by
Black Girl With Long Hair
By Ana Santos of Vista de Arcoiris
About a year ago, I wrote an article about how much I disliked being mixed because of my hair. These last few months, I realized that I didn’t embrace the natural hair life because of others and not me. I liked my curls and had already transitioned not knowing it. I still didn’t accept the fact that my curls were acceptable. In my mind, straight hair was the ideal. To be honest, I didn’t really know how to take care of my hair yet but the main reason I thought this was because of negative comments. Comments such as… “You should relax your hair again.”, “Your hair looks messy all the time.”, and the last and most important one was… “You need to stop trying to look black”. They always ended up going back to that one.
The race topic is one that strikes me the hardest when it comes to my hair. Many people believe that natural hair is just a problem for blacks. They forget that the world is not simply made of blacks and whites. Many cultures and races have mixed. The end result of that is people like me. People who share features of both races or may only have features of one but who feel attached to both. I am a born and raised Dominican. If you spend a lot of time with Latinos or Dominicans, you will quickly realize that we believe we are a different race. It’s actually very confusing because there are a lot of forms that will have Hispanic/Latino as a choice for race and not for ethnicity. A lot of people will tell you that Latinos are not a separate race. This doesn’t stop us from feeling that way. The problem with this is that even though they have a lot of african heritage as well as native american heritage…they refuse to acknowledge it. It’s not a lack of education, but a lack of acceptance.
So what does this have to do with hair? If you’re black or if you’re Latino, you were most likely raised hearing negative comments about your hair. Now, you might be saying…”Well, I know. What’s your point?”. My point is that I didn’t have one or two races/ethnicity telling me I looked undesirable, I had three. This had an impact on how I felt about myself. Even though black naturals may get a lot of crap from relaxed hair women or women who naturally have straight hair…they still have natural sistas. I had and some times still don’t have a culture to really fall back on and say… “You understand what I’m going through”. The reason is that my skin is white and my physical features are mostly European. My hair is pretty much the only thing that lets you know that I’m mixed. This causes a problem because white people expect an image of me that I don’t quite complete, black people expect an image of me and Latinos/Dominicans expect a certain image of me. In comments and forums, I have received things like “Well, you’re mixed so you don’t really know the struggle”. In school, I was told my fro was a distraction.(I never told anyone that). In the streets, I’ve been told… “Your skin is far too fair for you to wear your hair like this” (it was in a fro). You can take a guess at which races/ethnicity said each.
What I would like is for women to realize that you can’t really know someone else’s “struggle”. Relaxed women and natural women should stop trying to debate about what is the right choice, because guess what? It’s a personal choice. This also applies for big choppers and transitioners. It would also be nice if business people realized that curly/kinky hair doesn’t reduce our ability to work effectively. The last but the most is important is that I would like for people of all races to realize how much it hurts to be pushed away because of your skin color or your features. Usually when people think of racism, they think of whites against the minorities. The thing that most don’t realize though is that we judge each other just as much as other races do.
Ana Santos is a poet, writer and photographer. She blogs at Vista De Arcoiris.
262 Responses
I loved reading this! I’m 15 years old and have been struggling a lot lately with the idea of my own culture/ethnicity. My dad is white and my mom is Puertorican and Hispanic but has more European/white features. I on the other hand have dark brown multi-textured curly hair (which doesn’t even come from my Hispanic side!) and European features. I don’t know if I would be considered mixed because both my parents look white. I feel that like you said I don’t have a culture to fall back on which is something that I think about a lot too. But thank you so much because this was really great to read!!
WOW. I REALLY appreciate coming across this article because I deeply relate to the author’s experiences. Like her, I am also of mixed heritage (African-American/White) and have naturally very curly ‘big’ hair. Like her, I’ve had…interesting reactions both online and offline. Unlike her though, I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback and comments from Black people, specifically older Black women. I’ve had more mixed reactions from White women, tipping more towards the negative side. I also like to wear my hair straight, and there really are subtle little differences in how people can treat you depending on the texture of your hair. For ambiguous and pale mixed people like us, it almost becomes a bit of a social experiment, LOL.
Just like seeing the pretty picture. I am biracial and look middle eastern when I straighten my hair, so I’m changing my style. Keep in mind, Christianity and Islam are no friends of the African people. Judaism and Buddism are excellent choices. Jewish diaspra is relatable to the African diaspra, and they have never tried to destroy us — anti-semetic and racist euro Christianity has poisoned the minds of ethnic minorities against these amazing people.
Vain babbling.
RUDE
Wow…. This is the first time I’ve ever found a mixed story I can relate to. Thank you so much for sharing <3
Cry me a river.
I feel this soooooo much. I’m Egyptian, so I’ve got hair the same texture as the author’s, and a very similar skin tone. Currently I’m transitioning after spending years keeping my hair bone straight with relaxers and I’m at a loss for what to do. If I put my hair in an afro or box braids I’m afraid of the comments. =/
All that matters is that you like them?.
Good luck with your journey
That’s really sad. I’ve heard that lots of Egyptians try to deny their African traits/identity as well. Be brave…let the movement start with you 🙂
I just want to hug her and say it will be ok. Why people feel their criticism is needed I don’t understand. Put the hater blockers on your ears and f**k their expectations. Do you and if you love what u see in the mirror then the rest can kick rocks.
I’m really glad I stumbled upon this! I’m Jamaican, Chinese, and Italian… my skin tone tends to be more olive. There is a constant struggle of not fitting in. I’m too “light” to be Black, and too “dark” to be Asian or White. Most people just assume I’m Hispanic. My hair, much like yours. For years people put me down about it… it was always so “messy” and so “ugly”. It took me awhile to figure out what to do with it and till this day I am still learning. I used to have a really had time identifying with any race/ethnicity and eventually I said who cares. I am me. I’ll wear my curly hair proud. I’ll straighten it whenever I want, I’ll rock locs, I’ll get box braids…
I am so proud of you, Ana. From one mixed girl to another :).
I understand your struggle,I’m black,Italian,and polish! My kids tell me I need some color! Despite all of this I got the hair. I’m from a big family and we all look different! My son has no negro features and is constantly being told to stop trying to be black! I went to school with a white girl and her hair was kinkier than mine! I’m often asked if I consider myself black or white-I tell them I am me,a human,unique,as we all are,and I think thats fantastic! So go and be beautiful!!
Negro features?
I know right, I asked myself that same question but I figured it would be useless to even comment to her. Smh!
https://www.duolingo.com/comment/69864 In some countries it is ok to say negro(a) but offensive to say black.. PC works culturally.
In some countries it is ok to say negro(a) but offensive to say black… example Brazil
Great perspective. Thanks for sharing. Maybe one day such ignorance will be gone… NOT! So stories like your and all of ours must always be shared and heard.
As far back as 15 generations or so family members have told me my forbearers have mixed. For me being mixed is the rule not the exception. I can pass for 30 or so nationalities around the world and I’ve been made to feel guilty about it by everyone I meet. I only get a different impression from people when I can somehow relate to something about them, then they are more ready to accept me. Mind you they never attempt to accept me at face value. The burden of acceptance is always left up to me.
I’ve learned over time to be comfortable in my own skin. I’ve got nothing to apologize for. In fact I am proud of my ancestors who stepped out of the norm in their generation and fought to love someone outside their own circle. My ancestors were warriors for love that sees no boundaries and no walls and I am breathing, living testimony that race, ethnicity, religion and any other man made boundary will crumble in the face of uncompromising acceptance. Just like them I have chosen to walk the way of my kin who came before me as have my siblings. All of us married someone of a different race and ethnicity.
One day in the far distant future anthropologist trying to find a common link between the various human species the human race will become will discover a gene common in all our decedents and it will be the gene that has already coursed through almost two centuries of my people. Face it my mixed race brethren we are no longer the exception. We are the rule. We are not an aberration of nature. We are a prime example of it.
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Well stated, Anthony…I agree 100%. This is the story of my life. Many people erroneously believe that being “mixed” and looking a certain way means we will automatically be privileged, have better lives, etc.
We all have crosses to bear. And while some people might have heavier “crosses” than others, that doesn’t nullify anybody else’s struggle. I say this not to be disrespectful to anyone but it is the truth.
And what you said is very powerful: “I’ve got nothing to apologize for”. Yes, and this is what people need to understand.
No one can help looking the way they do…whether that is tall, short, thin, chubby, light, dark, etc.
No one can control who their ancestors were. I used to date a guy whose mother (actually his family in general) hated me because I was of mixed heritage and had very light skin. She made me feel ashamed of myself and this was a Black woman. One would think that having experienced prejudice herself, she wouldn’t try to hurt somebody else. But she did and I am still hurting over the terrible things that were said/done to me.
Some people don’t want to admit that it often works both ways…some “mixed” and light-skinned people can certainly be mean, but the same is also true of darker people and those with very little admixture in their family tree.
We need to be kind to one another. Period. We need to stop judging one another so harshly and open our hearts, as well as our minds.
Great article. My little sister is mixed i classify myself as black. her hair is kinky like mine and probably more bushy than mine but she has a white mother and we share the same father. the struggle of mixed races is real.
unfortunately, we can’t control what people think we can only control ourselves. and we just need to make sure that we as women believe in ourselves and our own personal beauty.
in middle school, i lived near a girl who was white, blonde hair, had really curly fuzzy hair, she told us she used to put grease in her hair to combat the frizz, at that time i looked at her crazy but hair is hair, no matter what race or ethnicity is attached to it.
stay positive.
Oh godness same here! I’m mixed but my hair are so kinky which led to mean jokes all my childhood and high school years. My mom was always complaining about my “bad hair” and… She ended up relaxing it. Now i accepted both of my european features and kinky hair and i couldn’t ne happier to be mixed 😀 !
This is wonderful, Laetitia…I agree because I’m in the same boat.
This is an excellent article with a beautiful point of view!
You are gorgeous and unique. You own it!
Thank you so much for your article, Ana. Your hair texture & skin tone remind me of my daughter’s. She’s only 20 months old, but as the darker skinned parent, I need to hear from young women like you so I can support her as she gets older.
I think you’re absolutely beautiful & you’re on the right track. Good job listening to yourself!! It takes a lot of women many more years to gain the sort of self-awareness & honesty you’ve displayed. You should be proud!
Well Said.
There were a few who thought because she did not represent a black women,her article was not meant for this blog because they felt she didn’t look like them so they could not relate,however there are mixed women here who do,also black mothers here who are bringing up mixed raced children who look like her will find her article helpful.
Look at what white supremacy has done to “all” of us. Hating ourselves, and for what? Religion has done nothing but enforce their demonic mistreatment onto the human family. Mixed? Are you serious? Every human being on this planet is derived from one human family…and they had black skin. Be proud of your blackness. The only thing good about these commentaries and discussions is that talk and exchange of emotions and struggles is therapeutic. It opens the door to discovering the truth. Keep talking, debating, and challenging. It’s refreshing to hear young people engage in conversation about their upbringing and tell the world the challenges they’ve endured because of anti-black racism. The world is changing, and for the better, but it won’t be easy or painless.
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I don’t understand your struggle but, I do respect it. We all have struggles that hurt us inside. I wouldn’t change who I am for anything in the world. My dark skin, kinky hair and curvy slim figure is a part of me. Society doesn’t seem to think I’m beautiful but, I know I am. You may have a struggle but, it’s all about overcoming. No matter what they say or tell you, you are beautiful hair and all.
P.S. – I don’t understand the whole “jealous of light skin women” claims, because there are some of us who are confident about ourselves and we don’t all have “4z” hair even though that doesn’t matter. Look around and open your eyes trolls.
*applause*
Now that is one GORGEOUS MANE! I’m sorry people have said those things to you. My little sister has light skin and people keep bothering her when she does her wash n goes. As a dark skinned woman who keeps to her self, strangely enough I’ve been able to avoid the negativity naturals get. My parents still tell me I need to cut my hair because my naps look like a terrible job to fix. I have waist length hair now and prefer twist outs and I hope that my hair will continue growing well past these five years to even keep a kinky texture and look as long as yours.
My family says the same stuff to me as well! I stopped using relaxers in 2009 because breakage and damage. My hair is long again and I loving my natural hair.
Hispanics is the most stoopidist nilkkas werd cuz they backward. Never listen to them, they hate all blacks. Look at george zimmerman. Nikka was white til he pointed gun at white girl, now he hispanic.
Dark skin women have always been jealous of light skin because of slavery times. See nikkas was like im light skin and got the best of both worlds. Darkies was like, im dark and gots a big booty yougots a flat pancake butt like your European for fathers. Your baby daddies look at light skin womens cuz of they white features and they ashamed to be big nose black men so they chase light girls, which makes the big booty pretty dark girls mad as hell. Light skins mad cuz they butt flat much like snowflakes who gotta has butt implants to get a man. So mule lottos think they actually won the race lottery. But you know darkies is fine but they be haten on mixed girls cuz they gits good hair. I like darkies and mule lottos cuz they all look goid shoot poom poom is poom poom. Hope yall nikkas learned somethin today cuz imdropped knowlidge! Real talk. And don let big bootydarkies hate on you girl. Can i get your number btw?
Your word etiquette is bizarre
Don’t feed the trolls. That’s just someone acting a plumb fool to get attention.
Thats true
I think this person is suffering from mental illness! Most blacks and mixed people today don’t understand that we would both being from a noose along side each!! There is a book called Destined to Witness: Growing Up Black in Nazi Germany. It is an autobiographical book by Hans J. Massaquoi whose mother was German and his father was black African. The Nazi didn’t care about how light Afro-German were. They called these bi-racial children Rhineland bastards and over 358 of these children went missing shortly after Hitler and the Nazis came into power. They were kicked out of school, the military, entertainment stripped of there German citizenship and were told that blacks no longer in existence. Hence the large amount who went missing never to be heard or see ever again. Most where killed in the death camps! The Nazis forcibly sterilized these children without their mothers knowledge so they won’t produce offspring. The older ones were killed! People of color need to understand that we are all in the same boat!
Must you be so childish? I hate when people say “darkies” are jealous. Its ridiculous. The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.
Preach on it sweetz!
I’m really sorry for the way people treat you. Especially other black people. We tend to be the hardest on each other. I think your hair is beautiful.
