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I Met My Man While Wearing a Wig… Now I’m Scared to Take it Off!

Avatar • Nov 10, 2011

Reader Samantha says;

I think this would be a great topic for discussion as I have had this experience recently. I have been natural for 4 years now and am just getting into wearing wigs as protective styling. I receive alot more attention wearing my long black wig, but also recently met a man and we started dated. I wonder if I should reveal my natural hair soon or if I should just keep wearing this wig?! Any other naturals who have been in a similar situation or have the same experiences of dating someone new while wearing a wig PLEASE share your stories.

Ladies, have you ever been in this situation!? How did you deal?

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Sinae
Sinae
9 years ago

I feel your pain. So — I’m an actress. My Job (whatever show I’m working on at the moment) determines my hair-do, not me. I can go a whole year and not be able to flaunt my own natural curly kinks because my employers demand something else. I met my current boyfriend while i was rocking a good old 18 inches of something silky and brazilian. Right after that I needed braids for the next gig and had to wear wigs for the show after that. One day the boyfriend says, “Baby, I’ve never seen your hair. When will I… Read more »

Paula
Paula
9 years ago
Reply to  Sinae

What is LSLH’s???

CarmelStacks
CarmelStacks
9 years ago
Reply to  Paula

I’m going to assume Light Skinned Long Hairs…I’m guessing??? lol

df
df
9 years ago
Reply to  Paula

probably a quick way to describe women who are light skinned w/ long hair…

Amma Mama
Amma Mama
9 years ago
Reply to  Sinae

AWWWW Your story was adorable!I SERIOUSLY enjoyed reading it. You gave GREAT advice too 🙂

anastasia
anastasia
9 years ago
Reply to  Amma Mama

+1 ..Great story…Excellent advice!

Safera
Safera
9 years ago
Reply to  Sinae

That made me smile 🙂

EgyptianBella
EgyptianBella
9 years ago
Reply to  Sinae

HAHAHAA! IM SORRY TO LAUGH BUT THAT IS SO FUNNY. IF YOUR MAN DOESNT LIKE YOU WITH “ANY” TYPE OF HAIRSTYLE, THEN HE IS A LOSER. DONT BE STUPID LADIES. IT IS NOT OK FOR YOU TO HAVE TO FEEL INSECURE ABOUT HIM NOT LIKING YOU WITHOUT THE WIG. AND STOP WEARING WIGS ANYWAY!

shannon
shannon
9 years ago
Reply to  EgyptianBella

That’s an unfair statement. We all have a preference, doesn’t make someone a loser. Also, if a person wants to wear a wig that’s their right to do so.

Likewaterforchocolat
Likewaterforchocolat
9 years ago
Reply to  shannon

@ Shannon, I agree, an unfair statement indeed. Apparently, the natural hair gangstas have showed up who are some of the most negative naturals within the community. Also, Egyptianbella may have failed to read the post, where the young lady noted that her hair changes according to her acting jobs which is how she earns a living. Wigs protect hair that may need to be manipulated more than the rest of us if one must be camera-ready at all times. Also, not all studio hairdressers are good with handling natural black hair. Protective styling including wigs keeps my fragile hair… Read more »

jake
jake
3 months ago
Reply to  EgyptianBella

I met a woman on a dating site that was very attractive with “long beautiful hair.” We started to know each other. After 2 weeks she told me she had a hairl loss disease. She didn’t have any hair and that was a wig on all her profile pictures. She hinted that she wasn’t dating to waste time.…. She asked me what do you think I told her … I don’t know.…she became furious.…I dont think what she did was right…Its like she tried to trap men and then get upset when the men felt deceived. What do you think? I told… Read more »

Sieta
9 years ago

I met a guy while wearing a wig too. When I had to get my hair done for something, he assumed I was getting it relaxed. I told him that I wasn’t going to get it relaxed because I was going to wear a weave. I then told him that I’m actually natural and haven’t chemically processed my hair in years. He said ‘ok cool’. Not every guy is going to run for the hills if you’re going to tell them you’re natural or that you’re wearing a wig. Also he probably thinks you’re wearing a wig any way but doesn’t care.… Read more »

Princess
Princess
9 years ago

Unless your prepared to cover your hair whenever you are in his presence, to hide in the bathroom on your wash day or disappear to the hairdressers so he never sees your natural hair — I think you should say. I dont even think you need to sit down and talk because its who you are. I do not assume that ladies who wear make up do a massive reveal of what their face looks like without foundation and breaks down to the guy the significance of their natural cheekbones :S Maybe I think differently on this kind of thing,… Read more »

Aurélie
9 years ago
Reply to  Princess

I used to wear weaves when I first met my boyfriend. I had explained to him that it wasn’t my hair so the day of the big “hair” reveal, I was nervous but he loved it plus my hair smelt good that day lol

CandyceNoelle
CandyceNoelle
9 years ago

LOL I am currently sporting my wig too! If I were to meet a guy now I wouldn’t worry too much. I find most guys don’t care as long as your hair has a style of some sort. I changed my hair style after wearing this and the guy I was talking to liked it so I think we place more worry on it than them most of the times. I usually get my own hair in some type of updo after so they like it because they can see my face and neck better. Just changing it up is… Read more »

Jc
Jc
9 years ago

Seriously, are we still apologising for the fact that our hair grows out curly and kinky? This really is not about the man and as far as beauty goes it is really never about the man. It is all about you, how you think, how you feel and how you want to be validated.

It gets really old but it does not change, you need to embrace yourself first before anyone else can embrace you.

