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I’m Mixed. I Have Natural Hair. And Yes, I Understand the Struggle.

Avatar • Nov 12, 2013

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A photo of the author

By Ana Santos of Vista de Arcoiris

About a year ago, I wrote an article about how much I disliked being mixed because of my hair. These last few months, I realized that I didn’t embrace the natural hair life because of others and not me. I liked my curls and had already transitioned not knowing it. I still didn’t accept the fact that my curls were acceptable. In my mind, straight hair was the ideal. To be honest, I didn’t really know how to take care of my hair yet but the main reason I thought this was because of negative comments. Comments such as… “You should relax your hair again.”, “Your hair looks messy all the time.”, and the last and most important one was… “You need to stop trying to look black”. They always ended up going back to that one.

The race topic is one that strikes me the hardest when it comes to my hair. Many people believe that natural hair is just a problem for blacks. They forget that the world is not simply made of blacks and whites. Many cultures and races have mixed. The end result of that is people like me. People who share features of both races or may only have features of one but who feel attached to both. I am a born and raised Dominican. If you spend a lot of time with Latinos or Dominicans, you will quickly realize that we believe we are a different race. It’s actually very confusing because there are a lot of forms that will have Hispanic/Latino as a choice for race and not for ethnicity. A lot of people will tell you that Latinos are not a separate race. This doesn’t stop us from feeling that way. The problem with this is that even though they have a lot of african heritage as well as native american heritage…they refuse to acknowledge it. It’s not a lack of education, but a lack of acceptance.

So what does this have to do with hair? If you’re black or if you’re Latino, you were most likely raised hearing negative comments about your hair. Now, you might be saying…”Well, I know. What’s your point?”. My point is that I didn’t have one or two races/ethnicity telling me I looked undesirable, I had three. This had an impact on how I felt about myself. Even though black naturals may get a lot of crap from relaxed hair women or women who naturally have straight hair…they still have natural sistas. I had and some times still don’t have a culture to really fall back on and say… “You understand what I’m going through”. The reason is that my skin is white and my physical features are mostly European. My hair is pretty much the only thing that lets you know that I’m mixed. This causes a problem because white people expect an image of me that I don’t quite complete, black people expect an image of me and Latinos/Dominicans expect a certain image of me. In comments and forums, I have received things like “Well, you’re mixed so you don’t really know the struggle”. In school, I was told my fro was a distraction.(I never told anyone that). In the streets, I’ve been told… “Your skin is far too fair for you to wear your hair like this” (it was in a fro). You can take a guess at which races/ethnicity said each.

What I would like is for women to realize that you can’t really know someone else’s “struggle”. Relaxed women and natural women should stop trying to debate about what is the right choice, because guess what? It’s a personal choice. This also applies for big choppers and transitioners. It would also be nice if business people realized that curly/kinky hair doesn’t reduce our ability to work effectively. The last but the most is important is that I would like for people of all races to realize how much it hurts to be pushed away because of your skin color or your features. Usually when people think of racism, they think of whites against the minorities. The thing that most don’t realize though is that we judge each other just as much as other races do.

Ana Santos is a poet, writer and photographer. She blogs at Vista De Arcoiris.

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judith m
judith m
7 years ago

I just love this and you are so right. Go ahead girl and live your natural hair lofe because it dont matter what nobody else say because they probably insecure about themselves. You are officially my idol and I just love you and your hair.

Angela
Angela
7 years ago

Interesting read. The title of this forum is called “black girls longhair.” As we know, “being black” or having Afican ansestry can be represented by many ethnicities / countries / cultures. I appreciate her point of view.

Shelly_Shelle
Shelly_Shelle
7 years ago
Reply to  Angela

Well let’s talk about “being black”. This author does NOT consider herself as Black…she identifies as a LATINO, not even an Afro-Latino but a “mixed” person (which most Latinos are African, Native American, and European thus mixed). When we speak of “Black” we are speaking of the descendants of African enslaved persons in the continental U.S. African immigrants, 2nd generation African-Americans, Afro-Latinos, and Latinos do not consider themselves as “BLACK”. Therefore being of African descent does not make you Black, especially culturally. If it did then she would not believe she “Understands the Struggle” natural hair Black women may experience.… Read more »

Jazine
Jazine
7 years ago
Reply to  Shelly_Shelle

Shelly, you gave the best and most thoughtful response to Ana’s essay. Something about it just didn’t sit right. For people who don’t identify as black culturally, but yet can’t pass, and I’m not accusing Ana of wanting to pass, I notice SOME of these mixed-race women predominately come to vent on black sites, but don’t have the courage to go to non-black sites, which they are plenty of non-black hair care sites to express how they feel as a mixed-race person whose features, such as hair texture, doesn’t neatly fit into the narrow black or white paradigm, and how… Read more »

Shelly_Shelle
Shelly_Shelle
6 years ago
Reply to  Jazine

Thank you Jazine. I think it’s important that we define Black versus African descent. Black people in America have a unique struggle and we have put in work to get to a place where we have pride. I get irritated when other groups jump on the bandwagon and try to equate their struggle to our struggles. Or come on sites such as this but don’t invite us to their sites. I am especially peeved by the Latino community and their mistreatment of Afro-Latino’s. So when a person like Ana comes on a site such as this site saying she understands my… Read more »

Moka Blu
Moka Blu
7 years ago

My heart was really touched by your blog. You are lovely just the way your are and don’t let anyone tell you anthing otherwise. I WISH I had thick, beautiful hair such as yours. You GO, GIRL!!! You ROCK and you SHINE!

Nina
Nina
7 years ago

Couldn’t have said it better myself. People are always frustrated by these invisible, designated boxes that seem, through one’s own eyes, imposed, or forced upon us by others and society, when in reality, half the time we are the biggest advocates of those boxes we claim to fight so hard against.

myblackfriendsays
7 years ago

you do you.

Kay
Kay
7 years ago

Interesting. I think a lot of the time, the “struggle” we may face is based on where we live. I’ve lived in the northeast and southeast of the US. In the northeast, there were many mixed girls who were natural before it was even a thing to be natural.. and nobody gave them a second glance because it just wasn’t a big deal. In the southeast however, completely different story. I noticed that a lot (not all) of mixed girls, especially when they live in a white suburban area, wear their hair straight.

Missc
Missc
7 years ago

O_o

IJS
IJS
7 years ago
Reply to  Missc

2 female corporate executives are having a conversation about the hardships of sexism in the workplace and a male executive comes up and comments “Well, it isn’t so easy as a man.…”

Missc
Missc
7 years ago
Reply to  IJS

Lol 😉

Nisha
Nisha
7 years ago
Reply to  IJS

I’m suspicious as how you got so many thumbs up…Either way, I would listen to what that man has to say. It’s always a good thing to be open to the experiences of others.

Missc
Missc
7 years ago
Reply to  Nisha

Lol! There is nothing to be suspicious about 🙂 Enjoy your day!

Beautyismiree
Beautyismiree
7 years ago

This article is what everybody should read wether you are mixed or not. Some people are still obviously to the fact that just because you are mixed your hair must be 2b and you must have light skin; when in reality you can be dark-skinned and have 4a hair. When your mixed you can look completely white or black and will sometimes have a feature that allows you to know that you’re mixed (hair). Some black women I’ve come across will give mixed girls the side eye and say that they don’t know their struggle and need to sit down for… Read more »

gapch
gapch
7 years ago
Reply to  Beautyismiree

ive seen that sort of things go in all directions… its sad

sandi
sandi
7 years ago
Reply to  Beautyismiree

This is so true.…I am one case of this…I was bullied about this topic…To the point I wish God gave me caramel skin like my other 4 sisters.

gapch
gapch
7 years ago
Reply to  sandi

God don’t make mistakes. He made you beautiful and you have to know that. The bullies were just that bullies but it doesn’t lessen your beauty.

Orihime11
Orihime11
7 years ago

Thank you for being open and sharing this with us Ana. No matter what you are or where you from, you’re my sista too girlie! 🙂

Black is the new black
Black is the new black
7 years ago

As a black woman with dense 4c hair, I read the title and immediatly thought “boo hoo, woe is you.” After reading this post, I’ve changed my mind somewhat.

SJ
SJ
7 years ago

To be quite honest, I’m interested in comparing the comments section of this article to the one on Curly Nikki’s. This same article was featured on her site with nearly 200 comments, and it struck a lot of hot debate (with both sides having very valid points). So far I noticed that the feedback here is mostly positive. Either way, this author’s article has circulated the natural network quite a bit and has really gotten people talking!

gapch
gapch
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

when did curly nikki post this? her site typically doesn’t have a lot going on in the comment sections…

A.J.
A.J.
7 years ago
Reply to  gapch

About a week or two ago

gapch
gapch
7 years ago

definitely understand that everyone has struggles and obstacles to overcome in regards to self acceptance and self love.

But this article was full of rash generalizations and contradicting statements and a hint of resentment towards black women.… understood the baseline theme but was left feeling non empathetic towards the author.

Lynn
Lynn
7 years ago

I’m not the person to take away from another’s personal struggle. But I feel a bit conflicted about the authors approach to the situation. Do I think it’s appropriate for a black woman to tell a biracial or mixed woman that she doesn’t “understand the natural hair struggle” nope not at all. But to not acknowledge the fact that people put black woman up against biracial and mixed woman is no surprise. I don’t personally think those comments about “your mixed & you don’t understand the natural struggle” are always coming from a place of ignorance or insecurity heck it’s… Read more »

Beautyismiree
Beautyismiree
7 years ago
Reply to  Lynn

She said that because when a black women tells a mixed girl her struggles arent nothing she’s pushing away that mixed girl from her African side and the same goes to the side of whatever she’s mixed with. She’s saying it to all races not to judge based off of appearance just like any other person would. She’s not in any way saying I’m the only one being discriminated against; she’s just telling you her experience of what comments she’s been given by all races. You never seen a mixed person who doesn’t identify themselves with a race and chose not… Read more »

gapch
gapch
7 years ago
Reply to  Lynn

the key to what you said is “their reality.” people often take their reality and assume that everyone who is of the same race, creed, color, geographic region, socioeconomic status have the same reality or perspectives or experiences. everyones truth and perspective is different.

