by
Black Girl With Long Hair
By Janday Wilson of XOJane.com
A month ago, I was in a dream world.
It was the first morning of an all-expense-paid vacation. I spent it floating in the Hyatt Regency pool, alongside the man I love, under the shade of palm trees and a cloudless California sky. The most pressing matter on my mind was selecting the perfect lineup before we hit the Empire Polo Club grounds for Coachella Day One.
Then the tips of my hair dipped into the pool.
Thank God I recovered in that pool quickly and got my hair Instagram ready. Cheese!
From my reaction, you would have thought that chlorine is a deadly poison. I couldn’t get out of the water fast enough, straining to keep the rest of my head from getting wet, I frantically grabbed my wet ends and started re-twisting them. My boyfriend could only shake his head as he followed me out of the pool. Those 30 minutes totaled the entire time I spent “enjoying” the pool area during all three days of our vacation.
Taking care of my natural hair has made me so obsessed I often struggle with balancing my hair regimen with life’s demands like sleep, spending time with my loved ones, personal time, and work. And lately, I’ve been questioning my motivations for the extreme TLC I devote to my hair: Is all of this extra work simply a requirement for healthy hair? Or do I have a curl inferiority complex that makes me overcompensate when styling my tresses?
Seven years ago I didn’t know what to make of the unwieldy strands on my head. I would simply douse my clean, wet hair with leave-in conditioner and braid it every night to stretch it out. The next morning my hair would be a small, undefined ‘fro that felt like the driest and brittlest of tumbleweed.
I was so self-conscious the first time that I wore this style on a night out that I was convinced no guy would want to talk to me. Men kept hitting on my friends as I pretended to enjoy dancing on my own. As the night wound down, a guy approached me: “Don’t worry. I think you’re beautiful.” His eyes and tone did not agree with his words.
I felt ugly.
My hair was twice this size a few hours before I took this picture. Sigh.
Soon I began to stretch and smooth out my kinks with a blow-dryer before I braided my hair, which added an extra 30 to 45 minutes to the styling process. This new halo of hair was my crowning glory and made me feel beautiful, similar to the way some women feel more feminine with long, flowing hair. I finally got a steady flow of compliments.
But months of frying my strands proved to be too tiresome, as well as fruitless. The slightest change in humidity levels immediately obliterated any trace of my efforts.
One day I decided to wear my first wash-and-go ‘fro — a style that consists of fresh-out-of-the-shower hair and leave-in conditioner — on a date night with my boyfriend at the time. I thought my coarse curls looked pretty cute (and it was a relief to be so low maintenance) but the boy (who is now, fortunately, my ex) looked me in my eye mid-make out session to ask, “Why don’t you do your hair?”
Since then, I can probably count on one hand the amount of times I have worn a wash-and-go in the seven years I’ve been natural.
It took me a year-and-a-half to formulate a regimen that created a style that I loved, or should I say a style that I felt comfortable wearing because other people finally loved it?
The twist-out is to Janday what the textured pompadour is to Janelle Monae. I achieve my signature look by adding a curl defining cream to my hair after every wash (which always follows the deep conditioning pre-wash treatment) and two-strand twisting it section by section. It takes me about 2 to 3 hours.
The deluge of compliments began, the first time I ever wore my twist-out in public, with an emphatic “I LIKE THAT!” from an older man in line at Marshall’s.
“You finally learned how to do your hair!” my cousin yelled when she saw me.
Even random people have stopped me to offer commentary like, “Sistah, I just want to tell you that your hair is beautiful!” or ask “How did you do that?”
The near constant positive feedback drowns out the negative opinions like the black female executive who once told members of my career prep program that natural hair is “unacceptable in the workplace”.
Maybe my fixation on my hair comes from a desire to prove naysayers like her wrong. I am so focused on putting my best ‘fro forward that I have missed out on happy hours and dinners because my twists have not dried in time. My time-inefficient hair regimen cuts into prime cuddling time with my long distance boyfriend, and causes me to stagger, bleary-eyed, into work some mornings.
And I keep reaching new extremes. When my boyfriend and I got back to our hotel the night of Coachella Day, my body shut down the moment I saw the bed. I woke up a few hours later, stumbled into the bathroom and was aghast at the mess of matted hair I saw in the mirror. Even at 5.a.m., my vanity gave me the strength to stand in that bathroom and twist my hair for an hour before going back to bed.
As a self-described overthinker, I cannot help but wonder why most people praised my hair only after I started wearing a style with elongated and defined curls; a style that mimics hair with looser curl patterns.
In a society where “ethnic” looks come second to the Eurocentric ideal, my very tight curls don’t measure up to the beauty standard for some people. I sometimes fear that I’m trying to tame my hair by using products that promise to “manage,” stretch, and transform my “dull, shrunken coils” (these words are lifted right off of the packaging). I wonder if I am forcing my strands to conform to a more socially acceptable curl pattern -– call it the politics of respectability for natural hair.
If more people celebrated my high-shrinkage, coily-coils would I be wearing a wash-and-go style right now?
As frustrated as I get at times, I’ve accepted that an inordinate amount of time will always be spent on my hair because it is delicate. And I have committed to sacrificing some of my time so I can have a healthy mane, the way parents sacrifice the freedom of their adult lives when they have children. Yep, I just compared styling my hair to rearing children.
The Bantu knots are on the left-hand side. I untwist them, and voila! Look at how my curls POP in the picture on the right.
Since I love complicating things, I just added the Bantu knot twist-out to my regular styling regimen. There goes another hour of my time each week.
Is anyone’s hair wash n’ go? Or do most of us sacrifice some serious time to our hair?
134 Responses
I’ve been natural this time for the past 4 years. It is so funny how I’ll have an idea in my head for a hairstyle but my hair never quite looks like I’ve planned it. That is the nature of being natural and I have learned to accept that. When my hair gets wet or frizzy or whatever, it just starts to look a little different. It is what it is. So after reading this woman’s story, it seems like she just needs to relax and enjoy her hair journey and accept it for what it is.
Great piece & I’ve found myself thinking these same thoughts recently while staying up all night before a trip to twist my hair.
After giving it some careful thought I realize my desire to sacrifice the time on wash day to twist is mostly due to a desire to 1) minimize breakage which was a concern as my hair grew out out TWA/medium length & 2) utilize a style that lasts a full week + with little additional maintainance (other than adding moisture & pineappleing at night).
In the summer I’m much more willing to wash & go it as drying outdoors is possible & summer activities lend to more than once weekly washing in general.
We are often too quick to place negative motivations behind our actions with regard to our hair. Do what works for you & if you think the time is worth it – twist away!
I think the more one tends to wear their hair fro’d out, people will get use to it….the initial reaction is what you have to overcome
The writer of this article sounds paranoid. She worries way too much of what others think. I understand wanting to look nice, especially in a corporate setting, but this sounds like a lot. I mean, she was AT THE POOL trying to retwist her hair. If you’re AT THE POOL, you are supposed to get wet, otherwise you need to sit pretty out of the water and get a tan. I noticed she didn’t mention any protective styles. I would think if you are that worried about your hair, you would do a more sturdy style if you are in a place where you either don’t have much time/resources or doing an activity that will ruin whatever style you usually do. Also, she doesn’t at all sound confident about her hair. Having confidence makes a hairstyle 10x better (even if you feel unsure, fake it till u make it). One more thing then I’m done with my rant: have you googled any natural professional hairstyles? Maybe looking at professionals with your type of hair would give you some inspiration. (BGLH yall should have an area dedicated to that, just saying.)
I don’t get all the over grooming and hair stretching? Why try and get approval from these fuckers? Why? Who the fuck are these people anyway? Bosses, men who prefer women that are not too negroid in phenotype? Black men who are afraid to show there own lion mane as cut it as soon as the kink show? Take a leap in the pool and let the shrink tight! That’s your true protective style!
Great post! I am a wash n goer. I was tired of trying to make it work. I also had to deal with my hair turning into a mop after workouts. I now wash, add a leave in while in the shower, and add a little gel before I dress. This will last me for up to a week if needed but because of my workout schedule I usually repeat every few days. This saves time, money (because products are way too expensive) and my sanity. 🙂
I understand with the author’s point of view. For those of you who don’t understand where she is coming from okay, but i’d say don’t label her as insecure and all of these other negative comments. Her issues are real. I work in corporate America and I understand how something as simple as your hairstyle can be a limiting factor. You cannot just wear whatever style you want; which is also true of not being natural, but with natural hair it’s more prominent. I get it, i am constantly looking for styles that take less time so i can spend more time sleeping or with my boo; and still look the way i should for the given moment or occasion
I have figured out works in my hair 9:10 so I do wear a wash-n-go often, or sometimes what I like to call a twist-n-blow, which is a method I use to stretch my wash-n-go curls a little to show some length. I don’t spend more than 2 hours washing my hair and I have go-to updos to utilize when I’m pressed for time.
I think a big part of spending less time on your hair is great products, masterful handling, and having a set style in mind to install right after moisturizing. You should wear your hair however YOU want because YOU like it or it’s more convenient for YOU. Screw everyone else.
ditto Zelda
I LOVE bantu knots. They make the ‘wash-n-go’ curls that I wish I had lol despite the time it takes, it’s my go to style. I use Nutress Hair Foam Wrap to get my knots to stay moisturized and to get the curl to hold.
