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True Life: I Hate My Natural Hair… But I Won't Give Up on It

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By Ariel LeConte of Revolutionary in Pink Pumps

You know the girls you see in the Miss Jessie’s and Shea Moisture ads, the ones with big smiles as tons of bushy curls come falling down around their faces? Or how about the dark chocolate girl whose perfect white teeth beam up at you from the magazine ad as she rocks a thick kinky type 4 afro? Yea those girls… they are not me. My natural hair doesn’t make me smile or want to pose for pictures or even run my hands through it. On the daily I consider if I should just chop it all off and go bald. I’m one of those 4c hair texture girls; defined as tight kinky texture with a minimal curl pattern. What the real definition of 4c is: ” Oh you thought you were gonna get a comb through that? You wanted to use curl cream and Denman brushes you say?….NOPE!”

Transitioning
Almost 4 years ago I stopped perming my hair and let me tell you it has given me hell every step of the way. I left it in twisted extensions for the first year, then cut off the permed ends and started to wear it out. I was so excited. I combed the natural hair blogs and watched hundreds of YouTube tutorials to help me decide what creams I would use for all these amazing styles I would be doing. It was like an awesome dream. For a while things were okay, my hair was still in that “in-between” phase so it held onto twist outs pretty well but I was still itching for some length! I figured if I gave my hair time to grow it would work out better for me. So I put in an invisible (tiny braided extensions) and left it alone to grow.

invisible

My Invisible Extensions

Fast Forward
Whenever I would take out my invisible I was excited to see what kind of hair growth I had acquired. I attempted wash and go’s and was horrified by the results. My hair in actuality was about 2 inches short of being shoulder length and when I washed it the shrinkage was horrible. I would attack my head with Curlformers, Denman brushes, afro picks, Shea Moisture, Miss Jessies, Carol’s Daughter, I mean if you name it I promise you I tried it; many of these products at the recommendation of natural hairdressers I visited and consulted. No matter what I did my hair would shrink up into a dry not-so-fluffy little afro. It made me miserable. I would literally sit in the mirror, stare at my hair, and cry. I had heard that it was a little rougher for type 4 textures, but I felt helpless, I just wanted to hide all my hair.

A Little Heat Lightning
I decided that maybe if I stretched my hair a little bit it would cooperate with me and boy was I right. I got my hair professionally blown out and then went home and did a twist out on it. It was the most beautiful result I had ever seen and for the short time that I wore it I was absolutely ecstatic about my hair. I snapped photos everyday and made excuses to go out just so I could walk around with it.

Twist Out On Blown Out Hair

Twist Out on Blown Out Hair

But as soon as I wet my hair again it reverted to its awful, annoying state. I was depressed again and back under an invisible it went.

My Sad Revelation
This summer I wore some Senegalese twists and when I took them out I went to get my hair blown out once more. I did a beautiful twist out and the very next day the heat and humidity destroyed it. By 5 pm my hair had no shape. It was just a tangled mess on on my head. I was back to square one, because clearly the summer wasn’t going to allow me my heat straightened freedom.

I’ve pretty much given up on my hair for the moment. Even though I have friends with type 4 hair texture none of them seem to have hair that’s anywhere similar to mine and I feel deeply alone in this struggle. I wash my hair and attempt to pick it out with my black power fist afro pick and it just sits there. I still look in the mirror and want to cry but when I walk out the door I hold my head up high and act as if my hair looks amazing. I don’t even have recent pictures of my hair to post because I have essentially refused to be photographed. I have hair envy of other naturals, especially the ones with big fluffy fros, but aside from all of that I have alot of self-hair hate. Since my natural hair causes me so much trouble the smartest thing to do would just be to give up on being natural but something in me refuses to allow it. I don’t want to go back to being a slave to my perm just like I don’t want to be a slave to my blow dryer.

Picked Out Afro

Picked Out Afro

Honestly right now I’m just biding my time, covering my hair in pretty scarves, until I can put in my next invisible. But I write this post for all of my other natural hair girls who feel just as miserable and hopeless as I do. I refuse to give up, no matter how much trouble nd stress my hair gives me. I cannot change my hair texture, it’s mine and that was the point of being natural, to embrace who I was. It’s not about the fad, it’s about being free from a bond to a conformist habit. Even though I want to stop trying, I know I won’t. I think I’m secretly hoping that one day when it comes out of an invisible it will spring into a huge fluffy fro and my problems will be solved. I know it won’t happen, but a girl can dream and the point is that you should too. I hate my natural hair and I’m ok with that, I just have to keep trying.

Ariel is a 20-year-old college student, plus sized beauty activist, blogger and mass media junkie who’s in love with black culture and fashion. Her blog is Revolutionary in Pink Pumps.

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Chachamusicgirl
8 years ago

Maybe your hair will cooperate with you more as it grows long. My natural hair is about shoulder length as well and it can be a sour pain in the ass. It’s too short to do anything with besides bun. When I say bun I don’t mean a nice slicked back luscious bun. I mean a puffy tiny bun enveloped by my satin scrunchies. While I don’t hate my natural hair texture- probably 3c/4a, I do hate how short it is. Sometimes I think about just wearing it straight all the time but I know that will lead to hear… Read more »

stephanieb
stephanieb
8 years ago

I can relate to this article as well, and Chachamusicgirl, at least your hair is shoulder length, mine is still TWA stage so I can’t do anything but wear an afro, which I don’t like on me. I am hoping though, as you said, that once it continues to grow out I can do more things with it, because wearing a wig is getting REALLY old. My hair has been a pain in the a** for as long as I can remember, but I’m just thankful that at this point I have healthy hair and that it’s much healthier now… Read more »

charisse smith
charisse smith
8 years ago

Hi. I also have 4 c hair in the worse way too and am not happy when I cannot achieve a great twist out like other naturals who have 4b or less hair types. Also, I live in a tropical climate 100% of the time. But the reality is that our type of hair, 4c, is going to shrink no matter what. That’s just our hair. I encourage you not to get discouraged but to accept it.I also applaud you when you realize you are you, with your unique hair strands and all. It’s a struggle but one really worth… Read more »

mercy
mercy
8 years ago

Aawwwww:-( I can relate!all I can say is..you’re not alone!

DreamGirl
DreamGirl
8 years ago

From your words to my heart,I have felt like this more times than I can remember. I want to relax my hair ’cause when it was relaxed it grew longer with less effort!

candy
8 years ago

I commend you for your honesty, Ariel. And I can completely relate to your frustration with your natural hair, contrasted with your desire to stay natural. I hope you come to a place where you can embrace and love your hair. You’re a beautiful young lady. Blessings.

reese
reese
8 years ago

Thanks for sharing your story- it’s actually quite refreshing.:-) I’m sure there are some ladies out there who are breathing a sigh of relief because you actually said- what they are thinking. Let me tell you something…I really do love my natural hair and I’m really enjoying my curl pattern. But if my hair did not break off from relaxing, I would not have stopped perming my hair. Natural hair is not for everyone!! I’ve been natural for almost 2 years. I get frustrated with my hair because I feel like I have to always DO it. Later for all… Read more »

Deb
Deb
8 years ago

I think it’s amazing that you are so honest and I know many will relate. I think it’s great that you are following your heart and not giving up on your hair. I’ve really noticed that 4c kinky naturals are becoming more visible in comments, blogs, youtube videos which is the way it should have been from the start but hey, this natural hair thing is a journey we are all in together and this is a natural development. I pray as time goes by, there will be more exposure and support for 4c hair in the community and even… Read more »

Nicole
Nicole
8 years ago
Reply to  Deb

I agree… If you don’t like it, if it’s causing you stress then get a perm. No harm done. Plus this whole haircare movement in general is moving forward really quickly, there’s a bunch of information on youtube and blogs for both natural and relaxed hair.

deb
deb
8 years ago
Reply to  Nicole

“Plus this whole haircare movement in general is moving forward really quickly, there’s a bunch of information on youtube and blogs for both natural and relaxed hair”

yes it’s an awesome development too…my personal goal is to know how to take care of my hair whether its permed, relaxed, texturized…whatever. Right now (and probably for a long time but who knows) I’m in my natural state. It’s all good…

Michèle
Michèle
8 years ago

Thanks for sharing your story!
I can totally relate to that.
I m really considering going back to relaxed hair, after 3 yrs of being natural. But you make me wanna consider other options

Nature Girl
Nature Girl
8 years ago

How can you be a beauty activist when you hate yourself? I know you said that you hated your hair, but how can you when your hair is apart of you? I need you to look in the mirror and see what I see and that isn’t ugly or nappy. I see nice skin, full lips and alluring eyes. I also see thick kinky hair on a journey! Master your hair by studying it and reading about afro texture hair, and if the products you are using aren’t working become a mixologist and find what works best for you. Rock… Read more »

lablooplah
lablooplah
8 years ago
Reply to  Nature Girl

gotta agree with her. It’s true that our hair can be hard to manage, if we make it that way. I’m currently a college student and i’ve found an easier way to take care of my hair that saves time, the curly girl method. And if my hair ends up looking like a mess, well then i work with it. Our hair cannot look perfect everyday, and that is okay. Rock a head scarf or w.e. But first you must learn to accept your hair. Relaxing your hair should be your last option. Well that is just my opinion. I… Read more »

deb
deb
8 years ago
Reply to  lablooplah

There’s also the definition of presentable hair that people might desire to always live up to and that takes even more work to live up to with kinky hair. That plays into it too. There was a recent post that expressed something similar.

kan
kan
8 years ago
Reply to  Nature Girl

Great points Nature Girl, but being a 4 myself and someone who can totally relate to the writer of this article, I have to agree with her. The thing is, I don’t know about her, but I suspect she is like me in that it is NOT self hate at all. I honestly have a good healthy self-esteem and I have never struggled with self-hate or low self esteem or anything like that. I just genuinely don’t care for my particular texture of hair. Like several have mentioned, it requires constant help and attention like you are baby-sitting it or… Read more »

jasmine
jasmine
8 years ago
Reply to  kan

Ariel, I’m so glad you were honest! Thank you Kan – thank you for your honestly too! I’m a 4 as well, but i don’t understand. why are you spending hours on your hair? What exactly are you trying to get it to look like? I think once we stop holding our hair to eurocentric beauty standards, and wear styles that don’t require huge manipulation to create a resemblence of another persons hair texture we’ll be fine. We will find ourselves spending time on our hair because we WANT it to be healthy and moisturized, or we are in a… Read more »

kan
kan
8 years ago
Reply to  jasmine

Hi Jasmine! The hours I am referring to are mainly during the washing process. For me I have to first deep condition & steam, finger detangle (which takes sooo long), wash, then use a protein treatment followed up by a moisturizer…then wait for it to dry about 50% until I can braid because braiding while wet means my hair won’t dry fully. This takes about 3 – 4 hours for me (which in my book is insane) And I have to do this process once a week….I typically can’t go longer than this because I work out alot and my… Read more »

Lily Madu
Lily Madu
8 years ago

I think your post is courageous and commendable. I imagine it can be difficult for women to vent their frustration on a site that mostly glorifies natural hair. You are beautiful. You have a pretty face, and from what I can tell from your not so recent pictures your 4c hair is beautiful too. Please don’t give up on it, I believe you will find a way to manage and rock the tresses that grow out of your head. There are some 4c naturals on Youtube, like Jouelzy for example. Twistouts and Braidouts are cute, and they CAN be achieved… Read more »

lablooplah
lablooplah
8 years ago
Reply to  Lily Madu

Her hair looks beautiful to me as well

Vonnie
Vonnie
8 years ago

*Sigh*…. And OF COURSE when talking about how unmanagable her hair was, the “4c” had to be thrown in there as a automatic death sentence. I know you more than likely wasn’t conciously trying to down this type, but it’s still stuck in people’s heads that if your hair type is 4c its synonymous with unmanagable. As a fellow 4c, let me give you some constructive views and advice. More than likely (and why I PERSONALLY chose not to transition), your inability to deal with your hair comes from “locking it away” in extentions, and then, having a full head… Read more »

TINA SMITH
TINA SMITH
8 years ago
Reply to  Vonnie

BEST COMMENT ON THIS POST

Rebecca
Rebecca
8 years ago

Story of my life

Raven
8 years ago

Thank you for sharing. I can relate, but my experience is medical. I have a scalp condition called seborrhea dermatitis. One of the side effects is hair loss. For years I had brittle hair and bald spots. I hated my hair and no matter how much I tried to get it to grow, it wouldn’t. After going to the dermatologist and getting treatment, I got some relief. Then, I discovered natural herbs and products. My hair began to grow back and so did my confidence. Today people tell me how beautiful my curls are. Your today doesn’t have to be… Read more »

D.K.
8 years ago
Reply to  Raven

Wow, Raven, well said. “Your today doesn’t have to be forever.” Beautiful. And people are so stuck on hair, we’re under constant pressure to look “on” all the time, or “normal”, it’s a mess! Take courage girls; who cares if they look hard at us? We are beautiful in every way, so turn self-hate into self-love and don’t give a darn! Find what works and stick with it!

vertmoot.blogspot.com

kb1908
kb1908
8 years ago

W/out getting too deep, I think a lot of people feel this way about their hair. I know as black women we have an extra burden, but if were to be honest, many other races aren’t happy w/their hair either. I think by being natural; you have already accepted your self, but that doesn’t mean that you are going to be in love w/your hair either.

