mother will come around one day. And if not…well, that’s not your problem, it’s hers.
Your fro is beautiful. I think it’s great that younger females are embracing their natural selves. When I was in HS I was too caught up in what other people thought & what my peers would think & always felt the need to conform. So it’s inspiring to see young ladies who are still in their teens stepping out of the box.
Good Luck in College, I’m sure you’ll meet other natural women.
Camille, I am happy to hear that you are perservering against the harsh treatment from your mother. That can be scarring and so many daughters would be broken from that. I admire you and I wish you the best.
Another 4a/b natural in Baltimore too! and my mom was like that (she didn’t smack me but she was shocked and she is mixed with a slight wave to her hair)…but she loves it now. I am older (29) and I wish I went natural sooner. Good luck on your journey
Hey girl you are definitely my hero. I wish I would started my journey way in high school and not listened to my mom when she told me to wait until I was 18 :P. My mama was on the fence when I first BC’d last November, but now she’s somewhat down for the cause. She even proclaims my slogan for life “good hair = Healthy hair”, and doesnt hesitate to check anyone who dares to make a negative comment about my hair. Give her some time and maybe she and your sis will come around when they realize how happy you are with your decision.
that is terrible! it always burns me up when other people’s ignorance gets inflicted on others. you are beautiful and i’m glad you went through with it, even with the opposition from your mother. my mother refused to speak or look at me for three days when i chopped!
camille, i’m from Maryland too! call me and we’ll have fun as naturals together. 🙂
I think the slap across the face was way over the top but everyone is entitled to their own opinion and reaction. I would say if you’re happy with the way you see yourself, then continue on your natural hair journey. You’re living your life for you and can’t make desicions bases on how people around you are reacting.
You are so brave! 🙂 I’m glad your dad and sister are there to support you in spite of your mother’s protests. I wonder if she would be open to reading the Hair Raising book. Between the health issues around relaxing and the many images of beautiful naturals (including you!), maybe she’ll begin to understand.
What has been the reaction of your extended family?
First off..kudos to you for your courage to take on a BC in High School..that place is a jungle of bad bullies, lol and if you can mentally prepare to overcome them, then you my friend are strong. Also, I happen to like your hair, it’s beautiful. Your mom on the other hand needs to (in my best politeness), get over herself! And she slapped you for what?? I mean get upset, but to slap you, because you cut you hair? Come on..and I don’t see why she is still saying negative things.
Society is a trip..I can’t wait for everyone to finally just let natural hair go unstigmatized!
Did my BC in high school and my mom was my biggest opposition. Almost 10 years later, she still gets on me, but her hair is falling out so she’s calmed it down a bit 🙂
p.s How do you know what texture your hair is i.e 4a/4b?
continued…
My hair was relaxed by my mother from age 9-15. I decided to go natural in dec 2001 after listening to a radio show during black history month (it’s celebrated in October in England) that spoke about the history of relaxed hair! The main point I got from it was that we started doing it on a large scale to look more European. Also, when black people first appeared on T.V. their hair had to be relaxed to be accepted by the viewers! This shocked me because I always thought it was our smart invention for manageability. I always liked to look of natural hair anyway and wanted to do it before the radio show, but hearing it confirmed my decision.
Although we have been brainwashed into the myth of white superiority ever since our enslavement, I was always strong enough to reject this view! I don’t know where I got it from, I’m a pan-African but my family and friends back then were not? I must have got the resilience/strength/consciousness from a distant ancestor (Jamaican’s did have some of the most rebellious and militant slaves, and played a vital role in the abolition of the slave trade after all) and pan-Africanism is not promoted in my house!
I went natural by cutting off 1/2 inches of relaxed ends, putting it into extension for 2/3 months, taking it out and treating it n trimming off 2 more inches etc. This cycle took about 1yr for my hair to get to a decent enough length to do stuff with, e.g. put in a pony tail, twist, and cornrow. My hair was TOUGH when it was between relaxed n natural n in its worst state! When it was fully natural it took 6-12 months to soften up. Because my mum does my hair she used to cuss ‘your hair is too tough, too bad, why don’t u just relax it like everybody else!’ ‘look at your friend’s hair,’ some of my friends she was referring to weren’t even black! I was determined not to give in! She still comments now, but not as much because she does my hair less now. Sometimes she talks about her weak thin hair as being nicer than mine because it’s softer because she’s 1/8 Indian. I always curse her n say ‘you’re black, stop begging Indian!’ Now she’s appreciating the beauty of my natural hair more and more when she sees my beautiful styles.
Some friends, their mothers, and certain hairdressers ask me ‘when are you going to relax your hair/ do something with your hair’. It pisses me off! I always say ‘never, I like natural hair’. I’ve even had to say ‘I don’t like relaxed hair,’ but a few months down the line they ask me the same dumb question!
Hang on in there girl, your hair is beautiful anyway. God did not make a mistake when he made African’s (black people). We’re the only race of people with afro hair (9ether) so we should embrace it!
Peace.x
Hi, I’m a Jamaican living in London.
Your story really touched me because I went through nearly the same thing as you! The only difference is my mother didn’t slap me and isn’t bi-racial.
Diggin the braids. Your hair looks awesome!
[empathetic face] on the fam.
Camille, your story simultaneously saddens me and makes me extremely proud. The saddest part of your story for me was when you said,
“She would say things like “Camille why didn’t you get my hair texture, how come you got your Dad’s.””
I apologize for what I am about to say, but I feel that if your mother is so against “hair like your fathers” she is also against “that” part of her self, which is then projected onto you. Its wrong any way you look at it and I hope that she will eventually realize that!!
With that said, I absolutely think you ROCK!! And that you are very brave. More importantly, you have found yourself and you are not allowing anyone to force you into being someone that you are not. I love that and I wish you nothing but the best on your natural journey and on your life journey as well. Keep rocking those bountiful, beautiful proud kinks girl!
heyyy another natural from Baltimore!! ;] i’m from baltimore too!
I hope things get better before you leave for college! I really like your hair and think you are very bold for doing the BC. I always wanted to go natural but didn’t do it until this past Oct, my last semester in college, so kudos 2 u 🙂 I don’t think I would have ever done it in high school. I know for a FACT I wouldn’t have done it in high school. I graduated from h.s. in 2005 and I was very BIG on relaxing and straight hair and I definitely thought that was the only way I could be pretty. But yea hang in there fellow Marylander..lol.