by Daily of Daily Curlz
Sitting down and having a conversation with a curly girl under cover aka anyone with relaxed hair or any sort of treatment to hide her hair texture, is quite remarkable. It is funny to me how many women refer to my natural hair as beautiful, pretty, amazing and all that jazz, but….they would never wear it themselves. They have me feeling confused. Should I feel flattered or bad? Natural hair looks good on me but you (actually a curly girl) “can’t” wear your hair curly? This is not about how I feel, it is about what is keeping you from going natural.
1. You have “bad hair”…
I can’t believe we are still calling natural hair “bad,” but, believe it or not, I get this every day. Think about it, if you are 30 years old or older and had your hair relaxed when you were 12 or 15 years old, how can you possibly know what your true texture is? The appearance of your new growth is not an absolute indicator of your overall hair texture. You can only see your true texture when your hair is completely natural. Of course you’re gonna see your new growth, kinky, “bad” or whatever you want to call it, because you are comparing it with relaxed hair. I thought the same thing and for that reason alone, I used to relax my new growth every month.
2. You don’t like short hair…
I get it, believe me I do. I didn’t like it either but if I had to do it again, I would without thinking about it. I learned that a confident woman goes beyond long or short hair. Hair grows, so enjoy and play with it. You don’t have to do the big chop. You can transition if you have the patience. With proper care, your hair will grow longer and healthier. Another alternative is wearing protective styles like wigs, braids etc…
3. You care what other people think..
Everything we hear is an opinion, not a fact. Everything we see is a perspective, not the truth. Go natural because it’s what you want. People will always have an opinion, whether good or bad.
4. Natural hair is not fashionable…
Think again. Think Lupita Nyong’o (just to mention one) No further comment.
5. Natural hair is not professional…
Natural hair is professional, classy and just as fashionable as any other hair texture. Natural hair allows you to wear a variety of styles. Having natural hair does not mean you have to wear it out in an afro all the time. Natural hair yields versatility: twist it, braid it, bun it, straighten it, wear it out, pin it up. The bigger your hair, the bigger the style options.
Is there anything that came in between you and your initial transition to natural hair?
Daily of Daily Curlz is a Dominican living In LA, far from home but having so much fun exploring around, Curly hair, natural living, and a shoe enthusiast. Mom of two beautiful curly girls that complement my entrepreneur and Freelance life with glitter and pink.
I think another one to add would be (6) Your partner doesn’t want you to.
We’ve all had or know someone who’s had the husband/boyfriend that does NOT want his woman going natural and/or cutting her hair.
you are absolutely right.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/cabello-rizado.jpg[/img]
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/05/cabello-rizado.jpg[/img]
This would be #3. It shouldn’t matter what people to the extent that you are afraid to be you — spouse or not. It’s a smart man who can accept all facets of his wife physical appearance.
I think it’s fair to say that most women would be fine with ignoring the opinion of friends, some family, and strangers, but that the opinion of their partner is an entirely different thing. Love it or hate it, it’s a reality that reflects the need for a #6 🙂
I have attempted to be natural since 2002. Unfortunately,what kept me from remaining natural is the opinions of people around me. The word nappy was used to describe my hair by a friend. Well, I didn’t want to be nappy, so I relaxed it. Tried again in 2007, but again, the opinion of another friend had me feeling I was better off with a relaxer. Tried again in 2008 then in 2009 but finally stuck with it in 2011. That was the year my daughter was born. I had to make sure I, her mother, was her example of beauty… Read more »
The true meaning of Nappy:
Nice Adorable Pleasurable Pretty Yours
I tell people who say ” oh, but you can wear your hair natural like that I just can’t ”
You’re right my hair is mine and mine along so no you can’t wear mine. Please, stop trying to wear mine and wear yours.
That statement has cleared the fog from the eyes of many of my friends / family, who have now went NAPPY.
people always talk for good or for bad
Fear of the unknown because I’ve never really known my natural hair/texture.
As a kid growing up in Africa, my hair was always in braids for school and on the holidays a weave or extension braids.
