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True Life: He Only Dated Me for My Hair

• Sep 4, 2014

by Tori

Before I started my hair journey, my relaxed hair was about shoulder length. After starting a healthy hair regimen, my hair quickly responded to the TLC and increased in length. Right before I decided to big chop, my hair was healthy and at bra strap length. With that being said, let me tell you the story of Mr. X, the guy I met who liked me for my hair.

I met Mr. X at an event I attended with family. We chatted for a while at the event and he asked me out on a date.  He seemed like a nice guy, so I figured why not. During our conversation, he complimented me on my hair several times and expressed his admiration for how long and beautiful it was. I was flattered since I wasn’t always used to getting compliments about my hair (particularly about the length). I was still transitioning during this time, but because it was a special event, I had decided to flat iron my hair. Mr. X and I seemed to have a lot in common and the first date went well.

Bonafidestyle Flat Ironed Transitioning Natural HairFlat Ironed Transitioning Hair

Well, about two weeks after meeting Mr. X, I randomly decided to big chop. I was excited about my newly natural hair, although, I had to get used to seeing myself with short natural hair. The next time I saw Mr. X, he seemed shocked. Even though I told him over the phone that had I cut my hair, I guess the ‘look’ still came as a surprise. He wanted to know what I was going to do with it and if I planned on relaxing it again. I told him I had no interest in relaxing again and I just wanted to grow it out naturally. He also told me that he never dated anyone with natural hair and expressed that he preferred a ‘silkier look’. The conversation about my hair was surprising. Did he really just say he liked a ‘silkier look’? Wow. Well, after that interaction, I heard from Mr. X less and less until eventually we no longer spoke.

Bonafidestyle Big Chop Natural Hair

Was I surprised that he lost ‘interest’ after I big chopped? A little. I have heard of guys who preferred their ladies with relaxed hair/weaves, but somehow I didn’t think those types of men really existed. I guess I was a little naïve. Either way, I’m glad I dodged that bullet called Mr. X. Any guy who is interested in me only because of my physical appearance (hair or otherwise) isn’t the type of guy I want to be with anyway. This was certainly an interesting experience.

 

Have you ever had a similar experience? Any guy ever expressed their dislike for your natural hair?

 

About Tori: I’m Tori, a Jamaican-born natural currently living in Texas. I was reunited with my natural texture in January 2012 when I big chopped, after transitioning for a year and a half. I am still learning about my natural hair, and hope to share the knowledge and experiences I gain as I continue on my natural hair journey. You can find me on Instagram @bonafidestyle.

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118 Comments on "True Life: He Only Dated Me for My Hair"

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bee
Guest
First off… LMAO what the heck??? second off, good riddance!! the guy wouldve turned out being a plague anyway! i actually know guys who prefer their ladies to have “this length” or w/ “certain textures” and dont let me get started on that same said “silkier look” , nothing good could come from a r/ship like that except maybe constant salon criticism of “giiirrrl what did you do to your haiirrr *does finger snap* “. But in answering your question ah, at first, i did have guy friends who questioned my natural hair decision, but as it grew it became… Read more »
carrie
Guest

everyone has their preferences. Same as you have yours. However you are better off finding someone who appreciates your own version of beauty as he should finds someone else that fits his preferences.

Marie
Guest

My white boyfriend had this weird reaction when i decided to say goodbye to extension and wear my natural hair big choped. I did not transitionned so he saw me from long to very short hair. I am lucky that he likes my personnality because almost a year later i don’t think he is still fond of my curly hair…
Who said that women were the most superficial ones?
Best from France,
Marie

Scheera
Guest

And you are still beautiful regardless!

Ash
Guest

If you met a guy, things are looking good, and then you do a complete change.…you can’t expect him to love it too. He didn’t care about you as a person enough for you to take such drastic measures. Especially since he complimented you many times on your nice healthy hair.
If you started an initial to someone based on their personality that would be a lie. You started because he or she looked attractive. I think he was right. You switched it up too fast.

silkynaps
Guest
I’m not surprised that this attitude toward natural hair still exists among Black men. Recently, a guy a knew from the past told me point blank that he preferred my hair “the way it was”. When I wore my natural hair straightened, I would poll male friends to see how they felt about afro hair in it’s natural state. Most of them overwhelming abhorred the idea of “natural” hair…unless, of course, a woman had a certain type of hair. Even one of the most Afro-centric-Black-power type of brothers I knew told me that he preferred straight hair (record scratch). At… Read more »
Deb
Guest

your last paragraph is just…no…

The Truth
Guest

Silkynaps is an oxymoron. Are you silky or nappy!

Dee*
Guest

Yes, you dodged a bullet with Mr. X. On to the next one!!

