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10 Things Never to Say to a Natural Girl

Avatar • Sep 30, 2013

By Allison of Naturally Twisted Hairstyles
Additional material provided by Tyra of Indigenous Curls

I don’t know anyone that doesn’t like compliments about their hair. Unfortunately, we natural girls hear things that aren’t really complimentary. Maybe it’s a straight up insult, ignorance  or sometimes it is a backhanded compliment, and sometimes  it’s just something that the other person could have kept to themselves. Personally I would prefer if you never said or asked the following:

1. ‘Your braids or twists look like Miss Celie’s.’ 
Say what you want but Oprah, and Whoopi have some nice hair on and off set.
colorpurple2

2. ‘Are you going to do your hair?’, or ‘Why didn’t you comb your hair?’
I may DO something, I may DO nothing. I find beauty in little imperfections. My hair hair hates combs.

3. ‘Can I touch it?’ (while reaching for my strands) and/or after sanctioned or unsanctioned touching: ‘It’s much softer than it looks.’
Some days I don’t mind educating the masses about kinky hair. Other days I imagine drop kicking.

4. ‘Why don’t you wear your hair curly like ________ (someone with a completely different hair texture)?’
No two people are alike. Natural hair is versatile, and I can achieve nearly any style. Now mind your business.

5. ‘How did you get it to curl like that?’ or ‘How do you get your hair to do that?’
No one ever questioned my styling process when my hair was relaxed! But I’m happy to show you how.

6. ‘Aren’t you afraid of looking unprofessional?’
I tackle natural hair myths in this article.

7. ‘I couldn’t go natural unless I had good hair’ and in the same breath… ‘You’re braver than I am.’
**Takes long, calculated look at the commenter’s hair, weave or wig**

8. ‘Wow, your hair grew! I just seen you last week!’
Lets have a little chat about shrinkage.…..

shrinkage

Style Icon Sarah

9.   ‘Why did it look shorter before?’
Because it was in an updo? And because I have nappy hair that shrinks, a lot. I doubt it was shorter before, it was probably just nappier.  Good old shrinkage.

10. ‘I would cut my hair and go natural, like you but ______ (insert ignorant statement here).’

I’ve come to the conclusion that everyone isn’t going to like my natural hair. Good thing they don’t have to wear it!

Ladies, what do you think of the list? Would you take any of these statements off? What would you add?

Allison is the author of Naturally Twisted Hairstyles.

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BeUtifully Human
BeUtifully Human
7 years ago

Any and everything my mom has to say about it… LOL!

NenoNaturalDotCom
NenoNaturalDotCom
7 years ago

lol — mothers can be so (unintentionally) cruel sometimes.

cindy
cindy
7 years ago

Only black moms.

Jennifer
Jennifer
7 years ago

Yep, pretty much.

Ohhowsplendid
Ohhowsplendid
7 years ago

Absolutely agree! When I was asked, “how do you get your hair to do that?” a few times before, I was quite proud that it was getting some attention. It took me a short while to realise how insulting it could be. The one I hate the most is when people reach out to touch it! Urgh! Grates my tits.

Erin Lloyd
Erin Lloyd
7 years ago
Reply to  Ohhowsplendid

Ctfu at grating my tits!

Sarah
Sarah
7 years ago
Reply to  Erin Lloyd

Is it sad I had to look up ctfu? xD

Sierra W.
Sierra W.
7 years ago

5,8, and 9 I personally don’t have a problem with; they come across as more inquisitive to me. When I had a particularly nice style with relaxed people would sometimes as about it, so 5’s ok with me 🙂

Sierra W.
Sierra W.
7 years ago
Reply to  Sierra W.

*when relaxed*

Brynelle
7 years ago

I got a lot of stupid questions and comments from people when I did the big chop. At the time it was extremely short but I still rocked my hair. Just wet and go with a little moisturizer and water. If I wasn’t confident then I would let that discourage me. My hair went through it phases and I am learning to take better care of it. I love my natural hair. Most of the people who criticized when it was shorter are admiring it now. I am natural and proud..:)
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/Merlinda.jpg[/img]

Aree
Aree
7 years ago

When I went natural ( I did the big chop), my grand-dad rolled his eyes at me. Later he would say “Did you do your hair” When I do a wash n go he says “You going to do something with your hair”.

When I did a twist out on blow dried bsb hair. He said “WooWoo!! You get all that hair from your great grandma. She was full blood indian with long hair!”

I have never seen my grand-dads mother, and even if she was indian…I am black. And black women have beautiful, versatile hair.

juanicole617
juanicole617
7 years ago
Reply to  Aree

Wow, funny your full blood Indian great grandmother had something to do with your length but had nothing to do with it when it was short. Smh!

Aree
Aree
7 years ago
Reply to  juanicole617

I know. I finally got my cousin to go natural and all my grand-dad asked was did she have a good grade of hair. I was side eyeing that man real hard. I get tired of explaining to folks I meet that all hair is good hair.
You would think a man who is almost bald would appreciate hair period. Its sad some of the worst comments about our hair come from those close to us.

CP
CP
7 years ago

I recently stopped straightening my hair and cut off my heat-damaged ends.
This weekend I got my very first, “Can I touch it? Its a lot softer than it looks. How do you brush it?”

I didn’t want to be mean, she clearly was just curious, but I was offended.

What is the best response to these sort of questions and comments??
I would rather be prepared, so next time I don’t snap, “Get your hands out of my hair”

Erin Lloyd
Erin Lloyd
7 years ago
Reply to  CP

If it were me, I’d just be prude (politely rude) but don’t allow my sarcastic sassiness make you into a mean girl too lol
You can tell them that touching your hair/too much manipulation causes frizz and breakage. If that doesn’t work then be prude!

Tabatha
Tabatha
7 years ago
Reply to  CP

I just started to wear braid outs and a client of mine (an older African American Male who sports dreads)said, “Hey Nappy Headed Girl”. I told him don’t call me that and he said “Theirs nothing wrong with being Nappy”. Anytime I get my hair braided there is always a little old Caucasian lady all up in the way talking about how interesting it is and can she feel it? Lol, I always chuckle and say sure, just to get them to go away. I have a friend that always says I want you to get a weave, why don’t you… Read more »

Tabatha
Tabatha
7 years ago
Reply to  CP

I would just politely say no you may not I’m very protective about my hair. And if they get their feelings hurt then that is on them.

