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My Boyfriend Changed After I Did the Big Chop

• Sep 14, 2013

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By Tyra of Indigenous Curls

When I big chopped I was a few months into a new relationship. For years I rocked waist long weaves, huge fluffy wigs, or braids, while my own hair was crying out for attention. I spent months researching, and planning how I would transition, what styles I would rock, and how to maintain the new style. I was ready to make a change, but scared of the possible results. One day, I came home, frustrated with life, I sat on the edge of my bed and took out my weave. “I need a change” I kept telling myself, as I unraveled each braid. 30 minutes later the weave was gone, but I was unsatisfied.

My hair was a dry, dull mess. I took a long look in the mirror, examining every strand. I loved how my 2 inches of new growth had so much life, kink and shine. But the rest of the hair strand looked limp and lifeless. Without another thought I chopped off all my relaxed ends and hopped in the shower. There I stood, with nothing to hide behind, no weave, no makeup, just me. Minutes later my boyfriend came over…….

Oh Shit” he howled, as his eyes connected with my new do.
“You like it?!” I asked excitedly.
“What you ‘bout to do with IT?” he asked. His face had “concern” written all over it.
“Nothing…” My heart sank. Not the answer I was looking for….“I can rock some big beautiful earrings, and headbands—” he cut me off.
“No Weave?” he asked, as he took a seat, breathing deeply. “I have to get used to IT” he said, as his eyes bounced around my hair.
My feelings were hurt. He could have lied, and left my feelings in tact. Hindsight is 20/20, today I appreciate his honesty.

We had a group outing planed the following weekend, but he canceled, citing fatigue. I had a feeling it was my new do. As weeks passed I noticed a change in our dynamic. Once extremely affectionate, he began to become distant. He used to walk with his arm around me, post BC, he would barely hold my hand in public. I began to feel as if my hair wasn’t good enough. I noticed his eyes would travel to girls who still rocked their long weaves. Occasionally he would point out hairstyles on other girls he liked. They were all flat glossy weaves.

2 months after BC I began to develop a complex between his side comments, and the surprising reaction from my mother. I felt insecure, and started regretting my decision. I purchased a (hideous) full lace wig, and hid under that for 2 weeks. My boyfriend’s response: “You look like ‘You’ again!” He was excited, and immediately offered to go out on a date. I smiled and agreed, but I was boiling inside.

Did he only like me for my unauthentic appearance? Why was he only affectionate and romantic when I had an 18 inch weave? His true roots were starting to show and I didn’t like it one bit. Needless to say, we broke up, and I was happily single!

Time passed, and I was sitting on the edge on my bed, once again, in dire need of a change. I had been rocking braids 6 months post BC. I had also started dating someone new. His hair was locked, and he fully understood the needs of natural hair. He’d seen the beauty of my coils and complimented even the most shrunken wash & go’s. His family introduced me to natural hair products.

My hair (and love life) has been thriving ever since. He finds my 4C hair sexy and I love that.
My experience with dating and big chopping may or may not be unique. What was your experience? Was it well received? Do you attract a different type of person depending on your style? Ladies Weigh in!

Tyra is the author of Indigenous Curls.

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Tina
Guest
Tina

Yes, I had the same experience with my now ex‐boyfriend. He was making all kinds of side comments about my hair post bc and it started to get on my nerves so I chopped him. My new love ADORES my hair and showers me with compliments daily!

Kade
Guest
Kade

LOOL!!! The pun. ” so I chopped him”

Nappy 4C Rocks
Guest
Nappy 4C Rocks

men can be like that sometimes

Curious
Guest
Curious

I love how men can say or do any damn unsavory thing and a woman responds, “Well, that’s just how they are :-)” RMFE

ADRZ
Guest
ADRZ

GOOD FOR YOU CUT HIM OFF! GOD ALLOWS FOR YOU TO SEE THAT HE AINT “ONE” FOR U. HE ONLY LOVED THE IDEA OF YOUR HAIR BEING LONG, NOT YOUR PERSONALITY, WHAT YOU WANT OR NEED. HE DIDN’T CARE WHATEVER PLEASE U

Lynn
Guest
Lynn

I had the same reaction back in 09 when I bc’d. His initial reaction was shock, and “What did you do to your hair?!” We had a lot of ups and downs, but he eventually got used to it. We are actually still together, but our relationship in now on the rocks for other reasons, not the hair.

TWA4now
Guest
TWA4now

NICE ARTICLE

Vonnie
Guest
Vonnie

Anyone who is familiar with my posts already knows my story. So glad the author and other commenters kicked to the curb anyone who doesn’t accept their authentic self. Someone I know got duped into fitting the LSLH (light skin long hair) criteria by an old BF, and I think it imprisons then to this day. They have gotten texturizers & lied about it being their natural texture, despite having long hair, wears hair pieces & during certain styles say they are going for the” biracial” look. They are not. Honestly, I don’t have the patience at this point to… Read more »

GSoldier
Guest

Once I read “Oh shit!” I was waiting for your second big chop — HIM -.- !

Haha =‘D

Amma Mama
Guest

LOL
That part had me cracking up though.

http://ammamama.wordpress.com/

pw
Guest
pw

Men are visual creatures. The current state of affairs seems to be either a weave/wig or natural when I see black women. Relaxed hair is becoming less and less. The author doesn’t mention whether she discussed BCing with her then boyfriend prior to cutting. My boyfriends friends complain all the time that… “one day she has long hair and the next its short‐warn a brotha or let a brotha know when your going to make such a drastic change”. In the end its her choice and he has no REAL but I do think drastic changes should be discussed or… Read more »

Tiff
Guest
Tiff

Hmm I’m not sure there’s a lot of room for discussion in what a woman does with her body. When I BC the second time I did send my boyfriend a text and the convo went like this: Me: I’m cutting off all my hair again. I can’t keep walking around with these stringy ends Him: Noooooooooo Me: it’ll grow back. You’ll live and if you don’t I’ll throw you an elaborate funeral. Him: hate you But when I came home he actually loved how soft it was. I was wearing a weave for about 2 months prior because I… Read more »

pw
Guest
pw

You proved my point.…you at least told him so it wasn’t a complete surprise.

Tiff
Guest
Tiff

Sure but my point more so was I TOLD him, I didn’t ask him or debate nor discuas it with him about it.

A lot of my friends who did this, unfortunately were talked out of going natural.

LBell
Guest
LBell

“I TOLD him, I didn’t ask him or debate nor discuss it with him” *applause* THIS RIGHT HERE… The man I was seeing at the time I BC’d didn’t want me to do it even after I took the time to explain why I was doing it (because I was fed up with relaxed hair and wanted something different). Needless to say, he didn’t last. I feel sorry for women who let their SO’s insecurities (perceived or actual) affect their styling choices — and that ranges from hair to makeup to clothes. Yes, we’re all visual creatures, but you would… Read more »

Iva
Guest
Iva

@PW. We are all visual creatures. If we weren’t romance novels geared for women wouldn’t have half naked men on the covers. Everyone with working eyes is visual.

I could see discussing the BC with a husband but with a boyfriend of just a few weeks? No ma’am. Good for her! She has clearly moved on and the BC allowed her to see something in him that she might have missed if she’d stayed “weaved up”.

TiaBia
Guest
TiaBia

I’m happy you found a new love! I had a similar situation but with better results. I wanted to take my weave out and my boyfriend suggested I go natural instead of putting in new weave. So we went to the salon and she cut off all my processed hair, I had about two inches and instantly cried. I wasn’t use to it. He spun that chair around and told me he liked my natural hair better and our relationship has been going strong since.

Aree
Guest
Aree

I never wore weave. But my husband considered my relaxed shoulder length hair long (I laugh at that now). Anywho…I told him I wanted to shave all my hair off and he said why. I said cause My hair is damaged. He seemed to not understand : So one day me and mom go to the salon and my mom is like, just cut it all off. So I do lol. I came back home with a buzz cut, and my husband a black caramel covered man; all the color drained from his face when he saw me. lol!!! It’s… Read more »

black nerd lover
Guest
black nerd lover

Aaaahhh! This comment made my day!!!

My husband is a black computer nerd too!!! He is a Star Wars, Star Trek, Battlestar Galactica loving gamer nerd!!!