This women is speaking for women like her or who can relate to her,it’s kind of disrespectful to her if she is stating her own struggle and certainly black women are dismissing it,this is her struggle as a mixed women,black women face their own struggles too,she has not disputed that,wether mixed women have it better in society is not the point as she clearly still faces critique from certain member’s of the population
As a mixed person she is still a person of color and is entitled to have a voice.
She is only a person of color according to American society, but non-Americans would consider her white!
I don’t agree ,
I’m non American and I wouldn’t consider her white,maybe without the hair but I would definitely see her as having ethnic in her in fact most black women wouldn’t consider her black because she isn’t.
Racist white people would consider anyone with the one drop as black but to most she would be considered mixed that she is.
Hey there
Disclaimer: I’m not trying to start a hate-slinging match. Just speaking my mind.
My aim is not to come off as callous, but what I still can’t understand is why mixed women feel so persecuted. Being mixed or “exotic” is largely desired in today’s society (north American at least). I find that a majority of the time, women of a fairer skin tone are favoured in almost every subcategory of media. The lead black actresses and pop singers are mostly mixed. The love interest in R&B and hip hop music videos are almost always mixed. That ‘type’ of woman is even described in black music much more often than any “chocolate”references. The way I see it, mixed people have the whole marketing universe behind their self-esteem.
I’m trying to put myself in your shoes and I still feel like if I was mixed and being hit with those remarks by some people, no doubt it would be irritating, but I might just see it for what it really is…jealously and insecurity.
Black women (by this I mean “obviously” negroid in appearance, with dark skin and naturally kinky hair) have almost no support in this area except our fellow natural sistas. Not the skin-bleaching weav-a-holics. Not black men, who tend to make a habit of mocking our natural features and sometimes pursue females of other races just so their kids will be mixed. And definitely not the media. We are told by our men and the world that we are not what is desirable by way of their actions and words, or passing over us in key roles.
I guess this sounds like I’m saying my struggle is worse than yours. That’s not what I’m trying to do at all. I just can’t get my mind around how someone who’s so obviously beautiful and unique (again, backed by all kinds of MEDIA) can feel inferior.
Again, NO HATE.
You’re not trying to say your struggle is harder than hers… but that’s kind of, um, exactly what you’re saying. I get that you have a struggle, but the author obviously has one too. They’re different. Hers might hurt because it comes from people who are of the same background she is (partially). Yours hurts because it comes from without, and sometimes within. Everyone has their own struggle, and you can’t know it ’til you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. You’ve described your shoes, and she has described hers. Let’s stop minimizing each other’s struggles and have each others backs.
But the thing about @ChelleBelle is she is right! Her struggle is harder. I believe your reaction would be different is this was a white woman posting how hard her struggle is as a white woman. I don’t know you, but I got $5.00 on you feeling some type of way about that. If that’s the case, blacks dont have a valid point in lifting our struggle higher than a white persons struggle. I’m sorry but there are levels of struggle, and the jewish struggle which didn’t last long at all is recognized and respected all over the world, but the black struggle isn’t and told it exists for no valid reason. Sorry but the, “respect everyones struggle” is not reality.
Actually that’s not what I said. Maybe take the time to read it over?
This is a forum for open and honest conversation about being black (whatever shade), and having black hair (whatever texture) etc.
Stop putting words into my mouth. I did not say that I believe my struggle is worse than hers. I merely asked for elaboration. She seems genuine in what she is writing, but i have had a totally different point of view. I’m not going to blindly nod and concur when I know I don’t reaklly understand. You and people like you will not bully me into doing so. I’m not a hater. I’m not a sepratist. This is obvious from my other posts.
Is it not always better to understand than to pretend to?
I know I am not the only one who has these questions. Through open discussion we all will come closer together.
PS its funny how you said people’s struggle is different and a similar comment was voted down multiple times for essentially saying the same thing. But it’s true. Very real and very different.
I get what you are saying as a Godiva Chocolate beauty however I understand the authors position as well. I actually have a dominican friend with hair exactly like hers and I always let her know that when she is ready to cut it all off I will be the first to make a nice weave out of it…lol. But seriously my friend is fair skin and finds it hard to fit in her culture at times because of her hair among other cultures. Black men in hip hop videos may glorify the mixed girls but other men not so much…I date outside my race and she finds it hard to do so. Of course she dates black and Latino men but white men and asian men are off the radar where they are available to me. I guess I fit into a what a black woman should look like box..dark with kinky hair. She is ambiguous looking which I feel sometimes leaves her out of it all at times. My friend is gorgeous but I see where its hard for her to just feel and be herself. Sometimes the mixed or mixed looking women would prefer to have more on their menu then ignorant hip hop types…the media does not always reflect what the majority really wants..just look at the world of modeling and ask men if they want women with meat on their bones. I am one of those thin tall women and I can tell you that I have been told to eat a steak or two, so I know the media can try to push an image but what men really want is a different topic altogether. The author is gorgeous and should continue to embrace who she is because she is beautiful just the way she is and besides white black and asian would literally kill for a head of hair like that!!!!
Allow me to share my perspective…I don’t believe that most mixed women feel “persecuted”.
Not trying to speak for all other biracial/multiracial ladies, just stating that most of us don’t feel that way.
But I will say that it is frustrating and hurtful to have our experiences dismissed or ignored because of the assumption that lighter skin means a better life. The truth is that it doesn’t. Maybe for some people it does, but being mixed and having very light skin has done absolutely nothing to improve my lot in life.
So when it seems like some of us lighter and/or “mixed” ladies are complaining about nothing…trust me, we have our struggles too.
Maybe our issues aren’t always the same but it is hurtful to be silenced and told that our struggles aren’t real, that we don’t matter because we aren’t black enough, we don’t count because we lack melanin, etc.
This is not directed at you in a negative way but I thought I would try to shed some light (no pun intended) on the subject.
Also, I’ve heard many Black women (mostly brown and darker sisters) talk about how the media only portrays lighter Black women as desirable. You stated this as well.
I agree with Kitty’s response on this. While you might perceive the media as a positive influence on the image and self-esteem of mixed or light-skinned Black women, that is a somewhat problematic view.
I grew up with VERY low self-esteem that I am still battling with in my 30’s. Contrary to popular belief, the media is damaging to ALL women and this includes us mixed or light-skinned sistas. Seeing Mariah Carey on TV doesn’t make me feel good about myself. Seeing Paula Patton doesn’t make me feel better about myself. Seeing certain other famous women of a lighter complexion doesn’t make me walk taller or hold my head higher.
Why? Because self-esteem should come from within and more importantly, it should also come from a person’s environment.
I am as light as the author in the picture above. By your statement about the media, I should be walking around with an abundance of confidence. But you know what? I was never told that I was pretty when I was growing up. I was never affirmed or validated or truly loved for who I was. No one ever really told me anything positive about myself. I still can’t see my beauty to this day. I struggle with having 4b hair, white skin, my weight, and being made to feel like a freak by people of ALL races because they don’t understand how mixing works to create somebody like me.
Sometimes darker Black women miss the forest for the trees…and I don’t mean that in a disrespectful way. I just think that it is easy to look at another person who might seem to have it better based on outward appearances, but you don’t always know what they might be dealing with.
Looking “exotic” is not what it is cracked up to be in most cases. Being lighter or being of mixed race often means being treated in degrading ways by men and by society in general.
It can mean being shunned or mistreated by other Black folks because of the perception that life is easier for you, so they resent you automatically. It can mean that white people and other races feel more comfortable with you to an extent but the minute you piss them off, you’re just another “N” word.
It means being stared at in nasty ways and questioned about your heritage constantly because you don’t look like everybody else. So the struggle is real. Yours is real, but mine is real too. I don’t think anyone was trying to “bully” you…I believe Sunny was trying to say that it’s not fair to invalidate a person’s struggle because they look different.
And that is what I often notice about these conversations around colorism, hair, etc.
Darker sisters will talk about their struggles all day and they are validated, as they should be…but let a woman like me or the author or some of the other light-skinned ladies here share what we’ve experienced, and see how different the reactions are.
People immediately become angry and try to silence us.
I understand all the points of view shared here. I am an actress, and I have shared on this post before that my agent straight up told me that the casting people preferred mixed race women. On the breakdowns, (casting notifications) there will be a repeated, ongoing preference for latina asian and mixed race black women when they want someone “gorgeous.” It’s no joke that lighter skinned is preferred and in the world of acting, which I have been in since I was eleven, working professionally, the color hierarchy is real and entrenched. I have gone to arts school with various celebrities and I have watched them get more dap because of their skin shade. But then again I have fallen somewhere on the color hierarchy as well and gotten acceptance over other darker skinned, more African looking black people. However, when people are perceived as having something someone wants, jealousy is still incredibly hurtful. I am not light skinned, but I have had things- as we all- that people deem desirable. And when people are jealous, they don’t say they are jealous, They try to hurt you with whatever weapons are in their arsenal. Women who are considered higher up on the beauty hierarchy can be incredibly persecuted, undermined, betrayed and denigrated. A very beautiful, very dark skinned woman can be treated with a great deal of nastiness and avarice because people resent that someone on the “bottom” has the confidence and beauty of someone on the “top.” People can be ruthless and if we do not understand the depth of privation that people feel then we might take their ruthlessness personally.
There definitely is a lot of colorism. I think the end of this post was pretty “colorblind” and willfully ignorant.
Light-skinned/mixed people have a lot of systemic privileges that we need to recognize.
At the same time, being mixed is fetishized to a point of dehumanization. That doesn’t compare to the absolutely horrible way people treat dark-skinned black women. Yours is a completely different, harder struggle.
But we do have a struggle of our own. One that shouldn’t detract from dark skinned women’s struggles or take attention and focus from them, but it is a struggle. Like guys who just want to date us because we are “exotic” or getting called racial slurs from like five different races that we aren’t even a part of. Or feeling like we have no sense of belonging.
Again, this is almost nothing compared to the horrible treatment of more obviously black women. Your struggle is obviously worse than mine. I acknowledge that. And a lot of light skinned women add to that intentionally and are disgusting in how they treat darker women.
But our struggle is still worse than white women’s, so it is nice to sometimes have a place to talk about it. The problem is, like you said, we aren’t acknowledging the privileges that we do have and we aren’t supporting darker skinned women.
THANK YOU. lol nuff said. I swear to god if i hear one more girl with mixed parentage complaining about how terrible it is to hear someone call them “exotic”, my eyes are going to roll back so far I may never recover my sight. I’ve tried to be sympathetic but I feel like a lot of the time my lighter skinned sistas just low-key undermine the struggle of the darker ones.
I liked how one year ago you had a negative mindset and this year you are tolerant. That’s rare to be honest and it gets to be that way everyday. People criticize what they don’t understand and fear change. Remember women in the 1920s? They were fighting for their rights? Still to this day women are doubted to be presidents and be drafted. Now women are police officers, security guards, militants, doctors..etc If you believe in something and you believe it can change, than you be your hero. You be the change. Just because everybody doesn’t agree with your hair doesn’t mean your a bad person. I’m 18 and been natural since 16 in a half of last year around June.
I meant to say “most of us suffer and all of us are effected.
Your struggle is not just a biracial one but also one for those who are fair skinned. As people of color, and now I am speaking of the lighter hued sisters out here, and trust me when I tell you there is NO disrespect to my chocolate sisters, we need to be a support mechanism to one another, because we are ridiculed by everyone. Despite your ethnicity, many of us suffer the same issues. I am light, although not biracial, and have suffered the same stupid comments from both sides of the fence. Actually, I suffer from various ethnic groups because if I’m in one group people they think I’m latina, some think I’m asian, others think I’m anything but black. Sorry to inform you, I’m just plain ole BLACK! LOL!!! Then let’s not even talk about men and some of their mean and belligerant comments. Anyway, as much as people don’t want to hear this statement I will still say it. We are still battling a form of PTSD (Post traumatic slave disorder). The remnants still live in our society, because unfortunately this society was founded on them. This image of european beauty being the guide by which we are judged is devastating to every ethnic group. With this, comes the unspoken ridiculed belief that the closer you are to the european image the better you are, which leaves many of our darker counterparts pissed off, and rightfully so. Not because it is true, but because it has been customary in the past and even today. The sad thing is that this used to be a real issue and many of us get hit with this not knowing why it is the case. Interpreting our history brings a lot of issues to light. The sad conclusion is that in american society as it relates to African Americans(and this actually relates to any ethnic group that has come through african enslavement diaspora,) many of us have bought into this false image that was decided for us. And what is that buy in word that we throw around so frequently? Assimilation. If you look like me and/or act like me then you are beautiful. Blacks and whites suffer from it and don’t even know. Actually, most ethnic groups that are not black or white and suffering from it now. So my point is this, and I apologize for being so long winded with it. I am not going to attack or beat up on those who have relaxers, I’ve had them, along with weaves, wigs, …etc. It is a process to come out of that. Those who are natural understand. But there must be a way to maintain your racial and ethnic diversity (curly, frizzy, nappy hair) and still be able to function without the ridicule from your culture. For those of us who have become natural, you know the mental transformation that goes along with this process, and it is an amazing one. Embrace it!!! There are a lot of realities that we as women of color whether you be light or dark will come to recognize about our own ancestry and it is imperative that we recognize them and make the necessary adjustments to change and embrace our natural royalty. It will make for a better life for ourselves and our future. Whew!!!! With all that, STAY BEAUTIFUL, FABULOUS, AND BLESSED!!! Kalidescope love!!!Loving all the colors and shapes!!!
This was a great statement, in which you put in historical perspective. Yes, I totally agree, the shackles are physically removed but the slave mentality is so ever present in our minds. I don’t know if it will be 100 years from now when we look at race and ethincity as just labels or social constructs that changes throughout time. Most of us suffer and all of us are effective. It does no good to any of us to compete on how much some one else’s stuggle is not as bad as mine.
So true. I wish we could all just support one another instead of being divided by feelings of inferiority of superiority. It’s true that it’s been set up like this but we’ve kept it going the past couple hundred years. You can see the cliche “united we stand, divided we fall” in vivid illustration when you look at the difference in the way Asian, European, and South American immigrants treat each other and work together and the way black people engage in counter-productive, self-hating practices that still has us on the bottom after all these years.