Eboni
Eboni
9 years ago
Reply to  Jc

+1!!!

There’s nothing wrong with wigs and stuff, but EVENTUALLY you’ll end up taking it off, and he’ll end up seeing your natural hair. Why not do it now and get it over with?

If he finds you less attractive (not that he should) then at least you’ll find out how he feels sooner than later. If he finds you even MORE attractive (which is certainly possible) you’ll feel better about doing it sooner.

Hope everything works out for you!

Uh Huh Yeah
Uh Huh Yeah
9 years ago
Reply to  Eboni

Yup. Better to find out how he feels now than further down the road. Seriously, if he is turned off by your hair (the chemical-free hair growing out of your scalp), then he is not a man worth keeping. This is you, and if you love yourself, you should not shape you beauty standards around his opinions. Just think about it, why would you want a man that doesn’t appreciate you and your natural glory? Maybe the best thing to do would be to take your wig off, style your hair however you want, and go out to dinner. Monitor… Read more »

JJ
JJ
9 years ago
Reply to  Jc

AMEN! lol
I understand how this could be hard, but let’s face it, it will be really hard to get away with always wearing a wig in his presence.

Gemlocs
Gemlocs
9 years ago
Reply to  Jc

Applause!!!!

Nicki
Nicki
9 years ago
Reply to  Jc

THANK YOU! Luv you and the RIGHT man will love you too…weaved, relaxed, natural. Funny enough after went natural my BF was like “I wish you had THIS hair in the first place”. When you’re happy with you others will have to follow suit.

anastasia
anastasia
9 years ago
Reply to  Nicki

Amen Nicki!

Amma Mama
Amma Mama
9 years ago
Reply to  Jc

That’s true!

bakassi
bakassi
9 years ago

i cannot believe this is a real question. it’s not that serious. AT ALL. the comment by Jc said it best. just scroll back up and reread what she wrote. that’s exactly what i was prepared to type, but Jc was MUCH nicer than about it than i would have been. SMDH.

Gemlocs
Gemlocs
9 years ago
Reply to  bakassi

+1

My sentiments exactly.

suga
9 years ago
Reply to  bakassi

Why do we need to make people feel stupid for asking a question about how to deal with their hair? This is brand new territory for at lot of people, and everyone isn’t as confident with experimenting with new looks, so it actually IS that serious. At least to her it is.

These sites are meant to be supportive. Not to ridicule.

Uh Huh Yeah
Uh Huh Yeah
9 years ago
Reply to  suga

+2

Leogoddess
Leogoddess
9 years ago
Reply to  suga

Agreed.

df
df
9 years ago
Reply to  suga

e‑high five!
A sincere question can never be stupid.

anastasia
anastasia
9 years ago
Reply to  df

A sincere question can never be stupid”—–BRILLIANT! =) I’m stealing that one df for the shy little one’s I know:)

B
B
9 years ago
Reply to  suga

I’m with Suga. Support…Do not ridicule. It is not nice.

anon
anon
9 years ago
Reply to  suga

+1

Lin
Lin
9 years ago
Reply to  suga

Agreed. Lately, there seems to be so much hostility towards others on this site. If they ask a simple question, “Ugh! Do we need to ask this, seriously? It’s not even that big.”
Like you said, to her, it IS that serious, and you’re just not helping her at all.

Like the old saying goes; if you don’t have something nice to say, don’t say anything at all.

Likewaterforchocolat
Likewaterforchocolat
9 years ago
Reply to  Lin

I agree, it’s beginning to turn into some of these others sites that are soooo negative that I do not even follow them anymore. Black women can be so horrible to each other some times.

It makes me think about an article that I read on Madame Noire about misconceptions about naturals. One misconception involved the thought concept that natural haired women were full of attitude and overly political/critical. But misconceptions and stereotypes exist, because they are people who fit the bill and make them true.

The only stupid question is the question left unasked.

Dar Dar
Dar Dar
9 years ago
Reply to  suga

Amen…

Annie L.
Annie L.
9 years ago
Reply to  suga

Agreed suga! Thank you for posting.

anon
anon
9 years ago
Reply to  bakassi

-1

Sheena
Sheena
9 years ago
Reply to  anon

I agree! To make someone feel like their question is irrelevant or stupid because YOU do not agree with it is ridiculous. Lets grow up ladies…Thanks and have a great day 🙂

shannon
shannon
9 years ago
Reply to  bakassi

did you mean to type “not that serious to me”? Because its obviously that serious to the woman who sent in the post.

Natalie
Natalie
9 years ago

I laughed when I read the title of this article. When I met my last boyfriend (white guy from Slovakia) I had just learnt about YouTube hair videos, this January in fact. So, I was using scarves as a protective style. We started up this text thing and I didn’t see him again for about a month, when he finally met me I had my natural hair out but as I wasn’t good at styling it it looked awful. I saw him do a double take when he met me but he was really sweet and didn’t mention it. We… Read more »

DBry
DBry
9 years ago

I was natural 4 years before I met my husband. And the night I met him I had kind of a blow out. So he knew from the start. I even did a BC a couple of months after marriage. But, for years I didn’t even wash my hair with him around. We have been married 6 years now and I still reluctantly wash my hair around my husband. Because you know a fresh wash sometime you can come out look a little like Fredrick Douglas. I say be on the up and up but I think it is okay… Read more »

Uh Huh Yeah
Uh Huh Yeah
9 years ago
Reply to  DBry

LOL @ the Fredrick Douglas comment!

anastasia
anastasia
9 years ago
Reply to  Uh Huh Yeah

Fredrick Douglas was.….HOTTTTT!!! Just felt compelled to reveal my first stirrings of sexual attraction to a man, albeit a deceased man. Ha!! For real y’all, the man was built like a line backer and intelligent as all get out. Ferocious determination is always sexy!