What are you going to do with it?”—I hate that question! It’s DONE, sucka!!

anastasia
Guest

What are you going to do with it?”—I hate that question! It’s DONE, sucka!!”

Love it!! Thanks for the belly laugh!!

Carlee
Guest

Thanks for sharing your story! I definitely like this true life segment on BGLH. I have never had a guy say that he doesn’t like me because of my hair, but it’s probably because those guys would never approach me in the first place. I wear my hair in a fro almost daily. It’s impossible to hide, and it’s obvious if anyone has prejudice against me because of it.

naturally Tee
Guest

Wow I hear a lot of black men say they don’t like weaves but yet they are always dating women with long straight unnatural looking weaves so I don’t get it. I think if women thought men didn’t like fake hair they would embrace their natural look more. My husband loves my natural hair and I am grateful I transitioned while we were engaged so Idk what I would have done if he told me he didn’t like it. I just did what I wanted to MY hair just like he does what he wants to his hair.

Redseouls
Guest

His loss! You and your hair beautiful!!!

Redseouls
Guest

are

Dionne
Guest
Of course he should like you for being natural and embracing what God gave and of course you should be happy that you didn’t get with a guy who can not accept you as the person you want to be,but to be fair to him,he saw you with long hair and the compliments he gave you ensured that maybe one if the main features that attracted him to you,so if you then cut your hair and he didn’t like that look on you,I see nothing wrong with that I love the first look on you because you look so much… Read more »
Deeds
Guest

This reminds me of that movie with Gabrielle Union, Morris Chestnut, and Jamie Foxx, lol

bree
Guest
This can’t be a man with black sisters or who grew up with strong black pride. My brothers, nephews, uncles and cousins all know our hair can do anything. Who says natural hair can’t be straightened? It can be braided, twisted, and transformed time and time again. If anything they can always count on a fresh new look. He sounds like one of those standard men who IF they date a black woman she needs long relaxed hair but typically dates women of other races. He is free to do that. But Tori is free to do as she damn… Read more »
cepfeng
Guest

You dealt with that really well and maturely. And you’re right, if someone is with you because of a bunch of dangerous chemicals you’ve slatheredon your head they’re probably not worth being with at all.

Aliyah
Guest

I’m glad I went natural young I didn’t start dating untill i big chopped and went natural . I’m 18 but I did know guys who were interested me when I had longer permed hair then when I cut it they lost interest . Some guys even said I looked better wit trait hair even my brothers hated my natural hair . I don’t care I love it .

Jacky
Guest
Hi Aliyah! I love the fact that you love your natural hair and don’t care about what others think about it. That’s an important factor in any natural hair journey: Not seeking validation from others. I’ve gotten a lot of negativity from black women in the past, concerning my natural hair. I didn’t care though because I knew that natural hair is the healthiest option. I started advising women( including those who mocked my hair ) on how to take care of their hair, both relaxed and natural, and also teaching them about the benefits of taking care of natural… Read more »
Diahann P.
Guest
I’ve heard a woman’s hair is the equivalent to a man’s penis. With this being said, how would you feel if someone you was interested in or dating, decided to chop his penis off? Is it too hard for us to understand that our hair could means just as much to people who don’t have to walk around with it on their head? If that’s too much, what if Mr.X got a ice cream cone tattooed on his face? It’s not fair to expect people to stay the same after making bold, liberating, and monuments changes to something as significant… Read more »
AlllSmiless
Guest

Lol, WHAT!?

Cupcake
Guest

Hair grows back. Tattoos are permanent and if a man chops off his penis.… How in the fluck is hair equivalent to a mans penis? A vagina I understand. But hair? Please tell me you’re joking.

cnj
Guest

Like a penis?!?!! Dafuq! I’ve never heard that one. I can’t even begin to figure out what lead to that comparison. Having a preference is fine. I’m not saying he’s a jerk but it is superficial to base who you date solely on physical things no matter your gender.

Patricia Kayden
Guest

You made me laugh out loud with that analogy. You can’t see a difference between hair (which can be manipulated, cut, dyed, permed, etc.) and genitalia? Really?!!

waitwhat
Guest

interesting article

Oy
Guest
I would be leery of any man who complimented any physical features upon first meeting me. Some women may disagree and say it’s just par for the course but I think it is rude to mention physical parts of my body; it’s objectifying. Maybe I would let it slide if they complimented by outfit, MAYBE depending on if it looked like I actually put effort into it but seriously fellas just get to know me like any other person. Ask me about my interests. Lets talk about current events, movies we’ve seen, books we’ve read. I would even rather them… Read more »
Elle
Guest

2nd this!

Rose
Guest

Nope my husband love the natural. As the matter of fact, he prefers it over weaves, wigs & crochet braids.