Melissa
Melissa
7 years ago
Reply to  gapch

Gapch,

I thumbed down your post by accident. I wanted to thumbs up it. Sorry about that.

sandi
sandi
7 years ago

I feel kind of the same way because I mixed and am light skin too…From my 5 sisters I’m the only light skinned and they are all dark skin, My hair is one of the things you can see that I am mixed…I’m trying to leave it natural and people including my family are giving me bad comments. In terms of my skin color I hate it because in middle school people had racial comments about why i was so light and my family weren’t…they were right in part because not even my parents are my skin color eye color… Read more »

gapch
gapch
7 years ago
Reply to  sandi

honey you have to know that you are beautiful. genetics are funny… people don’t always come out looking like their parents but its their love and acceptance that you can count on and know that you belong. looks don’t make a family or define a family love for one another. little by little just keep reaffirming to yourself how beautiful and perfect you are and you’ll be okay. God don’t make mistakes.…

L
L
7 years ago

I think when “non-mixed” black women imply that the author does not know the struggle, this is not necessarily a negative insinuation. There is not one “struggle” for black people. It’s disingenuous to imply that the experiences of someone who is darker skinned equate to those of someone who is fairer skinned and arguably perceived as being more assimilable into mainstream white society. I don’t think it takes anything away from the experiences of mixed women to say that they know a struggle, but perhaps not the SAME struggle. I actually find it harmful and not at all conducive to… Read more »

gapch
gapch
7 years ago
Reply to  L

i agree

cacey
cacey
7 years ago
Reply to  L

agreed completely. personally i couldn’t relate to the article, but it was an interesting perspective.

Menna
Menna
7 years ago
Reply to  L

I agree with the comment by “L” above. This is why it is important to make a distinction between what is black and what is black admixture along with some other variation. I am not someone who ascribes to the U.S. one-drop, primarily because the author is acknowledging her struggle, without acknowledging her privilege. The struggle is not shared, it is different with a few similarities here and there. The context of her story is also different based on her Latino heritage. Natural hair has really never been nor will it be a “problem for black people.” However, there has… Read more »

black nerd lover
black nerd lover
7 years ago
Reply to  L

Okay… I think that at some point, the discussion about the “struggle” has to break down exactly what the struggle is, and the consequences it has. Are dark-skinned considered “less beautiful” than their lighter skinned peers. Yes, sometimes. By who? Mainly other black people. In my personal experience — and this is just my experience — in “mixed company” race wise, the color difference just doesn’t matter as much. I guess what I’m trying to say is colorism is something that we black primarily DO TO EACH OTHER — as the author is stating. My mother-in-law is bi-racial, so are two of my… Read more »

gapch
gapch
7 years ago

If I’m a dark skinned woman trying to get educated and get a job, then the struggle evaporates.” — pure fallacy.… the broader society to a large extent still feels more comfortable with lighter skinned blacks even though the see them all as black.

Because, to broader society WE ARE ALL BLACK WOMEN.” — only to a certain degree.…

Jen
Jen
7 years ago

As Gapch points out below, it’s not just about “rap videos” and the entertainment world. There have been decades of empirical evidence indicating that darker skinned people face increased social isolation relative to lighter skinned blacks. This includes increased workplace discrimination among other levels of differential treatment. Lighter skinned blacks also tend to be more affluent and have increased social contact with whites, which may in part contribute to the notion of lighter skinned and mixed blacks seeming “less threatening” and more like white people. However, there is also the widespread image in the media of darker skinned blacks being… Read more »

black nerd lover
black nerd lover
7 years ago
Reply to  Jen

But at what point do I compare the “statistics” and “reports” against my own reality and make a judgment? Because everything that you’re stating. Literally everything is INCONSISTENT with my life and my circle of black women friends. I went to a top liberal arts college, and the black student body there skewed towards darker skin. And out of our graduating class, the two darkest skin females both graduated with medical degrees and now out-earn the (lighter) rest of us. My lighter skinned friends have skewed towards more “creative” careers where they earn significantly less. There isn’t a difference — according… Read more »

black nerd lover
black nerd lover
7 years ago
Reply to  Jen

And I’m not saying that colorism isn’t really, and discrimination against darker-skinned black people isn’t real — it is. But it saddens me when we get to a point of feeling so victimized that we can’t identify OUR OWN privilege, or hear someone else’s story of disenfranchisement without discounting it or rolling our eyes. Part of me becoming a black female adult in America has been realizing that my life is NOT a statistic. Look at the statistics about black women in America. If someone looked at them and — without knowing me — had to guess what kind of person… Read more »

Hansy
Hansy
7 years ago

Very well said!

Tish
Tish
7 years ago

@ black nerd lover– You lost me at “angrily,” “jealousy,” “feel sorry,” and “insecurity.” You’ve missed the point entirely.

cacey
cacey
7 years ago

you’ve quite missed the point, i do believe. can’t see the forest for the trees, as goes the saying.

black nerd lover
black nerd lover
7 years ago

Listen @Tish @Cacey, I am quite aware that my opinions are not politically correct. I’m quite aware that they are not the “right” things to believe as a modern black woman. But I don’t even care anymore. This very comment section confirms to me that I should hang on to my own belief instead of get drowned in a cacophony of nonsense. I have never denied the existence of colorism. And I myself am not a light-skinned woman. Many members of my family are very dark skinned. What I’m saying is that I am NO LONGER willing to walk around… Read more »

Hansy
Hansy
7 years ago

I completely agree with you. To white people we are all black, no matter how light or dark our skin is. I’ve never heard a white person compare blacks in terms of shades as we do.

Gina
Gina
7 years ago
Reply to  L

Well said!

Nina
Nina
7 years ago
Reply to  L

I’m sorry, but I have to argue that the insinuation is more than an acknowledgement of each struggle being different. If that were true, the “non-mixed’ women would say, “you don’t understand MY struggle”. Hell, the author wouldn’t have used “The Struggle” in her title if it was simply a matter of difference between the struggles. To use “THE” suggests not only a difference, but a worth. It is used not only to differentiate, but to diminish anything else that coincides with it. In others words, it’s to say, “You’re strong, but I’m strength.” “I am real and you are… Read more »

maxine
maxine
7 years ago

I agree,and a very beautiful women.

TheUnPC
TheUnPC
7 years ago

I’m so sick and tired of the “Mr/Ms Me too” brigade who always have to jump in when black people are having a conversation amongst themselves with but but but “me too” well it isn’t about you.

*Folds arms and waits for the PC police to round me up the same po-po who are always quick to say something untoward to her fellow black sister. *

cacey
cacey
7 years ago
Reply to  TheUnPC

well, you know she probably considers herself black, as well. i guess that’s her point…or something or other. i don’t know.

gapch
gapch
7 years ago
Reply to  cacey

she doesn’t consider herself black.…

cacey
cacey
7 years ago
Reply to  gapch

…and if that’s the case, then that just credits what TheUN PC said above… realistically speaking, her issues are not our issues. they’re a different set of issues. they may overlap with ours and share like characteristics, the same as there are indeed plenty of women around the world who have hair curly like mine and yours but who are not black and yet can tell us similar stories of how they were made to feel bad about their hair; but ultimately their narrative and our narrative still occupy their own separate spaces. therefore, since she isn’t black (according to you, and… Read more »

Denisha
Denisha
7 years ago

If you don’t look at that picture and think “the struggle is definitely real” then you’re nuts. Lol. All that hair can’t be easy no matter your race.

nappy headed black girl

Amen, Denisha lol

What beautiful hair. It’s interesting to hear stories like this because as dark as I am and as nappy as my hair is, I never had to deal with negativity toward my hair or looks as a child.

I hope the author realizes how gorgeous her hair is. I also wonder if she wears it curly more often to avoid criticism and questions.

AnonSince87
AnonSince87
7 years ago

I’ll be honest; whenever I’ve read stories of this nature from mixed race women, my immediate reaction is along the lines of ”really?!” Only because mixed race and light skinned women have always been put on a pedestal and mixed raced women tend to have the more ‘accepted’ grade of hair (whilst I recognise not ALL mixed race women have looser textured hair, generally, they do). I’ve never understood the 3c girl who felt pressured to relax/straighten her hair. I mean back then, ‘all’ us 4c girls would kill for that wavy textured hair. They had the ‘perfect’ texture and perfect… Read more »

AnonSince87
AnonSince87
7 years ago
Reply to  AnonSince87

Also have to stress that as a 4c dark skinned woman, no one has personally said anything negative to me about my hair or my skin tone. So whilst I never felt my looks we’re ‘least desirable,’ I was very aware that the media and society at large portrayed it otherwise.

black nerd lover
black nerd lover
7 years ago
Reply to  AnonSince87

But it’s not just being put on a pedestal. It’s being put on a pedestal and also being pushed away. I commented before that two of my closest friends are bi-racial. They share that they are exoticized by black men, and often pushed away by black women. Imagine having that experience — over and over again — among the “people” that you identify with most. One of my bi-racials friends also shared that she is ashamed to admit that she loves her green eye color, her brown hair and her lighter skin, because she feels that loving herself will make darker… Read more »

Hansy
Hansy
7 years ago
Reply to  AnonSince87

My mother has 3B/C hair and she relaxed her hair for most of her life. Only recently she stop relaxing but she still wears her hair straight. We are Dominicans btw. Trust me our struggle is very real. Our hair is NOT accepted as normal in our culture and you would not even be able to get a job wearing natural hair.

Miss T
Miss T
7 years ago

I don’t mean to sound harsh, but am I the only person who could care less about what another person thinks or says about me or my hair? Even as a child I was like, who are you? You aint nobody!

Deb
Deb
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss T

that’s awesome for you but not everyone is there yet whether it comes to natural hair or whatever else in general (and some might never get there due to terrible mental scars). It’s sort of a dismissive statement also.

Pleshette's sister
Pleshette's sister
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss T

I was lucky enough to be raised by people who did not put down my hair-black or white…I did not think of my hair as being a thing of scorn…which is why it is easy for me to wear my hair whatever way “I” wish without worrying about what other people (people who don’t pay my bills or have any bearing on my well-being)have to say.