LBell
LBell
9 years ago
Reply to  DBry

I forget who it was (Dorothy Parker? Coco Chanel?) who said that women need to keep at least some of the mystery. I totally get that. How-EVER…we should make sure we know the difference between keeping the mystery and being too insecure to be our real selves at least SOME of the time. And to that end I agree with Jc and the majority of commenters here. I have met women who are married to men who have NEVER EVER seen their real hair. I’m not talking about natural vs. relaxed; I’m talking about what grows out of their head… Read more »

Amma Mama
Amma Mama
9 years ago
Reply to  DBry

LOL at Frederick Douglas, I LITERALLY laughed out loud.

H
H
9 years ago
Reply to  DBry

LMAO at Frederick Douglas at my desk at work! Too much! You gals Hilarious.

Nappynfree
9 years ago
Reply to  DBry

Frederick Douglas — too funny!

Pretdva
Pretdva
9 years ago
Reply to  DBry

I totally disagree about “having some modesty with our man.” I have been married for 13 years and I have no problem with him seeing me look like “Frederick Douglas”. Sounds like you are still not comfortable or secure enough to let your husband see what your hair truly looks like. To be quite honest I really don’t think it would bother him at all. It’s obvious that he loves you being that you all have been married for 6 years. Trust me, if a man can handle seeing his woman legs wide open giving birth to a child, he… Read more »

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  Pretdva

I think she meant that there is no need to always walk around with sweats, old t‑shirts with holes in them and a durag. Most people are visually stimulated, as such, a little eye-candy doesn’t hurt. Wanting to look your best (even on wash days), instead of ‘now that i’ve got you i can relax’, doesn’t mean that you have low self-esteem.…just saying.

Tai
Tai
9 years ago

I totally understand this! I like to get braid extensions but I always feel like I need to let guys know that “This isn’t what I really look like to don’t get too attached.” And if I looked totally different without makeup on I would feel the need to add a disclaimer about that too! I don’t think it’s necessarily an apology or self-hate thing, it’s a false advertisement thing! It’s like if I met a guy and thought he was 6′ but later it turns out he’s really 4′9″ and was wearing stilts… I might still like him but I… Read more »

Jerica
Jerica
9 years ago
Reply to  Tai

Agreed.

Asea
Asea
9 years ago
Reply to  Tai

+1, That is how I feel. Though I do whole heartedly agree with JC’s sentiments, I don’t think it’s unatural or pitiful for some of us to have some fear about men’s acceptance early in our journeys. Whether you can OVERCOME that fear is the question! When I first big chopped, I was insecure about it even though I was in love with my coils. I didn’t really get much attention not because of the lack of length but because I was so insecure about it and it probably showed. I wore kinky twists one summer and everyone thought it… Read more »

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  Tai

+1

Joy
Joy
9 years ago

Let him know as soon as possible, and this will definitely determine whether he’s feeling you for you or because of your appearance. If the latter is the case, he may not be worthy of your fabulosity. I’m finally feeling like I am coming into my own wearing my natural hair out and about without a care in the world, although I do switch my hairstyle up with cute wigs for social events depending on what my overall look calls for. I get more attention with the wigs as well, and I love it. But I love me more, and… Read more »

CX
CX
9 years ago

Honestly my longest relationship has been with someone when I decided to go natural and embrace the natural me. Of course I have went through the stages of wearing the 18–22 inch weaves in the past, but I was tired of spending a lot of money for something that was really not mine. I felt artificial. Not to say there is anything wrong with weaves, but I decided that if a man is going to love me, then he needs to love all of me including my natural hair. When I first met my boyfriend he was opposed to natural… Read more »

Asea
Asea
9 years ago
Reply to  CX

This is a great point: “He did make a valid point that for so long black women had portrayed the perms and weaves to that has been presented to them, therefore some black men find this way to be more acceptable.”

We can help our men “re-learn” and accept and LOVE our hair just as we have had to re-learn. Good men who love you are willing to share the journey with you and “see the light.” Who are we to bash men who love straight hair when we used to love it ourselves!?? 🙂

Afrinaturality
Afrinaturality
9 years ago

Oh, I completely understand this scenario. I met the guy I’m dating whilst wearing a wig. I’m currently transitioning. He decided to take the mick, so to speak, by giving me a neck massage and making sure his fingers went as high up as the edge of the wig! I know what I’ve got on my head. He knows what I’ve got on my head. He has been exposed to the ups and downs of sisters and their hair, so there is nothing that I can do, short of dying my hair green that would really surprise him. I’m doing… Read more »

Amma Mama
Amma Mama
9 years ago
Reply to  Afrinaturality

LOLOL

Tequila b
Tequila b
9 years ago

I know you’ve heard it before, but if he can’t except all of you then he doesn’t deserve any of you, im sure the guy is not dumb and knows that your hair isn’t always this perfectly coiffed and flowing. I told my husband when we started dating that i wear weaves to protect my hair. He didn’t care as long as i feel good about it, he loves it. although he loves my natural hair wayyyy more.

aceboogie
aceboogie
9 years ago

Honestly ladies, I don’t think we are so naive to think a large percentange of men don’t know what a weave or a wig looks like. For some odd reason we think men are focusing on the things we go out our way in order to attract them. That’s just like asking “why do men talk to me when I look busted with a scarf on?“lol if he’s really interested it wont matter.

