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True Life: My Daughter’s Hair Texture is Way Different Than Mine

Avatar • Jun 29, 2013

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By Alicia of alburnet.wordpress.com

It took me twenty three years to come to terms with the kinks in my own hair.  Two years after that, I loc’d it up.  Loose natural hair (loose hair of any type) stymied me.  I’d been chided my entire salon-going life for being too lazy about hair care.  Locs were the perfect solution.  They were patient, they were kind, and most of all, they grew best when I left them alone.

All was well in the world of hair.

But then she came into my life.  Bald, pink, wrinkled, and completely adorable.

zuri.13

I thought she’d be browner,” my young cousin said.

I thought she’d have curls like yours,” my MIL lamented.

I thought she’d look at least a tiny bit like me,” I said.

Given time — all of our expectations were met.  By her first birthday, three curls had appeared — one one top and one on either side.  By her second birthday, she had a fluffy halo of shiny brown curls.

Click to read the rest on Baby and Blog

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Colalover
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Colalover

That baby looks like you.But, DUH! obviously her dad’s white and that’s why you two have different hair! Didn’t you know his genes would come unto play as well? You didn’t make that kid by yourself silly.

Saye
Guest
Saye

I am pretty sure the author understands why her daughter’s hair came out differently than hers. She is pretty much expressing how people assumed that the baby would have curly or kinky hair. On the other hand; bi-racial/multi-racial people have a diverse look and they all don’t come out looking the way how people perceive them to look. They can take after one race or another race. They can even look like both races or many races put together.

Kelly
Guest
Kelly

I have two half Black, half White brothers. I’m not half Black and half White but they are. Both of them have light skin, one has light eyes and light skin, but BOTH of them have kinky curly hair, not loosely curled, wavy, or straight hair. So having one White parent doesn’t mean that you’re child will look one way. Same goes for having two Black parents — doesn’t mean your kids will come out looking the same way. It’s all about genetic selection.

YallPlay2much
Guest

This place is too funny, all hell broke loose in the Tracy Ellis Ross article when a statement was made about most biracials having a looser texture compared to a full black person and yet here it’s treated as a matter of fact.

Guest1234
Guest
Guest1234

I’m sayin! These folks shouted me under the table when I mentioned that. Now, everybody seems to be okay with it. Weird.

haute
Guest
haute

This is really silly. The baby’s father is white. I thought this was going to be about a black child with a black father; then it would have been worth reading. Boo.

Alicia
Guest

Ouch!

Froregade
Guest
Froregade

As someone who’ll likely go through this in the coming years (as my S.O is also white), it’s kind of nice to see something like this. I think a lot of people when in interracial relationships don’t actively know what to expect in terms of how their kids will come out. It’s basically playing a game of Genetic Roulette where there’s literally any possible combination that could end up making your kid. I think often times, too, minorities in these situations tend to expect their kid to look more like them since a lot of our traits tend to be… Read more »

NoMoreCandy4U
Guest
NoMoreCandy4U

I was thinking the same thing.

LBell
Guest
LBell

Being caught off guard…isn’t that one of the few things all parents can safely expect? 🙂

Thanks for posting this. It’s always good to have different perspectives on this crazy thing we call “black” hair culture…It’s not uncommon to read about nonblack parents encountering Afro-textured hair for the first time but the reverse happens as well. Best of luck to them!

LBell
Guest
LBell

Oh, and by the way, for those of you who may be thinking otherwise: Just because a baby has a nonblack parent doesn’t mean that baby can’t still end up with nappy hair. *cough* Lenny Kravitz *cough*

YallPlay2much
Guest

*Cough* he’s the exception not the rule *cough*

eve-audrey
Guest
eve-audrey

i don’t know if he’s the exception but a friend of mine has a mixed daughter who has kinky hair so i think like someone stated it’s a genetic roulette

Melissa
Guest
Melissa

There’s no rule. Folks acting like there’s no spectrum of kinky to straight. I know plenty of mixed race folk who have kinky hair. Go to any Dominican or Puerto Rican neighborhood. There’s no rule.

D.P.
Guest
D.P.

You’re in the same boat as a white mother who adopts a black child or has multi-racial children of her own. You’re going to have to learn to do her hair. I agree with the other comments, I thought this story was going to be about two black parents and the mom and daughter have very different hair types. Obviously, in this specific situation the child’s hair was going to be a completely different texture. My family is biracial (white mom, black dad) and one of my brothers has blue eyes and dirty blonde curly hair, another brother has gorgeous… Read more »

SimplaySid
Guest
SimplaySid

Both my parents are black. I came out very light with a head full of straight black hair. Fast forward 20 something years later and I have a head full of black thick hair that often breaks combs. Give it time. My hair didnt start to curl until I was about 3.