All of these points are excellent but I totally agree with the above comment, though I do not have 4c hair. I have fine strands with a slightly looser curl patter. Stretched, curled, twist out or pinned, its still the same texture, still mine and still fly. I needed to see that today though. Thanks.
I’m not a wash n goer simply cuz my hair is long n I don’t have time to be constantly detangling it or doing nightly retwists.I do medium to large 2 strand twsts and bun them as a protective style. I honestly am tired of people worrying about how others feel about hair and curl patterns and women constantly trying to keep a curl for a “more acceptable” look.our hair is what it is and it will never change.if somebody doesn’t like it oh well.people tend to not like what they don’t understand or can’t control.ur ex boyfriends was a “donkey” for his ignorant comment.however I will say this.there is a huge difference between natural hair that is well groomed and natural hair that is not. U may rock a fro but in my opinion things need to be neat.(yes there is a such thing as a neat fro,there’s a science to it). I like hair to be neat,and I always hate seeing women who look unkempt.unkempt can be stylish i if you do it right,otherwise it just looks unkempt.I hate seeing females with relaxers and they try to do a “ponytail” which their hair isn’t long enough for and they have the nerve to put 3-4 inches of hair into a scrunchie.the hair looks like they been electrocuted,short,broken,and split.WHY? Just take your little “ponytail” and tuck it under with a pin or two to make a bun.this way the hair looks neat and everyone can’t see that you tried to make a “ponytail” with 4 inches of hair.my point keep it groomed n neat whether natural or relaxed.most importantly do you and forget if johnny n susie don’t like it!
I think this article reflects this woman’s personal insecurities and they go far beyond hair…
Also, why blame stretched hair styles? Stretching hair is done for efficiency. Stretched hair tangles FAR less than a shrunken afro. There’s absolutely nothing wrong with an afro, however. I often stretch my 4c hair and…. wear it in an afro lol. It’s not about trying to have a “looser texture”. My stretched 4c hair is still 4c hair.
Wash n go’s truely aren’t for everyone (I did it for two years exclusively during my first 2 years of being natural). They cause more knots and tangles than they’re worth. I feel that’s why, long ago, our ancestors used techniques like braiding, threading and twists etc. Even then, they knew that shrunken “type 4” hair does not detangle well. Just accept it.
“My stretched 4c hair is still 4c hair. ”
So simple but so necessary to state again and again and again..
The point was that people didn’t like her hair in it’s natural state or think it was beautiful in it’s natural or even stretched state. They didn’t like her stretched hair (she stretched it with braids) until it mimic’d curls like her bantu knots and twist outs.
I agree with Leslie, I don’t think this article was about “Teamed Stretched” vs “Team Shrunken” (Lol) or the idea that if you do stretch that YOU are somehow a victim of self-hate. It was more about the idea that for some of us, “going natural” is somewhat half the battle. Not only do you have to deal with the comments from others who still have a limited standard of beauty in mind, but you also have to battle those same thoughts within yourself. You’ve dropped the chemicals, but you’re still chasing after a “look” that is thought to be acceptable….And wasting valuable time, when you’re supposed to be freeing yourself of this hair obsession and just enjoying your life. This article doesn’t apply to all, but it’s one woman’s story/perspective.
This is such a true statement.
I tend to wear my hair in protective styles throughout the week so I cannot blame my hair for tiredness at work, though sometimes the temptation to re-style does get me!
I am now starting to experiment with “out-styles” on the weekends and finding that I can work with Flexi-rods for drying flat-twist but not bantu-knots!
I sure hope I get my regimen for these styles down before I get married and have children…lol!
Thanks for sharing!
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Whoever coined the term “Natural Hair Journey” to apply to our collective struggle, sure knew what they were talking about, like fuh real! To those of you who think you’re not beautiful and have a hard time accepting your curls and kinks, KEEP YOUR HEAD UP HONEY, cause your first hair compliment is right around that corner. It’s time to add Mary J. Blige-Work That to your play list and get your mind right! It gets better and you get better at styling it too!! When you have the time, experiment with different styles/methods, find WHATEVER style will get you through WHATEVER stage you are at. It’s not WHAT you have my sisters, it’s HOW you have it! Now work THAT!
Can I also say, your hair is stunning!
I have been natural almost 3 years now, when I first cut off my permed ends I would wear wash and go’s. Now my hair is too long for that, it would only get tangled and never dry. I don’t feel I spend too much time tending to my hair except for those times when I insist on wearing it “out”. I wear my hair in protective styles typically small two strand twists the majority of the week after a wash, then on the weekend I will wear a twist out. I have to wash my hair about every week due to eczema and I don’t feel the few hours I spend once a week is too bad. I don’t just wear a twist out to loosen my curl pattern. I feel that it is best to leave my hair protected and so far I think it is resulting well in hair length retention.
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I have been natural 2 years now. This is my third go round. The previous two times I just got tired of wearing my hair the same way (in the 70s and 80s). This time I didn’t want to look like a man and there were many new styles to try, although I never have been much of a hairstyles person, there was something else to be done with your hair aside from TWA and BAA.
I really enjoyed this piece. After transitioning for about nine months, I cut my permed ends in January. At first, I wore my hair in braidouts, twists, buns, anything that would stretch my hair. I didn’t like how my hair at the crown was kinky, and did not match the waves and curls that surrounded it. Now, I am proud to announce I am the queen of was and go’s. I embrace ALL of my natural hair, and I must say I feel much more comfortable this way. Sometimes I get compliments, sometimes I don’t. O well, it’s my hair and I <3 <3 <3 it!
One thing I learned is that the hair doesnt need to be saturated to retwist. Sprintz it and use product and the drying time is much less.
But I think it really depends on how good you are with your brand of “funky”. I will through on a scarf in a minute and let the rest of my hair do what it does. Even with when doing an intricate twist out, or other style, I rarely even look at the back of my head. As long as the front is rocking, I dont care what the rest looks like.
I second T-vice and my experience has been much the same. I’ve been natural almost all of my life but for a few years when my mother maintained my hair and then, once I had the reins again, I chopped it all off and went back to what I knew to do.
I just wanted to offer my perspective as a woman with brunette 4c? 1b? Eh, who cares, it’s nappy and I’m happy (small waves, goes straight and sleek with ANY type of product, especially those that claim to give one curls, and a comb, no curls T_T but no shrinkage or detangling issues either ^_^) that has been worn in a rather large (diameter past my shoulders) afro but is currently in mid-back? smallish locks. I also take care of my white husband’s dirty blond shoulder length 2a? (Very loose curls when short but looks wavy and then straight the longer it gets) hair and my biracial son’s dirty blond 3a hair (behaves and looks just like his dad’s only has a tighter curl to begin with). I have also had the pleasure since childhood of observing the day and night hair care rituals of European and Hispanic females. Whew! That was a mouthful!
In any case, I actually don’t think there is much difference in the routines of people that actually care for their hair no matter the hair type. Most European and Hispanic women with beautiful long hair that I have known do the exact same things to their tresses after washing : Leave in conditioner of some kind, detangle and either blow-dry, flat-iron, curl or braid/twist it and let it air-dry. They braid or curl it before sleeping too. They can take FOREVER to do this stuff too and you better believe they wear those swimming caps!
So I never felt like it was self-hate or anything to do the same with my hair–even if the ridiculous amount of hair on my head made it take a bit longer but then again there have been times that I’ve had to wait while my European roommates took much longer than myself to do their hair in the bathroom–but I didn’t expect my hair to look like theirs either.
The only people (with any type of hair texture) I know who can “wash and go” (and just rake a comb through) without looking unkempt (IMHO) have short, nicely trimmed hair (as when I had a moderate afro or my hubby’s hair was around the same length). I’ve known Europeans who cut their kid’s straight hair because they wouldn’t care for their hair appropriately.
I never really wore twist or braid outs (preferring rollers if I was going to do anything) because I usually just wore an afro. Now that my hair is in locks one might assume I just wash and go but I personally find that look unflattering as I’ve never liked straight hair on my face, plus I still need to moisturize and such. I either curl my hair (Caruso, Curlformers, Perm rollets or Wrap, snap and go’s) and/or style it.
As for compliments and what other people think, I think I might have gotten the most when just wearing my huge afro. I think having it nicely shaped rather than just trimmed split ends helps there. That’s nice because that’s my favorite look too. However, I also tend to get compliments on looks I don’t like so much and people love to tell me what I SHOULD do to my hair (like wear it down and/or straight, which I don’t like). But I’m the one wearing it so what matters most is what I like.
I’ve been natural almost 4 years and I feel the writers pain. Luckily I’ve gotten to a place where I don’t have to braid or twist my hair nightly or if I decide to my hair is long enough to throw it into 6-10 braids and I’m through.
But… Remember when pineappling your hair blew up… I can remember trying it on my mainly 4B-4C hair and thinking that my twist out would comeback with a little fluffing… smh it was not nice I have to laugh at myself now but I remember the frustration.
I have 4a at the top( it will hold a twist out for a couple days) 4b/4c on the sides and back eventually turn to frizz.
I’ve just embraced my hair for what it does on it’s own, it’s helped that my hair has grown out and even with shrinkage my fro is still pretty large but it does make me a little sad to see it shrink still.