Dolores
Dolores
9 years ago
Reply to  aceboogie

Exactly! We are not fooling anyone (except possibly ourselves) when we hide our hair. A wig, weave or extensions are obvious at least 99% of the time.

AishaSaidIt
9 years ago

One thing I will say is whatever you do, don’t take it off in front of him. All “I’m Gone Get You Sucka” style. You can almost see his soul being crushed in his eyes, the fantasy is lost. It’s like you told him there is no Santa Clause. You can walk away from him with it on, then come back with it off (still looking sexy, of course) and he’ll probably just see you as a chameleon. But if you do it in front of him.….yeah good luck with that. You gonna have to show him the real eventually. So… Read more »

Amma Mama
Amma Mama
9 years ago
Reply to  AishaSaidIt

LOL That scene was hilarious. She took off every part of her body. Also reminds me of when Tisha Campbell was Will’s girlfriend on the Fresh Prince of Bel Air. During the earthquake episode, she took off her hair and her nails in front of Will. He was so disgusted..lol #Imissthe90s

shannon
shannon
9 years ago
Reply to  Amma Mama

im stuck in the basement sitting on a tricycle girl getting on my nerves. Going outta my mind I thought she was fine don’t know if her body is hers…” sorry, i couldn’t resist.

anastasia
anastasia
9 years ago
Reply to  AishaSaidIt

So go for it but keep it fly” Yes!!! LOL @ “I’m Gonna Get You Suka”, so true AishaSaidIt.

Niki McElroy
9 years ago

I discuss this issue in my book, “A Black Girls Guide to Dating White Men”. It is a GREAT topic that a lot of black women are concerned with!
[img]http://bglhonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/BlackgirlsGuidetodating5x8frontcover.jpg[/img]

Princess
Princess
9 years ago
Reply to  Niki McElroy

Is this book serious?

ABdS
ABdS
9 years ago
Reply to  Princess

HAHA @ Princess!

Mai
Mai
9 years ago
Reply to  Princess

I was thinking the same thing. I’ve dated white men, and I am currently in a relationship with a white man, and honestly, hair really isn’t a problem. If there is a common denominator between all the white men I’ve dated and just chatted with, they all ask me, why don’t you wear your hair curly (aka natural). And just like black men, every single white man is not the same, so a book is not the answer. So here is my advice, free of charge, if you date out of your race, just be yourself and be confident (of… Read more »

Flav
Flav
9 years ago
Reply to  Princess

I don’t know but that title and cover literally made me LOL!

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  Princess

Yeah, my mouth dropped open on this one. I am all for dating IR, god knows black women have too long closed themselves off to it, but this book.….I don’t know.

aiych
aiych
9 years ago
Reply to  Niki McElroy

LOL, stop.

anastasia
anastasia
9 years ago
Reply to  Niki McElroy

I never dated one WM where my 4abc kinks and coils were a problem (b/c they were men who loved me as I am). Ladies, just be true to you-Best advice in the world. =)

Adriii
Adriii
9 years ago
Reply to  Niki McElroy

1. Why do I need a book/guide on how to date a white man?

2. For fun, let’s just say I do need this book. Shouldn’t it be written by a white man?

3. “…and easy read with simple guidelines that work!”…as commented by a Playboy Playmate? That’s your word of mouth?

Girl…I don’t even know what to say to that. Bye.

Adriii
Adriii
9 years ago
Reply to  Niki McElroy

And it took me way too long to figure out that was chalk in the woman’s hand. I thought it was a piece of gum and was thinking, “What does chewing gum have to do with this?” Now I want to know where she put the blue piece of chalk. And why “girls” is written in blue. And where’s the apostrophe in “girl’s?” and is that even her hand? What is going on on that cover?

N/A
N/A
9 years ago
Reply to  Adriii

Geez… While I am ambivalent about the premise of the book, I found your comments to be a bit harsh. Can we at least show this woman a modicum of respect? She is clearly determined and passionate enough about this idea that she committed to writing a book… A book that you obviously feel entitled to rip to shreds. I don’t mean to be rude, but where is your book?

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  N/A

I’m actually shocked that you found her post rude. She simply pointed out that the cover was confusing (it took me a minute to realize that there were 2 people on the cover of different races) and that the grammar is poor. If the writer is going to put her work up for display, then she should be ready for criticism. The world is not all bubble gum and rainbows. She doesn’t have to be an author to criticize the author. No one here has cursed, or called the author names, we are simply shocked that she has a book on… Read more »

n/a
n/a
9 years ago
Reply to  EG

maturity=> respectful disagreement.

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  n/a

Whew, then I’m safe. Thanks for confirming that I’m mature.

AishaSaidIt
9 years ago
Reply to  Niki McElroy

Maybe next she can write one for White men dating Hispanic women. Or White women dating Asian men. What? They don’t profit off of BS media rants pitting a single race against each other? Only Black people? Oh my bad.

*leaves the room*

EG
EG
9 years ago
Reply to  AishaSaidIt

Since I know you’ll be back.…why would she write about white men dating hispanic women? or white women dating asians? Is she either? No?! then you have your answer.
I was floored by the fact that she felt this book needed to be written since we (I know me for sure) would have raised hell if a black man wrote the same about dating white women, but your question made as little sense as her book.