When I met him he had locs, and he totally appreciated my then‐TWA. He wants me to let him detangle it, but I am so protective of my hair that I refuse, lol. I did let him help me take down some box braids once and he was super excited about it, lol!

Aree
Guest
Aree

Thank you 🙂 Yes my husband is a big gamer as well. Try sneaking off during one of his gaming sessions. What I have learned though is it has to be a certain game he is playing. One that takes up all his attention. If he is in a raid on WorldofWarcraft or big fight on Battlefield I am scott free. I come out that shower and he’s still on the game.…in the same raid. Now I can’t say that this works always. If he has headphones on done deal, but once he hears that shower going man mode kicks… Read more »

jessicabelleyt
Guest

i want to go a bit natural because my hair would be like a fro but curly but im afraid what people would think as well as i like my hair relaxed

:)
Guest
:)

go natural,i mean at least if you are natural you can switch from curly to straight when you want :)(as long as you consider how much heat your hair can handle)

Celia
Guest
Celia

This makes me a little happy that I am natural while single. If I ever get a boyfriend (sigh, eventually), they will know what they are getting into. :p

kb
Guest
kb

I think his reaction, while over the top is typical to some degree. My bf was shocked, he never said anything bad, prolly cause he knew I was super defensive, but he did make comments, when women were wearing weaves and said, why don’t you do your hair like that again. He stopped doing it tho. he loves my puff!

Jesse
Guest
Jesse

Dang that ex‐boyfriend is something else. I loved the story though. I’m so glad you got rid of him. There are WAY too many INTELLIGENT men out there who like natural for you to entertain someone making you have a low self‐esteem. And for what? So you can be an untrue version of yourself? So you can hang yaki on your head and rip your edges out? NEXT!

Destiny
Guest
Destiny

I had a similar experience, my ex told me he was going to get me some remi hair when he first saw it lol. I was like please get out my face.… I distance myself from him, I get a lot of compliments and I LOVE my TWA so much. I wish I would of done it sooner.

ashley lisa
Guest

I did the same thing you did Tyra…but I did the big chop only one month into the relationship. We were in College at the time..he had slept over and I was transitioning when we started dating. However, I woke up before him looked n the mirror and just grabbed some scissors. Luckily I didn’t get that same reaction. He was basically just “ok” with. I told him I did it so that it wold grow out healthy and he said “Well let’s see what happens.” Now it’s two and a half years later and my hair is a medium… Read more »

:)
Guest
:)

no wonder you get compliments,your hair looks seriously good and healthy

Amma Mama
Guest
hmm
Guest
hmm

Right… cause 4c hair is bad hair

TINA SMITH
Guest
TINA SMITH

HERE WE GO WITH THE HAIR TYPING

Lauren y
Guest
Lauren y

Every many I’ve ever dated and saw my natural hair always told me I looked better with it natural, it was myself that thought negatively about it, until my husband finally conscienced me. Looking back I’m ashamed I felt that way but I feel blessed I had such support to embrace my natural self.

Lauren y
Guest
Lauren y

A lot of typos but I hope you all get the point. Lol

Chantelle McIntosh
Guest

It’s his loss by a long shot! My love for 6 years loved when I did my first big chop in 2009 and again last year (2012).
I love being natural and so does he! Although I still have persons around me that constantly says ’ have nice hair BUT when are you going to perm your hair again?’

My response: I didn’t cut my hair for you, I did it for ME & I love it just the way it is!

Pynkstarr
Guest

I have never had a bf, but all of my guy friends at first were like it’s nice…then theyd say wow Im surprised I like it. Which was kinda awkward because that is not a compliment but I guess it takes some getting used to when you look at the way most of us were raised in regards to natural hair. Im happy you found love…with your hair and a new man.

Trish
Guest
Trish

My bf of 1 1/2 years was very hurtful when I first chopped my hair off Oct 2011. He thought I did it because I was mad at him, that wasn’t the case, I was angry at the heat damage done to my hair after a friend pressed and curled it. I rocked weaves and my real hair natural and straightened prior to the heat damage. Back then, when I wore my hair natural it wasn’t a problem because it was “long” but after my big chopped I sent him pics and he made comments referring to me as looking… Read more »

Janeen
Guest
Janeen

I agree with a lot of the comments, men indeed are visual creatures. My experience was somewhat different. I was in a new relationship and I discussed the possibilities of chopping off my hair . I was scared that I would look and feel unattractive and my guy was very encouraging he convinced me that was never possible and he joked that worst case scenario he would get me 7 different wigs one for each day so he could have 7 women in one (blonde , brunette etc) . I finally did it and he was nervous for me if… Read more »

delila black
Guest

what a prick. Good riddance.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/bluebackdromdelilablack.jpg[/img]

DaniGlamMonroe
Guest
DaniGlamMonroe

Mine seemed cool when I BC…there are times when he jokes and makes his side comments but for the most part he doesnt care about how I look.
That is not always the case.…..

When women get so attached to weaves and gets attention that way, any comments and changes hits them the hardest.

Cami
Guest
Cami

I am a female, and i’m not going to take a bias stance for this situation. I honestly believe that women should not make decisions without talking to her significant other and expect that he should just be kool with it. That is unfair to him. If you do not like tattoos, I do not think it would be fair to a female if her man just goes and gets one, and expects her to accept it. People like and prefer different things. If he met her with long shiny weaves, that’s what grabbed his interest, so do not be… Read more »

Amma Mama
Guest

I hear what you’re saying but I feel her BC is different than getting a tattoo. It’s her hair that grows out of her scalp. But I understand your point. If that is his preference, then that’s his preference. He clearly wasn’t the one for her. I am glad she found a man that accepts and adores her natural hair 🙂

http://ammamama.wordpress.com/

Amma Mama
Guest

Have ya’ll seen this video?

NATURAL HAIR: YO BOYFRIEND DONT LIKE IT??

joyce
Guest
joyce

loved the video. thanx for sharing!

Briana Hicks
Guest
Briana Hicks

I can completely understand that position, even if it doesn’t necessarily aply to me or my situation. I believe that relationship dynamics can and do vary based on the individuals involved. I am the sort of person whose appearance is not something which I will consult others on‐ that includes my significant other. My SO knew me a long time before our relationship became romantic, so he knew this about me. It did not occur to me to talk to him about what was going down with my hair before I started transitioning, because I know that he’s not the… Read more »

Curious
Guest
Curious

You are a female what, dear? I couldn’t force myself to read past that.

Iva
Guest
Iva

Yeah.…I always find it weird when women or girls call themselves “females”. Female “what” is right. It always seem vaguely…sexist. It’s okay to be a woman or a girl. And then to use the term “female” but not use the counterpart “male”…not to get all soap‐boxy but it does make me wonder how the commenter views themselves and their womanhood.

Dolores
Guest
Dolores

Amen! I am so tired of hearing that term. I mostly hear it in reference to black women. I once asked a man why he used that term, and he said that he doesn’t necessarily assume that an individual is a woman ( meaning a lady); he just assumes that she’s female. To say it’s sexist puts it mildly. I think it’s demeaning.

Courtney
Guest
Courtney

You know **scratches my head** I don’t understand why most be saying “Oh I love when a girl wears their natural hair” and “I hate girls who wear weaves” Then when women start wearing their real hair out then the whole dam script just flips. I remember when I did my big chop I didn’t get much attention from men when I be out all the time. A week after my big chop I end up wearing sew ins just to test it out to see the reactions and it was completely different and got so much attention than that… Read more »

TINA SMITH
Guest
TINA SMITH

BUT WHEN YOU PUT OUT THE VIBES THAT THE WEAVE LOOKS BETTER THEN THE NATURAL HAIR WHAT DID YOU EXPECT

Courtney
Guest
Courtney

I expect exactly what reactions that I was going to received. I never said my natural hair didn’t look good and the weave look better. That is what you’re assuming. Did you understand my whole comment? Oh wait I forgot your TINA SMITH with the ALL CAPS comments. Nevermind

TINA SMITH
Guest
TINA SMITH

BITCH PLEASE YOU CAN’T READ I SEE

slw
Guest
slw

No. You didn’t comprehend the original comment. *getittogether*

Courtney
Guest
Courtney

You know what this is your second time calling me bitch. Do you feel better about yourself? Women like you always bringing other women down just so you can feel good about yourself. If that’s what you do then you must one ugly ass bitter person. Sweetie I’ve seen some of your YouTube videos couldn’t get pass 8 seconds. How does it feel to have almost 50 subscribers? HA! You’re a joke

AllyCat
Guest
AllyCat

What grade are you in?

