Reader Riquel says;
First of all I’d like to say I love the blog. It’s one of the blogs that inspired me to transition. I’ve been transitioning since March 2010 and I just wanted to ask other readers, do you ever miss having relaxed hair?
My staple style used to be a straight bob and I’ve rocked a fringe ever since I was 13 (I’m 20 now).
Now that I’m transitioning I keep my hair protected with rope twists and full weaves with microbraids at the front. I love twist/braid outs but I don’t think short curly hair suits me much (fat round face, lol) and I know I’ll feel a lot more confident when I can sport a biiig long curly afro.
I do not regret my decision at all and I am happy about how much healthier my hair is, but I’ve started to realize that transitioning is not just about growing out and chopping off your relaxed hair, it’s also a slow un-learning process of everything society ever taught you about beauty.
I believe that I was prettier and more attractive with relaxed hair…..I don’t want to believe that but the lack of confidence with my transitioning hair shows that unconsciously I do! It’s easy to admire other people’s natural curls, but it’s not as easy praising your own, but with the help of blogs such as BGLH I know I’ll get there!
I just wanted to know if any other transitioners miss their relaxed hair, not because it’s straight, but because of the confidence you had wearing it?
What are your thoughts?? Do you ever miss your relaxed hair? And how do you manage when you do?
107 Responses
still gotta say….NOPE!!!
Every now and then when I see a super-sharp relaxed short cut (the way I used to wear mine), and sometimes at night when I’m too tired to twist and I know I have to! But for the most part, no. I’m really enjoying my natural hair!
p.s. The process is about becoming comfortable wearing your own natural hair, but that’s not to say that you can’t wear your hair straightened from time to time. It’s important that you’re confident in the option of wearing your hair naturally, but it doesn’t have to be the only option. For now, I would recommend you just wear your naturally until you’re in a place where you can wear either with confidence.
You’re right – it is indeed a slow unlearning process. I remember being almost apologetic about wearing my hair naturally but now I have a deeply seated confidence in who I am and my own personal beauty – most of the time that is. Personal group is cyclical – remember that sine curve in trig class, it looks more like that except it’s (hopefully) taking its ups and downs across an ascending midline. I recommend joining a meet up group in your area so that you can commune with and be affirmed by other naturals. You’ll also have a place to tap into for tips and resources on caring for your hair. The best of luck in your journey Beautiful!
I actually I have more confidence with my natural hair then I ever did with relaxed hair. I even spent more time with my hair because it was so badly damaged to someone else it may have looked healthy to me I was never happy with it. In the beginning of being Natural I hated the shrinkage a lot of naturals think their hair is not growing because they can’t see the length but if your hair is really curly or coily you may lose length in the shrinkage. I do notice no matter how long my hair is (which is about 1.5 inches away from underarm length) it always shrinks down to only looking a inch long in the back of my head and in the front where the curls are bigger it shrinks about 3 inches. My hair really shrinks but I learned to embrace it. I know I don’t relax my hair but if I decide to straighten it I just get it blowed out and flat ironed without a perm and it is shiny and pretty. Something I try to stay away from because I am trying to retain length and I don’t like heat in my hair. In the past 1 year I got it straightened 2x and both times by the 2nd – 3rd day I went back to curly. I wish you luck on your hair journey. Keep it up and I also want to say I transitioned for 1 year so I never had the TWA so take your time and wait to do the BC when your ready you will know. Good luck
I agree with permalink…I feel more confident with my natural hair. I did the big chop and it does seem like my hair is not growing due to a lot of shrinkage, but it doesn’t bother me as much as seeing my relaxed ends breaking. I actually prefer to rock a teeny weeny fro to ever being relaxed. My intentions are to never go back. I feel so free, it is unbelievable. What’s surprising is that I have traction alopecia and it does not even bother me. Sure everybody is now able to see it but my harnessed confidence make me forget about what people may think because their opinions matter little to me. I did the BC because I could not transition, it would just look a hot mess and I do not have the patience. Best of luck to you.
I miss my permed hair. I’ve always had shoulder lenght hair or longer (still do)and I miss being able to flip it around like ‘our cousins’ – LOL! I miss my super model ponytails, my flip and my buns. If I need a straight hair fix, I’ll just flat iron, but I usually end up pinning it up, because the weather around these parts don’t let me wear my heat straightened hair out too long.
yeah, i had one of those horrid things when i was 12. it lasted for all of 3 or 4 months before i had enough sense to say “this isn’t for me.” it had broken off my hair, left it limp, bodiless, dry, no shine, thin. so, that said, i don’t miss it one bit. and had flat irons been around back then i would never have gotten a relaxer to begin with.
Do I miss my relaxed hair. The thinness, the breakage, the damage.
I’ll take No for $200, Alex.
I understand the plight for many transitioners, though.
It’s not as bad as before but, yes, I do tend to miss having relaxed hair. I don’t miss getting relaxers at all but it was just a little less work, you know? And not only that, but I don’t have hang time with my natural hair yet (awkward stage, it’s not really short and it’s not really long). So my hair doesn’t move unless there’s some sort of wind going. I miss my “swang” (moving my hair around), and I can’t do it right now, I’d just hurt my neck (lol).
But overall, I wouldn’t go back to it and as my hair grows longer and healthier I get more and more happy about being natural.
I actually miss my relaxed hair from time to time. I miss the ease of it when I go to work and I absolutely love a classic ponytail. But I wear weaves and wigs to work daily (I’m a soldier) and on the weekends I let my coils and curls go free. But I’m not gonna lie to y’all. I have weak moments when I want to straighten it out with extensions added. It’s just the versatility of being able to wear it straight for more than 2days. I love sites like this cuz they keep me encouraged.
Never. 🙂
At times I did. I see young girls and some women with a relaxer, their ends look horrific. Thin and stringy. The back of the hair sticks out because of the new growth. Spending all the money and the burns from the chemicals. I will surely pass on the creamy crack!!
I had relaxed hair in high school, once my mom left my dad didn’t care to help me maintain getting relaxers. He just didn’t want to pay for it and i was definitely not knowledgeable about doing my hair. I do not miss relaxers because I could never style it correctly myself. It was way more maintenance and it would puff up 30 mins later. This is the reason why I don’t straighten my hair much now it never lasts long for all the effort. Although I love it when I can get it straight enough to wear for a week. It’s long healthy and different from my everyday look. It’s like thanksgiving meal it doesn’t come around often so I enjoy it as long as I can. lol
Im not gonna lie at the beginning I did miss my relaxed hair I had a big ol swoop bang and it was my security blanket…i thought that was what made me pretty. After I did my big chop I HATED the decission I made, I felt like I looked like a boy. But im 2 years into it and I love it wouldnt change it for the world!!!