Basically I’ve felt your pain!
I have been natural for 2 years, this is my 2nd go at it. I wear wash n gos on occasion. They always leave my hair tangled. But for the most part, I too spend countless hours pampering my hair. I am trying protective styling now to see if it works for me in trying to gain/retain length.
You need to gain confidence within yourself. People are always going to find something wrong. As soon as you accept it, others around you will. When people know that you are comfortable in your skin, they know not to f$@k with you. It’s all about you and nobody else.
I agree! I went natural in ’97 before it became popular. My hair was always “the big elephant in the room” and it took my family a while to get used to it. I had a head full of thick long hair that had been damaged die to over-processing. My mom tried braids and even a jherri curl to get my hair back healthy. It took forever because my mom was still putting chemicals in my hair as if that was the ONLY solution. When I started college, I wanted something better for my hair. That’s around the time that Erykah Bad was coming out, so to keep from looking too manly until I got some length, I would wrap my hair like hers. I loved it, but my family was so ridiculous, they thought I was in a cult! I didn’t care what they or anybody elsee thought about how I wore my hair. And I still don’t and never will. I refuseto get sucked into this idea that I have to look a certain way to be attractive. If you don’t like how my hair looks, use your neck and turn your head in the other direction. My hair is a gift from God! I love my hair…on its good and bad days. And its true, when you’re comfortable in your own skin and don’t care what other people think, they can sense it and won’t bother you about it. Final thought…I so disgusted with all of these new hair products geared to our “curls”. Where were these products years ago when were made to feel self-conscious about our hair? I guess they’ve found yet, another way to capitalize and make money off of us. First they made fun of our full lips, then came out with lip plumping lipstick; then they made fun of our butts, but then created butt pads for the butt-less, now after years of ridiculing our hair, they make/fund the manufacturing of products for natural hair that are supposed to give you the socially acceptable hair. Its as if they said, “okay, since you insist on being natural, we’ll create these bogus products that will make your naps tolerable for us.” Will we always be the ones to be exploited and taken advantage of?
Lol! That’s right! I feel you and that’s why I can laugh about it now. Keep doing you…but you didn’t need me to tell you that ^_^
easier said than done. It’s a journey for us all and she might just be starting hers.
I loved this article!! I’m not even going to annoy myself by reading the other commenters’ words because until you’ve walked in the shoes of someone with the super duper tight curl pattern, you just won’t understand. It’s not about “loving the curls you were born with”, its about your personal happiness in the state of your hair. As much as I want to be able to “wash and go”, they aren’t for everyone and I do feel I look unkempt when my hair shrinks down to a nappy tangled knit cap that has rolled balls on my edges and can’t even be separated with my fingers without breaking a bunch of strands in the process of manipulation. My hair is fragile as it is, having it at full shrinkage will wreak havok of SSK’s, matting, and split ends. When my hair is like that, I don’t feel pretty, I feel self conscious because I’m not looking defined and purposeful. I’m a woman who has to stretch or protective style 100% of the time. Its a pain in the butt and very time consuming. Whenever I see packaging for products geared to naturals – or even naturals on TV, they are typically the 3C or 4A gals. Hair tighter than that is usually shown in some form of stretched condition, or cut short into a fade. I have no shame in knowing that I have to stretch my hair for my own vanity. If I didn’t stretch, the only way I could wash and go would be to cut my hair down into a fade or get locs. I don’t like to look dry, nappy, and knotty. Kudos to the author for writing this.
Nice. I agree with you there. I have to admit that I do not know what it’s like to have a tight curl pattern–or any curl pattern at all. My waves are very small, frizzy and nappy looking but they are just that: waves. The majority of women in my paternal family are natural but I truly had no idea what people were talking about when they bemoaned the difficulties of just combing through their hair or combating shrinkage until a friend showed me what her hair looked like after washing. The bounce, the spring, the body of those litte ringlets was amazing! I prefer shorter hair anyway so I completely disregarded the shrinkage and I felt slightly cheated…until we got down to the business of combing it. The process itself wasn’t too different from anything I mentioned in my own comment below but I suppose that if she had been determined to stretch it as well we’d have quickly become miserable. There was just no way that we were going to be able to do such a thing we without investing an inordinate amount of time. However, since then, I have come to realize that holds true for almost every 3A and up curl pattern I’ve come across, on Europeans, Hispanics and Africans. Small consolation, I know. But I completely agree with you: “It’s not about “loving the curls you were born with”, its about your personal happiness in the state of your hair.” So I’ll keep curling my hair while you stretch yours out.
I have been natural for about 10 years now, way before the hype of natural came into affect. I did not do the “big chop” as most people did because my reasoning for going natural was to undo the damage I placed on my hair after my mother gave me the rights to take over how my hair looked in middle school, not start from scratch. My mentality has always been to keep it healthy and not what others opinions where concerning my hair (since indeed it’s mine and not yours to criticize). This is why I choose to use products that my hair liked (ie. the cheapest things I could afford as a high school and college student such as Suave which I currently use now). I love my hair and she does have a mind of her own at times, but as long as I keep her happy with a weekly wash of whatever shampoo I happen to have in the house at that time and some conditioner that has lots of water in it, she cooperates with me. Look at what your hair tells you when you do a style. Is it dry or brittle, does it love being wet or dry, does it feel better up or down? Your hair tells you when it’s happy when you do a style and see very little breakage and a healthy appearance that grows every few days. If your hair tells you that it doesn’t like a certain style, it is up to you to change it to one that it loves or keep damaging your hair for the benefit of “how it looks to others.” I feel if you love your hair like you love yourself any style will be rocked; you have to ask yourself if you are doing your hair for you or to fit in with what other people think looks good? Why did you go natural in the first place, for the style that was in at the moment, health or what others said was best for your hair? Everyone has an opinion, but your opinion about you is what matters most. No need to spend so much time on your hair and neglect those you care about. Look beautiful in the skin you are in with tight coils, loose coils, wash-n-go, perm, straightened, thick, thin, weaved and beautiful hair. As long as you wear your beautiful hair with confidence that you look good, any style will be rocked. Stay beautiful!
Ditto
I have never been able to do a wash and go. I would be bald right now if I didn’t learn that early on.
I agree on this whole ‘making us look acceptable thing.’ In my opinion, the natural hair industry (whether it’s mostly black owned or not) is making WAY too much money feeding off of it’s curly consumers. Yeah, I know that’s business. But I when I see product junkies on youtube showing us 45 different products for one twist-out I can’t help but feel a little dampened.
I saw an article on this site that says ‘curls don’t come in a jar.’ I think some people need to realize that and just be happy with their hair the way it is.
Alright, since you seem to have 4c hair a wash and go probably isn’t the best thing to do anyways (ask galore). Let your hair dry in braids, twist,bands or do your normal banto knot style. After that gets old, do two jumbo cornrows or flast twits around the sides of you head (I prefer to have a side part) it looks really good and can be kept in and/or redone until your next wash day,keeping the hair stretched and tangles at a minimum. It can be done on hair as short as 6 inches all over or braiding hair can be added for a thicker look. And if you’re concerned about neat edges just smooth on a bit of gel and tie down until dry.
Oops, meant to say *ssk galore
If you have a tight curl pattern why not wear it proudly? Why is it that looser curl patterns are praised so much? If anything we should stop trying to make our hair look like something its not. Its beautiful weather its frizzy or defined, Tight or loose, light or dark its beautiful.
Im in the ocean alot and occasionally the pool, I tend to rock some twists or if im feeling lazy just 2 french braids. I know our hair is important to us but I refuse to sacrifice good times with family and friends because of my hair. BTW I have the kinkiest of all hair types and I just embrace it because no product in the world will change that (besides a relaxer of course).
I never tried a wash-n-go. I wear mostly twists and twist-outs. I wear mostly protective styles, especially when going on vacation or to the pool/beach. Having loose hair is nice, but definitely not worth the hassle if I can’t enjoy my vacation.
Thank you for sharing! All I can say is WOW! Backwards WOW!!! I can personally agree that people have questioned my hair, more when I was newly natural rather now. I had no clue about the styles I could do to my hair. Now I’m fully aware and like screw that, I’m putting in a protective style and calling it a day! I have a heavy workout regimen and sweat like crazy in my scalp. So protective styling in my signature mini-twists allows me manage my hair better without sacrificing time and energy. I realize I’m lazy and will plan my hair styles around my schedule. Certain styles require more maintenance during the week and I’d rather leave it for a time when my hair will be more receptive to the style. I would like to wear a wash and go more often but I think about the detangling session to ensue and subsequently change my mind. I’m at a point in which I want to maintain a healthy hair regimen but I also don’t want to spend a ton of time if not necessary. I pray your hair journey gets easier as the time goes on. God Bless!
My cousin who has locks just remarked to me today about how long I spend in the bathroom, compared my wash/condition time to hers and tried to TELL me how long I should take. I don’t think so! The process is entirely different and since I didn’t have time or want to explain the difference to her, I just kept it moving. How much time your hair needs is one matter, how much time you want to spend on it is by your own making. I’m a type 3c/4a and my hair is extremely thick. I have to be thorough in order to make it work. And making it work means I want to look good, spend minimal time on it for future styles, and ensure that it won’t tangle and break off. So what if I spend 5-6 hours total on wash day?