Hansy
Hansy
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss T

As a Dominican, I get her struggle. I was raised in a society that shunned everything black specially hair. Straight hair was the norm. Growing up, I don’t remember seeing a black or mixed woman with natural hair. Even women with 3A, B and C hair got their hair relaxed. My hair was “bad” and if I wanted to have “good” hair I had to relax it. You can’t even get a decent job in DR with natural hair. Managers would tell you that you need to relax your hair if you were even going to be considered for a… Read more »

WhyMe?
WhyMe?
7 years ago
Reply to  Hansy

wow, people can not get a DECENT job with natural hair in the Dominican Republic?? what about the rest of the Caribbean?

Lucck
Lucck
7 years ago
Reply to  WhyMe?

It’s different in Haiti, which is right next door to the DR. A lot of women are doing it but it’s still a touchy debate. For instance women who work at banks have a harder time going and remaining natural.

nollyA
nollyA
7 years ago
Reply to  Miss T

oh my God yessssss you are just like me

knapsacking and privilige
knapsacking and privilige
7 years ago

“The thing that most don’t realize though is that we judge each other just as much as other races do.” I take issue with this statement. Blacks are not in a position of power, in most countries around the world. Sure we show prejudice towards each other. But like you said most other minorities of color do as well. But you can not compare that to the Institutionalised Oppression that all blacks and POC’s in white dominated countries face. Your taking a pear and comparing it to an orange. or comparing a molehill ( inner minority racism ) to whites against… Read more »

Yonnie
Yonnie
7 years ago

Calm down. She didn’t say anything about institutional racism. She’s talking about judgement and hair. And more importantly, she’s talking about her her personal experience. In her personal experience, she is judged as much from inside her cultural group(s) as she is from outside.

IJS
IJS
7 years ago

This conversation reminds me of the protest against black girls rock by some white girls on twitter who trended white girls rock too because heaven forbid black girls have their own distinct recognition. Now we can’t even have struggles without others co-opting and our own cheering them on. GTFO. *SMFH*

SUMSHOE
SUMSHOE
7 years ago
Reply to  IJS

“Black girls rock” can in and of itself be determined racist. Just because black people don’t THINK it is doesn’t mean white people could get away with it at all. If it started as “white girls rock,” black people would be screaming racism. The sad reality of it is, black people don’t know what racism is any more. If they did, they wouldn’t behave in certain ways/say a lot of the things they do today. BTW, I too am mixed and the most racism I have ever experienced in my life has come from BLACK people. White people have never given… Read more »

FiFi
FiFi
7 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

This argument is inherently flawed because white people operate from a position of global power and black people do not. You have to be operating from a position of power in order to be able to commit racism. If you are not and you are operating from a position of the opressed, then it is an act of empowerment and not of racism. Those who said “Black Girls Rock” is racist do not understand even the basic defenition of racism and therefore did not recognise that “Black Girls Rock” cant be racist and is an act of enpowerment.

nollyA
nollyA
7 years ago
Reply to  FiFi

the belief that all members of each race possess characteristics or abilities specific to that race, esp. so as to distinguish it as inferior or superior to another race or races.

prejudice, discrimination, or antagonism directed against someone of a different race based on the belief that one’s own race is superior in any way.
by the dictionary definition of racism ANYBODY regardless of your race or the condition of your race, can be racist

WhyMe?
WhyMe?
7 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

I am curious what are you mixed with?

Um,,
Um,,
7 years ago
Reply to  WhyMe?

She’s mixed with stupid and idiotic. Sorry, that was harsh but this article is such a “me too! me too! Enough about you what about me!!” type of article. Not every struggle (even hair struggle) is the exact same and that is perfectly okay. I don’t know what it’s like to need volume in my hair and I never will so when I hear someone complaining about their lack of volume, I am not going to jump in with “me too! me too!” because it is not my issue. End of story. Honestly, it sounds like a bunch of naturals were… Read more »

WhyMe?
WhyMe?
7 years ago
Reply to  WhyMe?

@Um, that was not harsh, lol..makes sense, cause some of these ‘woe is me’ because they are mixed ecomments are getting on my nerves…

Tiff
Tiff
7 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

Um, Every day is “White Girls Rock” day. They don’t need a separate outlet due to the media featuring how great they are 24/7. There wouldn’t be a need for “Black Girls Rock” if we had the opportunity to see ourselves on a more regular basis.

nollyA
nollyA
7 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

i totally get your point and i say this every time . there are many things black people do any get away with but if white people do the exact same thing everywhere will burn down with black people screaming racism.Sometimes black people need to get over themselves. It is only when you believe you are inferior that you feel the need to do certain things. If you truly believe all races are equal and non is better than the other then there are certain things you will not feel the need to do.

Danie
Danie
7 years ago
Reply to  nollyA

Here we go again. White people complaining about being privileged and don’t start the “I’m mix ” thing. What you are is ignorant and I don’t blame you. It’s sort of impossible for you to not to be unless you branch out,research, read some books or just do a basic internet search. There’s even hundreds of tumblrs that have everything laid out easy to digest like this one. http://racismschool.tumblr.com/ http://yoisthisracist.com/ You may not get it today or ever but I do encourage you to consider different perspectives. Now that’s all I’ll say because you’re a bit far behind the knowledge for… Read more »

maxine
maxine
7 years ago
Reply to  Danie

She is not white,she has clearly said she is of mixed raced,
I agree with her and many of you are getting heated over nothing,she is facing her struggles and she understands that black people face theirs.
White people have made criticisms to her but black people focus wrongly that she is saying black women are jealous of her,she is allowed to voice her own struggle and I presume many mixed raced people can relate to her with their own struggles too.

Tiff
Tiff
7 years ago
Reply to  nollyA

For me, ignorance is ignorance black or white. No one gets a pass from me. However, that still doesn’t negate the fact that one group of people are most often portrayed in a more positive light than another. I am a grown self assured woman and I don’t need to be validated to know my worth. Unfortunately, not all of us get there and the poor kids have a harder time knowing they are just as good when the majority of the images that they see and hear tell them they are bad. As much as we would like to think… Read more »

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

That’s because they talk about you behind your back!! So don’t get to comfortable with whites never saying anything to you!!! If you don’t believe me ask Obama, or that little girl who played in the movie Hunger Games. She is bi-racial and so is Lenny Kratviz, there was an uproar because they had a starring role! The comments were brutal towards this little girl! Also, don’t forget about the bi-racial football player whose home was spray painting with the N and this also happened to an NFLer as well. You have ignorant people surrounding you or maybe they feel… Read more »

GoldenAura
GoldenAura
6 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

I honestly love the concept behind Black Girls Rock and I understand why positive media like this needs to exist. But the name “Black Girls Rock” can be used by others to say that the event is racist. I think with a different name but the same concept, the event wouldn’t have received as much backlash. I agree with other people commenting that everyday in this country we have White Girls Rock but the reason that this has not been seen as racist is because they don’t carry names like that. I’m sure if there was an event with that… Read more »

JS
JS
7 years ago
Reply to  IJS

You must have a hard time navigating this site then. The pages are filled with mixed women, as well as black women, and their hair routines. Are you new here?

SUMSHOE
SUMSHOE
7 years ago
Reply to  JS

I’m mixed black and white. I’m smack dab in the middle and trust me, I know black people don’t like to hear it but anyone can be racist. In my own personal experience, all the negative comments I receive about my race/hair comes from black women, specifically. And you know what? It doesn’t bother me anymore because I know they are point blank jealous. They resort to racism to spew that upon me. Probably because they are not intelligent enough to understand the grand scheme of things, which is that people are merely people regardless of their skin color. If we… Read more »

Afro Cop
Afro Cop
7 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

Really…ok. Is it that serious though. Even though haters exist but I doubt is about your hair. You sound a little paranoid sometimes if you give a negative vibe that’s what you get. I seriously hope its not because your mixed. I’ve had friends claim that people are hating on them and when I ask for them to be specific its always petty stuff. Grow up some and you’ll be alright.

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

That is why people don’t like you! You seem very stuck up and have the belief that ” ALL” black women hate mixed girls! Also, why be on a blog whose admin is a black woman? You only came on here to bash black women to make yourself feel good! If you don’t like black women, then start your own blog for mixed people, it is just that simple! No one is forcing you to read a black blog!

GoldenAura
GoldenAura
6 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

I don’t think its fair to downvote someone’s comment because they are talking about things they have personally experienced. Perhaps the way that sumshoe worded her response seemed like she was lumping in all Black women as hating mixed race women which is maybe where the downvotes are coming from. However it is important to not dismiss her experiences as I have seen Black women give evil stares to mixed race women and I’ve seen mixed race women act as though they are better than Black women as well. If this is what she has experienced then thats her experiences.… Read more »

Cinnamondiva
Cinnamondiva
6 years ago
Reply to  SUMSHOE

I actually agree with Sumshoe…yes, her comments might offend some people here. And I see why, because it seems to unsettle a lot of darker sisters when a lighter woman speaks out about colorism/racism. It seems to bother some people when a lighter woman speaks on her personal struggle. The truth is that colorism is an unpleasant subject for most, and so is racism. Sumshoe was very bold in her statements but much of what she says is true. I’ve experienced the same things all my life…not always from Black women or Black people, mind you, because others can be… Read more »

jasmine
jasmine
7 years ago

inner minority racism is just as hurtful as outer minority racism.
Think about it, especially as children, ANYONE telling you that you are less than based on your race
or physical features, attributes etc is hurtful.
It would be even MORE hurtful and confusing, coming from your own people whether they are in a position of power or not, becuase they should be the ones who understand you most & yet sometimes due to inner minority racism — they are not… Sad.

Racism isnt’ to be taken lightly regardless of who it is from

Hansy
Hansy
7 years ago
Reply to  jasmine

I agree 100%, growing up hearing from my own mother and other relatives that I had “bad hair”, that I had to marry a light man with “good hair” to fix the race was among the most hurtful things I heard while growing up.

Ms. K
Ms. K
7 years ago

I totally agree!