Fenny
Fenny
8 years ago

Thank you for sharing Ariel!

It might be worthwhile for you to explore protective natural hairstyles, since afros & other out-styles (e.g. twist outs, bantu-knot outs)can frustrate us when we’re stuck with tangles and stressed by our hair texture. As we learn to love & care for our hair, maybe these can help:

Two Strand Flat Twist Updo’
My Natural Sistas

xGoldn

Peace & Love

reese
reese
8 years ago

Honestly, if i knew then- what I know now- about texturizing and protecting my relaxed strands with vaseline while getting a touch up. I can’t say for certain- but I might still be a relaxed girl. Also, I was talking to some of my friends about this the other day…and most of us thought although we like being natural, this natural hair ‘movement’ would probably be just another ‘phase’ if extensions and weaves had not taken over. If you think about it- wigs and weaves are the new relaxer. I know one girl who’s hair in never, eva, neva without… Read more »

reese
reese
8 years ago

Honestly, if i knew then- what I know now- about texturizing and protecting my relaxed strands with vaseline while getting a touch up. I can’t say for certain- but I might still be a relaxed girl. Also, I was talking to some of my friends about this the other day…and most of us thought although we like being natural, this natural hair ‘movement’ would probably be just another ‘phase’ if extensions and weaves had not taken over. If you think about it- wigs and weaves are the new relaxer. I know one girl who’s hair in never, eva, neva without… Read more »

TINA SMITH
TINA SMITH
8 years ago
Reply to  reese

NOT FOR ME IT AIN’T I HATE FAKE HAIR

cacey
cacey
8 years ago
Reply to  reese

that’s an interesting supposition. i’d never thought about it like that before. but i do think that most women who have gone natural would never have done so if they’d been able to make their relaxed hair thrive. idk how many would admit to that, but there ya go.

Nechel
Nechel
8 years ago

I think the only way to overcome this hate for your hair is to learn to love it. And I know that’s a concept hard to grasp! As my hair was growing out I realized quickly it wouldn’t look like the models hair with all those spirals cascading down around their face. And on top of that I was obsessed with length. I started to realized no product would make my hair grow faster so I stopped searching; Plus you can obtain bad hair products this way (stuff with Mineral Oil, cones, etc.). What I started doing was looking for… Read more »

sunnyflgrl
sunnyflgrl
8 years ago

Finally an honest, refreshing look at dealing with type 4 hair that is also fine, nothing like what is shown in those natural curl product ads. Thank you for sharing, one of the best articles I have seen on BGLH!!!

Nyala
Nyala
8 years ago

.___. If your hair doesn’t make you happy…then what’s the point of even having it?

It doesn’t matter the texture. I’d rather be a stark bald women with a bright smile then a gloomy one with hair down to her tooshie. If you don’t like your hair in this state, then don’t stress yourself – unless you REALLY believe it is worth something.

Because in the end, it’s all dead, lifeless matter.

Do what makes you happy, what makes you feel pretty. You don’t have to read a hair blog to do that. Just do what makes you feel best.

easyBlake
easyBlake
8 years ago

It can be rough when your hair doesn’t seem to even fake the look you desire. A suggestion: Haircut, or just Hair Shaping.

When your hair is cut into a style, a great deal of the battle is won! Even when I do nothing to my hair and just let it do its thing (a half-coily, half-bush combo), it still looks . . . purposeful. You know? It has a shape, it may not be the coveted type of hair, but it’s got style, and I’m working it, because it works itself, lol.

kb1908
kb1908
8 years ago
Reply to  easyBlake

Ditto! I was going to the put that in post as well. I going through an awkward stage,as we speak, and feeling this as well.

Laurie
Laurie
8 years ago

Thank you SO much for your honesty. I had a similar rant with my best friend a few weeks back- Relax my hair and probably damage it or continually blow-dry/straighten my hair and probably damage it. I only really like my hair natural when its in a stretched afro puff but as I found out that’s not sustainable. Still trying to figure it out and am currently alternating between braids, weaves and afro. Again, thank you for your honesty and keep looking for natural, healthy solutions. All I can say is you’re not alone, that you probably don’t look half… Read more »

Anike
Anike
8 years ago

Wow, this is such a great article. Even if you’ve come to love your hair I think we all, at some point, disliked (and for some) even hated our natural hair. With most people, including myself, this usually occurs in the beginning where, as Ariel stated, we’re bombarded with youtubers and bloggers and models who have these beautiful curly manes and we hype ourselves up just to realize that our hair won’t curl the same way that blogger’s will. And it’s frustrating. The best part though, is that she was willing to admit that she dislikes her hair and yet… Read more »

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  Anike

Why not consider locs….they are beautiful with thick hair. You will have 100’s of them….just a thought. I had locs for 19 years,my locs grew down to my buttock.I’m now acurly girl with fine hair,just making it stronger/healthier. I wish I had thicker hair,but I work with what I have. The grass seems always greener.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago

Why not consider locs….they are beautiful with thick hair. You will have 100’s of them….just a thought. I had locs for 19 years,my locs grew down to my buttock.I’m now acurly girl with fine hair,just making it stronger/healthier. I wish I had thicker hair,but I work with what I have. The grass seems always greener.

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago

this is sad, when I read this…just..idk, I consider myself 4BC my hair is more work, and I would NEVER consider it unmanageable…only more work. I believe how you feel is psychological because we are bombarded with images of tall, blue-eyed busty blondes and if its black women their hair is similar to Tracee Ellis Ross, Alicia Keys or some type of 3abc hair…the images are 24/7 all over the place…this can take a toll on a person who does not fit the images..Please don’t be UNHAPPY with your hair…if getting a relaxer makes it more manageable for you, well… Read more »

Tonia
Tonia
8 years ago
Reply to  Nappy4C Rocks

Yes, yes, yes!!!!! I do feel for the author. However, I agree that one has to truly accept their hair for what it is and not the images we are bombarded with.

Tonia
Tonia
8 years ago
Reply to  Tonia

BTW your afro is gorgeous!

Beauty84
Beauty84
8 years ago
Reply to  Nappy4C Rocks

Just a quick question, we are bombarded with flat booty white women, so why aren’t black women trying to get that.. It seems that a lot of black women, want straight hair because they just don,t like there hair. I’m in London right now and you see is ads with white women on them, I look and thnk, where are the black women, I don’t think that I need to look like them. This is the time when there is no excuse to not be natural, this natural hair movement is just weeding out the people with true self hate.… Read more »

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago
Reply to  Beauty84

by reading the article I don’t think she is going to do it…plenty of naturals can not handle it, and they relax their hair and they are much happier…again life is too short to be unhappy about hair

Jnatural
Jnatural
8 years ago

I love this article. It’s just real. Not everyone – as soon as they turn natural – wakes up and says, I love my hair. No. This love for our hair takes time – and guess what? It’s okay. It’s okay to not feel comfortable immediately. I knowI had a very emotional moment this morning. Our hair takes A LOT of time, energy and work. It just does. And it’s annoying. Especially when all you want to do is just go to bed. Geesh. I commend you and excited that you’re going to keep trucking and not give up on… Read more »

Buchi
8 years ago
Reply to  Jnatural

I did love my hair from the get-go. Self hair-hate? What did she say was wrong with har hair again?

Beauty84
Beauty84
8 years ago
Reply to  Buchi

Hey cudee now, guess who budee mans the cudee,

Rachel
Rachel
8 years ago

Based on the length of your hair in your pics above I think you would accept your hair a bit more if it were longer and you could do more styes and when humidity strikes (and it does for every hair type) you could at least put it in a cute bun. My hair is a bit longer than yours now, but I’m still in the awkward stage length, beyond TWA but I still cant put it in bun without really pulling and stressing it more than I’d like. Don’t give up, thick healthy hair is far better than thin,… Read more »

cacey
cacey
8 years ago
Reply to  Rachel

i agree with the notion that added length might make her see her hair differently. i despised my hair when it was 6-8 inches, but when it was 12-13 inches i had a LOT more love for it, because i could do more with it. styles, or at least the ones that i liked to do, just looked a lot better on longer hair. so i think she should just give it time.

Lucky
Lucky
8 years ago

Your hair is gorgeous though!

Becky L.
Becky L.
8 years ago

As a fellow 4c girl, I definitely feel where you’re coming from. My hair is as nappy as it gets. I have extremely small, very tight coils. My shrinkage is unbelievable. Wash-n-gos cause TERRIBLE tangles, matting, and single strands knots for me, so I don’t screw with that. Pineapple method?? Just another ticket to matting. 4th day hair?? Does such a thing exist?? And I ALWAYS have to something to my hair at night(if I’m wearing it out), whether that’s putting it in braids, twists, or mini puffs, otherwise I’m gonna look crazy in the morning. But even with these… Read more »

lablooplah
lablooplah
8 years ago
Reply to  Becky L.

“Most other ethnicity have been dealing with their own hair texture their whole lives. But for a lot of us going natural, this is the first time we’re learning how to work with our very own textures. So of course it’s going to take TIME.” THANKYOU!! You might wanna do the cg method and then braid right afterwards so that your hair doesn’t shrink and matt up. Works for me 🙂 And i honestly think we are too hard on ourselves when we have the so called “bad hair days”

Sam
Sam
8 years ago

I LOVE your honesty. At some point in your journey (and you’re only 20, so you have just started!) you will accept and love exactly what you have, and no longer yearn for someone else’s hair. This is what God gave you, and it’s beautiful. The problem isn’t with your hair. It’s with your head 🙂
Good luck to you, and God Bless!

shelby
shelby
8 years ago

this is the thing with our hair (the 4c type): all those WATER-BASED products make your hair shrink up and lose any kind of pattern it would have gained in a twist out or braid out. my recommendation would be to simply keep it up as much as possible in senegalese twists and cute box braids. give your hair time to be moisturized, sprayed with water, conditioned, etc. as often as you’d like without the annoying shrinkage reactions you’d get from wearing it out. it will retain length while in those twists and have patience! 🙂 it’s working for me… Read more »

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago
Reply to  shelby

umm 4C? hmmm

lablooplah
lablooplah
8 years ago
Reply to  Nappy4C Rocks

was that hmm.. really necessary? 4C chicks can have defined curls too smh

Maureen
8 years ago
Reply to  lablooplah

Have to agree with lablooplah on that. My 4c hair can look exactly like that. Don’t judge and question others hairtypes. They know their hair best… As for the author. It can be a struggle this natural hair but you will find your way. I didn’t always like my hair or the way it looked but as time past I figured out what worked for me and what didn’t, which products to use etc. This has helped me alot and opened my eyes to the possibilities of my natural hair. You have to get to knoknow your hair and your… Read more »

Maureen
8 years ago
Reply to  Maureen

past = passed

Jessica
Jessica
8 years ago
Reply to  lablooplah

okay- I am really not trying to be funny or snarky or ANYTHING like that…but- if 4c can have defined curls, what is the difference between a 3c and a 4c? I thought it was natural (no curly miracle creams added) curl patter/definition…please excuse my ignorance while I navigate this whole hair typing thing…although at this point, I dont even know why i still give a d@mn.

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago
Reply to  Jessica

thank you Jessica

CheBReal
CheBReal
8 years ago
Reply to  Nappy4C Rocks

Please don’t keep up with the hair “grading” nonsense. It’s demeaning and ridiculous

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago
Reply to  Jessica

@ CheBReal…no one likes the hair tping, but it is a REALITY…BGLH has a section called Type4C Icons; also 3abcd, 4ab, but not 6G…so calling hair typing nonsense and degrading THAT is ridiculous…we don’t like it, but DEAL with it…UNTIL something better comes along, type 4C baby!

ericak
ericak
8 years ago
Reply to  Nappy4C Rocks

LOL. I thought the same thing

kan
kan
8 years ago
Reply to  shelby

lol – I always chuckle when I see folks with non 4 hair say things like, “it’s not that hard, see, I have your 4 type hair and look how great mine looks” and then they post a picture of their obviously 3a/b/c hair. What’s that all about?