Making yourself “presentable” doesn’t have to be a bad thing (even other races touch their hair in the morning, so why obsess with a shake out and go?), but being afraid of others’ opinion is stupid and takes time to learn to shrug ’em off. I don’t like what chlorine does to my hair either, but it’s not because of the look, it’s because of the way my hair reacts to the chemicals. Self-love!
vertmoot.blogspot.com
If you dont mind i would like to know how you protect your hair from the chlorine?
I have this issue. Whenever I try to wear wash and go type of style around family /friends – they react as though my hair is unkempt. Even my mother always says “why can’t you do something with that hair?” as if it’s cancerous and I’m letting it infect me.
I just cut off more of my permed ends, so now its mostly my natural curl pattern. I hate to say that I haven’t found what looks right for me. I haven’t found my curly happy. I usually wear it in a messy bun or pony tail. I don’t have the confidence to wear it loose because I’ve been indoctrinated to think that I’m only beautiful when my hair is straight and flowy. 🙁
Try mastering the twist out or braid out or any other defined style and see how you like that. Or have you tried more of a shingling technique to your wash and go? Whatever it takes, just hang in there. Acceptance doesn’t come over night for everyone. But just remember, that you may not be able to win them over with your styling skills right now, but your head full of healthy hair will, especially as it grows longer!
I love this support group vibe right now. I am newly natural (December is my one year anniversary!) and I’ve accepted that my 3c/mostly 4a is moody (but lovely), thirsty sometimes (but lovely), and decides on its own whether or not it’ll be big (but lovely still). When I first transitioned, yeah I was the girl pulling my hair to see how long she was.
But, now I don’t care. She’s long when pressed; but, still lovely when it’s not (though I can’t lie, when some chicks want to tell me that my hair’s short, I love to surprise them when they see that it’s mid-back length.). I love her and as long as we’re in a happy and healthy relationship, I’m good.
I totally understand her. I have tightly coiled hair and I absolutely cannot wash my hair and just go . I have to stretch because if not it’s a matted , tangly hot mess in the morning . I do love my hair when its shruken . I just cannot wear it like this , because the detangling afterward will take forever and my hair will just break. So I can relate to her. This doesn’t have anything to do with self-hate. If you have the type of curls that can wash and go, lucky for you but remember that it’s not the case of every natural.
So, Im transitioning and live very far away from my mum but after more than 9 months post relaxer, she just offered me a ‘human hair weave’. I said No 🙂
With my lovely 4A/4C hair under the relaxed ends, I am already happy with my human hair – the one growing from my head! She isn’t yet comfortable with my natural hair but that’s okay because I am and Im not turning back so in time, she’ll accept it.
Point being: this is my attitude concerning my natural hair, concerning curl patterns, even wash & goes which I don’t do. To each their own. We must all realise for ourselves that natural hair, is about accepting our hair as is and not straightening or curling it into what others want.
It’s so funny to me when parents are not accepting of natural hair. When my parents say anything about my hair/texture. I always retort: “Well YOU made me this way. YOU two gave me this hair texture, not my fault. I’m just accepting it for what it is!” BOOM!!
Nice! My mother was FURIOUS when I chopped off my hair in favor of an afro (my goal was purely aesthetic) but years later when I chopped it all off again so that I could start baby locs (because I wanted to start with short ones) she was the main one trying to get me to keep my afro (since it was finally trendy) and guess who’s now wearing an afro after getting tired of frying her edges? Yep: Mama. SMH.
Something white people have know for years but Black people are slow to accept is that it is all about the cut. Black people like to hold on to as much length as we can even if it is not quite falling into place. Have a stylist cut your hair into a style that looks good stretched and shrunken. That way, when you don’t have time for all the twisting and braiding, you can wash and go, spray the hair with some Hawaiian Silky or something else that gives it moisture and pat that afro into place. You can throw a cute band or flower around it and you are ready to go. That is the only problem with her afro in the picture she called ugly. It has no shape. No pizzazz.
Oh my gosh, that is such a good point. I was at a point a few months ago, where I was like, man, my hair is not doing that cute thing that I want it to do. Then I realized, how hilarious it was for me to feel that way. Hair does not grow out of your head styled! Especially for me because at the nape of my next the curl pattern is a little looser and tends to grow faster, so in essence, the “style” that grows out of my head is a mullet. No.joke. SO i had to cut it to get a style that looks dope at the length that it is.
Really really good point Shanna:)
next=neck, y’all know what i meant:)
You know, I’m beginning to think that my consistent visits to the barbershop from day one to shape up and trim my afro might be one of the main reasons why I never really experienced what so many here are talking about in regards to their “wash and go.” To be sure, once it got longer, a wash and go was out of the question but I truly did enjoy those days with a moderate fro where all I had to do was pick it out after a shampoo and condition. I knew exactly what shape it would look like because of my barber.
Oh how I enjoyed reading that piece, so true! And if I can complicate your life a little more..(clears throat) that Bantu knot out is the bigness and a def. keeper! Lol
A suggestion to melt some of the frustrations away, long term protective styles baby girl! Fall in love with some kinda braids with extensions (to increase the longevity and styling options as compared to just braiding your own hair). That’s what I do when my hair starts dominating my life. Be sure to maintain the braids by moisturizing and cleansing and then live yuh life until you miss doing your hair and being neurotic again.lol
Lovely post and you have gorgeous hair
I understand everything you’re saying but it looks like we have very similar textures and I LOVE how my wash n go LOOKS, but it is an absolute motherflippin nightmare to detangle. Honestly I don’t know what’s worse, blow drying so I can comb it out? Or the wash n go that will be a matted tangled hair best within minutes…literally MINUTES!!!! At the end of the day, you gota do you. This natural thing is a long arduous process. Especially with mid length 4C/4B hair…
I’ve been saying this since day 1- natural hair is NOT for everyone! I really wish it was but unfortunately it’s not. Many women come into the natural game thinking they don’t have to touch their hair anymore and it’s gonna grow like Repunzel. No. Natural hair requires the same amount of time and maintenance as relaxed hair. Also, TOO many women go natural because they want curly hair or what their curls to pop. But what if you have a hair full of 4c hair? Then what? The only thing that’s gonna be poppin are them zigzags, honey. Females like this need more unconditioning before they fully plunge into the natural game because returning natural is about accepting your hair- whatever type it is.
I don’t know why everyone feels like 4c hair is such a bad thing. I keep seeing a lot of negative comments about it on these boards.
1. Not all caucasian and non-black people have curly hair, so why would we expect all blacks to have curly hair?
2. 4c hair creates the BADDEST afros, hands down.
3. IMHO, a big, poufy messy 4c head of hair is MUCH cuter than a thin, flat perfectly executed relaxer. I am team big hair all the way. There is a reason that Beyonce puts pounds of weave in her already relaxed hair: volume is sexier.
4. Again: 4c versus relaxer, a 4c can braid it up and go swimming and keep on stepping. A relaxer sees water like superman with kryponite. As someone who recently moved to a tropical location, the natural girls rule the roost. No one wants to hang out with the spoilsport who is too cute to get off of the lounge-chair and into the water!
5. A little length makes everyone feel better about their natural or relaxed hair IMHO. There is a certain comfort when you get to the length where you can snatch it back into a ponytail on any given day. It is not really about vanity, it is also about ease and variety of styling. That said, short hair does look better on many women. I don’t know why Halle Berry ever does anything other than that short cut. Long hair overwhelms her.
4c girls, rock it and rock it proudly!!!
You are projecting she wasn’t 4c bashing hair. The rest of what you said is encouraging and I agree with it.
I love everything you said just now but it’s irrelevant to what I just posted. I’m not bashing 4c hair; heck, a third of my head is 4c! I’m just saying that too many black females return natural expecting their “curls” to pop and get disappointed when they don’t have Tracee Ross’s hair. To me, returning natural is about accepting your hair the way God made it. Eff the drama.
I don’t know why everyone feels like 4c hair is such a bad thing. I keep seeing a lot of negative comments about it on these boards.
1. Not all caucasian and non-black people have curly hair, so why would we expect all blacks to have curly hair?
2. 4c hair creates the BADDEST afros, hands down.
3. IMHO, a big, poufy messy 4c head of hair is MUCH cuter than a thin, flat perfectly executed relaxer. I am team big hair all the way. There is a reason that Beyonce puts pounds of weave in her already relaxed hair: volume is sexier.
4. Again: 4c versus relaxer, a 4c can braid it up and go swimming and keep on stepping. A relaxer sees water like superman with kryponite. As someone who recently moved to a tropical location, the natural girls rule the roost. No one wants to hang out with the spoilsport who is too cute to get off of the lounge-chair and into the water!
5. A little length makes everyone feel better about their natural or relaxed hair IMHO. There is a certain comfort when you get to the length where you can snatch it back into a ponytail on any given day. It is not really about vanity, it is also about ease and variety of styling. That said, short hair does look better on many women. I don’t know why Halle Berry ever does anything other than that short cut. Long hair overwhelms her.
4c girls, rock it and rock it proudly!!!
🙂
I can’t do a wash and go, so yeah, I devote hours on my hair after it’s wash and roughly an hour and a half after five days when the style gets frizzy.
Since we’re all being honest (lol), one thing I need to accept is that my 4C hair cannot be easily manipulated.