Christina
Christina
7 years ago

I can partly relate to this because I am mixed tooand have type 4 hair, which seems to be a contradiction to many. My mother, my sister who has (“typical mixed race”) type 3 hair and my white friend always told me how unmanageable my hair was and I believed it; therefore always thought I couldn‘t go withouth a relaxer even though I hated my hair relaxed. I just believed I couldn‘t go withouth a relaxer. On the other side, were the black/African people, who, whenever they saw my kind of long relaxed hair insisted the lenght stemmed from the… Read more »

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Christina

It is annoying when people see a black woman with long hair and say it it fake when it is not! Or when they pull on your hair to see if it is real. I actually had that done to me, and no, I’m not mixed!

Shantay
Shantay
7 years ago

I’m glad you’ve learned to accept and love your natural hair. It’s a process for all of us to accept, naturals and non-naturals alike. I actually find your unique look to be quite beautiful and many of those people making negative comments are most likely secretly jealous.
My family is from Jamaica and I’ve heard people say only those with silky loose curls can be natural. As if to say type 4 hair must be processed. Smh!

Colorism is real, we have a problem with skin color and hair texture within ourselves, we have to overcome this.

SJ
SJ
7 years ago
Reply to  Shantay

” I actually find your unique look to be quite beautiful and many of those people making negative comments are most likely secretly jealous.” Sorry, but this statement is part of promoting colorism and separatism within our community. It creates an “us” vs. “them” mentality. Not saying I agree with the negative comments, but still. Criticism is criticism.… don’t assume jealousy on anyone’s part.

colalover
colalover
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

But it’s true, many are jealous, but isn’t that THIER problem NOT hers? Jealousy does happen to the best of them right? Jealousy is a very real emotion, jealousy is not always healthy, but it is human. And why are they jealous is what I take issue with? Those who say nasty things about her nappy hair are also taught to separate and look down on nappy hair yet at the same time they blend in with their friends who have straight hair.If you are confronted with white women calling your hair nappy, asking “why don’t you relax it? or… Read more »

Shantay
Shantay
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

It’s not an us vs them mentality. No matter what she looked like or her color those making those comments to her may have been jealous. May have.… Often people are made fun of or picked on by people who are insecure, jealous or ignorant. I have no problem saying I think she is a very pretty girl and that again has nothing to do with her color. I myself am of dark complexion and I think I’m pretty easy on the eyes too. Lol. There is beauty in all of us. But as I stated before I’ve seen Colorism within… Read more »

SJ
SJ
7 years ago
Reply to  Shantay

I know your intentions were good, but I’m giving you a heads up to read the social cues of this discussion. Sure, the author is beautiful; I believe any woman who wanting to embrace her natural appearance is inherently beautiful. But let’s just be real here. A lot of the comments criticizing the author are in fact stating a very valid point: she is lighter with a looser texture than a woman with a dark complexion and 4c koils. If some of these women voice that her experience is still just a bit different than their own, they are entitled… Read more »

Missc
Missc
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

Agreed. I side-eyed this article. No, I’m NOT JEALOUS
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/image-10.jpg[/img]

Afro Cop
Afro Cop
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

Love your fro Missc:)

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  SJ

Agree! This is why blacks have these issues and put each other down. There is intra-racism in the black community and it is due to our ignorance! We can’t yell and scream racism by whites, when in fact we are the ones who practice it on each other! That’s why I find it annoying when blacks are in uproar when a white person says something bad about blacks.

Missc
Missc
6 years ago
Reply to  Denise R Groce

Girl Bye!

Ms. K
Ms. K
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

SJ, Wait I am confused…I think that there is a communication break down..If I understand correctly Shantay when talking about “they” or “them” and there comments I don’t think she was referencing to the comments on here but rather the “Christina’s” {Who I don’t understand why you would think it’s the author of this article. She clearly has another name.. } experience and those negative people that she has dealt with in the past.…who probably were jealous of her…Lets be real. As a female when you see another female who exudes confidence it does make you (if you are extremely… Read more »

gigi
gigi
7 years ago

But isn’t this kinda old news? perhaps if this was written 1993 or even 2003 I’d say wow… meh… It’s also time for the world to realize that there’s pretty much just 3 dominant races on this planet, and we’re ALL just combinations of the three to various degrees depending on locations & attraction– with dominant & recessive genes trying their best to take center stage all the time. That’s the only concrete thing that physically has any pertinence… everything else is culture & basically mind control by [usually, ill-informed] others — which can be dangerously perpetuated over centuries or… Read more »

WhyMe?
WhyMe?
7 years ago
Reply to  gigi

lol

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  gigi

Exactly! People will blow things up and make it a big issue when it shouldn’t be! Then they wonder why they are miserable all of the time.

Mocha Dier
Mocha Dier
7 years ago

wow! u have a lot of hair! i see what ur saying tho. if ppl would mind their own business, then we’d all be happy.

colalover
colalover
7 years ago

Well it’s all good, I love your look. It’s unique and you are exotic. I am also mixed with tannish light skin and people call it Griffa in P. R Many Dominicans have white skin and nappy hair, it’s very common. My sister n law is also Puerto Rican but she is a partial Albino. She has pale blue eyes, beautiful light blonde hair, white skin and West African features. Her nose is very wide and cute and she looks black in the face. She looks very exotic. People are like that, they criticize you, but then go out of… Read more »

Ms. K
Ms. K
7 years ago
Reply to  colalover

FYI colalover the term “Nappy Hair” has a negative connotation to it..kinky textured, Afro textured hair are better more positive terms. And that whole :has better hair than me” negative…What is “better hair”?

colalover
colalover
7 years ago
Reply to  Ms. K

Chile you crazy..“Nappy” is now the hip thing to say! Everyone’s saying it. We with nappy hair love it! Only if you make it bad will, it be bad. Girl who tole you nappy was bad? Nappier is happier. Her hair is nappy, so is mine. Nappy hair don’t care. Nappy is better than being straight.

Um..
Um..
7 years ago
Reply to  colalover

It’s “hip” just like that other n‑word that all the rappers use and is in every song and was just all over that super hot movie “12 Years a Slave!” Yes, let’s all use that other n‑word too! /sarcasm

WhyMe?
WhyMe?
7 years ago
Reply to  Um..

Um…Do you like nappy?

Um...
Um...
7 years ago
Reply to  Um..

@whyMe. It’s a word that makes me uncomfortable. I get how some people are okay with it but 75% of the time it’s used as a slur. How often have you honestly heard the phrase “your beautiful nappy hair” vs “bad nappy hair” “ugly nappy hair”. It definitely makes me uncomfortable when people who wouldn’t be slurred with it, use it. Kinda like white people who use the n‑word. And off topic, everybody needs to see “12 Years a Slave.” In that movie you will see clearly the roots of colorism, internalized racism, and black people using the n‑word to… Read more »

WhyMe?
WhyMe?
7 years ago
Reply to  Um..

@Um, I am type 8efg extremely kinky fine, thin hair…when I say my hair is nappy, my grandmother and mother know what I am talking about…“highly textured” depending on the generation is not going to work…sometimes the word “nappy” will get the point across to certain generations…but I can not see this word in the same family as the n‑word, I just can not…even kinky…beautiful NAPPY hair, is OK…really it is

maxine
maxine
7 years ago

I think that she is saying that she doesn’t have a problem with her hair,but other people so she has her own struggle as a mixed women who looks white with people not expecting her to have this hair type because they don’t realize her genetics are mixed and if they do they do not accept this hair type on her because she doesn’t look typically mixed.
As said she is beautiful with beautiful hair.

Ms. K
Ms. K
7 years ago
Reply to  maxine

Maxine I love that you are trying to understand her..but all I want to truly say is WHO CARES WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK AND WANT YOU TO LOOK LIKE!! You are you! FYI-she knows she is beautiful

maxine
maxine
7 years ago
Reply to  Ms. K

Well her hair is natural so she probably ignores the criticism but I guess she just wanted to show others that mixed people face their struggles too, I agree I couldn’t give 2 hoots what people think of me lol but I am surprised at the response of certain black women who have reacted in a way that appears to be perceived wrongly,she doesn’t have to be black to understand another’s struggle,she understands it from her own experience I would question the attitudes of these women and ask them why they feel justified in being angry when as a part… Read more »

Okseriously
Okseriously
7 years ago
Reply to  maxine

Thank you. It seems too strong a reaction, undermining her personal experience.

Sandy
Sandy
7 years ago

BEAUTIFUL HAIR!!! …AND YES, I AM MIXED TOO AND UNDERSTAND THE STRUGGLE 🙂

tmc (toronto meet up, nov 16)

with hair that long, thick and healthy and you cared what people said about it and didn’t like it yourself?
Truth is, jealous people would bully the person that has what they want but can’t have. Im shocked people told you you’re trying to be Black! ridiculous. I’m happy that you’ve come to accept your hair for all its beauty. the term “natural hair” is very confusing because the truth is, we ALL have natural hair, even if its relaxed. I talked about the differences between afro vs. natural hair on my blog sometime ago. you should check it out.
http://themanecaptain.blogspot.ca/2013/08/natural-hair-vs-afro-hair-most.html

JustLeavingaComment
JustLeavingaComment
7 years ago

…and yes I understand THE struggle’…*sighhh* Ok

Deedeemaha
Deedeemaha
7 years ago

This is not about natural hair issues. This is about your first article ” I dislike being mixed because of my hair”. I would like to know what responses you received. I would bet my money that you did not recieve the “love” you felt you deserved for your poet expressions. Now for you to feel good about yourself you drop your bag of bad hair on the “RACES” and writie another article “I’m mixed i have natural hair and yes i understand the struggle. ” This made me go to your blog. You had some nice pictures of yourself, lovely… Read more »

SJ
SJ
7 years ago

I really hate to be controversial but I need to go ahead and say my piece. To properly address this article, I need to first openly admit that I have no idea what it feels like to be from a biracial background. I was born to two black parents. I have deep chocolate-colored skin. I have mainly type 4a/4b hair. If it means anything, I grew up in the conservative South, where unfortunately colorism plays a huge role in several aspects of life. Whenever we have these discussions on colorism and perceived “blackness”, I think we have to bring up a… Read more »

SJ
SJ
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

The bigger question is also what we can do to close this gap within our community and be more united??? How can we better understand each other’s lived experiences? My only answer is to keep our ears and minds open.

