by
Black Girl With Long Hair
by Brittany Johnson, Guest Writer
My name is Brittany, I’m 23 and, as you can see in the photos above, I have naturally wavy hair. I am African American, as are both of my parents (I look too much like them to argue otherwise, haha), and my hair is wavy. This little factor has affected me my whole life; in good and bad ways. When I am out it’s not uncommon for strangers to come up with the same questions like, “Is all of that your real hair?” and “What are you mixed with?” My hair has naturally loose curls that are almost wavy, unless I’m somewhere with high humidity, then they tend to curl more tightly. I wash it daily out of necessity. I have never met anyone else with hair like mine, and my mother and I only have the knowledge of my great grandmother being Native American to explain things. None of my cousins, or aunts have texture anywhere near mine. I love who I am and where I come from, but as I mentioned earlier my hair has not always left me in the best of situations.
Growing up I didn’t have many black girls as friends, it was hard for most girls that I grew up with to not let ill feelings and envy keep us from a friendship. As many of you know when you are in school, whether it is elementary, middle or high school being different is never a good thing, no matter how small of a difference it is. Middle school was particularly hard because I went to a predominantly black school and according to the other girls I didn’t “act” black. Adding that difference to my hair did not make for a fun few years. For example I had a few girls come up to me on occasion and look through my hair shouting, “I know I saw her tracks, I don’t know why her mama put all the weave in her head”, or I would get dirty looks and and whispering while walking down the hall. Sometimes I would even hear stories from other girls about how they use to have hair like mine until a jealous family member did something to their hair to ruin it. It took a long time for me to feel comfortable around other black girls and to love who I am, but it made me who I am today and I wouldn’t have it any other way. I am so happy and proud to see other women of color on this site proudly showing off their beauty regardless of what hairstyle they happen to have. Maybe one day I will find someone like me to relate my experiences with, but if I don’t, oh well. I will still be here living, and loving life as the natural black woman that I am.
Interesting story! Has anyone had a similar experience? And do you think we sometimes make other women feel guilty for looking different?
120 Responses
I had the same problem growing up, only my hair was long,thick,and type 4b. Girls hated me and my story is identical. Back in the 60s there were no weaves, so people thought i had the secret to growing nappy hair. I didn’t, so they would beat me up. It was a tough life and it was all because of protein. Thankfully, we type 4s now all can discover the secrets of growing long hair: it’s called YouTube.
You touched on something big there. People still think type 4a/bs have the ‘secret to growing nappy hair’ and they subscribe in droves & set up those who naturally have that hair type as gods & gurus! It’s ridiculously crazy and only serves to lower self-esteem further.
Australian Aboriginals have your hair type. You might be an Australian Aboriginal.
i thought the same thing
Australian Aboriginal? Did she say she was from Australia? Hair texture is about genetics. There are black people from all over the world with different hair textures.
She may not know it or not have looked into her DNA ancestry. Most people haven’t done so. Would be interesting to hear her results on that front.
Agreed. I thought the same thing too. Some type of Aboriginal ancestry looks likely, especially with her facial features & skin colour looking Aboriginal too. Not so unusual down under – gidday!
Hate to admit it but I have had so many experiences like this growing up. My memories of elementary school is being bullied. I remember washing my hands in the bathroom a girl said (as if I wasn’t there) “She ain’t got nothing but her hair, other than that, she ugly!” I still go through taunts as a 45 year old woman. At work, another Black woman walked past me and hit my hair as if she were fighting it and said, “I don’t have this!”. I spent 4 years at that job being tormented by the 1 black woman who had women of other races gang up and bully me. My new job, another black chick tried to get me fired. When we first met she brought up how her hair is very coarse. I was focused on work and she starts talking about hair. Never returns my greetings. Then 2 years later (last month) she told her boss I was causing her trouble. I started as a temp for 2 departments but was told they didn’t want me in her department. I’m sure she was quick to put in a bad word. Two other black women (in cubicles right across from the director’s office) asked me what I put in my hair. I told them I use the In Styler. Then they asked what shampoo I used. I said Palmers and they shouted “White people stuff!”. Really? I was so embarrassed. The director got up and closed his door. My boss told me to be careful who I associate with….They don’t realize I go through the same trials and tribulations as all black women and don’t need it from them.
I believe this girl, that is her natural hair texture due to the fact her great grand mother was native american. A dark skin black girl can be born with straight hair, it’s possible but it doesn’t happen too often. That’s like a one million. This is rare case because usually dark skin blacks have type 4c hair texture even if they have a white or native american grandparent, they tend to have type 4c hair.
Hmm. Honestly this just sounds like typical messy high school girls stuff. In your case it was long wavy hair but if not that those kinds of bi$%&es would have found something else to start crap with you about. I think any girl who a lot of the boys find attractive is going to get backlash.
My hair wasn’t even that long in middle school. I relaxed it one day (tired of black kids calling me names over my hair ) and it came to about arm pit length. And that was enough for girls to say “Oh you think you pretty ” or “Humph, my sister has longer hair”
I stay away from black people to avoid these headaches.
wow that is really sad smh. But I know I have had that experience and still do. In high school I knew this one girl I thought was my friend but she was secretly jealous that I had super long hair (mbl). When ever I would flip/swing my hair to the side to get it out of my face she would say something. Like our freshman year someone started a rumr and claimed I said something about her (which I didn’t) tried t make that a reason to fight me. we got over it and I foolishly became her friend again our sophomore year then the same thing happened. After that I deleted her out my life. Our senior year(last year of February, when the natural hair movement became big) I decided to cut my my almost WL hair to a little twa. Boy was she happy to finally have hair longer than mine lol but when I decided to use a little gel in my hair to define my curls. She became sour AGAIN this time because I have naturally curly hair. And there were so many other girls at my old High school just like her. Mad when I had long hair, happy when I cut it all off, then mad again once they realized it was curly and STILL mad realizing I have cut my hair 3 time(3rd time was a fade) almost a year later I have hair touching my shoulders(10 months of growth from fade). I even lost a few friends because of this sadly. I also have mixed lineage in my family on both my mom’s side and my dad’s side.
