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No Two Naturals Are Alike: Should Some Folks Put Their Advice On Mute?

Avatar • Nov 25, 2014

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The natural hair community…a place where women with kinks, coils, and curls of all types can come together in a state of euphoria. We share journeys, encouragement and curl advice.

While forums and social media have created a “come one, come all” platform for women to discuss natural hair, I have noticed that, depending on your hair texture, it’s just not okay to offer your 2‑cents to any and everyone.

Let me be specific though.

From what I have seen, the issue appears to lie in women with a looser curl pattern offering advice to women who might have to put just a little more elbow in the work than they do. For whatever reason, the women with the flawless spiral curls and sickening baby hair just don’t get revered in all parts of the natural hair community.

Personally, I don’t know where I fit in with the curl categories. Sometimes I have type 4 kinks, sometimes I have type 3 curls, sometimes I have something that’s completely unidentifiable…could be sheep’s wool, could be human hair…ain’t no telling. At least that’s how I see it. However, I once found myself in a situation where my advice was completely undermined when I thought I was doing a good thing!

I’ll never forget, I responded to someone’s post about detangling. Now granted, our hair was different, but hey…I figured she might be able to use this jewel I was about to drop. It went a little something like this:

Her: Help! I always struggle with detangling, what should I do?!

Me: Hey! I like to part my hair into four sections and just detangle from there. It really helps! 🙂

Her: Just four? Lol thanks girl, but I’m like REAL natural, I’m sure I’ll need more…

REAL NATURAL?! I didn’t know I was a fake natural. Thanks for the memo, sis! I guess what grew out of my scalp was the Great Value version of hers. Now I don’t experience that often. However, she’s not the only one I’ve met with such a response.

Typically I’ll see comments like the following:

That’ll never work for me, I’m real natural…”

You wouldn’t understand, it’s not so easy…”

Yeah, no, my hair takes more work…thanks though”

While those aren’t directly nasty things to say, it’s impossible not to notice the blatant “yeah, forget what you’re talking about though,” behind the message.

It can almost be compared to the “dark skinned vs. light skinned” dichotomy. One side feels more entitled to the African American stamp of Authenticity than the other. To sum it up, the “black struggle” is more real for someone of a darker complexion than lighter. A light skinned woman can’t always offer advice about self-love to a dark skinned woman and be received positively. From what I’ve noticed, it’s the same dynamic within the natural hair community. Doing something as harmless as sharing advice, can sometimes be detrimental. But why?

Now I get it, sometimes people go too far with the advice-sharing element of this kinky/curly sisterhood. You’ll have some leave a thesis under your post and it’s like dang girl, I didn’t need a lump sum…a tad bit would suffice. Even worse, you’ll have those who offer you advice when you didn’t even ask! “I’m sorry, did I summon you?”…I’m just saying.

Personally, I don’t use advice from everyone. I don’t think anyone does. I’d much rather exchange hair tips with someone of a similar type, however I don’t shoot them down on the slick if it’s something I can’t use. I give a nice “thanks, girl,” and go about my day. No shade distributed.

So what is the real reason for the attitude some have adopted towards the curly advising the kinky? Why must the remarks be subliminally condescending? Is it because of insecurity? A form of jealousy? Innocent banter? Or is it simply just another unspoken rule along with many others in the world: You can marvel, you can crush, but do not, by any means offer curl advice to someone of another curl type. Thanks, Management.

Tell me what you all think! When is curl advice offensive and when should you use discretion while sharing? Let’s Talk About It!