Likewaterforchocolat
Likewaterforchocolat
9 years ago
Reply to  EG

Sorry, but where have you bm may not be writing books, but they are on TV and writing articles that are damn sure are aggressive in defending their love of ww. Speak for yourself.…all of us are NOT “raising hell” about bm dating ww.

Dawn
Dawn
9 years ago
Reply to  Niki McElroy

.…this is a joke rt…?

Amber
Amber
9 years ago

I met this guy when I had flat ironed my hair for the first time in forever and it was long. I told him I was watching my friend big chop her hair and he said to me “I hope you don’t follow in her footsteps” I took that as the opportunity to tell him I wear my hair natural and not like the way he saw me. He told me he liked my hair the way it was and “:/ you should consider that (straightening my hair) more often but I guess ill give your other looks a chance”… Read more »

Jc
Jc
9 years ago
Reply to  Amber

I guess my point is that when you are totally secure and comfortable with yourself you would delete that man’s number and move on to find one who supports your values or continue living your own life happily. If wearing your natural hair makes you happy, a kind and caring man (the only kind that matters) will support you.

ABdS
ABdS
9 years ago
Reply to  Jc

— excuse my “french” but fruck him! NEEEEEXXXXXTTTT and all that loveliness that Jc said too 🙂

SilverFoxx
SilverFoxx
9 years ago
Reply to  ABdS

*cosign*

anastasia
anastasia
9 years ago
Reply to  ABdS

LMAO @ ABdS

Meena
9 years ago
Reply to  ABdS

100% CO-SIGN. AND TOO MUCH TEXTING ARE SIGNS OF IMMATURITY TO ME. not sure how old you or him are, but real men call and make arrangements to go out on a date or more. Texting means you are not in his head.

karyl
karyl
9 years ago

I also met my man while wearing a wig and he looked past all that because according to the song writer, “I am not my hair”, and I am proud to say that after years of being in a relationship, we have two beautiful baby girls are currently planning our wedding.

Lydia
Lydia
9 years ago

Well when I wear a wig it is usually a fro wig so any guy would know which side I lean on but I still do not like a guy to be interested in me when I have a wig on which is why I haven’t worn a wig in about a year although I am considering getting another fro wig strictly for protective styling.

I say all that to say — what Jc said above:-)

Mel
Mel
9 years ago

As a black man, I personally like woman who are all natural — no fake hair (relaxed or natural is fine for me as long as it is real), eyes, nails, but. I like to know that the woman I see in the day will be the same woman I wake up next to in the morning. But if I were to meet a woman that and she had a bangin’ weave on and I thought it was her real hair and she told me it wasn’t, if I still had a deep connection with her and could see myself… Read more »

Yazi
Yazi
9 years ago

LOL…First thing first I have to laugh before I comment. Not at you but at my self, at this situation because…I was in your shoes…not long ago. I wear wigs a lot. I have over a dozen and renew my stock religiously. I was wearing a wig when I went a first date with my new beau, second date too…third date I was natural. This is what I did.…on the second date, I had on LaJay Wig, one that looks very kinky and natural just like my own hair but just fuller. We were having coffee after dinner and we… Read more »

Amma Mama
Amma Mama
9 years ago
Reply to  Yazi

Damn, he greases and massages your scalp? Well alright!
Good dialogue ladies. I enjoyed reading all the responses 🙂

ABdS
ABdS
9 years ago
Reply to  Yazi

That was a good way of introducing him to our complex world of hair, Yazi!

the hair I’m wearing…the hair that you are wearing?” HA! Classic!

Flav
Flav
9 years ago
Reply to  Yazi

Greases and massages your scalp! Girl, does have a brother? Cousin?

ABdS
ABdS
9 years ago

Oh darling! I’ve never been in your situation because I always do me and either he or whomever will love it or leave it, which is their right. The last thing any of us should want is someone we have to keep around putting on airs or in this case, hair units 🙂 My thinking on this and all things with life is why prolong the inevitable? At some point your truths will be revealed, on all things, so living according to them is the surest way to make sure you know what is real and worthy in your life. Trust me love,… Read more »

Linette
Linette
9 years ago
Reply to  ABdS

+1

cygnet
cygnet
9 years ago
Reply to  ABdS

My thinking on this and all things with life is why prolong the inevitable? At some point your truths will be revealed, on all things, so living according to them is the surest way to make sure you know what is real and worthy in your life. ”

And let all those who value truth say, “AMEN!!!” :-).

ABdS
ABdS
9 years ago
Reply to  cygnet

Amen, Cygnet! 🙂

ABdS
ABdS
9 years ago

Here goes something else for you to consider, doll. One of FB friends status. Same concern different enhancement option 🙂

Ladies.…Stop fooling men with these cake faces!!!! I keep telling women,if you have to wear makeup 24–7,a guy will eventually see the real portrait.Let your face breathe.…..men love to see a woman made up…but theres nothing like waking up to a clean face, instead of a pillow,with tons of makeup smeared on it.Be natural every now and then.Drake said it best.….Sweat pants, hair tied, chilling with no make up on,thats when your the prettiest.
#own it ladies

Linette
Linette
9 years ago
Reply to  ABdS

You absolutely correct. There’s a black girl that lives with a white guy next door to me and this chick wears thick, heavy foundation and a full face of makeup just to sit on the porch on a Sunday morning! I think it’s sad that she’s so insecure with herself that she feels that she cannot be seen at all without her face on. She probably even sleeps in it and I can only imagine the state of her skin.