Are you serious?
I hated my relaxed hair it was much harder to look after and I hated hairdressers treating me like crap, making me wait around for hours and then I had to pay them. I also felt unable to care for my own hair and I think hairdressers knew this, I was at their mercy, even when I had locks.
Becoming natural has made me learn how to do my own hair and I will NEVER go to a hairdresser to style my hair again. I am going to the hairdresser for the first time in years just to get my hair shaped and trimmed and I am dreading it.
I didn’t go natural because I was anti-relaxer as a few years later I got my hair relaxed and had a Halle Berry but I hated all the maintenance and hairdresser drama that came with a relaxer and I soon went back to locks.
I’m never going back to relaxer I love my hair much better now because I learnt how to take care of it.
I have never missed my relaxed hair. Relaxers rendered my hair limp and it progressively became thinner as it became longer because I waited so long between “touch-ups” (I hated the actual process of getting a relaxer. It was a personal choice that I thought about for a full three years on and off before I began to transition until I simply stopped going to my hair dresser; I could not stomach destroying my God-given texture for no better reason than that I had been doing it since I was a child and it was convenient. I started getting perms at about 14 yrs of age and stopped at 21. The question of why I permed my hair was broached in 1995 at the age of 18 and by 1998 I could no longer justify perming to myself. Thirteen years later, all the reasons that delayed my transition were untrue and I have never looked back. I wear my hair straight when I choose, but curly more often and the biggest thing I love about my hair is its versatility. It’s certainly a personal choice and I definitely understand some of the reasons for missing a perm I’ve heard others espouse though they don’t resonate with me. My natural hair is one of my connections to my ancestors, fits my name (which means lioness), and I wouldn’t have it any other way.
heck no!! Permed hair looks so dull to me now. However, I do miss the convenience. At night all i did was wrap my hair, put on my satin do-rag and go to sleep. Then, I’d comb down my wrap and go the next day. I only applied products to my hair when i washed which was once every 1-2 weeks. I GREASED my scalp and misted on heat protector to flat iron. That’s it.. So easy.
I miss the style I rocked before I decided not to relax it anymore. It was sleek and cropped and Cooper/blonde! I was the bomb! I truly miss that style, I’m not gon lie! Cutting it was liberating, though and I absolutely loved that small fro I wore till began to loc it. But those last few years of relaxer were awesome for me, loved that era!
But I wont trade my Goddess hair for nothing!
Yes I do…often. But not enough to go back to it. I love my curls but they are a heck of a lot of work. My relaxed hair was really long and really easy to take care of and style. I could get up and just shake out my wrap or the one big bendy rod curl I would sleep in. Can’t do that anymore. Now I wake up with mashed up curls that are screaming for water and more gel. I miss being able to go out without dripping wet hair the most, lol!!! Especially in the winter!!! Thankfully I live in FL and our cold days are limited, but still. My 6 inch hair doesn’t like twist-outs yet so its only wash and go’s for me, therefore my hair is always wet! But, all in all, I adore my fabulous curls and they are worth the trouble!
Coming from a family that used to slap two boxes of relaxer in my head every four weeks, I can say with a resounding NO, there is no desire in my bones AT ALL for a relaxer. Even looking at a box of it in Target or Wal-Mart makes me want to kick the shelf over. And there is no such thing as being prettier with straight hair than with curly hair! With straight hair you look like everyone else and blend in with the crowd but with natural hair, NO TWO WOMEN EVER LOOK THE SAME. Being real with you, I never got compliments when my hair was straight, but there are lots of men black and white alike who can’t keep their curious fingers out of a twist-out or fro. Plus, I’ve always said bigger is better, so the wild volume I achieve with natural hair is nothing to be compared with the flat boring hairstyle I get when I straighten it a couple months in the winter. And typically, I’m bored with a flat-ironed style within days. There’s TOO much versatility with a natural-do that a relaxer CANNOT and WILL NOT retain. You’re still young, you’ll eventually learn to love it with all you’ve got… ;-D
I don’t miss relaxed hair, especially since I can get the same look by simply blow drying my hair and using ceramic or titanium flat irons. One thing I know for sure, going natural is the best thing I’ve ever done for my hair. Even though I’m still learning a lot about my hair’s needs, it doesnt’ make sense to go back to relaxed when my hair is screaming THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!
I do miss my relaxed hair at times. My hair has grown very long and is looking really good. I love my natural hair but sometimes it does get hard to manage and it easier to just throw relaxed her in a ponytail and go. I say stay encouraged and stay connected to sites like this one with people who are there to encourage and support you. I got a lot of grief from my sister, husband, and some friends but I am hanging in there and my hair is looking gorgeous.
I do miss the length of my hair but honestly my natural hair makes me feel and look prettier (the menfolk agree lol) and I don’t have to stress about the relaxer sweating out and if I don’t “do” my hair I can still have an afro and look nice so good riddings relaxers
Besides the fact that I got more attention from men, no…I don’t miss the relaxer at all. My hair was always breaking off and I always had such bad dandruff and chemical burns. Not only that, but I think I just look better with natural hair.
-i don’t miss my relaxed hair at all,or straight hair for that matter.i was always stressed about the fact that my hair would n’t grow or lay all the way straight with relaxers.not only that,but it looked like it wasn’t suppose to be there and it made me feel bald.
now i’ve got a full head of natural naps ,when i comb it out the afro is HUGE,and the natural look looks better on my face (takes away from the fact my face is naturaly wide and i have small ears 🙁 ).
-its actually a alearning experience;black men (from the USA)don’t approach me as much anymore (they still do,just not as many) and definately not the ones in my age range.people always want to touch my hair,and men of every other race/nationality seem to approach me now.it also made me realize black people really,really got some issues,cuz everywhere i go,i’m the only black person rockin’ a natural do (i see latinos do it,but no blacks)
Can’t say that I do. I’ve ALWAYS wanted wash and go hair and now I have it! If I see a relaxed style that is gorgeous I know I can get it flat ironed but I really don’t wanna put my hair through that. Hell, I can go get a damn wig and rock that for awhile and not damage my natural hair.