Shelly_Shelle
Shelly_Shelle
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

I think these are great questions SJ. In addition to your suggestion, I think it’s all about training up the next generation. A lot of these issues we have were a part of our childhood, and for many of us, family perpetuated these issues and how we view ourselves, and it’s the lense we use to judge & categorize others. Parents need to end the foolishness with themselves. We need to not birth low hair esteem in our children, and stop fostering ignorance, intraracism, and self hate.

Tanya
Tanya
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

Privilege within the black community? “When we talk about privilege in a black-white context, it’s a little bit easier to estimate power dynamics. But within the black community itself, the role of colorism makes it tricky” I think that is exactly what this article is explaining. I am too mixed. I am black and Greek. My hair is super thick and kinky in some places, barely curly in others. I am not dark skinned but I am not light like this young woman. Some can tell I am mixed while others cannot. “Within the black community” implies among blacks in… Read more »

colalover
colalover
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

Well said! Most of us biracial women do not truly understand. And yes our struggle is different. Better to face the realities. Maybe it was easier for me, since I was raised by a mother who had very, very dark skin, and as I became older we had those colorism discussions. She would always remind me, that I was still half black, but that my struggles were most likely going to be different. I was called monkey by some white kids in school and zebra or white girl by some black kids Also I am tired of hearing biracial people… Read more »

Ms. K
Ms. K
7 years ago
Reply to  colalover

I am truly sorry to hear that we love you “Nappy” [as you say] and all!

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  colalover

My brothers girlfriend has a son whose father is black, and when her dad’s side of the family found out about it, they stopped talking to her! She hasn’t talked to them or seen them since! My friend Misty loves black men, but she told me her parent told her never to bring one home with her!! So I agree with you, every race has their bigots waiting to spew their ignorance!

annnsow
7 years ago
Reply to  SJ

You pretty much said everythig :).

LC
LC
7 years ago

You understand “THE” struggle? Each and every single person in the natural hair community doesn’t even go through the same struggle. And you understand “THE” struggle? There is no such thing as “THE” struggle because no one goes through the same thing, whatever it is. I think you just understand your very own and you wanted to share it with everyone. Even if someone else was to experience the same story that you explained in your article, it wouldn’t make the two of you having the struggle because the way you feel about it would probably not be the way… Read more »

Guest1234
Guest1234
7 years ago

Yeah. I went to homegirl’s blog. She needs to GTFOHWTBS. She’s a beautiful woman. And her blog photos are evidence that she’s MORE than proud of herself about it. I don’t think she’s going ANYWHERE where folks are calling her ugly or hating on her to be perfectly honest. This is just some “pay attention to me and my self-pity” bullshit.

It’s okay to NOT be a victim, you know. I would have appreciated a sincere article about how she her hair ROCKS or something like that. ANYTHING other than this self-pitying cry-me-a-river bullshit. girl bye.

maxine
maxine
7 years ago
Reply to  Guest1234

You sound so ignorant,she is not playing the victim,she is telling you her account of a mixed women’s struggle,that with her type hair she faces criticism particularly when she looks white,other women face their struggles too and she eloquently put that out there which people like you take the wrong way.

Ana Santos
Ana Santos
7 years ago

Just wanted to clarify some things. I did this on the curlynikki page as well because many people misinterpreted what I meant. Some of you were saying that I should not claim to know the struggle of a dark skinned woman and…I never did. You can see this where I say that you can’t really know someone else’s struggle. You still understand it and have your own though. My point is that a lot of mixed children suffer from the rejection they receive from the races or ethnicity they are. The reason being that a lot of times they can’t… Read more »

maxine
maxine
7 years ago
Reply to  Ana Santos

I think most knew what you were saying,the others well they have took it the wrong way as predicted.

Amma Mama
7 years ago
Reply to  Ana Santos

Well said! Your article, your candidness and past struggles will help someone and that’s all that matters. Not many can relate and that’s okay but it has helped someone. God bless you <3

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Ana Santos

You don’t have to go through being called ugly and black people put you on a pedestal as a thing of beauty! How many article have been written about mixed people being ugly or undesired? NONE! How being put down by your own race of men and being told that light skin and mixed girls are better? How about being bashed in the media by both races?

ChelleBelle
ChelleBelle
6 years ago
Reply to  Denise R Groce

Damn good point.
Dark skinned people get it from both sides too. Example: rappers and athletes saying they won’t date black women (though words or actions) and black owners of stores hiring lighter-skinned workers. Its a trend. Look it up. The way I see it, we all struggle with the same crap, only the darker skinned individuals don’t have music, movies, and TV backing their self-esteem.

The farther from the “acceptable” white appearance you are, the worse you are treated. I know some white people with hair almost exactly like that.

Tanya
Tanya
7 years ago

People need to rethink what they are saying in response to this lady telling you her experience. If you have a problem with people that have black in them, but are mixed, telling their hair story as some sort of infringement on the black issues.…this is a HAIR site..and unless you live under a rock, you can look around this site alone and see diversity in the articles. The curl definitions aren’t called black curls, white curls or mixed curls..they are 3a,4b, etc…There are plenty of black women pictured in this site with looser curls then this young woman. As… Read more »

Ms. K
Ms. K
7 years ago
Reply to  Tanya

THANK YOU TANYA!!! The hurt within the “colored” community is very apparent. It truly makes me sad at times..I see beautiful girls walking around thinking they are ugly because someone else projected that onto them. Ladies, Truly, TRULY love yourselves it’s the only way to heal whats been hurt or broken in the past. WE are ALL truly beautiful!! Let’s be beautiful from the inside too! Epidatsit!

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Tanya

Maybe they don’t like the fact that she is not black and the blog is named Blackgirllonghair. Has she posted to white blogs as well with this article? She is half white! She should make a blog for mixed girls to address their own hair problems and issues. Also, would a white woman be allowed to write an article for this blog as well? This type of stuff is always dropped at the door of black folks! They need to have their own separate blog from the black and white blogs if they’re so uncomfortable around blacks and whites.

Tanya
Tanya
7 years ago

Oh yea, and if you are Black in America.…9.99 times outta 10 you are MIXED with at least 35% European.

Facepalm
Facepalm
7 years ago
Reply to  Tanya

Except we are not, I really wish this over exaggeration fueled by ignorance and self hatred would cease just like the “I gots indian in me” b.s. when reality is 1 out of 20 carry ONLY 2 percent American Indian ancestry.

Ms. K
Ms. K
7 years ago
Reply to  Facepalm

Actually a lot of the living Natives in America also have African blood too

Chris
Chris
7 years ago

I live in Texas. Grew up in AMarillo, which is west Texas. This article brings up a not new topic of race. There was a time when black was black, and white was white and there was more distance and definition between the two races (not in all cases of course). Today the race lines are being more blurred than ever before. Think how easy it is to travel today than 100 years ago. It’s interesting how social issues have lagged, woefully, so far behind technology. I have, as many like me, experienced prejudice and racism from both sides. I… Read more »

Jesse
Jesse
7 years ago

This article is just strange to me because this author is trying to talk about many, many things all at once. She never defined what “the struggle” is. Does she mean the curly hair struggle? Does she mean the African-American struggle? Does she mean the female struggle? Does she mean the white struggle? I don’t get it. If she’s talking about curly hair problems, then join in sister. However, if you’re talking about the African-American “struggle” as it relates to race relations in America, I think you, Ana, are blissfully ignorant of the concept of “white privilege”. If you don’t know… Read more »

khanyi
khanyi
7 years ago
Reply to  Jesse

Thank you and with that this African leaves the room.

Dananana
Dananana
7 years ago
Reply to  Jesse

This!! So much this!! I was left wanting to empathize with this author…but what exactly IS her struggle? Hair? Sure. Every natural head has it’s struggles, especially in a place where Afro features aren’t necessarily embraced. Race identity.… Ya lost me. I tend to strongly agree with SJ and Jesse upthread. Ana, you don’t know my struggle, as and I certainly don’t know yours. Even though we’re multiracial. I’m one of those previously mentioned Black Americans who is actually a quarter White and a miniscule percentage of Native as well. Except I didn’t know this information until a month ago,… Read more »

Ms. K
Ms. K
7 years ago
Reply to  Dananana

Are you Haitian?

Dananana
Dananana
7 years ago
Reply to  Ms. K

Haha, not to my knowledge.

Deedeemaha
Deedeemaha
7 years ago
Reply to  Jesse

Wow! WoW! You said a mouth full. You are right on point. With that I will leave the room too. Hmm hmmm

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Jesse

Exactly! I thought this forum was for black girls with long hair; not non-blacks! No wonder why some blacks feel like we are being replaced by non-blacks!

maxine
maxine
6 years ago
Reply to  Denise R Groce

But she is part black so this forum includes her too.

ADRZ
ADRZ
7 years ago

I don’t mind being judged. At first I am mixed, I may not look like I am mixed but I actually am. My mom would tell me “Just tell people you are 100% African-america” I was wondering why then later I found out. A lot ppl would say stuffs stupid, “oh she is indian that is why her hair is long”, “she is creole that is why her hair is long”…going on When I first had bc, I went to dollar general store. The black girl was giving me evil looking and shook her head. Why should I mind? She… Read more »

Afro Cop
Afro Cop
7 years ago
Reply to  ADRZ

ok

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  ADRZ

What? I haven’t a clue about what you’re trying to say! LOL!!!!

Kita
7 years ago

I can definitely understand your struggle. I am a medium brown skinned multiracial woman (mom is german/native/pakistani and dad is native/african-american). I had other black women approach me and tell me that I can’t be “all the way black” because “black people don’t look like me” and “black girls don’t have hair like yours.” All ignorance that I ignored but was completely shocked by. A couple months back I was at the airport and this Nigerian (born in Italy) ended up seated next to me on a plane. He told me he was staring at me in the airport and… Read more »

ADRZ
ADRZ
7 years ago
Reply to  Kita

I love it! When ppl say stuffs stupid like that, it is like compliment to me. LOL. I would say it means I am finer than I thought.

i met a deaf guy at work, I told him I am native and creole. He said I ain’t black..shocking? He aint dark either, so why said that? (eye rolling)

I told ma what he said, she laughed. He really glasses. How did I really get here? My family came at first from Africa! SMH.….

