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7 Things Natural Women Want to Say to Relaxed Women

Avatar • Nov 19, 2011

It seems that every other day another blog is discussing (or manufacturing) drama between natural and relaxed women. There are anecdotal stories of crazy, judgmental naturals who talk about hair non-stop and terrorize any relaxed women they come across. But is it that really the way it is? Here are 7 things we want relaxed women to know;

1. We don’t just associate with other naturals

Cutting people out of our lives because of how they wear their hair is ridiculous. We have mothers, aunts, grandmothers, sisters, co-workers, and friends who are relaxed, and it doesn’t make us respect them any less. Natural women do tend to find and connect with each other, but making new connections doesn’t mean we abandon old ones.

2. It’s rude to criticize our hair

Something about natural hair draws the crazy out of people. They want to touch it without asking and opine about how bad (and in some cases, good) it looks. But it’s uncalled for. As with anything related to the appearance of someone you don’t personally know, it’s rude to give unsolicited criticism.

3. We don’t believe that only natural women can be progressive and forward-thinking

To discount trailblazing women like Michelle Obama, Oprah Winfrey, Coretta Scott-King or Serena Williams because they choose to wear their hair straightened is absolutely ridiculous. It does take strength to be a natural girl in a straight-hair world, but there are countless ways to exhibit strength and character.

4. We don’t believe that all straight hair is unattractive

A beautiful head of hair is a beautiful head of hair, whether it’s kinky, curly, coily or straight. But while we can appreciate a mean round brush blowout, we also refuse to drink the Koolaid and believe that hair is beautiful *just because* it’s straight. We’ve seen too many dry, broken-off relaxers to believe that.

5. We talk about hair a lot because there’s a lot we need to learn

It’s not vanity or frivolity that has us talking about hair so frequently, it’s necessity. We live in a culture where natural hair resources, stylists and salons are far outnumbered by relaxed, weave and wig resources. Many of us are encountering our kinky, curly, wavy and coily textures for the very first time and need guidance on how to manage.

6. Hair shouldn’t be another topic that divides black women

Hair is an emotional topic. Many naturals are frustrated that we live in a world where black women are incentivized to believe that straightening is their only and best option. And while this is a serious issue, it’s not worth feuding over. With so many other divisions between black women — based on skin color, hair texture and class — do we really want to add another one?

7. It’s not about you

My decision to go natural isn’t a statement about your decision to be relaxed. It’s not about you and it has nothing to do with you. It’s a choice I made for me. If the sight of me rocking my natural hair bothers you it’s your issue, not mine.

What would you like to say to relaxed women?

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misha
9 years ago

i would like to say that both relaxed and natural hair both require time, skill and knowledge to thrive. so i can learn a lot from you even though i don’t use a relaxer. in fact, when i start research hair, i found and was inspired by the relaxed ladies first.

Dominique-Alexis
9 years ago

This is so true. We all have a beating heart and a brain, why can’t we use the two and meet in the middle on the matter?

Natural-hair-care-info.com

Eboni
Eboni
9 years ago

This is probably one of the best articles featured on here, lol. This needs to be posted on every black hair care website…on Youtube…everywhere! 😀 I’d like to say that just becuase I’m natural doesn’t mean that I’m better than you (and vice versa). There are other qualities that make a person who they are, hair/appearance isn’t the most important. Your hair gets dry too, and needs just as much (if not more) deep conditioning as my natural hair does. You’re absolutely beautiful regardless how you decide to wear your hair. Not every person who decides to go natural does so for… Read more »

Jocelyn
Jocelyn
9 years ago
Reply to  Eboni

Agreed! I’ve actually had ppl ask me “so you think you’re better than me?!” Really? I find it as absurd as if I questioned someone that goes to the gym and I don’t. We’re choosing to take care of ourselves in different ways. Can you imagine if we were all the same? Boring.

Annie L.
Annie L.
9 years ago
Reply to  Jocelyn

+1 with Jocelyn
My hair is NOT an indictment on you! If you feel defensive at the mere presence of my hair or me discussing how much I love it, then you’ve some issues to work out. Women could rule the world if we didn’t succumb to these deliberate distractions all the time. Very measured and eloquent post.

P.S.: Always loved that picture of Mrs. O!