Elle
Guest

The author was surprised by his reaction?
Their first encounter involved him salivating over her hair as if she were an endangered species.

No normal man meets a woman for the first time and gushes about how ‘long and pretty’ her hair is. IMO it’s the same objectification you get when you meet someone who can’t stop admiring how skinny or voluptuous or fair you are. These aren’t signs of a relationship between equals — they’re signs of trophyism, signs of a fan. Thankfully fans are fickle and she saw his true colors and moved on. Cute pinup style!

naijababe
Guest

I agree. The signs of his superficiality came during their first meeting when he fetishized her hair. When a guy is over the top in his praise of my natural hair or any other physical attribute of mine, I begin to question his value system. If a man is more enchanted with my hair (natural or straight) than me, he’s not the guy.

Victoria Owl
Guest

Well said!! I couldn’t agree more. Instant red flag the way he kept going on about her hair.

androu
Guest

That guy was a superficial jerk, who The Divine saved you from. I’ve never had anyone say mean things about my hair, but I do notice that when I do crochet–and achieve that big, full, curly, voluminous look using Marley hair…guys check on me a lot, LOT more than when I wear my own (shrunken) hair out :-/

cnj
Guest

I never had that experience but I can say I don’t give a crap what a man thinks of my hair. If a man told me he prefers silkier texture I would have told him he should get a relaxer or a silky weave if he likes it so much. I don’t mind someone’s opinion if I ask but if I didn’t, keep your opinion to yourself.

cinn
Guest

Interesting post. I had dreadlocks for 15 years and they were past my hips. Last March, I cut them off and had about 1/2 inch of hair on my head. With such a difference in appearance, I seem to attract very different people in some cases. I suppose it is to be expected as everyone has specifics on what they are attracted to.

Ubah Luar
Guest

Cinn, i so much do agree with you!
We all have prefrences wetther its physical or interlectual or so onn.
If this pwrson dont fitt the orher will.

Jacky
Guest

I’m so sorry that he left because of your hair.

You’re right, any guy who dates a girl only because of her physical appearance isn’t looking for a serious relationship. At most, he’s looking for a toy girl( female version of toy boy ), who he can show off to all his friends and later dump like yesterday’s news.

I’m glad that you didn’t go further into the relationship. There are better guys in the world… Guys that aren’t shallow and conceited.

maxine
Guest

I don’t think your comment is entirely accurate,your physical attributes is what people have to go by if they do not know you,so if a guy sees you and likes you he is going by what aesthetically pleases him.. failing that it becomes your personality.
But you have to remember women do this too-me included,
I have to be physically attracted to a person first and most people are like this too.

Prettydarkskinnedgirl
Guest
Prettydarkskinnedgirl

You raise a very interesting counterpoint. I don’t think he was dissing her hair per se but he’s got a “type” & before she cut her hair, she fit it & after she chopped, she didn’t. Since the relationship was so new, lack of physical attraction was enough to send him on his way. It seems shallow but he likes what he likes *shrug*.

maxine
Guest

Exactly,I don’t think it was her type of hair either,more the length and there’s nothing wrong with that as long as mankind existed,as far as the bible…long hair has always been set as the standard length for women
He probably preferred long hair on a women and many men do,however if you look at Halle berry men seem to change that preference very quickly lol

BUtifullyHuman
Guest

Yes we ALL DO have a “type” Maxine. And in first meeting someone, all we have to go off of is the physical. (She DID say that they seem to have a lot in common and hit it off.) But a man (individual) that fails to see (or continue to see) the beauty/significance in a person because of a physical change is someone better off without. It WAS a diss IMO, and she definitely dodged a bullet.

Jacky
Guest
You made a valid point. I understand that he left her because she didn’t fit his “type” anymore. But I still think that there’s something wrong in the mix. What if she had decided to transition to natural hair later on in the relationship? He sounds like the kind of guy who would’ve replied with a solid “NO” or left her for someone else who fits his type. That’s the problem that I have with the whole issue. A guy should be able to stand by his woman through ups, downs and different stages/changes in life and vice versa. If… Read more »
maxine
Guest
But upon meeting someone its perfectly acceptable to bow out at the beginning if that person has switched up their appearance and its not what attracts you anymore because the bonding is not established -you are still in the friendship stage it would be a waste of both your time,to pursue something where the attraction is not mutual,that is like me meeting a really fit slim guy,dating him and meeting a month later to find that he has put on a few stone and is now fat,wouldn’t pursue it if I’m not attracted to that build in a guy. However… Read more »
Jacky
Guest
Maxine and Cacey, great points! It IS important to find someone who’s attracted to you just the way you are. I was only annoyed because this preference is not how black women actually look naturally. They have to manipulate and change their hair to look that way. My mum would love to go natural but she can’t because my dad won’t approve of it. I thank God that I went natural while young( and plan to stay natural ) because it has helped me to learn how to care for my natural hair and style it properly. It also showed… Read more »
maxine
Guest
Definitely. But I may be wrong but sometimes I think it depends on the type of natural hair you have,as known,black women come in all different types and I find that certain men can be more approving if the natural hair does not have that wave or slight sleek to it,they seem to be more accepting to those as opposed to my sisters with the more coarser hair type,saying that if a women looks good is well-groomed with natural short or long hair,there is no reason why a man shouldn’t be attracted to this type women. for the article I… Read more »
maxine
Guest