No, I really love what I’ve got going on.
Lets be real, I absolutely miss my perm!
The easy of smoothing it all back at the drop of a dime and running out the door or unwrapping and running out the door… those were the days. Permed hair if nothing else was easy to maintain and did not require a lot of time (or products).
However, this Dec. 16th was four years with out the thing I miss dearly from time to time, a perm, and Im not going back.
Nope don’t miss the relaxer one bit.
I straigthened it last month just because, then I went out and I was mad at myself for not be able to rep properly for all the nappy heads. So I’ve committed myself to not straightening my hair for at least one month. The confidence will come when you find a style that suits you.
Keep Transitioning.
When i first BC i did but then i thought about it and i was like hmmmm i dont miss the chemicals, the burns, the scalp irritation, the headaches, the breakage, or having to dodge rain/humidity/sweat/water in any form lol…so no i dont. I only had a relaxer for a little over 2 years, so when i was relaxed i missed my curls, if i ever feel like wearing a straightened look then i’ll straighten it but i could never ever ever ever ever (did i say ever) go back to a relaxer
it’s just detangling that I hate. I have a lot of hair and my gosh is it bothersome to detangle as a natural.
@khamedra19 Lol @ pyramid shaped hair. I do alot of Janelle Monae inspired hairstyles.While the sides were short enough i used a scarf to smooth them down and the top I did twistouts. I do alot of cute scarfs too. Im still struggling with what exactly to do with my hair too because sometimes it can look bold and fierce and other times just plain wierd.
I don’t missed my relaxed days. Of all my 35 years on earth, I was relaxed for perhaps a total of 3 years and my last relaxer was in 1995. In my 15, almost 16 years of wearing my hair naturally, I used heat once. I say all this to say, I’m much more acquainted with my natural hair than with a straightened version of it. So for me, there is nothing to miss.
@Jonesable, your mohawk sounds like it was dope. My hair texture differences are such that the top appears to be 3 inches longer than the sides and bacik. I usually got regular trims to even everything out, but doing so meant that I didn’t accumulate as much length as I would have liked. Now, I’d like to only do trims when they are absolutely necessary. That means, I’ll need to figure out what to do with my pyramid shaped hair. So how are you styling your hair to compensate for the differences in length? At the moment, I’m doing twists and twist outs, but I’d like to branch out and try something different. Any tips or advice on how to deal with pyramid shaped hair? Thanks!
Not neccesarily my relaxer days I miss, but my trasitioning stage I admit I do miss. I had a mohawk thing going on with everything bald except a square in the front, it was pretty and bold, and even my professors complimented me on it. Now Im a year+ natural in the very top and 5 months natural everywhere else , now Im just waiting for my Big Ass Fro, hmmph.
The onliest (yes onliest lol) thing I miss about relaxers is the way my hair smelled after a touch-up. I can’t describe the smell but something about the way the relaxer, neutralizing shampoo, and conditioner mixed together made this distinctive smell that I love and miss. The only people that I know well enough to ask to sniff their hair don’t get relaxers anymore. My only hope is to accidentally stand next to someone who got a touch-up within 24 hrs.
I’m not going to lie, I do miss my relaxed hair. Now that I think about it, my relaxed hair was my comfort zone, and that has been apart of me for the past 14years. I miss it, but I dont miss it enough to get rid of my curls either. By me taking the time to figure out my hair I learning new things about myself, and I like that, plus my hair has been the healthiest it has ever been in my life.
When my hair was relaxed, it was fierce! LOL! Bouncy, shiny, med length. I used to wear it straight or get straw sets. Though it was fab, I do not miss it.
I transitioned wearing braids and a sew-in, working in corporate America. When I finally cut it, I had a 3-4 inch afro. I liked it, but, it was a mental transition for me. I had to get used to the woman staring back at me in the mirror.
I started doing twist outs, and experimenting with other natural hair styles. I got new make-up and earrings, and I looked up one day and had all of this beautiful, thick, strong hair that I could do anything with! My whole style changed–for the better.
I noticed that I felt even more comfortable in my skin because I had learned to love all of me. I felt sexier, and people responded to me in a different way.
Transitioning is an adjustment, but, once u find out what works for u, all is well.
I just wanted to say thank you to all the ladies who have posted encouraging comments and your input really has helped.
It lets me know that I don’t need to feel guilty for feeling that way, because its understandable to have minor setbacks.
All I have to do is be patient and positive and the rest will follow.
I am a BGLH ! (or at least i will be haha)
Ricquel
http://www.miserablebeaut.blogspot.com
x
I have nightmares about getting a perm.
@kea I know that my hair health has nothing to do with knowledge or effort. Why? Because I put a ton of effort and knowledge into my relaxed hair (after having it break off due to stress during my senior year of college so that I had to chop off to a classic Halle Berry right before graduation) and even at it’s best it was nowhere near as long, full or healthy as it is now at almost 3 years natural. I was on boards, I stretched my relaxer, I didn’t blow dry and rarely used flat irons or hot curlers (instead I’d roll my hair and sit under a hooded dryer). Every time I washed my hair I pretreated with olive oil, then used both a protein and moisturizing DC. I was the one that everyone else in my family called when they had a hair question. Yet there were family members whose hair looked better than mine when they took about half the care, because their hair could take a relaxer better than mine could. All the care and protection and work in the world cannot make some hair healthy with a relaxer. I can speak for all relaxed heads, but mine will always be more healthy natural than it was with a relaxer.
I absolutely miss the convenience of relaxed hair. unrelaxed hair is high manitnenance and very time consuming if you’re not a wash & go chick…just detangling the hair can take some people hours to do…depending on the length of your hair. I’ve been natural since 05 but I didn’t start wearing my real hair out til 07 and I wish my hair was fuller like the curly wig that I have…but my hair is fine and at an ackward length so I don’t have the BIG hair i crave…but i’m learning to find styles that work for me when I do wear my twistouts…I learned that I need to roll my twists when I want to wear a twist out because my hair is longer so the twists hang longer but its too short for that to look good on me because when I take them down they are straighter than curly like when it was shorter. I’m also learing that updos are very flattering on me…that wearing my hair “out” doesn’t have to be in an twistout fro! Its all a learning process!! As time goes on, you find out what works, what doesn’t work, and you embrace the hair you have! And you begin to love yourself with it..the more you see yourself with it!