Got a perm when I was a teenager.
I’m a year post relaxer and loving it now so far. 🙂
That is a good reason, we don’t really know our hair until we let it grow natural, but that is a very scary moment
I definitely agree that too many people are hung up on the notion of good and bad hair. Lupita is lovely, but a twa doesn’t really offer any shining examples of type 4 hair in its full glory. Considering that type 4 hair is probably the most prevalent hair type in the world, there just aren’t enough images in media to inspire women to cut their relaxed ends. I definitely agree that people spend way too much time focusing on what other people think and allowing negative feedback to ruin their hair journey. For me personally, I knew that I… Read more »
Unfortunately #1 was me. I received my first relaxer when I was 4. I was completely sure that something must’ve been “wrong” with my hair up until the age of 21. I started getting more and more curious about natural hair, and I finally asked my mom what my texture was like. She told me I had hair like my cousin (who is probably about a 3C if you subscribe to the hair typingn system) When I asked her why she relaxed it in the first place, she said because my edges would stick right back up after she brushed… Read more »
I think the two biggest reasons would be many women aren’t taught how to take care of their hair (natural or relaxed thus the reliance of salons) and none of their friends, peers and family are doing it. For better or worse, black hair has been a communal thing. Going to beauty parlors can be a big part of many women’s lives. Going natural changes that. Sometimes I wish there was a communal place I could go full of naturals to get certain styles done. I haven’t been to a salon since I’ve gone natural 7 years ago. And now I… Read more »
i think you are so right about that! If women see that enough of the women in their circle are doing it, it catches on. Surprisingly in the rural town where i live, i notice that now any time i go somewhere, most of the women in the vicinity are natural. I keep pointing it out to my husband, who’s probably annoyed by now lol but that’s how excited i am to see that times are changing. I remember when i was in elementary and middle school, how only i and a small handful of other girls were the school’s… Read more »
That is so exciting to hear it is spreading in a small town! I’m in my late 20s and it is so amazing to see how the community has grown. I’ve learned some really great stuff in just the last year or so that was hard to find when I first went natural. I can’t wait to teach my kids about their natural hair and them have the freedom to be natural with little to no scrutiny! Double Yay!!!
Oops cornrows for school…lol
Being relaxed was easier I could keep a style two weeks with no worries. I think I used just about anything on my hair as well no natural products in my cabinet whatsoever flat ironed blow dried at least twice a month my hair still thrived and seemed to be healthy. Natural hair came with rules and restrictions that I just didn’t get in the beginning it’s seems more high maintenance for me anyway but it’s worth it when I see how much my fair likes the natural products and how many compliments I get versus my boring straight hair… Read more »
It was totally the other way around for me. High maintenance to me was having to go to the salon and sit around all day to have chemicals put on my head. high maintenance was having to wrap my hair every night. Going natural was my freedom. No more salons, wrapping, blow drying, and flat ironing.
Im proof you dont have to go the short hair route or weaves and wigs. I transition for almost 2 yrs and just clip my remaining relaxed hair last a year ago next week! I have APL length hair the longest its ever been. By going natural slowly I learned how to care for my unrelaxed hair and it wasnt a drastic change over night.
I am 17 and have been transitioning for 14 months and I go to an all black Catholic school and many girls have gone natural so looks like things are turing around 🙂
None of these kept me from going back to natural. I had my hair cut and actually love short hair. It looks great on me, it’s been 4 yrs ago and I still keep it shaped up. I’m loving it too as I was tired of the relaxed process and learning to take care of your own hair is PRICELESS!!
I transitioned because I was too afraid of short hair. Now I wished I would’ve just BC from the beginning. I missed out on the TWA.
I agree natural hair is alot of work more than being relaxed. But I feel it is worth it. I have learned so much in the year I’ve been natural. While I do hear the occasional u have good hair, my hair is too nappy to go natural. I just tell those type of ppl they won’t know until they find out for themselves.
