by
Black Girl With Long Hair
Going natural is a learning experience and things can get emotional. Re-learning how to manage and style your hair after years of relaxing can be a challenge, and it can be made more difficult depending on your attitude. Here are 6 attitudes that will keep you frustrated at your hair.
Ah, impatience. We’ve all dealt with it, whether it’s waiting to grow out those last few inches, sitting through an hour long detangling session or trying to master the art of flat twisting. It can be easy to let impatience get the best of you but consider that you are in a process of re-learning your hair and it’s just going to take time. Anticipate that the first two years of journey might be bumpy and progress may sometimes seem slow. If you did a big chop, you won’t have back length hair right off the bat. If all you know how to do is flat iron, then natural hair styling and maintenance techniques will take time to learn. But don’t fear! Many veteran naturals have their routines down to a science, and spend less and less time on their hair as the years go by. There’s light at the end of the tunnel!
Some women don’t like what they find on the other side of the big chop. They might have expected looser curls and ended up with a tight z pattern, or wanted hair that grows up and out, and ended up with soft hair that flops down. A kneejerk reaction can be to get a dye job, do a press and curl or put in a weave. Although none of these practices are bad in and of themselves they can do damage to your hair and sense of self when used as a perceived ‘compensation’. If you are feeling disappointed or unhappy with your natural hair try getting to the bottom of your dissatisfaction, and adjusting your outlook. And realize that changing your perception of what is beautiful will take some effort.
When you read natural hair articles or hear natural hair ‘gurus’ talking, it can be tempting to be defensive and discredit them. You might think; ‘What do they know?’ or ‘And who are they to tell me how to take care of my hair?’ While you certainly shouldn’t believe everything you read, it’s important to have some humility. If you’ve tried taking care of your hair, and it’s not where you want it to be, there’s nothing wrong with admitting you don’t have all the answers and trying new advice.
25 Responses
I’m frustrated af when it comes to length & retention . It’s been a year and a half since my BC & I’m right now I’m torn between gaining length the old fashion way (waiting 5+ years) or using Manetabolism hair vitamins to cheat. I’m not worried about what others have to say, it’s a personal sense of accomplishment that I’m not sure I’ll get with using hair vitamins. Idk I’m just not satisfied with my hair sitting at neck length & having to trim constantly .
Great article… All so so true.
I’m guilty (more or less) of all of these except for Compensation. I guess I’ve been in the mindset that I’ll wake up one day and want to spend forever detangleing or will become an expert in flat twists and cornrows.I know this sounds bad but I do fear I won’t like what my hair turns out to be. But I’m working on changing this attitude, I know it’ll take a while but I hope I love my hair for all it does and doesn’t do.
I find that frustration is a big one for me. I have fine 4a,4b hair, and if I’m not very gentle it will suffer big time. I am just coming to terms with this is, what it is. My hair isn’t like many of the thick haired naturals on YT, and that’s okay. Even though I’ve been natural for years, I am still learning my hair, while trying not to be envious of other naturals even in my family who have just begun their journey and have hair down to their shoulders. When it took me two years of achieve that, Boooo, ( u know like on Apollo) didn’t help none family members stated I hope my hair doesn’t take as long as yours did me: (blank face) I know you really didn’t just say that. Whatever patience, self confidence, and sticking to what works for your hair is key!
idk. i feel like i’m rediscovering my hair now. i’m trying this method of not combing it any more often than once a week, but i still find that as it gets longer my ends are prone to tangling and sometimes i just want to slap some fake hair in it so i don’t have to be bothered with it. so patience is a big one for me. i love my hair as is, we get along and all. and i want it to grow down to my bra strap but sometimes that just seems like so much to ask for even though i’m only a few months away from my goal. so maybe some more consistency is what i need to do. i haven’t tried twists methods, simply because my hair doesn’t hold twists well. braid styles would work for me, although i’m always too tempted to take the braids out prematurely so that i can have a crinkly pattern in their wake. i wish i could just forget that my hair even exists sometimes, due to the maintenance it requires. sigh.
My frustration comes in trying to find a stylist that uses the products that they suggest. There are stylists that cut/trim natural styles, yet they aren’t using the beauty supply or salon products that they recommend.
A natural style takes time to air dry, which could take hours or overnight. This is very different from having a hair stylist maintain a permed/straight style that is finished in 1-3 hours. The results aren’t immediate or instantly gratifying.
This is where the patience comes in because there are several steps to putting a natural style together. If they steps aren’t followed correctly, you have to start over (with the air dry… ugh!)
It almost takes me back to that Jheri Curl Era that took a few days to get yourself moisturized after a wash!
