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A Non-Black Man Gave His Wife Permission to Touch Naptural85’s Hair

Avatar • Jul 5, 2016

Naptural85, aka Whitney White, is currently at Essence Festival as an ambassador for Shea Moisture. While most of her social media updates from the festival have been downright adorable…

..she posted about an incredibly violating experience in New Orleans that had our stomachs churning. Long story short, a non-black man (Whitney doesn’t specify his race… but he uses the term “you people”) admired her hair at the airport and, once the interaction was over and Whitney had turned around, gave his wife permission to touch it — without Whitney’s consent.

Here are the screenshot tweets courtesy of BlackAmazing.com;

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No, naw and HELL NO! 

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Natural and Fab
Natural and Fab
4 years ago

And its in that moment that you have to educate folks about your hair, your crown. You don’t touch unless given permission. You were really patient about it; I can’t say I would have reacted so calmly.

sanjidude
sanjidude
4 years ago

Like Whitney, the first time it happened to me I was also shocked and did nothing. Now I know the signs before it happens and tell the person sorry, that’s not appropriate but thank you for the compliment. SMDH…

ss (short & sweet)
ss (short & sweet)
4 years ago
Reply to  sanjidude

I like the ones who try to touch it on the lowlow, “hold on a minute — you have something in your hair”… ‑__-

TIMEATELL FATHERTIME
TIMEATELL FATHERTIME
4 years ago
Reply to  sanjidude

No need to say “sorry” just start with “that’s not appropriate…”

Guest
Guest
4 years ago

It is messed up, but we’ve heard dozens of stories like this. I’m always prepared. Always.

abbiethrills
abbiethrills
4 years ago

I hate when this happens and it happens way too often–white people are especially disrespectful in this regard. Minus other naturals, I instinctively lean away from people who admire/compliment my hair.

cryssi
cryssi
4 years ago

What in the capital of F‑bombs.…. Not today, Satan. Not TODAY!!!

Janet Holmes
Janet Holmes
4 years ago

Why didn’t you push her hands away. . Makes no damn sense

elo
elo
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

i told you…

Que
Que
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

She was too shocked, she said…

Selana LaVonne
Selana LaVonne
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

The article isn’t a true story. That’s why.

Rayven
Rayven
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

I agree…I can’t believe she stood there while a stranger touched her hair or even if it wasn’t her hair, invade her personal space. I have been there and bob and weave my head to prevent someone from touching my hair.

Emma W
Emma W
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

I think it must have been the shock of being violated like that so quickly. Now Whitney has experienced this awful experience, I have no doubt her hands will be lightening quick to deflect strange hands from getting to her hair.
I felt physically uncomfortable reading the situation, I am sure being there would have been exponentially worse.

Cervello
Cervello
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

It’s the first time, you get this sort of what the f*** kind of moment, and you aren’t mentally prepared to retaliate.
She also seemed a bit sheltered so she probably never considered being assertive.

Nyna Nickelson
Nyna Nickelson
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

right!!! She would not have gotten that far!!!

cryssi
cryssi
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

Probably shock…like when someone sees a car coming and instead of dodging they freeze in the middle of the road.

OXxo
OXxo
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

I agree.

I know people are scared of being the “angry black woman” but at certain times angry behaviour is completely appropriate especially in front of other black people.

maralondon
maralondon
4 years ago
Reply to  Janet Holmes

That’s exactly what I would have done. I’ve had people wanting to touch my before and flat out refused. You don’t how clean their hands are or what energy floes through them. No Sir!

Dee Hines
Dee Hines
4 years ago

I don’t even let my mama touch my my hair without permission, I wish someone would…

boazwife
boazwife
4 years ago

See being natural for some 25 years now, I stay ready #MOVEMOJITO!!!

IamTonda Linsey
IamTonda Linsey
4 years ago

i totally get it. Happened to me and you never REALLY know what you will do the first time UNTIL it actually happens. It catches you off guard, but twice a fool? NOPE. Next time won’t be so nice for me either, I will be ready.

Selana LaVonne
Selana LaVonne
4 years ago

This article soumds like a lie.

Renee
Renee
4 years ago
Reply to  Selana LaVonne

Sounds like you have lead a sheltered life…

Claudette UK
Claudette UK
4 years ago
Reply to  Selana LaVonne

Whitney’s hair is gorgeous. This doesn’t surprise me in the least.

Medusa
Medusa
4 years ago

I would have raised hell if someone touched me like that.

Dirtnap1986
Dirtnap1986
4 years ago

She obviously wasn’t listening when the white man was speaking. If she was then she would have known what was to come. ” Touch it, touch it” and you stand there and do nothing? Come on!!! I bet the cashier’s look was more of a “You is a dumb ass” for allowing those white folks to pull such a stunt!!

T A
T A
4 years ago
Reply to  Dirtnap1986

It’s not her fault for not dodging the hand or shoving the woman away- many people aren’t used to and therefore not always prepared for someone trying to grope their hair. Whitney shouldn’t be blamed for not responding quickly enough and not knowing what to do- I’m a very bold person myself who would sooner send elbows flying than let a stranger touch my mane, but I would be fairly stunned to if someone had the audacity to reach out. She is not a “dumb ass”, and I don’t want to live in your world where people should always be… Read more »

Dirtnap1986
Dirtnap1986
4 years ago
Reply to  T A

She is a dumb ass and so are you! If someone is standing there literally saying “touch it, go ahead touch it” Why should you be stunned, shocked, surprised, lost for words. She knew what was coming and she allowed it. Then wants to post how pissed she was. Obviously not pissed enough to say “don’t touch me” Girl bye!!

CurlsGalore
CurlsGalore
4 years ago
Reply to  T A

She said the husband said touch it touch it. Whitney said she KNEW what was coming and saw the woman reaching out to her hair, so yeah she could’ve and should’ve prevented it. Black people out here getting murdered and whites use the stand your ground defense, yet black folks aren’t assertive enough to side step/ say no, to prevent them from touching us without consent.

»-(¯`v´¯)-»Belladonnia
»-(¯`v´¯)-»Belladonnia
4 years ago

Except, these are not kids and these grown ass adults could have anything on their hands and put whatever on their hands in your hair.