Your hair looks normal to me, I know plenty of people who are Black with that hair texture. Some are Black and Hispanic, but identify themselves as Black because Hispanics so have a large African Descent. Some are most likely “mixed” with other races, but aren’t we all? Sorry that you had to deal with hate and jealously growing up. I spent the better part of my teens explaining to people that Dominicans are Black as well…very silly, I know but as I’ve gotten older I have realized that not everyone is as knowledgeable in the topic of history and geography, so I’ve learned to laugh it off!!
My niece has a similar texture to yours and she finds that weekly avocado/olive masks help her in the Winter months and a light overnight use of Argan Oil does the trick. She also braids and detangles her hair at night to make it easier to deal with in the morning.
Good luck and HHG!!
i am from the seychelles islands. the population is of mixed races, african, european, chinese, indean… here there is nothing strange with black people with straight hair, blue eyes, white skinned people with very kinky hair…its all so beautiful. i dont think this has ever been an issue of discussion or it being strange. ingnorant people will always have something to say. peace
I’m a bit apprehensive any time someone claims masses of people are jealous of them.
Sounds funny right? But I don’t see why they should lie about it, especially know how we are (as a group) about hair. I’ve known girls that have been attacked because of having long hair, remember the young girl whose hair was chopped off by other school girls because they were jealous of her hair, well to be honest, those girls do grow up. They grow up with the same nasty attitudes and would cut you down if they have to. I have experienced it, and so have other people I know. In fact I distinctly remember one time where I got the distinct impression that these women wanted to jump me because of my hair. When they saw my face, and I just stared at them both, they knew I was someone not to be messed with. I’ve even heard of girls getting on the bus, in fact one woman who had butt length hair, when she was ready to get off the bus half of it was bra strap. some joker decided that she needed to have her hair cut.
You shouldn’t be, because this sort of thing happens. It makes perfect sense: African-Americans have a common skin color and hair texture complex. Girls with “pretty hair” used to get this kind of treatment all the time growing up. I used to get it for “talking like a white girl,” getting good grades, being in band… Anything that set me apart from other black girls. Cruel reality. Don’t be so skeptic.
My hair is fine, & tightly waved. Since, I was 3, my mother had my long hair straightened. I grew up befriending quite a few African-American girls (including my cousons) who all ranged from medium brown to very dark brown in skin color. And they had similar hair texture to this young lady. Some of them had one or two Indian grandparents. Others had one or two bi-racial (white-black) grandparents with fair skin/long wavey straight hair. It’s common among black Americans. we’re all ‘mixed.’
my twin sister and I have had the same problem all of our life even until now I’m 50 years old soon to be 51 when we were growing up in New York we were tease a lot quotes,like you’re not really black or you are half black and half white you see in the
70’s most people wore thair hair in afro and if you did not get your hair relax or straightened with a hot comb held over the fire, you wore it in its natural state, whatever state that was curly hair straight hair kinky hair blue black red all hair is beautiful all people are beautiful love yourself love your hair whatever texture it maybe
and people stop hating one another and respect each other because nowadays you can put on weave and make your hair look anyway you want long short straight curly kinky you paid for it,be happy with it.again love yourself god bless you all
Im 50 years old and understand what you have experinced and still experience it today from black women. Yeah they want to look through your hair or ask if it weave. Get dirty looks and side glances and dont have one true black woman as a friend. Doesnt matter anymore its their problem not mine so i just live to be happy with who i am.
Wow! I have never heard of anything like this in my entire life! I am African American, have similar hair type as yours mine being wavy and curly naturally. Being jealous of someone else’s hair I cannot comprehend it. I’m sorry struggled with that. I’ve gotten compliments from hair stylists-people telling me that I have nice hair or how it was a pleasure to style my hair. Hunny, all I can say is: over look certain things. Everything doesn’t have to become a battle. Pick and choose the ones that are worthy. Take care and God bless!!
Hi Brittany, I have wavy, curly, and straight hair. It makes each day very interesting. Do mind sharing what type of products you use? I have a hard time finding products that are not heavy, oily, or dry my hair.
Uhmm- what in the world! There are so many african americans with ALL TYPES of hair textures NATURALLY!!
Anyone who believes otherwise is IGNORANT!!
Black People have all the genetics to hace
light eyes, dark eyes, straight hair, wavy hair, curly hair and every version of kinky.
Stop the ignorance with EDUCATION
hi my name is delmair and i thought i was the only african american girl with naturally wavy hair. im glad i found someone else because i was beginning to feel wierd.all my friends have naturally curly hair and ive tried to make my hair curly but no matter what i do my hair doesnt get curly it just stays naturally wavy. i love your hair by the way
Thank you for sharing your story. It’s so unfortunate how African Americans in this country (or just people in general) can sometimes treat each other by coming up with all kinds of silly reasons to exclude someone who may have the slightest difference in character or appearance. Growing up I went through similar experiences even though I didn’t even have naturally wavy hair. I actually have medium length hair that is really thick and coarse. But back when I was relaxing my hair and even now that I straighten it with a hot comb a lot of people make silly assumptions and come up with comments that are similar to what you experienced. Hopefully there will one day come a time when we as a people can come together more and take the time to learn from the people who we see as being different from ourselves instead of trying to exclude them because only great things can come when we learn to except each other.
Gorgeous hair…aboriginal people are not of African descent SMh.
Yes they are
What she is saying is aboriginal peoples do not have the same genes as Africans. They generallyhave straighter hair and lighter skin. Saying aboriginals are African is the same as saying Caucasians are African and Chinese people are African lol. We are all African. They just left Africa tens of thousands of years earlier than we did so our genes are different
Aboriginal people look like dark skinned indians
…Yes they are?!???? -_-
technically everyone is descended from ancestors originating in Africa. But Australian Aboriginals DO come directly from Southeast Asian descendants.
Brittney, it wouldn’t matter what type of hair you had, insecure people have to find a way to tear someone else down. I have “super nappy negro hair” but you couldn’t tell by looking because I use a relaxer on it to make it more managable (because that is my choice), but since I have long hair, because I take good care of it, strangers assume things about me as well. I’m asked if I’m mixed, I’m asked “Is that your real hair?” (Which is a very irritating question. I don’t ask women with weave, “Is that a weave?”). Plus, I’m not into giving a hairdresser $80-$100 a week, so I constantly get asked, “Why don’t you ever get your hair done?” IT IS DONE, YOU IDIOTS! It’s done MY way. I don’t ask them why don’t they stay OUT of the salon.