Josephine Odion
Guest
Josephine Odion

When I decided to go natural, I told my then boyfriend about it (we didn’t split cuz of it though) and he was shocked and doubtful. To be honest, most men don’t know much about women and hair, and I explained my reasons for my decision, for me it wasn’t about ‘seeking permission’,that’s what you do in a relationship with someone you love, talk about basically everything. His last words were, ‘I trust your decision, I’ll admit I don’t fully understand it, but I trust you…’, every now and then he would pull out a picture with me with weaves,… Read more »

Spirit
Guest
Spirit

[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/mewithelffoundation.jpg[/img] I had wanted to BC for like 10 yrs and my family was against it. I had long hair and they did’t get me wanting to cut it all off (it was bra strap length). My crown I noticed was thinning out and I had other issues so I thought a BC and going natural would solve them. The beginning of June 2011 I relaxed my hair for the last time. Since moving from NYC to FL my hair no longer behaved. I never had a frizzy day in NYC, I didn’t even know my hair could get frizzy… Read more »

Heliconia4
Guest
Heliconia4

How shall I put this? Its a concern of mine having to face this so… I had just taken out braids when I was asked out last year and I purposely delayed ‘doing’ anything with my hair. Just went with my hair natural (which I never really wear because I can’t comb my hair) I managed to pull it into an elastic — I wanted him to see me with my real hair, no makeup etc etc. After the date — I refused to call, text or anything — it was up to him and he called then, and every… Read more »

Dominique
Guest
Dominique

I can imagine the hurt. recently a guy im seeing looked at my picture on my wall with my hair relaxed, he asked “why does your hair look like that?” i said “it’s relaxed there” he said in a serious tone, “dont relax it again” lol. Even thou i dont plan on relaxing my hair ever again and he cant tell me what to do, it made me feel good to know he thinks i look better doing me. i think if he was to say he prefered it straight i would show him the door quick time. any guy… Read more »

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[…] My Boyfriend Changed After I Did The Big Chop […]

Sun WayWord
Guest

there u go another whitewashed black idiot — good dumping
”know thyself -so called blk man and woman”

namasteubuntu
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/opuskreative.jpg[/img]

Mobaby
Guest
Mobaby

I think opinions will definitely differ. I have BC ed my hair twice in my seven year marriage and I am now back to relaxed hair. Your SO has a say or at least a contribution to your image this is because how you look could affect your relationship. I tell my husband how I like his beard shaped and when I feel he is due for a haircut and he listens to me. No big deal listening to him.

Dee
Guest
Dee

Let’s get one thing straight here: this guy was rude, demeaning, unsupportive and every bit the mate we all fear to have one day. However, he also reacted the only way he knew how: dictated by HIS idea of beauty and attractiveness. If I had been her, I would have brought the topic up with him before doing it; NOT to get his blessings, but merely to know what category he fit in, for me to manage my own expectations. As mentioned in a few comments here, men are visual creatures, and it would have been great for her to… Read more »

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[…] Source […]

TINA SMITH
Guest
TINA SMITH

I FOUND THIS TOO BE FUNNY. THIS WRITER IS THE SAME PERSON ON THE WEB ACTING LIKE HER 4C HAIR IS A DEATH SENTENCE

Spirit
Guest
Spirit

I didn’t get that from the article. What I got was she was scared and rebuffed by her former bf and was happy she found someone who accepted her as is. Depending on where you are (assuming your in the US) the reaction can truly vary.

sarah
Guest
sarah

I felt really insecure when I first stopped wearing a weave in January this year, about whether or not men would still find me attractive or not. Then my Dad (who is white and had always wanted me to wear my hair natural) told me I looked “wonderful”. That was all I needed 🙂

Dawn Kimble
Guest

I like compliments and attention but I will NOT consult on making a decision about my hair, skin, etc. If we truly believe that we should accept people for who they are and that we are all free then there ia no need for me to consult with my hubby about my hair. My husband hates relaxed hair but I have had relaxed hair while we were married. The bottom line is he loves ME. Not my hair. I don’t think that women should give other people power over them. That’s one of our first problems. We have given the… Read more »

clar esa
Guest
clar esa

First of all that man was a boyfriend not her husband. She shouldn’t have to OK nothing with him first. She was only seeing him for a few months, she didn’t owe any explanation of what she does with her hair. And if he was her husband she should have discussed it and eased him into the idea of a BC not OK it by him. Wtf is wrong with y’all females saying a women need to OK her decisions by a man!!!

Guest1234
Guest
Guest1234

Agreed. I don’t ask my husband for permission to do a darned thing with my OWN body. That’s just cray cray. Ironically, that attitude is why so many of these ladies are still single. What kinda man u gon’ get, askin’ OTHER folks if it’s okay to be you? That is NOT setting a good precedent, as far as I’m concerned. And it’s a recipe for finding yourself surrounded by users and losers. What kinda man thinks it’s his RIGHT to tell you what to do with your OWN body? What I think these ladies don’t understand is that a… Read more »

clar esa
Guest
clar esa

Women are treating these “boyfriends ” like husbands and we need to stop!! I’m really disappointed in the amount of women who are dismissing that mans behavior or saying she needed a mans approval to cut her hair. If all women thinked like, I shiver to think what world I would be living in. Women don’t need men’s approval to do something wonderful and healthy for our bodies… We need SUPPORT!!! That’s what’s wrong with our community… Shame on that black man. We should not be excusing his behavior. Change starts with US.… Black Wome..

Guest
Guest
Guest

Totally agree with you, I remember telling my husband I was going to grow out my relaxer and wear my natural texture. I didn’t really care how he felt about it. It wasn’t his hair/head that was being chemically burned and heat damaged. I have never even asked if he liked my hair. He has since told me on a number of occasions he likes my hair and he’s happy I am no longer burning it up with flat irons. I am an adult and do not require permission from my husband regarding my hair. I find it ironic that… Read more »

Rain
Guest
Rain

Exactly!

Rain
Guest
Rain

@clar esa I completely agree with all your comments, my mum gave birth to me, raised me, invested in me and my hair and I did not even consult her about my BC nor look for her approval, but I’m supposed to, according to some people, ok it with a man who hasn’t even made a lifetime commitment to me?? Even if he is your husband nobody has the right to stop you being yourself! If you make a decision that is important to you he needs to accept and support it and vice versa because you love and care… Read more »

Jessybabe
Guest
Jessybabe

Most men are visual when the grow up. They grow up thinking that straight, unruly, long hair is beautiful than kinks and coils, because our hair is viewed as “nappy”, and not right. I was thrilled with my hair when I BC’ed a few weeks ago. I normally hair short hair, but I loved how much life my hair has, I love all my coils and curls. My BF however was a different story. He wouldn’t say anything about my hair directly to spare my feelings I guess, but he was a little more distant. But slowly as time passes,… Read more »

MsKat
Guest
MsKat

She dodged a shallow bullet‐I say good riddance to him. There are so many guys out here who are addicted to all that is fake it is nauseating. There’s nothing wrong with wearing some hair when you are around your man, but they should be able to accept you any way‐ natural, relaxed, added‐on. Your hair does not, in any way, define you on the inside‐your mental process does not change when your ‘do does. The guy she dumped, unless he changes his point of view and realizes the hair does not make the woman so to speak, he will… Read more »

Joy n L.A.
Guest
Joy n L.A.

Didn’t have that experience. I’m sorry you did. That must have hurt. I cut my hair and men, real men, FLOCKED to me. I think my beautiful fade separated the men from the boys… LOL

Michelle in Mississippi
Guest
Michelle in Mississippi

I am so sorry you experienced that. I had a conversation with my husband before I even started transitioning. I let him know what I was about to do and asked how he felt about it. He asked “what are you going to do with it once you cut it off?”, and I told him, “wear it curly”, and he kinda laughed, like “yeah, right, sure your hair is naturally curly”.…needless to say, he loved my twa because I didn’t transition long. It has been 3 years and he still occasionally touches it.