LBell
LBell
9 years ago

This post right here? Was GREAT. I agree with every word. It’s very easy to believe (based on the media) that we’re all jealous hating b****es constantly at each other’s throats…and we’re NOT! At least, it doesn’t HAVE to be that way. I think the one thing I would add is that the notion that our natural texture is a “problem” that needs “fixing” (to look like something less “textured”) is something that needs to be left in the second millennium. If relaxing is supposed to be “just” a choice, then NOT relaxing is also “just” a choice, and it deserves just… Read more »

Jaeda Barbie
9 years ago

Great post. I really like the part about thinking straight is attractive. I love seeing healthy hair whether straight or curly. And I will compliment women with both hair types:)

MsKroberts
9 years ago

As with anything related to the appearance of someone you don’t personally know, it’s rude to give unsolicited criticism.” This should be running across a banner on all tv stations so that all can see! Even with people that you do know, take consideration in why you even need to criticise my hair and if you are in the position to even do so. I get so sick of opinions.

Great post!

Tarika
9 years ago

Who wrote this article? It needs an award. I love it!

Disney
Disney
9 years ago

Loved the article. Thank you! I especially like the second point made — “It’s rude to give unsolicited criticism”. I used to have this fight with my sister all the time. It got to the point where if she just mentioned my name and hair in the same sentence I would put up defense shields. I’m glad to know I wasn’t just being uber-sensitive.

Florida Steph
Florida Steph
9 years ago

Yes, I’m a big fan of the second point made, also! I don’t need the business card of your salon! I don’t need to “do something with it” other than what I am already doing.

I would take that point further and say to some relaxed women, when I decide to wear wigs as I occasionally do, gushing over how much “better” it looks on me will not sway me back to the relaxed side. :p

dominicanatural
dominicanatural
9 years ago

Best article I have seen on this site (not that there isn’t steep competition for that spot ;)).I keep hearing about this imaginary line between relaxed and natural women and the fictional (because I haven’t met one) “militant natural” and wonder why we focus so much on emphasizing differences instead of the truth which is that what we do with our hair is a personal decision that doesn’t add or take away value from our persons. Both sides should seek to see the other’s point of view.

SimplyPrincess
SimplyPrincess
9 years ago

I love this article and the comments left with it! In my friend circle there are naturals and relaxed. We all encourage each other for whatever hair preference we desire! The most important thing is to have healthy hair, in whatever form you feel comfortable. Some of my relaxed friends use “natural” products because they like the way they make their hair feel and some of us naturals use “relaxed” hair products. I am natural but I occassionaly wear my hair straight and have even rocked sew ins! I like my hair because it is VERSATILE! I so agree with… Read more »

Mojito Chica
Mojito Chica
9 years ago

Well personally, I do think straight hair is less attractive than textured hair, but again that’s just me.

I’d replace #4 with “I don’t care about your hair.”

Jade
9 years ago
Reply to  Mojito Chica

I feel the same way.

Applesauce
Applesauce
9 years ago
Reply to  Jade

I also find relaxed hair less attractive than natural hair on black women. As a black woman who has had natural hair all her life, I just can’t find the beauty in the relaxed look–except when it’s got some curl to it.

Sheri
Sheri
9 years ago

Since locking my hair three years ago, almost every time I have complimented women with relaxeed hair, they’ll say thank you, followed by a glance at my locs and silence. My locs are healthy and very well maintained. Some folks simply feel that straightened hair is superior to natural tresses. I now save my compliments for other naturals which is easy because to me, natural hair is amazingly beautiful. I know they exist but I just don’t see hoards of women with abundant relaxed hair like Oprah.
[img]http://bglhonline.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/11/3yearoldlocs.jpg[/img]

tinabobina
tinabobina
9 years ago
Reply to  Sheri

Your hair is beautiful…if I had locs (I have been considering them for months now), I would like them to look like yours. It’s a shame that some cannot appreciate a beauty outside of the norm.

Sheri
Sheri
9 years ago
Reply to  tinabobina

Thanks, Tinabobina. I think more women will be forced to embrace their natural beauty as relaxers continue to destroy their follicles and hairlines.

Clemence
Clemence
9 years ago
Reply to  tinabobina

I love your locs, I always look at beautiful locs with envy 🙂 I had sisterlocs for five years and I took them out this year after many struggles. I definitely want to loc my hair again, this time I think I will take the traditional route. Still natural though and I have not looked back.