Shake them haters off, my sisters, and do your own thing..whether it’s natural, relaxed, weaved, or bald!
Has anyone heard of aborigines? They are black people with silky hair like that of a caucasian. They are very beautiful people. Not to say that Brittney is an aborigine, but just saying that people come in all shades and uniquenesses. I think she’s absolutely beautiful and unique and shouldn’t have to PROVE anything to anyone. Whether your hair is kinky or silky, embrace it because it’s you!
Not to not pick but I’ve seen it done a few times in this thread: “aborigionie” (I even hate typing it but have no other way to describe the word so that what I mean is understood) and “Aboriginal” are NOT the same thing. The first is actually considered a slur. Please use ABORIGIBAL.
To me, If a person’s genotypic combination can result in “caucasian” features and “afro” hair, then why can’t the opposite be true?
My younger sister has blonde reddish hair almost the same texture as my own, possibly even tighter curls, and she is in the Pallor-Caucasian skin tone category. If that can happen, it seems entirely likely that someone with midtone-African skintone could have wavy loose curls.
Biology is an amazing thing, almost limitless in it’s possibilities for variation. Brittany, I’m sorry you’ve gotten so much “flak” for your uniqueness. Believe me though, you are something to appreciate and appraise, for whatever reason.
No probs!
Sorry, I meant Brits as in Brittany’s characteristics…of her hair. Commenting through a mobile phone so please forgive the confusion/spelling mishaps.
Thank goodness somebody is bringing in some good old fashioned science to clear up a few points. First of all what are Brits characteristics? I am British and we call ourselves Brits, so can you help with that. Secondly we don’t understand fully how the genomes work which is why there was that couple from Nigeria, who could not recall any European family members, gave birth to a white baby with blue eyes and blonde hair.Lastly, especially where there has been mass migration etc, everybody ( and I mean both black and white) will if they have a DNA test will be have a mixed screen ie in english, everybody is mixed. Now funnily enough in the carribean it is accepted that you will have a little bit of this and a little bit of that and are proud of it. What people do is, because they are jealous of somebody else’s long hair, they bring the mixed issue into it as an excuse as to why the their own hair will not grow as long.To me hair is just the same as shoe size, height, skin colour. Some people are tall, some are short, some people are dark, some are light skin which can be even in the same family with the same parents. How genes choose express themselves, nobody knows.But lets stop the bitterness and the envy. Its ugly, its divides us and it stops us from being united and proud of who we are and from all of us together moving forward.
To all those that believe you HAVE to be mixed with something and can’t be fully African or black to have Brits characteristics, what explanation can you give for the Africans born with blue eyes? The human genomes are very complex systems. Mutations of varying degrees occur all the time. A black person doesn’t have to have a mixed race heritage for something like having wavy hair randomly occur to happen. We need to broaden our thinking and get out of the smallness of “You HAVE to be mixed with SOMETHING to have so and so”.
Brittany and other wavy naturals: I commend you for this post and understand your plight. I too am dark complected with wavy hair. It has no coil or kink to it. Not a day goes by that someone does not ask me if I’m mixed, where I’m from, are both my parents black, or if this is all my hair. I recently went from wearing a twist out to a curlformer set and a new girl at my job walked up to me and said, “I am having a hard time believing that is all your real hair.” I’m assuming this is because I have about 3 inches of shrinkage, as do most naturals. I smiled and told her that I was sorry to hear that and continued with my work. I constantly get the side eye from most women and even other naturals since my hair does not look like theirs. I find it very disheartening that other naturals disregard us and issues with our hair as if they are nonexistent. At Thanksgiving, I was basically told to move on as other naturals were talking about their transitioning period as if mine happened over night with no problems. Anywhooo…you are beautiful, inside and out and I appreciate your post!!!
We disregard u not because ur hair is wavy we do it because u don’t have the same hair as us! Does ur hair have RETAINING LENGTH? IS It constantly dry or brittle?
Do you know how many people in the UK of carribean origin die whilst waiting for a bone marrow transplant? Its not just due to the fact that you don’t get many volunteer donors, its because our DNA is so mixed with so many different cultures that its extremely difficult to find somebody who has the same match as yours.So what does the make carribean people, black or mixed race? And as for some of my white friends, some of them spend so much time under the sunbed, some of them are blacker than me and they are proud of it too?!!
Back in the day, anybody who wasn’t basically white and had a dark tan was black and came from the continent of Africa, but what about the Fijians or Maoris etc? The truth is, it doesn’t matter, no it really doesn’t.
I hate to say it but its nothing but plain and simple jealousy.But with black people there is always a problem.Apparently I’m too light, my sister is too skinny,my god-daughter is too dark etc etc etc. My mother would then turn up to collect me from school being even lighter than me, hair half way down her back, open her mouth and out would come this strong jamaican accent, which looking back was ridiculously funny. My parents are from the carribean and you get all kinds of combinations and maybe living in London we are a little bit used to people looking slightly different. To be serious, the real question is , what is black, who is black? The Maoris,Aboringines are they black? They have fine curly hair but their skin is dark. When they have done DNA tests on some people from the carribean they have found some, of them have more white European DNA than African DNA, yet some of them may have really thick hair and sometimes even dark skin. Just remember this: You are beautiful, your skin and your hair is 100% beautiful and never allow anybody and anything to make you feel anything less.
@ Doreen
Very Very Good Point! What if we all did our DNA test?? What would we find?? Mine was Brazilian,Moroccan,Belgian and Spanish…Yes Doreen, What is Black???
Brittany~~Good For You!! I wish you all the Best!! I so admire you! 😀
Umm..I looked at the hair and thought weave…and still do. NOT because she’s black…Ooooo. But because of right there by the front looks like one of those instant weaves…sooo i will continue to disbelieve this post of “real hair”.
Hi Kaye, I’m the Brittany who wrote the above post. I’m not writing this in hopes of convincing you in any way possible that my hair grew from my head because you’re going to believe whatever you want when this is all said and done. What I would like to do is share that I wrote my story in hopes of finding someone else in the same situation or with a similar story, not to try and fool people with a phony photo. So I’m leaving you with one more photo and a hope that you can accept the truth as truth and one day abandon your skepticism and disbelief…
best wishes
[img]http://bglhonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/10/justme-1.JPG[/img]
Seriously?