I am the product of two light-skinned Black parents, who each had a light-skinned parent. I have had the same experiences (people thinking I’m everything but Black) and Black people telling me I’m not Black or treating me as if I think I’m better before they even get to know me. Its made me a bit jaded and a loner. I understand the deeper reasons behind it but I refuse to subject myself to it. If you disregard me or turn your nose up at me based on how I look or how you assume I think, I’m cool with that now. I probably don’t want to be friends anyway.
Wow. It’s sad to read yet reassuring somehow to hear someone else is out there experiencing what I’ve had to deal with most of my life too – from within family even and certainly socially or at work. Because of it I too have realised how it’s made me a bit jaded and a loner, like you say. People then see me as reserved sometimes or are only ok as long as they feel they have one over on me (in earnings, work status, church status, relationships, etc). It’s often a lonely life as it means there are so few real friends to have (not for want of trying believe me). I’ve come to accept it now and realise it’s their problem (with the assumptions) and not mine that they feel they have to reject me. Those that don’t are rewarded. I’ve stopped pandering to their insecurities and hoping they’ll be less prejudiced; for most that just ain’t gonna happen anytime soon. In the meantime I make no more apologies for being me than they do for being them (bitchiness n all).
I enjoyed reading this. I’m glad you can finally embrace your hair. It’s beautiful!
flyer
http://12tribes.net/israel.html
I’m mixed too and I agree with you.
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YESSS!!!! I’m Dominican myself and it’s my one year and half natural process and of course walking around with my curls instead of going to the salon with our blowous it’s a no no in our community. Especially since I’m trigeña always making remarks as I’m working in some cotton field. Bring Dominican I embrace our European African and native (tai?o) cultura. Its the most beautiful thing we have. Love your article!!
I’m sorry you’re struggling but your struggle is not the same as mine..
None of our struggles are the same as another; we are alone in our skins. I empathize greatly with this author. She seems young and will grow into her hair and skin. Stand strong and realize that being mixed is a wonderful thing and you are unique in your uniqueness! Wild hair rules! Going sleek is awesome. Own your specialness; unapologetically.
Yes her struggles is EXACTLY like yours. You 4 z women always jealous of others looser textures. Sometimes hispanics go through more than black women go through. Hispanics are the worst because if you think the world hates black people, then live in a. Hispanic community for a year and see what she has been through. Hisoanics, honestly aren’t as evolved as other races are as a general rule. They are very stuck in their ways, mire so than any other culture.You don’t know what she went through and you’re just jealous because you’re not light skinned and pretty like most mixed people. At least your black rear fits in somewhere. Mixed people def have it the toughest.
I hope this is a troll or something like that. I’m 4 z but I’m not jealous of anything lol.. and by the way mixed People are not necessarily pretty..
You’re a good example of what this young lady is talking about! Also, not all mixed people have light skin, are beautiful and have long hair! Hence this natural hair blog you’re making a comment on! Only ignorant person talks stupid like you! God made all of us in his image and no one is better/superior then another person! We are also not jealous because someone has light skin and long hair, that stupid statement is getting old!! Blacks are embracing their true image and we can careless about snobbish mixed people who think they are better then us! You have the same mentality like Adolf Hitler!! His stupid ignorant racist claim that blonde hair/blue eye Aryans of Germanic people are better then any man and woman on this earth!! You see where this kind of ignorance got him! So go have a seat troll!
Your hair is gorgeous, and so are you.
That is all.
It is so sad that we live in a world that judges and lives according to what people think and not what God thinks. You have the texture of hair that many wish to have because even though it is thick and you have a lot of it, many of us desire the texture and length you have. Understand jealousy can come in many forms such as , “You don’t understand!” But understand this…You and every human being is loved and created by The ONE TRUE God who loves them and made every single one of so unique. You are lovely as you are with your gorgeous hair and mixed features
I truly do understand what you are going through. I am mixed also, with black, white, french, cherokee and black foot native american, and hispanic. Growing up people used to compare my skin color to theirs, I was told that I crossed over when I dated a white person, and told that I was to good to date a black person, I permed my hair growing and finally decided to leave it natural 6 years ago, since then other races have said I look like their people, I don’t just claim one either, I have learned to embrace that I am mixed.
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If 80%-90% of people are making the same choice it isn’t a personal choice anymore…. it is a collective choice.
She is so right. And as a black female who “went natural” I understand being judged by both races, because the majority of the people I worked with and hung out with were or are white. I was worried about what they would say and how they would accept me. For the longest time I couldn’t even wear my hear out because I didn’t want my friends and coworkers saying negative things about me.
But I have found that most of the harshest judgements come from the African American community, and I’ve found that even some “naturals” aren’t easy to please. You’re always doing something wrong and you’re never going to live up to anyone’s expectations. The second I decided to just not care about what other people thought I felt freer. I wore my hair out, and was surprised when I got favorable comments on it. There are still negative people out there, but you just have to learn how to tune it out.
Also, I think that the reason why everyone Latino/Hispanic is grouped that way is because no one wants to accept that they are not all the same, they are totally different depending on their culture and where they live, and because its just easier to group them as one, just like Asians are collectively Asians, but I am always correcting people when they’re trying to guess what nationality others are because its always Mexico with everyone, and I’m always like “For all you know, they could be Ecuadorian or Dominican or Puerto Rican or Columbian,” and anyway, not everyone looks the same or speaks the same . . . . You get my point! But I think this is just one of those things with humans in general. We judge what we don’t know or understand, and sometimes even when we do understand or come to know it we are still so judgemental and non-accepting of everything, and its something that has been passed down from generation to generation, especially in America.
What I want is simply for everyone to just be able to accept themselves as they naturally are, because what breaks my heart the most is seeing these beautiful, beautiful races and cultures cutting away the most beautiful parts of themselves to make themselves into something that is, in my eyes, less beautiful than their natural selves, if that makes sense. What I am trying to get at here, though, is that I think all of us, black, white, mixed, whatever you are, you are beautiful the way you are. I like it all. What I don’t agree with is hurting yourself just to look like something you weren’t born to look like is all. And at the same time I am aware of and understand that people’s choices are their own, and they’re going to do what they want, and if you want to straighten your naturally curly hair, then straighten all you like, its yours.
I’m going to stop now, because I think I’ve gone too far, lol. I wonder if anyone will read this long comment . . .
I think your hair is GLORIOUS and would love the opportunity to style it! If you’re ever in the DMV, hit me up. http://www.facebook.com/silkynaturalhair or @bronzegoddessbeauty on Instagram.
Here is the thing. I don’t see her as white or non-black, though she said previously she doesn’t identify with black (a common struggle among Dominicans & Puerto Ricans), she is apart of the African Diaspora. DR is over 70% blk and live right next to the Haitians, they only had different enslavers and they are mixed up with each other as well and with the now extinct Tainos. Blacks are all over the world, from negritos in Asia to Brazil and Peruvians. I believe they have right to be on this site.
However, I would say coming from different parts of the diaspora come different struggles. My mother’s half of the family is from Haiti, same island Ana is from. I also minored in African Amer. studies and a big part of it was the struggles of blks in South Amer., the Caribbean versus the U.S. They are very different, so I wouldn’t deny her struggle, but I would say they are very different from Blacks in the US. Not as much because of looks, but the treatment of Blks…which caused them to not embrace their African ancestry. I’d also say if I were featured on this site there would be no problem or negative reactions because I have features of African descent, but I think the fact that she looks more European is causing negative reactions and we are judging her based on that. Well the problem with this is it doesn’t mean much. Looks are actually not a direct reflection of genetics. The average Black woman in America is 27% white, and more times than not her looks don’t reflect that. Samuel Jackson has a large percent of white from slavery, but who would ever guess that? My Haitian side is very mixed up down to my grandpa, but I’m a chocolate drop with 4a/4b hair. So its the experience and everyday struggle in response to how you look that is the problem. This difference you see in the looks of DR, PR, Brazilians, Peruvians ect… are simply from the more relaxed enslavement in comparison to the U.S. Enslavement which for them was not harsh, they often married and were treated well. In Haiti, they “look” a little less mixed than people in DR because their enslavers (the Portuguese) didn’t believe in mating with slaves as much as spanish, were more like American enslavers, but they were freed earlier on, yet many Haitians are mixed with Tainos. But can you tell? Its not very obvious, so when we see them, we classify them as all blk. But we all were enslaved Africans when it comes down to it! Easier enslavement is the story of most caribbean islands, Mexico and South America…yet Ana is right, the self hate there is actually much more crucial in a sense. & they want to forget they were slaves and only acknowledge the European side and their lighter looks allow that, but here we can’t forget. Our enslavement was much harsher, violent, theirs wasn’t! There is a clear line between white and black here, the line isn’t clear in those places because they are all mixed with Blk, its just by how much or how little and they base it on how you look. Just a little history lesson. What I’m saying is this comes down to superficial looks because we are ALL apart of the Diaspora. She is more than likely more “black” than many american mixed women we feature on site who are 50% white, despite her appearance. Well your average dominican is less than that! You cannot base stuff like this on how one looks. Looks mean nothing, your dna can still show 40% white with dark skin and kinks laid to the Gods!
However, I will say that you CAN base a struggle on looks. The struggle of Caribbean islands and South Americans are much different. The self hate of black skin is the common denominator, bigger some places than others. However, here we have self hate and discrimination from whites. So the darker the skin, kinkier the hair the harder the struggle. It may be very hard to get much sympathy out of a dark skin woman with 4c hair for a light and mixed dominican of Spanish, Taino and African descent.
Its like comparing having Aids to having Diabetes. Yes you are both sick, but the struggle for one is much greater than the other and also very different!! No one wants wants Aids, its an ongoing journey to love yourself if you have it, & everyone else mistreats you for having a deadly disease. Well the one with Diabetes is sick, and it’s hard, you’re on medication and all, but the struggle is not comparable to Aids. People aren’t mistreating you much for having diabetes, I mean maybe insurance companies but people don’t run from you. People don’t deny you service, people let you share water fountains, and food. People still admire you. They don’t wash plates or even throw them out because you’re sick skin touched it. Its much different….sorry that is the quickest analogy I could think of.
Your comment is right on the money! Loved that analogy too.. I was gonna make a comment but you pretty much said all that needed to be said.
The Afro-Germans had it hard just like the blacks in American.
Girl, you are beautiful. Don’t fret about pigeonholing yourself in some type of category because of mankind’s silly complexes. If someone ever asks you your race, tell them human.
youtube.com/user/soleilkiss
Sorry, I’d also like to also point out the slight irony in this article:
The article is about how some women are isolated by other women by excluding them from “the hair struggle”. And yet this article, in a way, is also saying “You don’t know the struggle of being mixed.” And as I said before, I am African American, and go through many of the same problems “mixed girls” do, simply because I “look” mixed, and people have certain expectations of me. I just thought that irony was interesting.
My niece is very light people always asks if she is mixed. People act like blacks all look alike! They never compare Irish white people and German white people or Latino white people. I think it is funny!
I see what you mean, Leondra…I understand. But at the same time, the author wasn’t trying to be exclusionary.
I think the “mixed” struggle can also include light-skinned Black women (some of whom might not have much admixture in their families). Sometimes it depends on how a person looks, though, and how they are perceived by others. Vanessa Williams had two “Black” parents (I put that in quotes because there is at least one white grandparent on her mother’s side). She identifies as a Black woman. She has a light, clear honey complexion with blue-green eyes and hair that ranges from light brown to honey blonde. To me, she looks much more Caucasian than Halle Berry, who has a white mother. Back in 1984 some Black women were upset about Vanessa being Miss America because they felt she wasn’t “black enough” and they wanted a “real” image of Black beauty. So Vanessa would pretty much be in the same boat as you, I guess, and maybe I would too.
So while you might not actually be mixed (at least not in recent generations) you still deal with similar issues.
And in a way, I would say that people of mixed race can often have struggles that others can’t always relate to. Again, it depends on how a person looks and their environment because everyone is different.
A person with two parents of the same race or of similar appearance to themselves can’t always understand the experiences of a person with two parents of different races. While “race” is mostly a social construct, we can’t deny that people judge others based on appearance. People often decide whether to accept or reject somebody based on superficial reasons and if they think you have something in common with them. This is part of why I, a sista who is every bit as light as the lady pictured above, had such difficulty when I was growing up. Very few people wanted to accept me based on my appearance. I was perceived as too different by most.
I don’t think she was trying to exclude anyone…just trying to show that yes, even us pale-skinned sisters with type 4 hair have struggles too. And that sometimes we look the way we do because of interracial mixing, whether it is from parents or grandparents or great-grandparents in some cases.
Some darker people feel like when a “mixed” or lighter-skinned woman talks about these issues, we are simply trying to gloat. But that is usually not the case. We’re simply sharing our experiences and trying to have solidarity with others.
I totally understand this article. I am an African American and so are both of my parents. But like many African Americans (most African Americans, even), my parents are of mixed heritage (African, Native American and European). Many people think I am mixed because of my features, but really, who isn’t?
I am significantly lighter than both of my parents and have inherited a freckle or two from my dad. My sister is darker than both of my parents (Like, Kelly Rowland dark), and has nearly straight hair. My hair on the other end is mostly between a 3c and 4a. So depending on who you’re talking to, in America, black Americans are just as “mixed” , and sometimes more, as many Latinos. After all 95% of the trans-Atlantic slaves went to Latin America, whereas only roughly 5% came to North America. So this isn’t a surprise. (Not sure why in 2013, people think that African Americans are somehow a monolithic thing). I could talk forever about this, but the way Latin America approaches race is differently than the States, simply because our histories are different.
My point is, I totally understand this topic as a woman of color. There are black Latinos who are “blacker” than black Americans, and vise versa, and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. What I’m trying to say is, I really think heritage has very little (if anything) to do with hair texture, and people who try to press their ignorance on you should be ignored. You can be as white as Nicole Kidman and have kinky hair, or as dark as Kelly Rowland and have naturally straight hair. I have an aunt who looks just like the author to this article, and to my knowledge, we are not of Hispanic descent. People are just trying to fit every person of color into a box. Your ethnic heritage doesn’t judge what you look like, what your hair is like, or who you are.