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Tracienatural
Tracienatural
6 years ago

Mmmm. I find it interesting that you ask if the reason(s) why curly-haired women can’t provide advice to kinky-haired women is because of insecurity, jealousy, innocent banter, or because that’s the rule. Why can’t it be simply that your curly hair behaves differently than kinky hair? While it’s true that some tips can apply to different hair types, why is it problematic for people to want advice from those who share their same traits? Maybe it’s because I’m middle-aged, but comparing hair types to skin complexions, then implying that these differences just should not exist, seems a bit naivete. In… Read more »

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracienatural

Lol I think I have more of a kinky texture girl. I’m completely biased here. But why did you choose to disregard the other 2 questions I posed? I asked was it innocent or an unspoken rule that some break also.…

tryna_browse
tryna_browse
6 years ago
Reply to  Alondra

Not necessarily an unspoken rule. The bad comments is because people feel they are being mislead, or the people who know better, feel you are misleading the people. I remember watching Mahogany Curls on youtube, saving my money and buying all her suggested products to see my hair look like a big cotton wad when I was done. After she gave specific advice: THIS CAN WORK ON MY HAIRTYPE (she has a curls on type 4 video… watched it many times …didn’t really work) So when you’re frustrated with your hair, click on these articles or videos, see flawless results and… Read more »

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  tryna_browse

Thank you for the positivity! I really do appreciate it. But, you see, this article isn’t about ME. I mainly have type 4 hair. If anything, I relate to you completely. This is not about MY blogs, MY readers.…it’s just something I’ve noticed. In fact, I only give advice when asked…Im usually on the receiving end and there’s always some tips I KNOW I can’t use…but I’m never mean about it. That’s the difference that I’m bringing up. And of course I’ve seen comments where they mention type instead of realness.…and that’s the polite way to do things. I’m all… Read more »

Tracienatural
Tracienatural
6 years ago
Reply to  Alondra

Alondra, take another look at my comment. I addressed your question about an unspoken rule of not offering advice to someone with a different curl or hair type when I commented that people may want hair advice from those who share the same traits. As for innocent banter, I did not comment ’cause from the tone of your article, I really didn’t think you genuinely thought the comments you were discussing were innocent or mere banter. You seemed to be offended by the statements you referenced in the article. Just my opinion.

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracienatural

Well I definitely think it can be taken offensively when you say to someone “I have REAL natural hair…” I don’t think that should be mentioned. And take another look at my article. I mentioned that I, too, prefer to share hair advice with like textures. I also described how I deal with advice that’s not needed. The questions I asked are not the end all, be all; there could be many different reasons why one would choose to refer to their hair as “real natural” in a moment like the one in question…do I think it’s necessary? no. Did… Read more »

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  Tracienatural

I meant *unbiased. Lol.…and excuse me for being so lighthearted about the matter but I feel like you might be letting the blow out and braid out in my avi fool you, but I digress. Lol At the end of the day.…I presented an issue and simply just asked a couple of questions. Those questions reflected attitudes that, whether they are popular or not, exist. The truth of the matter is…jealousy and insecurities happen and some people have struggled with them. They’re not a popular topic because it goes against the purpose of the natural movement…BUT at some point we… Read more »

Carlee
Carlee
6 years ago
Reply to  Alondra

Girl, you are a little delusional. You STILL believe women with kinky hair are jealous of your loose curls. You are presenting such an opinion to the WRONG audience. Women with kinky hair who identify with the natural movement are THE MOST proud of their natural kinky hair. Nobody is dying over your supposed “flawless spiral curls and sickening baby hair”. You are sooooo self-important that you can’t even take a step back and look acknowledge it.

Alondra
Alondra
5 years ago
Reply to  Carlee

Carlee.….girl.….Go to my instagram @Color_me_diva.…
@MyManeThang.… IN FACT Google me…go through it, and I mean go through it reeeeal good. Tell me where you find a spiral curl and a lick of baby hair.…and when you’re done…come back and tell me about all the seats you found to take a seat in.….don’t Google Felicia though, you probably read that wrong too but my name is Alondra.