You said, “NOT because she’s black” as if that makes you any less of a hater.
All you did was make a fool of yourself in a public forum.
I looked at her hair and thought it was a weave. Why? Straight hair is not pervasive in people of African descent. Some do have naturally straight hair, but most don’t. Secondly so many black women wear weaves as supposed to their natural hair, it has become the default perception. I am not going to ask any woman regardless of her race or ethnicity if the hair on her head is real, because it is none of my business, but I am honest enough to admit that I myself may wonder or be baffled at times as to the phenotypic combination i may be looking at. If I saw an Asian with wooly hair, or a caucasian with wooly hair I would be as equally perplexed. No I don;t have low self esteem when it comes to my hair, juts honest enough to admit mu feelings. In any event, the bloggers hair is her hair and that is all that matters at the end of the day.
PREACH!! I live in the city and i HAVE NEVER MET unmixed BLACK women with wavy straight hair in my life! On AVERAGE Our hair kinky. Im not saying it’s impossible im saying ur not likely to see it
I read your page and it made me reflect on my child hood; it is really sad how people teach their children ignorance. I didn’t have many friends because my hair was long and I was fair skinned, so to them I was automatically a snob. In which really I was far from it; I was a lonely insecure little girl. It is sad to say I still have to combat this problem with students in my classroom picking on others because of their own insecurities.
@ LL and Fulaman,
I think that it is just important to remember how many differences exist between African countries and even within these countries. Everything from the skin tone to the hair type changes. I know that the previous sentence is pretty general, but it is to point out that to some extent, both of you are right. There has been mixing within our mother continent (eg. South Africa). Sudan has two main populations (ok this once again going to be general): Arabs and Black Africans. So yes there are different races and no one can say that there is no mixage. And quite honestly LL, blaming all our issues on colonization is not only misrepresentation of the nuanced and complex factors underlying development but also (and I am saying this as a Burundian) but also quite low. It is tiring enough to hear it from everyone else.
@ Brittany… Thanks for sharing your experiences! I learnt quite a bit about our own racial diversity.
to MBB
Unfortunately this lady is not alone, there are many people like her who from a very early age have been indoctrinated about how undesirable they are because of their skin, or some other point, be it from the media or whatever. When they then see someone that looks different and possesses something that they covet they get upset and then start bullying that person or even try to demoralize them. This starts when they are young and then carries over into adulthood. Unfortunately many minorities fit into that category. There have been times when people have made remarks, or even speculated out loud about whether my hair is actually mine or not,or even asked other people if it was. One day I happened to see these two women I didn’t know who were together staring at me and if looks could’ve killed I wouldn’t be here today and I knew immediately it was because of believe it or not: (my hair). I think that we as a people have very beautiful hair. (if we would just take care of it) we have been programmed with insecurities from a very early age to see ourselves as ugly and those people who play on those insecurities make a large profit from it. I really am glad that when growing up I was shielded to a very large degree from being programmed to hate myself and my color. When growing up I even knew people who hated their skin so much that they used bleaching creams and their skin turned an orange color.
she’s very pretty! she looks as if she is from aboriginal descent(indian eskimo) i love her hair and how exotic she looks. Cheers to a diverse African race!
Lelia thank you for featuring a natural that doesn’t have kinks/curls. I was thinking about this the other day. I have two beautiful black friends who’s natural hair is straight. Like Britt they are not accepted by permed or natural hair girls.
I am the Brittany from the above reflection story.
@ Lissie and anyone else curious about my hair regimen, I wash daily with shampoo and conditioner (Garnier Fructis: Triple Nutrition, to be exact. It is a WONDERFUL moisturiser that has made my hair shiny and soft, and I recommend it to anyone as a nice addition to a moisturizing regimen). If I don’t wash it, then by the next day my natural oils have built up and weigh my hair down making it more difficult to style. When I wear it wavy/curly I apply about a tablespoon or a generous quarter sized dollop of Herbal Essences: Tousle me softly cream, while its wet and I blow dry scrunching it a little with my fingers. I will admit that I take a curling iron to my bangs because strangely the left side has not grown in over a year and at its current length I look a little funny with short curlys in the front while the rest is long. 😛
Once in a while if I want to wear it straight I dont add anything to it (except a heat protecting spray) and blow it dry with a round brush. Then I usually run a flat iron over any missed spots. Usually takes me about 15 or 20 minutes in the morning. But I would swear up and down by my shampoo and conditioner, it is the best I have ever used.
I thank everyone for the kind comments and support. It makes me so happy and proud to see so many beatiful natural women from all walks of life embracing who they are.
@LL What does a “real African” look like? As an African myself I have had to learn that our idea of what a “true African” looks like: dark ebony skinned, wide rounded facial features and coily type hair was also taught to us as a result of racism. “Black” Africans come in all shades of brown and all hair types. Although their are distinct regional differences in physical characteristics such as that between West Africans and North Africans, is there evidence to support that these differences occurred as a result of racial mixing?
“And do you think we sometimes make other women feel guilty for looking different?”
Sad to say it but, yes. No one can control their genes before birth so as to please the world at large..
I wish people would just accept each other at face value and not add in their own biases/prejudices to them, especially people of color who know the pain of “otherness”. Why inflict it on ourselves when it’s so clearly divisive and unneccessary?
Hi Brittany,
I, too, can relate to your experience. My hair is no where near as fine and loosely-textured as yours, but it is long, thick, and very curly and wavy. Also, I am not light-skinned. Oddly enough, I got very minimal feedback about my hair from other kids when I was growing up. I have only experienced the most ignorant comments since I have embraced my natural hair as an adult. In fact, I received the MOST ignorant comment just a few weeks ago at work:
I walked into the bathroom, and there were two black women standing at the bathroom sinks by the door. These are women that I see daily, but I rarely have any conversation with them because we work in different departments. Anyhow, as I proceeded to walk past them to the bathroom stalls, one of them blurted out, “ARE YOU BLACK?!!” I was caught so off guard. My response was “yes, the last time I checked I was.” The other woman laughed and told me not to mind her friend. The woman who made the comment turned to her friend and said, “I’m sorry. I don’t mean to sound ignorant, but I’ve never seen colored folks with hair like hers.” Yes, you read correctly…she said “COLORED FOLKS.” My response: “Actually, there are quite a few colored folks with hair like mine.” I walked away annoyed and went to the bathroom stall. I was not only mortified, but furious. When she asked me if I was black, her tone was so indignant that she almost sounded angry…as if she was upset that my hair is curly but I don’t have the “appropriate” skin tone to match. I guess to her, there had to be some type of justification.