Renee
Renee
4 years ago

yessssss!

Mrs0507
Mrs0507
4 years ago

You allowed it. Be angry with yourself.

T A
T A
4 years ago
Reply to  Mrs0507

So it was ok for the strangers to reach out and try to touch another person’s hair like some sort of petting zoo? She probably wished she had been braced for it and moved away, but she was stunned. I would be too if this happened to me. I just hope your opinion isn’t a popular one- “If you don’t want my hands in your hair, move faster than me.” I’d hate to be around people with that mindset and end up being too slow.

K_
K_
4 years ago

This is crazy.… for me personally, while i have always heard these stories it has NEVER happened to me until yesterday while ironically in New Orleans for Essence Fest as well. i stayed days after because I love N.O. .. As im typing..its 2:15 am pst on thursday morning right now, I left N.O. at 7pm yesterday (time difference plus one stop). I was at the pool in my hotel on tuesday and I couldnt figure out how to open the gate to the pool. A white woman who i eventually concluded was drunk was out there with her husband.… Read more »

ss (short & sweet)
ss (short & sweet)
4 years ago
Reply to  K_

Dis tew much! Thank you for sharing your story! The fact that she taunted you afterwards was clear indication she was “counting coup” on you!!! WITW? She was too weird for words…

Melissann
Melissann
4 years ago
Reply to  K_

THIS is definitely bizarre! Perhaps the alcohol played a little role. Bizarre actions from the woman nonetheless.

Aieomi
Aieomi
4 years ago
Reply to  K_

Okay that woman clearly has issues! I would’ve looked at her as if she were a complete fool too. It’s almost impossible to tell a idiot why what they’re doing is idiotic because it’s their normal. The reason I get irritated when people touch my hair ranges. For instance sometimes it takes me quite a while to make my hair look the way I want it to. Once you touch my hair while its in some type of intricate style your indent sticks. And then there are some idiots who’ve dug their entireeee hand in my hair and they complain… Read more »

Caela Bialek
Caela Bialek
4 years ago
Reply to  K_

Ugh, everything about your story made me cringe. I’m sorry that some people have no concept of how to treat other people respectfully. I just want to say that I also know some white people, many of which are relatives, because I’m mixed (Welsh-Canadian and Jewish-American). And some white people are definitely stuck in their privileged bubbles — especially some I’ve argued with on the Internet — but not all white people are like that. I mean, my grandma still refers to black people as ‘coloured people’, but a) she is 82 and b) that is the most disrespectful she… Read more »

K_
K_
4 years ago
Reply to  Caela Bialek

i hear you, i mentioned she was white because of the story that even brought me to comment and also being the same city at same time as original story. Its also why i mentioned she was drunk but i get what you are saying. With my personal experiene though as i mentioned i have never had this happen to me before period and the first time it does..she a white lady which as i said in my story sort of confirms all these other many stories i have heard or read about over the years and they were all… Read more »

Caela Bialek
Caela Bialek
4 years ago
Reply to  K_

Fair enough. I’ve also heard a lot of stories about white people doing bizarre crap like that. I was really just responding to your comments about ‘all white people’. I would never say anything about all white people, just like I’d never say anything about all people of any group, aside from ‘those people belong to that group’. Not to mention I’m a bit sensitive about any divisiveness, whether racial, political, religious, occupational, or otherwise, especially considering the state of the world these days. So I like to challenge generalizations (naive dreams of uniting the world, or at least convincing… Read more »

Naturally Graceful
Naturally Graceful
4 years ago

I went to NOLA last October and was shocked by how many naturals I did NOT see. I was the only woman walking around with a big fro. I had people running up to me left and right and yelling from café tables telling me how much they loved my hair. The first day I was really feeling myself. But by the end of the trip I was so over it. It was as if they had never seen a woman with natural hair. I felt like a caged animal at the zoo. One woman came running up to me… Read more »

Melissann
Melissann
4 years ago

You’re really equating their fascination with your hair as feeling like a caged zoo animal? Ok.

SMH
SMH
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Why do you keep running down these comments trying to negate what people feel? We get it, you don’t care about people touching your hair- doesn’t mean everyone else is fine with it. I don’t care how someone’s hair looks, how big their pregnant belly is, how soft their fur coat looks- I AM NOT TOUCHING THEM WITHOUT PERMISSION. To do so means that you feel entitled to do so, and yes, I can understand why people feel like animals when people violate their space.

ronnieb1958
ronnieb1958
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

I would…If i was “fascinated” with your hair and decided to invade your personal space and touch it. you’d rightfully have me arrested…It is rude and invasive.

LaNiRo
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Don’t be dismissive with how she feels simply because you don’t feel that way. She felt like a zoo attraction and not simply like a woman who wears the hair as it grows out of her head. You have a way of looking at things…She has get way. That’s it

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

More like slave aution block. Why is it always the same race, but different people.

Your hair, teeth and musle tone would be checked.
White people are always telling me how White my teeth are. Between my hair and teeth. Im like, Ay get off my jock.…geezsch

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Also, the entitlement in you is muy strong.

Aieomi
Aieomi
4 years ago

I always wonder how people like this would react if I just randomly grabbed a fist full of their hair out of the blue for no good reason. Like no this is not appropriate behaviour, I am not an animal. STOP THAT SHIT!

Camille
Camille
4 years ago

I never understood why it feels bad to have people touch your hair. Everyone has their own comfort zones that need to be respected, but hair touching is part of having big/long/unique hair. It’s not difficult to stop someone from doing it if its that important.

Megan Patrick
Megan Patrick
4 years ago

Ugh. I’m fin with people touching my hair so long as they ASK. You don’t just go around touching other people because you want to. That’s called battery. It’s against the law. Wtf is wrong with people?

Cassie
Cassie
4 years ago

Some lady tried it with me last year. She walked over to me and asked WHILE she was reaching for my braids. Wasn’t prepared. Never again. I dont want hands in my hair period. I dont know where those dirty hands have been, In their ass,nostrils, toilet handle. No siree!

pomegranateicecream
pomegranateicecream
4 years ago

i live in louisiana, right next to the city of new orleans and the white kids were always touching my freaking hair in school. but when we get back from summer break and one DARES to touch my precious kinks..