Erin Lloyd
Erin Lloyd
7 years ago

My favorite retort when asked what’s wrong with my hair: ‘what’s right about yours?’
I swear people simply don’t think before opening their mouths. It’s not my burden to please you. As long as I’m comfortable in this skin with my beautiful crown of hair, your opinion of me can take several seats lbvs.
I understand these questions coming from other ethnicities because they are truly ignorant to the knowledge of an African-American woman’s natural hair. However, when another sistah or brotha asks me that.…..oh, be ready for the consequences of your lack of knowledge!

JENNID
JENNID
7 years ago

Recently Ive been getting

You’ve been natural for twelve years? Aren’t you bored with it by now? Or how come it isn’t waist legnth by now after 12 years?

How come you never straighten your hair? Or change it up with a weave/ wig

How come you don’t tame or gel down your edges?

Can you do mine? Ill pay you. And this is after I told them it took 3 hours to put in my twist. I’m like yeah right like I wanna tackle someone else’s head after that lol.

Qura
Qura
7 years ago

I guess I’m fortunate that no ones ever tried to touch my hair. I have had the question, “how did you get your hair to do that”? Hellooooo… it’s my hair that’s how I got it to curl. Luckily, I’ve only had people say they love my hair and they are all very pleasant, from all walks of life. However, I have had people say I would go natural if my hair looked like yours.I HATE THAT and have to tell them, how would you know what kind of hair you have unless you go natural. “OH, no my hair… Read more »

Dananana
Dananana
7 years ago

My family is just now (after 5 years into my natural journey!!) starting to accept my natural, heat-free hair. Even so, I still get comments like “Why did you do that to your hair? I liked it better before.” Or, “Yeah, I’m natural too, but I can never wear it THAT way”. My favorite so far from one of my aunts is ” Yeah your hair is pretty, but if another Black girl with long, silky straight hair shows up to the same job interview, they’re gonna pick her over you.” I just let all of their misguided words roll off… Read more »

hmm
hmm
7 years ago

I wear my hair in a puff and today while walking around the plaza 2 sales associates (both black,one older/one younger) stopped me and I could tell they were focused on my hair.. They were trying to get me to get an account, talking plans, etc. & all of a sudden I see the older lady’s hand reaching and I start to reach (but not grab) her hand LOL. It was then she identified her behavior and was like “I wanted to talk about your hair, it’s kinda like mine”.. I was confused cause her hair was short and loc’d. Later… Read more »

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s marie
s marie
7 years ago

I personally don’t like this, “You got good hair, are you mixed with something? No?! Really?!? Your full black?! Girl, you must be mixed with something and don’t know it cause Black folks ain’t got hair like that!”…smh

LuLu
7 years ago

Iv had people say to me, “wow.. your hair is so nice. It really suits you”.. i smile and wave but inside I’m like, “Well I should hope so. It’s the hair God gave me isn’t it?..” I gotta disagree with India and say that I AM my hair. When friends react negatively it hurts, but when people compliment, it makes me feel good. But I ain’t doing this for nobody but myself.

Tayler
Tayler
7 years ago

I feel sometimes I’m the only one who doesn’t mind when people touch my hair.…I didn’t mind when it was relaxed…and I still don’t mind now thats its natural

cacey
cacey
7 years ago
Reply to  Tayler

yeah i don’t mind either tayler. i guess that that which is a big deal to one is a non-thought to another.

Elle
Elle
7 years ago
Reply to  Tayler

I live in NYC. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve seen people scratch and dig in their nether regions, have their fingers in their noses all up to the knuckle, dig in pink eye, pick their teeth, lick their fingers after eating, sneeze into their hands, dig wax out of their ears and even once clip their toe nails *shudders* — all in public!

Touching my hair? Even touching my jacket? No ma’am! Family and friends only, and after a crisp, supervised, hand washing at that, Lol!

Mischa
Mischa
7 years ago

The most annoying comments I’ve gotten so far: 1. Girl what you got on your head? 2. You can’t wear your hair like that. 3. No one will take you seriously. 4. When are you going to do your hair? 5. Do you think that looks cute? It doesn’t. Get some braids. 6. Do something to your hair. 7. People are going to think you are crazy. 8. Why don’t you be gettin your hair done? 9. You can’t wear your hair like that to work, they will fire you. 10. Your hair looks wild, put it in “different style”. Ninty percent of these comments came from other… Read more »

Amber84
Amber84
7 years ago
Reply to  Mischa

@ Mischa — oh my goodness.….LOL. Are you freaking kidding me??! # 5 floored me, literally. The audacity. And the people who say stuff like that are usually those with 1.5 inches of dry, crackly, relaxed hair, those with thin see-through hair where they are still trying to hold on to their ‘length’, those with frighteningly spooky lace fronts or voluptuous weave that over powers not only their head, but their entire body.

sweetastaboo
sweetastaboo
7 years ago

I hate the comments from black men who ask why don’t I get braids in my hair, or why don’t I flat iron it or get my hair “done”. These comments have come from men who were obviously trying to talk to me, and although I wasn’t interested in them to begin with it is a huge turn off.

Mischa
Mischa
7 years ago

I also hate when black men will point out a girl with silky straight weave and ask “why don’t you get your hair done so it will look like that” as if I want that type of hair but don’t know any better. Talk about ironic.

Kesi
Kesi
7 years ago

after spending the marathon hours at the salon getting the super cute flexirods done, I heard ” oh your hair is so cute, it’s just like my poodle” with arms outstretched to run the hands through my just done hair..no no no no no no no! not like a poodle, and not after I paid to get this done.…nope not going to happen.