To make matters worse, later that day, I walked past the cubicle area where the woman sits, and she stopped me. She asked me if her comments in the bathroom earlier that day offended me. I affirmed that I found her comments offensive. Her response: “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you. I was really trying to pay you a compliment.” I was utterly appalled, and I thought “every time this woman talks, it just gets worse!!” Apparently, my curly hair texture made my “blackness” questionable to her, so much so, that she had to ask me if I was black. Worst of all, the uncertainty of my “blackness” was a compliment! This is problematic on so many levels. At that point, I couldn’t even be mad at her anymore. I actually felt sorry for her because I realized that this woman is not only ignorant, but she suffers from low self-esteem and self-hate, as do most black women. Another co-worker confirmed my speculation as truth. He told me that same woman frequently comments that she hates her dark skin, and she is glad that her daughter has light skin. The obsession we, as black women, have with hair texture is an extension of the obsession we have with skin color. It’s all inter-connected.
I hate to say this, Brittany, but you can expect many ignorant comments and hateful glances from other black women because of your hair texture. As a curly-haired natural, I have come to learn that, generally speaking, black women consider curly/wavy hair texture to be the “next best” standard of beauty after straight hair. Consequently, your hair becomes an object of contention and a source of envy because it makes others who don’t have curly/wavy hair feel that their hair is less than. I experience this on a daily basis. It breaks my heart to hear other black women tell me, “I wish my hair looked like yours,” or “your hair is so pretty. I would go natural if my hair looked like yours,” or “You don’t need to get your hair ‘fixed,'” or “My hair is nappy, so I have to do something to my hair” (i.e., get a relaxer). Or worse, I hate to have other natural women ask me, “how can I make my curls look just like yours.” It’s hard for me not to feel bad about having curly hair after hearing these types of comments. I want other women to learn to appreciate their varied hair textures just like I had to learn how to appreciate my own. So with all that said, I feel your frustration Brittany.
Just wanted to say, your hair is beautiful! I have naturally wavy hair too, but I’m mulatta. I love this website so much–so many ladies with fantastic, inspiring hair, regardless of the texture!
I think the issue goes deeper than hair. Kids are made fun of in school and to this day people are made fun of for being unique or different. I was made fun of for being too skinny, one of my best friends was made fun of for being too dark, another friend of mine was made fun of for being to thick.
I wish there was a way to eliminate these practices in schools, but I really think it starts at home, with how we raise our children, and the things we say around them. If we don’t like how we were treated growing up, we should teach our children about self-acceptance and tolerance and appreciation for the differences in others.
Hi, Brittany! There is a youtuber called LeobodyC5 whose unstraightened hair is also loosely patterned, and she has a lot of it. She also has a little over a decade of age on you. She recently delivered a scorcher of a scold on her channel because of people who were getting uncivilized with her over their insistence that she “had to be” mixed with some other ethnicity than she claimed, all because the texture of her hair, like yours, didn’t line up—or curl/kink up—with their ideas/experiences of how her hair should be for an African descendant woman native to the U. S. I check her out periodically, not because we have similar hair, but because I like her personality, and I love her voice :-). I would encourage you to check her out to see her hair.
@LL~~~ You are one of the voices of Wisdom!!! Thank you so much!!!
@ dkremmer
“I get stares all around and even more questions when I speak Spanish so that what comes out of my mouth does not match the perception of what i “should” be. I’ve been openly labeled “weird, different, and a progressive” – to my face.”
Goodness! I’m Afro Puerto Rican and I can relate to that! I get that from Latino and non-Latino folks all the time. Like Latinos can’t be dark skinned? ROFL That and since I’m an animal lover, green, and etc… I get the raised eyebrow and I’m weird or “trying to be white”. It used to bother me, but I laugh it off now. XD
it’s funny to me that people say that they’re FROM AFRICA or that their parents came from Africa to denote that they’re not at all mixed. racial mixing occurred in many parts of Africa! I mean, look at Sudanese or Eritrean women. They obviously have arab features, and have many similarities to peoples of the middle east. That’s why Africa is currently as screwed up as it is now – colonization.
i agree with everyone who has stories of not being accepted as a young person because of your hair, or even your light complexion. i don’t think ALL wavy/loose textured hair is a result of racial mixing, but most of it is – be it european or native. and so what!? you can be mixed AND STILL BLACK. geeze. there is NOTHING wrong with a black woman acknowledging her mixed heritage or using it to explain her phenotype!
Don’t be stupid, there was no mixing in Sudanese and Eritrean cultures with Arabs. Many Eritreans come from a Semitic language speaking group known as Tigriniya.
You have to realize not all Africans look the same. Just like not all Europeans look the same. You make Americans as a general populace look naive.
How could you call LL stupid? Would you like me to call you stupid? I don’t think so!
ALL races have mixed together!! whether it be in the Americas or African and Asian continents. Put males and females of ANY RACE together and SOME of them WILL be procreating, PERIOD!!!!
that is called being HUMAN
@Pangi~~I couldn’t have said it better myself. Kudos to you!
I went to school with black girls with Brittany’s hair type. Actually black girls had all kinds of hair in my high school…there was even a dark-skinned girl with naturally red hair and a couple of girls with naturally dark blonde hair. There were several black girls with WL hair as well. Yep…all textures, all colors, all lengths. Genes…ain’t they something? 🙂
@Dee~~~Thank you so much for your comment!!I thought i was the only one whofelt the same!
Brittany -you have beautiful Hair!! Fight on!!
@Amberbrown~LOL!!!