Latino, not latino, American, African, European, whatever, placing us into boxes is becoming increasingly difficult, and as it does, they try to figure out new categories based on color, hair texture, etc, etc. But since when does being black have anything to do with the language you speak, the country you were born in, the type of hair you have…we are all of African descent. And don’t let anyone make you feel like you have to conceal that blackness. Love your hair. That’s my two cents =]
My grandma’s cousin is very darks skin with straight hair and so does one of my friends! I agree with you.
you aren’t a different race. That term is just divisive and awkward and not even scientifically correct. we are a spectrum of people on an ethnicity spectrum and we different hair.
There are Jewish white women with hair that can be equally as difficult to categorize/embrace etc. as black hair can be.
The key is that we need to learn to embrace all our hair and and ourselves and not feel like we all have to have a certain style/texture to be beautiful or professional.
we *have different hair. totally left out a verb there.
My friend Siv is one of those Jews with thick coarse hair too!
Anna I can relate to your struggle as well. I have gotten negative comments about my hair and ethnicity as well. Some people have said that I have bad hair or pelo malo. The interesting thing is, people do not realize that any hair texture that is unhealthy is actually bad hair. The only way to have good hair is by taking care of your hair; so it can be healthy. In addition, I am Liberian(African)-American and some individuals assumed that all Africans/blacks can’t grow their hair. Furthermore, they also said “You’re African? You don’t look African?” Lastly, I understand what you mean with the Hispanic/Latino culture. Although, Hispanics/Latinos can have either have African, European, Native American, or Asian ancestry, it is more about the culture as oppose to the race. Your hair is beautiful and continue to rock your natural hair proudly.
I hate how people automatically assume that a black woman is wearing weave if she has long hair. My sister and I get “is that your real hair” question all the time.
why is everyone trippin over this article, i think this was made from a cultural standpoint more than a “color” standpoint. No body can accurately comment on another persons struggle and until you’ve been in their shoes (that goes both ways)
@Jackie…I agree. I know my comments to this are really late by like, a year. But you are right.
People seem to be “trippin” over it mostly because she is very light with very long hair and some folks believe that with an appearance like hers, how could she possibly struggle with anything in life?
I look very much like the author but I am not Latina, unlike her. I love BGLH because there is so much wonderful info on here about hair care and embracing who we are in all of our shades/textures.
But it makes me sad and a bit mad, to be honest, when I see people trying to invalidate or downplay another sister because they feel she isn’t “black enough”. Something tells me they wouldn’t like it if their struggles were invalidated.
Once again, I’m sorry if my comment offends anyone…that isn’t my intention at all. And I apologize for my comments on this article being so late in the game! I simply feel like we need to support one another because the world is not kind to women, especially Black women, and this is true no matter what…whether we are very light, very dark, or somewhere in the middle.
Ana your hair is beautiful and so are you! I appreciate the candor of this article. I think we as women and as humans, get caught up in our own experiences and it is easy to trivialize the significance of what another goes through. I’m what you would consider the typical African American woman. Black parents with a peppering of racial mixing throughout my family tree but nothing direct. I grew up with cousins with hair like Ana’s and I used to think your hair is long, not so course, and it doesn’t shrink, what do you know about what I go through? But now that I’m a woman with a lions mane of back length natural hair I realized we all have a struggle. We all have to deal with the negative pressure of what our peers and cultural communites think of our hair and how we look. We all have to wake up and look in the mirror and be happy with what we see, be beautiful, and feel healthy and attractive in spite of the negativr views of others; that isn’t always easy. Women I hope, will come together more as we all embrace our hair naturally or otherwise despite our race.
I love my long natural hair too! The only set back for me is breaking my Combs! LOL!
I just have to say that all of you woman with that beautiful natural hair are so beautiful. I don’t understand the strange mindless ones out there telling you that natural is not beautiful. I understand it can be a challenge to manage though. Continue blessed ladies
yes my sister i hear your struggle. and it is real. i too am mixed (my mother european and my father african) so i know what it is like to sometimes feel you don’t quite belong. i also agree with the fact that some of us do judge each other. however, i find it problematic to say that we do so “as much as other races do”. racism is more than just judgments or comments;it is systematic and generational. but lovely read. and you’ve got a biracial friend in me!
15canton St E14
13 Canton St E14
Why so much angry black women commenting?
how are they angry?
I know! I had to read the comments over and over again to catch what everyone was disliking. Some people find pleasure in disliking anything lol
Great post im with you on everything you said
I stopped letting comments bother me a long time ago. In the world we live in you have to have thick skin. People are ALWAYS going to judge. Whether it’s about the way you talk, eye color, the way you dress there’s always going to be your critics. Let it phase you or do like I do and smile and keep it moving.
I can definitely understand your struggle. I am a medium brown skinned multiracial woman (mom is german/native/pakistani and dad is native/african-american). I had other black women approach me and tell me that I can’t be “all the way black” because “black people don’t look like me” and “black girls don’t have hair like yours.” All ignorance that I ignored but was completely shocked by. A couple months back I was at the airport and this Nigerian (born in Italy) ended up seated next to me on a plane. He told me he was staring at me in the airport and said “I see that your skin color is brown but you don’t look African or even African American” and all the Italians think I’m Dominican or Panamanian. Its beyond annoying but sometimes you have to push through. It is no ones fault but God and unique genetic codes that make us look like we look. Accept it, don’t alter it, and love it!
I love it! When ppl say stuffs stupid like that, it is like compliment to me. LOL. I would say it means I am finer than I thought.
i met a deaf guy at work, I told him I am native and creole. He said I ain’t black..shocking? He aint dark either, so why said that? (eye rolling)
I told ma what he said, she laughed. He really glasses. How did I really get here? My family came at first from Africa! SMH…..
i mean to say *he really need reading glasses
My Nieces and nephews are light skin blacks and they face the same situation; it’s not only mixed people. Nephews teacher taught he was Mexican! There is no such thing how a black person should look or even white for that matter. People need to get out more and explore different cultures and other races as well as their own. Ignorance is just a easy way out for most people, especially here in America!
*Thought
I don’t mind being judged. At first I am mixed, I may not look like I am mixed but I actually am. My mom would tell me “Just tell people you are 100% African-america”
I was wondering why then later I found out. A lot ppl would say stuffs stupid, “oh she is indian that is why her hair is long”, “she is creole that is why her hair is long”…going on
When I first had bc, I went to dollar general store. The black girl was giving me evil looking and shook her head. Why should I mind? She is NOT aware of anything, acting childish as if it is high school (I already graduated) , doesn’t pay my hair products, etc. I am used to the gossipling /rumors since it is terrible world living in. Nothing is like a “beauty dreamland” for a second, you just learn and deal with it esp. when you are having seizure and hearing impaired. You won’t believe how many malicious ppl insult me basing my disability.
IT made me stronger shaking off whatever they say abt “natural” stuffs. It is just like a job discrimination. For real, who really care?! if they don’t like it..why look at me? LOOK AWAY! I didn’t ask you to glance or take pic
ok
What? I haven’t a clue about what you’re trying to say! LOL!!!!
This article is just strange to me because this author is trying to talk about many, many things all at once. She never defined what “the struggle” is. Does she mean the curly hair struggle? Does she mean the African-American struggle? Does she mean the female struggle? Does she mean the white struggle? I don’t get it.
If she’s talking about curly hair problems, then join in sister. However, if you’re talking about the African-American “struggle” as it relates to race relations in America, I think you, Ana, are blissfully ignorant of the concept of “white privilege”. If you don’t know what that is, feel free to look it up extensively and read as much as you can about it. Ask your educated peers what “white privilege” means. Your life experiences are different than an African-American’s. That is okay. Just accept that and move on. I don’t know why you have to be included in an identity that you don’t even claim yourself. You don’t consider yourself solely black, white or Hispanic do you? The fact is that you aren’t. What is YOUR identity? What are YOUR values? Just stick with those and stop trying to claim that which isn’t yours. You don’t identify as black so why claim that you understand black identity as an insider would?
Thank you and with that this African leaves the room.
This!! So much this!! I was left wanting to empathize with this author…but what exactly IS her struggle? Hair? Sure. Every natural head has it’s struggles, especially in a place where Afro features aren’t necessarily embraced. Race identity…. Ya lost me. I tend to strongly agree with SJ and Jesse upthread. Ana, you don’t know my struggle, as and I certainly don’t know yours. Even though we’re multiracial.
I’m one of those previously mentioned Black Americans who is actually a quarter White and a miniscule percentage of Native as well. Except I didn’t know this information until a month ago, when my genome testing results came in. You would think that since I still self-identify as Black, all of that is no big deal.
Except I’m marrying a White man, the love of my life, in less than a year. And because of how genetics work, it’s possible our children will not look like me at all… I’m so, so terrified of that. I don’t want to be asked “Whose baby is that?” in public places, as some of my interracially married relatives have. I’m afraid of how other Black people will treat my future children–institutionalized self-hate is the devil in ALL forms. Most of all, I’m afraid that they’ll feel like you and like others up thread….like they don’t belong anywhere.
That’s why future hubby and I plan to do our damnedest trying to teach any children that we have that they belong to themselves; they have their own, unique cultural identity that doesn’t need to belong to any specific culture, because it is a fusion of many. Everyone is their own person, with their own path full of personal obstacles. You don’t truly know anyone’s identity struggle but your own, Ana, and it is very different from mine.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/IMG_8079574768820.jpeg[/img]
Are you Haitian?
Haha, not to my knowledge.
Wow! WoW! You said a mouth full. You are right on point. With that I will leave the room too. Hmm hmmm
Exactly! I thought this forum was for black girls with long hair; not non-blacks! No wonder why some blacks feel like we are being replaced by non-blacks!
But she is part black so this forum includes her too.
I live in Texas. Grew up in AMarillo, which is west Texas. This article brings up a not new topic of race. There was a time when black was black, and white was white and there was more distance and definition between the two races (not in all cases of course). Today the race lines are being more blurred than ever before. Think how easy it is to travel today than 100 years ago. It’s interesting how social issues have lagged, woefully, so far behind technology. I have, as many like me, experienced prejudice and racism from both sides. I was never considered dark enough to be black and certainly my nose and my hair (when I grow it out) indicates I’m not white. As a kid it was pretty damn confusing and at times pretty lonely. In my 20’s it has not been as much of an issue but there are still lingering social stigmas about features such as hair and skin hue that leave me self conscious at times. I get it.
Oh yea, and if you are Black in America….9.99 times outta 10 you are MIXED with at least 35% European.
Except we are not, I really wish this over exaggeration fueled by ignorance and self hatred would cease just like the “I gots indian in me” b.s. when reality is 1 out of 20 carry ONLY 2 percent American Indian ancestry.
Actually a lot of the living Natives in America also have African blood too
People need to rethink what they are saying in response to this lady telling you her experience. If you have a problem with people that have black in them, but are mixed, telling their hair story as some sort of infringement on the black issues….this is a HAIR site..and unless you live under a rock, you can look around this site alone and see diversity in the articles. The curl definitions aren’t called black curls, white curls or mixed curls..they are 3a,4b, etc…There are plenty of black women pictured in this site with looser curls then this young woman. As there are some racially mixed women listed as style icon’s that have tighter curls than some of the dark skinned black women. Texture may have a little to do with ethnicity but not everything. Yes she is pretty, and so are a whole bunch of other people. How bout we get over her skin (since that is what we are asking others to do with us) and pay attention to the story at hand. You cant expect to be treated a certain way when you discount the story of another based on her skin hue.
PS Those throwing around the word racist, and racism. Please get the definitions straight. What some of you are describing is called prejudice. Not racism. Racism oppresses, prejudice discriminates.
THANK YOU TANYA!!! The hurt within the “colored” community is very apparent. It truly makes me sad at times..I see beautiful girls walking around thinking they are ugly because someone else projected that onto them. Ladies, Truly, TRULY love yourselves it’s the only way to heal whats been hurt or broken in the past. WE are ALL truly beautiful!! Let’s be beautiful from the inside too! Epidatsit!
Maybe they don’t like the fact that she is not black and the blog is named Blackgirllonghair. Has she posted to white blogs as well with this article? She is half white! She should make a blog for mixed girls to address their own hair problems and issues. Also, would a white woman be allowed to write an article for this blog as well? This type of stuff is always dropped at the door of black folks! They need to have their own separate blog from the black and white blogs if they’re so uncomfortable around blacks and whites.
Just wanted to clarify some things. I did this on the curlynikki page as well because many people misinterpreted what I meant. Some of you were saying that I should not claim to know the struggle of a dark skinned woman and…I never did. You can see this where I say that you can’t really know someone else’s struggle. You still understand it and have your own though. My point is that a lot of mixed children suffer from the rejection they receive from the races or ethnicity they are. The reason being that a lot of times they can’t fulfill the expectations from each race/ethnicity. Some of you proved that. You understood what I was saying but dismissed it as something that is not really important. As I grew older, I became more independent and more tolerant of people’s opinions. As a child though, all the comments put a big weight on my back. No child should have to deal with that in the first place. None of us choose the color we were born with or the features. Is there a preference for European features and/or European hair? Clearly. I wouldn’t have had my first relaxer at age 10 if there was no truth to that. But every race/ethnicity has stereotypes and assumptions made about them. Whether we like it or not, we have to constantly prove that we are more than meets the eye and this is mainly because of people’s ignorance. So here’s the last thing I’ll say…The most effective way to show people the beauty found in your race/ethnicity is not to look down on those who belong to another race/ethnicity. Just like I can never know the struggle of a dark skinned woman, a dark skinned woman can never know my struggle as a mixed woman. But we don’t have to know someone’s struggle to understand it and respect it. Teach your children to love themselves and to see beauty in the rest of the rainbow. Otherwise, you’re just as detrimental to society as the people that feel like they are superior to you because of what they got when they were born.
I think most knew what you were saying,the others well they have took it the wrong way as predicted.
Ana, thank you for sharing your story with us. We know it takes courage to share a personal experience in a public setting.
Well said! Your article, your candidness and past struggles will help someone and that’s all that matters. Not many can relate and that’s okay but it has helped someone. God bless you <3
You don’t have to go through being called ugly and black people put you on a pedestal as a thing of beauty! How many article have been written about mixed people being ugly or undesired? NONE! How being put down by your own race of men and being told that light skin and mixed girls are better? How about being bashed in the media by both races?