T A
T A
4 years ago

Those locks are precious, so don’t let anyone else think that they own them.

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago

She was in a Bodega and from the taunting the couple sounded like Hispanics who considers themselves White.

Racism and White Supremacy is global and many underestimate the racism against Blacks from White Hispanics, Asians & Middle Easterns etc.,

michelle
michelle
4 years ago
Reply to  La Bandita

Hispanics who considers [sic] themselves White”? Um…what?

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago
Reply to  michelle

Yes. Im Hispanic Black. Its a real thing.

Keshia White
4 years ago

I read her Tweets shortly after it happened and immediately thought the way that couple approached her definitely lacked basic manners and tact. Like who raised you? lol. You can’t invade someone’s personal space like that, as if they’re an art exhibit or something. I know our hair is beautiful and all (*swings my fro back and forth*), but those fascinated by us still have to approach us with basic respect for our space.

Keshia
http://www.queenlifeblog.com

Flora Deborah Anders
Flora Deborah Anders
4 years ago

It seems I’m the only Black person that doesn’t mind having their hair being touched. I’ve always been a natural and getting compliments on my hair from other races is always lovely. And every time I let them touch it, it’s just plain curiosity, besides it’s not like they are yanking a fist full of hair. Even my friends who are the same race as me touch my hair. Embrace it, people compliment you differently.

rach
rach
4 years ago

I don’t mind my hair touched. I love when my father reverently pats a curl back into place, or when my sister buries her face in my curls to smell the shea butter, or when my little niece asks if she can play with it. The issue is people treating us like animals. everyone is taught when they are a child to not touch dogs unless you get permission from the owner, why do so many people think it’s fine to reach out and touch our bodies, or hair, without permission? That is what the issue is. So while I enjoy… Read more »

Flora Deborah Anders
Flora Deborah Anders
4 years ago
Reply to  rach

I’ve had a fair share of comments on my hair, from being told it feels like sheep wool and the worst insult was being told it looked like ‘puberty hair’. Primary school was brutal for me, because the white children at my boarding school thought my hair was water proof and thought it was disgusting. Half the people that touch my hair do it without consent, complete strangers to mutual friends. But I take it as a form of compliment, yes the initial shock is there of them not asking first, but I’m sure they never intended to make us… Read more »

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago

I think lots of mixed race kids and rich black and brown kids raised around Whites become desensitized to having body autonomy.

Also the need to fit in and be the Black verse of the ‘Cool Girl’. Some even let their White friends use the n word around them.

That’s why you thinking it’s ok doesn’t over turn the law that says no one should be touched w/out consent.

Honey
Honey
3 years ago

You are an actual troll. Having random people touch your hair is fucked up whether you realise that or not. It does not change the fact that it’s a wrong thing to do.

Erica
Erica
4 years ago

That’s the point. ..you LET them touch it. ..as in you gave them permission to do so..do u really think it’s ok for some random stranger to start grabbing in your hair while your just minding your your own business or not even interacting with that person? Get real

Flora Deborah Anders
Flora Deborah Anders
4 years ago
Reply to  Erica

Half the people that touch my hair do it without permission, usually come up to me and say, “Oh Wow! I love your hair.” then follow through with the touching with this huge smile on their face. I’m being real, my personal reaction is different from yours.

Melissann
Melissann
4 years ago

EXACTLY!

The smile and the use of “love” being a clear indication that their behavior is positive. Therefore pardonable. But of course they could have asked haha! Ah welllllllll! #stillnotthatserious *thumbs up*

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago

You embrace being randomly stoked by strangers, men and women of different races but mostly White.

The issue is consent. Let other women decide for themselves. Because you like it, others do not have to as we’re individuals.

And you’re nuts if you equate tuanting to a compliment. Im Brown, thin and shy that couple would be scary and overwhelming.

T A
T A
4 years ago

I have molecular head lice- you can’t see them, but they jump from surface to surface, so you should probably retract your hand before they get on you too.”

amazingafrogirl
amazingafrogirl
4 years ago

You “get it now”??? This implies that you had heard other African women tell about negative feelings about hair touching and had somehow managed to dismiss or discount until you had this one experience. How the bleep do you get IT only NOW? Where the bleep have you been?

Yoricka
Yoricka
4 years ago

She meant that she had never experienced it firsthand before so she couldn’t relate to those feelings on a personal level, only a hypothetical one.

Adia
4 years ago

I think she was referring to her statement at the beginning, where she said she never felt one way or another about people touching her hair. She simply couldn’t relate.

Frances
Frances
4 years ago

I had the pleasure of meeting Whitney at the Essence Festival on Saturday. I didn’t want to invade her space just because I watch her on YouTube. She was in the middle of a conversation and I was just happy to see her. Whitney saw that I was shy and wasn’t going to approach her and waved me over for a hug and pic. Some people are so damn disrespectful and entitled. I’m sorry that happened to Whitney.

Mona
Mona
4 years ago

easy to say don’t touch… I guess she felt to violated to speak… or it happened too fast… I dunno :-/ I woulda said pls don’t touch it… you will get grease or oil on ur hands lol I dunno!!

Melissann
Melissann
4 years ago
Reply to  Mona

Exactly!

meek
meek
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

y’all funny as hell please don’t touch it lol its apart of your body noone should touch w/o permission. 2nd i like to see a black woman walk up and just start touching another woman w/o permission i bet she would not be as nice.

maralondon
maralondon
4 years ago
Reply to  meek

Yes, what if we started going up to WM to touch their hair.

Catalleya Storm
4 years ago
Reply to  Mona

She said she hasn’t experienced it before. Everyone reacts differently to different things.

Pandy Monium
Pandy Monium
4 years ago

I don’t mind if people ask first, but I think it’s weird when people suddenly start caressing my hair without warning. Even other black people. You know, there used to be a time when people would wipe things in little black girl’s hair that would make it fall out, so I guess with that bit of history in mind, I like to be careful.