A man asking me 2 be his girlfriend actually thought it was nice 2 suggest I do something about my hair; a weave, extensions or relaxer. I wasn’t offended. I simply told him I like how my hair is & if he had a problem with it then he had a problem with me. Cuz my hair is me.
Thank you for hypothetically placing you foot in his behind! Unfortunately, so many women, no matter the race, are hell bent on altering themselves for a man. Love is supposed to be unconditional when you actually love someone. Sadly, he’ll find that woman that will accept his lack of true acceptance of another individual and will have learned nothing.
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The obstacle that i faced when transitioning to my natural hair was the blatant misunderstanding of other people when they realized or learnt that i was accepting my natural hair and that i had stopped relaxing my hair. This me me to hide behind the saying that i wanted a healthier lifestyle and that relaxers were linked to cancer ( which were both true ) but didn’t show the whole picture in that i wanted to embrace, rock and love my natural hair, the hair that God gave to me and how he gave it to me. Sometimes, i still… Read more »
I haven’t permed my hair for years, but until recently, I really haven’t seen many naturals with my hair type with it out and loose. Most have been Halle Berry or Tracee Ross types, and I would think, “Of course I go natural if I had hair like hers.” Also the hair typing and obsession with length and curls annoyed me. So many of us simply aren’t going to have Rapunzel like length and flowing curls, and I’m glad to see more variety in natural hair.
I’m really afraid of short hair and never did the BC. Instead I wore wigs, weaves, and braids all very long
Nothing kept me from it really, but When I was in the Navy the Ship water was horrible. Its basically recycled water. So when you poop and pee the water is cycled through and is cleaned and purified and then comes out as water that you shower, brush your teeth with and cook and drink. The ship doesn’t sell natural friendly products when you are in the middle of the ocean from 6–9 months, so you depend on overstocking your coffin rack and locker with what you need because care packages from family and friend’s tend to get lost or… Read more »
I personally have done the BC and now I’m back to being relaxed. I have very thick healthy relaxed hair. I don’ t care what people think. I will never ever again go back to being natural. I tried it and it wasn’t for me koodos to those both relaxed and natural. I love love love my relaxed hair and would never trade it again for the world. I don’t have problems with my hair falling out, thinning, drying, or any of the above. I also only use lye relaxers and I don’t have scalp problems either, but some people… Read more »
I think that people should do what makes them happy. I hated my relaxed hair. I just didn’t know I could have natural hair. I thought I was destined to relax my hair for ever. Thank goodness a FB friend tagged a BGLH picture of a beautiful natural woman and something inside clicked. I decided that day not to relax my hair ever again. And to tell you the truth, I’ve never been felt confident in my life than when I am wearing a big Afro and red lipstick.
It is okay to feel fear about wearing your natural curls if it is your first time — its simply a fear of the unknown — so do not feel ashamed. Doing things when you are ready makes a huge difference in just the manner of how you care for your hair. This article was great in pointing out some of the reservations people have and I think as they become more educated through websites like this and mine http://www.curlyhairschool.com they will love all that is unique about their individual hair. Here is a poster I created to celebrate this 🙂… Read more »
None of the above. For me it was the maintenance and no curl pattern whatsoever.
then that just means you prefer straight hair and/or you were/are not ready… You also have to have patience… lots of it. And while you wait, love yourself in all stages …and if at first you don’t succeed :/
Tish, Dont let the thumbs down phase you, if anything, we (all naturals on here) should be grateful and appreciative for you admitting to why you couldn’t stay natural. Its not easy as Steph mentioned. And the most important factor is patience.…that self love you gain in the process is un-explainable because patience starts from within. Not everyone is ready to be enlightened, or many are and just prefer things the other way which is fine too. I salute you for being bold and hope that in your experiences you have found self-love and learned to love your roots.…literally and… Read more »
I agree with you Tish. I did a big chop after transitioning for 9 months. I was so excited and happy to embrace the natural me. But it was a struggle. I learned just how dense and fine my hair really was.…each day was a challenge. And I had patience, but it wore me down. With VERY dense hair, you just learn that NO AMOUNT OF PATIENCE will make it easier. My hair soaked up everything in less than two days. No twists would hold beyond a day. It was way to much work for someone with a full time… Read more »
I hear ya’ my hair is also 4c and I’m seriously considering a relaxer. I just can’t style my hair, it is extremely thick and dry and only wants to stand on its ends. No wash and goes, no braid outs, no Bantu knot outs, no twists outs, no cute little updos work on my hair type, help!!