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago
Reply to  kan

you can only say …hmmm 4C? ok then

Nicole D
Nicole D
8 years ago

I understand your frustrations. I actually don’t even know what “type” of hair I have. Sometimes it looks really fluffy and nice, and at other times it looks dry. I can for the most part rock a wash and go-if that means putting a leave-in conditioner in the hair and then go; becuase this is what I do. Is this what a wash and go is anyway. Anyway, sometimes I love my afro. Sometimes I don’t. I do like my hair and can’t wait for it to grow so that I can style it. I love styling my hair and… Read more »

cacey
cacey
8 years ago

your post was inspirational. you echoed my sentiments to the letter, and i feel for your struggle. i think we often feel more alone in this than we are. sometimes i go through periods where, like you, i feel strongly inclined to hack it all off. then i find myself in phases, like currently, where because i’m tired of it, i merely throw it into a bun and refuse to touch it for days at a time. it’s natural, i think, to experience this when you commit to natural hair. and heck, i’ve been natural for most of all of… Read more »

Tanya
Tanya
8 years ago

Honey, no need to hate what God gave you. Embrace it and keep trying things on your hair. I too have 4c hair and when I fail to add moisture, I have a tangly, kinky, dry shrunken mess. My regime is moisture (misted water, oils, and real shea butter) with two strand twisted Bantu knots for bed. Yes the humidity will tear me up, but my fro is still manageable with texture. Although I love the smell of all of these over the counter products (Miss Jessie’s, design essentials, Shea moisture) as I too have tried tons of products, just… Read more »

thatgirl
thatgirl
8 years ago

and this is why i REALLY wish sites like bglh or any natural hair site would give more attention to the 4C chicks. seriously though, we claim to love natural hair but the girls that get the most attention in the natural hair community ALWAYS have 1. long hair and/or 2. bouncy, loose curls. if we would start showing more love and appreciation for girls who have super kinky hair and had more info about how to take care of it, i feel like this would happen less often. take advice from other 4c girls on youtube – i learned… Read more »

Nooni
Nooni
8 years ago
Reply to  thatgirl

They shown A TON OF 4C ON THIS WEBSITE! So when people star whining, I don’t know what they are taking about. They show a pretty good range of hair types. If you dislike it so much, no one is asking you to go on this site….

Cherise
Cherise
8 years ago
Reply to  Nooni

I just assumed they were referring to a different website than this one. That and real life (i.e. the media, family, friends, random people on the street and the black mentality that looser=better). I agree with you, though. This site does a great job representing type 4 hair types and that’s something I really appreciate about this site. I think other websites would do well to do the same.

Beauty84
Beauty84
8 years ago

Not to be funny but I believe if you lost about 20-30 pounds it would make you feel a lot better. And the reason I say this is because I lost 40 pounds while natural and I knew I would look much better because my face got slimmer and I could see my features more. That really did work for me, I do mean this in the most sincere way.

cacey
cacey
8 years ago
Reply to  Beauty84

she’s not even fat. what are you talking about?

Michelle
Michelle
8 years ago

Whereas I have no problem with shrinkage (my family does apparently), I hated the fact that my hair wouldn’t hold the shape of a braid-out or twist-out once a drop of moisture is in the air … my hair can LITERALLY tell when the rain is coming it turns into an unmanageable mess just in preparation!!!! I couldn’t understand why my sister’s hair looked good in an afro, braid-out, twist-out and mine looked like, well, crap!!! Did I mention that my hair broke into pieces at least three of my wide-toothed combs??? No?? Well it did! And this is after… Read more »

Ekene
8 years ago

Hey Ariel!
I hope you come to love your hair really soon! For your happiness and peace of mind.

As much as we’re a community, every naturalista’s hair journey is unique. What works for one 4C may not even work for another.

AND Really kinky 4C naturalistas have been featured on this blog! If you think otherwise, maybe you need to come here more often. For even more 4C inspiration, you could go see featured naturalistas on »

http://thekinkandi.wordpress.com/category/hairspiration/friday-hairspiration/

Happy Natural Days Ahead!
x

Jesse
Jesse
8 years ago

Cheer up! Honestly, the way you describe your hair sounds so much like mine. My hair will shrink to a tight kinky fro with high atmospheric humidity. A fluffy picked out fro, a twist out that took hours to twist, a braid out that was once so defined, all turns into a tight kinky fro at the end of the day. But the difference between you and I is that I don’t hate my hair for it. This may sound like a broken record, but just accept your hair already. Life will be so much better and happier for you!… Read more »

shea
shea
8 years ago

I had been natural for 24 years until I gave myself a “baby perm” in 2008 because I was tired of being different. Prior to the perm I have had waist length hair, mid back length hair and shoulder length hair. I experienced your same distain, with respect to my own hair, mostly because everyone around me had a perm. Well, after getting a perm and having most of my hair fall out I pretty much learned to accept my hair exactly the way it grew from my head. Recently, I had a break-through. Last year I decided I would… Read more »

Jeri
Jeri
8 years ago

Sounds like she has low porosity hair in addition to being a 4c, which is essentially much harder to deal with products.I have 3b/3c curls and it’s a major long arduous process to even get some defined curls. Otherwise, I would have a big afro. She should do a porosity check and see if that could help her out. Also, check out http://lowporosityhaircare.wordpress.com/ for some tips. I have looser curls than you but I know all too well that experience when you just come out of getting your straightened and as soon as you step out of the salon, in… Read more »

jasmine
jasmine
8 years ago
Reply to  Jeri

i think based on her description (&and yours as well Jeri) it sound like you both actually have high porosity hair “High porosity can be either an inherent property of hair or the result of damage from chemical processing, rough treatment or environmental damage. High porosity hair has gaps and holes in the cuticle, which let too much moisture into your hair and leave it prone to frizz and tangling in humid weather. Even simple acts such as bathing, swimming and shampooing can create more damage and breakage due to the sheer amount of moisture highly porous hair can absorb.”… Read more »

Hope
Hope
8 years ago

Accept the shrinkage accept it get used used because the 75% shrink is here to stay. Wanting what not is will make you unhappy. I knew what i was getting into when i went natural lat year dry hair,hard hair hair whose past time is to tangle and knot as soon as i ditangle . it is frustrating but i dont want straight hair. I love the texture of my hair. I hope i will be able to continue because ditangling is a hell, kudos to those who finger ditangle. Accept what is. People need to remember that relaxing is… Read more »

Amarmi
Amarmi
8 years ago

Sometimes I think we 4c naturals just have to face it. if we don’t want to deal with the twist out turned fro in humidity, then wear in- styles. So that means twists, braids,finger coils, buns, updos, braided updos, sister locs, or those thick uber-hot locs. They still look just as good, can still be just as hot.. it just wont be bouncy curls in the wind, just as it won’t be bone straight. It’s a matter of acceptance. Tell yourself something often enough. you start to believe it.

Deb
Deb
8 years ago
Reply to  Amarmi

well the rest of the world has convinced itself that loose, flowy hair is the norm so yes it can be done! if we were living in the 1800’s we’d all have our hair up and away in beautiful updos.

Stephanie
8 years ago

First and foremost, Curl Envy will not get you to where you desire to be with your hair. You have to first embrace the hair that grows out of your head, the hair that God gave you. I personally think you have been taking too much liking and time away from your hair and learning your own hair. You said that you’ve tried all kinds of products that other people have used from YouTube videos and such… Maybe you should keep a hair journal. Have the book sectioned off by cleansing, conditioning, moisturizing and styling. So anytime you find a… Read more »

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago
Reply to  Stephanie

bring it! Stephanie..speak

Heather
Heather
8 years ago

Finally. Some honesty. Keep your head up miss.

cocokitten
cocokitten
8 years ago

Love…i’m not going to knock u or tell u to grow up an love ur hair an watnot. I get it. U do like hair but ur natural hair, for u,is a struggle an noone will blame u for not wanting to have to handle that. My humble advice? and no…im no expert but for that peace of mind, for that self love an for that break an make time to truly love u an ur hair, go bald, rock a TWA…give yourself a break. Go bald gives women the freedom to do wat they want an move away fr… Read more »

KynnaB
KynnaB
8 years ago

I completely understand what she’s saying, however I could never hate my hair. I am a 4c I guess, my hair has no definitive curl pattern and absolutely no chill! No matter what style I do to it, what creams or oils or serum I use, where there is humidity there will be my tightly coiled fro’. In the beginning stages of my journey, I didn’t mind because my twists out had looking like a young Anita Baker, but the longer is got, the more awkward it was when it shrank up. Like her, I got blow dryer-happy, and used… Read more »

Kelcie
Kelcie
8 years ago

I want to thank you for writing this. Although I cannot say that I fully relate to your experience, I can say that being natural is more challenging than I originally anticipated. I don’t regret going natural. Lots of people tell me my hair is beautiful, but do not always feel that it is. It’s hard to explain. I guess my problem is that I was always known as the girl with long hair. Even if I cut my hair it seemed to take no time at all for it to grow back again. when I Bc’d I was kind… Read more »

ShantaFabulous
8 years ago

Have you thought about stretching your twists by pinning them to your head with bobby pins after you wash. You said you wear scarves so you it wouldn’t be hard to cover. You might be able to combat shrinkage that way.

Lillian
Lillian
8 years ago
Reply to  ShantaFabulous

Wrapping your twists around your head and pinning them down is a great way to stretch your hair. I have been doing it for three weeks and I love the look. Shrinkage doesn’t bother me though.

Kadisha
Kadisha
8 years ago

I can really honestly relate to this, I hate my hair and its an everyday struggle to accept it, especially when I see other naturals whose hair are flourishing. Sometimes I really feel like just cutting it off, but like Ariel I’m determined not to go back on the creamy crack. Only time will tell I what I do with it.

Monisola
Monisola
8 years ago

I love my hair, i love its texture. It is 4b/c. I have medium/fine strands with a medium/low density. The all encompassiong huge halo of hair will never happen for me. I can get a poofy circular look with shrinkage, which is a no no for me, my strands are too fine to inter-twine like that. So basically i rock some sort of floppy not very volumous braid outs and twist outs. If i compared my hair to that of some of the style icons on here, i would be hurt. but just me in the mirror, my hair is… Read more »

Lacey
Lacey
8 years ago

That was me about two years ago… but then I realized that wanting to look like the other girls with their curly hair was my first mistake. I was conforming to what the popular view of natural hair was. Once I realized that I needed to be my OWN natural and define what that looks like for me, I was very proud. You’ll get there, just be you and not the blogs and youtube videos.

Tara Kamiya
8 years ago

Excellent read and this is what I have been saying for months now. It is easy to scream natural when your stuff is not that tight, even me! The front of my head is Puerto Rican.LOL so who am I to run around screaming about being natural. It takes real courage to rock the taco meat….that is a “natural” to me! Keep trying sista!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/IMG_8873.JPG[/img]

Deb
Deb
8 years ago
Reply to  Tara Kamiya

LOL NO.

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago
Reply to  Tara Kamiya

what…the…?

CheBReal
CheBReal
8 years ago
Reply to  Nappy4C Rocks

hmph. In my experience, Puerto Ricans are some of the most self-hating of any of the children of the African Diaspora. You tell us more about you than you intend with that comment.

Jesse
Jesse
8 years ago
Reply to  Tara Kamiya

Lmfao at “taco meat”. Girl my 4c naps aren’t Mexican food.

Djanira
Djanira
8 years ago
Reply to  Jesse

Lol this is hilarious

Zoopath
Zoopath
8 years ago
Reply to  Tara Kamiya

I follow your blog and am really disappointed by your comparison of kinky hair to taco meat. Also, Puerto Rican is not a hair texture. I hope that you are not telling your sons nonsense like this.

Sabrina @seriouslynatural
Reply to  Tara Kamiya

Taco meat? I’m not sure what you mean by that at all. What a comment.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/blkandwhite.jpg[/img]

cacey
cacey
8 years ago
Reply to  Tara Kamiya

wow. were you intending that as a compliment? because i’m pretty sure that one totally missed the mark and then some.