ADRZ
ADRZ
7 years ago
Reply to  ADRZ

i mean to say *he really need reading glasses

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Kita

My Nieces and nephews are light skin blacks and they face the same situation; it’s not only mixed people. Nephews teacher taught he was Mexican! There is no such thing how a black person should look or even white for that matter. People need to get out more and explore different cultures and other races as well as their own. Ignorance is just a easy way out for most people, especially here in America!

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Denise R Groce

*Thought

Ebony Beauty
Ebony Beauty
7 years ago

I stopped letting comments bother me a long time ago. In the world we live in you have to have thick skin. People are ALWAYS going to judge. Whether it’s about the way you talk, eye color, the way you dress there’s always going to be your critics. Let it phase you or do like I do and smile and keep it moving.

Kim
Kim
7 years ago

Great post im with you on everything you said

Why?
Why?
7 years ago

Why so much angry black women commenting?

WhyMe?
WhyMe?
7 years ago
Reply to  Why?

how are they angry?

amy
amy
7 years ago
Reply to  Why?

I know! I had to read the comments over and over again to catch what everyone was disliking. Some people find pleasure in disliking anything lol

jermainecatilne
jermainecatilne
7 years ago

15canton St E14
13 Canton St E14

aisaathena
aisaathena
7 years ago

yes my sister i hear your struggle. and it is real. i too am mixed (my mother european and my father african) so i know what it is like to sometimes feel you don’t quite belong. i also agree with the fact that some of us do judge each other. however, i find it problematic to say that we do so “as much as other races do”. racism is more than just judgments or comments;it is systematic and generational. but lovely read. and you’ve got a biracial friend in me!

Scott Mitchell
7 years ago

I just have to say that all of you woman with that beautiful natural hair are so beautiful. I don’t understand the strange mindless ones out there telling you that natural is not beautiful. I understand it can be a challenge to manage though. Continue blessed ladies

Domina
Domina
7 years ago

Ana your hair is beautiful and so are you! I appreciate the candor of this article. I think we as women and as humans, get caught up in our own experiences and it is easy to trivialize the significance of what another goes through. I’m what you would consider the typical African American woman. Black parents with a peppering of racial mixing throughout my family tree but nothing direct. I grew up with cousins with hair like Ana’s and I used to think your hair is long, not so course, and it doesn’t shrink, what do you know about what… Read more »

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Domina

I love my long natural hair too! The only set back for me is breaking my Combs! LOL!

Jackie
Jackie
7 years ago

why is everyone trippin over this article, i think this was made from a cultural standpoint more than a “color” standpoint. No body can accurately comment on another persons struggle and until you’ve been in their shoes (that goes both ways)

Cinnamondiva
Cinnamondiva
6 years ago
Reply to  Jackie

@Jackie …I agree. I know my comments to this are really late by like, a year. But you are right. People seem to be “trippin” over it mostly because she is very light with very long hair and some folks believe that with an appearance like hers, how could she possibly struggle with anything in life? I look very much like the author but I am not Latina, unlike her. I love BGLH because there is so much wonderful info on here about hair care and embracing who we are in all of our shades/textures. But it makes me sad and a… Read more »

Saye
Saye
7 years ago

Anna I can relate to your struggle as well. I have gotten negative comments about my hair and ethnicity as well. Some people have said that I have bad hair or pelo malo. The interesting thing is, people do not realize that any hair texture that is unhealthy is actually bad hair. The only way to have good hair is by taking care of your hair; so it can be healthy. In addition, I am Liberian(African)-American and some individuals assumed that all Africans/blacks can’t grow their hair. Furthermore, they also said “You’re African? You don’t look African?” Lastly, I understand… Read more »

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Saye

I hate how people automatically assume that a black woman is wearing weave if she has long hair. My sister and I get “is that your real hair” question all the time.

britt
britt
7 years ago

you aren’t a different race. That term is just divisive and awkward and not even scientifically correct. we are a spectrum of people on an ethnicity spectrum and we different hair.

There are Jewish white women with hair that can be equally as difficult to categorize/embrace etc. as black hair can be.

The key is that we need to learn to embrace all our hair and and ourselves and not feel like we all have to have a certain style/texture to be beautiful or professional.

britt
britt
7 years ago
Reply to  britt

we *have different hair. totally left out a verb there.

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  britt

My friend Siv is one of those Jews with thick coarse hair too!

Leondra James
Leondra James
7 years ago

I totally understand this article. I am an African American and so are both of my parents. But like many African Americans (most African Americans, even), my parents are of mixed heritage (African, Native American and European). Many people think I am mixed because of my features, but really, who isn’t? I am significantly lighter than both of my parents and have inherited a freckle or two from my dad. My sister is darker than both of my parents (Like, Kelly Rowland dark), and has nearly straight hair. My hair on the other end is mostly between a 3c and 4a.… Read more »

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Leondra James

My grandma’s cousin is very darks skin with straight hair and so does one of my friends! I agree with you.

Leondra James
Leondra James
7 years ago

Sorry, I’d also like to also point out the slight irony in this article:

The article is about how some women are isolated by other women by excluding them from “the hair struggle”. And yet this article, in a way, is also saying “You don’t know the struggle of being mixed.” And as I said before, I am African American, and go through many of the same problems “mixed girls” do, simply because I “look” mixed, and people have certain expectations of me. I just thought that irony was interesting.

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Leondra James

My niece is very light people always asks if she is mixed. People act like blacks all look alike! They never compare Irish white people and German white people or Latino white people. I think it is funny!

Cinnamondiva
Cinnamondiva
6 years ago
Reply to  Leondra James

I see what you mean, Leondra…I understand. But at the same time, the author wasn’t trying to be exclusionary. I think the “mixed” struggle can also include light-skinned Black women (some of whom might not have much admixture in their families). Sometimes it depends on how a person looks, though, and how they are perceived by others. Vanessa Williams had two “Black” parents (I put that in quotes because there is at least one white grandparent on her mother’s side). She identifies as a Black woman. She has a light, clear honey complexion with blue-green eyes and hair that ranges… Read more »

Soleil
7 years ago

Girl, you are beautiful. Don’t fret about pigeonholing yourself in some type of category because of mankind’s silly complexes. If someone ever asks you your race, tell them human.

youtube.com/user/soleilkiss

Poster Girl
Poster Girl
7 years ago

Here is the thing. I don’t see her as white or non-black, though she said previously she doesn’t identify with black (a common struggle among Dominicans & Puerto Ricans), she is apart of the African Diaspora. DR is over 70% blk and live right next to the Haitians, they only had different enslavers and they are mixed up with each other as well and with the now extinct Tainos. Blacks are all over the world, from negritos in Asia to Brazil and Peruvians. I believe they have right to be on this site. However, I would say coming from different parts… Read more »

Alexis
Alexis
7 years ago
Reply to  Poster Girl

Your comment is right on the money! Loved that analogy too.. I was gonna make a comment but you pretty much said all that needed to be said.

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Poster Girl

The Afro-Germans had it hard just like the blacks in American.

Bronzegoddessbeauty
Bronzegoddessbeauty
7 years ago

I think your hair is GLORIOUS and would love the opportunity to style it! If you’re ever in the DMV, hit me up. http://www.facebook.com/silkynaturalhair or @bronzegoddessbeauty on Instagram.

Charmaine
Charmaine
7 years ago

She is so right. And as a black female who “went natural” I understand being judged by both races, because the majority of the people I worked with and hung out with were or are white. I was worried about what they would say and how they would accept me. For the longest time I couldn’t even wear my hear out because I didn’t want my friends and coworkers saying negative things about me. But I have found that most of the harshest judgements come from the African American community, and I’ve found that even some “naturals” aren’t easy to please.… Read more »

Sol
Sol
7 years ago

If 80%-90% of people are making the same choice it isn’t a personal choice anymore.… it is a collective choice.

trackback

[…] I’m Mixed. I Have Natural Hair. And Yes, I Understand the Struggle. | Black Girl with Long Hai… Interesting read. Although some of it had me giving her the side eye. __________________ Low porosity, high density, and fine 4a/3c, mod-CG, itchy prone scalp Natural 4 Life […]

Lashanda Hearne
7 years ago

I truly do understand what you are going through. I am mixed also, with black, white, french, cherokee and black foot native american, and hispanic. Growing up people used to compare my skin color to theirs, I was told that I crossed over when I dated a white person, and told that I was to good to date a black person, I permed my hair growing and finally decided to leave it natural 6 years ago, since then other races have said I look like their people, I don’t just claim one either, I have learned to embrace that I… Read more »

chellechelle
chellechelle
7 years ago

It is so sad that we live in a world that judges and lives according to what people think and not what God thinks. You have the texture of hair that many wish to have because even though it is thick and you have a lot of it, many of us desire the texture and length you have. Understand jealousy can come in many forms such as , “You don’t understand!” But understand this…You and every human being is loved and created by The ONE TRUE God who loves them and made every single one of so unique. You are… Read more »

Sunny
Sunny
7 years ago

Your hair is gorgeous, and so are you.
That is all.

maat.agnostic
maat.agnostic
7 years ago

I’m sorry you’re struggling but your struggle is not the same as mine..

Jane Brown
Jane Brown
7 years ago
Reply to  maat.agnostic

None of our struggles are the same as another; we are alone in our skins. I empathize greatly with this author. She seems young and will grow into her hair and skin. Stand strong and realize that being mixed is a wonderful thing and you are unique in your uniqueness! Wild hair rules! Going sleek is awesome. Own your specialness; unapologetically.

lucylikes
lucylikes
7 years ago
Reply to  maat.agnostic

Yes her struggles is EXACTLY like yours. You 4 z women always jealous of others looser textures. Sometimes hispanics go through more than black women go through. Hispanics are the worst because if you think the world hates black people, then live in a. Hispanic community for a year and see what she has been through. Hisoanics, honestly aren’t as evolved as other races are as a general rule. They are very stuck in their ways, mire so than any other culture.You don’t know what she went through and you’re just jealous because you’re not light skinned and pretty like… Read more »

no hate
no hate
7 years ago
Reply to  lucylikes

I hope this is a troll or something like that. I’m 4 z but I’m not jealous of anything lol.. and by the way mixed People are not necessarily pretty..