@kea i think it has more to do with not as much effort being put into it or being as knowlegdable…because on lhcf its a number of relaxed ladies who have long hair (midback length/waistlength) and its healthy (i guess as healthy as already dead hair that has had bonds broken in it can be), and long and shiny, and swanging…but they all have regimens they follow and do alot of protective styling too and stretch their relaxers (going more than a couple months without getting a retouch, while the average permie is touching up after 4-6 weeks when she starts seeing the littlest bit of new growth), and overall put in more hair work than the average relaxed person, and take more steps to do research, etc to make sure their hair is healthiest…alot more than women who dont go on hair boards or blogs do or are willing to do…however there are alot (maybe even more) naturals over their too with similar length hair or longer, &while the relaxed ladies hair usually looks nice straight, the naturals hair 99% of the time looks better (more body, overall more healthy looking), without the hassle of worrying about overlapping relaxers, or stretching, or lines of demarcation and all that jazz
nope. with my natural hair i have rarely have a bad hair day, and if a style doesnt come out the way i want, i just wet it and put some condish in and go about my biz…its actually easier to detangle than my relaxed hair…i dont have to run from water, or worry about scratching my scalp, or basing it with vaseline…dont have to get the bonds in my hair broken to make it straight, and then still have to blowfry it and hit it with the flat iron on 450…really dont miss burns and scabs, or flat, stuck to your head, “fresh perm” hair, or having the same hairstyle as every1 else…i cant even say i miss the length because right now my hair is about the length it was before i did the BC because i had recently gotten a short cut…&i love my curls, but if i ever decide i want straight hair, i’ll rollerset or flat iron…and if its that deep that i want straight hair all the time, i’ll heat train.
I just wanted to ask the ladies here, a question that I always wondered when people talk about how unhealthy their relaxed hair was in comparison to how healthy their natural hair is now… When you were relaxed, did you put as much effort into your hair using the knowledge you have about hair?If not, do you think that your hair would be as damaged as it was, or do you think that with a process like hair relaxing, that damaged stage is bound to show up eventually?
I’ve been natural for quite a few years and I’ve never missed relaxed hair. In a moment of weakness, 6 months ago, I thought about texturizing my hair. But then I went and washed my hair and deep conditioned. That completely And resparked my HIHitis.
Sometimes you need to do something different to realize how versatile and lovely your natural hair can be. BTW, if you have the length, you can do some tiny two-strand twists that will flow in the breeze.
Granted, relaxed hair is what you knew for a long time, so it’s natural that you think back to that period when you’re a bit low or having a bad hair day. Keep on reading and educating yourself on your new natural hair – not just how to care for it, but also how to style it. When your bank of knowledge of natural hair exceeds your knowledge of relaxed hair, then you won’t look back so wistfully. You’ll be more objective.
Oh, just so you know, I looked at your two pics. I think you look better in the transitioning pic. In the first pic, my first impression was hair looks greasy, lank and it’s covering your face. In the second pic, your hair is out of your face, you look more open and attractive. I think you should go ahead with the BC. Coz right now you’re kind of straddling the fence.
I hardly miss my relaxed hair. For a couple of years it got long and looked healthy and was down to my shoulders. But it seriously cramped my lifestyle. Could not swim, work out etc right after getting my hair done. The relaxing process I still hate with a passion. I got seriously burnt as a child and the horror of that still lives with me till today.It was so bad my Mum was crying and wailing in the hair salon!
Any time I see someone getting a relaxer done, it gives me goes bumps.
I love the freedom of washing my hair whenever I want, such a luxury after years of relaxing. My scalp health has also improved as well. My scalp when relaxed used to flake and itch so much! It was just nasty! Nothing I used worked, until I went natural this is.
So the answer is …..No, do not miss my relaxed hair. It was just too much drama for very little reward.
NOOOOOOOOO! I don’t miss my relaxed hair, I have been natural since January 2010. I loooooooooooove MY HAIR, LIKE SERIOUSLY, I LOVE IT!!
You are not the only one! I am a 20 year old college student been fully natural since April 2010 (big chopped) started transitioning in February 2009. I miss my relaxed hair(it was longggggg lol)…I don’t miss the relaxing process, the burn…BUT now that I am natural I have the best hairstylist in town that she didn’t have to use a blow dryer or add a load of olive oil to straighten my hair. My mother hates my natural hair and wants me to go back to a perm but that is definitely a negative! I love the versatility. Even tho when my hair is straight I still have to run from the rain but in the summertime or when I feel like rocking a curly fro…I can wash and go! Don’t worry transitioning is hard but your going to look back at it and say it was definitely worth it. I still feel that I was more attractive with straight hair… but I think when my hair gets back to the original long length I had when I was relaxed I will be fine and can do more styles. Plus as long as my boyfriend still loves me I could careless what anybody else thinks lol
That was very encouraging. I’m in the transitioning period and I feel like relaxing sometimes; partially for me and also for others. But your comment just gives me a little reminder of why I’m going natural and we all need a little reminder and encouragement sometimes:)
I only miss my hair on windy days, and shaking my head and letting the hair sway in the wind LOL…. as nutty as it sounds, those days rolling around in my car with the window down and my hair getting in the way makes me wish I had it….. but I do enjoy the fact that I can go out in the rain and not have to dread the craziness of the hair re-do once it dried. I also miss wearing hats…. I don’t straighten my hair and I’m not in love with the way hats sit on my head with my natural hair so I don’t wear them. But other then that, i’m natural until the day I die! Long live naturals!!!
I do miss it sometimes. I love when my hair is straight and flat. I feel more confident with my hair straight and I get more attention. I’ve been to the Dominican shop 2 times and I loved my hair afterwards. I don’t love the damage that a relaxer does so I won’t get another one but I will get a blow out from time to time.
i’m not even going to lie, there are days (like today) that i miss my relaxed hair. i have old pictures on my computer of me with relaxed hair and i look at it and go “ahh…i want that back” but the damage that comes with it, and the actual process of putting the relaxer in (oh that familar burn) is just not worth it. I think i’ll never go back to the creamy crack, i’m so freaked out about my hair falling out again. but yeah, there are days i miss my relaxed hair a lot.