KDR
Guest
KDR

Just a question…do you think white, hispanic, or asian women ask their significant others their opinion or permission to change their hair? If no, why in the world would a black woman? if you all you love about me is my hair then you don’t love me. All women you need to “miss’ these shallow Hals because what they’re selling isn’t love.

Beverly
Guest
Beverly

I have a Puerto rican friend with bra length wavy hair and yes her husband cares how she wears it. She doesn’t think he’d be up for her having a short cut

rOx
Guest
rOx

unfortunately, black “men” tend to be more judgemental when it comes to our hair; the superficial ones anyways. it’s not so much getting their approval as it is judging the future of the unknown. being that asian and white and hispanic women typically have long silky straight hair (there is the occasional nap), their significant others don’t much care unless it is a boycut. Even in our own community, black women judge the 4c hair as _____________________<your descriptive here< it’s a shame that the world contains as many “shallow Hals” as it does. but the fact is there is

Maha
Guest
Maha

I think white, hispanic, and asian women also aren’t drastically changing not only the length but also the texture of their hair like black women are doing as of late.

I just feel like its an Apples vs bike tire comparison.

jasmine
Guest
jasmine

yes, white, hispanic & asian women ask their significant others what they think about their hair.
that is all

Trisha!
Guest
Trisha!

Wow, reading this was absolutely TERRIBLE. To think that there is still an abundance of men out there who prefer fake bimbos who shove weave in their hair and slather tons of makeup on their face is beyond me. I knew her exacts fears in this article, being worried about the BIG CHOP. I was scared, no TERRIFIED that everyone would hate it, and I would be the laughingstock of all my friends, family, and my boyfriend. But amazingly, to my surprise, everyone adored it! They were happy to see me get away from hiding underneath the wigs and weaves… Read more »

AllyCat
Guest
AllyCat

Why’d you have to say me on the lft jom on the right, though? LOL

Trisha
Guest
Trisha

I put that so everyone could see what I looked like! 🙂

Kay
Guest
Kay

Wow, you just disrespected so many women. smh.

Trisha
Guest
Trisha

Huh? How? O.o

LizzyLiz
Guest
LizzyLiz

OMG! You look beautiful! Smile on, girl!

TooCoolForSchool
Guest
TooCoolForSchool

THA WEAVE IS WHUR ITS AT!!!!!!!!! U BETTA GET WIT IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Whitly
Guest
Whitly

What a hurtful experience that must have been. When I first began going out with my boyfriend my hair had been locked for 6 months. I didn’t know how to take care of it and was selfconcious. I knew the first few months of the locking process were the worst so I tried to just ride out the ugly phase. He offered to take me to the salon and they worked wonders on my hair. I kept my lox in for a little over a year then decided to comb them out. My hair went from being on my shoulder… Read more »

Pat
Guest

I’m so glad that she found a real man who accepts her for who she is. It’s best to keep it real from the jump.

Flynfab
Guest
Flynfab

I’m so sorry this happened to you! When I first decided to transition I told my husband what I was planning to do, but I did not ask permission. He didn’t like it in the beginning, but I think that was because he didn’t know what to expect. Now, after 7 months natural, he loves my hair and so do I!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/image-21.jpg[/img]

Flynfab
Guest
Flynfab

Lol, sorry for the sideways pic.

Charm White
Guest
Charm White

Many men love when women have long hair, whether it is straight, curly, kinky or even fake. In their mind, it is an attribute of our femininity. In their mind, it is what sets us apart from men. So we shouldn’t be so harsh when they are shocked or saddened when we cut what many of them believe is our beauty..and out of consideration for him, we should ease them into it through discussion and understanding. However, if a man rejects you because of a hair cut, then you are indeed better off without him.

Guest1234
Guest
Guest1234

Long hair separates women from men? And all this time I thought there was some actual anatomical difference. Silly me. These dudes with all these phony notions of femininity are gon’ be real bummed when the only women who meet their arbitrary standards are rejects from Ru Paul’s Drag Race. Cuz seriously, drag queens are the only ones that fit that caricature of womanhood that black men so desperately crave. They gon’ find out one day. They’ll finally get that “dimepiece”, FLY honey with hair weaved all down her back and a face full of heavy makeup and that Kardashian,… Read more »

CattWoman
Guest
CattWoman

Yes indeed many men of other ethnic groups get upset when their significant others go from long hair to tweeny weeny whatever. MOST Men like long hair.. the longer the better. If they didn’t the imported hair business would go belly up. Some women like beards and some can’t stand a breaded man. These are preferences and it doesn’t make the person bad, it’s something that matters to them. The men in my life know upfront I do what I want w/ my hair, if it’s going to be a problem then I’m the wrong person.

cocomo
Guest
cocomo

Some men are terrible… thy say they want women to wear their real hair.… but when you do they run away. I m sorry you had such an experience and I m glad you found a real man.… When i went natural my boyfriend was AWESOME about it.…. he doesn’t really care how i wear my hair and thinks I’m pretty either way.… and that’s what ALL WOMEN DESERVE!!!!!! that’s what you deserve.

Adrian
Guest
Adrian

Smh, most men (especially Afro‐men) are shallow. My hair was 21″ long, relaxed, and colored Dirty Blonde. I let it grow out about 2 1/2″, then cut off all of the relaxed and went natural. Everyone…I mean everyone, I Knew asked me why, in a disappointed tone, and the majority of them offered to pay for me to go to the hair dresser. My eyes were opened to there closed minds. The realization is, just because you are no longer brainwashed doesn’t mean others aren’t.

Just Saying
Guest
Just Saying

This knife cuts both ways because if my husband up and comes home with a jheri curl lets say as an example, I would have a problem.

Any significant change in styling contrary to how we met each other would require, in the least, a real conversation.

ericak
Guest
ericak

@ just saying… hahahahahahaha I laughed at that,all i could think about was soul glo and i totally agree. It works both ways

Genève
Guest
Genève

My boyfriend is white and when I did my big chop he was surprised to see me with short hair but he said that he prefered it than my hair that was damaged by relaxers. now my afro has grown and he loves it, he even reminds me to pretect it by putting a satin pillow before going to bed. my point is that whether your partner is black, white, hispanic, it is important that he knows you at your most natural and still loves you hairless and make‐up less because what matter is the you inside and all the… Read more »

Everyonelovesnelle
Guest
Everyonelovesnelle

I have to say that while his response may seem sort of shady, I understand. He’s a man and not all men are attracted to women with very short hair. He might not have even been conscious of how he was acting at that time. I’m happy that you found someone you are better yolked with though. I decided not to BC b/c I have always had long hair and my go‐to styles are usually a ponytail or bun so it’s just easier for me to go this route. Lately I’ve been thinking about cutting off all my relaxed ends… Read more »

Guest1234
Guest
Guest1234

But she ain’t some random woman off the street. That’s what I think a lot of young women don’t get. A man that loves you has a deep, inner attraction to you that isn’t diminished by something so small and petty as a hairdo. It’s not the same kind of attraction one might have to a stranger or a celebrity (which may vary based on slight superficialities). It’s a lot stronger and more potent than that. In her instance, they were already in a relationship. In a real relationship, all the things he finds attractive about you don’t disappear when… Read more »

Namala
Guest
Namala

I have to come to the ex’s defense in one fashion. It is very hard to ask someone accept the real you when their interpretation of the real you was fabricated. It’s like buying into the stock market and watching everyone else flourish and then only your stock drops. It’s kinda like buying stock in fool’s gold, and wondering WTF?! With that said however, I completely understand your pain. I made my transition and recieved some flack from people who had no business even opening their mouths. They actually had the audacity to say I look better the other way.… Read more »

Deedeemaha
Guest
Deedeemaha

Any many ways I agree with your example. However, as a stok buyer, would you not examine what you are buy? Research. At some point when you are coming invested in the relationship would the young man not ask about their natural hair under the wig or weave? For that fact, even the young lady could take off the weave, are talk about are something. I know that can be hard if you are addicted. I did tell my husband I was thinking about letting my perm grow off. He said, he said, just don’t do it because its a… Read more »

colalover
Guest
colalover

You are right, but at the same time, it sounds like some men don’t want a woman, they want hair. What she had was a very immature male. Not an evolved man.And that is fine if he want’s long hair, then he should get a woman with naturally long hair that he is also attracted to.He knew what her real hair looked like regardless of the weave because if you want a Black woman, then you know automatically what type of hair she REALLY has underneath. But then you have some men who complain about running their fingers over “tracks”… Read more »

Alwina
Guest
Alwina

Wow, I’m sorry to hear that happened to you. But I’m glad you are no longer with someone that doesn’t appreciate you for you. He clearly is into fake chicks. He went for the 20 (weaved chicks) instead staying with the 80 (you). Rock your hair how you want to and stay beautiful. I dated someone around the time I BC, but my concern was not for what he thought. I had planned this along so I knew I was going to BC. If you were with it, great! If not, great! God bless and keep doing you sunshine!