One of the biggest reasons that I’ve heard has been, “my hair is too thick..” aka too much maintenance. I cannot stress this enough, natural hair is only high maintenance when you’re trying to style it in a manner, that is not conducive to your natural texture. Trying to get a defined curl or twist out, when your natural texture is more of a cottony texture. You can’t fit a square peg into a circle — despite what hair bloggers and hair cares may say. Once you let your hair do it’s ‘thing’ (whatever that may be) you’ll realize how… Read more »
why am i
Its very easy for people to say they have heard people complain about having thick hair 4C afro hair when they don’t have to deal with it at all. I see plenty of people going natural but you barely say anyone on youtube or tumblr making natural hair tutorials for thick 4c afro hair or giving advice either, neither do you see 4C hair being advertised on hair products meant for 4c hair (and that can lower peoples confidence), but you do see plenty or wash and go’s and other hair textures, I do have for 4c Hair myself and have… Read more »
I understand agree with most of ur comments, just bc someone is rich and has more resources doesn’t mean she has the confidence to rock a short cut. I am average black 4c girl and have rocked faded, medium, long, and short styles. I have a corporate job and it can be done. Examine your own confidence level and build it from there. everyone doesn’t always have nice things to say but we learn from every comment.wearing my hair like I do is a personal choice, end of story.thats all, nothing more. Some days are easier than others but thats… Read more »
Thank you for writing this comment. Only people with 4c textures know the pain we go through. Our hair is the hardest to style, wash and go and twist outs are a no no. I am natural, I have a corporate job so I just wear wigs because it saves the most time, money and frustration.
I have extremely soft, thin, and fine hair…I can’t style it because of this…it’s frustrating because I see all the natural hair blogs cater to thick curly hair. I wear wash n go’s because that’s literally the only style I can wear.
I can very much relate. When I first tried wearing my hair in its natural state, (8th grade), I got so many negative comments from family and friends I was completely discouraged ad went back to always straightening it. By the time I realized how much damage I had done to my hair (9th grade), I decided I had no choice but to go natural. At this time my hair was horrible! (I mean straggly straight w/ only texture at the top), and the negative comments were at an all time high. I realized I’d just have to rise above… Read more »
My problem is my hair is extremely thick and tightly coiled. So I wear braids or wigs, I can’t handle my own hair to style it and wear it naturally. It doesn’t stay put or defined. I’m having a tough time right now, considering a relaxer, don’t condemn me.
I think one of the reasons that I was expecting was men. A lot of girls in my age group (I’m 22) feel guys don’t want that. I would explain to them you can blame that on the media but just like African-American women are starting to learn to love their hair so will their men.
I like Lupita Nyongo and everything, but she has no hair! How does she serve as an example of how fashionable natural hair can be? She is literally unable to do anything with it at all. A better example could have been picked for that point…
I was thinking the same thing…
I agree. there’s TWA — and then there’s that!
If I’m honest, i think they missed one major aspect out which is maintenance. It can be intimidating going from literally no regime to having to tend to something every single day, make sure it’s moisturised, make sure it’s neat all the time, ensure the style lasts etc. And for me personally, I love natural so i wear it natural, but i never wear it OUT…as in..untamed. Beneath the protective braids it’s there but i don’t let i breathe much i will admit… and i hear that natural CAN be professional but for whom? that natural with the long ass… Read more »
I am natural and the only reason I wish to revert is because I keep finding the detangling process ridiculously long. It’s like no matter what I do with my hair, those knots just keep coming back. And i have been natural since 2009. So it’s not a phase.
For me it was my lack of knowledge and access to those who knew how to care for my hair.