Reah Idris
Reah Idris
8 years ago

Keep Calm and Train your hair, the invisible braids are a great go to but they do not allow you to train your hair, my advice is to forgo the heat, and as painful as this next sentence may be for you and the Natural Hair Overseers, it may really help! Get a Brush! If you are in it to win it and would not like to give up, get a brush, section your beautiful mane off in 4 sections EACH and EVERY NIGHT and brush it 100 strokes per section. Once you are done brushing, plait each section and… Read more »

Lulu
Lulu
8 years ago
Reply to  Reah Idris

heh her hair will be thinking she hates it of she “trains” it by brushing it 100 TIMES A NIGHT (for the love of God WHY) and will probaby run away. How is that love filled and nurturing to the hair? I’m sincerely wondering. I guess it “helped” your hair but I’d say that would really damage her hair in the long run.

JENNID
JENNID
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

Yea, I too cringed at this. Please don’t brush your hair out 100 times unless u intentially want a fade the hard way.

Reah Idris
Reah Idris
8 years ago
Reply to  JENNID

should have included pics of my hair on original post, but my hair is anything but faded, and i brushed my hair for yearsssssssssssssssss, with no averse effect the first time i went natural, consequently this is my 4th time after cutting out of my locs and because my diet has changed so has my hair, so i speak with authority that my hair is not shedding or fading all over kingdom come! But thanks for the feed back!
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/184438_10201121065540423_951744587_n-2.jpg[/img]

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago
Reply to  Reah Idris

nice earrings

cacey
cacey
8 years ago
Reply to  Reah Idris

yeah but it’s obvious you keep your hair trimmed short to maintain it in that style. i gather she’s trying to grow hers long. brushing at that frequency is not conducive to long term retention. it won’t make a difference if she wants shorter hair or to keep it at the current length, but if she wants longer, definitely not a good idea!

Reah Idris
Reah Idris
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

I laugh at the responses, because i have done this and my hair is beautiful, i knew the overseers would rear up LOL, My grandmother did it, her grandmother did and still managed to have beautiful hair…i wonder what we did before perms and all these protective styles? I’ll tell you we brushed our hair…

Nappy4C Rocks
Nappy4C Rocks
8 years ago
Reply to  Reah Idris

the comments recently, I mean come on ya’ll…100 strokes with a brush on 4C?! every NIGHT? really? ‘bowels of Africa’…tribe? I am crackin up right now, please stop

Reah Idris
Reah Idris
8 years ago
Reply to  Nappy4C Rocks

I am not speaking of difference of opinion dear heart but how people choose to express them. we all have difference of opinions hence a forum, but we get really outrageous in the way we express them, on this thread alone people have called her pathetic, immature blah blah blah. So yes i wont be enslaved by what you think i should do with my hair just because of your opinion, i thank you for the feed back and keep it moving…real simple, and i’m good on history…why must we be so judgy in trying to express someone else being… Read more »

Reah Idris
Reah Idris
8 years ago
Reply to  Nappy4C Rocks

Yes really brush that hair gal! and that other comment wasnt for you! LOL

mangomadness
mangomadness
8 years ago
Reply to  Reah Idris

“Natural Hair Overseers”?! Wow. Do you realize how wrong comparing women with natural hair who voice opinions counter to yours to the overseers of enslavement is?
It thought the ‘Natural Hair Nazi’ comments was bad but now this. Imma need folks to study their history. Hmph…

Reah Idris
Reah Idris
8 years ago
Reply to  mangomadness

I am not speaking of difference of opinion dear heart but how people choose to express them. we all have difference of opinions hence a forum, but we get really outrageous in the way we express them, on this thread alone people have called her pathetic, immature blah blah blah. So yes i wont be enslaved by what you think i should do with my hair just because of your opinion, i thank you for the feed back and keep it moving…real simple, and i’m good on history…why must we be so judgy in trying to express someone else being… Read more »

cacey
cacey
8 years ago
Reply to  Reah Idris

and what exactly is all this brushing supposed to accomplish? you say trained, but i posit that ‘trained’ will quickly come to equal breakage out the wa-zoo!

kerida
kerida
8 years ago

Finally some honesty! Thank u

chelsie
chelsie
8 years ago

hey hun, feel the same way about my type 4 hair but like you I can’t give up and go back to perm. I have that same shrinkage problem, but I found a remedy for it, I use cholesterol as my conditioner, I don’t use shampoo on my hair ans as soon as am done washing I de tangle and twist my damp hair with Shea butter and castor oil (I don’t use none of those name brand products on my hair they just don’t work), tie my hair in a T-shirt and allow it to dry then I take… Read more »

Kelcie
Kelcie
8 years ago

Well, *sigh* as a fellow 4c natural, I didn’t like my hair either at first because I actually thought my hair would be in the 3 type – manageable, easy to comb through, curl up with water! Side eye – nobody in my family has 3 type and everybody has a relaxer because they feel their hair is too “kinky”. So I didn’t know what to expect. Well, fast forward a year, I hate twist outs because my hair will fluff into a fro in 3-4hrs time no matter what product or method I use. I hate wearing my hair… Read more »

JENNID
JENNID
8 years ago

Oh my. I have the same hair texture and even on my most frustrated days I have never felt that I HATED my hair. I think your feelings are infact genuine though. But since we are being honest and stuff I’m gonna keep it real too. I think naturals such as yourself simply suck at hair PERIOD. You want seemingly easy hair care and the ability to do what everyone else is doing to be doing style wise to be handed to you on a silver platter. It ain’t gonna happen. All those youtubers and bloggers put in the work… Read more »

Natasha
Natasha
8 years ago

First of all your hair really doesn’t look bad! And second of all in my transitioning stages I was convinced I had 4z hair. I cried before finding the courage to wear it out. NOTHING made my hair look nice so I hid it under a wig for three months at a time and spraying it with a moisturiser to stop it from getting dry. A year later, when it reached a decent length, everything changed. I really started to fall in love and after experimenting I found shea butter, water and an oil are the only things my hair… Read more »

Lulu
Lulu
8 years ago
Reply to  Natasha

so what if she gets there and her hair is not looser?

Natasha
Natasha
8 years ago
Reply to  Lulu

So what if it’s not looser? Did you ignore the rest of what I wrote? My whole point is that sometimes you have to be patient. Sometimes it’s the length that is hard to deal with and not the hair itself. I felt exactly the same way she felt and my feelings changed.

PM
PM
8 years ago

I love the pics of you in your afros! You will be fine. Its just a moment of clarity for you — we all feel the same way sometimes… BUT I would add — in about 3 years you will feel much better and more accepting of your hair!! I started naturally wearing my hair in 2000/2001 and there wasn’t alot of what is available now – products, styles, youtube, not much in the way of support. I did get a relaxer thinking that I needed to fit in when looking for a job in 2006. the worst!…I was all… Read more »

Alex
8 years ago

I have 3c hair so I can’t totally understand your experience, but I’ve got to tell you, you will feel so much better when you A) stop obsessing over length and B) stop worrying about a curl pattern. Love your shrinkage—it is beautiful! Kinky, coily zig-zags deserve just as much love as ringlets. You don’t have to adhere to a Eurocentric beauty standard just to be photographed. Your hair is awesome however it grows out of your head—you don’t have to “do” your hair to make it something it’s not. You are fabulous.

Good luck!

4cafrogirl
8 years ago

I know how you feel girl!! Our hair is a lot of wok but when you find a regimen that works for you you learn to embrace it. I will big chop my hair today to start my journey on growing out my natural hair. Wish me good luck 🙂

4cafrogirl
8 years ago

http://myafrolifestyle.blogspot.com

I would love to get your help and tips on my journey, thank you

Zanjanil
Zanjanil
8 years ago

Girl, there is nothing wrong with your hair! You just haven’t truly accepted its natural state. Stop comparing your hair to others and just focus on YOU. Your texture, your moisture needs, and styling/ detangling needs. This is said with love from an older sis to a younger one. Good luck!

DJ J
DJ J
8 years ago

I know our hair is very high maintenance, but if you truly feel miserable for the past 4 years of you being natural, then I’ll say get a relaxer, yes I just said that. Or wear weaves and extensions if you must. I have seen healthy looking long relaxed hair before. So go for it. I read that you are also a beauty activist, you can still continue that. Hair is not the only struggle women and girls go through. Good Luck to you. 🙂

LGA
LGA
8 years ago

If being completely natural is not working for you (and it seems as if it is not), then it is time to research other alternatives.: you can try: locing your hair protective styles heat training or even textlaxing. you can not continue to do the same things with your hair and expect a different outcome. And you certainly can not continue to cry every day about your hair. Life is to short. If a relaxed girl said she hated her hair we would tell her to go natural; so if a natural girl said she hated her hair, why can’t… Read more »

Thick Nigerian Hair
Thick Nigerian Hair
8 years ago
Reply to  LGA

+1 As my name states, I have that type 4c hair that cannot be mishandled any kind of way. It is very dry and I have yet to find a DC that does something other than disappoint. Being natural isn’t supposed to be a super difficult experience. I used to wash my hair loose, spend an hour blow drying, then another hour flat ironing and I really disliked it. But here are some things that have helped me in the last 2-3 years to care for my hair: 1. It is a must to wash and condition in sections. This… Read more »

Thick Nigerian Hair
Thick Nigerian Hair
8 years ago

Go to Jouelzy on YT. She has 4c hair and has videos on what is 4c and how to maintain it.

Shell
Shell
8 years ago

Sometimes I hate my hair,rarely I like it.My hair has 3c in the front and back,4a on the sides with a little 4b and 4c in the middle.My hair is still short but you already know I like the 3c the best because its loose+curls and when my hair gets longer the 4a will become looser as well and might even blend with my 3c.Now the 4c I can make that look 4a with conditioner and clumping it so in the future I probably won’t hate my hair as much.

knettles
knettles
8 years ago

Its like she’s in my head. If you don’t have hair like this you will never understand. No one ever says boy I wish I had 4C hair. Its a challenge and its a labor of love and takes time to accept it..if ever. I love my hair but not how dry and difficult it is. I don’t love spending hours styling it to only have it puff up in 15 minutes. If you not everyone is comfortable with a fro.

**Sweetie06**
**Sweetie06**
8 years ago
Reply to  knettles

There are some women with looser curl patterns who envy “type 4” hair. Believe me. I have heard things from “I hate how my hair won’t hold twists”, “I hate how braided extensions slide out of my hair”, etc…

Leah
Leah
8 years ago

I have thin, 4c hair that shrinks and tangles easily. I’ve found that wearing my (past shoulder length when stretched, twa product -free) in a puff gives the illusion of full voluminous hair. I simply moisturize with water, seal with olive oil, make a puff with a small headband and voila –soft, shiny, coiled puff. I know my tresses will never flow like the YouTube sisters, but I love my hair regardless.

CheBReal
CheBReal
8 years ago

Pathetic. The fact that you actually know the scale of 4whatever to “grade” your hair is truly sad. You should just keep the so-called “invisible” braids and be happy. You are not ready for your own natural self. Maybe some other time in your life……God bless you.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/NinaSimone_Sleeve.jpg[/img]

J
J
8 years ago
Reply to  CheBReal

What’s truly pathetic is your self righteous attitude. You need God’s blessing more than she does.

kan
kan
8 years ago
Reply to  CheBReal

LOL @ CheBreal…trying to cap off that mean post with a “God Bless You”. God was nowhere in that mean comment, smh.

MartinaJ
8 years ago

Hi Ariel, I really enjoyed reading your article. It is sad that you hate your hair. I have made may attempts to go natural and this time I think I am on my way. I do not intent to do a big chop – just protective styles. Have you every tried the Bantu Knots? I love the waves that I get with the twists out of these knots. One of my concerns about going natural is what I am going to do when I go the beach. I like to go beaching on a regular basis so if I styled… Read more »

CheBReal
CheBReal
8 years ago
Reply to  MartinaJ

If you are truly natural then going to the beach is the least of your worries! It is there and then that you find out that your natural hair makes your life easier, not harder. I’ve been natural one style or another for most of my life, thank Goddess, and the thing that changed my life and made me cry was (1) permanent on my hair and another time (2) fake hair, extensions.

Jen
Jen
8 years ago

So…I know I am going to get it about this advice. I think you should try just for me texture softener. If you put it in for about 5 minutes it helps dramatically. I do this about twice a year and I only apply to the new growth. I still have my curl pattern, but my hair is easier to maintain. There is also a little less shrinkage. Hair should be enjoyable and fun in my opinion, not the bane of your existence.

