I was sitting at home one day and started thinking about all of the natural hair oddities that have been discussed amongst natural women over the years. Yes, natural hair is awesome and most of us wouldn’t change our decisions to be natural for anyone. However, it’s still a journey filled with bumps, lessons and laughs. Below, I’ve compiled a list of my own thoughts and the words that were said during conversations with my fellow kinky, curly friends. Hopefully, you’ll be able to relate to at least 5 of these quirks and have a good chuckle while you read. Enjoy!
1. Your pony tails can look small, not because your hair is short, but because your hair is so thick in the middle of your head that your attempts at a pony tail end up looking something like this…
2. Your hair looks bomb and is freshly washed, but for some reason every now and then after wash day, you see little white flakes or residue from hair products in your hair. People think you have lice, but you’ll be darned if you’re washing your hair again. They’ll just have to think you have lice. Shoot. They WILL deal.
3. Your hair is poppin’, but there’s fog, mist, rain, a spritz of moisture in the air that leaves your perfect mane looking something like this in an hour tops….
4. Oh that’s cute…you use ONE pony tail holder for your pony tails…I use like 3 and they STILL pop.
5. Ugh, its wash day (looks at hair). Why can’t I just be bald? After some thought, you quickly get down on your knees and thank your DEAR JESUS you have hair at all.
6. I should wash my hair tonight…No, I don’t feel like it. I’m just gonna spray some water on it and twist/set it using my best hair care products. You unravel your hair in the morning to discover dull, frizzy, crunchy and still incredibly dirty hair….that’s now curled. Ugh.
7. Her: OMG, your hair is so gorgeous and it looks so effortless, can I touch it?
You: Ma’am! This isn’t that effortless, keep your hands in your area.
8. Walking around with half of a smashed up afro because you decided to actually lean back comfortably in your chair and rest your head on the head rest.
9. Walking around with the top of your afro smashed because it hit the roof of your car.
10. Your high pony puff is sittin’ pretty, edges are snatched and sleek…..head is pulsating because it’s all too much and way too tight.
11. You always have these items tucked neatly in your purse: at least 5 bobby pins, two pony tail holders, a head band and small brush or comb.
12. You lay your head on your significant other’s chest as youre watching a movie and they pat your hair down and out of the way. Now you feel awkward and just move to your side of the bed.
13. You think to yourself, “I don’t need to twist my hair or wear my bonnet tonight. It will be fine in the morning”. It’s NOT fine in the morning and you throw your hair up in a bun real quick.
14. Your baby thinks your hair is a toy and laughs every time you lean over him or her.
15. Your family almost slips and dies in the shower from all the oil, conditioner and shampoo that you forgot to rinse out.
16. After hours of roller setting… “My hair looks great! Let me just fix these few curls….” You completely destroy those few curls and now you’re walking around with a head full of perfect Shirley Temple curls and a kinky afro-like bang.
17. You know it’s going to be a long ride home and someone else is driving. You quickly gather your hair products, so you can twist your hair on the way back. You better kill two birds with one stone honey.
18. You try new hair styles on the weekends where you don’t have to be anywhere special. Just in case your hair comes out looking a hot mess.
19. You put too much evoo/jojoba/coconut/castor/apricot/grapeseed oil in your hair and you’re praying it doesn’t get too hot, so people won’t see your face and neck become an oil slick.
20. You complain about having to do your hair every day, so you get braids/twists. You take the braids/twists down in a week because you miss your kinks/curls.
21. You spend a good hour trying to figure out if you should risk not doing your usual twists/bonnet/bantu knots/plaits/pineapple/scarf routine so your man can get the full effect of your sexy lingerie.
22. You’ve told people “Just go without me” because you underestimated how long it would take to do your hair and they’ve been complaining about waiting.
23. Natural hair is so low maintenance, said no naturalista ever.
24. You just walked in the door from a nice stroll at the park/beach/bike path only to find debris in your fro.
25. Freeing your mane from your head band/bobby pins/pony tail holder brings the same relief as freeing your boobs from your bra.
26. You decided to give the hair stylist an extra large tip. Poor thing was sweating, panting and even had to remove a layer of clothing while trying to do your hair.
27. After swimming, you just sit with a towel on your head to prevent a river of water from streaming down the sides of your face.
28. At some point, your eyes have become blood shot red and teary because you forgot you still had Kinky Twirly Curly Wavey Coily Custard on your hands and you decided to go IN while rubbing your eyes.
29. People assume that you are a vegan hippie who doesn’t wear makeup and is super eco-friendly. Meanwhile, you just finished wiping off your red lipstick so you could scarf down that cheeseburger with extra mayo comfortably.
30. If asked about your hair, you take that opportunity to encourage another sista to embrace their natural hair, because the truth is, you love yours and you would never go back to being relaxed!
Can you relate to this list? Feel free to continue the list below!