Carlee
Carlee
6 years ago
Reply to  Alondra

I had to comment again because you don’t seem to understand it at all. This is why we NEED hair typing. Otherwise women who identify as black will say, “All black hair is alike”. That is simply untrue. I have 4c hair. No, I will not take the advice from someone with straight hair or 3b/c hair because of hair texture. My texture IS different. Making that clear to you hurts your feelings because you think your beauty/hair/advice is the ONLY advice. No. That is what the whole movement is about–carving a SPACE for women with an overlooked, unappreciated, UNSEEN… Read more »

mia
mia
5 years ago
Reply to  Carlee

excellent response!

Instead of listening you are complaining because your beauty is not at the center of all discourse. Bye Felicia.”

love this!

Alondra
Alondra
5 years ago
Reply to  Carlee

Carlee, I had to comment again because where did my beauty come in?! Lol and you’re dead set on reading and taking this the wrong way. I just said I personally don’t think its nice to mention “REAL natural” etc, and asked whats the purpose in mentioning all that when you can just say thanks and be nice about it…I’m not gonna win and that’s okay.…i know my intentions and I know how the blog reads…people just love to make nothing out of something then get mad at it lol. I asked a question…matter of fact questionS and I’m just… Read more »

Cia Bia
Cia Bia
6 years ago

I have definitely experienced this. Now I only give advice when someone specifically asks for some–i have had too many instances of negative responses.

tiny curls
tiny curls
6 years ago

Is it because of insecurity? A form of jealousy? Wow…get over yourself.

If there’s any attitude given, it’s probably because the person offering advice automatically assumes others are jealous of them or insecure…

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  tiny curls

did you read the other options I said it might be? I gave two negatives, two positives.

Christina Patrice
6 years ago

I had a similar instance with a vlogger on YT a few months back. She did a video slamming the Max Hydration Method, based on bad science and personal opinion. I don’t try to sway opinions, you feel how you feel and you’re entitled to that. I took issue with her flawed, faux scientific analysis that she spread as gospel. I hate when folks are misled based on things that aren’t true. She essentially picked a fight with me, insulted me, and devalued my scientific/research-based commentary because I didn’t have 4c hair and therefore, I couldn’t possibly know what I… Read more »

Wait
Wait
6 years ago

I agree, I think the mention that jealousy *may* be involved is going to get people riled up and detract from this article. To me, this article itself is almost adding to the hair type versus hair type debate.

lablooplah
lablooplah
5 years ago

I’m finally getting moisture in my hair thanks to MHM and less breakage. My hair is low porosity type 4 hair btw and it hates all conditioning agents prescribed to type 4 hair (butters, coconut oil, aloe vera, etc) anyway saw that video too and I just smh.

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago

Ladies don’t be alarmed by the questions in the end. I opted to give two extremes of both sides for a reason. Those are actually some things I’ve heard in regard to this very subject…some of which I don’t agree with but its interesting to investigate. So…please, keep in mind that they are questions…not statements. Not meant to insight anger but to spark discussion. 🙂

Deedeemaha
Deedeemaha
5 years ago
Reply to  Alondra

That’s why some writers separate themselves from the negative statements.  Some have ask, “is it a form of Jealousy?”  I like when you said, Personally, I don’t use advice from everyone. I don’t think anyone does. I’d much rather exchange hair tips with someone of a similar type, however I don’t shoot them down on the slick if it’s something I can’t use. I give a nice “thanks, girl,” and go about my day. No shade distributed. This statement got lost by your last paragraph of questions.  With a few statements removed here and there I wonder how this disscussion would… Read more »

Alondra
Alondra
5 years ago
Reply to  Deedeemaha

Thanks for that! Beware is right! I tend to blog how I talk, veeeery conversational. I think the word jealous in itself just struck a nerve. But I agree, including “some say” would have saved me from this cyber whoopin! Lol but I wanted to respond because I’m not this person that they’re trying to make me out to be! Lord knows!