I don’t miss having a relaxer for a couple different reasons. First, most of the processes I had done, or did myself, to my hair were Jheri Curl/Jheri Curl knock-offs which by virtue of their application resulted in me having curly hair. Even when I finally texturized as my last form of processing, my hair never was completely straight, although my curl pattern in the front was severely flattened. The only way I was ever able to achieve straight hair without a relaxer was with heat.
Second, the two times I did have a relaxer, I lost over half my hair to breakage within months, so I never really had enough time with my relaxed hair to appreciate it.
Now that I wear my hair predominantly in plaits, the only thing I miss most about processed hair for which my plaits don’t compensate me is the ease with which I could get a comb through it. Were my unprocessed hair as easy to comb, I’d probably wear it loose all the time, since it tends to try to escape the plaits anyway. The other two things I liked about processed hair—movement and hang—I get with my plaits. And not being able to comb it has been good for my hair, so ease of combing is far from being reason enough to go back to curl or texturizer box kits. Add to it how much I wanted to have my hair unprocessed, however it came out, and how long it has now been since the last one, and one can pretty much conclude that I’m done with chemicals.
Fully natural for 6 years. BSL hair. Just pressed last night for the first time in a full year. Hair looks beautiful, but I already miss my curls and waves 🙁
I feel more confident with my natural hair than I did with relaxed hair. My relaxed hair was dull and boring. It wasn’t long, but not short. Just straight and thin. My natural hair is thick and healthy and getting longer by the day. There’s NOTHING I miss about a relaxer.
“I just wanted to know if any other transitioners miss their relaxed hair, not because it’s straight, but because of the confidence you had wearing it? ”
I am in my 9th month of transitioning and I do not miss my straight hair at all. I just got a trim yesterday and the stylist gave me a blowout in order to trim it accurately. I usually wear my hair in wash-n-goes or other curly styles like braid outs. Before I saw this article I honestly was looking in the mirror thinking, “This is boring. . . . I paid how much for my hair to be done and I know I have to work out and it’ll all be gone. . . . I miss my curls. . . . etc.” When I wore my hair straight consistently I worried about my hair all the time. It never looked very good. It always looked damaged. I would plan things around my hair, like my work outs. Now I never keep my hair straight longer than two days because I will miss the curls, miss working out, miss not worrying about frizz. I am more confident with my curls than I was with straight hair because I don’t have these problems anymore.
Also, I have huge cheeks and they stand out more with my curly hair. I don’t care a bit. It honestly makes me like my cheeks more. I think it’s because I’m forced to look at myself and accept that I can’t hide behind my hair anymore. My hair is big and gets attention but it stands out from my face, unlike straight hair. I’m more confident going out because I like to dance and I can shake my hair and be crazy without worrying about my hair going crazy.
I think its good that you know why you are feeling self-conscious. You should keep working on embracing your beauty with and without your hair. If you wear the short curly styles more, you will eventually become more confident with your own beauty. You’re already doing something that is new so you might as well go all the way in. =)
the only thing i miss about my natural hair is the ability to put my hair into a bun. at the moment, my hair is still to short to be put into a bun and i miss the days of ‘roll out of bed and put a bun in’. I wear my hair braided and although i do roll out of the bed and go, i have to remember to moisturise and seal. This is due to me not wanting my hair to get frizzy. other than that, no – i dont miss my natural hair. i get VERY excited when i see my natural hair – i love seeing my curls (kinks or whatever they are called these days lol). i know when my hair gets longer and i can put my hair into a bun, i will completely forget those relaxed days! ^_^
oh lawd i was just talking to some girl the other day who has been natural a relatively short time. she talked about how she missed her relaxed hair.
i have to admit i’m a bit unsympathetic, if that’s the right word, to people who miss their relaxed hair. i find the things they say so ignorant and stupid. they are annoying to me.
i’ve been natural for more than 10 years and i’ve never missed my straight hair. ever. once i cut my hair, there was no turning back for me. there were times when i didn’t want to do my hair – cuz i’m not into hair that way – but i’ve never wanted to perm my hair.
i wanted that chick to stop whining about being natural and just go get a frickin relaxer.
lmao. chick please….
I feel like that right now sad to say, but its only because I like to wear my hair straight sometimes and it never lasts more than 2 days.
No. #thatisall
No, I do not miss the relaxer. And even when I consider for a moment about getting a relaxer, I remember the limpness of my relaxed hair just a few days later, the thinning, the burns, and the lack of definition.
And I have to say, a round face is the PERFECT look for natural hair, nothing shapes our features better than a natural-do. After I did my big chop, yes, I hated it. Although I am slender, I still felt that my face was too round for the short hair because of my “apple cheeks.” However, as my hair grew, I was so happy and surprised because nothing had ever complimented my face so beautifully before.
Just hang in there. Soon, the missing of the “low maintenance” will be a thing of the past, and you will be amazed and so thankful about how healthy, thick, and strong your hair becomes, you can’t help but spend time in your hair!
I always was trying to get more body in my relaxed hair. So, no I do not miss it. I am transitioning (9 months post relaxer) and I am getting the body in my hair that I deserve! lol.
https://adventuresinbayarealand.blogspot.com/
Not really. When I did miss my relaxed hair I texturized and then promptly decided to go back au natural. Anon 8:07 hang in there! I refuse to plan my weekends or lovemaking as I’ve read other places around a hair do lol. I think having a few simple, beautiful staple styles you can dress up or down quickly saves the day. Hair accessories and make-up too can dress up even the simplest natural. Nothing wrong with judicious straightening either. I smooth with a flat iron on occasion, but I don’t party in straight styles because some water or moisture will turn me into a cotton ball. I’d rather just start out with the cotton and make it work.
I only really miss my relaxed hair when I look at old pictures of myself. I’ve been *transitioning for a year now and I can say my confidence hasn’t changed at all. I love the attention natural hair gets me and I always have to option to flat iron it if I really want straight hair for a while. I think getting rid of the relaxer has been the best decision I’ve made and I only wish I had done it sooner.
Not ALL relaxed ladies had limp and damaged hair so I wish we’d all stop pretending that the relaxer is lord voldemort!
I don’t missed being relaxed, but i do miss straight hair. perhaps i’ll be a straight natural, because honestly the all day wash sessions, every night twisting, etc. is tiring. Plus when I want to go out with my friends on the weekends, i have to plan AROUND my hair. I don’t like that one bit to be honest.