CheBReal
CheBReal
8 years ago
Reply to  Jen

This kind of “texturizing” — i.e., “relaxing” but not to the point of flimsiness — does actually work really well. Better yet, what y’all are calling a “big chop” is best. Get rid of the permanently straightened hair and let your natural hair grow out. Have a very short ‘fro and introduce yourself to your own hair again!

Asia
Asia
8 years ago

Let’s support eachother ladies!!! I have never hated my hair since being natural (I hated it permed) but I have definitely had my moments. I tell people all the time, give yourself a break – it’s a process. Being one way all your life and suddenly going left is NOT easy for anyone. Time heals, I swear. My hair is super fine, 4b/c/ish super coily, tangles easily, breaks easy, all of that! I can relate. I protective styled – sort of a “transition” for 2 years to let it grow. The length created more maintanance yes, but it also created… Read more »

CheBReal
CheBReal
8 years ago
Reply to  Asia

Stop buying into all that 1-2-3-4 a-b-c-d BS. Most of y’all don’t even know what your “REAL” “Natural” hair feels like, if you ever did. Btw: hair does not “rebel” is not “bad” and does not need to “behave!”

Asia
Asia
8 years ago
Reply to  CheBReal

LOL. oh ok angry mouse. : It really saddens me how people on this blog can take a positive comment (wasn’t it?) and turn it into some negative BS. Just stop it. Did you not read my comment? Or should I ask, did you not COMPTEHEND it? I agree, our hair does not need to behave – DUH!! – that’s what I’m tellin her – Let it do what it does. And I hate hair typing but when you say 4c, you reach who you need to reach. UGH!! Every time I come on this site I get attacked by… Read more »

cacey
cacey
8 years ago
Reply to  Asia

she’s just being preachy; i thought your comment was very encouraging.

cacey
cacey
8 years ago
Reply to  CheBReal

idk bout you but mine needs to, in order for us to cohabit in peace.

Anastasia
Anastasia
8 years ago

I appreciate and enjoyed your brutally honest editorial. You may want to try “singles” as opposed to “invisible” braids until you receive a more manageable length. You will experience less breakage and shedding. Twist/Braid outs look very nice on 4c hair. Good Luck to you!

Mia
Mia
8 years ago

What a refreshing read! You are definitely stating what so many naturals feel on a daily basis but don’t discuss publicly. As a natural for over 12 years I still struggle with these issues. No matter what length of time we spend embracing our natural texture and beauty, we are still fighting against a lifetime of internalized self hatred as a result of our history and socialization. Your statement that ” it’s not about the fad, it’s about being free from a bond to a conformist habit” is awesome, but you (and all of us) must be both patient and… Read more »

ambi
ambi
8 years ago

I have waist length hair with about 4 different textures several of those in the 4. Now there are times lets say once a month that my hair annoys me, but if you have regally “hated” your hair…there is a problem there. And it may not be the hair. My hair takes me forever to do anything to it, wash day is at least 8 hours and my hair won’t air dry for at least 3 days. All that aside, I don’t “hate” my hair, learn that your hair will not likely ever looks like those in the mags…and be… Read more »

jae
jae
8 years ago
Reply to  ambi

this is great advice and insight ambi esp what you say at the bottom
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/08/photo2.jpg[/img]

Brandi
Brandi
8 years ago

It’s too bad you hate you hair, but kudos on keeping with it 🙂 I think though, you might feel better about it if you didn’t have certain expectations of it. It can be tough to come to terms with the things your hair won’t do that you wish it would do. For instance, my curl pattern is loose and my hair is on the thinner side, so no twists/twist outs for me. But I love very short haircuts and I like to watch my hair grow and evolve from a big chop. Maybe you could try a very short… Read more »

Maria V.
Maria V.
8 years ago

I’ve struggled similarly. All of my relatives have smooth 3C/4A hair and mine seems to have no definition. Everyone says my hair is beautiful but I’ve really struggled to see it. I’ve been wearing my hair in braids/wigs for a year and a half…I have a ton of hair growth but I just don’t know what to do with it. My hair doesn’t seem to hold the curl/twist/braided styles that everyone else seems to achieve with such ease! ^^^^ FRUSTRATED

A.R.
A.R.
8 years ago

Your hair is beautiful. First of all you need not stress about texture. Being natural is about promoting healthy hair/ healthy scalp/ healthy growth. One thing I taught myself was to admire natural hair but avoid natural hair envy. It doesn’t matter how much you hair type, your hair texture will never be the same as other black women. Hair is dna (obviously). Hair typing should be used as a guide for a healthy way to take care of hair not a permanent system written in stone that causes curl envy. I can tell you from my own experience that… Read more »

Dabney
Dabney
8 years ago

I am glad you shared this story. It was honest and uplifting at the same time! I too went through a period of hair hatred. With all form of self hatred, it comes from being told that what you have is not acceptable. Ironically, this is told to us by people who usually hate themselves reflected in others. I grew up with the ugliness of being told my hair was too short, my teeth too gapped and my face to black. Yet, when I was around people who didn’t care how I looked the same ugly people told me I… Read more »

Dabney
Dabney
8 years ago


I found this video and I think we all should watch it!

annnsow
8 years ago

I posted this on her blog : Hello. I wanted to comment here because believe me we are in the exact same situation. I have 4C hair, and no you are not alone. I’m glad that someone speaks about this. Perhap’s the difference between you and I is that I’ve relaxed them only twice in my life and for the rest of my life until one year ago I mostly wore box braids etc but never totally natural. Box braids on the long run weaken my hair (definitely not as much as a relaxer : I’ve lost half my hair… Read more »

Mia
Mia
8 years ago
Reply to  annnsow

I think the reason why you struggle with your hair is because you are so hung up over the “hair type”. Every paragraph is about you complaining about your hair type. What do you mean that BGLH doesn’t showcase 4c hair? Girl… please. There are hair techniques that transcend all “hair types”. Stop crying because you have some nappy hair. Just style it and be happy with what you have. Work what you have to its greatest extent. Clearly, the mindset that your hair is worthless begins with you. I have 4c hair and I get nothing but love from… Read more »

AC
AC
8 years ago
Reply to  Mia

I concur, all this whining about BGLH not showcasing 4c hair is ridiculous I see 4c hair on here every day at least. . It’s good that you admitted your problem though.

TWA4now
TWA4now
8 years ago
Reply to  AC

WOW! I think your hair is beautiful. I do understand the “struggle”…I am shedding and don’t know exactly why :(….it’s been a year and a month and I want this long flow-like-a-river hair! I am a bit “older” starting this journey and each stage is extremely challenging. I seriously think when I added that permanent black died to my hair, it reacted badly and my hair has “told” me so. We have to work with what we are blessed with: good, bad, or indifferent. Some people are bald or have hair and scalp issues or worse. Some are still hiding… Read more »

annnsow
8 years ago
Reply to  Mia

Thanks that’s exactly like that you’ll help poeple.
*sarcasm*
I so hate poeple like you who shame others that have difficulty to accept themselves. Who are you to talk to me that way?
Seriously why did you bother answering me for speaking out so stupidly.

Mia
Mia
8 years ago
Reply to  annnsow

Lol I’m stupid because I grew tired of you complaining about 4c hair? Ok. In the end, grow up and listen to your hair, or get a perm. There comes a point where people like you are just complaining about the very nature of your hair. Why? Get a perm already. It’s clear that you don’t want to take the time and effort to learn about your hair. However, you blame the texture and curl of your hair rather than yourself. There are plenty of 4c women (ESPECIALLY on BGLH) who work their hair to perfection. There is absolutely no… Read more »

annnsow
8 years ago
Reply to  Mia

Yes you are. Stupid and lacks of empathy, can’t OBV understand whatever is behind this hatred so you decide to ridiculously attack us for your own ignorance.

Kat
Kat
8 years ago
Reply to  Mia

Your response is in no way helpful or uplifting. Yes, the “grow up and get over it” vitriol you hurled at the author may have worked for you but obviously, she’s still a work in progress. Your comments do not help elevate this discourse and are the opposite of everything BGLH stands for. We’re here to help each other through, especially in a world that doesn’t get it…speak with love!

Liz
Liz
8 years ago
Reply to  annnsow

So true: Cipriana does those loose twists and she achieves volume AND length. She also doesn’t seem to wash her hair as much as the girl in the article.

Princess C
Princess C
8 years ago

Girlie all I would say is that you are embarking on a new stage in your life – accepting yourself. Its damn hard at times as you are finding, but give it some time and you will be on the other side of the fence and feeling better for it 🙂 You and your hair are beautiful! I can see it, its just for you to realise it too. Maybe take a break from youtube and cool down on the blogs, because as much as we are all trying to help with our opinions and tips – we are all… Read more »

Shanna Small
8 years ago

You need a hair cut for your hair type and face. You need to find the best curly hair cutting person in your area. NO matter what the cost and get a hair cut that works with your hair type. It will change your life!

cacey
cacey
8 years ago
Reply to  Shanna Small

i was under the impression she’s trying to grow her hair long…unless i be mistaken.

Christina
Christina
8 years ago

Hi! I can Understand how you feel since i have similiar hair,but i didnt do a big chop,so i have some lenght. Back when i was a Teen and had Short natural hair, i Would just Wear it in box braids all the Time,so i didnt have to worry about Styling it and this Way i felt more feminine. So i Would say: just Keep your hair in box braids or senegalese/Havanna Twists or Even a weave until it reaches a more manageable lenght. This Way you can get your mind Off your hair, feel more feminine, but at the… Read more »

Seanti
Seanti
8 years ago

Go to a natural hairstylist. I don’t understand why people feel like just because they let their perm grow out, they don’t have to go to a professional. I’ll admit I was like that at one point, but finding a natural hair care professional was one of the best things I’ve ever done for my hair. Everyone is not meant to rock a huge fluffy fro. Learn to work with what you have. There are solutions other than braids (I had to learn this the hard way) and blow outs.

Me
Me
8 years ago

“You know the girls you see in the Miss Jessie’s and Shea Moisture ads, the ones with big smiles as tons of bushy curls come falling down around their faces? Or how about the dark chocolate girl whose perfect white teeth beam up at you from the magazine ad as she rocks a thick kinky type 4 afro? Yea those girls… they are not me”. Yes, you are! And your pictures are proof of it!

Amour
Amour
8 years ago

Sounds like you should loc your hair.

TWA4now
TWA4now
8 years ago

WOW! I think your hair is beautiful. I do understand the “struggle”…I am shedding and don’t know exactly why :(….it’s been a year and a month and I want this long flow-like-a-river hair! I am a bit “older” starting this journey and each stage is extremely challenging. I seriously think when I added that permanent black died to my hair, it reacted badly and my hair has “told” me so. We have to work with what we are blessed with: good, bad, or indifferent. Some people are bald or have hair and scalp issues or worse. Some are still hiding… Read more »

S 06
S 06
8 years ago

I’m not mad at this woman for admitting/confessing her feelings toward her hair. She’s being more honest than some people will (come on, we know there are those who are in denial about hating their hair texture/appearance even though they would NEVER be caught in public without a twist out). With her recognizing her issues and being able to admit it, I think that eventually she will grow to like or at least accept her hair texture/pattern.

TeeCeePDX
TeeCeePDX
8 years ago

Ariel you are beautiful! I’ve been transitioning for nearly a year now and while my hair is healthier, its just as much work as it was when I was relaxing. But I decided to transition because my relaxed hair was beginning to thin and was bone dry and brittle and I just couldn’t deny how horrible it looked any longer! So yes, my natural hair required my going to school to learn an entirely new regimen, but my hair is healthy looking and better for it. So I am excited because that was my motivation for going natural. That does… Read more »

Newbie
Newbie
8 years ago

Why why why do we still carry over the same negative mindset to being natural. Part of my hair transition from relaxers is to accept myself as I was made and accepting that I was fearfully and wonderfully made from the roota to the toota :~). There’s so many reasons lurking behind why we see ourselves in a certain way(both negative & positive). If I express my fears and difficulties I really don’t expect a fellow Sis. to pounce on me and dismiss how I feel. In essence it’s not about correcting someone, however it is about the grace in… Read more »

beks
beks
8 years ago

I applaud you having the courage to say what so many of us were thinking but were afraid to say. There are a lot of ‘you betta love yourself or else’ police lurking around.I understand what you are talking about and felt the same way you do. I big chopped 15 years ago before it was cool, before youtube, and before the blogs (which i love love love!). In some ways, although I was alone, it was better then because there were less expectations about what you could and should be able to do with kinky natural hair. I have… Read more »

Pat
Pat
8 years ago

I like the lady’s hair and I honestly love my natural hair. I have found the right regimen and it’s not expensive, actually simple. It’s so carefree for me and I thank God that I haven’t had the frustration regarding my hair.