Michelle
Michelle
7 years ago

I imagine drop-kicking alot …

yahya
7 years ago

though more and more girls are becoming natural, kinky textured hair s still a rarer hair type than the common. it stands out in the crowd. so while there is a definite reason to get mad about some of these comments, I feel like the pure curiosity and naive comments aren’t a reason to get annoyed. you can call it people being ignorant, but how are they suppose to know if they don’t have the hair type and girls with kinky hair won’t explain for them but take offense? just my thoughts.

http://pocahontas-secrets.blogspot.com/

Elle
Elle
7 years ago

Your hair would look ABSOLUTELY HORRIBLE on me.…but it’s cute on you” :/

xyzebra
xyzebra
7 years ago

Can we PLEASE get an article on the positive, loving things people say in reaction to our natural hair?

D.P.
D.P.
7 years ago
Reply to  xyzebra

Yea. So many positives come from going natural, why are we focusing on the negatives? This article is great for, “This is what I deal with” type humor/easy writing, but honestly I don’t find it to be the norm (except for the hair touching thing. Why does EVERYONE want to touch it!! haha)

sandy
sandy
7 years ago
Reply to  xyzebra

Thank you so much for making this point.

cacey
cacey
7 years ago
Reply to  xyzebra

great point. dont think i’ve ever gotten a negative comment about my hair so maybe thats why i cant relate to articles such as this

TheGirl
7 years ago

Yeh, that sums it up of all the stupid things not to say. I like that sign though I think I might carry that next time someone wants to touch my hair.

Negretude
Negretude
7 years ago

Let them know Ur in love w/ your hair by wearing this tee @teespring
Pickup your billboard here ~> http://teespring.com/lovemynaturalhair.

Hansy
Hansy
7 years ago

Why being so negative? I have received my dose of ignorant comments and I take that as an opportunity to teach.

Candice
Candice
7 years ago
Reply to  Hansy

I guess after seven years of private school at an all white prep school, four years at an predominantly white Ivy League college in New Hampshire, and two years of graduate school near the corn field of Indiana, I’m DONE teaching people about “all things black.” I am also NOT qualified just because I am black. The only person I’m instructing on my hair is my husband so he can understand how to do our kids’ hair. Other than that, school is out for ever.

Kandis
Kandis
7 years ago
Reply to  Candice

@ Candice — EXACTLY. I always laugh when I hear people say “it’s up to us to educate them” and “if we don’t tell them, how will they ever know?”.…HA. So that’s basically saying when you are black you are expected to give an explanation and tutorial on why you look the way you look, it just goes with the territory so get used to it. MAN, PLEASE. I don’t care what someone looks like or how “different” they may look from you — it’s never OK to get all up in someone’s business like that. If you aren’t bleeding,… Read more »

Kelcie
Kelcie
7 years ago
Reply to  Candice

Too funny, but true!!!! I cried laughing your response.

Hansy
Hansy
7 years ago
Reply to  Candice

Uh?? you seem angry. And who said anything about white people? A lot of those questions are asked by black people too, myself included before I was natural. A lot of black women have never dealt with their own hair. So like I said, take the opportunity to teach the person instead of getting a nasty attitude.

Toni
Toni
7 years ago

I really do believe that times have changed and that the attitudes about natural hair are more positive now. Sure, we will run in to ridiculous statements like these still. However, I believe that there is so much more acceptance and positive responses now!

jay923
jay923
7 years ago

The one I hate the most is your hair is so long it would so pretty if it was relaxed. uh been there done that and my hair was thin and damaged no thank you.

MissP
MissP
7 years ago

I get the ‘aren’t you afraid men won’t like it?’ When my hair was shaved/worn in a large ‘fro. Ha!

But ladies, I need help 🙁 I have thinning edges at the temple and have been wearing twists on and off for 2yrs or so. I haven’t relaxed for 4years but I am desperately unimaginative with my hair! Help! I have quite straight natural hair to boot. I’m taking the braids out soon and could do with advice

Cece Danielle
Cece Danielle
7 years ago

I’m starting to hate twist outs now because my family keeps comparing me to sideshow bob! So annoying.

Kade
Kade
7 years ago
Reply to  Cece Danielle

I get this!! But I genuinely take it as a compliment (I normally get this when I’m wearing a huge puff) it means I’ve achieved truely big hair!!!

Kel
Kel
7 years ago
Reply to  Cece Danielle

CeCe, don’t feel bad. I absolutely hate twist outs for that reason. I remember my husband and I were going to a party and I took my twists out in the truck. It was so pretty in the truck. About 10mins of being outside in the “air” for a meet and greet, my hair swelled & ‘fro’d up. Our pics looked horrible. You could see the parts in my hair, but each section looked like a small afro in itself. I got strange looks, but I still had a nice time. I vowed to never wear my hair in a… Read more »

Nancy
Nancy
7 years ago
Reply to  Kel

LOL! That was so me this past weekend!!!! Out of all times for it to get humid in October ‑_-! How big are your twists? I find when I use to do small “rope twists” (about the width of your finger) on wet hair they can last through humid weather. It was only when I started stretching my hair then making chunky twists that I had to be conscious of the weather. Try that and see how it works.

Dilly
Dilly
7 years ago

When they ask if my hair is fake. =( it’s mine all mine! Damn those weaves for looking so real and natural that a natural look looks fake now =( I’ve never even seen how a weave works

Nancy
Nancy
7 years ago

I think there are too many angry people in this world. LOL!!! I get some of these questions and don’t mind. Maybe it’s because I have only been at it for three years. If I look like Celie… let me know! I don’t want to look like Celie! If you want to touch my hair go for it (just ask first), if the tables were turned I would be curious too. I never get the “you look messy”-like comments and if you think about it some of these questions simply come because people just do not know about natural hair (i.e.… Read more »

Kade
Kade
7 years ago
Reply to  Nancy

*claps loudly* I applaud you!! This is excatly what I was thinking, it’s not all that BAD! geez people are genuinely curious…most of the time. Don’t get angry when someone wants to take time out of their life and get a real sense of how our hair works, they want to feel, know and understand our hair, just because it’s so unique. No other race has our hair and not even with in our own race the texture is the same.
C’mon guys it’s not that deep…

Traci Lee
Traci Lee
7 years ago

I LOVE THIS. YES.