Victoria Owl.
Victoria Owl.
5 years ago
Reply to  Alondra

@Alondra: I understood you. I think people got stuck on certain words that you chose and they just could not let it go, making a big deal out of nothing. Everything got taken out of context. No not all kinky hair women are jealous of looser textures, that should go without saying. But there are some that do have issues. That’s just the way it is.  As someone with kinky, curly hair, I will take advice from anyone with looser or kinkier texture than my own, as long as it makes sense and especially if they have succeeded in their hair… Read more »

Laura
Laura
6 years ago

.….

be specific
be specific
6 years ago
Reply to  Laura

what does “.….” mean?

Blue Bunny
Blue Bunny
6 years ago
Reply to  be specific

Well… it can mean no comment or at a loss for words.…

cnj
cnj
6 years ago

I think a kinky haired woman wouldn’t always welcome advice from a curly haired woman because they don’t have the same type of hair. I’m sure a curly haired girl wouldn’t always welcome advice from a person with naturally straight hair or relaxed hair for the same reason. Maybe the mention of “real natural” is too much but I say get over yourself and stop offering advice when you know people may not take it well. People usually don’t like unwarranted advice from any one for any reason so why would this be any different?

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  cnj

Well I mentioned unwarranted advice being the worst in general lol. But what I’m referring to is when a question is asked and that happens…ANYBODY who goes around just throwing out advice needs to get a life lol.

Lena
Lena
6 years ago

I thought this was pretty obvious, it’s because of the predjudice towards curly hair. Curly haired bloggers make more money and kinky people just spend all their time trying to get their hair to look like the curlies. The majority of kinky hair tutorials I see are about “defined curls”. Why would that be necessary if it weren’t to mimic the curlies? Curly hair is what always pops up first when you look for natural hair. So of course people are gonna be pissed when curlies try to give advice. It’s like the privileged people trying to help you up.… Read more »

Amena
6 years ago

I’d keep it simple and say the reason is more so because the recipient knows their hair well enough to know what’s being suggested just ain’t gonna work. Of course there is room for someone’s reasons to fit every question you presented. Yet unless they are asked specifically you’ll never really know. I actually advise different practices and products based on hair type because the hair does behave and respond differently. So yes, I’d agree some folks should mute themselves to hair they know little about. If intentions promised positive results I’d have a different opinion.

Jacky
Jacky
6 years ago

I can relate to this post on another level. I love hair, whether it’s straight, kinky, wavy, curly or in-between and I often offer advice to others when I think they need it. The problem is how some people choose to receive this advice. The harsh winter winds were taking a toll on my Asian friend’s straight hair so I suggested that she should pre-poo before washing her hair, which she happily did. Her hair was so soft, shiny and bouncy after she washed her hair. She was ecstatic and thanked me for my advice. Most of my female African… Read more »

Twinkle
Twinkle
6 years ago

I only offer up advice if someone asks or if they are complaining about a hair issue to me..it’s been going well so far.I know hair is a sensitive issue so I am cautious about how I word things.

Aadnois
Aadnois
6 years ago

I don’t really post on most natural hair forums, but I have definitely seen this often. Now, I’m in the 4 category, so don’t try to slam me for what I’m about to say, but a lot of girls also in the 4 range do seem to get real salty when someone with a looser curl pattern tries to offer genuinely helpful advice. I don’t think it’s jealousy or insecurity, I think it’s just aggravation that they believe girls in the 3 range don’t have to put as much work into their hair (which isn’t true- I’ve seen some girls… Read more »

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  Aadnois

I definitely agree with you. 100% I’ve been over the typing system, lol…besides I don’t identify with any category.

iaintmad@cha????
iaintmad@cha????
6 years ago

I think everyone should focus on what the article is really about. The author is simply discussing what has happened to her and wants to get a better understanding of why it seems that way to her. I don’t think that she is playing the “I’m better than you” card, here. Personally, I’ve not had the chance to come across naturals who weren’t eager to get a bit of advice, myself included. It’s harder to persuade my mom and sis to take care of their relaxed hair (unhealthy anyway IMHO), but I’m working on my lil cousin. We’re halfway there… Read more »