HonorWhenNoOnesLooking
HonorWhenNoOnesLooking
4 years ago

That couple was obviously retarded. African American does not equal black. Not only are they racist in suggesting that every black person is African American but they also have no sense of personal space

maralondon
maralondon
4 years ago

What you’re saying does not equate to racism.

truth tellsall
truth tellsall
4 years ago
Reply to  maralondon

Oh really so if you went up to every asian person and called them Chinese, it wouldnt be racist?

People put all black people under one natuonality as if they’re just all the same. You wouldn’t call all white people English or all Asian people Chinese but somehow it’s not racist to call all black people African American? Ha!

Melissann
Melissann
4 years ago

you can’t be serious about “they are racist”

hidden S.
hidden S.
4 years ago

Retarded? You can’t express yourself better than that?

Afrostrong
Afrostrong
4 years ago

When people ask to touch my hair I frown and laugh at the same time to let them know how strange and funny they sound. I have never felt the need or want to touch someones hair.

teddy
teddy
4 years ago

My story is hilarious. So I read this blog about 2 days ago and Lord and behold it happened right before my very eyes yesterday. I never post on hair blogs but here it goes. So my 2‑yr old son and I were shopping at Wal-Mart, and he sees this older white guy talking. He decides to stare him down. I tried to get him to be cordial, but baby wasn’t having it. Before we knew it, the older guy came by to shake my son’s hand and in one quick move was tapping his afro high top on his… Read more »

Melissann
Melissann
4 years ago

boo hoo! it’s not that serious. I think we take this hair touching matter too seriously. She felt like an exhibit/animal? OH PLEASE!!!! When they have you in chains, that’s when you can feel like an animal. Sure, her situation was awkward, as the woman didn’t ask.…. in the end, did the hair owner die? did they break her hair? Most they got coconut oil on their hands or something. That’s what they get for not asking. This is just how I feel about the hair touching matter. It’s ALWAYS a matter of admiration for our hair. NOT everything is… Read more »

Lolalao
Lolalao
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

He was telling her to touch a part of her person like his wife had a right to touch it, that’s the problem. People should ask first. What if that were a child? Would you let strangers walk-up and touch your child’s hair? He kept telling her to touch it without the least bit of thought about how’d she feel.. what’s wrong with taking a person’s feelings into consideration? What if her touch is a pull because she’s heavy handed? I believe you made a comment about her maybe being under the influence. .what if she misjudged her touch for… Read more »

tink
tink
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

I don’t feel it is racist even though the guy definitely could have chosen his words more carefully but I also don’t want to be touched on any part of my body without being asked. Someone giving someone else the right to touch me would make me more upset. I and I am sure others are pretty okay when someone asks directly but that was not the situation here.

thenameischoco
thenameischoco
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

I would usually type out some long “academic” response but with all that’s going on this week, I am tired, so I’ll just call you an idiot. You are an idiot if you do not understand how lack of respect for the body of others is rooted in racism. Just plain dumb.

Ageofaquarius Begins
Ageofaquarius Begins
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Hmm. You’re standing in a bodega one day, wearing a lovely low-cut dress that caresses every curve, topped off with a long, beautiful crystal/polished metal necklace that extends beneath your cleavage and rests just slightly out of sight beneath the dress. Two hood dudes walk in and immediately start complimenting you: “Damn girl…you killin’ that dress, for real! What kinda material is that, it look soft as hell?” And in one fluid motion, his open palm is caressing your waist all the way to your hip, feeling the material. His friend is similarly fixated on your necklace, and takes his index… Read more »

Catalleya Storm
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

It’s about the fact that no one should touch anyone purposely without asking. If you are saying all this about when someone touches someone’s hair, then you should say the same when a guy touches a girls butt. No one should touch anyone without asking.

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Because you get to be the abritor of what gets taken seriously in life by Black women.

1. If its about admiration just say, “I love your hair, it looks beautiful”. And move along. I do it all the time.

BUT that’s NOT what is universally happening. And its only coming back to surface, because there are more naturals.

So instead of telling Black girls to get over it. Tell all the hair petters to STOP.

Elle
Elle
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

It’s NOT always a matter of admiration. Often it’s ignorant and selfish curiosity, or spectacle, or plain entitlement. Shame on you for discounting our experiences with people touching our hair uninvited. Shame on you for being so quick to dismiss our feelings because they are not the feelings you happen to have. If you enjoy strange hands being shoved into your hair, that’s fine, but it is absolutely not correct for that to happen to other people. You telling us to “calm down” when we are upset or hurting or justifiably annoyed is silencing and inappropriate. I am appalled by… Read more »

Camile
Camile
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

So I will tell every single person that walks by you, they can touch anything they admire on you at any time. Where are you at?

Rini
Rini
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

So, if a strange dude appreciates a nice set of boobs, he gets to touch yours? Without asking?

Both cases are an invasion of privacy, personal space, and plain rude. Our hair and bodies are treated like a spectacle, especially to the White gaze, encouraging unsolicited access which frankly, feels dehumanizing. We’re people, not a petting zoo.

It’s okay if you’re comfortable with people touching your hair, but some of us would rather not have a stranger’s hands touching us. Personally, I would be fine with friends touching it (carefully) or if a fellow natural asked.

Lola
Lola
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

STupid comment, do you ever walk around and start touching people’s hair on the street because you find their hair cut pretty or interesting? Do you do that? never because we only do that to pets, you walk around you see a nice dog and you touch their hairs without asking. But you don’t touch someone else’s body or hair without asking before end. This is just plain rude, gosh you americans are unbelievable!!!

kalexa1
kalexa1
4 years ago
Reply to  Lola

Best answer yet!

Nicole
Nicole
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

You must not have natural hair. Even if you do have natural hair it is highly disrespectful for ANYONE- black people, white people, asian people, anyone- to invade your personal space, let alone touch you, without your permission. So it is serious issue.