EmskiB
Guest
EmskiB

I love this article and I want to see more baby photos!! Thank you for sharing a little snippet of your family.

I’m mixed race and therefore also in an interracial relationship but we don’t yet have any babies — the curiousity about how our babies will turn out is a preoccupation of mine!

Ellie
Guest
Ellie

I kind of understand how’s she’s feeling. I know my daughters 8 months so I know her curls are probably going to change but they are so different than mine. They are more spiraled, silky in some spots and frizzes completely at the end of the day. When the writer talked about her daughters hair attracting lint, that’s how I feel everyday. Even I she hasn’t laid down since I combed her hair she manages to get dust and lint in her curls. Both my husband and I are black so I was very amazed at big curls but of… Read more »

coffeeandfingernails
Guest

Maybe I’m reading this into her post, but my big takeaway was not just that she was surprised that her daughter’s texture was so different from her own (and I don’t think the fact that her family is biracial necessarily meant she shouldn’t have been surprised–I would have expected a slightly looser version of my own hair and tried my own products as well), but that she was surprised to find that looser, softer curls–the kind we grew up calling “good” hair–could be just as difficult to figure out as kinkier tresses. We all have stories about transitioning and learning… Read more »

Djanira
Guest
Djanira

*applause*

Ugonna Wosu
Guest
Ugonna Wosu

which is why people should love their own hair. Everyone has issues with their hair, even white people.

deb
Guest
deb

agreed. People probably barely read the entire post and then posted knee-jerk reactions.

Kelly
Guest
Kelly

Agreed, coffeeandfingernails! In light of a few of the uh … sort of weird comments posted and many of the comments I’ve heard over the years about hair texture and skin color, I just wanted to state this. No one has ever been awarded a million dollars and a life free from pain simply for being light-skinned and having loosely waved or loosely curled long hair — what some of our folks like to call “good hair.” That being said, I wish our community would stop exalting in general (not speaking of the article’s writer) people with light skin and… Read more »

JazzWife
Guest

A very loving piece but I thought the article was heading in a different direction, too. My daughter has different texture than I do. I am black, her father is black and so is she … but her hair has a much looser curl than mine. Much looser.

Mesha
Guest

Even though my children aren’t biracial I was still challenged with having a different texture of hair from theirs. My hair was relaxed and their hair wasn’t so I struggled with caring for their natural hair. Plus, given the fact that they have a long list of allergies I had to redo my product shelf so we could use the same products to save money.

So before anyone places judgement on this mom just take the time to think back to when you had to learn how to care for natural hair because you have/ had chemically textured hair.

Delia
Guest
Delia

this is really a silly story…even in same race families hair textures are different

CallsitlikeIseeit
Guest
CallsitlikeIseeit

Your daughter’s skin color is way different than yours too.…is there going to be a blog about that? She’s biracial and you are not…

lita
Guest
lita

Well, why not? She’d definitely experience the world differently. Not getting where the hostility is coming from. So much has been asked on here about the hair growing out of their own heads, what’s so different, and so problematic about her post?

CallsitlikeIseeit
Guest
CallsitlikeIseeit

Her post is neither problematic nor is there a tone of hostility in my response. What there is, is a tongue in cheek quip about the underlying fact. That we are all uniquely and wonderfully made, therefore for her to assume that she would have had a love affair with her daughter’s hair that she did not have with her own and caring for it would be easy, unlike her own, by virtue of her daughter’s genetics, is to add credence to the “good hair” (superior) vs. ” bad hair”(inferior) debate. Yes, imagine her surprise when she realized that biracial… Read more »

Dee
Guest
Dee

I don’t see how being biracial changes the “meat” of the story. It doesn’t matter the race of the parents! I’m black and I have 4 different hair textures! I have both my parent’s hair texture as well as both of my maternal grandparent’s hair textures. I cover the chart from 3c-4c and it’s absolutely maddening. I came out with a mass of curly black 3c-ish hair that stay that way until I was about 3. I’ve only been natural for a little over a year and a half so learning how to care for a texture that you’re unfamiliar… Read more »

Kgc
Guest
Kgc

Omg I have 3c-4c hair too!

lita
Guest
lita

Exactly. My parents are both black, from the same ethnic group in Nigeria. My mum has fine hair in tiny curls. She didn’t know how to braid, and then I was born with thick, coarse hair (my dad’s genes), and it was a big deal for her.

Adrienne
Guest
Adrienne

Same! I’m Nigerian too (Igbo from Anambra state on my dad’s side and Delta state from my mum’s side)

My sister and I have a hair texture that is completely different than anyone in our family. Our hair is super duper thick with tight curls.