Sheri
Sheri
9 years ago
Reply to  Clemence

@ Clemence, thank you! One of the first women who inspired me through her videos to start locs was Phyllis Johnson, the video loctician. She has beautiful sisterlocs. Thank God you’re still natural whether loose or locked! My sister has a twa and plans to start comb coils soon.

Sherrita
Sherrita
9 years ago

I would like to say to relaxed women that just because I went natural, doesn’t mean that I’m going to force you in either direction. This was my own very personal choice. When I started my transition last year I took a lot of flack and insults about how I would look unkempt and now the very same people are more accepting. I really wish that relaxed women would respect the right of natural women to Choose something other then relaxed hair and feel happy and confident in that CHOICE!

Rain
Rain
9 years ago
Reply to  Sherrita

+1 !!!

Shona Ree
Shona Ree
9 years ago

This article must be shared and discussed with ALL Black women. When I began my journey my WORST critics were family members and I had to check them. I am big on research so not only did I refute their arguement but had some real facts to back me. Natural hair is so unique and can be manipulated in so many ways. Whereas relaxed women can only be worn straight. Natural hair is walking art and we either are praised for our unique and often mimicked manes or criticized. What one does with their hair represents their creativity but no… Read more »

trini
trini
9 years ago
Reply to  Shona Ree

I had to check mate mom and one of my aunts (respectfully though). Grandma was okay, except for the once in a while, “Are you going to press it?” Recently mom tried henna — hello!

Zyaran
Zyaran
9 years ago

It’s amazing how black folks are critical of each other. Whether it’s straight or relaxed or natural folks are going to have an issue one way or another. No head of hair is better than one another, and it’s not to say that natural will still be going strong 30 yrs from now. If it’s not hair, then it’s our skin that people has a problem with you cant please everyone. So just do you and keep it rolling because, they don’t pay my bills nor do they date my man who has no problem with my hair whether its’… Read more »

SheSpeaks
SheSpeaks
9 years ago

Yea I notice a small percentage I have met seem to be uneasy and on guard at the very mention of natural hair and sometimes take offense. I have read comments of some people on YouTube that will come on a natural hair video and accuse us of forcing it on them when they are ones who came to a natural hair video about styling or growth. One of my friends became very upset with me because I said natural hair grows faster then permed hair. I was not trying to insult her but she took it that way and… Read more »

meow
meow
9 years ago

It’s very sad how black people seem to be the only people who make such a big fuss and divide over hair. Amongst the constant critiquing of each other’s hair, then there’s always this need to compare our tresses to that of somebody else (“I want my locs/hair to look like yours!) instead of just accepting our hair for what it is. Just so much negativity and lack of acceptance, it needs to stop on both ends of the “natural versus relaxed” spectrum. This is a great article, but it’s pretty sad and heartbreaking that this even has to be… Read more »

janelle
janelle
9 years ago

I know not all women w/relaxers straighten their daughters’ hair.….BUT I would say to relaxed women who are considering texturizers or relaxers or even presses for their daughters/grand daughters, please allow your little girls to make the choice to relax their hair when they are older. Help them appreciate the beauty of their natural hair and their natural self. Teach them to take care of their bodies, including their natural hair. Don’t alter their look, before they’ve come to appreciate their original self.

Eboni
Eboni
9 years ago
Reply to  janelle

Totally agree!! This is exactly what I plan on doing when I have children. I want them to have at least SOME memory of their natural hair, so that way if they decide to relax it and later decide to go natural again, they’ll feel more comfortable with the change.

Applesauce
Applesauce
9 years ago
Reply to  Eboni

I also agree but I think that women who have relaxers may find it difficult to avoid straightening their daughters’ hair for several reasons: 1)They may not know how to deal with natural hair: I have friend with relaxed hair who takes her daughter to the salon to have her hair braided and cornrowed because she can’t do it herself. I commend her effort but a lot of women wouldn’t go through all this effort and some can’t afford it. 2)The daughters will look up to their mothers as role models and will want their hair to look like mommy’s.… Read more »

Sheri
Sheri
9 years ago
Reply to  Applesauce

I have a friend who adopted her infant daughter 5 years ago. My friend is light-skinned and has long hair with a very loose curl pattern. She would get a relaxer touch-up maybe three or four times a year. Her adopted daughter is dark-skinned with thick beautiful hair that has a tight curl pattern. When my friend’s daughter turned four and started asking questions about why her hair wasn’t straight like her mom’s, my friend immediately stopped relaxing her hair. My friend has always praised her daughter’s hair but children learn through nonverbal actions, like getting one’s hair straightened. My… Read more »

janelle
janelle
9 years ago
Reply to  Sheri

That was beautiful:-)

Monz03b
Monz03b
9 years ago
Reply to  janelle

That made me smile!