DM Breatheu
DM Breatheu
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

YES it is. IF it’s offensive to her that’s serious. You can’t tell someone how to feel. She’s not a bloody display case. Why are perfect strangers putting their dirty hands in her hair?? You don’t mind, that’s you, but she does! WOW… Telling someone how to feel..Talk about boundary crossing! I hope you feel that way the next time someone crosses any boundary you consider offensive. The nerve. If that’s how you crave attention that’s you, be the monkey in the zoo, but don’t tell someone else to take that

Ganadora Loteria
Ganadora Loteria
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Hair is an extension of one’s body. It is no different then some random person admiring a body part and then touching it without consent.

I have had this happen my entire life. Random people touching my hair without asking and it is a complete violation of my body.

RT
RT
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Nope, not ok either. It’s about respecting personal space. They could have asked. Plus, with that argument, there are plenty of people who admire big booties and breasts, I guess they should feel free as well.

Jay
Jay
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

So it’s cool with you if a complete stranger tells another complete stranger to put their hands on a part of your body without asking YOU??? she mentioned nothing about racism, but okay lol

What this is about is your body being your property, from the ends of your hair to your damn toenails. no one has the right to lay hands on you, or give someone else for that matter, permission to do so, without your consent. Like, how did you not understand that??

Ocean
Ocean
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

You know, you can feel any way YOU want about people touching your hair. Others can do the same. It is a big deal to some people. Everyone needs to know & should know to NOT TOUCH RANDOM PEOPLE & NON-LOVERS BODIES, or invade their personal space. Black women (and men) have had to deal with people doing WHATEVER they wanted to their bodies for centuries and had to be quiet about it, and they still often do. We have a right to get upset with unwanted touch on any level whether it’s our legs, butts, faces, or hair. So… Read more »

Javacat
Javacat
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

It’s not okay for someone to touch ANY part of your person without your permission. We teach kids this from an early age for a reason. If someone put their dirty hands all over my hair, I’d slap a bish.

Nicole Stanley
Nicole Stanley
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Do you feel the same about touching other body parts without permission or is it just hair?

Melissann
Melissann
4 years ago
Reply to  Nicole Stanley

Just hair haha. It wasn’t proper that they didn’t ask as I suggested in my main comment. But in the end… IT’S NOT THAT SERIOUS. Our folk are out there getting shot for racism and stereotyping, and she’s getting THAT livid from her hair being stroked out of fascination???.….. I don’t know.… It’s just not that serious. It sounded like GENUINE overwhelming fascination. I’ve had a couple non black people initiate conversation (about) and touch my hair in the same way a child touches candy she/he is excited about, when it first happens it takes you aback, but you quickly… Read more »

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

The fact that you are trying to discount a Black women’s experience and talk over her says you’re not White. Also Africa is a continent, so how could your head wrap be African? You didn’t educate you just passed on wrong information…again!

Once again Black people today are not on the auction block (that’s where that behavior comes from), so you cant touch hair, check teeth or musle tone.

Lastly, she was very shock and did nothing. Unwanted touching of a women’s body (even a Black woman) is assult.

Nyadak
Nyadak
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

You’re an idiot. seriously! in fact by the title i knew that i would come across ‘a comment’ and I was not disappointed ‑The fact that you’re so dismissive says a lot about you. it may not be THAT SERIOUS for you, who may approve of being disrespected by strangers but it was for her, so that she decided to mention it. You can be fascinated with things and keep your hands to yourself. and then you’re talking about fascination. Who cares whether people are fascinated or not. A lot can be conveyed by a human touch without even having… Read more »

Elle
Elle
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Just stop, this post, and all your other responses to this article are a mess. You’ve been told repeatedly why your comments are inappropriate, and this latest post of yours is ridiculous. Our brothers are getting shot, so clearly that’s the only thing we should focus on or talk about right? Take a seat. There is room in our minds for more than one thing to be upset about, and yes, this is worth being upset about! “Black people must learn to identify and appreciate…” Black people “must” do absolutely nothing. Stop putting the impetus on us to pander to the… Read more »

jes
jes
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

I think the point of her frustration was that they didnt ask. A man, just nonchalantly lets his wife touch someones hair. Its disrespectful in a way that nobody had the decency to ask.think it would have played out different if the lady or guy had enough courtesy

Ugonna Wosu
Ugonna Wosu
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

You act like them not asking permission is a small deal. Are you for real? It’s the difference between treating her like a human being to respect, whose property to respect, and like an object you can ” just try” or an animal you can just play with.

Ladylanita
Ladylanita
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

To each his/her own. If it doesn’t bother you, especially if it wasn’t done to you, than so be it. But the way they acted and just reaching forward to put their hands on me would have irritated the crap out of me. And yes, I would have felt violated. Hence the reason in the workforce you can’t just walk up to people and put your hands on them. It can be deemed as unwelcome attention/ harassment and could warrant further action from HR.

LovelyAfros
LovelyAfros
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Really? Because I would be livid if somebody touched my hair without asking. I’m not your pet ._.

Esté Ginelle
Esté Ginelle
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Admiration is ok but treating someone like an exhibit isn’t.

Lolalao
Lolalao
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

No, it’s not. I don’t know where a person’s hands have been.

Flora Deborah Anders
Flora Deborah Anders
4 years ago
Reply to  Melissann

Yes! Finally someone that has the same point of view as me. Love the part where you said, “It’s ALWAYS a matter of admiration for our hair”. Because basically that is what it is, nothing more, nothing less.

If I saw Amazing hair, regardless of texture or race I too would love to touch it out of admiration, but alas I would be too shy to ask.

Tarihya McClain
Tarihya McClain
4 years ago

they look at us as clown acts. big butts, big hair, big lips, big nose, dancing singing clown acts. you pet dogs, not people. don’t touch my damn hair. i would have went off.

Amari
Amari
4 years ago

Just my two cents: I am the type of person who prefers not to be touched by strangers. That being said, once I heard the convo, I would have turned around and told her I preferred not to be touched. Maybe Whitney would have done the same if she knew what was really coming. Maybe she was in shock and therefore didn’t know how to respond. Maybe she didn’t want to cause a scene. Who knows. To all of those folks who think she is making a big deal of nothing, that’s your prerogative. But those of us who prefer… Read more »

Ganadora Loteria
Ganadora Loteria
4 years ago

Why is the onus of responsibility on the person being violated?