I used to not understand the “do not touch my hair” thing, because I didn’t usually mind it before, BUT NOW I TOTALLY AGREE WITH THAT. More people want to touch and poke and pat, oh heck no !

So uncomfortable :

Melissa
Melissa
7 years ago

Don’t forget the “why don’t you straighten your hair?!”

Candice
Candice
7 years ago

My least favorite question/comment is “Are you biracial?/You must be biracial.” As if blackness needs to be combined with something or diluted by something in order to make it acceptable. “No, this is what black people’s hair looks like when it’s cared for.”

Ashley
Ashley
7 years ago
Reply to  Candice

Omg, I get this constantly.

Hate it.

Ny Ny
7 years ago

you look better with your hair straight”
I hate when people say that.

honeybrown1976
honeybrown1976
7 years ago

Do not equate skin tone with natural hair?

For example, “Oh, you’re light-skinned. You can get away with that?”

What the hell?

Donna
7 years ago

LOVE YOUR BLACK HAIR, EMBRACE IT,JUST DON’T TAKE THEE BAD COMMENTS, PERSONAL, LOVE YOU LOVE YOURSELF.

Caramelcurls
Caramelcurls
7 years ago

I just celebrated my two year naturalversary and I can honestly say that most of the feedback I have received has been positive. I get approached by a lot of black women who have a huge desire to go natural, but feel like they can’t because it’s too difficult and/or fear of not knowing how to manage it. It’s really quite sad to see that look of longing…I take it as an opportunity to try to empower, educate, and encourage.

Happy2BNappy
Happy2BNappy
7 years ago

It irks me when people say it’s not that deep. Mostly because, these people seem to forget why the natural hair movement…is a movement. Why black women for YEARS have not been wearing their natural hair. How our community suffers from many psychological issues(including self-hatred) because of our history. How beauty aesthetic works in this country. How none of the black women who have ever won Miss America or anything like that walked proudly around with hair that looks like mine. How people are being punished for wearing their hair in what is considered a “fad” (Afro, Dreds etc), not… Read more »

Amber84
Amber84
7 years ago
Reply to  Happy2BNappy

I concur! It is in fact a HUGE deal. If it wasn’t, sites and discussions like these wouldn’t exist.

Lori
Lori
7 years ago
Reply to  Happy2BNappy

Agreed. It becomes even more complicated because each of us will have a different experience being natural. We are not a homogeneous group. I do believe that, for some, hair really is not a big deal. They live in a bubble where having natural hair is just another option of being. Not everyone is so fortunate. I myself live in a bubble where natural hair is ugly, unkempt and trash. Choosing to wear my natural hair means I am choosing to ‘expose’ those qualities, which is, of course, ‘stupid’.

Amma Mama
7 years ago

I think this list is funny and accurate. I don’t mind answering questions as long as they’re asked respectfully 🙂

http://ammamama.wordpress.

Kimberly.
Kimberly.
7 years ago

Waw! It actually look good.

Stephanie
Stephanie
7 years ago

I did the big chop and my dad was less than pleased. LOL …I told him, THIS is your hair, You gave it to me!!! For over 20 years I straightened it and I didn’t want to do it anymore. I wore it just like his for about one week. But then I thought, I look too much like my dad, lol. I put two strand twist in it for about 3 years. When I took it down, he never said a word. He watched it grow. He saw the care I put into it. He saw how it looked… Read more »

Derin
Derin
7 years ago
Reply to  Stephanie

My dad was the same way. Kept asking me why I wouldn’t comb my hair, that it looked messy, etc. I was so confused, considering this is the hair he and his friends grew up with.

Sana
Sana
7 years ago
Reply to  Stephanie

LOL you are too funny…

Kaye Daye
Kaye Daye
7 years ago

Lord, YES! to all the above. One convo I get a LOT goes as followed:

Them: How long have you been natural?
Me: 7 years.
Them: Why isn’t your hair longer? If I was natural for that long, I’d have hair flowing down my back.
Me: ‑straight face with a scenario playing in my head of me drop kicking them-

I’m not violent by nature, but why do everyone assume that all naturals wish to have long hair. It’s a pain to take care of and I, personally, love my hair at arm pit length.

Sarah A.
Sarah A.
7 years ago

Can I touch it”, or even just reach out and touch it without asking. I do not know where your hands have been and personal space…learn about it. My favorite, “it’s softer than it looks” Gee thanks.

L.A.
7 years ago

I agree %100 with the entire list! I have experienced every one of these scenarios at one time or other — on multiple occasions — and it makes me wanna dropkick the asker, too! LOL!

Kel
Kel
7 years ago

I absolutely hate the “Have you tried (insert product here) for your hair? It would probably give you a better result because my (insert relative/friend) used it and it made her look like she had good hair!” WTH?!?!?

Kaye
7 years ago
Reply to  Kel

lol. Yeah, that good hair line annoys me

Tiana
Tiana
7 years ago

How does your hair do THAT?!’

Kaye
7 years ago

I hope I’m not the only one who has experienced this, but please add these ignorant questions, “Are you from (insert island or country here)?” & “Why do you wear your hair like that?”

Btw, somebody please explain to me why my natural hair NOW makes me look like a foreigner?

Nellie
Nellie
7 years ago

I personally don’t mind when people ask if they can touch my hair. I’m just glad they are asking, because there are many more people who just go for it without my permission. So. Rude.

Mary in Md
Mary in Md
7 years ago

Good hair”. I hate that statement. Whenever someone says it, I get the same feeling as when someone drags their nails across the chalkboard. I’m getting that feeling in my throat and chest right now. It make me want to haul off and slap somebody so hard that their jowls shake. How the heck can someone’s hair be “good”?! That is the most idiotic statement I’ve ever come across. My ex-husband and my current husband have both made the mistake of saying that idiocy in my presence. They have never said it again. Makes me wanna hurt somebody.

MQ
MQ
7 years ago

I was told the following: 1) I love your hair. I want to buy some nappy hair like that to put in mine.
2) I like your hair. I would go natural but my hair so soft.