Shawni
Guest
Shawni

I have a similar experience. However, I am married. So, I can’t get out. I have 3b/c hair. For 20 years I wore a texturizer making it more like 3a. For the past 10 years I’ve flat ironed my hair. I’ve always known my chocolate colored husband has had issues with both hair and skin. I have kind of a light carmel colored skin and when he sees people his color or darker he makes negative comments. One day I had a “good hair” day (meaning it behaved the way I wanted with the products I used). In front of… Read more »

Sandra
Guest
Sandra

Why do you stay with this type of man ?? He is clearly with you because of his self‐hatred !!

colalover
Guest
colalover

Thank you for sharing. I am sorry you feel that you can’t get out of such a bad emotionally abusive situation. Like I said, ( IF you read my story) I went through a very similar experience. I broke it off with him, and yes, it is much more difficult to leave a relationship when you are married to the guy. I should say he didn’t seem to want ME because I wore my hair natural. He called it unkempt a few months after we broke it off. But he was really cruel about it, much like your husband is… Read more »

Tracy
Guest
Tracy

I remember when I bc’d the guy I was dating LOVED it. I remember being shocked because when I first met him I had a long 18 inch weave and he was the only person to tell me how much he loved the new look. All of my family and friends were just like “why?” or “what did you do?” I even got “is she gay!?” People are nuts, I’m 4 years post big chop and I still wear weaves for protective styles from time to time and my current boyfriend hates it, lol. He prefers my natural hair I… Read more »

Tiffani
Guest
Tiffani

My husband is white and it was his idea that I go natural. A lot of people didn’t like my hair but the amount of people that did support my BC was greater. Most of my critics were black. They had a lot of misconceptions about curly hair. For some reason, they thought I was going to have loose flowing curls and my hair would grow rapidly.

colalover
Guest
colalover

My mom walked around with a little afro when my step dad and she met. Let’s see, they met in the early 70’s. Now my step dad( who is white and from a wealthy family) loved it. He loved the afro on my mother. When she did the weave in the 80’s, he loved it. She went back to the afro (texturized) in the 90’s and he loved it. When she dyed it like a leopard print, he loved it! He was super proud of her uniqueness and boldness. She shaved it all off, and I mean ALL OFF!just for… Read more »

Loving My Natural Hair
Guest
Loving My Natural Hair

Sorry but I hate when our beautiful sisters refer to what other races are doing.. But let me make this clear, Asian men are extremely hard on their wives for appearance and yes they most certainly must get PERMISSION before cutting their hair, their mothers are also hard, I have a circle of friends who are Asian and a few Indian friends who experience the same… Sometimes if you haven’t been exposed to any other culture, you assume your race is the worst. Finally all men not just black men are visual people, I talked to my husband when I… Read more »

colalover
Guest
colalover

I have always said that I could never be an Asian woman, married to an Asian man. Not that I think it’s bad to be Asian, just saying the culture is very hard on women, this I know. That’s why I mentioned that when you grow up in a household like I did, where my dad who is white was married to my mom she could do pretty much anything with her appearance without asking. He’d give her his opinion, but she’d SOMETIMES change it if he didn’t like it, but it was no big deal if she didn’t and… Read more »

colalover
Guest
colalover

I also think the Thailand cultures and the females are appearance obsessed, more so than Black women could ever be here in America. When I was there, some of the women were constantly comparing my color to theirs.(I’m light) You can’t find lotion over there without bleach in it. Talk about a culture of women being WHITE BOY Cray, Cray!!!!! They aren’t too crazy either about their own men I noticed. One thing I noticed they love people and are polite, but they really love money and are obsessed with looking more white and also obsessed with skin bleaching. I’ve… Read more »

The one who got away
Guest

I did not big chop. My partner and I got back together after I went natural. In our previous relationship I wore my hair pressed or in a weave. Almost two years into “us” with me being natural still I get request for straightening on special occasions like our anniversary. I don’t see anything wrong with straightening your hair every now and again but I can put my hair in a special style in its natural state. So I usually deny the requests. My partner HATED my marley twist, because they were “too big” and constantly referred to them as… Read more »

colalover
Guest
colalover

That is so cool, great pic!

colalover
Guest
colalover

I’m the type that doesn’t care if men are “visual” lol because I just do or wear what I like. If I feel like being fat, I do, if I feel like being thin, I do that. I learned a long time ago that we are all going to age, so if he doesn’t want you after you go fat or wrinkly then he’s an idiot and missing out. Because we all change and age. If I feel like shaving my head bald, I will. There was a time when I was a little more sub‐conscious but not anymore. But… Read more »

I'malearning
Guest
I'malearning

I have a husband, two sons, numerous males cousins and 5 nephews. I am also an educator. I am around males 24/7. Truthfully we have a long way to go as far as self acceptance, black love and consciousness. Many men will say that they love natural hair, little or no make‐up, blah, blah, blah, but they are saying what they think women want to hear or perhaps what they actually know in their hearts they should admire because it is what grows out of their, their parents, and siblings head, but they are conflicted because if your hair is… Read more »

TWA4now
Guest
TWA4now

@I’malearning…so TRUE! I already know what you are saying.…..they say they like natural hair but don’t or few black men do. #fewunderstand

Deb
Guest
Deb

from the private conversations that I’m privy to these men (Black men anyway) are few and far between.”

not surprised. they’ll live.

Liz
Guest
Liz

My husband was probably the ONLY person who supported me after my BC. Prior to the BC, we had been together for 8 years. My hair was permed and bsl for out entire relationship. He loves long hair, so it took a little getting used to seeing me practically bald. But he was supportive, and I really appreciated that since no one else was. He has locs, so he wasn’t shocked about the texture. I think if someone really loves you, what your hair looks like shouldn’t really matter.

Geri
Guest
Geri

I have been married for 25 years and majority of that my hair was relaxed. In 2002 I stopped and transitioned by wearing braid extensions and then two strand twists with weave added for thickness instead of length. My husband was not feeling it but he just watched and waited. I started flat ironing and then shedding. In August of 2012 I stopped that and in November I flat ironed for a special event and my hair had grown 6 inches. He loves it now. Time and you own love for your hair usually will win them over. Stay true… Read more »

Lydia
Guest
Lydia

I don’t know if this is the difference in white men and black men, but I’ve been with a white guy for four years, and he doesn’t really care what I do with my hair. true, I’ve never BC, but I went from always wearing it straight to going natural, and he compliments me however I wear my hair. My hair has mostly always been long, but when I got a cut a few years back, he still liked it. I think black men are taught more to care about superficial things like hair, makeup, beauty in general. its really… Read more »

Dolores
Guest
Dolores

Not true. Why do you think so many white women have eating disorders? Most of them may not care about hair, but like all other men they care about how women look.

lizaldorne
Guest
lizaldorne

Where are all of these white women who wear weaves, get botox injections and have eating disorders? I have never met any! It seems like to me, black and white men have had negative comments about natural hair, and an equal amount are indifferent/compliment it. It’s just more shoking when a black man does. The black and white men who have these negative reactions ot natural hair are not the types I would want to be with anyway. Ignorant, and far to superficial to me.