One day I might want a twist out; the next I might want to just wake up in the morning and comb it back into a messy ponytail – can’t do that. No, I have to wet it first, finger detangle etc before I could even dream of putting it into a decent enough ponytail. Maybe once it gets longer (it’s actually pretty long, but then there’s that thing called shrinkage…).
Yea, that’s right, I HATE shrinkage. Funnily enough, all the people I’ve come across who ’embrace’ shrinkage are those whose hair reaches BSL WITH shrinkage – of course they don’t care! Lol.
When I spent more time doing my hair than enjoying my life, I cut it. The End.
If your hair is dehydrated chances are your body is dehydrated-just keep lots of bottled water on hand.
I appreciate her honesty, but this whole story is a reflection about her own personal insecurities and it’s not just about hair either it’s much deeper than that. I hope that she works through her issues and finds peace with herself and her natural hair.
I’m a THIRSTY 4a and wash n go’s are MY LIFE. I take 36-47mins (yes I timed it, I am that serious abt low-maintenance lol)to co-wash/detangle/gel using the curly girl method. I have NO TIME to spend on this head.
The most hassling part of my routine is that I co-wash every 2-3 days or so. Every 3 days cuz my hair is in constant famine…drinks water+conditioner like crazy! My hair is also frizzy by day3. I don’t mind the frizz, if only it didn’t mean TANGLED MESS, omg 😮
But I prefer taking an extra 30mins in the shower than spending 2hrs or more on my hair PLUS the amt of hours to dry it.
Screw all the family members, friends, strangers who ask if i’m “really gonna just wear my natural hair” (wth??) or “when am I gonna Loc it?”.
Puh-leeze. I LOVE my curls AS IS. I prefer my curls in a wash n go than a twist out. Bantu knot outs are hella cute but who’s got time for that???
I wash and I GO 🙂
“live your life, love your skin, rock your hair!”
Janday…I know exactly how you feel. I had similar problems when my hair was shorter. I have mostly 4b hair, and truthfully I did not like it very much until it got longer, to about neck length. When it was shorter I was ALWAYS spending LOTS of time trying to get it to clump, curl or wave in any way. If I’m honest with myself… I might still feel that way. I think I only like it now cause its longer.. shoulder length. I know lots of ladies will disapprove, but I’m just keepin’ it real. Anyway, try putting your hair up in puffs, and then buns when it gets longer. You may find you have an easier time then and updos are faster to do. Just go easy on the edges. Note: try to get a really good moisturising shampoo and conditioner and leave-in (I use Design Essentials Moisture Retention Shampoo, Dove Daily Moisture Conditioner and my homemade kimmaytube leave-in with great success for the past 2 years). My hair used to be VERY dry and I have found that when I started improving the moisture level in my hair, that a few natural waves showed, even without using any gel, once my hair reached a certain length. I know everyone’s hair is different, but I’m just sharing that.
GREAT thoughts! I’ve been there and back…and there again. I LIVED on my bantu-knot outs for a entire year because 1) folks told me I looked like Corinne Bailey Rae, 2) folks told me I my hair looked “neat” and “soft” and 3) I had NO idea what to do with my wash-and-go hair. And lawwwwd, if it was humid? I would FREAK OUT about a frizzy bantu-knot out just like I did when my hair was straightened. Not so liberating. Soon, I got tired of losing sleep and re-kindled my affair with my flat-iron. Thankfully, I started experimenting with my natural hair again last year. But I hear you! The journey to loving our hair THE WAY IT IS is a journey that’s goes a LOT further than the Big Chop.
girl i just went off without saying…bravo to you for finding how to get along with your hair. it’s not easy for everyone.
Guess what? I’m tired of trying to “DO” my hair. I’ve been natural for many years…and just like straight eurocentric hair is ideal, next in line comes this 3 hair type that 4 type hair having people keep obsessing over. I’m over it. There is no way in this lifetime, that i’m going to spend 2+ hours doing my 4c hair. I’m twisting my hair loosly and put it in some loose bantu knots( loose so it doesnt feel like im sleeping on rocks) and that’s it. Damn the drama.
Aaaaaand another thing. I’m done tryna stretch my hair……and im over you chick in these length check videos trying to contort your arm to reach your short ass hair just to attempt to stretch it down to your bra strap. If you hair doesn’t reach that length naturally, it just aint that damn long. Your hair in it’s natural state is the damn length. cut the bullshit. the natural hair movement is supposed to free us, not trap us in our bathrooms for over 2 hours hiding from friends and family while we do our hair for fear of ridicule because we’re too embarrased by the natural state of our hair. If that’s the case, braid your hair down and put a wig on it, cuz this is ridiculous. All this manipulation of our hair for hours is down right ridiculous. FRI i’m not talking to anybody with type 3 hair, cuz y’all don’t have the same issues as 4c ladies.period.don’t even come to me with your comments about tryna accept ourselvees and being open and blah blah blah…my girl said it best. KUMBAYA IS ALL THE WAY OVAH.
Lmfao #SNAPPED!!! And I completely agree with you!
Every word is so TRUE! I feel the exact same way.
“and im over you chick in these length check videos trying to contort your arm to reach your short ass hair just to attempt to stretch it down to your bra strap”
BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
It is a reality of accepting your hair. Some come to it immediately, for some it takes a long time, some struggle back and forth with it, but unless you want to be exhausted and closeted for your kinks, you have GOT to rehab your brain and ADMIT that some people will laugh and give your hair the Black fist or compare you to Buckwheat or Celie or a monkey or simply shudder.
Or admit that because your skin is dark or your nose is wide or you’re heavy or poor or feel you’re ‘ugly’ that if you can just avoid having ‘the nappiest hair’ it’ll soften the blow. Just like I used to duck peeps trying to touch my weave or fret the wind exposing my tracks or doing that BS french roll/butterfly clip because a real ponytail wasn’t EVER going to happen and spent hours inspecting the latest remy and countless paychecks at expensive and ratchet salons re-upping my weave – the fear of the 4B-to-whatever is a sort of shame.
Kudos to the author, she’s trying to work it out and said it out loud but I agree with the poster below, it’s a lot deeper than just coils and the perfect style.
why so many type 4 hair people always try to bash type 3 hair people at the end. whats wrong with you all. i have really dry 4 type hair and i dont understand why you all always so mad at type 3 hair people that some of you even try to shade or bash them. they did nothing to you. even if you have type 3 hair it is still a step for everybody to go natural, not only for type 4 hair. type 3 hairs have not the same issues but going natural is for nobody easy in the beginning. it is just mean to bash them. its the same bullshit with light-skin vs. dark-skin as if a racist would see any difference. why always the bashing of people who were born with kind of type 3 hair, they didnt do it to make you feel uncomfortable, they were born that way.
Where did you get bashing? Show me where I bashed, and we can talk, until then, girl, bye.
“FRI i’m not talking to anybody with type 3 hair, cuz y’all don’t have the same issues as 4c ladies.period.don’t even come to me with your comments about tryna accept ourselvees and being open and blah blah blah” Ok so i take it back this sentence is maybe not bashing or shading but totally unnecessary. You can write your opinion without ridicule tpye 3 hair people. And please dont act as if you wrote that sentence to compliment type 3 hair people. Just because you got so many thumbs up doesnt mean you have the right to ridicule people.
I can’t.
I didn’t take it as her bashing so much as her just stating it like it is. Lets keep it all the way real here, we have been taught for generations that light skin and looser curl patterns are more desireable than darker skin and woolier textured hair. A lot of us have evolved and don’t buy into these ridiculous and ignorant standards, but many others have not. This is why you have women worshipping tracee Ellis Ross’ hair… Or while you will still have women use the term “good hair” or will say “I would go natural if I had hair like that” or why there are entire lines of hair products designed to loosen and define and stretch your “natural” hair. Looser curl patterns not having the same experience as tighter and kinkier curl patterns is the same thing as light skinned Blacks not having the same experiences as darker skinned Black women. Is it wrong and dumb? Absolutely. But ignoring it doesn’t make it go away . The best thing is to validate the feelings of our fellow sisters without taking offense, learn from it, and move forward
Encouraging ladies with type 4 hair to desire their own hair type and not type 3 hair is not bashing type 3. I don’t know where you got the idea that type 3 is being bashed either. ALL hair types are fabulous so one hair type should not want to have another hair type.
I feel you Ema and I see what you mean. I have biracial friends and family members who have gone natural and people think that they have it so easy because they have that so-called “good hair” when these women are crying in the bathroom trying to detangle their hair or get it to stay where they put it. I think that a lot of people would probably roll their eyes at me if I complained about how much more difficult it is for me to handle my son’s type 3 hair versus my own type 4.
I think the envy comes in along with Jessica’s points. While the bathroom experience may be hellish for us all, the societal experience differs markedly in that someone with type 3 hair can at least be rewarded by society for their efforts with their hair while those with type 4 can’t expect the same unless they contort their hair into at least a semblance of type 3. T_T
Best. Post. Ever. haha
And that is why I use the hair typing system. For the longest time, when I realized that what was growing from my scalp was my natural hair and not a bad reaction to a weave, I thought I could get YT vlogger Taren916’s hair (from the Huetiful Hair Steamer review). I spent $$$ trying to get that look to no avail. When I discovered that I had type 4c, I stopped that nonsense and learned that my hair is dry, undefined, and shrinks to my ears. The only reason it takes me hours to wash and style is because my hair is thick, takes FOREVER to dry, and my styling skills are limited.