I’m not gonna lie detanglining relaxed hair was much easier!
I do miss my relaxed hair. Not that I would ever relax again but I did have a lot more confidence. I had mastered the art of the press out and with my instyler I made more than a few heads turn to who had all that body and bounce. People said they say my hair bouncing before they ever saw me…to bad my hair never grew past my shoulders with a relaxer. I had split ends on top of split ends and I knew I had to go natural. I love my texture but I don’t like the length of my hair right now. It’s short and I feel I look better with longer hair…I just have to wait until it grows out more to be fully happy with it. I wouldn’t give up getting my natural hair back for the world….but I totally understand how you could miss it…..I mean hey hair has alot to do with alot of people’s self image. And if you spent most of your life relaxed alot of your confident and I feel super beautiful days happend when you were relaxed. I think that as you have more of those days natural and when you finally get all the way used to it you won’t miss your relaxed hair anymore. (At least not as much)
not at all…..straight hair isn’t the epitome of beauty to me, I like curly. limp hair/thin hair/burning scalp was NOT the business. Wish i’d gone natural about 15 years ago, lol
https://www.socialitedreams.com
YES,YES,YES!!!
I know its sad to say, but I do miss the relaxer,a ton! I went natural on 12/31/09. Its almost been a year. I had a buzz cut and was happy with my natural hair the first 2 months. Now it is almost to my shoulders just shy of 11 months of being natural. I am trying my hardest to make it to a year of being natural. I love the things I can do with my natural hair but it almost seems as if the upkeep takes more effort then having a relaxer (I used to rock a short hair cut). I have inspired my aunt to go natural and just don’t know what I plan on doing once the one year mark rolls around. I have gotten my hair pressed twice since I have been natural which let’s me pretend for a week that I have a relaxer lol. I’ve considered just pressing once a month once I hit the one year mark but I’m just not sure if its worth the money and the breakage that will come along with it because of the heat. If I do go back to the creamy crack I know that I will be brave enough to go down the natural road again if I choose to. Also I will probably transition first if I do go back to the creamy crack.
Just today I missed my hair blowing in the wind. For about ten years I had between armpit length and below bra strap length straight hair. I miss the way it framed my face. I miss easily running my hair through it. But what I know is that I miss all of this when my hair was FRESHLY done. Not most of the time. Most of the time my hair made me feel ugly. Greased and heavy and not at all feathery to nicely blow in the wind. Also the dandruff! Oh MAN.
So yes I miss it. I did my BC Sept 9th. After only transitioning for 4 months. It’s still new, and there are many things I miss about it. But more that I am happy to do without.
I have only 4 inches and big chopped about 10 months ago (i think something is wrong with me, where is my 1 inch lol) so I do miss my relaxed hair on some occasions for the same reason you do. I had alot of confidence with my straight hair and I had color, which made me feel real good. I feel like the looks I get now are “oh she cute but her hair is nappy” (its not nappy, just curly lol). But I came to realize that you’re the one in control of your confidence. If you walk around with a smile on your face and think that “yeah my hair isn’t straight, but I still look good with what I have” then everyone else will feel the same way. I have learned to love my hair, especially now that i have mastered the twist out! I also still get compliments with my hair and people tell me I am inspire them to go natural. But anyway, be confident with what you have and everything else will fall in place! =)
ohh girl i cannot tell a lie. I miss it sometimes. When my hair was relaxed i had some dope hair styles, shaved in the back long side bang in the front with purple streaks lol. Whenever i look in old pics i do wish that my hair could to that again. But at the same time I’m loving my hair natural.I dont look like every girl on the block and I’m done with the chemicals, and burning lol. And I do wish i could do senagalese twists on my hair tho but it just wont look nice on my natural hair. So yes I miss it because of certain styles…and although people say you can flat iron…i dont wanna do that too often
I’ve reached my 9th month of transitioning today and to be honest with you, yes.
I miss the ease of it all.
I’m new to the natural thing so I haven’t mastered it. I do my hair entirely by myself now instead of going to the salon faithfully every two weeks so I’m still learning.
I miss the mornings when all i had to do was unwrap my hair and go. I’m style challenged so right now all I do is buns and I really don’t feel attractive. I half jokingly consider this my ‘ugly duckling’ year.
When I detangle my hair I especially have thoughts of relaxing my hair or big chopping. BUT im resiliant and when i set a goal, 9 times out of ten I’ll stick with it.
My goal is to transition for 18 months so in the meantime I will not relax no matter how much I want to (the same goes for big chopping, no matter how much i think i want to)
On the bright side, I spend more time fantasizing about having a big afro than I do having my relaxed hair back.
and also last week when I achieved my first twist N curl I’d felt happier than ever.
ricquel is right, it really is about changing your mindset…
I don’t miss relaxed hair, but sometimes I do miss straight hair. My relaxed hair looked good, however I got tired of the process. Now that I wear my hair natural I have to remind myself to let my hair be what it is. I get compliments on my natural hair and I know that I get way more remarks and more attention when its straight, so that doesn’t help.
the only thing i miss is the ease of washing when i had a perm. everything else – i wish i had the confidence and knowledge to do this sooner. i’m a professional – i always knew i’d look professional whether my hair was permed or natural; and white folks always seem to get a kick out of whatever hairstyle i was wearing – they always liked the versality of my hair. i like variety and with natural hair thats what i get. as a matter of fact if i dont tell you i’m not perming anymore you wouldnt know. i never really liked the bone straight look even though i had length.
its so much freeing not relaxing anymore. enjoy the journey.
Yes, I miss the ease of combing through my hair. I haven’t got used to the short, extremely unruly hair that I have now, but I have friends walking me through the process.
I really need to find a hairdresser who can do something with my natural hair when it is short so that it looks neat. Getting sick of the braids. Am hunting for one in Southern Maryland.
Good luck to you.
No.