Camille
Camille
6 years ago

I’ve had similar experiences with being called “not a real natural”. It didn’t offend me though because I understood what they meant and it wasn’t said in a way that was mean. My own mom even told me that when I was trying to give her advice about her 4a hair when she was frustrated at the in-between stage of growth. I am a 3c with some 3b tendencies and I DON’T have to deal with negative reactions to my hair. I can detangle it by running my fingers through it when it’s damp with styling lotion. I have been… Read more »

zurane
zurane
5 years ago
Reply to  Camille

Thank you! This! This is how i feel about type 3s in relation to the natural hair movement. i can appreciate type 4s having created this space, but i’m a firm believer in staying in one’s lane. i know for a fact i can’t relate to the negativity, as i’ve never experienced that at all- and i’m aware that i haven’t due to the fact that my hair is in the 3s. i have 3a to 3c all on my head, predominantly a split between b/c. but just because i haven’t been the recipient of negativity doesn’t mean i can’t… Read more »

Tabatha_Frm_ Ri
Tabatha_Frm_ Ri
6 years ago

I have one question. Is it that f#&king serious? I am so annoyed with this whole hair typing . shit, I’m grateful to have hair on my head to keep my head warm In this crazy new England weather.

luminous
luminous
6 years ago

Maybe the advice was not helpful. I section my hair into 12 sections before I start detangling. So if someone suggested 4 sections to me, I would laugh too.

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  luminous

But see the difference between you and Her is that you already have it figured out. She asked because she didn’t know what to do at all. I wouldn’t come to you and be like “hey, instead of 12…you should do 4…” Lol but I only shared with her because, as I said, I prefer to exchange tips with like-haired women for the most part. Unless someone specifically asks me. I didn’t take it personally when she said it because all she has is pictures of me to look at to see where the advice was coming from. I typically… Read more »

luminous
luminous
5 years ago
Reply to  Alondra

I personally don’t think the advice is helpful. It was too simplistic. There are so many other tips that were left out… Example: Saturate hair in oil and conditioner, then cover hair with plastic cap and deep condition for 30 minutes, then section hair (4–12 sections, as many as needed), quickly finger detangle each section a bit, then hop in shower and thoroughly detangle each section under running water (with either fingers, wide tooth comb, or detangling brush).  This is the naptural85 25 minute detangle method. Very thorough and effective advice.  I think you are worried more about what your hair… Read more »

Carlee
Carlee
6 years ago

“I’d much rather exchange tips with someone of a similar type.…” Lol, so when you do it, you’re being reasonable, but when a woman with kinky hair does it, she’s jealous of your hair? There is a condescending tone to this essay. It’s as if the author thinks people *should* take her advice or any woman’s advice. You are naive if don’t think that there are differences between hair types, especially when it comes to porosity and curl pattern (and thus detangling). Comparing this to skin, one can make the same argument emphasizing the importance of difference. Light skin blacks… Read more »

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  Carlee

Sis, I asked a question. And I’ve addressed this countless times throughout the comments, So please.…before you let these assumptions stick…look at them. Now, what made you think I was ignorant to the light skin/dark skin issue? Did you see my picture and assume that I was ignoring the fact that there IS a difference in treatment because of my skin tone? In the article I spoke about it BECAUSE there is an obvious difference. Curly haired women ARE glorified, not the kinky nor kinky curly,nor coily.…but the perfectly spiraled hair that grows at rapid rates. I am NOT in… Read more »

Aliyah Morrison
Aliyah Morrison
6 years ago

Um my hair doesn’t look like the first photo or second photo I have tighter curls 4a mix with 3c but I take advice from anyone who is black or mixed with anyeual hair . What I hate is when other races try to tell me what to do with my hair and give me advice like my Spanish friend said I should put my hair down instead of keeping it in a bun all the time . I try to explain to hair about curly Afro hair and she say you don’t have a whole lot of hair so… Read more »