MQ
MQ
7 years ago

I was told the following: 1) I love your hair. I want to buy some nappy hair like that to put in mine.
2) I like your hair. I would go natural but my hair so soft.

rw
rw
7 years ago

did you cut your hair” NO!!

Grace
Grace
7 years ago

Love the list; I have experienced much of that. Really annoying when people touch your hair without permission.

Shantel
Shantel
7 years ago

This list forgot to mention my favorite (note the sarcasm) line:
“You need to perm your hair!”

Aziza
7 years ago

Caucasian young man: **touches my afro** “It [your hair] feels like a sheep…”

O_O wow

Karisa
Karisa
7 years ago

It looks like u used the curling iron the size of a pixie stick.” I actually thought that was hilarious when a guy told me that!!

Naturally Twisted
7 years ago

Excuse me — but this is a copy of my post,from my blog — Naturally Twisted. Seven Things You Should Never Say to Me about My Hair — It was posted on September 15th.
http://www.naturallytwistedhairstyles.com/#!/2013/09/seven-things-you-shouldnt-ever-say-to.html

Tyra from Indigenous Curls may had added some additional comments — but this post has not been attributed to the proper source. Naturally Twisted

clar esa
clar esa
7 years ago

Am I the only one who get the question “Are you rasta now? ” or “let me touch your hair to see how soft it is” I also get “why you don’t do your hair into a style like_____? (Insert random celebrity)

clar esa
clar esa
7 years ago
Reply to  clar esa

I also get “why you just don’t wash your hair and leave it alone?” I don’t feel like explaining that if I do then my hair get tangled and matted. I really hate “omg!!! Your hair grew so much!!” Said with suprise and disbelief. Like its such a surprise that blk hair grows especially if the person hasn’t seen me in a year. Oh course my hair will grow in a year. I also hate “let me see if or how much your hair grew” all while reaching or pulling my hair. I had an ex recently do this. I… Read more »

Kayla
Kayla
7 years ago
Reply to  clar esa

No, but now I get asked if I am Jamaican more often. I am Nigerian. o.O

Luthuli
Luthuli
7 years ago
Reply to  Kayla

yep I know all about that: “Where are you from?” “You’re South African? Really??” it’s Funny (or sad) how even IN Africa our natural hair texture is regarded as ‘exotic’. Even sadder is the fact that most black hair salons in Africa, or at least in South Africa, haven’t the faintest clue about how to treat natural African hair. They specialise in perms, relaxer, weave and braids and most women assume that because their hair is in a protective style then they needn’t moisturise and care for it.. So a head of healthy natural African hair is a pretty tough find… Read more »

Kayla
Kayla
7 years ago
Reply to  Luthuli

Isn’t it strange? My family hates natural hair, and I have to wonder how that mindset originated and how and why it was passed on. I am not knowledgeable enough to even think of a theory; I wouldn’t know if it is related to what happened in the US at all. It isn’t even ‘exotic’ to them, it is just ‘disgusting’. I get so surprised by the odd aunt that does like my hair and actually compliments me excitedly because I am so used to negativity.

Luthuli
Luthuli
7 years ago
Reply to  Kayla

you’re so right, I can’t count how many times I’ve been advised to relax or weave up my hair, because “kaffir haar” is untidy and unprofessional. It definitely stems from the era of European colonisation; remember it was also a process of TOTAL socialisation/indoctrination of European values and norms, and a big part of that process was to establish European cultural/social supremacy. My mom told me that in pre-democracy (1994) SA, black women who dared to sport their natural hair or traditional attire were mocked and associated with being ‘backward’ ‘ugly’ ‘uneducated’ and so on, even by their own people.… Read more »

Kayla
Kayla
7 years ago
Reply to  Luthuli

That makes sense. That didn’t even cross my mind.
It’s hilarious because my mom is all about pride. She wears tradition garments all the time, but when it comes to hair, nope!
Congratulations to your mom. Wish me luck on mine. xD

Luthuli
Luthuli
7 years ago
Reply to  Kayla

All the best my sister, I hope your mom comes around 🙂

Nancy
Nancy
7 years ago
Reply to  Kayla

My mother and a few friends hated my natural hair when I big chopped but once they saw the way I styled it they started complimenting me. Sometimes they just need to see what your hair can really do and they will change their minds :-).

Sophie
Sophie
7 years ago

You should add “How can you wash your hair?” or “Can you wash/drench your hair?” that’s what I usually hear. *sigh*
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/sophie_01.jpg[/img]

black girls are bald
black girls are bald
7 years ago
Reply to  Sophie

glad i don’t have that horrible nappy hair

Froofroo51
Froofroo51
7 years ago

Def did not mean to like! Guess I just like so many things on this site…I meant to thumb down. That is such a horrible thing to say.

anastasia
anastasia
7 years ago

You jealous ignorant goat…you are not fooling anyone here with your so-called disdain.

Mac
Mac
7 years ago

Nobody asked you or invited you. We don’t need you to like us and do not exist for your validation.

TeeTee
TeeTee
7 years ago

this post is not by Indigenous Curls. This post is from Naturalltwistedhairstyles Sep 15 post.http://www.naturallytwistedhairstyles.com/#!/2013/09/seven-things-you-shouldnt-ever-say-to.html

Tamara Sanders
Tamara Sanders
7 years ago

Your hair is not classy
My reply: why because I don’t look white.

You must be mixed
My reply: why do I half to explain I am a Blacl women.

Tamara Sanders
Tamara Sanders
7 years ago

[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/IMAG4066‑1.jpg[/img]

Kendal Blake
7 years ago

Did you cut your hair?”

Sometimes I straighten my hair. and then sometimes I wash and wear. I’ll come to work after washing my hair and my manager always asks me “Hey Kendal did you cut your hair? I like it”

It’s frustrating. Especially when I’m feeling like my hair is growing and then people look at shrinkage and ask
“did you cut your hair?”

NO.. NO I DIDN’T CUT MY HAIR *Sobs*

Michelle
Michelle
7 years ago
Reply to  Kendal Blake

I feel your pain.