Well this is definitely not uncommon my hair is the front is really tightly coily/curly but the back always amazes me because it is so straight that no matter how i twist it it never curls up it always comes straight or wavy which really gets on my nerves bcs i want it to be like the front. When i say straight i mean really straight the closest to curly it can get is wavy after a twist out. My black is diverse and beautiful and I love it. I wish we can just be comfortable with our diversity and embrace it though the society ain’t making it any easier for us black women
BTW I’m 100% African as we say it AKA my parents immigrated from Africa. My back hair is just one weird phenomenon to me that i don’t put too much thoughts to it
I have an aunt who has wavy hair, but she has a caramel complexion and slender facial features, so people just assume that someone in her background was Caucasion. My little cousins are both dark with loose curly hair. I myself am dark with a hairtype similiar to what someone else has said on here..the front of my hair is in looser curls/waves and the middle of my hair looks like an old relaxer. I went to get my hair twisted and the beautician insisted that I still had relaxer in my head, when I know that I could not possibly..I’ve been natural for a year and a half and did a big chop(I had no hair when I went natural!) I think your hair is beautiful and it is not common. I see alot of people with looser curls but not straightish waves.
@Ada
girl that is a mess smh. pain over hair runs so deep
http://sartorialme.blogspot.com
It’s really not that uncommon at all. Many women with Britney’s hair texture or similar textures still choose to relax their hair and their natural hair becomes that yaki perm look of most relaxed hair. So natural 3a’s and 3b’s look like 4c’s with relaxed hair to some extinct. When I was elementary school I remember there were so many different textures of hair, all black children. Chocolate little girls with loose straight curls and fairer skinned girls with 4c hair or what I would now say was relaxed hair, even back then.
The more Black people embrace the natural hair out of the head the more we will see so many different texture once again.
When I was little, I didn’t know the word ‘weave’. None of the adults I knew had them (all about the Jheris and braids in those days). If I saw a Black child with this type of hair, I would not have thought to suggest her hair was fake, I would have been jealous like I was always jealous of my friends’ hair who were natural.
Maybe I am/was ignorant, maybe times have changed and maybe I’m just looking back and adjusting my memories to suit myself, I dunno, but I feel that sometimes, saying children can be so mean or so cruel or so nasty just takes the blame away from the adults who put the nasty thoughts in the child’s head in the first place.
Remember yourself when you look down on other women in front of your child; it’ll save you from wondering why we women, Black women especially, struggle to get out of this cycle of beating each other down later.
Brittany thank you for sharing. I have many cousins and friends with hair like yours. Unfortunately they did not understand their texture either when they were younger so they would put a lot of product and chemicla in their hair to make it straight. Which you know is not the best thing to do for your hair texture. While it is a lot of hair the actual strands are usually thin. Anyway by the time they all got in their late 20’s they cut their hair off. It is easier to deal with short, they are often asked wht they are mixed with as well. Nice to see we are starting to embrace who we are and what we have more as a culture altogether.
My experience has been similar. I am Afro-Puerto Rican – both parents from PR and possessing African features with mixed hair textures. Growing up in the NYC schools, I was too brown to hang with the Spanish girls and too Spanish to hang with the Black girls. Completely isolated. As an adult (I’m 34), I moved to the Midwest a year ago and am experiencing the same isolation. I did the BC early this year and am steadily growing a healthy curly afro, probably the only one in my state, surely the only one in my suburb. I get stares all around and even more questions when I speak Spanish so that what comes out of my mouth does not match the perception of what i “should” be. I’ve been openly labeled “weird, different, and a progressive” – to my face. I can empathize with your story and am happy you shared.
wow @ada I totally know that experience, once a fiend of mine made a weird comment while we were talking about my home country about how the first time she saw me she thought “I was just a black girl with a good ass perm” (I had no perm in my hair btw) I thought about it and honestly to this day I don’t know what her true meaning was with that comment.
*(I kinda like to think to myself that somehow she meant it in a good way and was actually amazed that black is truly diverse …yup thinking that way has helped me to sleep better at night lol)
for real
this is very interesting. my SO has very straight ish hair. his mothers hair is relatively straight and wavy too but his grandmother is mixed with native so I guess that explains it.
Your hair is beautiful! <3 IMHO its not very common to see hair like your's on a AA, but AA genetics are so varied it is very possible! The African Diaspora worldwide is so varied and beautiful, like the rest of the human race.
I'm Puerto Rican and I have many cousins with hair like your's. I also had an Egyptian classmate with your type of hair also. It may not be too common in my area (that I've seen), but it definitely out there.
God made us all unique and special and I'm glad you are embracing that. *hugs*
thanks for not writing an anonymous post brittany.
lol
Looking at your features and hair I thought indigenous Australian too. A friend I grew up with has features and hair very similar to yours and both parents are black as well. I remember some girls being very jealous of her hair. Her hair was very soft and silky and she would always spray it down with holding spray to get it as hard as she could. That never made sense to me. After reading your post it made me think of her. Maybe she was tired of the jealousy…interesting.
Limited exposure and contentment with the result~ ignorance ~ allows one to think that Black must look a certain way. As a previous poster indicated ~ many Blacks do have straight or wavy hair. Black is worldwide, not just one’s segregated corner. Exposure outside of yoursef is good and necessary for personal and cultural growth.
Brittany ~ you are perfect in your skin with your hair!
@anonda
” People with narrow experiences have narrow views.”
this is too perfect.
I’m a 4a that used to have long relaxed hair and I remember girls checking my ponytail to see if it was weave in middle school. Middle school kids are sociopaths. I think there is a lot of hair insecurity in the black community and women will judge you when they are jealous of your hair. This goes for naturals too. I remember one youtube video by a woman with a gorgeously large puff who had other women come up to her and say it was fake.
ok, people…it may be natural to want to associate skin color with hair type, but both are controlled by genetics! both skin color and hair type are polygenic, as in controlled by MORE than one gene, which means that there are many different combinations possible that produce a certain hair type…maybe this should be explained to the ignorant women in the black community who are hating on ms.brittany’s hair!
the ignorance irks me.
to be honest i have been natural for a year i relay wanted a Afro, but no not me my hair looks like a blow out quite straight with a bit of kink how sad lol to be honest i was quite disappointed i wanted kinky hair and ended up with straight hair instead. whats the point lol
I’m not sure why anyone thinks that skin color and features have ANYTHING to do with hair texture. That’s pretty ridiculous. I think it just comes down to what people “assume” versus what is actually reality. The genes that program those things are not linked, which is what would need to be the case for that statement to even be true. I wish we focused as much on science as we did on hair.