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  lucylikes

You’re a good example of what this young lady is talking about! Also, not all mixed people have light skin, are beautiful and have long hair! Hence this natural hair blog you’re making a comment on! Only ignorant person talks stupid like you! God made all of us in his image and no one is better/superior then another person! We are also not jealous because someone has light skin and long hair, that stupid statement is getting old!! Blacks are embracing their true image and we can careless about snobbish mixed people who think they are better then us! You… Read more »

Sorrangy
Sorrangy
7 years ago

YESSS!!!! I’m Dominican myself and it’s my one year and half natural process and of course walking around with my curls instead of going to the salon with our blowous it’s a no no in our community. Especially since I’m trigeña always making remarks as I’m working in some cotton field. Bring Dominican I embrace our European African and native (tai?o) cultura. Its the most beautiful thing we have. Love your article!!

Kai Glenn
7 years ago

I’m mixed too and I agree with you.

[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/11/image-19.jpg[/img]

Antoinea
Antoinea
7 years ago

I enjoyed reading this. I’m glad you can finally embrace your hair. It’s beautiful!

Namala
Namala
7 years ago

Your struggle is not just a biracial one but also one for those who are fair skinned. As people of color, and now I am speaking of the lighter hued sisters out here, and trust me when I tell you there is NO disrespect to my chocolate sisters, we need to be a support mechanism to one another, because we are ridiculed by everyone. Despite your ethnicity, many of us suffer the same issues. I am light, although not biracial, and have suffered the same stupid comments from both sides of the fence. Actually, I suffer from various ethnic groups… Read more »

mlank64
mlank64
7 years ago
Reply to  Namala

This was a great statement, in which you put in historical perspective. Yes, I totally agree, the shackles are physically removed but the slave mentality is so ever present in our minds. I don’t know if it will be 100 years from now when we look at race and ethincity as just labels or social constructs that changes throughout time. Most of us suffer and all of us are effective. It does no good to any of us to compete on how much some one else’s stuggle is not as bad as mine.

ChelleBelle
ChelleBelle
7 years ago
Reply to  Namala

So true. I wish we could all just support one another instead of being divided by feelings of inferiority of superiority. It’s true that it’s been set up like this but we’ve kept it going the past couple hundred years. You can see the cliche “united we stand, divided we fall” in vivid illustration when you look at the difference in the way Asian, European, and South American immigrants treat each other and work together and the way black people engage in counter-productive, self-hating practices that still has us on the bottom after all these years.

Geenee
Geenee
5 years ago
Reply to  Namala

I am the product of two light-skinned Black parents, who each had a light-skinned parent. I have had the same experiences (people thinking I’m everything but Black) and Black people telling me I’m not Black or treating me as if I think I’m better before they even get to know me. Its made me a bit jaded and a loner. I understand the deeper reasons behind it but I refuse to subject myself to it. If you disregard me or turn your nose up at me based on how I look or how you assume I think, I’m cool with… Read more »

kalexa1
kalexa1
5 years ago
Reply to  Geenee

Wow. It’s sad to read yet reassuring somehow to hear someone else is out there experiencing what I’ve had to deal with most of my life too — from within family even and certainly socially or at work. Because of it I too have realised how it’s made me a bit jaded and a loner, like you say. People then see me as reserved sometimes or are only ok as long as they feel they have one over on me (in earnings, work status, church status, relationships, etc). It’s often a lonely life as it means there are so few… Read more »

mlank64
mlank64
7 years ago

I meant to say “most of us suffer and all of us are effected.

Youngin girl
Youngin girl
7 years ago

I liked how one year ago you had a negative mindset and this year you are tolerant. That’s rare to be honest and it gets to be that way everyday. People criticize what they don’t understand and fear change. Remember women in the 1920s? They were fighting for their rights? Still to this day women are doubted to be presidents and be drafted. Now women are police officers, security guards, militants, doctors..etc If you believe in something and you believe it can change, than you be your hero. You be the change. Just because everybody doesn’t agree with your hair… Read more »

ChelleBelle
ChelleBelle
7 years ago

Hey there Disclaimer: I’m not trying to start a hate-slinging match. Just speaking my mind. My aim is not to come off as callous, but what I still can’t understand is why mixed women feel so persecuted. Being mixed or “exotic” is largely desired in today’s society (north American at least). I find that a majority of the time, women of a fairer skin tone are favoured in almost every subcategory of media. The lead black actresses and pop singers are mostly mixed. The love interest in R&B and hip hop music videos are almost always mixed. That ‘type’ of woman… Read more »

Sunny
Sunny
7 years ago
Reply to  ChelleBelle

You’re not trying to say your struggle is harder than hers… but that’s kind of, um, exactly what you’re saying. I get that you have a struggle, but the author obviously has one too. They’re different. Hers might hurt because it comes from people who are of the same background she is (partially). Yours hurts because it comes from without, and sometimes within. Everyone has their own struggle, and you can’t know it ’til you’ve walked a mile in their shoes. You’ve described your shoes, and she has described hers. Let’s stop minimizing each other’s struggles and have each others… Read more »

Poster Girl
Poster Girl
7 years ago
Reply to  Sunny

But the thing about @ChelleBelle is she is right! Her struggle is harder. I believe your reaction would be different is this was a white woman posting how hard her struggle is as a white woman. I don’t know you, but I got $5.00 on you feeling some type of way about that. If that’s the case, blacks dont have a valid point in lifting our struggle higher than a white persons struggle. I’m sorry but there are levels of struggle, and the jewish struggle which didn’t last long at all is recognized and respected all over the world, but… Read more »

ChelleBelle
ChelleBelle
7 years ago
Reply to  Sunny

Actually that’s not what I said. Maybe take the time to read it over? This is a forum for open and honest conversation about being black (whatever shade), and having black hair (whatever texture) etc. Stop putting words into my mouth. I did not say that I believe my struggle is worse than hers. I merely asked for elaboration. She seems genuine in what she is writing, but i have had a totally different point of view. I’m not going to blindly nod and concur when I know I don’t reaklly understand. You and people like you will not bully me… Read more »

Kitty
Kitty
7 years ago
Reply to  ChelleBelle

I get what you are saying as a Godiva Chocolate beauty however I understand the authors position as well. I actually have a dominican friend with hair exactly like hers and I always let her know that when she is ready to cut it all off I will be the first to make a nice weave out of it…lol. But seriously my friend is fair skin and finds it hard to fit in her culture at times because of her hair among other cultures. Black men in hip hop videos may glorify the mixed girls but other men not so… Read more »

Cinnamondiva
Cinnamondiva
6 years ago
Reply to  ChelleBelle

Allow me to share my perspective…I don’t believe that most mixed women feel “persecuted”. Not trying to speak for all other biracial/multiracial ladies, just stating that most of us don’t feel that way. But I will say that it is frustrating and hurtful to have our experiences dismissed or ignored because of the assumption that lighter skin means a better life. The truth is that it doesn’t. Maybe for some people it does, but being mixed and having very light skin has done absolutely nothing to improve my lot in life. So when it seems like some of us lighter and/or “mixed”… Read more »

Angela
Angela
5 years ago
Reply to  ChelleBelle

I understand all the points of view shared here. I am an actress, and I have shared on this post before that my agent straight up told me that the casting people preferred mixed race women. On the breakdowns, (casting notifications) there will be a repeated, ongoing preference for latina asian and mixed race black women when they want someone “gorgeous.” It’s no joke that lighter skinned is preferred and in the world of acting, which I have been in since I was eleven, working professionally, the color hierarchy is real and entrenched. I have gone to arts school with… Read more »

Rachel Vandevert
Rachel Vandevert
5 years ago
Reply to  ChelleBelle

There definitely is a lot of colorism. I think the end of this post was pretty “colorblind” and willfully ignorant. Light-skinned/mixed people have a lot of systemic privileges that we need to recognize. At the same time, being mixed is fetishized to a point of dehumanization. That doesn’t compare to the absolutely horrible way people treat dark-skinned black women. Yours is a completely different, harder struggle. But we do have a struggle of our own. One that shouldn’t detract from dark skinned women’s struggles or take attention and focus from them, but it is a struggle. Like guys who just… Read more »

Alternatively...
Alternatively...
5 years ago

THANK YOU. lol nuff said. I swear to god if i hear one more girl with mixed parentage complaining about how terrible it is to hear someone call them “exotic”, my eyes are going to roll back so far I may never recover my sight. I’ve tried to be sympathetic but I feel like a lot of the time my lighter skinned sistas just low-key undermine the struggle of the darker ones.

Dionne
Dionne
7 years ago

This women is speaking for women like her or who can relate to her,it’s kind of disrespectful to her if she is stating her own struggle and certainly black women are dismissing it,this is her struggle as a mixed women,black women face their own struggles too,she has not disputed that,wether mixed women have it better in society is not the point as she clearly still faces critique from certain member’s of the population
As a mixed person she is still a person of color and is entitled to have a voice.

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  Dionne

She is only a person of color according to American society, but non-Americans would consider her white!

maxine
maxine
6 years ago
Reply to  Denise R Groce

I don’t agree ,
I’m non American and I wouldn’t consider her white,maybe without the hair but I would definitely see her as having ethnic in her in fact most black women wouldn’t consider her black because she isn’t.
Racist white people would consider anyone with the one drop as black but to most she would be considered mixed that she is.

Andrea
Andrea
7 years ago

I’m really sorry for the way people treat you. Especially other black people. We tend to be the hardest on each other. I think your hair is beautiful.