I love this article! I bc-ed in October 2011. My biggest issue is feeling beautiful. For so long, I was told how pretty I was with my long relaxed hair. I am starting to find that the more confident I am – the more confident other people are in my natural hair. For the first time, I feel like I am turning the corner in feeling beautiful with my natural hair and I am getting more compliments than ever. I know it shouldn’t matter – but it does… we all want to feel pretty. It is so liberating to feel beautiful naturally… I can’t believe I went 30 years without feeling this way. My biggest advice is stick with it… stick with it… just like this article says it takes time to change your perception of beauty.
Impatience & frustration I have been natural 2 years as of today i did bc found blogs & sites for natural hair tried so many diffrent products and still havrnt found right balance to achieve hair that is moisturized but not greasy and dry! I look at all the pics of naturals who have these long beautiful hair after only a few months or less than 2 yrs and i cant get mine to grow to my touch my shoulder! I trim ends & cringe because it always seems like i just lost the little length i did have! I am never relaxin hair again but still have ye t to embrace my natural hair because im frustrated with not knowing what to use or how to style & maintain it so that it is healthy & growing. Dont have money in budget to seeva professional on a reg. Need help! Oils just sit on my hair its fine not thick resembles a cotton ball when its dry just not a soft one! But a dry brittle one butters leave it greasy leave ins dont seem to work either.
Hey Christine!
Congrats on 2 years being natural!!! Honestly it’s no easy feat! With our hair, it helps a lot to celebrate small milestones. First bc, first trim, first twist outs, etc. I’ve been transitioning for 6 months and finally big chopped abt 2 months ago and I must say, I got a lot of negative comments about my hair. But there was also support, the most surprising comments actually being from guys. But I was happy. For the first time in a long time, I felt better about my hair, about myself. It takes extreme confidence and patience to go, and stay, natural. So give your hair time.
We all have different textures and coil patterns. I get so envious when I see all these pictures and videos of naturals with long, full curls. But I know that’s not how Nigerian hair grows. No matter how hard I try, my hair will never be that pattern or that lenght and I know it. So I appreciate what little length I’ve managed to gain, and focus on finding products that work for me. One thing I noticed is that it helps to braid my hair or do Senegalese twists with attachment when I’m tired of or angry with my hair. It helps to miss it for a while. And who knows, all your hair may need is just continuous spritzing with water in order to remain moisturized. And most importantly as we’ve been told a dozen times, hair is unique to the individual. What your hair can do and what it likes may be totally different from mine. Also the fact that a product isn’t giving you the results you want doesn’t necessarily mean it’s bad for your hair. If a products works for your hair, pls stick to it. With time, you’ll learn to get the desired results while using it. Remain blessed and good luck! Natural all the way!!!!
Watching YouTube hair videos gets me really frustrated but it also serves to keep me going with my hair. I was natural long before I discovered YouTube and it is great to be able to finally retain length but when I think of all the length I could have retained if only I’d known about good hair practices that is frustrating.
I get so lazy!!! Such a problem…. (sigh)
adventuresofdobs.blogspot.com
I’m very impatient when it comes to seeing the growth of my hair. Before I became natural, I transitioned for a year. During that year I gawked over the YouTube gurus. I fantasized about what I wanted my curls to look like. Giving that my grandmother and mother made it seem like my curls were bad, I didn’t want to entertain that I may not have the curls that I wish. When I big chopped I had the curls I wanted and a small section of straight strands that I’m not sure is scab or just my natural texture. I’m not as competitive or jealous with my hair because I cherish my curls. I just have hair goals that I try to meet. Thus far I haven’t been let down, but the impatient feeling is annoying. The only time I truly have patience with my hair is when I’m spending 9-11 hours double strand twisting nonstop. Lol crazy I know. I remind myself that the more I take care of my hair the more rewards I’ll see. Happy hair growing y’all!
Honestly, I was fine with my hair until I noticed my volume was starting to decline. I was gaining length but my hair used to look and feel a lot more full and thick. So I was desperate for information and stumbled upon this site. So off course when I saw those beautiful women with those big beautiful fros who transitioned around the same time as me I felt like I failed my hair. But Ive learnt a lot and realised what Ive been doing wrong. So Im still learning and trying out different things here and there.
I think exploring for new information or just proofing info given by gurus on natural hair should be added to the list. What i appreciate about JC is she put where the source of her research & info can be found. To much info can be overwhelming as it was for me I thought i needed to try everything, I never knew there was such a huge backgroung about natural hair until i started to explore. The more you know the better chance you have of treating your hair and gaining the best results.