Sue
Guest
Sue

What is your point? I have never heard white men make in your face derogatory comments about overweight white women. I cannot not say the same about black men and natural hair. Eating disorders are mental illnesses and most women with it want to control how they look not men. And white people in general have higher rates of mental illnessess, including suicide rates. I think black men having negative reations to a women’s natural hair is just revealing the mans deep‐seeded ignorance and lack of cognitive ability. It is shameful and pathetic. Any man who does this is a… Read more »

JustMo
Guest
JustMo

I am currently with a white man and he is the ONLY one that has accepted my hair whether I flat iron it straight or wear it curly. He thinks it is beautiful when it is an out of control bush! LOL! When I dated black men it was always a preference. Some wanted me to wear it curly because it will curl. Most preferred it straight because it is mid back length and they can run their fingers through it although they tended to be the ones to say it is nappy when I wash and go. It’s nice… Read more »

Muhindi
Guest
Muhindi

I’m sorry but i don’t think there is a difference between black men and white men liking hair then again i don’t believe that the average white guy loves afro hair more than the average black man, I’m have been natural for some time now and i’m attending a mainly white school and i have had a lot of white men snigger and laugh at me right in front of my face because of my hair texture (4C) just because its different and they would never do this when my hair is relaxed so why now? I’m finding hard to… Read more »

miss johnson
Guest
miss johnson

If there were a Weaves Anonymous, I would’ve been sitting in the front row! I would have never in a million years thought I would return natural lol. My boyfriend and I had been together only 3 months when I decided to b/c (keeping in mind he’s only seen me in weave). I was actually taking out a weave and my hair was soooo tangled, I was frustrated and I had enough, it was time for this hair to go! I told my boyfriend, “Call up your friends [who own a natural hair salon] so they can cut my hair!”… Read more »

Miss Amy
Guest
Miss Amy

My ex boyfriend loved my natural hair. He claimed it was his favorite trait about me especially since most of his exes wore weaves and he was never allowed to touch it…his favorite style was me wearing in a big poofy ponytail and he would gaze in awe how i would spend hours every sunday pre pooing and deep conditioning it…nonetheless the relationship didn’t last but at least there are guys out there that appreciate natural hair and what having a healthy head of it requires..love this post!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG_20130522_162418.jpg[/img]

Nappychique
Guest
Nappychique

wow…it makes me feel sad that there are still people out there who are so shallow. if a man only likes you because of your hair what would happened if it dropped out, never mind if you have a weave and decide to stop wearing it? do YOU…whatever you do. just as bad as the man who told me I was too dark for him. it hurt but it’s all the same. whoever wants you will want you for you, whatever kind of hair your have/don’t have/buy/throw away/cut off and whether you are light/dark/in between/both or either.
happy2Bnappy
nappychique

Nana
Guest
Nana

Thank you for this post, makes me appreciate my boyfriend more. I have been natural all my life. But i keep cutting my hair really short (which my boyfriend hates) When i decided i wanted to changed i spoke about having a weave or straightening my hair, which my boyfriend And i hade a discussion about. He loves me for me And the natural me. He actually hates weaves And straight. He always tells his female relatives And Posts on Facebook how woman should be Natural. Finally im now growing my hair And its longer than shoulder length. I feel… Read more »

dnixon
Guest
dnixon

-I have this problem! People tell me ‘I need to do somethin’ with my hair’.‘Yeah,I can part it to the side and stick a flower in it,now go away’ -It is difficult transitioning,especially in a non‐natural friendly city (I live in Philadelphia,pa).Now,I made the chop when I was a teenager and I had never been so happy in my life!(despite people talkin’ shit,but whatever)I have the hair I us to have as child,hair that (when pressed out) comes about to my chest.What I learned is that we were made this way for a reason.So when somebody says somethin’ to me… Read more »

dj
Guest
dj

dj

hey dnixon. i’m sorry that you’ve run into people in philly who give you grief, but please not say that is the norm here.…..i’m a philly girl as well. i went back to natural 21 years ago, got a lot of flack from a lot of people at first, but, i stuck with it and over the years, the same people that criticized my hair choice, began to ask for my help when they were beginning their natural hair journey! so now, i’m surrounded by many in philly who have embraced natural — LOVE IT!!!!

JuJu
Guest
JuJu

I transitioned from a Mohawk that was relaxed. I waited from my sides to grow out to an inch or so & cut out all the relaxer. I received such positive feedback (except from the old relaxer crazy generation) but its been all love from men & females. Remember ladies that natural it not for everyone & some ppl will love it & others will hate. Be true to you & love yourself for who you are or you are become/want to become !

Happynappy
Guest
Happynappy

Though I can relate to some of the negative feedback from my hair being natural, I have the most supportive boyfriend ever. When we met, I had a weave. He highly encouraged me to take it out. He hates weave, makeup, artificial nails, lashes, the whole shabang!! LOL He always tells me that I am my most beautiful waking in the morning or just sitting around the house with no makeup and my natural hair. So there are some men out there that want that woman just like God made her in all her natural beauty no additives.

Barbara Horne
Guest
Barbara Horne

A video with male opinions on natural hair and dating.

https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?v=10151819878101768

Leslie
Guest
Leslie

It’s kinda our fault that weave is the preferred choice with our men. I remember when weave first came out and they didn’t really care for it preferring our natural tresses, because it didn’t look real and they couldn’t touch it especially during the throes of love making. Martin Lawrence on Martin would always tease Pam about her hair and say, “It’s just unbe‐weavable”. Wigs was definately a no‐no especially since they were worn by the old church mothers on Sunday mornings donning a big church hat. Now here it is 20 years later when the stiff fake hair has… Read more »

Shay702
Guest
Shay702

This is a very interesting post. I didn’t do the BC, but transitioned instead. I met my boyfriend during my transition and I was wearing 18″ of weave at the time. It was pretty, long and it fit me. Once I was fully natural, it took me almost half a year to feel comfortable wearing my natural hair‐ I thought I would look ugly and he would get turned off. My boyfriend pushed me to take the weave out and rock my hair in its natural state. He admitted how tiring it is as black man to see black women… Read more »

mrsquanna
Guest

Before I big chopped, I had a few conversations with my then boyfriend about how my hair will no longer be long and straight– either I was going from relaxed to sisterlocked, or would cut off my hair. I didn’t ask. I told him and said that if it wasn’t something he could handle, then I wasn’t the one. He actually thought I was the one making a big deal out of it– that he didn’t care. I just wanted to be sure, ya know? Especially since I know that his family isn’t too keen on dreadlocks in general and… Read more »

Ekene
Guest

When I was contemplating whether to go natural or not, I was seeing someone who thought I would look weird. By the time I was ready to transition, we’d broken up (just a month after my last relaxer actually) and we haven’t had a conversation about my hair since. Around the time I did my BC, I met someone new who had locs and seriously digged natural hair. It was very encouraging to me at the time. Now, I’m with someone else and the hair doesn’t make any difference to him. We don’t need anyone in our lives that thinks… Read more »

Yolanda
Guest
Yolanda

So sorry you had this experience. I think that we all have to realize that we all have preferences whether its tall, short, muscular, fat, bush, clean cut, employed, etc.… Whether we reveal this or not. I believe that we need to explore preferences or taste when dating or choosing a mate. Its better that you found out who/what before you made a long term commitment. As for me, I’m married to a man who prefers natural women, little/no make‐up, hates weave, loves full/long hair, prefers thick women. Now do I think he’s shallow, mean, insensitive? No because I learned… Read more »

Ashley
Guest
Ashley

The thing with men that women don’t want to hear, is that they are stupid. They are very visual. You can have no brain but look good and have a million dates lined up. I big chopped several times and I actually get more attention when I BC. Your ex man was in a trance from the weave. It didn’t matter if it wasn’t your hair, he just wanted the visual illusion of hair. On another note ladies, consider your head shape before you BC. Most people don’t tell you this but its true. I would grow out a couple… Read more »

Karla
Guest
Karla

I love this post(for the ending!) I BC’d last May 2012(my Mother’s day gift to myself)I had been researching natural hair for a while and one morning woke up and just started cutting. I rocked my TWA but was nervous what my husband would say when he saw it(he was deployed, so we used skype)I hid my hair for 2 weeks and finally he said, why are you hiding? I said I cut my hair off, when he saw it, he loved it! I was surprised that he complimented me right away, he did like my permed long hair, but… Read more »

Janissa
Guest
Janissa

I am proud to say that when I BCed after a bad weave experience my boyfriend (of almost four years) was extremely excited and supportive. He says that he loves being able to run his fingers through my textured hair and playing with my coils, and I definitely love the feeling. I was so scared that he wasn’t going to like my haircut but I was pleasantly surprised by his reaction. I’ve been natural a little over a month now (yeah I’m still a newbie) and I’m never looking back!!