Cinnamondiva
Cinnamondiva
9 years ago
Reply to  Linette

I agree with you both. I wore a lot of makeup when I was younger and I looked ridiculous. Now I’m nearly 30 and I wear no makeup at all except mascara and lip gloss. I’m still very insecure about my looks, but I feel prettier without tons of makeup. I’m not sure when my mentality changed but I’ve come a long way from that 16 year-old girl who was afraid to be seen without piles of makeup. I’m ashamed to say that I looked like a clown. I have nothing against makeup because it can be fun to enhance natural… Read more »

Likewaterforchocolat
Likewaterforchocolat
9 years ago
Reply to  Linette

Why is the race of her companion relevant? Do you think that her heavy makeup wearing is an indication that she is insecure about her face because she is with a white man? Do you know whether the state of her skin is the reason why she wears heavy makeup instead of vice versa? Just as with acne scarring, there are other hyperpigmentation issues that can occur with skin and can have damaging effects on women’s self-esteem. I am happy to have been born with good skin and am meticulous about caring for it, but what about those who are… Read more »

ABdS
ABdS
9 years ago

@Likewaterforchocolat — we are clearly talking about “cakefaces” not the use of make-up itself. There is a difference. As for the race of her companion questions and comment I’m not touching it cause “frankly scarlet I don’t give a damn” lol It’s a line from an old movie I can’t recall at the moment so please don’t get all bent out of shape… To your point about scaring and hyperpigmentation of the skin, I can truly say I understand why someone would use make-up as a cover-up but I will also say that it won’t address healing the skin nor is it… Read more »

gingerfizz
gingerfizz
9 years ago

Reading this and a lot of the comments actually saddens me. I had no idea so woman were afraid of a guy losing interest because they wear their hair in its natural state. I’ve taken a break from flat ironing, mainly because I found this site and can now better keep my hair from drying out while in its natural state. I would go back n’ forth, but now I’m just steady natural state with it. I’ve received the most compliments from men since I’ve stopped flat ironing. However, while I was reading everything above, I stopped and realized out… Read more »

GorgeousSmile
GorgeousSmile
9 years ago

Just take the wig off, if he leaves because of that, forget him.
Follow me at IAmGoldGorgeous

KinkyHairChick
KinkyHairChick
9 years ago

I’m so confused by this post. Its hair!!! Why are you scared to show off your natural hair. I’ve meet tons of dudes with my natural hair or with weaves. If we are going out I say up front I’m natural. I tell them I wear fake hair. Heck I change up my hair in front of guy friend. They know me for rocking different looks whenever they see me. I would tell him either you get on board or you get off my boat. I’m confused on why women are scared to show off their hair. If he doesn’t… Read more »

df
df
9 years ago
Reply to  KinkyHairChick

wow.…just because you feel that way about it doesn’t mean everyone else does!!! in a perfect world, most women wouldn’t care but that’s reality!!! It also applies to makeup, clothes…many things…there are women of all races, all looks that have something they are insecure about and cover up when in front of others.…

it’s no newsflash that women are judged heavily for their worth by their looks, that’s from birth so for people to act all fresh and new like something like this isn’t probably is ridiculous and getting really annoying.

df
df
9 years ago
Reply to  KinkyHairChick

*probably = probable

Cinnamondiva
Cinnamondiva
9 years ago
Reply to  KinkyHairChick

KinkyHairChick…I admire your confidence, but I’ve gotta agree with df. Some women have been inundated with negativity since birth about their hair and other aspects of their looks. It can be very difficult to shake that off. Personally, I’ve never worn a wig or weave. My hair is naturally long, always has been. But I’ve had relaxed hair since I was 11 years old. I have been told since childhood that my hair texture is “ugly” and “bad”, especially since I’m biracial. I’m switching to natural next year despite all the negative comments I’ve received. I think the woman who is afraid… Read more »

ScrewyHair
9 years ago

Honey, let him see your beautiful hair NOW.

Is it just me or does it sound like you’re almost ashamed of your hair? I get that you might be looking at it as a teeny-weeny bit of “false advertising,” but hey: men know we black women like to change it up a lot.

Again, let him see your hair (or if you’re still hesitant, mention it in conversation) and then focus on gettin’ some lovin’ from this man (if he’s a good man)!

trackback

[…] an interesting discussion on Black Girl With Long Hair about a reader who met a guy she’s now dating while she was wearing a wig. She asked other […]

MissSunshine
MissSunshine
9 years ago

If you continue on without sharing your real hair, you’ll feel pressured and like your living a lie. You won’t be free to feel comfortable and at ease if you have to maintain a certain image. Let your hair show! Even if its gradually..and not to sound cliched, but if you changing your hair is a dealbreaker with him, that is NOT a man you need in your life 🙂

Discount designer clothing

I like baldheaded ~ ~! 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂 🙂

rw
rw
9 years ago

no wigs for me, but i tend to sleep ‘wild’, meaning without anything on my head when i have company, and he truly thinks this is how it always is, I’m just concerned that once i settle down how will i bring it all together, since i’ve heard that men don’t care for rags and bonnets and such

napfrocurlzgirl
9 years ago

A mature MAN won’t care enough to be that superficial.

Likewaterforchocolat
Likewaterforchocolat
9 years ago

@Napfrocurlz******Newsflash****Men are superficial, its in their DNA. It all depends on their definition of beauty. Some men like natural hair, some men don’t. I do believe that bw will be much happier and less stressed once we stop thinking that we can make someone love us.