Damn good point.
Dark skinned people get it from both sides too. Example: rappers and athletes saying they won’t date black women (though words or actions) and black owners of stores hiring lighter-skinned workers. Its a trend. Look it up. The way I see it, we all struggle with the same crap, only the darker skinned individuals don’t have music, movies, and TV backing their self-esteem.
The farther from the “acceptable” white appearance you are, the worse you are treated. I know some white people with hair almost exactly like that.
Yeah. I went to homegirl’s blog. She needs to GTFOHWTBS. She’s a beautiful woman. And her blog photos are evidence that she’s MORE than proud of herself about it. I don’t think she’s going ANYWHERE where folks are calling her ugly or hating on her to be perfectly honest. This is just some “pay attention to me and my self-pity” bullshit.
It’s okay to NOT be a victim, you know. I would have appreciated a sincere article about how she her hair ROCKS or something like that. ANYTHING other than this self-pitying cry-me-a-river bullshit. girl bye.
You sound so ignorant,she is not playing the victim,she is telling you her account of a mixed women’s struggle,that with her type hair she faces criticism particularly when she looks white,other women face their struggles too and she eloquently put that out there which people like you take the wrong way.
You understand “THE” struggle? Each and every single person in the natural hair community doesn’t even go through the same struggle. And you understand “THE” struggle? There is no such thing as “THE” struggle because no one goes through the same thing, whatever it is. I think you just understand your very own and you wanted to share it with everyone. Even if someone else was to experience the same story that you explained in your article, it wouldn’t make the two of you having the struggle because the way you feel about it would probably not be the way the other person feels about it.
I really hate to be controversial but I need to go ahead and say my piece. To properly address this article, I need to first openly admit that I have no idea what it feels like to be from a biracial background. I was born to two black parents. I have deep chocolate-colored skin. I have mainly type 4a/4b hair. If it means anything, I grew up in the conservative South, where unfortunately colorism plays a huge role in several aspects of life.
Whenever we have these discussions on colorism and perceived “blackness”, I think we have to bring up a sticky topic: privilege. When we talk about privilege in a black-white context, it’s a little bit easier to estimate power dynamics. But within the black community itself, the role of colorism makes it tricky. I think the author is entitled to her sentiments and emotions regarding her perceived image. I will not speak for her, as I’ve never been mixed before. However, I need to state the obvious: lighter skinned blacks tend to enjoy certain privileges that are socially denied to their darker counterparts. Looser textures of hair enjoy privileges that tighter textures do not.
In terms of being rejected to the black community, I will willfully acknowledge that because of my skin color, I have never once been questioned of my belonging to the black community. So it is fair game if she considers this to be my privilege as a darker, type 4 woman.
But I would also like to remind the author of the term “good hair”. In the South, this was never used to describe tight koils like mine, but rather looser curls that resemble those of the author’s. When light skinned women see those few black people in the media, 90% of the time they see a lighter black celebrity that looks like them. Beyonce would pay $2000 to have a lacefront that looks like the author’s hair. In the South, there is a clear and obvious preference in the mainstream for lighter skinned, looser haired women. Recall Power by Kanye West and notice that light skinned women are glorified by your typical hip hop song: “with some light skinned chicks and some Kelly Rowlands”. Light skinned chicks are implied to be beautiful but Kanye can only recall one prominent dark-skinned woman in Hollywood that he would consider beautiful. Back in the day, if we both attended a paper bag party, the author would be invited in without question while I would be turned away at the door.
Hair just complicates this even more. Because while growing up I didn’t see a lot of natural hair worn by girls I went to school with, the few I did see with it were in fact light skinned with looser curls, often biracial. You could wear your hair natural(if you had so-called “good” hair) or be dark skinned, but God forbid you do both! So my only request to the author is to consider this information I’ve presented. If her lived experience now has been hard, what would she do if she had to deal with the stigmas of skin even darker than hers or curls tighter than the ones on her head? These are just a few things to consider the next time another black person tells you that “you don’t understand the struggle”. That being said, I don’t agree with the above statement; I think she understands some form of struggle… I just think the author’s struggle is a little different than the ones experienced by dark skinned, tight koily sisters. My intention is not to offend anyone, but rather to give a genuine analysis in the context of our culture and history as a people
The bigger question is also what we can do to close this gap within our community and be more united??? How can we better understand each other’s lived experiences? My only answer is to keep our ears and minds open.
I think these are great questions SJ. In addition to your suggestion, I think it’s all about training up the next generation. A lot of these issues we have were a part of our childhood, and for many of us, family perpetuated these issues and how we view ourselves, and it’s the lense we use to judge & categorize others. Parents need to end the foolishness with themselves. We need to not birth low hair esteem in our children, and stop fostering ignorance, intraracism, and self hate.
Privilege within the black community?
“When we talk about privilege in a black-white context, it’s a little bit easier to estimate power dynamics. But within the black community itself, the role of colorism makes it tricky”
I think that is exactly what this article is explaining. I am too mixed. I am black and Greek. My hair is super thick and kinky in some places, barely curly in others. I am not dark skinned but I am not light like this young woman. Some can tell I am mixed while others cannot.
“Within the black community” implies among blacks in a community dominated by blacks.
In THAT community black is what is considered to be familiar while all others are foreign. If someone looks different and is mixed, then they are singled out quite often. They are stereotyped quite often. They are expected to identify or get left. Kinda like how many reacted in the comments of this article.
Experiences are what they are. We all have different levels of tolerance and we all have different stories to tell.
Being too Black to be White, too black to be Hispanic, too light to be Black, too well spoken to be Black, too quiet to be Black, too weak to be Black, etc…these are the boundaries WE MAKE FOR EACH OTHER..
These boundaries do exactly to others, what we are trying to stop from being done to us.
Going to school as a black girl, being oppressed by whites, and then going to your neighborhood and being embraced by other blacks IS COMPLETELY DIFFERENT then going to school as a mixed girl, being oppressed and excluded by whites, being excluded by blacks….and going back to a home area where you are continued to be excluded.
Growing up I had to defend myself against white stereotypes, while defending myself against black stereotypes. The struggle isn’t worse, it isn’t better and it isn’t the same.
One thing for sure though we cant be seen doing the same thing to others, that we are fighting to stop from being done to us. It only means that we completely do not get it. It’s narrow minded and it only can survive in a world that doesn’t include others.
Well said! Most of us biracial women do not truly understand. And yes our struggle is different. Better to face the realities. Maybe it was easier for me, since I was raised by a mother who had very, very dark skin, and as I became older we had those colorism discussions. She would always remind me, that I was still half black, but that my struggles were most likely going to be different. I was called monkey by some white kids in school and zebra or white girl by some black kids Also I am tired of hearing biracial people say that full blooded blacks are the “most “racist” whn they know that is not true. I swear some mixed people never spent time in the South or in the South West I don’t think, because white people over there call you the n word regardless of how ignorant they sound. I have always been more welcomed in the black community, maybe teased by youngsters but white people treated me and my brothers the worst. I love the way some biracial people make it seem as though theo awful. . I have had black kids tease me, but white racist people do the most harm. have done the most psycholgical harm to me. There is no comparing.
I am truly sorry to hear that we love you “Nappy” [as you say] and all!
My brothers girlfriend has a son whose father is black, and when her dad’s side of the family found out about it, they stopped talking to her! She hasn’t talked to them or seen them since! My friend Misty loves black men, but she told me her parent told her never to bring one home with her!! So I agree with you, every race has their bigots waiting to spew their ignorance!
You pretty much said everythig :).
This is not about natural hair issues. This is about your first article ” I dislike being mixed because of my hair”. I would like to know what responses you received. I would bet my money that you did not recieve the “love” you felt you deserved for your poet expressions.
Now for you to feel good about yourself you drop your bag of bad hair on the “RACES” and writie another article “I’m mixed i have natural hair and yes i understand the struggle. ”
This made me go to your blog. You had some nice pictures of yourself, lovely curls. Then you write a article put a picture on it looking like a lion from the Lion King! Come on!
You like being in the spotlight and that’s OK. I would have like for you to use the picture you posted “I’m a Queendom” on this article. I think most of the responses would be “Girl Shut Up!
‘…and yes I understand THE struggle’…*sighhh* Ok
with hair that long, thick and healthy and you cared what people said about it and didn’t like it yourself?
Truth is, jealous people would bully the person that has what they want but can’t have. Im shocked people told you you’re trying to be Black! ridiculous. I’m happy that you’ve come to accept your hair for all its beauty. the term “natural hair” is very confusing because the truth is, we ALL have natural hair, even if its relaxed. I talked about the differences between afro vs. natural hair on my blog sometime ago. you should check it out.
http://themanecaptain.blogspot.ca/2013/08/natural-hair-vs-afro-hair-most.html
BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!! …AND YES, I AM MIXED TOO AND UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE 🙂
I think that she is saying that she doesn’t have a problem with her hair,but other people so she has her own struggle as a mixed women who looks white with people not expecting her to have this hair type because they don’t realize her genetics are mixed and if they do they do not accept this hair type on her because she doesn’t look typically mixed.
As said she is beautiful with beautiful hair.
Maxine I love that you are trying to understand her..but all I want to truly say is WHO CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK AND WANT YOU TO LOOK LIKE!! You are you! FYI-she knows she is beautiful
Well her hair is natural so she probably ignores the criticism but I guess she just wanted to show others that mixed people face their struggles too,
I agree I couldn’t give 2 hoots what people think of me lol but I am surprised at the response of certain black women who have reacted in a way that appears to be perceived wrongly,she doesn’t have to be black to understand another’s struggle,she understands it from her own experience
I would question the attitudes of these women and ask them why they feel justified in being angry when as a part black she has every right to do this article.
Thank you. It seems too strong a reaction, undermining her personal experience.
Well it’s all good, I love your look. It’s unique and you are exotic. I am also mixed with tannish light skin and people call it Griffa in P. R Many Dominicans have white skin and nappy hair, it’s very common. My sister n law is also Puerto Rican but she is a partial Albino. She has pale blue eyes, beautiful light blonde hair, white skin and West African features. Her nose is very wide and cute and she looks black in the face. She looks very exotic. People are like that, they criticize you, but then go out of their way to make themselves appear exotic. I am just surprised you get that kind of feed back from other Dominicans since your look is pretty common in the Dominican and Puerto Rican cultures? And they do know they have black in them often, but acceptance is a different story. I have a P.R. first cousin who looks exactly like you. Same hair and everything. People in my family look like you. And if you are in NY people will look at that nappy hair and know you are Dominican or some kind of Latina, in the tri-state all the way through Pennsylvania, this look is not uncommon..
FYI colalover the term “Nappy Hair” has a negative connotation to it..kinky textured, Afro textured hair are better more positive terms. And that whole :has better hair than me” negative…What is “better hair”?
Chile you crazy..”Nappy” is now the hip thing to say! Everyone’s saying it. We with nappy hair love it! Only if you make it bad will, it be bad. Girl who tole you nappy was bad? Nappier is happier. Her hair is nappy, so is mine. Nappy hair don’t care. Nappy is better than being straight.
It’s “hip” just like that other n-word that all the rappers use and is in every song and was just all over that super hot movie “12 Years a Slave!” Yes, let’s all use that other n-word too! /sarcasm
Um…Do you like nappy?
@whyMe. It’s a word that makes me uncomfortable. I get how some people are okay with it but 75% of the time it’s used as a slur. How often have you honestly heard the phrase “your beautiful nappy hair” vs “bad nappy hair” “ugly nappy hair”. It definitely makes me uncomfortable when people who wouldn’t be slurred with it, use it. Kinda like white people who use the n-word.
And off topic, everybody needs to see “12 Years a Slave.” In that movie you will see clearly the roots of colorism, internalized racism, and black people using the n-word to describe other black folks and themselves. It’s really sad and just increased my disdain for anyone that uses that word with an -a or an -er. It is truly a hold over from slavery and having an enslaved mind.
Back on topic. And I’ve noticed ESPECIALLY on this site, people with looser textures use it to describe when their hair is misbehaving or looking bad and people with tighter textures want to embrace it as a positive. Personally, this tighter textured girl would rather use “kinky”, “highly textured” or a thousand other words to that one loaded one.
@Um, I am type 8efg extremely kinky fine, thin hair…when I say my hair is nappy, my grandmother and mother know what I am talking about…”highly textured” depending on the generation is not going to work…sometimes the word “nappy” will get the point across to certain generations…but I can not see this word in the same family as the n-word, I just can not…even kinky…beautiful NAPPY hair, is OK…really it is
wow! u have a lot of hair! i see what ur saying tho. if ppl would mind their own business, then we’d all be happy.
But isn’t this kinda old news? perhaps if this was written 1993 or even 2003 I’d say wow… meh… It’s also time for the world to realize that there’s pretty much just 3 dominant races on this planet, and we’re ALL just combinations of the three to various degrees depending on locations & attraction– with dominant & recessive genes trying their best to take center stage all the time. That’s the only concrete thing that physically has any pertinence… everything else is culture & basically mind control by [usually, ill-informed] others — which can be dangerously perpetuated over centuries or change with the wind. BS culture has this poor little gorgeous butterfly thinking she’s got a ‘struggle’ when all she needs is a spritz of water/aloe vera juice mix, a little leave-in conditioner, some olive oil, a good wide-toothed comb and a new perspective. please…. bottom line & the mantra to keep with you: “F* them, I’m f*ing awesome” and keep it moving. 🙂
lol
Exactly! People will blow things up and make it a big issue when it shouldn’t be! Then they wonder why they are miserable all of the time.
I’m glad you’ve learned to accept and love your natural hair. It’s a process for all of us to accept, naturals and non-naturals alike. I actually find your unique look to be quite beautiful and many of those people making negative comments are most likely secretly jealous.
My family is from Jamaica and I’ve heard people say only those with silky loose curls can be natural. As if to say type 4 hair must be processed. Smh!
Colorism is real, we have a problem with skin color and hair texture within ourselves, we have to overcome this.