Honestly, no, my relaxer looked a mess. Frayed ends that I never wore down unless they were bumped under. Flat and lifeless. 9 times out of 10 I just pulled it back into a skinny little ponytail to try to make its poor condition less noticeable. Detangling was a snap… in that, every time I detangled my hair, a blizzard of broken ends would snap off and fly around the bathroom. SMH. Looking back, I can’t believe I thought that was how it had to be.
don’t get me wrong, I definitely do not miss the actual process of getting my hair relaxed…and my scalp doesn’t either! Sometimes I just myself the way I used to be. I feel like I’m always worried about whether my hair looks decent, when that was never an issue for me…
Sometimes. I am one year and 18 days post relaxer. I haven’t chopped and have no immediate plans to chop. Right now I’m wearing crochet braids, and I’m planning to keep them until mid-December, rock my own hair in braid-outs for a few weeks, then get kinky twists in the new year. My problem is, my long, straight hair was very much a part of who I was. If nothing else, I knew I had a pretty smile, and nice hair. And half the time, I don’t really like the way my hair looks when I do braid-outs. I was watching a YT vid of a current transitioner on how she does her braid-outs…she looked great, but when I tried it, it was just okay– not nearly as much definition, it got frizzy very quickly, and parts of it just looked flat and weird. I do not get compliments on my hair when I do it, and I got tons of my relaxed hair. I get tons of compliments again when I get my half-natural, half-relaxed hair blown out. It’s very discouraging and has made me consider growing the relaxer out but just wearing it straight…I look at naturals with big, beautiful hair and that’s what I want…but it just seems unattainable.
I don’t because I know I wouldn’t have all the hair I have now if I had relaxed hair.
When I did my big chop two years ago, I LOVED the natural texture of my hair. I loved watching it grow and change. Now, not so much. When I had a relaxer my hair was pretty much perfect 24/7. My stylist was on speed dial. And for someone who has no skill w/ hair, that’s a big deal. Now, I often feel like I don’t know what I’m doing, that it’s a never-ending cycle of what works and what doesn’t. Plus, there are a lot more insecurities that come along with it. I’m trying to hang in there, but….
I don’t miss my relaxed hair, because I was never one of those people who could do all kinds of stuff with hair. So when I wasn’t wearing a sew in, I pretty much just wore a soft wrap. I’ve only been natural for a year and a few months and I’m still enjoying the various styles that I can now do with natural hair. Looking back at my relaxed pics..I looked rather boring compared to now. Soooo…not quite missing the relaxed yet. 🙂
nah, i can’t say that i do. i think in large part it’s because when i had a relaxer, i always had to rely on someone else to maintain my hair for me. since i have been natural, i am the only one who handles my hair. i love it! no more hours & hours at the salon. no more ridiculous amounts of money paid to someone else, etc.
the great thing about true beauty is that it comes from the inside out. so no matter whether your hair is straight or kinky, short or waist-length, you’re still beautiful!
I don’t miss the relaxer – I can leave the burning and scabs for the birds. HOWEVER, at times I do miss my straight hair. I like how I look with straight hair. I too have a round face, chubby cheeks and with a 4b afro, I don’t get the face-framing look that I get with straight hair. Additionally, I LOOVE to feel my hair blowing in the wind. My 4b hair does not move in the wind – period!
I still feel very cute and confident with my natural hair too. The last time I straightened it (July) was the first time that I felt equally attractive with my straight hair. If you have the patience for it, you’ll find out what works/doesn’t work. Find styles to help give you a look that makes you feel and look like a queen. Then you will gradually get to a point where you feel confident and beautiful with straight hair, curly hair, kinky hair or NO HAIR! LOL. At the end of the day, I know that natural hair fits best with my lifestyle and the things I want to accomplish, so whenever I feel the need to want straight hair, I go to a natural style that gives me the things I look for in straight hair. This style for me is mini-twists: I get the length fix, movement, and framing that I desire! Hang in there and you find what works for you!!!
Peace,
Monique
I can totally empathize with your post. I am currently 6 months post relaxer and transitioning has been more about transitioning my mind than myhair. While I am not missing my relaxed hair I still have mental hurdles I have to climb concerning natural hair. There bave been many ups and downs as I go on my natural hair journey. Right now I am wearing a curly half wig that is helping me through this time. The real testament comes when I have to deal with my 100 percent natural hair.
I do have this issue every now and then. Monday will make ten months since my last relaxer (still transitioning), but those moments of feeling like life would be easier or I would look better w/relaxed hair are more few and far between. I had some job interviews this past week, and I did a braid out and wore a textured chignon and a doughnut bun. I had a frizz halo but I loved the way that my hair looked overall, and for a minute I had a little doubt and wished that my hair was relaxed so it would lay flat. But I took a step back and decided that my hair looked just as good as if I had a relaxer (if not better). And I got the job, so all doubt was erased.
I’ve discovered that it really is just a matter of time, plus I definitely don’t miss the process of relaxing, that is my ULTIMATE nightmare.
No…mainly because I remember what relaxed hair maintenance was like and it was that whole process that spurred me to go natural in the first place.
Ironically, all these years later, I think I could probably relax my hair and maintain it myself without having to depend on a stylist AND my hair would probably be somewhat “healthier” because I know my own hair best. But I don’t miss relaxed hair enough to do that either! lol
I can honestly say I NEVER miss my relaxed hair, going natural was the best decision I ever made, i just wish i could have done it alot sooner!!
to writer transitioning I encourage you to enjoy the ride, wether its long, or short you may not think so but I have yet to see a person with a twa look bad, trust me, you have the face it. TWAs are fierce!!
As a fellow round face chubby cheek girl, NO. I’ am still transiting and honestly I don’t even entertain that thought. The only thing the relaxer gave me was the straight look, which is fine, but other than that my hair was dull, always breaking off/never growing, I dreaded the act of getting a perm because no matter how much I didn’t scratch I would get burned/scabs, the smell made me sick, and personally I never found getting a relaxer maintain my hair any easier. Nor did I feel prettier or attractive with it because I think I look good either way, don’t let others define your beauty. When you do a major change in your appearance whether it is hair, your weight, clothes, etc. you are bound to feel a bit insecure and self conscious but it is normal since it is so new to you, it all comes down to being comfortable in your skin. And stop thinking about what society deems as beautiful, if it was up to some of society we would still be in chains, beauty is all around us, especially when it comes to people. You look beautiful, wouldn’t you rather look beautiful and unique than looking like countless of other women with a relaxer. Not saying that women who relax aren’t beautiful or unique because they are but looking at the before and after pictures on this blog it never dawn on me that when we relax we don’t stand out as much but look the same in terms of hair texture and style
i miss it in the sense that i was relaxed for most of my life. in my mind’s eye/dreams, sometimes i still see myself with straight hair. sometimes i miss the movement and swang i had. it’s also a little difficult because i, unlike some naturals, didn’t have damaged hair due to relaxers. i went natural because i didn’t like my hair straight. but then i touch my curls and think that this is the hair i’ve always wanted. and i’m so in love with it.