At any rate, you don’t have to be biracial, light-skinned, fine-featured, or Caribbean to have wavy natural hair. My extended family is huge (southern, rural origins, so people were having 10-12 kids for several generations), and we definitely run the gamut. Some of my grandmother’s dark-skinned sisters definitely had this hair, my mom’s darkest sister has it, and plenty of my mom’s dark-skinned cousins do as well. I mean, if you aren’t shocked to see a light-skinned person with super coily hair (which also happens plenty), or a dark-skinner person with green eyes, then why the amazement that there are people who have straight or wavy hair.
I think that at the end of the day, it depends on your sample size, although I’m not from a majority black city or state, grew up in the suburbs and attended schools without large black populations, and yet both growing up in my hometown, and also while attending college 1000 miles away, I saw people or had classmates who again ran the gamut. Dark with wavy hair, dark with straight hair, light with kinky hair, etc.
I don’t know how we can complain about anyone else being ignorant to our diversity when we are clearly so uninformed about it as well.
By the way, the people who are indigenous to Australia and New Guinea are not of African descent, despite the phenotypic similarities. They are brown and have wide noses, but it is incorrect to lump them together with people of African descent.
I also find it interesting that posters who wrote about how “unique” it was to have light skin and freckles got heckled to high heaven, and it’s interesting that no one takes umbrage with the assessment that everyone was jealous of her hair. I could be reading too much into it, but the comment about not being comfortable around black girls is a bit much. I don’t know, there are a lot of black “outliers” and it’s not really that unusual to feel as though you don’t fit in for one reason or another.
I really hate the commentary that claims that all black girls hate themselves and their hair, and hate/envy everyone with something straighter. That wasn’t my experience at all, and I did not have a relaxer growing up. If that was your experience, fine, but I wish that the people saying these things would leave the rest of us out of it, and I think that if you assume these things about other black women, you are probably putting out negative vibes that they will in turn react negatively too.
I’m not even sure why the question “What are you mixed with” is so common with black people. As a dark-skinned women who has had very long (but not wavy) hair in the past, I got asked that randomly as well and I’ve never understood the reason why a)black people ask it and b)why it matters. Why does it matter? And if the answer is no, what do you do with that information?
Like somebody mention growing up if you don’t fit the mold of what some people think you should be then that is when the teasing and bashing is going to start. I remember my hair getting pulled because a boy thought it was a weave and a teacher asking is this my real hair during lunch but I always thought if it was a weave, so what that is so rude to ask. I always found it funny that nobody ask my white friend “is that a weave” and she wears them…lol. Your hair is lovely and you are not alone, there are plenty of black women with naturally wavy hair. But I agree with most of the comments above that right now we are not at the point where hair is “just hair” I wish we were but there is still a lack of education/awareness about black hair and black beauty, especially among some of our young girls.
Children and little girls in particular can be awful, growing up my best friend would have “Weave” shouted at her in the street for no reason and more than once when I was at college, I would be talking to a group of girls and without realising that we were friends one would mention “That coolie girl who things she’s too nice”.
Also, I will never understand why random strangers feel that it is appropriate or acceptable to ask “Is that your hair?” I am often tempted to answer that question with “Are those your boobs/nose/backside?” I understand that people may be curious but really? Am I wrong in thinking that as women we should be entitled to a little mystique (not to mention privacy)? I find adults who will ask a stranger a question like that to be extremely rude. And have you noticed the question is usually quite loud – is this designed to bring you down a notch I wonder?
Genes work in mysterious ways.
Also, this reminds me of a post I saw on BCK. A woman said that she has black American parents, is black herself (duh) but has straight natural hair. Another person replied with, “No black person in the world has natural straight hair. Obviously you’re not black.”
O_O;;;;;; Issues much?
You and your hair are beautiful. My mother and a former student had hair just like yours! It is absolutely wonderful that black people come in all different shades and hair textures.
As a fourth grade teacher, it was sad seeing the girls in my class talk about each others hair in the ways they did. We had frequent conversations about the characteristics that made us unique. Hopefully one day we can get to a place where females realize we are not in competition with one another and we should enjoy and admire our uniqueness as well as the uniqueness of others.
Thanks for sharing your story Brittany. The green-eyed monster is alive and well. Always has been, and always will be. You and your hair are beautiful. Keep your head up.
To piggyback on Dee and previous posters, I have a very good friend who looks like a Barbie Doll dipped in chocolate. She’s the color of a Dove bar, and beautiful. Her natural hair has a 2c or 3a wave to it. She doesn’t even get the “Are you mixed?” questions because of her complexion, but she does get the “I bet that’s a weave” side-eye alot. *sigh* People can be so ignorant and petty…
LOL, @ GHD & Anonymous why are you two grabbing popcorn? RFLMAO 🙂
@ Brittany, you’re very beautiful and your dimples are to die for (*sigh* I wish I had dimples)! The only other African American that I can think of, atm, with your hair texture is Ananda Lewis? And Tatyana Ali (but I don’t think both of her parents are African American). Anyway, regardless I think your hair is beautiful <3!
You said you wash it daily out of necessity: do you shampoo your hair or co-wash? I'm also curious about your regimen?
And yes, I do believe at times we make each other feel guilty. I also feel her on the not acting black thing…I was called an oreo for YEARS,lol! I can laugh about it now, but it use to piss me off back then *chupes*
Your hair is GORGEOUS!!! Don’t know why everybody thinks our hair is “xyz” when the truth is so many of us relax our hair and we have no idea what’s going on under there.
females with her skin and hairtype are not uncommon in the caribbean. i am belizean, and have a female cousin with darker complexion and that hair type.
Yep, I was one of those girls picked on. My mom would send me to camp with a long, single french braid. I’d come back home looking a frayed mess, because a few girls would pull on my ‘doo-doo braid’, as they called it. Kids will be kids. Kinda makes you wonder how those hecklers turned out but then I realize, we still have some of those hecklers running rampid on blogs and youtube; ostracisizing women for differing hairtypes/practices/etc.
Conscious or subconscious we absolutely make women feel guilty for looking different. I think it’s only relevant to ask if we as naturals make women with processed hair feel guilty for being the outsider in our little community. Subtle as it may be, I think a lot of us do. Hopefully, we as compassionate beings will begin to see, accept and appreciate everyone just as they are in all of their varied appearances.
Thanks for sharing this. Much love to you.