” I actually find your unique look to be quite beautiful and many of those people making negative comments are most likely secretly jealous.” Sorry, but this statement is part of promoting colorism and separatism within our community. It creates an “us” vs. “them” mentality. Not saying I agree with the negative comments, but still. Criticism is criticism…. don’t assume jealousy on anyone’s part.
But it’s true, many are jealous, but isn’t that THIER problem NOT hers? Jealousy does happen to the best of them right? Jealousy is a very real emotion, jealousy is not always healthy, but it is human. And why are they jealous is what I take issue with? Those who say nasty things about her nappy hair are also taught to separate and look down on nappy hair yet at the same time they blend in with their friends who have straight hair.If you are confronted with white women calling your hair nappy, asking “why don’t you relax it? or you’re trying to look black? ” You might not see it the same way she does. Sometimes I am jealous that soneone may have better clothes, sense of style or better hair than I do?It’s immature for me to think that way, but I usually hide the fact that I am jealous. Does that mean I am encouraging or promoting colorism? I think she was implying that white and Hispanics make negative, remarks about her hair.I know all too well what she is saying, because I lived the same experience. I had an Italian friend ask me, everytime she saw me, if I wanted her “to straighten my hair? ” I don’t think she got the natural hair thing? Not trying to be snarky, just curious about your response.
It’s not an us vs them mentality. No matter what she looked like or her color those making those comments to her may have been jealous. May have…. Often people are made fun of or picked on by people who are insecure, jealous or ignorant. I have no problem saying I think she is a very pretty girl and that again has nothing to do with her color.
I myself am of dark complexion and I think I’m pretty easy on the eyes too. Lol. There is beauty in all of us. But as I stated before I’ve seen Colorism within my own family and community and in regards to returning to natural hair, who “should” wear natural hair and who should not. From my experience at times texture preference and skin color preference are related. I’ve heard people of color express preference for lighter skin in terms of beauty, I’ve seen lighter skinned children favored in families. It can be very hurtful to be told by not only different races but your own races that you aren’t good enough to go unaltered.
My comment to the writer was just to uplift her and to let her know that she is beautiful regardless of skin color or hair texture. Sometimes we all need to hear that.
Peace and love
I know your intentions were good, but I’m giving you a heads up to read the social cues of this discussion. Sure, the author is beautiful; I believe any woman who wanting to embrace her natural appearance is inherently beautiful. But let’s just be real here. A lot of the comments criticizing the author are in fact stating a very valid point: she is lighter with a looser texture than a woman with a dark complexion and 4c koils. If some of these women voice that her experience is still just a bit different than their own, they are entitled to their own opinions, whether you agree with them or not. But by calling these commentors “jealous”, you’re implying the stereotype that dark skinned women with tightly coiled hair are jealous of lighter skinned, looser haired women… And that is not cool at all. Many of these women are able to vocalize their perspectives in a constructive and rational way, but you choose to dismiss them as “jealous” of the light-skinned author. That’s wildly unnecessary. And if a commenter is just trolling or being rude to the author without being constructive, then they are just trolls (regardless of color or curl pattern). My problem is that you associate having different views from the author as jealous, and this forum is just not the right context for that….Just my two cents.
Agreed. I side-eyed this article. No, I’m NOT JEALOUS
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Love your fro Missc:)
Agree! This is why blacks have these issues and put each other down. There is intra-racism in the black community and it is due to our ignorance! We can’t yell and scream racism by whites, when in fact we are the ones who practice it on each other! That’s why I find it annoying when blacks are in uproar when a white person says something bad about blacks.
Girl Bye!
SJ, Wait I am confused…I think that there is a communication break down..If I understand correctly Shantay when talking about “they” or “them” and there comments I don’t think she was referencing to the comments on here but rather the “Christina’s” {Who I don’t understand why you would think it’s the author of this article. She clearly has another name.. } experience and those negative people that she has dealt with in the past….who probably were jealous of her…Lets be real. As a female when you see another female who exudes confidence it does make you (if you are extremely insecure) feel bad about yourself regardless of how she looks…if you lack something (confidence) and you see someone else who has it, chances are, if you really have self hate and low self worth you will try to project that onto someone else misery does love company!! I think Shantay was just trying to encourage her and spread some love towards her way! One love ya’ll regardless of what mixture we are or aren’t, are we not ALL beautiful?! We all have something that makes our natural beauty unique let’s spend time uplifting each other instead of nit picking at each other.
I can partly relate to this because I am mixed tooand have type 4 hair, which seems to be a contradiction to many. My mother, my sister who has (“typical mixed race”) type 3 hair and my white friend always told me how unmanageable my hair was and I believed it; therefore always thought I couldn`t go withouth a relaxer even though I hated my hair relaxed. I just believed I couldn`t go withouth a relaxer.
On the other side, were the black/African people, who, whenever they saw my kind of long relaxed hair insisted the lenght stemmed from the fact that I was mixed and therefore had less kinky hair. Haha, what a joke.
Now, I don`t care about each side anymore and do my own thing. I am very proud now of my type 4 hair like God has made it and enjoy it- no matter what other people say. And guess what, I get so many positive comments now that I`m accepting myself the way I am :)!
It is annoying when people see a black woman with long hair and say it it fake when it is not! Or when they pull on your hair to see if it is real. I actually had that done to me, and no, I’m not mixed!
“The thing that most don’t realize though is that we judge each other just as much as other races do.”
I take issue with this statement. Blacks are not in a position of power, in most countries around the world. Sure we show prejudice towards each other. But like you said most other minorities of color do as well. But you can not compare that to the Institutionalised Oppression that all blacks and POC’s in white dominated countries face.
Your taking a pear and comparing it to an orange.
or comparing a molehill ( inner minority racism ) to whites against POC’s.
Sorry, try again.
Calm down. She didn’t say anything about institutional racism. She’s talking about judgement and hair. And more importantly, she’s talking about her her personal experience. In her personal experience, she is judged as much from inside her cultural group(s) as she is from outside.
This conversation reminds me of the protest against black girls rock by some white girls on twitter who trended white girls rock too because heaven forbid black girls have their own distinct recognition. Now we can’t even have struggles without others co-opting and our own cheering them on. GTFO. *SMFH*
“Black girls rock” can in and of itself be determined racist. Just because black people don’t THINK it is doesn’t mean white people could get away with it at all. If it started as “white girls rock,” black people would be screaming racism. The sad reality of it is, black people don’t know what racism is any more. If they did, they wouldn’t behave in certain ways/say a lot of the things they do today.
BTW, I too am mixed and the most racism I have ever experienced in my life has come from BLACK people. White people have never given me issue about it. EVER.
So. GTFO.
This argument is inherently flawed because white people operate from a position of global power and black people do not. You have to be operating from a position of power in order to be able to commit racism. If you are not and you are operating from a position of the opressed, then it is an act of empowerment and not of racism. Those who said “Black Girls Rock” is racist do not understand even the basic defenition of racism and therefore did not recognise that “Black Girls Rock” cant be racist and is an act of enpowerment.
the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, esp. so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.
prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior in any way.
by the dictionary definition of racism ANYBODY regardless of your race or the condition of your race, can be racist
I am curious what are you mixed with?
She’s mixed with stupid and idiotic.
Sorry, that was harsh but this article is such a “me too! me too! Enough about you what about me!!” type of article.
Not every struggle (even hair struggle) is the exact same and that is perfectly okay. I don’t know what it’s like to need volume in my hair and I never will so when I hear someone complaining about their lack of volume, I am not going to jump in with “me too! me too!” because it is not my issue. End of story.
Honestly, it sounds like a bunch of naturals were having a convo about their hair around her and weren’t including her and she had to write a blog about why her struggle “was just as bad” . No it’s not and that is okay.
@Um, that was not harsh, lol..makes sense, cause some of these ‘woe is me’ because they are mixed ecomments are getting on my nerves…
Um, Every day is “White Girls Rock” day. They don’t need a separate outlet due to the media featuring how great they are 24/7. There wouldn’t be a need for “Black Girls Rock” if we had the opportunity to see ourselves on a more regular basis.
i totally get your point and i say this every time . there are many things black people do any get away with but if white people do the exact same thing everywhere will burn down with black people screaming racism.Sometimes black people need to get over themselves. It is only when you believe you are inferior that you feel the need to do certain things. If you truly believe all races are equal and non is better than the other then there are certain things you will not feel the need to do.
Here we go again. White people complaining about being privileged and don’t start the “I’m mix ” thing. What you are is ignorant and I don’t blame you. It’s sort of impossible for you to not to be unless you branch out,research, read some books or just do a basic internet search.
There’s even hundreds of tumblrs that have everything laid out easy to digest like this one.
http://racismschool.tumblr.com/
http://yoisthisracist.com/
You may not get it today or ever but I do encourage you to consider different perspectives.
Now that’s all I’ll say because you’re a bit far behind the knowledge for me to extend too much energy cajoling you into learning more about the society we live in.
The article was a great read though. IDKY I even responded to your comment.
shame on me.
She is not white,she has clearly said she is of mixed raced,
I agree with her and many of you are getting heated over nothing,she is facing her struggles and she understands that black people face theirs.
White people have made criticisms to her but black people focus wrongly that she is saying black women are jealous of her,she is allowed to voice her own struggle and I presume many mixed raced people can relate to her with their own struggles too.
For me, ignorance is ignorance black or white. No one gets a pass from me. However, that still doesn’t negate the fact that one group of people are most often portrayed in a more positive light than another. I am a grown self assured woman and I don’t need to be validated to know my worth.
Unfortunately, not all of us get there and the poor kids have a harder time knowing they are just as good when the majority of the images that they see and hear tell them they are bad. As much as we would like to think the media doesn’t have an affect on kids and grown folks alike that is simply not the case for a lot of people.
While it sounds good to say ” If you truly believe all races are equal and non is better than the other then there are certain things you will not feel the need to do.” In a perfect world this statement should hold true but we all know the world is not perfect and far more complicated. We will have to agree to disagree on this one. Thanks for the discussion!
That’s because they talk about you behind your back!! So don’t get to comfortable with whites never saying anything to you!!! If you don’t believe me ask Obama, or that little girl who played in the movie Hunger Games. She is bi-racial and so is Lenny Kratviz, there was an uproar because they had a starring role! The comments were brutal towards this little girl! Also, don’t forget about the bi-racial football player whose home was spray painting with the N and this also happened to an NFLer as well. You have ignorant people surrounding you or maybe they feel like you think you are better them, which most mixed people believe!
I honestly love the concept behind Black Girls Rock and I understand why positive media like this needs to exist. But the name “Black Girls Rock” can be used by others to say that the event is racist. I think with a different name but the same concept, the event wouldn’t have received as much backlash. I agree with other people commenting that everyday in this country we have White Girls Rock but the reason that this has not been seen as racist is because they don’t carry names like that. I’m sure if there was an event with that kind of title, it would receive alot of backlash but white people in this country get away with having their own racially exclusive events because they don’t carry obvious names that would make them a target to be called racist.
You must have a hard time navigating this site then. The pages are filled with mixed women, as well as black women, and their hair routines. Are you new here?
I’m mixed black and white.
I’m smack dab in the middle and trust me, I know black people don’t like to hear it but anyone can be racist. In my own personal experience, all the negative comments I receive about my race/hair comes from black women, specifically. And you know what? It doesn’t bother me anymore because I know they are point blank jealous. They resort to racism to spew that upon me. Probably because they are not intelligent enough to understand the grand scheme of things, which is that people are merely people regardless of their skin color. If we were all of a superior mindset, race would not even be an issue. This article would never have been written. My hair is the way it is because of how God made me, and if you don’t like it too bad. Talk to the big guy upstairs about it because He did it. Just keep in mind that you DON’T know anything about what mixed girls go through on a day to day basis, especially mixed girls like ME who fend off racist comments/evil stares from BLACK WOMEN on a DAILY basis, including women I work with. Believe it or not, I could care less. But none of these women care or will even acknowledge/take responsibility for the way they are deliberately treating me – because of my race – and making me feel for something I can’t control. This is racism. Just because they are not in a position of power doesn’t make what they are doing okay. Its not okay in any form.
Also, I have had horrible hair struggles my entire life. I don’t have that big pretty fro this girl in the article does. I suffer from massive amounts of hair loss a day and as a woman, no matter my race, it is devastating to me. That is why I turn to sites like these and as a mixed person it breaks my heart to see this conversation still taking place on them.
Just get over it!
Really…ok. Is it that serious though. Even though haters exist but I doubt is about your hair. You sound a little paranoid sometimes if you give a negative vibe that’s what you get. I seriously hope its not because your mixed. I’ve had friends claim that people are hating on them and when I ask for them to be specific its always petty stuff. Grow up some and you’ll be alright.
That is why people don’t like you! You seem very stuck up and have the belief that ” ALL” black women hate mixed girls! Also, why be on a blog whose admin is a black woman? You only came on here to bash black women to make yourself feel good! If you don’t like black women, then start your own blog for mixed people, it is just that simple! No one is forcing you to read a black blog!
I don’t think its fair to downvote someone’s comment because they are talking about things they have personally experienced. Perhaps the way that sumshoe worded her response seemed like she was lumping in all Black women as hating mixed race women which is maybe where the downvotes are coming from. However it is important to not dismiss her experiences as I have seen Black women give evil stares to mixed race women and I’ve seen mixed race women act as though they are better than Black women as well. If this is what she has experienced then thats her experiences. I think to put it into perspective, women who act that way are the same ones who treat other Black women badly as well and like to act catty towards them. Their behavior is a sign of a deeper issue that has to do with the way women in the Black community (mixed race and not) are viewed and treated. Sadly, alot of this is perpetuated by our own men following the white supremacist bullshit and some women are weak minded and fall into the trap and allow it to change their behavior toward other women. We should all address this for what it is instead of downvoting her comment.
I actually agree with Sumshoe…yes, her comments might offend some people here.
And I see why, because it seems to unsettle a lot of darker sisters when a lighter woman speaks out about colorism/racism. It seems to bother some people when a lighter woman speaks on her personal struggle. The truth is that colorism is an unpleasant subject for most, and so is racism.
Sumshoe was very bold in her statements but much of what she says is true. I’ve experienced the same things all my life…not always from Black women or Black people, mind you, because others can be even more vicious.