Typo correction :disapproving

cacey
Guest
good point. men are especially known for being lured by the physical, and sometimes for sticking around in bad relationships because the girl is chick, and solely for that reason. my husband said that what drew him to talk to me in the first place was my legs. :/ once we started talkin he apparently was like “she’s a keeper” but if i’d not had some attention-grabbing attribute going for me there’s a good chance that 4 years in now we wouldn’t be married. but with that said, it seems the guy in this article was drawn to a particular… Read more »
cacey
Guest

i meant, the girl is “cute” instead of chick. darn typo!

maxine
Guest
HAHA You said it ‚can’t tell you the amount of times I have seen guys get crapped on but still excuse the girl if good-looking To me in society ie.media, staight/flowy/long hair has always been denoted as sexy while afro/curly/short hair has always been frowned upon and seen as old-fashioned, masculine-in the sense that black men who have natural,short hair it is acceptable but when a black women has this type hair,shes described as boyish or too ethnic. Your husband sounds like a great man with a balanced mindset but most of the black men I know seem to like… Read more »
nappy headed black girl
Guest

I’ve never had a dude come straight out and say something but when I first stopped relaxing years ago one asked me if I was gonna keep my hair “like that” :-/

He was African and said women in his country only wear natural hair if they are young and don’t have a “real job” yet, the assumption being that once you mature you get your hurr did lol

Even as a newbie I wasn’t offended in the least. That’s his reality. Didn’t sway me *shrug*

Felicia
Guest
Thank you for sharing your experience! I have also encountered this type of nonsensical reaction. The first time was about 18 years ago when I was in an a relationship with a Caucasian gentleman that had been deeply in love with me, or so I thought who wanted to marry me and adopt my children, etc. Well, I broke things off, hadn’t seen him for a couple of months, met him for lunch as friends with my hair braided versus my permed, should8 length bob and I was greeted with shock and disd2 and a “wow, I’ve never seen you… Read more »
Hmmm
Guest

That word “ethnic”…

Latoya
Guest

I hate when people use the word “ethnic” to describe natural African features!

Janine
Guest

Yes that word.…have a friend whose daughter runs track. she was having problems with maintaining her hair due to all the sweating and what not .…I suggested braids and she told that would be too “ethnic”…hmmmmm

ShinyPinkNails
Guest
Every guy has preferences, when he asked you out you looked a certain way then you made a dramatic change, cause going natural will give you a dramatic change. Doesn’t mean he was a jerk and only looks at looks. You weren’t dating for a long time, and you changed doesn’t mean he isn’t ready for a serious relationship, you just wasn’t he’s type and he hasn’t established anything with you yet to stay around. It’s just life, don’t think he’s a jerk. Just like if you went in a date with someone and the next time they looks changed… Read more »
Lily
Guest

Yeah, I agree with this. I thought the article would be about you being in a long term relationship with a guy. This is someone you went out with one time.

Not saying jerks don’t exist, but it’s foul to paint him with that brush because he didn’t like how you look with short hair.

Ubah Luar
Guest

Its a physical thing, he really liked yourhair. That was HIS first impresdion of you.
Later on he could get to know you better and see you for more than just long hair. Now cutting it has shocked him. From long to short is a huge diffetence.
Some men get over that fact some dont. He left…so he was not on that place in life to see the bigger picture (longer hair later on in life) and moved on.
So that a better man will come your way.

Ps my english is horrible so dont bash my comment.
Thank you:)

Nicole
Guest

It sounds to me like he had a very strong preference, and once you no longer possessed this trait, he lost interest after just 2 short weeks of dating and getting to know one another. IDK what that big deal is. I know for a fact that “I’m not for everyone” and I am very much okay with that. Although it can hurt and at times feel like rejection, it’s a truth that helped me find honest and beautiful love.

I hope he finds someone who suits his preferences just I hope the same for you!

Tia
Guest

You dodged a bullet.