“I just wanted to know if any other transitioners miss their relaxed hair, not because it’s straight, but because of the confidence you had wearing it? ”
How can you miss relaxed hair because of the confidence it gave and not because of the straightness. The so-called confidence was due to the straightness. It agreed with the beauty ideal that covets straight hair. That was why you were confident.
You will not confident or pretty now that you are in the process of going natural unless YOU change your mind about what beauty means.
Sometimes i do. I don’t miss it because it’s a relaxer, i miss it because it was low maintenance in a way.All i had to do was put it in a bun and go (yes the bun looked miserable, my hair had no body and for the love of everything i held dear, my edges were running away from my face). BUT i could walk out of my house and people would compliment me on how “shiny” my hair was. I have(Caucasian)roommates and i just can’t be locked in the bathroom for 3 hours every week. Exams, papers due, classes to go to (God forbid i wake up late).
But i love my hair now. I actually get to enjoy it, have more options and it’s healthy. I’m glad that i’m doing this now: when i enter the workforce i’ll probably know how to style it 🙂
Sometimes I think of the ease of it. However, I usually snap out of it once I remember how my hair and scalp would feel tight and stilted. My hair feels much freer now as I am near my 7th transitioning month.
hey riquel
happy transitioning; sorry it’s been trying for you.
i big chopped in 2005 during my senior year of college. i do not miss my relaxed hair. i hated how my hair looked the exact same over several years. despite my experiences and my personal growth, my hair looked essentially the exact same way it did in high school and rarely seemed to grown past my collarbone. i was experiencing breakage, which was really depressing- having parts of my hair there dramatically shorter than others. i also began to tire of the “wrapped” look. i am pretty thankful for being natural. i do get annoyed with how long it takes to wash, condition and detangle. Beyond that, however, i’m very happy with my decision.
i recall feeling awful when i big chopped and starting wearing my natural hair out. i felt like a boy. just be patient. that phase will pass pretty quickly. i recommend small twists. i would twists my hair on sunday and were all week. pretty easy.
Nope. Not a single bit.
I don’t miss the burns, the scabs, dandruff, the long hours at the beauty salon, or feeling sad because my hair didn’t look good (which was most of the time).
I feel way more confident now than I ever did with relaxed hair or extensions.
Nope! I love my natural texture so much 🙂
I do sometimes. But what I miss is just wearing my wrap & go every day! LOL. moisturizing, bunning, twisting, detangling, braiding, wet setting . . . its a labor of love for my transitioning hair [one year post relaxer in 5 days! 🙂 ] but sometime I just don’t wanna do it. so yes, I do miss my relaxed hair sometimes, but when I do, I just flat iron it, stare in awe at how healthy and strong it is, wear it like that for a few days, just to know that I can get the look, and then when I start missing my thick curly hair, I wash it 🙂
naturals get the best of both worlds 🙂
nope. but if i do ever get the urge for straight hair i can always flat-iron or blow dried. I LOVE the versatility of natural hair 🙂
My relaxed hair was a limp, breaking, flaming hot mess that I kept in a ponytail most of the time. So no, I do not miss it at all. 😀 As another commenter said, the only thing I miss about relaxed hair is the ease of the detangling process.
I haven’t had a relaxer in a long time. I think the last time I got one was when I was 11 or 12. I honestly don’t miss it. I was more into getting braided extensions.
I just wanted to let you know to hang in there. You hit it right on the nail when you said, “it’s also a slow un-learning process of everything society ever taught you about beauty.” EXACTLY!
I think that is why many women, young and old may have a hard time with natural hair. It goes against society’s idea of beauty. But one thing I have realized is that as long as you are confident in yourself, regardless of how your hair looks, people will see that. I’m getting to the point where I can tell someone to kick rocks if I hear them say something negative about natural hair.
Try to get out of that mentality that straight hair is the only way you can look beautiful. There are plenty of examples on the internet to make me know that curly, coily, kinky hair is AWESOME.
Write a hair journal about your ups and downs. Also, take pictures of your hair even if you don’t feel like it or if you’re having a bad hair day. Don’t have too many expectations of your hair due to what you see from other women. Remember that your hair is unique. Feel free to express your feelings like you’re doing now.
I think you look great either way.
Lastly, don’t buy into the idea that your was meant to be “straight” because it makes noooooooooo sense. Girl you know you popped out of your mama with CURLY HAIR 😀
never had relaxed hair so can’t say if i miss it
I only miss it when people stare at me in awe. I don’t like a lot of attention on myself, and I blended into the crowd easily with relaxed hair. Now I feel like a human museum. It can be annoying. lol. I understand that people are curious but I’d like to go about my business as usual without the gawking and what not.
Besides that I don’t miss it.
Just last night I thought about how long my hair would be if I hadn’t cut off my relaxed ends. But then I remembered how much healthier my hair is and how much I’ve learned in the past year. I also like the fact that people come to me for hair advice. Those few things make it all well worth it for me.
The only thing I miss about my relaxed hair was how easy it was to detangle! LOL! Looking back, my hair looked so thin and lifeless, even on days when I thought it look really good. Imo, most of the relaxed heads I see don’t look that great either. I’d always craved relaxed hair with body and movement (like Oprah) that I and most other black women don’t have naturally (or the relaxer gets rid of). I also liked curly hair and would use rollers or hot curlers to achieve a curly look. Clearly I always wanted to be natural and just didn’t know it! My natural hair gives me the full, bouncy, textured look that I’ve always craved and suits me far better than my relaxed hair ever did. I know that I will never go back to the relaxer. At almost 3 years natural, I haven’t even straightened my hair since I BCed.
I have BC’d twice now, the second time because I felt my natural hair was damaged. I already miss the the length because I felt it was so much prettier than the short in between stage, but I am still trying to see the curls as beautiful without a weave attached, and it can be really difficult at times.
For a good six months after my BC, I had relaxed hair in all my dreams. I knew it was because I wasn’t used to my “new” hair yet. Now that I’m more comfortable, I’ve noticed those dreams are few and far between.
~jennifer.
https://thegoodjournal.blogspot.com/