Lee
Guest
Lee

I had a similar reaction from I guy I’d fallen for. That insecurity you develop is REAL! Strong women always say NEVER to base your self esteem or self worth on a guy but when he has your heart he can still take a toll on it. I’ve been natural since before we met but I always wore it in braids; once I wore it as a wash n go or blown out, even two strands he would refer to it as “that sh*t”. Needless to say 2.5 years later I am HAPPILY married to a man who can’t wait… Read more »

youngin girl
Guest
youngin girl

Good for you. He deserves you and you deserve his respect and affection.

Lee
Guest
Lee

Thank you!

Alana
Guest
Alana

This was such a beautiful story!!! I had a very similar thing happen. I had long relaxed hair and after a bad experience with senegalese twists, I chopped off my relaxed hair. I had transitioned for 9 months but it was a huge difference. The guy I was dating at the time hated it and cheated on me and left me for a girl with long straight hair. However, now I’m with a guy who loves my natural hair even more than my relaxed. He embraces it and makes me feel beautiful. Even better, he loves me regardless of how… Read more »

youngin girl
Guest
youngin girl

I like how one guy does you wrong but another guy comes along and makes you feel like the all‐eyes‐on me lady. It makes you believe that not all guys are the same and that one guy can make a difference. There is always somebody for everybody, They are out there but you just have to find it.

afra
Guest
afra

That is a real man who loves a woman regardless of how her hair is a real man’s love shouldn’t be based on whether they are done up all the time or not 🙂 Glad you found true love wish you all the best in your relationship and I will pray for you 🙂

Jennifer
Guest
Jennifer

I AM Jennifer from Canada i was propose to be marriage by a love one, but he suddenly changed his mind just because he found himself a new love, my heart was broken and so i was devastated to the extend of committing suicide a friend of my introduce me to a powerful doctor called DR.AKHERE when i first head of him i never believed his powers until i visit the De akhere spiritual temple of the great prophetic man DR.DR. AKHERE, a man of wisdom and understanding he helped me out after having some conservation with him, and my… Read more »

Liz
Guest
Liz

It would have been cool if he’d supported, but let’s be real: She began the relationship under false pretenses and then was mad that what she originally portrayed herself as he wanted? It was good she let him go–now they both are free to pursue what they wanted AFTER “the change”.

Easyreader
Guest
Easyreader

You’re comment is beyond harsh. When men get a texturizer do we call them out. When white women curl their hair for hours or do extreme blow outs do we consider them misrepresenting themselves. Black people why do we insist on treating each other with such disrespect. Asians can flat iron their hair and nobody calls them on it. Our hair is versatile. Our skin comes in 45 different colors so why should our hair be only in its supposed natural state. Your hair didn’t come naturally with olive oil on it but we add it. Let’s accept each other… Read more »

chazza
Guest
chazza

I just couldn’t agree more..its like wearing heels, getting taller then say its misrepresentation. ..what?!

Ms Marcy
Guest
Ms Marcy

I will use my life examples to try to explain: I love adventure, change and evolving. I love growning in skills and personality. When I met, my now ex‐husband, I had just changed from a one year protective style of braids to a relaxer. I was on three different board of directorships in addition to my job and church activities. Having such an intense relationship gave me little time for hair creativity. So, I kept it simple, long, straight and boring. Yet that was what he felt was beautiful. My sister even asked me, “What is he going to do… Read more »

Yetta
Guest
Yetta

I agree we do look different with different hair. He didn’t like the after he saw… I met my husband who’s is White wearing braids. .….I let him see asap what “my hair” looked like.…when he said he was interested I said I have to show you my hair first..he liked it and he has seen my hair in all kinds of states and we started off by him seeing real me…
Wigs and weave are like dentures. .you’re still you but you look a whole hell of a lot different with them out

Ashley
Guest
Ashley

That was one thing I was worried about with my boyfriend too! Luckily I met him with my afro out and he actually hates when I get the long braids and twists which makes me feel pretty damn good lol

Andrea
Guest
Andrea

My husband did me the same way after I did my BC. I transistioned for 11 months before. He was not feeling the short hair. 1 year post BC he just got used to it.

Hillz
Guest
Hillz

My boyfriend didn’t like it at all(still don’t know if he likes it) He is white.. But I ignore his hurtful comments most of the time. He once said he doesn’t like my hair, but I think he came to realize how much he hurt my feelings that day. He now wants to learn how to work with my hair. I don’t blame him that much, I haven’t been taking care of my hair that much. I now have a regime and products I need, but I am just lazy to plait it..

Kim D.
Guest
Kim D.

Hilz, not all white men are that way. Mine is white also, and I had braced myself for him to not like my hair at all and in turn not like me anymore either. Was I ever surprised when I came home with the ultra short afro and he loved it. He loved the fact that I would let him touch my hair now instead of like before with the weaves and perms. I’ve been a natural for over a year and my hair has grown tremendously now that I take care of it. Like the article, make sure he’s… Read more »

Hillz
Guest
Hillz

Kim, You are right, Sometimes it’s better to walk away, than to ignore that he is degrading your beauty because it doesn’t fit his idea of it. but Afro hair if not taken care of can look a mess. I don’t say every white man is like that, I seriously don’t blame him for not liking how I look with my natural hair because I sometimes don’t take care of it. I sometimes stay a week with half plaited hair that looks incomplete. Any man would feel off.. Days after he spoke to me, a few other people mentioned my… Read more »

SamtheDiva
Guest
SamtheDiva

I love this story because I actually decided to big chop out of annoyance with my boyfriend. When I met him I had 18 inches of human blend (yes blend) weave in my hair, but you could not tell me that I was not the stuff. I could get that hair to blend with my hair like nobody’s business. When he met me he and his friends thought that it was my real hair which I promptly told them it wasn’t. Fast forward, I had been toying with the idea of going back natural and was struggling with the two… Read more »

afra
Guest
afra

he sounds very immature equating short hair to masculinity, Halle Berry doesn’t look at all Masculine yet she has short hair, some guys need to grow up 🙂

Think Like Linda
Guest

I began transitioning last year after my birthday, needless to say I’m sorry things went wrong for you. My boyfriend is White and I am Dominican. My boyfriend loves my hair, he thinks natural hair is sexy lol! I’m planning to cut off the rest of the relaxer in March/April and he couldn’t be happier! I have 4a type hair growing in and I’m really grateful he appreciates my natural locks. Power to everyone doing the big chop or transitioning to natural. Weaves and perms don’t make us, we makes us:)And if a guy doesn’t appreciate us for being who… Read more »

DivaCurlz
Guest
DivaCurlz

HELP! So I’ve always been natural but used to wear either straight hair or an afro when I first met my boyfriend (who i black) 3 years ago. He never really complained but never “liked” my hair as such. I also then wore a half wig for 2 years which some days he “liked” others not so. I have recently taken off my half wig to enjoy more creative natural hair styles rather than just straight or in an afro and every single one of my styles has been met with a disapproving look. As I recent recently reached BSL… Read more »

Lee
Guest
Lee

I too am in a 3 yr relationship (dated for 2, married for 1) but he knew me in high school when my hair was relaxed, super shiny and long. He has always dated girls with long relaxed hair, possibly because his mom has super long relaxed hair. At the beginning of our relationship he was a bit weird acting towards my natural hair and asked me what happened to my “straight stuff”? After a while though he learned to love it; all the funky styles and ways that I accessoried the dos with my clothes. He still loves when… Read more »

TWA4now
Guest
TWA4now

Love your hair and let go of the boyfriend approval. A lot of people don’t get it or want to about natural black hair.

Hillz
Guest
Hillz

If he loves you because of who you are then it will pass, don’t give up on your hair. He will learn to love your new look especially when every one around you compliment it. Just be the new original you and Keep the waist length coming… 🙂

DivaCurlz
Guest
DivaCurlz

Thanks for the words of encouragement ladies. Luckily I was brought up with positive affirmation so I am still strong in my convictions and believe that God loves me and I am beautiful no matter what is on top of my head. Ultimately he does love me for who I am as we have been together for so long I just really want to educate him bit by bit so he learns to appreciate his African queens not simply accept what society has force fed him.