On another note BGLH can you please bring back the thumbs up button, don’t care about the thumbs down.

iamnotasian
Guest

umm sorry, if you want the thumbs up button you need the thumbs down button…only fair…

Elle
Guest

Some sites don’t have a thumbs down button.

Darlyn
Guest

Good riddance to him, Tori! You look beautiful with your natural hair! 🙂 I blame the entertainment industry for the reasoning behind the fact that some black men dislike natural hair.

My man loves my hair natural.

Leighton
Guest

this happened to me before. I’ve always had long straight hair but one summer, my hair started breaking. So I decided to get a beautiful bob and laid off of heat. The guy I was dating at the time told me that I was no longer beautiful because my hair was no longer long. Long hair is very important in any black community, but some Haitian men are notorious for their obsession with length. Long story short, things didn’t work out, for other reasons, but i’m happy.

Melissa
Guest

I met a guy online several years back. I told him I was planning to cut my hair to be fully natural (he had never seen my hair, only pictures). At the time, I was in tree braids. He said that he didn’t like short hair. I told him that it wasn’t short, just natural and very kinky. He said it again, but agreed to meet anyway. He stood me up. Guess he was certain that my hair wouldn’t grow, huh? So I feel you. But it was certainly his loss.

Michelle
Guest

He was only a date, hunny; guys like him will quickly come and go in your life, and these are the ones you don’t get serious with. My man has been with me when I had a mohawk, shaved head, relaxers, big chops, and now natural hair…he’s seen it all! And loved me during all of it. No matter what you do, continue to let your beauty shine through, and I promise you that you will attract an equally beautiful person who loves you for simply being you!

Brian
Guest
Here is my take on it… As you said, you had only been on a few dates with the guy and shortly after meeting you decided to make the “big chop”. As a guy (just like most women), we have things about women that we like. And honestly. .. I feel the whole natural hair movement, not only for what it stands for, but how much healthier it is for your hair. BUT.… what I have witnessed personally is that when women do this, they expect the men to automatically accept it. And will have a group of sistas right… Read more »
maxine
Guest

PREACH.

Jacob
Guest

Well to be honest, your curly hair style looks like a mullet so I’m not surprised that he doesn’t like that look. You can have your natural hair and still make it look good in other ways, but straight up chose a terrible style, so even though he probably did care about the hair, it’s probably beyond just a matter of relaxed vs not relaxed hair.

Sana
Guest
Yeah the before and after pic are different lol.I am not surprised he left. You know sometimes we take ourselves a too seriously I can’t see how you look at this pics and don’t get a good laugh or see the difference. Learn to be self aware. When I big chopped I won’t lie I can honestly say I looked my worst and wasn’t comfortable with the chop. I got strange looks from everyone(I had the Hale Berry Cut relaxed). But I didn’t care it was my hair luckily my man stuck around we were almost one year in. Everyone… Read more »
Frankie
Guest
I’ve had issues with guys being absolutely in love my natural hair.… I had to put a coworker in place today because he wanted to know why I straightened MY hair… He also had the nerve to tell me that maybe he liked it better natural. Umm.… I don’t even care if my man likes my hair curly or straight…grow some and style it. The nerve! P.S I don’t really think this guy was a jerk. Newbie short hair isn’t always the most flattering(mostly) because you are just leading how to style it. Also he hadn’t really known you long… Read more »
lesedi
Guest

I have noticed guys who insult those with weaves and braids calling them fake but they still date them. And there are guys who don’t like it when I put in my protective style (usually braids especially in winter). The best we can do is do what we like and hope there is a guy out there who will like it and not worried about those who don’t.

Melissa
Guest

I agree with you lesedi. I also think some men do not like the braids and weaves because of the way it smells on some women. Some women do not take care of their scalp when in these protective styles. The braids and weaves are beautiful but not so beautiful if the scalp is smelly.

RB
Guest
Black men have a devalued, dysfunctional aesthetic to natural hair because of the environment they grow up in. (read: their Mother, aunts, friend’s mothers, aunts, etc.) In other words, Black women raise black girls and boys to have this problematic view of natural hair. It’s that simple. Black women…look in the mirror! You reap what you sew. When young black children see adult women with natural hair in all its variety, surrounded by language that is complimentary to natural hair, they will grow up with an aesthetic that loves natural hair. Stop complaining about black men who didn’t grow up… Read more »
Patricia Kayden
Guest

Yes, of course. It’s always Black women’s fault for what grown up Black men do. How could we forget? Black men have no agency and are not responsible for anything they do. Thanks for the reminder.