HonorWhenNoOnesLooking
HonorWhenNoOnesLooking
4 years ago

boo hoo. I used to word retard. Look it up in the dictionary. It’s long been a synonym for stupid. But if you couldn’t even be bothered to do that, perhaps you’re synonymous with the term you’re complaining about.

Kimi Le V
Kimi Le V
4 years ago

Ummm. No. It’s a matter of personal space. A matter of keeping your hands to yourself. It’s similar to being pregnant and having someone touch your stomach without permission. It’s rude, and makes the individual feel quite like a display phone at the Sprint store. Some sort of object for sampling.

No matter the ethnicity — it’s never okay to impose yourself on their space. I’m mad you even think it’s acceptable.

Jacquelope
Jacquelope
4 years ago
Reply to  Kimi Le V

Exactly, no matter what race you are, it’s still about personal space. Hands the f$@k off, people. And LOL at the Sprint Store remark, you win the Internets for today.

maralondon
maralondon
4 years ago

Ignorant yes but not racist. Understand what real racism is. It’s a system Europeans put in place to keep others down namely those of African descent though they have done it to other groups of people. It’s not about mistaking someone for being someone else, it’s a lot more serious than that.

HonorWhenNoOnesLooking
HonorWhenNoOnesLooking
4 years ago
Reply to  maralondon

I had a class where a black kid referred to an Asian person as Chinese, and my teacher corrected them because the person was Japanese. And he was like “whatever, it’s all the same”.

How the hell is this not racist?

People who think that group black/asian/mixed/white people like animals are racist period. You probably do the same thing though. That’s usually the case, people defend behavior that they themselves are guilty of. No shame or respect these days.

maralondon
maralondon
4 years ago

Your teacher should’ve schooled you on what racism is but they may have not known themselves since people like to label ignorance racist. The black child was uneducated to class all Asians as the same. You sound ignorant making assumptions about someone you’ve never met.

truth tellsall
truth tellsall
4 years ago
Reply to  maralondon

You should take responsibility for own words that paint your character. HonorWhenNoOnesLooking is right. Racism has never been just about a system. If you think institutional racism is the only thing that exist, then you’re completely stupid.

http://sociology.about.com/od/R_Index/fl/Racism.htm

truth tellsall
truth tellsall
4 years ago
Reply to  maralondon

that’s not what racism. What you described is the institutional racism that took place in America but here’s the real definition Racism refers to a host of practices, beliefs, social relations and phenomena that work to reproduce a racial hierarchy and social structure that yields superiority and privilege for some, and discrimination and oppression for others. Racism takes representational, ideological, discursive, interactional, institutional, structural, and systemic forms. Despite its form, at its core, racism is constituted by essentialist racial categories that turn human subjects into stereotyped objects, and then uses those stereotypes to justify and reproduce a racial hierarchy and racially… Read more »

renalovington
renalovington
4 years ago

White people are fucking zombies they always want to touch your hair and suck the energy out of you. NO I repeat No you can not touch my halo.

Arabella Einsmann
Arabella Einsmann
4 years ago
Reply to  renalovington

I feel like you have had many bad encounters with white people and I can assure you they are NOT zombies…sorry!

michelle
michelle
4 years ago
Reply to  renalovington

Damn, way to generalize white folks…

Caela Bialek
Caela Bialek
4 years ago

Personally, I love when people touch my hair — but only with my consent. I’m not black, but I’m half-Jewish, so people have wanted to touch my bushy Jew hair my whole life. I don’t mind strangers asking if they can touch my hair, so long as they have clean hands. Fortunately, strangers rarely touch my hair without permission now that I’m an adult. Not sure if my newfound freedom from being touched by strangers is due to my pale skin (because everyone knows you have to treat pale-skinned people like actual people, whereas dark-skinned people are basically just funky little… Read more »

Diamenrose
4 years ago

Oh yeah i know this ‘touching issue’ too well especially where I live it is common to do that It surprises me that even at university some so called friends believe it is appropriate to touch my hair and compare it with animals which are considered as dirty. If you try to explain to them why you think it is inappropriate to do so they don’t get it. They start excusing themselves with the excuse that they have never had contact with black people. Why does this have something to do with my race?. Fact is it is rude. I don’t feel the urge… Read more »

Ladylanita
Ladylanita
4 years ago

You know what my peeps? We do the same thing with “mixed” people. “Oh you have that good stuff, let me touch your hair, blah, blah, blah.”

Obsessing over people because they’re hair texture is different than yours is stupid. I don’t care what the texture is or how better than yours you think it is.

ATT
ATT
4 years ago
Reply to  Ladylanita

UM no, we definitely DON’T.

Ladylanita
Ladylanita
4 years ago
Reply to  ATT
LovelyAfros
LovelyAfros
4 years ago
Reply to  Ladylanita

So true

Neickha
Neickha
4 years ago
Reply to  Ladylanita

Speak for yourself. I’ve never done this to anyone. This falls In the same plane as colorism. Thinking ppl who have lighter skin are prettier or thinking people who are mixed have looser hair which is not the case.I had a book buddy in 5th grade who was black and had red hair and her hair was so damn coarse.

Myra Francois
Myra Francois
4 years ago
Reply to  Ladylanita

Not every body does this, but a LOT of people definitely have hair envy and still ooh and ahh over mixed people’s hair.

Flora Deborah Anders
Flora Deborah Anders
4 years ago

Randomly stroked” isn’t the way I would describe it, most of them just tug slightly on a loose curl to see it bounce.

But yes you are right, to each his/her own.

I’ve had my fair share of taunting because of my hair, but pulling a loose curl is not something I would classify as taunting.

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago

Pulling a loose curl is an assult. Its no different then someone touching your ass.

The law is no one should touch another human w/out consent.

I’ve had someone go, omg you’re so pretty, where are you from and touch my face.
I’ve had someone go, grrrrl you so fine and touch my face. One I felt was real, honest and the other I felt disgusted.

Quess what? To be safe I dont always have the time to tell which is which regardless of interpretation or intentions the law says no one should touch me.. Period!