Siyahamba
Siyahamba
8 years ago

I was struggling with my socalled 4c hair that does not hold a visable curl pattern. I accept i will not have curly or wavey hair without a chemical treatment. My hair is tightly coiled and shrinks back toward my scalp. Thankfully with more length i can get it into any shape i want. Just not euro curly or wavey. And im alright with that now.

terri
8 years ago

Your hair is beautiful and so are you.

nadine
nadine
8 years ago

people needs to start accepting themselves and you have to. It’s mandatory.
I used to hate my hair, still do a little bit because I don’t know what to do with it. MY hair is past my shoulder and I still don’t know what to do with it. I cut off my air in 2010, I transition for a whole year and then I just started to really know how to care for my hair this year. It’s a journey and everyday I am learning new about what works for my hair.

givinup
8 years ago

I hear you – i got the same hair! It started off great i was so excited – ignorant but excited all the same. At 2 1/2 yrs the growth began to slow and the knots kicked in …. so many knots – it was a knot a day! plus i could see i was never gonna be able to use curly merig.. thingy or do those fancy bantu knots cos hair is so tight – unless i blew it out of course then maybe i would stand a chance! Also i became obsessive with blow drying – i had… Read more »

Perplexed
Perplexed
8 years ago
Reply to  givinup

Givenup, would you please provide information as to how you went about getting a tex lax? Did you do it yourself? What product did you use and how long did you leave it in your hair? I’m about to take the same route if my adventure at a Naturalista hair stylist does not work out. I need info if you don’t mind sharing. As for those that state that you are no longer natural. Oh well! Some need to just worry about their hair and all that fake or Asian hair that they are weaving and braiding in their hair.… Read more »

NativeNuYorker
NativeNuYorker
8 years ago

For the very few that are critical of Ariel, you should be ashamed of yourself. She was being real, true to herself and honest. I respect that and I can relate to her struggle. I have hair that is coarser and shrinks 90%. The time spent trying to maintain it takes more time than I, a full time working mother can spend. I am visiting a reputable natural hair stylist tomorrow, however, I can afford to do this. You do not know this young woman’s financial circumstances. Instead of trying to make her feel guilty for sharing her battle you… Read more »

SSBDFW
SSBDFW
8 years ago

Thank you! For the first time someone truly relected how I feel about my hair! I have a hate/ love relationship with it. I want so badly to love it every day. I will never go back to perm, but the natural hair journey has been difficult. As a professional woman it’s challenging to have so many ” bad hair” days, but I continue on because I think that in the long run loving my natural hair is the healtiest thing for me. We have to love ourselves and one another.

Shon
Shon
8 years ago

Would the author hate her hair so much if everyone in the world had hair just like hers. I think the she is still dealing with self-acceptance and hair envy. If you hate your hair which comes out of your head, there is something wrong. When I first went natural, I didn’t get it so I did re-relax my hair, but then I hated that and tried natural again when my sister did it. The second time around I got it. It’s my God given hair and no matter what I’m going to work with it….I have good hair days… Read more »

Starlette
Starlette
8 years ago

Hi, and I feel you with what is mentioned in your blog. I have 4 B hair type, and I totally dislike my hair – and I retain myself from saying that I actually HATE it, since I have one friend who has none…plus, I remember how it was shedding when I was perming it: it was worse. I am thankful I am natural, but I will hide my hair until it get a length that does not show how ridiculous my hair actually is. if you think I am exaggerating: My hair is thin AND it is not dense… Read more »

anon
anon
8 years ago
Reply to  Starlette

you aint alone love, i have shitty ugly bad 4c hair and you wanna know what ille say it loud and proud, i HATE my hair and i wish i was mixed !

Deb
Deb
8 years ago
Reply to  anon

I’ll pray for you. So sad….

drsmiley
drsmiley
8 years ago
Reply to  Deb

It is sad. Very true. Everyone is beautiful…God’s perfect creation…especially black people. Love yourself and know you are more than just this hair issue.

FrostiiLove
FrostiiLove
8 years ago
Reply to  drsmiley

Your comment made me cry:( Im cuban/jamaican and I have 4a/b and its messy 90% of the time so being mixed has nothing to do with it. Messy hair is my signature look, messy-chic! As black people we easily fall into this self hate of I want to be light skinned with loose curls or straight hair and it breaks my heart. My cuban family members used to make fun of me because I was darker than them with more of a kinky texture hair. I was always into my African history and pride so thankfully, from a young age… Read more »

frenchy007
frenchy007
8 years ago
Reply to  drsmiley

It’s true drsmiley…our hair does not define who we are. The affect of racial discrimination on Black people is still very prominent in our society. We have been conditioned to believe our skin,hair and bodies are not unique and beautiful. Imagine if being white with perfect straight or curly hair was bad…in that case we would be the fad. The point is beauty is skin deep and people’s opinion of you do not matter. Love the skin and hair you are in…it’s yours and how unique and beautiful you are.
[img]https://bglh-marketplace.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/IMG00964-20111204-1334.jpg[/img]

Tiffanita
8 years ago

Great post! From reading all of these natural hair blogs, many of us think that going natural will be an easy and happy journey. I have been natural for about a year, and it has been challenging to say the least. I’m not giving up yet either!

Jey Faiza
8 years ago

Hi Ariel! Your hair is adorable! I’m a new natural like you so I’m only 3.5 months in to wearing my hair all natural. I’m still discovering the products that my hair likes but its been a fun journey experimenting and embracing my natural roots. My hair type is 4a/4c. Even tho I have curly hair, the shape of my edges really stands out, and having a TWA doesn’t help hide them. The thing is I have always been self-conscious about my edges but I decided to go natural anyway. So I had to love my whole head of hair… Read more »

Chanell
Chanell
8 years ago

Hi sweetie, I knw exactly what you’re going through… I’ve been a going through the fight with my kinky hair for about a year now and what really helped me was coming to the realization tht all hair isn’t the same… Although those styles my look nice the just may not be feasible for my hair at the moment and maybe might work once I retain a bit more length…. Try some of those awesome twist styles, they really helped me a lot and look great on almost all lengths

Graciie
Graciie
8 years ago

Hey Ariel
Your hair looks super hot to me. I loved the honesty in your post. I am a 4b/c myself so ive been there too. Now Im in the awkward midsize length zone and i also suffer from shrinkage. But i finally decided to leave it alone. I dont want my hair to be my enemy. The puff is my style to go right now.

Jenny
Jenny
8 years ago

Welcome to the 4c family.
Finally, someone who said what I thought the first year going natural. I’m going on 2years now. Although she is now big and beautiful, she has an attitude. My entire time of being natural, I only wore my hair free once!! Now that she is a little past CBL, she is even harder to handle. I see that combs are not my friend, forget a brush. Finger detailing….so…much…time. Good luck Sis! I heard the yoguart perm might loosen the curls a little for you…

Kellye Wright
Kellye Wright
8 years ago

I absolutely love your post! I too jave 4c hair and shrinkage is so real! I am finally covinced that the only successful twist out I will ever see will be in the winter on dry blown out hair! It can be frustrating ro see othwr naturalistas rockin the flat twist outs, two strand twist outs, bantu knot outs, etc. I have accepted (mostly) that my hair will not do what I need it to when it comes to wearing a twist, bantu, flat twist ANYTHING!. I do plait my hair evry night to protect it and I’ve started rolling… Read more »

anon
anon
8 years ago

I have 4c hair and to tell you the truth i KNOW that it limits my physical beauty. the individual strands are fine so if i place my hair in a pony puff it seems short and thin. I do take care of it and try my best but it grows slowly, i feel inferior as a woman to other races as well as other naturals with thick long and beautiful hair. I HATE my hair and frankly i wish i was mixed or smething or wished that somehow my slave great grandmother was raped by her white slave master… Read more »

Donna
Donna
8 years ago
Reply to  anon

Wow….now I think you are kidding, right? Are you being sarcastic here?

Princess C
Princess C
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

No – that just sounds like a racist pretending to a troubled black woman. I will never understand how racists seem to find themselves on websites dedicated to people they claim to hate lol

jacqui
jacqui
8 years ago
Reply to  Princess C

I agree with Princess. Just some idiot posing as someone they are not..get a life

NativeNuYorker
NativeNuYorker
8 years ago
Reply to  anon

I also was astonished at your statements. I thought perhaps you were kidding. There can’t possibly be someone, a black women, filled with so much self-hate. I know that the media, our own black men and American culture has done a number on our self-esteem but to wish that your ancestors were raped – really? Blogs that perpetrate the preference for waves, looser, curls and of course light complexions are also to blame. Look at the messages our young women are receiving. I pray that you truly learn to love what so many other ethnic groups envy. You are beautiful!

Ashley
Ashley
8 years ago
Reply to  anon

Well I am mixed and I absolutely hate my hair so being mixed doesn’t mean that your hair will be nice. I feel it’s even worse for me because being mixed its assumed that your natural curls should be big and perfect but I didn’t get that. My hair has two different textures that don’t blend we’ll with one another at all. The bottom are loose but defined beautiful curls and the top is a frizzy wavy and straight combo. My roots at the top are frizzy and almost crimped while the ends go straight. My hair is only thick… Read more »

Trainee Rapunzel
Trainee Rapunzel
8 years ago
Reply to  anon

What you said about wishing your grandmother was raped has hurt me- physically. I feel sick. Try not to think like that- it’s not nice… However, if you have to think it, please keep it to yourself or work it out with a therapist…

intlgrrl
intlgrrl
8 years ago

I have combination type 4 hair, and I completely understand the struggle. It can be a real challenge to work with this hair type. However, I love my hair. It is a work in progress, and I’m at the mid-length stage which is annoying, because the hair is too short to try really awesome styles, but can be too long for modified shorter styles. It truly takes patience. I will take my hair any day over unhealthy, over processed hair. Besides, with this whole natural “movement” business, we’re still learning how to take care of our hair, which has clearly,… Read more »

anon
anon
8 years ago

I am truly sorry everyone for my rude comments. I honestly was feeling at a very low point in my life at the moment and was feeling sorry for myself and wanted to vent. After speaking to my brother who is also my best friend i do feel better, but i do realize that i do have issues that i need to work on and its not gonna go away overnight. But i am gonna try and do the best i can to get better and be a healthier person mentally and not just physically.Once again, i am truly sorry… Read more »

Colalover
Colalover
8 years ago
Reply to  anon

Yes you should be ashamed! Just kidding. Hey at least you were honest. I bet you don’t look nearly as bad as you claim. I think black women sometimes under estimate their beauty. I think you probably look better than you suggest. Drink lots of water, sit down, and calm down, because it ain’t that serious. Travel, fall in love, enjoy your life. You will be surprised how many people love you for your inner beauty and personality.

Colalover
Colalover
8 years ago

I feel sorry for your thought process, because if you stress your hair will keep doing what it’s doing.Personally, I think you have done a great job with your natural hair. Look at Naomi Cambell’s hot mess and then talk to me. I mean there’s no coming back from Naomi Cambells horrible hair wow. I have seen some bad cases. But yours looks like it’s growing well. Your edges are nice. I think you are being too hard on yourself. I ain’t gonna lie,you’re not going to have big hair girl, but it looks cute the way it is. You… Read more »

Colalover
Colalover
8 years ago

And btw, there are ladies with 3c hair that do not have “big hair” not all 3 c ppl have gorgeous curls. Trust me. I think your features are delicate, so big hair would over power your small chin and delicate features. My suggestion is to color it a unique color and visit an image consultant. A good cut and color for a delicate face is flattering.

Donna
Donna
8 years ago

Colalover, how do you know that she won’t have “big hair”, are you saying that her hair is not going to grow? All of our hair grows, the key is retaining the new growth.Lets stay positive…her bone structure will go with ANY natural hair that she styles. Ariel, just keep protecting and being good to your hair and someday,you will love it.

