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Rules of Engagement: 10 Do’s and Don’ts for Dealing With Natural Women

Avatar • Feb 15, 2015

When I stopped relaxing my hair, my friends made some…er…mistakes when it comes to my hair. So, in order to keep all parties civil, I thought I’d share some of them so others do not make the same mistakes! Mostly this is just funny, but some people really don’t know any better…

1. Don’t trip if they go the no-poo route.

If your friend tells you that she/he no longer shampoos their hair, do NOT look at them like they are nasty, homeless, or have grown an extra head. With a good scalp scrub and other natural cleansers, sulfate shampoos are absolutely unnecessary. Also, if they are using natural products that do not cause build up, they don’t need to use a strong surfactant to get clean hair. Now – if they tell you that and you can smell them coming from a mile away, please have an intervention…

2. Fight the temptation to touch their hair.

Do not pet or touch their hair, especially if it is wet or without asking. What are they, a dog? Also, if their hair is wet, your little rendezvous in their hair might leave it a frizzy mess later on. Would you do that to a friend? I’d hope not.

hair

3. Refrain from the nick-names.

If they are currently rocking an afro, do not call them Soul Sista, Grace Jones, a Black Panther, or anything like that. Like, seriously? It’s hair. It’s their hair. What does that have to do with any of the nicknames mentioned? Oh, and please don’t put up the “black power” fist every time they walk into a room.

4. Don’t ask when they’re going to “do” their hair.

If they’ve stopped straightening their hair or getting relaxers, don’t ask them when they are going to “do” their hair. I did mine this morning, what about you? Also, don’t give them the name of your stylist or offer to make them an appointment.

huey

5. Choose your words wisely.

If you liked their hair better before and it’s a good friend, by all means, feel free to tell them (that’s what friends are for, right?). However…be prepared for potential backlash. Think about how you would feel if your friend acted as if they were your own personal stylist without you asking.

6. Headed down the altar? Maintain consideration for your natural friend.

If you’re getting married, do not request they they straighten their hair for your wedding. Shame on you.

7. Don’t mind the addition of food products to their hair regime.

If they start putting food in their hair, do not be alarmed. Mayo, honey, olive oil, coconut oil, yogurt, avocado and other foods can be awesome for hair. But…if they start putting ice cream or ground beef in their hair…you got it- intervention time.

Product-junkie

8. Don’t mind their newly acquired surplus of hair products.

Do not be alarmed at the growing number of hair products in their bathroom. They are probably experimenting to figure out what works best for them. Hair is work – let them work!

9. Please refrain from using terms like “good hair” and “bad hair.”

I mean…you can say whatever you want, but if their next question is, “What did the five fingers say to the face?” you may want to duck…

10. Always remain open to suggestion.

Lastly, if they offer you products or tips on how to care for your hair (this is really for the men), try them out! I have a bunch of my guy friends using natural products, and they have told me that their hair has never never been softer.

What are some things you wish your friends knew when you went natural?

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Anisa Glover
Anisa Glover
5 years ago

Not only does the “petting” make me feel like a dog, but then when they follow up with “what are you mixed with” it makes me so uncomfortable. I feel like they’re asking me my breeding. Its always made me feel like a mutt at a dog show.

OXxo
OXxo
5 years ago
Reply to  Anisa Glover

Just shows their ignorance on both matters.

Emerald
Emerald
5 years ago
Reply to  Anisa Glover

When people ask me questions like that I feel like I’m being registered for the American Kennel Club.

Tabatha
Tabatha
5 years ago
Reply to  Anisa Glover

maybe you should pet them and ask the same. Lol Maybe they’ll get the awkwardness if you did what they do to you.

Chevanne
5 years ago

1) Use one cleanser, one conditioner, protein treatment, one moisturizer, one oil, one butter.

2) Separate into summer and winter regimens.

3) Save your money and enjoy your hair.

Tabatha
Tabatha
5 years ago
Reply to  Chevanne

I totally agree about having different regimens for the seasons.

Chevanne
5 years ago
Reply to  Tabatha

Especially this fall with the early October cold snap, I defnitley felt a change.

alt-K
alt-K
5 years ago
Reply to  Chevanne

Good advice 🙂

Andrea
Andrea
5 years ago

I wish they would have supported me more and kept their negative comments to themselves.

Tabatha
Tabatha
5 years ago

I don’t mind if people I KNOW touch my hair, it’s the strangers that I’m like, “dang at least ask”? I don’t mind the nick names I tend to beat them to it. No one has ever asked me #4. #5 I just say, “Thank God it’s not on your head huh”?! #6 I would never do. I may have ideas for hair, but I would never make someone straighten their hair. There are a lot of styles that you can do with natural hair. I’ve seen amazing textured updos, just wow. Actually no one has asked me to straighten… Read more »

Eleanor
Eleanor
4 years ago

I run away screaming from anybody who tries this on me.

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