Esté Ginelle
Esté Ginelle
4 years ago

It wasn’t so long ago that people were putting black bodies on exhibit. Next time? “I love your people’s hair.” “You mean human people. Yeah I love that too.”

KeepitOneHunnid:)
KeepitOneHunnid:)
4 years ago

ALL THIS COME FROM A NATURAL SISTER WITH A WHITE HUBBY SOOOO OF COURSE YOU WOULD NOT STAND UP FOR YOURSELF ANS SIMPLY SAY TO THEM PLEASE DON’T TOUCH…BECAUSE YOU ARE STILL PLAYING INTO “WHITE PRIVILEGE”.…SMH…TIRED OF ALL YOU “NATURAL” AND PRO-BLACK PEOPLE THAT GO HOME AND SNUGGLE UP TO A NON BLACK PERSON…

Aly Ariel
Aly Ariel
4 years ago

Um.…Her husband Felipe isn’t even white. Where in the world are you getting that information at? Please, do humanity a favor & get all information together before you actually post, Ma’am. :/ Thank you.

Monii Babes
Monii Babes
4 years ago

Ha I know right.“Love is disgusting” -,- always someone like you in the comments

bearbear
bearbear
4 years ago

Her husband isn’t white. He’s not black but he’s not near white. I don’t want to say what he is because I’m not 100% sure but perhaps from India or of Middle Eastern descent.

KeepitOneHunnid:)
KeepitOneHunnid:)
4 years ago
Reply to  bearbear

ma you left a comment already…lol.…he is white

Neickha
Neickha
4 years ago
Reply to  bearbear

He’s Portuguese or Brazilian I believe.

bearbear
bearbear
4 years ago

that said, if she saw it coming she had a little time to prepare and stop it, but it probably all happened so fast.

La Bandita
La Bandita
4 years ago

She can date and love who she wants. No one should assualt her by touching her hair w/out permission.

KeepitOneHunnid:)
KeepitOneHunnid:)
4 years ago
Reply to  La Bandita

OK..lol

Neickha
Neickha
4 years ago
Reply to  La Bandita

Exactly!

Precious Porous
Precious Porous
4 years ago

Felipe is Brazilian aka a minority in this country like us. He doesnt even look white. You’re logic is just as bad as racist white people who don’t approve of interracial relationships. Felipe and Whitney are the sweetest, better than a lot of purely black couples. They are considerate, ambitious, and set a great example for their daughter everyday. That should be all that matters. It is in my book.

eljjai
eljjai
4 years ago

uh huh?

Miss Missy
Miss Missy
4 years ago

The race of her husband is relevant, how? How is this ‘white privileged’? You sound just as ignorant and racist as racists of any other race.

Neickha
Neickha
4 years ago

Her husband is not white.

MyTake305
MyTake305
4 years ago

That is so awful and dehumanizing. Not cool. I wish she would have schooled them, but I understand she was shocked and caught off guard.

dstallwell
dstallwell
4 years ago

Years ago when I wore my hair natural, the same thing happened to me. I was so angry I was stunned, but not speechless. The look I gave them they knew they had overstepped. I asked them if they wanted to check my teeth and my arm muscles too. They got the message.

Monii Babes
Monii Babes
4 years ago

I personally don’t mind someone touching my hair it doesn’t bother me. I just ask that you ask me first. I get it my hair is different but don’t just run ur hands through my hair. Thats disgusting, even for you. If you are not my hair stylist, the palm of ur hand should not be in my scalp. I don’t think I would have made a scene, but I definitely would have grabbed her arm and told her to keep it to herself next time. Some people man…idk.

Arabella Einsmann
Arabella Einsmann
4 years ago

I personally get where she’s coming from though i don’t necessarily agree with the actions she did (or did not) take. I am of mixed race so I have so called “good” hair so not only do a lot of those with straight hair want to touch it those with more coily hair enjoy touching it as well. I actually love it when people touch/play with my hair, I find it very relaxing! But I am always taken a back when people, strangers or friends, guys or girls, touch my hair without permission. When I was young I remember that,… Read more »

Neickha
Neickha
4 years ago

She probably was caught off guard completely.

Nita James
Nita James
4 years ago

Whitney’s response and subsequent sharing of this violation of her person irks you? Do you mean to tell me that never in your entire life have you ever found yourself in a situation where you were caught off guard and reacted in a manner that differs from how you would have responded had you been prepared? If you’re honest I’m sure your answer is yes, you’ve been caught off guard and responded as such. This is seemingly the case with Whitney. You don’t “just let” something happen when it’s happening so quickly that you don’t have time to wrap your… Read more »

Elle
Elle
4 years ago

no he’s not. take a seat girl, you don’t know what you’re talking about.

sanjidude
sanjidude
4 years ago

Someone wrote about a time someone grabbed their hair and said “I just wanted to see if it was real”. She grabbed the woman’s boobs and said the same thing. Bet she won’t do that to another natural girl lol.

Myra Francois
Myra Francois
4 years ago
Reply to  sanjidude

Hysterical and I love the response.

Melissann
Melissann
4 years ago

It’s definitely always best to ask the person if you could touch, or simply express your desire to want to touch and the person just might let. Definitely not supporting that people go touching other people’s hair without asking, but in the end when it’s out of pure admiration, I believe it’s a matter than can easily be shrugged off. Had this blogger ended the interaction by correcting/cautioning the people, they just might have apologised and further expressed that they just simply, really love black people/hair (“you people”). I’m disappointed and worried to have seen many people commenting they would… Read more »

kanishanashay
kanishanashay
4 years ago

I would never let anyone touch my hair for that long. The moment I realized what was going on, I would’ve ended it.

eljjai
eljjai
4 years ago

Honestly. The fact that he didn’t ask her permission sucks. But I when people ask to touch my hair, if it’s clean and fresh and out in all its glory I’m happy to oblige. The reason I do that is because I want to dispel the myths surrounding black hair.

Ladylanita
Ladylanita
4 years ago

I know everyone doesn’t do it, because I don’t do it. But a lot of black people do. And it’s not just hair envy. It’s an inferiority complex that they have bought into, and also “grass is greener” syndrome.