ABdS
ABdS
9 years ago

Now this right here is right on! ” I do believe that bw will be much happier and less stressed once we stop thinking that we can make someone love us.”

AMS
AMS
9 years ago

I just would like to keep this short and sweet.

Is he into you or your hair? This really shouldn’t be a big deal. When I decided to go natural, I did it for me and not anyone else…so no matter who I meet, they have to know all of me. We have the ability to wear many styles (wigs, weave, natural) which is a plus. I think Sinae post is a great way, if you truly need a way to tell him. Wish you the best.

boo
boo
9 years ago

Well, I actually pull ma wig off in front of my man and well he had something to say aboout it but he still accepts me for who I am> I always like my short hair. I went natural a couple months ago so now its not only short, but its nappy too! But if he dnt like you with your natural hair why deal with him? If he cant accept that it means he only like you for how u looked with your wig. I went to the club with my natural hair and nobody said nothing to me.… Read more »

boo
boo
9 years ago

btw i didnt proof read so i reckon theres plenty of mistakes and typos! sorry!

Meena
9 years ago

I am trying to be as respectful as possible while saying this: REAL MEN DON’T FUSS OVER HAIR, NO MATTER THE FORM IT TAKES OR HOW YOU WEAR IT. AS LONG AS THE HAIRSTYLE IS FLATTERING TO YOUR FACE AND BODY, AND ENHANCES YOUR APPEAL, HE WILL NOT CARE WHETHER YOU WEAR A WIG OR NOT, HE WILL SIMPLY BE HAPPY TO HAVE YOUR PRETTY SELF BY HIS SIDE. If you are involved with a man who makes a big deal over seeing your real hair, or who you feel has an attraction/fascination for women who do not look a thing… Read more »

AriD2385
AriD2385
4 years ago
Reply to  Meena

Now this I agree with. Most men just do not care–or care only about whether she looks attractive or not. The issue ends up being more with badly done weaves, imo.

Minister Eddie
Minister Eddie
9 years ago

I am not a fan of weave/wigs/lacefront.
I love a woman who wears her natural hair. Short, long, afro’d, straight, curly. Doesnt matter to me as long as its your hair.
Ive been weaved out by women, I dont know who you are from one week to the next. Just this past Sunday I saw my ex, I was no more than 20–30 feet away from her but didnt recognize her because of a different wig she was wearing. Her natural hair is to the middle of her back.

Ladies Men love natural hair. We are out here. 🙂

sabrina
9 years ago

I can understan the problem. I tell them up front that its not my natural hair. I haven’t had to many problems with it. I have only seen one that did care, but then he also couldnt take change to well either, or the fact it was a wig LOL. I dont see it as a lost really, cause i am going to wear my hair they way i like it no matter what, and if they dont like it i prefer for them to leave early on so they will be the least attachment. So like i said most… Read more »

maralondon
maralondon
9 years ago

A couple of months ago i took my 5 year old girl to buy some shoes. At the time she was wearing a twist out and the black female who attended to us in the store complemented her on her hair. From there she got into a conversation with me about afro hair and told me that she was done relaxing and natural is the way forward for her. It was shocking to hear that her 11 year old nephew had asked her why her grows curly because he was use to seeing the women around him with wigs and… Read more »

Hmmlo
Hmmlo
9 years ago

Hehe. I am completely guilty of meeting a man with one hairstle and then going on a date with a new one. I remember once I met a man with a 14 inch blonde straight quickweave and then on the first date I was back to barely 2 inches of curly brown hair. I remember him lookimg at me for a minute like “you are not the same”. But we actually hung out several times after. I dont agree that you need to break down the signifivance of your hair. You would probably freak him out as being “emotional”. Just rock… Read more »

Ce Ce
Ce Ce
9 years ago
Reply to  Hmmlo

I have to respectfully disagree with some of your comments. I have seen GREAT sophisticated naturals with twists, cornrows, and other protective styles. These styles are made even more beautiful with appropriate accessories, such as headbands, flowers, bows, etc. In fact, I have gotten compliments on my hair in twists as well as loose. If a woman is tasteful and unique in her presentation of herself, then her confidence will flow. If a man is so narrow minded to think that braids, twists, or other protective styles are equal to laziness then he is really immature and ignorant.

Dove
Dove
9 years ago

It’s funny, I notice the black men who don’t like or have an attraction to black women with natural 4b or c texture usually have the exact same type of hair. In my opinion, many deal with a dislike of their own very nappy hair, instead of wearing weaves , wigs , fake braids will keep their 4 bc hair shaved off or down low close to their scalp as possible because they dislike their own hair. It is ironic, that a l black mothers I notice, don’t allow their male children who have very nappy hair to let it grow.… Read more »

nelle
nelle
9 years ago
Reply to  Dove

What you said is so true for so many that the bitterness of that truth is almost too much to bear. When we say “Sweetie you need a hair cut.” Are we saying, hey your hair needs a shape up? or are we saying, “Hey your hair is growing too long, the naps are showing I don’t like it? I have to analyse this myself, b/c I loooove when my son gets a fresh haircut to me he’s so handsome and sometimes he’s crying b/c he doesn’t want to cut his hair. He loves when I put coconut oil in… Read more »

dove
dove
9 years ago
Reply to  nelle

Yes Nelle, I also notice many black women who have little girls with very nappy hair cover it up with a zillion ornaments. I have seen little girls with a teaspoon of hair and their mothers put in their hair in many barrettes, beads, balls etc that you barely see their hair. It is combed and gathered so tightly,I wonder if they will have a hair line when they get older or could they sleep comfortably. I have seen babies, yes babies with those big plastic balls styled tightly on an infants heads whose skulls have not yet closed. I… Read more »