France's Medina
France's Medina
5 years ago

Well I’m gonna be real sweet about my response. If you don’t know then you should keep certain ignorant comments to yourself. In the Carribeans the Europeans ( Spanairds) came and took over the land. Puerto Rico being one of the islands they conquered and took the land from the natives and brought with them African slaves that were put to work on sugarcane and tabacco plantations. So like America there is a mix of races in PR and that being said a good percentage of Puerto Rican people have African decent. We have all types of hair.….…… I am… Read more »

Nubiahbella
Nubiahbella
6 years ago

I can’t even take this article seriously 

she describes curly hair with such positive words 

quote: the women with the flawless spiral curls and sickening baby hair just don’t get revered in all parts of the natural hair community

and here Kinky hair
quote “Sometimes I have type 4 kinks, sometimes I have type 3 curls, sometimes I have something that’s completely unidentifiable…could be sheep’s wool, could be human hair…ain’t no telling” 

Not a single positive a word from the picture chosen to her description, I knew this article will be totally biased.

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  Nubiahbella

With all due respect.…..1. I don’t have baby hair or spiral curls, well a little on my neck but I ain’t Chilli 2. I love the Lord and refer to Him often.…Sheep’s Wool.…that’s the way His hair was described.…im not sure of your religious beliefs but He’s the reason for any and all positivity in my life…unidentifiable doesn’t mean unworthy or disgusting…it just means I don’t know what in the world I’m dealing with today but we’re gonna make it work! Thats the natural mantra…or maybe that’s negative too..
However if it offended you, I do apologize.

kia
kia
6 years ago

lmfao @ great value version

Wait
Wait
6 years ago

Or, maybe.…They have heard your advice, before, have tried it, and know it won’t work?No shade, but i really don’t get the intent of this article. You seem a bit oversensitive. If one of my white friends with a straight hair texture offered me advice, i would probably be like, ‘um, no.’ or vice versa. I think you might just be looking to take offense at something small or something not at all common.

Alondra
Alondra
6 years ago
Reply to  Wait

This article, again, is much less about me…but moreso about things I’ve witnessed. I stated that I don’t experience it often if ever, there was only ONE incident that I can recall, personally. I wasn’t even bothered…I made a joke about it because I have no reason to question or be made to question the aunthenticity of my hair. But it made me think of the women that actually do and how those remarks could and have been taken offensively. All in all, There are some issues that are sensitive in general, some that cause discomfort to discuss, but should… Read more »

Rosalie
6 years ago

This article resonates with me

JenniD
JenniD
6 years ago

Ok I’ll bite. The reason some with kinks get offended is because they still believe that their hair is more difficult to maintain and care for versus those with a so called looser texture. They think those who have looser curls rectangle with ease, never have bad hair days and just have magical hair that can do no wrong lol. All of this is complete crap of course but changing people’s mind about somethings that’s been ingrained forever is no easy task. I have 4c hair and I don’t mind taking advice from someone with looser hair texture because I’ve… Read more »

LBell
LBell
5 years ago
Reply to  JenniD

THANK YOU. I completely agree. I have to keep reminding myself that this natural hair “movement” took off LONG after I first went (back to) natural. The vast majority of bloggers and vloggers and, more importantly, READERS are still figuring this ish out. One of those things people are figuring out (in some cases painfully and resentfully, as expressed through their comments) is that you really can’t turn one hair type into another through products and technique alone. I get it, though. Why do women consume beauty and fashion media? Usually it’s because they want to DUPLICATE a certain look.… Read more »

Victoria Owl.
Victoria Owl.
5 years ago
Reply to  LBell

@JenniD & LBell: Thank you! This is so very true!!! There is this lady on fotki who has 3c/4a butt length hair, I’m sorry I forgot her name but some people call her ‘sky’ for short. She has the best fotki, it is so organized with tons of pictures with lots of details. Whenever people ask her for advice she would always take the time to first ask them questions, ask them what products they use or what their regimen/techniques were etc. I’ve seen her go out of her way going back and forth with some ladies helping them figure… Read more »

Shayla
Shayla
5 years ago
Reply to  JenniD

I agree with your comment! @JenniD

kia
kia
6 years ago

lol @ the title. i think that we can all learn from someone no matter the hair type. however, i always watch girls with my curl pattern or tighter — NEVER LOOSER because their techniques really dont work for me. ya girl aint scrunching her head and bouncing so i dont even bother watching or subscribing for that matter.