/snark

Edens Sahara
Guest

Without question, there are black males who are mesmerised by the hair of foreign women but they are not overly keen to date a foreign woman and so they will seek out a black woman with relaxed hair so they can look at and touch the hair they adore. These black males are accepting of the coiled hair upon their own heads but do not want to see the same coiled hair on the heads of black women. A black male who frowns at his own image is a black male to avoid.

terry
Guest

good riddance.…you deserve better and it’s really sad how people are so naïve about natural hair

BUtifullyHuman
Guest

Yes we ALL DO have a “type”. And in first meeting someone, all we have to go off of is the physical. (She DID say that they seem to have a lot in common and hit it off.) But a man (individual) that fails to see (or continue to see) the beauty/significance in a person because of a physical change is someone better off without. It WAS a diss IMO, and she definitely dodged a bullet.

ChiChi
Guest

I’m so glad my boyf loves my natural hair. LOL! He saya “If you put weave in your hair, don’t even bother coming over.” -_-

Lo
Guest

Well let’s hope he’s joking cuz that’s physical also. LoL but not really

nappichique
Guest

Well if he prefers a silky look let him go to the beauty supply and get himself a wig…what a jerk.

Carmen
Guest
I feel sad, but not surprised that the attitude I’ve always thought that black men had regarding black women and their hair is true. Because I do not know if it’s because some brainwashed black men despise women wearing natural hair curly. When your hair is too curly. I liked both your testimony that I will put on my blog, but as it is in Spanish I’ll translate. I hope you do not mind, I want to know if in Europe, Spain also have been cases like yours among my followers. Thank you very much for your testimony. I’ll post… Read more »
Likewaterforchocolat
Guest
Yes. I have had guys who dislike natural hair or will see old pics of me and express how they liked my hair better when I was relaxed or weaved. When I went natural years ago, the guy I was with expressed that going natural would only look good on me if I had “good hair.” There is a weave-shaming movement going on amongst black men, but I found out it is mostly about their hatred of black women, not a love of natural-haired women. It seems there are more men who want relaxed/weaved hair versus those who don’t because… Read more »
Treacle
Guest
So true …and so sad of course. I’m so glad you named the behaviour for what it is..black mens’ hatred of black women. It’s clear from their behaviour over the last 10–15yrs that they despise black women, are brainwashed by white euro-centric beauty propaganda and influenced by the ‘successful’ male celebs who they consider to have ‘upgraded’ to white partners. Couple this with deep-seated insecurities of their own that they’re dealing with (not as well as black women are dealing I might add) and there’s a recipe for black male-female relationship disaster. It’s tragic but very real. Most of them… Read more »
Jaz
Guest
My hubby is the exact opposite. When we first met I was always straightening my hair. He would always talk about how great it would look if I just left it alone… It took me about 3 years to listen to him but then I finally did it… I didn’t think he would be into me with natural hair as he is white, but then again he is from the UK and I’ve noticed the UK is no where near as racist as America… So I think that makes a bit of a different. I now live in the UK… Read more »
maxine
Guest

UK doesn’t have this natural hair movement that America does and it’s great.you wear your hair how you want without fear of judgement,that is how it should be.
I have natural hair but respect everyone who wears their hair the way they feel like it because the hair is theirs.

Treacle
Guest
Umm… as someone black who was born and raised in the UK I think your viewpoint, though lovely sounding, may be a little rose-tinted. The UK has it’s fair share of xenophobia and racism, trust me on that. Areas such as London may be more a bit more cosmopolitan but try moving out to the ‘sticks’ (countryside areas). Having experienced racism at school and then a more sophisticated version of it in the form of workplace (racial) bullying and harassment — there are several such cases up and down the country if you care to research the news — I… Read more »
L.u
Guest

lol I have the opposite problem–my bf HATES eurocentric hair, and he HATES fake hair, which sucks for me b/c i know that if I could slap on a kinky hair wig for the winter, my hair would grow like weeds. I’m talking MAXIMUM LENGTH RETENTION people! lol

So I basically wear my *fabulous* kinky-haired wigs (that I make myself), and I simply don’t tell him it’s not mine! hahaha! He’s never been a hair-tugger, but we’ll see how long this gig lasts!

Lexi P
Guest

The guy I dated when I decided to big chop and go natural hated my hair. He was always asking when Im getting it done or why don’t I wear a wig or braids. He was so accustomed to black girls with weaves. Prior to big chopping my hair all I wore was wigs and weaves and it became too expensive. My current boyfriend loves my hair and loves to play in it. Some guys are just use to the European standard of beauty and its hard from them to accept a black woman with natural hair.

The Truth
Guest

Hey Tori! I dont think he was only interested in you strictly for your somewhat straight hair. I must ask, how was your styled the next you saw him after your big chop? With all due respect, if it looked anything like the picture you posted I definitely understand his disappearing act! That style, for lack of a better word that style was absolutely dreadful! It almost looked you just stepped out of a time machine and slapped on a bow!