Dawn
Dawn
9 years ago
Reply to  dove

i can’t stand that! i know exactly what you’re talkin about and it breaks my heart to see. i’m soooo glad my folks didn’t do that with me when i was a child- they merely put it in a few plaits or pigtails or puffy twists, sans beads and colorful ornaments, and called it a day. they thought all those frills looked ridiculous, though then again, i had hair that people thought was akin to “mixed people hair”, though i doubt this was the reason. this was why i had more hair growing up than most other black girl- i… Read more »

Dove
Dove
9 years ago

It’s funny, I notice the black men who don’t like or have an attraction to black women with natural 4b or c texture usually have the exact same type of hair. In my opinion, many deal with a dislike of their own very nappy hair, instead of wearing weaves , wigs , fake braids will keep their 4 bc hair shaved off or down low close to their scalp as possible because they dislike their own hair. It is ironic, that a l black mothers I notice, don’t allow their male children who have very nappy hair to let it grow.… Read more »

Dawn
Dawn
9 years ago
Reply to  Dove

i have a son, who’s 4 months today. It is my sincere wish to bring him up with a love for dark skin and kinky-textured hair, though in my family that might be hard- not because of discrimination, but because: all of his cousins who are female are really fair-skinned. it’s strange that the women are all light-complected while the men are dark. even my husband’s sister is light skinned, (a light tan) whilst my husband and his 2 brothers are all chocolate-complected, a beautiful dark brown. i myself have been called light-skinned, and my hair is loose-patterned. so i’m… Read more »

Ce Ce
Ce Ce
9 years ago

I basically equate the wear wig or not to wear wig question with those who never leave the house without makeup. I can’t relate to either situation, but I can just say be yourself. I don’t like to wear make up, wigs, or extensions, so its easy for me to just be who I am. People have tried to get me to wear foundation, lipstick, eyeshadow, etc. and I have worn it before, but I don’t care for it that much. It really is a personal opinion and preference. But, just keep in mind that if you are going to… Read more »

Mac Jazzy
Mac Jazzy
9 years ago
Reply to  Ce Ce

alright alright Ce Ce ! agree wit u. stay who u are…
clap clap clap

Mac Jazzy
Mac Jazzy
9 years ago

All wigs are just masquerades of alienation from the complexities of identity in the black community, and of course, a phenomenon that started in the U.S.. Do not want to recognize this is to deliberately conceal the face of the real causes and consequences that this entails in the life of the female black. Be submitted as slaves, again, to please the torturers who are willing to give you work. Some, who, according to the type of missions they have to adapt the style wig to wear to, supposedly, assimilate into the image of the company that employs them. Is… Read more »

Dawn
Dawn
9 years ago

i wasn’t aware that guys even cared… to my husband that’s conversation for women, not men, and it interests him non at all. i’ve never felt the need to sit down and explain to a guy “i’m natural”, but then again, i’ve worn my hair predominantly flat-ironed since college.but it’s never occurred to me to think my hair in its unaltered state should be a source of shame. if the dude happened to catch me on a day that i didn’t feel like flat ironing, fresh after a wash, then so be it. i like it natural and curly- who… Read more »

Faye
Faye
8 years ago

I told my boyfriend of 5 months that my hair wasn’t real. I’m Black and he is Dominican. Honestly it depends where you grow up because I grew up in a neighborhood where most of the women of color NOT ONLY Black women have either worn a hair piece, extensions, weaves or wigs. I even saw a white woman shopping for a wig. A Hispanic woman gave me advice on which wig looked nice on me while trying hers on. My thought is that yes sometimes wearing wigs breeds from insecurity but its not like fake hair is a new concept.… Read more »

rc
rc
7 years ago

I have dated a man for 3 years and he has NEVER seen my natural hair. I wig/braid and recently after six years put a perm. It took my hair out. Im back to natural short afro. I will sugguest braids. you can cornrow your hair with a piece to make it appear longer. WHEN I did this he ask me to see my braids. they were done professionally. he loved the look. he asked me to keep my wig off.I WEAR Wigs daily. but I get hair cornrow at least once or twice a month with extension.

korese
korese
7 years ago

I am of Melanesian descent from the South Pacific. We have at least 800 plus languages and I am one from one of 19 different ethnic and cultural tribe. We vary from very dark to very fair skin with kinky hair to straight or curly wavy hair. Growing up I had frequently cut my hair as I didnot want to grow it because it involve alot of attention and work. It was only when I came to United Kingdom that I discovered the braids, weave, wigs and all the different hair styles that Black women torture themselves to. I think… Read more »

Deedeemaha
Deedeemaha
6 years ago

Wigs, weaves, or fine if you don’t become addicted to them. He should see your natural hair ASAP. I have a many friends that would like to go natural, but have worn wigs and weaves so long 8, 10, 15 years and their better husbands have not seen their hair.

Take it off ASAP. Don’t wait 10 years then and take it off and look like that thing on Tales of the Crypt or a skin scarecrow.

rainbow
rainbow
5 years ago
Reply to  Deedeemaha

sad

RB
RB
5 years ago

Who are these people that are only attracted to hair? I’m so confused. And black men know all our secrets, stop being secretive, they know about scarfs at night, wigs, tracks, perms, even satin pillow cases, hell everyone knows about this stuff. It’s just hair.

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