Mac
Mac
7 years ago

Actual Workplace Conversation, I Sh** You Not: Me: *sitting at desk, minding business, hair in curly bun* Co-Worker: Aw, I liked your hair when you were wearing it long. Me: Yeah, I’m giving it a bit of a rest for a while. C‑W: Aw, but it looked so nice. Me: Yeah, I like it too, but it’s pretty damaging, you know, heat and all. C‑W: [is working at a beauty magazine and should KNOW BETTER] Aw, but it looks so nice long. Me: [still smiling affably, I SWEAR, also tone of voice has not even changed] Eh, I’m embracing my roots. C‑W: Oh, so now you’re gonna play… Read more »

Michelle
Michelle
7 years ago
Reply to  Mac

you see, at that point I would have HAD to go to the bathroom so I could silently cuss her out … the RACE CARD.

Mac
Mac
7 years ago
Reply to  Michelle

It was a *man*, even! =/ In the interest of fairness, I will recount how that story ended up, because I worked with him for a few years after that: A friend of mine put it in perspective for me later — possibly a bit of a power play? He was not a high-ranking staff member. That and, well, people who consider themselves liberal and correct-thinking get snappish when something they have said that is “problematic” is brought to their attention. I don’t actually remember what I said to him, but when I left that job he gave me a pair… Read more »

lala
lala
7 years ago

I am natural and i find myself wanting to touch other natural girls hair. I just feel its so interesting my hair is plain thin and fine. I a get so excited when i see big hair.

Iva
Iva
7 years ago
Reply to  lala

Oh thank goodness I am not the only one!!! I never touched people’s hair before going natural, never ever. Didn’t even know it was a thing. Now.…I see a nice fro.…my hand is reaching out and I’m screaming “It’s so FLUFFY!!” like I’m Agnes from Despicable Me. In return, I don’t really have an issue with people touching my hair as long as their hands are clean (I am a manic handwasher). I have however, had someone “root” me. She asked to touch my hair, I said okay, the next thing I know her finger pads were on my scalp,… Read more »

Liz G
Liz G
6 years ago
Reply to  Iva

That’s a fear of mines lol. I would rather just have someone not touch my hair at all than risk that.

Adjoa
Adjoa
7 years ago

Never say to me, “I like your hair in braids better,” when I’m giving my afro a break and rocking a ‘protective style.’

I could care less that YOU like fake hair BETTER than my REAL hair. Crazy people, lol.

Mac
Mac
7 years ago
Reply to  Adjoa

YES.

Mac
Mac
7 years ago
Reply to  Adjoa

(Your name is gorgeous by the way. Are you Cote d’Ivoirian?)

Danniella
Danniella
7 years ago
Reply to  Mac

Maybe Ghanaian 🙂

Glori Bryson
Glori Bryson
7 years ago

When I decide to wear anything in my hair except two strand twist, I always get strange looks at work. Add to the list, “you always changing your hair styles”, or ” do you do your hair yourself”. Like, hum… yes I do it myself, don’t you do your’s.

Naturally Twisted
7 years ago

Unfortunately this post has not been atributed to the proper party, thi is essentially a re-post of my September 15th blog: http://www.naturallytwistedhairstyles.com/.…

Naturally Twisted (www.naturallytwistedhairstyles.com)

Cappuccinochk
Cappuccinochk
7 years ago

Hello, long time lurker. I love this blog, but lately I can’t navigate it on my iPhone ( the button for looking at older or newer comments is not showing up). I don’t know if it’s my phone that’s the problem.

Latte
Latte
7 years ago
Reply to  Cappuccinochk

Happening with my phone too.

Jennifer
Jennifer
7 years ago
Reply to  Cappuccinochk

Yeah, it seems that they updated the design. It still works on my phone, but I have an android so I don’t know if that makes a difference.

Jennifer
Jennifer
7 years ago
Reply to  Jennifer

No wait, never mind. Mine disappeared too. 🙁

Flynfab
Flynfab
7 years ago
Reply to  Cappuccinochk

It doesn’t work on my phone either anymore, I have to keep refreshing the page to see the older/newer comment button and then quickly click before it disappears again. Please fix, BGLH. :):)

Rochele D. McCrimmon
Rochele D. McCrimmon
7 years ago

What happened to your hair? Why don’t you wear all them cute hairstyles anymore

Jackie
Jackie
7 years ago

Imma be real, I love touching other naturals hair. As long as they ask, it doesn’t bother me at all. You gotta realize that so many people have no idea that this is what african american hair looks like. I’ve been permed since the age of three, so as sad as this may sound I didn’t realize that natural hair was “natural” until i was 17, & i asked my mom to do my hair like bre skullark’s hair from top model. She had to explain to me that black hair is naturally like that, I always just assumed they… Read more »

Elizabeth
Elizabeth
7 years ago

After having locks for 11yrs.…I was tired of hearing…“you cut off all your hair?” LOVE MY TWA…I have embraced my natural hair…and LOVE LOVE LOVE IT!!!

Justice
Justice
7 years ago

You forgot You should get a perm :/

kim harris
kim harris
7 years ago

My mom always ask me do i like my hair like that (natural) I’m like yes otherwise I would not wear it in its natural state. I just laugh at her cause I told her she should try it.

Sharon
Sharon
7 years ago

Don’t listen to the it’s all natural and will help define your curls. That berry oil mess made my hair straight and it’s breaking off worse than when I permed my hair. I’m soooo upset because I have shaved my hair off many times and this time and it was finally getting manageable. Ugh! I want to cut it all off again but I dunno if I can stand to do that again. Don’t believe that it’ll wash out crap stuff either because my hair that’s been affected by it has been straight almost 3 months. 🙁 leave the haters…

Mac
Mac
7 years ago
Reply to  Sharon

Goodness! I’m sorry this happened to you! Which specific berry oil was this, so we can all avoid the merry hell out of it??