Mercy
Mercy
6 years ago

I don’t think this is about mere hair advice. This is about feeling ostracized from our own movement. I can’t count how many times I try new hair techniques, only to find out that they only work for people with looser textures or less thick hair. I know that not all hair advice works for all people, but it sometimes feels like none of the advice is meant for my hair type. If advice-givers could keep that in mind, there would be much less animosity, I think.

Imani
Imani
6 years ago

Not necessarily offensive but I think maybe simply futile. Obviously if people have different textures it would be clear that one’s “technique” or “regimen” would be different (less or more hassle on the hair) than the other. A perfect example would be protective styling: a person with a loose curl pattern can’t tell one with a tight pattern to just do Wash and Go’s and their hair will “just grow”. Eeh? And same as a tight can’t tell a loose to do protective style 360 days and their hair will “just grow”. BREAKAGE! I TELL YOU! Lol. So yeah I think… Read more »

Tresses
Tresses
6 years ago

Of course it’s jealously ! This is something I’ve experienced many times on different levels I’ll list them all. 1. The black woman with a perm an a weave who asked how I got my hair how it is : I tell them I cut it off and stopped straightening it aka I went natural, 8/10 the response from the self hating woman is ” oh I can’t do that my hair too nappy for that ! You got good hair ( I’m 3c/4a mix with a spongy curly texture) . 2. The 4c woman who ask how I got my… Read more »

Blue Bunny
Blue Bunny
5 years ago
Reply to  Tresses

I don’t do the whole hair typing BS but going by that I’m 3c and even I think you sound full of yourself. Find a chair and sit in it. You say 3b-4a is not better and yet you’re going on and on like it is. Best of both worlds my ass. Tell that to my 3c hair on its bad days.

Shayla
Shayla
5 years ago
Reply to  Tresses

I agree with you Tresses.

Abstract
Abstract
6 years ago

Well I’m thinking that people likely are hesistant to take advice from someone with a different hair type because they don’t think you have the same perspective as they do and can’t relate to their issue. I don’t believe it has anything to do with insecurity or jealousy.

X
X
6 years ago

This article was rather self-indulgent and disingenuous. I think the author should understand that unsolicited advice is just that, and no woman is obligated to take yours. There are an array of differences from head to head of type 4c hair– let alone from 4c to 3c. It should follow then, that what works for you might not work for another. Your emphasis on jealousy when rebuffed makes me question the motivation for you giving the advice. Is it to reaffirm something that you believe about yourself? Reading all of this made me uncomfortable for so many reasons…

Alondra
Alondra
5 years ago
Reply to  X

I was never talking about unsolicited advice. I didn’t EMPHASIZE jealousy I mentioned it once.…YOU let it be the focus of the article… If you can REBUFF again, you will see that I said I don’t believe we take advice from everyone.… I SAID if someone gives me advice that I don’t need or that sounds bad I just say thank you and go on with my day… The point of this article is to discuss the reasons behind WHY instead of saying thank you and not using the advice, do some have to mention the “my hair is real natural”… Read more »

Amormoda
6 years ago

I like the natural curly hair, brown.

Andrea
Andrea
6 years ago

I’m mostly 4a with a 3c nape. Nape is tangles more btw. There have been times on forums and YT that someone asked a question and I gave my opinion and they got snarky saying “you’re not 4c.” Not like all hair of same curl pattern is the same. I share tips and receive tips from anyone who is not chemically treated even my white and Asian friends.