Ladylanita
Ladylanita
4 years ago

Maybe I was too subtle, or people are so fixated on demonizing the white people who molested Naptural85’s hair, that they can’t even step back for an honest assessment of how black people view “mixed” people or other non-black people that don’t have a coarser hair texture. I have never done this! Never said I did! Never said every black person does this. But surely, if you have grown up in the black community, you have been exposed to this. Perhaps people don’t want to have an honest discussion about the self-hatred issues floating in our community, because within the context… Read more »

Lynnb029
Lynnb029
4 years ago

I wish a m#$$$%%%^^kerr would!

highglossluxury
highglossluxury
4 years ago

I remember years ago when I was in high school and I had my hair in a short hair cut. It wasn’t in an afro, per se, but because the humidity got to it, it was frizzy. When I was in a gym class, I remember this white girl “admiring” my hair. She was like, “Oh, I like your hair!” She had her hand in position to touch and then she said, “Can I touch it?” as I saw her hand slowly going for the “feel.” I leaned back and told her “Hell Naw!!!!!!! I ain’t no damn animal!!!!” This… Read more »

Treacle234
Treacle234
4 years ago

I think instead of ranting about this experience on social media you had enough time to tell the people something, then and there.….….….…1) You should have told him, “saying you people” is offensive. and when you heard him say “touch it touch it” you could have said I don’t like people touching my hair.….…..

Justice
Justice
4 years ago

I pop people hands or move my head like no. I think should make a law against this this is straight up harassment.if I am real mad I will touch their hair right back then they give me this weird look and I say oh doesn’t feel right does it.

lorrwill
lorrwill
4 years ago
Reply to  Justice

The law is called battery. It means any unwanted physical contact.

Sandy
Sandy
4 years ago

It urks me when ppl do that. Why the hell do you think its ok to touch my hair with your filthy hands. I don’t’ know if you scratched your ass or picked your nose. Even so, don’t dam well touch my hair. Period!!

Kat
Kat
4 years ago

I would have said don’t do it. Her feelings would have been so hurt. I legitimately have no remorse in telling people no. The hair on my head is not for show and tell nor is it a learning experience for all.

Angelique Nolan
Angelique Nolan
4 years ago

I’m quick to tell people NOT TO TOUCH ME.

Mary
Mary
4 years ago

Thanks for sharing your experience. From now on, I’m telling any stranger I have a contagious scalp condition. See if they dive in uninvited then. Lol.

AmZar
AmZar
4 years ago

I seriously would have punched someone. That is not right at all.

Amelia Brash
Amelia Brash
4 years ago

I hate it when people touch my hair without asking:( I don’t just go up to them without asking and touch their hair????

Guest
Guest
4 years ago

People touch my hair a lot but i actually find it kinda cute. its like kids who are excited about everything, including different hair.

Claudette UK
Claudette UK
4 years ago

Hell to the No!

ss (short & sweet)
ss (short & sweet)
4 years ago

#wokenow. I would’ve said “please don’t touch me” in a New York minute!

So sorry you had to experience this rude “back-handed compliment”

Marketta Davis
Marketta Davis
4 years ago

A friend told me about her experience similar to Whitney’s. Her reaction? She turned it around and started touching all over the invited white woman’s hair. Gave her a taste of her own medicine. The lady was so taken aback, having pretty much the same reaction Whitney had. My friend then said, very respectfully, ‘how did that feel, me violating your personal space without your permission?’ The lady apologized and said until that very moment, she hadn’t understood. #EachOneTeachOne

Purple Sound
Purple Sound
4 years ago

I would have karate-chopped the wife’s hand before she even got close to my hair. Idgaf. You don’t touch people without their permission. First rule of civilisation lol

lorrwill
lorrwill
4 years ago

If you don’t want people touching you, TELL THEM. Especially in a situation where there are witnesses and essentially zero likelihood of violence. Don’t expect people know what you want from them by osmosis.

ETB
ETB
4 years ago
Reply to  lorrwill

I would hope that grown adults would know not to touch someone’s hair. Especially since they didn’t know her. So yes, I should EXPECT that grown adults would know not to touch my hair without asking.

Booburry
Booburry
4 years ago
Reply to  lorrwill

Do you go through life assuming everyone has the right to grope at you unless you specify otherwise? Seriously having trouble even picturing that reality. You must realize how ridiculous it is.

It’s the opposite. You don’t touch people unless you have their permission. We already have laws in place based on that very basic societal norm. Smh.

Christopher Gibbs
Christopher Gibbs
4 years ago
Reply to  lorrwill

The point of this whole thing is that she shouldn’t have had to tell anyone anything. They never even ASKED. I think we can all agree that it’s pretty damn rude to touch someone without their permission; why should the victim have to make that clear?

Sena
Sena
4 years ago

I have had quite a few people admire my hair. I can almost feel them itching to touch it. I politely back away and tell them they can’t touch my hair. If someone asks, and I’m feeling up to it, I’ll consent. Other than that, keep your nasty, filthy hands out of my hair!

CurlsGalore
CurlsGalore
4 years ago

I would’ve touched her hair too. If she can touch me with out permission than I can touch her too.

Amani
Amani
4 years ago

Next time just start akwardly stroking their hair at the same time and hystericallg exclaiming things like “it feels like…soooo awesome…omg!”

Neickha
Neickha
4 years ago

This happened to me when I was at work. I worked at a grocery store behind a desk at guest service. A white elderly man comes up to make a credit card payment with a check. So as he’s writing the check our I’m leaning towards the right wait ing for him so finish. I’m also leaning a bit forward and he goes” oh I like your hair, does it take a long time to get it like that?” I had China bumps In the night before and took them out so my hair is really curly” . Next thing… Read more »

Patricia
Patricia
3 years ago

I grow up in POrtugal, where normally you dont see black people with natural fine or soft hair. My hair is kind of ok and I normally would style it with a bun and it would be a fluffy bun. The problem with other Non black people they would want to touch my hair, and feel how fluffy it was. I Hated that. When i was much older to speak for myself whenever someone would try to touch it I would go ” sorry i dont like that people touch my hair.” at first they would laugh and try to… Read more »

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