Hi, your hair is gorgeous. Your story is sad yet empowering, a lot of people have lack of education hence the reason for all the weave/ethnicity questions. In grade school the girls with what they would call “good hair” had the most positive attention.
it’s sad because this is an ongoing thing, I am already preparing myself for these same questions once my hair gets past APL, it’s as though the Black race cannot grow hair past their shoulders and when its done we need an explanation for it. I am from the Caribbean island so i know those same people will say this is the reason.
@Ada SMH at your housemate!!!!
I would have honestly thought her hair was a weave too. You just don’t see many dark-skinned women with full features with that hair texture. I commonly associate her features with beautiful, thick coily hair. I can understand the questions.
Grabs pickles. (what? I don’t LIKE popcorn. But I do like pickles :p )
Grabs sliced pickles (…what? I don’t LIKE popcorn. And I do like pickles :p ).
Your hair is so gorgeous!!!! I thought it was a weave too. I live in Central America where many women of color have hair like yours. It’s the Indian in them that does that. I think it’s great!!! Have you even read about the girl in South Africa that was born black but both her parents were white as can be? After DNA testing she was proven to be theirs. That’s what you call a “kickback” gene. lol We all come from Adam and Eve so you got your choice of variety. Embrace it and enjoy it. I love your hair 🙂
I have a few friends with hair like yours, Brittany, so you are most certainly not alone, though I don’t mean to in any way diminish the way you felt growing up. You’re right — the slightest little difference can make/break you as a kid/teen/young adult. Your hair is lovely, btw!
*grabs popcorn*
@Ada
Wow, that was your housemates outer body experience.
“Sometimes I would even hear stories from other girls about how they use to have hair like mine until a jealous family member did something to their hair to ruin it.”
YESSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!
I HATE those stories!!! Why to they tell them?!! Is that supposed to make me feel better/worse/awkward? Bizarro. hahaha!!! So glad it’s not just me.
Just like anonda and Abii said, there are “black” women with all different kinds of hair everywhere in the world. The first thing I thought of when I saw the photo was indigenous Australian. They have wavy hair, and even straight hair. I also had a Sudanese friend who had thick curly hair, but it was naturally a very light brown. She used to dye it black because she thought it looked weird (compared to the other people she was hanging out with). It’s sad that people just can’t accept that the HUMAN race is a huge mish mash. You never know when a certain feature that has been hiding for generations is going to make an appearance.
@Ada… Wow, that’s CRAZY. Damn.
all these people running around here saying hair is hair should stop it. Especially in the black community. The amount of emotion hair can stir up in females makes it a very serious issue.
Your hair is beautiful Brittany. Its sad that you had to go through the isolation and name calling because of your hair. Hurt people hurt people. Most little black girls are not happy with their hair and are growing to have a complex about it, that is why more than half of black women are walking around trying to cover it up(If it doesnt apply to you then dont come here and start defending yourself because I’ll give you the side eye) and as a result when they see someone like who looks like them, have hair that is considered beautiful, they lash out on you. hurt people hurt people.
Reminds me of an incident that happened to me in undergrad. I had long relaxed hair and it was always the ooh and ahh of wether it was a weave or not. My new housemate and I, had a tiff about something absolutely not connected to hair. While going back and forth about the issue on ground. she randomly blurts out,”you walking around here with your fake hair thinking you are the shit”.. *blank stare*. Like that totally came out of nowhere. The hostility and rude stares from her began to make sense.
I agree Nappy Kitchen. I’m convinced more and more every day that it’s not “just hair.” When people stop weave-checking, asking “are you mixed?”, feeling envious enough to cut the hair of others, then it’ll be “just hair.”
Anyway, I think it’s cool that she has wavy hair and no one else in her family does (other than the Native-American great grandmother she mentioned). Great article and thanks for sharing your story!
Of course this adds nothing to the discussion but Your hair is lovely!!!
Beautiful hair Brittany! I think your story highlights that growing up is tough and someone will always have something negative to say no matter what.I know many women from the Caribbean (undoubtedly black women) with naturally wavy hair. My best is friend is from Trinidad- a deep lovely plum-chocolate complexion with very wavy hair. It’s not nearly as uncommon as one thinks when you travel. People with narrow experiences have narrow views.
Wow! Brittany, your hair is gorgeous and don’t let anyone make you feel bad or guilty! Its a shame that when people see black women’s hair that doesn’t fit their conceptions of what black natural hair looks like, the first questions asked are “Is that your hair?” and “Are you mixed race?”!
It’s beautiful, everyone should love and embrace all natural hair whether waves, curls, coils, kinks, whatever, there is no hard and fast rule on the type of hair black women can have! There is no rule that if you’re black (particularly if you’re darker skinned), you must only have coily, kinky hair. God created us all differently, and yet still in His image. So don’t feel that you have to excuse or justify your hair by trying to explain family geneaology or anything. It’s your hair, and everyone else should just deal with it!
Weave checking? This is why I sometimes give people the side eye when they say that hair is just hair. Sometimes hair isnt just hair in the black community.
why should you give people the side eye for that! For them it may be just that. They are speaking to you from their own perspective and experiences in life. For me it is just that. I grew up around people who didn’t put a great deal on hair, we all had the same type of hair (not relaxed) and there was never an issue about it, we did what we want with it, whenever we want, however we want, we went to school with kids whose hair textured varied, yes, and and our relatives had the same kind of hair, and they didn’t relax it either. Since people can be standing in different areas, they see different things. People can see an accident yes, but when you ask them for the details, each note different things because they are looking at it from different angles. The same thing applies to hair. It just boggles my mind when people who have issues with their hair, have something negative to say when other individuals say it’s just hair. We are all shaped by the different experiences in life, our environment, our exposure to different things and the people we meet – they all affect us whether negative or positive. I was raised around blacks who had a healthy view of themselves, we didn’t have a lot of exposure to negative influences, from the media but we we also grew up with different races of people – so we knew and appreciated variety, but that didn’t mean we cared less about what we had. The fact that you give people the side eye when people say that it’s just hair, it speaks volumes. For it is their experience NOT yours. I would and have cut my hair at the blink of an eye, and i know some people could not do it, not in a million years. In fact I’ve been clipping my hair steadily for nearly 3 years, and for most of my life, I’ve worn my hair in it’s natural state, when i cut my hair down really short, because it was just hair to me, I never considered that people would have something negative to say about it, and you know what — they didn’t. They just put it down to me as “doing my own thing” – but i don’t know what they privately thought.
*grabs popcorn*