Quincy
Quincy
9 years ago
Reply to  janelle

Janelle, I agree! I have a relaxer and I am comfortable with it. However, I have a 15 years old daughter whom has never had a perm! She has thick pretty hair but I told her she can get a perm if she so chooses when she becomes an adult. Both of us realize that whether Permed or natural, hair is a lot of work and I’ve managed to keep it on her head this long natural that I don’t want to kill it with the chemicals! As for myself, I choose to be relaxed! I understand the work required… Read more »

janelle
janelle
9 years ago
Reply to  Quincy

Quincy, you did exactly what I was talking about! My mom did that for me and I appreciate her decision not to perm my hair b/c after I permed, cut, colored, weaved, cut, color, permed it. I’m natural again and know exacltly how to take care of it.

Jami
Jami
9 years ago

Stop perming your dang on hair! .…ooops, sorry

boo
boo
9 years ago

What gets on my nerves is when a relaxed woman tells me that I “should” get my hair straightened or permed, and then having the nerve to give me a business card for a salon. I don’t tell them that they need to go for the big chop and wear an afro, so don’t tell me to go to a salon and get my hair pressed, relaxed, or straightened. Mind your own dang hair and I will mind mine.

Anonytrust
Anonytrust
9 years ago

Uh, what makes gets on my nerves is a relative who has 2A hair and has never needed a relaxer. She’s African American with Indian relatives in her background. I think her hair is gorgeous, but she wants it to be worshiped. I have 4a natural hair which I wear proudly. Technically, she would be considered “natural” but she believes that 4a/4b hair must be “tamed” with a relaxer. And she basks that her hair is straight without a perm. This “relative” constantly finds ways to put my hair down. One time she asked if I could get a comb through… Read more »

Rachel
Rachel
9 years ago
Reply to  Anonytrust

YES!!!

Delightbunnie
Delightbunnie
9 years ago
Reply to  Anonytrust

A thousand agrees!

That relative of yours need a punch in head to get everything working right.
“Oh I don’t have perm my hair to get it straight, but you need to straighten that brillo pad.”
*punches*

As I was saying, I think everyone has something beautiful about them.”

On a serious note, I had people talk behind my back or just avoid me due to me hair. I agree on respecting others, but I can get defensive if you treat me less than an average person. :/

Ce Ce
Ce Ce
9 years ago
Reply to  Anonytrust

Perhaps you can respond in patience and kindness. My niece has 2A hair (she is 20 yrs old) and my hair is 4A. I wear my hair in twists and twist outs. She was playing in my hair and said “your hair is so curly! it springs right back up!” I said, “yeah, isn’t it cool!” I put my hands in her hair and said “your hair is cool too!” We laughed and it was a great moment. She and I have talked before about hair and she doesn’t understand why people would even mess with weaves and relaxers. I… Read more »

Anonytrust
Anonytrust
9 years ago
Reply to  Ce Ce

I always try patience and kindness Ce Ce. It’s just this relative has done this — not only to me, but other relatives before. I also had an ex boyfriend (who was of another race and had 1A hair) who loved my curls and accepted them as beautiful. And I’ve had other women with 1A and 2A hair give me compliments. It’s just this relative (whose done other things to embarrass my siblings with 4A hair) who believes that her hair type makes her superior to us. And even when she does give a compliment it’s backhanded LOL. I dunno..I’m… Read more »

Guest
Guest
5 years ago
Reply to  Anonytrust

Sorry to say, but this relative of yours sounds like she has deep insecurities. She seems to base her whole worth in her hair (since that’s what many black woman pay tons of money for to get for their weaves so she feels embolden), while at the same time, our natural hair commands attention and she sounds like she wants to be the center of attention and the only way to do so around natural hair is to degrade it. Once the natural hair movement takes complete hold and a vast majority of black woman ditch these Indian/Peruvian straight hair… Read more »

Sheri
Sheri
9 years ago
Reply to  Anonytrust

I hear you! I took my son to a birthday party a few months ago and the mom of the birthday child actually flipped her relaxed hair in my face. I flipped my locs right back at her and kept it moving! I regretted allowing myself to be drawn into that foolishness, though. My thought in that moment was that her slightly below the shoulder-length hair is probably terminal at that length. My locs have the potential to grow to my posterior should I allow them to do so. One more thing; you have a right to “divorce” anyone who… Read more »

df
df
9 years ago
Reply to  Sheri

if someone did something like that to me, i’d laugh so hard like is this real life or real housewives of atlanta. What a joke.