Alyssa
Alyssa
7 years ago

Preach on it sweetz!

lucylikes
lucylikes
7 years ago

Dark skin women have always been jealous of light skin because of slavery times. See nikkas was like im light skin and got the best of both worlds. Darkies was like, im dark and gots a big booty yougots a flat pancake butt like your European for fathers. Your baby daddies look at light skin womens cuz of they white features and they ashamed to be big nose black men so they chase light girls, which makes the big booty pretty dark girls mad as hell. Light skins mad cuz they butt flat much like snowflakes who gotta has butt… Read more »

Dionne
Dionne
7 years ago
Reply to  lucylikes

Your word etiquette is bizarre

CherishBomb
7 years ago
Reply to  Dionne

Don’t feed the trolls. That’s just someone acting a plumb fool to get attention.

maxine
maxine
7 years ago
Reply to  CherishBomb

Thats true

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  CherishBomb

I think this person is suffering from mental illness! Most blacks and mixed people today don’t understand that we would both being from a noose along side each!! There is a book called Destined to Witness: Growing Up Black in Nazi Germany. It is an autobiographical book by Hans J. Massaquoi whose mother was German and his father was black African. The Nazi didn’t care about how light Afro-German were. They called these bi-racial children Rhineland bastards and over 358 of these children went missing shortly after Hitler and the Nazis came into power. They were kicked out of school,… Read more »

Chanell
Chanell
6 years ago
Reply to  lucylikes

Must you be so childish? I hate when people say “darkies” are jealous. Its ridiculous. The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice. Don’t let anyone tell you anything different.

lucylikes
lucylikes
7 years ago

Hispanics is the most stoopidist nilkkas werd cuz they backward. Never listen to them, they hate all blacks. Look at george zimmerman. Nikka was white til he pointed gun at white girl, now he hispanic.

dparpari
dparpari
7 years ago

Now that is one GORGEOUS MANE! I’m sorry people have said those things to you. My little sister has light skin and people keep bothering her when she does her wash n goes. As a dark skinned woman who keeps to her self, strangely enough I’ve been able to avoid the negativity naturals get. My parents still tell me I need to cut my hair because my naps look like a terrible job to fix. I have waist length hair now and prefer twist outs and I hope that my hair will continue growing well past these five years to… Read more »

Denise R Groce
Denise R Groce
6 years ago
Reply to  dparpari

My family says the same stuff to me as well! I stopped using relaxers in 2009 because breakage and damage. My hair is long again and I loving my natural hair.

Mariah
Mariah
6 years ago

I don’t understand your struggle but, I do respect it. We all have struggles that hurt us inside. I wouldn’t change who I am for anything in the world. My dark skin, kinky hair and curvy slim figure is a part of me. Society doesn’t seem to think I’m beautiful but, I know I am. You may have a struggle but, it’s all about overcoming. No matter what they say or tell you, you are beautiful hair and all. P.S. — I don’t understand the whole “jealous of light skin women” claims, because there are some of us who are confident… Read more »

Sunny
Sunny
6 years ago
Reply to  Mariah

*applause*

Sapphire Madness
Sapphire Madness
6 years ago

Look at what white supremacy has done to “all” of us. Hating ourselves, and for what? Religion has done nothing but enforce their demonic mistreatment onto the human family. Mixed? Are you serious? Every human being on this planet is derived from one human family…and they had black skin. Be proud of your blackness. The only thing good about these commentaries and discussions is that talk and exchange of emotions and struggles is therapeutic. It opens the door to discovering the truth. Keep talking, debating, and challenging. It’s refreshing to hear young people engage in conversation about their upbringing and… Read more »

RJG
RJG
6 years ago

Thank you so much for your article, Ana. Your hair texture & skin tone remind me of my daughter’s. She’s only 20 months old, but as the darker skinned parent, I need to hear from young women like you so I can support her as she gets older.
I think you’re absolutely beautiful & you’re on the right track. Good job listening to yourself!! It takes a lot of women many more years to gain the sort of self-awareness & honesty you’ve displayed. You should be proud!

dionne
dionne
6 years ago
Reply to  RJG

Well Said.
There were a few who thought because she did not represent a black women,her article was not meant for this blog because they felt she didn’t look like them so they could not relate,however there are mixed women here who do,also black mothers here who are bringing up mixed raced children who look like her will find her article helpful.

KG
KG
6 years ago

You are gorgeous and unique. You own it!

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[…] via I’m Mixed. I Have Natural Hair. And Yes, I Understand the Struggle. | Black Girl with Long Hair. […]

Shannon
Shannon
6 years ago

This is an excellent article with a beautiful point of view!

Laetitia
Laetitia
6 years ago

Oh godness same here! I’m mixed but my hair are so kinky which led to mean jokes all my childhood and high school years. My mom was always complaining about my “bad hair” and… She ended up relaxing it. Now i accepted both of my european features and kinky hair and i couldn’t ne happier to be mixed 😀 !

Cinnamondiva
Cinnamondiva
6 years ago
Reply to  Laetitia

This is wonderful, Laetitia…I agree because I’m in the same boat.

neyney
neyney
6 years ago

Great article. My little sister is mixed i classify myself as black. her hair is kinky like mine and probably more bushy than mine but she has a white mother and we share the same father. the struggle of mixed races is real. unfortunately, we can’t control what people think we can only control ourselves. and we just need to make sure that we as women believe in ourselves and our own personal beauty. in middle school, i lived near a girl who was white, blonde hair, had really curly fuzzy hair, she told us she used to put grease in… Read more »

Anthony Rizzo
Anthony Rizzo
6 years ago

As far back as 15 generations or so family members have told me my forbearers have mixed. For me being mixed is the rule not the exception. I can pass for 30 or so nationalities around the world and I’ve been made to feel guilty about it by everyone I meet. I only get a different impression from people when I can somehow relate to something about them, then they are more ready to accept me. Mind you they never attempt to accept me at face value. The burden of acceptance is always left up to me. I’ve learned over time… Read more »

Cinnamondiva
Cinnamondiva
6 years ago
Reply to  Anthony Rizzo

Well stated, Anthony…I agree 100%. This is the story of my life. Many people erroneously believe that being “mixed” and looking a certain way means we will automatically be privileged, have better lives, etc. We all have crosses to bear. And while some people might have heavier “crosses” than others, that doesn’t nullify anybody else’s struggle. I say this not to be disrespectful to anyone but it is the truth. And what you said is very powerful: “I’ve got nothing to apologize for”. Yes, and this is what people need to understand. No one can help looking the way they do…whether… Read more »

Tes
Tes
6 years ago

Great perspective. Thanks for sharing. Maybe one day such ignorance will be gone… NOT! So stories like your and all of ours must always be shared and heard.

Leah
Leah
5 years ago

I understand your struggle,I’m black,Italian,and polish! My kids tell me I need some color! Despite all of this I got the hair. I’m from a big family and we all look different! My son has no negro features and is constantly being told to stop trying to be black! I went to school with a white girl and her hair was kinkier than mine! I’m often asked if I consider myself black or white‑I tell them I am me,a human,unique,as we all are,and I think thats fantastic! So go and be beautiful!!

StraightShooter
StraightShooter
5 years ago
Reply to  Leah

Negro features?

Missy Julien-Thelemarque
Missy Julien-Thelemarque
5 years ago

I know right, I asked myself that same question but I figured it would be useless to even comment to her. Smh!

Shruti Sekhar
Shruti Sekhar
5 years ago

https://www.duolingo.com/comment/69864 In some countries it is ok to say negro(a) but offensive to say black.. PC works culturally.

Shruti Sekhar
Shruti Sekhar
5 years ago

In some countries it is ok to say negro(a) but offensive to say black… example Brazil

AL
AL
5 years ago

I’m really glad I stumbled upon this! I’m Jamaican, Chinese, and Italian… my skin tone tends to be more olive. There is a constant struggle of not fitting in. I’m too “light” to be Black, and too “dark” to be Asian or White. Most people just assume I’m Hispanic. My hair, much like yours. For years people put me down about it… it was always so “messy” and so “ugly”. It took me awhile to figure out what to do with it and till this day I am still learning. I used to have a really had time identifying with… Read more »

Mel Mem Landy
Mel Mem Landy
5 years ago

I just want to hug her and say it will be ok. Why people feel their criticism is needed I don’t understand. Put the hater blockers on your ears and f**k their expectations. Do you and if you love what u see in the mirror then the rest can kick rocks.

fyoosha
fyoosha
5 years ago

I feel this soooooo much. I’m Egyptian, so I’ve got hair the same texture as the author’s, and a very similar skin tone. Currently I’m transitioning after spending years keeping my hair bone straight with relaxers and I’m at a loss for what to do. If I put my hair in an afro or box braids I’m afraid of the comments. =/

Oratilwe
Oratilwe
5 years ago
Reply to  fyoosha

All that matters is that you like them?.
Good luck with your journey

SKEEWEE
SKEEWEE
5 years ago
Reply to  fyoosha

That’s really sad. I’ve heard that lots of Egyptians try to deny their African traits/identity as well. Be brave…let the movement start with you 🙂

CC
CC
5 years ago

RUDE

Umma Muslin
Umma Muslin
4 years ago

Vain babbling.

Vita
Vita
4 years ago

Just like seeing the pretty picture. I am biracial and look middle eastern when I straighten my hair, so I’m changing my style. Keep in mind, Christianity and Islam are no friends of the African people. Judaism and Buddism are excellent choices. Jewish diaspra is relatable to the African diaspra, and they have never tried to destroy us — anti-semetic and racist euro Christianity has poisoned the minds of ethnic minorities against these amazing people.

Nikki Hunter
5 years ago

I am so proud of you, Ana. From one mixed girl to another :).

nik
nik
5 years ago

Cry me a river.

Carmen Wilson
Carmen Wilson
5 years ago

Wow.… This is the first time I’ve ever found a mixed story I can relate to. Thank you so much for sharing <3

V.G. Grace
4 years ago

WOW. I REALLY appreciate coming across this article because I deeply relate to the author’s experiences. Like her, I am also of mixed heritage (African-American/White) and have naturally very curly ‘big’ hair. Like her, I’ve had…interesting reactions both online and offline. Unlike her though, I’ve gotten a lot of positive feedback and comments from Black people, specifically older Black women. I’ve had more mixed reactions from White women, tipping more towards the negative side. I also like to wear my hair straight, and there really are subtle little differences in how people can treat you depending on the texture of… Read more »

Laura Durante
Laura Durante
3 years ago

I loved reading this! I’m 15 years old and have been struggling a lot lately with the idea of my own culture/ethnicity. My dad is white and my mom is Puertorican and Hispanic but has more European/white features. I on the other hand have dark brown multi-textured curly hair (which doesn’t even come from my Hispanic side!) and European features. I don’t know if I would be considered mixed because both my parents look white. I feel that like you said I don’t have a culture to fall back on which is something that I think about a lot too.… Read more »

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