Colalover
Colalover
8 years ago
Reply to  Donna

I don’t think it’s a bad thing because as we have learned, not everyone can retain length like others. She never said if her mom or dad hair grew long? It’s genetic as well. I know people who just can’t attain length. They try for years and it stays the same and shoot there is nothing wrong with that? What is so wrong with hair thats naturally shorter.? My hair is much looser than hers and it grows to bra strap length and that is it. I can’t griw super long hair either. My mom hair was short naturally and… Read more »

Perplexed
Perplexed
8 years ago
Reply to  Colalover

The absolute quest for long hair, in my opinion, is over-rated. Women would be better off focusing on healthier hair. Healthy well groomed hair at any length is beautiful. There are many women who just will never have long hair and they are continuously disappointed and wasting money and time trying to achieve it. I do think that after all the other variables (cleaning, conditioning, healthy diet, exercise, sleep, etc) if your hair is not growing past a certain length, just give up and enjoy and rock what you have.

Sigh
Sigh
8 years ago

Another phuccin orchid bites the dust! Let’s make this clear, I am not judging you so please take this advice with love and the bitter sting of the truth- YOU STILL HAVE ISSUES WITH YOURSELF. I come on here looking for a true hair situation that’s maybe laced with some genetic illness that’s made beautiful hair impossible but what do I behold?! Another frustrated Black woman going through hair envy and allowing it affect her self esteem. You need a mind reorientation girl. You are beautiful, you are enough. This hair length obsession is still a variation of self hate… Read more »

April
April
8 years ago

My hair is thin and I’ve been growing it out since January after I cut it in January for the second time lol. I have crazy shrinkage and my hair behaves best when it’s stretched in two flat twists. My hair dosen’t retain moisture well and is too fine and thin, yes both of them, to make me comfortable enough to really style it in anything other than flat twists. But they make me look half my age. And the front quarter of my hair is shorter than the rest of my hair so it’s a biznitch to style. I… Read more »

JustMo
JustMo
8 years ago

I understand the frustration. I have about 3 different textures in my hair and I’m a lazy natural on top of that. I had to have an intervention because I was going to get another perm. Sad part is that perms never really get my hair straight. It’s still curly and I would basically have the same struggles I have now.
You look cute with your hair. We all have hair envy but thank God for what you have. It could always be worse.

drsmiley
drsmiley
8 years ago

Your frustrations are understood, however, having hair be the determining factor of happiness is not only absurd, but vain and out of touch with the realities of the world. There are far many more issues to stress on and put out their in the universe…especially important issues that are affecting the black community locally and globally such as poverty, AIDS/HIV, racism, child labor, education, family structure, raising future leaders, and other important black issues. This natural hair movement-despite its supposed intentions- is a monster in creation! It is ironically doing the same thing as the weave issue- putting ppl in… Read more »

drsmiley
drsmiley
8 years ago

Btw..this blog just branched out the tree of self hate and negativity. It would be more self less to write a more positive blog about self love and finding solutions for hair issues. It’s just plain negative. Save it for your diary. Please sisters, don’t be depressed about your hair. Find what works for you and keep it moving! We have a lot of good to do in this world. Stop wasting time on hair.

I'malearning
I'malearning
8 years ago

@drsmiley, I agree with you wholeheartedly. I stopped looking at hair videos and cut down on blogs because I think that they are perpetrating just what they claim to be against. While they may not label what they showcase as “good hair” the overwhelming majority of what is displayed is hair that has a looser curl and would never be described as kinky tight coils hair. They showcase what was definitely considered “good hair” back in the day. What difference does it make whether you say good hair or 3b it’s not the hair that the majority of the women… Read more »

drsmiley
drsmiley
8 years ago
Reply to  I'malearning

@I’malearning, thank you for your comment. I just feel it needed to be said. It’s just too much drama and not enough real talk. It’s not about acting holier than though it’s about speaking about real issues. Certain hair types are emulated and envied. There are not enough videos with ppl just rocking their own hair texture, shrinkage, etc. I think trying to prove you “have hair” is ridiculous. This natural hair thing is great and beautiful, however, it still doesn’t speak about who a person truly is. I am glad we were able to exchange without being belligerent. Take… Read more »

Ashley
Ashley
8 years ago

All the people talking about self hate and people over reacting about their hair shut the fuck up! This is a blog about how she feel about her hair and that’s all we fucking care about right now is our hair! If you wanna preach a movement and all that shit go start a black empowerment blog and get off the hair blogs! You preaching that its more important stuff to be dealing with than YOU go deal with it and let us worry about our hair! 😛 what the fuck you doing on a hair blog anyway? Everyone has… Read more »

Daisy
Daisy
8 years ago

Call me crazy, but I think you’re working all the hairstyles in the post. I may not have 4c hair (I’m more of a 2c with hair as light as feathers and just as messy in the slightest breeze -.-) so I don’t know if you’re looking for more definition or something, but you have the face for a shorter cut. I know it’s hard (and expensive) transitioning from anything to natural, but it’s worth the effort for that moment where you really feel confident about your hair…even if it means working it despite the ridiculous comments “helpful” people will… Read more »

Na'Keia
Na'Keia
8 years ago

lil sister U are gorgeous and so are your coils. I think u want to much from your hair Love it for what it gives u, confidence and strength. I’m a 4a/b and due to a bad experience with two strands while transitioning, I have a huge bald spot right in the front. I still rock my twists and wash n go’s.

NatrhoallyBrit
NatrhoallyBrit
8 years ago

Your gorgeous & so is your hair but you have to find acceptance in your natural hair. No one’s hair is the same so just love it for what it is.

Trenice Brown
Trenice Brown
8 years ago

I am so glad you posted this!!! I. Am also suffering from self hair hatred!! I am 4c and I have lost all hope!! I tired twist outs, rollers, braid outs, everything and nothing works!!,I done .hair challenges, treatments and not only does my hair refuse to grow but it wont hold a style for ish!! Everyday I look into the mirror and I grow frustrated !! I want to cut it so bad but then I would really feel horrid for my face is not made for short cuts!! I too.Cry at the sight of my hair. Too add… Read more »

Benny
Benny
8 years ago

My hair is neither natural nor relaxed. I tried transitioning and the 4 month growth was so coily, like the spring u find in a pen, yeah! I put a little creme to soften it. I don’t know anymore.

Dominique
Dominique
8 years ago

Thank you for this post! I’m 20yo and I’ve had natural hair almost all my life, but didn’t start taking good care of it until recently. I’ve BC’d my hair so many times just because I get so frustrated with my hair not doing what I want it to do. This article expressed exactly what I’ve been feeling. It’s been one year since my last chop and I’m really trying to give my hair more love and patience. Thanks for not giving up on your natural hair. It inspires me to not give up on mine either.

Bri
Bri
8 years ago

I’m so happy I found this post. I’ve been there and I’m still there. I have become more accepting of my hair, but I cannot accept that it will take at least an hour each morning to get my hair looking okay. Call me crazy, but there has to be a better way to get my hair under control (MY control). I’ve read too many times that I need to accept my hair, which I agree with, but that does not mean that you must give up your sanity for it.

Tima
Tima
8 years ago

Hi, I’m in my transition stage just started in july. I feel in love with the styles on YouTube this is what made me want to transition in the first place.But realisticly everyone hair can’t do wash n go or twist and get the neat kept looked as on some post .Although I did discover I can do all those things and I love most of the outcome I realized that alot of ppl trulyhate theirhair and I just don’t think its worth the frustration .I don’t get the hold I’m lying to myself except who you are. No matter… Read more »

Alice
Alice
8 years ago

I know how you feel. I’ve just recently accepted that I think my hair is ugly and always will be. And I know people say that you need to learn to love yourself but that doesn’t mean that I have to be blind to my faults either. My hair is fine and always breaks and has zero shine or sheen. It always looks like a dry dusty ball and I’ve accepted that and I’m determined to work with it because I hate the smell and maintenance of relaxers more

anonymous
anonymous
8 years ago

Finally !! someone who feels the same way as me ! I hate my hair texture as well… and people can not ever understand how frustrating it is especially naturals who are able to grow big afros some can be so snobbish and think they are so much better than everyone else…. I am going to have children with a white man so that my children will NEVER have to go through this ….

NativeNuYorker
NativeNuYorker
8 years ago
Reply to  anonymous

I really think that if you hate your hair so much that you will seek someone who if you were to have a baby with might, genetically give the child a softer looser curl, instead of being with someone who might just have kinky hair but you love to death, then you need to consider going back to the creamy crack or texlax. 100% natural may not be for you. You should not be depressed and negative about your hair. Do what makes you feel powerful, confident, and beautiful. If it’s a weave, relaxer, extensions, whatever do you.

anonymous
anonymous
8 years ago
Reply to  NativeNuYorker

The creamy crack, does no good for my hair either as it is thin and lifeless when it is relaxed… and its too short to look good…. That is not a problem as i am NOT ATTRACTED TO BLACK MEN and NEVER will be. Like i say i have no intentions of letting my child go through pain,teasing and ridicule and hating themselves, in fact they will even thank me 🙂

ali
ali
8 years ago
Reply to  anonymous

To each’s own. Just remember to teach your kids to love themselves no matter what. And marrying someone of a different race does not guarantee “good” hair… trust me.

Armendi
8 years ago
Reply to  anonymous

Hi KaylaI am new to your website and bileeve me, I understand the conflict you are going through. It is just so hard to carry on both sides of our lives if you will, that the constant conflict is unbearable.While I hate to see your marriage end, it was probably inevitable anyway. When you are transgenendered, the feelings get stronger over time. I wish you and your wife much happiness in the future and I will stayed posted on your blog to see how things go.Hugskathy

I'mNotSure
I'mNotSure
8 years ago

Wow. It’s a difficult position, but you’re fighting through it well, persevere until you find peace, whether that peace be staying “natural” or not. For me, going natural would be the equivalent of going out to my backyard & setting up an outhouse vs. using my indoor plumbing. I’d never choose to do that, it’s too much work, plain & simple. I’m not going to feel liberated and wonderful, I’m going to feel frustrated & likely late for work ALOT, which would then lead to feeling as well as being unemployed, possibly homeless & using an outhouse. Sooo, yea, no… Read more »

Aja
Aja
8 years ago
Reply to  I'mNotSure

Amen sis amen lol!

Jenee
Jenee
8 years ago

THANK YOU! Why do I say that in bold letters? Because I am thinking of transitioning to my natural hair from a short Halle Berry Style cut. I feel that this is a time in my life that I would like to see what my real texture is like. I had a “Come in a Jar” texturizer/relaxer when I was 3 and have been on the creamy crack for over 40 years. For the last week I have been researching the process and the results by watching youtube videos, and reading various blogs and by accosting kind naturals when I… Read more »

TWA4now
TWA4now
8 years ago
Reply to  Jenee

It is a process to be natural. It is a love-hate relationship at times. Love YOUR hair 2C to 5H! Do you and love you and your hair. ?

laquiesha
8 years ago

I hate my hair too it wont grow no matter how much I nourish it ugh my self asteem is so low I can’t stand myself sometimes

Pdot
Pdot
8 years ago

I am so impressed by your honesty. You are most definitely not alone. I started my “journey” over a year ago and at the beginning was optimistic as my hair grew like weeds when it was relaxed. I had long, strong healthy looking relaxed hair and thus anticipated long or big luscious curls. Boy was I wrong. What I got was nothing like it. It was dry as chips, I have single strand knots and breaking dry ends. I have constantly had to cut it to keep the ends neat so length retention is a struggle. I can only detangle… Read more »

Keisha
8 years ago

Thanks for the post makes me feel im not alone I had my last relaxer last December and have been transitioning while I was pregnant my hair fell out a bit but like you tried wash and go but doesn’t work for me. So I resort to blow dryers which I don’t want to do. But I just braid up my hair and put my upart on and a closure. I’m not afraid to show my hair necessarily but wish I could find a style for my natural hair. Been hiding under weaves and extensions. But I won’t give up… Read more »

Keisha
8 years ago

Oh we’re the same age too 🙂

Dainey
Dainey
8 years ago

Thank you so much for your candor! You’ve expressed everything that I have felt over the last five years or more. It’s just good to know that I am not alone. I’m not going to give up on my natural hair either. Hopefully in the near future we’ll both find what is going to work best for our hair type.
All the Best!!

Octavia
Octavia
8 years ago

Thank you so much for posting this!!! I don’t feel so alone with my struggle. I’ve been natural all of my life but I have rarely played with many styles. My hair was always either been in braids or straighten. I been trying to rock my afro but I always feel like I’m going to be judge the moment I step out the door. I have no confidence in my hair but I’m trying to make it work. Rock that hair confidence!