Rciyah
8 years ago
Reply to  Anonytrust

LOL! PREEEEACH!
OOH OOOH! Well said! UH!

Chachamusicgirl
7 years ago
Reply to  Anonytrust

I find it funny relaxed heads would call us dirty when we’re the ones who either shampoo or cowash daily or every other day while they go weeks on end wearing their hair straight without a drop of water touching their head. EW.

merry
merry
9 years ago

at times, i do feel sorry for people who have fallen for the lye and are in love with weave.

BAD20
BAD20
9 years ago
Reply to  merry

I feel sorry for people who say ignorant things like what Merry wrote. Good article, feel like this natural vs. relaxed hair thing is getting out of control. It’s just another thing that pulls African American woman apart. People should wear their hair as they wish an keep the sly remarks to them selves. Take care of your hair and your hair only. Even after this article ladies are still venting. SMH

merry
merry
9 years ago
Reply to  BAD20

lol. i don’t like weave and i don’t like relaxer. i don’t. doesn’t mean i would throw shade or eggs at a relaxed. i just don’t like any of that stuff. when i see a woman with a huge weave i feel bad for her that she 1) spends so much money 2) buying a poor woman’s hair in some other country — alice walker wrote about this more than 10 years ago — 3) so that sure can fit someone else’s notion of beauty. so no it’s not ignorant. and no i’m not venting. i’m expressing. and to be honest,… Read more »

Ellie
Ellie
7 years ago
Reply to  merry

I feel like if you said this to begin with, you wouldn’t have received a negative comment to begin with. You make valid points.

Toshiba
6 years ago
Reply to  BAD20

I visited a lot of wtiebse but I think this one holds something special in it. Silence is the perfectest herald of joy I were but little happy, if I could say how much. by William Shakespeare.

trini
trini
9 years ago
Reply to  merry

I too pray that they would see the light and let the sunshine in.

Danielle
Danielle
9 years ago
Reply to  trini

agreed

Sheri
Sheri
9 years ago
Reply to  trini

Me too.

Barbara
Barbara
9 years ago
Reply to  merry

*Applause*

Lyxs
Lyxs
9 years ago

I’ve been relaxed for the first time for 1 year now ( for practical reasons and because I wanted to try it, I’m 25 ) and I totally agree 🙂

Kizzy
9 years ago

Well said! Great message, I feel exactly the same!

Lina
Lina
9 years ago

I know I may be in the minority, but I believe that some of these six things that naturals want to say to relax, can also be used in the reverse. I am natural, but I have met the natural hair nazi and the “sista” natural, and all of the other naturals who want to criticize, badger, and get into straight up shouting matches with other women, because they choose to perm or relax their hair. I find it very ironic sometimes how naturals want to be accepted, and just want others to “understand,” when sometimes we can be the… Read more »

Quincy
Quincy
9 years ago
Reply to  Lina

Lina, wow! I didn’t realize it was this crazy over someone’s hair choice! As women, especially black women we have enough to deal with that we shouldn’t be fighting against each other for something like thiis! Wow!

Lina
Lina
9 years ago
Reply to  Quincy

Yes Quincy! I have met some CRAZY naturals! Trust me… they do exist! LOL! I do believe hair is a personal choice, and NO ONE has the right to tell anyone how to live their life! I commend women for going natural, because I know for many it is a difficult thing, but it doesn’t give us the excuse to think that we are somehow “better” than anyone else (and yes I have met people like that). To be honest with you, I am rather over the “relaxed vs. natural” thing and while I understand the point of this article,… Read more »

Ce Ce
Ce Ce
9 years ago

If I could talk to a relaxed woman I would say let us celebrate our “womanness” and beauty. I would tell her that God created us in his image and however you chose to express yourself, it is an extension of the beauty within. We don’t have to be afraid of who we are. We must embrace ourselves in order to release our doubts and fears.

Lina
Lina
9 years ago
Reply to  Ce Ce

That was beautiful Ce Ce! I like your comment!