Deedeemaha
Deedeemaha
5 years ago

There is a simple answer to this article. 

Freedom of speech.

dammie ige
5 years ago

hi…pls i’d like u to help me..i started my natural hair journey a month ago and i observe the prepoo,shampooing and co wash method but i still need quality products that will help my hair grow…im in Nigeria.pls i need ur advice…desperately waiting for ur reply thanks…naturals

straightnochaser
straightnochaser
5 years ago

Perhaps you should had prefaced your answer about the detangling with ‘What’s your hair type? What do you use as a detangling aid (conditioner, water, oil, etc.), what tools are you using?,’ as opposed to just saying separate into four sections, then maybe you wouldn’t have gotten the ‘attitude’ you received from your reply. Your answer offered no details that could help, and you didn’t ask any questions yourself, just as she didn’t offer any information about how she usually goes about the process.

Alondra
Alondra
5 years ago

disclaimer: my hair is not 3 anything, take into account when reading my response. Her issue was that she didn’t know how to go about detangling. Period. Well, I decided to tell her about parting it because it DOES help. Now, did she HAVE to do just 4 parts? Lol no, all we do is take advice and tweak it to fit our hair needs. So in a sense, it COULD help.…now to keep it real, I was just scrolling through the gram…saw her post, said what I said, n was done with it. I was sure more people would… Read more »

Those Natural African Curls

It seems like some of those girls who would say they have the ‘real’ natural hair don’t understand what you’re trying to say. Mostly because of the questions you posed at the end, which I think were meant to cause controversy and they did. I do think it’s a mix of a few things, some people are jealous of the curlier hair types or think they don’t have to do as much work, so they get irritated that they have the audacity to offer advice to them. Some, are tired of all the bad advice they’ve gotten from people of different… Read more »

Temple
Temple
5 years ago

Of course the crux of colorism would be placed on darker skinned women…

Mariah
Mariah
5 years ago

It’s like my parents say to me. “Everybody’s advice might not be the advice for me. So you take what you need and leave the rest”.… I definitely don’t take the advice of everybody who claims to be a natural hair guru… Not to say that they don’t know what they are talkin about but I rather not try every method of everybody who claims they know the answer or have a YouTube channel… “Aint nobody got time for that” but definitely agree with this blog. I think you gotta use what works for you. Everybody is different, and we… Read more »

adelh
adelh
5 years ago

interesting article! I will say though that i am a 3c/4a mix, and I have to WORK to make my hair defined — lots of conditioner, lots of gel, Denman brush, and it took years for my hair to figure out how to CURL, lol, so i don’t know why people think this type of hair is easy in any sense of the word. Its just not; when it chooses to, ’cause my hair does its own thing even with all the work i put in, it looks good. It fights its owner everyday!!! But people make a lot of… Read more »

Shay
Shay
5 years ago

Your commentary addressed some extremely “I don’t know why I’m feeling uncomfortable” points. I do not talk about hair anymore the awkward silence and stares are unnecessary. Especially the competition you didn’t know you were in is too much for me. So I style and experiment in silence.

Shayla
Shayla
5 years ago

This article is pretty ignorant. No one has to stop giving advice about hair. All this article did was create more division. It’s not like someone was forcing you to take the advice. Anyone with common sense would realize what works for them and what doesn’t. The fact that you consider someone’s advice offensive makes no sense to me and shows low self esteem. I can’t stand people who want their ass kissed. But hey, just my opinion.. Maybe, I’m the one that’s crazy.

A.Limb
A.Limb
5 years ago

It isn’t always (or usually) jealousy or insecurity but SOMETIMES it is realizing that not all advice is applicable to all people.
Plus, we all should know by now that though things like moisturizing are applicable to all naturals, other things are specific to people with similar hair types.
Natural is natural but let us be conscious of the differences that DO exist and not start labeling them to put down a sub-group of our community

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