Lindsey
Lindsey
8 years ago

Girl I’m there! – I’m so proud of your honesty. You are beautiful by the way. Though I’m sick of people telling me that when I don’t feel good about my hair too. I cringe every time I say I hate my ‘nappy hair’ as one of the proudest Black women in the world. I have such guilt. That is also so unproductive and the reason I wore my hair bald for my first 2 years of naturaldom. I wanted a change but I think I have to let this go. Sistahs, you are beautiful with your fros and poos… Read more »

JAnyika
8 years ago

Thank you so much for this. I was sat in front of the mirror this morning wanting to cry. Im 6 months into transitioning and went for the BC and working my way through all the products I can on a budget! This article and the comments that followed made me feel less alone in this and that it is ok at times to hate this journey that ive embarked on but what always pics me up is the support and help here on the net. I have cotton like hair that I do not know how to deal with.… Read more »

D. Bonett
D. Bonett
8 years ago

You’re a pretty girl. Your expectations are what’s messed up, not your hair. Stop looking at ads, they just want to sell products to you by making you feel bad. As for ‘getting a comb through your hair’, we black women need to forget about that. I’m a 3c (very loose curl) and until I stopped combing my hair completely, only finger combing with conditioner in it, my hair was making me completely crazy, taking forever to ‘clear’. I haven’t combed my hair now in two years or brushed either, yes, I mean I don’t Denman brush even and my… Read more »

Candace
Candace
8 years ago
Reply to  D. Bonett

This is one of the most frustrating things about having difficulty with your hair in the natural community. Say that you’re frustrated/fed up/overwhelmed, and people come at you with “stop trying to be like other people” instead of really hearing what you’re saying. I went through exactly what the write went through and it had nothing to do with me wanting something unrealistic. I expected my hair to be moisturized because I was using everything I could think of to moisturize it. Yet my hair remained dry and brittle. I expected that if I took the time to do my… Read more »

Joey
Joey
8 years ago
Reply to  D. Bonett

Only read this if your aim is to understand what a man views about your Natural Hair look, and if you aim to please him or attract a man. This is not to be offensive this is to inform you of the other side. If nothing else lets have a conversation. jom Get your coffee and let’s go. So I am a fan of nice looking straight hair natural or not; cute and curly fine. What we men are not fans of is the snatch back, puff up, Florida Evans, fight the power afro with a flower, smush bush, or… Read more »

S Jones
S Jones
8 years ago
Reply to  Joey

I read about half of this post& started skimming…I’m sorry Joey, but what’s your point? I don’t wear my natural hair (which is fine 4b/c by the way) to “please” a man…I wear it to please myself. If you & all the men in your study are happy with those who prefer to wear their hair in some other fashion, so be it, more power to you & them…but please don’t come on a natural hair website dedicated to celebrating NATURAL hair & covertly attempt to shame those who chose to wear their hair in this manner by calling it… Read more »

joey
joey
8 years ago
Reply to  S Jones

I don’t think the post was ignorant as opposed to informative. Perhaps you should give ear to what is said and that there is a struggle aside from your own to the opposite sex. Ignorance is an act, the act of systematically rejecting new information. Which you have done. So bye definition not you but the statement u made is ignorant. Someone may have needed to hear that information. Someone may not have known that their man is impacted by her actions. Someone may be thinking about what was posted and now will consider her man and consult him before… Read more »

S Jones
S Jones
8 years ago
Reply to  joey

At the end of the day Joey, it’s a post on a natural hair website celebrating & embracing natural hair…she’s venting her frustration about she feels about natural hair, not how the guys she likes feels about her natural hair. If men don’t like one’s natural hair (that grew as it did out of one’s head) then they are free to move on. How superficial of them…. A marriage granted is different than a dating relationship: if we are dating, & I’m on the fence about going natural, you don’t have a say, you’ll get a heads up. If we’re… Read more »

joey
joey
8 years ago
Reply to  joey

S.Jones I do enjoy your dialog I do know that hair can and is sensitive. I just think that it is a major contradiction that some women that claim hair still have the make up and all the other unnatural jazz. Where is the movement to that? Perhaps you are correct this is not the place to voice an opinion and perhaps I will submit my article. The study was conducted by myself, participants were selected at random. Respondents were to respond on a 3 point Likert scale. 1 do not like 2. Neutral 3.like. As I said before it’s… Read more »

S Jones
S Jones
8 years ago
Reply to  joey

I’d imagine that this is an appropriate place as any to converse and share opinions. Your premise while I don’t agree with it, is interesting & your opinion but: it did seem to me is if your girlfriend decided to go natural & you two didn’t have a dialogue about it so it caught you off guard & you don’t like her current natural hair….maybe you’ll learn to appreciate it, maybe you won’t. At the end of the day it’s her hair. Beauty products also can get deep among women of color believe it or not (Noliwe M. Rooks is… Read more »

Toni
Toni
8 years ago
Reply to  Joey

When you submit your article, please make sure to generalize the ethnicity of the participants in the survey.

Miri
Miri
8 years ago
Reply to  Joey

i have to say, as much as i wanna be diplomatic…this post is really retarded to me, as in, “less advanced in mental, physical, or social development than is usual for one’s age”. now the post is your perogative,i dunno you, it’s whatever and here’s my reply. i’m actually thinking you’re trolling, but in case you aren’t… i won’t speak for all women, i will only speak for myself and with confidence that i’m not the only one who feels this way. my hair is extremely kinky (nappy) my hair is pretty time consuming to deal with and this has… Read more »

Alie
Alie
7 years ago
Reply to  Joey

I aint into making walls of text when I am replying to ignorance.
So I will make this short.

You negative and personal views on Afro Textured hair and your personal views on “the role of women” is unwanted and unneeded on a Natural Hair website where men and women go to take care of love Afro Textured Natural Hair.
Go away.

Chrissie
Chrissie
7 years ago
Reply to  Joey

It’s interesting that you think that your opinion is the same as 88% of men out there based on a very small and not very diverse test (100 college educated black men in Washington DC). You’ve certainly pointed out some issues *some* people have but your advice isn’t going to apply to every woman and man. It certainly is the opposite of what drew my husband (and past boyfriends for that matter) to me. I’ve personally heard more men complain about tracks than say they’re worth it for the straight hair look. I gave my husband complete control of my… Read more »

MJ
MJ
7 years ago
Reply to  Joey

I don’t like you. I don’t like your personality or your point of view or the men you hang out with or relate to . So, as far as someone like you being a potential choice for me or any other natural out there, the point is, your point of view and investment in your point of view and presentation of your point of view is repellent. So, if you don’t like my natural hair or other women’s you can step. I have had natural hair for a while, and I have always attracted handsome, brilliant, funny men who treat… Read more »

Bettina
Bettina
8 years ago

I have your hair and your struggle. To have a nice afro you have to braid it up every night… its a lot of work… A LOT… but its the only way to achieve the nice fluffy fro with our hair. If you want fluffy and curly afro you have to roll it on flexi rods with a bit of gel or hair butter, just enough to make it moist, not wet. There is no wash and go for us… sorry. Oh and to add insult to injury, I have one 3 inch patch right up front that is straight… Read more »

Nichelle
Nichelle
8 years ago

I so happy that there are other people who feels my pain. I did a big chop a year ago, for the second time and this time, I promise not to give up on my hair. I’m having the same struggles and I look at the YouTube vids and wish I had 3C hair. I feel so disappointed with my hair right now.

S Jones
S Jones
8 years ago

As a fellow 4c natural, I feel your struggle. This hair texture is no joke! My hair is also fine to boot so even with the length I have currently achieved (about collar bone length) and it’s tendency for shrinkage, it doesn’t look like much but you know what? Eight years into being natural & I can honestly say I totally appreciate my hair for what it is. And this is mainly because it took about 6-7.5 years for something to click for me! Hopefully you don’t waste such valuable time. Sure there are some days where I pine for… Read more »

Aja
Aja
8 years ago

Omg I thought I was the only one. My hair is so unmanageable I hate it too…but my hair has never been so healthy and strong. When I get it blown out it is so shiny and thick. I too wont give up on her I just have to find that niche! Good luck in your journey sis!

Happy2BNappy
Happy2BNappy
8 years ago

I have different textures all over my head,but if I had to identify,I would identify with being a 4c chick. I think that part of the problem within the natural hair community is that there is a hierarchy of hair typing. When this is reinforced, naturals with our type of texture seek to have the “ideal” texture(i.e., looser curls, big/long hair)-which is impossible. And if we are judging what we want our hair to look like based on this “ideal”, then we will always be disappointed. We have to learn to SEE our hair outside of the what we have… Read more »

Happy2BNappy
Happy2BNappy
8 years ago
Reply to  Happy2BNappy

Point of clarification-our hair texture CAN have long /big hair.The difference is that our hair tends to grow up and out versus other textures that tend to grow down. 🙂

Rachy
8 years ago

It seems like she hates what her isn’t rather than embracing what it is. The major problem with some dreams of those who transition or stop relaxing, is that you don’t have the curl pattern you dreamt of.. well that is the reality. Not everyone’s hair is the same.. and that is the reality that has to be faced and worked on. No curl or kink is better than the other and I think if she played around in her hair more and found what suited her rather trying to copy what everyone else is doing..she would be happier. There… Read more »

Ms.J
Ms.J
8 years ago

Just want to send some positive vibes your way! It took me time to love my hair too. Just like you grew the perm out of your hair, the mentality will grow out of your mind as well. I dream of a world where it’s not hard for us to love ourselves as dark, full lipped, wide nosed, -or in your case kinky haired as we may be. But I know it is hard, so I’m proud of you for putting in the effort. You are beautiful, your hair is beautiful and resilient. Its refusal to be tamed is a… Read more »

Kai
Kai
8 years ago

This was me as well! I simply had to let go of the styles I “thought” I would do as a natural, and learn how to truly manage my type of hair! Wash & go’s are a SUPER NO GO for me (although I thought this would be my daily hairstyle when I decided to go natural lol). I also learned that despite what the “Natural Navy” members (lol) had to say, medium to cool heat is my friend!!!!! I need it to stretch my hair and make it manageable for my flexi rods, twist outs, roller sets, etc. my… Read more »

l.fredo
l.fredo
8 years ago

Ty for sharing. I read so much about natural hair and how to take care of it and what products to use makes my head spin. It was a breath of fresh air to hear some just like me with the same type of hair. I’m 2 years in and learning. As I appreciate feedback going natural is really trial and error and learning more each day.

folamix
folamix
8 years ago

I found as my hair grew longer and I became better at moisturizing my hair, what I thought was 4C hair was either 4A or 4B. I don’t really get into hair types so I really don’t know. But my point is once you really understand your hair, what it needs, and what it can do, the natural hair journey becomes much easier. For some, it is easier than others. But don’t get caught up in what others can do. Remember moisture is key and do it as often as your hair needs it. Become comfortable with what your hair… Read more »

NikkiW
NikkiW
8 years ago

I think sometimes those of us returning to natural forget how much work we did to style that was fierce and stayed that way when we were relaxed. I know for me, a relaxer day was at least 2 hours or longer. My hair was work and I took the time and had patience and a lot of the time I was met with a bad hair day(S). Some styles worked and some didn’t and don’t get me started on the humidity. Nothing has changed except you just aren’t relaxed any more. All of those same things issues still affect… Read more »

Joey
Joey
8 years ago
Reply to  NikkiW

I agree, why are people staying in these non-comital relationshps with natural hair. The hair is unfaithful and unwilling. yet they hold on.

Aliyah
Aliyah
8 years ago

I have 4a hair uugh sometimes my hair is a mess . Also I get like two inches of shrinkage so I never see growth . I just went natural two months ago my hair is a pain in the butt at times .

Ms LiLi
Ms LiLi
8 years ago

I understand the authors frustrations but it is true that negativity begets and attracts even more negativity and this post has turned into a dark unhelpful place with kinky haired women are competing to see who can outdo each other with self hair hate. I too have 4c hair and I love it. It is challenging but it was challenging wearing relaxers braids and weaves too. I just found what regimen worked for me.and that’s the charge that all naturals have to come to terms with no matter the texture. People can make recommendations for you until they are blue… Read more »

Ms. Nicki
Ms. Nicki
8 years ago

I’m thankful for this!!! I too have began to hate my natural hair. I have been on the fence of just going back to perms and I know I don’t want to sink into doing that again, but it seems my hair never looks good. Other people compliment me on my 4c hair all the time, but I truly don’t like it. This year will be two years natural and it has grown a lot but shrink