Coco Bear
Coco Bear
9 years ago

I agree with this article however it should go both ways and not just geared towards what naturals would like to say to relaxed heads. Relaxed vs natural is getting out of hand and this is just one more thing that divides our culture. All of our hair is beautiful and the only thing that should matter is if your hair is healty or not. Not if it is relaxed or natural. Of course our hair is beautiful and so are our faces yet most of us wear make up everyday to boots your appearance or natural beauty.So being relaxed… Read more »

lockedup
lockedup
9 years ago

Love this article. I must admit that I find women with natural hair look so authentic. By that I mean they exude a beauty that comes equipped with confidence to boot. In the 70’s when I was a teen I cut my hair to wear a full on Angela Davis Afro, my grandmother thought it was too cute. My grandmother!! In the years following when I went back to a perm, she often commented that I looked my best when I had my fro. I bet she’d love my locs if she were here today. My daughters have chosen to… Read more »

Tricia
9 years ago

I wouldn’t say anything to a relaxed women that I wouldn’t just say to a woman. I have been natural fr over 10 years and really think people go so overboard about having natural hair. It really means absolutely nothing except a style. Hair is just that and I would spend time talking to people about who they are, social justice causes they follow and support, education, books they have read, etc.

GeeBee
GeeBee
9 years ago
Reply to  Tricia

I actually do encourage my friends with relaxers who complain about breakage, health issues, and lack of growth to let it go. I don’t consider myself “natural” in the purist sense. I really just wanted to see my hair since I had relaxed hair since I was 5 and I liked it and there wasn’t much difference in what I could do so I tuck with it(13 years now). I have had color, which straightens my hair, blow-outs, and extensions. I just think for a lot of women with dry hair it is a better option for health.

Otisha Clair
Otisha Clair
9 years ago

I love these replies, i am a loctition so i specialize in natural hair,i have been natural 11 years now, having no regrets„ i am not saying that black women with relaxed hair are not beautiful „ but if u ask me a tone load of them would look even more beautiful naturally. a lot of persons i know would love to go back natural for various reasons but tell me they lack courage, a few months ago my sister finally decided that she is going to go back natural and with my help„ i herd her ask the question… Read more »

Monz03b
Monz03b
9 years ago

I have been natural for three years and it is so funny to me when people of my own race ask me how I got my hair like that. I’m wearing my natural texture without any damaging chemicals in it. There should not be any controversy with hair. Hair is beautiful either relaxed or natural. However, I do find natural hair to be absolutely gorgeous and so unique. It makes me smile! I’m not one to tell anyone to go natural because that is not my place. I do find it odd that Black people have a hard time accepting… Read more »

Lynaya
9 years ago

I just want to tell all relaxed women that I couldn’t care less about their reasons for not going natural. Your hair, your business. I’m so tired of women telling me why they can’t rock natural hair. I think as Black women there’s way more we can dialogue about.

liz!!
liz!!
8 years ago

GET YO HANDS OUTTA MY HEAD!

Shenyre
Shenyre
8 years ago

I enjoyed this article!!!!! I transitioned by straightening my hair and wearing braids and weaves. I am a year and 3 months natural and cannot wait to start trying out new styles for my hair!!! One thing that has bothered me however, is the fact that other girls who are relaxed at my school have told me I will not get a job if I am natural. I think that it is crazy to discriminate against people based on the way that their hair is kept. My mind is what qulifies me for a job not my hair. When they… Read more »

Kelly
Kelly
7 years ago

I’d like to say to a relaxed woman. That I don’t have good hair and I didn’t do anything extraordinary to my hair to get it this way. I would tell them that their hair is good enough to be natural should they choose to do so.

Stephanie
Stephanie
7 years ago

Thankfully, I haven’t received backlash or disrespect for my hair. If I did, I kindly defend it. My hair is 3A/3B/3C. I get a lot of great compliments on my hair and I’m often called ‘white girl’ or ‘pecker wood’. I feel like kinky hair is gorgeous!! I always wanted it. I am finally getting to like my own. But while I was transitioning, I was ridiculed for over a year by my mom and grandma. They broke my spirit a many times. My mom often daily. Finally she forced me to relax months worth of glorious growth. I felt… Read more »

Jaylene
6 years ago
Reply to  Stephanie

Keep on writing and chgngiug away!