But to call her “paranoid” and “stuck-up” is to deny her experiences as well as mine or anybody else who has been through similar issues. I feel that to label a light-skinned or biracial/multiracial woman as being “stuck up” is often a cop-out by people who refuse to see another point of view. She didn’t say that she was better than anyone; she simply shared some hurtful experiences she’s had.
I understand how she feels 100%. Despite how many other Black women and Black people in general have treated me, I don’t hate anyone. I consider myself to be a “sister” and they are still my “sisters”.
Many Black women, especially those of a darker hue, will often talk about their experiences and receive support. But when a lighter women says anything about HER experiences it is taboo…it is frowned upon because of the perception that she is more privileged. But perception isn’t always reality and I wish people understood that.
I don’t have the feeling that it was Sumshoe’s intent to hurt anyone with her comments. What I DO believe is that she is frustrated at not having a voice, due to the belief that light skin=better life when this isn’t always true. Some people responded to her comment with anger and contempt, trying to silence her. One person even called her “paranoid” and blamed her for supposedly having a “negative vibe” around others. Another poster accused her of being “stuck up” and of bashing Black women to make herself feel better. I’ve noticed that this is a pretty general reaction to any light-skinned or mixed woman who shares her thoughts on issues like this. Telling the truth isn’t bashing; she is speaking her mind.
As to people who complained that the author of this article has no real “struggle” and that we lighter ladies should shut up instead of trying to make it all about us…here’s the deal, we don’t make it all about us. Most of us know better than to share our feelings/experiences because we know it won’t be taken well by some folks who believe that only their pain matters. Maybe the author was trying to reach out and show people that hey, I’m not that different from you? Maybe she was also trying to help those of us who are similar to her in hair type and skin color? I know that when I was a young girl, it would have been helpful to see somebody like me sharing her story and truly being comfortable in her own skin instead of feeling like a “freak” with my white skin and type 4 hair that everyone (black/white/Hispanic) made fun of.
People act like all light-skinned and mixed girls are treated well or considered beautiful. I was not lucky in that way…I’m willing to bet there are others like me, as Sumshoe stated in her comment. Some of us struggle in painful ways with society and self-esteem just like the darker ones. But that is rarely acknowledged because of the notion that only a darker sister understands what discrimination feels like.
inner minority racism is just as hurtful as outer minority racism.
Think about it, especially as children, ANYONE telling you that you are less than based on your race
or physical features, attributes etc is hurtful.
It would be even MORE hurtful and confusing, coming from your own people whether they are in a position of power or not, becuase they should be the ones who understand you most & yet sometimes due to inner minority racism – they are not… Sad.
Racism isnt’ to be taken lightly regardless of who it is from
I agree 100%, growing up hearing from my own mother and other relatives that I had “bad hair”, that I had to marry a light man with “good hair” to fix the race was among the most hurtful things I heard while growing up.
I totally agree!
I don’t mean to sound harsh, but am I the only person who could care less about what another person thinks or says about me or my hair? Even as a child I was like, who are you? You aint nobody!
that’s awesome for you but not everyone is there yet whether it comes to natural hair or whatever else in general (and some might never get there due to terrible mental scars). It’s sort of a dismissive statement also.
I was lucky enough to be raised by people who did not put down my hair-black or white…I did not think of my hair as being a thing of scorn…which is why it is easy for me to wear my hair whatever way “I” wish without worrying about what other people (people who don’t pay my bills or have any bearing on my well-being)have to say.
As a Dominican, I get her struggle. I was raised in a society that shunned everything black specially hair. Straight hair was the norm. Growing up, I don’t remember seeing a black or mixed woman with natural hair. Even women with 3A, B and C hair got their hair relaxed. My hair was “bad” and if I wanted to have “good” hair I had to relax it. You can’t even get a decent job in DR with natural hair. Managers would tell you that you need to relax your hair if you were even going to be considered for a job. I even know of some women who have lost their jobs for doing the BC. So you see, it’s a lot more than just caring about what other people say.
wow, people can not get a DECENT job with natural hair in the Dominican Republic?? what about the rest of the Caribbean?
It’s different in Haiti, which is right next door to the DR. A lot of women are doing it but it’s still a touchy debate. For instance women who work at banks have a harder time going and remaining natural.
oh my God yessssss you are just like me
I’ll be honest; whenever I’ve read stories of this nature from mixed race women, my immediate reaction is along the lines of ”really?!” Only because mixed race and light skinned women have always been put on a pedestal and mixed raced women tend to have the more ‘accepted’ grade of hair (whilst I recognise not ALL mixed race women have looser textured hair, generally, they do).
I’ve never understood the 3c girl who felt pressured to relax/straighten her hair. I mean back then, ‘all’ us 4c girls would kill for that wavy textured hair. They had the ‘perfect’ texture and perfect skin tone (according to what society dictates), so I don’t understand their struggle in that area.
But I’ve learnt that whilst it may look all peachy on the other side (not just in relation to hair), it never is! ‘We’ may think ‘they’ have it easier (based on society’s ideologies), they think someone else has it easier! Human nature!
Also have to stress that as a 4c dark skinned woman, no one has personally said anything negative to me about my hair or my skin tone. So whilst I never felt my looks we’re ‘least desirable,’ I was very aware that the media and society at large portrayed it otherwise.
But it’s not just being put on a pedestal. It’s being put on a pedestal and also being pushed away. I commented before that two of my closest friends are bi-racial. They share that they are exoticized by black men, and often pushed away by black women. Imagine having that experience — over and over again — among the “people” that you identify with most.
One of my bi-racials friends also shared that she is ashamed to admit that she loves her green eye color, her brown hair and her lighter skin, because she feels that loving herself will make darker black women think she is colorist. The funny thing is that it was a struggle for her to love the way she looks, because on the white side of her family it was not really considered the ideal.
And that’s the other thing. They both share that their “mixedness” does not give them the “leg up” with mainstream culture/white people that others think it does! Their white friends see them as black. Not as mixed.
I can relate to you because, as a “medium brown” black woman, I grew up (as many of us do) thinking that my life would be better/easier if I had lighter skin and wavier hair. But being an adult now and dialoguing with my bi-racial sisters — and also watching my dark-skinned sister succeed greatly as adult (two of my dark-skinned friends are doctors married to supportive partners who happen to be non-black) — I’ve come to see that this was really, on some level, a grand illusion.
My mother has 3B/C hair and she relaxed her hair for most of her life. Only recently she stop relaxing but she still wears her hair straight. We are Dominicans btw. Trust me our struggle is very real. Our hair is NOT accepted as normal in our culture and you would not even be able to get a job wearing natural hair.
Amen, Denisha lol
What beautiful hair. It’s interesting to hear stories like this because as dark as I am and as nappy as my hair is, I never had to deal with negativity toward my hair or looks as a child.
I hope the author realizes how gorgeous her hair is. I also wonder if she wears it curly more often to avoid criticism and questions.
If you don’t look at that picture and think “the struggle is definitely real” then you’re nuts. Lol. All that hair can’t be easy no matter your race.
I’m so sick and tired of the “Mr/Ms Me too” brigade who always have to jump in when black people are having a conversation amongst themselves with but but but “me too” well it isn’t about you.
*Folds arms and waits for the PC police to round me up the same po-po who are always quick to say something untoward to her fellow black sister. *
well, you know she probably considers herself black, as well. i guess that’s her point…or something or other. i don’t know.
she doesn’t consider herself black….
…and if that’s the case, then that just credits what TheUN PC said above…
realistically speaking, her issues are not our issues. they’re a different set of issues. they may overlap with ours and share like characteristics, the same as there are indeed plenty of women around the world who have hair curly like mine and yours but who are not black and yet can tell us similar stories of how they were made to feel bad about their hair;
but ultimately their narrative and our narrative still occupy their own separate spaces. therefore, since she isn’t black (according to you, and i’m willing to agree), she can’t understand the struggle as defined by your average black-identified woman.
I agree,and a very beautiful women.
I think when “non-mixed” black women imply that the author does not know the struggle, this is not necessarily a negative insinuation. There is not one “struggle” for black people. It’s disingenuous to imply that the experiences of someone who is darker skinned equate to those of someone who is fairer skinned and arguably perceived as being more assimilable into mainstream white society. I don’t think it takes anything away from the experiences of mixed women to say that they know a struggle, but perhaps not the SAME struggle. I actually find it harmful and not at all conducive to remedying intraracial biases to pretend as though the color issue, or differential treatment based on mixed ancestry is imaginary or all in someone’s head. While each person’s experiences are distinct, let’s not, in the spirit of being inclusive, ignore the obvious preference for having a less African appearance within our communities and within the broader American society. The fact is, when I turn on my TV, open magazines, and even listen to the radio, I see and hear a lot more people who look like the author than those who look like me. Again, your struggle is different from my struggle and that’s OK.
i agree
agreed completely. personally i couldn’t relate to the article, but it was an interesting perspective.
I agree with the comment by “L” above. This is why it is important to make a distinction between what is black and what is black admixture along with some other variation. I am not someone who ascribes to the U.S. one-drop, primarily because the author is acknowledging her struggle, without acknowledging her privilege. The struggle is not shared, it is different with a few similarities here and there. The context of her story is also different based on her Latino heritage. Natural hair has really never been nor will it be a “problem for black people.” However, there has been an unwillingness for the rest of society (inclusive of all people) to be inclusive of black women and men who display their natural hair, with most resistance against naturals with 4c textures. No where will you find a level of invisibility for hair textures than when it comes to 4c. Even natural hair product advertisers will attempt to use the image of a woman of racial admixture with a 3c or maybe 4a hair texture, to get a 4c to buy their stuff. I believe and have been shown by the creator that there are people of all races and cultures who have an appreciation and admiration for hair texture that reflects my African origins. I choose to focus on these individuals most. I figure eventually, the people with kinky coily hair will realize the acceptance of their hair texture is not their battle to fight. It’s the mental problem of those who see a part of themselves in that image, and aren’t willing to tackle the issue of why they hate that head on. The same can be said about women who choose to straighten, relax, weave, etc. It is not your problem ladies (and men). Trying to convince the rest of humanity that it hurts to be pushed away because of your skin color or features will move no mountains. People have been creating ways to compare and put down others since before Christ. Keep doing you and the rest will fall in line. If they don’t appreciate what you are giving, that’s a sign to move on to where you are loved just as you are. Actions always speak louder than words and people shut up when they see you doing better than them. They learn quickly to get on board or move aside. Example: Sheryl Underwood quickly apologized for that comment about natural hair being nasty. Times are changing.
Okay… I think that at some point, the discussion about the “struggle” has to break down exactly what the struggle is, and the consequences it has.
Are dark-skinned considered “less beautiful” than their lighter skinned peers. Yes, sometimes.
By who?
Mainly other black people.
In my personal experience — and this is just my experience — in “mixed company” race wise, the color difference just doesn’t matter as much.
I guess what I’m trying to say is colorism is something that we black primarily DO TO EACH OTHER — as the author is stating.
My mother-in-law is bi-racial, so are two of my closest friends. So is much of my husband’s extended family. And as a “medium brown skinned” woman who used to believe that I was at a personal disadvantage for not being lighter, my eyes have really been opened.
I talk about race and color with my mother-in-law a lot, she tells me all the time that she has yet to identify particular instances where her lighter skin got her ahead in a meaningful way. Instead, she says, it’s presented a challenge for her. People often assume she is Latina, and — just as this author stated — the black community is HESITANT to accept her, which is painful for her because she identifies as black.
I am not diminishing colorism. It is painful and hurtful. But I think we have to stop throwing around the word “struggle” without really sitting down and unpacking what it means.
If I’m a dark skinned woman trying to be in a rap video, then of course it will be a struggle, because black men are notoriously color struck.
If I’m a dark skinned woman trying to get educated and get a job, then the struggle evaporates. Because, to broader society WE ARE ALL BLACK WOMEN. To broader society, yes even the author above is seen as a BLACK WOMAN — full stop. period.
“If I’m a dark skinned woman trying to get educated and get a job, then the struggle evaporates.” – pure fallacy…. the broader society to a large extent still feels more comfortable with lighter skinned blacks even though the see them all as black.
“Because, to broader society WE ARE ALL BLACK WOMEN.” – only to a certain degree….
As Gapch points out below, it’s not just about “rap videos” and the entertainment world. There have been decades of empirical evidence indicating that darker skinned people face increased social isolation relative to lighter skinned blacks. This includes increased workplace discrimination among other levels of differential treatment. Lighter skinned blacks also tend to be more affluent and have increased social contact with whites, which may in part contribute to the notion of lighter skinned and mixed blacks seeming “less threatening” and more like white people. However, there is also the widespread image in the media of darker skinned blacks being more aggressive and violent (have you ever noticed that the domineering black women in commercials on TV are usually darker in hue?).
So I disagree that black is black to non-black people, because as L mentions, if darker skinned women were perceived as being equally attractive and equally deserving of being “visible” to mainstream white America, why is it that, to the extent that black people are portrayed in the media, particularly in socially desirable roles, they are far more likely to be lighter skinned black persons?
L is not implying that the author doesn’t experience difficulties in navigating social codes because of her natural hair and her complexion or even that the author faces a lesser set of issues; but rather that this is a different set of issues than those faced by many darker skinned women with kinkier hair. So it’s not a contest, and I can certainly sympathize with the author as a human being, it’s just about being honest with ourselves so that we can rise above these issues. There is a place for the author’s story just as there is a place for stories like L’s.
But at what point do I compare the “statistics” and “reports” against my own reality and make a judgment?
Because everything that you’re stating. Literally everything is INCONSISTENT with my life and my circle of black women friends.
I went to a top liberal arts college, and the black student body there skewed towards darker skin. And out of our graduating class, the two darkest skin females both graduated with medical degrees and now out-earn the (lighter) rest of us.
My lighter skinned friends have skewed towards more “creative” careers where they earn significantly less. There isn’t a difference — according to color — in which of my black/bi-racial female friends are married and white aren’t. And actually most of my darker-skinned black female friends are married interracially.
I am not trying to dispute the reports you’re listing. I just don’t know what to do with them. The are not a picture of the world I live in.
The black women I know don’t divide themselves according to light and dark and haven’t been “rewarded” by the colorist system accordingly.