Likewaterforchocolat
Guest

With all due respect? No, you have absolutely no respect! There is nothing wrong with her style and there is nothing “understandable” about his disappearing act with regards to how her hair is styled. There are certain natural hairstyles that even I do not like, but the clear issue with this guy here was her having straight vs. kinky hair, so I doubt that it would have mattered how she styled it. So, I think that as a woman you just feel the need to be hypercritical.

lauri
Guest

wow asshole commenter of the day goes to…^^^

The Truth
Guest
Hey Lauri! Thanks for the award! First giving honor to God for giving me the ability to comb my hair so that my man will not go running for the hills! I humbly accept this award. I am glad to hear that my words of wisdom have touched and agreed with your soul on tonight! Hallelujah! ((Insert speaking in tongues)) You will never know how much this means to me. I appreciate your kind words. I wish you many well combed hair days in the future! I pray you will have everlasting strength to continue to comb your hair, but… Read more »
Young Kuti
Guest

I have never had the urge to comment on a blog before but this comment, just wow. The audacity to use the Lord’s name in this arrogant tone after spewing negativity. You live and learn everyday. She said “first giving honor to God for giving me the ability to comb my hair so that my man will not go running for the hills” — yes, because that’s all it takes to keep’em. Good luck with your vain self.

Dananana
Guest

I wish that I could upvote you so much, Young Kuti.

RobinSharron
Guest

Ok u guys u can’t, I understand where ur coming from but alllllllllll black men don’t feel that way…I can honestly say that every black, (and white) guy I’ve dated LOVED my natural and chemical free hair, they couldn’t keep there hands out of it, and I was a 4b hair type! Some black men just need to see the beauty in natural hair and not just the fro.
#SoStopGeneralizing

Bridgett
Guest

For me I big chopped while dating my husband. he was surprised but loved it just the same. I am now almost 4yrs natural. I don’t know if it’s hatred of black women as we were brainwashed ourselves thinking that our hair could not be worn in its natural state. I think that some men are more open minded than others just as we are as woman.

La Toya
Guest
Very Very good points. I am natural myself and its hard at first trying to find the right products. But let me say this…as naturals we have to be very careful how we walk outside everyday. We have to make sure our natural 4 hair is on point. You should see the hair I see in the mornings on my way to work, grown women with matted hair, dry and little lent balls and stuff like that. It be crazy, we too big for that. Everybody have to make sure they have (including myself)well groomed hair.I’m sorry but we can’t… Read more »
Andrea
Guest

I see relaxed hair and weaves that are not always on point. Downright HAM. We all have bad hair days. We’re human. Why do you hold naturals to a different standard? There are days when this stuff gets tucked under a hat or in a bun.

Likewaterforchocolat
Guest

I believe it’s because their is this belief that natural hair = hair that is NOT “done”. It is often suggested to black women that we “do” something with our hair.

Dananana
Guest

Thank you, Likewaterforchocolat and Andrea. Our hair doesn’t always need to look freshly done. The belief that it does is why some of us natural hair ladies walk around with edges in the negative. Lint balls are certainly not a fashion statement that I’ll endorse, but I will say that I only wash once a week and I have a dog that sheds heavily.…so it happens. I’m human. So is everyone else with the occasional lint in their kitchen.

Kim Patterson
Guest

YES. Wish I could thumbs up this one

g
Guest
haha i think my hair is the main reason i’ve never been asked out. i want to be with a guy who likes my natural hair because natural hair is a gift to me. it’s freedom and it’s cleaner to me. i just like it so much more. i mean, we all have a physical preference of some sort…but he was truly someone who didn’t like you for you. he didn’t appreciate your internal beauty…the part he got to know. he just dumped it. that sux and is totally scary. anyway, guys have a harder time accepting “looks” they don’t… Read more »
Afeyah
Guest
When I did my big chop in 2011, my father hated it and he gave me money to get a weave done. He told me the short hair did not suit me. I did the weave and had a horrific experience with it as it did look lovely but it was tight and itchy. Within 10 days I decided I had to take this weave out for the health of my hair a scalp. I also realized that I didn’t do it because I wanted to but because my father was unhappy with my natural hair. He also prefers the… Read more »
TWA4now
Guest

Wow! I wish I could say I was surprised but I am not. Most people especially black men may need a reeducation about natural black hair. They too have been conditioned to like/love the European style of hair. I personally may have received only one two or three compliments since going or returning to natural hair. Be you.? with or without him.?