Braids were our best friends when we were growing up lol

Adrienne
Guest
Adrienne

So many negative comments.…

BTW her daughter is ADORABLE

SantanaNyla
Guest

Cute kid-hair texture is due to luck of the draw in any situation.

Sisi
Guest
Sisi

I think this article needed more pics…

legallynatural2
Guest
legallynatural2

This a strange article, not quite sure what the issue is here. My daughter hair texture is totally different from my own hair, she has a looser curl my is tighter. Both her parents are black, however, I had to learn differnt hair techniques for her because what works for me and the products i use doesn’t work for her. Was I shocked or surprised, no I am understand human nature and realize that we are not the same. I have seen many biracial children with differnt types of hair. What I see from this article is a black woman… Read more »

eve-audrey
Guest
eve-audrey

just out of curiosity what in her interview makes you think she never embraced her race?

SantanaNyla
Guest

The little girl is a separate entity-most kids are…three different kids can have three different hair types-same parents.

Passa
Guest
Passa

It’s quite obvious that some people commenting here lack basic comprehension skills.…

tiff
Guest
tiff

some of the comments stating a prepccupation with seeing what ur biracial children will look like simply make me cringe. We are people not science experiments !!!

also come on ppl race is not genetic its a social construct we need to start remembering that when we have these conversations before we keep perpetuating more myths

reflecting
Guest
reflecting

This bothers me too. When I read the dialogue online about interracial relationships and bi-racial children, there is conflicting and competing information. On the one hand there’s a push for this to be accepted and viewed as normal. But on the other hand, there seems to be an obsession with pointing out the ‘exoticness’ of said relationships/children and being applauded for that. I kind of feel like you can’t have it both ways. You can’t want to society to both normalize and exoticize you. That is why I also cringe when I read about excited mommies who can’t wait to… Read more »

Charlie
Guest
Charlie

My husbandchildrens father is white, my daughter has straight hair like her father, and my son has kinky hair like mine. I’m expecting our third and can’t wait to see what this one brings…

Olive
Guest
Olive

Genetics kind of work like a craps shoot lol. I’ve seen people with one black parent/one white parent, very fair skin but with a cotton‑y, “no curl pattern” curl pattern. I’ve also seen girls that have dark-skinned parents/grandparents, but they themselves have Hershey bar skin, pale green eyes and WAVY hair lol. You just never know. It’s all a luck of the draw; there’s no racial formula that guarantees a looser curl pattern. Yeah, it occurs a lot, but it’s NEVER for certain, you never know how far back your child’s genes will pull from your and your kid’s fathers’… Read more »

Olive
Guest
Olive

^^^ And I mean “luck of the draw” in a general sense lol, not saying that having a looser curl is “lucky”. It’s just one of those “by chance” things…

Sin
Guest
Sin

My mom is black and my dad is mixed and I came out with a full head of thick 4c hair. My mom herself has 4a hair. She gave me my first perm at age 2. I never knew my natural texture until I was 15 built up the courage to tell my mom I didn’t want to get perms. In fact, I didn’t even know that black people went without perms, I thought everyone got them, I didn’t know about hair textures until I was 18. Now, 5 years of going natural I’m still trying to figure out how… Read more »

MsXpat
Guest

Awh how sweet. Its the same for and my kids, I’ve got a boy and a girl. My daugther has a texture closer to mine but its more silky and my son has big lose curls. Of late he seems to feel a bit left out with all the effort I put into her hair and mine. Here’s a link to a post I wrote on it

http://tigertales-msxpat.blogspot.co.uk/2013/07/love-attention-and-changing-hair.html

Jesse
Guest
Jesse

I don’t understand the negative feedback completely? I’m going to take a guess and say it’s because the mom ( and her family) is shocked that her daughter’s hair is different? Even if two black people have a baby, the the mother, father, and child all probably have three different hair textures. All naturals know the saying “do what works for your hair” because everyone’s hair and scalp is unique and different. So, I think people don’t understand why everyone is making a fuss over the little girl’s hair being different ESPECIALLY since she’s mixed. However, if you read the… Read more »

Ashley
Guest
Ashley

I’m 21 and I still haven’t figured out my hair.

Steph
Guest
Steph

I’m 25 and just learning how to take care of my natural hair.

Raven
Guest

I thoroughly enjoyed this article. Her baby girl reminds me of my niece, who is now in her early 20’s. My brother’s wife is white. My niece’s hair is now MBL and very thick and wavy. Hair does change over time. I think it’s hard for many parents to figure out their little one’s hair routine. In this case the parents just have to be interracial. My hair is a mixture of my mom and dad’s hair. My hair didn’t come out like either one of theirs, but more of a mixture. Actually, it looks a lot like my late… Read more »

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