And the other thing is, how many of the darker-skinned women reading this article can really say that they — in this moment — are living lower quality lives because of their skin color. Because I really want someone to not throw out a vague report, but tell me directly how THEY THEMSELVES are being victimized by their dark skin.
And I’m not saying that colorism isn’t really, and discrimination against darker-skinned black people isn’t real — it is. But it saddens me when we get to a point of feeling so victimized that we can’t identify OUR OWN privilege, or hear someone else’s story of disenfranchisement without discounting it or rolling our eyes.
Part of me becoming a black female adult in America has been realizing that my life is NOT a statistic. Look at the statistics about black women in America. If someone looked at them and — without knowing me — had to guess what kind of person I was based on my ethnicity, they would assume that I was poor, unhealthily obese, uneducated and had multiple children out of wedlock. None of those things are true of me.
Are there systemic issues that make these things true of many black women? Yes. Is there a time and a place to call out those systemic concerns? Hell yes. But I’m being disingenuous if I’m over here, living my comfortable urban life, working a great-paying job with a supportive husband, but I yell out “I’m down with the struggle!” every time someone brings up the issue of race.
Because while, yes, I am a black woman — I am also other things. I am well-educated, I am an American, I earn a good wage — and those things equalize my experience and give me privilege in this country and in the world.
So, I do stand with my darker-skinned sisters who face challenges based on colorism — but I want us to start being more real about what exactly those challenges are. Because I’m not comfortable being told — in so many words — that I should “feel sorry” for dark skinned black women. I find that to be incredibly patronizing.
Show me the dark-skinned struggle and you know I’m down to fight. But don’t sit in front of a laptop, as you lead a generally comfortable life, and comment angrily when a light-skinned woman dares to open her mouth, and shut her down out of insecurity or jealousy. That is not the struggle. That is something different altogether.
Very well said!
@ black nerd lover– You lost me at “angrily,” “jealousy,” “feel sorry,” and “insecurity.” You’ve missed the point entirely.
you’ve quite missed the point, i do believe. can’t see the forest for the trees, as goes the saying.
Listen @Tish @Cacey, I am quite aware that my opinions are not politically correct. I’m quite aware that they are not the “right” things to believe as a modern black woman. But I don’t even care anymore. This very comment section confirms to me that I should hang on to my own belief instead of get drowned in a cacophony of nonsense.
I have never denied the existence of colorism. And I myself am not a light-skinned woman. Many members of my family are very dark skinned.
What I’m saying is that I am NO LONGER willing to walk around in a state of alarmism or constant victimization because of dark skin color. Because doing that means that I must ignore other privileges that I DO have and that DO allow me to get ahead and establish a comfortable life.
And if I walk around believing that dark skinned people — no matter what they do — have it tougher than light skinned people, then I am TACITLY AGREEING with the notion that, in today’s word, it’s better/easier/more strategic to be light skinned. But that is a COMPLEX idea with many layers.
I asked dark skinned women to share their experiences of being victimized. None of them have. So I’m assuming either folks had to take a long hard look at their lives and realize, “Hey, maybe I am okay — dark skin and all.” Or maybe they just didn’t want to share.
Either way I am committed to being a HAPPY BLACK WOMAN. And that involves understanding prejudice, but not being DEFINED by it — as many of the commenters in this section are determined to be.
I completely agree with you. To white people we are all black, no matter how light or dark our skin is. I’ve never heard a white person compare blacks in terms of shades as we do.
Well said!
I’m sorry, but I have to argue that the insinuation is more than an acknowledgement of each struggle being different. If that were true, the “non-mixed’ women would say, “you don’t understand MY struggle”. Hell, the author wouldn’t have used “The Struggle” in her title if it was simply a matter of difference between the struggles. To use “THE” suggests not only a difference, but a worth. It is used not only to differentiate, but to diminish anything else that coincides with it. In others words, it’s to say, “You’re strong, but I’m strength.”
“I am real and you are an imitation.”
“I am the Jedi, and you’re an apprentice.” You can laugh and disagree with me emotionally all day if you want, but logic really doesn’t make it merely my opinion. These are all simply synonyms for what is being said. THE struggle is different from A struggle because it is specific and not general. Now, thinking about it, I agree that she probably shouldn’t have used that term in the article if allies were what she was seeking. I can tell it turned most readers off immediately, and rightfully so. But please, don’t pee on my leg and tell me it’s raining. The term is said certainly to lessen what’s she been through, comparatively.
I feel kind of the same way because I mixed and am light skin too…From my 5 sisters I’m the only light skinned and they are all dark skin, My hair is one of the things you can see that I am mixed…I’m trying to leave it natural and people including my family are giving me bad comments. In terms of my skin color I hate it because in middle school people had racial comments about why i was so light and my family weren’t…they were right in part because not even my parents are my skin color eye color or hair color. to me racism is not only against dark skinned, but it can be against people who are mixed light skin. It needs to stop…I believe that light skin comes from dark skin if you notice…
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/meeee3.JPG[/img]
honey you have to know that you are beautiful. genetics are funny… people don’t always come out looking like their parents but its their love and acceptance that you can count on and know that you belong. looks don’t make a family or define a family love for one another. little by little just keep reaffirming to yourself how beautiful and perfect you are and you’ll be okay. God don’t make mistakes….
I’m not the person to take away from another’s personal struggle.
But I feel a bit conflicted about the authors approach to the situation.
Do I think it’s appropriate for a black woman to tell a biracial or mixed woman that she doesn’t “understand the natural hair struggle” nope not at all. But to not acknowledge the fact that people put black woman up against biracial and mixed woman is no surprise. I don’t personally think those comments about “your mixed & you don’t understand the natural struggle” are always coming from a place of ignorance or insecurity heck it’s coming from a place of their reality. Which for many(not all) have been it’s okay for a biracial/mixed woman to have big bushy curly hair and not get the side eye but for them as African American woman to have that same natural big bushy curly hair it’s just not as accepted no matter how you put it, so for some of them they don’t feel like biracial/mixed woman share their same natural hair struggle.
Lastly I get that the author feels like as natural hair woman period we should be more uplifting to one another and not so judgmental…agreed.
But the end if the article stating she wants “people of all races to realize how much it hurts to be pushed away because of your skin color or your features” I just can’t, that statement came off as patronizing too me. Almost as if she’s the only person who’s ever been discriminated against by other races and within her own. Being a dark skin black woman from the south too yeah I’m not even going to lie that statement literally sent me somewhere else.
Everybody’s entitled to their opinion and this is simple mine.
She said that because when a black women tells a mixed girl her struggles arent nothing she’s pushing away that mixed girl from her African side and the same goes to the side of whatever she’s mixed with. She’s saying it to all races not to judge based off of appearance just like any other person would. She’s not in any way saying I’m the only one being discriminated against; she’s just telling you her experience of what comments she’s been given by all races.
You never seen a mixed person who doesn’t identify themselves with a race and chose not to because of how backwards both races can be towards them for having a certain blood in them.
the key to what you said is “their reality.” people often take their reality and assume that everyone who is of the same race, creed, color, geographic region, socioeconomic status have the same reality or perspectives or experiences. everyones truth and perspective is different.
Gapch,
I thumbed down your post by accident. I wanted to thumbs up it. Sorry about that.
definitely understand that everyone has struggles and obstacles to overcome in regards to self acceptance and self love.
But this article was full of rash generalizations and contradicting statements and a hint of resentment towards black women…. understood the baseline theme but was left feeling non empathetic towards the author.
To be quite honest, I’m interested in comparing the comments section of this article to the one on Curly Nikki’s. This same article was featured on her site with nearly 200 comments, and it struck a lot of hot debate (with both sides having very valid points). So far I noticed that the feedback here is mostly positive. Either way, this author’s article has circulated the natural network quite a bit and has really gotten people talking!
when did curly nikki post this? her site typically doesn’t have a lot going on in the comment sections…
About a week or two ago
As a black woman with dense 4c hair, I read the title and immediatly thought “boo hoo, woe is you.” After reading this post, I’ve changed my mind somewhat.
Thank you for being open and sharing this with us Ana. No matter what you are or where you from, you’re my sista too girlie! 🙂
This article is what everybody should read wether you are mixed or not. Some people are still obviously to the fact that just because you are mixed your hair must be 2b and you must have light skin; when in reality you can be dark-skinned and have 4a hair.
When your mixed you can look completely white or black and will sometimes have a feature that allows you to know that you’re mixed (hair).
Some black women I’ve come across will give mixed girls the side eye and say that they don’t know their struggle and need to sit down for they have the “good genes”. There’s even a website with mostly black women that are so spiteful towards mixed people; it’s disgusting.
It’s not just black girls who do this ,but other races. I’ve seen Hispanics and whites say the most ignorant things about mixed children to there face and laugh as if it doesn’t affect them since they have their blood in them.
This girl speaks the truth about being mixed.
ive seen that sort of things go in all directions… its sad
This is so true….I am one case of this…I was bullied about this topic…To the point I wish God gave me caramel skin like my other 4 sisters.
God don’t make mistakes. He made you beautiful and you have to know that. The bullies were just that bullies but it doesn’t lessen your beauty.
O_o
2 female corporate executives are having a conversation about the hardships of sexism in the workplace and a male executive comes up and comments “Well, it isn’t so easy as a man….”
Lol 😉
I’m suspicious as how you got so many thumbs up…Either way, I would listen to what that man has to say. It’s always a good thing to be open to the experiences of others.
Lol! There is nothing to be suspicious about 🙂 Enjoy your day!
Interesting. I think a lot of the time, the “struggle” we may face is based on where we live. I’ve lived in the northeast and southeast of the US. In the northeast, there were many mixed girls who were natural before it was even a thing to be natural.. and nobody gave them a second glance because it just wasn’t a big deal. In the southeast however, completely different story. I noticed that a lot (not all) of mixed girls, especially when they live in a white suburban area, wear their hair straight.
you do you.
Couldn’t have said it better myself. People are always frustrated by these invisible, designated boxes that seem, through one’s own eyes, imposed, or forced upon us by others and society, when in reality, half the time we are the biggest advocates of those boxes we claim to fight so hard against.
My heart was really touched by your blog. You are lovely just the way your are and don’t let anyone tell you anthing otherwise. I WISH I had thick, beautiful hair such as yours. You GO, GIRL!!! You ROCK and you SHINE!
Interesting read. The title of this forum is called “black girls longhair.” As we know, “being black” or having Afican ansestry can be represented by many ethnicities / countries / cultures. I appreciate her point of view.
Well let’s talk about “being black”. This author does NOT consider herself as Black…she identifies as a LATINO, not even an Afro-Latino but a “mixed” person (which most Latinos are African, Native American, and European thus mixed). When we speak of “Black” we are speaking of the descendants of African enslaved persons in the continental U.S. African immigrants, 2nd generation African-Americans, Afro-Latinos, and Latinos do not consider themselves as “BLACK”. Therefore being of African descent does not make you Black, especially culturally. If it did then she would not believe she “Understands the Struggle” natural hair Black women may experience. In the BLACK community her hair type would not be something to struggle with 😉
Ana (the author) has an issue which is a hot topic amongst the LATINO community and I think she should have posted her article on one of their sites. Latinos who cannot hide their African ancestry may empathize with her because they cannot pass as the ideal “Latino”. Henry Lois Gates Jr. did a great series on PBS “Black in Latin America” which documents the experiences of Afro-Latinos in Latin America.
With that being said, this website is a great resource for all people with curly hair types looking for hairspiration. I think it is especially useful for all people of African descent globally to gain confidence in wearing their natural hair…whateva the type.
This particular article was WHACK because the author failed to realize that she does have natural sisters within the Latino community that identify with their “struggle” which really is centered around DENIAL and very VERY different & seperate from the struggle of Black folk in America.
@Angela This really isn’t a reply to your post. But you did get me thinkn about “being black” and a Latina jumping on the Black “struggle” bandwagon.
Shelly, you gave the best and most thoughtful response to Ana’s essay. Something about it just didn’t sit right. For people who don’t identify as black culturally, but yet can’t pass, and I’m not accusing Ana of wanting to pass, I notice SOME of these mixed-race women predominately come to vent on black sites, but don’t have the courage to go to non-black sites, which they are plenty of non-black hair care sites to express how they feel as a mixed-race person whose features, such as hair texture, doesn’t neatly fit into the narrow black or white paradigm, and how they have been discriminated against. They almost always come swooping down on black sites to complain and express their hurt. Wny don’t they express this same hurt on non-black sites? Why are they always coming to black women? Please show this same attention to white women, in writing.
Also, I don’t mean to be disrespectful, but not all black women are envious nor find Ana’s hair texture as ideal. I don’t particularly care for that type of hair texture, and that’s my business. Blacks look at me like I’m crazy for preferring my thick 4C texture, but I really don’t find straight or wavy hair that attractive. I like the kinks and all the versatility it offers. All that is to say, I doubt I’m an odd ball, there are probably plenty of black women who are indifferent and don’t envy mixed race hair, which has its own problems with getting tangled and frizz. Everyone should love themselves and be proud of their features, including their hair texture.
Thank you Jazine. I think it’s important that we define Black versus African descent. Black people in America have a unique struggle and we have put in work to get to a place where we have pride. I get irritated when other groups jump on the bandwagon and try to equate their struggle to our struggles. Or come on sites such as this but don’t invite us to their sites.
I am especially peeved by the Latino community and their mistreatment of Afro-Latino’s. So when a person like Ana comes on a site such as this site saying she understands my struggle but comes from a culture that is barely acknowledges their African ancestory and then identifies as mixed or a Latina…..I think she’s whack and she needs to go somewhere with all of that. Preferably another to another site!
As far as the preference for looser curls, I agree that all Black women do not favor loose curls, but the majority Black women still do. Most Black women are not natural and go to extremes to hide and alter their hair. They even buy hair like Anas. I am super stoked that you flaunt yo 4c, you are a major part of this hair revolution. Whether people say it or not, your confidence is encouragement. Side note: I wish there were more 4C features on this site.
Personally, I think their are strengths/beauty in all types of hair. But the most beautiful hair is what God gave you 🙂
I just love this and you are so right. Go ahead girl and live your natural hair lofe because it dont matter what nobody else say because they probably insecure about themselves. You are officially my idol and I just love you and your hair.