I’m Ghanian, so I know that hair, sister:) I hope you find new ways to do your hair that save you some time. FYI I really like JOUELZY (http://www.facebook.com/jouelzy). I wish I had the time and energy to do a youtube channel, I just can’t commit, but there are some great people out there to watch and learn from:)
LMAO!!! OmGoodness! I never really understood the stretching thing either. I mean, to me that’s measuring how much body your hair has, not the actual length (or volume as it was for me for a long time).
Still, I have to add: yes, type 3 hair is different and while they don’t have the same issues as 4c people with shrinkage and what not (and not all 4c people have these issues because curl pattern and diameter don’t necessarily dictate how thick your hair strands are, how thickly/many said hair strands cover an inch of scalp nor how dry/oily the hair/scalp is), I’ve learned (after dealing with my biracial son and a few biracial friends) that they have others I’d rather not deal with.
Julianna, your post is EVERYTHING. I have nothing to add 🙂
I admire the honesty here! and we have to admit we’ve all been susceptible. i do think it’s a phase. until we ask ourselves who exactly are we wearing our hair natural for. while i do love the occasional twist out/bantu knot out, i have to say i feel a certain sense of freedom in not hassling to define my 4B “curls.” i love when ppl ask me about it. i smile and say…”i like it like this. this is how it grows out my head, kinda like a tree growin from the ground up 😀 ” then i whip that fro around and say deuces. 😀
who do do it for? two people. myself and my future daughter 🙂
id like her to grow up in a world where her hair is “acceptable” AS IS!!! because that’s just the way it grows. she shouldn’t have to put chemicals or hours in trying to get it to look like SOMEONE ELSE’s hair!!! and if she cant grow up in a world like that….she is damn sure gonna grow up in a household and family like that.
deuces!
I’ve been natural off an on four times. This go round I am truly low maintenance. My main hair do is a high puff, I don’t use gel or anything like that with it. Usually I just con-wash my hair and then use a black headband that I double and pull my hair up. Sometimes I’ll add a moisturizer to it. On weekends I will sometimes do a wash and go, but I’ve worn it to work on occasions as well. The only thing with those is I have to wet my hair everyday unlike my puff which can last 5 days. When I have time (rarely with 3 kids, one who is a baby) I will twist my hair and wear the twists for a day or two and then wear a twist out for the next 3-4 days only re-twisting a few strands if they frizz out. And I am a 4a.
So true! I’m also a wash & go low maintenance styler. I enjoy my coiled and kinky afro most of the time. I don’t care about what anyone else thinks and I’m pretty sure I rocked the same wash n go style even when I had a relaxer… I love the twist out styles as well, but I only do them on occasion – maybe a date night or hanging with the girls. My daily regimen consists of dampening my hair in the shower every morning and then moisturizing with a cream or butter afterwards. (depending on how dry my hair is or if I knocked out without a silk scarf) No silk scarf = More water& more leave in conditioner lol! Our hair is so versatile, as long as you treat it well, moisturize and condition often (this also helps wash & go’s manage and train curls) you can alternate between styles and have hair freedom. There’s no need to conform to other people’s opinion of what your hair “should” look like – loving ourselves and what comes out our head is the idea. I say enjoy the pool! Just pull your tresses into an uber cute bun or ponytail, it’ll withstand the fun! Make sure to have fun!!! And if you can’t pull it into a ponytail just yet, jump in with your TWA or condition and lay it down and rock a cute little bandana with some killer shades! No muss no fuss. =D
I hope she find a regimen that works for her because life is to short to be a slave to hair. It’s just hair!
I have super thick mid-back length locs (slightly smaller than the size of pipe cleaners) which I use to latch hook (I plan on cutting them sometime this year) and I have never spent the amount of time in one day as a lot of naturals spend on their hair. When my loctician did my hair she’d have me washed, conditioned, dried and latch hooked in 4 hours. 3 and half hours if I skipped the dryer. When I do them myself it’s about 5 hours because I take breaks because my arms are on fire. And that’s something that’s done once a month. When I cut these off there is no way I’m dedication several hours a week to my hair. I have a life to live. I hope she find a regimen that works for her because life is to short to be a slave to hair. It’s just hair!
I have locks and I spend what might seem to be a ridiculous amount of time on my hair because 1) I treat my hair the same no matter if it is relaxed, freeform or locked (just replace detangling with retwisting) 2) my hair texture doesn’t allow me to do simply twist locks so I have to use a tool or they will come out and 3) I just like styling my hair. Right now my hair is perhaps mid-back with a blue chin length bob cut on top and white side locks. In addition to that I currently have it styled in bantu knots with a frontal fringe that has been curled with curlformers. I’m not a slave to my hair anymore that I’m a slave to fashion because I like to wear nice clothes or a slave to martial arts because I practice for a couple of hours every day or a slave to…whatever.
I had a friend with 3b hair who hates detangling and wanted to try locks after seeing me style mine for a few years. She found that re-twisting her locks was exceedingly difficult for her and much more time consuming than even detangling–which I found out was rather frustrating for her because, although it would take us about the same amount of time to detangle, I only had to detangle once every few washes as long as I did a couple of french braids at night whereas her curls just weren’t as frizzy and tight as my waves so braids wouldn’t stay well in her hair and she had to detangle with more frequency.
My point is..everyone is different. Relaxed, free form or locked, it may not be the same for everyone.
Reading this story and the comments about it is a sad reminder that once again we are finding ways to be “us” vs. “them” even in the natural hair realm. Some of my natural hair sistren are too quick to condemn sistas with curl patterns that are less defined, and that needs to stop. The last thing we need is a curl inferiority complex. I appreciate Janday sharing her story…I will keep hope alive that this needless criticism of what is “acceptable” natural hair will cease…if a naturalista wants to roll out the house with undefined curls, and uneven curls, rock on!
my hair takes forever to wash and style, so i just wear it in a cute protective updo for a week and a half, then i wear them out for the last 3 days and wash them.
It saves tones of time, keep the hair off my face, help with lenght retention,it’s cute and I can get super creative with the updos. It’s simple and efficient. I never wear my hair in wash and go’s because they get so matted and it doesnt last!
Just find something that works for you! Your hair is just a part of your body, it should help you feel cute and happy, not rule your entire life, make you tired, broke, and self-conscious.
Ahhh,am I the only one who thinks this chick lives for the applause of people rather than for herself? or that she was insecure about natural hair in the first place which speaks to even more insecurity? I mean, its understandable to want your hair to look good and another to be obsessed. Doesn’t that form of ‘arghhh my hair touched the surface of the water’ mentality stop u from not only enjoying ur hair but elements of ur life. Seems a bit too much
No, you’re not the only one. Am I the only person who read this article and got a headache. I realize everyone’s journey is different but being natural has brought about unbelievable freedom for me, this lady sounds like shes imprisoned by natural hair, 7 years and she still has all these hangups? Lady chill out and check your self esteem.
I don’t relate this at all. Part of being natural for me has been embracing what comes out of my head and seeing the beauty in it. From this story, this woman has wanted someone else’s hair from the beginning. Not saying that twist outs are unnatural or that bantu knot outs aren’t beautiful and Lord knows wash n’ gos aren’t for everyone, but this woman’s entire motivation for doing her hair is getting validation from others. Perhaps her not getting hit on in the club had nothing to do with her hair, but that she exuded a lack of confidence. Confidence is sexy; looking around nervously because you think someone is hating on your appearance enough so that someone feels a need to give you the validation you’ve obviously been telegraphing that you need is NOT. If you hair is getting in the way of your life, realize that the issues go deeper than hair. I would say this woman need to work on her self-esteem and with self love will come hair love.
I primarily do wash n gos. My only issue with wash n gos is that tangling and knotting of my hair. I need to learn how to fold my hair when washing, instead of smushing it all together. As far as imitating curl patterns that don’t come natural…it is all about confidence. If you walk with your head high and believe you have the hottest hair in world, others will, too. Yesterday I wore half of my hair twisted, while the other was unfinished. I kindly pulled it all in a ponytail and kept it moving.
I so appreciate this article and the comments posted. I am 50 plus year old corporate american 3b-4a newly natural 🙂 I just stopped relaxing at the end of 2011 and self cut those nasty relaxed ends off in march 2013. I can understand the trepidation with our hair. After years of conforming to a certain standard of beauty, we flipped the script. I began seeing images of textured hair that was overwhelming. Shrunken, stretched coiled and otherwise—it was awesome. Trust when I tell you: when those white sisters who r 30, 40 and 50 plus year olds with the thin straight over colored tresses see the thickness and the texture of this african american mane, they lose their minds. Your hair is beautiful. You made me and many others rethink our beauty. Make sure you maintain the same mindset; and have fun with it
My hair is so much healthier from being natural and my nonchalance about people’s opinion about my hair has shown me how strong minded I am (a quality I didn’t even know that I possessed Lol). So if I have to spend 2-3 hours every other week prepping my hair to look lovely, then SO BE IT!!!
I just BC’d so I’m still wash-n-go. I’ve only been natural for about three weeks but here’s what I’ve noticed so far.