MichelleToo
MichelleToo
7 years ago

Another, I sh*t you not moment in naturalhairdom. In a strip/pole dancing class taught from a womanist perspective. Instructor: Now take your head a roll in on the floor. Just feel it. Be careful if you have anything in your hair. (She pauses). Don’t do this if you have tracks in your hair. (She pauses). Make sure you take out any hair pieces before you do this. I am blissfully rolling around. Next thing I know she comes over to me (my eyes were closed, the room dark) and says Honey. You need to take your hair piece out. As she says this,… Read more »

Kayla
Kayla
7 years ago
Reply to  MichelleToo

I’m speechless. That definitely takes the cake.

Mac
Mac
7 years ago
Reply to  MichelleToo

That is SPECTACULAR rudeness.

thepreshest
thepreshest
7 years ago
Reply to  MichelleToo

I’m not violent but that deserves a slap!

Michelle
Michelle
7 years ago
Reply to  MichelleToo

WOW!!! WOW!!! WOWWWWWWWW!!!! Okay then that was WOW!

Vee
Vee
6 years ago
Reply to  MichelleToo

O.O-.-O.O

Teofila
Teofila
7 years ago

My thing is .…why did u do “that” to your hair? Really?

Mrs. C ~**~
Mrs. C ~**~
7 years ago

I got this comment from my superior boss “Your hair is wilding out, you have to tame it!” I was highly insulted and went home and two strand twisted my hair.

Nakita
Nakita
7 years ago

How about this one: Why your hair don’t shine like _____?

Arturia Silimon
Arturia Silimon
7 years ago

I hate how black girls have greasy hair” or “wow it’s actually soft” or “You must be mixed with something, your hair is too nice. You have that ‘good’ hair” ‑all things people say to me at my high school constantly!!!!!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/image‑7.jpg[/img]

christine
christine
7 years ago

Many of what is listed above and now that I’ve bigchopped: (I’m Jamaican in Jamaica by the way) with hand already touching the object of these comments “Jeez, a so it did soft and nice” (the it being my hair) or “did a bomb go off on your head this morning?” and my favorite (not!!) “Is it because your church require natural hair?!” asked with sneers and cynicism of course!

Michelle
Michelle
7 years ago
Reply to  christine

I’m from Barbados and whenever certain people see my natural hair the next igrunt query out of their mouth is:
“You’s a Seventh-Day Adventist?”
My response (if I feel like answering, which nowadays is NEVER): “No.”
“Oh, you going to one of dem Pentecostal churches then?”
My response: SMH and walk away.

Mac
Mac
7 years ago
Reply to  Michelle

Ha! I love this. (I actually was a Seventh-day Adventist for the first 23 years of my life, in a largely Jamaican church. In the States, though, nobody equates natural hair with piety unless they’ve just recently arrived. The first time someone asked me “Are you a Christian?” because of my hair, I did not understand what he was getting at AT ALL.)

lori
lori
6 years ago
Reply to  Michelle

I’m from Barbados too! I get alot of shite from people. It’s sad that your own people hating you and hating themselves. I can find friends in other naturals. Hope you are a part of the natural hair community in bim!

Tonya
Tonya
7 years ago

My favorite, “I would go natural, but my hair is toooo thick.”
Umm. Huh?
Lol

Eileen
Eileen
7 years ago

I get the opposite of Toyna, ‘I would go natural but my hair is so thin!’ and my favourite, ‘your hair is so thick and curly, you must be mixed race.’ No!! It is as if if you are fully black your hair must be rubbish!

Pam
Pam
7 years ago

Thanks Allison for sharing these! It’s a shame people can be soooo ignorant. My fave one I heard few weeks ago: “I’m loving ur ‘Nubian queen phase’ but when are you going to put weave in again?

Naturally Twisted
7 years ago
Reply to  Pam

I’m glad that the statements are so relatable, but also means that TONS of ignorant comments being made to and about naturals everyday. I hope that pretty soon people will be so used to our natural hair that they won’t feel the need to offer their opinions. Daily.

Benita
Benita
7 years ago

My my co worker said to me,” girls who are natural are lazy, they do not want to spend time doing their hair.” My comment on that was I guess you are lazy too, because you have weave in your hair so you don’t do yours either.

christine
christine
7 years ago
Reply to  Benita

, am I terrible for loving your response? lol

Mac
Mac
7 years ago
Reply to  Benita

That is singularly nasty. Ugh. I’m sorry you had to deal with that coworker.

MRS. S
MRS. S
7 years ago

I find this list to be very true. I believe I’ve had every one of these convos in the year and a half that my hair has been in it’s natural state. My fave is “how did you get your hair to curl like that?” I grew up with women in my family with natural hair so I’ve seen the process. How ARE we supposed to know what our natural hair can do if we’ve never tried to do it? It’s all good tho. That’s why there are sites like this one, so we can inform the masses.

bobbie
bobbie
7 years ago

Oh this is my fave…, “How could you be Native American? All the Native Americans I know have straight, coarse hair.” My reply, “How many REAL natives do you KNOW.” Educate yourselves…not all N D N s look like Geronimo, black girls ain’t the only ones with natural curl.

Soulmama
7 years ago

First, consider the source–after that “what’s wrong with Ms. Celie? then I GOT THIS!! End the conversation, don’t sweat the small stuff.

Melissa
Melissa
7 years ago

#10 made me laugh. I haven’t had too much ignorance since big chopping. Thankfully. I am sure it will happen since there are so many ignorant folks, and so much self hatred out there. I will reference this post when it happens.

Anthenèe
Anthenèe
7 years ago

I was at the store one day and this lady told me that I looked like Macy Gray .…I was a lil upset about it but if your not sure what your goin to say to someone don’t say anything at all. Take look and keep walking
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/image‑9.jpg[/img]

Jenny
Jenny
7 years ago

Does any one else want that “don’t touch my hair” picture put on a tee shirt..I’d order one in every color lololol!!!!

cheryl pastor
7 years ago

I LOOOOVE the response to #7. And yes Jenny, I would certainly wear that “don’t touch my hair” image on a t‑shirt, have it on a banner placed on top of my car, and a flag placed in front of my house!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/Twistoutfromtwisties1.jpg[/img]

CeCe
CeCe
7 years ago
Reply to  cheryl pastor

I love your hair. Work it girl!

CCC
CCC
7 years ago

When wearing a protected style (twists) the question is “Why don’t you wear your hair out?” Answer: Out? Do you see a hat on my head?