It can sometimes be an effort challenging OTHERS concept of beauty; For instance yesterday my manager started laughing hysterically while saying to myself and other colleagues that ”with your hair like that you look like that girl from that 70s sitcom film”, she couldn’t quite remember the name and I some how confirmed that it was the classic film ‘Roots’- Now on reflection from the look on her face when I embraced the comment, I’m not sure if she meant it as an insult, but I took it as a compliment and replied ”Yeah yea, i’m going back to my roots and I love it” ;-] I’m very positive and happy in and with the natural beauty of my curly thick hair yet I feel this is one major issue all new naturals must tackle, embracing our purity and seeing its beauty, not aspiring to mainstream capitalist ideals of what beauty is- Synthetic beauty is not normal, natural or pure- For me personally my mind has been reconditioned to see weave and chemically produced textures as a big ole mess lol ;-]
so on point…i just did my big chop, and so many people ask me *with a serious face* GIrL WHAT did you do to your hair???? as if i shaved my ex husbands name in it or somethin…sigh….it truly does make you reasses your perception of beauty…and it takes time
If I am tired or short on time, I don’t start detangling my hair. It is better for me to wait a day or two than rush through it.
I like my hair and I like its progress; I didn’t have any expectations so it wasn’t hard to accept it as it is; I love natural hair so I see a lot of hair online and IRL I admire, but don’t feel the need to be jealous or competitive; and I like to do everything myself. This year, I decided I will trim myself as well. The one thing I strongly disagree with on this list is listening to the “gurus”. Not all of them are very knowledgeable (Naptural85 and JC are exceptions, not the rule). One has to be very careful about whom they listen to. If I listened to certain bloggers I would be bold and broke.
That should read ‘bald’
yeah i like naptural’s pg too! she has a lot of creative ideas for naturals and i like that she implements curlformers a lot. her hair is probly the healthiest i’ve seen all the way around
And may we add carelessness, y’all?! I get careless when I’m tired, and I forget that I need to be gentle, light-handed, and a little slow in the handling of my hair at all times. As a result, I can jerk a knot where one does not need to have been created in the time it takes to tell myself, “Slow down!” Then I have to spend more time trying to undo the damage, hoping it can actually be undone instead of needing to be cut out with scissors :-/. The longer my hair gets, the more imperative it is for me to stop being so careless and be more gentle with my hair; because I do not want to be the one, three years from now, whose hair has not retained any more length than I currently have due to ripping out my hair.
I’m practicing the finger detangling, and I sometimes break hairs; they are the price of admission to someday getting it consistently correct and eventually knowing how to do it without any accidental breakage. It’s getting better. The Greek yogurt treatments are helping, too; I seem to be shedding much less than I was only a couple months ago. A little more care, a little more gentleness . . . .
Now if I can also learn to be careful with bobby pins, and tension, and the little beady beads at the nape, and, and, and . . . :-)!
#’s 1,4 and 5 for me…i’m almost 3 years in and I’m frustrated with my length but I have learnt alot and there is light @ the end of the tunnel once you understand what works for u and ur hair!
I’m guilty of all of the above except the last one!!! ‘ve been trying hard to curb all my sins, but I have to admit that I am not the most patient of souls in all aspects of life!!!!
#5 (Laziness) is my BIGGEST, FIERCEST enemy. I keep fooling myself after I take down my twists. I tell myself “Hey it’s okay if you wear your hair loose and put your hands in it. You can’t keep your hair trapped in twists & updo’s…you have to let the world see your hair!” Ugh! I promise this time after I somehow manage to detangle this beast, I will twist or braid my hair every day before bed. This has got to stop. The longer it gets, the lazier I get. I tell myself that I have school and work and no time for caring for my hair. Total b.s. I’ve always been pretty bad at time management, but this has gone too far. My hair is so tangled right now that I’ve put off washing it because it’s going to take a day or three to detangle it and I have so much hw to do. I’m rather disgusted with myself. 🙁
Just be patient, and use LOTS of conditioner. Also, do it in sections. Section your hair, and do bantu knots–using just your fingers, and without attempting to make them look even. If a chunk wants to stays together, let it stay and keep going. Then, go back and undo the first knot to add the conditioner, and some water. Attempt to detangle small section by small section. If you need to, add more conditioner. It will take you a good 15 minutes or more, but it is worthy, because you will not rip your hair.
Use Kinky Curly “Knot Today” or Mixed Chicks Deep Conditioner or Leave In Conditioner to detangle your hair. I went from 45 minute detangle to under 7-10 minutes! Good Luck!
I feel you! When I get to that point, I normally put in braids, so maybe once or twice per year. I actually started going back to the hairdresser. She’s really good and washes, detangles and preps my tresses in about an hour. It takes me THREE to wash, detangle and twist or blow dry it. Smh Not sure what the thumbs down are about, detangling is a FEAT when you have super thick type 4 strands! See pic below! And a toddler. Lol
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