When my hair is blown out to a nice rounded afro, I get compliments galore. People stare me down. Everyone loves it.
When I wear my hair its naturally curly/shrunken state- I get passed by as if I were just a regular gal. No neck breaking. No compliments. Not even a second look.
Then one day I couldn’t get my fro right, it was wet outside and the forecast said rain all day. I had no other choice but to wear it in its shrunken state. This was the day my eyes were opened and I realized I didn’t care what people said about my hair- I was gonna wear it how I wanted to wear it and they would accept my hair and me for who we are plain and simple.
i didnt go natural for political reasons- i did it out of curiosity. I wanted to see what my natural curl pattern looked like.
Now, however, i carry a different tone.
I honestly don’t care if they think its acceptable. Yes, I have a full time job that requires me to be professional at all times. Even when I’m off. I work with some pretty big names in the county (and the state for that matter). These people have “connections” and by me being young and just starting out, I’m in a position to climb the ladder and do fairly for myself. But I WILL NOT BEND TO CONVENTIONAL MEANS OF BEAUTY AND STANDARDS NO LONGER! I will wear my hair how I want to wear and they will accept it.
simple as that.
Good for you!!! Glad you came to this conclusion after only 3 weeks! I feel exactly the same way and have loved being natural for the past four years, but I know a lot of baby naturals who don’t.
Ditto Candice. So happy for you. I wish you the best. Personally, I couldn’t take it anymore and decided that working from home is my new niche but I know of other women who went natural after I did and they are currently having great experiences in my previous career field. I like to think that the climate is getting better now.
When I don’t want to take forever of water will be involved (rain, going to the beach, etc.), I usually go with “wash and puff and go”. It’s basically the afro version of a ponytail, so I don’t usually get much comment on it because it’s just pulled back. With some stretching before (like pineappling at night) it comes out fluffy and doesn’t tangle if I do it for a few days.
I just started twisting my hair in sections, before, I’d just wash n go. That wash n go mess was breaking my hair in the back of my head. I have a curl pattern that resembles springy ringlets my hair separates and people used to think I styled it that way, which made no sense, because the curls on my head are so separated… Like, who would take the time to do alla that?! I love my hair I really do, it’s very kinky,curly very 3c /4 textured. Took me a long time to type it. Anyway I love the two strand twist it just makes the hair more workable and easier to mold. I hate straightening my hair, it’s way too fine and ends up looking like old torn down cobwebs at the end of the day.
Thanks for sharing this! I am a new natural (6 months) and now that I’m beyond a TWA, and I haven’t quite gotten the hang of a regimen yet, when my tighter and coarser curls (which are at the front of my head) dry after my WnG, I have felt self-conscious about the shrinkage. I have gone out a few times with my mini-fro and honestly felt like men weren’t looking at me twice because my hair wasn’t “acceptable” to them. It made me feel bad, as much as I hate to admit that I cared. I am trying to accept my hair from the beginning of my hair journey, whether I am rocking a fro, a twist-out, or just throwing a scarf on it. I want to love me without feeling like I need a sink-ful of curl “enhancing” products to do it. Thanks for letting me know I’m not alone in the discomfort – it gives me strength to keep moving forward and to define my own “beautiful/acceptable.”
I can totally relate to her I’ve been natural for over 5 years but I still have hang-ups at times about presenting my hair a certain way, i.e. shrunken coils, that aren’t defined. I do hope I grow out of it though. I definitely have been a slave to my hair missing out on doing things or just spending a lot of time on my hair because I do want people to think my hair’s cute. I remember when I tried to do a wash and go several yrs ago and my family was like I don’t like how your hair looks like that, why don’t you wear it like you usually do.
I haven’t really done one sense. One reason is because my hair gets tangled easily & I wind up with ssk’s whenever I let it shrink up, but the other part is just me being afraid to be judged. I have started to become way more lax with my styling though so that I have more time to do other things, so eventually I just hope to let my coils fly free one day.
I would never try to prove anything to anybody. As long I love my curls, then that is fine with me. Whatever style that I’m wearing, I try to wear it with pride, regardless what people said. I remember when I had in two strand twists while I was volunteering in my old high school, I overheard laughing in my direction. Then I spotted the noise… little gossiping high school hens. So one girl came to me rudely came to me laughing and said,”What is up with your hair?” While she said that, her little group of friends were laughing loudly about me. All I did was ignored it. It’s so sad that some young girls like that still have that “straight hair is beautiful,natural hair is ugly” mentality.
Yet, there have been times I have tried a wash and go. But it took me almost a year to realize that wash and go’s aren’t for me. Before i walk out the door, I make sure that my hair is combed all the way through to define my curls. I have to do it or else my hair would shrink up so bad where it would be impossible to finger part my hair.
I think a lot of the sensivity is internal. Most ppl aren’t paying as much attention to our hair as we are. We think we see ppl oggling our hair,often negitively when often its just a passing glance. I too was a victim of obsessive curl expectations at the start of my natural hair journey.I researched daily curl maintence tips on typical natural sites. I heard abt the pineapple method & I’ve been blissfuly happy ever since. I’ve kinda developed a ” f*ck em” attitude to silence the voice in my head telling me they’re all staring at my hair & frowning or judging me as unprofessional or ugly. Even if its true,I can’t control how others feel. Just my own feelings. I have to be ok with my hair in& til I did I too spent sleepless nights and full days dedicated to “the perfect curl” bc I can see that for some naturals a fro isn’t cute….u MUST achieve some type of defined curl pattern. Some one admit it. I will. Bc I’m not the fro type.I won’t apologize for my prefernce bc my hair does have defined cork screw curls…but I also have multi textured hair so some parts aren’t so curly but more fro-like. And I’m ok with it now. I had 2 ask myself why it mattered so much& w ould worrying change my hair? No, so I’ve embraced it.but I don’t let my hair maintenance rule my life anymore. That’s not living if life passes me by why I attain the perfect twist out or clump my curls juuuust right! WE have to put our hair in perspective. Its hair,beuatiful hair,curls or not. What other hair can do what ours can? I learned to let go of the obsession& enjoy my life.not pretending I don’t love my “good hair days” but I can’t let it take on its own life within my life.
absolutely right! And other black people, especially our families, who judge our hair and claim its because of what white people will think are really just assuming they’ll think badly of our hair when a lot of the time they won’t, so they try to put down our hair first before the white person could. We should really just support each other.
White people don’t usually care anyway lol White people from my experience are a lot,more laid back especially along the mid West.In the south, it’s usually the Paula Deen types who wonder why YOUR hair “ain’t” straightened? That’s just my experience. My mother’s family would look at me too for my hair when I first went natural.I am the only one with kinkier hair in my family, and I have a few cousins who are lucky enough to have kinkier hair too.
I tend to focus more on faces than hair anyway. I find features /makeup more interesting than hair. I’ve had a few relatives/ cousins experiment with natural hair, and I never even cared sometimes didn’t notice? Where as my other relatives would be pretty hard on them on their hair. I love make up probably more than hair, I tend to note bad make up, but I would never be rude enough to tell someone their makeup is bad.
=-O
Enjoyed your reply. Very honest and true. Yes pineappling is a life savor. Cause if I’m sleepy I ain’t retwisting jack squat lol .
Sounds like we have the same hair! Pineappling is so cute. 🙂
@Imani: “I think a lot of the sensivity is internal. Most ppl aren’t paying as much attention to our hair as we are. We think we see ppl oggling our hair,often negitively when often its just a passing glance”
I agree with you up to a point. I guess it depends on where you live and what your hair type is, but the world is not that accepting yet. Like Janday pointed out, some people straight up disrespected her with the: “oh… your hair is finally done!” shade. She didn’t imagine it. There is still shade thrown at people comfortable enough to wear their kinky hair out in its natural state. Things are getting better though and like you said you can’t spend your life focusing on controlling people’s attitudes toward you. I feel you.
I’ve been natural all of my life and I never had a problem loving my kinky hair. I’m not obsessed with it. I didn’t struggle accepting it. It’s just a part of me like my skin and my nails. But I did have to shut a few “friends” down when they started with that “you’d look so nice if you permed your hair” crap. Would we accept it if people said we should stay out the sun or bleach our skin because we’d look better with a lighter complexion? Well, I wouldn’t. So in the same vein, I won’t take crap about my kinky hair. It is what it is. And I love it.
Imani – I agree with you in that the burden to change our feelings falls on us. But we didn’t create this system we inherited it. I think the author is responding to plenty of external stimuli.
Also, I am kind of disappointed in these replies that jump right over the profound issues she brings up and talk about hair styling again.Yes she did end with ‘can anyone really do a wash n go’ (answer: Yes) But a lot of this article and the comments is about what she linked to – the politics of acceptability of natural hair. The Tracie Ellis Ross hair worship.
My Mom who grew up in the sixties and was educating me about Afros and Black Power its original form told me yesterday that even desiring to have long hair is in an extent still a discomfort with our African genealogy. Yes she’s militant haha. But not necc. wrong. I mean I’d have to do more research but most people be it pop science or not accept the thesis that our hair developed woolly and light and springy because we evolved in hot climates – doesn’t it stand to reason that a giant puff ball hanging before your face is hotter than a small shrunken fro? So if that’s true, when are we actually going to be ok with short hair? In some African countries, even those who survived colonization, little school girls sport fades. It’s the great equalizer and everyone can be judged on their face or their figure (sad – yes women will likely all be measured by their appearance to some extent.)