Mo mo
Mo mo
7 years ago

All of these make me laugh. I’ve had a few x’s fuss me out about the big chop & going natural. ” ur “permed” hair was so long and pretty” . To me it was damAged frizzy and limp… I just laugh and reply: natural beauty and natural hair go together, last time I checked neither were your concern anymore !
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/10/image-10.jpg[/img]

Naturally Twisted
7 years ago

Hey guys, I’ve been reading all of the comments, and I had to laugh at some, shake my head at some, and and really wonder about people’s ignorance in others. I am looking forward to the day when people just get out of other people’s heads! Thanks, Allison aka Naturally Twisted

Estefania
Estefania
7 years ago

Lol so true. One that I get often “OMG why did you cut your hair, it’s a shame it was so nice and silky” A year later… Oh wow!!!! Your hair grew so much!!! What pills are you taking? I need to be taking whatever u taking cause my hair doesn’t grow” ‑_- Last time I checked ALL hair grows. The issue is maintaining the length by taking good care of it, whether you are permed or not.…Ignorance ignorance One that I get that’s meant as a compliment to me but find I extremely ignorant and offensive is: “OMG being… Read more »

tutu
tutu
7 years ago

I feel like some of the questions and statements can actually be sincere, and as a natural, I would never be that sensitive. If my braids look like Miss Celie, then that’s what’s they look like. I don’t like how in trying to teach respect for someone’s choice we are encouraging people to be overly sensitive. You don’t know people’s environment or experience with natural hair, so I say discern the attitude behind the comment/question before getting snippy about it, and feeling like someone did something wrong to you. Ask me anything, I have no problem telling you.

tutu
tutu
7 years ago

and when I was relaxed, my hair was never wrapped but always styled and I was asked everyday how I got my hair that way.

Lady E
Lady E
7 years ago

Well, I have locs, and I’ve gotten really rude comments. Things like, “So you haven’t combed your hair in x amount of years?”, “are you going to keep your hair like that forever?” (Usually in a disdaining tone), and one person said to me, “I would consider locs, but I don’t want to have eternal naps.” (Like nappy hair) and sometimes well meaning white people will ask me how often I wash my hair, and when I tell them, they’re shocked and they say things like, “if I waited that long to wash my hair it would be so gross”

bee
bee
7 years ago

ive gotten the “why don’t you wear it curly like ___ (insert whoever here)?”…my hair… and the elements…, no matter what the weather, are not compatible… its does not like being exposed to it, it will tangle almost immediately

Melissa
Melissa
6 years ago

I get : I like it better straight ALL the time. Or if I decide to straighten my hair I get “OMG I love your hair” more than if it’s curly/kinky.

that girl
that girl
6 years ago

what bothers me, “when are you going to do your hair?” — my brother/nephew
the statement “It looks unprofessional aka dirty” — my mother said to my sister

Z.
Z.
6 years ago

One young lady posted on her Facebook page that the thought a lot of us going natural was because we did not want to comb our hair. Now keep in mind that she has her natural hair braided and is sporting a full weave. I have known her for 3 years and I do not know what she looks like with her natural head of hair. Here is the thing before she said that it never crossed my mind what her hair was or what my hair is, as I told her let me do me and you do you.

H
H
6 years ago

I only find #2 offensive. The others … don’t care.

Porsche
Porsche
6 years ago

I think the one that I am tired of hearing the most is “oh so you joined the natural hair fad too?” that deciding to be natural is the cool thing to do not the smartest or healthiest. To which I politely and dryly reply that I’ve been natural I was just getting my hair straightened. Now I’ve embraced my curls.

Dest
Dest
6 years ago

The #1 thing I hate to hear is how long have you been natural?For some people it is not a fade or they did not just decide to do it one day (I’m not knocking new naturals) but it is kind of rude to come up to someone and ask them that or to ask how did you get your hair like that because it would be rude for me to say all my life and my genes.I like my curl pattern and I am happy that I do not have to do much but just because I’m African American… Read more »

Ava Monroe
Ava Monroe
6 years ago

Why do people keep asking me, how long have I been natural? What makes them think, I have been perming my hair since birth? When I tell them all my life, they look at me like I’m lying. I am 55, and had a perm once, and that was when they had lye in the mixture, I hated it with a passion, it burned my scalp and made my hair feel slimy when I washed it, I vowed to never put that mess in my hair again.

Vera
Vera
6 years ago

Most of the questions don’t bother me, and only one person, a friend, has ever asked to touch my hair. I do get a lot of, “My hair isn’t ‘good’ enough to wear it natural.” I tell them, “Of course it is, and don’t let that stop you from giving it a go if you’d like.”

Ms.Singh
Ms.Singh
6 years ago

I am mixed with Indian and Black and both my parents are from Jamaica. It drives me crazy when I am told “Oh you got good hair!” I just answer “Yes, if you want fine, low density hair that will fall right out at the first sign of stress! I would rather have beautiful thick hair despite the texture. If its the “How did you get your hair to curl like that?” My answer is now “I was born like this!” Where I live some people do not know the West Indies are the mixing pot of culture. I realize… Read more »

AfroKitty
AfroKitty
5 years ago

Only thing I hate is the “When are you going to do your hair?”, “How come you don’t wear it straight?” and “You got GOOD hair, I can’t do that”. The last one I hate the most, because I put a lot of effort into styling my hair and taking care of it. I have kinky, 4b textured hair…far from what most people consider “good hair” (I think it’s awesome, lol). To assume that because my hair looks pretty (to them) that I have some sort of special hair is 1) an assumption that my unstyled hair is ugly and… Read more »

Astar
Astar
4 years ago

I hate when folks… Usually guys,comment on how often I “change” my hair. Aka a stretched style verses shrinkage. I can’t help the versality of my hair. And correct me if I’m wrong, but don’t people style their hair? Or has weaves and other protective style make man think we should keep one style FOREVER!!!! Lol

collegechick
collegechick
5 years ago

You forgot “oh did you cut your hair?” when your hair shrinks, after someone saw it stretched out just days before.

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