TWA4now
TWA4now
7 years ago

I get tired of the “dirty” looks, unsolicited comments, unwanted suggestions, and put downs. Although, I am not looking for compliments per say, other races have said how beautiful my hair is. If she wants to be relaxed, that’s on her just like this is my choice…let’s stop putting each other down and uplifting each other. The black woman is largely ignored unless her body is hanging out or swinging from a stripper pole! Curly or straight, weave, or not #can’twealljustgetalong

BlueCrush
BlueCrush
7 years ago

I love natural hair. I have been natural since 2006…it has been a fun, crazy, and frustrating journey… I will never look back. Nor will I get a relaxer ever in my life AGAIN. Weaves are cool and so are extensions. Being a black woman I grew up changing my style all the time and i like that…thats what the weaves are for…but after a while I have a strong longing to let out my fro. I love it. I have type 4z hair..very kinky and coiled. It is very cool. In fact a few weeks a go a did… Read more »

youngin girl
youngin girl
6 years ago

Hair isn’t just hair to us, There is history behind it. Yeah there are Women out there who have criticized relaxed hair but that’s because they have experienced negative insults and comments from some of them. Have you heard Nicki Minaj say,‘Nappy headed?’ Have you heard Sheryl Underwood’s ‘nappy’ comment on ‘the talk?’ As women, we are suppose to empower one another;build each other up. Natural women act out the way they do because they have been approach by some ignorant, illiterate woman. There will always be those kind of women placed somewhere when we go out. Instead of criticizing each… Read more »

Ray
Ray
6 years ago

I am RELAXED and PROUD. Before you get all antsy, let me just say that this article as well as the comments made me a bit mad. I am relaxed and have been since I was nine. It was long and kinky. That was back when I still wore braids. I am now fifteen years old. Of course, I did not know the risk I was taking when my mom first relaxed my hair. My hair was long reached the middle of my back— the case for many black girls pre-relaxer. Soon after it was relaxed, my hair stayed that long… Read more »

Marie
Marie
6 years ago
Reply to  Ray

I loved everything you said right now. I’ve never had the opportunity to get a relaxer because my mom didn’t want my hair to get damaged and now it has just stuck with me. We live in the desert and it’s a little hard to keep up with our hair in such a dry climate. It’s not impossible, it’s just difficult. Anyway, I don’t see why we have to make a big deal about naturals and relaxers. I used to get my hair straightened every two weeks until finances came in short. I don’t care if you’re a natural or… Read more »

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6 years ago

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janice
janice
6 years ago

Stop telling me I’m “brave”. Its insulting. You are basically saying that my hair is imperfect in its natural state and that I should be commended for accepting it. Makes me wanna slap somebody.

Charm White
Charm White
6 years ago

#6 is actually the best point in my book. Black women can be so vicious towards each instead of supportive. (Speaking from my perspective). Some of us will find any reason to tear a sister down. Now that there is a “natural hair movement” taking place, it is now that natural women are better than relaxed hair or women with fake hair, instead of taking into consideration the myriad of reasons women wear their hair a particular ‚(hair loss, manageability, fashion statement). We ought to be kinder to all of our sisters instead of pompous, self-righteous witches. Btw, this does… Read more »

Vera
Vera
6 years ago

I would tell a sister with relaxed hair to rock on. *So* tired of the divisions about hair. Besides, almost everyone alters their hair in some way anyway.

Brittany
Brittany
6 years ago

Hehe… your man secretly likes it 😉

Latoya
6 years ago

I hate the division in the hair community I am relaxed and I learn a lot of things from persons of all kinds of different hair types I cringe sometimes reading articles directed specifically towards relaxed hair or natural hair even though I understand that some practices are just for a specific hair type but some people take it too far we just added another reason to hate on each other long live the hair community!

Francine
Francine
6 years ago

My twin sister has relaxed hair… And that has never divided us… In fact it brought us closer as she did her research to support me through my transition… I talk alot my natural hair because it takes 50% of my time and she does no mind one bit! Being natural simply means to care for your hair in a different way … And as i learn i teach her how to care for her relaxed hair.…

Diana Woolfolk Wright McKnight
Diana Woolfolk Wright McKnight
5 years ago

White women insisted we wear head wraps when we were enslaved. Please my sistahs let’s not further oppress one another with our hair preference after all we’ve been through. We should be happy that we can on average wear unlimited styles on our hair journey. Not once have I put down any sister down concerning her hair preference.

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