Torie
Guest

I’m not surprised that he showed interest based on a particular feature. Men are drawn by a certain look will naturally be drawn by what they are attracted to. At least he gave you some indication of this in the early stages of your relationship, unlike the guy who will leave you hanging-even after months of dating-and you have no idea why, lol! Thank God for the TONS of guys who are really digging us natural sisters!! Some actually prefer natural hairstyles, including my husband, and he’s white. We Naturalistas STILL have our options 😀

Andrea
Guest
Cut the brothers some slack. I’m not convinced most are anti natural. I have been fully natural for 7 years. Never been straightened. only once has a guy said told me he didn’t like my hair. he wasn’t black and I told him I didn’t care what he thought. If other men don’t like it then they keep it to themselves but many guys tel me they love it. I actually think I get approached more by men as a natural. Most of the negative comments and bashing I have received have been for having natural hair has been from… Read more »
umm...
Guest

UGH!! why can’t I thumbs up comments!!??

NewlyNatural
Guest

I transitioned to natural after becoming pregnant with my second child. My husband hates it and is always asking me what I am going to do with my hair! I have mostly kept it in protective styling until the shedding from post partum stopped. I recently began to experiment with curlier styles and I am in love with it! Thanks to sites like this, it has given me the confidence to be who i am with my hair, despite what anyone, including my husband thinks. For me, transitioning was a symbol of power.

Marti
Guest

Interesting!! Just yesterday my boyfriend told me he loved my hair, it is in it’s fully curly, natural state. The day he and I met my hair was blow dryed and I kept it that way for a while, he didn’t know what hit him until we went swimming and my curls made their big reveal. He actually says he prefers it this way. The bigger the fro, the more he loves it. He told me he loves all my “brown” features (I’m Dominican) From my hair to my skin color. My white boy appreciates it all!

Black Butterfly
Guest
I should preface by saying that I grew up as a pageant girl, the singer, the well-groomed actress whose hair was always ON POINT: fried, dyed, and laid to the side! But on November 30, 1994, I shaved it down to a low “Caeser” (so short, it laid down and waved). It was not a popular thing to do at the time and I was dating a law student. We only lasted a few months after the chop, after having dated for over four years. I was devastated! But I felt more beautiful than any time in my life. I… Read more »
Nasha
Guest

Awesome!

Patricia Kayden
Guest

I assume that many Black men have no problems with Black women with natural hair, given that the majority of Black women date/marry Black men. Personally, it is my Mom (Jamaican) who hates my natural hair and claims it is too “militant”. Just to please her, I had it blown out/straightened with a hot curler when I went back home for a quick visit.

Hopefully, in the decades to come, natural hair will no longer be a thing as more and more Black women wear their hair that way.

Guest
Guest

I assume that many Black men have no problems with Black women with natural hair, given that the majority of Black women date/marry Black men”

Except a majority of black women don’t wear their natural hair out so you never know.

angie
Guest

im currently experiencing the opposite.…he likes me because im natural, but i must mention that he pushed me to become natural as far as food and lifestyle, everything else fell into place.

^_^

Pat
Guest

Tj
As black women they have us so focused on hair that we missing out on just living.
God make our hair kinky or curly then he gave us the wisdom to create creaming products
Then we have the free will to wear it however we choose. So while all the obsessing? We are more than our hair.. Look at the impact of a Maya Angelo she was more than her hair

amilah
Guest
My fiance is Asian and although they tend to see their straight hair as superior, he loves my natural hair. If I wear it straight too long, he always asks, “when are you gonna wear your afro?”. His family is a different story but I can’t stand them so he knows I don’t care what they think. They make subtley racist comments about nearly everything. Our daughter was born in September and she looks just like me, except she has yellow skin and almond eyes like her father, with a mix of both our hair types(I’m 3b/c). His sister came… Read more »
Jael A. Williams
Guest
Yeah, nothing exists in a bubble. “Silkier look”? Basically you started to look too black and the mindset of a lot of black men and women is that they want someone as close to white as they can get before they “upgrade” to a white person. We seriously can’t pretend that in a eurocentric society just happening to have a preference for “silkier” hair isn’t rooted in serious anti-blackness. It’s not just a coincidental preference. There are deeply rooted issues when a dude will drop you because of a hairstyle change and it’s not JUST that he’s hella shallow. A… Read more »
Kim Patterson
Guest
Jeez. I hate guys like that. My bf wasn’t particularly thrilled when I cut my hair, but he didn’t make me feel like crap either. I’ve been natural all my life, he met me with natural hair, braids, flat iron hair and all kind of things and he was just fine. Does he have preferences? Of course. He likes when I wear afros and “dreadlocky looking” braids (lol). He doesn’t really like short cuts or buns, but he doesn’t love me any less. After all, it’s my hair. As long as neither of us looks like trash, we good. I’m… Read more »

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