TWA4now
Guest
TWA4now

There are so many oeople who need a reedication about black natural hair. They seem shick when it is in it’s natural state. I gwy loooks and syares esoecially form black women…sorry it’s TRUE!

True but he may never get it…keep doing you.?

Kekz
Guest
Kekz

I finally did my Big Chop a couple of days ago after transitioning for like 8 months. Due to the fact that my textures were so different I kept my hair in twist most of the time. I’m finding a new found confidence in my short hair. One thing that did get me was that the guy I’m dating said “you don’t like right. I’m still trying to get used to it”. Although he’s always known me with long hair, you would think he could be supportive. The funniest part is that before I even started the process he said… Read more »

afra
Guest
afra

Your style is really nice! You remind me of my cousin! 🙂

Megan
Guest

That is a shame! Who knew men could be so shallow? My sister is doing a big chop and I support her 100%, chck out the blog about it if you like ;D > http://mixedmeg.blogspot.co.uk/2014/02/my-sisters-big-chop-hair-inspiration.html

Hannah
Guest
Hannah

My ex hated when I wore weave or braids and preferred my fro. Too bad he’s a douchebag!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/02/image-15.jpg[/img]

Clarissa Evans
Guest
Clarissa Evans

Wow, typical black dude. How they forget that they have the same hair growing out of their own head. It’s no wonder many natural hair women end up with men that are every color but black. -_‐

Jenelle
Guest
Jenelle

Thank you so much for your story. I did the bc the weekend before Valentine’s day. While, I’m not presently dating, I was wondering how it may impact my dating life (i wondered this before the bc; i had been transitioning for 4 months). Since the bc, I feel so much more sexy, empowered, and strong. It’s like I’m seeing myself for the first time and I love it. I really appreciate your story. Rock on in much love and blessings.

Carlyn
Guest
Carlyn

Thank you! This is the most enriching article I could have found you are lovely 🙂 I had a new relationship recently, and I had hair extensions when i met him. I took them out, but my hair was already a bob to the middle of my neck, so he was still really happy. he commented all the time on how much he loved it. I’m sort of a hair maniac, I cut my own shit sometimes, and i also really like bobs to my cheekbone. I didn’t like the uneven way my hair had grown in the weave so… Read more »

debby
Guest
debby

I’ve been with my boyfriend for over two years now. We were great during the first year, but our relationship became abusive. I remembered that I was the one who first laid a hand on my boyfriend. Then, that’s when it all started. Every time we get into a fight, it frequently ends in violence. But later he becomes the aggressor. He’s the one who hits me first. I don’t hit back anymore, but this doesn’t seem to stop him. He ended up taking me to the hospital to get stitches in my head after he hit me. The hospital… Read more »

wanda
Guest
wanda

I total understand. My hubby did not like my hair at all after I did the BC. He will not say I look nice or anything. He just and don’t say a word about how I look. I was so hurt that he treated me that way. But he had to live with it or leave me. And I am to good of a woman for him to leave me. So has time went by, he got use to it. I have been natural for 20 months now. And I put on my wig at all time. No one will… Read more »

Alexys Willis
Guest
Alexys Willis

In high school I decided to go ahead and be done with my dry permed hair and start a new beginning. Needless to say no guy my senior year took me to prom and my boyfriend decided he needed a girl with straight hair. After that I began dumping money into the weave industry. It wasn’t UNTILL college that I met a guy that I really liked after dating for six months he still hadn’t seen my real hair. Sadly I was afraid of loosing him. But the day came when I was out of weave and had taken my… Read more »

Yvette M
Guest

My boyfriend says he likes my hair original (meaning as it grows out of my scalp). He hates weaves and wigs and laughs at my wigs when I wig it. But he supports me since its ”our” hair and our kids will definitely rock their hair how God made it. I am blessed to have a man like him, I know

nikki
Guest
nikki

I had told my boyfriend that I was going to chop for months.. I had stopped getting a relaxer 10 months prior, so he was prepared. when I chopped it, I said “Bay, im going to get my hair cut” he was surpised at how show it was, said I looked like Maya angelou, lol.. it took him about a week or so to use to it but now he says he loves my curls.. But either way, I chopped for me. Not for him. He didn’t really have a choice but to like it or leave 🙂

nickiw
Guest
nickiw

I understand physical attraction is important in a relationship but I also know that confidence is as well. I dated a guy who met me when my hair was short. My hair was also short several months later when he asked if I ever grow my hair out. He said he liked long hair. Thank goodness I’m older, smarter and wiser because I knew he liked something about me when he asked me out in the first place. My ex loved to comment about my hair, but seemed offended when I asked him to get his cut shorter or told… Read more »

kat
Guest
kat

I’m having an issue, I just now started dating a very nice guy I met a couple months ago, a white guy. He knew that I wore wigs, the reason I wore wigs was because I just did not feel like doing my hair at all. I have thick curly hair. At times it’s very hard to manage, also in the area that I live in the weather is unpredictable so if it rains or if it’s humid m“y hair will puff up &its terrible lol. He wanted to see my hair, he says while stroking my wig, “let me… Read more »

Qwerty Asdf
Guest
Qwerty Asdf

@Kat — i completely understand where you’re coming from! My boyfriend is white and I’ve always had braids in my hair. That’s my ‘do’ – Braid! I’m a bit lazy so weaves just seem like too much work! Anyway, after a few months of dating him, I took the braids out and had my hair straightened – and boy didn’t he love that! He loves how “free and fresh” I seem with my natural hair. It’s taken me about 3 years to embrace how I look without the braids or weave. If I didn’t have anything in my hair, it… Read more »

sanjidude
Guest
sanjidude

I was married to my white husband for 7 years when I big chopped. After the initial shock wore off, he spent the next 2 weeks with his hands in my hair, amazed by my thick, soft kinky curls. He said later that he didn’t understand why I got relaxers when my real hair was so pretty. Truth is I didn’t remember what my real hair was like since my mom first relaxed it when I was only 7. The real issue many men seem to have with big chops is the short length, not the texture. Just be patient…mine… Read more »

Felicia
Guest
Felicia

Several years ago I got nearly all the hair on my head chopped off, it was shorter than my husband’s was at the time. He didn’t seem to care or have any reaction to it at all. Needless to say, I got a lot of positive attention from men that I saw on a daily basis. Before the BC, none of these men paid me the slightest bit of attention.

tion
Guest
tion

hi guys im really upset.. i dont know why ive done this but after 17months of transitioning iv cut my hair! i feel so lost and unhappy.. i felt ready i thought i was.. i hated the damaged ends so why do i feel so unhappy ? i had damaged bleached hair n i planned to cut it out bit by bit n my journey was fine up until recently my hair had been so tangly i been getting so frustrated i thought if i cut a bit of ends it would help but it didnt at all i cut… Read more »

Jasmine
Guest
Jasmine

i’m 15 years old and did the big chop today and i need some advice and support. i’m kind of scared of going back to school (i go to an all girls school) and see people laugh at me since i shaved my hair fully. i really need help, i starting to regret my decision.

Lehman M. A. Speech
Guest
Lehman M. A. Speech

Many times when others make fun of people, it’s a reflection of their own insecurities. Be proud of your natural hair! I find that if I show confidence, even if at first it’s only on the outside, people begin to respect you. If they sense your regret or hesitation, then they often feel justified in picking on you.

Next advice, check out you tube. They’re lots of cute styles for all lengths of natural hair. Finding cute styles will also boost your confidence.

Good luck!

Taylor Tolbert
Guest
Taylor Tolbert

I had the same experience. ..I chopped my hair off after a night of watching Beyonce’s visual album “Lemonade” lol. I’d been thinking about bc’ing , but had been reluctant to do so; it’s a scary thing you know? Us black women are so attached to our hair; I’d been wearing weaves and braids for so long, I’d stop relaxing my hair for a while, but my real hair was drastically unhealthy. I was one of those sad cases who got so wrapped up in my extensions that I totally neglected MY hair. I took better care of my extensions… Read more »

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