I do wear a wash n go. After 2 years of microbraids in college, then 2 yrs of obsessive twisting in with blow dried hair and beeswax (all in an effort for it to **hang**) I realized I had not clue what my hair actually looked like texture wise because I never got it wet without immediately fiddling with it. I am a tight 4A, maybe 4B** (note – it’s a bit problematic that we design our own texture *grading* system and still give ourselves last place, making European hair neutral (1A).**) I get extremely defined tiny corkscrew curls smaller than a pencil in diameter. But my hair shrinks 70% of it’s natural length. I have a big head, so would I love volume, sure. But my hair is fine so I being a naughty naturalista I do blow dry my roots for a few minutes often, like 1 day a week at least. I get all kinds of love from white people on my most shrunken days. But black people only comment when my curls are most defined and stretched, with self-hating comments like *oh I’d wear my hair natural if it did that*, *what do you DO to it* , *my hair doesn’t have a curl pattern, so I’m not natural*…
Fact – most of our hair shrinks. So, we either have to accept that we have a problem with most of our hair, albeit a slightly different problem than the relaxing complex but essentially the same, hating its texture, proclivities, properties, – or love it for what it is. I mean we’re still scared of water…how is that evolved from our sistas who sport straight hair? I am not there yet, but it’s a fact I am cognizant of and I wish we could just be honest about it. I’ve come farther than some – I love to swim, and I will wake up with a Frederick Douglas after a night of good sex (note – any straight man worth their salt will not care what your hair looks like in the morning, he’ll remember it looked fly 6 hrs earlier and be PROUD he got to mess it up), and I STILL HAVE A LOT OF GROWTH TO DO. But I think we all know in our hearts twisting is a styling option that sometimes becomes the only **acceptable** way to get approval for natural hair, i.e. it hangs down. I mean just look at who you’re getting compliments from. If it’s the same relatives that hated it in afro form you should give them the side-eye.
I’m pretty sure this is going to be received negatively, as I see thumbs down for people when they veer into this territory. I am victim to all the things I discuss and I just want a forum for us to be honest about it. It’s more than just styling hair and we can’t get to where we need to be by skipping steps and jumping into a new natural hair era and bringing the same old baggage with us. Miss Jessie’s Old Slogan **Turn Those Kinks Into Kurls**…I can’t. I’m sorry I’m not half Japanese and I refuse to buy into the idea that my hair has to look like theirs to be beautiful. Not about that life.
well said. well said. many good points. Way to point out our hair grading system where we out ourselves at the bottom. what a shame.
I agree with a lot of what you said, but I do want to point out that my Nigerian ancestors had very long hair, and we are not mixed. Black people don’t have some genetic malfunction that doesn’t allow our hair to grow, we just need to learn how to value and take care of it again after years of shame. I like to consider the Irish girls who have big afros of curly hair until it grows enough to hang down. I’m sure some of them are self-conscious about their curly afro, but I’ve seen a lot of them who rock it with confidence. There’s nothing weird about their hair being really curly, and there’s nothing wrong with our curly afros.
Also, I agree that if you go from curly to relaxed (considering the loss of disulfide bonds that cause curls), type 4 hair should be at the top of the hair typing list, type 1 should be at the bottom–going from most disulfide bonds to least. But, we didn’t create the hair typing system…wasn’t it Oprah’s stylist?
Funny thing is, Oprahs stylist was Black, so “we” still put ourselves at the bottom of the list… Smh
I’m so glad BGLH posted this. I knew we’d have an honest, civil discussion about it on here. We’ve still got a ways to go but I thank God that we have started moving forward,
My whole attitude is “If it is not on your head, don’t worry about it!” I am natural for me – not society, not my family – just me! If my hair is healthy and I like it then that is all that matters to me…
Hmmm…”Even if its true,”–It IS true. People are judging us and they do think we look unprofessional and ugly which is one reason why backhanded compliments when I happen to look acceptable to them actually just piss me off even more because now I have to not only take their crap, I have to do it with a smile on my face and a “Thank You” to boot.
I really wish I could agree with the idea that most of us are just paranoid. I truly do. Maybe it’s just because I was NOT prepared for the degree of attention that my hair would receive or maybe it was the time frame (so long ago that I actually didn’t know ANYONE else natural besides a few paternal relatives who lived in another state) within which I initially chopped off the relaxer my mother threw in my head but I have literally had people almost get in car accidents from staring at me and my hair. I’ve had entire rooms of people congregate around me as they ask if they can “pet it” (yes, pet it like a dog). I even had a man attempt to get me kicked out of Airman Leadership School because he THOUGHT I might have dreads (instead of mere yarn twists) underneath the straight wig I’d learned to sport while on duty. “Go back to Africa” and various other hurled insults (based upon not only my hair’s texture but my skin’s color) were not an abnormal occurrence and more often than not, Blacks were the ones dishing it out–outloud at least because knowledge of other languages has allowed me an insight into the conversations that some people have when they think you can’t understand them.
But you are spot on…we can’t control how others feel, only how we ourselves feel about ourselves. It ain’t no sweat off my back if they don’t agree with my perception of myself but I’m not going to let their perception change mine own.
Thanks for sharing. Backhanded compliments are the worse. I still get the side eye when I sport my undefined old twist outs. But honestly, folks who don’t like the way God designed us, hair strands and all, can go kick rocks! Family and true friends come around eventually when they know you mean business. Until then, love yourself and enjoy your hair 🙂
I personally am on a length retention journey. My fine 4b coils require a lot of TLC, but I’m learning to balance it with strategic protective styling. I’m not a fan of wash n’ gos because my hair would tangle and break. When styling my hair, I multitask. I usually DC while doing laundry, twist my hair (or install my DIY braid extensions) while watching tv or movies with loved ones; I even take some calls on speaker phone during my hair time if I feel the need to connect with others.
Honestly, I find spending time at home caring for my natural hair much more reasonable then spending several hours a month at the beauty shop inhaling chemicals and (in my neighborhood) sitting through trash talk, gossip, and criticism. Just sayin’…
Thumbs up to that!
I co-sign on the multi-tasking! When I DC, I like to turn on some good music, and start cleaning the house. My scalp generates plenty of heat when I’m sweeping away.
This too shall pass is what I tell most naturals. This is a phase. The trying to prove to others that natural hair is versitle and can look less nappy phase. I went thru this nonsense too for a while before I realized that hair care and styling natural hair DOES NOT have to be this complicated. You can have natural hair of ANY texture and keep it simple. Its all about your mental attitude and getting out of your comfort zone of what you believe to be presentable. Eventually this will get old and you will find a simpler way to care for and style your hair. Doesn’t necessarily have to be a wash n go to be simple. Simple doesn’t always mean quick and in a flash. Unless your hair is twa short that’s not realistic but a goal of spending only a few minutes a day on your hair is possible. Natural/nappy hair is only as complicated as the hang ups you have about it.
That is really an awesome way to put it Jennid. So true
Jennid, you nailed it with your comment. When you stop fighting your hair and learn to accept it as it is then natural hair becomes “easy”. The irony was that it was always easy…we make it hard.
This deserves to be repeated with caps:
NATURAL/NAPPY HAIR IS ONLY AS COMPLICATED AS THE HANG UPS YOU HAVE ABOUT IT.
This…all day every day…
And in terms of wash-and-go hair: Because I’d done everything I wanted to do with my natural hair, two years ago I was all ready to keep it TWA-short precisely because I loved the ease and simplicity of the WNG. That lasted about 7 months and then I decided to grow it out again BUT I did so with the precise intention of keeping my hair care as simple as possible. I did research about doing WNGs (still my favorite style) on longer mostly-4b coily hair and found that not only could it be done, it really wasn’t that hard to do. All it required was a little extra time with products as well as the ability to accept my hair in a state that some black folks might have issues with, lol. So far so great…I haven’t looked back…
I am wash-n-go. I just can’t do the twisting rituals. Because I do wash-n-go daily, my hair is getting the daily water and conditioning it needs and my curls and coils are much more cooperative and free to be themselves. You know how we talk about “heat” training? Well, from my experience, there is such a thing as wash-n-go trained hair. I got in the pool about a week ago, it was shallow, so only the ends got wet, but I really wasn’t too freaked out about it. I got to enjoy playing in the pool with my brother without being overly concerned with my hair. Wash-n-go’s take some trial and error but it’s been the easiest hair regimen for me.
You are so right SherryBaby!! I was thinking the same thing a few weeks back… My curls are def wash n go trained!! Not sure if its because I’ve just gotten better at doing my hair…. But I keep it so simple and the curls get better and better.
I do know that when I was faking it and still had a relaxer, the longer I would wash n go, the better my curls got… I really think that just like there is “heat trained hair” there is “curl trained hair”… As ridiculous as that sounds…
This is interesting. My hair seems to be curl-trained. I’m a wash and go person too.
My hair is definitely not “wash and go”. It takes me on average 6 hours to wash,condition,detangle, and style my hair. I don’t have time for that, I have better things to do besides my hair. So, I decided to loc my hair. Now my hair truly is “wash and go”.